Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #2 of Have A Word (in Dan's Home Studio) w/Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale

Episode Date: January 16, 2020

Best mates, working class crowds and Adam's 'Penrith' adventure. Download, subscribe and tell a friend. Shweet. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Have A Word with Adam Rowe and Dan Nightingale. I've had to have a word with my... Laura had to have a word with me and be like, you need to leave your phone near you. On silent is fine. Our daughter is at nursery. And if she's sick or there's a problem, they're going to ring you because you're at home and I'm at work. And it's happened twice now.

I'm like, I've been podcasting. And she's like, I know. Listen, you need to. It's not live is it dickhead so you need to go and get the child from nursery i'm like oh yeah i do and then and then record after you've saved your child from just nursing it it's all right babe have some calpo anyway adam gender politics Adam. Gender politics. It's alright. So, how are you? Yeah, good, man. Good.

Feels, uh, starting to feel really familiar. I woke up this morning, I was like, it's Adam Day. Fucking road time, mate. I always forget until a Monday night. Then I've got a little,

like, reminder on my phone and it's like, one more sleep. It's podcast day tomorrow baby um it's one of my favorite things about the new year is i don't have to say uh so many more sleeps till fuck you two more sleeps i've started napping you know have you yeah so my new year's resolution was to start nap more

was to get up earlier which a byproduct of that is napping more because like we're naturally quite late risers comedians because we're up late

oh yeah and obviously I haven't got kids yet so I've got not waking me up at god knows what time in the morning yeah and that's why love exists for children

because otherwise you would fucking welly them out the window daddy 6.45 fuck off but it's quite normal And that's why love exists for children, because otherwise you would fucking welly them out the window. Daddy! 6.45. Fuck off. But it's quite normal for me to get in from a gig at, like, 1, 2 in the morning,

if you've got, like, a long drive on, and then stay up playing FIFA till 3, 4 or 5, or watch a film or something, because I can't go to sleep with the adrenaline when I first get in. And then I'm not up till sometimes, like, midday or 1 just feel like after days literally gone out the window so i was like i'm starting to get up a bit earlier so i'm trying to get up like between eight nine ten at the absolute latest which a lot of people listen to this you're a fucking hero i've got to be up at six every day but that's still ridiculously early i have an argument with my dad about this all the time.

He's like, everyone should be up by eight. And I was like, no, I don't start work till 10 at night sometimes. Who gets up 14 hours before their shift? Yeah, but that's such an old, old, no, you've wasted half the day. You'll get up and you'll enjoy everything. Where's my dad from?

He's Irish. Come on. All dads are a little bit Irish. No, come on now. You've wasted half the day it's 9.30 in the AM I think people listening there'll be an element of people going

just fuck off yeah but this is the problem innit if I got if you're up late and the problem is the FIFA bit is the bit where

everyone loses sympathy you know I'm gigging I'm just out there on the circuit doing my tour shows just trying to just trying to make the most of who I am

you know sometimes it's a long drive back and then I get back and play fucking computer games till 5am yeah but with other people by the way

yeah with other comedians not necessarily other comedians I just play randomly online who do you you got like a crew? No. If you play FIFA, you're just randomly assigned to someone.

It's great because if you play that late at night, you're not normally playing people from nearby. It's foreign. You're playing someone from Uzbekistan. Oh, yeah. And then if you twat them, like 3 or 4-0, you get a message, but it's all in Uzbekistan. If that's the language they speak, I don't know't know i think it's a good guess uzbekistani it's always a good guess

to say just put an eye on the end of it and then to be like what do they speak in austria austrian does that sound right yeah that sounds just right is it is it german it German, but you have to learn that. So if you're playing at that time of night, surely like kids in America, you must have had some... Not a lot of Americans play FIFA, do they? They all play Madden. They're on Madden. You play a lot of Europeans, a lot of English people, and it gets quite competitive.

And sometimes, like... Does it get racist? Because that's what Barry Dodds used to do when he was playing Gears of War, which already sounds like gays of war in a Geordie accent. Gears of War! One of my oldest mates from comedy is Barry Dodds. We literally started together,

and we're still, like, best mates comedy-wise. And he's like, oh, I did play a lot of gears of war and uh fuck me some of the things i heard from his bedroom just like i've talked about it on the hat radio pod just like oh not like not nasty racism that you'd hear now that would like get you sacked like weird look like abusing mexican kids about wearing sombreros i'm surprised you can see this screen see with that big fucking set because because i would lose my mind and i would say stuff that i would regret absolutely like it drives me mrs mad because like

if sort of major happens like if i get like a massive fine to the door i'm like oh okay and then i'll pay the fine but if i make a bad pass on fifa and concede a goal i will come close to smashing my telly up right and she can't she's like how are you this angry about a game but when something massive happens in our life you just like let's pick ourselves up and carry on i'm like i can't explain it because i am a child that's that's what women never want to accept they'm like, I can't explain it. Because I am a child. That's what women never want to accept. They're like, why? I don't understand this.

You can ignore your phone when it's your child in peril, but when it's Adam and Dan doing a podcast, that's the most important thing in the world. You're like, yes, because podcasting is really fun and I really like it. That's because I'm a child. And you're saying our daughter's not fun and you don't really like her is that what you're saying Daniel you need to have a word with yourself okay

never mind the have a word podcast let's have a word with Daniel Adam's never woken me up at 6.45 and I think I might love him more I've never had to clean up his poo you better hope Laura doesn't listen to episode 2 if I do it's going gonna be a fucking weird podcast episode she is sound she'll she can listen to every one of these episodes and she will do because she

likes your comedy and she quite likes me which sort of you know stands to reason but she uh she's sound i think my missus is the exact opposite as well don't oh really like she really likes you and she's just like, well, I've seen enough of Adam now. Did you notice, like, over Christmas, like, you did a couple of shows with us at Hot Water, and my missus was there for one. That was the first time she's been to a gig of mine this year, and it was because you were on.

Oh, that's nice. I really, I think partly as well, it's not, I like that, like, like your girlfriend, like, I like that my standup isn't, I don't know. That's two things. It's not just my comedy. It's the fact that when I met her, I got on with her and I made an effort. You watch some of the autistic fucking weirdos

in comedy in a dressing room. And you're like, mate, do you know how to function as a human being? So someone will bring their wife or girlfriend or partner or yeah whatever boyfriend and there's a comedian in the corner like i did a gig for tony vino in clithero right mate you've not made eye contact with the woman i've brought in the room kind of fucking murderer do you look like well that that's certain my missus likes in a comma and I think that's a big part of why she likes you

and your comedy is because there's another comic who I won't name who was a bit odd with her the first time they met and she does not like them I'm not going to name him

because I don't want to slag Elliot Steele off on a podcast you know what I mean it's not fair and because Elliot Steele is a mate of mine I think we should not

mention his name let's do not mention Elliot Steele he's a good he's a good mate of mine I've had a boxing match with that lad and I love him so much you've punched him yeah um yeah uh jimmy mcgee has uh really felt the i mean he doesn't know and he's never gonna give a shit but he said something slightly we were just like the guys the good-looking guys who've got their flirting in a weird place don't know if it's flirting i don't know if it's just their natural sort of

state with women it's just to be a bit like yeah i'm just going to give you a little bit of a little bit of shit you know a little bit of necky a little bit i've read the game someone read it i know about the game i'll not be nice to women. I'll be like, all right, yeah, yeah. Is that the job you want? And see if they want to fuck me. I'm like, well, it's a really unhealthy way to flirt and you'll get what you deserve. But he did it with the wrong person when my missus introduced them.

It was like a gig in Nottingham. And he was, I don't know what he was doing. He was just a bit dismissive about working in HR or something. I think he's understandable. But he just a bit dismissive about working in HR or something. I think he's understandable, but he just misjudged the crowd and Laura did not take well to it. And now, honestly,

when I mention it's honestly, it's like, but you know, Laura, that he didn't kill two members of your family. It's literally like Voldemort, like don't mention his name. Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned.

With a bevvy in him, was a bit like, is that what you want to do? Laura's like, how dare you? How dare you? She is a lovely girl. You do not know her or her professional situation. And now she's like, oh, Jimmy McGee. It's totally overboard, but it all goes back to, in a dressing room, just be a normal human and be like, hi, nice to meet you.

The flip can be, like, you know, there are a lot of weird comics and that who, like, can act a bit odd, but I tell you what happened once over Christmas is, and this is the worst thing that can happen, I think, is when you have a dream of a green room. You know when it's just you and three of your mates and it's absolutely flying and it's just a really nice bill but then one of your mates who's on the bill turns up with a muggle a non-comedian yeah okay and it just it just it is a muggle though isn't it it's a non-wizard

a non-mic wizard turns off and do you know the worst problem with muggles is all they want to do is show you that they can do spells as well so there's a green room full of four of the best comedians in the country and then they're just in the corner going and then they got off the bus hey give me six guys the worst the worst is a so awkward i'll take i'll one up you from a muggle is a guy who promotes gigs and compares them himself and that's a mudblood because mate you are not a proper comedian you think no but i am because you know i compare these gigs that i run you're like like, yeah? Who books those?

Yeah, that's right. Fucking you. Where do you get booked? Everywhere else. No, I don't. Yeah, remember that. You going to name any names? Shoot your shot.

Tell me about Elliot Steele, anyway, who doesn't book any gigs. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird it's a weird one when you just you just want to almost pause the tape

and just whisper to your mate like just calm it down we had that over Christmas you can't headline this room yeah you know Godmades

Milo McCabe yeah does character comedy as Troy Hawk if you haven't seen him go and check him out all over YouTube and he's very very very funny it sounds bad but you just his name's Milo McCabe. Yeah. Does character comedy as Troy Hawk. If you haven't seen him, go and check him out. It's all over YouTube now.

He's very, very, very funny. It sounds bad, but you just... His name's Milo. He does character comedy, and his character's called Troy Hawk. It literally sounds like Harrow just jizzed on live comedy. They're like,

Oh, my name's Milo, and I do a character called Troy. Like, if you're a working-class lad in Liverpool, you're probably right to be like, that does not sound like it's going to relate to my life but man

it is fucking good he's an amazing comedian he murders hot water like he's one of their top top top acts there and he did a lot of the Christmas run and

he's never in doing a script yeah and I've seen some comics just work in the room and you basically go what's your name what's your room and you basically go what's your name what's your job what's your name what's your job and that's fine because i've done that

and that's been done to some success he integrates the room and what's happened in the night in a non-cheesy way and at the back you're like yeah you almost as a comedian like oh god stop trying you're making me look bad well also because like it's rare to put a character as the opening act at a comedy club so a lot of the time throughout december he's in the middle which for any muggles listening is the easiest spot on the bill and he's just absolutely volleying the fucking place everywhere and you've got to go on and close afterwards just doing normal stand-up and it's a great club and we had a great run anyway, but yeah, he's very good.

But he, one night, we'd arranged to have a game of poker and he brought his mate from 20 years ago who was such a yadah. You know what I mean by that, don't you? A bad yadah. Like, Defo has a pair of goalies saying he's in his house. He's yad and he was he was

fucking hammered no one else was drunk we're all playing poker he's hammered and he's also the only one who didn't know how to play poker oh my god i'm also trying to trying to be the funniest guy in a room full of comedians and the the funniest part of all of it was like most of us were like he's been a bit of a pain in the ass but of all of it was like most of us were like he's been in a bit of pain in the ass but it happens sometimes but watching Milo because it's

there's nothing worse than when it's your mate when you've brought your da muggle to Hogwarts for the night and Milo

was just like every time he went for the piss or for the ciggy this fella Milo guys I'm so sorry I'm really sorry

I'm really sorry I was like Milo it's alright it's alright honestly it's alright but then the next day when he wasn't like, guys, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I was like, Milo, it's all right. It's all right. Honestly, it's all right. But then the next day when he wasn't there, we were like,

can't believe you brought your fucking dad. It's literally, it's a two strikes and you're out. Everyone's got one when you're like, I know you didn't mean to do that, but now you've seen what that does. You do that again. And then you don't get invited.

That's how that goes. It was so awkward. Like he kept it, like we had to take the car, like, you know, in poker then you don't get invited oh that's how that goes so like he kept it like we had to take the car like you know in poker you take turns dealing i had to deal for him because he just couldn't deal the cards he didn't know what he was like right who gets the next one there was times where like milo was helping him bet it was just so no yeah see i don't know how to play poker and i don't want to know how to play poker, but I'll tell you what I wouldn't do. Get drunk and try and play poker.

But not knowing what to do in a situation when there's beer involved is some of the cringiest shit. I remember I used to gig in Leeds for a guy called Sean and his missus was Colombian. And every big city will have a sort of South American community. Like Leeds isn't massive, but you don't know about it, but there will be, like, Latin Colombian meetups, and it'll be once a month. There'll be a little group of them

because they want to be able to speak in Spanish or whatever. And just, anyway, they have a fucking meetup, and it's a dance night. Where do you go? I get on with Sean. I get on with his missus and they were like you should come i had my mate bondy up and bondy you know you've got a mate and he's like i'm sometimes i look at him i'm like do he like he doesn't answer a text for a while and he's sometimes

hard work and i'm like i just i could never get rid of bondy he's been my best mate since i was 12 it's it's like it's like a brother he's like a brother and sometimes he annoys me like a brother And I'm like, I just, I could never get rid of Bondi. He's been my best mate since I was 12. It's like, it's like a brother. He's like a brother. And sometimes he annoys me like a brother. Some of the passive aggressive WhatsApp messages, I have to send him to get a fucking response. He's like, I'm like, mate, if I have to message one more time,

I'll go fucking ballistic. Sorry, mate. Are you doing all right? For any other mate, I'd be like, he'd be in a dick. But I just know it's just that old mate thing of like, yeah,'s just we don't have to make any effort and then bang we're back he is my favorite person to booze with it's it's almost like having a siamese twin i can tell what he's thinking as soon as i'm like god i fancy some chips i can literally see in his eyes like fucking carbohydrate we're tuned in it's about 10 years ago we're boozing he's like, fucking carbohydrate. We're tuned in. It's about 10 years ago.

We're boozing. He's like, we're going to Leeds. Leeds. I'd gig in it. See, I have a very similar relationship like that with Carl. Who I know, who I get on great with. But the problem is, when I've had several amounts of drinks, I won't go home.

So when I look at him in that situation, I'm like, he's going for chips and I'm going fucking nowhere. There's been several times Carl's just left me in a nightclub. Because he's gone, lad, I'm going fucking nowhere there's been several times Carl's just left me in a nightclub because I've like he's gone lad I need to get food

gonna go I'm not fucking going anywhere I'm fucking you gotta show me but if you're really if you're really good mates that sort of doesn't matter because he's like

oh yeah if you if it was like a new friend you were like you left me in a discotheque hey like when are you old mate

she's like oh yeah fuck off there was one time i was so hammered um this wasn't even that long ago like i was too old to be doing this i wasn't like 17 18 um he'd convinced me that it was to go home and we're in the taxi arguing and i was like should have fucking stayed out and he's like i had you hammered no say to stay out in the middle of a main road i jumped out of a moving taxi and ran back to town for chips no

to carry on drinking I thought it was for chips I left me chips in the car fucking mission impossible despite my size food is not my priority when I've had a drink

it's the next drink right I can't like Pringles alcoholic Pringles to me I struggle to stop I can say no

I can say I'm not having Pringles tonight lad but if I have a Pringle I'm finishing the fucking tube do you know. I struggle to stop. I can say no. I can say I'm not having Pringles tonight, lad. But if I have a Pringle, I'm finishing the fucking tube. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think I'm the same with cocaine. Don't want any cocaine.

It's a good job I can't get cocaine in the fucking Morrison's. I'm like with alcohol. You know the shark in Finding Nemo where he's like, no, I haven't had a drink for a month. Someone's pouring a pint of Carl in the three streets of Anah and i'm like oh that's

lovely oh i'm having fish tonight he's really a lovely guy basically your best mate in those situations you just bounce back from it straight away there never has to be like a like i don't know what it's like with girls but with lads you're like yeah yeah yeah you got off with that girl and you've got it's him innit there's no worries

it's just one of you yeah me and Carl have like squares up ready to fight like a lot a footy like when we're on

the opposite five side team we used to play like between 10 and 12 of us every week and you just pick the teams when you get there so you're not in a regular team

sometimes you're with them sometimes you're against them just put your foot in ibb dib do that's got flu that's got chicken pot out go with you i'd love to i would love you can't come and play for us i would love to make grown men do that by the side everyone you did captain's don't you you do i gotta pick you get a pick yeah I don't know I just thought it was just being funny how seriously do you take five

a side nearly seriously all joking aside to the point where I've nearly fought with him on this comedy podcast you don't talk like that

about five a side everything else is fucking on limits five a side is off limits that's fucking ridiculous. Ib, dib, doo, I'll break your fucking finger.

You've never actually fought Carl, though, have you? We've come very close. But just because of five-a-side? Yeah, yeah, and then literally we live a street away, so we just walk home and it's time. Literally as soon as you walk off the pitch, it's gone. It's like in Superbad when they're sleeping next to each other. Boop.

Yeah. And we had one massive argument once, which we sorted out the next day at the Edinburgh Festival. We haven't had many big arguments, me and Carl, but he'd come up for the final weekend and he was staying in my room with me. Yeah. And I went, lads, you might have to do us a favour.

I've been sort of talking to this girl for a few days and it's final weekend so this is before you with Jade yeah yeah I wanted to come round on the final weekend and she's going to stay

in my room so you just stay on the couch in the living room with the housemates it's fair and he was just like you're not doing that to me you're not inviting me up

to the Edinburgh Festival for the party weekend and then fucking me off to go to bed and I was like lad I've been working on this all month and he's like you can't fucking do it and we just had this massive fight and he was like you shouldn't have invited me up to the Edinburgh Festival for a party weekend and then fucking me off to go somewhere and I was like lad I've been working on this all month and he's like

you can't fucking do it and we just had this massive fight and he was like you shouldn't have invited me up for the weekend if you wanted to do that and yeah

but like screaming at each other drunk in the street and the next day I was like sorry lad and he's like sorry go and get a Nando's and I was like yeah and I was like if

that's two women they'll never talk to each other ever again but that's the intensity of best friends isn't it fucking fucked me off to the couch didn't she because he wants

to fuck some guy fucking working don't invite me up then don't invite me up to that forever next morning yeah football yeah sorry about that mate well that's my uh that's bondy oh yeah and we got him to that um did you go colombian i think it was even i think it was even argentinian tango or something. It was so painful. It's just the example of how in life you want to be... Not all South American dancers look the same. They sort of do. You can slag off the Hispanics.

There's no Mexicans around here. Just because you've watched american stand-up we walked in and we were like leeds saturday night boozy and everyone else has had like half a san miguel looks fucking just everyone's dancing in time it just looked beautiful like it all almost looked like it had been choreographed everyone like just dancing like just young men like going i want to dance with you of course i want to dance with you and then just dancing and they all don't know each other and no one gets hammered and then just in the middle of the dance floor you're doing the cha-cha slide oh fucking amazing just stay in your, be at the right place.

And you could see everyone that had invited us out just looking at us like, it's best that these fuck off now. When are we getting tappers? When are we getting tappers? Oh, two or three tappers. I was told this was Colombian. Where's the fucking beak? Where's the marching powder?

I put a request in. They're not playing Swedish House Mafia. There was a time. I used to go fucking to Vinter. It was brutal. And in the hangover the next day, I was like, oh, I bet we look like a pair of twats. Awful.

Awful. Just fucking Colombian people being sexy a pair of twats but you awful awful just sprints just fucking Colombian people being sexy and cool just flirting and grinding with each other

are they together no they've never met but they dance British people are fucking Jesus Christ I haven't been on a dance floor for a fucking

since a wedding I'm now i know i've gone big at weddings but uh i just like nightclubs and dancing i used to absolutely love it but i think part of it is once you're married you're like oh god i'm the same you know fucking point like i i feel i'm getting old nightclub wise I'm 28 now, I turned 28 on Saturday it's been my birthday since episode 1 cheers mate and I went out for a few drinks very similar to the last few times I've gone out for a drink

like over Christmas and stuff my night used to consist of a drink in a bar with a bit of music on and then straight to a nightclub where it was for hours and hours and hours stood around drink after drink after drink shouting at me mason dancing at the same time and now i feel like me dad when i'm like as long as there's a chair and i can hear me friend i'm happy that's at 28

28 like i don't like i'm like i'm not single so i don't want to be in a club dancing with women Because that's the only reason to go Is to flirt and stuff So I end up going to the casino a lot now And just sat at a casino table With a whiskey on the rocks Just losing money

Like the happiest kid in school Just I've lost again Doesn't matter does it I can pay my friend I went boozing before Christmas with my mate Ben from Newcastle. Came down. That's how...

38, he's 38. He's now like, I will drive for three hours, two and a half, three hours, to come and hang out with you for a night because I like so few people. We went to a grill place in Chester called Hickory's,

which is amazing. American Steakhouse. But they've got a sports bar at the side, which I imagine is a bit dicky for every other sport. to a grill place in Chester called Hickory's which is amazing American steakhouse but they've got a sports bar at the side which I imagine is a bit dicky for every other sport but because it's an

American grill house they do NFL and they do American sports but it's quite niche NFL I'm mad into it love it and he's into it I've got mad into it

this year the playoffs have been amazing yeah I've noticed actually on the Facebook group you've been chatting a lot and he and I sat there it was I can't imagine a better night the we sat down the the guy just kept going listen

you don't have to just i'll just see when your bucket of beer is empty and i'll just fill it up we were like okay i just sat there it was just me and him we chatted every possible bit of shit interlaced with watching American football while a guy just came and just kept giving us lager. And then in the middle of it, we had a beautiful steak. It's like the end of that. I was like, this is my heaven. It was amazing.

That's the night. At the end of the night, if one of us had gone, should we go to a bar, maybe a nightclub? I think it could have ended the friendship. It's just, it's so, it sounds so boring, but I think part of the old dance floor

and all the, because on a dance floor, you have to put up with dickheads because there are some nice people who just want to have a dance and there's some people that are just sound, but there's some alpha knobheads. You just want to fight.

Just guerrillaing around like fucking. I want to fight any man and fuck any woman I've done it I've had to deal with those bellends I've sort of served my time and people who are like oh isn't it

do you not go out dancing with your missus like no no and don't get me wrong if we did that'd be great

my bed doesn't drink either so I don't even have that time on the list of what makes you a good couple being drinking partners is way down the fucking list in it no it's like you know what they they get on brilliantly and they're just they're such good parents they're in love and and every saturday they're out till 5am but they just don't drink together on a saturday night so

it's weird isn't it you know whereas you know phil and suzy i mean he does hit her but my god they've got the rhythm pint for pint they both they both know exactly when to order themselves yeah honestly they're in sync i thought like i've always been mad into fussy as big live pearl fan and i thought as i got older I might be less interested or like care a bit less about the footy but I care more and more every season and I think it's because I'm getting older and that nightclub thing is going

away and a day full of sport is just a turn on for me like I'm so this Sunday Liverpool play Man United and then it's the Packers at the 49ers and I don't follow either of those NFL teams but I can't wait to watch that game yeah it's the Packers at the 49ers. And I don't follow either of those NFL teams, but I can't wait to watch that game.

Yeah, it's a great game. I'm literally, I've got to drive back from South Shields Saturday night, get home in time to watch the UFC. And then the next day I'll get up late, have myself a little sleep in, and I will get up, get on the couch or go to the pub, watch those games until whatever time they finish 11 o'clock and then there's

Titans Chiefs oh my god yeah a sport filled day do you know what's weird I what's happened to me is I've drifted from

one sport to another and I don't know what's happened there I can't tell you what's happened but the NFL has just

taken all of the energy and interest I think some people are into all of the sports and then they find a new one and they add happened but the nfl has just taken all of the energy and interest i think some people are into all of the sports and then they find a new one and they add that but the nfl is just sort of and i think maybe it's just the repetition of like i've been watching football since i was about 10 properly 10 12 or whatever since high school and i've been into it and they there's only so many times you can go round and what the NFL's done is just offer me something different.

But so it's not the same as what you said, but in terms of the intensity of the interest, yeah, it is increasing. Yeah. Oh my God. It's increasing. Like the,

maybe it's because it's different to you because it's a different sport and it's just one. But I'm like, oh my, I'm so into this. Well, I am so into it. I love the sport of nfl and i suppose

like as two nfl fans this isn't an nfl podcast by any means but if you are listening and you're sort of uh and a british person who's always been a bit sort of skeptical about the nfl i'll tell you right now i was and i didn't understand the fascination with it but the more you learn about the sport and the tactics involved it's it's a good game. It's such a good sport. And it's so shiny. I love the aesthetics of it. With Fussy, I will watch all the big games. I'll watch every Liverpool game.

I watch a lot of Man City games now as well because they're our biggest rivals for the British title, the British title, the Premier League. The Euro Soccer Cup. So, I watch all Man City games, I watch all the Liverpool games and any other big games

I will sit and watch. But, I very rarely will watch like Bournemouth against Aston Villa because I just don't care about that. But I will watch

any NFL game. If there's an NFL game on, I will watch it. So, maybe long term I'll be even more into the NFL than I am now I'll never be into it more than I am with

Liverpool though because Liverpool literally affects me weak and that's something else that drives me and it'd be a weird time to lose interest

in Liverpool Football Club six months away from winning the first title in 30 years you'd be like ah I'm getting a bit dull this

getting a bit dull so. Getting a bit dull. So we, I follow Watford, football, soccer wise. I follow Watford, always have done, since I was 12.

My mate got me into football. His dad was from Watford and I just wanted to be different. Yeah. So I was like, everyone supported Preston, Liverpool, Blackpool,

or Man United. And I was like, don't like any of these bellends and I don't want to follow their teams. So me and Fraser, little geeks that we were, started following Watford and no one's ever given me shit about it. You can't follow Watford and have someone go,

oh yeah, of course you're a fucking Watford fan with your 97-98 Division II League winner's title. Glory boy. And there's been some couple of highs there's been a lot of fucking pretty turgid mid-table championship lows

but obviously we got to the FA Cup final in May and I was gigging at hot water in Liverpool and I was like I've got to see the game

I've got to see the game I knew what was coming we went to pub didn't we so we went to the pub and it was a pub you got absolutely bummed it was it was one of the most I got to see the game I knew what was coming we went to pub didn't we so we went to the pub and it was a pub absolutely bummed it was

it was one of the most one sided games I've ever seen it was again it summed up supporting a lower team from a different part of the country

because the pub was rammed and I think a few people clocked that I was a Watford fan just this feeling of pity I could feel towards me you did turn up

in a full kit it's so weird to be in a full room I think he's a what for fan gradually as it was like 5-0

you could see people like fuck it you're having a bad day there at one point this is my favourite bit of the whole day I just

just through desperation it was like 70 minutes played we were 6-0 down. And Man City were still pressing like it affected the league standings or something. It was a cup final. And just through desperation, I went, oh, leave us alone. You know when you see on a street fight where eventually someone's won

and they're unconscious. You just... Stop standing on his head! Five punches. He's already dead. That Simpsons meme. He's already dead. It was that.

It was, oh, that's enough. Yeah. Like, earlier this year, Leicester beat Southampton 9-0 and it still wasn't as one-sided as that cup final. It was just a few glances of people like, oh my God, are you alright? Yeah.

You've been gigging on the weekend? Just that, I just had one gig. Where were you? I'm not chasing gigs. I'm just, because I've worked so hard

to buy this fucking house and now we're there, I'm not going to break my neck doing gigs that I don't want to do. And yeah, it's nice when you get comfortable in it when you're like, you know what, I'm going to rain enough this year anyway. So if I have that off, like I've got Friday off this week, but Saturday is a decent paying solo show. So I'm like, I've got Friday off then.

That's how I'm looking now. I'm looking at the month and going, you need a certain amount of gigs in or whatever. And there's a feeling when you're self-employed, and people who are listening to this will know, you're like, well, God, what if it all just stops? But I've been doing this for a long time. This is like 17 years into doing stand-up.

No, it's about to be 18 years. And I've been making my living off it since 2004 i turned professional that's partly because i was quite good when i started plus i was 23 at the time and i needed 80 quid a week to live so it's easy to john bishop had an 85 grand a year job when he turned professional so he needed to get his comedy earnings the fuck up yeah it took him longer so i turned professional before john bishop turned professional and how did that work out yeah he's really he's never made up those few years he sat on a chair made out of money right now listening to this but now i just i look around i'm like what are we chasing why am i doing a gig in fucking middle of nowhere with the worst

drive ever friday afternoon's a nightmare so i just had i had a pretty a pretty quiet weekend and now it just kicks off normally actually looking forward from thursday it's just back to standing but it's been it's been quality and i've been gardening to fuck me you know what you were talking about about just like the satisfaction of watching football and like being in a casino in i've this has come from nowhere and this shows that my dick and balls is basically in a little box on my wife's mantelpiece that if you right now if you just went i'm gonna go home i i have got the afternoon to myself no one's messaged through my daughter's not been ill i will be in that garden like like honestly like a smack head

to a drug dealer like oh my god where's my trowel I fucking love it I don't think anyone's ever described gardening so aggressively

no gardening to fuck I've been gardening to fuck I still I still garden a little bit against it

some woman called Beryl like nothing else she's like well I called Beryl Like Nothing else She's like Well I just dig me plants up And put it back in I just make sure it's got enough fresh soil And you're like

Gardening's a fuck lad I'm fucking this garden Damn it feels good to be a gardener What the fuck up Digging some fucking holes So where was your one gig What was it I went over to Leeds

And Hi-Fi No Did the other one Did the Allen's holes so where was your one gig what was it I went over to Leeds and Hi-Fi no did the other one did the Leeds Cabaret I had a very really felt like

a hot water vibe of like you will smash it if you just keep the pace up and keep hitting the heavy bag

don't be like meandering that's how hot water in Liverpool feels when you're gigging. It feels like you've got to go on and punch someone right in the face and then just keep slugging. Some gigs you can build up, tippy tap.

Like that's how it felt in Leeds on Saturday night. And that whole thing about dry January, has that just not worked out this year? Because it seems like Britain is fucking on it straight from the off. I think that's working classes still getting over the election. I think they're just like, why would we not drink after what's happened? It's coming.

Brexit's coming, let's do it, pissed. Let's drink while we can still afford to. Do you know we've left you? I couldn't give a fuck. Fuck off. Yeah, so I've just had a nice one. I mean, the gardening's been intense, but the gigging's been easy, mate.

Where have you been? I was back at Hot Water, and I'll be honest with you, best club in the world for me. Genuinely think it's one of the... I've played pretty much every club in the country, I think. I think I've played every club in the UK, and I've done a few in New York,

and I still think Hot Water's the best I've ever played, but I'm a bit bored of it now because I did it every night of December, Saturdays of five and six gigs. And then this weekend, every gig was fantastic, dead fun. But it's just like, I need to be in just one different room for a bit before I come. You know, when you just, it just feels a bit like The Office because we're used to playing like if you do four gigs in a week

two in one place two in another and the week after you're not going to see those clubs for another six weeks at least sometimes six months

sometimes it's even longer like I gig you know I did Alexandra you're like I haven't been here for a year and a half

or when you're in the room especially if it's like three in a night which hot water sells so well we did six on saturday it's too much like you're literally like six cents hello yeah two at five two at seven two and a half nine it's like groundhog day right yeah uh i'm gonna start with a joke have I already done this joke where the fuck am I well when I do so many in a night what I do is I have one set and a completely different 20

and then flip flop so but I do them in the exact same order and there's no repetition in either so I can never be like have I already done this joke because there's this 20 minutes

in this exact order so I know what comes next I know what comes before I can't possibly have said anything different and this other set is again the same thing but different what if you do six this 20 minutes in this exact order. So I know what comes next. I know what comes before. I can't possibly have said anything different. And this other set is, again, the same thing but different. What if you do six? You can't do six different sets.

No, well, I'll do like downstairs, I'll do one set. Upstairs, I'll do the other. And I'll just do that all night. This is me downstairs set. This is me upstairs one. Hello, upstairs. Oh, fuck, I'm in the basement. I tell you, hey, those downstairs pricks play their room. I came over to Chester as well, to the Alexanders.

That was fun. Yeah. How's a Chester crowd compared to a Liverpool crowd? Snootier or easier? It's just a bit different. They're a bit older, I think. I think the average age is probably up by between five and ten years in Chester. Because I think the average age is probably up by between 5 and 10 years

in Chester because I think the young people from Chester who are going on a night out will go to Liverpool so and in Chester

you get like the Cheshire people come into Chester for the night and they have their thing I love gigging in Chester I love Alexander's it's yeah

it's easier but you this is it feels obvious but Liverpool, Glasgow, Newcastle you can die quite easily if you're not up to much in those cities but if you're good you will rip it

more than you'll rip it anywhere else because when they get behind you they get behind you like working class people do it literally feels like the difference between watching cricket at Lord's for a fucking county cricket game

like oh very well done what a very good what a call back and reveal oh and the octagon and the fucking and literally

Celtic Park for the old firm like it's just the intensity but it can go either way I always say this when I started stand up Liverpool

it doesn't really have this rep anymore and I think it is largely down to how nice Hot Water has been for the past few years Liverpool had a rep as the hardest city to gig in for a lot of southerners they're like oh it's such a rep because everyone thinks they're funny in the room and blah blah blah

I've always said in Liverpool I think no matter who you are you get a mini and if you're a scouser you'll probably get two if you get them in that mini

you'll have the gig of your life if you don't get them in that mini they'll be like listen lad this is our one night out for the month it's fucking ages to get this baby sister sorted if you're not funny

in the next fucking ten seconds I'm gonna fucking glass you lad you're gonna get booed off this fucking stage it's that only night house of the month I've spent every spare penny I've got on this fucking ticket making me fucking laugh

right fucking oh he's actually got this one here he is fucking he's funny and then he's good do another one kid I had someone at hot water

literally I walked on and I just heard someone go who's this cunt a minute and a half later he's fucking nudging his mate, having a great time. But you start from, who the fuck? Oh, you're all right.

And that's the working class mentality of like, this is, would you earn it? They've paid for a nice house. And I heard, I'm not going to say who this is. I'll tell you off camera because it's not a nice house and I heard I'm not going to say who this is I'll tell you off camera because it's not a nice heckle but it's

not the same but similar in Manchester because it is still a working class city it's a lot more it's cosmopolitan the way of Manchester like there's a lot of people

who live in Manchester who aren't from there and there's less of that in Liverpool most people who live in Liverpool are from there it's less

Manchester is less mank than Liverpool is Scouse. Yeah, that's what I mean. But, I was at the Frog and Bucket one time, right, and that's quite a mank gig.

That's more mank than the store is, I think. And there was a Comic-Con in the middle, and she got like 10 minutes in to just fucking silence. It just wasn't working, right? And then one table started just talking amongst themselves,

10 minutes in, right? And she's having a bad gig and was like, obviously annoyed. And when you're annoyed, that will really piss you off, as a comma. But still, you haven't been doing a good job. And she went, can you guys stop talking? I'm doing a fucking set here.

You're just being cunts. And one guy went, we gave you a chance. And I've never heard such a devastating heckle in me life. Like, all the, you shit,

get off. We can deal with that. Especially if you're having a good gig because you're like, well, everyone thinks I'm fine. And they lose the moral high ground if they go in like that

because it's sticky. We gave you a chance and literally, she did another minute and then wrapped up and got off into a 20 minute test, And they lose the moral high ground if they go in like that. Cause it's sticky. We gave you a chance. And literally she did another minute and then wrapped up and got off into a 20 minute test, 11 minutes in. And it was just like, I was watching the silence. I didn't even go into the green room.

I couldn't, I couldn't face it. Like, like, cause it was such a dagger. We gave you a chance. Literally. This is our night out.

And for 10 minutes of it, we were like, no, let's see if the next joke's funny and for 10 minutes of it we were like no let's see if the next joke's funny and then after that we were like where are we going to go after here because this is not really happening is it that's great that's bad do you know that not going in that dressing room i completely know what you mean when you're like i do not want to have to have the conversation of like oh yeah you're almost praying for a fucking shit that you have to be like no no you were gone it was them you want someone you want someone to have a muggle mate and so you can be like okay john tell me about being a civil servant

the best one i saw in newcastle because that's where i very very first gigged in newcastle and it was the old hyena. It was rough. I played the last ever night there. Really? I'm a down. We shut the fucker down. I'm a gig killer, me.

You know, I played the last night there. I played the last night of the Laugh-In as well, in Chester. And Newcastle, same mould as Liverpool, same mould as Glasgow. Got a bit, you've got got time and it can go amazing but it's not St Albans Hertfordshire where they'll humour

and go oh bless them it's a working class give them their time he has a lower life expectancy let's give him this 15 minutes

and it was a really staggy night can't remember who was on so it's no judgement on the act people regularly fucking ate their own balls on that stage.

It was all big, not trestle tables, like, you know, beer keller tables. So everyone was side on. So instantly you had to sort of, it was like that feng shui of acceptance, like not facing you, not facing you. Are you quite good actually? I wouldn't turn sideways.

No, you're gone shit. Don't face me, mate. facing you, are you quite good actually, I wouldn't turn sideways, nah, you're gone shit, I face me mates,

a guy, was dying, on stage, in an act, like if you were on the voice, but they had another button, where they could turn back around, not for me,

who's this cunt, and, a guy, it might have been a stag do, Geordie lad, stood on his fucking chair next to a chisel table and just went, ah, come on, man, you shite! Stood up and everyone looked at him.

And the comedian turned to the bouncers didn't say anything was and was like like did that sort of hand gesture like are you gonna deal with this because i'm not fucking dealing with it because people genuinely got a bit scared at the hyena and i i never ever saw anything happen but the reputation of places like glasgow liverpool manchester is oh god it could turn baby blue glasgow junglers a psycho will punch you at whatever gig they're at so it's bullshit that they said but that they had that reputation turned and went i'm not dealing with it so the whole room was like well if you're not talking then we'll watch what's going to happen here the bouncer was like you could see the bounce go ah fuck's sake

walked up it literally took about five seconds so this is now built intention went call me you can't stand on the table and the guy if you're gonna call him shite sit down and do it you can't you can't stand on your chair right the guy looked down he went i know i know made buddies but he's fucking shit. With everyone listening and the comedian not talking about it. He went, I know he is, mate, but you're still kind of standing on the chair. I know he is, mate. But it was worse because the dickhead on stage had gone, well, I'm not dealing with this.

I'm a performer. You deal with it. So he literally basically gave all the attention. It got a fucking massive laugh I bet he was off stage within a minute

and you're done pal tap out and you've done it to yourself I know he is mate I know he is mate but you're still

gonna stand on the chairs it it was the bouncer like I had no like you are shite

but there's you know there's rules on and that's that's the jolly mentality The bouncer had no, like, you are shite. But, you know, there's rules on. And that's the Geordie mentality, isn't it? Fucking brilliant, mate. That was legendary. Talking about Glasgow. You were driving back from Glasgow this week. Yeah. Well, I think this is...

You've not just had a birthday. I haven't had a birthday. I've had a week, mate. I't had a birthday i've had a week mate i've had a rebirth day and i don't thought you didn't tell me about this and i don't follow anyone on social media because i'm a bit mental and i just want to be gardening privately this is this is how this is how much this resonated in comedy while i was gardening this week one of our friends rang me to go Hey lad, have you heard about Adam and the fucking

motorway? So, do tell us a story Adam. This video that will go out on social media will be entitled The McDonald's Incident Oh Jesus Wednesday night last week I went up to Glasgow to do my final spot on the Theo Vaughan tour, opening for Theo Vaughan, Glasgow O2 Academy.

Brilliant show. Good goer. Brilliant. Such a big room, like 1,200 people there. They're absolutely like avid fans of Theo, like a cult almost. And he killed it. His support act, Ardy Manners was brilliant as well, and I just got to host it again, did 10 minutes at the start, after the interval, another 10 before Theo, great gig, and if you're listening, you've followed

us as a result of being at that show, thank you very much, and as I'm sure you all know by now, I'm coming back to Glasgow very soon with my own tour show. But on the way home, I'm driving through the Lake District area. So I'm between sort of Penrith and Kendall on the motorway. And it wasn't snowing. But then it was. You know, just like out of nowhere. And not like three snowflakes. I mean like a blizzard out of fucking nowhere. And I like, scary, not like three snowflakes. I mean like, like a,

like a blizzard out of fucking nowhere. And I'm in the middle lane. And in the left lane is a, a massive like truck. Unarticulated. Yeah. I'm in the middle lane, just about to overtake this guy.

And the snow is coming in. It's bouncing off his wheels immediately. And it just took me, I'm doing 70 miles an hour, obviously not anticipating the snow, or I'd probably be going a bit slower and my car just spun a few times flipped and

I don't think people, when people seen the image I put up of the car, it didn't look anywhere near as bad as it was, the car's been completely written off. It looked like you'd spinned it and there'd been like a light fence and you'd gone through it oh i did yeah but you actually flipped i flipped and went through a barbed wire fence all three of me four tires just ripped apart literally literally as as the car stopped and

i was like you just survived a massive car crash there. It come up on me dashboard, check tire pressure. Not right now. I've been fucking busy. And just like, what was weird was people like, oh, it's got to be terrifying. That in the moment, it wasn't,

this is the genuine truth as it was happening. My first thought, and this goes back to what I was saying earlier, like when something massive happens in my life, it doesn't affect me as much as conceding a goal on FIFA. I wasn't screaming or being like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. None of that.

I literally thought, for fuck's sake. That was my thought as this car's spinning at 70 out of control, off the motorway, through a barbed wire fence and into a field. I'm just sat there and I was like what that was fucking mad so the first person i phoned was me missus and she was like are you all right she was like do you want me to come and get you and i was like i think i've got roadside recovery from the aa and i'll bring me insurance let them know what's going on we'll sort this all out phone the insurance phone the aa the aa said uh, your membership with us expired 10 days ago

and you haven't renewed it. So we're not coming to get you. And I was like, are you fucking messing? So the insurance were like, what will happen now is, nice one guys. Thank you.

We'll send someone from a local garage to come and pick the car up and take it to their garage and we'll sort it out tomorrow. Cause it was like three o'clock in the morning. And how are you going to get home? I said'm gonna speak to my missus and she'll come and get me um spoke to my missus she was like yeah i'll come and get you and as i'm talking to her the police turned up because they've just seen a car with its hazards on next to the fucking thing and the police were like can you get out the car mate and i was like i don't

really want to because i'm on literally a hill the car's at a 45 degree angle and to the right of my car because of how I've gone through it and spun and all that is the barbed wire fence and I was like, if I get out of this and this car slips, it's going to push me against that fence and the policeman goes, it won't

do that, you're fine, get out and as I got out, the car slipped and he had to hold it while I climbed over it like and you're looking at him like hi yeah

it's a good job you were there didn't it thanks for the advice so I get in the back of the police car and they're like are you alright and I was like

I'm fine I feel fine I'm not injured the car's done it's job and protected me I'm okay and they were like right so what's

happening here i went i think my missus is coming to get me they went okay well we'll take you to the services like a mile up the road as i'm talking to them my missus rings me and goes i'm literally falling asleep here i haven't been asleep yet i've been up since dead early this morning she's been up since like 6am and i was like turn around and go home i don't want you coming up are you gonna end up in another Are you going to end up in another crash? We're going to end up in another crash, go home I said to the police what can we do here and they went well we'll just take you to the train station

and I went okay well Kendall's not far they went Kendall's slightly out of our area so we're going to take you back to Penrith and I went okay cool and I checked the train times and the first train back was at like 6 o'clock in the morning and they dropped me off there at like i think about 20 past half past four what would you do if that had happened you had no money you couldn't afford like if you're proper

skin like just drop you at a train station what if you've got no money like do you just get on the train and be like you can give me the fine if you want but you have to get me i don't know like i i don't know to be honest i i don't know, like, I don't know, to be honest. I don't know. I'm fortunate enough that, like, obviously that didn't happen. It feels a little bit dismissive, like, oh, you okay?

Get out of the car. The police got me out of the car and took me there, but they were, like, I don't want to slag them off too much, but they were a bit arsey. Do you know what I mean? It felt like they were a bit pissed off

that I'd slipped on black ice and nearly killed myself and also like i say i went behind this wagon if i was 10 yards further up and at 70 miles an hour 10 yards is what two seconds if that even that i'd have gone under this truck like i would not be here at all but like it hadn't really set in what had happened at all yeah so then i'm in one police car they're on the way to the station and they get a call saying they have to go to something and they're in like a big like four by four police car okay so they went right what we're gonna have to do is just gonna have to leave you here our colleague is just behind us in a normal police car on his own he's gonna come and pick you up and he's gonna take you to the station i went right okay so then

this other car comes picks me up from the hard shoulder and takes me to penrith and i went right okay anyway just go in the mcdonald's mate they'll sort you out just sit in there have a cup of tea and wait for your train i was like okay how long is it so what time is the crash three ish jesus so this is like over an hour later right fucking freezing as well oh do you have this now did you have all do you have a coat and everything so i had a coat and in the car i also had my notebook and me laptop start a fire but the the laptop normally i normally take it and it's a it's a macbook pro and i normally take it in like a caddy case but i just hadn't because i was just going to work and i was rushing out earlier that day just pick my laptop up put it in my boot so now i've left

i've been left at permanent station i've got a lion king notebook right so it it's an old sort of story of the lion king that's been redone so all the pages of the book have been taken out and filled with blank pages so that you get a disney notebook lion king's my favorite disney film but i've got a lion king child's notebook yeah and a macbook pro it's like freezing it's not snowing where i, but two miles up the road where I've just crashed, it's a blizzard at the minute. It's absolutely lashing down, freezing cold. And this guy saw me just go in McDonald's and wait there an hour and a half for your train.

So I walked to the McDonald's, and the door was shut. So I went to the drive-thru window, and this is where sort of the incident on Twitter came from. So there's... Like, the drive-thru window and this is where sort of the incident on Twitter came from right so there's like the drive-thru was open so it was still a function

of McDonald's but the indoor was shut and I said to the woman excuse me love what time do you open and she went five o'clock

and by this point I don't want to I don't want any sympathy for any of this, to be honest with you. But as a comic, a lot of us have anxiety and shit like that. And I'm having a full-blown panic attack. I've just had one on the way to the McDonald's.

I had to sit down. I think the adrenaline's... The shock has set in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're like, oh my God, you could have nearly died. I'm also freezing cold. It's lashing down.

And I'm trying to protect my fucking MacBook from the rain I've got me I'm trying to like protect me fucking MacBook from the rain in like this coat and I went what time do you open and by this time I can't remember what time it was

by the time I put this tweet up it was like 10 to 5 I think it was like 22 or quarter to or whatever I can't really remember the night's a bit of a haze to be honest

and I went what time do you open she went 5 o'clock and I went okay look this is what's happened i feel really shaken up at the minute i'm on my own actually i've got a laptop and this book with me i'm wondering if i can just come in and sit down get out the rain and the cold and she went we open at five o'clock

and i went look i understand that but i don't know whether you've seen the police have just dropped me off she went yeah i went i've been in a bad car crash on the m6 in the snow i've got to wait over an hour for a train i could just do it getting out the cold i'm freezing and my hands are literally doing this like i'm just in a bad bad way and she goes i've told you we open at five o'clock and i went right okay and it was just the last straw of the night between the crash on the motorway, the police being a bit arsy, being left on the hard shoulders

as we got by another police officer, and then taken to Penrith, which was further away from home than I was in the first place. It's just all shit. And this woman, so, was a manager, like a store manager, okay? And there's other people in the

mcdonald's because it's open it's it's open and a couple of people i put so when this happened i'm in a very bad mood i'm in shock and you're not at your best do you know what i mean so i took a selfie and i put on twitter in fact you know what i'm gonna get the ass it's a classic comedian's response well i i'm going to social media because it's our a classic comedian's response. Well, I am going to social media. Because it's our instinct, isn't it? Don't get me wrong. Like, I think the woman who worked at McDonald's is an absolute cunt.

However, I don't think I worded this tweet correctly. Okay? And we'll talk about the aftermath in a minute. So I said, can I just say a massive fuck you to the manager of McDonald's next to Pembroke Train Station. They open indoors indoors at 5 a.m it's 4 50 and she won't let me in to sit down i've told her i've been in a car crash but she's left me in the pissing down rain holding a laptop cunt right not a nice you're angry i'm angry but that was taken as fat lab wants to get in mcdonald's 10 minutes early to get an egg mcmuffin that's how that's what the reaction was like it was like it's not told the full story and

a lot of people took it as you've gone up to this poor girl who's on minimum wage and gone let me fucking in to have something to eat you fat fucking cunt and it wasn't that at all this was a manager they're not on minimum wage this is not the point but i just want to refuse she's not by the way she's not in there going, I could be the victim of a sex attack because I'm in, I opened this up on my own, this McDonald's.

Are you, is it what, how big is the fucking McDonald's? No one has ever opened a McDonald's with just them in the McDonald's. Also,

if I'm there to attack or rob the police, then I'm going to do it in 10 minutes when you fucking open anyway. He was dropped by the police. He could have come from a murder.

They've dropped a murder off of the McDonald's. You've been arrested for murder. Where can we drop you? What are the telltale signs when someone comes to rob your McDonald's? Well, they usually turn up with a MacBook Pro and a Lion King notebook.

I'm an Emperor's New Groove fan and I won't have that cunt in here. So, I put that tweet up. I think a lot of people thought it was like a young girl who like uh was buddies or whatever or was waiting for other staff no it's not it's not greg's no no other staff ways no other staff arrived while i was waiting she literally just she was in a bad mood which i get um and she's decided i'm not letting him in and he can stay outside now a lot of people like it's mcdonald's policy she could have been sacked she's not I'm not letting him in and he can stay outside now a lot of people are like

it's McDonald's policy she could have been sacked she's not going to get sacked is she if someone comes in and goes why is he in fucking seven minutes earlier you go

he's been in a horrible car crash I just let him in to have a sit down and I've made him a cup of tea I think a basic level of human empathy the drive-thru is open this is a functioning

McDonald's at this point it was fucking insane now what happened was as a reaction to it, there was a few things. First of all, a lot of my followers were like, what an arsehole this woman is. Isn't she nasty? She should let you in.

There was a second response, which was people taking the piss. Now, you expect that a little bit, don't you? Not just expect it. I loved it. Because when I woke up the next day after I'd got home and woke up to this whole reaction, I was crying, laughing.

Like, Jade kept asking me, what the fuck is so funny? I think there's something we should actually play right here, the audio of it. Someone put a clip up, and God knows where he pulled this house of his ass from, from Max and Paddy's road to nowhere. Right. The,

the old piece of K spinoff sitcom. And, uh, this guy is in like the draft, a drive through. And he goes, call me here. Call me here.

She goes, I haven't goes for clothes. And he pulls a gun out and he goes, no, you're not get that fucking kooker on. And I was like, did you just have that ready in your phone in case something like this ever it was like within minutes

of the thing going on there was so much piss taken there was one lad who put a selfie up outside Pop World in Liverpool mate I saw that and he was like

he got a thousand retweets wasn't it one of them was me a lot of them were my followers that's when you know you're high profile on Twitter when the parody tweet gets a thousand retweets

you're like Jesus Christ well he puts it on like I've just knocked a pop world at 11 o'clock in the morning she told me she's not open until 9pm can I say a massive fuck you yeah like

he'd done a perfect parody I think his Twitter handle is at you're messing as in Y-E-M-E-S-S-I-N go and check that out and the other one who did

the Maxim Paddy's one is Pot Noodle Fringe and we'll try and put the clip of that in this if you don't then just go and find it Scouse Twitter is not fucking about

no it's and it's like so fucking funny but then the third response is just like it it was just like a load of people

who just wanted someone to have been the biggest arsehole in the world so they were like you cheeky fucking cunt how dare you try and get a minimum wage worker sack just for doing a fucking job?

And I was like, hang on a minute. When did you ever say sack? You're just pissed off. I was pissed off. I wasn't trying to get anyone... No one's going to get sacked for doing their job. That's not going to happen. I was just pissed off with this woman.

McDonald's are going to be like, we've heard about Adam Rowe comedy. He couldn't get in our pen riff. But the amount of people... Ronald McDonald coming down hard. What it made me realise is there's a lot of people on the internet who... First of all, they want to be part of that mob. They want to go after you.

And the speed at which people jump to judge you... Oh, I bet you he was like, don't you know who I am? I was like... No, she's not going to know. Is she... Don't you know who I am, love? I had a fucking clip on Facebook that got 2,000 views earlier, you stupid cunt.

Are you one of the writers of The Lion King? I think people wanted to think that I was trying to just get in early, just to get some food before a train. Well, I was literally just trying to get out the cold in a horrible, horrible night. There was people going, look at his car. There's no fucking damage on it. It's been completely written off. Like, they can't fix my car and it's worth 11 grand and it's got low tire pressure on all four wheels give me a break guys um and there's no way you can tweet

all of this no no like even if you did people would still be good bullshit oh totally yeah and there'll be people who listen to this now going well actually no well what about this and what about that it's people like I don't believe he nearly died because he wouldn't have gone straight to social media if he nearly died. And it's like, what else am I doing? I'm sat in fucking Penrith outside on my own at fucking five o'clock in the morning. Am I just going to sit there and stare at the fucking wall? There was a lot of jumping to conclusions about what has happened.

Look, on reflection, I wouldn't post that tweet again. And I understand that the way I worded it made me look like I was going, this woman just doing her job, isn't she an arsehole? Doesn't she know who I am? That's not what it was at all. It was, I'm a bit fucked here. And if I was in her situation,

I would have had a bit more empathy for another fucking human. It was clearly having a fucking shit time, shaking outside. And just a whole heap of bullshit and a lot of people were like like tweeting me stuff i don't see any notifications on twitter from people who don't follow me i have my notifications set that way um so if you don't follow me i don't see anything and some people were like i've been reported for abusive tweeting

to adam rowe the fat cunt i wasn't even being abusive it's like uh he's reported me i was like well i haven't reported you lads because i literally i didn't see it i only seen a lot of these because a lot of me mates were like have you seen what's happening on twitter and i was like not really and they were like search it so just search me your name so if i search your name i'll see the whole thing and the amount of fucking bullshit one guy was like a i've always known adam rose a bit of a prick he introduced a female comedian i know once by saying you're gonna like this one she's fit i was like what the fuck where's that come from and just just absolutely that's the witch hunt coming around for a second lap oh and they're like when they're like right we've run out of

energy for like yeah she's minimum wage. And now it's like, oh, now you've got me blocked on Twitter. You're like, well, that's not true. And one time he bummed a pigeon. Yeah. You know, that's definitely true. Yeah. Like it's just dying for it. Just a lot of nonsense.

And you know, there was a few people who reached out to me and was like, like that tweet doesn't look too good. You know, honestly, just, just leave it. And I, I, I i i appreciate the support i got i think the piss taken was a justified and be hilarious like i was posting them in my own

whatsapp groups like have you fucking seen this they've got me good and proper the whatsapp group i'm in with a few other comedians like paul smith and freddie quinn and danny mack and that i was getting heaps of like funny abuse in there for a fucking day and a half. And I get it. Like, if it was any of my mates who'd posted that tweet, I'd have absolutely ripped the shit out of them, like, trying to get a fucking burger early, i.e. if I'd have done all of that.

But it was just the people who thought I was being malicious or that it makes me the worst person, or I was trying to get some minimum wage woman sacked. She's on 30-odd grand a year. She's a store manager at a McDonald's. Oh, so what are you trying to get some minimum wage woman sacked she's on 30 or grand a year she's a store manager at mcdonald's also what you're trying to get is it no one said you've they've started that narrative you're trying to get someone's like you're just pissed off and annoyed oh brilliant you're trying to get a minimum wage what yeah when's that being said you've added that yeah just you're allowed to be pissed off also it's not out of character

for you to tweet you're a comedian you're not like the mp for fucking skelmersdale you don't have to be like polite and everything like you are an abrasive comic your your online chat is it it's like they've treated you like you're the fucking deputy head of a primary school like yeah you fucking prick you're like the council mob you have no power yeah you tried to get a sack You're like, guys, just a fucking comedian Just annoyed, just had a crash I'm not a person of huge influence That is genuinely trying to get Someone fucking

Knocked off It was blown way out of proportion And that's it, really It was a silly thing to tweet, I suppose. But anyone who got a bit pissed off at me, I'd just like you to think, if you were in a near-death crash, and I don't care what you say,

that's exactly what it was. I'm 10 yards away from going under the truck. The car's flipped. It's been completely written off. If you're in a near-death crash like that and you're left on your own by a bit of a dickhead police officer at Penrith Station waiting over an hour for a train and then some woman is so rigid no we don't open

till five o'clock and she's absolutely got the powers to just let you in to sit down are you going to be your best person are you going to be in the best frame of mind absolutely not um go to burger king i mean that's what we've learned in it? What is really funny is the next day, as soon as I got up, I went straight to the McDonald's drive-thru. I am the bigger person. Could you imagine if you tweeted that? A massive thanks very much to everyone who's let me in here. Well, mate, I hope that feels cathartic.

We've literally run out of time time so we can't do any other words but I think we've had a word with me you've had a word you've had a word with yourself and the twitter mob and the 30,000 bellend

yeah I'm not joking Scouse Twitter is is is a brutal place oh and it's fantastic and

look they do not fuck about they really don't but I think it's just important that everyone knows a lot of people made a bad misjudgment. Oh, yeah. And it's worked out well

that this is the second week of the podcast. This has happened. And you can be like, oh, I just get to, for as long as I need to, say what happened. That is, yeah. But it's a bit like we're talking about the places that are hard to gig it's almost like your universe of twitter is a bit like that you know

what i mean it's about you you can get retweets you can get the love but they can they can turn almost like gigging in newcastle, Glasgow or Liverpool. That's how that tweet just got turned around. Like if you live in like an antiques, if your Twitter is all like, well, I'm into antiques and we have a lovely shop in Gloucester and I follow other antique dealers. Nothing could ever get that abrasive. If you're a comedian from Liverpool

and if everyone just sniffs a little bit like that shark in you. Oh, fucking hell. Adam Rowe's been a knob. It just got, it got like, and I'm telling you, man, some of the fucking comedians that we know, they're the worst of the sharks. And I think, like, I think what I should probably do here, because we're going to put a clip of this out,

as well as this being on the actual podcast, is sort of give it a nice little end package to wrap up the clip and this go at the end of the clip so just to summarize horrendous car crash car's been written off i'm in a really bad time full-blown panic attack at five o'clock in the morning on your own in the freezing fucking cold in the rain and i wasn't at my best and i shouldn't posted that tweet, and anyone who got pissed off and thought I was trying to get a minimum wage worker sacked, that's absolutely not me. A lot of the people who know me and follow me

know that's exactly not the type of person I am, and I wouldn't try and do that. However, I just want to stand by something. The woman who worked at McDonald's was a fucking cunt, and I do not retract that statement. Thank God she wasn't black. Because this whole Twitter thing would have gone because it's plain red just play the odds

chances are yeah um oh mate oh god do you feel better I mean I get the vibe for you that you're like yeah whatever but you know what I mean you're not you're not a wallflower

you can deal with it but it is it is a ball lake and do you feel better that you've been able to like just say it out loud I just hope

because obviously I'm talking about it sort of and I'm not not listening to it back as I'm doing it like when you sort of Try and explain something on a tweet

You can take a word out Or whatever I just hope it's come across How I wanted it to Because Yeah Like Fuck the woman

But I shouldn't have posted this week Yeah Thank you For listening to episode Two Of Have A Word Get in your submissions For Have A Word if you want us to

just you just want to tell the stories of your mates being a bit of a dick if you if you've been a bit of a dick if you've had a car crash and you've been you've had a tweet that's gone awry just tell us tell us about it and we will we'll help you get it off your chest um and you can do that at have a word pod on all the socials or email us. Um, have a word pod at gmail.com. Yeah. And if you are looking for something to do over the next couple of months,

I'm about to go on a nationwide tour. I'm going to pretty much every major city in the UK. And if you go to Adam roads or codes at UK forward slash shows, you can get all tickets from there. Are you playing pen riff? I'm not. Okay. I know get all tickets from there. Are you playing Penrith? I'm not. Okay. I know where the after party is.

5 a.m. Nice one. We'll see you next week. You will see us next week. Bye. All right, lad. You can't sing. Can't sing the actual.

Oh, yeah. And if you want, if you're a band or you've got a mate who's in a band and you want them to be the outro music, get them in touch with us because we're going to have some band outros. Yes. Happy words.

We'll get on with that. We've had birthdays and car crashes this week. In a bit, lads. Bye. See ya.