Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #220 with Luke Kidgell - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: April 16, 2023

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan's Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.uk/showsComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, Sensei Carl's Big Fat Quiz and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for?Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsFinn's new single "Take A Ride" is out now: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with the promo code: WORD20Calm | https://calm.com/wordGet 40% off a Calm Premium Subscription with unlimited access to Calm’s entire library.BetterHelp | https://betterhelp.com/word10If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Get 10% off your first month!NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword to get a Huge Discount off your NordVPN Plan + a Bonus Gift! It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-backStitch Fix | https://stitchfix.co.uk/word20% off when you keep all five items!Sneak Energy | https://sneakenergy.comUse code 'WORD10' for BOTH the creator code (in your cart) AND discount code (at checkout) for 10% off your order and 100 elite points!Merch:https://haveawordpod.comFind us everywhere:https://haveaword.pageDiscord:https://discord.gg/haveawordpodFollow the podcast, our hosts and our guest on social media:Have A Wordhttps://facebook.com/haveawordpodhttps://twitter.com/haveawordpodhttps://instagram.com/haveawordpodAdam Rowehttps://facebook.com/adamrowecomedianhttps://twitter.com/adamrowecomedyhttps://instagram.com/adamrowecomedianDan Nightingalehttps://facebook.com/danhasapodcasthttps://twitter.com/danhasapodcasthttps://instagram.com/danhasapodcastLuke Kidgellhttps://twitter.com/luke_kidgellhttps://www.instagram.com/lukekidgellADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How are we lads? How's it going? Welcome to this week's episode of Have A Word The Podcast and if you want to see this thing live, we are doing our first ever live podcast shows outside of Liverpool this year. We're coming to Newcastle, Glasgow, Birmingham and Dublin. They're on sale now at haveawordlive.com. On top of that, if you want to see me and Dan do some stand-up, our stand-up tours are on sale right now. You can get Dan's tickets from dannightingale.com. Shows are starting to sell out. And I've got my shows on sale at adamrow.co.uk. I'm going all over the UK, all over Ireland, and there's now some Europe dates added. Shows are going to start selling out very, very soon.

So go and get your tickets right now. I really appreciate it. We cannot wait to see you on the road. And please don't forget, as always, you can become a Patreon of the Have A Word podcast and get access to all sorts of extra content and goodies from just three quid a month at patreon.com slash haveawordpod.

Dan, what are we sort of giving these people if they sign up? Well, there's a reason we're the biggest patron in the UK and one of the biggest in the world. Every Wednesday, we do a patron exclusive where it's me, Adam, Carl, and the lads. It's an hour and a half of absolutely unfiltered Have A Word bullshit. You also get early access to this public episode.

Normals get it on the Monday. The proper lids, the Have A Word patrons can watch it on Saturday morning. You also now have Have A Word Sounds, the new pod with Finn. We've got discounts on merch and the Patreon specials once a month. This is what sets us apart. They are we are going to nashville next week and we're going to film the

entire week while we're over there and in june they're going to go out as our our june specials for patreon we've also got this week's special coming up on friday the 7th of april on friday the 7th of april you've got the chocolate dinosaur special going out why is it called that you'll only know if you sign up mate but there's also a huge back catalogue of April, you've got the Chocolate Dinosaur special going out. Why is it called that? You'll only know if you sign up, mate. But there's also a huge back catalogue of every special we've done so far. Amsterdam was absolutely amazing. The Ghost Hunts 1 and 2, the Restaurant Takeover, the Arena Show, the racetrack where Carl smashed up a car, and the lock-ins. We've got so many lock-ins now with Jamie, Hutchinson, with Ishan.

All of these have a word legends getting pissed up with us in the studio the Paddy's Day lock-in the Cinco de Mayo lock-in the Oktoberfest lock-in they're absolutely legendary it's some of the best content we make you can get it all starting from just three quid a month patreon.com slash have a word pod pause the show go and sign up to that get

the best content on the planet and then come back and watch this episode because guess what it's gonna be good. It's a belter. Wag wag leads. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped.com.

The very best in below the belt men's grooming. Go Ed, get on grooming. Go, Ed. Get on me. Here we go. We're in Nashville right now. Yay. One of us might be dead. Yeah.

What a week to go to Nashville. They're having a fucking insurrection school shooting. What a week. And then we turn up. Yeah, bring the funny stuff. Everyone's like, Everyone calm down. Would you rather? Imagine this. You're six inches inches inside your ma and your dad's bumming you

hey problem man who are these guys yeah do you know what i've never considered one of us might be dead like you never know you know tomorrow's not promised that's what i always say and by the time this goes out like one of us could have been you know offed shot we could have been stabbed could fall ill you could have a 24 hour bug that wipes you out it by a bus different from

falling ill and you've got to think you will on a plane and so not the window guns knives bugs boss boss yeah sorry what was the last one bummed against you will on a plane and

then thrown out the window oh wow like Bane yeah that is a that is what Bane perhaps she's wondering

why someone would bum a man before throwing him out of a plane that's not the time for fear it's time for wet wipes that comes later

no what what's more likely is one of us says something stupid in public in Nashville because that's what we do and it's an open county state and someone just blows one of us says something stupid in public in Nashville because that's what we do and it's an open carry state and someone just blows

one of our heads off but it's not an open shoot someone in the head state you can't just be blowing people's heads off that's still illegal it's more likely if they've got it

in their fucking pocket you know there is a statistic there's a statistic at the back that you are more likely to blow someone's head off if you've got a gun in your pocket

I've done the research I think I'd be more scared than a closed carry state a concealed carry state because then you don't know who's got a gun in Nashville you know who've got a gun in your pocket. I've done the research. I think I'd be more scared than a closed carry state, a concealed carry state, because then you don't know who's got a gun. In Nashville, you know who's got a gun because he's fucking... You know what I mean? Is he? He's wielding it. Come on, kids!

Across the fucking zebra crossing! I'm going to say that after what's just happened in Nashville. Oh, yeah. Oh, dear. Zup, zup, zup, zup, zup! Come on, old people! That's better. In the care home, get in there, or I, zup. Come on, old people. That's better. In the care dome. Get in there and I'll fucking shoot you. Oh God.

I'm American. What am I like? It is sad. I know, not to bring it down. It is sad, isn't it? Yeah, school shootings. The sad thing is

one of the things that might happen in the future. By the time this episode goes out there will probably have been another one. Yeah. That's the sad thing. It never goes, oh my God!

And it goes, oh, I forgot about it. I never really thought about it like that but yeah you're right you're right man it is sad yeah

we're at a point where it'll never change it doesn't matter anymore it'll happen again and everyone go this is awful and then forget and go oh my god

this happened again this is awful there's been like 30 this year so far 130 129 mass shootings in America so far

this year what 120 it's mass like over 3 or something yeah and they're not all in schools some of them are just

at like the shops and yep so we're there right now yeah this episode can't go out before that because we've been stopped at the border

can't wait to be shot in the face for playing boners boners what the fuck did you say, boy? We don't want no Boners around here. Good God. We love America, though, all of us.

I actually do love America. Genuinely, yeah. I love America. Yeah. I pledge allegiance to the flag. I pledge allegiance to the people who work in the airport. Lovely guys. I pledge allegiance to the band of mr schneebly

oh this is not schneeble it's still my favorite bit of that i've watched that for years because i watched it that much yeah he wrote it you know mr schneebly he wrote sculler mike white i was gonna say mark live next door to Jack Black. I went, do you know what? I'm going to write a film for Jack Black. What? Mike White wrote a film for Jack Black? Ned Schneebly. Mike White wrote a film for Jack Black. That's a kid's cartoon.

It doesn't sound. And they lived next door to each other. Yeah. Could have been a great sitcom. Martin Luther King. I'd be made up. I'm white. And he's...

Wasn't Sarah Silver involved in the writing? Surely she was involved. No, she's just an actress. Really? Yeah. Standing in front of an actor. Actor. Asking her to... Remember it, Lance. wasn't Sarah Silver involved in the writing surely she was involved no she's just an actress really yeah standing in front of an actor actor asking her

what was that then remember it lines great film though but no it is sad it's the only musical I like but school shootings are awful school of rock

school of rock I've seen I've seen the musical oh right okay it's in a musical I liked okay it's not a musical is there a musical

oh it's gone is it on Broadway Etta's just got old enough that School of Rock is like she gets it and it's good we've really

gone up we've been able to watch Liar Liar School of Rock it's good because we're getting out of the it has to be Disney

yeah she's no she's not watched Terminator 1 yet and I wanted to make sure she knows you know she's going to be confused

it's a good point who is Sarah Connor did you have like a go to that's what she asked watched Terminator 1 yet and I wanted to make sure she knows, you know, because she's going to be confused. That's a good point. Who is Sarah Connor? Did you have like a go-to? That's what she asked. She's got a weird voice. Ow. My name is Etta Nightingale. What the fuck was that?

It was quite good, yeah. I don't think I've ever tried to do a fucking Arnie before. But you nailed it. And it wasn't that. Whoa. That was quite good. I got before. But you nailed it. And it wasn't that. Whoa. That was quite good. I got worse.

And they got worse. Oh. That one was terrible. Worse. Isn't it mad the way he was the governor of California? That man. That man. What a life.

What a life he's had. There's a bit about him, which is, it's that, isn't it? Yeah. Like, how many lifetimes would the average man need to accomplish everything? Arnold Schwarzenegger has. Wow. Grew up in Austria should have been

loading trucks for the rest of his life. He travels to America becomes an actor despite the fact no one can understand him. Wins Mr. U

first. Yeah. Yeah goes to America where he can't speak the fucking language. Marries a Kennedy. I know somebody who got bought a house

by an old swartanigger so it was a friend that said his family was his living nanny and when they when they broke up with his wife or whatever do you want anything bombed?

no he bought her a house the ugly one he was like oh no we're leaving so we don't need you anymore but like here's a house yeah

we did that with our nanny that does sound like he bummed her. I know he didn't. Shut up, here's an house. Just said sorry. Shut up. Get bummed, get a house. His hand.

Backseat. Give you that house. Come on. Big house there. I love those rich people stories. Probably missed the universe for nothing. Got the whole house. He's got the whole house in.

I'm going to give you a house. And he literally lifts it up and goes, there you go. If I was that rich, I would do shit like that. I'd want to be the person he tells stories about. Yeah, Shaq in Walmart is the one I always go to when he's just like, bang,

I'll pay for your shopping. Mario Balanzelli pays for everyone's Nando's once. It's not as good as a house but that's good yeah do that he's just in nandos in manchester and just went to the till and was like everyone who hasn't bought yeah can i just everyone who's here can i just get everyone's hang on but with nandos yeah you pay for your... Yeah, I think it was the people who just sat down. It was only like five people. We pumped everyone. Guys, the Nando's are on me. We're painting the till,

you fucking knobhead. Well, get a halloumi sticks on me. El Chapo used to go into restaurants and all of his goons would go round to all the people who were there and were like, sit down and shut up.

He's coming in and we'll pay for all your food. So you'd have to sit there and silence. Phil Chapman he's talking about? I don't, I genuinely don't. I don't know El Chapo.

Who is El Chapo? I don't know, Peter. El Chapo, Joaquin Guzman, he's the most wealthy drug lord of all time. He made Escobar look like a little bitch,

money-wise. Right. And Pablo did alright didn't he he escaped from prison twice and now he's in the supermax in Colorado which is the

worst prison in the world oh he's still alive yeah he's in supermax he looks like an absolute punter he is an evil man he doesn't look like

a devil does he is he Mexican he looks like a cuckold he looks like his wife gets piped in front of him lived in Sinaloa Sinaloa. Fucking man. Sinaloa cartel in Mexico.

Yeah. Made a lot of fucking money. Have you ever seen how he broke out of jail the second time? No. Under the toilet and they built a tunnel

with a motorbike to get him out. How do you build a tunnel with a motorbike? You just pick the motorbike up and get Arnold Schwarzenegger to pick the motorbike up and he fucking thinks.

Build a tunnel with a motorbike. That's what you thinks I built a tunnel with a motorbike that's what you said you built a tunnel with a motorbike just someone revving it on the spot you just said the same

sentence again no no no they built a tunnel comma with a motorbike I've got a house comma with a pool

that kind of English so there's a motorbike in the tunnel yeah so they built a tunnel and put a motorbike in the tunnel yeah and it was on a track

so he got in the tunnel it was confusing I mean Pablo Escobar built his own prison I mean that's another way to go in it like you've got to go to jail and you're like

okay well I'll what about here on the top of this hill with basketball courts tennis courts and this big pool wall that was nice

it's a piece of noise that you're saying isn't it it's rebuilt I'm going to prison am I I'm going to be it's built a YMCA membership

can't catch me in there he was a nasty man and he had power mates he used to want everyone was in his pockets everyone fucking learn about El Chapo

right he's only like five foot five oh he's a little man syndrome small man syndrome yeah sad though innit sad

do you know what I always think that like drug lords what do you think that like drug lords what do you always think about drug lords and like gangsters innit like why doesn't

someone just shoot them in the face that's a that's a great point innit do you know what I mean like El Chapo yeah

he's got all his fucking boys innit he's got all the boys like everybody belongs to him like as soon as they shoot him they're dead

but then then he takes over El Chapo's thing well that's that's called a power vacuum isn't it that's what happens when a drug lord dies

lots of deaths happen because everyone wants to rise to power yeah just shoot them in the face it isn't like it isn't like the wrestling heavyweight belt

you don't go ah he shot him hey my crown like I think there would be you know repercussions you become the

interim drug lord yeah until someone else fancies you go but these guys surrounding themselves with their closest didn't they

and that still didn't work but you you couldn't get to these guys they just they pulled strings didn't they

an international drug empire and just used for them to have a weird guest who would be your henchman, your right-hand man, your secretary? Capital. Right.

So what do I want here? I want cunning. I want smart. Thomas Green out. For anyone who thinks that's harsh, Thomas Green is one of my best friends and he is one of the stupidest people I've ever met. Yeah.

I love Thomas and he's so stupid. He rang me once and said, where are you? I said, I'm in the car. And he said, I was Carl with you. And I said, no, I'm on my own. And he said, oh, I've never seen you driving on your own.

Good God, Thomas. He's just a big Labrador, isn't he? So we can pull them out of comedy and their fame and everything, but they work for my cartel. Yeah. The Dan cartel. I'm going to throw it out there.

I think Jimmy Carr would be a fucking smart man to have on your side. Yeah. Successful. He'd be an accountant. He seems pretty cunning, and I think he might be all right with money. Yeah. Really all right.

He's like Lau off The Dark Knight you know Lau is which one? the Asian fella who works for the mob on the telly yeah the telly man right right right I'll get all the money off the banks

I think Jimmy Carr is a man just he strikes me as very intelligent and he's got a bit of cunning about him who's the muscle that you want? Barry Dodds yeah oh Dan I'd love to come to Cartel

but I'm just a bit worried about where to park is there parking at the cartel oh no I've got to record 27 things for my Patreon

in one day every day I don't think Barry's in I love him I always love when you put a big fucking shot

you don't blow your nan's head off I tell you oh yeah he did that forgot he shot my nan's head off and

like people coming to kill you like how we are I'm fucking buried I'm just dead sounding like yeah Dan's over there we are fucking dead

and he's got a cowboy gun because he's a bit fucking out of date quick draw McGraw he's very loyal though I tell you what if! Quick draw McGraw. He's very loyal though. I tell you what, if you want to surround yourself

with people who are loyal, he's one of my, like I trust him with my life. I reckon him and Hal Crutton, there's your muscle. Right. I feel like they'd be quite disarming. Exactly, they'd disarm people

and shoot them with the guns. Yeah, they'd be disarming and then they'd both get swatted. Even behind them you have people who are more intimidating yeah but just stood there

I think to look at Gillis is quite intimidating yeah he's a big man big man yeah but I think he's he seemed quite soft

but I reckon if he just kept quiet he'd be quite scared Shane Gillis has also got a cartel Tash he's already growing that weird little Mexican fucking Tash he just looks a little bit

Mexican. Stano you know he knows the game doesn't he? Oh I think Stano Stano could just be drunk at the back getting high on his own supply. Kane Brown looks hard Oh Kane Brown Kane Brown is a six foot three large man. He is a, he's jacked.

But he's also soft. I'm not giving you me guns. Jack! Have you never seen me before? Take your hands off, put them on your pom-pom and make you look like a petrol station. That's what he'd say.

Went a little bit Barry Dodds. Yeah! Have you never seen me before Lake I got fumes coming off your fucking pom pom like a fucking

Texaco that's lovely and joey I always forget all the guests we've ever had when we try Kai's pretty hard

Kai would be hard oh Kai would be a great hit man yeah he's got a little bit of that blithe fucking growler about him.

I didn't know what I'm, he's got that sort of terrier thing, hasn't he? Where I think you could try and beat him up and he'd be like, nah,

I didn't think so. Yeah. Yeah. Hard man to kill, Kai. I feel like the two fighters we've had on is a bit obvious. Paddy?

And Molly, yeah. Is that a bit obvious? No, I think you can absolutely use them. There's just all round punches and look. I think you have a good squad. Do you know obvious no I think you can absolutely use them there's just all round punches we've got a good squad

do you know what I think you have them working in your gaff as like a maid and a butler so that everyone's just like

oh they're they're knocking them and then they get in they've got past Kane Brown and Barry Dodds which you know good luck and then they get in

and they're like oh that's just a maid and a butler don't have to worry about them I'll let them live they're like, oh, that's just the maid and the butler. Don't have to worry about them. I'll let them live. They're on minimum wage, just here to support their families and get their kids through high school.

Get Paddy the Baddy Doodle. Gee, no. Yes. And then they try and kill you. What? And you go, and they come and just arm bar them. Oh, now you're going for the double clap.

Oh, I'm a double clap, man. Yeah. To a murder. Right, yeah. Strong. I'm a double clap, man. Yeah. To a murder. Right, yeah. Strong. I forgot the UFC fucking fighters that we've had on. What else do you need in a cartel? Do you need actual drug runners?

Yeah, Matthew. Drug runners. Matthew would somehow make the drugs like print in their house or something. Matthew's cutting it with shit. Making it more cost efficient. I could do pills on a 3D printer. We need laundering.

Laundering? Yeah, everyone needs clothes. Go to that actually. Yeah, you need money laundering because you're making 900 million a month, but you know, HMRC. You know, genuinely, when I was a kid, I thought money laundering

meant washing the money to get the fingerprints off. Oh, 100%. Yeah. When you heard money laundering, you just saw a massive tumble dryer with the money going in.

Literally. I thought Doc Cotton was a fucking drug lord for years. It's a good drug lord name. So money laundering, what about, what about someone like Tom Horton? I feel like the aristocracy can get away with fucking anything.

I think Tom Horton is wasted because you get Tom Horton, you get him to bring his half. He's just your head of fucking... The military. Yeah. And also, I don't trust the upper class. I think they'd be like,

of course we can hide your money in something safe, you know? Like property. And then you'll get arrested and they'll have cut ties. It's a classic Tory move. Although Tom Horton's lovely, but you know what I mean. Eddie Brimson? Yeah. He's a geezer.

He's your muscle man, isn't he? Absolutely. No, he's a getaway driver. Yeah. Yeah, he knows some stuff. Cars. Who he is having as your right-hand man? Each other.

Surely. Surely Adam's always having that. I thought it was just guests, but if we're having each other, then fine. Oh, we've got to keep this pretty tight. I think you're the weakest link, mate. Goodbye. Fire.

That's what had happened with the gun. Yeah. Yeah, we're a drug cartel, where it's me, Carl, and Dan at the top. Like, we're a drug cartel where it's me, Carl and Dan at the top. Like we're very rare in that we're a conglomerate. We're brothers. A consortium. We're a consortium that's over top.

It's very rare. We're like the Palacios brothers of the drug lord world. Oh yeah, Wilson. Yeah. Hunter Orans. Yeah. Again, I don't know. You seem to know a lot about drug lords considering how much of their products I've probably...

There's a new programme on called Netflix and you can just watch all the drug lord stuff. I like't know you seem to know a lot about drug lords considering how much of their products I've probably there's a new program on called Netflix and you can just watch all the drug lord stuff I like to teach you I thought you said Netflix was a program there's a new program on

it's called Netflix it's called stupid on purpose because obviously you already know Netflix exists so by exasperating how stupid it is

that you wouldn't know what Netflix is and calling it a program it adds to the joke and gives the viewer at home an extra laugh. Pull back and reveal. I think the comedy lies. Yeah, the explanation was worthwhile.

And now before bed, I like to learn things. And Drug Lords was one of them. That's why I read before bed. True. Yeah. What? You said it's a true, yeah?

Of course it is. And I'll be four better. What's that hungry caterpillar going to eat next? Fucking hell, you must be fucking full. you said it's a true yeah and I'll be four what's that hungry caterpillar going to eat next that's the question fucking hell you must be fucking full that many plums it's the best time to learn your brain's the most active

right yeah well drug lord I don't know where we're moving but you can't be in town can you you need a complex that's

fact a god complex mate the heath different time the heath different time the heath in runcorn yeah it's not bad

actually would be great it's got labs a big gate you know no one's ever there to open it so that's good

no one's getting in it's got labs in there it's got a cafe oh god alright lads

are you doing the old junk cartel is it good yeah I'm in cheese toasty these lads are doing the drug cartel

we should all go back in and act like we've not changed and just see what they do because you'd miss it for like three days and go where have you been if we go back now

we'll be like oh yeah I loved them they were lovely oh they were lovely yeah do you know how much I hated the food in there right now

but like sitting here right now I'd fucking love a little yeah it's nostalgia a little something from there

do you know what I mean yeah a little something a terrible chips but like soaking in vinegar and salt and it became sort of alright yeah

god bless you Roncon sort of don't really miss you but there's occasions when I go oh the parking was good Barry Dodds

but I loved it the parking was great parking was excellent for guests have loved it. The parking was great. The parking was excellent for guests and for us. I'll tell you what I watched last night with Etta because she's getting a bit older and she's like, we watched... Bad Boys 2. Race Across.

Race Across Canada has just started on the BBC where they give like five pairings. Like there's a dad and a daughter there's another dad and daughter a couple and they give them like five thousand dollars and they've got to get from vancouver on to vancouver island there's like a really remote spot for the first thing and they've got to get all the way across to newfoundland newfoundland yeah in like the setting of the musical welcome to the

we probably understand the bad half of what we say they say no man's an island but an island makes a man especially when one comes from one like newfoundland so that's where they've got to end up mate i would i honestly watched it obviously the budget's a bit fucking rank but i would love this is starting next week. I don't know what you think about this. It's called Naked Alone and Racing to Get Home.

So it sounds like that. Oh my God. The BBC have gone here's $5,000. You lot just try and get across try and get across Canada. Let's see what happens.

Right. And then Channel 4 have gone right cool. What if we do it with our dicks out? That's exactly what it is. Yeah. Book two flights across Canada

less than five grand, to keep the money and go on. Five grand's too much, isn't it? Yeah. You haven't got cards. You're not allowed bank cards. You've just got cash. You literally get given $5,000 cash

and you've got to hit certain checkpoints at certain times. And the first one was on an island north of Vancouver Vancouver Island and there's only one ferry across from it a week like

so yeah you can't just be like I'm just gonna fly I think this is we've we've saw some music there for a while but this is a future

Patreon special isn't it yeah a travel thing cannonball run it's called but I think the checkpoints thing is a good idea so if we start

in like Aberdeen and you've got to get to like the cliffs of Dover or something but you've got like we'll do like there's the checkpoints thing is a good idea so if we start in like Aberdeen and you've got to get to the Cliffs of Dover or something but you've got like we'll do like there's 10 checkpoints you've got to hit 5 of them and if you don't you lose points if you don't you're just incomplete

so I think what you're meant to do is if there's like 3 pairings to get to the checkpoint first is 10 points, to get to the checkpoint second is 5 points and then if you last it's two points so if you've got five checkpoints you all start off from the checkpoint at the same time or whatever but like it that's the there's like individual races within so it's

not just one long two weeks that's how they're doing it i could see that so it'd take a bit of a conversation and thought wouldn't it but i do think like maybe towards the middle of next year next summer I think this is a good shout couple of days you and me probably

it's going to be these two isn't it yeah we're going to win yeah I think it's me and Carl I think it's you two and then should we get but we've all got a couple of them as well

and should we get two guests as the yes but we get four guests so cabaret moment as well and should we get two guests as as the yes but we get four guests so we get like so two more pairs Sloss and Kai Sloss and Kai

would be great Sloss and Kai Jamie and if Jamie's doing it it's probably Tony in it because they want to do it together from their podcast but

you could argue the mild high could be one yeah but there's there's definitely pairs out there that we can ask to do this

isn't there a sweary, all the sweary towns in the UK? There's a list of, of like innuendo towns. Like you've all got to get to Cockermouth by this time.

Like Bitch Slot. Is that one of them? Which county is that in? Lancashire. Is it? Oh yeah, Bitch Slot, Lancashire. Yeah, I know it. I think I went, yeah.

Went to school there, didn't you? No, I met a girl from there. I, Yeah, there's a, I'd love to just be oh yeah bitch slut Lancashire yeah I know it I think I went yeah went to school there didn't you no I met a girl from her I yeah there's a I'd love to just be the children that did race across the UK

cock a mouth that's what it is there you go so bitch field bitch field Lancashire cocks in Cornwall

we've got to end so where's we've got to get to Shitterton. I'm telling you right now. Sure. What's the most southerly one? That Cornwall one was pretty...

Cornwall's pretty southern, isn't it? Bitchfield's in Lincolnshire. Yeah, that's what I meant before. Bitchfield. Cockermouth is in the Lake District. Just Cox is in Cornwall so so we end up so we end up where's lower swell near cheltenham yeah we need one uh up north don't we near scratch in the highlands there right i'm telling you right now and how much is the budget if we've

got a 14 pounds and what is it, like... No, because you could go to a restaurant and go, I'll wash the dishes for 20 quid. Yeah, I think you might be starting too low at 14 quid, though. If you're doing, like, a week-long challenge, you've got to... I actually think it should be £100 per person and a car with a full tank, and that's it. Oh, there's no cars.

There's no cars involved. It's a caribou board, You've got to make your way there. You get £1,000 and you've got to get down there. It's an absolute pisser. With £1,000, it'd be easy. We both get flights. Right, you're not allowed to get flights.

Got to hit checkpoints, Kyle. Yeah, we just get people. The body doubles. Cool. There you go. £1,000 to get to whatever it is. Piss flap in Aberdeenshire down to Cox.

And you can't do you can't do planes I mean what fucking what plane goes from piss flaps to Cox anyone the Gooch Gooch Airlines

no it's about this would be great because there'd be so many little stories that's another Nashville element like when we go to Nashville and we're going to film

the whole week and release it as like it's not going to be one patron special I don't remember whether we've revealed that and we're going to film the whole week and release it as like, it's not going to be one Patreon special. I don't know whether we've revealed that yet. It's going to be like two, three or four.

Three. Like, what? In one month. Yeah. The Nashville special on Patreon is going to go out weekly like episodes. I think this would be

another one of them. Yeah. Yeah, if we did it for a week, it'd be fucking hilarious. Yeah. Paired with a cameraman, It'd be fucking hilarious. Yeah. Paired with a cameraman, it'd be fucking unbelievable. Right, yeah.

Have you ever seen Hunted? Yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah, it's great. That would be so good. I'd love to do the Celebrity Hunted. I think I'd win it. I think if it's you and me as a team, we're in an absolute state.

Just going off what happened on Tuesday at the chocolate dinosaur special. Yeah, but if we didn't have any chocolate dinosaurs, I think we'd be quite... Well, then I'm not having you as your partner, as my partner. What's the point of being partners with you if you don't bring the fucking chocolate dinosaurs?

Come on, mate. I thought you valued our... I know, but you've got a fucking stego... You've got a stego hookup. You're not going to beat me. I can assure you, if I've had chocolate dinosaurs, it's not about winning.

It's about the journey. We'll be in Lanarkshire off our tits the smokies yeah it won't even be funny can't wait to see you fucking arguing I don't think you understand

we'll get married we only argue when you're here you're the problem I think we should do that and on the way you've got like you've got like tasks as well

as well as getting places right it's a big budget big arse edit of a special innit yeah and we're famously good at planning stuff

and we've got Will now yeah Willy Pants Will and Matthew have really sort of started to put their foot down on the planning of things and Steve

and Steve and Steve yeah Matthew was like have you got the line up booked for the London Have A Wear show and I was like yes

and he goes could I know who they are and when they're going on and I was like no so give us a suggestion I'd like to start

in and around Scotland if we can have a rude place name that's in Scotland and we'll get down to Cox in Cornwall give us a shout out where Cockermouth has to be on that Bitchfield in Lincolnshire is also an option

give us a shout let us know have a word poll at gmail.com can you buy a car with your money yeah you can do whatever

you want with your money I don't think you can buy a car because you're just going to buy a car and then just drive do you know what I mean but then how are you

getting the petrol if they've run out of money from buying a car and insurance because Finn they're going to cheat you can do whatever you want with the money you've got

you can suck people's money yeah he's going to cheat they'll be there they'll be in cocks quicker than you know it give us that car I haven't got any money for you

but two tickets to the Hathaway show do you know what a golden ticket is we would absolutely sorry is there a show in Cockermouth?

There fucking will be if you give me your Vauxhall Astra. It's all about ingenuity and we're the most ingenuous in here. Yep, and I've always said that. You're getting smoked, mate. The great race. You're going to have to go into hiding for months.

How embarrassed we are going to make you. I don't need to go in hiding if we're lost. High as fucking Dunblane um let's have a break yeah dan's wearing a cock ring aren't you yeah i'm wearing the love honey it's from the wee vibe in it it's called the remote i've got control of it of it. We're moving into the homoerotic area of podcasting. Why is it homoerotic? I'm thinking about ladies. Yeah, but a man is controlling your cock right now.

You know what I mean? That's true. Like you might come, and if you come, a man's made you come. Not only a man, your business partner. He's got lovely hair though, hasn't he? Yeah. Like a lady's. Yeah. I'd love for you to come

live on air yeah Carl will use it as and when he pleases and if Dan makes a noise that's what it'll be so far there's been little buzzes

where it's connecting and I don't think it's gonna you know blow my tits off your cock's too small for it to be effective right now i'm gonna say this i'm not i'm not hung low i'm not you know gifted and that was a bit of a squeeze i think i've got quite a pudgy mons pubis yeah it's around his balls as well it's around his balls i just do a bit of both behind the balls behind the dick handballs i love got me around his balls. I'll just do a bit of both. Behind the balls. Behind the dick hand balls. I love getting my balls tickled.

I'll just lend you this. I'd rather just get a new one. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think that's why I said it. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, layers. Got some nicknames.

Keep these coming in. I've sifted through these. These are my favourite ones. These, in my opinion, are funny. And, you know, there was some that, you know, you wasted your time by getting in touch but that's okay

there you go thought we would have been supportive of the prep Kieran says I've got a belted of a nickname for you my dad has a

made up work and he has half an ear missing his nickname is 18 months because he's got an ear and a half that's good

that's good that's good fair dues Kieran can I alright was that a good that's good fair dues Kieran can I alright was that a good one it was alright it's a start

I've got a mate called Sledge because every time we go out he gets pulled by dogs that's from Jeff I'll give you that Jeff

you get a ding if they're decent yeah yeah Daniel says a lad I know we call him Shampoo because he's got no neck

so he's only got head and shoulders. These are good this week. They are. And they feel nice. Nathan says, we've got a mate that we're called Fat Al

and he had a heart attack so we now call him Fatal. That's two dings because it's quality. Cam says I went to school with a girl called Paige but she was fat as fuck so we called her

Buch you nasty bastard let's have an Buch girl Ewan says hi lads a girl in our year called Brianna ding-dong. Let's have an embuch, girl. Yeah, embuch. Oh. Ewan says, hi lads, a girl in our year called Brianna

and we all called her hot dog because her house went on fire and her dog died. Oh my God. That's evil. Did you just put it

on stronger then? Oh, sorry Brianna. She sounds fit, doesn't she? Brianna's fit? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Felix says,

this is a double whammy. I had a girl on a ski season with a fucking round head, so I gave her the nickname Moonface. Is that it? Is that it? No.

One night, one of the barmen shagged her up the arse and he got the nickname Pink Floyd because he'd been to the dark side of the moon there you go

Jay Kavana says we've got a mate called Land Rover because he's had four kids by four different women he's a four by four wag wag lids once worked

this is from Steve once worked with a bloke called Martin Martin had a tremor and he constantly shaked we called him Martini because he was shaken and not stirred

these are good aren't they yeah Harvey said about eight years ago we had a lad at our school whose girlfriend kept mining crypto on her PC

we called him Adam Johnson because he shags miners does it work oh you broke the bell work with a lad We called him Adam Johnson because he shags miners. Does it work? Oh, you broke the bell. Work with the lad who's a proper clean freak and a bit of a goth, so we called him OCDC.

All right, Carl. Can you do that one again? I just got a bit of a dick rumble. Work with the lad who's a proper clean freak and a bit of a goth, so we called him OCDC. Oh, nice, nice, nice.

Sorry, I just... And finally, it's not necessarily the best one, but I really like it. A lad at my work, I think has the best nickname there could ever be. His name's Dave, and he's got a tick

that makes him put both of his hands in the air, so we call him Mexican Dave. You okay? What? What? What button have you just found? What button have you just found? Has it stopped? Oh my days.

Has it stopped? No. I don't know how to make it stop. Has it stopped? Carl, you've got it on full. Has it stopped? Oh my God, it's nice. Has it stopped?

No. I don't know I don't know if we can stop have you been doing it loads yeah well it's been now it's on

oh right has it gone off no it won't go off now it's buzzing oh okay thanks for that

have a word pod at gmail.com if you've got more. No, it's got vibe. It's on vibro. Oh, Jesus. Okay. I don't know what that last one was.

Mexican Dave. Yeah. Underrated, overrated. You're going to have to do him I can't turn it off absolutely not has it gone off

no nope John Hanna says underrated or overrated the Marvel movie franchise

overrated well it's good in here and I haven't seen enough of it to pass a proper comment but the fact that people like dedicate their whole lives to Marvel you know it's good in here. And I haven't seen enough of it to pass a proper comment. But the fact that people dedicate their whole lives to Marvel,

you know. It's got a bit much recently. Oversaturation. It has just recently got a bit much. Yeah. So what was Endgame? Because everyone jizzed about Endgame. Endgame was the end of Phase 3, kind of.

They had one more film after that. Yeah. And then Phase 4 and the start of Phase 5 haven't been very good, in my opinion. Phase? what do you mean phase so there's like different phases that tell that tell a kind of self-contained story all lead into one big avengers film yeah so they don't do one two three four five like fast and the furious it's like a big spider web of films that all culminate in the middle so a spider-man film but also a doctor strange film link but they're different films okay cool i think it's fair to say i've not been following it so if i say overrated it's not but was endgame particularly

good endgame was the culmination of about 10 years of films so it was the biggest stakes and it's that should i think that should have been the end of I do think it's slightly overrated but I do sort of like whenever I talk about like Marvel films

I always go back to the memory I've got of that fella in Brighton who thought I was going to Comic Con because it was a Scouse fella old Scouse fella

sat at a bar in Brighton when the match was on and he heard my accent and was like what are you down here for I was like I'm a comic I'm on a comedian

and he went oh fucking I was like what are you down here for I was like I'm a comic I'm on a comedian and he went oh fucking I hate that shit fucking load of adults dressed as superheroes and that's fucking pathetic and I was like no mate I'm a comedian

I'm performing a comedian and he was like alright alright alright but he was sat there in a fucking Everton top like and couldn't see the irony of what he was doing.

Do you know what I mean? And then also told me he was in a Take That tribute band, which made it even funnier. I tried to write a bit about it, but it doesn't work on stage. But he's a man who's like, yeah, I'm Gary Barlow in a Take That tribute band. Like, you're not Gary Barlow, are you?

Stupid being fucking Spider-Man. I'm Gary Barlow and Tommy Gavison. He had Gavison. He had Gavison. He had Gavison and he did and that's how he did. Good shit. He was a good player

for Everton, wasn't he? I think he maybe found his level. Real Madrid's Hall of Fame as well. Found their most decorated players ever. Yeah.

What? He pushed Zidane off the team. Be silly. You're being silly. He did play for Real Madrid. I know. I know. I're being silly. No. He didn't play for Real Madrid. I know. I'm proud of him.

I don't know. He didn't. Cambiasso left. McAlealy was better. Oh, it was Cambiasso. Who replaced McAlealy? Cambiasso. All right.

And then it was... All right. Okay. He can't be in the Hall of Fame. No. He's in the hallway. Cambiasso's also our scouse lad. Say the Cambiasso.

Cambiasso. By the way, Dan, I have no control over this cock ring anymore well great because it's turned off how does it start at the end of the nicknames

that was about to get biblical no either way they've just mentioned them John Hanna says fast and furious franchise underrated overrated

they're shit aren't they yeah they started good they didn't no like no they didn't what's happened is

Paul Walker's died and everyone's gone oh they were great when he was in them he's one of the worst actors of all time it's sad that he's dead it's sad that he's dead

but they're terrible films that are easy to watch exactly so easy to watch is a good thing isn't it you're watching it for some masterpiece

are you but they're they're shit films I like them I would love to do that to a car I really would Max Power was a big thing

in the when I was growing up Max Power magazine when they just took like a a Ford Escort and painted it bright fucking orange

and dropped it so it literally couldn't get over a pencil in the road oh just a UV lights like Pimp My Ride.

Some slag in the front. Oh, it'd be great. What? What was the last one? I don't know. Horrible language, that. Ned Schneebly. Yeah, do you not fancy it, though?

No, is there no boy racer in you? Well, kind of. But my car's like that, but it's at least a nice way of doing it. No, your car is not like that. Your car is a very very fucking nice car that Audi went

we'll make this faster and nice to be max power you've got to take a like a sensible car oh no and then just soup it up

you've got to have a microwave in the boost aren't you yeah yeah you've got to get you've got to get Tim Westwood or Exhibit

down to put a fucking go and pip your ride you know what I mean Tim Westwood got to put a spinnerwood or Exhibit down to put a fucking go and pip your ride blag you know what I mean Tim Westwood got a pot of fire spinning rims on your wheels yeah

you've got a little Vauxhall van in it but what about a potting green on the back front potting green on the roof on the roof of the van

in it you're driving and he's practising his fucking show game while it's moving nah that's stupid bro but yeah possibly

we put an ear nose And throat wing In the passenger seat man You know It's gonna be a bit of a cue Why about we put a swimming pool In the back seat Swimming pool in the back seat

Put a Halfords In the front You know Open the boot there's Anandos in your boot oh what's this oh shit

Tesco Metro and Anandos in your boot final one the Harry Potter franchise just be careful John

be careful these are children of the Potter and I am an adult that should have known better but didn't so is he.

I hold drugs. Doc, just be careful with this. I think overrated. I know that you don't. Oh, wait, this is shite as well. That's fine, mate. You're entitled to your opinion. Oh, wait, this is shite. Take the remote from my cock ring

and get it out of your hand. You don't deserve it. It's properly rated. Oh, fine, if it's working again, because I'm missing it. It probably is a bit overrated. No, it's properly rated. Do you know why it's working again because I'm missing it it probably is a bit overrated no it's properly rated do you know why it's overrated

why because it's a really good film and it like a film franchise it's really good really great story

and you know it will it will live on for a very long time but like the fact that people are fucking so mental for it that there's Harry Potter shops in every major city on the planet.

It's just a bit much, isn't it? Because they were there to shop. It came at the exact right time for you, isn't it? That's why it's so mental. I love it. And I like the fact that there's Harry Potter shops. It probably is a bit fucking mental, though. That there's that.

Where is it? Harry Potter shops everywhere. I mean, I was in York in March, in the start of the month. And obviously in the shambles where it looks like Diagon Alley then you can see why there is a Harry Potter shop

because it's to an American there's one now in Leicester Square in London there's the one in King's Cross Station in London there's one in New York

that everywhere when put a date on it when's it getting when's the new franchise starting because I can assure you Warner Brothers are going to redo it

and everyone your age and my age is going to go oh it's a fucking discase it will get redone with their kids

two decades two decades away still love do you think so this universe still exists there's still films coming out like fantastic

like these these kids are now fucking early 30s that were in harry potter how old's daniel radcliffe when they do the new one they will move it so far away from jk rowland as well like there'll be like loads of trans actors and it'll be like a full flip because like jk rowland's been sort of vilified criticized in recent years because of her attitude towards uh transgender people and the arguments around their rights and bathrooms

and shit like that the franchise and Warner Brothers will want it to be as far removed from being tied to her as possible even though she wrote it

I think she's the most removed artist from her art ever or that removal will be fine and then she will make bank there's people who are

obsessed with Harry Potter who despise shaking around she's the most removed artist from her art ever. I'd say there's, I'd say Kevin Spacey might be worse.

No way. There's people that have done worse things. No, I'm not saying what she's done was bad. I'm saying she's the most vilified. No one's obsessed with a Kevin Spacey film

and also hates Kevin Spacey. That's what he's saying. What, Michael Jackson? Yeah, he hates Kevin Spacey, yeah. No one's obsessed with Michael Jackson music and doesn't like Michael Jackson. No. People who are obsessed with Michael Jackson

think he was innocent. But as people can dress up as Harry Potter and go, I hate J.K. Rowling. Yeah. She's the most removed. But not financially. Because if they do another franchise, she'll make another half billion, won't she? Yeah, she's a billionaire. But people will pretend that that's not true. I if they do another franchise, she'll make another half billion, won't she?

Yeah, she's a billionaire. But people will pretend that that's not true. I mean, they can pretend, but she's doing fine. I think it's 10 years away. No, I think it... I'm just telling you... No, 10 years away from another first Philosopher's Stone. He's probably right.

I'm telling you, there's too much money on the table for it to be like, no, no, no, no. Like, they'll go. And the justification will be the CGI has come on so much. We can take this whole world to another level. And we'll all watch it going, nah, it's not as fun. Would you rather it was remakes

or like new stories in that universe? New stories. I'd rather it be remakes. I don't think they're going to tell better stories. Because I was a massive Star Wars fan. So when that happened in 2015, when The Force Awakens came out, that film, I absolutely loved it.

And then the two films after it kind of, I was like, I wish they hadn't made it now. That is one thing to counter my argument. Although it comes down to George Lucas. If George Lucas has said, no, we're not making... He sold Lucasfilm for 4 billion. So he just didn't... He offered some story ideas and they just threw them out

and they went, no, we're doing our own thing. Right. But they haven't remade chapter four, five and six, have they? No, they won't remake them, I don't think. Also, maybe that's the argument that Harry Potter won't be remade, but I don't know. I just feel like that's going to be one that people go fucking ballistic about and will happen.

I will be one of them people going, this is a load of shite. They'll make the play, won't they, at some point? Wasn't there a play that was a sequel? Yeah, they'll make that as a film I think I think the universe exists too currently to

move on The Cursed Child is still a play Fantastic Beasts is still a thing Money Talks what year was the last film the last one in the

Fantastic Beasts no no 2012 was it 2011 what was it 2013 I was in school when I went to watch it

the half the half no the Deathly Hallows part 2 yeah the last film but I say you've had offshoots from that so I don't think

the universe is dead enough for them to 2011 to reboot it so it's already 12 years since the last film 22 years

since the last film yeah but the universe is still growing but that's the same that's roughly the same distance as star wars was star wars finished in 2005 and then started again in 2015. yeah but did it have a universal of films that still existed yes clone wars and all the all the other

stuff around that as well so it's probably it's coming around isn't it i hope not i really really hope not but what if it's loads better now? It couldn't be loads better. But by the time it comes round, you'll have kids. My guess is you might have a kid. And that kid will be six, seven years old. And he won't give a fuck that you were seven years old when it came.

Like, I think there'll be a justification. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong. I'm not saying that there's a good deal with you. I'm just saying I'd be fucking gutted. I think it's a little bit further away than you think. I think it's too current still ten years is a long time are we still doing

underrated Dominic says underrated overrated seen steam come off your piss in a cold pub toilet I mean

Dominic it's not rated in any way by anyone because I think you might be the first person to ever ask for a judgment on how good is it when steam comes off your piss yeah yeah it's sick it's boss like but who's ever wants to rate it well you just raised it as boss i fucking hate a cold pub toilet's fucking horrible fucking horrible, isn't it? A pub piss is the best piss, though. I know exactly the piss he means.

It's relatively warm, but then they've just not heated the toilets outside and all of a sudden you're like, oh, Lord. That is my favourite way. Is it? What pub are you going to without door toilets? There's loads of pubs. I'm not talking in town.

I'm talking pubs that you go round the back to the toilets and it's on the back of the building and they've just not heated the toilet. Cold pub toilets are a thing, aren't they? Yeah. But the first piss on a night out or drinking session. Did you think I meant like back in the old days when the toilet was outside?

You said there's loads of pubs where the toilet's outside. No, I meant the building where the toilet is in. I just meant you have to, that's why it's cold. If you have the choice of a cubicle or urinal, there's no one in there. What are you going, which one are you going for, for a piss? I always go cubicle now, just because I'm sick of occasionally being,

having a piss and someone going, oh my God. Like your videos, lads. I'm like, I've got me dick in me arm, mate. Can you fuck off? I'm in Tesco. It's happened a couple of times. I thought you were going to say sick of people going, oh my God, look at the size of that

that's fucking impressive mate I did have a a listener of ours look at me decking a urinal and go eh yeah well

not as big as I thought it was going to be but yeah fair enough it's almost like we've been doing a comedy podcast what the fuck I'd have pissed on him I was done

I'd be so gutted if someone said oh yeah oh it is fucking small unlucky damn look at the steam off that underrated um

Capple Pow ladies and gents what what a stupid name but a nice guy Capple Pow Pow Pow Capple Pow Pow Pow overrated

underrated overrated Capple Pow's name. Underrated. It's fucking great. Capo, pow. I'd love to be Rock A Santa Cruz.

Second, Capo, pow. Underrated, overrated. Rick and Morty. Never seen it. No, it's rated, isn't it? I think it's pretty rated, but it's not watched by everyone. Isn't it ruined now?

I think you could argue it's underrated. Isn't it ruined now no Rick and Morty fans are not respecting that cancellation The Office United

US and UK I've never seen it both underrated UK Office is the best British sitcom ever made

but isn't it rated properly in and around that because it's held up as one of the best maybe they are both well The Office US is my favourite TV show I think The Office US

is underrated by British people because they're like nah it's ours is better but they did seven fucking series I will watch The Office US one day

and I will love it I know that I watched the first like three or four episodes last year and it's great like I just never and the first series

is the worst one the first series is a copy of the UK the first pilot is word for word isn't it and it went down like I just never and the first series is the worst one the first series is a copy of the UK yeah the first pilot is word for word isn't it yeah and it went down

like a sack of shit yeah there's a joke in I think it's like episode one or two where he's like equality tomorrow because today

is almost over and I couldn't stop laughing diversity day that episode is what an episode yeah it's so funny

drops drops off and Steve Prowley season 5 starts dropping off but to be fair if you get into the office the American office because it's American

they're like cool we like this we'll make 20 episodes a season so if you get into it it's not like there are I think

13 episodes of the UK office aren't there or is it 14 it's like literally that's 6-6 in a special or two. The US office is a lot to get into. Friends is the next one that Capital Power offers up.

I think it's underrated now because I think people sneer at it. They're like, oh, it's a shit sitcom. It's on every hour of every day on Comedy Central UK, 20 years after it finished because people just, it's so rewatchable it's so easy watching yeah i think people sneered at it and that makes it underrated i think that's also what's good about the u.s office is that it's not specific to a time like you can see the time

of the clothes and stuff like that but it's such generic scenarios and stuff that it's kind of timeless whereas something like it's incredible new stuff like space force but it's such generic scenarios and stuff that it's kind of timeless. Whereas something like- The writing's incredible. New stuff like Space Force that's such a direct hit at Trump just isn't going to age well. So you've got to kind of get something that's timeless.

Oh my God, the simplicity of Friends. Sometimes you could say it's probably, it's oversimplified. It's like life doesn't happen like that. Fine. Space Force is a great example of you're like it's like an idea and way too much budget and it just it's the simplicity of that we've got one flat there one flat there and a cafe and then then six mates could it be remade would it ever be remade if we're talking about controversial remakes i don't think so

no remade or like the same cast doing a special? No, no, I mean, 10 years down the line they go. They won't do it at all. No. They just want you to have to change. That special last year was the nearest you're going to get, isn't it?

Where they're having an interview? Yeah. And they're all nearly dead. Yeah. Chandler's nearly dead. And the great thing about Friends is they stopped it. They let it die.

Yeah. Because the Simpsons writing for the first 10 years was some of the best writing you'll ever see. And then they they stopped it they let it die yeah because the simpsons writing for the first 10 years was the best some of the best writing you'll ever see and then they just sold it and fox went we want to keep making it and the writers left and it was horrific but matt groan matt groaning's point on that is that it's so many people's livelihoods that the fans have still got that first 10 series and that now it's just people making money and people have it in the background. It's not the most acclaimed. Oh, you could argue that

for any sort of commercial sellout though, couldn't you? Oh, listen, I know artistically, everyone wanted me to stop doing it, but this is people's livelihoods. Like they're all working for the Simpsons. I agree with that as a thing though. You don't have to watch the new stuff. They're not ruining

the old stuff people still are watching it people aren't and it just exists I think if Friends was still going with the argument that you know it's their

livelihoods and it had gone shite yeah but like I would still go I just enjoyed the first 10 cities finally

the royal family overrated I'm glad she's dead oh god I thought you were going to say the royal there's an A on the end the royal oh the TV show Royal family. Oh, overrated. I'm glad she's dead. Oh God, I thought you were going to say the real one. There's an A on the end of the real. Oh, TV show.

That was dodgy, wasn't it? Yeah, Carolina. Poor old Carolina. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. A queen. No, no, no. I was saying a queen joke. Okay, so I think maybe

a lot of people thought that. Hi, Paul's going, this is going to be a bit. And he was like, no no, I was in a queen joke. Oh, okay. So I think maybe a lot of people thought that. I paused going, this is going to be a bit. And he was like, no, I fucking hate Carolina. Carolina Hay is a national treasure.

And always will be. And I told the story about the year she died. And they were like, Dan, you just need to, we're going to close the curtain. We'll play the clip of where, you know,

she's crying on the, on the bathroom floor. And then you can go and do the TV warm-up just straight after. It's one of the best scenes ever when she's given birth. But the BBC were like, I don't know what to do here. Do you want a ham sandwich?

What we'll do is, we'll just close the curtains on the video. Wait, no, she goes, can you have some wafer thin ham? Cheryl, the royal family is fucking incredible and is timeless yeah it was unbelievable wasn't it

yeah some of the best writing ever especially British it always rounds boys for me there was there was not

I don't think there was a weak spot in that cast as well no like that was David or Dave was he Dave

yeah baby David he was so good it's made Ralph like Ralph Little started there didn't he yeah oh yeah and it's made Ralph like Ralph Little started there didn't he yeah oh yeah

and it's made a lot of those British like comedian actors started there how's Ricky Tomlinson doing I feel bad for picking him

in my death for a while have you not no Joe he's my mum's cousin oh he he cannot be

he is how small is Liverpool? He's everyone's subway cousin. It's the biggest city in... What the fuck? Is he really? Yeah.

He's not, is he? I don't know, but I'm not surprised. He is my mum's cousin. Where's his club? Can we do it? It's short. It's short, isn't it? Oh.

Up to now. I've never seen it open. Next to Sugar and Lamb. Yeah. Not Sugar and Lamb. It's on Jukers. It's literally a to Sugar and Lamb. Yeah. Not Sugar and Lamb. It's on Jukesies. It's literally a 500 walk. Yeah.

It looks weird. But he's a national treasure and he still does stuff now on telly. And also, it was fucking great to hear Northern voices in a sitcom that was that popular.

And I'm not trying to make it regional, but it was so good to be like, oh, this is fucking our stupid life. It was great. So real. What a job for your tea. Was it set in Manchester? oh this is fucking our stupid life and they taught like it was great so real what a job for your tea was it set in Manchester

it was it's set in the north west because everyone was a mank apart from Ricky Tomlinson so in my head they never talked about

where exactly it was but they were manks weren't they and he worked he was from Liverpool and worked in Manchester one of the best theme tunes of all time

one believable Oasis theme tune as well Oasis was that a B-side it was a B-side but that's what's the album that's all their B-sides

is it B-side Masterplan fuck me that's an album it is yeah Royal Family is probably underrated because you couldn't overrate it

it's incredible it's one of the first sitcoms I grew up with I'm so glad you were doing a Queen joke I was like what the fuck? Let's have a break.

Dinner time. Welcome back to part three of this week's Half a Word podcast. My name is Adam Rowe. I am host. My co-host, Daniel, sat right here. Hi. We've got Carl and Finn on the decks over there.

And this week's guest is the wonderful Luke Kiggy. Luke Kiggy, ladies and gentlemen. Good girl. Good job. Thank you very much. Luke Kiggy is here, ladies and gentlemen. All the way from middle class, wise Australia. Thank you. Happy to be here. Thanks for coming. I appreciate it. How are you liking the UK? I love it. It's great. It's a bit cold. Not going to lie. Is that every Australian's crap? Yeah love it. It's great. It's a bit cold. Not going to lie. Is that every Australian's crap? Yeah.

Yeah. But you've come from winter. No, you've come from summer back there. Yeah. End of the summer. End of the summer. Yeah. Our start of spring is probably not as nice. Came from like 25 degrees and sunny too.

Came from the best day the UK has ever had. Yeah. It snowed in Edinburgh like three weeks ago when we were there yeah what's cold in Australia though like ice cubes this

this is the coldest it gets like 12 oh like it can get to like 7 7 when you can put the fucking heating on over here at 7 that's considered a fact in Australia not a joke

me stating a temperature here crushes like yeah and in a like down south melbourne that'll be colder than like up north and yeah what is it not durban because it's closer we're known for the bad weather in melbourne is it durban up north i don't know what's the northern what's the northern city Darwin Darwin that's it Darwin

so that's like warmer even it's like humid and warm like 40 degrees it's terrible where do you gig where's your main

where's your circuit that you I do everywhere yeah I'm going yeah have you got a home club though

like when you go to try your new stuff in Melbourne at the comics lounge yes I do want to go yeah have you got a home club though like when you go to try your new stuff in Melbourne at the comics lounge yes I do want to go to Melbourne I think Melbourne's going to be the end of my tour

I'm going to pop out to Australia do a couple of shows it sounds fucking great yeah but then when someone goes oh great you want to do a gig in Australia

we've got this gig in Perth obviously it's just a fucking flight but when you're an up and coming comic do you ever go listen let's just share petrol and try and get this done no because you have to you'd have to drive across the nullable which is like one of the most dangerous stretches of road in the world because if you break down like there's nothing else but they there's this golf course

it's called the longest golf course in the world and there's a hole for like every three hours it's i think it's to encourage truck drivers to pull over. It's not working. And like, it's just in the middle of the desert and you can like play golf. And we wanted to do it on a podcast. It was like a joke. Like, cause it'd be so funny. Like if you sprayed a shot, you have three hours to think about it.

Like if you got a double bogey, you have to sit on that for three hours until the next hole. The Nalibor. Yeah. It's like, it's just in the desert. I've never been, obviously no one's ever been. How do you make golf balls off sand?

Surely that's really difficult. I think it's like, tea's not even going to stand up. This is a failed business. I think it's like fake grass and then desert and then a fake grass green. I reckon. Just a massive bunker. The fairway is just massive bunker. Yeah.

The fairway is just a bunker. Yeah. Just sand. How long have you been in the UK now? About three and a half weeks. And this is your first time over here? Yeah. And your tour is just fucking blitzing it.

You've got tour promoters telling you you're fucking stupid, you're not going to sell. And then you're selling six shows in venues where promoters who've run the game for years name and no names and they've got

egg on their faces yes it's going well yeah why do I love that story I love stories like that now I love it I love it that the old guard

are having to go really so you can get comedy on this really and he's never he's never done have I got news for you but he's on this mad that he's never he's never done have I got news for you

but he's on this mad that innit six shows what do you think your version's gonna be when you're older like the world's moving all the AI and stuff

it'd be like a little chip that you put in your head and you can watch any comedy especially ever and people are just like what nah I reckon you'll be able to absorb the entire hour

in 20 seconds yeah like in your brain oh so you just know it you just know maybe that will be the future like oh yeah oh yeah i thought that was great like this guy's good and then when they see you live they're gonna be like god tick you know hurry up you know tick tock like like that dude on the i don't know what african country it was when he was like i'm the fastest reader in the world oh my god yeah okay you are the fastest reader he was like that's great that was great special just i just watched it fucking brilliant where's been your favorite uh show so far

scotland was very good i love scott glasgow is the one in it glasgow was great glee it's a good club and it was a good crowd it bangs bangs. Edinburgh was good as well. Edinburgh's not as good as Glasgow, no. I mean, to me, they all just sound like Shrek. So I have no preference over the two. It's both Scotland. Do you want working class Shrek or middle class Shrek? Yeah, well, I realize it's not.

It just sounds like they all sound like to me like an American doing a Scottish accent as an ogre. I forget how sorts of, how many accents there are on this island. Do you know what I mean?

Like, it's very small. Like, as far as I'm concerned, everyone in Australia is the same. Yeah. But I forget that from Australia people must think

very similar about the accents over here yeah not till I came here did I actually oh we we know that

like North and South have different accents but not until I got here did I realise it was like Liverpool has a different accent to Leeds like that's weird

so different what do you think about but it's like an hour away I don't get even how that accent difference is 20 minutes away 15 minutes away oh and they love trying to guess as well you can like walk and then for 20 minutes and then someone's like sounds completely oh everyone knows where adam's from but i'm from like a smaller town within lancashire and and it's so because i don't go on about it loads so if you've never, it's so funny having people guess

and they're close, but these towns are, I'm not even joking, eight miles apart and they get close, really specific. It's a fucking 20 minute drive and it sounds different.

Is it because in the old days, no one ever used to leave their village. So then everyone used to just speak like each other. Yeah, that's what it'll be dialect maps this is my wheelhouse there's dialect maps there's so many all over the country it's because of different invasions even within Liverpool

as a city there's different accents in different suburbs of the city people just wouldn't leave their suburb essentially yeah and also people play up to it like where Carl's moved we spoke about this before on this but like where Carl's moved we spoke about this before on this like where Carl's moved in Liverpool South Liverpool

it's a lot slower they talk a lot slower from the dockers and they wear boots they wear coats they wear lovely hats and they take the dog for a walk

around Sefton Park honestly if I spend time there and every cunt isn't in coats and boots I'm going to be

really annoyed so I moved from where I lived in the north where me and Adam grew up to the south which is a 10 minute drive

with no traffic 20 if it's bad and it sounds that different they're very like they're going out on Sunday we're going for a

lovely Sunday roast dinner in the lodge on Lough Lane my friend he runs it it's been in his family for decades really

nice guy they just sound like they have no personality they all sound like they've had a head injury don't they yeah don't come to the care homes

sounds like they're buffering Thomas do you ever watch Thomas the Tank Engine yeah Ringo Starr that's what that accent is so you could

get an Aussie you get someone from Adelaide, Perth, Melbourne. Could you pick it out? Could you hear it? People from Adelaide say dance and advance. Like advance Australia Fair. And nothing else.

They're all stupid. Yeah. And everything else, they say the same. I'm amazed how today going dance, advance, dance, dance, dance. In a Lithuanian accent. I've done some dance on the dance. Dance. Do you say dance, advance? I i say dance like that's very australian like dance dance what do they say dance it's very formal british like i think it's because you know someone like on the where i'm

from like that's where like every like my great great great great great grandfather father like stole a bit of bread and that's why I'm there. Yeah. But like they, I think got colonized later by like actual proper English people, like maybe upper class English people. So they have a bit of upper class vibe. Oh my God, they're Australian Tories.

That's amazing. Yeah. Do they live in the South? Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Melbourne, yeah, yeah. Melbourne, pretty like, not up and coming,

but I see Melbourne as like a very... Melbourne? A very modern sort of, quite cool. Yeah. Can it be a little bit up itself? It's like the trendy, up itself,

wanky city of Australia. Up and Melbourne. Liam, can you judge his Melbourne accent, please? Go on. I mean, you've heard his Ad you judge his Melbourne accent, please? Go on. I mean, you've heard his Adelaide. You're the answer in the Indians.

Adelaide was spot on. Hello, I'm Adam from Melbourne. Hello, I'm Adam from Melbourne. Oh my God. Why is it? You sound like someone

on like Real Housewives of Melbourne. Why is it easier to do it a little bit? See? But I was right though, innit? Yeah, but you sound

like you're 65 and a woman. It's 2023. He can be whatever he wants to be. Hello, I'm from Melbourne. What a brilliant thing. Adam Rose identifying

as a 65 year old Australian woman. Hello, I'm Adam Rose. That was good. Oh, thanks, bye.

That's really enjoyable. Yeah, that's what I was trying to do. See that? You'd be like, hello. She spends a bit of time in London with Ray Winston. Hello, hello.

I'm from Melbourne. She a bit slow as well. Hey, Miss Ray Winston. Hello. It's open as well. No, it's not Ray Winston. It's a woman who's spent time with Ray Winston from Australia. That's why you're not understanding it,

because you've never met her, but I have, and you look stupid. Stop being stupid. Someone's so daft. So fucking daft. Never a thought of moving over here when you're, obviously you're fucking nailing it anyway, but when I was getting going in comedy in the 1830s, there was a lot of comics.

We got like a load of really good comics just came over like I met Mickey D back in the day and Steve Hughes there was a load there was a always good really good international comics

we got a lot of Canadians and a lot of Aussies is that just less of a thing? I mean there's a I guess there's a bit more of a scene probably than what was happening at the time I am not

gonna probably move here permanently but after this trip I'm gonna spend a lot more time here because just like we don't have this like i walked in here and i was like oh you guys have a pool table in your podcast studio i'm like you know australian comedy money is like not the same because we have like half the amount of people no sorry australia has 28 million people there's 20 million people in london yeah isn't there yeah so like massive big even if you're the biggest podcast in australia you're hitting a quarter of the amount of people that you are listen i've from experience strike

while the iron's hot and get in there first because it gets the ball rolling yeah it really does you want to be first to market on this shit. It really helps. Yeah, like we have microphones, but we don't have a table tennis table. You know? That's how we're going in Australia. Can I just say,

since we've put both out, it looks like a flex, doesn't it? Yeah. It's like, which parlor game do you want to play? Exactly. I wanted to flex. That's why I did it.

And if you don't want to play table tennis or billiards, you can just play the big buck flex that's why and if you don't want to play uh table tennis or billiards uh you can just play the big buck hunter that's off in the corner which no one ever ever has apart from me yeah you have the high score on the 570 pounds as well for the fifa tournament i didn't even see that yeah we hide it we also have a puppy just wandering around to play with yeah you do there's a house dog here what the hell it's the most british thing i've ever seen like oh yeah and that's just wallace and i'm like what wallace is just like the landlord or something it is easy to forget how cool this place is now that we're in here and

every time we have a guest and he comes in and goes fuck we go oh yeah that's quite cool yeah it's nice and part of the reason we spent so much money is because Jimmy Carl, one of the biggest acts over here, who you will know very well, got to our last studio and went, what the fuck is this? And literally the second Jimmy Carl left,

that man, we're moving to Liverpool. And get Finn to immediately look on Rightmove, like now, and find a commercial property that we can move into. He just has to be roasted by one of the greats. If someone that you don't respect said it, you'd be like, nah, we'll stay here for four more years. The thing is, because there was nothing else,

it's, purpose-built podcast studios are new to the UK. So people were turning up initially and going, this, like our friends from the say it here, this is fucking amazing what you've done here. And then someone who's used to TV studios saying the whole thing, what?

And we were like yeah it's not good enough we need to Yeah if Chappelle comes in and goes this isn't very nice it's going to cost us so much fucking money I'm scared of that day

Yeah so we come here you know got a neon sign that was a 45 million pound got some fairy lights they don't come cheap especially with the electricity You'd smash it in Melbourne though if you got this going,

wouldn't you? It's a massive scene. We had like a pretty big podcast, but we didn't pay for the studio. We got someone who was richer than us to pay for it. Smart. All right. And what we offered them in return was friendship.

And is there anything more valuable? I don't think so. Yeah. Usually rich people think a stake in the company, but I like how you they tried and we went uh no and they were like that's fine you guys have a bit of a laugh that's essentially what happened with my old agent yeah they went oh you're podcasting well we think we should sign it and take you know 15 more you know we'll promote the podcast same way

we do you and i went no but thank you and they went yeah that's fair enough anyway cool he's got a podcast sugar daddy that sounds fucking great but we did yeah that every Australia is like 10 years behind the rest of the world in all this stuff like all our podcasts the biggest ones run through either spotify like originals or like they're just at radio stations they record them at radio stations because it's the only thing keeping radio alive in australia it's dead i used to do radio for a few years as well and it just i was like i would go on stage and be like who here listens to radio like one person's like and then you're like oh yeah like like when are we on and they're like no just the

podcast i just catch up like no one's's listening. Oh, commercial radio is, is sinking in it. Radio used to be really big in Australia, didn't it? Like for comics. Oh yeah. Comics used to be like, if I get a radio job,

I'm done with this fucking. But no, some of them still think that will happen for them. And then they get on it. And then they're like, why am I doing 30 people a night? Cause it's just going, it's Titanic.

But they're fucking cello players oh cool that's what that was yeah small guys so that really bummed out the mood there me just like telling a really earnest truth about the sad state of it i'm all for commercial radio that's what i wanted to do i did work experience there and i was like this is kind of what i want to do i want to sit in the mic when you did work experience yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a new thing, the wireless. And I just, even then at 16, 17, I was like, this looks so shit. Just going 97.4. Just repeatedly saying the fucking frequency of the station.

And then I just look so shit. That was just one guy's job. People don't know that about radio stations. They get one guy in to say the number that you have to tune it to. And that's all he does all day. 97.4. And then he goes back to sleep I don't listen to the radio Ever

Ever ever ever I listen to talk sports If something's happened But if not I'll just put my music On or a podcast Yeah I never

If I get in my car And the radio comes on I get like annoyed At my car I stop and tell my phone Where the fuck Have you not connected To my fucking phone

Yeah Yeah Yeah I've been told What to listen to I understand why Com what to listen to. Yeah. I understand why comedians want to be in it. Cause I don't want to have those people at my show.

If you can't figure out your iPhone, you're probably not going to understand like 80% of what I have to say. Like, I don't, I don't want like those, like if they like just cause those people just accept things like too easily. Yeah. They're like an hour in the car and they're like,

whatever. Ariana Grande. Sure. I don't even like her. Like it's wild too easily yeah they're like an hour in the car and they're like whatever ariana grande sure don't even like her like it's wild to me people who just listen to it like it's such a wild thing to do in the modern era where like it back in the day back in the foot and deer when uh you used to like put the radio on and you'd like um you didn't have the option of every song that's ever existed in your phone you had had, like, three CDs that you're probably bored of. Your other option was the radio. Now, you can choose whatever song you want at any moment of any day. Or you can let fucking John from the N4 to just decide he likes some fucking shit song.

And he gets to play it. Yeah. Why is anyone... Yeah, back in the day, you basically had Radio 1 which was like for younger people Radio 2 which was like for the middle aged and then Radio 3

was for posh people who were fucking idiots and then commercial radio just did a shit version of Radio 1 I always thought it was like newer songs

it's like you had two or three options that's all you really had apart from your three fucking shit CDs. Same with the telly, innit? You just have to,

oh, there's not an on, you have to just watch something. Yeah, people did just watch it. There's not another one to watch on, so I'll put this on and look, and you have to watch it. There are rare times when I'm at home and I'll just, and this literally happens maybe less than

once every two months where I'm like, I'll just see what's on. And it just feels so weird going, oh, I'll go to a channel and see what they've put on. It's just such an alien thing now. I watched your TV because I just wanted to see what it was after a gig.

Not your TV. I was outside your window. I was in Leeds and I watched a show called Police Interceptors, which is like your, it's just like your cop show, right? And it was wild. Like our, like you guys have crime here.

So it's an actually entertaining show. Like our one's like someone like steals a Mars bar from a convenience store and they're like, oh, we'll let you off with a warning, but don't do it again. You know, like, cause nothing happens in Australia. It's an old crime. I mean, there is, but like, it's not not we don't put it on tv oh yeah like i'll tell you what one has got through that we we get on british tv an australian border control tv show oh yeah border security is a big show yeah it's just people from china trying to bring in like 13 live eels in a suitcase and that's the entire show it's like

always seafood that they're trying to sell in the black market it's it's it's one of my favorite things to watch when i'm hungover and i just can't be asked for anything else because it's always someone from like east asia pretending they don't know any of the girls it's like some poor little Taiwanese woman just going oh no i i i didn't know there was, you know, a full car in my suitcase. I had no idea. How did this lobster on ice get in here? I love it. Did you pack your own bag?

She's like, oh, that's the head of a tiger. That's not allowed. That is actually, if you see the signs, there's no target hit. Oh, I love it. Are you as mad as, are you? Are you, is Australian Border Control as mad about fruit as, because I went to gig in New Zealand and holy shit, you could have smuggled fuck loads of cocaine.

They didn't seem bothered. But if you tried to take in a bunch of bananas, it looked like you'd be shot dead. I've been done in auckland before right i had the dog sit next to my bag and i started freaking out and the guy was like excuse me sir he goes what is in your big pick and i was like i had to open it in front of everyone and the dog was like sitting there not moving it's like woofing at my bag and i was like oh my god like i've been like oh we have this like a person in Australia called Chappelle Corby, right?

I don't know if you heard this. She got done for like drug smuggling with like a boogie board in Bali, spent like 10 years in prison, right? They don't love drugs there. And I was like, oh my God, I'm being like Chappelle Corby, right? Like this is unbelievable. Then like they just pulled out the thing and the guy's like, oh, is that an orange?

And I was like, oh yeah. And he's like, mate, you cannot be doing that. The dog loves oranges. He's like not here. And I'm like, oh yeah. And he's like, mate, you cannot be doing that. The dog loves oranges. He's like, not here. And I'm like, I just wanted, sorry, I wanted vitamin C and good skin. I'll go fuck myself.

It's not an exaggeration when you get to Auckland just before the security, there are massive signs and you'd be mistaken for thinking this is just a massive green grosses. They've just got pictures of fruit with big fucking crosses through them.

They're so mental just in case one little bug is on the fruit and it just kills the fucking ecology is that the right word the Simpsons episode

when he releases the bullfrog right yeah when Bart and the kangaroo picks it up it's so fucking weird you know you say there's no not like

it's not like I'm hosting the police shows in Australia it's quite weird that you say that, because I know a girl whose father becomes sort of estranged. Like, just, they had family politics going on, and father went away.

Didn't know where he'd gone. And then she came home from school one day, and her mum was like, sit down, I've got something to show you. And she'd recorded an episode of an Australian police show, and her dad was the cop. Oh, I thought you about said dad was getting arrested. No, no, no. Her dad was the star of the show.

Yeah. In Australia. Yeah, right. What I love about yours is they're clearly just like dads that have found themselves as like a constable on a show or something. And like they make them real tough. Like they do the little like, you know, like the video game kind of like intro.

Like they get them to stand there and like, you know, and like, and there's like the info comes up, like their stats. It's like, this is Michael. But there's one thing at the end that like ruins how tough they are. It's always like, you know, this is Constable Michael. He's been in the force for 37 years. He's made 187 arrests. And then it's like favorite movie, Hairspray. And you're like, what?

And it's like, favorite movie, Hairspray. And you're like, what? How's this guy going to be like arresting people if he's bumping John Travolta on the way? I often get tagged in an Australian police video as well. Oh my God. Get it all. He'll know the video. Just be seeing the waiting for a mate video.

Just waiting for a mate. The Australian guy. It's Adam's long face. Yeah. Oh, constantly. That's where I knew you from. Is this, did you think you were doing it?

That's fucking you. Oh, Carl, pull out a picture from Adam about 10 years ago. Yeah, it's not me now. And you can all fuck off. It's when you're younger. Oh, when I'm younger,

when I used to wear blue t-shirts on stage. You fucking gigged in a t-shirt similar to that. I swear to God I've seen something similar. I haven't been tagged in this for maybe about four or five years.

It's been the last week. It's like resurfaced. Yeah. This was like one of the most viral things that's ever happened out of Australia. Do you know,

just after my like first few uh videos went viral on the internet which gave us like a little bit of a platform i was i was uh seeing a girl at one point and we were in pop world together club in liverpool and uh occasionally people would come up like when i was on nights out i've seen so many videos can i get a picture so this girl comes up to me and goes can i get get a picture with you? And I went, you know, I'm on a date. I was like, of course. Absolutely no problem whatsoever. I was like, so what video are you seeing?

She goes, oh, just that one where you look like the guy in the car in Australia. You look like someone in a video she likes. Yeah. Like the way you waited for your mate was just so cool. I really liked it. You were just doing it you're a really fuckable meme i've always thought that speaking of your tv i found out this at one of the shows

you guys have porn on public tv babe station not porn but with the tits how to do this ronaldinho that's why it's ronaldinho fans with big tits it's basically it's crazy it's a stripper switchboard that's essentially what's happening she's like hello do you want the post office alright two seconds it's just a switchboard

hello it's Nick Schmugly this is blowing my mind yeah is that an Australian thing no not at all switchboard hello it's this is blowing my mind yeah and it's not an australian thing do you not have no and not at all oh no you might see like boobs as a 13 year old in an sbs like foreign film at 1am but it's not boobs you'd want to see if you're on bbc one which is the standard channel, and you press down. Like five times. Five, ten times, you're seeing tits. Twelve.

This is such a foreign concept to me. Yeah. Back in the day, back in the day, midnight. Oh, what a time that was. When the adult channel just gave you ten minutes of free view. Oh, and then it scrambled it at ten past midnight. Did it, yeah? Yeah, that was, it was basically wank against the clock. just gave you 10 minutes of free view. Oh, and then it scrambled it at 10 past midnight. Did it, yeah?

Yeah, that was, it was basically wank against the clock. It was so great. From a sex Saturday. I remember that, yeah. Oh, yeah. Imagine being like right on the edge and it goes to scramble, but you just like get off on the pixels.

You're like, nah, I can finish. Oh, of course. I've just a white noise load. Just like that. Did you know that everyone in the country was wanking at the same time as you then? I don't know. It's good to be a part noise load. Just noise. Did you know that everyone in the country was wanking at the same time as you then? I don't know. It's good to be a partisan.

As a horny 13-year-old, you're not seeing the bigger picture. You're not like, oh God, this is a real moment. It's me and a load of... Tennis for small then. Yeah. I thought someone told me

and I was clearly lied to that I found out it was supposed to get banned. Someone told me porn I was clearly lied to that I found out it was supposed to get banned someone told me porn was banned here in certain regions which is not true Lancashire

oh it is in Lancashire what part of the country is that like about 30-40 miles it's where I dance from you can't get porn even on the internet

oh so it is you're definitely not allowed to film it it sounds fucking awful where are you from no where are you from you can't you can't film porn in Blackburn yeah even VPNs don't work You're definitely not allowed to film it there. It sounds fucking awful. Where are you from? No, where are you from? You can't. You can't film porn in Blackburn.

Yeah, even VPNs don't work. It's mad. Do you bring rules and warranty? Do you bring them, like, my internet? Because it's got a child thing on it. That's not true, by the way. Just so you don't wander out at a gig this weekend and go, fucking porn.

What are you doing? That's what I wanted. No, see, I thought it was because like everyone keeps telling me that it is but apparently your government

wanted to ban it and that's what I heard oh they wanted to ban like fisting face sitting suffocation I swear to god for a whole week

and I will storm the capital you want to see me mobilise mate never mind train strikes I'll fucking bounce there on my erection

they're not fucking telling me what Tories are not telling me what I can wank to the most extreme stuff like fisting in the arsehole I think they have banned fisting

I think that I think there's no new fisting being made now yeah so that's it there's you can still watch the classics can't you yeah

the same way you can still watch football before the offside rule there's still videos of it but like now there's the offside rule like fisting is videos of it. Yeah. But like, now there's the offside rule. Like, Fiston is now offside.

Why is Fiston the bad one? What? Because you can ruin someone's internal organs by punching their fucking liver's head in. Yep. And that's what David Cameron says. No, that was Priti Patel.

And she did the research on it. My internet's got a child block on it. Because it's, I don't know the login. So I have to use a VPN. Yeah. Just turn it off. Yeah, I had that with Sky because I don't know the login so I have to use a VPN. Yeah, I had that with Sky. I don't know the login. What?

I had that with Sky internet. I had to ring to take the child block off. Yeah, and then you know the fella knows. I once did it at my old house and said it was for gambling and I'm sure he chuckled. No, you're basically ringing the I can't crack one outline.

Yeah. Hello. This is child lock uh and you're ringing at fucking 10 past 11 like yeah it's not that's not a great phone call no but i'm good to know i was walking around for a week when i got here being like god the british are so sexually repressed like i'm looking at guys like in the street like you never wanked wild there's a lot of prudes here but then you know you've got people like Carl just deviant who are just normal

and you've got people like me we do our own fisting we do our own fisting what's the top of Aussies porn list Pornhub gives a thing doesn't it a geographical thing

isn't ours like what's ours amateur is it yeah is it lesbian dwarfs it's amateurs and lesbian dwarfs with shit haircuts

so in 2019 Australia Pornhub did Australia so Japanese was in was in second place lesbian dwarfs with shit haircuts so in 2019 Australia Pornhub did Australia so Japanese was in second place maybe like a taste of

you know exotic yeah stuff a little bit north I don't know why you'd want Japanese that's like the worst

Asian porn like I watch a bit of Asian porn Japanese porn they blur the face yeah they blur the cock out the cock I thought they blur faces they blur faces they blur the actual nudity and pussy yeah you see everything apart from the face yeah they blur the cock out oh the cock I thought they blur faces they blur the

actual nudity and pussy yeah you see everything apart from the face the cock and the pussy you're like

god look at that thigh like I don't get it like why would that be the one you want to watch lesbian was the most popular in

Australia oh you like lesbians lesbians and then of course it's 2023 then Japanese

amateur milf and threesome will you accept the fucking cookies it's not working I'm sorry so if you get a Japanese amateur lesbian I was thinkingreesome. Will you accept the fucking cookies? It's not working. So if you get a Japanese amateur lesbian...

I was thinking that wasn't game enough to say. It's not working. A Japanese amateur lesbian would be fucking heavy in Australia by the sounds of it. A MILF as well. A MILF, yeah.

Japanese amateur lesbian. I'm trying to smuggle tiger heads that would be a next level. Amateur comma lesbian or amateur lesbian? Both. Actually, she's new to the scene.

New to the scene. Just keeping that status as you can do in the Olympics. They'll let anything in now, the Olympics. I'm an amateur lesbian. Yeah, ours was amateur, I think. I think that's mostly you

because you love amateur stuff, yeah. I just want to see no production. I just want the reality. You know? Yeah. The carpet that needs a hoover. Bar. I just want the reality. You know? Yeah. The carpet that needs a hoover. Bargain hunt on the TV. It's a kid's TV show now.

The carpet that needs a hoover. Sounds like a kid's book. Is that one of your TV shows as a kid? Hello kids. Welcome to the carpet that needs a hoover. Guess what we're doing this week? Not fucking hoovering this carpet. We what we're doing this week? Not fucking Uber in this carpet. We're trying to get this fucking franchised.

Why won't the carpet get Ubered? Because mum's getting gang banged. But no one will pay her. She's an amateur. How much a lesbian? Which means she's getting the most views. Yeah. Good on her.

No, I like a good production value volume in me uh and i'm and that's becoming more and more the case i used to dabble in the amateur stuff you know once a week i'd have a little look and see how the how the up-and-comers are getting on all right red hot raw and now yeah i just want lights camera action you know it's kind of like what going to an open mic on purpose yeah instead of just going to like a comedy club yeah yeah it's real open mics are exciting don't they talk loads and how much you know what well they just like talk to each other loads who amateurs like i thought you meant comedy i was like they do do it like the high production you know like in an amateur one do you ever get like a big name drop in trying new stuff? Like Sigur Ril drop in to like the store's open mic and try his new bit.

Do you ever get that with Paul where like fucking Lisa Dan just turns up and she's like I want a little fucking go with shit lighting. Fuck my pussy. No it's just it's just in a three bed semi

and it's badly lit and slightly depressing. We've met someone who's fucked Lisa Dan. Yeah. Have we? We have. He told us the story in London.

Yeah. Who was it? Oh yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. That's a great story as well. So she was really good. Yeah. A friend of mine dated Riley Reid.

Really? She's very attractive. She's about to die. Who's she? Who? Who's he? I mean, what? But he didn't refer to her.

He's like, oh, my, he's like, oh, Ashley. Like he doesn't refer to her as riley reid obviously it was weird i was like oh cool and then it took me like a week to realize that it was the same person i think you should be slightly intimidated by if you met a girl you were like you'd never seen any of the vids and she was like oh yeah i'm a fucking eight year veteran of the porn scene do you think you could roll with it and be like cool everyone's got a past as long as they're not out the game I think I could live with it everyone's got a past you know

everyone's fucked haven't they if they haven't if anything I'd be less interested alright cool porn star over a virgin yeah I mean there's a

probably a sweet spot in the middle there totally totally are you a porn star or a virgin is it me preference I'm totally totally are you a porn star are you gonna ask me is it me preference I'm like

I'm like oh I need a porn star who's out the game you ask me would I roll with it I would roll with it if I'd fell in love I'd

you know I think it would be a lot when you're a year or two into the relationship and you just sat down to your dinner in a restaurant and there's a queue

for selfies because she was an absolute fucking baller back in the day yeah that would be weird that's what I couldn't live with if her queue for selfies was she was an absolute fucking baller back in the day. Yeah, that would be weird. That's what I couldn't live with. If her queue for selfies was longer than my queue, that would be the problem.

Your kids would be able to watch that film. So just your ego is the only thing in the way. 100%. Okay. And I'd need to be reassured that I've got the best dick. Not the biggest, but the best. Nicest looking, you know?

Every time someone sort of recognised you, you'd be like, yeah, it's because you've watched some fucking porn that she did. There'd be a guy like, it'd be awful, wouldn't it? And of recognised you, you'd be like, yeah, it's because you've watched some fucking porn that she did. There'd be a guy like, it'd be awful, wouldn't it? And then they'd like, see you and be like,

you're just waiting for a mate guy. Just waiting for her. This is my mate. My best friend. Parents even. No, like I've jerked off over both of you.

This teacher's like, hey, you seem familiar. No, I don't think I'd be as I don't know I don't think I could handle it as long as the game

I could live with it I just couldn't let my wife go off and get bored while I'm watching Cousin Yard pretty chilled out about that sort of stuff

I don't think I could do it no which is like a bit I feel like that's pathetic it is but you know what

at least you've admitted it which is less pathetic yeah I'm self aware that I'm a fucking dweeb that's pathetic. It is, but you know what? At least you've admitted it, which is less pathetic. Yeah. I'm self-aware that I'm a fucking dweeb. That's awesome. That doesn't help. I think the ego thing's right, though. Yeah, I think it's the ego thing.

I just don't think I could have all my mates go, yeah, I've seen her asshole. It's on them to not say that. It's that simple. I don't know how else to put it it's kind of a fundamental if I was dating a porn star and my best friend

said to me oh she seems lovely her lad really nice girl up for a laugh just so you know I've seen her arsehole I'd be upset with him

not her because just don't tell me yeah yes yeah I can say like oh I love your birds new tits

or like they're better than they used to be or an arsehole looks nicer now yeah like I could update you and you knew

an arsehole looks nicer now she's seen could update you and you knew an arsehole looks nicer now she's seen it today she's seen it again oh she out the game she's out the game I'd say I hope it's better now than what it was

I don't know if I could go out with anyone like have a serious relationship with someone that was like a megastar I just think not

I don't know like just being like say you were seeing like a Lady Gaga level of famous. I think that would do my fucking edit. When she was like,

obviously I'm playing, you know. Are you you? In his own hypothetical? Probably. You couldn't date Lady Gaga. No, I was Brock Lesnar. Sorry, I should have prefaced it better.

If I was Brock Lesnar, I don't think I could have seen Lady Gaga. What do you think about that? It's more likely, isn't it? You couldn't take Lady Gaga. You also said a Lady Gaga, like you're talking about a footballer. You know, your Lady Gaga's of the world,

your Paul Schoen. You need some kind of a Lady Gaga there. You know, just to put her next to that midfielder. Playing behind. Your Barcelona's, your Real Madrid's. Playing behind a Beyonce. Your Paris Saint-Germain's. Lady Gaga playing behind your Barcelona your Real Madrid your Juventus your Paris Saint-Germain

no I think I'd be too too much ego the Lady Gaga to this world could you not no because I'd be like right who's watching the kids

because I've got I've got I'm doing 20 at the Frog tonight I reckon Lady Gaga has got 90 have you wooed her have I wooed her have you woo reckon Lady Gaga's got 90 money, mate. Have you wooed her?

Have I wooed her? Have you wooed Lady Gaga, if you're still you? Sorry. Sorry, that was harsh, buddy. I saw this. I was looking after kids. I was like, fuck off, I'm going to Hollywood. I bring my cock ring, let's party.

I think you could woo Lady Gaga. I reckon she's quite an open-minded person. I reckon she goes for personality, so you're fine. Oh, nice. Very good. I reckon she goes for personality, so you're fine. Oh, nice. Very good. I think she'd be... She seems lovely. I just... I can't...

I'm already against the schedule. Imagine dating, like, Beyonce. Yeah, happy family. Really? Yeah. Yeah, mate, I get recognised two or three times every time I go to Nando's in Ellesmere Port.

She's fucking really fucking slow up me getting my halloumi starter if Beyonce's there across the table. I think Beyonce get recognised less round here though because people will be like can't be fucking Beyonce they just think

it's someone who looks like her it's believable that he's a Nando if Beyonce was in Elsmereport who would get recognised more in Nando's that looks like Beyonce

but I'll just stay here and do nothing I mean there is three SUVs outside and a load of security guards well it's probably just coincidence. Well, there's Dan Nightingale.

All right, love. You look a bit like Beyonce. Take a picture of me and Dan. Like, oh my God, it's Queen D. What are you doing to woo Beyonce as Dan Nightingale? She's married, man. I could never do that.

Jay-Z's liked her. He's dating Paul Scholes now. Are they actually breaking up? No, I mean, it's hypothetical. Yeah, I think I've got her off for a pretty simple life, haven't I? You know what? New York seems mad.

Sorgel, a little bit of a change of pace. Yeah, we've got her hairdressers and the pharmacists. Forget the concrete jungle, love. This is the plasterboard village. Got a park, a village hall, and Linda's tea room.

It gets pretty crazy. You can do your new stuff at the CCC. Got Beyonce clothes. Sing it out. I couldn't date a megastar either because you wouldn't see them. Yeah.

That's the thing. I don't see how you can be that big and have a relationship. That's the thing. I just, I haven't... I don't see how you can be that big and have a relationship. That's why Kanye and Kim didn't work. I don't think that's the only reason why Kanye and Kim didn't work. He's one of the catalysts. Also,

he's mad as fuck, isn't he? Yeah, but he's also... Did you see his Instagram post today? Yeah. Oh my God. Have you seen it? Have you seen it? No.

Oh my God, right. So he says he likes the Jews again now because he watched 21 Jump Street and really loved Jonah Hill's performance oh my god well done Jonah Hill

it's his only post if only Jonah was around during the Holocaust Hitler would have been like dude he's great I know he's cool Mein Führer Mein Führer where do you see super watching Jonah Hill in

21 Jump Street made me like Jewish people again no one should take anger against one or two individuals and transform that into hatred towards millions of innocent people no Christian can

be labeled anti-Semite knowing Jesus is a Jew I will translate that for you Adidas can I please have my money back 21 Jump Street is a good film I will translate that for you. Adidas, can I please have my money back? 21 Jump Street is a good film. To be fair,

if any film is going to make you like Jewish people again, it's that. 21 Jump Street. If only Hitler had that. You know what I mean? I just don't see

how you can have a relationship if you're both that famous. They never sat on the couch together. Ever. Do you reckon they ever sat and watched the telly? Yeah. When?

Yeah. When though? Just when they had the night off. Yeah, but they're all over the world. No, I feel like Kanye would put on a video of himself. Yeah, probably, yeah. Like that seems like the energy. It's a shame because for years,

Kim was trying to get him to watch 21 Jump Street and he was like, no, it looks shite. And now he's on his own. He's finally put it on. Would have saved him a whole lot of cash. Yeah, I just don't see her getting a megastars dollar actually a fun life. Because they're too busy.

I think I could live with it. I think I'm built for Hollywood. Has he heard what we just said? Yeah, no, I think I'll be great. I'll be famous. No, I'm built for Hollywood. I could be the guy in Hollywood who's got a more famous partner.

All right. Me and Margot Robbie are meant to be. Fact. Margot Robbie married someone that just worked on a film that she worked on, like her second AD. And now they're married. So tell me not to dream.

I dare you. Damn. Who have you got? Who have you got on call? Don't even laugh at Margot. She's sound, isn't she? Yeah, she seems like a proper lovely woman. Yeah.

That's going to give guys everywhere hope. Huh? That's going to give every guy hope seems like a proper lovely woman yeah that's gonna give guys everywhere hope huh that's gonna give every guy hope yeah it does yeah yeah you can be second assistant

you can still you've got this yeah I bet he's really attractive though and he's got a really big dick that's true

alright well never mind it's not like she's gone for some absolute maggot dick mink and gone she wouldn't know as you've said on stage you wouldn't know

biggest dick isn't he's alright it's not it's not the telly's going off oh is it some absolute maggot dick Ming and go on and go on and fuck you. She wouldn't know as you've said on stage. You wouldn't know how big his dick is until you take his pants off. It's not. It's not. The telly's going off. That was it. We're trying to see his dick. He's a good looking man.

I mean, she's a wonderful woman. Yeah. Maybe she just sees him as safe. Usually they like gravitate towards tech billionaires.

Sorry, Luke, go on. Usually they do tech billionaires. Sorry, date. Well, and do Both Oh yeah they go for

Usually like hot actresses Go for like If they don't want to go For like another hot actor Like Tunk dude They'll go 180 And just go for like The guy that invented

Snapchat Or something like that Like that seems like The obvious decision He's gorgeous Is he gorgeous Yeah It's his flaws

That make him perfect He's not going to the pub And cheating on Margot Robbie make him perfect he's not going to the pub and cheating on Margot Robbie is he no he's not going to the pub oh he's a good looking lad no he is

he's got his mates he goes for the drink no he's a handsome guy but she's another level right yeah she's like super woman I'm throwing it out there Margot Robbie looks like

a lot of birds you'll see in Liverpool on a Saturday night out she's very attractive but there's lots of attractive birds she's very talented and famous she's not the most beautiful woman there's lots of attractive birds. She's very talented and famous.

She's not the most beautiful woman that's ever lived. It's because she's famous. There are very attractive women going out in Liverpool. No, don't look at me. No, no, no. As an Australian,

I have to disagree with you here. She's your national animal. She is. Yeah, she should be on the coat of arms. She's a special woman. Her and Hugh Jackman should be. Girls don't look like that anywhere. What? No girls look like that. There's loads national animal. She is. Yeah, she should be on the coat of arms. She's a special woman. Her and Hugh Jackman should be. Girls that look like that in anywhere?

What? No girls look like that? There's loads, Carl. She's not. She's a blonde girl that's attractive. She's very attractive. You're coming up

with some weird things recently. That Maya Jan is a seven one. She's very attractive. It's not like unbridled beauty, is it? Look at this guy. Gets recognised in Nando's once. No longer finds Margot Robbie.

I'm trying to neg Margot Robbie. I know she's a five pound patron, but she's not going to show up. Hey Margot, you're welcome down Ellesmere Port. She's in the Estia. Just near Cheshire Oaks. She's in the Estia.

She's unattainable. Obviously not because you got in, but. No, she's not. She looks like her farts taste like cherry drops. Yeah. Nice. It's a taste of that. Oh, tastes like cherry drops. Yeah. Nice. It's the taste of that.

Ooh, lovely. Oh, God. My car stinks. Can you fart in it? Thank you. You just had this cleaned! No. The old girl's just had a fucking lift to work. Doing her film.

She's eating kale. Farting all over the shop. It's great. Cherry bomb. Can you give me one st lady then sti what sts above a like she's like special yeah the highest tier yeah like oh the highest tier the cb they're all on my instagram and they're not famous um i'd like it yeah i don't know but a known yeah maybe Margot Robbie's.

Who was your one when you were like 13, 14 on the telly that you were like, Oh my God, who is this? Who? You are Lucy. Who was your one that you have? Lucy. Have you read it?

He had Lucy Meacock's annual. The one from S club seven. Which one? Bradley. Bradley. Rachel Stevens. The one from S Club 7. Which one? Bradley. Bradley. The fifth one. Rachel Stevens. Who was my teen crush?

Who was yours, Lou? Fatima Whitburn. Probably Mila Kunis. Mila Kunis is up there for me. Good shout. S tier. And if you close your eyes, you're fucking Meg. That'd be good. She's A tier Mila Kunis, I think. me good shout S tier and if you close your eyes you're fucking Meg

that'd be good she's 80 Mila Kunis I think no I'm talking back then oh maybe like when we were that age she was S tier she was up there

yeah I loved Cheryl even though she was a bit of a wrong name no Cheryl Cole I had a Jennifer Ellison calendar when I was a kid and my nan bought me

for Christmas yeah but she was like scouse fit wasn't she? I think she was nationally fit. She was on a Hell's Kitchen, the British version, and she had to do a special for the menu. She did steak and chips from that moment on. Blonde girl, big tits, steak and chips.

Fucking hell. Get me a poster. This man is fit for Hollywood, actually. Laminate that. Come on on just give us one STL lady Just one who you've gone Cheers like wow When I was younger Whenever yeah

Tina Turner You know who's still outrageously Rolling down the bridge I'm supposed to rhyme Break your neck rolling rolling rolling

you know what now that you did that now I'm turned on you're like poor Tina you haven't got one have you back in the day you haven't got like a

this is my woman because mine was even meant there's all me lacunas I think when I was a teenager you strike me as an Aretha Franklin man Aretha the queen of pop not for me Margaret Beckett though I was a teenager. You strike me as an Aretha Franklin man. Aretha? The Queen of Pop?

Not for me. Margaret Beckett though. Top tier. You haven't got one have you? Top tier. You haven't got one? Was it men? It's fine if it was.

You can have a menace to it if you want. It was Hasselhoff, wasn't it? It was Des Lining. Could just get lost in that tash throw you away with him and Bradley is it Pixie Lott well Pixie

Pixie Lott was up there for me Pixie Lott is an attractive she is not S tier though of course she's not S tier she's B she's not the tier that was just made up

no where's the tier I think Dan's in the mood no I'm not in the mood I just can't. Just get Margaret Beckett up. She was a leading light of the- Maggie B. New Labour.

This is just- This is just turned into such a podcast. It's just a bunch of white dudes in a room ranking women. We're not ranking them. Oh, mate. We're complimenting them from a pretty distance.

Oh, shit. Talk about S tier There's a whole new S tier And it's Margaret Beckett Shall we have a break? I need one Stupid boys Here we are

Let's crack on and get this fucking done We are lucky to beat you though Cracking I've got a beard alignment Why were you Signing your fucking Box head out there then What

Why did you get in here I was waiting for these Fucking idiots To do their fucking job What job I don't know I don't know what Yous actually do

I just turn up And yous look like you're busy So I assume that it's worth While Yeah we make this I know Exactly Luke We're all

ready for a weekend um yeah no guys it's not showing you guys seem completely calm to be fair when we are happiest it never seems calm we've got would you rather i haven't done loads recently and you know there's probably a reason. Ben Hardy says, would you rather have your life live stream six hours every day, full HD, multiple angles every day, but you have 24 hours notice when each continuous streaming will take place? Right. So.

How can you give 24 hours notice when it's happening every day? Would you rather have your life live stream six hours every day, full HD every day, but you have 24 hours notice when each continuous streaming will take place. Maybe they're going to say tomorrow it'll be at midday. All right, okay. Right, all right, fair enough.

So you have a little time to prepare or have 45 seconds of your life live streamed six times a day, but you have no warning and you don't know if it's being streamed until three minutes after. I couldn't do the second one. No, definitely the first. We're going do the second one. Definitely the first.

We're going to suck at that, throwing that dice. You can't see the cameras. They're sort of secret cameras, and it's streamed in the corner of every TV. No, fucking hell. What are you on about? The second one is impossible. Wait, is it on, like, national TV?

No one watches that in Australia, so I'm going to choose the second one. I don't want my stand-up clips taken out of context. Never mind 45 seconds of general life. Me just wanking in the corridor of Border Patrol. Tiger head. It's only six times 45 seconds.

If you're going to play the odds, it might be fine. It might be fine. It won't be fine. Not every day for the rest of your life it's not going to be fine. Nature of infinity, Don.

You'll write the complete works of Shakespeare in those 45 seconds at one point or more likely crack one out probably that's going to be

the problem in it I don't think would you rather watch someone would you rather someone watch you have a shit or a wank a shit

where's that come from Finn that was what I thought was the two worst options for what would be happening I don't care if someone watches me having a shit doesn't bother me at all yeah definitely someone

watching a shit because that's on them you're like why are you watching this you weirdo no but if it's on this stream thing shit same thing

also when you're on the toilet it's actually quite it's kind of private isn't it all of the all of the bad stuff is happening within the bowel

which you can't see I mean a wank is just like a scar from like a dead fox it would be horrific watching someone wipe we don't need to if i'm on my toilet i don't need to i've got a japanese man who does it for me also you're about to say like a bidet and you're like no I haven't got it I've got a bidet if there's audio on for yours I imagine it's horrific

if there's audio for one of your shits would be cool but like I'm not embarrassed by it it's just what my arsehole does

I can't help it from everything you've said it does sound like a very angry grizzly bear of an arsehole sometimes but then it's done Buster Ruster rhymes rolling yeah but the hundred percent

the shit one and a hundred percent to six hours six hours every day i agree you can't have it random i'll take it i would deliberately waste people's time like so they stop watching after day four like i'd be like oh you want to watch this again cool i'm gonna sit here and watch border patrol and not react how many tax returns can luke do yeah i would do like i would like time like scheduling naps just to waste people's time or you could just like make yourself famous and make yourself make a little content six hours i was gonna say some people just stream for six hours a day anyway that's what ninja does just play fortnight yeah you know you'll become a millionaire yeah my show my show would be really unpopular

really quick uh george dalton says scott would you rather for you would you rather have a mullet or ponytail for the rest of your life you can't cut it off and the ponytail is proper comic book guy from the simpsons one also the mullet is dyed blonde mullet really relax yeah relax on your mullet leg it's just a mullet leg do we use another mullet then i'll take either i'd be ecstatic you did you saw a mullet though didn't you like 2006 and a little mohawk you thing you see the jumpstart it was you wasn't it what you had a mullet what shall I ring Peter Brush Luke he's got a mullet

isn't it the national it's a national haircut in a fair I would definitely go mullet because then I would feel more like I would be more in fashion back home

mullets look better all the foot more in fashion back home like if all the footy players have it all the what? all the footy players like football players have it like rugby and AFL both the Aussie rules it's part of the fucking uniform it's like every private school like in Australia every all boys private school they're all

rocking mullets yeah it's like genuinely in fashion like I'm not like against the idea to grow in a mullet like it wouldn't be seen as like an absolute ball like if I was to grow a mullets. Yeah. It's like genuinely in fashion. Like I'm not like against the idea to grow on a mullet. Like it wouldn't be seen as like an absolute ball egg if I was to grow on a mullet. Like I wouldn't hate me hair

if I had a mullet. I'd hate a ponytail. What? I'm afraid to. Elliot Steele's got a mullet and it looks awful. Ponytails are creepy. Yeah.

Like if it sags and you're a guy, like put it in a man bum. Like at least if it sags and you're a guy, like put it in a man bun. Like at least make it look smart and respectable. A ponytail, you look like a sound tech. Respectable is a wild term to be using for my mums. I'm not going to lie. David Seaman. Come on.

Theo Vaughn. What? Is that stupid? No, it's well better than David Seaman. You never see a man in pigtails, do you? That's one thing. Even with a ponytail. You never see a man in pigtails do you that's one thing even with a ponytail you never

you never see him do two ponytails you look like a a guitar tech at like a venue yeah and it's always down to their arse

yeah you just look like a fucking travelling sex offender with a ponytail yeah no no man needs a tangle teaser

I have a tangle teaser yeah I know that was taking a piss Jake Walsh says would you rather only wear your missus's underwear for 10 years

or wet socks for 5 years missus's underwear what the fuck are these questions wet socks hates like it hates wet socks is also

just the most uncomfortable you'd ever are women's underwear is really comfortable Luke I was about to argue the opposite wouldn't

women's underwear is not built for us. No, unless you've got a big old lady in your lap. Yeah, but it's not like stretchy. There's no space for balls. Oh, I don't know what knickers you're thinking about, but I've seen some big old knickknacks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like a big bush woman. Okay, so your dick would comfortably fit. A lot of my wife's underwear has been stretched out in the right places so yeah great i would still choose the women's underwear though because wet socks is wet socks hurts it aches like your feet ache you would get like um trench foot yeah yeah a really logical boring way to answer that question but even without trench foot just the discomfort of wet socks like there is nothing worse have you ever been in a hotel right

and you get out the shower and you go and put like your socks and your undies on and then you have to go back into the bathrooms like brush your teeth or grab something

and the shower has leaked onto the hotel floor and you walk on the wet hotel floor in your fresh socks you might as well just go back to bed and write your day off yeah

that's how my depression started why are you on antidepressants off yeah taking stuff to the bin that's how my depression started why are you on antidepressants wet socks taking stuff to the bin outside but there's no shoes by the door yeah I'd have no problem

if someone told me like for whatever reason like a government official or the men in black or something if they come up to me and was like you've got to wear

women's undies forever I wouldn't even argue I'd be like okay you'd be stoked you'd be like I've already been doing that for 10 years especially if women

have already worked. It'd take me on a bit. Are you allowed to choose which pair of underwear? Yes. Because I want the big period knickers. The ones that are not clean. But like them ones that wouldn't snap up right below my nipples.

Spanks. I wouldn't mind a little thong. As long as it covered my cock, I'd have one ball hanging out to either side of it still comfy oh your arsehole a bear like acid

like snap oh that grizzly bear would chew that up is that salmon I'd just get myself a chunky woman with big pubes why don't you have to

get yourself a woman just get the woman's underwear it's gotta be your girlfriend's underwear erm what erm let me change to would you rather wet socks gone women's underwear? It's got to be your girlfriend's underwear. Let me change the would you rather.

Wet socks, gone. Women's underwear, still there. Crocs, your only form of footwear. No. Or women's underwear.

I'm not going to anyone's wedding in a pair of Crocs, mate. Crocs are coming back though. You're going there in a thong? Yeah, because I don't have to take my pants off.

I'm sorry to break this news to the motherland, but Crocs are actually coming back in fashion in Australia. because I don't have to take my pants off I'm sorry to break this news to the motherland but Crocs are actually coming back in fashion in Australia so they were ironically they're coming back in fashion here

legitimately my friend bought them unironically and I roasted him and then I got roasted for roasting him yep yeah

I was like are we not all still roasting Crocs and everyone's like no we're not and I was like okay I missed the boat it's blowing my mind

I don't think they've been accepted in Liverpool they shouldn't be but they're going to be they're coming back they'll be accepted long before White Sox are I'm going to bring mine to Nashville should we be croc buddies I've got some bright yellow ones

but you could be like the croc guy. You could just make that your personality. No, Luke. I couldn't. I'd get fucking filleted by these cunts every time I walked in. Don't even be in the top ten. Think there's more stupid things about you? I'd never hear the fucking end of it.

They're absolute bastards for footwear. Crocs are okay now. They're not as awful as they were like now. Can I get a ruling on fur-lined Crocs for the winter Crocs? I've seen an heavy pair. I wouldn't wear them, but I've seen them on someone. You suit them. Yeah. You could pull them off.

They match your vibe. I don't think that was a compliment. Do you own a pair of Crocs? Would I? No. No, do you? No. No, I don't. I've self-respect. Okay. Final one.

Final one. Your girlfriend's underwear or a vibrating cock ring, Luke? Just vibrating cock ring. Vibrating cock ring under my girlfriend's underwear? I was going to say. Super sexy.

Thank you, Carlton. Is that even like a... I thought you pressed it on i've taken off coming in your own pants is embarrassing coming in your girlfriend's pants it's a dream yeah but there would be times where the cock there would be times where the cock ring's not appropriate like funeral family dinner there's times when you don't want vibrating on you know that's when you want it most true you're like oh everyone're like, oh. Everyone's a bit sad. Just give us a visual on the face again. Oh.

Oh. If you're the pole bearer, you're like, whoa. Everyone's like, oh. Miss you, grandma. Ooh.

Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, better. Yeah. And it's a secret until someone's lost the phone and you're like,

ring me, ring me, thumb vibrate. I can hear it. And you're just like, they're going, I think it's on the couch over there. vibrate i can hear it and you're just like they're going i think it's on the couch over there no i can hear it i don't know i go i go women's underwear every time it's just me i go with a lacy fella let's do some let's do some other words um so people ask us for advice they watch this

and they go that's a group of lads who've got their lives together yeah I know what are the kind of fucking low breeds listening to this

where they're coming to you for advice oh you can do a live show with us at some point and you'll see and I think Luke's got a feeling that even if we hadn't explained it

I think he's like I'll work it out this is anonymous lift gibber wag wag lids not sure if you need to have a word with me or my colleague he started working with us around six months ago and one day a week he gets the training to work as he doesn't have the use of a car on uh on that day so that means once a week in the morning and after work I make trip to the station to pick up and drop off recently it's becoming more and more frequent and even now to the point he's borrowing my vehicle to go out and get lunch now i don't have any major issues with this as generally i'm a nice guy and don't see myself as frugal however it is a company vehicle and all i provide is the fuel uh fuel and for six

months of trips to and from the train station i I've never had the offer of any fuel money. It's starting to get on my tits a bit now, but I'm not sure if I'm just being a dick or should I at least have had the offer of the petrol money? It depends how far away the fucking train station is, doesn't it? If the train station is like a five or 10 minute drive, fucking shut up,

you're just going to put a crack on me to life. Tell me how you really feel. I would never get myself in this situation would you have asked for money by now or would you have stopped doing it honestly I will lie so much to get out of being someone's lift I've made up in comedy

I've made up all sorts of excuses for road trips I'd rather pay all the fuel on my own to not have to deal with some knobhead in the car on the way to and from a gig. And I'd have never got myself in this sitch. No, but let's say, right, so Chester train station, right? Yeah, 10, 12 minute drive from my house.

Right, so let's say you worked at the CCC, St Mary's, whatever it is, right? Creative Space. So let's say you worked at the CCC, St Mary's, whatever it is. Creative Space. So let's say you work there regularly and you're from yours and someone was like, look, I work for you, but I haven't got a car. Yeah. Right? I can get to Chester every morning for 9 o'clock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Could you pick me up and take me to work, save me during that walk, because it's cold? Oh, cold. Right? Right. So you're like yeah yeah right it's what six minutes out your way maybe seven right would you ask for fuel for that if you chose to do it if they were working for me yeah i'd be like in this in the interview

with you it's not your company i'd honestly we'd have to have a talk about me going that far out of my way to pick up some it's not even an issue of fuel it's an issue of time and laziness seven minutes walk the fucking walk

no well he can't walk because there's tigers in the way then you're doing the drive the chest of tigers those chest of tigers which I think is actually

a fucking football team of some sort I think you should just stop giving the lift if you don't feel comfortable anymore. It's the onus on the person that you're giving the lift to offer. Or to chip in or buy them lunch.

You don't even have to pay them the direct money back for the fuel, but you need to offer them something like, oh, I'll get you lunch today. Oh, 100%. This guy's a fucking bellon. And he's going, can you just have your keys? And I'll take the car. oh, I'll get you lunch today. Oh, 100%. This guy's a fucking bellin. And he's going, can you just have your keys? And I'll take the car.

I'll go and get my lunch. That's the part. Mate, whoever's written in, you need to fucking grow a pair here. This guy's taking the piss out of you. What he wants to know is, what does he do now? Does he say, I'm not doing it no more?

Or does he ask for money? What's his move now? You're a little car simp. Just grow up. Yeah. You're his's the ask for money. What's his move now? You're a little car simp. Just grow up. Yeah. You're his little pay pig. Yeah. Just say no.

Just say, oh, I can't today. And then watch the person go, oh shit. Murder someone. Oh, put them in the back seat

and pick them up with a dead body in the back and just let that body erode over a period of weeks and then they won't want to lift anymore. Okay. That is a good move.

And then you get on Netflix in 20 years too. Win, win. Netflix deal. And a car to yourself yeah it's win-win no one gets it except for the body also the car someone who wants to die oh nice there's a guy in london last night that wanted to die he's like outside it's just like stab blatant jab. Well, I didn't want to interrupt because it was like two guys having a conflict. But then I was like, can you just fucking stab him? Like, shut the fuck up. Like, he's begging you, you're resisting.

I'm like, you could have ended this 45 seconds ago. Now we're listening to this as a street. Like, do everyone a favor. You know? What a great example. It's also kind of like your thing in the UK. It's kind of like I've heard. Knife crime is the thing, yeah.

I know. I love how you've come over and gone, there's a really bad knife crime issue. And then at the fifth stab me, you're like, oh, come on, fucking. Yeah. Charity and Lefebvre called knives down, guns up. But that's why it's such a problem here

is because not only are people stabbing people, but people are begging to be stabbed. It goes both ways in the uk yeah which is shocking there's no one in america like come on shoot me actually there probably is there's lots of yeah yeah there's a fellow who threatened to fight me because he thought i had his money in new york he got my money you got my money you got my money and did you no he stabbed him smart see he just ended the situation

I brought our culture over there so is this man saying I reckon you just do that I can't today and go oh and then let him

work his own way out and then the next time go I still can't and then he'll have got the and if he goes why can't you just go because I think you're

a drain on society and I don't like you you're really bad company you stink I have to get my car washed every time you've been in there you're a fucking because I think you're a drain on society and I don't like you. You're a really bad company. You stink. I have to get my car washed every time you've been in there. You're a fucking prick. I hope you leave.

See, that's probably the origin story of the stab me guy. Like, that's probably what happened to him and then he like, three weeks later, he's like, just, I'm going to end it all. But I'm not willing to do it myself.

I'm going to ask a guy outside of an authentic Greek restaurant near Leicester Square. This guy sounds so passive aggressive though. Not passive aggressive, but so passive. He's like, oh, he's doing this and I've not said anything. And now he's borrowing my car and he keeps sleeping over in my girlfriend's bed. I just don't know what to do.

Sell your car. What a fucking great move that'd be. Sold the car. Can I borrow your car? No, I've sold it. Why? Because you're a prick. Give it back.

Get a scooter. It's a company car get a company scooter giving someone from the company a lift away I think just keep giving him a lift and stop being a knob definitely keep giving him a lift

and then just say oh I've been told by the boss I can't lend you the car yeah make someone else the enemy the boss said you're the gobshite and you can't use the car no more you're not insured to drive the car

so you're not having the car but I'll still pick you up and take you to work and by the way get me my dinner because I've been paying for the petrol you're tight having the car but I'll still pick you up and take you to work and by the way get me me dinner because I've been paying for the petrol you're tight to have

two jack potatoes please final have a word Massimo Macaroni says who? former Middlesbrough bagsman I assume so if you call yourself

anything I'll read it Massimo Macaroni says he was slow though didn't have the pace girlfriend hates my goat alright lids Dan can you call me macaroni please have a word with my girlfriend to start off i hate cutting grass can't stand it

the sound of the lawnmower the pain it gives my shoulder the hay fever it gives me hate it this week was the very first week this year that i would need to cut the grass my american girlfriend can't do it as last time she, the lawnmower almost ended up in our pond. Just so happens I know a guy who owns a goat. Carry on. And I offer him 20 pounds to bring it over to eat the grass for me. The goat comes over and eats the grass.

We keep her away from the neighbors. Goat goes home. It was great. Except now my girlfriend is mad because some of the neighbors saw the goat and think it's hilarious that we had a goat doing yard work for us she's pissed that i made us look like weird hicks in front of all the neighbors i don't care if they think we're a little weird i'm happy to be laughed at if it means saving myself from the headache and stress of a lawn

mower but now please don't break the fucking bell but now she's making weird comments around the house about getting a horse and cart to carry our shopping or a chicken to clean the windows since there's no real men in the house who can i didn't expect her to react so negatively to a goat but maybe i'm missing something please have a word with her and tell her that the goat doesn't make us hillbillies and it's actually a great environmentally friendly option and that's from uh massimo macaroni are we gonna give this any time of day yeah i am i fucking love it um i want to go that's what next one mate that's what that's what that's what i've got from this you know i've heard of services where like obviously they own a goat right well

i think they've got a mate who's got a goat yeah but you can like this services where you can rent a goat to get rid of your lawn pimp my goat like no rent my goat it's like they put it on a pole and put on a leash and then the goat just eats all around like in a circle i mean i guess you probably have to rent it for like a week right like? Like it's not doing it in an hour. The fact that it doesn't just keep eating the same patch and you just end up with an overgrown garden and a big load of mud in the corner. They eat equally, don't they? Because they go, oh, that bit's luscious.

And then that bit is quite, it's a good way of, it's a good way of keeping the grass. They don't just keep digging, eating and then like, oh, my goat's in China. Does he want you to say he is a good idea having the goat and his girlfriend's wrong? Yeah. It is wild that he didn't,

he brushed over the fact that his girlfriend, when she mowed the lawn, it almost ended up in the pond. That just got brushed over too quickly. Yeah. What did she do with the lawnmower? Just kick it in? Weaponized incompetence, Liam.

She tried to park it in the pond so she'd have to get a goat instead. Yeah. Which is clever. I can't do it. I put it in the pond. I would like to get a goat. No, she hates the goat. Oh, yeah. Don't get a goat instead. It's clever. I can't do it. I put it in the pond. I would like to get a goat. No, she hates the goat.

Oh yeah, don't get a goat. Do you do it yourself? Do they have to pay for this goat or is it because it's a mate's rates? 20 quid to bring it over and rent a goat. Why don't they just hire a gardener? It's more expensive than 20 quid.

I'll do it for 20 quid. There's your option. Even though you, I think, clearly live in America. Finn's up for it. Is thatid. There's your option. Even though you, I think, clearly live in America. Finn's up for it. Is that a thing? Go Google it.

Go Google it. It sounds very Australian. To rent a goat. It does, doesn't it? That's something that I wouldn't put past a lot of people. There's a thing.

What are they asking? Yeah, this is the thing I've seen. Yeah, it is that. That is insane. Goats are simply a better way to get a tough job done. Do they just do grass or will they paint your fucking garage? They eat unwanted plants and invasive weeds like poison ivy, kudzu and thistle. You've got a dead goat in the front garden.

Why is that better than poison ivy? Imagine coming home and the goat's fucking painting your house. You're like, what? I'd do that. You go fucking lagging your pants. I don't like this language in this next sentence. Goats team up with many California towns to reduce forest fire risk. What are they doing?

They're eating the dead grass. It makes out like the goats are going for job interviews. I'm a bit of a goat, me. So if you don don't mind give us some grass to eat and there won't be any fires hey let's keep this ecosystem alive man i think while massimo i'm on your side here tell us shut up get two goats really fuck her off buy a goat yeah that that's more cost effective have a goat renting goats can save you up to 50% compared to

hiring men what it doesn't say it would take you 12 times longer to get your grass cut and the men camping you know

should we get an estimate let's get a goat is this from California Finn yeah well we'll include postage so are we saying he's in the right then oh absolutely i think it's i think there's nothing wrong with a goat i respect it australian people love all that don't they

yeah you love goats yeah sure and fires fires we have it all goats fires you know you've animals more than we do that's the only thing you guys give a shit about is our animals. You know, they're not like, like all these English people I've spoken to on this trip have been like, oh, I would never come to Australia. Like they're like the animals. And I'm just like, they're not waiting at the airport.

Like they're not like, oh, an English plane. They are often in Chinese women's suitcases. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but you do have spiders that can kill you, snakes that can kill you. But they're not just around. Kangaroos look like they want to kick the fuck out you snakes that can kill you but they're not just around kangaroos look like they want to kick the fuck out of you

they're not just around where are they like they're in the bush like they're not like you're not going to walk through the CBD and like there's not going to be

like a brown snake like alright you know there might be like a seagull yeah but if you go for a hike it's always the thing of like it could

it could but it does not spice up life a little bit you know I could die today maybe maybe not spice up life a little bit. You know, I could die today. Maybe, maybe not. Yeah, but there's already buses and helicopters for that. Yeah. People are dying getting hit by helicopters all the time.

They just go out to the shops and then they get hit by a helicopter. It'd be pretty unlucky. I don't know anyone who's died from that. I know people have been stung by like jellyfish and stingers, but that's probably more common. Like when you go on the water, the stinger season up north. And sharks. Yeah they're they're just chilling you know they're not gonna

get you what's the maddest wild animal you've come across um like i've jumped over snakes before while running like on the footpath that's not normal true that does that just completely contradicts what i just said. They're not just around. Exactly. Do you know what Luke? Guess what? I haven't. No,

but we've had a weird amount of shark sightings like this summer. And I feel like we're getting too relaxed about sharks. You're relaxed about it. You said they were just chilling. You said they were just chilling. No, Australia are like, no,

I'm from Melbourne. We didn't have sharks, but I was in a place called the Gold Coast, which is like the bin of Australiaralia imagine if birmingham had a beach um sorry slander you've not been here long but you're starting to get it yeah and i was did you have to run over a shark no i was just running like i wasn't in the water and then because i've had heaps of shark sightings and then i guess the lifeguards have been told that there was a shark And this lifeguard just started driving along with a four-wheel drive with a megaphone.

And I swear to God, he was like, there's a shark. Do what you will with that information. And then it was like a free for all. Like some people just sprinted out. Some people were like kind of confused. And then one old dude just like stayed in the water. Like his speedos't move and i was like to laugh god i'm like oh like i walked

over to him because i was like watching it happen he's kind of and i was like why isn't that guy getting here out of the water and he was like oh that's graham and i was like what he's like i'm like what do you mean he's like oh, Graham doesn't believe in sharks. Which up until that point, I had no idea was an option. You can just opt out. I'm a shark atheist now. It's good. It was wild.

But that is like, that was a super random thing. I'd never been to the beach before where there was a shark sighting. And I've been going to the beach for years. That was just unlucky. Yeah. That's just unlucky. Yeah. That's pretty good though. Only one story of like out of 20 years of frequenting the beach. Yeah.

It's not that crazy. See, it's like you're trying to sell Australia to me the way people sell like pills to me. It's like, yeah, you're going to have a good time. It's going to be great. It's not going to be any sharks. But you might. And then I have a pill

and then I have a stroke because I'd be the one who has the bad one. And I would literally land in Melbourne and I'd be bitten by a spider, eaten by a snake and a shark would punch me within about an hour and a half. You know what?

I will admit though, I pulled over one day and I had pissed in just like the woods and in Australia, you're kind of like, oh, you don't overturn bark or something like that

because there might be something underneath there. But like, yeah, I was just walking through like find a place to piss and I was like, oh, I'm good. I can just kick shit,

you know, make noise. What's going to happen? happen a bird's gonna be there no you guys have nothing do you i mean we have some geese that can break arms but that's about it you know what i found out seagulls got a bit frisky in the summer this is what i found out in glasgow your seagulls are apparently crazy yeah they big yeah how because they've been fed so well by people throwing shit on the floor i got attacked by seagulls about a month ago. So that sounds objectively worse. I'd rather like the off chance of a shark than a constant threat of seagulls. Because that's coming from the air.

Mine was one seagull. It was like coordinated. That's not good. I was walking through rail. I'd just been to Gregg's. So I was eating my Gregg's. One seagull hit me and then the other one took the Gregg's so i was eating my greg's one one seagull hit me and then the other one took the greg's it was like coordinated that's sick i respect that i did

but i had to play it off because there was loads of people watching i was like what they like i've seen a pigeon take someone's american pizza slice off them last week oh good choice yeah some well for himself there i saw a bald eagle do credit card fraud as well that was mad mad swooped down fucking fin

I got attacked by seagulls about to you know style it out don't worry I don't believe in seagulls my name's Graham Luke

you've been alleged thanks very much for coming in man tell us where we can get tickets for your tour tell us what dates need a little bit of a nudge and where can we find you

on social media I'm touring Australia this year everywhere I'm probably coming to a place near you lukehidger.com and I'll be back

in the UK next year with a brand new tour hell yeah I would love to see them thanks so much just lukehidger Instagram

TikTok YouTube my name yep look at the device hell yeah I would love to see them socials just Luke Kijal Instagram TikTok YouTube my name yep look at the device you're watching this on I'll spell it for you in the title

L-U-K-E-K-I-D-G-E-L-L they're not going to retain it it doesn't matter my tour on sale as is Dan's if you come into the Liverpool show the Liverpool Empire Theatre

which is a big old show there's really not many tickets left and it's not on next year is Dan's if you come into the Liverpool show the Liverpool Empire Theatre which is a big old show there's really not many tickets left and it's not on next year so that's cool go and get them now come and watch me record whatever my next special

ends up becoming yeah yeah as ever Leicester and Warwick and Oxford and Shrewsbury

need a little nudge the rest is going to sell out pretty quick so get your tickets at dannightingale.com for my tour. And Finn, have we got a tune-age? Yeah, we've got some drum and bass this week. Nice, bro. This is, I think it's a duo called Solar,

and this is their tune Rise Up featuring Ouija and Sammy Hall. Sounds shite. Enjoy that. Do you guys get people to send in outros? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like fans. That's cool. It's Adam's idea and he's a big fan of it.

He's a patron of the arts. Yeah, great. Have you ever been copyright striked by one? No. We don't put it on YouTube. We only put it on the audio. Smart.

Cheers, Luke. Thank you. Cheers, man. Cheers. Thank you. Like a phoenix from the ashes Slept long enough, it's time to fly Stand up, and as each day passes You'll find out that you're made of time to fly Rising up from the ashes, I'm the fireman Dragon's breath, I spit that fire through my diaphragm

Causing funnels on the stage when the mic's in hand I'm like the fuel on the furnace, shows up in a van I remember when them hotties wouldn't shout me back Now they're all inside my DMs and trying to holler, man Got a little name, now they all wanna come check for man Now look at what the cat dragged in, now I'm hollow, man Rise up like a phoenix from the ashes. That's long enough, it's time to fly.

Stand up and I'll see you come to. Find out what you're made of, it's time to fly. I'm on a mission like K.E.B.I. Magnetic man To live forever in my oasis Like an indie band Don't know back in anger at my past No matter how bad

Cause I wouldn't be this man Without the lessons I've had People come and go from life Like money in hand So pick and choose Who gets your energy Like empire can Careful who you trust

Or we'll come put the one over man's eyes And do you real dirty If they're posing as gang I put the G in the Ouija man I'm a murky guy Outro Music To my spirit guide, my life's like an ayahuasca trip, I'm just flying high. Tapping into the other side, to my spirit guide, my life's like an ayahuasca trip, I'm just flying high. Thank you. I'm going to use the same method as the previous one. I'm going to use the same method as the previous one. I'm going to use the same method as the previous one. I'm going to use the same method as the previous one. I'm going to use the same method as the previous one. the ashes slept long enough it's time to fly stand up and I'll teach you how to

find out what you're made of, it's time to fly Thank you.