Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #266 with William Thompson - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20Supreme CBD | https://supremecbd.ukStress less and sleep better with Supreme CBD using code WORD40 at checkout to get 40% off sitewideFüm | https://tryfum.co.ukHead to tryfum.com/HAVEAWORD and use code HAVEAWORD to save an additional 10% off your order today.BetterHelp | https://betterhelp.com/word10Get 10% off your first month!NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Become one of the lids:https://patreon.com/haveawordpodTickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comFind us everywhere:https://haveaword.pageDiscord:https://discord.gg/haveawordpodFollow the podcast, our hosts and our guest on social media:Have A Wordhttps://facebook.com/haveawordpodhttps://twitter.com/haveawordpodhttps://instagram.com/haveawordpodAdam Rowehttps://facebook.com/adamrowecomedianhttps://twitter.com/adamrowecomedyhttps://instagram.com/adamrowecomedianDan Nightingalehttps://facebook.com/danhasapodcasthttps://twitter.com/danhasapodcasthttps://instagram.com/danhasapodcastWilliam Thompsonhttps://www.instagram.com/william_thompson_comedyADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening, lads? Just before we kick this week's episode off, just to remind you, my tour runs all the way through until the end of May, and I've still got some really big shows coming up, including Cardiff, Blackpool, Leeds, Huddersfield, York, and of course, Liverpool at the M&S Bank Arena. They're not the only dates, though.

Go and check them all out. Full listings at adamrowe.co.uk forward slash tour and help bring home the biggest tour I've ever done. It's been an absolute dream, and I'm so excited for the rest of the schedule Dan?

If you want to see me live this year dannightingale.com I'm doing Dan Nightingale and Fiend shows all around the country they go from March right through to November

some of my very funny mates and me on stage you're going to enjoy it it's going to be mayhem dannightingale.com for those but we've got to tell you before we start

today's episode about our Patreon the biggest Patreon in the uk one of the biggest in the world for a fucking reason patreon.com slash have a weird pod options to sign up for three five or ten quid but even if you just take the three quid option you get all the bonus content we put out and that includes early access to these public episodes a bonus episode every single week and access to the specials where we release one a month and they could be absolutely anything. We took the whole team to Nashville and we filmed all that. That was a full three

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People don't leave once they start. It's the best place to be. You get the best content. You get the naughtiest content. Those patron exclusive every week. They've been naughty. Patreon.com slash have a word pod. Also, enjoy the episode.

Like the video as well and subscribe and ring the bell and all that. Helps us. Cushion on. Get on me. You know what I mean? Wag wag leads. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool. With Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn.

This is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped. The very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go Ed, get on me. Hey. Welcome to this week's Have A Word podcast. You alright? I'm alright, how are you? It's bonkers.

You look like you're bursting to tell us something, Dan. I haven't got clearance. No, you said you'd say it anyway. My wife is a beautiful woman yeah and I love her very much yeah

but there are certain she's way up here for me you know is she is she occasionally you know I'm having a little rogue one no

done done genuinely oh I'm gone lord it is fit I'm gone whoa that's a compliment to a point

yeah no what do you mean no? I have never cracked one out about one of your girlfriends. Lies. It's because they're all out of your league, and it doesn't seem realistic. That's not how wanking works, mate.

I wank to a Champions League standard. Do you? Yeah, and my dick is Vauxhall Conference at best. Vauxhall Astro. Dan Lorna is fit. Fact. I can only ask this if I can see myself,hall Astra. Dan Lorna is fit. Fact. I can only, I can only ask this

if I can like see myself, you know. Oh yeah, realistically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're punching massively. You should be. I'm not even punching.

You are. I'm not even fucking punching. No, you are. She's not working. I'm not even punching. She's fucking, she's on the gravy train, mate. Not jizz.

No. I have never wanked off about Sereca. Cool. I'm just saying, your wife is an attractive woman. I'll tell you right now, I've never wanked off

about Sereca. Thank you. Out of respect. To me. You. Thank you. Order. Order.

Well, tell us about this beautiful woman. But it's, she's, there's elements of our life that are delicate you know and sometimes with a delicate with a beautiful bird that comes and just flitters down from the heavens and yeah

laughing laughing that's a lie but I don't want to then be like saying it on one of the biggest podcasts in the uk and then to scare the bird and it fly off and be annoyed with me and like you know i don't want a bird to fly off and stay at her mum's what did she get it all in? Oh, yeah. To the fucking tonsillitis. Out of nowhere, first time since what?

2015? Oh, it's phenomenal. That's your first blowjob in nine years. We were coming up on a 10-year anniversary. That's your first blowjob of the coffee era. I was genuinely... I was genuinely going to have an anniversary. I was going to do commemorative mugs. This is massive.

Where did that happen? In the car. What? In the car. No. You were driving. She was driving. She was like, we're not going anywhere. I want to see you in the car. We just went and sat in the car. She noshed me off. No, in the house. In the... Whereabouts?

In the pantry. Not a euphemism. In a bed. We were going for a cuddle. A special, you know, sexy cuddle. She cuddled you half with her mouth. She did. She surprised everyone.

She surprised herself. She was literally like, Oh, I did it! That's what I was supposed to do! Happy birthday to me! Phenomenal. Back in the game, guys. Back in the fucking game. Like a newomenal Back in the game guys Back in the fucking game

Like a new man You fucked the game right through the wall And I fucked it up One day later You know because Because this podcast is more important than a quick nosh Was that Hang on

Was that Genuinely 2015 Was that all of this man And you know what I should finish my Was that all of this, man? And you know what? I just finished my... I was like, this is great. That commemorative mug thing was funny, wasn't it? I could have actually...

Was it as good as you remember it being? What? Was it up to... I imagine nine years of not having... Wait, wait, wait. Let me explain myself. I don't think of not having. No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me explain myself. I don't think it's possible. Nine years later,

you're going to have updates so much that it's going to be like godlike experience. It is. It is. We're not talking about like a burger you got when you were on holiday. Nostalgia makes everything better. No, hang on.

It's not nostalgia. It's nine years ago. I was like, oh, this is... I haven't been sucked off since I was a kid. It's that. I was in school. When? In 2015.

Why were you sucking him off? I wasn't... No, I wasn't sucking him off. He was getting sucked off. It's school in real. You know what it's like. I was in sixth form. That's absolutely harrowing.

Nice! That would be nostalgic. It's absolutely phenomenal. I think there's homeless people who've been homeless that entire time who've been sucked off more recently than you. You haven't been together nine years, have you? Yeah.

I thought you'd been together eight. No, we've been married eight. We've been together ten. You've never had a married man You've only had a year of blowjobs. What? You've never had a married blowjob. Oh, God. Now we're getting in the weeds let me just check the dates it's it's maybe six seven right okay but for

comedy's sake nine's funny and it'll it'll be the more annoying was that the whole process it was not an afternoon you just got no no we made sweet oh sweet bunkins You know Sweet Shirt sacks Tit rubs Sweet Soft kisses On the flumps But that's what started it Oh yeah

It's great Did you go to Hang on Have you Sucked that off Her dick Yeah The woman version

Have you No Maybe you get sucked off more If you just had some pussy. I don't want to say that. That's what she said. She did it in a Scouse accent as well, which doesn't usually turn me on, but I loved it.

Oh, yeah. Hang on. Six years anniversary is candy or iron. She gave you a bit of candy, mate. Go and do some ironing. Good research, that Finn. Do you not like Muff Darwin, Dan? I absolutely love it. So what's stopping you?

Listen, applications are being put in constantly. I'm finding the council are very slow to respond. I'm going to put it like that. Don't stop. Before he cuts

on the fucking muff diving. Yeah. Any jobs going in here? I've got my CV. Don't ask. You go in and go, I work here now. There you go. There you go. Don't ask her You go in and go, I work here now. There you go.

There you go. Don't ask her. Just fucking do it. This is what it always comes down to is I say what I have and haven't been doing and you're like, lads, you've been fucking up. Women don't know when they want fucking motting out.

Just pin her down. Get her in a headlock. Kiss her fanny. It doesn't work like that, lads. We're in a long-term relationship. It's the mother of my children. You can't just be like, hey, girl, fucking get down.

I'm struggling. Knickers off. You know, if she's not into it, if she's not into it, she's not into it. She's into getting out. That's not what we're saying, Dan, is it? And you know we're not. What we're saying is you need to be a bit more spontaneous.

Spontaneous. Spontaneous. No headlock. Just surprise. Just a surprise tongue. It doesn't have to be a surprise to be spontaneous. Whoa! It doesn't have to be a surprise.

She sits down to watch Call the Midwife, and I'm pretending to be a sofa. Oh, yeah, she'd ate that. And she... What? Would you like to watch... Well, not Call the Midwife, but whatever you watch, getting sucked off.

If you were there watching Star Wars, and she just starts sucking off, you're telling me you'd say, get that out your mouth, Jar Jar Binks is on the telly. I'm always watching. Always the start of the start as well. That's not the start, Finn. It's episode one.

I know, but it's not the start. Oh, what have you done here? Loved it. That's all he cares about. He's getting sucked off. You said people go and get noshed off. It's a big penis. Oh!

Finn! What a fucking Jojo you've got, mate. So this episode is brought to you by me feeling just great. It's good. How are you? I'm all right, lad, yeah. I had a day of self-care yesterday. So did I.

Go on. Suck yourself up. That is news. I had a wash. It worked out just fine. What did you do, babe? Come on, talk us through your self-care. Got up.

Yeah. That was a good bed. Good start. Made the bed. Have you ever had a day where you can't get up? You know when people are like, I just can't get up. I couldn't get out of bed today. Really?

Without a hangover? I had about five of them in a row over Christmas. I'm not even joking. It's called depression. What time do you get up though, Dan? What? What time do you go, like? What time you go on and rise up?

Half seven? Quarter to eight? Usually? It's too early, isn't it? Depends what time I've been to bed, genuinely. Yeah, but you don't go to bed till like two, do you? Depends, sometimes I do. But that whole thing of,

I just couldn't get out of bed today, even, I don't know, have to be physically ill to get to not be able to get out of bed. Or mentally ill, you know? I haven't, but I don't, you know. Maybe I'm not intelligent enough to feel depression.

You're not intelligent enough to be mentally ill. I don't think so. I think there's a beautiful thing about being... There's a proper correlation between intelligence and depression and anxiety.

Oh, yeah. Because the more intelligent you are, the more you notice how shit everything is. I've seen a picture where someone's stood on books and they're looking over the wall and seeing all this shit.

Yeah. But there's someone who's not stood on books and just looking at the wall and they all this shit. But there's someone who's not stood on books and just looking at the wall and they're like, walls. I love walls. They're great. There's also a really tall man who can see everything.

Yeah, you don't want to be that guy. Ignorance is bliss. Oh, it's great. You don't want to be too intelligent. You want to be able to, you know. It's a case. You know. You don't want to be full on stupid.

Do you reckon, who's the most intelligent person in the world Adam and then that's why he's so Brian Cox do you reckon he stays in bed all day

I don't know if he is intelligent or if he's just read about space also with him things can only get better someone shoot him in the head

no that was his band wasn't it D Ream look how weird that is whoa that's weird isn't it yeah i text seneca because we're gonna do a top five next week and i i forgot what the theme was the theme one it wonders was that him was that actual brian cock yeah so it was actually a decent joke but no one got it no i got it got it. I just thought, shoot you in the head. So hang on, he was a musician,

and now he's a fucking space shagger. Yeah. Sick. Neil deGrasse Tyson was in Boyz II Men. I don't speak to him. He's a snitch, mate. Seems happy, though. Both of them seem pretty happy.

Yeah, they're happy, but it's like in an intense way aren't they i mean they're happy on podcast about the moon fuck off neil oh i thought it was i think brian cox would be a good hang until you're like you're just like stop fucking banging on about space you know like the universe is so bloody massive there's like trillions of universes like all right like, all right, jog on. Who's in the fucking starting line-up on the weekend? Talk about something else.

Bill Nye. Where's your favourite part of Guinness round here? He's like, I know about trillions and trillions and trillions of galaxies. But he seems happy. He does seem happy, yeah. So I got up. Yeah. And made me bed.

You know, make me bed every morning now go on who's that isn't that jordan peterson yeah i make me bed every morning when you come back into it, it looks nice, doesn't it? You know what I mean? Never really put that together before. Fucking progress. Got up, made me bed, went in the living room, took Perry... This is a detailed one, isn't it?

You asked me what I did. All right, cool, yeah. Got Perry, took him for a walk. Perry's Jack's dog. Jack was out taking pictures and stuff. Got a coffee, walked back to the flat,

made a steak, egg and balsamic onion sandwich. Put it on Instagram to make my wife jealous that I can't cook. Yeah. Well, did she show you that? She went, oh, look. She sucked off. I turned her on with me buddies. Maybe she's sucking you off through him.

Oi, well, keep eating, fatty. Let's get my fucking dick smoked off. I sat on the couch after me buddy for about five or ten minutes and then just decided I deserved to go and get in bed. You got back in bed? I got back in bed. You're like high-functioning depression. I had so much to do yesterday.

I had so much laundry to do because I've been away and I haven't really done much. And I was going to go to Laundrette and have a little Laundrette day, take an inspiration from Sensei Carl over here. Wonderful. I've decided I'm going to do that tomorrow. I've got a laundry day. I'll come with you. Let's go. Yes. I haven't done something for ages. Let's do laundry together. Unbelievable. Honestly, it's the best thing in the world. I'll bring me

speaker. I'll have a little fucking, you know. I'll usually bring my iPad. A few tinnies. Yeah. Just having a stag do it in a laundrette. That sounds great. And then I watched that Dune, the film. Couldn't tell you what happens. Oh, God. Poo in it.

I gave it a good old go. You know? I was in the cinema. I wanted to blow my own head off. Brilliant film. Yeah, but it's not for me. I understand that it's... Like, I was watching the cinematography of it,

and I appreciate stuff like that now. And I'm like, it's so well shot, it's so well done. And Timothy Chamolet, you know, he's good looking and that, isn't he? So, Chamolet! And then I ordered a dessert delivery. I got some white chocolate cookie dough. Then Jack texted me and was like, I'm going to Chippy on the way home.

Do you want anything from the Chippy? And I said, will you get me a deep fried chicken breast, please, Jack? And he said, no, that's not a thing. And I said, it fucking is. Can I just have a deep fried chicken breast from the Chippy, please? And he said, I'm not asking for that. I'm getting you salt and pepper chicken. And I said, I don't want salt and pepper chicken, Jack.

Get me a deep fried chicken breast. And he said, I'm not looking like a soft cunt in the chippy asking for a deep fried chicken breast. Oh, is that a soft cunt order? Is that? He basically thinks he's lying. Jack thought it was something that chippies don't do. So once I knew he was in the chippy and he'd ordered,

because he texted me and said, I've ordered you something, but I can't remember what it is. I rang the chippy and he'd ordered, because he texted me and said, I've ordered you something, but I can't remember what it is. I rang the chippy and said, hiya mate, do you do deep fried chicken breasts? And he said, yeah.

And I said, can you tell Jack, who's the lad who's stood in your chippy right now, that you've added a deep fried chicken breast to his order and make him pay for

it? And he said, yeah. So I got me deep fried chicken breast. And then I watched Draft Day until three o'clock in the morning and then went to sleep.

Where's your chayus? One of Kevin Costner's worst films, but it's good. One of his worst films? The man's in Waterworld. What are you talking about? Oh yeah, that. You know what?

I've watched Waterworld and didn't totally hate it. Yeah, because you, yeah. No? No, I know everyone panned it. I've never seen it. I haven't quite watched it. It's June.

Draft Day is so much better than June. Oh, my God. Slightly different films. A little bit. Yeah, I wouldn't have watched the same film twice. You don't want to... Yeah. They're not going for the same thing, are they?

Apparently, you need to watch June four times to enjoy it. That's what I got told last night. Bollocks. You've got to watch this four times, and then you'll get it. Who said that? What kind of fucking film? Exactly. Do you have to watch... four times and then you'll get it. Who said that? What kind of fucking film? Exactly. Do you have to watch...

Read the wiki. Read the wiki! Who has said you need to watch it four... Multiple people. Multiple morons. Who's this? You need to watch it the second or third time you watch it, you'll get it.

Was it Steve? Steve was one of them, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There you go. Watch it with your eyes closed the first time. Don't be in a different room the second time. But did you get told to read it after this? you just read it before

draw on it read the wiki it'll help you watch it I was like oh autobollocks I'm so happy I accept that it's a good film but I don't like it beautifully shot

I agree with that interesting sci-fi. I don't wanna watch that either. I found it fascinating. He's a good director. Who is it? Denis Villeneuve, something like that. You don't even know who it is.

And that Norwegian guy from Good Will Hunting who plays a big fat cunt that hovers. Alfie Harland. Skarsgard. Alexander Skarsgard. I don't know, mate. I was either, yeah. I watched Good Will, that's a good one. I don't know mate I was either yeah I watched Good Will Open

that's a good one haven't seen that yet so you're gonna go and see June 2 in the cinemas no alright I'm not

that should be released on June 2nd is it out now because they've missed the fucking trick there haven't they it's been ready to go for months

yeah we love wordplay yeah well Star Wars has always released on May the 4th hasn't it is it

May the 4th be with you it's when Mike Tyson goes to watch it it is is that just Star Wars day yeah

literally every single time they do a new one it's released on the 4th of May because it's May the 4th be with you because they're all gimps

and someone's bit that intense eye contact from down there Finn is that true or they just made that up it's true is it star wars may the fourth how do you not know that because i don't really give two fucks about star wars you don't fucking shut up about it not mentioned it today yeah yeah i did didn't know when adam brought it up i'm always going on about it when adam specifically pulls it out of his ass. You love Star Wars. Oh, shit, yeah.

Sorry for bringing it up so much. I'm just a man trying to get noshed off. We're going to do a cinema date and go and watch June 2. I mean, I've got to go and see it. On March 4th. What's the cinema like near you? Is it a good one?

Ellesmere Port, the Coliseum near Cheshire Oaks. You've got recliners. Or you go the Story House in Chester, which is a bit like an Everyman. Artsy. Artsy, nice pizza. Everything's dead expensive. Yeah, Everyman is great.

They've done the showcase up on East Lancashire a while back, and that became the best cinema in Liverpool, but then fucking men started wielding shotguns around it. So it's got like a bit of a... I still go. What's happened? It is the best.

The showcase is goated. Fact. Someone shot in there after your film... No, it wasn't, was it? It was after something had been in. A man just went in and shot. It was after Jack's birthday. That was it, yeah.

On Jack's birthday, some fella got a shotgun, went into a corner shop, threatened the fella, blew her with a shotgun, and then went into the corner shop, threatened the fella, blew it with a shotgun, and then went into the showcase with it and was like, listen, get up. Did he, he had a shotgun and his slide is on? Yeah. And went in, it looked like Bob Thomas.

And then sort of, he just shot at the wall, not trying to kill anyone. Yeah, it's still quite intimidating though. If I had a gun right now and shot that wall, you'd shoot yourself. Yeah, if you had a gun, I'd be nervous. Even at home, no. Just at any point.

But the showcase is honestly so good. It's like old school. We grew up there, but it's also got a little bit of a modern twist. They put all the recliners and good chairs and that in, didn't they? Because it wasn't doing very well. They're like, this is shite,

let's do it up, and it's a little deluxe now. Recliners make a cinema now. Oh, 100%. The old, oh, this is just the normal cinema seat what are you doing yeah although the everyman is class with the sofas sofas though yeah i like to be able to lie down no if i'm not lying down you say i'm not coming but isn't jizzing i'm not coming anywhere but isn't this what's happened with everyone now every like you you've got so

much choice and places you've just gone what we'll do is we'll just do it really fucking well and it's maybe you could argue it's overpriced but it's worth it for the experience you can't just go

hey you need to see this film so you've got to come here so just put up with it it's like burger restaurants now do particularly great burgers and like everywhere's

everywhere's specialised and like that's just another extension of it well when you can get everything on streaming you've got to make it an experience. It's got to be. Cinema's dying, mate, isn't it?

So they're having to make an effort. It is fun, though. I do enjoy going to the cinema. I do. It's the only time I can actually watch a film. Yeah. It is fun.

Like, there's some things you've got, like Oppenheimer, I would hate to have missed that in the cinema. Yeah. They've re-released it, though, haven't they? It's gone back into cinemas.

Is it? And Tenet. They're doing Tenet again because that was during... That's's another one you have to watch 17 times i did after i the second time i watched that i did understand it much more than the first time to be fair but maybe because i'm a bit thick well they said that about donnie darko and inception there's those films that yeah there's stuff but there's stuff that you capture. It's difficult and weird and like, you know, I'm just here looking at a wall.

They're great. Walls are great, aren't they? Just make you feel safe. Can't see anything else. Do you think it's going to happen again? What? Getting sucked off. Not if I keep talking about it.

We'll see how June 2 goes. Does Laura genuinely show you my food and be like like why don't you fucking do this for me she said last night we're watching Kin the Irish gangster drama can I recommend that by the way fucking hell it's so hard to get

lost to be like you know what this is great we watch Night what's it called True Detective Nightcrawler not we watch night night what's it called the true detective night crawler not night crawler the yeah yeah what's it called the jodie foster yeah yeah she was out episode two on episode one she was like yeah this is good i'll give you that she's gone by episode she's like don't like it's not grip me mate kin the the dublin-based gangster drama get everyone get on it it's fucking great how do we watch it

what's it on I think it's on iPlayer it is iPlayer oh mate it's fucking great we're both into it I'm paying my TV licence so we were just about you don't have to pay your TV licence

you just have to click a button so you know you'd have sound we were just about to watch it and she went hey I had to make some fucking good food don't I

flash something get your cock off fuck off another so well people cream themselves over food you know my wife i started watching the new mr and mrs smith that was very good i've only watched a couple of episodes though it's a different concept and another lady donald glover yeah donald glover Or get over to Paramount because they're smashing it as well. Are they?

Yeah. That Lioness special ops thing was fucking great. The Tulsa King with Sylvester Stallone. Can't believe how watchable that was. It's so good. A fucking gangster gets booted out of like, he gets booted out of the North East. Is it TV or a film?

To Tulsa Oklahoma is it and he starts running it it's brilliant they won't leave go on my channel

and ask them if it's Tulsa oh yeah yeah yeah it's the best it's the lowest if you look closer I'd love to go back

to America are you looking forward to Nashville baby got New York first where oh yeah Chelsea, Shultz MSG aren baby? Got New York first. Where? Oh, yeah. Mostly sheltered MSG, aren't we, baby?

New York in May, Nashville in June, and I might go to Chicago and Texas in August. Sounds well better than the Edinburgh Fringe, I'll be honest. Also, Luke Combs

is doing his own music festival in Florida in October, so I might just go over for that as well. Cool. Well, it'd be nice when you holiday back over here, innit, between your American stint.

Have you seen that Lainey Wilson's lost her arse? Wow, yeah. It fell off. It's literally gone. No, it isn't. I swear to you, let me try and find the picture. I saw it last night, so I was going to put it in the group, but I forgot. Honestly, since then, I've really gone off country music. Apart from Beyonce, who is the best country artist.

Her arse has fell off. That's his NFL. country music. Apart from Beyonce, who is the best country artist. Her arses fell off. I think she's the same time. That's his NFL. He's trying to get you. It is a bit of an earworm. Oh, it's one of the best country songs ever. In fact,

she's the best country artist. She's number one right now. Yeah, she's, mate, I think she's goated everyone with one song. I think 70% of people know Beyonce as now

because of country music. No. Not yet. Pull that shit up, Jamie. I think 70% of people know Beyonce as now because of country music. No. Not yet. Pull that shit up, Jamie. We'll find it in the brief. Her arse has gone and it's weird. I think she must have got it sucked out because you can, can't you? Did she have implants?

I mean, for the way it looks now, she must have. I'm just telling you right now, they might not have been implants because we're in the era of the badonk. So I thought it was an all-natural badonk. So I read it was that there's this new diet pill that's going around Hollywood and America.

Oxytocin, or what's it called? Yeah, I don't know what the name is. It's not oxytocin, but I know what you're talking... Maybe it is that. Myxomatosis. Do you know why I know about it? They're rabbits that have gone blind. Do you know why I know about it? Rabbits that have gone blind. Do you know why I know about that? Because I've got a troll

on Instagram who every time I put a picture up on my Instagram story, he keeps messaging me going, fucking telling everyone you've been running a nap when you're clearly just on the oxytocin. There's a fella who is just convinced that I'm on this diet pill.

Level of eggy cunt to just do it once and then you're like, oh, what a bell end. But to go, you know what, I'm going to do it every time. Yeah.

Oh, people are fucking sad. Do you know what though? I've proper turned a corner with like online trolling. Yeah. Like, it used to bother me. But you, I don't see you bite back now. No, I've proper turned a corner with online trolling. Yeah. It used to bother me. But I don't see you bite back now.

No, because I accept it for what it is, which is a person who's really angry and sad at their own life. Yeah, try and see the person typing it and you feel better. Do you know what I mean? If they said it to me in real life, they'd just be there, big fat mess, fucking covered in fucking watsits and stinking of ale going, you're fucking on New York's social lad

and I'd be like fuck you like if they were in real life it wouldn't it wouldn't even it wouldn't even scratch me would it I honestly think

if they saw you in real life they'd be like alright Adam can I get a picture yeah totally I don't even think that also adds to it it's just

it's so pathetic and embarrassing that I just find it genuinely really really just, it's so pathetic and embarrassing that I just find it genuinely really, really, really funny. It happened twice. So it's called

a Zen pic. A Zen pic. That's it. Yeah. A Zen pic. I think Bert Kreischer has been doing it. Is that on?

Can you make it more bigger? It's the tiny one. I don't know how you make it. that arsehole's fell off. I think that's just the pants she's wearing, you know

aye oh my god no but even her face looks skinnier her arseholes fell off oh dear well that is a

crime of a Zen pick I mean apparently Bert Kreisch has been on the old Zen pick apparently so many people are

what does it do Bert Kreisch has really cleaned himself up over the last six seven months hasn't he does it suppress your appetite

it's just a fat burner oh is it a fat burner yeah it's a proper like diet pill and it does work but it's obviously bad for you

and it'll come out in like a year oh it's giving everyone AIDS or whatever it is yeah they're never a free pass are they no

but surely medical science will get to the point where they will work out something to but there will be a point where there will work out something to, that there will be a point where it is a free pass.

Surely it's just a suppressant though. Yeah. I mean, you've also got to stay on it. That's what people do. They do diets and go, oh, I've lost all this weight. It's what I did. And then you go,

I'm going to do what I did before. And then people go, yeah, that diet doesn't work. And you're like, it does though, doesn't it? If you do it, it's when I went back to eating all the shit and not moving. Yeah. So are you going gonna go on a lifetime of a zen pic because i don't i can't imagine it's good for you i can't imagine that either i honestly the donka donk thing i

don't see the appeal of a a fake oh i am a big fan of the bootay you don't know the real fake like you didn't know it. But I mean, when you've got a sweet lady and you want to touch her sweet bum lumps, you don't want to feel something moving around here. I don't know. It's just not. That trend's over now.

It's going back towards the early noughties skinny. That's what's like in it. Oh, you youngsters. Do you not like Kate Marson? No. Aguilera, low rider jeans. No.

Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur. By the way, do you know that line? It's not boots with fur on. It's boots with a fur coat. Yeah. Didn't know that. Wild. Yeah.

Nice. I thought she was wearing jeans with fairy boots. Yeah, I did, to be honest. She's not. She's got jeans on, a fair and boots. I always thought in the Sophie Ellis Baxter song, Murder on the Dance Floor, I thought there'd been a killing on the dance floor.

In my head, someone had been shot or stabbed on the dance floor. And she was like, listen, there's a murder on the dance floor, but I'm having such a good night out and these pills are fucking flying. I think it's like, it's dead busy on the dance floor. It's murder on the dance floor. You better not kill the groove. This is 20 years later.

And I'm like, fuck, somebody in in a nightclub and go I'm gonna kill someone I'm gonna shoot two people and then Sophie Alice Bexler was like

I know there's been a murder and we do need to sort that out but hey DJ just keep going man because this song's blinded

and everyone's in a great mood I actually still think right now that that's the thing even though you've explained that it isn't I think your new way's wrong. The new way's less fun.

But I also, it's not, there's murder. I always thought it was, there's murder on the dance floor. But it's not, it's murder. It's murder on the dance floor. I cannot believe, in my head the whole time, Sophie Ellis Baxter has been this cold ass fucking. Although she may be kind of a vigilante in the pre-chorus. If you think you're getting away I will prove you wrong

yeah it's like she's gonna solve the murder on the dance floor there is a murder on the dance floor is there a murder

on the dance floor no because it sounds like if you think you're getting away maybe I've been hanging out I won't prove you wrong I will prove you wrong no it's I won't

no it's I won't if you think you're getting away I won't prove you wrong ta-da they are the lyrics no I will prove you wrong. I will prove you wrong. No, it's I won't. No, it's I won't. If you think you're getting away, I won't prove you wrong. Ta-da! They are the Linux. No, I will prove you wrong. No, it's I won't prove you wrong. It's like, if you want to get away from me, then I won't stop you.

I'm 100% on this. Right. Just, we are breaking down. Sophie on this place. Murder on the dust. Murder. If you think you're getting away, I will prove you wrong. I'll take you all the way.

Get the lyrics up, lad. Right. Go on, genius. It's Murder on the Dance Floor. I think this website's wrong, you know. There you go. There you go. She's been singing it wrong since she wrote it.

Oh, shit. There's a genius annotation. If you think you're getting away, I will prove you wrong. This line is spoken from the terrorist's point of view to the victims of a hijacked plane they're making it clear there is no chance of escape from the situation what was that gonna do with it i'm just i don't know it's on genius no no no that's wrong in the sorry in the middle of the sophie alice beck song there's a a line about hostages on a plane being hijacked.

So it's saying that this annotation is unreviewed, so maybe it's a bit like Wikipedia. I will say that. And then it says the next line is... Hang on. Once again, this line is from the terrorist point of view. They're going to take the plane passengers all the way, i.e. into the twin towers.

When does this song come out? It came out before... 2003, didn't it? It's just afterwards. It's a 9-11 fucking banger, mate. Sophie, few questions. There's murder on the dance floor. What are you talking about? 9-11.

Pretty clearly 9-11. That's so funny. But anyway, yeah, some cunt thinks I'm on a temper. Should we get some? What? Do you think we should get some i want to try it no that's part of adam's thing when he was talking about being an adult like just being healthy he's just dead annoying why can't you just eat what you want all the time that is the worst thing you know last time you brought it up i was like you big babies just grow up on this one i absolutely agree agree you've got to eat healthy so when you're eating healthy

and dieting you're like done it so I went this is our lifestyle forever now and I went no it isn't and then I was like I know it

I did my head in I was like what are you doing we're doing it for a bit and then you go back again and then you do it again yeah you bollocks

I'm not doing this forever I love like lovely things you love Kinder Buenos I love Kinder Buenos i'm not doing this forever i love like lovely things you love kinder buenos i love kinder buenos i'm not having one of them forever oh you can have one every six weeks i thought they just make a salad that tastes like halloumi yeah i mean literally the leaves that's what you know when people are genetically modified I don't think they're modifying it enough. I want it to taste like chips. Lovely big lettuce tomahawk. Yeah.

They could do that, can't they? They can do that thing where it changes your taste, like what your brain does. So you could give you a leaf and like eat a steak pill. And then you're edgy eating a steak. That's the future of science.

Can't wait. There's murder on the dance floor. There's been a shooting. Sophie, get down. Nah, mate. I'm going to speak to the DJ. Keep fucking playing. Three people are dead.

Shut up. This plane is going right into the World Trade Center. When I said the dance floor on the plane, don't ask questions. That sounds like one of them dreams. We I sit on the dance floor on the plane, don't ask questions. That sounds like one of them dreams, you know, where you don't know

what's going on but the team is bored. It's an allegory, you thick-hunt. There's three people being shot on the fucking plane dance floor.

Just shut up, will you? This one's heading for Washington DC and we will succeed. I don't know, I don't know, I just dream about that.

Let's have a break. Bum holes indeed. Welcome back. We've got very similar vibes there, haven't we? Jacket and hoodie combo. Yeah, let's have a break bum holes indeed welcome back got a very similar vibes there haven't we jacket and hoodie combo yeah because this is the great thing

about working so closely with a fashionista I just sort of get the vibe from you and I roll with it I'm like where is Adam taking me

my Instagram is becoming a food and clothes account people love it I love it my wife really likes it. The trolls hate it. The trolls will message me on there and go, why the fuck do you think people care about what you have for your seat?

Do they? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Who's asked what butter you've made today, lad? I'm like, a lot of people, actually. Why don't you open your phone and take that one? Yeah, send that.

He's made a fucking butter again. I'm going to tell him I'm not an arse, love. No. He needs to know. Can you feed the kids? No. Up the fucking top, please. Yes, love.

It does look good, but that's not the point. That's me, that one. Talking about fashionistas, gone for the old turkey top. I've gone for the turkey top today. Have you worn the training top that I bought you? I've not yet.

Do you like it? I do like it. Good line. Harry also got me a top with Erdogan on the back. that I bought you? I've not yet. Do you like it? I do like it. Good line. Harry also got me a top with Erdogan on the back. Really nice line. He didn't ever play

but he's had a big hand in the shape of the country. He plays for Turkey in some way. He plays them like a fool. He does.

Take him down, Carl. Yeah. After that Erdogan, you big... Is Adam there? Yeah. You big stupid

guy. Did Steve tell you about what Maisie said? So Maisie came in. Who's Maisie? Huh? Who's Maisie? Am I?

What? Is this a secret? They don't know who she is. Oh, right. Oh, sorry. Steve's girlfriend came in. Steve's side piece. And went, oh, isn't it cute?

Finn's got a picture of his granddad on his desk. Granddad president. A signed picture of my granddad on his desk. Granddad president. Signed picture of my granddad. It looks like it says Bing and it does me head in. Finn, come closer. A lot of the other grandchildren are getting inheritance. You shall have a signed picture of me. What's more likely is you've got a signed photo of your ex's granddad.

Yeah, true. Fucking love it. That's because mine are both dead. But, you know, we move. They don't. They don't. They love it. That's because mine are both dead. But, you know, we move. They don't. They don't. They're dead. God, Finn.

Can we turn the TV off? Because I've not got ADHD, but that does do me in. Should we do some pet peeves? You have got ADHD. I have to do my head in. You're wasting me. We all have. That's not true.

It fucking is. Pet peeves. Shay says, when someone asks you to print out their boarding tickets for a flight, my mum will not fly without the printouts because Ryanair specifically tell you to print them out, but it's absolute bollocks as the barcode is all you need. Yeah.

Yeah. Just tell your mum to shut the fuck up. It's old people in it. It's a scam though, because old people go, I haven't got a printer, and then you get there and Ryanair charge you to print it people in it. It's a scam though because old people go, I haven't got a printer and then you get there and Ryanair charge you

to print it. Yeah. So it's a scam. So, so sorry. They go to the desk and go, we haven't printed it off.

They go, we'll print it. It's £20 per person. I, I know I use them all the time because there isn't another option.

It's scum. I hate Ryanair. Yeah. It's so annoying. You don't need it. It's on your phone. I know, but why, I'm just, it's scum i hate ryanair yeah it's so annoying you don't need it it's on your phone i know but why i'm just it's so yeah it's gone but then why put it in just literally to make them go scam people yeah i'm gonna be that guy it's not much of a scam though is it like just print it yourself then or have it on your phone ryanair i don't i think ryanair

get a lot of shit that they don't deserve it does actually say on the ticket you need to print this out yeah so if you don't print it out then it costs you four pence

if you've got no facilities too because you're old you go if you don't have a printer then you're pestering some cunt going oh can you do this and then they go

you don't need to and they go what are you doing they've said and it's a lie you're meant to print it out but it does work on your phone. That's the thing. You are meant to print it out.

It's very easy to just print it yourself in it. And it costs you nothing. You can go to a library, get it done. Are you? There's libraries. You can't move for libraries. Where's the library? I'm always at libraries.

If you need something printed out, DM Adam. He'll go to one of the many libraries. He can't fucking... I'm not doing everyone's printing. He can't move for libraries. Do you know where's a good library? I had to print me tickets for the Carabao Cup final.

Do you know what I did? I went to the fucking desk at the hotel I was in and was like, will you print that for me? And they printed it. Old people are stupid. Go to a hotel. Hang on. Did you actually need the printout?

No. But it said on it, these must be printed. But I could have just used my phone. So, listen. It's not really about the old people or anything, but why are we putting on tickets? These need to be printed when they don't.

Yeah, just don't lie. To make the extra little bit of money. It doesn't. But the Carabao Cup. No one's trying to make money from the Carabao Cup by getting me to print my own tickets. I know, but you're getting annoyed at the wrong person. Why are they putting it on the fucking thing?

Because it's causing stress. Just have it on your phone. It just doesn't matter. It does. If you print it, then there can't be any problems with your phone going, like losing battery or whatever. It's annoying.

Printering costs fucking loads. It does. If it's not necessary. Printering to print one ticket costs loads it's not that it's not that is it you have to buy the cartridge I can't afford

me anything now I fucking hate printing things this print only spends on printing the fuck you done about it costs 40 fucking quid

for a cartridge oh and how many how many cartridges do you need per ticket no but you have to have you have to spend the 40 quid to have it to have a printer

to print the one thing. You don't... Don't at your local library! What are you talking about? You're not fucking anywhere near a library! Here's the scam. I'm old. It says print it.

We can't. Do you know what we'll do? We'll get them to print it in the airport for us. Good idea. Well, you've got to pay for it. Oh, so because fucking old women are stupid old fucking bitches, that's right in its fault, isn't it? Because they're lazy, stupid cunts,

and they won't go to a library. They all won't go. Full disclosure, have you taken a personal sponsor from libraries? What's going on? I'm saying that's who they're preying on. Fucking rowey bibliotech over there. They're not trying to prey on anyone.

They're just sending you a ticket and going, hey, Margaret, print that off, love. And she's going, ah, I can't afford to buy a printer. I've got me fucking, me gas bill. Why are they charging 20 quid for one piece of paper?

Then it's not a scam. Because they don't want to do it. So it's a deterrent. So, if they don't want to do it, why do they, why do they put on the ticket? You've got to print these out.

Because you're meant to print them out. You don't need to. You don't. So why are you supposed to put on the ticket? You've got to print these out. Because you're meant to print them out. You don't need to. You don't. So why are you supposed to put on the ticket? Make sure you keep your phone charged, because if your phone dies, or you have a problem with your phone, then you can't get on the fucking plane.

Print the ticket, and it solves all problems. Here's your fucking plane ticket. Do us a favour. Print that at home, and then there can be no problems. Your phone can't die. You're in the pocket of Big Library. The app can't fuck up. The app can't fuck up. The app can't fuck up. The app can't fuck up. The app can't fuck up. The app can't fuck up. The app can't fuck up're in the pocket of Big Library. The app can't fuck up.

None of that. You've been bought. You've been bought by Big Library. Big Library's making fucking millions from you. Print your ticket and it solves every possible problem. Don't. What if you lose it?

Then it's on your phone? Then go back to the library and go, hey, do you know I'm here all the time? I'm a regular. You know my name. Could you reprint that ticket for me? Nice one. Matt Lambert said,

it's a good one, that. It's a good one. By the way, I hate that you took that angle with that. Why? Because I just feel like you should have... It's the right thing to do. I just feel like it went against every characteristic of Adam Rowe

who just likes an easy, simple life without bullshit and unnecessary facts. I don't print them. I make sure my phone's charged. So do I. Exactly. But if you're being pestered by an old relative, why are they making that old relative stress?

You go, listen, nan, listen to me. You don't need to print it. I fly a lot more often than you, don't I? Keep it on your phone, keep it charged. If you don't want to do that, go and print it. Go to the library. Walk into any hotel and say hi i'm nervous i'm nervous walk into any hotel and say oh yeah i'm staying in room 317 uh i'm going on a plane later on the way to the airport stop at many hotels you just need? I'm staying in room 317.

Will you print me planes? There's no room 317 in this hotel. There's only two floors. What numbers are there? There's 101. I'm staying in 101. Print me tickets for me. They'll do it.

You're Mr. Muhammad Mahmood. All right, we'll print it off, Mr. Mahmood. My son bought it for me. You're Stylish Mahmood. My son paid for it for me. That's his name. Sorry, just before I print this off. You've got a son called Mohammed Mahmood?

Yeah, yeah. His real name was John Rowe, but he converted to Islam. All right, great. Well, we're not going to question that at the Holiday Inn Express. We'll print that off for you. They will print it off for you. And can we just say, Mr Rowe, lovely to see you out at the library. that off for you.

They will print it off for you. And can we just say, Mr. Rowe, lovely to see you out at the library. You're making out like it's this really hard thing. Print your fucking ticket or keep your phone charged

and just know that it doesn't matter and tell your nana. And if your nana argues, yeah, just tell her to fuck off. Just say, listen,

fuck off for once, will you? What's more likely? It's technology, isn't it? I'm more likely to know about it than you are like you stupid old fuck so just keep your phone charged

and do it like this or go to the library or any of the 7,000 hotels in the vicinity of your gaff and they'll print it for you it's not a problem where have you heard the all hotels will print anything rumor

because i listen so if you live in the spanish quarter of hyten and you're surrounded by these 7 000 hotels i do there's you just can't move for hotels and libraries you know fuck the tories and you think you just walk in and go hello i'm mr mam Mr. Mamoot. Print this off, would you? Yeah. You think they're going to be like, yeah, yeah, sound. It's what we live for.

100% of the time, they will just print it for you. I've had hotels print stuff for me when I've been clearly staying there. I've never wandered in off the street. Yeah, yeah. Just go in, in your dressing gown. You wouldn't be in a hotel in your dressing gown

unless you were staying there. Just say to your nana, pretend to be a young Muslim lad. And I said to God, if your 78-year-old nana walks into any hotel in the world and says, hello, I'm Mr. Mahmood from room 317, I reckon they'll print anything out just to get you out. They'll call the fucking ambulance as well.

They'll do that. Barbara, what are you doing? I'm doing Muslim convert, man. They'll print it for you. I hate to say this, but I've Googled it and it says you can just walk into a hotel, even if you're not staying there, they'll print stuff for you.

Who's wrote that? Hotels.com. That is actually a thing. Oh my God. Who's wrote that? The Hilton.co.uk forward slash Hamptons. Who's that? Lastminute.com.

Papercut.com. Shit. Isn't that mad? Adam was right as usual. You're never fucking, you're never as right as you think you are. Matt Lambie says- It literally says on the internet that I'm right.

Again, everyone who's flying needs to go, you're gonna sink hotels? Imagine the toll they're gonna have to pay for. Oh yeah, fucking 40 quid a go. 40 quid, we've only got half of your ticket printed for oh yeah fucking 40 quid ago 40 quid we've only got half of your ticket printed there it's 80 quid a ticket but you're projecting because you're not even the person that will go anywhere near a library or a hotel you if you had a you just have it on your phone i know and i'm not asked but this is an old person in the question so then send them to a hotel if they're worried about it or tell her to keep her phone charged

and to have a cake and a smile and shut the fuck up. And then join Aldi, of course. That doesn't have to, my heavy. Well, we got you on a pet peeve, but it was like against the pet peeve. Matt Lambert says, pet peeve shorts with ridiculously shallow pockets or shorts with pockets that immediately

immediately empty out as you sit down yes i've lost a lot of change down the side of my fucking car seat just to like short shirts there we go go on have a bindle you'll be fine it's just autobolics isn't it no that's a valid pet pet peeve. Shit pockets is a pet peeve. I've got my shorts on. I'm taking my phone, my laptop, my keys. If you've got shorts on, go to a library and get them to 3D print you new shorts.

It's a fact. Any hotel or library or fucking pets at home. Two of them things as well. Go in your pocket. What you've just said. Liam Duggan says... Get yourself a little fucking bag and you'll be all right. Pet peeve. When you go to a mate's house to watch the footy or a film

and their TV is so high up on the wall, you feel like you're sat in front row of a cinema, it should be enforced by law that living room TVs are eye level when sat on the couch. Mine's on the wall. You want me to throw that out there? I kind of agree. Oh, well, then you're not coming to mine, are you?

Fuck you. I don't know if I've ever been like that at someone's house. What kind of fucking piece of shit is this? I invite you down to mine. I invite you down to mine. I make a fucking bolognese for everyone. And you're sat on my couch going, oh, can I just move your telly from where you like it the fuck are you

watching the match in your own fucking house then all the tellies in my house are on the wall all the way every single one where they should be I don't know though

it's not 2001 is it yeah TVs at eye level is better it is I love you see this we like isn't yours on the wall

it's not it's on a cabinet but it's higher up so Jack doesn't break it. A few years ago, we realised Etta was going to destroy a TV because they think

everything is a touchscreen. So they go, cool, this is just a massive iPad and I'll twat it. So now we've got it on so Jack can't hit it with something.

I bet you Jack's pissed off when he watches the footy and he has to look up. It is better to have it at eye level, 100%. I totally know what he means. How high up is it that you're having to actually look up? Yeah.

That's the ceiling. If you've got it on the ceiling, I agree. You're literally looking at our ceiling there. I tell you what, if you go round to any of your mates' house and they've put the telly on the ceiling, you've got every right to bring it up, but you haven't got any right to change it. My telly's a bit high in that time, just a touch.

Yeah, it's good. That's not too high. Yeah. I think this guy's got a mate that's got his TV too high. Yeah. Paul Stodden says, when you order a full English and you have to butter your own toast.

Yeah, because the butter's always dead hard. Yeah. Because you put it in the fridge, do the little's always dead hard. Yeah. Because you put it in the fridge, do the little gold bits. Yeah, if it's too hard, then I do hate that, yeah. But in the packet, you just have to massage it.

Massage your butter with your thumbs. I put it in my hand for a bit. Just give it a little fucking like... Put it in your hand for a bit and then stab it with a fork. If you treat like cold butter just like two clits

eventually it will come lovely toast two clits two clits that are right next to each other I've searched for that woman when she doesn't exist do you think anyone's been born with two clits

yeah it must have been oh my god yeah yeah clitomania Emma Myers says when clothes company do an when clothes company

do an extra large an XXL and an XXL range of clothing in slim fit I'm fucking fat I don't want anything slim fitting

I'm buying them yeah I agree what me? no like these are skinny jeans with a 46 inch waist who's buying oh lord me you're not a 46 inch waist no i'm not but i think people who are fat should be allowed to wear skinny jeans as well no really i don't know like slim fit slim fit is like a a coat of shirt isn't it yeah like

and there's nothing wrong with being a big fellow who wants like a tighter fit and top hey like when i've been like at my biggest i've wore slim fit tops in like double and triple xl wow because it they fit you better did when you're properly overweight they do yeah really because that you just buy your size it's just a different shape of shirt it's more square it's just tight it's a bit more like tapered in a bit more

it's just tapered yeah right like it's not like it's not like a fucking like you're wearing spandex you know I just think more options

the better this is on ask me anything so I'm ready I am a 22 year old female who was born with two clitorises ask me anything it's been it's been verified but who why someone I am a 22 year old female who was born with two clitorises. Ask me anything.

It's been verified. But who? Someone's gone round to look at a clit. There's only been a few reported cases ever. I'm keeping myself anonymous as I'm just starting to embrace what I was born with. She's a super double clit. Twice the orgasm or just you can enjoy it in two places. I think it's just easier to reach it.

Oh, no, wait. There's one above the other. Oh, mate, that's going to feel great. Someone said, do they rub against each other? Does it limit you in any way to have two? And it says, no, they do not. Physically, it does not. Mentally, somewhat, though.

Mentally? Yeah. It limits her? Yeah. Wow. No, the difficulty is because she's just thinking about having two clits all the time. Can't concentrate. It's a confidence thing, isn't it?

Because it's a sexy, sexy deformity. It's like if you get two drinks at the bar, what are you drinking? She doesn't know what to do with two clits. I had two dicks. I've been made up. I think you would. Would you whip both of them out

or would you tell the girl on the date, like, just before we go back to mine, and I really like you, but when you pull my pants down there is going to be an extra little surprise for you or would you I'd specify what the surprise was because that sounds like

I might as well shit myself just so you know when you take my pants off it'll be a little extra surprise for you you know what I mean you shit your pants free printing at any library in your area

if she goes to second dick before poo, she's all this and she's got two dicks. Get in. Surprise while you're down there. You got two cocks. Good guess. Well, it's better than the truth. I've shit myself.

What would your guess be if a woman said that to you? Just so you know, get maximized. When you take my knickers off, there's a little surprise happening for you hang on also how confident

do you have to be to shit yourself and go she's still gonna take me pants down and I'm gonna let her but I'm a gentleman so I'll just flag the surprise

what would you think she means because my brain's going straight to butt plug there there's a little if a girl goes hey we're going back to mine

whip me kegs down but there's a little surprise there for you. I think like... She said it exactly like that. A kinder egg toy. I'm thinking she's got a dog at home because she hasn't specified the surprises in her pants. I'll have to try again.

You take my pants off. There's a little surprise down there. Yeah? What do I think it is? I think she's trans. He's trans. I don't know which way it is. They're trans.

Or she's cut a mullet into her pubes. Oh, she's trans. Yeah, I was thinking like, do you know like they put the pictures in the Guinness? She's done like a... Your face in her pubes. Yeah, it's her jaw face. I'd kind of like that.

I appreciate effort, you know what I mean? Acts of service is my love language. Yeah, she's lasered your face into her pubes. A massive fucking face of Adoram in her pubs all right surprise surprise or she's a magician takes it's your card and it's your card yeah i'm not fucking you but if you went oh fucking hell the baby's left a little surprise there's pants there for you you're thinking poo aren't you you? You wouldn't fuck a magician. A woman magician. What? Are there any?

Famous ones? Oh, there's not many female magicians. No, but if there was one, think Google. You'd shag a magician? You're right. A hundred percent. No.

Get to ours. Make my cock disappear. Up your arse. Yeah. Isn't that all women, though? What? What? All women are magicians.

Are they? Well, they? All women are magicians. Are they? Well, they usually make pieces. No way. Not every woman can take all of mine, you know? Oh my God. This woman, she's won. What's her name? Faye Presto.

Is that even a magician's like saying? Isn't that like what you say when you've finished cooking? Faye Presto. Faye Presto. There's a listener to this who's a magician's saying? Isn't that what you say when you've finished cooking? Faye Preston. Faye Preston. There's a listener to this who's a magician called Luke Closer. That's cool. I mean, do you find it cool? It's a fun way of play.

There's an Asian one called Misty Lee. Get her up. I want to see Misty Lee. Come on. Get the telly up. There's no pictures of her. Oh. That's how magic she is.

She doesn't exist. Oh, God. Finn, do you want to do some things we believed? Yes, go for it. We've got a jingle. I don't know if it's going to last as a jingle. What? What? Nah, I never knew what nah i never knew that i never knew that carl really stood on the table for that to be on the soundboard i jumped off and he's lost

confidence in it oh it's very funny that video though isn't it um right first one this is from rob hooper i used to think that 50 metres waterproof was judged in length, not depth. I used to take my watch off and leave it on the side when I got close to swimming that length. I believed this until I was 40. 40? That's not like something people used to believe. That's just a stupid man, isn't it?

Yeah, Rob Hooper. I'll tell you that. Mikan, I'm not talking about that. He never, he wasn't stupid. That's just a stupid man. Yeah. Connor Hooper. I'll tell you that. Miggun, I'm not telling you that. You never. You wasn't stupid. That's just stupid, man. Yeah. Connor Mudge. For the stuff you used to believe as a kid,

my brother told me that if you lied on your stomach, your heart would stop beating. I only stopped believing this when my partner told me it wasn't true. I was 18. If you lay on your stomach... Your heart would stop. Right.

Wow. Yeah. I don't believe that. Dean Caffrey. If you lay on your stomach, your heart would stop. Right. Wow. Yeah. No. Dean Caffrey. I used to believe that Calvin Harris was Rolf Harris's son. I only found out in lockdown. I had no idea where I got that idea from.

Can you, can you, can you, can you tell what it is yet? It's a kid's bum hole. Oh yeah. Going to a kid's bum hole. Oh yeah. Go to jail for sex. Yeah. Sex? I mean, sex.

But a specific type of sex. Holly Ann Wilson. My dad told me when I was younger that onions came from the onion tree. He said it so often and with such confidence

I never questioned it. That's fair enough. You wouldn't, would you? Where do onions come from? The ground. It's questioned it. That's fair enough. You wouldn't, would you? Where do onions come from? The ground. It's a vegetable. That's the difference between fruit and vegetables. Vegetables come from the ground

and fruits come from trees. Or bushes. Why are you laughing at me? What about peas? What about tomatoes? Trees. What about peas? Tomatoes grow on trees.

Tomatoes grow on... Yeah. Tomato plant. Literally. Hang on, what about peas? What about peas? Tomatoes grow on trees. Tomatoes grow on, yeah. Tomato plant. Literally. Hang on, what about peas? What about them? Well, they don't grow on the ground, do they? Where do they grow, Dan?

Pea trees. How do you grow peas? On a plant. In a pod. Oh, yeah. In the ground. Yeah, but trees grow on the ground. What? Hang ground. What?

Hang on. What? I think he's died on a hill. Are you taking the bits? No. Well, then everything... No, peas grow. Peas are the plant,

in the same way carrots are the plant, and turnips are the plants because they're vegetables, whereas tomatoes, the plant grows, and the tomato comes off the plant. That's what makes it a fruit. I thought it was because it's got seeds. Jack, why? Jack's having a great time.

Googly? Come on. But then all, everything grows up in the ground. This guy is so annoyed. Because you all sound so stupid today. I was right. Fruit, yeah right yeah no adam's right fruits come from the flowering part of a plant and contain seeds in contrast vegetables are the edible parts of a plant and leave stem leave roots and stems cool it's great shit house very by the way by the dad I just think it's

fucking great just literally gaslight your children into thinking something daft for your own fucking entertainment just

plant the seed no pun intended early and then just wait till they're adults and they make a tit of themselves at Christmas and everyone goes

what the fuck are you on about and then they look at you going dad you told me that ages ago you're like i don't know fucking idiot well you're making me look for jack beautiful beautiful right we've got a couple more this one's from dean mallin uh things you believed as a kid thunder is clouds banging together problem is i still thought this until i was 30

it is what it's not clouds physically. It's not like one cloud bumping into the edge of another cloud and banging, is it? There's more going on there. Thunder is clouds colliding. Thunder is the sound caused by lightning. Yeah, which is caused by what? Yeah, but he thinks a cloud, the edge of a cloud,

bangs on the cloud. That's not what... I think Andrew still thinks that. Because that's what it is. Thunder is created when lightning passes through the air. The lightning discharge heats the air rapidly and causes it to expand. But what causes the lightning?

Particles. Yeah, cause it. But that's not clouds banging together is it god you're in a argument today no it's absolutely right it is clouds banging together like bumper cars uh pet peeve the the world is round no it's not what a load of prove it it actually isn't. It actually isn't round. It's not. It's like, it's not, it's more of a pear shape, isn't it? I think it is more of a pear shape. It's not perfectly round.

No, it's not. It's not pear shaped though, is it? It's more pear shaped and round, yeah. No, it's not. No, it isn't. It's bottom heavy. No. It's bottom heavy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What side of the bottom? That was the joke. Where Australian it is. That was the joke. Where Australia it is. That was the joke bit. But it's not perfectly round. It's an irregularly shaped ellipsoid. Yes. But it's not more.

That's what he said. It's not more pear shaped. You said pear shaped. Do you know what an ellipsoid is? What's an ellipsoid? An ellipsoid is like a very, very slightly off circle. Like so close to a circle. It's not pear shaped, is it?

I'm not a pear that shaped. Like a tiny percentage towards, like a rugby ball. Yeah, like a melon. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not. It's not riled, is it though? Wouldn't play football with it.

I saw the thing the other day. Did you see the video of when they've done the real map? Do you know, like we know what, or we think we know what it looks like. Yeah, it looks like. Yeah, it's immense. It's so long and stretched out.

How Africa is one of the smaller continents, but it's so much bigger than the rest of it. Yeah, it's absolutely insane. Also, do you know if there was a super space giant? Who could pick? If you could hold Earth in your hand, if you were a super giant, it would be smoother than a cue ball.

Yeah. It's like so smooth. No, when you take it down to the size of a... Because Everest isn't that on the Earth. It's like... The highest point is the Earth and the lowest point, which are very far apart from each other, is such a small differential. Earth is smaller than a cue ball

if you could hold it in your hand. I've seen a video of Neil the Snitch Tyson talking about it. I saw the same video. What? I saw the same video. Yeah. Right, we've got one more of these.

This is from Dan Fenwick. My dad convinced me that sausages didn't come from pigs, but were actually little animals with arms and legs that ran around on farms. The farmer would catch them, cut their limbs off,

and then put them in a packet to go to supermarkets. A lot of this is just dads being cunts. And I'm so here for it. It's fucking great. There's sausage monsters in the garden again. Who wants brekkie?

What an awful farm that would be if all meat just had legs and it was running around. Are you a sick animal? Like cows and all. What? Oh, steaks with legs. Ah, okay.

Chicken wings. Little chicken wings with wings flying around. That's a great one, though. You start lying to your kids like that. Like, Jack. Just talking absolute bollocks. Yeah. Yeah, it's great.

Let teachers clear it up. Exactly. Or podcasts. Third time. See you in a bit welcome back what welcome back to part

do you want me to do the numbers part three of three what do you say Carl you've got changed I have got changed haven't I yeah why have I got changed Carl Finn pissed on you

no my dog the other puppy pissed on me my dog weewee'd on you yeah No. My dog pissed on me. The other puppy pissed on me. My dog wee-wee'd on you, yeah. A man turned up with meat for me and Carl, and Wallace took an instant dislike into him. We will get to you in a minute.

Oh, good. Talk away. William Thompson's here. I picked Wallace up to take him over to the meat man, and Wallace pissed all over me. I mean, he is a six-inch tall dog. How did he... Did you get down to him? Oh, he held him.

I was holding him to introduce him to the meat man to be like, hey, Wallace, look. He's probably not going to kill you. I don't know, I just met him myself, but I'm guessing he doesn't kill dogs. He is a butcher, though. Yeah? Yeah.

And then William walked in and was scared of dogs and Perry ran right at him full pelt what has it finally happened and he's an eight stone dog I imagine he's not far off yeah

he's a big boy and then Adam said sit and William decided that the dog was called Sid I was calling him Sid for about five minutes before I was corrected what a stupid name

for the dog William Thompson's here why am I clapping I was calling him Sid for about five minutes before I was corrected. What a stupid name for the dog family. William Thompson's here. Yay! Why am I clapping? Here we go, baby. Jod, Northern Irish Adam Rowe. Here he is.

He got recognised as me, didn't he? Yeah. I do get it now. You're in a lot better shape than I am at the minute. Yeah. I mean, don't agree. At the minute was a great job. Gave it eight months. I'm like the minute yeah I mean don't agree at the minute was a great job gave it eight months but I'm like the ghost

of like Christmas future if you start brawling this is what you'll look like so keep it up you're doing well I haven't ran for ten days because my knee's been sore but I'm going to run tomorrow

I was going to run today but I didn't no more blowjobs today is still today though you still run today if you want I think it was Gandhi who said that wasn't it

today is still today and you can run if you want want I think it was Gandhi who said that wasn't it today is still today and you can and you can run if you want I'm going to watch the Mighty Reds children against Southampton I could run to Anfield I suppose

but I'm not going to so it is that weird go ahead put it off this is what's waiting for you if you don't start again

well the thing is what I've also done in the last week is act like shit because I've been like well I'm not running, so I might as well have whatever I want to eat.

Yeah. Loads of pastries, sandwiches, I had chips and gravy for my lunch. Interesting theory, that, isn't it? You're doing less exercise,

but yeah. That's how your mind works. You go, I haven't done it, so I may as well not do all of it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stupid. And you know you shouldn't do it,

and you go, but I'm doing it anyway. Yeah, I'm not just washing my face, am I? I'm either getting a shower or I'm living in filth. So when you're on a diet, it's not just like, oh, I've fallen off and had a bag of crisps.

You might as well go get five guys and just do the whole thing. If you're going to be dirty, cover yourself in shit. Be dotty. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like doing the exercise makes you not want to eat shit.

You're like, oh, I did two hours in the gym. I don't want this. No, I don't see it like that. If I do all exercise to balance off my eating shit no if i go for a run the run was a waste of time if i have a chippy however don't go for a run there's nothing that's going in the bin if i have the chippy if i don't do anything i feel like right you should diet today but if i have exercised i want biscuits that's mad nah nah want it, but you can't have it. And you go, no, I've run there.

Otherwise that was a waste of time. Do you not work out at all? You look like you've got a bit of chest on you. No, I would lift weights, but because of the problems with my muscles and joints, I can't do a lot of cardio. What's the problem with your muscles and joints? I've got cerebral palsy.

Have you? Do you not lift? Sorry. You haven't got the most obvious cerebral palsy I've ever seen. No, no. That's one lift? Sorry You haven't got the most obvious Cerebral palsy I've ever seen No No That's one way of putting it

That's always When I Because I'm a worm It's not visible It's quite a hidden Adam said like If I'd have known You wouldn't have got fucking booked

You've hidden that well Well played I'd have sat the dog on you Comics always take it Or people in general Take it one of two ways and I explain them I'm disabled

one is they accuse me of lying and that's always comics do that they're like are you actually disabled or are you just saying that which weird flex for me

how would you prove it just fall over I just go like look at it I have this test with my hand my arm because it won't go

straighter than that so I get people to like it's like Thor's hammer I'm like try and straighten that out you can't do it and people will with my hand, my arm, because it won't go straighter than that. So I get people to like, it's like Thor's hammer. I'm like trying to straighten that out. You can't do it. And people will literally line up trying to straighten that arm out. So what comics actually accuse you of lying?

All the time. Thinking you're just trying to get a panel show or something? A lot of the time people are like, are you making that up? I'm like, yeah, I'm just saying I'm disabled for the pussy, man. Listen now, look, I'm not accusing you of lying.

I wouldn't do that. But like I said before, you know. There's a lot of liars out there. It's not just that there's a lot of liars out there. There are certain benefits to having certain things, you know, that you can and can't do. You know what I mean? If the first Michael Jackson video I'd ever seen was like his last one,

and then you were like he's a black guy and I've got no evidence to show if there wasn't like the Jackson 5 videos would you believe Michael Jackson was black? No I think he was a vampire. To be fair when I was born he was white so I would see it like classic Michael being like what the fuck

Yeah it's like you're James Bond my Michael Jackson's white Yeah? Is yours black? No No mine's white. Yeah. Is yours black? No. No, mine's white. Is he? Yeah. It's after the Pepsi I've heard, isn't it?

Mine's 1986 onwards. He's well white by then. Was he white by then? He has the nose of a beautiful lady. Was he even white in 86? No. Yeah. You know when Michael Jackson was to like a little middle ground where he was sort of growing his hair out?

Yeah. I think he was mixed race in 86 he was sort of growing his hair out? Yeah. I think he was mixed race in 86. I'm going to the shit stage. Yeah. It'll look good when it's grown out. I've never seen pictures of him in the middle. I've seen like a black child and then, no, I think it's- No, I mean-

It's gradual, isn't it? It's very gradual. Oh, it's gradual. Bad. What's bad? 86. He was still black in 86 no Michael Jackson's black oh

okay when did he go on fire my William Thompson's disabled when did he go what on fire when did he go on fire that's off this

he burns his hair in a Pepsi alvear and he has to get plastic surgery to fix it and then he got obsessed with plastic surgery and that's what happened

it was caused by Pepsi alvear it melted his with plastic surgery and that's what happened it was caused by it melted his head that's mad that's what caused it all but I thought he had the skin condition that's made him white he said it was

vitiligo is that when you can't stand on mildons it's vertigo he had a condition on his skin which means it's bad if he gets lit on fire

very sensitive topic for him I had an accident that would have the That would have... The police would have arrived. Okay, that's good. Immediately. Yes.

But yeah, some people accuse me of lying about it. Like I just make it up. And then other people, when I explain to them I'm disabled, change their entire demeanor and go from nice to meet you mate to are you okay? Are you all right?

Yeah. You were very good on stage. and that one annoys me way more yeah it's it's just you see how people aren't used to being around disability and immediately go to kids gloves these people can't act for themselves or can't be themselves or can't do anything for themselves and that's very frustrating of course it is yeah yeah it's the age old isn't it the only one comic who never called me like a liar about it or reacted weirdly to it was the amazing tom stayed who immediately just went to joking about it even though i didn't even know him that well i was like i have cerebral palsy he's like oh you're a fucking spastic good it's good for you man it's good for you

i remember i ran into tom and edmund what's the bar the gilded balloon the loft i hadn't seen tom for like six months and he'd done our podcast that one i do with patty mcdonald and i hadn't seen him for ages i was sitting having a drink and he came in with all these edinburgh producers and like really serious bookers i just walked past past him. I was like, all right, Tom, good to see you. And he was like, oh, fucking come over here, man. Put his arm around his shoulder and went, everyone, this is Willie. He's the fucking retard.

V? I was like, ah, Tom. It's coming back. That word is coming back. It's happening. Tom stayed started it. Shane Gillis has helped. What can't you do?

What does it impair you from doing? So what it is for me, so cerebral palsy is an umbrella term for a number of conditions that stem from brain damage that affects your muscles. Mine is called spastic hemiplegia, which means it gives you,

that's literally what it's called. That's not my drag name it is actually called spastic hemiplegia which means it gives spasticism in your muscles so it makes them really tight that is where the term spastic comes from by the way there's a physio and in some of the things like you are spasticated yeah yeah but he can't say that anymore he has to say a new word because they're like you're being audible i honestly thought you were gonna say my brother are spasticated. Yeah, yeah. But he can't say that anymore. He has to say a new word because you're being audible. I honestly thought you were going to say, my brother's spastic. I thought that was going to be an unbelievable moment

because your brother's scary as fuck. That's a podcast, isn't it? Yeah, it's me and my sister. But that is a medical term, isn't it? I know it's a derogatory term, but that's the word. Well, that's where it came from, yeah. Yeah, it's only offensive

because of how people abused it. Like, the N, it's only offensive because of how people abused it. Like, the N-word's only offensive because of how that was abused. I mean, that's not a medical term. No word starts offensive. Well, it stems from the word black, doesn't it? Yeah. And the short word for Pakistani. That's why Australians...

There's never been a charity shop called The N Words, though, is there? You know what I mean, though? Words aren't inherently offensive. I'm just taking these old jumpers down The N Words. It's not good, is it? Blacks.

No, because there was a... No, there was a charity shop called Spastic. Spastic Society? What's that? Did you think I was doing the outdoor camping? No, because there was a charity job called Spastics. Spastics Society? What's that? Did you think I was doing the outdoor camping? No, no. There was a charity job called what? The Spastics.

You could... I know it seems like I'm being offensive on purpose. You could go and take your old clothes to the Spastics. And we'd be grateful for them. Yeah, me. Happy to have them. Give this to the liar, William Thompson. Oh, it's called Scope now.

Yeah, it is. Hey, it's called Scope now. Didn't used to be. Yeah. Is that what the S stands for? I don't know. Plaques. So what can't you do?

What are you impaired from doing so it's so for me it's a mobility issue so I can do things for a short amount of time probably around 10, 20 minutes maybe I'm the same but mine's ADHD I can tidy a room

like a fucking bastard for 10 minutes I'm the same but mine's being a fat cunt so after about those 10, minutes it's that's when it'll become noticeable because the arm will start to retract the leg starts to retract i can't really move uh similarly if i've been traveling a lot i need to rest because i can't move my muscles and when i get really tired that's when my speech starts to go so i sound really posh for being from belfast and that's because i had to do a lot of speech therapy so you are loads better now than when you were like a kid yeah my mom was

super militant around because she was a nurse so she knew is like okay he's young teach him these habits that like hide your disability and and sort of help strengthen the arms so if she'd been shopping she'd get all the shopping for the week, tie it around my arm and just make me walk around the street. So everyone, no one there is the same. Around the street? Yeah, they just thought I fucking loved Asda on my street. So we'd just be carrying these bags around the one arm.

And that's still a habit I have now. If it's something heavy, I'll carry it in that arm. Didn't you have a gym? No, I was a child. In the local area, there was no gyms? No, I was a child. In the local area? There was no gyms? No, no. This is working class Belfast, man.

Didn't you just join a David Lloyd and get a physiotherapist? This is the working class alternative. That's not what he said. Back of Asda. That's not what he said. That would be ridiculous. But I think that is not an abnormal suggestion, is it?

Why didn't you go to the gym instead of walking the streets with the... Maybe that's what poor people do never mind it isn't it is not what poor people do

I've never seen any what kid gets sent to a fucking gym what kid gets sent to New York to the block

with the big shop his fucking mad mother disabled it's exactly what my mum would do I'm not spending money on a gym

here here's a brick. Carry that. Yeah. Here's a bag of baked beans. 100%. That's exactly, she was the right cheap bitch. Not your mum.

Mine. Should have been like away around the fucking block. Wild? Like shame? Yeah. My mum, we're going to a gym.

She was fucking tight, mate. I know. She'd have had me... Oh, sex wise. Was she? Nice. You don't go to a gym. She was fucking tight, mate. I know. She'd have had me... Oh, sex wise. Possi. Nice. You don't go to the gym for that. Nice.

Can you get exercises? Do them at home. She died of a broken heart when Adam stopped fucking her. Wow, why did I take that too far? I don't know. It was my mum. Go on, so you...

It's fatigue then. That's the mum. Go on, so you... It's fatigue then, that's the biggest one. Well, yeah, the fatigue, no, like the fatigue lends itself to the muscles becoming spasticated. So then you're really tight, you can't really move. You guys are really uncomfortable with me using the actual medical term, and I'm not stopping.

William, I'm not uncomfortable. I'm having a very good time, and it's for all the wrong reasons. It feels like a sort of Teen Wolf transformation. That was the worst. Elaborate. That was the worst. Go on.

Like, I found out I had it, and then I went out into the hallway, and my dad's in a wheelchair as well. He's like, I also have it. What? Go on, explain yourself. I just mean, he said that it just happens slowly, a transformation he becomes more wolf life no not a wolf what disabled disabled wolf i'm not seeing disabled yeah i can't do gigs on a full moon everyone's just taking that comment

very seriously everyone's taking my comment very seriously we just want to explain will you apologize on behalf of Finn. Oh, dude, it's all good. I do podcasts with Paddy McDonald. He says way worse shit. So when does it affect you most? So you're travelling. Do you have to tell like airlines and stuff? Yeah, I have that wee sunflower lanyard. Oh, yeah.

You don't have to mention that. Which is normally I'll keep my disability under wraps. Not in a fucking airport. Yeah. I'll wear that lanyard like Kurt Angle with his gold medals. It's like right around the chest. I'm just going over, like taking people's pints, showing the lanyard. Like, I don't know any better. Great time.

Where do you get the lanyard? You have to apply for it. So you send off all your papers. You just lie and they give you one. No, you just send off all your papers and then they give you that lanyard? You have to apply for it so you send off all your papers. You just lie and they give you one. No, you just send off all your papers and then they give you that lanyard.

It means you skip queues, get to go on the plane first and that's fucking phenomenal. Do all the staff know about it? It's a universal thing. Yeah, I know about it. Yeah.

I don't know about it. So when I worked in a bar I wouldn't have saved you first. It's quite a newer thing than that. It's so because not all disabilities are visible. It's like, don't ask me but i have got a disability

like the team wolf over here so that's what it's for but like even it's ever lend it to your mates so that they can skip cues no but what i do i'm allowed one person i'm allowed one person through to help me so if i'm on a lad's holiday the rule is you carry all my bags and you can come through security quickly with me. That's the trade-off. That's fire. I want one of these so much. People are buying them during COVID. People are just buying them.

Oh, yeah. I don't have to wear a mask. I've got disabilities. Oh, right, right, right. Like, you can buy... Obviously, don't if you've not got it. Please don't. Hey, don't do it, but send me the link.

Do you get a blue badge? Yeah. That's a good one, that. Yeah. Those are the ones that's really needed because I couldn't walk long distances without getting really fucked. Because when I'm really tired,

that's what I do properly walk like that and shit. So I just like parking right outside the shop. It's powerful. How angry do you get when you see someone parking in a disabled spot when they are not? I don't give a fuck, man. I don't give a fuck.

The world, it's a hard time in the world at the minute. If someone wants to park closer, go ahead. I don't give a fuck. It was not a hard time for everyone. Like, if they're Palestinian,

then you can be like, do you know what, park wherever you want me. Imagine that's what annoyed me. You to the back. What colour badge is that? The Palestinian flag is a badge. There's loads of them in car windows at the minute.

It is. That's why they've got them there. Yeah. So they can park wherever they want. I don't know about the crisis either. Is that what they're fighting over? I don't know. The parking spaces. I don't know. This crisis either is that what they're fighting over I don't know the parking spaces

I don't know this is my space that was fine thank you that we'll forget about the team thing now yeah William

was your dad a drug I can't I loved it what was that was your dad was your dad a drug dealer? I can't. I loved it. What was that? Was your dad a drug dealer? That was an outstanding segue.

Yeah, he was. Was he, yeah? Yeah. What did he sell? Just, you know, just fun stuff like weed. Like drugs? Yeah, drugs. What kind of drug dealer though is he?

Is he not? That's a pot seller. It's a pharmacist. I mean, he did other stuff. I'm not going to fucking incriminate the guy on a podcast. Oh, has it not been mentioned on pods oh it has

it has but I never go into detail a lot of what he was telling oh yeah so it's just supplements it's all just allegedly isn't it

yeah yeah this is also something it's all made up anyway isn't it allegedly we said kisses kids just alleged

allegedly we didn't we didn't say anything We said kisses kids. Just alleged. Alleged? Like we didn't say anything. Allegedly. It's all made up. It's a comedy podcast but it was, you know, cocaine, brown,

LSD, pills and lanyards. Your dar sells lanyards. I'm not saying he does. I'm saying I've heard he does. There's a special lanyard which means he can kiss kids. Alleg does. I'm saying I've heard he does. There's a special lanyard which means he can kiss people. Allegedly, that's what I've heard.

The lanyard is for I work in a nursery and he walks into it. And that's how libel laws work, isn't it? I'm not saying it. I just say I heard it. I heard it. And then I say I've heard it.

That's a fact yeah I know yeah yeah he can't sue you for that he can't and let's see if he tries yeah I'm suing Adam Lowe because he said he'd heard this and then I'll just go

yeah Dan told me and then you can say you did it's a Ponzi scheme that's exactly how libel works it's a Ponzi scheme passing it off hey calm down

Finn Finn told me Ponzi scheme of li me Just passes it down To the poor cunt that doesn't get the game And he gets sued by Pass the blame on to me I show the lanyard I don't know anymore

Yes He's there I don't know And will you pay for this Stella Yeah But to answer your question I don't know any better. And will you pay for this Stella? Yeah. But to answer your question, yeah, I didn't,

I don't know a lot of the details because I didn't know as a kid that he was a drug dealer. Do you know what I mean? What did you think he did? I don't know. You don't question it

when you're a kid. How long you knew my dad was a painter and decorator? Because he came home covered in... That was a dealer too then because that's what mine said it was. Really?

I've been doing loads of sheilings today, painting everything white. But I've told you the story of how I found out he was, didn't I? Listen, if a joke doesn't land, wink into a camera, fail safe. The audio listeners will love it. I've told you that story of how i found

out he was a drug dealer haven't i go on so when i was like a teenager um someone gave you the number for weed pick up at this address so i i wasn't able to watch porn because my parents had the like safety lock on the internet so you weren't allowed to watch porn Because my parents had the safety lock On the internet So you weren't allowed to go on the 18 plus By the way no VPN That will get round any safety blocks for porn Or gambling So kids

Are they still sponsors? Yeah so kids if you want Porn and stick an accumulator on Nord VPN So what I used to do instead Was wait until music videos came on porn and stick an accumulator on NordVPN. So what I used to do instead was wait until music videos came on that were a bit Oh yeah, Christina Aguilera's

deity. That's it. Louise Redknapp stuck in the middle with you. That's a very wankable video. Anything Rihanna did after 2009? All of the lights video. Anything she did? Not even music? Outstanding shout from Finn. All of the lights. Yeah. We wank into music videos at 17, yeah.

I had the answer then. Benny Benassi's Satisfaction. I've had to leave an after party because someone put that on. Call on me. Call on me. Oh yeah, call on me as well. Rude Boy by Rihanna.

Another one. Which was the one I was watching. So my parents were out for a night out and I had the living room to myself. So I was having, you know, a nice fucking Friday night wank, big TV on. It was great. So I was just watching Rude Boy.

She shows a bit of tit in it. Fantastic. So I'm, like, fucking trousers down, sweat from the forehead, pulling the wire on myself. And my living room door got kicked open, and instead, I swear to God, a SWAT team of police. Oh, no. Because they had heard my dad was selling drugs, and they stepped I swear to God, a SWAT team of police Oh no. Because they

had heard my dad was selling drugs and they just walked into the room and I am beating the bollocks of myself. And it was the first time I'd ever seen an arresting police officer apologise. Because he was expecting to find El Chapo, he just finds a wanking child.

Like I think he thought he was going to jail that's a really good sting operation if you're like like pretend you know like if you work for like a drug like baron right and you pretend

to turn on your boss you're like you go to the police and you're like, listen, I've got tapes of me boss and all that selling all these drugs to kids and that. Do you know what I mean? They're fucking bad. They're selling billions of pounds worth of fucking Charlie every week, mate. Wow. And then you give the police officer the tape.

You give the police officer the tape, like the head of the FBI fella or whoever you talk to. I don't know. I'll look into it. What you've actually given is child porn. And you've got a second sting set up where you tell the police that you've found out there's someone in the FBI

that's got child porn. You give them the tape. Then the other police burst in, and you go, look, he's holding his tape there. And here's the kicker. Whatever his name go look he's holding his tape there and here's the here's the kicker whatever his name is let's say it's John

on the tape you're like John's tape FBI John and it's like he's got his name on he's holding it what more do you need?

what you do then is you get them to take tapes off John and you've planted more tapes in John's office and you've got all them busy as well

and it's never ending and all the police are in jail and you've got all them busy as well and it's never ending and all the police are in jail and you're on the well. If only every drug dealer had a wanking child in their living room. This is going to be,

you know, because XL Bullies are banned. This will be the next thing. Yeah. Just wanking kids. I thought you'd do something they're not allowed to look at and then you can run away.

Yeah. You hide behind like, oh shit. Planned child porn on the FBI. You get away with murder. Most people have reacted to that story and were like,

whoa, that's crazy. You went off with a full fucking plan to get away with drug dealing. Full proof. Full proof. I love that.

Because Adams can't move for the FBI. They're all over him. Did you freeze in that moment or were you finished? Like, finished? Were you like, I'm with it. Because Adam can't move for the FBI. They're all over him. Did you freeze in that moment, or were you finished? I finished. Were you, like, I'm with it. I never came so hard in my life, Finn.

He's been chasing the dragon ever since. Calls the busiest, the biggest danger one ever. Calls the busiest. I've got loads of guns. When your mum just won't do it. I've got three kilos of skag that's all he says on the phone 999 I'm watching the mainstream

I've got loads of guns I'm going to really regret it if you come too quickly you've put your pants on you've wiped up and then the drugs bust haven't you got to rest yeah

got to learn edging Dan wasn't it You've put your pants on, you've wiped up, and then the drugs bust happen. So you get arrested? Yeah. Got to learn edging, Dan. Was it? I'm like, fucking stink. Have you ever edged? What? Not joined U2. Have you ever edged?

Ever edged? You don't know what edging is? No. I'm just thinking like hitting spears on people. What's edging? I've done the more traditional trying not to come to disappoint someone. Oh, that's edging. If that's edging.

Yeah, I've been doing it since I was 17. That's not edging. No? No, edging is getting yourself to the edge and trying to keep yourself there on purpose. I do it all the time. Are you edging right now? It's two wee fake arms on the desk.

Like if I'm seeing someone, I know we're going to have a big fuck party. Like, you know when there's no fuck party, number one's coming up and you want to put a performance in. I'll spend like the week before when I'm wanking, just edging so that I'm on fucking...

It's like training for a marathon, isn't it? I'd explode. Don't you explode the second she looks at you? No, no, no. You're not listening to me. I'd break a hip. I don't knock home for a week. What I do is, let's say I'm seeing looks at it? No, no, no. You're not listening to me. I'd break a hip. I'd knock on for a week. What I do is,

let's say I'm seeing her on a Saturday night. Monday, I'll have a big edgy wank and make it last hours. This is like the worst Craig David song ever. But I will come Monday night. Tuesday, same thing. Wednesday, same thing. Thursday, same thing.

I'll have Friday off, so I'm full of cum. Chill on Friday. Saturday. Saturday, not only am I full of cum, but I can also keep it going for a long time could you write that down

for me that sounds amazing do you time it each time what do you mean like how long you're not coming for do you try to beat

like Monday's time no you just get a feel for it do you know what I mean right okay with a little yeah yeah that's why he needs a PA

go and stop that's a little chess clock. I've come. You're gone. I've never edged me. I want to come. Mad you. I am. I'm a fucking... Yeah, but you're in a long-term relationship and

Seneca knows exactly what you've got to offer and she has made a peace with her. Do you know what I mean? She hasn't made a peace with it. Do you know what I mean? When you first meet her. She hasn't made a peace with anything. No, she knows your route one. No, she hasn't made a peace. She's happy. You shagged her cum.

You just shagged her cum. She knows that. But the first time you fuck a woman. It's like a journey with Adam. You know? She thinks she's going to shag town. No, no, no, no. It's going to take a fortnight.

The first time you fuck a woman, you want her to be blown away by you, and then you slowly erode that facade. Yeah. I was lying then. Two years in. Are you edging, babe? I'm fucking napping.

And I'm smoking. That's how much I've stopped giving a fuck. Quite dangerous, Dad. Smoking in bed's dangerous. Thanks, Dad. Do I smoke, Def? Can girls edge? What do you reckon?

What? They can with me. If you can cum, you can edge, surely. Yeah. I suppose girls can edge better, probably. Because girls have got more cums in them, haven't they? They have. Girls have got more orgasms lined up than men girls cums aren't real cums though

do you think something needs to come out they're just like little zips of like they're like you know I don't think you've ever made a woman cum no you're right if you can do anything 17 times in a row like in one hour,

it's not the same as the more functional, hey, we've got to get this item from your balls to... I think there's a bit more... I don't know. I just imagine it just is duller, isn't it? The first one's not the same as the 17th one. That's the same with anything, isn't it? Yeah, but you physically... If you can do 17 spaffs in an hour, that's impressive, isn't it? 17 SPH Yeah

Fidaldi I'm mad that your dad's a drug dealer I forgot that's where this started Did you have a big telly because he was a drug dealer? Yeah, we had like a 50 inch TV in like 2007 before TV was like

able to put out stuff that could accommodate that size of TV so you're just watching normal shows with two big black bars on the side of it

69 is that yeah but we weren't like rich he would get he would go through periods where he had no money and then he would just come in with a ridiculous purchase

I'm sure he was a drug dealer? What's up? Because it sounds like he was a gambler. I think he did that too. I wasn't his accountant. I wasn't sitting there wanking. Yeah, but if he wasn't rich, what kind of drug dealer's not rich? A bad one? No, you're not meant to flex the wire.

It's like in Govefellas, when you do that big thing, don't buy nothing big. You need to still stay subtle, otherwise you're getting caught. Yeah, my mates' parents, I know someone whose stepdad is a drug dealer and they live in a very sensible three-bed semi that was paid off sometime in the early 90s. They haven't moved.

They've been told, hey, you never need to know where the money is or what the money is, but if we go away or die, you will find out where it all is. I don't know. And that's all they know. That's what's the white shit, isn't it?

They can't be incriminated or anything, but if they go away, they'll find out where it is if they die. Is it like a proper like... Because they live very sensibly, and his stepdad works at, like, and it's not even an exaggeration, still works at, like, a fucking QuickFit or something.

Does a job. That is literally... No, no. That's breaking bad, isn't it? What? That's breaking bad. Walter White worked in QuickFit? No.

He works in a garage, doesn't he? No, he owned a car wash and he was a teacher. He had the most normal life on the front and then behind was... Yeah. They just don't...

But if you're a good, smart drug dealer, you don't buy a seven-bedroom mansion or whatever, like huge house because someone's going to go, where's this from? But...

A lot of them are cash rich too, but you can't exactly put it all on the bank. It's free petrol and shopping forever. Pretty much. Pretty much. You can pay cash with ease. You can go into Tesco or put a penny in your car. I was asking him, you want to ask more questions?

He's like, there's no point asking me because they haven't told me on purpose. I don't know. But he knows the drug dealers, yeah? Just knows that that's basically how the money's been made and now they're just sort of living a really safe life.

That's boring though, isn't it? Because you can't like, you can't like reap your rewards. So I've immediately just got a fucking foolproof plan. So let's say you're the seller, right? He's got what? Let's say 10 million quid.

Does this involve videotapes? What? Does this involve videotapes? What? Does this involve videotapes? Get some wanking children first. Get them in your living room. You stay in the kitchen. You're untouchable. If only Scarfius had some wanking kids,

never would have died. You want to be able to have all your dough and have no one question where it comes from, right? What you do is, you get a mate of yours to get a job in a bookies. Right? No. Yeah? And then you just get in to scan your accumulator through

after it's already won. Right? Now, obviously, if you'd ever tried to cash that in William Hill, they'd be like, oh, hang on, this was put on before it was won. But you just cover the time and date with your son take a selfie put it on instagram and twitter and go just one 10 mil there everyone sees that and it all makes sense where you got your money from yeah so you 10 mil so you've put a million pounds on a 17 hundred to one accumulator yeah no well if you put a million a million on 1700 to 110 mil back 1.7 billion 10 to 1 would have sufficed that yeah what's

what's a good accumulator though well let's say you put it on a thousand to one so you put you've put a grand on a thousand to one you say my nan gave me a grand for my birthday I put it on this and I've won 10 million quid no further questions your honour yeah yeah if you get 17

yeah 17 billion pounds of winning someone at William Mills probably going to investigate I think they're all going to lose their job I think to be fair though

I think a million pounds of winning someone's going to look into it wow this pitch has been taken isn't that the highest high street payout isn't a million pounds the highest you can get paid on?

There's different limits at different places. Obviously the smaller ones it's less than, it's not the highest. Mate, but you just find somewhere that'll give you a 10 mil.

Or you do it 10 times for a mil each. What a weekend! How many thumbs has he got? Thinking over as many thumbs as I want now means I've got 10 million quid. Put some more thumbs on me, yeah?

What's the job you're doing if you've got 10 million in the bank and you've got it through nefarious means? What's the job you're doing to cover your tracks? You don't actually want to work hard. You just want it to look like... Windy cleaner. A director of independent film. What?

All that. Just make films all day. Or just one a film. What? Or that. Just make films all day. Or just one a year. Yeah. Adam Rowe's incredible. He's waiting for his next project. Until then, he's in Marbella. Edging.

It's part of his process. Edging. Adam, I want to come. See you in fucking June. My headphones on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fucking edging. See you in June, love. I've got my on yeah yeah yeah I'm fucking edging see you in June love I've got me trance music on

he's got Louise Louise Redknapp on yeah I've got window cleaner cash she's got some excuses for the cash and just don't wash

anyone's windows you have to work you don't have to work hard you've seen that window cleaner number 24 he's never cleaned a fucking window

once he's got a fucking he's got a Maserati outside smart people used to say that about the big issue man in real

that he drove like a Maserati yeah we all had one of them there's one of them in Liverpool as well was it yeah there's like

oh he's not homeless he fucking that's the mayor well I believed that until right now them he's one of them Liverpool as well was it yeah he's not homeless he fucking that's the mayor well I believe that until right now yeah there's always them lies that go around yeah

like oh there's a beggar but it gets picked up in a fucking Mercedes every time the thing is you know with stuff like that I don't begrudge them

if you're gonna sit on the streets all day in the pissing down rain with a cup going gives a quid you deserve a Maserati yeah if he's got enough money if he gets enough money from that to buy a car he shouldn't have to stop doing it a girl walked into the newsagents out in the day and said have you got a quid for the bus and i haven't sorry hitting the fellow and fucking i don't give

a not and she does it all day she walks up to each restaurant and bar and stuff and asks for a quid and ends up with like fucking three ton. Good sound. The hourly wage on that is insane. Yeah, but fair play to her. We can all do it if we want, but we don't want to because it's embarrassing. If she's got no shame and doesn't give a fuck,

all power to her. Yeah, she's smashing. Yeah, she's great at her job. In a dog ale. Yeah. She's making 300 quid a day. Going up and down. How do you know?

What do you mean? How do you know she makes 300 quid? Are you doing a tax return? No, the guy who works in the newsagents and sees her that often, he's like, no, she makes fucking 100 today, yeah. The fella in the newsagents is heavily speculating and Carl's talking his facts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's got a fucking Maserati. And she's edging. What do you mean? I don't know. That's just from before. 300 pound a day, do the maths. 2,100 pounds a week. That's 600 pound every two days. You know, that's fucking... I Do the maths. £2,100 a week. That's £600 every two days.

You know, that's fucking... I did the maths. Nearly nine Gs a month. She's packing. You're making over £100 a year. Just going in, going... No, she's not. She's just a local smackhead.

She's not in the 0.1% of fucking highest earners in the country. You've just spoken to a shitty newsagent. She's fucking earning loads. Pro writer, she is. She's not even paying tax on that fucking 150 grand a year she's earning. Pro writer. She just told everyone she's a smackhead.

She's like your mate's mum. I'm a smackhead. She's not. She's just going around asking for quids, making till. Made you look stupid as well. Yeah, dead stupid. See, dad's a drug dealer. Come at that.

The guy outside my old work wasn't homeless, and we all knew it, but everyone treated him as though he was, and then you drive off. He was the PR that they hired. Yeah, he used to sit outside. He was an Asian guy. I used to give him coffees because it was still cold,

but I knew he wasn't homeless. He was only there on the weekend. Yeah, because he had a full-time job working at a FTSE 500. A FTSE? A FTSE. A NASDAQ. Yeah, he owned a Fortune 500 company.

They all do. That woman from the newsagent did. She's a fucking CEO. She owns Starbucks Do you begrudge people that right though? No It's a hard job I agree with you

Yeah Hard job and great Hard job It's like that wee guy Sits in Liverpool City Centre Dressed as Elvis Oh that's Elvis Jelvis

You know anything about this? Oh I know about him He's Tupac doesn't he? Yeah he's Tupac there You know the Tupacs in Cuba? Yeah Yeah Elvis is an old. He's Tupac, doesn't he? Yeah, he's Tupac, though. You know Tupac's in Cuba? Yeah. Yeah, Elvis is an old swamp. He's Tupac, though.

Has he been shot? No, Tupac didn't get shot. He ran away to Cuba. Oh, did he? To hide from the limelight. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how he's dropped so many fucking banging sacks since. He's got a song without John.

Worse and worse and worse. Ghetto Gospel. That's a fucking tune, though. Exactly. It's a great song. Probably his best song. And it didn't come on for years after he died i'm sorry ghetto gospel is to all my fellow hip hop fans That was A sex crime To the hills of gold

A piece to this young warrior Without the sound of guns If I could recollect before my hood days Whoa Produced by Eminem He knows his life Stop and stare at the wonder My heart goes to

And test the distress that they under. Nowadays things change. Everyone's ashamed of the youth because the truth look strange. And for me it's reverse. We left them a word as curse and it hurts. Because every day I push the button. No commit. Name one Tupac.

This one's going up for Tupac. Who's in Cuba? Who's in Cuba? Can we have a break? Name one Tupac song, Bethany. Changes? I like Changes. Changes is hack, isn't it?

Oh, is it hack? Yeah. Right. Ambitions as a rider. California. I want the night. California. Nogsy video

California love is a great one America's the red actually full TikTok I'm in love with him and I feel fine the Comedians Club Chester is on Saturday

March the 9th Mike Rice is closing come and see that. And this month is the start of Dan Nightingale and Fiends. Right up until November, I'm doing loads of shows, filming them, really cool rooms, amazing bills. Got different acts at each show. I'm going over to Dublin and we're filming it.

There's one in Southport. They're all over the shop. Cardiff, Glasgow, tons. Quite a lot sold out already but it starts this month dannightingale.com for tickets

also on the 9th of March if you don't want to watch that shite we've just we've released some extra tickets for the Empire there were some

tickets we thought we needed to not sell for camera purposes because i'm filming my stand-up special at the empire um but we've got there's about 50 tickets that have been released they might be gone by the time this goes out because i'm going to do an instagram thing today but adamro.co.uk uh slash tour i think it is or just go to the atg website which is the one that looks after the Empire. And tour dates still to come after that as well.

With plenty of tickets still to go. William is a fucking brilliant comedian. Supported me in Belfast and Dublin on tour last year and absolutely fucking hoofed it. Where are you gigging this year that we can come and see you? For the rest of the uk i'll be doing the edinburgh festival i'm in the underbelly at five to seven i think it's a good spot yeah i think it's the brit i can't remember what the room's called doesn't matter be helpful

yeah but yeah i'll be on underbelly at five to seven with my new show scumbag millionaire for the whole of the fringe for the full french full run and then if you're local to belfast i'm doing the waterfront hall on the 13th of december is that the show that you did you did the waterfront hall where did you do because it was a mad one you'd sold like a thousand tickets in belfast yeah but i'd already bought you to support me at lavery's that holds 150 yeah and i was like yeah cool could you get down to the show for about seven ish and you were like yeah i'm just going to be setting up my other gig and i thought you yeah cool could you get down to the show for about seven ish and you were like yeah i'm just going to be setting up my other gig and i thought you were doing some pub around the corner and trying to do both and i got there and colin gettis was like no he sold out the fucking

ulster hall yeah yeah so you opened for him yeah didn't cancel the hall on the same night literally i think there's about a 10 minute period where I was walking off stage at his show and then I was to be on stage for mine. How many's Ulster Hall? It's around a thousand, yeah. Madness. Fucking amazing. Fair play for him. I was like, you could have cancelled.

He was like, no, I didn't want to. No, fuck it. Like, the big rooms are fun to do. The best ones are like a packed lot. Lavery's is fucking awesome. Oh, Lavery's is special. And I'm a fan of this podcast. There was a fan of this podcast there's a

fan of yours too so i was like fuck yeah i'm doing both man 100 yeah if you're anywhere near belfast is it wednesday and every wednesday and thursday at laveries yeah it's such a perfect room above a pub it's amazing it's amazing because belfast doesn't have many clubs which a lot of people find crazy we don't have like a hot water we don't have places where the sole purpose is to be a comedy club so we just have nights like that and it's fucking brilliant laverdies is getting there though in it yeah yeah it's really it's as close as you're gonna get to it and i think i'll get there it's such a good room but you can like you you know it's a good room because seasoned comics walk in take one look at it and go,

perfect setup. This is how a room should look. Same as hot water. You go into that basement and you're like, this is fucking perfect. Because that's why I love hot water. Like if you can't do well

in a sold out hot water room, stop doing stand up. I think that's literally what my picture says on the wall. Yeah. And they've got people, like there's loads of us on the wall and they ask us to sign pictures and put a message on it and i was like if you can't smash it here just fucking give up yeah yeah if

you bomb on a fucking like an electric hot water yeah you're not good because it's the best fucking yeah ripping ripping hot water especially on a wednesday when you're trying new bits and you're like i think i've got the best 10 minutes i've ever written yeah and then you take no it's fine it needs work but on a wednesday like fucking amazing response yeah no it's it's fucking shall we do celebrity encounters yes do you want to do that finn yeah throwing it to you these um before william if you've ever bumped into anyone famous belfast not like crawling in celebrities. Not really. For me, the most famous person I have met,

and I think it's, you know, if you're a comedy fan, you'd care more about this, was doing warm-up for Louis C.K. Okay. Oh, no, yeah. What's he in his day? What's I? What's he in his day?

No, sadly not. It was post-scandal, which was more of a testament as to how far down he'd fallen than how well I was doing, that I got to do warm-up for him. But he, in my opinion, is the greatest stand-up ever.

I'd listened to everything he'd ever done. He was my absolute hero. So I found out who was putting on the show, found out who was promoting it. I fucking hounded them so I could get five minutes before he was on. And I was so nervous Sitting in there

I do this thing when I'm really nervous that I over talk Some people don't talk get really shy I could tell I was pissing him off Because And he would even make like a tiny joke Being like oh too much mayonnaise in this sandwich And I'm like fucking What do you like Larry that's amazing

Genius Where do you like that's amazing genius where do you come up with it i could tell i was annoying him and he was getting so sick of me sitting around with him um because i was being so nervous at one point i was like oh can you mind if i go to the toilet here and he was like yeah you're not locked in this room or anything and i was dying to go no but i fucking read louis but i didn't but for so that was a weird moment because i could tell i pissed him off just not by doing anything bad i was just annoying him do you know when someone's just talking your ear off and you don't want to hear it and i was doing that to him but then i he was in the side of the stage while i was doing my act and i had one joke that

i turned around to see him like gripping a bar and laughing at it and i was like i could quit stand up tomorrow that's the best fucking thing like that's cool yeah i'll not do the joke because it's it's not repeatable on here but why but it's repeatable on stage yeah yeah you've seen it yeah you've seen it it involves a lot of setup okay punchlines a bit dark but it's i like it i see william thompson live yes yes and i know the joke we've got some celebrity counters some other people so matthew rowley said i met tyson fiora alton towers in the smiler queue he got to the front and they wouldn't let him on as he was too big which is a shame it's a brave alton towers employee that goes no tyson not today it's a shame um lewis petty said my mum

lent adele 10p so she could get a bag i said it because it was quiet in the room i'm just filling time on the end yeah tyson fiori too big for alton towers it's a shame innit he's missing out through all that work to become heavyweight champion of the world

you can't even go on a smiler it's a shame exactly yeah Lewis Petty said my mum lent Adele 10p so she could get a bag of hula hoops from a vending machine

no she didn't she was making three grand a week at the time cheeky fucking bitch give her 10p and she got picked up on a mercedes after uh james nuttle celebrity encounters met sam allardyce in the co-op when i was four he pulled the large bouncy ball out of nowhere and let me take it home

anyone else getting a bit getting noncy vibes from sam allardyce that's a confabulated memory that wasn't a bouncy ball you've met sam allardyce. That's a confabulated memory there. That wasn't a bouncy ball. You've met Sam Allardyce, haven't you? I have met Sam Allardyce. Did he pull a bouncy ball out of nowhere? He didn't pull a bouncy ball out of nowhere, no. He kept... I would ask him questions

and he would just answer questions that I hadn't asked him. Like a politician? No. He was doing a podcast with him. Like someone with senile dementia. Oh, right, okay. Yeah.

But Adam was doing a podcast with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have been more mental if Adam would come on and he'd gone, here's a bouncy ball. Go, right, okay. Yeah. But Adam was doing a podcast with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have been more mental if Adam would come on and he'd gone, here's a bouncy ball. Go and watch that podcast, though. It's really funny

because I'll be like, so, you know, like, tactically, I think Jürgen is superior to Pep Guardiola. He'd go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bolt Mondra's JJ Acoccia. He'd be like, well, okay. It's a mad conversation.

Like, it is so disconnected. Was he doing, like, after dinner speaking, like, his sets? No. What? There on your face, it was doing my head. Like, genuinely. And, like, I've obviously, like, fucked around, and I've, like, done a little joke for the boys and that.

But, like, if you actually watch it, I'm asking questions, and he has answered completely different ones. It is. He pre-decided to tell these stories. No, but like, it was a conversation that was flowing. So a couple of times

I just would go like, and you know, like our guests will ask us questions and I'm just doing that a couple of times. And he presents his answer like it's an answer to what,

it's hard to remember specifically, but I just remember that this is what went on. But it's like if I went Dan where'd you get that off from he'd go well you know I do a lot of shopping

and this watch is actually and you're like I actually yeah yeah it's gone off but with everything it's short that's a nice sight you've got Dan

I've been married five years yeah but that's what it was like and he puts bounty balls up his arse we've got a couple more now that's a confabulated memory.

Sorry, allegedly. He was on a lanyard, so he's allowed. What did he get sacked for when he was an England manager? Thinking a pint of wine. That's my favourite part of that whole interview. Big man's just sinking a pint of wine. He's admitting to have taken bunks. He went and saw the fake shake.

Yeah. And they recorded it. It was News of the World, was it, back then? And he's like, yeah, yeah, everyone takes bongs. I've done it over the years, all that shit.

And they're like, ah, he's England manager for like a week, wasn't he? Ah, fuck. But he's still got a career now. He's still got a high, I haven't given him the job. He did a job.

But he's an uninsufferable cunt. Really? Yeah. Have you met him? No, I mean, in terms of his wear. Oh, in interviews? He thinks he's a god.

He's a nice enough fella. He's just the most, like, Bolton. I don't know whether he's actually from Bolton, but in my head he is. He's from Blackpool. He's the most Northern England man who just wants to go to Benidorm with his wife and kids four times a year.

That is just what he is. He's made so much money over, like, eight to ten game stints at football clubs. Yeah, but he's earned that money he's earned because he kept Bolton

a second tier team at best in the Premier League playing some fucking mental football in places for 10 years he'd have been in the

Champions League he'd have gone to Europe at one point they had Djokovic Akotja Hiero like it like it was

unbelievable and everyone's like oh he's just long ball but that and then from that 10 years of Bolton he's basically done

little hatchet jobs around the league and done pretty well virtually everywhere he's been relegated like twice I think he's kept

he's kept a fair few he's kept Everton he says I went to Hove they were 20 we were 12 but like in his head he's kept us all we, he says, they were 20 if we were 12. But like, in his head,

he's kept us up. We were struggling, but we weren't, you know, we're in a worse position now. And he loves bouncy balls. Pints of wine. Yeah.

A couple more left. This is from Scott. When I was 11, I met Frank Bruno taking a piss in the toilet. You know what I mean, Harry? That's what he was doing.

Taking a piss. Is that a voice again? That's what Frank Bruno sounds like, isn't it? Go on. You know what I mean? Adrian. He does sound like that. He's punch drunk, isn't he?

He then bought me a hot dog. I don't know if he did. I know everyone's being quiet and it makes me uncomfortable. What a shame. Because we're waiting for the end. That is it. But you're not saying it

like that's the end of a sentence. It's like you just said that, right? You're just going, I met Fran Bruno when I was young and he was having a piss. Then he bought me a hot dog. Yeah. That was the end of that sentence.

See how everyone went quiet? That's what you do. It's because of the... And he bought me a hot dog? Do you want me to... Okay. It is... To be fair,

it is a slightly weird encounter. If there was no context to the hot dog whatsoever and he just went, that's yours, I bought that. That's confabulated again. If you've got your dick out and a former boxer gives you a hot dog, it's problematic, isn't it?

He might have just put a bum around his cock and said it was a hot dog. He's in the toilet having a piss. You've been sexually assaulted, kid. I mean, what boxer would you rather meet with your dick at you're gonna meet one uh oscar delahoya first first one that came to me very attractive man casey taylor i'd go you bank yeah you bank i'm gonna have me there how's a woman might as well be there you never know he's right that's why we all went men you won't get your dick out unless there's a woman there no that's not what i said all right i said if i have my dick out and i'm meeting a boxer it might as well be a woman oh sorry

me and you were just naming boxers that we liked and we were like oh i'll show de la hoya my dick yeah absolutely can't you bang see in your dick would be great because he'd describe it beautifully wouldn't he? You know what I mean? He'd give it all like wonderful adjectives and that. I feel like his lisp

is so bad in my head, his dick's got like a tongue. Does it come off the end? Yeah. You can see it, don't you? Yeah. Why can't I see it?

Ugliest images I've ever imagined. It can talk right we got what is stupendous we got one more dance the marvelous piece of i love how much you've given more of a lisp than you actually got there what was that you're not seeing his little dance at Wimbledon? Oh, mate. It's good. This is from Lee.

Last one. I once worked on the crew of the film General Commander starring Steven Seagal. I got a chance to speak to him during lunch. He was nice, but he exclusively spoke in a Jamaican accent the whole time. Just to clarify, he wasn't method acting as he was playing

an American CIA agent in Asia. So Steven Seagal just has pat to our lunch breaks. Past lunch. Fucking amazing. Yeah, my name's Steven Seagal. I'm playing a fucking American man in Asia.

I'd like some fucking noodles for me dinner. Oh no, me mum's forgotten me munch punch in me packed lunch. I've told the bitch, where's me Dairy Lee Dunkers? Welcome to Tomorrow Morning with me, Stephen Seagal. And this is Holly Willoughby. What's up tomorrow morning? I'm telling me mum, bitch, I don't like the cheese sandwich.

Give me the cheese and ham sandwich. And where's me discourse? What, Adam Aside? What a strange man. That was crazy. Fensicide. That's wacky. I think we should do

some Have A Word. A deal is not a problem. Hey, Jamaican lunch with Steven Seagal. A lot of fun. If you've got a Have A Word, you'd like to send in

haveawordpod at gmail.com. If you want it to be seen with a bit of priority on it, sign up to the Patreon, patreon.com slash haveawordpod. This is from Anonymous. Hi, lids. This is probably most applicable to Adam.

So recently, my girlfriend inquired about why I use toilet paper sometimes when I haven't had a shite. I explained that sometimes I just need a wipe down there. She went on to say that's disgusting and it might have given her the ick, accusing me of not knowing how to wipe my arse properly. I feel like this is a completely normal thing,

especially when I've been out and about for an extended period of time. Sometimes I just need a wipe down there. Have a word with me for being a minger who can't wipe his own arse as an adult or have a word with her for being so fucking wrong. Well, you know, I don't often do this, but I think the woman's in the wrong here. Who says that? Isn't there a comic who says that?

Louis C.K. Is it Louis C.K., yeah? Louis C.K.'s got a great bit where he's like, getting older, it's just, you know, sometimes I just go, hmm, I've got to go and wipe my arse right now. It is one of those. Nothing's happened, but I just need to wipe my ass.

I've got a quarter cup of water sloshing around my asshole at all times. It's one of the shortest, simplest, most brutally honest bits of stand-up. It's unreal. It's really annoying that he did it when he did it, because I'd like to do it now

I might just do it but yeah sometimes you do just need to clean the aisle hole that's so gross you do though not if you've got a wash Lou I don't know man I think even with that

even with that I'm telling you right now there's been times where I've just been like I've just got to go and wipe my arse you just need to wipe my arse. You just need to wipe your arse. Here, by the way, you've given me the ick. Well, don't find a man this doesn't happen to because 100% of the men in this room, Harry's nodding in the corner. Will?

It's bad, isn't it? 100% of men do this. Don't stand and watch a fella wipe his arse and say you've given me the ick. Leave the fucking room, then you listen. Oh, you're having a shite and I'm watching you give me the ick. Fuck off then. Yeah, what's the alternative? You shit.

I'd give me the ick. The alternative is a man who doesn't wipe his arse when it's dirty. That gives me the ick. You're walking around with a dirty bum. That's icky. Have you got any icks? Anything give you the ick? When someone's a when they're just a dickhead.

Anyone who clicks at waiters, X. Yeah. Instant dick. Anyone's just a dickhead. If anyone's just a cunt, you have to email the people. Yeah.

But you know what you get? Some guys be like, oh, she's a cunt, but she's fit. Could be the best looking person in the world if you're a dickhead. I'm not into it.

I can't relate. No? No? I will ignore a lot of red flags if she's got a disem'm not into it like. I can't relate. No? You- no? Who's your dream woman? I will ignore a lot of red flags if she's gonna do some penitence. Cheryl Cole is your dream woman. 09 Cheryl Cole. Oh fight for this love Cheryl.

Yeah because she's got an assault conviction but she's sexy. 100% with you. She'll glass you but she'll wank you too. So what would you do if you were in the pub with Cheryl Cole with your mum and she said something rude to your mum and then clicked on a waiter? Would you go on one of those? I'd be more interested as to how my mum's back to life. But after that...

Is it in 2009? Oh, good point. Shit. She'd be alright. She'd get away with it because she's cheeky. She's allowed. Cheryl Cole, man. Cheryl Cole could punch my mother in the fucking face.

Kill her again. I'd be like, same time next week. What were you doing? What? It's not like you wanted plans to punch your mum in the face. Kill her again. I'd be like, same time next week. What were you doing? What? It's not like you wanted plans to punch your mum in the face. Do this again next week.

Fucking stupid bitch. Right, is that all we're doing today? Same time next week? Yeah. I won't open the door, son. You will. That's Cheryl Cole, yeah?

That's like, keep your mind on line. I'll ring Cheryl Cole and get her down here. Fight for this, love. Cheryl Cole is one of the most attractive women who's ever existed. Yeah.

100%. Beautiful. And a fucking voice as well. Oh no, I'm Cheryl Cole. Follow me, little pussy. And Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal at lunch. Oh no.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, look at me pussy in there. Oh no. Where's me bag of twiglets? Oh no. oh no look at me pussy in there oh no where's me bag of twiglets oh no look at me

pussy in there I'll be honest right if you're in a long term relationship do you just need a woman who goes yeah it's the nitty gritty

like life in it sometimes men get swamp ass who wants to be with a like if she's like this I'm it's the nitty gritty life in it. Sometimes men get swamp ass. Who wants to be with a... If she's like this, it's not about having a word. I'm like, are you with the right person? Are you going to stay with her forever?

Going, ooh, you're wiping your arse. I just feel like it's a fucking major red flag. I mean, is he a nonsense red flag? It is. I think you just have a way with it and go, love all men do this. And then she has to accept it. No, I think she's, your red flag. It is. I think you just have a wee bit and go, love all men do this. And then she has to accept it. No, I think she...

Major red flag. I think it's a giveaway of like, she's going to be like... Yeah. Is he announcing that he's going to wipe his arse though? Yeah, maybe that's the issue. Like you're sitting watching Bridgerton or whatever and he's like, oh, sorry, I've got a bit of stink bangle.

I'm going to go clean this up. That's weird. Can I ask a couple of people a question here? Yeah. Right, Carl. Go. You know if you're on the house? I do.

With Seneca. Yes. Right, and you're watching the telly. You're watching the Flintstones. I always watch that, yeah. Yeah. She's on the couch, you and her, you know. She's quite tall, but yeah.

Come here. Will you sit down? Does this hurt me up? Come here. No, I'm like standing on the couch. Come here. Isn't it nice to know Adam's never wanked about you? Massive bitch.

Whoa. No, I mean physically tall. Go on. On the couch. On the couch, you stood up watching the Flintstones. You're going to the toilet. I do. Right?

So whether it's a piss or a shit, you can decide. Do you tell her? If you get up and go to the toilet, do you go, I'm just going to the toilet, or do you just get up and go to the toilet? If I'm doing a wee or a poo, I've got to say the wee. I won't tell her I'm going for the poo. So if you were going for the poo, you'd just go? No, I'd say I'm going for the wee.

Either way, I'm saying wee. But you do announce it? I'd say so, yeah. Really? What about you? Yeah, I'd also say I'm saying we but then don't you but you do announce it I'd say so yeah really what about you yeah I'd say I'd also say I'm going for a piss because like it's pausing the TV

fuck what I'll just go oh I'm going for a piss I want to take a piss I need the wee I'm gone I go

the look of fear hits me and then I quickly waddle to the toilet while shouting it's go time and she knows it's go time. And she knows it's a plop.

What if you're having a wee? No, I'm going for a piss. But you do when I haven't said to the room. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like pause the TV. Oh, yeah. You thought it was weird that they were like, I'm going for a piss.

You're getting on like you're deploying in Iraq when you're going for a shit. That's so much weirder you say nothing no I probably would announce it yeah you're on your phone with your mum who's in the other room you're not on the phone with your mum mum I'm just having a wage so you know

I mean you're just on your phone no I wouldn't say anything to my mum it was just I thought you meant if I was with a girl. I think it's different, isn't it? Yeah. I announce every movement. Apparently it's to do with,

apparently people who grew up with siblings announce when they go in the toilet and people who were only children just fuck off and don't say anything. I would say, yeah, I'm going to the bathroom. Excuse me. So you announce it? Yeah. Yeah. He you announce her? Yeah.

Yeah. He tweets about it. Yeah, I go, either way, I'm going to pause it and then even if I'm going for the poo, she knows it's a long wee, he's having a poo.

I'm going, oh, for the shite. I'm always having a wee, but if it's next time, the period of time, she knows I was doing it. I'll tell you what I don't do. I don't announce

when I need to wipe my arse for no reason. That is a private thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I'm not in the middle of dinner putting the knife and fork down going, I need to wipe my arsehole. Looks like my bumhole needs an MOT. I'll be right back at the end of these fajitas.

Lovely dish, isn't it? Great starters, isn't he? I'm going to go and wipe my arse. Welcome back, finish this sharon platter. This is from an anonymous lady. Hi lids, i need you to have a word with my boyfriend we've been together like seven months now and he's recently given me access to his spotify when i went on i saw there was a playlist named danny kissy face heart i asked him what the fuck it was about and he said it's the playlist his ex made for him and he still listens to it because he likes the music.

What's worse, I've made a playlist for him in the past and that's nowhere to be seen. He doesn't see the issue, but I am raging. Have a word with him, please, lads. Or have a word with me if you think I'm being dramatic. Look, I can't believe we're doing this twice in a row, but the woman's to blame again, okay? Wow.

I think we're doing it about 83 times in a row, to be fair. I think you've got confabulated memories. He should change the name of the playlist yeah but he still allows us to the playlist not his fault you don't know

fucking playlist from your arse or your elbow call the playlist that stupid old bitch yeah if she didn't compose it if she's singing on it

yeah but she's put some songs together is that how playlists work you know what I'm saying if it was are you listening to your ex are you yeah like singing I've made you a playlist what is it it's me singing all the

modern hits together sarika sarika was a singer we got together she's operatically trained and she'd never let me go and listen to her never i wasn't allowed to go yeah so she gave me a cd of her singing wow operatically that was how she sung it. Yeah, yeah. And what tunes like Gangster's Paradise. Gangster's Paradise. It's been most long lives Living in a gangster's paradise Have you heard that? No, it was all opera songs.

All opera songs. Have you still got it? Somewhere, yeah. Oh, yeah, you've got to keep that. No, you've got to keep it. I actually think there's still a playlist on my phone from my next girlfriend. On my Spotify, I think.

In fact, it is, because I've seen her. Do you still listen to it, though? It's still bangers, isn't it? Yeah, no, I'm asking Adam if he listens to it. I've sent the same playlist to multiple people. Wow. Because I've got a great music taste. Yeah, and an active sex life.

Any of your stuff on it? Yeah, I sent it to you. I sent it to you, Dan. Finn, you've timed that really badly. You've timed it. Like, we're getting incriminated about this whole Nando's thing. I do a sex joke. You can't with it.

We've not been to Nando's for ages. I know, but that's... Remember the playlist you used to make for them? What happened? I still do it occasionally. Do you? Have weird sounds. Yeah?

Yeah. It's got like 1,300 people following it occasionally. Do you? Have weird sounds. Yeah? Yeah. It's got like 1,300 people following it. Oh, sick. Is it not there now? No. I'm sure I've seen the one I think you're talking about. John Bleeper? Yeah.

Yeah. It's definitely on there somewhere. No, I must have deleted it when I was with another person. Yeah. Would your feelings not be a bit hurt, though, if you made a playlist for someone that was a bit personal and they were like, this is shite? I can empathise with be a bit hurt though if you made a playlist for someone that was a bit personal and they were like, this is shite? I can empathize with that a bit.

Yeah, I mean, feelings would be hurt if they were like, this is... I mean, I think that's more on me. Yeah. Like if I've made them a playlist and gone, this is from me to you. Yeah. And they don't like it,

then I don't know them well enough to be making them a playlist. And if I've just gone in blind and gone, here's what I like, see if you're into it. And they go, this is shite. Like I listen to pretty much nothing but country music. You are either obsessed with that or you hate it. There's very little middle ground with country music.

People are either into it or they're not. And if I gave a girl a country music playlist, she was like, this is shite. I'd be like, if I gave a girl a country music playlist, she was like, this is shite. I'd be like, well, a lot of people do think that, but you are wrong,

so fuck off and leave me alone. Fair enough. Fair enough. Have you not listened to Beyonce? What's track one? What's track one? You're introducing a girl to country music.

The same thing. Probably You Should Probably Leave by Chris Stapleton. Oh, that's a good choice, actually. Oh, it's a great choice. I like Chris Stapleton, so maybe I do do a better country. Maybe I am in the middle.

He's just country Kings of Leon. He's rock country as well. He's fire country Kings of Leon. Real country. And then... Rock country. Yeah. My favourite Luke Combs song is You Found Yours.

It's the one about his missus. It's about finding a reason to live. You found your reason to live. And this might be the gayest thing I've ever said. I think of all yous when I listen to that that's lovely because it reminds me of being in the studio do you know on the patron exclusive though on monday you said you'd like to see my erect penis yeah so that was pretty good as well yeah maybe i'm gay i think what are we william what are you putting if you're making a playlist for a girl?

What are you going for? I would do what he said and just put in all the songs that I like. Yeah, what's track one? Oh, fuck, that's a... Guest of Gospel. That wouldn't be far behind. That will be up there.

There's Murder on the Dance Floor. You know that thing about 9-11, that song? About the shooting. No, never mind. It was on the first section. There was a shooting on a plane, but it was a dance floor plane. But the DJ, who was from Al-Qaeda, had to keep playing.

He was the pilot. What's track one? Probably something like Trance, like Silence by Delirium. Probably be in there. Have them zedging. You're putting Trance as like Silence by Delirium. Probably be in there. Adam's Edge. Putting Trance as track one? Yeah.

Nice. Yeah, if they're not into Trance, it's not working out. Oh, you like some dirty girls, eh? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, give me some sweaty bitches and dreadlocks. That's what I want. Wow.

I'm joking. I'll take anything. But no, Trance would be my probably trance or hip hop would be what I would listen to depending on the day and if you're mishearing William's accent he's saying trance not trans

it's Caitlyn Jenner tracks a banger I'm not a girl not yet a woman I imagine it's Caitlyn Jenner as if you've not come from man I feel like a girl not yet a woman I'm Edgerton to Caitlyn Jenner as if you've not come from man I feel like a woman fuck

I should've that's a fucking banger by the way Shania Twain knocks out runners should we go and see Shania Twain she's playing

Hyde Park in London I'd go to that on the 3rd of July she's playing Hyde Park and she's being supported by the cause they're fit as well and if you like MILFs I reckon that is to that. On the 3rd of July she's playing Hyde Park and she's being supported by the cause. They're fit as well.

And if you like milfs I reckon that is a great fucking pick up night. If you like milfs and cowgirl hats I'm sold mate. Oh my god. Sold.

That is a sea of divorcees. No she's so popular with the young country girls you know. But I reckon she might do some mum ticket sales as well. Yeah but like divorcees. No, she's so popular with the young country girls, you know? But I reckon she might do some mum ticket sales as well. Yeah, but like,

yeah, not as much as you think. We're talking big dollar for them though, surely. The only one on sale last week, they probably sold out, but we probably know a guy, don't we? Yeah, we do know a guy.

70, 80 quid, come on. We can't make... More? 150 minimum. That's a normal ticket now. For Shania Twain. Is it? Well, I am underselling

my tickets then at fucking 16 quid. 150 minimum. Billy Joel was like ticket now. For Shania Twain? Is it? Well, I'm underselling my tickets then at £16. £150 minimum. Billy Joel was like £180 last year if I had bought. Can I have a cheque? Shania Twain cannot be selling a £150 ticket. I reckon £110. They're smart. £110.

I bought Bruce Springsteen tickets. It was like £300 a ticket. What? Did you buy Bruce Springsteen? How old are you? You're 26. He kicked an island How old are you? You're 26. He was 26. And you're buying Bruce Springsteen tickets.

My nanny loves them. So I got her two tickets for Christmas and then she was like, I wonder who I'm taking. I was like, fucking me. Sunday the 7th of July. Go on. General admission,

standing tickets, £111.85. Wow. I know gigs. You said £150, did you? I said £110. You're right. Did you?

Or we could do the Diamond VIP experience for £304 each. Yeah, that's possible. I think we do that one. What's that? You want to be in the pit for Shania Twain? Do you meet her? Dedicated Diamond VIP experience entrance. First to explore the Amex Presents BST Hyde Park.

Event entry one hour before the general admission. Oh, that's no good for Adam. He likes to be there about two and a half days before. It's rather sunflower land. You get a handjob by a widower. Access to the American Express VIP summer garden, bars, premium food outlets, comfortable seating, and separate toilet facilities.

You get noshed off in Marks and Spencers. I'm going. Do you get to meet Shania? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do, yeah. Actually, I'm going to book that. You get to meet her. She's like, I'm going do you get to meet Shania yeah yeah yeah you do yeah actually I'm going to book that you get to meet her she's

JLo's doing four grand meet and greets on her tour I'd pay that as well for JLo have you seen her calling the fella

Papi oh my yeah no brother I'll show you after this she calls a reporter she goes thank you Papi

but says it in I like that oi Papi, but says it in... I like that. Oi, papi. Yeah, it's very bookmarked. Her and Eddie Guerrero, two people I want to call my papi. She's worth $400 million, Jailor.

Yeah, she's a woman. Do you know Jay-Z's got triple the net worth of Beyonce? Yeah, because he owns Tidal. Yeah. Yeah, he owns us. You know Kylie Minogue is worth $120 million.

She's 5'4". That should be more. Surely. He owns this. You know, Kylie Minogue is worth 120 million. She's 5'4". That should be more. Surely. Kylie? I didn't even know Kylie. Mate, that's a lot of dollar. Yeah. Go into any gay club in the UK.

Kylie is playing non-stop. Yeah, she's getting a pink pound. Yeah. Lucky bitch. Kylie's fucking phenomenal. I'd go and see Kylie Minogue with bells on go on what are you going to say

come on end the podcast say it Adam's shaking his head for the other listeners as in he's got a bomb to drop I'm not I'll bleep it

no this ain't Texas ain't no home it's a layer track one track one track two what are you going with what if you're that song 10 times

i bet you made mixtapes back in the day yeah yeah yeah on tape yeah what was on them whatever radio one were playing in the top 40 you got to press record just as the song started so what year is this is this brit pop era 2018 michael jackson's black uh this would have been what? Early 90s. 94, 95. When was I touching boobs? So grunge and Britpop. 94, 95. Pat O'Banton.

I'd love to have him on the pod, you know. If only we had a connect. Why? Enie Kamosas. Who's not putting that on a fucking mixtape here come the hot stepper murderer

do you remember Victor Moses right we've lost all attention that that we do have it's basically an ADHD podcast

and that was beautifully done but it ends the podcast just change the name of the playlist we do need to stop podcasting because all I can think of is the Shania Twain tickets now i'm gonna go i think he's gonna come after me i'd rather have victor moses tickets um william thank you very much for coming over you've flown over especially yes thank you fucking legend where can we find you on socials and ting uh

william thompson comedy on instagram and tiktok don't use Facebook. And Willie T. Mudblood on Twitter or X, whatever the fuck it's called now. Love it. And have we got a song to play us out there? We do. We've got a band called Northern Hospitality. This is their tune, Lust for Living. It's not out for a couple of weeks,

but when it does on the 15th of March, check it out. Also, download Red Rum Club's album. They're doing really well. And they're closing in on I think they're definitely in the top 10 of the UK album charts and they're trying to get to

top spots and they're fucking brilliant and the sound lads try and sell an arena out or go and get tickets because I'll be going yeah April

and we're also trying to sell an arena out No. Huh? Can you feel it in the room? As something kicking off, the fear starts to loom When the lights and shutters go down Round town It's gonna be one of those nights And I bet that someone here has got a knife And it's a scumbag that you'll know

Don't you know? Don't you know? Let me bring you up to speed You're guaranteed a rocker Someone's gonna bleed You're about to join the fray Someway Can you feel that dance floor stare? It's getting wild round here

As tempers start to flare Stereo's complex, don't you know? Don't you know? Don't you know? Don't be naive Everyone thinks it won't be me Then you end up in a scene So, don't be afraid to seize the day Show me some lust for living

No, it's not too late to change your ways Show me some lust for living It's hard to blame to change your ways. Show me some lust for living. Is this all you wanna be? A washed up waste with no good chance to speak Like all the others and throw it away each day Brave enough to leave it all behind Go and chase some greatness A future you might find Signed for heroes, don't you know

Don't you know Don't you know Now that ten is all this time You could be out there fighting Instead you live for fights You're not the first to live this way, a cliche Do you really want it all? Will you go the distance?

Will you shatter when you fall? It's all for the taking, don't you know? Don't you know? Don't you know? Don't be naive Everyone thinks it won't be me Then you end up in a scene So don't be afraid

To seize the day Show me some love's part Even though it's not too late to change your ways. Show me some lust for living. We'll be right back. I'm out. Thank you.