Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #268 - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20Supreme CBD | https://supremecbd.ukStress less and sleep better with Supreme CBD using code WORD40 at checkout to get 40% off sitewideFüm | https://tryfum.co.ukHead to tryfum.com/HAVEAWORD and use code HAVEAWORD to save an additional 10% off your order today.BetterHelp | https://betterhelp.com/word10Get 10% off your first month!NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Become one of the lids:https://patreon.com/haveawordpodTickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comFind us everywhere:https://haveaword.pageDiscord:https://discord.gg/haveawordpodFollow the podcast, our hosts and our guest on social media:Have A Wordhttps://facebook.com/haveawordpodhttps://twitter.com/haveawordpodhttps://instagram.com/haveawordpodAdam Rowehttps://facebook.com/adamrowecomedianhttps://twitter.com/adamrowecomedyhttps://instagram.com/adamrowecomedianDan Nightingalehttps://facebook.com/danhasapodcasthttps://twitter.com/danhasapodcasthttps://instagram.com/danhasapodcastADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening, lads? Just before we kick this week's episode off, just to remind you, my tour runs all the way through until the end of May, and I've still got some really big shows coming up, including Cardiff, Blackpool, Leeds, Huddersfield, York, and of course, Liverpool at the M&S Bank Arena. They're not the only dates, though.

Go and check them all out. Full listings at adamrowe.co.uk forward slash tour and help bring home the biggest tour I've ever done. It's been an absolute dream, and I'm so excited for the rest of the schedule Dan?

If you want to see me live this year dannightingale.com I'm doing Dan Nightingale and Fiend shows all around the country they go from March right through to November

some of my very funny mates and me on stage you're going to enjoy it it's going to be mayhem dannightingale.com for those but we've got to tell you before we start

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Like the video as well and subscribe and ring the bell and all that. Helps us. Cushion on. Get on me. You know what I mean? Wag wag leads. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game

from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word.

Brought to you by Manscaped. The very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go, Ed. Get on me. You well rested?

Something's coming, isn't it? Yes. There's a menace in the air here. And I want to say, I put a shift in last night at that lock-in. I didn't even want to drink. I don't like drinking. I'm really not even keen on the taste of Café Patron or Guinness. And I had to put three away before... No, no no carl let the man finish fucking love it go on right

and i keep going i was enjoying myself yeah and then i've come in this morning and there's an air of i bought finn and nando's did you and i and you bought finn and nando's and stay and Nando's? Did you? And you bought Finn and Nando's and Steer Nando's. Harry, did you get a Nando's this morning? Will? And Will, did you get asked if you wanted something from Nando's this morning? So that's a bit weird, that, isn't it?

Because it feels like everyone in this building got offered a Nando's. Yeah. Apart from me and Carl. Yeah. But what you're not taking into account is you're whinging fat cunt. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. But what you're not taking into account is you're whinging fat cunt. No, no, no, no, no.

How dare you? First of all, we said we had to start at 12 today because Finn's got a meeting with the manager later. And not only did you show up late, you showed up late with Nando's for 70% of the team, but not us. Four fucking minutes late.

That's not late. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's late with a little L. It's 21 minutes past 12. You Four fucking minutes late. That's not late. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's late with a little L. It's 21 minutes past 12. You're 21 minutes late. Right. I honestly, I honestly,

do you know how I thought that was going to play out? I thought I'd said something terrible in the takeaway last night. Oh, oh. We can't even discuss that on the podcast. You know what you said. I can't remember. Yeah. You do.

Was I being naughty? Yeah. No, no, no. I hope I never get Tourette's because it's going to be racial. You know what you said in post. I can't remember. Yeah. Was I being naughty? Yeah. No, no, no. I hope I never get Tourette's because it's going to be racial. You've already got them. Yeah. This is Bang Out of Order

and I've made an executive decision. Oh, what's happened? Me and Carl are having dinner today on the business card and we've decided and there's nothing you can do. All right. I've paid for everyone's Nando's on my card.

That's good for you. Why did you do that? That's silly, isn't it? Well, because I don't use the business card without my for everyone's Nando's on my card. That's good for you. Why did you do that? That's silly, isn't it? Well, because I don't use the business card without my business partner's permission. You have my permission.

Can I use the business card to get me a new dinner? Of course. It is 66. Can I use the business card? Have you got a business card? You're not mentioning it. I'm so,

I'd love you to do that. You know why? Great. Because I'm not a big whinging bitch. Okay, great. I'm hungry. Good to know. How are you feeling? It's awful bitch. Okay, great. I'm hungry. Good to know. How are you feeling?

It's awful. It's really nice. Kind of good. You weren't here. You weren't here. But we were going to be here by the time we got back with food for everyone else. You weren't here. No, we weren't.

So you ring us and go, hey, you know, when I come back in 20 minutes with nanos for everyone else in the room, would you like this to be something for you? You know the way when I'm on my way in, I ring people and say, hey, I'm coming in a minute. Does anyone want a coffee? Because I'm going somewhere that I know someone, that everyone will like something from.

Can I just say thank you, Dad? It's really nice. I bet it is. Happy birthday. And Harry Robinson passed his test. That's why I bought him a Nando's. He's passed his driving test. He deserves it.

You've passed fuck all this morning. Wind. You've never got me a Nando's for He's passed his driving test. He deserves it. You've passed fuck all this morning. Wind. You've never got me a Nando's for when I pass my test. But that was in 2017, wasn't it? Yeah. I'm fucking about time, isn't it? Yeah, me too. Treat yourself to lunch.

Congratulations. Well done. Thank you so much. We already have. Oh, my God. The new range of sneak. Like... Like the Truman Show.

This is so good. What flavour is it? This is cola. But it's... Want a whiff of it? All right. It's like jarred cola. It's like cola bottles.

Yeah. But I'm into it. Dan, you're looking at... Use code WORD10. You were all gunning for me today, aren't you? No, you're looking... Just trying to sell me energy drink. You're looking rather brown.

That's the wrong word, isn't it? Tanned. What do you drink. You're looking rather brown. That's the wrong word, isn't it? Tanned. What do you mean? What's wrong with brown? That's the wrong word as well. I'd say pink, red. Well done. Blushed.

Medium rare. No, you're looking brown. Bronzed. Thank you. Why are you looking bronzed? We've had some nice weather in Chester. Right. It's been...

I don't know what it's been like up here. We've had some roasting days. Was it centralised to a sunbed show? It was centralised to Indigo Sun on Chrysleton Road. But,

I just need to send a very quick text. It's important and you'll see why later. You going on the beds? I've been on the beds. How many times? Well,

I'm changing myself, you know? I'm changing myself. I'm on the test. You want skin cancer on the test? I want, I'm getting on the test. I want, like, I'm just, I've not been looking after myself skin cancer and test I want I'm getting on the test

I want like I'm just I've not been looking after myself I want I want to be me but better do you know what I mean yeah and

I felt like a big fucking crusty wintry pale Casper the friendly fucking flake

I thought I'm doing something about it been going to gym lifting everyone knows that you know repeatedly like twice a week

so that's a lot wow and for sometimes up to like half an hour so I've been pushing myself yeah and then I go for a swim

for maybe I don't know 10-15 there's so much you can do before your heart just gives up and then I sit in the sauna for 8 minutes listen to someone be racist

leave and then I just think add to that a little bit of a sunbed it's just you in the sauna for eight minutes, listen to someone be racist, leave. And then I just think, add to that a little bit of a sunbed. It's just you in the sauna? It's just me shouting obscenities at the wall. So yeah, I've been going the sunnies, you know? I've been going the sunnies and there's nothing wrong with it,

apart from melanoma, but I'll be fine. Does the girl who worked there have white hair? What? They're all like the marvellous colour of orange with like the whitest hair, aren't they? Or jet black hair. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you lying or are you standing? I ain't lying. I'm a stander. Sunshower? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just prefer it.

Bollocko or are you going in boxes? I don't think... Now, we've talked about this way back in... This was on episode two, I think. Dan goes into a sun shower and takes one of his socks off and puts it over his bellend. No, you don't.

His cock, his cock, which is his bellend. You don't do that. I do. I have to. And then you put the sock back on. You can't take a British mole who's underground out into the fucking sun, the Mediterranean sun.

It's too much for him. You'll blind the mole. That's how it feels. It feels like my little dick's just been burrowing underground and then all of a sudden it's in fucking Tenerife. Nah, can't do it. You'll damage your dick. And I'm not a doctor.

I think that's pretty obvious. But I am, I'm almost sure that a dick that has never seen the sun does not need to see like a 900. Why should a dick

never see the sun? Hang on. Park the car. When has your dick seen the sun? On holiday. What? You go on the nude beach,

are you? No, in the Maldives on a private beach we're out to ourselves. Oh, where we go. So it's seen the sun once when you were fucking your missus on the beach? No. And even then it was hiding part of so we'd seen the sun once when you were fucking your missus

on the beach no and even then it was hiding part of the time two weeks you didn't just have your dick out on the beach

for two weeks that did not happen I know you better than that that didn't happen also 140 grand holidays not everyone's getting a private beach the interest on that holiday

do you wear the little glasses yeah has it got a strap around the back? Yeah. So are you going to get a fucking tan line strap on your head? Yeah, but I wear... He puts it in the crease

that he's got at the back of his head. Like any good gammon. Oh, hide it. With all my hatred for immigrants. Yeah. That's Russell Kane. Yeah, I think it was Russell Kane's dad. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Anything else? Anything else? What? There's a couple of things. What? What is going on? I'm hungover.

Why are you coming for me, fam? What do you mean? Don't step to me, fam. I feel like I'm getting emotionally shanked. Do you put the sock over your balls as well? I can't. Listen. What? So, fulled. Do you put the sock over your balls as well? I can't. Listen. What?

So, full disclosure. Is it a sports sock? Yeah, you know what? No, it's not a footy sock, is it? No need with my dick. It's a Barcelona way. No, it's a sports sock. It doesn't work.

So I've started keeping my Reebok knickers that you hate? Yeah. I've been keeping them on. So I'm going to have like a little white body. But I don't mind it. Just don't get your arse out. Ever. I think, I don't know.

I like that look. That sort of Ray Winston and sexy beast sort of. Yeah. I think it's fine. It's fine. I'm not going to get addicted. Addicted. How many times have you done it?

Twice a week for the last few weeks. Eight minutes. I'm sure you are getting addicted. That's not addicted, is it? No. You're fine. That's what you do, isn't it? If I said to you,

I was doing heroin twice a week for the last eight weeks for eight minutes a time, you'd be like, that's a problem, Adam. Yeah. Yeah. Solid reasoning there.

If I said I was killing people twice a week for eight minutes maybe too much yeah you're right yeah you're right but it's just a sunbed why oh my god if you're listening if you're listening on the audio i've never had this much attention on the podcast and i don't want it i want to give it away everyone's looking at me i'm just trying to get a nice little bit of flavie flav stop it's my birthday i'm 43 i've got to start looking i want to feel better you should have okay he's had a glow up why i don't even want a full glow just want to be less dim what um oh what are what are you trying to look better for you've already got a wife you're not trying to like attract women are you um i want to attract my wife

okay yeah i want more marital pump them okay and i need to stop putting it like that i need to You're not trying to attract women, are you? I want to attract my wife. Okay. Yeah. I want more marital pum-pum. Okay. And I need to stop putting it like that. I need to work on my game here, mate. Yeah. What? I've been trying to get sex by going,

hey, Lars, can we have a bonk? And just wobbling around the house. I'm trying to raise my game there a little bit. You know? Look better, feel better. Is that how you're asking now? Or are you trying to be seductive? That's what I'm saying.

I've not been... Just walk around with your knob out. Yeah. Feel soon, grab hold of it. Yeah. No, that's not been working repeatedly. How do you try and seduce her? I've tried many a way, but I'll admit now, as I recount these, How do you try and seduce her? I've tried many a way,

but I'll admit now, as I recount these, it's not going to seem like advanced romance. A-laws, get your flaps out. That never worked. It doesn't work. No. Come and sit that beefcake right over here, girl.

Fwah. Look at your asshole. That didn't work. Okay. Bend over, girl. I'm going to give you a good seeing to. We were in Asda for that one. That didn't work. Okay. Bend over, girl. I'm going to give you a good seeing to. We were in Asda for that one. She didn't like it.

I've just tried sort of like rubbing my penis on her. In bed or in the kitchen? No, just as we pass in the hallway. Again, not keen. I think part of the problem is I've not been in the best of shape, but now I'm lifting, you know, twice a week. So it is a problem i'm off the shite i'm on the bike yeah off the pills up the hills i've not done that yet but i'm off the pills and banging john cooper clark impression going on and i and i've been

taking vitamin d and i'm hoping laura will too so yeah just like have you never sort of figured out what gets her going? Like, do you not remember from back in the day, back when you were footing every five minutes, like where the little things that you could just whisper to her and she'd be like, let's go now. Do you not remember like what did it for her? Ikea.

If I whisper, hey, do you want to go to Ikea? That gets her. Kissing nipples at Ikea. Right. Yeah. I love a bit of nipple bling. There you go. So yeah, I'm going to try harder.

Because you've taught me so much about women. Where do you think you look best? Do you know what I mean? Have you not got a pose that shows off your proportions to the best of their ability? Where you could just be with a towel, just leaving very little to the imagination. Or a sock.

Yeah, with my little white moldic. Don't call it that. No, stop calling it that. Do you practice the art of seduction? Yeah. I mean, practice? Or like, has it on me own? Yeah, but his missus is just game, isn't she?

Do you know what I mean? Respectfully. She's just up for it all the time. Practice doesn't just do. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't practice. I'm not like in the bathroom going...

What's that? It's a game, isn't it? Yeah. But it's good, isn't it? Whoa, Gil. What's Carl doing over there? He's seducing Senna, Greg. He's had a Tangfastic.

Hey, Gil. I wouldn't do that i've been doing finger workouts are you using the right fingers at least feed the pigeon yeah no i don't i don't practice i'm a seducer you were just a natural yeah oh yeah if you've i've been with my partner longer than you've been with yours, and we haven't lost it. What are you doing wrong? So you win that one? I win them all. We're breeding over here.

You spoke last night to me about what you should change. What? Your bladder, do you remember? What do we have there? Was this in the bow tan? That was in pokes. What were we talking about? Sleeping arrangements.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah moving back to the marital bed you're moving back in yeah it's important by the 27-28 season I'll be back in that bed are you back in that bed

Laura's yeah yeah we sleep together again now it's well better she goes to bed before me because I'm not going to bed at half seven

like all women do I'm tired I'm going to go to bed it's not even tomorrow yet they just mean they're going to go and look at the phone in a different place i'm going to bed today no i like to go to bed tomorrow and wake up tomorrow jim jams on at 4 p.m in bed pretending to sleep at quarter to seven actually going to sleep like 10 and then half 10 tick tocks off but i But I come to bed at like half 11 midnight. Because I can't just lie there and go to bed at half 10. That's so psychopathic.

I'm going to bed. It's wild. I see in a thing earlier that says, and it's a slight screech, I suppose. Like imagine how mad it would be to be a baby, right? Because babies like fall asleep in their house and then wake up in the fruit and veg aisle of Asda. And no one explains it to them.

Just a lot of time travel, isn't it? Then Wallace gets in a lift. What does he think's happening? What do you mean? He walks into a little room and then walks out into a different one. Because that must fucking fall off everything. You don't think he's got the concept of it going down?

No, they haven't got object permanency dogs concept of it going down no they haven't got object permanency dogs really have they they haven't got what object permanency what's that mean babies haven't got it object permanency

when something's out of their view they think it doesn't exist anymore that's why babies love peekaboo because you think you're fucked off

forever yeah you're in a different realm yeah oh shit he's back oh my god thank god for that

that's why dogs go nuts when they see you because you think you're in a different realm. Yeah. Oh shit, he's back. Oh my God, thank God for that. My dogs go nuts when they see you because you think you're dead. Wallace is currently grieving in another room. He's gone again. Oh, he's gone again. You were definitely dead in my head. Yeah. I used to love getting,

the best was getting carried from the couch to your bed when you were a kid. I was talking to Jack to Jack Finnegan about this yesterday because I had a little nap on the couch please

someone said he loves that you're having a quasi gay relationship with Jack Finnegan on YouTube it's so true please tell me

oh yeah we're in a relationship me and Jack please tell me you're so in love I had a nap yesterday on the couch and I

he'd gone out to work so he'd gone out to do some photographs of some of the flats he takes photographs for the landlord and he was like just mine and Peri for me

so me and Peri had a nap on the couch and I woke up to a cup of tea being put on the coffee table and I was like I was like

you made that for me and he went yeah there's a bit of honey in it as well for your throat and I was like I was like you made that for me and he went yeah there's a bit of honey in it as well for your throat and I was like come here babe give you the

give you the carriage of the bed that would have been unbelievable come on wake it up when you were doing it he cut the

one off he could carry us all to bed in one go drop us all off I fucking hate moving the kids when they're sleeping. Laura's so much better at it.

I just panic and like... What? Moving house? The kids have gone to sleep. Kids have slept. Let's leave the village. Permanently. I used to...

So when I was a kid, I used to refuse to go to bed. Before me mum and dad split up, I would fall asleep on the couch. My dad would be like, go to bed. I'd be like, no, I'm mum and dad split up, I would fall asleep on the couch. Me dad would be like, go to bed. I'd be like, no, I'm falling asleep here. And then I would fall asleep. Me dad would like carry me up.

Sometimes he'd just like wake me up and go, go to bed now. But a lot of the time he'd carry me up. Oh my God. No? Something else, I don't know. Well, keep going. We'll sort it in the back. You're freaking me out.

Second section. No, don't worry. Nothing to do with you. keep going no swords at the back you're freaking me out second section no don't worry nothing to do with you it is something's afoot when I when you put when you lift Etta

she sometimes falls she falls asleep in Laura's bed and then you have to put it in hers put her in hers there's this thing as you're lowering her she goes

like you've dropped her it gives me fucking so much anxiety right she's just don't drop her yeah do you drop her

she just looks she just looks it's just so stressful and then she wakes up and burns has she got a bed no she's only got no more

I don't know what kids do these days she's seven I think it'd be fucking how old until you get out of a cot? A year and a half, two. So Jack's in a bed?

Yeah. Yeah. Sick. Big boy bed. Yeah. Just a normal, yeah. What's he got? What's his bed in?

He's banging to like Marvel and Iron Man and all that. Sick. Yeah. He's about to stop using nappies as well, which will be great. He got a full stand innovation for doing a piss in the toilet the other week. It's great.

Like he ripped a gig. We're all out. Even there to join it. You know the little gap after you go from like permo nappies to not nappies? Is there just like a little transition period where kids are just shitting their pants? Yeah.

So we've bought him like some little underpants. Again, Marvel. And he thinks they're the best thing ever. But he had them on for, I'd say, 10 minutes before he unloaded his ass into it. And then he lies. He just won't admit it. You can see, like, the room stinks of shit.

And he's waddling weird. And you're like, Jack, have you pooed? waddling weird and you're like jack have you pooed he's like no i'm not no i'm not and it's everywhere he keeps pooing in the bath as well it's such it's such a ball of me i respect that you know it's such a ball of me makes sense i mean he's aware when he's being bad he's like it's poo everywhere i went i was like what when he's being bathed. He's in the bath. Right, yeah. He's not just wandering off to the bathroom

and shitting in your bath. He's not. Yeah, leaning over like. But he's nearly there, isn't he? It's, yeah. It's the same room. In a few months, he'll have got it sorted. But we're in the danger zone where you can't,

it doesn't happen like that. There is a bit of a crossover. I think you can do Huggies pull-ups, but Laura's not a fan. So it's a bit of a sort of halfway house where they're not like full nappies. But yeah, he's still clinging on to the fact that like, I can just shit anywhere.

So why am I going to learn how to wander over there? Unbelievable. There's been a lot of poo in the bath recently. Do you ever feel like you could do well and get away with it? That'd be so bad. Like a big a big hungover shit. Ah, sorry kid.

Oh no! Laura! There's a poo in the bath! It's bigger than Jack's leg. Jack did that. Jack's on the side of the bath like full in hell, lad.

Christ. What's that into? Because kids go through phases like my niece I go to get her a gift I don't like that no more. But you liked it three weeks ago? Yeah. Now I like pokemon now i don't like well and then like they move yeah she's in roblox is the whole is the whole thing now which seems to just be like a just wandering around

a like the metaverse or whatever like there's nothing happening i've watched it over a shoulder a few times i'm like this there's nothing happening they I've watched it over a shoulder a few times. I'm like, there's nothing happening. They're just wandering around. It's not like a game. It does change a lot though. Like about six weeks before, like about two weeks before Christmas, I was like, I texted my cousin. I was like, should I just get the baby some frozen stuff?

Not like peas in that. That'd be great. I was like, should I just get her some frozen stuff? And she was like, oh, no, she's not into that anymore. She hasn't been into it for ages. I was like, I was in yours like four weeks ago and Frozen was on.

She was dressed as Elsa and singing into my ear in the living room. So she was like, yeah, yeah. About a week after that, she just was done with it. I was like, that's not, hasn't been into it for ages.

That's an international break. It's like you. What do you mean? To an inter-golf level. Should I give them a golf bag? We keep giving him shit about golf. It's just the winter. I know.

No. So, you know, I'm dead organized. Try and be organized with Christmas presents. I've done that in the past going on. I'm boxing everything off. And like in September,

go to my sister. What does, what does like my niece want? What does my nephew want? She's like, you can't, I don't know. It's September.

You can't predict what's happening in December because they do that. They're like, no can't, I don't know. It's September. You can't predict what's happening in December because they do that. They're like, no, I'm not into that shite. Thanks for spending 600 quid on all that stuff.

I feel like I was always Action Man. Pokemon and footy. Like, I don't remember having phases, really. I had a phase

where I tried to like wrestling. Oh, I like wrestling, yeah. I always footy. Pokemon, yeah. That was pretty long-standing.

Yu-Gi-Oh! I played the Yu-Gi-Oh! game for a couple of years. It's kind of a branch off Pokemon, though, isn't it? What's Yu- I don't know what Yu-Gi-Oh! It's just another branch off Pokemon. It's just a different world of the same. Oh, right, okay.

Like Digimon as well. Digimon was the stinky one, though. Yeah, Digimon was for beta goths. Is it card collection at the time, or? Yeah, Yu-Gi-Oh! is a card game, and you fight each other. Right. Yeah. Cause beef at school.

Similar to Pokemon, yeah. Stuff like that got banned. Beyblades. Beyblade, that was in little school, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alfie's kids all love Beyblades now. They're still going, though.

They're still a thing, yeah. Unbelievable. What were the fans in your life Conkers ball on a cup Conkers we used to put a cup on a cup

with stringing and talk one lad had a dead fox we looked after that together it was really fun dead fox

dead fox Fridays he kept it for a while as well multiple fridays oh fuck he's got a new dead fox you love pogs you

no I didn't do pogs little circle things yeah we did them you had them in like your customer yeah what was your thing what were your things

WWF wrestling figures and a ring. I fucking loved it. It was so good. The Legion of Doom, Animal and Hawk. Oh, they were my favorite. Do you remember those dudes with the red shoulder pads and the little black spikes?

He fought us. I had the kid who brought that in too. Oh, Macho Man Randy Savage. For Toy Day. Kid who brought the wrestling ring into Toy Day was a fucking don all day. Titan Trap. I had the ring and then the cage for it sometimes

so you could do... Do you remember the game Mastermind? I lost it, mate. Mastermind on BBC Two. It was like Colors. Ultimate Warrior. Someone brought the ring to Toy Day every time and it was sick.

What a rush. What did you take in for Toy Day? Like a fucking penny farthing? No, some wrestling figures as just previously discussed. Oh, you didn't mix it up, no? Thundercats. Thundercats, Transformers, WWF. They were my, like when I was like eight, nine, ten.

I was sure it was Nintendo DS, wasn't it? That's so sad. Later on in school, yeah. I remember, that's unlocked a. Later on in school, yeah. I remember, that's unlocked a memory when we were bringing toys in. I took in, I'd just come back off holiday. By the way,

this is going to be fantastic. This is mental. It'll be a good one. I took in a fake MP3 player that I'd bought on holiday that if you touched it, gave you an electric shock and just handed that around the class and saw how many people I could touched it gave you an electric shock and just handed that

around the class and saw how many people I could get to give them an electric shock. Just attack people. Like even the teacher did it. Finn, what have you brought? This unearthed plug.

A weapon. It looked like do you know like the old like knock off iPods? It was like one of them and you pressed it and it just gave you a little fucking shock.

Are you just sat there playing with it? Forget it. Last day of them and you pressed it and it just gave you a little fucking class playing with it forget last last day of term in real what are you bringing in a faulty electric blanket the laughs we have i remember this is how protective my mum was right this is how like like constantly socially anxious she wasn't scared of like danger at all times one of my best mates so we used to paper around together his name's matty costello you might listen every now and then but i see him every couple of years and we have a little catch-up for christmas he bought me an mp3 player like the old ones where it was like i think it was like 128 meg on it you could put like 10 songs on it and i got it for christmas and i showed my mum i was like look at this fucking mp3 player isn't that sick and she's like you're not using that i was like why she was like you'll be walking down the street with those earphones and you can't hear anything else and someone has come behind you

and battered you I was like why he's listening to music punch his head in I don't want to give you any anxiety or love but you do have enemies

yeah my mum always said one earphone in walking about one earphone in so you can hear if someone's going to attack you what the fuck I get like a traffic wall. Don't cross the road

with earphones in because you won't hear traffic. I swear that was going. They've got shanks. They've got guns. Be very careful. You're walking down the road. Fucking I love Louise Redknapp. All of a sudden, you've been shot five times. In the head. Have a great day at school. Alright, love you. Object of my desire. Remember that was one of my MP3

proper like pleasure house tune. No wonder you wanted to fall asleep on the couch. Go to bed. No, I might get shot. Fall asleep there. Primary school, I had the portable CD player. I used to take that. Yeah, a Walkman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That by the Pearl and all. They make with all your CDs, 50 cents and all that. My first Walkman was a black Sony tape player Walkman with orange headphones, black and gold. Like such a, one of the OG Walkmans. Fucking cool.

Adam had his tuck shop, didn't you, in school. I would make people CDs and charge them for it. Oh, I did that as well. A lot of people did that. Mark Greenwell did that. Made loads of money off it. What? Yeah.

Be like, you can pick 10 songs. You give them a list of songs and the next day you'd have a CD with all them songs on. And you recorded them off the radio? No, download them from... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh yeah, download, sorry.

That's how we used to make tapes. No, I'm going to sing it myself. What would you want? You'd sit there like... How amazing would that be? Write down 10. It's a fiver. I'll fucking sing the lot of them.

Fly Me to the Moon is going to be three of them. You didn't ask for it, but I fucking nail it. I used to... I've definitely told this before. I used to do DVDs and CDs, and if they ordered a CD... If they ordered Usher's album, that was three quid.

If they ordered a film, it was three quid, and it was two for a fiver. That's a deal. That's a deal. Yeah. Come see you though you bags. But if they wanted just random 10 songs, that was a fiver. Cause that was like custom.

Do you know what I mean? Nice. Oh God. I've not told you this before. You'd use land wire and just destroy. You can ruin it though. Right, cause it just like loads of shit. You download a song and 5,000 viruses

at the same time I had a nought an antivirus though that saw something right out of my kind of day mate it was sick it'd be like you just downloaded loads of viruses

but we got rid of it be like nice one kid next song I made so much because I so on top of on top of selling them in school that was

I was making so much money from the tuck shop in school and from me CD business that I actually didn't need the money from the tuck shop in school and from my cd business that i actually didn't need the money from the paper round the paper round was literally so that i had access to customers because i would i would knock to get the money for the echo for the week and i'd be like and do you want any films and then they'd like i was making like 15 quid a week from the paper round it's fuck all do you know what i mean it's a waste of time yeah the original netflix yeah but then i'd have like i had like 50 people on the paper round and they's fuck all, do you know what I mean? It's a waste of time. Yeah, the original Netflix. Yeah, but then I'd have like,

I had like 50 people on the paper round and they'd all buy like one or two films a week. So I was making like 200 quid a week just from like... The CDs, you'd get like 25 for the tenner. So you're paying like 40p a disc. That's all it was costing me. Did yous have match attacks?

Or was that a bit later? I had them, but it was costing me did you have match attacks were you a bit is that a bit later i had them but it was out like not really so that was like when i that started when i was in like year five so that was everything and i would sell match attacks because i'd found a loophole there was like really rare cards there was one year where steven gerrard was the rarest card and no one had it but you could buy any individual card online for 35p and my record was 25 quid for steven gerrard that's a profit that wow yeah that is that's a margin big profit what's up with these kids that they don't understand that that's an option they don't know people don't look into it though did he theopathitis over there yeah he's greek isn't he that's what i meant yeah when we when we used to make mixtapes

you know you have to you have to record it but you'd be it'd be from the radio and then you'd wait for the presenter to stop talking and then and then press record and then you'd have to take it off record when he started talking because they used to just talk over the start and the end of the song so every mixtape you had, if it was recorded from the radio, was fucked over by some like rock FM DJ. I was so sad. You're literally like, oh God, oh God.

Did you not have any like little side hustles at all when you were a teenager? Did you not make money anyway before you got a job? Not make like a little lemonade stand or something? We were stealing cigarettes. Great. money anyway before you got a job erm not making like a little lemonade stand or something we were stealing cigarettes great

stealing them we were stealing cigarettes from the from the news agent me and and selling them back to him yeah yeah

how were you were they loosies what like loose ones or packs er me and Andrew we had a it was at rs mccall's on liverpool road and uh

pen with them we had um we had paper rounds and they stupidly looking back she must have been young but they let us behind the counter and like uh andrew was just so fucking bold like i was so like not as brave but every time he walked past he'd just like flicker you know you've got your paper bag you just have that open and then just flicker like a pack of cigarettes into his bag so he'd never actually like put them in a pocket then what would you do with them uh sell them at school and stuff wow sell them around you know like when you hang around at night. Siggy's didn't get sold at that school, did he?

Maybe it was the dark side that I didn't see, but I never saw Siggy's getting sold. I don't think a lot of kids had access to stealing cigarettes. I mean, I think it got worse. This must have been over a few months, but he got so bold with it that he was nicking like 200 Regal from the stock room at one point. And they were like, where are these cigarettes going? You're like, you going like you thick it's obvious where they're going

and i think we just all got sacked and and no one got their comeuppance basically like they could have just it was obvious it was us but i don't think i think they were embarrassed by it or something so just let everyone go yeah they'll adults who have now got ailments because of you and your mate getting them smart and smoking in school? Well, yeah. Yeah, maybe. It's awful, isn't it?

But we were offering. It was cheap, you know. How much? Well, it was like £2.40 for a pack of 20 L&B. I reckon we'd be selling them for a quid. Like £1.50.

And what were you doing with that money? Investing in more ciggies? No, because we were just nicking it. We just fucking got the best tuck shot money ever, ain't you? Buying games.

That's awful. And then there was the time that my mum's payment to my dad went in my account and I spent 400 quid in about 24 hours. No, that's just stealing from your mum, isn't it? Yeah. It was great, though. Did she do anything?

No. No? No, mum just just stealing from your mum. It was great, though. Did she do anything? No. No? No. Mum just gave me things. I wasn't spoiled, but I was never, like, wanting. She's a very, very lovely woman. No, I wasn't. We were just being gobshites.

You just saw an opportunity to be little dickheads. No, I just didn't. And also, smoking seemed cool to me. I was that idiot. Smoking seemed dead cool. So my first ever cigarette was around the back of my house, and it was a Marlboro Red, because that was what sponsored McLaren.

I thought Marlboro Red was the coolest cigarettes, because it looked fucking brilliant on that Formula One car. So my first cigarette was one of the harshest fags you could have. Fags aren't cool. It's just a fact. You're right, dude. You're right. But 14-year-old me disagreed with you.

If that was me, if I was going for the coolest cigarettes, I'd have gone for Regal, just because they look like that boss Chelsea away gift from like 2005. The Mewtwo one? The Hasselbank one. The Adrian Mewtwo one.

Was Hasselbank in that? Probably. In my head. What a player. Yeah. I thought Marlborough were the coolest. It must be vapes. It was horrible, I remember. It must be vapes now. It just must. I've seen

kids with vapes, like on the streets. That's how, that's what people are selling. I thought, yeah, I thought they were banned though, but I still see them everywhere. It's like the new notes. It's going to take time to come out of circulation. Also, they're not banned. It's just the disposable ones that are banned. The refillable ones are still...

The goth ones. No, but I mean, they're still available for sale. So what... I know... I've heard they're banned. People are just ignoring the government because they know they're not going to do anything about it. And also, you can just get them online, probably.

You can't go into a shop now and get a disposable one. You can. You can. Not as easy, I mean. No, I mean, you can. They're everywhere. You can. I think it's just...

They're still at the desk next to the fucking... Oh, really? This was months ago when I was still vaping like a bellend. When you were all on me, you were like, they've banned them, fuck you. And I remember going, oh, they'll go then. But they're like, apparently that's... The 1st of April, 2025 is the date that the ban of sale

and supply of disposable vapes. Oh, there you go. So they're getting rid of stock. There you go. So they're not fucked everyone over. Yeah. It's kids, isn't it? You need to watch that Netflix documentary about her.

It's really interesting. Yeah. Shall we have a break? Yeah. We are back. Well, I was drunk last night, wasn't I? And I've had what I said in the pub recounted to me. I apologise to all of you.

Bit of a menace when I'm pissed on shots. If you'd like to see why I was so drunk in Pogues, sign up to Patreon, patreon.com slash everwordpod, where our latest lock-in is now available. That was the drunkest I've been since the first lock-in when I nearly died. Was it? Yeah. You didn't seem that pissed. I felt it. At one point, Mike was talking, that was the drunkest I've been since the first lock-in when I nearly died was it?

yeah you didn't seem that pissed I felt it at one point Mike was talking and Joe when you realise you're not listening to someone you're just staring at them I was like oh

I haven't listened to a thing he's just said for like two minutes I was bothered literally I timed it well I timed I ate at about

half three and then when we got to Liverpool I had three pints before we got here. I was just perfect. Then whipped out the old coffee Patron. Yeah, we were back on the Patron, weren't we? I've got a full bottle of that in the fridge. That's completely unopened.

The big bottle? Yeah. How long does it last for? Forever. Alcohol. Alcohol doesn't go off. Even... Spirits don't go off. Right. don't go off right because it's got like the

coffee element to it i thought there might be a bit of perhaps i haven't looked actually but yeah i think because i mean bailey's goes off don't it yeah yeah it's got milk in it's creepy so i'm just i just i don't know if cafe patron is one of them ones that lasts forever like vodka does don't it vodka goes on forever these little loser potency owner have you seen the dude on instagram tim.nacky i am into this guy he is uh betting 10 cents for every instagram follower he's got and then playing a hand of blackjack he's up to 200 270 000 or something the last one i've just seen so he bets 27 grand you can go back he's on day 41 of this i got in about day 15 and i cannot stop what i am looking forward to it and i don't give a shit about gambling or blackjack or casinos and i'm i'm surprised this

is the first time i'm bringing up i think you'd enjoy it it's a really weird like i'm invested is he every morning he's over a hundred thousand dollars up but he's just been spanked five days in a row he'd be well over 200 grand at this point but he's lost five days in a row there There was one point I think he won six or seven times on the trot. It's very watchable. Is he wealthy then? No, he's a Kiwi dude that lives in Canada. That's the most I know about him.

He's a lad. I don't know where he's come up with this. I think gambling is his thing. But in the last 41 days, he's gone from 14,000 Instagram followers to I think he's, I think today I've just checked, he's gone from 14,000 Instagram followers to I think he's I think today I've just checked

he's over 300,000 because everyone's like this is great fun I've just had an interesting thought come to me and it's totally irrelevant to what you've just been talking about

I listen to every word of that by the way I wasn't being like I'm just saying I think you'd enjoy it I think everyone should go because you can go back through his videos

and watch the journey. And it's made me want to play Blackjack a bit. So I've never done it before. I've never been to a casino. I don't want to bet loads. Never been to a casino? I've been a couple. Vegas was the first time I went to a casino.

Was it? Yeah. I think Blackjack was fun with the boys. That was fun. It was great. If we knew what we were doing with craps, it would have been fun. We just couldn't quite get the hang of it.

We'd stay gone if we didn't trust them. Was that the one, show me snake eyes? That one. Snake eyes is two sixes. No? Two ones. Because it looks like two eyes on a snake,

don't you? Yeah. You ever seen a snake with 12 eyes, Dan? Yeah. Give me spider eyes. Thanks. I, do you know how many eyes spiders have got? Six. eyes. Thanks. Do you know how many eyes spiders have got?

Six. Right, cool. You're an aunt. I had an idea for another special for us. Another American special. Oh, yes. How much? They're cheap.

There's eight eyes. Spiders have eight eyes, just want to say. There's a beach in Miami. That's legs. Right? And they have this like annual sort of party in October. It runs from a Thursday to a Saturday night. Yeah.

But it's the part, not Miami, sorry, Florida. But it's the part of Florida that is really close to New Orleans. So it's a four hour drive from New Orleans. The panhandle. Yeah. It's a four hour drive from New Orleans to New Orleans. So it's a four-hour drive from New Orleans. The Panhandle. Yeah. It's a four-hour drive from New Orleans to this beach. And on the 11th, 12th, and 13th of October this year, there's that.

And I think we could go to New Orleans, do the New Orleans special, and we end with a four-hour road trip to this beach in Florida. And then we go to the party. i'll be single so it'll be better is it myrtle beach no it's it we just finn will you just find out where myrtle beach is it's from eastbound and down when uh it's miramar beach south carolina myrtle beach oh is it it's miramar beach not this year next year yeah well when I say annual

it is the first time they've done it this year so I don't know whether they'll do it again and it is a Luke Combs music festival oh no

no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no

no no no yeah Dan interesting what you were saying about Blackjack and that lad

made me think of Luke Combs I want to go it's a three-night music festival right i'm not going but you can go you can go finn shut up a minute and get on board okay i need you to help me yeah okay let's go let's go listen it's a four-hour drive from new orleans imagine i'll check new orleans be for a few days and then thursday friday saturday we go yeah listen this is what they're doing new New Orleans. So the Thursday night,

Luke's doing... No. Listen, shut the fuck up for a minute, will you? I wish I would. Listen, Thursday night, he's doing like his latest tour playlist.

Oh, shit. Like that's the Thursday. That's a day in the heart. The Friday night, he's the headliner. The Friday night, he's the headliner again. Of course he is.

But he's doing all covers of like really famous songs we'll fucking love that one I'll go to that I'll go to that and the sat ruined songs are like sing it the way

you don't want it to be heard and the satty is like loads of up and coming artists and it's called the bootleggers bonfire and I really want to go but I can only really afford

and justify to go if we all go together and go up and coming country artists no no no no the new Kanye he's going to be there they've said

and Noel Gallagher rumours that is unlisted but I've heard rumours the new Kanye and Michael Jackson

nice up and come on Country Artists isn't it no no it's just musicians from Nashville

and a dead pop star look we've got to go I'll go next year no No, it's just musicians from Nashville. And a dead pop star. Look, we've got to go. I'll go next year. No. But if I go this year, I'm single. Why?

Because I've told you, it's not an holiday. It's not an holiday. We're going for work. Yeah. We're doing it. I'm going to just book it and then you just can't do it. You did that for Nashville.

I know. And what happened? I got what I wanted. You're not allowed to do that again. You haven't taught me any self-restraint. I get what I want. If I just go ahead and book it. Next year.

We're doing it. No, we're going. Shut the fuck up. We're going. We're flying out to New Orleans on the 8th of October. And we're coming back on the 15th. Is that half term as well? Cool.

I wonder when my divorce would come through. Do you think it'd be come through before Christmas? It's only 5,000 guests. Can you get divorced if you don't even manage yet? I know it is. It's limited. And I've got the pre-sale link.

Fuck off. Oh, from Luke. I can buy them now. Can I just buy them in the next break? Can we actually please just do this? It'd be so fucking good.

Come on, Will's on board. Finn's on board. That's three out of five. I didn't shut up. I love my future wife and he loves his three out of five. I love my future wife and he loves his current wife. Bring them! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Leave her job. She's going to be working. She's not going to miss you anyway. She tells you to shut the fuck up. A lot of people say you should take a three-year-old to New Orleans. I don't know if you've heard, but loads of parents who... If you go on Mumsnet, they're like, obviously Orleans. I don't know if you've heard but it's loads of parents who... Get them tickets to the box and then leave.

If you go on Mumsnet, they're like obviously take a very small child to New Orleans and just let them wander freely around fucking... Look, we're going and I don't care what it takes for you to get on board. We're going. This is happening. I've already decided and I'm going to book the tickets in the next break. So you've

got until the end of the next break. You know what the good thing is? We go to India a couple of weeks later. That's good. You know, we're keeping... No, because that's what partners want, isn't it? They don't want you to space out holidays. No.

They want you to leave them abandoned, usually in half term. Luke, is it in half term? You don't know UK half terms? Right, well, let me tell you what... Do it then. Yeah, yeah, let's really make everyone angry. Yeah, they'll be single soon. Get on me, babe. Finn, can you check know UK half terms? Right, well, let me tell you what. Do it then. Yeah, yeah. Let's really make everyone angry. Yeah, they'll be single soon.

Get on me, babe. Finn, can you check the UK half terms for the 24, 25? What's the winter? I'm telling you right now, if this isn't half term, we're doing it. Because that's the only problem yous have brought up. Finn, you sign me up to Hinge while you're there as well. Because I'm going to need the new lady. It's not half term.

We're going. We're going. We're going to India two weeks later. Exactly. I'll cycle there. I'm deep into my training. We're going.

It's happening. There's not a new... Look. What weekend is it? The 11th, 12th and 13th of October. That's the week before Halloween, isn't it? No. It is.

You can do it. I really can't do it. We're going to India a couple of weeks later. Shut up. That's a different thing. That's for a charity. Adam, we can do it next year. No, he's not doing it next year.

I was lying. It's a one-off, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Until he does it again. Jack's coming coming by the way we've already booked our tickets just so you know I'm inviting them all

to the Luke Combs bonfire thing I'm trying to get it as a company expense Jack he doesn't that's what he's doing Jack doesn't even

want to go he's just a protective mother well have a great time boys it sounds phenomenal. No, Adam, no, no. You're not spending another £50,000 of this company's money

to go and see big, fat Luke Holmes. You're not... Just, you are... It's been ages since we've seen him. You've just sold 5,000 tickets. You're doing great. Go, take your mum and tickets. You're doing great. Go. Take your mum and go.

We're all going. It's happening. You've got till the end of the next interval of this episode to get your wives on board with it. Because I'm booking the tickets. Absolutely. In a minute. Not happening.

It is happening. You can go. Yeah, and you're coming. And you're paying for it. We will be so single so fast. What? You can go. Yeah, and you're coming. But I'm not coming. We will be so single so fast. What? Your missus has just got to get on board with the fact that your life is fun

and she deals with annoying little kids all day. That's not your fault. I've probably stopped. Same for you, actually. I've probably not showed her that bit. Wow, clip that bit. Look, we're going. Hinge or bumble?

What are you going to go for? Suicide. I think I'm Suicide Just off the roof Suicide dating Off the roof If you don't fucking like me

I'll end it Imagine how much fun we'll have How can your partners possibly love you If they don't want you to have fun, eh? Adam We've already done this This is the same special in a different spot Yeah

Oh, we never do that, do we? I know Enjoy the lock-in, everyone What the fuck are you talking about? the lock-in everyone what the fuck are you talking about the lock-in didn't cost 50,000 pounds this one cost

50,000 pounds you're a liar no I know for a fact I know how much this cost I've done one right it's going to be

totally different we're going over to America different bit over five hours from the bit we were and it'll all build up to me seeing Luke Holmes

twice twice though in National League once five hours from the bit we were and it'll all build up to me seeing Luke Holmes. Twice? Twice, though! In National League once. Fell in love, got a hat. It's fine. Ridiculous. Ridiculous.

It's happening. I'm up for it. Finn? Of course. Finn votes Jess. We'll vote Jess. That's not a fucking vote. Okay. He lives with his mam in real. You kissed him on the face last night. I know, That's not a fucking vote. Okay. No, Dad. That's not a vote. How dare you? He lives with his mam in Rhyl.

You kissed him on the face last night. I know. He's such a cute... You can't be telling him his voters and counting your neck on him. Dad, they can vote yes, but we can vote as directors. They have to pay themselves.

Go for the fin. I hope you can raise the money. Have a great time, boys. I'll get you the raise. Deal. We're going. It's happening. Norlands.

Yeah, Orleans. And then Miriam Beach I saw that he's opening up something in Nashville he's getting his own gaff in Nashville yeah it's called Category 11 we've got to go back

that's what the tornado third special third special third special totally different that's why it's named that because the maximum category of hurricane

can be is 10 so he's named it Category 11 because it's like better than the best hurricane yeah that's what my house will feel like if i say i'm going to new orleans in october who the fuck does she think she is she is my future wife she's who is your missus tell me i can't live my dream you can live your dream i just can't be there you can can't? It's your job. I'm going to India.

You're going to India to save some dying children? Imagine she throws that in your face. Oh, you're going there and to India. What, you're going to help your mate live his dream and save some dying children? Not in the same six-week period. Tell me, what's your fucking problem, eh? Sorry, I love you. And Amsterdam.

And your wife as well. Yeah, she's a problem. She really is we are she is really going I've decided I very very rarely get what I want

I'm telling you right now oh that's made my eyes water oh my god I'm living in the Adam Rowe show my life is the Adam Rowe show I don't ever get

what I want I don't with this company it's always you it's been show I don't ever get what I want I don't You and this company It's always yous It's been over They didn't even get me a Nando's this morning It's been over 11 months Since you've paid for me to go and watch Luke Combs

In America Are you fucking What am I getting out of this podcast? We're going It's happening And it will be booked by the end of the next thing And you'll both get a notification from your phone going, Adam has spent £27,000.

I will tell Starlet that it's fraud. We're going. I can't tell you how much we're not going. We're going. But when he does it again, I'll be there. I will literally live your stupid Luke Holmes dream. Yeah, I'll go next year. He's not going to be doing it next year.

So you know the argument. You're trying to defer to next year with your wives. Just Yeah, I'll go next year. Yeah. He's not going to be doing it next year. So you know the argument. You're trying to defer to next year with your wives. Just get it out the way this year and have it. Doesn't work like that. I want to go to a monster truck rally next time we go. Do you know what? Look how nice I am. I'll do that for you.

Oh, well, then. Whenever you want. Where are you going? For how long? How much? Are you going to go and see monster trucks? Yeah, I am. Oh, it's your dream, isn't it?

It's your dream. So go. Don't worry, I'll raise these kids. You go and watch big cars. Dan, I just want to say that Hot Wheels Monster Trucks Live is on in October in New Orleans. Are you pulling my leg? Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Please. I'm not going. You are. If we're all going, you're going to go. If he pulls us off, I'll go. Hello?

Hi, babe. How are you? You all right? Why do you sound weird? What's going on? I just got something to run past you. Yeah? You know this year I'm not going away very much.

I know I'm going to India for 11 days. But apart from that... Yeah, I'm going on a trip. Yeah, apart from that, I'm going to Portugal for 11 days, but apart from that, I'm going to Portugal twice and Amsterdam and the south of France. Oh, and Dublin this week. Oh, and Dublin this week and in August. Apart from all those trips away, I'm not really away very much.

And you know when I met you I said one day I want to see monster trucks in New Orleans oh piss off no no no Laura listen it's Adam listen

there's nothing you're going to say that isn't going to convince me otherwise Laura listen just listen to me for a sec, right? Sometimes things are just meant to be, right? And New Orleans is only a short four-hour drive from Miriam Beach, right?

Which you've heard of. In New Orleans, there's the Monster Truck Festival, which Dan wants to go to. And if you take that dream away from your husband, what kind of partner are you? And then, on top of that

And guess what? Guess who's in fucking Florida? At Miriam Beach Luke Combs is doing his own music festival and not only do I think we should be allowed to go I think you should get

the kids babysat and come with us if you want and if you don't want to come I just don't think you should stop us so what do you say? You know, get that

week-long babysitter that we're always using Oh God, yeah I'll just get them in it's no trouble when is this? it's not happening Laura it's in October can we go? it's not happening Laura

when? October? it's not happening 2025 it can happen though can't it love? I'm open to it yeah 2025 I agree Laura are you open to it. Yeah, 2025. I agree, Laura. Are you open to it for 2024? No.

No. Put your foot down, Laura. Put your fucking foot down. What are you doing? Oh, shit. Bad connection. Bad connection. What's she doing?

You're on a ticket. This is you blaming your wife all the time. Maybe it's you. Oh, fuck it. What was that? I was leading you down the nut you were managers saying no we're going by the way i got my um oh my god laura i tried to lead you into that

good god you nearly said yes the monster truck rally's in Germany. No, he's having another look. Oh, there's a different one. So that one was Hot Wheels Monster Truck Live. Monster Trucks USA is on in New Orleans. That's the shit one. Oh, no. I'm Hot Wheels or bus, mate. You don't want to see Jake Combs here.

I'm telling you right now, we're going. Your wife just said it's sound. It's not. It's not sound. That wasn't my wife. I'll ring Seneca. I'll speak to Seneca. I love you two.

Can I record it? Yeah. Can I video you asking me for a phone? Did you hear that? Why? Play that, play that. My phone's broke. Play it loud.

What did she say? Nothing. Play it now. Don't be a shit house. Play it. Play it. Play it now. Play it now.

Oh, God. Play it now. That backfired so badly. I was so convinced I knew how that was going to play out. Oh. If you really want to go, I'm open to negotiation. Oh, no, she's messaged me. She's messaged me. Fucking get it. No, she's messaged me. Yes!

Wait. She's messaged me. No, Dan, you're not allowed to go. I She's messaged me. Fucking get it. No, she's messaged me. Wait. She's messaged me. No, Dan, you're not allowed to go, mate. This is Laura.

No, she took it back straight away. Look, come on. Come on. You can go. Go. I've got a fiend's date. I'm not cancelling it. Yes, you fucking are.

No, I'm not. I would I've got a fiend's date. I'm not cancelling it. Yes, you fucking are. No, I'm not. I'd never, I would literally never cancel a show. It's in October. Because we can't afford it. And we also can't afford to go. Can you pay for us all? And for the new wife for me.

Adam, I can't, I'm looking forward to hearing about how it goes. You're coming. But when he, whether Carl's coming or not, I'm still working on him and said, okay, your wife has just given you permission. I don't want to go. She said

negotiation. You don't want to go to New Orleans for the big monster sex party. What are you talking about? She's just trying to seem sound on the podcast. I think she's wrong-headed. She sounded like she was in a hostage situation. Yeah. She said yes. Have you not seen Moneyball? Darling, why do you agree to things

and then you regret it. No, stop gaslighting her. Gaslighting her and gaslighting me. You're emotionally abusive to everyone in your life. Every partner you've got.

Carl, give me Seneca's number. She's in work. Oh yeah, really important to her job, isn't it? What? Give me her number.

Have you ever given her number, no? I don't think so. I'm not giving you my future wife's number, a half one on a Wednesday afternoon. She will spit fire down the... Honestly, she will say something illegal. Don't. I'm not going.

You are. Right. I'm so determined that we're going now. By the way, the only, in my head, the only obstacle really was Laura, because he's actually got childcare commitments that he can,

like if she goes, no, then it can't happen. She hasn't done that. No, I genuinely don't want to go. I don't give a fuck. I don't want to go away.

I don't want to go away for 10, for a week or 10 days, twice. I don't want to be away from my kids that much. I don't give a fuck. Bring your kids. India's like an 11-day trip or something. That's enough.

I will. This trip sounds great. I'm booking it. But you need to do it. It can't be this year. Dan, fleas his card. Fleas his card. I will literally report fraud on the bank account

and then close it down no no that was me and I'm a director so it can't stop me spending the money or I'll just go oh I didn't approve Dan's car parks for the last three years we're going to do some pet peeves we're not going

we're going it's not even up for debate anymore have you got any pet peeves we're not going we're going it's not even up for debate anymore have you got any pet peeves why when Dan and his fucking little bitch over here are being

cunts about their dreams when your business partner has spent a hundred grand on American trips in 18 months there's one that happens a lot

when your best friend doesn't support you in all your endeavours again even though he's literally already done it. It's the best week of our lives. We're looking at opening it up with Norlands.

And you're telling me no. What's wrong with you? We'll all be dead. So you could get run over by a bus. It literally could happen in India. And then we'll all be dead in heaven. And you'll all be like, we should have gone to the monster truck fuck party, shouldn't we?

The monster truck fuck party. Monster fuck party. Do we need a break? Because I don't think we can follow how into this you are. Should you do a four section? I think we're going to have to do four sections. He's not going to be able to focus on pet peeves. I know.

The demon is in his eyes. He's like, we're going. Ring your wife. I'll ring your wife. I'll ring your wife. I'll probably have a wife by then. Okay. We're going.

Right, we're having a little break and we're having a staff meeting. We're all booked. No, we're not. Shall we do some pet peeves? That doesn't have to, my head in. Adam from Liverpool says, when all your mates won't let you live your dreams.

Your 50 grand dreams. Putting doubt in your mind, mate. You're amazing. I'm amazing. I'm amazing. I'm amazing. You're amazing. I'm going to that. Look. You're an evil amazing.

I'm going to that. Look, yous have all been in me dreams of it being, I want to experience my life. I'll do it again. Come on, we're doing pet peeves. Brad Norcup says, pet peeve, pensioners who go to the supermarket on a Saturday. You've had all week to do your fucking shopping. I get it.

When Laura goes, I need to go to Morrison's this morning and I have to stop myself. What does she expect? On a Saturday morning, I'm like, why? You don't work. You should have just done it in the week.

Why are we going on a Saturday? Why do you want to go on a Saturday? It's busier. It's full of cops who've got jobs. What do they do? Well, they should be going to the fucking shops on a Tuesday. It's not like getting in the way, are they?

They are getting in the way. Yeah, they're making it busier unnecessarily. A small store supermarket? You're clever enough because you have this life to not go on a Saturday. If you go to Asda on a Saturday, it is hellish.

How is it? Friday tea time, Friday early evening at the supermarket is not fun because people go, right, finish work. Let's go do the weekly big shop

so they've got food in for the weekend it's bedlam my weekly big shop is on a Monday usually about 8pm I get I honestly

I get it Brad I this is one that I get no but like it's on him for going on a Saturday innit as well like he knows it's chaos

so just go another time yeah but if you work 9 to 5 I suppose so just fucking go up just get up early go at 3am before work get your big shop done 3am before work go at 8pm So just go another time? Yeah, but if you work 9 to 5, I suppose so. Oh, just fucking go up. Just get up early. Go at 3 a.m. before work.

Get your big shop done. 3 a.m. before work. Go at 8 p.m. The fresh stuff comes back out again, and there's no one there. There's nothing better than a post-midnight big shop. Yeah. No, because there's not all of the perishables available. No, they bring the fresh produce back out again about 7 p.m.

Do they? Yes. That's a very advanced supermarket you've got. I don't think that's every supermarket. I think some have just got fresh stuff for the morning and by the evening it's gone.

This is what you miss out on by not living in a city and living in your little village thing. Okay? In a big city. 24 hour city, mate. Big city cock.

Yeah. It's a 24 hour city. It is. Kind of. It's not really, is it? Name one thing you can't do in Liverpool at 4am that you can do at 6pm

go to Nando's yeah give me that you can get spicy chicken you can get chicken yeah I didn't say that though did I yeah but you can't make it like stupidly specific you can't make it not a 24 hour city

because Nando's isn't open you can't go and watch NFL in. You can't do that anywhere. You have to make it not a 24-hour city because Nando's isn't open. You can't go and watch NFL either. In that case, there's no such thing as a 24-hour city because something's always shut somewhere. I don't think Liverpool's a full-on 24-hour city. I don't see what you could do. The town centre is pretty much shut down at night. I know what you mean.

It's a big city. What can't you do? But basically, you mean there's some 24-hour Tescos and some garages that are open. A lot of other other places are closed and boozes and skidangas all right okay what what makes a city a 24-hour city to you i don't know the really huge ones where like i haven't even been to new york but my idea of it like at 4 a.m neveram it looks like it's fucking still going. No. It's mainly shut down. It looks like Liverpool at 4am.

Right. Cool. Liverpool's the best. I do. You're right though. Why are you going on a Saturday? Even if you work 9-5 fuck Saturdays off. Going at like 1 in the morning you feel like Kanye's been learning to Balenciaga really. Just walking around Astor getting your favourite bit of chicken and nothing. It is sick.

It's a wonderful analogy. Steve Hume says, Wag Wag Lids, got a peeve for you. When you're driving and you look left to turn, but your passenger makes no attempt to move or lean back so you can't see fuck all apart from your passenger. Pisses me right off. You shouldn't even have to tell them.

Yeah, lean back, bitch. Or if they look like they don't trust you do you know what I mean yeah they actually start they go I do that though naturally

as a driver if I'm in the passenger seat I'm doing that yeah but you do but it is annoying when someone does it you never have to worry about this when

you're in my car with Carl sorry I fucked that sentence up if Carl's in your car you don't have to worry about this because carl in my car every time someone gets in my car after you've been in it i'm essentially in the boot my uh my my friend got in the car the other day and was like what

the fuck is going on with this seat because it might as well have been in the back all the way back but then reclines it as well like if you're talking to car been in the back. You just get it all the way back. It's like, all the way back, but then reclines it as well. Like, if you're talking to Carl in the car, you're like, you know, like,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in the front seat, by the way. It's mental. Carl's just like,

hello. Yeah. Why? Why do you just like, yeah. I love comfort. I've got my shoes off right now. I like to be comfy wherever I can be

and Adam's car is a very comfortable environment. It pisses me off when Laura pretends to brake like I'm fucking rally driving. Just like, I'm not that mental a driver. She's like, you know when you do the phantom braking? Erica's a terrible passenger. Awful. Oh, which one?

Yeah, I know, I'm lucky as well. I can see. Miles away. Also pisses you off when you try and get Laura to say you can't go on holiday, and she says, that pisses you right when you try and get Laura to say you can't go on holiday and she says sound. That pisses you right off, doesn't it? I'm not trying to gaslight her,

but she was trying to say yeah then. I think under pressure, wanting to seem sound. She'd regret that within five weeks. Yeah, but that's her fault, isn't it? You don't let them get away with shit like that. No, once they've said it. Yeah, that is. You've not seen Moneyball.

You get the answer you want you hang the phone up mate Gavin you know Dilly Dally Gavin McMillan says hi fellas just a little pet peeve for you when you're at a urinal

and it starts self-flushing cleaning mid-piss and starts spraying you your own or someone else's piss towards you absolutely horrific I like that

this doesn't happen the piss doesn't spray but loving it's clean it's self-flushing it feels great. This should be a simple pleasure. Yeah. What kind of urinals

are spraying the piss all over the bathroom? No, no, no. You don't want to piss when it cleans. Yeah. It's great. What?

I don't want to be there as part of the piss. It's like you're pissing in a waterfall. Yeah. I love that. That's such a good, simple pleasure.

Don't piss in the waterfall. That's such a good, simple pleasure. Don't piss in the waterfalls. It's wonderful. There's no urinal, by the way, that sprays piss on the pissing person. It's overly, but this one that Gavin's been to is too powerful. You've got too powerful a self-cleaning urinal. I've said it before, I'll say it again.

I'm seeing the ones in Mackie's that say this saves like 7 billion litres of water a year, this urinal. I'm always just like, why are they not everywhere? And surely that's just a bucket. Yeah, but they don't seem like good urinals. You're just pissing on a hole, aren't you? What happened then, Carl?

My eyes got a bit moist after I yawned. Sam McGovern says, pet peeve holiday photos in the family WhatsApp chat, especially when 400 pointless photos of other people's holiday food and views automatically get saved to my phone I haven't got a good family

we haven't got family WhatsApp I haven't got a functional family like that and you can turn that off by the way long ago I turned off the auto

save on WhatsApp yeah do you know why I did that because oh your mate said you pictured dicks and arseholes and legal legal reasons

I'd be in jail yeah you hype up this WhatsApp release, you know, you two. You make it seem like you're fucking Snowden and the FBI are coming after you.

This is just some fucking... Nah, it can't be that bad. Yeah, awful. Awful shit. You naive little man. Is there anything you wouldn't see on Twitter nowadays, though?

Yeah, definitely. I see so i see so many people dying on twitter now yes it's horrific instagram's got very deathy as well has it yeah a little bit more than it used to be just like in your reels you're like oh there's a person having a horrific car crash in india that person's dead and then one of the comments is like cool didn't want to see a person die today yeah i've set up a street whats. I didn't think I'd ever be a part of that, but now I'm the guy. Are you the new Brian?

I am. Yeah, I'm the new Brian. No, because I can't do what he did, but I feel like I've been uplifted to the guy who people call... Custodian of the street. Yeah, that's a big responsibility. Sam says,

pet peeve, activity bars. Just generally don't like them. Why don't we all just go for a pint? Why do I have to spend £8 for a beer and pretend to lose to a girl at pool? So like a Roxy Ballroom type. How do you pretend to lose at pool as well? You also just don't.

You can't pretend to lose. I also hate these type of pet peeves where people are just like, this thing that exists that I could absolutely ignore and it would never affect my life. Also, I like them. They're great.

Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Just once in a while, I don't want to buy a season ticket to the Roxy Ballroom. But when me and Matt went, that was a class couple of hours.

It was great. Me and Ted, I went to Arcanes last week, which is an arcane Liverpool. So fun. I don't go every week, but. What's the new one

above the old Marks and Spencers? Yeah, meant to be a good Gravity. Oh, is it Deboning? Gravity Max, is it? Meant to be good,

isn't it? Can I just ask, what's the etiquette or your opinion on playing games on a date if you. Annihilate them. It is,

isn't it? Yeah. That is the, it's try as hard as you can and win. Bury the bitch. Like, smoke her. I agree.

You need to lay down the rules. And I'm telling you, girl, I know for a fact, obviously every woman's different and I'm not generalising, but most women, 99% of them,

would find it an ick if they beat you at a game. Lay the groundwork. Look, I'm fucking 10-0, and that's why I'm going to fucking America. I know we're only on the first date, but I'm laying down the fucking rules. How would you feel if Laura turned after you in a poop?

You feel like a little bitch? I'm not that insecure in my masculinity. No, but she'd lose every shred of respect for you. Do you think that's why she's not been banging me? Because she's smoking a banging me? Because... Did she smoke you a bowling or something? Smoke me a bowling? Let's go 10 pence.

No, of course not. We were bowling the other day and I absolutely decimated everybody. I went on a bowling date not that long ago and I just absolutely nailed her. She got more strikes than me. Also, the fella on the way in, that new...

Like, he was so fucking rude to me. He asked me for ID and I was like, I haven't got it. He's like, I can't come in then. I was like, I'm 32. She's 30.

We're coming in. And he was like, well, they're not going to serve you with alcohol downstairs. I was like, they will because I'm 32

and she's 30. He went, be different if you had a book and I went, I have got a book. And he went, put your book in that machine and I put it in

and he went, yeah, go on. Just some cunt on a power to and then I went downstairs and I completely fucking your book in that machine then I put it in and he went yeah go on just some cunt on a power suit and then I went downstairs and I completely

fucking waded in she did get two strikes though to be fair to her you know that's how you know she's good for breeding you want that

you want them to get a strike yeah you do yes and you get to be like oh that was so good yeah and then you're just like

what you got a strike did you I'll just spare you to death, Gail. I don't even need strikes. You either get a strike or a fucking two. I'm eights and nines and tens all the way for two.

You got no chance of... What was that? What? Sam, you make it... Your pet peeve has made me want to go to an activity bar. You whinging about this has made me want to go.

Table tennis, beer pong, pool, bowling, shuffleboard. The best one ever in the east end of Nashville, that dive bar,

which was amazing. Yeah. There was pool, there was darts. Let's not go back to America though. There was Big Buck Hunter. So good in that bar in America

where we all had fun for a week with our friends. Do you want to go back? Absolutely not, no. My wife won't let me. What, she will? No, I still don't want to go because I'm a boring cunt.

Carry on. In Roxy in Manchester, they've got curling. I've seen them. Right, well, I'll go with you today. That sounds amazing. It's cool as fuck.

When I curl, will you do the brush thing? Yeah. You've got to have someone do that yeah it's these are so fun that's just fun

what's this fella my favourite one like if I was on a date with a bear and we were going in like Roxie's and she was like let's play table tennis

I'd get so excited because I'd just be like I'm so good at it compared to the average human and you know that yeah you are good that like I would just like

be taking the piss and just beating her with every point anyway and you are good. That like, I would just like be taking the piss and just beating her with every point anyway. And then just for a couple of points, I'd just be like, fuck off, right? And just bury it, do you know what I mean?

Would you tell her before that you were good at it? Would you go, I'm all right. No, I'd say I haven't played it ever. Like, what's this? What's this? Never played it.

So use me good hand or me bad, me good hand. All right, no. Yeah, go on. Ace. Play for save. Forrest Gump.

Oh. Yeah, he's an idiot these are the these these are great you give the girl a if you let her win they don't want that at all they want to know that you are incredible they they want to know that if you played another man of table tennis you'd bury him as well it's not just about her last one jay mulvaney. Pet peeve. People that lick their fingers whilst flicking through pages. Makes me sick. That is a good one. It is? It's a proper old person. Just squeeze the bottom till it comes apart.

Can I also add this? I do. Any adult who has a hanky just find it like a hanky chief. Like a hanky chief. Children with hankies, you find me. Children with hanky i just find it like like a handkerchief handkerchief for the children with hankies you find me children with hankies any any like ted hanky just not acceptable if you're a bloke you can't be whipping a fucking handkerchief out for your snotty little nose handkerchief

do you want to do some man yeah we Yeah, we've got some man play. We've got some good ones in today. This is from... When you go on holiday with the boys and have a good time. No, never mind. We've done it loads. We're doing it again soon. You sound all bored.

We don't have a jingle for this, do we? What is it? No, we make one up every time. We make one up every week. Harry, you've got to do a jingle. Ready? Go. What's the section? It's man play.

I thought we do have a set. We do have a jingle for this, don't we? Do it. Give me some. What style? Man play. Man play. Play with yourself.

You made it sound like wanking. I did. There you go. Clip it. This is from Taryn Henson. Not all man play involves cum, for example. Taryn Henson said, had a grown involves cum, for example. Taron Henson said, had a grown man

sprint to the car parking meter and say, I just wanted to beat you to it, mate. He did beat me too, so fair play. No, he's a gobshite. What? Yeah, he's just a freak.

It's unbelievable. What? I love that. Yes, I won the race that you didn't know you were in. I have a race. You have races with people you don't know.

In the queue park. Yeah, but you never let them know about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the queue park. If I'm behind someone on the ramp, I want to get through the barrier first, park first, and I want to get in the lift so you can't.

And I do that every day of my life. I have nearly damaged my wing mirror racing someone. It's because, you know, as you come into L1, there's three. Yeah. If they're even slightly slow, I'm like, fuck. In my head, it's a you know as you come into L1 there's three if they even if they're even

slightly slow I'm like fuck in my head it's a Formula 1 pit stop I want to park first and get in the lift first I want them to just miss the lift

every day every single day I will go the wrong way round that one way system I did it this morning I turned left because he was going straight and I was like

ah fucking bam in the lift first and he just got to the thing as it was going down I was like next one from Ben. Whenever I see my brother out and we...

Oh, it's badly written. Whenever I see my brother out, we always have a little daft fake argument. He'll bump my trolley in Morrisons and I'll flip out. Gives everyone something

to talk about. Say that again. Say all of that again. So if he bumps into his brother in a supermarket, they'll just start a fake row. Oh all of that again. So if he bumped into his brother in a supermarket, they'll just start a fake row. Oh, I love that. We should start doing that.

Not that we ever bump into each other. Never. You drove past me the other day and didn't see me. I waved at you as well. I did see you. Did you? Where was I? I can't remember.

That was a night. Harry Norman says, Me and laura in a supermarket and she's like gone somewhere else to get something if i'm in an annoying mood i'll be like laura great to see you just to piss her off just to embarrass her uh wag wag boys got a man do you not have cringe with that because you have cringe cringe with me and Carl doing stuff like that. Yeah, but it's not like, yours is so next level. Yours is, we're on a Jack Daniels museum tour thing. There's Americans who've like- Where was that?

In America. In the best week of our lives. It was brilliant. I can't wait to do it again in 2025 when Luke Combs announces a date. And you can see people going, this is my holiday, man. And you're like, bonus!

Like literally into some American's face, like bonus! How long did you save for this? Fucking dream on. Bonus! I can't handle that, but I can embarrass my wife in a supermarket. Do you need the anusol?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it cleared up yet, you arsehole? A vagisil? Yeah, yes uh this is from harry wag wag boy's got a man play for you whenever i'm on a high-rise building or rooftop bar i like to pretend that i'm in a film about to assassinate someone so i'll plan my spot and escape route down the lift well it's it's basically you do fucking sniper people when you're on the roof it's a it's a more sinister version of, oh, there's a bird.

I've shot it. To actually be on a roof and like, where's my vantage point? Who am I killing? How am I escaping? It's like one sinister level up. Would you shoot birds on the roof if you wouldn't shoot the people?

No, but you know, if you're in the guard sometimes and a bird goes past and you're like, I've never like gone. Yeah. No issues in front of it though. Lead your bullets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I'm into Yeah. No issues in front of it though. Lead your bullets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I'm into it. I'm going to start shooting at the gun club down the road. Please don't start shooting. Why? What's the problem?

Talk to the station, do it. I don't want to. No one's offering me a holiday there. No one's going. This one's from Pat Manplay. When there's a movie scene that is underwater, I will hold my breath

to see if I would die or not in the situation. That's great. I love that one. That's really good. It's good, isn't it? We've got a couple of woman play ones.

So this first one. I suppose you could do that with sex scenes as well. Start wanking and see if you'd come by the time they're done fucking. That's nice. Yeah.

That's porn, isn't it porn that's not porn no i love coming at the same time as porn i wish i'd not said that as i said it i wish i'd not said it what you try and like edge until they finish i think it's satisfying to be oh god that's so awful that's so awful well done us go us, team dick see I love a cum shot me so I like them to come first because then that

helps me get there oh nice we're all sharing today, aren't we? Hey, Harry, we need a woman play. Woman play. Do a woman play jingle.

Not all woman play is ironing and cleaning. For example, What's the tsh? The end of the jingle. He's setting me up. Give him a beat. Give him a beat.

I thought I was going to take it. Woman play. Play with yourself. Not like a man hey nice pussy you've got to end everything with a it's from liam woman play i asked my boss at work about woman play and she said when she cooked she pretends she's on come dine with me and talks into an imaginary camera she's doing the cooking. Oh, that lady lonely. My God. She needs a partner. I talk into the face of my partner. I mean, we've all... Listen, when I was deep into Champ Man,

I'd like interview myself in the bath and whatnot. I'm like... Well, Dan, you're revealing too much here, mate. They do with interviews, aren't they? Yeah. No, the old 0102. Oh, right, okay. If I was... right okay if I was

that was all I was doing I used to play like seven or eight hours a day sometimes you can get that with the new database I can't yeah I know

but I can't I haven't got I cannot play like it's almost a bit like cocaine I've had to just get it out of my life I was like 35 seasons in

yeah I've 40 manager I can't do it you know when you're like I can't I can't win another Champions League with Sunderland. Sunderland.

Sunderland. It's a little, you know, come on, you did not, did you not do little interviews in the bath? No,

I just cheat and I do my own editing for cheating, but you'd say, even if you lose, you quit and do it again. Oh no, yeah, no,

no, you can't do that. You do it because you want to win, no. You can't do that. No, you can't do that. The only way I cheated was I did make myself good enough to be Liverpool's backup goalie. I wasn't good enough to start. I made myself good enough to be the backup. That is something you need to talk to your therapist about.

That was only two years ago when I was on the game. You went in, edited your stats. I don't deserve to play, but I want to be involved i was when i was playing for welsh third tier you bumped your stats i just padded my stats so i was like kevin keller has level which now is fucking up there but i was i was good enough i was like i'm not good enough to replace allison but i'll be the cup goalie i'd be the cup goalie, yeah. That's so sad. I'd make myself like fucking roll on the... It's so revealing. I don't think there's ever been a story

you've told on this pod that shows everyone who you are more than that. In my fantasies, I'm a reserve keeper. It's realistic. I'm Wales' number two as well. I would be 14 years old and like the best players of a... Oh yeah, everyone did that on Champman.

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before I was on the game, on FIFA I'd make myself like 98, but of a touch of football. Oh yeah, everyone did that on Champman. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before I was on the game, on FIFA I'd make myself like 98, but this, it was real. So I didn't want to break the illusion. I had a kid with all 20s

and he was, I think I was manager of York City. Unbelievable player. And he was, yeah, 16. Yeah. I fucking love Champman, mate.

Yeah, fuck you girls. I absolutely love it. That's it, we're done for man play and woman play I feel like you've got a Dan versus food we might have a

Dan versus food for you alright hang on let me just have you got any room left after your Nando's I I didn't do well

with that Nando's what do you mean I felt like wobbly tubbies it's done the same to me you know I felt didn't feel

did you enjoy it though was it nice it was okay it wasn't great stay what have you got could we could we have what

you've got for us please oh god is it fish no oh god why the thing is I'm starving so me too players? Oh God. Is it fish? No. Oh God. Why?

The thing is, I'm starving, so. Me too. Could I just? Is it not fish? Go on lad. Don't worry,

done. Me and Adam have got a T-bone steak each on the company card because we deserve it. It's not cheap either. This isn't Dan versus food.

This is your lunch. Yep. But it's obscenely expensive lunch. It's two T-bones. Did you go... Did you get... Did you just go to Hawksmore for your lunch? Did you enjoy your nanos?

Yeah, it was quite nice. Mine's on the way now. That was a bit poorly. Medium rare. Right, so this is not Dan versus food. This is Carl and Adam eating expensive lunch on the company card. Yeah, only fair, isn't it? You know, we missed out on Nando's, so.

Where's my sauce stay? It's on this. Appreciate it. For the audio listeners, these steaks look as expensive as you think they do next to it uh that is like a potato is it oh yes it's like a hash brown isn't it oh that's peppercorn though is that mine is it i asked for bernese oh good for you how much was this just 15 quid well i i got it on my card for now just so that it didn't

come through oh great I'll pay myself back from the Nando's thank you alright lids enjoy your lunch well I thought that was

going to be absolutely awful I thought I was going to have to eat some shite there's the this knife's good by the way alright well enjoy your lunch we'll see you in a bit we'll see you in a bit lids'll see you in a bit, lads.

Hello. I'm full. What section is it, Adam? What section is it? I've lost count. Four of four. Four? I'm full of steak.

Oh, fucking four. Let's do some... I didn't even enjoy it. It wasn't a good stage. I'm glad it was horrible. You ought to know, you bought it. State must not travel well. Surely.

Doesn't get round, though. Confessions. Anonymous. When I was eight or summit, my sister's rabbit bit my finger clean off. Had to have surgery. I wanted revenge, so I let the rabbit out onto the street and it wasn't seen again.

Hang on. Clean off? Why have you got your finger right down a rabbit's throat? That's what the rabbit was into. Dirty rabbit. Also, to chew a finger clean off takes a while. It's like a nibble in it, so is he

an idiot? It was a big rabbit. It sounds like a lion. Oh, it was a lion, yeah. No, it sounds like he's lying. Oh, sorry. It's bollocks, isn't it? It's, no, it's my sister's pet lion. Bit my finger clean off. The cat like he's lying. Oh, sorry. It's bollocks, isn't it? No, it's my sister's pet lion. Bit my finger clean off. The cat bit me head off. It took an hour, but you know.

Rabbits don't chew people's fingers off without provocation. Guns do. If it did... Rappers do. If it did, if this is all true, then fair enough. Eye for an eye. Yeah, it's a big fucking rabbit that takes a finger,

top of a finger, clean off. But, oh, what if it's gone round doing this to other people? We've got guinea pigs, and even if they looked at me weird, I'd release them into the street. I'm so sick of these cunts. Why? Because they've been bought for the kids. No one even looks at them.

Laura has to just feed them for no like when Laura and Etta were away I had to feed them I was like what is the point of these they're just outside do they make like you ate animals you know

I don't I love animals I just don't see the point of these guinea pigs they're not no one's getting anything from it what's the point of them

they're just alive things well what's the point of having a pet if it's just outside and no one's asked like I'd rather us get a cat would you blow their heads off what if I gave it. Would you, would you blow their heads off?

What? If I gave it a go, would you go and blow their heads off? No. Unless they, you know. What are they called? I don't know.

What? You don't know the names of your guinea pigs and you wouldn't know how tired, you don't want to spend any time with you. I think you're misunderstanding

what I'm saying. I'm not like, these guinea pigs aren't being sounding up with me. They're not giving me, I don't, like, we went to Nashville, Etta asked, these guinea pigs aren't being sounding up with me. They're not giving me, I don't, like, we went to Nashville,

Etta asked for some guinea pigs. Good Nashville one. And I stupidly should have said no, but I was like, yeah, I felt guilty because we were away so much. And then all of a sudden

we've got guinea pigs that the kids couldn't give a fuck about. What's the point? You're telling me if we go to New Orleans you're going to have to get Etta the dog

and you're trying to talk me out of this still? The kids don't care about it. Why have you got of this still. The kids don't care about it. Why have you got them? Exactly. The kids don't care no more. Etta was like, oh, I want guinea pigs. She doesn't even...

No, she's not bothered about him. She likes Pokemon now. Guinea pigs are poopettes. They're not good. They're just fat little squealy things. They do nothing. They're not entertaining. Where's the...

What are we getting from them? I'm into it. Dog would be well better I admit would you know that's name yes I think so have you actually not named the guinea pigs or do you just not remember

the kids have named them but you don't know no I don't know that's so wild so there's there's something that lives in your house and you don't know what to call them I think it's bingo and fliff

poor Gazza. Never made it. Fliff. Any... Was it Fliff? Fliff. No. Is there any penance?

We just don't believe you. Yeah, stop lying to your favourite podcasters. You fucking weirdo. We're your favourite though. Anonymous lady! Hiya, lads. Confession for you. For context, I'm on the bigger side as a lady,

though this hasn't always been the case. My boyfriend of four years constantly makes comments about my weight, though, which he claims are jokes, but I find them hurtful. To get my own back so he knows how it feels, I've been drowning most of his meals in butter and oil when cooking so that he's been putting weight on. He's now a bit bigger and more self-conscious about his weight and I feel bad, but also I feel like I've got the message across to him

without him knowing it was me fattening him up. Do I deserve any penance or am I in the right? You're fat by choice and you're fattening up this lad against his will? You're like a big turkey. This is a not good relationship. Is this legal? No good relationship it's legal no it's not legal yes i mean buttering up a man's fucking batty just because you're a fat swat and he's stupid can he not taste that it's fucking full of butter that is by the way there

is no law against making your food rich no what's she getting prosecuted for there? She is deliberately changing the body of her partner against his will. He's a useless, lazy twat that needs to make his own fucking tea then. Oh my God, I'm putting weight on... You've got no evidence, Daddy. She might be going, no, I'll make it again, love.

You sit down. Do you make your tea? Yeah. Of course he makes his tea. It's crisps. I put the chicken dippers in. I turn the active fry on. In, out, in, out.

I'm a bit of a foodie. I think he's a disgrace and he deserves the tits that he's now got. Yeah, he shouldn't be saying them things to her. Ever. Yeah, he sounds like a horrible dickhead. Would you not mention it to Seneca if she became an absolute unit?

If she became a unit, she would know herself. But if she didn't, she didn't know she'd become a unit. Yeah. If she... Would unit, she would know herself. But if she didn't? She didn't know she'd become a unit. Yeah. If she... Would you say nothing? How would I say it to her?

Do you not think attraction is a huge part of a relationship? How would I say it to her? What do you mean? Hang on. You can still be attractive with a bit of weight on. Totally. It's not just about that, is it? Totally, but if she...

Some sexy girl's got some curvaceousness. Well, how would you say to a lady let's make it uh you know it's a it doesn't exist and she got a bit chubby what would you say if i knew she was conscious about it which she obviously is i'd be like why don't we start working out together it's obviously bothering you you're doing it a nice way you don't do it the way he's doing it yeah i'll start making tea steak for me There's a single Ravita for you. Read between the fucking lines. You big fat bitch. Like, if I, because obviously my

way fluctuates. If I met, like, someone and I started seeing them and we got, like, propped into each other when I was, like, sort of my lightest. If I started getting big and she was like, you need to, like, work on this. I wouldn't be, like, that unreasonable. Like, you took the

person on that you met yeah i i think there's got to be a bit of wiggle room there a little bit of wiggle room just wiggle oh no i wish my ex had told me i'd got fat yeah i wish she'd gone you need to sort you're disgusting so she's though, isn't she as well? Pardon? Remember, she was disgusting as well. Huh? The whole cat thing. Oh, right.

Yeah. She was just a horrible personality. She was still so, wow. Her granddad's son. Why did you back us up? Yeah. What?

I was just like, what? If you're really in love. No need for the strays. If you're really in love, a bit of, yeah, weight shouldn't be an issue, should it?

I just... I don't know about that. It's important to some people. Well, it's important to her because she's mentioning it, and it's important to him because he's mentioning it. So it is important, isn't it? Like, to me, it wouldn't be that important, like a little bit of chunk.

I like a bit of cushion sometimes, you know what I mean? Cushion for the pussy. But if she'd become a fucking quarterback, I'd be like, listen. Nah. Them shoulders are too big. You're on the roads, love. Your shoulders are getting fucking massive. Come here.

There's a line, isn't there? Yeah. You can't start dating someone with the body of Taylor Swift and end up with fucking Mandy Dingle. You can't. That's not acceptable. She's not real, that's why. Lisa Riley.

That was going to be my first one, but I thought we'd mentioned her too many times, so I went for someone else. Have we? We don't stop talking about Lisa Riley on this podcast. Isn't that also the same person? Yes. Yeah.

Carl, we've had to be cutting the name out. Did I go for another fat woman in my head and go for a character? Also known as he said eileen if you've been wondering what name's been bleeped out recently he's such a stupid twat it's so i i really like my life I really like my life. I don't know. I think if you're truly in love,

you can let a little, the poundage go, I think. Neither of them will let it go though. No, I would though. The only thing I don't like about Laura when she's, if she's like, in the time when she's felt healthier, she doesn't feel good. I'm not arsed.

And that's what's got, no, you can't say you're not arsed. If Laura became like incapacitated because she put that much weight on, you would not be feeling the same. I don't care what you say. But we don't be on Channel 5 on a documentary. Incapacitated?

Like, Laura, you can't get out the house. I wash myself with a mop. I'd be proud of her. If she got bed bound fast, you'd be having a weird. I wash myself with a rag on a stick. So at what point is it a problem for you? No.

Never. You're a liar. When she can't chase the kids. I'd go to sleep in a back fat. That's how much I love her. Talking shit. Honestly. Oh my God, there's the remote.

We lost. Fucking hell. When she can't, like, chase the kids in the garden. You tried to make that sound like a whole second. You know, when she can't even be a paedophile anymore. I mean, that's when you know you're overweight. you've got to be quick as a female paedophile when Jack's robbed like the mawams off the side and ran to the garden and he's going to eat them all

but she can't catch them, when she does catch them she eats them all because she's bedridden and has been since 2014 yeah yeah I think that's true love I'd wash her, I'd change the mop head I think it's bang out of order she's been putting butter in his food. Yeah, definitely illegal.

You fucking pussyholes. She's been making his food extra tasty. I'm literally just playing devil's advocate. But it's not illegal, by the way. What on earth could you be prosecuted for? Oh, I'm not saying she's going to prison. What are you in for? Nice, lovely food.

Buttering up my fucking horrible boyfriend's food I know somebody I know somebody who got the clap from cheating on his partner gave it to his partner and then would crush up

the medicine into her food now that might be illegal that is so horrible that's bad so he got like gonorrhea or something are they still together I don't know Now that might be illegal. That is so horrible. That's bad. So he got like gonorrhea or something.

He got it. Are they still together? I don't know. He got it, found out a couple of weeks later he got it. He's like, oh shit, I've been sleeping with my partner. She'll have it. He got the medicine and he put it in her food. That is so evil.

I mean, actually, he's trying to not be evil, but it's such a bad cunt. Yeah. Lord. That's bad, isn't it? A couple of money ones. Anonymous. I've got a confession, Lids.

Around this time each year, I get a birthday card addressed to the fella that used to live in my house. It's from his nan and always has 20 quid in it. This is my fifth year in the house and I've accumulated 100 quid since living here. Do I owe any penance? Cheers, Lids. Keep itance? No, you don't.

He doesn't speak to his nan enough to give her his new address. Fuck him. Fuck her. Keep the dough. That's unbelievable. Are you allowed to open... This is a question from a friend.

Are you allowed to open the post... From a friend that lives in your house? No. The post of the previous tenant. No. No. It's illegal to open any mail that doesn't have your name on it

or the occupier. All right, can I ask a question for a friend? Is it illegal to put all that post just in the bin because I never liked the cunt? Is it illegal to put all your own post in the bin and claim you never got it? Nice. It is something, though.

Mercy flow. Can't be for me. This friend opens the letters and then puts them in the bin, he said if if mail comes to your address and has your address in the envelope but as the name of someone who does not live at the address and who is unknown to you it is a legitimate it's legitimate to open it so if it's not the tenant who you bought it off or something or if it's not a name you recognize you i'll tell them that's find out what it's about right feels like the plot of a film spy letter spy letter

this is another money one right lids I've got a confession has to be anonymous it's like an invitation to be like a spy for MI5 and then he pretends to go and be him

no I'm John Johnson like this is me oh I'm a spy oh 20 quid from my grandma yeah I'm a rich spy I get lots of letters. My friend gets lots of letters from previous tenants.

Does he? He takes them to the post office every time. Is it about you, Carl? No, my friend. I've got... He opens them sometimes and puts them in the bin. What's the matter, Dan? I've tried to do this last one about four times.

Well, we're just having a conversation. I'm sorry. About Carl's friend. Yeah, my friend also wants to get cheaper insurance on an Audi. I'm getting that tomorrow as I'm getting an immobiliser and tracker fitted, like global telemetrics. Go in, mate.

Move and your car doesn't move. I am also getting that on my car we're both getting it why are you getting it on yours what do you mean what does that mean bro

well this is like worth fucking loads and yours nice car but it's free that's rude

free from who as someone who's offered it to both of you and you've ignored the DMs are you kidding me? No. I want a fast tracker and a...

Your car's shit. Fuck you. I'm not asked about cars. Come to Luke Combs Festival. Yeah. I can't wait. As long as I've got a bed. Can I have a bed this time, please?

Couldn't have had a bed last time, but Dan said you couldn't have one. I knew it was Dan. Dan, put in the groove. Dan said it's costing enough. Put him in a horse costume in the I knew it was Dan. Dan, put in the groove. No. Dan said it's costly enough. Put them in a horse costume in the cupboard. He'd be fine.

Get him in the cupboard. Anonymous, right lids. I've got a confession. Has to be anonymous. I used to help a little old deer that lived near me with chores,

carrying her shop into the house, jet washing the patio, et cetera. Anyway, unfortunately she's passed away. Her landlord asked if I could help

clear the house out as nobody could locate any next of kin. whilst cleaning out the house i found a fake book containing three grand in cash i never told anyone about it and kept the money as i said they never found any relatives or family for her so i was never sure how to feel about it i figured it was best ended up in my pocket rather than either the landlords or someone else who had never known her did i do the right thing do i known her. Did I do the right thing? Do I owe any pence? I think the right thing would have been to get it and give it to charity.

That would have been the right thing. But I think... How she died. So if she died from like a bush crash. If she had AIDS. What? If she died in a bush crash, you give it to a reaver.

When Perry wants to get in a room, he can just get in any room. He just heard AIDS and went, oh, someone's in trouble. Fucking hell. My dad might have AIDS. Yeah, whatever she died of. If she had AIDS,

then you give it to the AIDS charity, whatever. But if you're not going to do that, maybe you don't think charity's like, you know, a good thing. And I disagree with you. Full-blown AIDS. There's a pension around the corner. She had AIDS, obviously.

That's why she needed help with cleaning the patio. Because she was so AIDS-y. She was a bug chaser. But, like, keeping it is better than giving it to the landlord. Yeah, it'll go in the pocket of somebody who doesn't know it at all, and that's worse. Yeah. But if you're going to keep it,

you've got to spend it on something like extravagant, get yourself something that you wouldn't normally buy. Jet ski. Shoes. Jet ski shoes. Oh,

you're 100% keeping this three grand. Oh, it makes me sad that she had a landlord. Oh. Right. Welcome to modern,

but it, oh no. Would you rather be homeless? No, I just meant that she didn't own her own house headline dan nightingale says all women should be homeless even if they've got aids that's in the daily mail tomorrow

i feel sad for her she's dead i'd kick mate everyone's keeping the three grand aren't they yeah yeah my i would give it to. My nan before she died told me, she was like, I've got cash hidden in the house. Flex. She was like, I'm only telling you.

She was like, you can have it when I die. She died. I went to look and someone else had had it. So she'd been playing us against different people. She showed me where it was.

She was like, there's cash here. You should have took it then. When she was alive? Yeah. She didn't need it, did she? But she's not offering it. So you're saying, oh, nice.

Steal from you. I think she's been pitting everyone against each other. I think it was a game. She wants you to think that. And she put it there that day and showed you it's here. And then the second you got off, she just put it in her bag. Yeah. Just causing murder. Shocking.

What a woman. How much was it? She said it was like three grand. Was it in a book? Did you have A's? Did you have A's? Did you have A's? Hang on, were you jet washing her path?

Because he was. I wasn't. Is that a euphemism? Yeah. Oh nice, thanks for filling us in. That's what she said. I'm so hungover I am, yeah More? You want more?

You want more? Monkey man Let's do a have a word Tell us all the problems that you have with your friends. This was going to be the whole podcast. Now it's just the final 10%. George says, lads, have a word with my uni basketball team. Recently, I made the decision to get rid of my long hair and decided to go with the number one all over. Personally, don't regret the decision,

but got a bit of banter from the university basketball lads. However, they decided to take this banter to the next level when we had our next away game. Having not been the most technical player, I find myself on the bench more often than not. Unbeknownst to me, before the start of play, our team captain decided to inform the opposing university side that our number 12, me, had just been given the all clear

after going at a grueling schedule of chemotherapy for cancer. At this point, I was totally unaware, sat on the bench. However, when the manager called me on to enter the game, I was rather confused to see the opposition bench and team along with my own teammates stand and give me a round of

applause as if I'd won some kind of make-a-wish competition, and then the opposing captain came all the way over to shake my hand. Having awkwardly acknowledged and accepted the opposition's kind messages at the end of the game, it was only on the drive home the lads told me what they'd fucking done.

No. George. They're class. We're not having a word with any of them. Do we even have a word with them? It's unbelievable, isn't it? Absolute knobhead legend. God to you. It's unbelievable. This is Absolute knobhead legend God to you It's unbelievable this is a victimless crime Yeah

Unbelievable You got a better day than he would have had There he is He's done so well He looks well Oh he's not very good anymore It's probably the chemo

We could do that with you couldn't we Yeah What could we do Hand over seats social we go for a little lunch sometimes tell them Dan just have it all clear no hat Cool didn't we? Yeah. What could we do? And overseas social, we go for a little lunch sometimes.

Tell them, Dan, just have it all clear. No hat. Cool. And they'll bring the little cake out. You're in remission. You know,

the remission cake. Song. The remission song. You're in remission. Well done. Well done. I made myself feel sad. Finn looks crazy as well. Do I?

Yeah, you've got, I've been thinking about changing the hair. What? I've been thinking about changing the hair. What? I've been thinking about going full buzz cut. What's that? Much shorter on top. Oh, really?

Yeah. But I was thinking maybe it's a summer thing. I'm going mullet for the summer, aren't I? Can I cut your hair if you do that? No. I'd find that really satisfying. What's that about? Just checking.

When are you going to cut yours off and just accept that it's not going to last? When's the dream going to die? Whenever I'm dead. Oh, okay. I try not to be bald. Are you wanting to get our hair and stick it on yours? You can have my sides when they go for me, Molly.

Have my sides. No. for me molly have my sides no i don't think i don't think you should shave it oh you're being that much please it looked good do you think yeah i don't it doesn't go it doesn't grow dead full though it grows a bit like gingery smackhead but you know you have to be patient with it because it'll grow gingery smackhead and you take the extremes off of that and then a week later you take the extremes off again can I go and see Josh will do it yeah

can I go and see Josh Josh Brocott yeah I haven't been a barber for so long best barber in the city I think it's been since about 2003 growing up

helping me with my mollusk dreams can you get out your hair out it'd be so bad but it'd be so good you know the old nonce joke

then you do look like a threat to women and children I hate that look I can't the monkish pedo where does it grow yours?

on the back side and back and proper bald at the top like that? yeah how much would you do for for charity?

shaving something off for charity is instant innit you're like ah done it six months of me just feeling dreadful i diet i couldn't stand it 40 quid oh yeah all right cool done can i go home now i'm so hungover more more one more from this is from anonymous it's from a guy called dan can you have a word with the cunts that i work with no i'm tired and i want to go home i want

a pet peeve what yeah you want why do you want a random pet peeve because i wanted to be to do your head in now i don't want any more it's a pod it's a's a beautiful podcast. I'm looking forward to New Orleans, boys. Yeah, have a great time. I look forward to hearing about it. Seven months today, 13th of October. Enjoy, lads. I'll be doing a fiend show. What's that mean?

Oh, I've booked it. We're going? Love you very much. Bat-a-volution. We've got a song. Have we? Yeah, unless you don't want a song. Have we? Yeah. Unless you don't want a song.

No, go on. What's the song? It's Korova, who were a really good band. They supported me at Jimmy's. They're a great band. Oh, I remember Korova. It's their new tune called Validation.

We are Korova. This is Validation. See ya. Put the pictures on the wall Stay the real life Don't mean nothing at all I'll call up and be an involved Words on the screen Don't mean nothing at all

Where's the real thing? Did you lose it? Validation from strangers Is the new thing So obsessed with Trying to prove it I'd give my soul to you If you could use it

I'd give my soul to you I give my soul to you I don't know why I try at all Is it worth my time Or should I just give up Recognition's all you want And a homemade smile Is all you've got Where's the real thing

You've confused it Signals off satellites Make my mood swing Successfully I give my soul to you I give my soul to you If you could use my time Quite as I would like to have used yours Never thought that you would have made me cry Like I did last night on my bedroom floor All that time waiting

Anticipating You never test my patience No, not anymore You don't want it I don't need it Validations, are you believing? You don't want it, I don't need it Validations, are you believing? Thank you.