Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #273 - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: April 21, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Become one of the lids:https://patreon.com/haveawordpodTickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world.Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wag Wag Leeds, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool, with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped, the very best products on the market for below the waist groomers. Go Ed, get on me. I wish I was going to see the Lighthouse family, me. Tell you what. They're on in Chester Cathedral next Friday.

Is it Chester Cathedral? That's what I just said. Oh, my God. You've got such selective hearing, you know. Well, I've got poor hearing right now. When is it? Friday the 26th. Friday the 26th.

I'm in the south of France. Are you? Again. Again. I'm down at Elton John's house. He's the 26th. I'm in the south of France. Are you? Again? Again. I'm down at Elton John's house. He's invited me over. I don't know why. Probably on such a bum someone.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should have thought of that. Buy tickets. Are the tickets still on sale? Yeah. Now. Let's go and do a double header.

We'll do Lighthouse Family on the Friday, Darius Rucker on the Saturday. I've already got my Darius Rucker tickets. Hootie. Wagamil needs Hootie from Hootie and the Blowfish. Hottest on the Saturday. I've already got me Darius Rucker tickets. Hootie Horsewine. Hootie from Hootie

and the Blowfish. Hottest ticket in town. Where's he playing? You know what's really funny? You say hottest ticket and you'll love this, by the way. Hootie's ticket.

Do you know the title of his tour is Starting Fires? That's what I call my tour as well. Starting Fires. Get a VIP ticket for like setting up flares.

You'd recognise some Hootie songs. Some Hootie and the Blowfish songs oh I only wanna be with you no not if you sing it like that I'll probably miss

what you're saying that's a bit Reeves isn't it by the way VIP ticket to the lighthouse family £90 that's it VIP

yeah is that in the clusters cloisters says first six rows. Kim Cloisters. Yeah, first six rows. The first six rows, VIP. Wow.

You get to kiss one of them. Is this what cathedrals are doing now? Because no fucker goes. Just putting on the lighthouse family. Yeah. I mean, no fucker goes. Religions are as hot as ever. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. The church is flying. Hot ticket. That's it. Google, Apple, the church. They're all... I bet you the church makes more.

100%. The Church of England? I bet it fucking doesn't. The Church of England doesn't have cathedrals. What? It's only Catholic ones. No!

What are you on about? What are you on about? What are you on about? There's one over there. Me? Old King Henry VIII, Big Harry. He's sort of that shit.

Big Harry? Big Harry. Who's Big Harry? Big Henry VIII. Why Harry, he's sort of that shit. Big Harry. Big Harry. Who's Big Harry? Big Henry VIII. Why is he called Harry? He's just got called. Yeah. Did he?

Yeah. Why? Did someone get it wrong and he didn't correct them? No. Like Chandler and friends? It was boys. With his boys,

he was Harry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Is Harry like Shaw for Henry originally or something? Possibly. Because Jack's Shaw for John,

isn't he? I think so, yeah, yeah, yeah. Carl is sure for Charlie. Because there was murder when our Jack was called Jack in our family because I was named after my grandad, Vinnie. And then after a week,

everyone was like, that's too old-fashioned. They changed my name to Adam, which, you know, I'm sure everyone already knows. But then my little brother was called... Hi. My little brother was called Jack,

but my other grandad's called John. And my mum's side of the family was like, oh, naming that Jack but my other grandad was called John and my mum's side of the family was like oh naming that one after the other grandad but you changed Adam's fucking name did you

I was just about to say that because people back in the olden days were stupid Carl and they couldn't count Carl Shaw for Charlie William Bill

Richard Dick what are the other ones can't think of any Hetty Henrietta yeah Liz William Bill, Richard Dick. What are the other ones? Hetty, Henrietta. Yeah. Liz. Lizard. Four.

Lizard. Lizard. The Queen Lizard. Matty Matty Banger for Matthew. No, the cathedral in Chester will almost definitely be C of E. Why? I think because you've got a Catholic cathedral, you're like, everywhere,

yeah, there's not two Catholic cathedrals though, is there? No, one of them. No, Adam. No, don't fucking get me on there. Sectarian hook. We had the proper one, the good old C of E, the fucking non-papist, and then they were like,

oh, all these fucking Catholics over here in Liverpool, give them a fucking new one that looks like a spaceship. No, the Catholics older than the Church of England, don't they? Paddy's wig one. Is that the C of E? No, hang on. The new looking one's the Catholic one, isn't it? In Liverpool, yeah.

Yeah, the old Georgian one is the C of E. It's the Angleton, yeah. Yeah, we're Georgian one is the C of E. It's the Angleton, yeah. Yeah, we're saying the same things. Are we? Yeah. Okay. We don't give a fuck

about religion. You're a big religion goth. I'm not a big religion goth. I just know my, I just... I just know everything there is to know about religion. No!

I'm not a big religion goth. I just know everything. I can recite it word for word, but I don't know it. That's the Reformation, wasn't it? Big Henry.

We don't even know what that word is. Henry VIII went, hey. Whoa, I want to shag bare pussy. I'm going to make my own church. He had Thomas Cromwell in his ear going, hey, do you know this church? They run a lot of fucking shit. Should we take all their money off them? Plus, you get to shag this crazy bitch, Anne Boleyn.

And he was like, do you know what? You're right, Tom. About 11 years later, he chopped his head off she invented a blow job so i kind of get it yeah yeah she was a suck woman and she had an extra little digit on her hand she had a little uh thing finger oh my god six fingers in big harry was a dirty boy six finger so he got all the money for the church fucking all the monasteries got disbanded and i think the most of the cathedrals old ones are C of E

I think Anne was good at bowling she could do two balls at once Anne bowling six fingers nice she invented ten pin bowling

well she had six fingers she could do two balls in one hand and no one went that's not fair they went do you know what

she's got enough fingers let her throw four of them. Even though the rest of us only throw one. It's like having two hands. So they called it a bowl. She can throw four. She was a phenomenal swimmer. Was she?

Yeah, yeah. That makes you a fucking digit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't know what he meant by swimming, did you? She invented swimming. Oh, did she? Up until then, they all just drowned. Which?

Like they say, she invented blowjobs. You know the way like there's loads of people who were credited with inventing certain things Michael Jackson didn't invent the moonwalk yeah

I think there's no what there was a guy on telly I can't remember his name what's his name Harry that is true Bill Moonwalk

Oscar Wilde invented the moonwalk original it was Chris and William but he was the first to do it and it was obviously huge I was like yeah Michael Jackson

someone else did it before him yeah no yes what was his name and see no this is what happens It was Chris and William. But he was the first to do it and it was obviously huge. I was like, yeah, Michael Jack. Someone else did it before him. Yeah. No. Yes, what was his name? And see, this is what happens is you've been fucking misinformed for years by the mainstream media, right? Yeah.

Bill Bailey. Bill Bailey. It was Bill Bailey. Did the moonwalk. Yeah. On Buzzcocks. No, he wasn't the first, but there you go.

You've been fucking done there by big people. People get credited with inventing stuff, but there's no way she's the first woman to have a cock in her mouth in the 1600s or whatever it was. Yeah, cave women were so competitive. 1500s. I couldn't let that one go.

No, at some point, Uggbug and, you know, Schnug Schnug in a cave, Uggbug went, Schnug Schnug. And Schnug Schnug was a dirty old bitch. Yeah. There's no way she's the first gobbler. 1,500 years after we started counting. I'm reading some stuff.

They weren't happy about the blowjob. It wasn't a welcome change to England. The only people who weren't happy about blowjobs were people who weren't getting blowjobs. It was seen as wasting... Women love sucking cock, and men love getting the cock sucked. What's the problem?

It was seen as wasting any potential male heirs. What? They were fucking for people back then, weren't they? They wanted fellas. Oh, yeah. And there was no man just having a little spaff when his missus was out doing the shopping. Load of shite.

Let me suck you off again, John. What? With four daughters? Never. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. suck you off again, John. What? With four daughters? Never. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But she didn't invent that. No chance.

No. I think she just... I think she's like... She's like Michael Jackson. She's the first one that did it. On the big stage. Yeah. In court.

She brought it to the mainstream. Yeah, she sucked Henry VIII off. Fact. Yeah, so she was just on the big stage, wasn't she? That's what she's known for. Michael Jackson didn't do that. Check her Wikipedia page. Blowjob Berlin.

And she had a little sister. Did she? Yeah. She was shagging Henry VIII as well. Was she who? Yeah, the other Berlin girl. They should make a film about it or something. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Have they made a film about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Have they made a film about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it called? It's called The Other Berlin Girl. It's a bit on the nose. Is it really? Yeah.

The Other Berlin Girl? And when she was just chewing Henry as well? She was fucking Henry before, yeah. She was with Henry first. Yeah. And stole Henry off his sister. They were all pawns. All their dads.

I can't remember the fucking Berlin dad. Oh, but they were all, they were like, they wanted power, so they were like, hey, you know, Catherine of Aragon, Or pawns. Or their dads. I can't remember the fucking Boleyn dad. But they were all, they were like, they wanted power. So they were like, hey, you know, Catherine of Aragon,

she sucks, no dicks. These daughters. Thomas Boleyn. Thomas Boleyn. Yeah, they positioned to be like, yeah, that's what they use their daughters for. So he sends his first daughter in and she's shagging Henry Dave and he's like,

she's half shitey and then he goes to his other daughter, hey, you go in, but don't just shag him, suck him off as well. And then she's going toging henry dave and he's like she's half shitey and then he goes he's gone to his other daughter hey you go in but don't just shag him suck him off as well and then she's going to do it blow jobs because that was it end of church divorce yeah he invented it imagine that being that got a sucking dick that they make a new church yeah that's how good she was phenomenal swimmer incredible at temping balls and noshed everyone off. Then she got executed for cheating, essentially. She sucked someone else off. A musician.

Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson and Bill Bailey. A musician, really. One of the core sort of... He was probably a loop player, wasn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wasn't a fucking rock star. Just take a ride.

Yeah. Just take a ride. That might be what happened though. She might have been so good at sucking him off that he invented a new church. Might have been so good at eating pussy he invented a new type of yoga or something. At the same time.

When they're just like, I'm not doing this yoga anymore because I want him to eat me pussy, we need to do fresh Adam Rowe yoga. Adam Rowe-ga. Isn't that what Vikram did? Yeah, Vikram fucking did. Vikram wasn. Isn't it up there? Vikram did. I can't fucking have it. Vikram wasn't a nasty man.

Oh, Vikram? Wasn't he licking? Yeah, he got done, didn't he? Yeah, he was basically doing that. Turn the heating up. Get naked. Let's stretch. He's following friends, wasn't he?

Vikram. That's a real name. All the friends. Yeah, but he was naughty, wasn't he? Yeah, Vikram's got proper me too, doesn't he yeah he's got Bikram's got proper me too doesn't he yeah

when was he around though 30 years ago was he oh really 20 30 he sounds old though him he sounds like

17th century or something oh he's Indian what oh that's the same thing isn't it it wasn't like Bikram Smith was it

from by ours it's a it's a name that? It wasn't like Bikram Smith, was it? From by Ars. It's a name that we don't really know. Bikram Smith. It's Bikram. From Ars, no. From school. It's Bikram Chowdhury. You could have guessed that.

He could be from by Ars. There's loads of Chowdhury's. Paul? I know no Chowdhury's. That's the only one you've got, isn't it? Yeah. No? Anjum?

Anjum Chowdhury? Oh, yeah. Shout out. Who knew we were going to get there from the Reformation? Not a lot of people. Yeah, you just call it sweaty yoga, innit? They don't know they call it hot yoga, innit? I do hot yoga, it's great.

Do you still do it? Do you know the things you do? I think you did it three times. You did it three times? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. This is in the same category as rock climbing,? I think you did it three times You did it three times Whoa, whoa, whoa This is in the same category as rock climbing Which I think you did once No, when I moved in

I did it constantly with Steve And then ruined it Constantly? 24-7? Sorry, babe I'm not climbing again Of course you are The episode's not ready

He's up that rock No, we used to go to Yoga Hub on Old Hall Street And then we went to the one On Smithdown Road But life kind of gets in the way. I think you get away with murder on this podcast

and from our listeners. I think you start and don't finish it and don't continue with it so much more than I do. Give me one. Yoga. I still do it.

When was the last time you did yoga? About six months ago. Right. And you still do it. So you haven't done it for six months and you can sit there and look me in the face and tell me that you still do it. So you haven't done it for six months and you can sit there and look me in the face

and tell me that you still do it. When was the last time you played golf? Oh, but it's winter. You can't throw that at him. Why? Because it's a seasonal sport. It's the winter of yoga. No, it isn't.

Golf's a seasonal sport. No, we haven't been. Life's just gotten away. But we're still like, we're still going to golf. Life's gotten away. You didn't hear 75 hours a week? Less than that.

Probably 30 minutes. But yeah, I like it. I thought it was great. I did it in uni, it helped a lot. And when did you last do rock climbing? I don't do rock climbing. He said that. You did though?

You did do rock climbing. No, I did, yeah, but I don't, I'm not saying I'm still doing it. Ice skating? Because you do? No, I planned on doing that. I don't want to. You're talking about sea?

He's full of shit and he gets away with it. Because he sits over there. Everyone's like, oh, Carl's great. Oh, we all love Carl, don't we? Carl follows through on things. Shite. The thing is, Adam, what you do is you go, I'm starting this thing and I'm going to do,

you set these massive targets. Name one time I've done that. Bucks. What do you mean? Bucks. That was a lie. Yeah, okay. Butty vans.ans yeah that's in progress go on what do you mean i text some people who own vans and say can i buy that have they text back or have you not checked if they've text back they might just

text back i do want a bussy van he has a bussy last week so. Basically, I want to make my own butties in a car. In a golf course. He's just going to combine everything. I'm reading books, I'm making sandwiches, teeing off. What about your journal? My journal's going quite well, actually. Is it?

Yeah. None of your fucking business. Go on. Listen, I just... I'm happy to be contradicted. You don't seem like an everyday journal kind of guy. And it's a surprise.

That is the worst thing you've ever said to me. No, it's not the worst thing I've ever said to you. I write in my journal every single night. Has it got a special lock and it's all secret? Is it Dear Diary? No. It's there. It's on your nightstand. Dear John. Pen on top and it's all secret? Is it Dear Diary? No. It's there. It's on your nightstand.

Dear John. Pen on top of it, you know. Good pen as well. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got stuff for a better pen. Three grand pen. You've got to have that. Otherwise, you're not going to write in your journal.

800 quid on the journal. This is a good investment. I write two pages every night. What? Try and fill two, like, pages. And this is just is this to do with the therapy

you're doing it's like a just a no no it's just like self-affirmation right is it just like

I do it's just so like on the left hand side what I try and do is write about what's going on what try and write about

what's going on that day and how I've felt about it. Is the right-hand side enemies? Gob shite. The right-hand side is sort of how I've dealt with it and what I've done right and what I've done wrong and trying to sort of get more right than wrong. I don't believe you.

My journal is on Harry's desk. You can't have every day this year, come on. No, no. No, have every day this year. Come on. No, no. No, not every day this year. I reckon since the start of February. All right. I've done every single day. To be fair, he's been on form since the start of February.

Had a shitty January. What have you got out? My journal's run out of battery. My journal's run out of battery. The only time I don't do it is if I come in hammered and then I do it the first thing the next day. I think that's the thing you should do the most

the hammered journal what have you done today fucking loads fucking pints yeah I started doing it I want to do it every day but

sometimes I haven't got anything to say that day just life gets in the way doesn't it that's my business as well I started my healthy regime again yesterday

and you're not going to believe this so yesterday I had two meals I started my healthy regime again yesterday. And you're not going to believe this. So yesterday I had two meals. I had my chicken and broccoli for my lunch. And I had scrambled eggs on toast for my dinner quite late. I had a busy day yesterday. Oh, yeah, yeah. 11 o'clock at night.

And I lost two and a half kilograms in a day. Did you have a massive shit as well? Yeah, so I think what I did was, yesterday morning, I'd ate and drank... No reading it, but there's my journal. No reading it, but there's my journal. So I do journal.

You're not allowed to read it. No, you don't. I'd ate and drank loads of Guinness late the night before, so I woke up and weighed myself before I had a shite to give myself the highest possible starting point. I'm so fucking lootly.

And this morning, I woke up went for a massive poo and then weighed myself brilliant i'm also this is mad because i'm 87.7 kilograms right now as of this morning the lowest i got to a couple of months ago was 87 so i'm only 0.7 kilograms heavier than me lowest point but But I don't feel like I look like that. I feel a bit puffy. Is that the journal? I feel a bit puffy in the face.

I feel a bit chunky. You're 13.7 stone. Sure. That's good. That's good. You're well down. Well down on what? I was 102 kilograms.

I cannot do this kilogram malarkey that we're doing. 102 kilograms. I mean, it's probablyarkey that we're doing. 102 kilograms. I mean, it's probably easy. In fact, it is easier. Damn. 16 stone. Decent. Yeah.

I lost 15 kilograms, which is essentially 33 pounds. Yeah. So good. We're on it. I'm trying to get in Nashville shape now. Are you still gyminging it, Dan? I have been, but again, it's been a busy week.

No saunas or anything? I was drinking with Jamie. Yeah, I do. I love the sauna. I don't think I can go in the swimming baths because of my manky, stupid skin. It gets fucking annoyed by the chlorine. So I do go in the sauna again all the lunatics

a wet a wetsuit that's what's for getting in the water and it covers you it is for getting in the water but not at total fitness chest chest where you would look like a winter swimming pedophile why but you get to swim what you care for i do i really like swimming and then the sauna's like the little treat at the end of it. It's the pudding. Anything happened in the sauna this week? Yeah, there was a guy shadowboxing. Did you already know that? I did. What's going on?

I was trying to get there. What's happening there? He's offering you up. Oh, it's mental. Out of nowhere, fucking everything was shaved. You know Neo from The Matrix Shave? Was he in there it fucking, everything was shaved. You know, Neo from the Matrix shave? Was he in there? Wait, yeah, Neo, yeah.

Yeah, he was there. Like, where you're like, lad, did you shave your eyebrows? He just didn't have a fucking hair. And he was like, you know, like, just go in there and shut the fuck up.

I don't even mind it. All right, cheers, mate. You know, as you like, if it's busy, but he was on the lowest rung and he was doing that thing where he's like, like really like loads of movement, pouring water on himself.

He's peacocking. And then just go up and went. It's Bikram shadow boxing, isn't it? In your, hey, buy a sauna, do it on your own. No, it's not everyone can afford a sauna. No, you can't go in. Shadowboxing in saunas is not just for billionaires, Dan. It's mental.

It's so mental. It's a power move he's made. You look a dickhead. It's a what? It's a power move? It's, I don't feel like a dickhead. I feel like. He's offering you a scrap and you just sat there.

It's just another person with mental health issues. Oh, sit down, Mr. No Hair Man. Mental, mental behavior. And if you're watching, go,

I always shout out boxing saunas. Everyone thinks you're a psycho. By the way, this is a screech, but it will not leave my mind at all until I say this out loud. You mentioned Neo from The Matrix.

Do you know, this is an absolute fact, by the way, mentioned Neo from The Matrix. Do you know, this is an absolute fact, by the way, and you can Google this. Do you know, it was written by, like it was presented to the people funding the film

by a Cockney fella and it was meant to be Neil and they thought he was saying Neo and that's why he's called Neo in The Matrix because he was called Neo. Does Neo mean one? Yeah I'm just telling you You're the chosen one, Neil

No, Neo means one I think they ripped that afterwards They ripped the crux of the story after they'd sold it I'm just telling you Someone's told you a bastard of a lie there. No, I went on like a deep dive with her.

It's true. It's true. I hope it's true more than anything on this planet. I promise you it's true. Neil Trinity and Morpheus. Oh, yeah, Neil. All of Warner Brothers are sat there in Burbank in fucking Hollywood. Trinity and Morpheus. Oh, yeah, Neil. Trinity and Morpheus. All of Warner Brothers are sat there in Burbank,

in fucking Hollywood, and the guys are, all right, fucking Belt and Scrittus, fucking Matrix, innit? Magcant. He's in a fucking, he's in a computer world or something. It's called Neil. Oh, my God, I love it. Neo.

Oh, man. Neo. Blue pill, red pill. It's off his fucking barnet, mate. He can read the fucking internet. Who told you that? Who told you that? Oh my God.

This is a fact, by the way. And you can Google this. Morph his chin as he can. I will put my fucking life savings on this. Did Google show anything? No, Google showed one thing that said someone watched The Matrix and misheard it for the whole time that it was Neil.

I just made it up. It's brilliant. It's so good. It's perfect. Your bullshit is so good. It's perfect. Your bullshit is so good. You said Neo and my brain went... Sounds a bit like a Cockney fella saying, Neil, I can story up on them.

Alright, Neil. Neil Morpheus, Trinity. I love how you managed to... Morpheus! Where's Neil? I don't know, Trinity. Trinity! Where's Morpheus? Where's Neil? I don't know, Trinity. Trinity, where's Morpheus and Neil gone? Gone down the fucking, working in Rascal for a few booners.

A couple of booners. Gonna go see the fucking Oracle, mate. She's down at Bucky's. Yeah, put a tenner on each way, mate. Yeah, I think it's gonna come good. I need to re-watch that. Which? Matrix.

It needs re-filming with Neil as the main character. It's aged perfectly, hasn't it? It's one of the most aged films ever. Who's in it? Why am I blanking on Keanu Reeves? Keanu Reeves, Lawrence Fishburne, and that woman who looks a bit like Monica from Friends. Yeah.

And then the guy. Oh, Trinity in the PVC. That was a young twitch for Dan Nightingale. Was it, yeah? Yes, mate. What are the agents called that all look the same? She looks like a BDSM Irish lesbian. Mr. Anderson.

No. What? No. What? No. Agents. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's the Cockney guy with the scripts again. He's fucking Asians.

They all look the same. They're all called Chowdhury. Sorry, Anderson. Honestly, I thought you said Asians. Agent Smith is what we're looking for. Oh, no, he was Mr. Anderson, wasn't he? Yeah. Agent Smith.

Mr. Anderson. Sorry, he kept saying Mr. anderson who was your man from lord of the rings yeah yeah yeah yeah australian guy i can't help it i i had what i had it's fine isn't it no but trinity was amazing in the pvc i mean it doesn't probably doesn't look like she's doing now what no she was in the filming no she's selling pvc i mean it doesn't probably doesn't look like she's doing now what no she was in the filming oh i thought you meant she was selling stuff on qvc selling power mops on the television he's amazing now the stuff i've bought of her she's fit you ever bought this is a mop that's also an iron

in trying to produce. Have you ever bought anything off QVC? I've never bought anything off QVC. They're fucking insane. The mop iron. This is a mop. It's also an iron. And also, your husband will win it when he's doing you that thing. We'll cash it.

And there's only two left. Oh, we've found... We've restocked. There's 3,000 now. And we've just put the price down to a quid. Wait, we've just looked around the corner in the warehouse. There is another 17,000. We are sorry.

They've all gone again. They're back again. Anyway, that's gone. Who wants some diamante earrings? Don't sick on that. And I never bought one because I was a kid. Shit, that like chopped veg in there. So them ones.

Tap, tap. You put like a tomato in it and it come out like a fucking, I don't know, like in a million pieces. Yeah. For all those recipes where you need a million pieces of tomato. fucking, I don't know, like in a million pieces. Yeah. For all those recipes where you need a million pieces of tomato. Yeah. I don't know.

I feel like that advert, you know on the old Freeview channels before the actual programming started? JML. There'd be loads of the chop chop thing and then also some sort of fitness thing for your abs. Yeah.

I'd always go like, oh, the roller abs. The insanity workout. Yeah. That was your bit, wasn't it? Yeah, I had a bit about it but then there was a bit

from an American comic it was massive that was just almost exactly the same years later and I had to stop doing it dead annoying

but the chop I think I've bought one at some point where you put it in and you just chop chop yeah and then they break

like they're just an absolute fucking waste of time you want a good knife I love that I love that on videos when they've got a black glove and they're just fucking the very quick recipe things

I used to use your knives that was your gift to me when I moved in are they alright? I've lost one, don't know where you've lost the knife? There's six knives. Knives do just disappear from your house. And it is, like, concerning.

And I'm just going to get stabbed to death at some point. I've got a three-year-old. Knives don't disappear. There would be a massive inquiry. Oh. Hello. That went weird, didn't it? We had a little blip.

We're back. It's fine. We are back. Laura's birthday tomorrow. Yeah. Laura's birthday tomorrow yeah Laura's birthday tomorrow we're gonna give her a good loving

I think there's a chance we might get some good loving there's been mention of her now if she doesn't want it then you can't have her you've got an awesome

I do understand that no I know that in general but I mean like just because it's her birthday doesn't mean it's sex time she was like I'd like to maybe

just maybe take it easy and have a nap at some point you know what that means oh yeah sleeping in the day

sexual intercourse hopefully I'm getting her a Fitbit she's not asked for it but she needs to get in shape it's time oh no

that is a weird thing to give a woman get an Apple Watch no she's asked for a Fitbit since 2 one of the good Fitbits is she on TikTok what I don't feel like she's one of those she's an absolute a Fitbit Sense 2, one of the good Fitbits. Is she on TikTok?

What? I don't feel like she's one of them. She's an absolute talker. Yeah, I feel like she's influenced. She's got a degree from the University of TikTok. She comes up with all sorts of shit. So, ladies' day tomorrow. She has been dieting. She's done really well.

She's lost stone and a half more. Wow. That's a lot of weight for a woman. It takes women ages to lose weight, doesn't it? Yeah, they hold piss loads, don't they? Yeah, she's like a camel. A sexy camel. She has been dieting since the new year.

Yeah, it's taken a while. But she's done great. And I think she's going to blow it out tomorrow. She's been talking about maybe hickories. A bath? Just a diet. I mean, I'll try. I don't know if I've got a blow of the back out, me.

Were you ever overly confident sexually? Would you ever have said something like that to a woman? Back in your dating days, would you have been like, get back to work, I'll blow your back out? Would you ever have said anything like that you're about to have the best night of your life no

no it's not really my style Adam to be like hey come back here and I'm going to give you seven to eight minutes of the best 3.8 inches you've ever had

what what would you have said like if a girl said what are you going to do to me when you get me back what would you have said? Like if a girl said, what are you going to do to me when you get me back? What would you have said? I'd be like, I'll touch it.

What are you going to do to me? That'll turn it off though, won't it? No, it didn't turn it off. I mean, this isn't, we're not cold calling.

This is when it's all happening, isn't it? Hello, have you got two minutes to talk? What are you going to do to me when it comes to yours? This is in the taxi on the way back where it's all fucking booked in.

I'll touch it. Oh, yeah. What are you going to do? I'm going to do a lot. Oh, yeah. Tell me. You think of it, I'll do it. I can think of it, but I want you to tell me.

Sex. You're going to fist me. No. Why? Don't think of that. Why? No one wants fisting, do they? What's happening to my ears? No one to fist me? No. Why? Don't think of that. Why? No one wants fisting today. What's happening to my ears?

No one wants fisting. No. What are you talking about? Because what are we going to do? Fist first and then I turn up with a chipolata. That's not good, is it? Fist first. You don't go that way round.

That's putting your warm-up to the fisting. Tom stayed in the middle and then you've got an open spot closing. We don't need that. Yeah. You warm up. You warm up. How are you going to get me fist ready, love? I'll get a fucking amber in you, lad. Yeah, what are you going to do to warm up now you're gonna get me fist ready love come on

fucking amblin you lad yeah what are you gonna do to me arse to get it ready for me fist what have you ever spoken to any woman

has Sarah ever what are you gonna do to me arse to get it ready for the fist hey taxi driver ignore this I've never fisted a woman

cool good put it on the list of all the shit you haven't done ice skating fisting not in six months anyway so don't do it Taxi driver, ignore this. I've never fisted a woman. Cool, good. Put it on the list of all the shit you haven't done. Ice skating, fisting. Not in six months anyway, so don't do it anymore. Life gets in the way. As do sphincters.

Go on, Dan, talk sexy to Adam. Get him ready. Get him wet. Yeah. I'll take you home. Kissy, kissy. Have you got her a present? Apart from the Fitbit?

Have you got any other? Yeah. The whole place done. Oh, that's it. I've got some headphones. This is all shit she's asked for. What headphones have you gone for? Headphones?

She's gone for some Sony headphones because she's going to get back to the gym. We're going to go and shadow box together. Nice. But I need to get her a surprise today. At some some point i need to nip out and be like and this is the thing that you didn't ask for get an old el pasto fajita kit nice she will not be hey eat that and then i'll fist you you know what you like there's nothing in an old el paso kit it's just it's just bread yeah a and a bit of dust. TikTok. As Stephen Buchanan said. Get us some flowers.

Such a tap in. Absolutely. Box of flowers now. It's not a bunch, is it? Man's got to get a box. What? Put your dick to the bottom of the box of flowers. Yeah, because everyone reaches to the bottom of flowers,

don't they, Carl? What are you on about? They get them out and start cutting them. They can literally go to them. By the way, my cock's at the bottom of this box so reach in and wank me off. Happy birthday. Which is what you do with Pringles, is it? Hey, do you want a crisp? And to give me a handjob, because my dick's in the Pringles. Hey, foot no, there's no Pringles.

I've eaten them. It's just my dick. Don't bite it. Just to be clear. Right, so i'm getting a some for heat a feet an old el paso for you to get some pringles and i'll eat them and then stick my dick in them and a box of flowers you said boxes of flowers all right yeah yeah yeah but definite box of flowers i don't even think you can buy a bunch of flowers anymore. I think it's like, what am I not worth a box? It's got to be the little box, hasn't it? No, I think it's quite tacky, actually.

What? I don't know, I think a box of flowers is quite tacky. It's like I was trying to buy my nan when she was still alive. I wouldn't give my nan a bunch of flowers. I'd give her a box of flowers. And stick your dick in it? No, I wouldn't. It just looks more presentable.

You might get a nice boxable what's tacky about it why are you getting snobby about flowers Carl's just being tight that's all it is whoa I've got art and on Loughlin I travel

I travel all the way to Loughlin for my flowers from the Spanish quarter yeah oh you don't get a box go down to a local lamppost fucking pull them off there

that's what women want they do women do love stories so if you did tell them where you'd got it from they would be like oh this was near some railings i imagine it's a happy story now touch my dick and eat my pringles and shart your steps yeah that's mad yeah what about a surprise party what oh we'll we'll do it I'm off tomorrow me too

well I'm not because I'm never here that's the birthday present she wanted let's have a surprise party in yours I'll get a DJ I'll get a gazebo

it's all the things she loves we'll all come you can meet the kids for the first time in 14 years and it's all boxed Jack can do photos

Will can film it we'll do that Laura's birthday Patreon special Laura's birthday Patreon special Laura's birthday Patreon special we can look after the kids and then you two

can sneak off for a bit it would be so good to have my wife's panic attack filmed in 4k that would be so nice wouldn't it what's the panic about

we all love her yeah yeah yeah happy birthday imagine when she comes down the stairs and that's what we do at parties happy birthday

get her sweating imagine when she comes down the stairs happy birthday get it sweating no when she comes down the stairs tomorrow morning and we're all already there and drunk holy shit you're there from when she gets up yeah whoa that's the most surprising time motherfuckers be ready for six she'll be expecting us come lunchtime no she she'll be expecting cool midday 6 a.m party starts happy birthday guys can i suggest let's make this easier on everyone we go out we'll i'll go out for breakfast give her a fit bit stick my dick in some flowers you know what ladies like fist her a little bit i don't know you know women i don't and then we go for a nap and when she wakes up she's she's like, oh, that was so relaxing. We'll be in the wardrobe. You'll be ready downstairs.

Bang! Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Put your tits away, love. You're on a special. Yeah, we'll be. God. Women love surprises.

What, Adam Rowe in a cupboard? Have you ever done a tour? The right woman would be into that. Yeah. Not necessarily my wife of eight years. No, women love, like, oh, you've thought of me there. Have you ever done a tour? The right woman would be into that. Yeah, but not necessarily my wife of eight years. No, women love, like, oh, you've thought of me there, thank you. Yeah, what about a flash mob? I think this is a flash mob. I think we're

already organising one. Yeah, but we've not learnt a dance. Yeah. Flash knob. You do that. Rapper, surprise party, you get your dick out. None of her friends are there, because she'll be expecting that. Just people she doesn't really know that well all getting drunk in her house

at six o'clock in the morning brilliant everyone's got a plus one everyone's got a plus five get the lads from school yeah I reckon we can actually do this on a day's notice

it'll be fire by the way look at Will are the kids in school? also Will called me a no man yesterday and I didn't like it what do you mean? he was like

you always say no to everything yeah you are a bit of a no man yeah I am Matthew't like it. Right, what do you mean? He was like, you always say no to everything. Yeah, you are a bit of a no man. Yeah, I am. You just say yes. Yeah, Matthew said that. It's true. I thought I just called you a bitch. Yeah.

The kids are in school, I connect. The kids are in school. So this party can go off till about 10 past three. Yeah, because then they'll be home getting ready for the boxing moment. They'll find some.

Genuinely, would you be pissed off if we came to your house in the morning what time I don't know half time that's mid-nap say midday

we'll wake up from the nap yeah and if you you can text us saying I've just come right and then we'll be outside

with a boom box and she'll have a post I'll have to type we'll be outside with a boom box yeah she'll have a post code i'll have to type it not whatsapp voice no because i think she'll get suspicious yeah sorry tuesday i've come so now you can no it's like is that too oh what is your journal in it your voice yes my voice journal that's what i've been doing i'll cook i'll do sliders that's nice that actually sounds good. That does sound good. I'll tickle you back.

I'll bring some pretzels. It's not my birthday. I'll tickle you back then. Oh, nice. We could do this. Yeah? Come on, don't be a no-man like you always are.

I have to say yes. No-man. What have I been saying no to? Oh, you want to rent downstairs? Can we have downstairs done? No! There you go! Can we go to the Luke Combs Festival in Florida?

Who's saying no on that one, Carl? I asked you. I'll have to go with what Carl says. Yes, we can have downstairs. I'll let you have downstairs if you all come to Luke Combs. Deal. Dealio. There you go.

Well, that was 60 grand just up the wall. That was good fun, wasn't it? Oh, good. Enjoyed that one. We can come to yours tomorrow. What are we doing downstairs? I don't know.

It's a storeroom at the moment. It's fine. I'll use it to hide my Luke Combs ticket. We are going to need some Luke Combs tickets stored at some point for this company We need more dartboards as well

And Lighthouse family ticket And fucking Tommy Trucker Tommy Trucker Hootie and the Truckerfish Are you free in the morning really? Yeah Do you want to drive to Chestland? Surprise them

Oh she's 32 That's the thing as well If we just turn on Benjamin Button in my wife She's at least 38 She's 38 Yeah. Do you want to drive to Chester then? Surprise her. Oh, she's 32. That's the thing as well. If we just turn on... It's fucking Benjamin Button in, my wife. She's at least 38. She's 38. If we just turn on, she'll invite us in. You'll invite us in.

I'm not going to refuse you entry. Exactly. So we can just do this against your will. The whole other podcast is outside. Just hide. Close the curtains. Do you know why he's letting you in? Kids aren't there.

Oh, yeah. Oh, you've got to be gone by the time they get back. We're not ready for that. Oh, just hide. Close the curtains. Do you know why he's letting you in? Kids aren't there. Oh, you've got to be gone by the time they get back. We're not ready for that. Oh my God. My kids would lose their fucking minds if you're... They would love it so much. Then why are you resisting this? Come round then.

We'll come round at five. Come round. I do just want to have a quick phone call. No, it's not a surprise if she knows, is it? I know. But where does a surprise become a shock? You've just hit a line. Hey, it's a surprise.

Just make sure she's dressed. We'll come at five o'clock. She'll be dressed by then, surely. Yeah, she tends to be. Tell her. Tell her you're taking her out on a romantic date. Tell her to put her best, like, glad rags on. And then at five o'clock

be like actually we're staying in and look in the garden and we'll be there we're all of our friends having a beer alright Dan can't say no anymore because he's been a tight cunt

in the past here we are would you rather go at midday or the end of the day I honestly I'm five o'clock does that work for you

because you can meet the kids for the first time three o'clock three o'clock come for the school pick up I don't think that's allowed. I don't think I can take nine lads and two cameras.

Can we come with five? Martin on sound. Half three. I think there is some sort of like safeguarding. Are you back by half three? Yeah, the kids will be home and like, yeah.

I'll spend money on the business card. They fucking love new people, by the way. It would be immense. Oh, they love me hey carl adam's the newest they're gonna get yeah yeah who the fuck's that i'm telling you right now they they uh jack will know who adam is will jack say have you been at the popcast maybe but

etta knows you will jack say but you've met what oh he says popcast yeah yeah where you been popcast where you been where you been dad popcast well we'll bring balloons we'll make it obnoxious yeah can you not swear for two hours is that alright

why the fuck would that matter it's just it's just it's got a little rule we have in our house not to call anyone a cunt in front of my small children

so I can't call anyone a cunt in front of your kids can I call them a cunt to their face you're being a little cunt here stop crying your kids. Can I call them a cunt to their face? You're being a little cunt here. Stop crying. That might ruin the surprise of a birthday. No, sure, yeah, that's a surprise. We're at the inn.

Two hours later, we're all bladdered. Are we drinking? You think I'm going to a sober birthday party? Oh, right. With children there. You're having a laugh at me. I'm going to drink on the way. Pre-drinking this. I'm 100%. And she'll love it. Please don't tell her, though. I'm going to drink on the way. Pre-drinking this. I'll 100%. And she'll love it. And we'll...

Please don't tell her though. I feel sweaty. If we turn up with balloons and fun things, she'll be happy. And she's like, oh, I've been expecting you. No, I want like shock and awe.

And can we have a camera? You're going to get it. You're going to get it. Can we have a camera? To film it? That's what you usually do with cameras, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And my kids. Where's this going? The kids will be blared out. Like they've just done something naughty. Like they're in Witness relocation. Like they're in Japanese porn. Nice. I prefer mine.

Will you get busy tomorrow? What? Oh, we've got so much blaring to do. Yeah, we do do things that need blaring a lot. It's been fun, this, hasn't it? It's been fun, this't it it's been fun this talking about the reformation

right so I'm not allowed to tell her do not tell her don't be like I'm not can't tell her that she's going on

a fun like get your glad rags on that's that is a that's not a if we turn up and she's in her fucking sweats and pyjamas

she's gonna hate you forever no she's gonna be like oh my god you planned me a surprise party everyone's all turned up in their tuxedos and I look like shit fucking sweats and pyjamas. She's going to hate you forever. No, she's going to be like, oh my God, you planned me a surprise party. Everyone's all turned up in their tuxedos

and I look like shit. Tuxedos? Yeah. Is it black tie? He's coming as well. What you should do is... Tie her up. What did you hear?

Take her out and then come back so she's dressed from being out. Right. Take her out at midday, take her to like, I don't know, Macaulay's. And then when she goes to get changed and you get back, go, no, keep your clothes on. There's something coming. But that's as far as you can go. It's not me.

No, keep those clothes on, love. The boys will be here soon. I mean, you're surprised I'll be here soon. You still told her surprise. The boys us what do you mean shut up stay in your ball gown and shut the up this is your birthday and you're ruining it now stay in your lavish ball ground stop asking questions about who's just turned up on the drive what do you mean you didn't want Jack Finnegan here on your birthday? Are you mad? Yes, that is the Venga boys outside booming the noise, but just shh.

You didn't want Harry Robinson in a fucking tuxedo? I'm telling you right now, if she's in her gym jams and she turns up and she realises she's having the party of the year for her birthday and she hasn't been given the opportunity

to get dressed for it, she's going to resent you for a long time. Yeah, that's on you. What a birthday this goes. I mean, a bit of fisting, my coolies, and a black tie party. It's half past three.

Half past three. Back from the school run. Dan, what can we buy? Which you'll have to do in a ball gown. What can we buy as a company? We'll get balloons in there. That's nice. Balloons?

We'll get our somebody kick. We'll get a decade there. That's nice. Balloons? We'll get our somebody kick. We'll get her the cake. Yeah. Mugs. You know what they like. What else does she want? Does she want to have a new lawnmower or something? I'll take one.

I think she does, yeah. She wants a brand new lawnmower. How's your kettle? It's kettling. I got Will a Big Shop once for his birthday. Yeah, that was insane but he was fucking made up I remember being there

for that it was it was Will's friends who just couldn't quite get their head round it yeah I drove to Manchester I went to Tesco

and spent like £100 on a big shop and then just gave it to him in a pub I seem to remember some like really nice cheese within there

yeah I got him a whiskey he had cereal on his night out with whiskey in it yeah gave it to him in a pub. I seem to remember some really nice cheese with him there. Yeah, I got him a whiskey. He had cereal on his night out with whiskey in it. Yeah. A big shop. Big shop's a boss, mate. Yeah, do a big shop. Can someone buy something for you? I'm not doing you a big shop.

You have fucking two kids. For the hoops of 40 quid, no. That's stupid. Well, they're more expensive than whiskey. That's the cost of living for you. That's why we don't give our kids whiskey anymore. It's just the cost. I'm excited for this.

Can't wait. Extra content. Can't wait. Is anyone else sweaty? Goddamn. Quite the sound, eh? Yeah. I'm excited.

I'm going to get her for a birthday. We should get her something joint. A joint? Get her some pot. I'm on it. I thought you meant like a leg of lamb. No, pot. All right.

Yeah, she loves weed. Particularly when she's looking after the kids. Does she like me? Tell you what, that's what we'll do. We'll turn up, party, everyone's getting bladdered, and I'll do a full roast dinner. I'm not. Now you are getting more in the realms of like,

she'd love it. But I've seen how you leave kitchens post-roast. I cleaning she can clean it he cooked it nice yeah yeah yeah she can just leave it till the next day and then it's not a fucking birthday and she's shut up moaning yeah she's so annoying i'll take the kids for the walk you know what through this whole thing she's just been yeah yeah yeah i'll take the kids for the walk around the red breath what's that it's in connie nice i'm just gonna we're gonna have a break now i'm gonna have a little bit of a panic attack and red breath. What's that? It's in Connie. Nice. I'm just going to, we're going to have a break now.

I'm going to have a little bit of a panic attack and then we'll come back. Do you know what everyone should do? Sign up to our Patreon, Adam. Yeah, probably. One of the biggest patrons in the UK. Probably.

Patreon.com slash have a word pod. So much stuff over there. Hundreds of thousands of hours. Oh, we're doing hyper bowls. There much stuff over there. Hundreds of thousands of hours. Oh, we're doing hyper balls. There's hundreds of episodes. 40 specials. Yep. The specials

are worth like three quid each. Never mind. Three quid to get access to all of them. Brand new special out Friday that's just come out. The art special, which was incredible. It was a lot of fun. A lot of good. Didn't we all do well? I was really proud of us that night. I did well. Same.

Really well. The Lock-Ins, Nashville, Amsterdam, Spain. We've been all over the place. When people sign up, the best thing about the Patreon is we know how good it is because when people sign up, they don't leave. Yep.

They're just like, and it's the best stuff we've got. We know there's people now who actually stopped listening to the public episodes and just listen to the Patreon episodes and the specials because they're just the best stuff we've got. We know there's people now who actually stopped listening to the public episodes and just listened to the patron episodes and the specials because they're just the best stuff we've got.

Can we see the amount of people who are doing this? 26,000 lids cannot be wrong. They can't be. Just think like, oh, if that many people are paying for it, then clearly it is worth it. And it is. No guests today.

Just us fucking beauts. Now, top fives were popular to a point. We're going to change it up a little bit, and we're going to start doing the tier system. Tier list. We're going to do tier list. You're going to have to educate me. Have you ever seen a tier list online, Adam? Yeah,

it's like God tier. So, I'm going to show you on the screen now. This is our tier list. So, S is the best that you can get. Can we change this? What does S stand for? I'm going to change this to the screen now. This is our tier list. So S is the best that you can get. Can we change this? What does S stand for? I'm going to change this to pod references. We talked about that. Do you want to do that?

What does S stand for? Like special. In my head, it's super, but I'm not sure if it is. I think it needs to be God tier. That's the ultimate, isn't it? If you see this tier list and think, I can think of some pod references that can change them, comment below, please.

I think A should be dead good. Dead good. Dead good. Yeah, dead good. And B can just be, yeah. No, B is like sound. Yeah.

Oh, C is, yeah. C is like, C is a bit poo. Yeah. And D is, shite. D is Freddie Quinn. Oh, no. is... Shite. D's Freddie Quinn. Oh, no.

That's gone now. Freddie's too fucking good, isn't he? Yeah, but... Shite. What? No, it's wall to call it wall. You're not allowed to be in charge of that. Yeah, that was stinky, that.

Yeah. No, you've ruined that. Can we just have shite? Because that's what we're trying for. A bit of wool. Shite. It's a bit of wool, that. Coming over here from Will. Oh, let's what we're trying for. A bit wool. Shite. It's a bit wool, that. Coming over here from Will.

Oh, let's put it all in wool. Will! Hello, Will. Hi, Will. You're a willy wool. So this first one we've done is one hit wonders. And I've tried to go for ones that everyone will know. I know Adam's musical knowledge ranges from Luke Holmes to Chris Stapleton.

So we've tried to find stuff in between that. No, because before Adam was a country fan, Adam was a fan of songs. Yeah. So we know what songs are. I'm probably the best place to judge these one-hit wonders. Okay. Because I was a chart fucker until I found the Lord, you know? The way of music being country music.

It's the best genre. You're all wrong. And everyone agrees with me as well. Everyone? Yeah. 70% of people. Apart from the loads of people who aren't asked about it. It's the biggest genre on the planet at the minute.

That's not true. It is. It's not true. Bigger than K-pop? Impossible. What? It's impossible. That's over there?

When I say the planet, I mean here in America. What are you talking about? I thought you said here in America. He's gone. He's already in Tennessee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The UK and America is the planet and then everyone else is just over there, aren't they?

Yeah, Estonian country music doesn't really count, does it? No. How would that go, Carl? I'm going to make you a new pavement pathway in the front of your house Ah, famous Estonian workers That's good I move for Estonians round

are we? I mean there's not been much migration but I'm guessing they're hard workers grafters at least. I think you might be right because I think most people here Hello, my name's Jeff. They think Polish. Yeah. But it could be Estonian You do not that you don't know who the baltics are lithuania latvia they all sound you yeah they're all hard work all

grafters all of them all slinging shite yeah all grafters they're all selling pathways right do you know that's how she's a grafter as in someone who sells drugs i've i just like graft as in hard work no no it means you sell drugs grafter and the pillars like sells drugs he's a grafter as in someone who sells drugs I just like grafters in hard work no no it means you sell drugs grafter in Liverpool is like sells drugs my fellas do he's a grafter drives a mare

he's got a G-Wagon that's a good grafter the grafter wagon he's got a graff phone all the drug dealers I knew had like Honda Civics and

yeah don't be a grafter and drive a G-Wagon have a focus got some Keto side oh shit there isn't a drug dealer in Liverpool who drives a Honda Civic. Have a Focus. Got some Kettosoid. Oh, shit. There isn't a drug dealer in the pool who drives a Honda Civic.

That is a fact. Drug dealer or somebody who's like, there's differences, isn't there? If you've got a G-Wagon, you can't do drop-offs in a G-Wagon. There's no one doing drop-offs

in a Honda Civic. They'd all do it in like Delta Joys. You don't know what you're on about. Like Focus isn't a thing. You fucking noob. Mate, they drive shitty cars.

Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. And they've got like the NAMM. If you order some Laos, you order the G-Wagon turned up. The police will be like, I think he's an old drunk. No, if I was driving a G-Wagon

and I was a drug dealer and I got stopped, I'd be like, this is an illegal search and I'm not having it. I'd drive off. Oh, you'd drive off. And that's how that works.

Oh, well, he's moving now. We can't stop him. Yeah, we're going to bring the sniffer dogs. Well, yeah, if they can chase the car, because I'm flying. Yeah. Right. So that's it, drug dealers.

If you're selling drugs, and you get stopped by the police, and you've got three kilos of drugs, I mean, what kind of drop-off were you doing? Just keep driving, because they can't stop you. That's the law. Isn't it?

No one is more bound by the law than police officers so just go through a red light they can't go through a red light because then when they chase you through a red light you go you you're under arrest you went through a red light mate you've got i've got three kilos of heroin in the back but you went through a red light just say they planted it on you we're both in prison there you go fuck your way against this that's yours. That does my head and that with the police. Why have they become, is it omnipotent, omniscient?

They're omnipotent and benevolent. They're God. No, they went against yours. Put that in God's ear, the busies. They went,

you could go, I didn't do that. What? You say you've got drugs in the car and they go, they're yours and you go,

they're yours. Why do they win? Because they're police officers. Yeah, well, the police have got a history of being pig they go, they're yours and you go, they're yours. Why do they win? Because they're police officers. Yeah, well, the police have got a history of being pig scum, haven't they?

Yeah, but people who have three kilograms of heroin have got a pretty poor reputation as well. He's just a fucking grafter. But if it's your first time getting caught

in a school, what's more likely that me, an honourable local businessman in my G-Wagon with three kilograms of heroin. Oh yeah, I've just started selling drugs

out of nowhere, have I? And I'm not just like running me seven laundrettes like I have done for years. But this police officer, if he's got anything less than a spotless record, he should get put in prison

for doing heroin. Just go, hot potato. You're carrying them. Don't even mind. That does do my head. Another thing, you did.

You did punch that woman. They're officers of the law, aren't. That does do my head. Another thing where they could just go, you did. You did punch that woman. They're officers of the law, aren't they? That's how it's got to... Otherwise, who's in charge of the law? We should all just do a vigilante. It should just be like, we should all just do it amongst ourselves. Disband the police.

We don't need them. Right. Cool. Just disband them. Disband them. Yeah. Steve was an offender, Bender, this morning. He didn't ring the cops. He sorted it out himself. Cool. Just disband them. Disband them. Yeah. Steve was in a fender bender this morning. He didn't ring the cops.

He sorted it out himself. Yeah. No, he's got some fake details and then he's going to phone no one. Steve's going to be trying to get money off a fender bender from Flirt Divert. Hello, it's Steve. Can I have that money?

Yeah. Come on, it wonders. Should we do it? Yeah, we're doing One It Wonders. Put the police in the shade to you. The band, though. Right, so the first one we've got is Seven Years by Lucas Graham. Do you remember this?

This is from like... Once I was seven years old. Exactly. Oh, that one? My mama told me... It's not the first verse that's the problem for me. That's not a One It Wonders song. It's this...

Lucas Graham's only really had one it. Name it lucas graham literally name is other song i'm blue dabba d i'm talking like them one it wonders whoa have you got seven years lucas graham it was his only number one it's a it's a one have you got blue dabba d by iphone 65 can you add it to the list for the adhd kids but that's what one it wonders that's hang on you can't say lucas graham is not a one-year wonder everyone knows it it was a hit he's done One Hit Wonder is. That's- Hang on, you can't say Lucas Graham is not a One Hit Wonder. Everyone knows it. It was a hit. He's done nothing since.

That is a nailed on One Hit Wonder. But it can't be getting in this above Blue Dabba Dee Dabba Dah. It's not above anything. It's just in the list. The fucking shit is. It's in the list and Blue Dabba Dee Dabba Dah Dabba Dee isn't.

Just accept the list. Take the feet. Accept the list. No, no, accept the- I'm not fucking accepting this. Have you got Mamma No. 5? I've got Mamma No. 5. We've let the music off, do we?

You'll have some kind of fucking... Oh, fuck off. The corral. Accept the fucking list. It's happening. Whether you like it or not. The feature is 45 seconds old and you punks are drowning it.

No, no, it's wrong. Blue Tabertine. This was your idea. Yeah, a bit of something. Fucking accept it. Seven years, where's it going?. Blue Tabateen. This was your idea. Yeah, a bit of song. Fucking except for it. Seven years, where's it going? Lucas Graham. Meh.

The second verse. Do you want the lyrics, Dan? Let me find the lyrics for you. Once I was 11 years old. My papa told me. Go get yourself a wife or you'll be lonely. What? Ooh.

Which dad is saying that to an 11-year-old? So hang on, what age does he end on? He goes, the future. Soon I'll be 60 years old. Oh, shite. Put it in meh. It is in meh. It's definitely in meh. It's Mambo No. 5, isn't it?

Do you know what? I kind of like... So I'd have gone for sound. I wouldn't have gone any higher than sound. I like Lucas Graham. I think it's a good song. It is. It's an earworm.

The lyrics. They're all going to an earworm. And the lyrics. They're all earworms. They won at Wonders. They all did well. Some of the lyrics connect. And then they also are deeply irritating. Would you put it on in the car? Because soon you will be 60.

I don't mind this song. I think it's a decent song. Would you ever go to your Spotify? Or you're probably Apple Music, aren't you? Etta likes this song as well. Dan's Amazon Music. No, I'm not. I'm Spotify.

Oh, you've moved? You've moved. Oh, right. Okay. But you wear Amazon Music. That is fucking wild. You and Geoff Bezos the other two fucking subscribers.

This is one of the seven songs they add on Amazon Music. Just shut the pitch down. I hate these quotes. I hate these quotes. Where's Pewds up, Eddie? You fucking spanners. Right. So it's either going in sound or meh.

Put it in sound. Yeah. I'd have it in meh, but whatever. By the way, these can move. Yeah. Yeah, if everything above it looks better, it's going down. I'll give you that.

The next one we've got is Last Ketchup. Oh. Right. I'm meh. It's shite, eh? It's a bang though. Is that it? I'm doing La Vida Loca.

Can you not live in La Vida Loca? No, because it's not a one-hit wonder. Oh yeah, more than one. Can you give me Last Ketchup? Because I've forgotten it. I said I hate, I had, I hate, I haven't done it. You said that is an earworm. It's an awful earworm.

But it's shite, innit? It's round the pool in Spain, innit? You would never put that song on. No, but if it came on, I'd go... For about five seconds, then you'd be like... If you were 11 that song on. No, but if it came on, I'd go, for about five seconds, then you'd be like, oh, Tim, if I thought I'd pop world.

No, he'd start singing Ricky Martin because that's all he's got in his head. Oh my God, it's Last Ketchup. Head tip. Put it in meh. It's shite. If you're leathered in pop world,

this is the kind of stuff you want to hear. No, it isn't. If you're 11 in pop world. You're leathered. We're all losing our virginity tonight. It goes absolutely in shy for me. I don't care enough what the song is to bother, so if it wants to go in shy, it can.

Let's go with a taste of some castles there. I don't care about the game. I don't say that for shy. Dan? It is kind of shy. What's the judgment on like... Is it a good song? They've all done well as songs. There are some good songs in it

that you would consider a good song. Because is it a bit like, is it subjective? Like if you know it's a bit crap, but you kind of like it anyway. Man by number five. Or are we being more objective? Like this is technically and objectively a shy song.

Man by number five isn't a very good song, but if it came out now, I'd be arsed, but it's, come on. You going for shy? I think it might be shy, I'd be arsed. Come on. Are you going for Shite? I think it might be Shite. Shite, it's in.

The next one, Chesney Hawks, the one and only. I think that, like, I don't love it, but I think by definition of One It Wonder, it's a God tier. It's the epitome of One It Wonder. It goes straight to God. It's God tier. Yeah, it's the epitome of this tier list.

It's what this game is built on this and Rick Astley they are God yeah they both just have to go what I think

didn't Rick Astley have another yeah Rick Astley's not in it he had a couple though didn't he Rick Astley I think he's maybe just smacked out but but Chesney Hawks Chesney Hawks is going God tier

it's got to I don't like the song enough to get the freaking God tier oh but it's what the whole thing is like if you say one at one do you think of Chesney Hawks. Chesney Hawks is going god's hair. It's got to. I don't like the song enough to get the fucking god's hair. But it's what the whole thing is. Like, if you say One It Wonder, you think of Chesney Hawks, like, immediately. Yeah. If you say it three times in a minute, he turns up in the house and sings it to you.

It's just an easy way to book him. It can move, but I think it's not moving. It's the epitome of One It Wonder. Okay. All right. The next one is Nisloppy with the JCB song. Dead good. It's such a lovely song, man.

I broke off of my dice briefly. It's the same fella who pitched the Matrix. You must be into this, Dan. It's a bit of you, this. Yeah. Holding up the bypass. Whoa. Can you sing it to me? Me and my dad having a chop laugh.

Whoa. Sitting on a toolbox. Whoa. And I'm so glad I'm not in school, boss. So glad I'm not in school. And I'm Bruce, I'm father. My dad's Bruce Lee. Drives me around in his JCP.

I'm Bruce, I'm father. My dad's Bruce Lee. I'm Bruce. And my dad's Bruce. And Luke. And his dad's Bruce. Who's this by? And what is he doing now? Nizloppy. I'm Bruce. I'm Bruce. And my dad's Bruce. And Luke. And his dad's Bruce. Who's this by?

And what is he doing now? Nisloppy. Can we get a bit of information on Nisloppy? Such a lovely fucking song. Nisloppy. Are they still going? Is it a band? Yeah, they are still going.

They've just done the JCB song. Yeah. This is the tragic thing about being a one-hit wonder. You make a bit of bank, and then for the rest of your life it's tragic but someone's going we do that shitty song and then you try and do another song and no one gives a fuck finn did it for a year didn't he i did uh it has to go at least in dead good it's such a lovely song you'd love that song i know it yeah i'm just not should we go dead good yeah i'm i'd agree with that right nizlop is like it has to go in dead good because you're not putting that alongside lucas graham

this is where they start moving i can't believe that that lucas graham song is getting absolutely no i think it's quite good it's a decent song the next one is i think there's going to be two people who are going to want this in god's ear. This is the Rembrandts, I'll Be There For You. Are they technically a one-hit wonder though with all the paintings they did? Oh, yeah.

That's next week's one-hit wonder paintings. Salvador Dali, isn't it? Yeah. The clocks. It's God's ear. No, it's not. What are you talking about?

It's not up there with Chasing Horse. Sing the second verse. What? Sing the second verse. This is on performance enhancing steroids because it's not what are you talking about it's not up there with Chilling Hall sing the second verse what sing the second verse this is on performance enhancing steroids because it's a theme tune otherwise it's not

a big stealing bed at 10 and work again at 8 you fuck that mate suck my dick and put it in God's ear suck it it's the title track

for the most successful TV show of all time and everyone knows the claps in it never mind the lyrics. But that's not the song. It's just Friends. Friends is making it God tier.

Yeah, but if it came on in Popwell, it would have gone off, wouldn't it? Friends is attached to it. It matters to its legacy. If this came on, you've told me on Popwell before, this goes off in any bar on the planet. When the night Chandler died,

I was walking around town, and you're just walking past bars, and people were just playing it. In memory When the night Chandler died, like I was walking around town and you just walk up past bars and people were just playing it. In memory of a fella who just died like an hour ago, it is God to you. It goes straight to God to you. He might have hated it. And I am dying on this hill.

I'll quit the podcast. I don't care enough for this one again. Carl, even if you don't care. Pretend to. No, I do care, but I'm not like, this needs to be shite or good. I'm like Go for it

So you think it's sound I put it in dead good Dan where are you putting it It's just gotta be a majority I would rather have the passion Let's put it in god tier That's what I'm saying Okay we're going god tier

Right next one The one we've all been talking about Mambo number five Where's it going Lou Bega Why are you asking us What do you mean Talking about

Where do you put it God Really yeah It was the example we gave On a good one Before we knew what the tier list was you asking us? What do you mean? Talking about. Where do you put it? God. Really, yeah? It was the example we gave on a good one before we knew what the tier list was. To be honest,

I just don't care enough. It is a... It is a bit of a banger. I'd be like, Ricky Martin? Mambo No. 5. Is that Ricky Martin singing Mambo No five this is by the way it's the choice i slide in this no uh manbo number five for me has to be god it is the first five seconds

that everyone goes banger did manbo number five do bits all around the world i want to say was it just the uk or was it and is it, is it international? It's definitely, by the way, you know, I don't know whether we spoke about this on podge, you know, young years,

you know, we still like only like 29 or something. Then he was four years old when he brought this out. He's a lot younger than you think. That's an international. My days. Absolute smash. That's an international absolute smash. That is a number one, apart from in Go Down,

who didn't go for it. No, that's just... It's got shit everywhere. It's got to be. America and Cape Verde and everywhere else. Hang on. Sweden weren't keen. Ricky Martin.

No, no, that's the end of the year chart. That's the end of the year chart. That's the end of the year chart. So the weekly charts, it charted number one everywhere apart from America. Give me God's ear for that, please. Do you know what? That's hard to disagree with. Yeah, that is an international banger.

Can you see how old Lou Begir is, please? If he's anything less than 60, Adam, I'll give you that. He's definitely under 60. He's 49. Oh, wow. I told you. That is a bit mad. Wow, that is interesting.

When did Mambo No. 5 come out? 20 years ago? No, hang on. So he was in his 20s. 1999. 25 years ago. So he was 24 when it came out. 24 when he had the number one on every planet.

Unbelievable. Remarkable. I mean, it's a miracle he could walk at 24. Still in his shorts. It's God's hair, is it? Yeah, it is. Still in his shorts. Still in his shorts. Still in his shorts.

You know. And he was nappy trained at 24. It's a fucking genius. You can't be number one nappy trained at 24. It's a fucking genius. You can't be number one in every country in the world and all the universe and not be in God tier. Okay, so here's my issue, because this was the one I was going to bat for for God tier, which is Goat Yay, Somebody I Used to Know.

I think this is the best song on the whole chart. Told you we'd given him a go. Goat Yay is somebody... This is another definition of it, yeah? But I think this song is also okay. Nah, it's a great song. It's a great song. I think it was made better by the video.

The music video is amazing. The lady that sings it is very attractive. She's very, Kimbra? Yeah. I'd make that, personally, that's dead good. That's very similar to the JCB song. That doesn't go into God tier. Has Goatier done it?

He was just a mildly successful... It was like... Let's try and think of someone. Someone say the joke. If, like, James Morrison suddenly had an absolutely unbelievable massive hit now. Finn, say the line. Huh?

Just say the line. Oh, Gautier is now somebody that we used to know. Is that what you wanted? Dead good. Dead good. Dead good. It's not God's hair. It's just not. Right, how many views has it got on YouTube?

I'm going to say 750 million. I don't know. Billions? Yeah. Six billion? 2.2 billion. Jesus. It's a very famous video as well, isn't it?

That must be heartbreaking for him when his second song's got like 25,000. Oh, this is like fourth album for him. This is just a random song that's blown up. Oh, wow. And he only got to number 33 in Honduras, so shite.

Why have they got so many songs? I think they have all the songs, haven't they, I suppose? Yeah. I'll tell you who was number one in Honduras. Lou Bega. That talented child. It can't go into God's here. Also, would I just end up with a full God's here

and then three in Shite? I was going to bat for it God's here. I'll accept Dead Good, though. I think it's got to be Dead Good. Yeah, it is just Dead Good. I think it's very similar to the JCB song. I actually think it's closer to sound than Dead Good.

Oh, no. It's too good a song. It's so good. Yeah think it's very similar to the JCB song. I actually think it's closer to sound than dead good. Oh, no. It's too good a song. It's so good. Yeah, I'm giving you dead good. This is the best song on the list. It's very solid the way that it is. Right. Next one.

Charles and Eddie, Would I Lie To You. Don't you know it's too... What? Absolute humong. I know it. I like it. Don't say that. I'm bringing it back.

You deserve it. Gautier as well. Fucking average. Never liked it. 2. I know it. I like it. Don't say that. I'm bringing it back. You deserve it. Gautier is fucking average. Never liked it. 2.2 billion numbers. Charles and Eddie. Oh, yeah. Don't you know it's true. No one else but you.

But I lied to you, baby. That's a well better song than that shite that he was. I think it's the top of Dead Sound. Dead Sound. Dead Sound? That's not even one of the tears, Cal. I think it's the top of Dead Good. I'll give you that. It's not a bad song.

It's the top of Dead Good. But the fact we've been so dismissive about Gautier, like Charles and Eddie are fucking living. I'm going to see them at the cathedral in Rochdale. I don't see Charles and Eddie. Of course you would. Rochdale Catholic Cathedral. Get there.

Tickets are fucking expensive because I've made it up. I play that in the car in the tour bus. Pretty sure Charles and Eddie is dead. I don't know. I think Adam might be the kiss of death for the actual review of these songs. Oh my God. Were they gay?

No, I don't think so. Why is that a problem? I just want to know. I'm not judging you. Will that change where you put it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Charles is dead, guys, so we can't see him.

Yeah, what's Eddie up to? He's just vibing, you know? Was Eddie and Charles a couple? Oh, my God. Where? Yeah, I know, but that's not how they've written it. I think they were.

They was. So where's this one going? Top of dead. My opinion, top of dead good. There is no top of dead good there's just dead good no but you also ranked them within that

you can alright okay okay yeah I'll give you that so it's going dead good it is listen the top of it please it is a belter

drag it to the end what there you go okay I see what you're doing right next one is

Carl Douglas with Kung Fu Fighting it's a banganger isn't it it is it probably has to go in see I think it goes in meh but I also think

Lucas Graham has to go right alongside it as well when Bruce Lee died I walked through town hurry up and finish because we're done now? No, it's got to be in there. It's that good. What are you all about? Pop wheeled again.

No, it goes like, whoa! No! It's gone! We can stop. No, it goes in meh, and you could make maybe an argument for Sam. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. That's not that. Everybody was coming through fighting. Yeah, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Everybody was coming through fighting.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. She'll make you take your gi off and go dancing in the rain. Oh! I love it! I'm so fuming about the feature. I've never seen all of us give a shit about something so much. It's in meh. I agree, meh. Okay, I'll let you have it, but I love that song.

You are standing dead good. Yeah, it's the same as Lucas Graham. No, that's Beth's shite. It's going in meh. I agree with you on that. Lucas Graham should be down there as well. I'm telling you, right? We're all gonna fall out on this last one, by the way.

We got one more. What is it? It's Daniel Pout. It's one of our favourite songs. Daniel Pout, A Bad Day. All around us. Is that it? No.

No? You had a bad day. Taking one down. You sucked a dog off. I'm singing one. It came in your mouth. You were doing Mad World. Mad World.

I think this is the same as the... I wonder. It was. That was nearly made the list. Mine and Adam's version was God to You. Can't do that on air, though, can we? This goes in sound. Do you reckon?

I'd go for Dead Good for this. Because you had a bad day. I don't think it's as good a song as any of those three in Dead Good. So it has to go in sound. I'm not a massive fan of this song, to be honest. You think it's better than two of song to be honest you think it's better than two of them yeah i think it's better than charles and eddie you're a fucking charlatan

i also think it's better than all three of the god tier ones it's a better song you're in pop world i'm lou baker comes on and this comes and and you're like, whoa, I had a bad day. I like it as a song. It was on my playlist years ago. I do like it, but I just think it goes in sound. This is your, this is the, for me,

when I think of the epitome of your old taste in music, where you're like, it's now 62. This is, this is that. Yeah, he liked songs.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I put it in sound. Feels no better than sound. Anyone have any objections to it going in sound? I think it should be meh. I put it in sound. It feels no better than sound. Anyone have any objections to it being sound? I think it should be meh. I think it should be meh. Again, it's...

That is much better than that Lucas Graham shite you've never got off. I know you like it more than Lucas Graham. I've got that. Do you know what's happened? Lucas Graham has fucked the whole Equilibrium. No, it's not. You just took...

It's not a bad song. It's a bit irritating. I'll give you that. Right. I'm going to put it in sound. All right. Okay. You're putting it above Lucas Graham just to keep these children.

We'll put it above Lucas Graham. Lucas Graham's going nowhere, mate. Fuck you. It's not moving. Oh, there we go. Can I,

can I throw out some other ones? I know you've not got the graphics, but yeah. Honorable mentions. Yeah. Baby cakes by three of a kind. Shite. Baby cakes. Right. I justakes by Three of a Kind. Shite. Baby Cakes.

Great. I just don't know. Raising to shite. Shite, yeah. It's such a banger. If you were in my car and I had that on, you'd turn it off.

No. I wouldn't. I'd be like, I've not heard this for ages. What a chew. Yeah. What else? DJ Pied Piper

and the Master of Ceremonies. Do you really like it? Do you really like it? Is it, is it weird? Dead God. We're loving it, loving it. Yeah, really good. Dead God.

Ruby De Silva. Touch Me. Touch me in the morning and last thing at night. Is that a one? I've never heard that song. You have. Yeah, you definitely have.

Is that a one? It wasn't that? You have. Yeah, you definitely have. Is that a one-ed wonder? You have to have heard Touch Me In. And touch me in the... I need your love. You have heard it. I promise you you've heard it. Do, do, do-do-do-do-do.

You've heard it? Mother, it's massive. I've already sung it three times. iPhone 65. Blue Dabby D is God tier. And the fact you didn't have it listed for this means you should be fired. um iphone 65 uh it was blue dabaday is god to you and the fact you didn't have it listed for this means you should be fired

it'd be in shite for me can i throw that blow your head off mr wazo flat beat was that on the wireless in the 30s what's this

oh who is mr saxo beat uh alexandra stan that's one as well. So they say you put Blue Dabba Dee in shite. Yeah, it's a shit song. You are an idiot.

You're being baited by nostalgia. Yeah, but that's what this is. I know. And our nostalgias are all different because we're all different ages. In 2014. Yeah, they're from a generation who thinks Lucas Graham's a paedophile.

And that is a fact. He's not a paedophile, he's just shite songs. Because he's been fucking all that. Dan, you mentioned Mad World before. Mad World. Mad World was like the anti-Christmas number one, wasn't it? Yeah.

And it's absolute shite. It might be the worst song that's ever done well. Use of the press, of course. I'm not saying I like it, I just know it. And his name's Gary Jules and I just ate it all I was

I was born when a a one hit wonder was number one Joe Dolce shut up your face that was number one when you were born what's the matter you

ain't got no respect hey I wanna see mine shut up your. I want to see mine. Shut up in your face. I want to see what mine was. Right, so let's read the tear out that we've got that's finished. And then if you want to send us in. Oh, no, we'll put it on socials.

We'll put this graphic on socials and you can comment where you'd swap things about. So in shite, we've got Last Ketchup. In meh, we have Kung Fu Fighting. In sound, we've got Bad Day and Seven Years. Dead Good, we've got bad day and seven years dead good we've got would i lie to you jcb song and somebody that i used to know god tear is the one and only i'll be there for you and mambo number five seems all right number one if you asked me to sing the second verse that song as if it did take you a second though because I was just making sure that wasn't the third verse number one of when I was born was Shakespeare's

sister's stay banger banger of a song yeah 99 were you born in about 92 yeah

also leave a comment on what tier lists you'd like us to do in the next few weeks and we will get around I've gone through the recent ones

and I don't recognise them because I don't listen to it. Number ones? Yeah, no. Like, one hit wonders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A, B, C, D, E. Oh, that beat us

in the Laura's Gone Shop. Jackson 5. A, B, C, D, E, F, you and your mum. Oh, yeah, yeah. Shite. Can I also throw out I don't care.

I don't care. I love that one. That's a decent one. They're two Swedish birds. Oh! Tattoo. Tattoo? The lesbian Russians

that are probably dead now. Yeah. All the things you said... No, I think they run a pizza shop, you know, in Germany. What? I'm pretty sure they run a pizza shop. Is this Cockney Neil?

That's the name of it of Cockney Neil's pizza. Russian lesbian pizza. Come down. Come down. It's called tattoo pizza or something. In Germany. They just retired and live in Germany. All the things she said.

Too late. That's God's here. Again, that's the video that's helped it a lot though. Because there was fucking lesbians. You could spaff off to her at three o'clock in the afternoon. It's great. You know what? Everything that he said, I absolutely agree with.

Maybe I wouldn't have put it like that. He was in school. Now you get home early. Why are you coming home, son? That bell's for me, Adam. TV on, girl. Someone get Mr. Ro off tattoo there is some

we've missed out comment below if we've missed one of your favourite one of those we missed out because Finn didn't do it properly we were limited to 10

well done Finn I missed some other ones out that was good well done not only is everyone giving a shit in places everyone's giving a shit

but it's been funny and it's been good that's good good work Finn comment below's been funny and it's been good. That's good. Good work, Finn. Comment below what we should do. Let's take this offline. What tier list should we do and what songs we've missed out?

Comment below. I'm not, you're going to, I'm really argue that that is the tiers. That is spot on. God tier, dead good, sound,

meh, shite. No comment below as in what he wants to do next. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah oh yeah yeah yeah to your list sorry have we got any

preferences um trilogies movie trilogies oh I don't know it's either movies

something to do with movies or food or something that everyone knows and while we're here uh Carl Finn and Harry

have been doing a film podcast yeah that is on the Patreon as well. Just sign up to the fucking Patreon. It's called Have A Word. How are you going to grab? You're the host.

It's called Have A Word Film Club. Have A Word Film Club. Yeah. And it's on Letterboxd. Explain what we do. We watch two films that we tell you to watch and then talk about them.

Yeah. By the way, if you watch it, there are spoilers. It's a film review. Someone commented that we'd ruined Moneyball, which is 14 years old. And is a film viewer we'd ruined moneyball which is 14 years old

and it's a film viewer is it 14 years old moneyball 13 sorry we will tell you what films to watch and then listen to what we think about

them it's a bit of a laugh it's also good some good film knowledge isn't it yeah it's nice and easy it's short half an hour put it on the car driving to

work it's only available on patreon.com and the next two are civil war which is in the on patreon.com slash subwaypod and the next two are Civil War which is in the cinema and Four Lions Four Lions

they're the next two films alright let's have a break water I'm telling you right now water is underrated mate by African villagers well overrated

it is underrated it's fucking like you feel so much better if you drink more water, you know. Squash. Right, time to play. That's just water with a bit of flavor. Is that called squash?

We've talked about this. I don't drink actual water. Is that called squash? No, he's refilled it, hasn't he, with squash in it? No, it's flavored still water. Oh. Oh, fancy. I have refilled it with squash.

No added sugar. There we go there's underrated overrated water i still think that ronaldo thing was cool when he was like get that shit off agua it's painful i know but it's still cool yeah to be like i don't give a fuck i think you can do that as much him. He gets the privilege of being able to tell what to do the right, yeah. The thing is, before he did that, the CEO of Coca-Cola asked him not to

and he did it anyway. What the fuck? And he likes 20 minutes of sun every day. So I imagine playing for Man United was fun. I think what Adam was alluding to was the...

Some allegations against him in America. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, sorry. David Walliams. I haven't bleeped it. You don't need to bleep that. I just remembered one of my favourite children's authors.

Matthew, just give it to me. Edith Blighton. She's been cancelled. She's been cancelled? She's been cancelled.'s been cancelled she's been cancelled Blighto for being racist oh well

the statute of limitations when was she racist last Tuesday in the 50s oh everyone this is a national fucking pastime what Blighto

was racist in the 50s some of her books have been seen to have racist undertones same with Roald Dahl they're rewriting all the Roald Dahl's books I'm sorry

but back in the 50s if the only racial problems your book have racist undertones. Same with Roald Dahl. They're rewriting all the Roald Dahls. I'm sorry, but back in the 50s, if the only racial problems your book had was undertones, you were fucking liberal, mate. Progressive. You can't rewrite Roald Dahl. Just don't read it. Or do a new one. What is a...

Hang on, I'm not having... I don't give a shit about Ina Blyton. Roald Dahl, you say? Some nasty... No, come on. George's Marvelous marvelous medicine not that one the twits it's i think it's i think it's mainly the the witches i think is the one that's they're having a go at kids think of shit let me have a look i've got there's an article i'm trying to

remember what the witch is no sorry i was wrong augustus gloop is not fat anymore he's enormous Mrs Twit is no longer ugly and Oompa Loompas are gender neutral this is in the Guardian I don't know if this is true but I remember reading about it

Finn you cannot like in that oh Ian O'Brien dead racist Roald Dahl called a fat kid fat I'm not having

it's not even the same league of counsellors it's not me that's doing it you are you're voicing the Guardian right now. It's his generation, isn't it? I think Roald Dahl did quite well, to be honest with you. Yeah, because he always took good criticism.

Cool. You know, the BFG wasn't originally the big friendly giants. It was the big fat Gjaldem. And he changed it because he didn't want to be offensive. It was a fat guy. Who's this coming in the night, stealing dreams? Laquisha. The big fat girl, damn.

Rolls, you can't say that. What not? And they went, you can't do that. And he was like, alright. We need to change Yolanda to Bone Crusher. Ah, don't say it. It's not my original vision. Finn?

I was just reading about Enid Blyton. Yeah, no, that one is racist, so I won't read that one out loud. Why? What did she say? What did she say? What did she do? Come on. She probably wrote it

and she didn't say it. Does it rhyme with Jolly Pog? It's close. Jolly Pog? Yeah, it's close. It's close to that. Remember playing with Jolly Pogs when you were a kid?

No. Daisy Bones, though. That was the original Beyblade. Hang on, can I see it? Yeah. Go on. Go on. How bad is it, Carl?

Oh, yeah, it's quite bad. Right, okay, don't read it. What is it? Give us a gist. I bad is it, Karl? Oh, yeah, it's quite bad. Right, okay. What is it? Give us a gist. I'll just... Finn, you say that. No, no, no, no. Augustus Gloop was a big fat kid, though.

Come on. He was written as a fat kid. He's a fat kid. He is a fat kid. By the way, I know you're not meant to say it, but if you go... It's no better to go up to a kid and go, hey, can I just say, listen, it's your kid,

but that kid's enormous. She's still going to be like, wow, if you got fat, it's still offensive, isn't it? Why are you doing this in the parks

with random people? That was the school pick up. So you've got clones and your kid's enormous. Hey, sorry, love, I don't mean to be offensive,

but that kid's enormous. Anyway, I'm done by the way. That isn't offensive now, by the way, you didn't call him fat. And the Oompa Loompas are gender neutral

who needs that who wants it did anyone care that they were men I think the point is that there's no representation for non-binary

people in old school media so they're like we need to make someone gender neutral and I think they've sort of sat at the negotiating table

and Roald Dahl's like sort of a state have gone like we'll give you the Oompa Loompas and you can fuck off wow yeah

he's paraphrasing it that's pretty much what I mean you're not having the BF gel them big fan gel them right we'll give you she can't see the queen

at the end of the film we give you five Oompa Loompas deal there's chicken hands photo like I see the queen at the end of the film. We give you five umpire umpires. Deal. There's three grands. Photo. They're not even orange anymore, are they?

Did you... Listen, are you... No, Scouse has kicked off about that. Are you Roald Dahl's Jean-Rachon? Oh, yeah. Quentin Bleu. What a wonderful illustrator as well. Oh, I love... That was a match made in heaven, that one.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Was he a smack head? Have you seen his sketches? What did... illustrator as well oh I love that was a match made in heaven that one yeah oh my god was he a smack head have you seen his sketches I'm like what did that was just his style I know his style

but it looks it works brilliantly but if you said oh yeah Quentin Blake was a smack head you'd be like oh yeah I see it now why

why because it's sketchy as fuck it looks like he's like oh god I just need a hit I think Roald Dahl all the money he's like, oh God, I just need a hit. I think Roald Dahl owed him money. He was like, I'm drawing your fucking pictures,

mate. I love Quentin Blake stuff. I love Quentin Blake, but it's not like, it's a very stylized, like he's got the fucking withdrawal shakes. Yeah,

but that's his style. I love it. I'm not saying it's not good. That's just what art is. Everyone's individual. Like Picasso, he fucking noses on arses and shit,

didn't he? No one said anything about that. Nope, they didn't. I mean, they did. They brought it up quite a few times. Is he a smacker? What's this shit?

When he brought it up, they were like, hey, lad, is that a nose on that arse? He's like, yeah, I'm Pablo. Do things differently. I'm double P. Yeah. Roald Dahl, Quentin Blake, match made in heaven.

Unbelievable. They'd be gods here. What, kids books? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And they missed the Mr Men they've all changed now haven't they Little Miss

I don't know no it's Little Ms Mr Tickle's being phased out because of the Me Too movement yes it's Mr Consent yeah Mr Yes

or Mr Tickle Mr Tickle just goes out and just doesn't do anything because things have changed little miss i've got a job now yeah little miss you know chairman little miss voting booth for fortune 500 yeah like they're all they're all i've got all the collection of the little miss foundry worker i've got the originals little miss and mr mendo Mendo. I can't remember what I was talking about.

I was talking about that scene where someone was like, imagine if Pablo Picasso all that time was just trying to throw a normal face and he couldn't see the difference between the two and he's kept just like, yeah, that is just, that's perfect.

Look at that nose. Incredible style. You're like, what's that? I'm trying to do it properly. But roll dial I don't think you can change that the I remember

having the BFG read to me when I was a kid and it's the it was like the most magical story I've ever heard and then watching my kids like

watch the film it's so cool that there's a land of giants they give you dreams or he gives you dreams and they all eat kids and then the queen gets involved

what was that bit? what and they all eat kids, and then the queen gets involved. What was that bit? What? They all eat kids. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot that. I think I've blocked that out. Right.

Let's do Adam's films for the BFG. I've rolled that. Hang on. Hang on. I can't really remember it. I know there was a big fella and a little kid, and they were mates. You're thinking of Big, the film?

No. Is that the Tom Hanks one yeah no that's just a kid with like element dices isn't it

by the way in Big she fucks a kid oh yeah oh shit of course she does yeah she has

sexual intercourse with a nine year old boy yeah in the story in Tom Hanks but she didn't have to shag a nine year old for the film she shagged Tom Hanks if she shagged a nine year old for the film that Yeah, in the story. In Tom Hanks' movie. But she didn't have to shag a nine-year-old for the film. She shagged Tom Hanks.

If she shagged a nine-year-old for the film, that would be out of order. She wasn't method. That's why they cast Tom Hanks. Because otherwise they would have just gone and got a nine-year-old. No, but he's a nine-year-old boy. He's playing a nine-year-old boy. Go on, Adam.

In the film, I know the actress who went on to do fucking something else. Michelle Pfeiffer. 9-11, she did do fucking something else Michelle Pfeiffer 9-11 she did 9-11 Michelle Pfeiffer did 9-11 with Sally Gunnell where's Sally Gunnell

did 9-11 from did I say it you said that two weeks ago Elizabeth Perkins Perho sounds like a brand of she was in the Flintstones sounds like a brand of bras she was in the Flintstones. Sounds like a brand of bras.

She was! She was Thelma. Perky tits. Was she? Oh. Mate. Sexy cartoons. Are we doing that?

Can we give Adam... I want Adam's synopsis on... Oh, the BFG. BFG and others. I can't... You're asking me to do a synopsis of a film I can't really remember. So...

Giants and a kid. Wind it up. I knew it was something to do with dreams, but... He blows dreams into the thing and then a kid sees him so he has to take him

back to Snozzcumberland. He eats Snozzcumbers because he's not a carnivore. All the other Giants, Bone Crusher. I can only remember Bone Crusher. Brock Lesnar.

Brock Lesnar, Sally Gunnell, Abu Hamza, their mates. Brock Lesnar, Sally Gunnell, Abu Hamza, their mate. Love it if Sally Gunnell was mates with Abu Hamza. Not another podcast on the planet, by the way, who could say that sentence in context at any point.

James and the Giant Peach. Honestly, I haven't seen any of this. The Witches? The Witches films are classic. Yeah, but I can't remember the of this oh wow The Witches The Witches film's a classic yeah but I can't remember the film oh mad okay like I know I've seen it and I know The Witches and they all take the fucking

hats off and they all look like goblin women yeah they've changed that now I read that they've added a bit after that

that says and women are allowed to be bald and that is completely fine yeah because they all look like they're bald which is true women can be bald, and that is completely fine. Yeah, because they're all bald, aren't they? Which is true. Women can be bald. But I thought that's not the point of the characters, is it?

I would say that most people who are women aren't bald, though. That's not inclusion. You're right. Most women. They should put that on the thing. Most women aren't bald. It's okay for women to be bald, but most of them aren't, so remember that as well.

Also, Gail Porter seems all right, doesn't she? Yeah. It's okay for women to be bald, but most of them aren't, so remember that as well. Also, Gail Porter seems all right, doesn't she? Yeah. She's sound. It's quite a conversational piece of text, isn't it? What about Danny Champion of the World?

No? Honestly, I think my least favourite one. I don't remember that one. And I was a kid called Dan. I think I've got Alzheimer's, you know. George's Marvelous Medicine

was another one that just like, as a kid, that it was the most, he feeds his gran a load of shit that he finds in the garage and she grows so much she goes through the roof. Again, Quentin Blake's illustration makes it the most magical thing. I'd love to be inside this like Roald Dahl's head. Someone like that who's got that much creation. Must be mad.

I mean, it's a pretty basic story, isn't it? This fella finds fucking growth hormones, gives it to his nan. Maybe it just happened to him when he was a kid. Yeah. When Roald Dahl was a kid, there was loads of growth hormone around the house. And pre-workout.

And anabolic steroids. I'll write about this when I'm older. I'd probably, you know, I might not put this down in a notepad because I think this might be retellable. Is he Welsh, Roald Dahl? No, I don't think so, is he? Egyptian?

I can't imagine Roald Dahl being Welsh. Oh, he is Welsh. What? I thought he was like Austrian for some reason. He's Welsh. No, you're thinking of Joseph Fitzgerald. He's called Roald Dahl. That sounds Danish.

Dahl's not a... Roald Dahl sounds Danish. Sounds Indian. If you do it in a Welsh voice, it sounds more Welsh. Sounds like a curry. Brock Lesnar. It sounds like a fucking curry. I'll have the chicken Roald Dahl, please.

Yeah, right. His dad was Norwegian. There you go, Danish. And his mum was French. And he grew up in Wales. He grew up in Wales. He's been to Wales. He grew up and died in Wales.

He spent his whole life in Wales. No, he died in Oxford. Smoker. Prick. He's been to Wales once. I've gone right off roll, though. I thought he was a Welsh hero. I fancy a lamb Roald Dahl, I do.

And a garlic naan. You know you should never say naan bread. Why? Because naan means bread. You're saying bread bread. Yeah. Can I have a bread bread? Can I have the boss of chicken, please, love?

And some bread bread. Bread bread bread. If you say, can I have a garlic naan no one in an Indian restaurant is like I don't know what is my cunt on about you're saying garlic bread

so I would say garlic naan I'll have a garlic naan please but if I wanted a plain one I'd just say can I have a naan bread yeah you're

can you have a bread bread but also a lot of the menus say naan bread they don't just say naan I know yeah that's on them innit they've tailored it to us

yeah that's I ate that I fucking've tailored it to us yeah I ate that I fucking ate that where they go oh all these fucking people saying it wrong you wrote it down I'm just reading your hand writing love

I don't know what naan is until you tell me what it was yeah tell me right the first time and I'll learn what's your naan of choice garlic or

yeah no garlic so you're telling me Indians go do us a favour and go to the shop and get us some naan and those people come back with a warbons yeah yeah that's because that's Indian bread isn't it nah mate Are you telling me Indians go do us a favour, nip to the shop and get us some naan and those people come back with a warbans?

Yeah. Yeah, because that's Indian bread, isn't it? Nah, mate. Nice sliced naan. Have we got naan in? Yeah. Can you have a naan, Chris Butty? No, we've got naan.

I like pechewari. Does that make me a paedophile? No, it doesn't make you have sex with children. Is you eating it to do that? Is that what's making me shag kids? Every time I have a... Will that make me a pedophile? A fucking fat kid. But I call him enormous to, you know,

save hurting his feelings. If I put two and two together there, I'd stop eating them, to be honest. I think it might be the coconut. That shit does weird stuff for me. I see fucking kids and I'm eating Indians a lot. I'm just wondering where they're linked. I'm eating Indian kids and fucking the English ones. Excuse me, love. Will that make me a pedophile?

Am I racist if I won't fuck an Indian kid? Right, this has gone too far. I'll leave it then. Excuse me, love. It's Peshawari bread. Does this make me a pedophile? It does, does it?

Yeah, I'll just have some bread, then. Thank you. Does that make me... If you've ever asked for Peshawari bread, sort your life out. Can I have a Warburton's naan? Have you got any other new features?

Hang on. So let's give it a smooth. Smooth. Finn has been grafting with Harry and myself on the contents. Right, we're going to do a few icks. And I know this is normally just relationships, but we're going to do a few x and i know this is normally just relationships

we're going to do ones where if your mate does something annoying and you think that would be horrific if you're in a relationship with them you can include them as well so someone used the the word masticate in the restaurant yesterday it makes me fucking cringe like chew and like properly chew your food it's the sort of like official way of saying chewing

yeah I ate it it just for some reason it shouldn't that be a blowjob then what

because if masturbators hands shouldn't masticate be a wank like a blowjob sorry a chew

yeah gives a masticate there if you ask for a chewy in Liverpool is that you? A Chewie? Yeah. Give us a Master Kate there. If you ask for a Chewie in Liverpool, is that you getting hushed off? A Chewie. If you ask for a Chewie, people will give you the Chewie.

If I said to Adam, give us a Chewie, and he's shuffling off. Yeah. Right. If you went up to anyone and said, give us a Chewie, they'd be like...

Yeah. Because I keep getting mints off sex workers, and I think I've been doing it wrong. A Chewie, please, that's not all you want. Beef mints, or? Bubblegum flavour, that. Yeah, so this is the ich.

We need a jungle. Cool. Who's in charge of that? I think we... I just want someone to make one for us. Eee. I think it needs more. Eee.

Ich. Yeah. You're making me outpacking in. What, in? Do, do do do this first one is from doing a theme tune doing a theme tune

Kate Louise my fella eats a cheese string without peeling it he just chomps it like a sausage horrible ick is it not a bit more icky for a grown man to be taking strings off and be like, ooh, bit by bit?

This is one of them things that women do. Half of them will say this, and then half of them will say that. And men are supposed to just go about the world and know what everyone's after. I think I can see the fault with this feature. How long did that take? 15 seconds?

It's going to be, why women make Adam angry. Fucking cheese. Put that on my list. Bitches and cheese. Which, by the way, is a great song waiting to happen. Ten seconds. I got my bitches and my cheese.

I think cheese. It's not a euphemism. I mean cheese. Cheese strings. They're just horrible. Baby bells, pepper armies. Have some real food. Grow up.

I lived on pepper army and baby that was all i keep it like car keep it like next one this is from dickheads this is from daniel people who when a dog runs towards them uh well sorry let me read that again people who when a dog rolls runs towards them when they enter a room or something and say, oh, they must be able to smell my dog on me. Oh my God. No, they're just dogs.

And dogs run to people, grow up. Fucking hell. I must be able to smell my dog. Maybe. Why are you telling me? I'm not asking. I'm not asking what he's sniffing you for. Can I add a dog egg?

If when a dog runs at you, you flinch because you're scared of dogs, it makes me go. You spook them i don't own one why am i balking at that and i've just done the whole i have a pech warren fucking kid and everyone's like that's great time you eat dogs are you no you silly billy I think it's because when there's a layer of truth to it it's always more painful no I like

I love dogs but that is such a good one oh he must be able to smell my dogs no he doesn't give a fuck he's just sniffing you because he's a dog

shut up but they're right though aren't they they can't smell my dog dogs smell everyone no they don't yes they do they don't literally

Peri has been smelling me all day because I had these jeans on yesterday and Simba's all over them petty never does that to me dogs see the world through their mouth in their nose as in can i just say that simba's proper not arsed simba just had a wander around you're right simon he's like whatever oh he must be smelling my dog bollocks does my i get that a lot no wallace is not uh wallace comes and says hello when he wants to oh he's his own boy yeah he's not like a fucking people he's like all right mate like it's a different vibe of wallace at home i guess they're like eight o'clock he's like right we all chill together no that's cuddle apart from yesterday when i went in a different direction and he was like

oh my god he was gutted that was so cute yeah he's like where you go i look back and he was like okay yeah for ages i had to drag him to the car. I love it. Yeah. That does make sense. Next one from Emma. Wag wag. My boyfriend swills all his drinks around his mouth

before swallowing like it's Listerine. It's absolutely vile. Like it's Listerine? You mean like it's wine? Like it's Listerine? I just swill it round and then I swallow it? Mouth and then throat wash. Yeah, Listerine's for swilling it.

Oh, you don't swallow it though? Oh, and this strain's for swilling it oh you don't swallow it though oh it's true yeah uh yeah you're meant to do that with wine but anyone who's doing that with like diet coke yeah it's weird spit it out that was lovely yeah if you're doing that with full sugar dr pepper you're gonna lose some tags aren't you yeah beautiful okay this one's from double jeffrey uh people who wear skinny fit trousers that stop two inches above the ankle. If your trousers stop before your shoes, start your anounce. Fact.

Are they long shorts or short longs? I mean, two inches is a lot, but your trousers are supposed to stop before your shoes. Yeah, I just have trousers that are two inches longer than normal shoes. That's what I do, mate. So they don't look like shorts. They just, I just have trousers that are two inches longer than normal shoes. That's what I do, mate. They don't, so they don't look like shorts.

They just, I can't. No, they're just trousers that imagine you'd roll them up. And they won't wear socks. Ah, but I've seen Dean Coughlin make that look dead cool because he's got the skater vibe. He rolls his up

so they're a bit higher. I think you could pull the skater look off, you know, if you're dressed like Dean, I could see that work. You do not mean that. Dan, right now, you're dressed like you work in a skate shop. I think you could put the skates to look off, you know? If you're dressed like Dean, I could see that work. You do not mean that. Dan, right now, you're dressed like you work

in a skate shop. Like, without a doubt. No. No, now you look like an imam. Now you don't look like you work there. Now you look like you're banned from the skate shop.

Dan, honestly, with like the hoodie, the glasses and the hat, you look like you work in a skate shop. I'm telling you. Do I? Yeah.

Well, I've never rolled my jeans up and fucking got like bare sock out people who don't wear socks to weddings with

loafers loafers shoot them all in the face I feel like that is the epitome of you know the four lads that absolutely got roasted on the night out

I think they may have they might have single handedly ended that look. Yeah. They haven't, though. If you go out and there's 50 cents on a Saturday night and you look for it,

there's still a lot of little juice heads who look like them, mate. No one likes socks anymore. They look like they're at judges' houses on the X Factor. Well, speaking of, this next one's from Jess. My boyfriend wears bed socks, enough said. Wow. Specific bed socks. Yeah, I don't wear socks in bed. It wouldn't ick me if a girl did, though't i don't wear socks in bed i wouldn't it

wouldn't if me if a girl did though forget all socks and but if she was like i'm putting my bed socks on she had specific bed socks oh no what about the little like what's it called the really soft the like it's dead it's like teddy material dead soft and fluffy yeah and they have them on i think it's quite attractive yeah yeah socks it's quite sexy, man. Yeah. Socks are sexy on a cap sock. Oh, yeah. No, the thick ones that go up the shin a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if I've got socks on in bed, I'll take them off tonight. I'll get too hot. It'd be so disappointing if you got back with a really hot lady

and she took all the clothes off and she had, like, Schlesinger sports socks on. That would give me a bit of an itch. West Ham away. Any Slazenger on anyone

ever. Ick. Even a tennis player? No, not having it. Anna Kournikova, Slazenger on these ones? I say that,

I used to like the Slazenger V600 cricket bat when I was a kid. Oh yeah, cricket bat classic. I don't know if they're still making it.

If you brought a bear back and she said we're going to put me in Cricket Bat, that'd be a nick as well, wouldn't it? It is a slashing JV600. Sorry, can you hang me Cricket Bat up, please? I have never met a girl who's into cricket. I had a kookaburra and a woodworm.

You had a kookaburra? And a woodworm. What's a woodworm? Oh, I was a grey nickels man all the way. Loved it. Big Tony, that's why. I had a super scoop. No! It is. Brian Lahr had the fucking grey nickels man all the way loved it had the super scoop no

Brian Lahr had the fucking grey nickels super scoop which was completely counterproductive because they took the meat out of the bat I like the cocker butter

I don't know what you're talking about sounds like animals but if a girl whipped out a grey nickels just before bed I don't know what

a grey nickels is Dan it's a cricket bat bummo in context of the conversation you could have guessed but he's saying cocker butters and that sounds like a little type like a grey nichols is, Dan. It's a cricket bat. Bummel. In context of the conversation, you could have guessed. But he's saying kookaburras and that sounds like a little, like a marsupial.

A kookaburra's a small Australian bird, yeah. It's an Australian cricket bat company. Right. Oh. And woodworm as well. Right. Okay. Cool.

Classic bats. Gun and more. He doesn't give a fuck. A couple more. This one's from Charlie. My bird likes sucking my tongue when we neck it makes me want to gag

but I've not said anything yet that's class I like that suck or bite anything on me you have to be going for it though if you go for a peck and you suck your tongue

it's like whoa eyelid suck no wow don't suck me eyelids no or your hair

don't suck your hair either your hair as your hair. Don't want my eyelids sucked all bit in. Your hair. What? Don't suck your hair either. Your hair as well. Yeah, when I said that again, do you know what? You don't have to realise that, boys. There is limitations to that, yeah?

Yeah. Don't suck my hair. Don't suck my eyelids. That might be the only two things, though. Your arse cheeks. Tongue up the nostril. Bite my arse cheeks. Suck your arse cheeks.

Yeah, sound. Like they're trying to get a fucking thick milkshake. Suck my ass. Tongue in the nostril. If you want. No. No. Not on my nostrils.

Lick in the side of your mouth. Have I left some sauce there? No, like... Left some sauce. If she just exclusively just licked the joint between your lower lip and your upper lip. I think that would probably do it for me. Dan, what would you do if someone put a straw up your arse?

That would suck. I'd just watch them die, probably. I don't think... I can't see that that's going to be well. You're forgetting he's got a poisonous arsehole. Oh, poo is... Poo poo's poisonous. Mistake made.

Poo's poisonous. I think poo poo's poisonous. If you eat loads of it, yeah, but if someone's just sucking your arsehole... Oh, yeah, but if you suck... It also shouldn't just be shite waiting to be sucked out your arsehole at any moment. Oh, sorry, where do I keep it? In my fucking...

In your bowels. In your bowels? In my bowels? What are you talking about? In my bowels? They're connected to my fucking lower bowel. It's my arsehole. Your arsehole hasn't just got shite in it right now.

Have you got poo waiting to go in your arse? In your bumhole, Matt. You should be able to put your finger up your arse and come out poo-less. I couldn't do that with confidence. I could. I don't think you could. I know your medical anal history.

And I'm saying even I could. Well, should we have a break and find out? Who's going to press fucking record? I don't know. It's not going to be good. We've got one more. This is from Jonathan. One of my mates called his pyjamas

Jim Jams the other day and it knocked me sick. Get to prison, you massive sex offender. Yeah, birds would leave you for that. Yeah, that's... I'm just going to get my Jim Jams on. Do you want my... Do you line up the good wife?

So, okay, if I'm lower than her, looking up. Yeah, you've told me that before. Yeah. So, let's say we're on the couch and you're the big spoon. Like, she's there. You're watching the telly. you line up the good wife so I hate if I'm lower than her looking up yeah you've told me that before yeah so like say we're on the couch and you're the big spoon like she's there you're watching the telly

if we switch she's like looking up at me makes me sick so can you never lie on her comfortable bosom and have your hair stroked no I'll usually lie

more on her belly so even lower yeah but I'm not doing that I'm like like an owl I'm like oh I love you so if she was ever on a pavement and you were like on the lower bit and you went for a hug

she'd be like oh not that no because i'm taller than her probably the same height that's a power thing isn't it that's like that's how they show power in films is like if you film from above they're the powerful one and if you're looking up they're the ones that are like the bad guy she likes she you know, she likes, she doesn't want to be like, oh, I'm a little boy. She also said that's the reason she'd never peg me.

Not that I'd ask her to. She said, it wouldn't actually be. Just came up apropos of nothing. It wouldn't be the pegging, it'd be when I turned back and looked at her. Like she,

she would have to leave me. Just don't do that then. What would you do? Just get bummed and face forward. Is she fucking belting? Yeah. Just get bummed and face forward. Like a real man.

I don't know if you need to make eye contact when you're being bummed by your missus. Do you? No, I don't have to. I don't think you want to, do you? I don't want to get bummed at all, actually. I'd love to try a peg. I know you would.

Would you look behind this? God, watch me skate. No, I don't know. I don't think you need the eye contact. Just bury your fucking head in a pillow with shame in your dirty heart. No, she likes me to be the man. She does, doesn't she

yeah which might be you know might be might be a bit heteronormative i was on the uh on our house like the doorstep and laura was just down the step and i gave her a hug and i was another like four inches taller i'm three inches taller than laura and i went oh my god you feel tiny would you like it if i was tall and she instantly went oh yeah great yeah because they will win that you generalize in yeah most women like a tall dude don't they so normative thing to be like can like oh yeah wrap me up put me in your pocket that's why i feel so lucky that i'm 6'3". You are, aren't you? 6'3". Making up numbers.

Send your icks to haveawordpod at gmail.com. We'll be getting through them over the next few weeks. Right. We've got a question from Aiden. He says, Lids, the Olympic torch has just been lit. Where's the Olympic? Is that Paris? Paris.

Paris. What? Did they not get London? And now, I feel like, did Paris not get the London Olympics in 2012? They definitely didn't get that one. But weren't they in the... Yeah. They were like the other finalists.

Yeah. They'll have had it loads, though, surely. Has Paris never had the Olympics before? No, they've surely had it a couple of times. So the torch has just been lit, which means it goes from wherever the last Olympics was to the new one. Is that what they do?

Yeah. The last one was in Japan. It's going to be hard, though. The last time they did it, it was 100 years ago. 1924 was the last time Paris did it. Could we have a football tournament in this country, please? We have. What?

At the Euros. Last year. Or two years ago. What? At the Euros in England two years ago. Did we? Yeah. There was quite a bit of trouble at Wembley.

Oh. Was it split with someone else? Was it just the English? Who was it? The English got to the finals. It was all of Europe. That's cheating. I won a fucking proper tournament.

The final was in Wembley though, the semi-finals. Yeah, but the whole tournament was all over Europe. I don't think we're going to get one after what happened at Wembley either. We're hosting the 2028. England and UK and Ireland. We're hosting 2028 Euros. england and the uk and ireland well cost in 20

28 euros is that what they're doing now they're just doing them all over the place yeah oh it's well better when it's just one country yeah how bad was it when but i genuinely can't remember was it england played italy and london was on fire essentially because england fans are there's a documentary that came out was it like three days ago yeah england fans are... There's a documentary that came out, what was it, like three days ago? Yeah. England fans are just awful people, aren't they? Right. Yeah. But Paris aren't fucking... Paris will be chaos as well.

Yeah, because their police are wild. And also, Paris is like the new terrorism hotspot, isn't it? Like, I was genuinely worried about going to do the Paris Marathon because I thought I might get fucking ISIS'd. Paris is a huge yeah I don't know why

I think it's the I can't remember what it is now it's their stance on something isn't it I can't remember what it is but Paris is a huge hotspot for terrorists right well they're getting the fucking Olympics the torch has been lit if the IOC came to their senses

and brought the Olympics to Liverpool what would the opening ceremony look like and how would you scouse up the events where would they be held Pogues everyone's got OG 110s on

everyone oh yeah the opening ceremony's in Pogues everyone's just on everyone's just on the Guinness having some which scouse celebrities

would be in because do you remember the 2012 they had the James Bond sketch with the Queen? Pete Price. If you're making it like Scouse Twitter funny,

then yeah, Pete Price is there. And there's all just like name, like faceless accounts, but people just know they're like avatars from Twitter.

Who was the guy? Scouse Ma, big cartoon, Blondmore, big tit. If they actually did it, Paul McCartney would be the

that he'd be the fucking he nah what if the IOC were like they would absolutely perhaps Paul Smith

speaking of Paul McCartney now mate more people have seen Paul Smith in the last five years than Paul McCartney that's only because Paul McCartney

hasn't done any shows though isn't it probably yeah if Paul McCartney started playing Hot Water more, I think his clips would do bits. Ray Quinn. What? Ray Quinn's involved.

What would he be doing? Playing the piano or something. For Paul McCartney? Or Scasma? He'd be there playing maybe like a villain in the panto at half time. He'd still put a panto on? He won't do anything unless it's a panto. If you're He still put a panto on. He won't do anything unless it's a panto.

If you're going to scouse it up, like, scouse Forgotten Stars, love being in panto. Rebecca Ferguson. Yeah. Like,

Les Dennis. Ray Quinn. Ray Quinn. Marcus Collins. He cuts hair as well. Yeah. You can do everyone's hair. The Olympics.

Olympic Village. You'd be like, Kenny. Everyone's bags would go missing and shit. It'd shit fucking sick old swan tesco everyone sleeps in the army to get a little bit it'll be well better uh where's the 100 meters held i know that's just the that that's always in a stadium though but they do some

mad shit outside don't they what do they do outside? Marathon. Marathon, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The marathon's outside, but they actually have like, some of the sports are, like there's in-stadium sports. Oh, yeah, yeah. All the athletics, there's like BMXing and stuff.

That's somewhere else. That's Ratty Park. Ratty Park. And all the swimming. Yeah. Swimming at BN, Aiton Leisure Centre. Or Eat Waves.

No, just in the Mersey. Eat waves. That'd be class, actually. 100 metres fucking... Waves in the Big Pool. They'd put waves in the Big Pool. That'd be class. Yeah.

Unbelievable. Salt-and-pepper chicken off. Good player. I don't think he's allowed. He's Russian. He's going to have to be an independent. He's jacked salt-and-pepper chicken off. I like the war on one me. When they're all running. I don't think he's allowed he's Russian he's going to have to be an independent he's Jack Salt and Pepper Chickenoff I like the walk

on one me when they're all running but like their arse they're not allowed to like run doesn't it have to be your foot like one foot

is going to be on the ground at all times yeah so they all walk like someone who needs a shite in Morrisons can I just say I'm fucking great

at that walking I haven't got enough space do it right there needs a shite in Morrisons. Can I just say, I'm fucking great at that walking. I haven't got enough space. Do it right there. Do you mean I'm moving camera? I haven't got enough space. What? Start doing it.

What are you talking about? How big do you think your legs get when you do this? No, I'll do it from that wall. Hang on. Wow. I've seen you do that before as well when you're running off with bevvies. You're not that good, are you?

It should be impossible to pull a hamstring unless you're sprinting. It's very camp. Also, you've... Oh, sorry. I'll do the manly version of the walking. You look like Peter Manley. Which is the campest fucking Olympic event in history.

Dressage. It'll be good, that. See you in Liverpool. 20, 30, 2. Yeah? Yeah, why not? I've hurt my leg. How?

I don't know, I just... You're fucking in the EU. Have you been working out still? A little bit, yeah. I've been shadowboxing in saunas from before you're not just doing lap pull down are you? yeah

why? I just love lap pull you don't need your shoulders I do I want to be able to pull myself up off a ledge if I'm hanging off it easy nice

you know you need to strengthen your legs don't you? I do a little bit to strengthen your legs don't you I do a little bit of leg I just don't do camp walking it was just a bit of a shock I would smoke

I'd smoke anyone at the fast walking what are you benching do you reckon you've got it you'd smoke anyone at the fast walking you've just done eight yards of it

and pulled your hamstring yeah but if I just wore my hamstring up a bit what are you benching what were you lifting you dead lifting no hold your hamstring. Yeah, but if I just warm my hamstring up a bit. What are you benching? What? Were you lifting? You deadlifting?

No. Are you literally just going? Sure, you've been in the gym. I don't deadlift. Are you literally just doing lap pulldowns and going home? I go in, do lap pulldowns, have a sauna, watch someone's shadow box

and it's great. I'm just going to be dead good at pulling myself up a bit. Can you do a pull-up? No, not yet. what do you mean so the only thing you're training you can't do but yeah because it's it's hard isn't it i weigh loads do all the things i've got to build up to it i'm getting there with a lot you've been going to the gym for like six weeks and you're still doing one exercise every time you go and then go for a sit down? I'm being stupid. I do a few.

What else should I do? Do you do leg pressing? I don't do a fuck off call. What do you do? The things that I'm telling you. I'm a PT. Who tells me what to do? I don't do the benchy one.

I do the loose one. I don't want to get stuck under it. Do you go in the squat racks? What was this then? Are you training to be a cheerleader? What's that? I do the pushing away from me, but I do it with two loose dumbbells

I get a rhythm going so you do that's benching with dumbbells yeah yeah you need a PT who tells you what to do I know I know

because I just go and please myself you're not meant to be happy in the gym well yeah I think you just go to the gym for a break don't you it's nice

then I listen to podcasts look up bundles listen to the gym for a break don't you it's nice I listen to podcasts look up bunders listen to podcasts it's a dream we go to the gym together that'd be nice I'm going for my first run in ages tonight back on the running I think you should walk like me right let's call it

been a belter appreciate your lids what a bag of quality. Tour first? Two tour dates left. Yeah. Coventry and Liverpool. That's it.

Come and see me. AdamRoddick.uk And the arena. That's Liverpool. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not doing another tour date. Two left, yes. Come on.

So just before four at the time of recording but two by the time it goes out just before we get to this week's song I've got a new song coming out

on the 10th of May wonderful what's it called it's called Dead Time if you go to any of the links in my bios

on any social media I've been fucking itching I can't stop playing you know the stuff yeah it's called

Dead Time and you'll hear it in a few weeks so go I did yeah just go and pre-save it playing your other stuff. Yeah. It's called Dead Time and you'll hear it in a few weeks. Brought this on yourself. I did, yeah. Just go and pre-save it. Wow! It does me a massive favour.

It will be good. He's good. You've heard it. I've pre-saved it. I have actually heard it. I downloaded it. I said this last time. It is a good song.

I downloaded Amazon Music just so I could pre-save it twice in case one of the apps fucks up on the day. What can you deadlift though? Deadlift? I can't. Don't worry about it.

So this week's song is called Fool's Game and it's by a young Scouse band called In The Ranks. Wonderful. Go and check them out on Spotify, Amazon, wherever you can get them.

That's fantastic. That's fantastic. Yay! It's a fool's game Yay! Telling lies But nothing could measure Your loose ties I know I know you're not the same Do you remember How we said You would end up

In a head and a bed I'm a stranger Just remember Oh, just remember That it's a full scale Watching around the world I've been Over and over again And it's a full scale

Running around and around and around In circles again It's a fool's game Don't tell me how to feel You know that nothing is real Cause you've been messing around And you'll find out It's a fool's game

Running around and around and around In circles again And it's all a tale of lies Nothing can measure your loose ties, I know I know you're not the same It's a fool's game It's a fool's game