Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #276 with Chris Kent - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: May 12, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Tickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lads? Listen, the time has nearly arrived. On Saturday the 18th of May, I'm doing my final tour date at the M&S Bank Arena in Liverpool. There's still some tickets left. It's the biggest show I've ever headlined, but it's not just me going to be there. I'll be doing my hour, but I've got a few of my mates coming to do stand-up and I've got some surprise musical guests. It's going to be absolutely unbelievable. I'm so excited and the final tickets have just gone on sale and they're on adamrow.co.uk you can also get them on the M&S Bank Arena website and Ticketmaster but all the links to all of them

are on adamrow.co.uk come and be part of the biggest night of my career so far and I'm going to blow the roof off the gaff please come and see us and come and see me doing Dan Nightingale and Fiends some of my favourite rooms around the country, and one in Dublin. Some of my favourite comedians with me

messing around with filming it all. Dan Nightingale and Fiends. It's at dannightingale.com. And if you haven't already, why are you not signed up at patreon.com slash have a word pod? One of the biggest patrons on the planet. This podcast, this independent podcast based out of Liverpool is one of the biggest Patreons on the planet. This podcast, this independent podcast based out of Liverpool

is one of the biggest Patreons in the world. Why? Because you get value for money. You get early access to these public episodes. You get an extra episode every single week. And every month, you get a Patreon special and you get access to the entire back catalogue as soon as you sign up from just £3 a month. Tell them about the specials, Daniel. Oh my god, we've got so

many lock-ins where we get drunk in here. We went to Nashville. Nashville, that's a three parter. We've done all sorts. We've taken over a restaurant. We've had a racing day. I'm literally, there's 40 of these things. There's so many. I'm forgetting the good ones. Amsterdam. Ghost hunts. There's so many to

list and there's a new one coming every month. The one we've just released the art special is one of the most popular we've ever released patreon.com slash have a word pod go and sign up now

I guarantee you won't be there you'll never leave in a bit nice one wag wag leads you're listening to the funniest

podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam Dan Sensei Carl and Finn, this is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped, the very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go, Ed, get on me.

Hello. Here we are. Here we are. It's the fucking word. Yeah. Oh, can you? I'm back on it, mate. Back in the fucking plunge. here we are it's half a fucking word yeah oh you thought oh can you yeah

I'm back on it mate back in the fucking plunge which you know which is something I do and maybe you've done oh

look forward to that upcoming patron special maybe have you come as well have what have you come as well um I'm a pretty

pretty I'm a pretty I'm a pretty I'm a pretty... Pretty... I'm a pretty... I'm a pretty... Lucy Elliott's over there. I'm a pretty regular comer, you know? In the morning? In... No, not this morning.

But thank you for offering. I'm going to decline. I just feel good. Is that all right? Look at us living the fucking dream. Chatting shit in a beautiful studio. I'm good. Dip my balls in cold water. Everything's good. You can just tell when you've cold plunged. shit in a beautiful studio. I'm good. Dip my balls in cold water.

Everything's good. You can just tell when you've cold plunged. You have a different vibe. All right, cool. Happy. In a good way. Yeah, I do one before I go to bed as well. And you've changed your uniform.

You have changed your uniform. You never normally dress like this, though. You look like me. I've already worn this on pod. I've worn this on pod. No. You haven't. I've fucking worn it on pod. He hasn't though, has he?

No. You haven't. When? What episode? I've worn it because someone messaged me, looking good. When? Yeah, because you look like, that's how I dress innit? I remembered who it was. Have you got jeans and high top blazers on?

Uh. Yeah. So the bottom half's still uniform? I can't. But he doesn't look different on the bottom half because the top half looks better. All right, I'm going to admit, when you fucking gently nagged me, when you gently nagged me,

I always wore the same thing. This morning, as I was putting clobber on, I was like, I'm not going to do what I'm doing. But I genuinely have worn this jacket. No, you haven't. I've never the same thing. This morning, I knew it. As I was putting clobber on, I was like, I'm not going to do what I'm doing. But I genuinely have worn this jacket. No, you haven't. I've never seen that before. I know you haven't seen it. Did I give you that?

But I have fucking worn it. Did I give you that? When I brought those bag of clothes in for everyone to have a look through, was that in the bag that I was wearing? This is going to hurt your heart. This is River Island. I'm killed.

Yeah, and so it's not mine. It's got the coordinates. It's got something on the back. It's got something on the back. Yeah. Live, love, and so it's not mine. It's got the coordinates. It's got something on the back. Yeah. Live, love, jihad. You love that with jihad, you sort of laugh out. There's nothing funny about terrorism.

No, there's not, Carl. You're right. That looks good. Well, for the audio listeners, apparently I look fucking slightly better than average. There you go. No, you look good. All right, You're right. That looks good. Well, for the audio listeners, apparently I look fucking slightly better than average. There you go. No, you look good. All right, cheers, boys.

You just need to dress with more purpose, do you know what I mean? What's my purpose, though? Coming in to sit with you lot? What's the purpose? No, the purpose is you're supposed to dress like to present yourself in a certain way. Dress for the job you want done.

Right. What if I've for the job you want done. Right. What if I've got the job I want? Dress better. Oh, right, okay. Just for a better podcast. Like the only thing I would say today. Nice, nice little fucking. What color are your shoes?

Yeah, black. What have I done? So you don't like, you wouldn't go black shoes and black hat when you've got blue jeans and these earthy colours here. Right, okay. So what should I have done, Fashionista? All black.

So black technically goes with everything, but that also means it goes with nothing. Like a middle-aged road man. Yeah, okay. Like the black just doesn't, there's nothing black on your outfit apart from your bookends. Right, okay.

Yeah, right. Cool. I'm going to work on that for next time. You look like you haven't locked your head or your feet yet. Right. Yeah. Like there,

you've got default hat and default shoes on, but you've got customized mid-zone. Messy. What color is your belt? I haven't got one. I haven't got one on. Check whether you had a belt on. Don't your panties fall down?

Not if you buy tight enough that it's, you know... No, not quite, but tight enough that you're like, there's no belt needed here. These aren't slipping down. Phil Collins. What? Isn't there a Phil Collins album? No jacket required.

I don't know. Phil Collins is a gobshite I've said this multiple times I love beef with him yeah just a bit more thought and you'd be perfect oh well thanks

speaking of beef Dan what do you think about the Kendrick and Drake beef that's kicking off isn't it well it will be always it will always be associated with Kim Kardashian's fanny from

now on in my mind because of the tom brady roast i'll be honest throwing it out there you are a big fan of drake and kendrick these are two hip-hop artists that i've not totally engaged with you're missing out on kendrick don't know no but you know like biggest as well be humble sit down that was just a huge banger wasn't know no but you know like biggest as well be humble sit down that was just a huge banger on it yeah i played that like a fucking numpty but i haven't got into loads of kendrick lamar k dot kenny king of what talked me through what's been going on because it's been a couple weeks but this last week has been no it started around a few months ago when j cole started by the way, J. Cole.

I'm into J. Cole. He's fucking amazing. I'm just not into hip hop at all. Genuinely, when I seen Kendrick Lamar listed on a festival post years ago, I thought Kendrick was one of them and Lamar was the second one. That would be unbelievable. They were the two headliners for the festival. I'd rather see Lamar than Kendrick Lamar.

If there's any justice in the world, mate. What a tune! Yeah, I'm 50-50. Can I say, Kendrick Lamar. This is a two-on-one Lamar than Kendrick Lamar. If there's any justice in the world, mate. What a tune! Yeah, I'm 50-50. Can I say, Kendrick Lamar. I thought this was a two-on-one against Drake. Kendrick Lamar versus Drake. It doesn't sound very hip-hoppy, does he? Like, I know he is.

He's a genius, apparently. Do you know what Drake's name is? Aubrey Graham. Yeah. Aubrey Graham versus Kendrick Lamar. It's the fucking stupidest name off ever. But it's because J Cole said there's the big three there's me Drake and

Kendrick in a song and then Drake came up and went no it's just me and then Kendrick went no no it's just me and then Drake started making that's what J Cole is a comfortable third though if they're both being like we're the best and J Cole's like I'm one of the top three it does make him look like a gimped on it he is very

comfortably not there as well yeah but but and then uh now kendrick's calling drake a pedophile there you go it's the scousest dish ever you're a bad nonce lad and then drake said you haven't even got a purple bin no drake's response was odd no so kendrick went you're the pedophile and you've got an illegitimate daughter that you're keeping secretly. And he went, I fucking haven't got a daughter. And he went,

and I never touched Millie Bobby Brown. Yeah, and no one mentioned Millie Bobby Brown. And I got rid of those magazines. So I've been reading a lot of the battle rap community's notes on it. There's a few who are going, you know, they're both whatever but the majority of them the majority of them have drake winning a minute do they oh what the majority

of them have kendrick in a distance yeah drake used tupac ai in one of his songs and it was that bad they got taken down genuinely like he's failing miserably than what i've seen drake's cell phone the few times as well but Drake has addressed everything Kendrick has said and Kendrick hasn't addressed anything Drake said Kendrick didn't do a disreply because Drake's last one was a denial and not an attack

and he's like I don't need to do it no more I've won and then Drake's bodyguard got shot everyone I know who that's insane I don't know what honestly that is insane I've not seen

everyone has Drake winning like everyone important has Drake winning. I promise you, DJ Akademiks, who's the only voice in this, who actually matters when Kendrick has won. It's by a distance as well, promise. And I love Drake, but he's losing and he's a pedophile probably. And then someone shot his bodyguard.

Someone shot at Drake's house. Oh, yeah, and there was kids in there. It's getting a bit nasty now. It's not ideal that he was yeah and then they changed his um like the the pins on the map to like like peter father lives here in all like yeah wow i mean that's a pretty loose second to the shooting at his house isn't it but it is a bit mad like they're angry at each other and he's just right what was it what did someone say uh it was reese j James I think it's so funny

that rappers just like they're constantly shouting and singing about guns and money and bitches and then every time they get in an argument with someone in the industry they just settle it

with precise poetry. It's class. Has there been diss tracks like recorded in the last few weeks? Four each. Oh my God. They're new.

It's not like... Have you not seen any of this? Kendrick dropped one six hours after Drake dropped this to be like, fuck you, I'm ready. Oh, it is so... Have you been living under a rock? Have you not seen it? Have you just been in River Island for three weeks

looking for that jacket? River Island. Close it with a bin. I've been like, is there any earthy colours? And the woman's like, I can't. It's Drake and fucking Kendrick. It's mad, though, isn't it? You're like, right. Oh, my's Drake and fucking Kendrick. It's mad though, isn't it?

You're like, right, oh my God, he said what? I'm listening, I'm not even finishing it. Get me a percussionist, we're going in the studio.

Oh, they're ready to go. Like, six hours, Kendrick dropped his reply and basically just crushed Drake's song. Mad. But you say he crushed it,

he didn't reply to anything Drake said? Like, nothing? No. That's why people who actually... I promise you you i don't know what you see i don't know if you've not seen the studios all booked up that's a nightmare there's no rebuttals from kendra there's not one honestly you're the only person on planet earth right now who thinks no i'm not where have you been no no i haven't got an opinion on it i'm telling you the opinions of

people who do this for a living yeah you're reading twitter that's most that's most of my opinions i've watched all the youtube video i i promise you though the people who matter the people who are in the business dj academics who's this come i don't know i can't argue with it because i promise you you're wrong i promise you i love drey you are so wrong i you can't I'm wrong. I haven't got an opinion on it. Okay, the people you're reading. That's why he's shouting. I haven't got an opinion.

I'm just saying you're wrong. But he hasn't, so how can Kendrick be winning if he hasn't rebuttaled anything? Because Drake's last reply was a denial, not an attack. A rebuttal? No, Kendrick went,

you're a paedophile, and he went, I'm not. That's not a rebuttal. That's a denial. It's not much of a diss track either, really. That's denying. It's not going, you're a paedophile and he went I'm not that's not a rebuttal that's a denial it's not much of a diss track either that's denying it's not going you're this

that's denying that's how Kendrick went I'm out I've won right Kendrick is winning on billboard by 60% on billboard

by 60% 77% of the votes is Kendrick Lamar right wow so that's the that's the community isn't it it's people a public vote is it a public vote is a public vote yeah that's not what i'm talking about where's the rebuttal on the people you're reading may have changed their minds since as well right i don't give a a i just think it's cool

because you seem like you there's loads of new music coming up which i like right that's what matters to me it's like if there's a country beef you get loads of new songs yeah it wouldn't be as fun yeah it's just i feel like the whole thing is mad in it i think i can't be fuming i don't believe any of it i think it's all right i'd like comedy beefs. Where you could just like do like hours of stand up about. You're the only person I know who fucking has them publicly. Everyone else just does the old thing of like, no, don't say it.

Just edit that out. Yeah, because everyone's a bitch. I know. Yes, it's great fun. Everyone just slags everyone off behind each other's back in a green room. What I do is I come on,

have a word and go, listen, you, the people we've already mentioned. Dan started it. Do you know what? Yeah, Lee Mack pissing me right off. Oh, shit. Why?

Yeah, he's just a dick, man. Is he? Yeah, he's probably. I don't know. He seems like a nice guy. I've got colleagues who think he's a wonderful guy. We all know who you hate. Tell the world.

It's got so red. Who do I hate? In comedy, who who you hate. Tell the world. It's got so red. Who do I hate? In comedy, who do you hate? Personally, nobody. There's a couple of characters I met back in the day that were fucking arsey, but not enough that they're still around bothering me. And there's some pretty heavy-handed cunts secretly,

isn't there, that you get whispers of like, oh, yeah, they're cunting you off and whatnot. It's not heavy-handed cunts secretly in there that you get whispers of like oh yeah they're continue off and whatnot it's not even about being constant in the rap community is it like if someone thinks someone's shite they'll just go public and go i think they're shite they're doing well they're shite doesn't happen in comedy why what's that tell me you think shite just one go on who's shite someone famous who's shite oh do you want to do someone who's famous who's shite? But then the person who fucking loves this is like, no, they're not great, they're fucking religious.

That's what happens in rap, though. All Drake's fans at the minute is going, no, he's not shit, Kendrick, shut up, you. And all the Kendrick ones are going, no, Lamar's not shit. Lamar's heavy. If Lamar gets involved, it's over, by the way. He takes the fucking show.

I always get them confused with Simon from Blue. I know that's probably racist, but... That's where the beef started. Drake got him confused as well. They both got bangers around the same time as well, didn't they? Yeah. No worries, 50-50. What's Lamar's other stuff?

Because I know he's got If There's Any Justice, which is fucking... 50-50, run about now, I'm 50-50. That's Lamar. Is it? Yeah. Are you sure? It is. Positive, yeah. I thought that was the Backstreet Boys. any justice which is fucking 50-50 run about now I'm 50-50 that's a lot more is it are you sure it is positive yeah

I thought that was the backstreet boys I get them mixed up with Simon Webb loads as well I think that's the only interview we had really innit

he's got ones where I've never heard of any of them you've heard any of them when you decide don't let me down it's not that it's not that

it's not that it's not that it's not that it's not that didn't he win pop stars the rivals no he won the

he was on the BBC version of one of them fame academy fame academy there you go yeah he was on the mass singer

this year as well he was class so it was duplicy which is mad the UFC fighters is a South African version yeah

insane called him champions singing on the mass singer in South Africa. That just goes to show you can have two talents. He was good as well, wasn't he?

He was. It was surprising. I just thought you could. Some people just have really good voices. They don't want to be musicians. Sometimes you can have a really good voice

but you know what? I want to punch people in the head. Would you do the Masked Singer? No, because I can't sing, can I? They've had people that can't sing. Michael Owen was on it.

Was he not good, though? He was the best one that's ever been, but that's just from personal opinion. Was he a good singer? No. He did Spice Up Your Life, and he sang it like Michael Owen would sing Spice Up Your Life. He spoke it?

Spice Up Your Life. I sometimes think, I wonder if I've got an incredible voice, because I've never sang. People don't know. You've never sang? Not as in like i properly tried in front of an audience go on i couldn't possibly because i'm not good i just

sometimes think that i could be hang on because you but you have sung haven't you yeah but no one's ever judged it but you've been like in the shower singing you're like i know if i did this in front of people this might be better he's a fucking he's one of those fucking pedophiles who doesn't really like music any i do like like music. You don't really. I've just had a conversation about it. Yeah but no you like people arguing with words but like that's not the same thing. You don't just put music on do you? I listen to it on the car. I like arguing with dance. Turn it off. I turn it down loud so you can hear it through the windows. No but you don't like you don't like music being on you don't like it being on an ear like if we're in the lobby and everyone's just sat around. I don't like music being on, you don't like it being on in here. Like if we're in the lobby

and everyone's just sat down. I don't like music with a group, no. Why? Because I like to talk to people. But you don't. Often you're just there on your phone. That's you. You all right today?

You're a fucking scrap. Go on in, look at how he's dressed. No, but like, I'll be on my phone, but I want music in the background. No, I'd rather, I don't like music being in a group.

If we're out and having a bevy, yeah, but if we're just sat in there, it does me a thing. It's just atmosphere, though. It's usually shite as well. It's not? Normally country stuff? Oh, sorry, yeah, it's usually shite. Yeah, it's the music that you like

and no one else is asked about, apart from Finn a little bit. It depends. Finn's becoming, he's getting into country. Fuck off. He's got less cheesy with his country tastes, I will admit that. It's improving, is it? Chris Staplet into country I can't feel it he's got less cheesy with his country taste I will admit that it's improving is it

Chris Stapleton that I can abide but when it comes to Luke Holmes thinking about shagging trucks and that I just can't listen to it he doesn't do that though there's definitely more

but he's I'm talking about fucking trucks he's country Ed Sheeran isn't he he's the Luke Holmes the

populist vanilla shit yeah the yeah but I think his new one's gonna be um because his new album's all about being a dad he's got like loads of like tear jerk and far that you're gonna love it you know because you're always all about the kids i can assure you i'm not but you are is he got a song about coal plunging and river island no it's about his children his relationship like he's got one um coming up called The Man He Sees In Me.

About trying to become the man that your children see you as. Cause you're seeing this as like a superhero. So you can't tell. Will it still sound shit? What? It doesn't sound shit though, does it? You just don't like the lyrics. The lyricism is going up.

He's got one. Don't fuck that truck. I already fucked it. That's my truck. He's got one coming out called hunting by yourself you can't love that hunting by yourself it's like dancing on your own and it's about like uh he goes hunting with his kids and his kids are ruining it his kids are ruining it by like making noises so that the animals are running away and stuff

but he's enjoying it anyway because he'd rather be there with his kids than hunting by himself and one day he knows he's going to be hunting by himself again just like my life that's really going to connect

you can relate to that because when me and Etta get our shotguns out I think you know what you're going to fucking ruin this with all your fucking childish noise I could shoot loads of voles

if you weren't here making memories for the rest of your life and then I shoot her you know but that and I think but you are you're being sarcastic and you are relating to the song because that's what he's doing. The undertone of that, which is

you being like, the memories are more important. That's the point of the song. It's connecting with me already. And you didn't even know? I didn't know! I'm going to download it. Pre-save it. Oh, I'm going to get the body CD. The other one's class as well. Let me just find it. Do you mind who sees me?

Your mum's put weight on, but I still find it attractive. Scarecrow pussy. It is. Grandma's a bitch, but we don't say that at Christmas. Oh, yeah. It's all the classics.

Can't believe how much nursery fees are. Looking forward to that. Please do not play a fucking Luke Holmes song. We'll get struck. Oh, I'll strike myself. We can't get struck. Looking forward to that. Please do not play a fucking Luke Combs song. We'll get struck. Oh, I'll strike myself. We can't get struck. No, it will. Lad, it's amazing.

We won't get struck if they're not out yet. Don't play, please. We'll get struck when it's out then, won't we? For the love of God. Don't play. I get it. Unreleased Luke Combs. Oh, I remember him that way.

It was his granddad. Oh, it's class. Oh, I had a granddad. He's already got a song about his granddad, hasn't he? No, that's Granddad's Never Die by... That's Riley Green. Oh, is that another one? I wish Granddad's Never Die is the best song ever written.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Period. He's gone, I mean, Granddad's never die. I wish that didn't happen. What about your nana? Come give a fuck, miserable bitch. She never took me hunting. I wish Granddad's never die. That's it. I wish granddad never died.

I wish 9-11 didn't happen and granddad never died. You've heard it live? I wish everyone was allowed to fuck trucks. But you can in a car park of a Starbucks. He's fit him as well. Oh, boss. Thanks, mate.

He's fit. He's got a big muzzle. But yeah, Fin is getting into his country stuff. He is, yeah yeah i wouldn't say that i'd say i'd tolerate it take a ride you're getting into it you love it don't you i love it well laura's into it laura's into it gets played around the house so you know if someone was just to do a country all day we'd all be there on the bevs what kind of is she gonna come she's coming yeah and antonio and rummy and partners there's gonna be a little gang from chester we'd all be there on the Bev's. What kind of... Is she going to come? She's coming. Yeah. And Antonio and Rummy and partners.

There's going to be a little gang from Chester. There's no comps though. It's a charity. Yeah, I get it. No comps. How much is a ticket? What?

How much is a ticket? I haven't got round to slap at you. I've got my musicians booked though. Are you going to reveal what it is? Have you done that yet?

Can we tease it? Can we tease it? Can we tease it properly so not the date or anything but yeah it's a we're doing a country all day festival on the roof of pins in July

it's gonna be class boozing on the roof live music DJing at the end country themed games like hockey sock hockey sock hockey sock

that's what you have to sniff someone's hockey sock and go, God, you played on Wednesday. Beer pong. Shoot. Where you play me for... It's all Zoe's Place as well. For my Zoe's Place fund. Watch out if Finn's going.

What? Watch out if Finn's going. I'm Will. Yeah, beer pong where I'm going to be like, right, I'll play beer pong against you for 50 quid. If I win, you get 50 quid. If, no, if you win,

you get 50 quid. If I win, your 50 quid goes to Zoe's. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. Adam's going to be fucking steaming. He's beer ponging for charity.

Yeah. It's going to be class. I cannot wait. And you've all got to be there and you've all got to country yourselves up, you know I'm into that

you sold me that you have to go to the Stetson shop and get a new one aren't you going to Nashville first yeah I'm not getting your hat you said you were going to bring me one home

it's only because I wanted your hat I like that hat yeah I like it and it worked where can I get a where can I get like cowboy shirts and

like that sort of stuff river island there's loads i get loads of sponsored ads for it you know because like i'm fully immersed in the culture cowboybootstore.co.uk is the first one why do you get cock pills then isn't it it's based on your cookies isn isn't it? So Adam gets country stuff, because... Because I eat Fox's classics. Why do you get cockpills? I get adverts for, you know, when you don't want to burden your family

with your funeral costs. I get that. But you get a free pen. Do you not get cockpill adverts? Never, no. Isn't it based on your cookies, though? I get... Every man over 30 should be getting them.

So your algorithm thinks you're a bitch. Okay, good. I don't want cockpiles. No, your algorithm thinks your dick is so sound. I don't need cockpiles. I'm not a bitch. Really, Karl? It's so defensive.

It sounds like you do need cockpiles. Do you want some cockpiles? I need some. I can get you some. Let me sponsor that bit. And I can cover those funeral costs that are a real worry as you get to a certain age are you getting them really?

no not really I was joking have you ever used a cock bill? yeah once back in the day it just hurt afterwards yeah my erection wouldn't go down for about 4 hours and I sleep on my front so I was pitching a human tent did you get it legally or was it a little bung?

Which one? Did you get a bung from a gig? From a Rob Riley gig? Thanks for doing Rochdale. 150 quid. Was it an illegal Viagra before they were mass marketed? Or was it from the chemist? The chemist?

Well, I was 28 at the time, so it wasn't like an official, here's my prescription. This thing ain't working, doc. Who got you that? Someone gave it me. Yeah, so it wasn't like an official, here's my prescription. This thing ain't working, doc. What can you do? Someone gave it me. Yeah, so it was an illegal one. Oh, it's an illegal one. It's a strong one.

It felt strong. Yeah. It was a good size as well. It was like one of them tablets you leave in a fish tank when you're going on holiday. I used one out of intrigue. I've never had a problem with me dick.

I've got mates my age who are like, you've never had a problem with your dick. Like, I've never not been able to. It's always just been sound and ready to go. Oh, yeah. Even, like, drunk. Like, when I'm drunk, I can fuck for hours.

So I just will not cum. You know what I mean? It just doesn't want to cum. It refuses. No, it won't, though. For, like, eight, for a long... It takes hours. Now this advert's in your algorithm, ladies.

But I use one just to see what it's like. And it is good. But, like, it's like. And it is good. It's fun. Are you still using that other one that we won't say the name of because you haven't sponsored those? Yeah, I've tried it. I've done it a couple of times. Are you still?

I don't think I've done it since we had a conversation about it. Ah, right, okay. Sex or the pill? The what? I can't remember when we last talked about it, but it's not like we're banging 18 times a week, so probably the last time. But that was...

Yeah. Ah, fuck's a day. That's not just a Viagra. Yeah, that's a length. I don't know what it is. Do you know what I mean? It's just a thing that online said, hey, this will be good.

You should try it. I hear placebo. Maybe it's just skills. That's fine. Or minstrels. But if I think it's worked, it's fine. No, I don't know. But the thing is, it's not about being a bitch, is it?

It's about if you've got erectile dysfunction, that's not a fucking, that's not something you have to suffer through going, I'm not a bitch. I've just got a floppy dick. Fucking punching walls. Correct. There's a way of dealing with it

isn't it there used to be a stigma however those illegal blue ones that are massive if you don't have ED you don't need them it's too much

your dick goes what's happening and it stays like that for ages I tried to have a nap what's up it was doing its own diss tracks hard work you had to have a nap because you had too much of an erection no I was just going to have a nap. What's up? What up? It was doing its own diss track.

Hard work. You had to have a nap because you had too much of an erection? No, I was just going to have a nap anyway. That's why I said that. Have a coffee, a bag and then a nap. That's a good afternoon. You would wake up ready to go. Yeah, that's when I was single.

I had my own flat in Manchester. Stopping Gaddy, isn't your dick? Can't believe you don't get adverts for that. No, that's when I was single. I had my own flat in Manchester. Stop on Gary, isn't your dick? I can't believe you don't get adverts for that. No, I really don't. No health stuff at all. No, like, men's health kind of stuff. Maybe you're not getting adverts for it because you're already buying it. You're already subscribed

and your algorithm knows. Yeah, they're like, don't give him any more. He's got too many. But that's the annoying thing about the algorithm. It's like, once you've you start looking for stuff and it goes this guy's into because i looked i looked at some weight equipment instagram and facebook yeah i looked at like some free weights and stuff to have at home maybe in the garden office and then i just went nah do you know what i love the garden office it's useful people can stay over there i can like i don't want to turn it into a little gym but now my algorithm's like hey dan and then wait it's like it wants you have you thought something a second floor on your garden i'm putting a gym up there oh nice so good yeah

upstairs yeah just another house isn't it i mean i think everyone knows that's where it's going anyway separate bed separate washing machine. Fucking. I always forget with this podcast, there's like a generation gap. You could say Finn was there. I always forget you're here. Yeah. Like, Finn!

Hey! What do you, what advert are you getting? I've had the HIMS ones and that. And I also have life insurance. But for some reason it thinks I'm a dad. It goes, if you're a dad born in 1998 maybe it's because you and dan spend so much time together and your phones are in such close proximity and nan knows all the time and when you go for your sleepovers with robert it's just going

oh it must be a 67 year old man don't talk about robert like that um oh yeah i get that. I get a lot of the, at the minute, the Chinese app, the Timu. Oh my God, on Twitter. All the time. With the one where the music just plays, stays alive.

It's so annoying. That's getting on my nerves. You used that, didn't you? Didn't you use Timu? Timu's a good place to get country shirts. No, I did the one where we got the

JARG footy shirts that are unbelievable. I used DHgate for a while, but it's a really full-on app that doesn't, it like, it's one of those ones where you can't turn off notifications. I don't know, it's just very in your face. While if you order from it,

you're just constantly getting spammed on your own phone. It's a weird, I just think the Chinese app's like, we don't give a fuck about GDPR. We're playing our own rules. Team who have been harvesting everyone's data. They've been doing that. Well, have you seen China hacked the Ministry of Defence? And apparently they got access to the bank details

of everyone in the armed forces in the UK. All the military and all the police and the firemen. Yeah, right. The armed forces. Armed firemen. The armed forces. Well, it said the military military the armed forces and the emergency holy shit

and St. John's St. John's what are they going to do with that they're going to send everyone a hamper at Christmas oh really nice that's lovely actually everyone thinks China's getting everyone's data for like nasty means

it's not that, they're just trying to be, they're trying to get immersed in Western culture. Christmas is it. Some random fireman. It's some ham. Some random fireman gets an extra hundred quid from the Chinese. Yeah.

Imagine if China were just dead sound after all. Just getting all our data. Oh yeah. They seem it, don't they? You love China, don't you? I love, big fan of that Chinese. I honestly couldn't give a fuck about China at all. Really?

Yeah. They don't affect my life. Yes. at all. Really? Yeah, they don't affect my life. Yes, they do. Personally, they don't. They do. I don't go home when China's in my kitchen. No. Got no place. All your appliances, though.

That was good. All my appliances. Is Smeg from China? I don't know. Comes out your cock. What is Smeg? I know it's a brand of fridges, but on top of that?

It's dry, come on your cock, isn't it? I thought it was like the little, not that I get this, but like the mould under your bellend. That's Smeg, isn't it? That is. And that's nothing to do with the Chinese.

Hopefully. No, they put Smeg on your cock. It's like the 230 yeah yeah yeah or the Sandman Italy Italy

there you go okay can I genuinely ask what are they doing why are they getting bank details what they want all your data

don't they I know but this is when people go they're getting your data you're like but to do what to be like

look there's a fireman in Peterborough that's his sort code and what's that doing for the global i don't think that's no don't give us a joke all right lad i think they're just trying to gather so when they attack they know that there's firemen in peterborough don't start fires there i mean when they attack when the Chinese arsonists come over they could attack now

and we'd all fuck mate they know a bit about you that's that rugby team innit what because I bought a Borussia Dortmund top from 1996 they're like this dickhead yeah so they know

where your weaknesses are yeah he loves retro football kits they just want as much info as they can possibly get they know where you live oh look at this Fiorentina you know where Dan live. Oh, look at this.

Fiorentina. Do you know where Dan lives? He's not in the army. Nobody bought a football top off him. Oh, yeah. I'm in. I'm in. I'm fucked. I don't mind them.

I generally don't mind the Chinese. I don't know any bad ones. No, of course. I'm not the people. I'm not, you know, just in terms of, like, world regimes. You know, Russia, China. North Korea. Do you hate them?

It's not a question of hate is it north korea just seem like they're like like that it's obviously like he's a bell end and he's a dictator and that but he just wants to dictate his own people don't he he doesn't seem like he's got any ideals on world invasion he's just like the nuclear weapons though so that's not just for his people i think that's to threaten the people in North Korea, isn't it? It's just like, listen, I'm in charge, lad. Do your washing up or I'll fucking blow your house up. I don't think they would use any weapons. I tell you what, we'll nuke ourselves.

Do what I say. What do you want? The right to vote? I'll fucking nuke you, me and everyone. I'll fucking do it. Well, they say their thing is defence because they're like, we're the little guy and America's going to fuck us.

They say theirs is defense. Yeah, and I believe them. Yeah. I'd be scared. If I was North Korea, I'd be scared of America. Oh, yeah, Western foreign policy stinks with the states.

It's very controlling, isn't it? Yeah. But now there's other superpowers who are trying to be controlling as well and that's China. Batman's getting involved. Is Trump going to win again? Yeah.

Did you see the thing with Stormy Daniels and she was talking about sucking him off and all that? In court? Spanking him. Yeah? Yeah. But he's untouchable.

His fans don't care about any of it. No, no, but he's riding in his seat. He doesn't like it because he's all about ego, isn't he? But he's going to run for president from prison. He's going to win as well. Do you know if you're in prison you can run for president

but you can't vote for president isn't that mad when's the impeachment when's it happening he's being impeached no I don't know when's how has he

where's he got now he's on trial now he's in court now for like lying about his finances for all shit and paying people off and all that

he's on trial in court right now whilst running for president. And he's dropped 0.1% to Biden in the polls, that's it. And he's going to be the Republican candidate. Yeah. And he'll win again.

He's going to win. Because Joe Biden is going to be dead by then. Yeah, but the economy's not in a bad state, is it? That's the thing. They've always said that. If you go into an election with the incumbent president and the economy is not trashed usually it it goes quite well having said that though they all ate him trump got have you seen him reading pause on the teleprompter oh it's great like you've seen that i know but he's it's been a it's been four years

of this i watched him this it's the slowest fall off a bicycle I've ever seen. That's why I don't hate him. Because he's a zombie. Yeah, but I think Trump's just as hated. Four more years. Pause. That's literally what he does. He reads the teleprompter and it says pause and he reads it. He's the leader of the free world.

Four more years. Pause. He's not fun. He's not fun. He's not fun shit either. Trump is fun shit, wasn't he? No, I mean, he's also dangerous. Pretty annoying. But I know it's,

yeah, it's good watching, but in an awful type of way. Yeah. I just think Joe Biden's dangerous as well because he doesn't know what he's doing. And they're pressing the buttons instead of fucking putting toast on. These two being the last two presidents and one of fucking putting a toaster on these two being

the last two presidents and one of them is going to be the next one has just made me think that they don't matter the president doesn't matter because it can't be that important

because they can't be running it they can't be but they're only one third of the government aren't they really like there's the they're not

like it seems like the president is running the whole shit but then it's your figurehead yeah Joe Biden it's like

any TV show that's what it's like in it like Ant and Dec Saturday Night Takeaway they're the face of it but they're not really planning all of it

they're not booking the guests this is a yeah executive producer yeah so who's that cunt but we don't hear about them

do we ah here we are the illumi naughty who's who's his current assistant malah harris yeah she's the vice president she's just there in case he falls off his bike and then she goes oh look i'm here don't look at him assistant manager i love it first vice president she's the first black assistant manager in American history that's great and who's before that Mike Pence

is he Trump's yeah the next one's gonna be Sol Campbell and they fell out horrifically I'd love it he did run didn't he

Sol Campbell ran for American president yeah no he ran for what was it London Mayor a few years ago did he

do you not remember this Saul Campbell ran as a Tory for something oh Saul Campbell's a Tory no no no it's not even the worst thing he's done he went from fucking Tottenham to Arsenal mate

that is worse than being a Tory to them on a free transfer as well yeah what a fuck you that was ran his contract down what did he run for

er it was to like a council in Kensington Sol Campbell is your fucking counsellor

he didn't he didn't get in what in one of the richest he's an absolute spaceman Sol Campbell by the way one of the richest

councils in the land that video is one of my favourite yeah fake up one yeah yeah win the game Arsenal you've seen them Richest spaceman, Saul Campbell, by the way. One of the richest councils in the land. That video is one of my favourite social media. Yeah, fake up one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unbelievable. Win the game.

Arsenal. You've seen that, haven't you? Arsenal versus the Chelsea. It's so good. It's worth it. Yeah, I'll edit this in. It's worth it. Honestly, so this was recorded years ago.

It feels like he's talking to me live and he can see me through the screen. Win the game. He was so good, by the way saw Campbell if you don't know him absolutely unbelievable centre back in his day late night he's not he's a beast it's on YouTube I'm looking now it was on Twitter it's in studio too is it yeah you got it slide it in Finn I'm sliding in the FA Cup final

Wembley I will be there what a magical stadium such great memories what a wonderful cup Arsenal the Arsenal versus the Chelsea

the Chelsea what a game it's gonna be what a game I wish I to be. What a game. I wish I was out there playing myself. God. Those are the days. Well, it's all down to you now, guys. What a game.

Make it a spectacular game. And he didn't win the election. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the occasion. Win the game. But win the game. Keep on going to the last second. That's what. Win the game. But win the game. Keep on going to the last second. That's what it's all about.

Chelsea are our favourites, but Arsenal, remember, the FA Cup, anything can happen. The smile at the end. This is terrifying. I can see it. I can't see the phone. Is he...

Thoughts? Listen, as a Potsman, are you thinking... No, he's not Potsman. He's definitely drunk. Yeah, he's pissed. But he is also. The Arsenal.

The Arsenal. The chills. Babe, I'm doing a video. Don't come in. Podcasting. His wife's gone, by the way. I'm leaving soul break time let's all go and digest

soul camber now let's go before we start this section just a reminder we have one of the best patrons in the world sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod for an exclusive episode every wednesday just us lot talking shit loads of other stuff uh early release of the public episodes and then

we've got all the patreon specials i think we're up to about 40 now some outstanding content for as little as three pounds a month you can joinid Army. You could use that money to support children in Africa, or you could give it to us. And what makes you laugh more? Okay, and that has never been put in one of the pre-recorded Patreon adverts. For a reason. You also get access to Have A Wear Film Club,

Watch Alongs With Me and Finn, other things that we do, merch, discounts. It's basically you get an unbelievable deal for £3 at least. Just go on there, go and have a look at Leeds. It's very cheap for what you get. I need it. Give you a good price on 40 specials. And you get the entire back catalogue. Not just everything going forward. You get everything.

Everything we've ever made, you will see if you pay £3. Oh, it's unbelievable. There's like a thousand posts on there. It's just unreal. If you're into this bullshit, level it up. Special price for you. Good price. Adam, I'll sell you a rug as well. What, do we fancy doing a tier list, fellas? Do it.

Yeah? What? We're doing a tier list. We are doing a tier list. Oh, can you make my voice deep? What is it? We did talk about this yesterday. Yeah, but I was tired yesterday.

I don't remember any of the episode, by the way. It's all right. Any of it. Carl's going to sing the jingle. Tier list. Whoa. I went to bed at 7pm last night and woke up at 9am this morning.

And then woke up because Petty was jumping all over my head. Right. It's just, he's doing the... I'm trying to podcast here. I'm giving interesting insight into me life to our men and women. This is the tier list.

Go on, how are you feeling? Alright. I just had a big sleep. Oh, nice. Big w feeling? All right. I just had a big sleep. Oh, nice. Big wank, big sleep. Big wank, big sleep. I woke up this morning because a dog was jumping all over my head.

Eddie, did you kick her out? A dog, an actual dog. That's disgusting. Hang on. Carl, do it. Let's get it clean. And now it's time for tier lists. All right, nice.

The S was very dry. Right, this week, we've gone for alcoholic beverages. We all drink them. Not me, very much. But I do have an opinion on them all. You're a bit of a bevsman. You just choose it.

You're like Tony Cruz. You pick a pass. He's not a bevsman at all. When he does, shit helps, bevy man. He's not a functioning alcoholic like some of all. When he does... Shit house bevy, man. He's not a functioning alcoholic like some of us, and I'm including myself in that. I used to drink a lot more than I do now.

I'm trying to have a break from drinking, and I got four days in, and then had a beer in the garden this afternoon. I was like, right, from now on till Adam's Arena show, not having a drink. Beer in the garden this afternoon? You're right. Are you telecast this morning?

Sunday afternoon. I don't think... I need a sneak. I had a beer this afternoon. You arrived at 10 o'clock this morning. Sunday afternoon. I don't think... I need a sneak. I had a beer this afternoon. You've been here all day, don't you? Yeah, this afternoon, 9am. It's only just the afternoon now. Finn's drinking more.

You're on the booze at the moment. Yeah, you're on the booze. Are you? Not a lot. Actually, this weekend was a lot, but... Not a lot. I don't like drinking unless I want to get bladdered. But I don't do that very often.

I drank less in New York than I would have drank here. It's too much to do. He's with me. I was with fucking Bevy McNo drinks over here. That's my name. That's my Irish name in New York. We had a few on Saturday at the country music karaoke night. I'm going to have a few at your country day.

I'm telling you that. I've got to try and get Willie's frozen coffee for that day. What, make our own? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Willie's frozen's frozen coffee mate you'd fucking love it you know it is nasty like it's a delicious little is it in the tier list it's not right the first one in the tier list just to remind everyone the tears are god tear dead good sound meh and shite hey i've seen more of the tier list now with the S at the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I prefer ours.

Yeah, yeah. Well, right. So the first one is a classic mojito. Classic mojito. Yeah. Okay. White rum. White rum.

Dark rum. White rum. I love the white. I like the white. Lime. Sugar. And soda water. That's it.

Muddled instead. Not shaken, of course. Are you going to do the ingredients for all the... Yeah. All right, cool. We should do, yeah. Oh, no, it's nice. I like it. We absolutely should do.

Is it a cocktail? Are we counting as a cocktail? It's one of the most classic cocktails. It's one of my favourites. I think it's a fucking belter. I think, here's my opinion on it. I think it goes in sound. Because I think it could go in dead good.

But the only problem with a mojito is they're over with so quickly. So much ice. So much ice in a mojito. They're just gone. Yeah, I have iceless mojitos. It really helps. Luke warm and you have diabetes

within an hour make me so sorry I put it at the very top of sound it's nearly dead good and I love a mojito in the summer

I need it in dead good you can't have a mojito in sound it's too fun I think it can move I think it should go in dead good

but it depends what's coming up I would never order one I think it's a bit basic it's a bit bland for me I order them with spiced rum yeah i don't need as much sugar so like half the sugar and spiced rum instead of white rum makes it a better drink now can i just can i go back also raspberry makes it truly believe that there are certain types of booze make you a certain type of drunk yes of course not everyone but i i like my mojito drunk i like a rummy drunk i want i want it in dead good tequila drunk i think it's i think

it's i think it's dead good because it's no one's gonna be like oh let's get around the mojitos it's like oh yeah it's sound i feel like it's i feel like it's a bit more fun it could move though depending on what's all right let's see i i i understand your argument but i think i i think i'm absolutely right on that i think it's the very top of sound but there's someone who uh keeps commenting on these going adam just gets his way on these all the time so you know what then fuck you goes in sound no it's going it's going no it's going in dead good it can't go in dead good for now because because someone's positive energy about something overrides i'm sorry okay the next one is an old-fashioned. God, yeah, classic.

Right, next one. It is probably the coolest drink on there. It's such a cool bevy. Am I going to get spanked on this one? I don't know if I've had an old-fashioned, you know. What's an old-fashioned? I think you have. It's the oldest drink, isn't it?

Well, obviously not, but it's the oldest drink in it well obviously not but like it's the oldest cocktail mead yeah what's the what is a well technically actually an old-fashioned is any drink made the way you make an old-fashioned i like a tequila old-fashioned which i used to make in miyagi is it a bit sour no it's not even a little tiny bit so like it's alcohol ice bitters and an orange uh flagrant garnish it's um it's it's not for this faint-hearted so it's a it's a large measure of your spirit and typically it's made with a american whiskey like a bourbon or a rye and i would prefer um a sweet bourbon personally needs to be very well stirred as well. And you stir it until it's just before perfecting the mix and the,

what's it called? Oh. The silver shaker. No, no, no. It's a very sturdy mixing glass. It's a glass. Oh, my God. I forget the name of it.

If you were a Bevsman, you'd know. You stir it until it's just before perfecting that because you want it to be perfect in the name of it if you were a bevsman you'd know just before perfecting that because you want it to be perfect in the glass not in that and then you pour it over a very large block of ice in your serving glass and once you've poured it in you garnish it and fresh you what do you call it

you zest an orange over it and it gets like just a hint of orange flavour a maker's mark olded is my favourite, and that's not going to be a very popular thing for people who are proper cocktail people because it should be a stronger whisky. People want it to be over 90 proof and stuff. But I think it's the coolest one.

It has to be made right as well. A mojito you can make okay and it'll be fine. If this is made wrong, it's just shit. It's a perfect drink. If you like alcohol, and I do, it's a very strong tasting drink. It's got a very, it's a punch of a flavour. I'm telling you this right now,

by the end of this tier list, I am going to want to get hammered this afternoon. It's the coolest drink. It's making me want, look at Will, he's dying for a Bev's. Well, I don't know it, so I'm going to have to, hammered this afternoon. It's the coolest drink in the world. It's making me want... Look at Will, he's dying for a Bev's. Well, I don't know it, so I'm going to have to... What do you think, Finn? I've only tried one of Adam's once.

I can't remember. I don't like it. I don't like strong flavoured booze. There's going to be things on here that we don't like, but you have to accept are a good bevy. If I liked it, you'd look cool as fuck, haven't you? Oh, ordering an old-fashioned makes you look like you're... Yeah, you're in a spe bevy. It looks, if I liked it, you'd look cool as fuck, haven't it? Oh, ordering an old fashioned makes you look like

you're in a speakeasy in the 30s. I think it's gone to you for that reason. Okay. All right, let's do it. And people who love it. It's not even my favorite,

like one of those, like sort of little subsection drinks because I put that in the same sort of like category as a Negroni and a Boulevardier and a Manhattan. Just short. And my favorite one of those is Boulevard Negroni and a Boulevardier and a Manhattan. Just short.

And my favorite one of those is Boulevardier. I like a Boulevardier served old fashioned. A Boulevardier served over a large block of ice is my favorite drink. But it has to be in a very good bar with someone who knows what they're doing. I don't know what a lot of them words meant. Right, the next one. It's like a Spaner Feist fin, but in a smaller glass. That sounds nice um next one i've put madry but we're just going for

lager no you can't you've got to do lager by brands this has got to be magic then it then it needs to be a separate tier list because we can't this is the point i made when we were when we were planning this to just say lager, there's such a wide range. And then we're going up against not brands of other alcohol, just the types of drinks. Okay, let's do a mini, mini top five of lagers. I tell you what, we'll just make next week's. Oh, you're doing beer lager?

Or later today with Chris in. We could do it again if you want to set it up, of actual lagers. Because you can't put Carlsberg in the same place as Miller Highlife because they just don't belong in the same bit. Like Madri, if we're going off beer, I think it just goes in sound. Like just normal lagers, just sound to dead good, maybe. It's the most common one.

But I also, I'd put Madri in sound. I think it's way overrated. I think it's got a common one but i also i put madri in sound i think it's way overrated i think it's got a proper recency bias to magic i think it's like a new new one that is well branded as well yeah but it is but it genuinely is sound and you could argue that lager you're a mathematician what do i mean the the the median it's almost like it's like lager is the one that you... It's the foundation, isn't it? Wine and beer, you get one of them. Housewives and lager.

So I think we just put lager in. I think it's sound. It's dead sound. It's the most reliable. You know, for all of our bullshit about Guinness, where you're like, oh, it's this, it's that, and I quite enjoy it. And the clip that kicked off...

It is coming up, so I'm not standing on it too much. The clip that kicked off was so funny because so many people are annoyed by Guinness nonces getting into the details of it. Like there's very rarely, do you ever compare like a type of lager? It's just so solid. It's like, yeah,

it is what it is. And it's fine. It's good. It's great. But it's not, no one's like putting it in God's ear. Like if you just meet a man for the first time and you go, do you want a drink, lad?

And you'll go in the bar. You can get him a lager and just know he's not going to be like, what are you doing? Yeah. It's a fair assumption. You can't assume people's genders in 2024, but you can assume that they wouldn't mind a madry. So it's going in sound, yeah?

Yes, the sound is baby, innit? Apart from if it's Foster's and it's going in shite because that is a worse lager. But anyway, we'll get to that. Okay, the next one is, innit? Apart from if it's Foster's and it's going in shite because that is the worst lager. But anyway, we'll get to that. Okay, the next one is a Bacardi Breezer. Mate, I had a Bacardi Breezer one night when I had had a pill and I don't know why I did it.

In my head, I was high and I thought, oh, this will be refreshing. It was like I'd put salt on a slug. My face imploded. Like, it was almost almost like do you know the sift lemon thing you get on pancake day I used to drink

Bacardi Breezer before she got too much on the fucking alcoholism like this was a like a it was a gateway drug this was a night out bevy

right when I was a kid and I knew like if we were having it in the pub like as a family she'd go get me a Bacardi Breezer

and I'd be like I can't mum I, I'm seven. This is about to get hammered, I think. But sometimes, I remember being out on a sunny day. It's an away day, isn't it?

Someone's got a watermelon breeze that was quite refreshing. No, it's a good... No one's going, everyone's going, ah, that's quite sick, actually. It's not something you'd order very often, but it's a nice little,

ooh, just white rum and some fizzy fruity stuff. No one's a snob over it. Everyone's like, ah, that's quite sick actually like it's not something you'd order very often but it's it's a nice little ooh just white rum and some fizzy fruity stuff no one's a snob over it everyone's like ah that's quite sick actually I know it's coming up as well but Smirnoff Ice

is in the same milk it's just like yeah this is a Smirnoff Ice it's just vodka and a bit of lemon instead of Bacardi and fruity shit

erm I think it's got to go in sound because it isn't dead good it just isn't dead good. But it's not shite. Everyone likes it.

No one goes, everyone goes, ah, yeah, laughter. Everyone could drink it. Hang on though. If I went, lads, come on. It's been a great day podcasting.

We've enjoyed it. Sun's out. Round of Bacardi breezes on me. I'd be like, let's go. Of course. Yeah. If you bring a Smyrna face back,

I'm like, yeah, see. Sunny day. Sunny day. Like today. If we finish today and you go, let's go to Pins and get a load of Bacardi breezes. of course yeah have you been going to smear enough ice backers on I'm like yeah sunny day sunny day like today if we finish today and you go let's go to Pins

and get a load of Bacardi breezes I'm telling you right now Carl would come I don't think you would let us in public

have a round of breezes what flavour up to you love we're just here for the fucking breezes I honestly think you have got a warped perception of how I feel

with public peer pressure I'd go out for a night out with you and to make a point I will have I honestly think you have got a warped perception of how I feel with public peer pressure. I'd go out for a night out with you. And to make a point, I will have a full night of drinking nothing but Bacardi Breezes. You will feel sick. It's too much. You can't have a full night.

It isn't in the list. Where did we put Blue WKD then? They're all the same. I know we've just done that beers aren't all the same, but they're not. But these are. Blue Wicked, Smirnoff Ice and Bacardi Breezers are the same. I think Smirnoff Ice is God to you, by the way.

They are unbelievable. Mate, when I was 18, 19, I would have fought harder for these. But as you grow up, you're like. No, but why are you growing up? It's just drinks. Wow. Do you know what? I'm going to give you a little olive branch here and change what I've just said. Bacardi Bree would think goes in sound i think smearing off goes in dead

good because of its versatility because you can make turbo shandies with it right let's do it so we've skipped ahead we've got smearing off ice in there as well unbelievable cardi breezes in sound we were putting mojitos in fucking sound and smearing off Ice is getting but it's a versatile bevy it's it's carryable take it to the fucking park it's just a fucking lemony boozy here's the thing

here's what you're getting wrong right Smirnoff Ice is like Joe Gomez or James Milner and Mojito is a Ravel Morrison

do you know what I mean no it's not it is but it's gone to shit and had to play for Lazio it's just on it's day Ravel is. But it's gone to shit and had to play for Lazio. It's just, on its day, it's class, but it's very short-lived. Where the fuck did you pull Ravel Morrison out?

It's right, though. Can be class, but it's a short-lived fucking year. Oh, not a chance, man. Can I have a two Ravel Morrison? Theo Walcott. It's got a limited time in the sunshine, but it's been around forever. It's a Brazilian drink. It's 30 and it's done. Yeah.

Oscar. Yeah. Caca. All of them. All are 30 and older. Smirnoff Ice is so versatile. Why it's got longevity. If it wasn't part of the ingredients for a Turbo Shandy,

which is, have a word, Bev Royalty. So happy that's got in there. Unbelievable. Right, the next one. Testier list, by the way. It's going to cause murder. Absolute murder. It's already started mental. The next one this tea list by the way is gonna cause murder absolute murder it's already started mental the next one lager sound fucking old-fashioned god's ear smirnoff ice not far behind it's versatile you can carry it i think we're right though i think this is not

no but i mean collectively as a group i think we're nailing this i think people are going to be fuming because they're blinded by society's perception of these bevvies. Get a breezer and chill out. Nobody's gutted when someone gives you a smell of ice. You're like, ah, yeah, do you know what? What was I expecting? That's the thing.

I would be gutted. Surprise me. Right. All of these bevvies should be judged off if I went to the bar and you went surprise me. In pokes, you go, hey, surprise me. Smearing off ice, I'd be like,

I'd be buzzing. It's mad, innit? I don't think these have ever met themselves. But if you come back with a madry, I'd be like, that's a surprise, isn't it?

When we're in pokes and you go surprise me, the only surprise you want is either one pint or two of Guinness. Yeah. Right, all right, okay. Right, next one is

vodka mixer. I hate it. It's a bird's drink, innit? Again, you could make an argument that this has to be taken the same way we took lager, but I think it's meh. I think it's so basic. If I go to the bar, I go vodka lemon.

You go, vodka lemon, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, bleh. It's not shite, is it? It's not shite, because it's fine, because you would drink it. You'd just be like, why are you doing it?

I get a vodka limo when I'm bored of the drinks that I'm drinking. I think it's meh. I've had too much. I think it's the most basic thing you drink from like 14 upwards and it killed me, mum.

Yeah, that's why I don't like it. Meh. It's still not shite. No, it's dead basic. It is what I drink. It killed me, mum. It is what I drink because I don't like booze and it doesn't taste like booze

that's the point I made myself badly sick when I was a teenager off cheap vodka from La Cornishaw and we were mixing it with coke and it's never sat right with me since vodka meat that was our go to cleanse oh my god £7.99 for like a a liter of vodka there's no personality

in a vodka level no all right are we going we're going it's for boredom because you haven't really have much of an opinion here are you putting it in good i'd put it in sound because i'm not i'm not drinking it going oh this is fucking great i'm'm going, this is a functional. I just want to eat. That's meh. That's not sound. That's meh. Functional. That's booze for me. I'm not arsed. Just as long as it makes me pissed, fine.

Meh. All right. Defo. Next one. I can't even remember what this is. Margarita. That's what it is. As long as we're also including Tommy's in it as well,

which we should be. It's an umbrella term. I think there's a strong argument that this goes right next to Old Fashioned at the top. It's very versatile as well. You get a frozen one, you can get a fucking short one,

you get a straw, like... And it's such a good, like, it's so flavourful. Is tequila in this? Is tequila in this at all? Tequila's in it later on. Okay, right. That's my favourite spinner,

so probably so. It's God's here, isn't it? What do you think? I do enjoy them. The ones in the States were good, the ones we had in... Yeah, I do like them. I don't know if God's here is strong for a margarita,

but then again, if like... Yeah, they're a fun night out again i love the tequila drunk yeah but tequila's coming up um yeah i like them but if you feel strongly that they're in god's here they're good for me like i do like a margarita i think you've been all voted here adam well made that's good i i i think that's a mistake i think i think it's a god tier baby and if it goes in dead good it has to be the very top of it. That's fine. It can go the very top of it.

Right, the next one is apple cider. It's just fucking... It's goths in it going to Leeds Festival. It's just... It's lager, but for Welsh people, innit? It's Welsh lager. If you came back from the bar with a bottle of Magnus,

I'd get off. Look at Will nodding, though. It's Welsh lager. It's for kids. It's lager for people who want to bottle of Magnus, I'd get off. Look at Will nodding, though. It's Welsh lager. It's for kids. It's lager for people who want to be like, oh, I'm not English. I'm Welsh, me, me. Get me a Bulmers.

I don't know what that was. We need to start the feature Carl Does Accents. Get me a Bulmers. Get me a Bulmers. Like, you could argue it's meh, because it isn't... Like, if I got someone I I just met an apple cider, like that was the reason for lager going there.

If I just met someone I went, you're like mate, just go in the bar, do you want a drink? Get you a drink, get you a pint. If he went yeah and I came back with a pint of Magnums, he'd have every right to be, what are you doing here? It's meh, it is meh.

I've told you so. Yeah, you can't. You ever like Cummin? What? You ever like Cummin?. It is meh. Oh, it's a bot. Yeah, you can't. You ever had cumin? What? You ever had cumin? Where? One of these. Oh, right.

You ever had one? No. Just say cumin cider. Yeah, nice. Okay. Right, it's a meh. You know, the only ciders I've ever really enjoyed are the fruity ones that are basically

a cider version of a Bacardi Breezer. Like a dark fruit. Like a cup of... They're better than that. A cup of beer, even. A nice cold record lick. Is Dark Fruits in this list? No.

It's in shite, if it was in the list. It's not in the list. It's full of Gimmsy drinker. As always, this is not the best ones. This is just a selection of drinks. Next one, Guinness. God tier. Thank you.

Good night. Let's just not have the conversation. Because we can't do a Guinness rant every week. I've already had my say. And the culture. I'm getting had my say. And the culture. I'm getting outvoted. And the culture. It's 2-1-2.

As a drink, as in just like not the people who drink it and the boring country who thinks it's a personality trait. I think it's sound. I think if you add the people who drink it, there isn't a level below shite that exists. This is like talking to someone who's never watched footy before about footy.

I'm sorry. You can't have YouTube beingy before about footy. We're not. I'm sorry. You can't have YouTube being equal votes to us too. We're alcoholics. You barely drink. And he only drinks because he's sad. It needs to go right to the top. If we're saying sound, I think it's in dead good. It isn't in dead good.

It isn't. It's the best drink. It's the best one. You think it's better than old fashioned? Personally, yeah. Like, I drink more of it, of course. It's not my best drink. It's the best one. You think it's better than old fashioned? Personally, yeah. Like, I drink more of it, of course. It's not my favourite drink. It's not going in God's ear.

It's going in God's ear. If it doesn't go in God's ear, I'll just get off. I'll go and have my dinner. There's two of us and two of you. No, Finn, put it in God's ear now. That's not how votes work. It's two on two, bitch. No, but yous aren't equal.

But we'd have put it in meh. You're just a little... No, what, we have put it in meh you're just a little you know no what we put it in shite it'll go inside he's got the fucking mouse it's the god tear bevy and i will just keep talking about guinness for the rest of this tier list unless you put it you do that this isn't democracy right next one is a porn star martini guinness is great what do you think of Guinness, though? I love it. It's creamy.

A good Guinness. Like I shot like seven and a half upwards. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's the best drink you can ever have. 7.6 to 8. What about an 8.2 Pornstar Martini? I'm not asked. Guinness is class.

It is? Well done. It's good. It's where it belongs. Yeah. Pornstar Martini feels like they should always be associated with hen- do cocktail master classes hen do but i'd still prefer guinness guinness is better and this is the best drink

do you put the prosecco in the glass or just sip and sip uh you're meant to sip and say yeah but a lot of people put all the penis in your mouth or just i love a peanut a peanut you love a penis talk about them yet. What's up about Paul Sammartini's? I think Paul Sammartini's sound. Personally. Anyone object to that? It is just sound.

Sound. Right, there we go. Because it's not, it is more experimental and better than just a vodka mixer and you can't be putting it alongside Guinness, can you? Because if it fucking isn't,

Guinness is better. Okay, next one. Rum and the mixer. Shite. You like that? I know, but you've pissed me off. Well, that's only worth

one vote, unfortunately. Just to check, a Bacardi Breezer is a rum and mixer. Now we're doing rum and mixer. But it's all about branding and bottle, is it? Bacardi is different to,

if you order a rum and Coke, you'll not expect that it tastes like a Bacardi Breezer, are you? No, that's true. All right. Yeah, I know what you mean. Rum and Coke's my staple. Rum and Coke is, I think it goes in sound. coke you're not expecting it to taste like a bacardi breezer are you no that's true all right yeah i know you mean rum and coke is my staple like rum and coke is i think it goes in sound

a spice rum and coke is pretty nice yeah it's my but it's not it's not as good as a mojito which again is a rum and mix but it's a specific one it's not as good as a margarita it's certainly not as good as guinness which is better than everything we're talking about it goes in sound because it's it's much because it's much better. It's much better than a vodka mixer. I can't argue. I think it's not as good as Guinness. So like, yeah.

Okay, sound right. Next one, tequila and soda is what we've got, but you can open up to tequila. Just tequila, God to you. It's such a fun drunk. Tequila and soda is class. It's a really good drink. Tequila and soda. But I've never had tequila and soda. Is class. It's a really good drink.

I've started to really like it. I would, for the health benefits. Is that true? Is the thing about hangovers true with tequila and soda? Yeah, it's the best one for hangovers. Doesn't give Laura anxiety. Laura gets hangover anxiety in this one. It's not as bad.

Tequila is my favourite drunk. That's how I get drunk. Mate, I'd putover anxiety and this one is not as bad. Tequila is my favourite drunk. That's how I get drunk. Mate, I'd put tequila and soda below so many of these drinks just for what I'd want to drink. Like, and I kind of like tequila,

but it doesn't do much for me. I get that you're like, yeah, there's benefits to it, but the actual flavour and taste, not asked about that. Yeah, but then you're doing it

based on what you like rather than like the drink itself I think tequila's gone to you by the way tequila and soda I can't vote on I've never had it

but a shot of tequila with the boys is sick we do it all the time tequila's coming up isn't it no there's no shots on this one so what's that penultimate one

er southern comfort I know where that's going on its own lime and lemonade steamboat I think I think tequila is gone to you Southern Comfort. I know where that's going. On its own. Lime and lemonade. Steamboat. I think tequila is God tier,

but I can't put tequila in Southern God tier because it isn't. I would put it... I'd put it at the very top of sound and maybe in dead good. You've ruined the whole tier list by putting Guinness there because it's not as good as Guinness, but it probably is.

How is tequila in sound? Why is everyone shouting at me? Because you're the one moving them. That's fine. I think it might be God's here. How is tequila in sound? Why is everyone shouting at me? Because you're the one moving them. That's fine. All right, so where are we going? I'll give you that good because you had to put Guinness that good, but I think it's above.

I think it's in God's here. Tequila. You think it's, but it's tequila and soda we're talking about. I can't vote on that thing because I've never had it. Yeah, no, but we're not just talking about tequila. Like I like tequila, but a tequila and soda,

it gives me a fucking wet one, mate. Yeah, I'll put tequila and soda in sound because it's probably poo but tequila is it's not what do you think of tequila car it's just fizzy like watered down tequila car right it's going in sound next one carl you can talk about this now pina colada hang on are we on holiday if we're on holiday if we're on holiday it if we're on holiday, it's fucking God tier. If we're in Pogues in December, it's a sex offence. No, you've got to judge it on when you would have it. Yeah.

But even on holiday, it's not God tier, is it? Oh, it's absolutely God tier on holiday. What are you talking about, you little fruity man? It's the fucking best. On halls, you fucking...

It's not better than a Guinness. You've over... I don't want a Guinness on holiday it's all about that you've overpaid for the sunbed you've got Chinese women you're telling me on holiday a pina colada's better than margarita

oh my god pina colada get it is holiday it is a fucking holiday drink it makes me feel like I'm on holiday frozen as fuck any other time of the year

any other place like if I was gigging you imagine like get a round of drinks before the gig oh the club pay for it great can I have a pina colada you'd be taken off the bill it looks

insane at a fucking wake or a funeral imagine that just a round of pina coladas it's what Geoff wanted I would get a pina colada at a funeral

I think it's a flex but on holiday god tier it's an asterisk god tier it's not god tier oh it's so superb it's fucking not it's where were you putting you this is madness it tastes

like the sun lotion that you're rubbing on your body again i was like just drink the sun lotion then see how much you like that load it fucking i'd i'd have one on olivia and be like quite nice that now get me a proper bevy it's for gimps i think it should be God's here yeah yeah yeah oh this is so annoying this is so annoying oh it's so annoying we've ruined the whole thing it's so wrong we started so well and it is so wrong

tequila and soda's in the wrong one Guinness is in the wrong one pina coladas is in the wrong one oh it's so bad just when this goes out on social media as it could happen I want not i'm not even

retweeting it i'm not getting involved with it i'm not sharing it it's a load of shite we have fucked it oh so what's next we've got two left this next one is a steamboat so that is southern comfort lime and right if you're not a 17 year old underage drinking at a function room for someone's birthday it's shite if you're in the broadway god to you anywhere else shite it's shite i love a steamboat yeah we haven't grown up yet that's why shite it tastes synthetic it tastes like

it's like pot ai whiskey it used to be great when you were a child when you're offering me one on holiday because i've got all these pina coladas to drink i've got no interest in the rest of this game because it's it's it's so so ruined i think it might be god's here you know steamboat mate for me it's my favorite on the list i'm going oh it's shite isn't it get fucked it's shite it's gotta go and shite shite sorry finn it's shite

right last one gin and tonic dead good it's for it's just for women and it's not just for women it's not just for you but it's first of all that's sexist sexy and it's homophobic so this is the you know we were talking about i'm transphobic do we were talking about man islamophobic do we talk about what mood it puts you in yeah i've had to stop drinking gin because i tried fighting my mate a couple of times. Are you sure you weren't just being a cunt? Because I blame Brandy for that. And I think it was just me.

Well, I've never done it on any other booze. I've never done it on anything but Brandy. This was worse as well. Yeah, mine was bad. I was 18, 19, and I was bad. I tried to punch Josh's head in. And others. Did you just go full Tasmanian devil and start?

I was covered in my own sick and he told me to go home and I called him some inexcusable because he was bang out of order. Right, so gin and tonic. Can I just say, if it's rhubarb gin, I've got a real penchant for the rhubarb gin. I really like it. All of them get lumped in together and it's all dead good.

Hendrix with tonic and a slice of cucumber is class. Is Hendrix not technically a gin because of the botanicals it's made with, by the way? It is a gin. It's called Hendrix gin.

It's got gin written on the bottle. Technically. It's like Smirnoff. It's not vodka either. It's a schnapps. It's got vodka written on the bottle. That's how I'm about. Hendrix is a gin.

So we're going dead good for gin. Yeah? Yeah. It's like my second drink on holiday, but again, nothing to it. Right, here's the final tier list, and I think everyone's in agreement. Final tier list,

as collated by Carl, Finn and Dan. I think it's bang on, to be honest. It's fucking not! It's fucking not bang on! You've got pina coladas in God's ear! Who are we, Shrek? Let's turn him down. He's getting angry.

God's ear, old-fashioned pina colada, dead good, mojito, Who are we, shit? Let's turn him down. He's getting angry. God tear. Old-fashioned pina colada. Dead good. Mojito. Smirnoff ice. Margarita. Guinness. And gin and tonic.

Sound. We've got madry. Bacardi breezer. Pornstar martini. Rum and coke. I know how you all feel now. Tequila soda. It's not getting your own way. It's awful.

Meh. We've got vodka mixer and cider. And then shite, we've got a steamboat. Let us know what you think about it. I think that's bang on. Of course you do, because you're a fucking idiot, aren't you? Finn, it's absolutely, objectively,

all over the fucking shop. I know. But, oh, my God. Correct. I think this is the first time the three of us have got our way. The company's four years old. Oh.

Come on. Where are you going for a pina colada? The weather's four years old. Come on. Where are you going for a pina colada? The weather's nice. Oh, Adam's gone. Well, let's have a break. That was fun, wasn't it? Chris Kent is here,

ladies and gentlemen. Long overdue appearance on the sofa. How are you? Great. Thanks for having me. I've got a question for you. Go on.

It's actually for everyone. Basically, there's something I want to talk about, so I'm going to direct it at you, because you just got here. Okay. I had 14 hours sleep last night, and I don't remember-

14? 14. Fuck. Jet lagged. I've been in New York the weekend. But I'm exhausted right now. Why? What's going on?

Too much sleep. Yeah. Can you oversleep? It takes a while To get over the jet lag Like doesn't it Jet lag yeah Does it

The worst part was You know just sleep it off It's fucked your clock up And you're over Yeah The worst part I went to Australia Did a festival

Had two kids So my boy was only about Big festival Three at a time And she was My little girl was six months So I was dreading the flight Australia

20 hours Whatever Flight was a dream But what I didn'ting the flight. Australia, 20 hours, whatever. Flight was a dream. But what I didn't take into account was the kids then getting jet lag. So you're jet lagged now and you get over it. And if you had two kids, they would also be jet lagged waking up at four in the morning.

Playtime, we're up. This is our body clock. So that was absolutely insane. Kids do that anyway. I know, yeah. But fours. But it was worse. But fours like adoption time, isn't. I know, yeah. But four's... But it was worse. But four's like adoption time, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. This is where you're going now. It was even earlier some days and I was just like, yeah, I'm awake. This is me. What are we doing? How old were they at the time? My little girl was only about six months

and my boy was three. Couldn't you not just like... Once they're three, do they not listen to reason? No. You can't bribe them. You can't threaten them you're 32 Adam

yeah but can you not like talk to a child and be like look you need to go back to sleep because daddy's tired and jet like explain what jet like I can't wait for you to have kids

it's gonna be so good it's good lad you come on you're two and a half you should be getting this by now it's 10am I'm not ready to get up

fuck's sake can't they play with each other at that age though it's six months too early she was six months so probably not no probably

she was just lying down drooling and shitting herself so he was kind of but they say like with dogs don't they they say like one's harder than two yeah

because the dogs like sort of go off and do their own thing is that not the same they're good at that age, no, but now they're like

seven and four, way better, way better, just play with each other. If they get up early, they go downstairs and turn the telly on and you know,

you can get a bit of a lion at the weekends. Yeah, we're just getting in that zone. Even though I'm a parent, if I got on a flight to Australia and you turned up with full family

and sat anywhere near us I'd be like for fuck's sake the flight was unreal they didn't make a peep the whole way what?

they were unbelievable wow yeah just watched my little boy he watched Home Alone about 70 times and my little girl didn't even wake up

she was in her little bassinet thing just asleep the whole time oh my god when on our flight to New York. They've just come back from New York, Chris.

Lovely. On our flight to New York, queuing up. Here's the thing. I feel bad for noticing this kind of thing, but you do notice it. There was an army

of Jewish children. Like a lot of- An army. Oh. It was one family and there was maybe 18 children. There was one mother,

one father traditional and then genuinely genuinely like 11 kids wow all age between like zero yeah and 11 back to back like this woman's tired every summer holiday stick it in leave it in wow the woman had a pussy like i call a juicy spawn like just like just constantly here's a pussy like I call a juicy spawn. Like just like just constantly. Here's a new like, like genuinely, I couldn't believe. And I was like, like when we were getting on, we were like, that's such a big family. Like that's cool. I didn't like how many there is. And then they were sat right next to us.

And it is just physically impossible for two people to control 11 children at once. Yeah, you're outnumbered. Oh my God. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done.

You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done.

You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're done. They had fucking... What formation were they in?

They somehow had balloon animals on the plane. Is that allowed? A balloon's allowed on planes? It depends what you're going to do with a balloon animal. Who has a balloon animal on a plane? You fucking livid. Their family's so big, they've hired a clown to entertain them on a flight.

No, they were just making their own balloon animals. Sorry. This seven-year-old's making their own balloon animals. Sorry. Seven-year-olds making their own balloon animals. Do you understand what I'm saying? This kid had an empty balloon, and then two minutes later, the dog was there. Yeah. A balloon dog.

What kind of flight's this? How wealthy are they that they're going, do you know what we should do with the 11 kids? We should take them to England. I think they were going home. They were from? Manchester to New York. Right. Okay. Yeah, but they had been here. When I think they were going home. They were from? Manchester to New York. Right.

Okay. Yeah, but they had been here. When I say they were Jewish children, I don't mean like I overlaid they were Jewish, like from a mile away. They all had the hats on. Yeah.

Okay. They had the hats and the... Yeah, but they've still been here. That's even harder, isn't it? Having 11 kids that can lose them little hats. That is like a nightmare, really. My kids are always losing stuff.

The amount of hats I've lost, I can't even contemplate it. But it doesn't anger God. When it's a staple of... Exactly. It just gets them a bit of sunburn. That's what I'm saying, like, you know? I accidentally watched two films on that flight,

unintentionally as well. Genuinely, you were downloading on my iPad. Genuinely, I watched... I literally at one point went to him, what are you watching? And he showed me. And I was like, you can't have that on. It was by accident. He had the glorious bastards on. And I watched Snatch. my ipod genuinely i literally at one point went to what are you watching and he showed me and i was like you can't have that on it was by accident he had the glorious bastards on and i watched

snatch great the two of the most anti-semitic films of all time i didn't mean it i had them downloaded on my ipad the simpsons license didn't renew on my disney app so i had to watch them and the headphones would poo. Mate, if I never do a long haul flight with my kids, I'll be absolutely sound. But two, surely. Like he's just said, they were fine going to Australia. They were fine, man.

If I had 11, we wouldn't leave. I'd just fritzle them. Yeah. I'd build a basement. 11 is like, I can't even, anything more than us. But 11 just seems.

We're just moving. Very unnecessary. It does seem mad when parents have more than us but 11 just seems we're just moving very unnecessary it does seem mad when parents have more than two kids because why are you like giving them more like why are you

trying to make it harder for yourself when there's more yeah you're winding them up you're winding the other kids up aren't you

oh as in like we didn't get it right the first time yeah get another one in there go on the only time it makes sense though

is if you've had like four lads in a row and the mum's like, please, I just want a little daughter. And then all of a sudden, that doesn't work out and you've got a five-a-side team. Yeah, but I honestly think, like, when you get to the point where you've had four of one gender

and you're trying for the fifth one, you've got to just think something's going on with your come where you just do boy come or just do girl come. Do you know what I mean you wouldn't keep going would you like how many would you have to be

where you just go I've only got males it's not working you know there's 252 names in the Kazakh language that mean I hope the next one is a boy

girl names wow isn't that really sad I hope the next one is a boy I hope the next one is a boy so people are being

crit in that I hope the next one is a boy that I hope the next one is a boy. So people are being crit in that. I hope the next one is a boy. That's what it translates as. There's just girls all over Kazakhstan. What does your name mean? What do you think it fucking means? Oh, God. I do think you've got to admit defeat there at some point.

Yeah, totally. It's meant to be. I've had conversations with exes where they're like, you know, I want two, but if we had two of the same gender, we'd have a third one just to try. I'm like, just accept what you've got. You can't have a test baby.

It's still a baby. You're going to hate it. Imagine how much you're going to hate that third girl if you've had two girls and you're trying for that boy and the third one comes out and she's like, Daddy! You'd be like, oh, you're a gobshite, you. Learn to play footy or I'm not interested.

Damn my girl, come. I don't get it. Once you've had two, you've got your team the third is i know you're going we're building this is what i i had two sisters or i had two siblings you put it's gonna be amazing it's gonna be rough as fuck for a bit now it's gonna be a hard schlep any plans to have any more yeah i, I wouldn't say no, you know. My wife definitely wouldn't say no. Oh, really? I would say so, yeah, more. But one more would be my kind of line, I think.

I'm not having any more than that. Are you not put off by the baby stage? Because we're thinking about getting another dog, but we're not put off by the puppy stage. Okay. Surely, yeah. Do you know, they're very different as well. First one, I'm not in about just dogs and kids now.

Kids in general, like our first was a dream, absolute dream. Got to start sleeping immediately. And the second was an absolute nightmare. We're hoping maybe back to a good one again, I suppose. When Alfie had his fourth child. Oh, Alfie loves making babies. No, he doesn't. Jessie loves making babies. And Alfie says yes, because. Oh, Alfie loves making babies. No, he doesn't. Jessie loves making babies.

And Alfie says yes because she normally offers him a deal. A deal? What kind of deal is that? Well, he spoke about this on stage, so I hope you won't mind me mentioning this. He made a deal last time where the bit he did where Jessie was like,

it's my maternal instinct to want more children. And he said, well, it's my instinct that I want to fuck every woman I meet. And she said if you have a fourth baby with me but if i get pregnant before you go to australia yeah you can fuck whoever you want in australia so he made that deal um and when he had the fourth one he i said how are you doing how are you getting on i was the baby and he texted me and he, I want you to remind me next time I tell you I've made a deal with Jesse. Remind me.

I love my children and I hate my babies. He's like, I hate having a baby. It's the worst experience of my entire life. And I'm now doing it somehow for the fourth time. I love children. My children, once they're children, are great. But babies are horrific. But Jesse broke us a great deal.

She really does. That's a great deal season ticket in the cup but didn't it get fucked by covid so we didn't get that deal anyway yeah so he was two meters apart yeah my wife doesn't make those deals no i've never got a deal like that now put on the table would you take it what would you have a third kiss so that you can fuck whoever you like um no my mic's gone weird my mic's strange um yeah that's a that's a crazy level of deal it's uh not something that laura's gonna think about what if she came seriously and went i want another baby but you can bang you know what the saddest thing about that would be? Is I went out, I would literally go out to try and bang.

We'd have a third baby and no one would fuck me. That would be the, that would be a beautiful, I'd be in Australia going, anyone? Come on. That would be the sad, sad reality of it. Because obviously you don't want a third kid, do you? No, I'm all right. Is there anything she could offer you where you'd be like

is there anything you're after that she said no to get rid of one of the other kids swap deal less kids yeah

you two as well so Dan we've nailed it girl boy girl boy we're the same been through the baby bit never want to do it again

I will tie a knot in my own dick but is the knot on she cut off have you not like seen a really expensive lamp where she's like you're not buying that

a bouncy castle in a rodeo ball you'd think i'd fuck my life for three years for a lamp how nice is this lamp dan you seem tired you should see my living room though beautifully lit is the not and she got off yeah no fuck no we've got the team we've got the team to play for the saints for the season yeah she's got the hooker. Oh great, I'd be disabled by the fucking end of the first quarter. Are you the kicker? All right, cool.

I'd still end up with a ruptured spleen. Were you at the births and all that, Dan? Yeah. First one, no, wasn't there. To talk my way out of being a birthing partner. Did you? He was in the playoffs. Yeah, it was a big season for the Saints.

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah I stubbed my toe open spot down the second one yeah I was there we were in the room 36 hour labour wow

the second the last 12 hours of that she was on methadone so super high like being at an after party with your friend

who does too many drinks she'd already had the baby she just wanted a bit of heroin. We had all these notions about, we did hypnobirthing for the first one. You know, this wanky kind of, I'm not taking any drugs. We're going to be breathing. You're calm and all that. My God, no.

It was like a delayed sort of C-section as well. So the baby just wasn't coming out Which is your advice They actually don't let you step on the other side of the curtain anymore Yeah Not that I want to No But people that want to They said every single time they step on that side of the curtain

They fucking faint Every single time They say, why do you want to see that? Oh no Do you mean the baby coming out of the Yeah, just getting the I wouldn't go down there for a natural bath either No, I wouldn't either No there For a natural birth either No I wouldn't either

No I had no interest at all I was struggling To be at the Laura's end Yeah she was like You're not allowed Past the curtain I was like don't worry about it

Would you not go Would you not want to Have a better empathy For your woman And know what she's going through No but I don't want to see that I don't want to see that I'm not trying to haggle

She was like You're not allowed On this side of the fence I was like you're grand I wasn't trying to Bargain my way into fucking the VIP section of Electric Picnic. Like, you know, you're fine.

I'm all right over here. But it was mad. It was an absolute mad experience. I had an anesthesiologist who was trying to subscribe to the podcast while he was giving my wife the drugs for the surgery. I was. Really? He was like, oh, he's brilliant.

Yeah. He had YouTube up. That is a mental moment. That's not where you want to be noticed. You've not yet. You've not slept for a day and a half.

Your wife is high. She's about to have major surgery and he's up on YouTube going, this sounds, this sounds really good. Do you want to see

a pair of legs from your wife's pussy? Whose legs? The baby's. I honestly think you should, you should see? The baby's. I honestly think you should see that bit, yeah. I might have like a little

whoop. Adam's going to try and deliver the child. You don't know what you're fucking doing. Come here. Come here. I don't want to see that.

I want to keep the memory of Dalton perfect. The most graphics I had seen was my son was born for the first time. He was Perfect. The most graphics I had seen was my son was born for the first time. He was huge.

So it was like 9.13, touching on 10 pounds. Big snow baby. It's very apparent why he's not coming out the other way, you know? So we were all like, oh, amazing.

And then it was kind of sneaky because I didn't intend on looking at anything. The midwife was kind of over here and she was like, oh, look at the placenta. It's the biggest one I've ever seen. And I looked and I was like,

oh no, why did I do that? And I'm just trying to get Niamh not to everything. Don't look over there. Don't look over there. I can't not see it now. It's like the thing that killed Steve Orman. That's all I can say.

That's the only way I could describe it to you. And then I couldn't stop looking at it, you know? I was just like, oh my God. And then she asked me, did I want it? Do you want it? I was like, no, I don't. I don't. I don't have an aquarium in my house.

Take it and throw it into the sea. Thank you very much. Put it back. Release it. It was absolutely mad. Did you look at it? You don't remember it the way it was? Like a family member's in an accident?

Yeah. You don't go and see them either? You don't demand an open coffin? Yeah. Just remember how it was. a family member's in an accident yeah you don't go and see them either you don't demand an open coffin yeah just remember that oh it was do you mean if they die in the accident no i mean say they're like they're mangled and you're like oh you just never see them again just leave them to suffer for the rest of their life on their own no they're dying they're about to go when you're like going to go and see them you'd go and see them depends who it was your mum yeah i would yeah but i don't want to remember my way there in that way but yeah just i want to remember the vagina i don't i really don't think you should think about childbirth in the way you're thinking about it i don't want to remember my dead mom i'm not going to go down that end like it's you know just i just

it's a lovely place to be i want to keep it that way i don't want to bomb the nightclub and then go in and have a look i'm so glad i did it you know i nearly didn't do it the second time as well i'm so glad i did it just for all the how ludicrous it is it is it is a mental few hours of your life it is and nothing can prepare you for it really you know um i remember even with that first uh with my son it was very complicated birth and i was told leave the room kind of not long after that placenta trauma that i endured uh they were like oh shit something's going wrong and they don't tell you because they don't want you to freak out like you know but they're all running around and i heard the anaesthetist then go oh we need four negative

or four units of one negative yesterday and there was a big panic and i was getting told get the fuck out of the room daddy needs to leave the room but i was just stuck to it i was stuck to the spot with them they give you give you your baby like you know get out and i was like oh my god and my wife was fine everything was grand but that that flip of seeing your kid for the first time and then being told actually everything has gone to shit now you know we need to because it was a caesarean and they were opening her up again and i was like oh my god the flip like the only way i could describe it and i spoke about this before like because i was so happy when we finally met our kid for the first time. And then it flipped so quickly.

It kind of felt like I was halfway down a water slide. And somebody said to me, come here, there's no water at the end of this. I kind of just felt like I was having so much fun up to this point. Did they slap the baby when it comes out? No. No, they just give it a little dig. Things have changed now. Digging the ribs, yeah. Birdie, they just give it a little dig. Things have changed now. Digging the ribs, yeah.

Birdie, birdie beating. Little combo. Just get one, yeah. I think your daughter had just been born when we were gigging on the circuit together. That's right. I remember you just had a... I think...

Oh, is it your son? It might have been my son. It wasn't my son, actually. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I left... When we were moving back to Ireland... Because you lived in London for a while. I lived here, yeah.

And I remember you absolutely loved it. I did. You just adored it. I couldn't wait to get back to Ireland to be quite honest with you. Yeah, we stayed in an Airbnb in Cardiff.

Me and you. Yeah. And we didn't even stay the second night. That's how bad it was. An unacceptable... It was like if Finn had gone, do you know what?

I need a bit of extra cash. I'm just going to put my room on Airbnb and not tidy it. Not tidy anything up. Just leave it in a room. Yeah. No, we had a room each. It was a two bedroom apartment.

A guy gave up their flat and it was one of those ones where you're like, you know when Airbnb doesn't work out? Oh, this was it. It's just a disgrace. Like the bedroom I was tidying, like it had a pile of like clothes that needed to be washed in the corner.

Yeah. He'd gone, oh shit, I've got Airbnb customers clothes that needed to be washed in the corner yeah he'd gone oh shit I've got Airbnb customers and sort of just kicked it into the corner it's like they just left before we arrived

oh yeah had a little lie down it was still as full the clothes are fully stocked just there and it was terribly stocked as well

they had all the smalls we used gigging in Cardiff we did the gig we did yeah and they just put us in this place

I don't think to be fair to them they didn't know how bad it would be but we didn't even stay the second night did we we were just like

nah get out of here Chris you're not a clothes horse enthusiast I am a clothes horse enthusiast I've got a I've got a heater black and decker

with a cover I don't like that what because it's a whole you heat it you plug it into the wall yeah ah fuck

sorry what you're a you're a clothes horse the whole point of a clothes horse is to conserve energy like you know what I mean and you're plugging it into the fucking wall

works though I know yeah but not for the planet have you got a imagine if you I mean? And you're plugging it into the fucking wall. Works, though. I know, yeah, but not for the planet. Have you got a... Imagine if you had a keep cup, you'd shove it up a whale's hole yourself. What, are you just a big fan of them? Yeah, massive fan, yeah. Are you an environmentalist?

No. Are you just a cheapskate? I'm a big fan of the clothes horse. I like it. I like it. I call it a maiden. I think that's from me mum. Oh, yeah, this is what,

this is another thing. That's a bit disrespectful, I think. One lady, when I was living in London, she didn't like me putting my clothes horse outside and she called it a garment donkey. So, a garment donkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, you can't keep your garment donkey outside.

And that was the kind of vibes I was getting in London. So I had to move back really. She was essentially telling me I wasn't allowed to use the sun around this area. What's your favourite clothes, Hoss? Concertina. Three-tier concertina.

Next question. Yeah, least favourite. Your one. Oh, wow. The heated one. I know, but least favourite traditional one would be the long-winged clothes, Hoss.

You know that one. Too wide. Too wide, man. You think it's a great idea. I'll get loads of clothes on this. Then you have one big towel. Now we're not talking about the clothes line that goes outside.

That's a washing line then? Clothes horse. That's a washing line, yeah. Completely different thing. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. What a stupid... Do you stock it with high-value items

at the top and underwear at the bottom? Exactly. That's the way this was. This was also the clothes house. You probably don't remember because you don't even know what a clothes house is. But in that Cardiff place.

No, sorry. I call mine a t-shirt slag. A t-shirt slag. Which is a bit disrespectful. That one there, they had stacked in the Cardiff apartment. They had all the smalls on the top and all the bigs on the bottom.

Yeah. So we were obviously in the company of a psychopath. They didn't need, like honestly, they had smalls on the top, you won't be able to, and then bigs on the bottom. But surely,

sorry, I'm a noob. Yeah. So, if you're using it in the sunshine, Yeah. surely you want smaller stuff at the top,

so the sun's got more to come through to get to the bottom? No, I don't think so, no, I think it's, I would always have. Small items dry very quick, you don't need to waste

good spots up on a sock. It's all about, it's all about how much you can get onto it, onto the all about how much you can get onto it onto the clothes horse how much you can load it up you know reckon I could fit a rugby team

to home and away kit on one clothes horse do you use radiators as well in the house I do use radiators yeah oh my god Laura hates that does she

yeah I just don't I don't know what's the problem it's what they're for isn't it yeah what's the problem if you're not putting clothes on to warm the house apparently

maverick. Why not just do both at the same time? Yeah, that's what I say. It doesn't block them, does it? I also think the smell of drying laundry isn't a nightmare. I like that. I like the smell. You should do shit on one of your radiators,

and that'll spread the smell of shite all over your house. And when she's like, what have you done here? It's like, well, you told me not to put clothes on it. This is Adam Knows Women. Cover that with a T-shirt. Who on your own radiator teach them a lesson

it's what they want really you know what's that Sam it's so good to learn don't you worry your little mind are you a laundrette man Chris

no unless I have to unless there's no other option like I'm travelling need to wash my clothes I enjoy it wouldn't be into it one that you can walk into

oh yeah and use but like there remember we were in Dubai or something there was no real laundrettes I'm travelling, need to wash my clothes. I enjoy it. Wouldn't be into it. One that you can walk into. Oh yeah. And use. Remember, we were in Dubai or something, there was no real laundrettes around. They were always very expensive,

like 15 fucking pounds to wash your jocks. You know, they were itemised like that. So I didn't really like that. Adam gets that at home, don't you? I have a man

who collects me washings. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what it's dreamlike. I've got some compromising pictures of him, so he needs to do it. What? Folded, ironed, I have a man who collects me washings. Do you? Yeah. Well, that's dreamlike. And he brings it back. I've got some compromising pictures of him,

so he needs to do it. What? Folded, ironed, everything? I don't get them ironed because that's an extra pound per item. Is it? And I'm not doing that. I'd prefer someone do my ironing

than my washing, though. That's less laborious. But do you iron a batch, or do you iron to wear? To wear. Okay, got it. All the time. So that would be inconvenient, wouldn't it?

I'd have to call him over the whole time. John, got a pound with your name on it here mate I'm gigging in Limerick tonight you'll have to come over big one of the weekend

there's a wedding four quid for you yeah I've just got to a point in my life Chris where it's just not worth me time to wash my clothes

okay that's a nice point to be asked that was a nice I worked out that if I the amount of washing i let accumulate with being away on tour yeah and i like if i go away for like we've just been to new york for the weekends right uh and i take two two uh outfits a day yes you've got a day one and a night one

because you get sweaty during the day yeah and a reserve so and a reserve for the week so any accidents or anything yeah yeah so i've been away for five days. I took like 12 outfits with me. So, I've got 12 things that need, 12 full outfits. 12 full outfits. Jocks, socks, everything. Exactly. Covered in coat.

So, I worked out if I did my own washing and drying, I'm essentially saving about £2.76 an hour, give or take. And if you offered me £2.76 an hour to come to yours and do all your washing, I'd tell you to fuck off. So I thought, why am I doing my washing if I wouldn't do Chris Kent's? Wow. That was the reasoning. That's a lot of talk.

Before you were even here. A lot of talk. I'm into that. Yeah. I would love someone doing my washing and my ironing, though. It would be amazing it's worth it it's very cheap

he's a very reasonable man and we mentioned this on a recent episode I don't know whether it was a patron or a public but someone got in touch with me and was like if it's so cheap

why don't you offer the laundry man more money and I was like well there's the thing if he puts his prices up I will you know make a decision accordingly but I'm not just

and I do tip him I'm not you know, make a decision accordingly. But I'm not just... And I do tip him. I'm not, you know... Someone messaged you going, hey, if it's so cheap, you should just pay more. That's not how money works. McFlurries are very reasonable. I'm not giving three quid for one either. That's not a free market, is it?

Oh, I'll pay you more. Fuck off. It's cheap because he likes it to be cheap. Do you like New York? Were you gigging over there? No we didn't do any gigs this time I didn't really want to

I got offered one spot at 6pm but we couldn't make it because I had other stuff on I didn't really chase any sets this time we went and watched

Andrew Schultz do Madison Square Garden and then we just had a proper weekend in New York doing like a proper little trip. I love it over there though. Every time I'm there, I'm like, why am I going home? I want to live there.

And I just feel like I will at some point. Live in New York. That's what you'd pick as well. It's just class. Poor old Nashville getting binned. Well, no, Nashville, I feel like if I lived in New York I think I'd go to Nashville like every eight weeks

and have a weekend Oh nice But it's New York You know New York you've been Oh I've been Yeah I got engaged

We got engaged in New York actually Did you get engaged? Popped a question over there Where did you pick? I did it so element of surprise

so I waited about ten years or so I waited I waited 13 10 years or so. I waited 13 years. Did you? Yeah, it was just over a decade, which I was proud enough about. So, and it was around Christmas time, you know?

So we actually stayed over there for Christmas. I got to hotel. I was going to do it in public, but I kind of bottled it a little bit. And then I said, let's do it. The hotel room, I got the hotel room, sort of got the hotel staff involved. Lad called Z Sean down in the lobby. Lovely man.

He said, I'm heading out to New York one day and I'm like, today's the day, Z Sean. I'm going to, you put some stuff in the room for me? And he's like, yeah, no problem. Whatever you want. And I was like, well, I suppose some flowers is a good idea. And then I was like chocolate covered strawberries just kind of romantic isn't it and some champagne and ice and I'm like make the room look lovely

give you some extra money or whatever and then he's like yeah no problem uh that's cool and she was literally coming down the lift after me so it's all kind of you're all full of nerves aren't you and uh I was like cool and he said don't come back before five do not come back before five I'll get the room ready for you but I need that amount of time. And I'm like, yeah, that's cool. One quick question, because I'm really interested in the story, but there's a detail here I need to question you about.

Go on. Hair coming down in the lift after you. Yeah. How did you do that? Did you get in the lift and just press door closed? No, no, no. Sorry, babe. Because they always take,

she was just taking ages to get ready and I said, I'm going to just hang around down. I'll just go down ahead of you. Like, you know? So, and I had been talking to Zeeshawn before this as well. Can I just say, Zeeshawn in a C I had been talking to Zeeshawn Before this as well Can I just say, Zeeshawn in a Cork accent Zeeshawn, I still have the card he gave me

I still have the card he gave me But this wasn't my first conversation With Zeeshawn, I didn't just go over and demand That he get flowers and chocolates and all that So then I go, hey Let's do it, today Zeeshawn And he gave me till 5 o'clock And this was about

this was about three or so you know so I was like oh cool no problem so I head off and my wife never wants to go back

and I'm like that's not going to be a problem so five is absolutely fine Zeeshawn so then I head off right and we're in the I swear to God

we're out about 45 minutes and my wife was like yeah let's just go back to the room. And I'm like, no. And she's like, why? And I'm like, I don't know. I didn't even have an excuse as to why I didn't want to go back. And then we're walking back towards the room and I had to stall her somehow. So it was around Christmas time and we were like, do you know what I'd love to do now? I said, I'd love to do like the 12 pubs of Christmas.

Do you ever do that? It's kind of a Dublin tradition where you try to have a pint in 12 consecutive pubs. That's class. Which I wouldn't be able to do anyway. I'm not a massive drinker, but it just popped into my head. Let's do that now.

12 pina coladas. 12 pubs. 12 pints. And she was like, fuck it, let's do it. But then it kind of worked a little bit too well because we're about three or four pints in. See, Sean has the room ready for me. She has no intention of leaving the pub.

I'm getting very, very, very hammered. And I'm going to go, oh no, we need to go back now. We need to go back. She's like, no, we're finishing this fucking 12 pubs. And I'm like, I won't see the end of 12 pubs, you know? So I'm genuinely hammered. And I eventually convinced her, we're about four or five pubs and I'm like I won't see the end of 12 pubs you know so I'm genuinely hammered and I eventually convinced her we're about four or five pubs in I'm like let's just please go back to the room I need to go back quickly and uh we'll come back out again she's like okay and then on the way back

to the room she goes through Times Square and she's like let's go in here it was like you know the M&M's store yeah I wouldn't be a fan of the M&&m store now like you know it's a building full of fucking m&ms it doesn't need four floors to get in and there's a bigger queue to get out that's how shitty m&m stores and i'm in the m&m store and i'm like i'm never getting back i've waited 10 years to make this proposal and it's not gonna happen like i'm like she's stealing m&ms as well and in my imagination it's gone the room is gone because it's way past five o And in my imagination, it's gone. The room is gone because it's way past five o'clock. I'm like, it's fucked now.

Zeeshawn said five. The fucking flowers are probably dead. Chocolate covered strawberries have probably melted all over my bed and making it look like someone just broke in

and took a big shit in my bed. And, you know, the champagne ice is after melting and flooding the bathroom and Zeeshawn is probably floating face down and bobbing around our fucking en suite.

But I'm still looking at her then and I'm like you know can we go back to the hotel room please and we got back we got back for about seven and Zeeshawn did an amazing job to be fair to him

he did an unbelievable job and I asked her to marry me and she said yes obviously and shortly afterwards we finished the 12 pubs at Christmas did you?

yeah we did you went back out and finished it? we finished it and the bottle of champagne I you? yeah we did you went back out and finished it? we finished it and the bottle of champagne I had in the room that night so that is

a fucking world class engagement do you know what the worst part about it was Z Sean didn't see me the first time around so he didn't see me come back to the hotel

and make the engagement but he did see me the second time around yeah I had been back to the hotel room necked a bottle of champagne finished 12 pubs

I came back, she came back we're a bit worse for wear now to say the very least she has her shoes in her hands because she's out of her fucking mind so he can't even check for her ring you know and he's like we're not good and he's kind of looking at me going disengagement is going to go

he thinks I still have to go up and drop to my knee and ask a question at that point. But yeah, how did you do it? Oh, mine is a, mine's a long story that I've told.

I did it in Capri, in Italy. Lovely. I cut it short. When I asked her, she was bleeding and crying. What? I think he's cut it too short there.

I know the story and that made it sound really bad. He tried to do it in a cave but the cave was too dark she knew what he was trying to do so she was like ask me again later

by the time they got onto the shore she'd fell off the boat and cut her knee and was upset that she'd cut her knee and then she just said can I see my ring yeah

that's how you cut a short she yeah she was bleeding and crying and she went can I see my ring now it's the only thing that's going to make me

happy and initially he just showed her a photo of an arsehole she knew Yeah, she was bleeding and crying and she went, can I see my ring now? Is there anything that's going to make me happy? So I got down and won it. And initially, you just showed her a photo of an arsehole? She knew. Was it? That's making it worse. So I showed her the boat.

So we were in the Blue Grotto, which is a cave in Capri. Yeah. But she went, I can't see it. And then she said, ask me again later. Okay, right.

As in to make me wait longer. And then I asked her in a gutter while she was crying and bleeding. Yeah. And it was perfect. I actually didn't even get a ring, to be honest. I didn't, I got like a gutter while she was crying and bleeding and it was perfect I actually didn't even get a ring to be honest I didn't

I got like a little charm and said I didn't want to pick the ring didn't want that responsibility oh it took me six months to design it yeah oh I didn't I didn't put that much

thought into it we went down to the Diamond District in New York and we were walking into places and I could see these fuckers looking at each other across the

you know like they were making it very obvious there's a couple of paddies here and they were kind of looking you need a ring and I was like I can fucking see you looking at each other across the you know like they were making it very obvious couple of paddies here and they were kind of looking you need a ring and I was like I can fucking see you

looking at him like that I'm not stupid like you know and I remember they brought one ring over to her and it was a diamond it was three diamonds

and my wife was like I think I'd like maybe a little sapphire or something which is essentially just like a blue diamond I'll never forget it as long as I live

you woman you want a sapphire I can show you what it looks like a blue diamond. I'll never forget it as long as I live. You woman, you want a sapphire? I can show you what it looks like. And she bought a Sharpie out from behind the counter and coloured these two ones blue. And she's like, that's roughly what it will look like. We can make that happen for you if you come back in a half an hour.

I'm like, you know what, I think, you know, I've waited 10 years to make this engagement. I'm not going to let someone colour in your ring with a Sharpie pen. So we went to Tiffany's the next day, which is a big, fancy, you know, huge store. And it was just, I just remember bringing the price down. They were showing me rings that were 20 grand. And I was like, can you colour on them? Can you come down another little bit?

That is an expensive trip to New York, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know we found something. Did you leave with the ring? Yeah, we did. Tiffany's, we bought a ring in Tiffany's.

Isn't it like three months of your salary or something? Yeah. Yeah. I was pretty much unemployed at the time. So I was like,

yeah, that'll do. I was amazing trip though, so I'd love to go back to New York. Don't think I could live there, but I'd love to do a couple of months of gigging there or something

and then move back. How have you gigged over there? I gigged in, I didn't gig in New York I gigged in um uh Kansas for the Kansas Irish Festival oh wow great it was brilliant all these Irish Americans over there and I did a gig for my buddy over there as well uh another time in North Carolina South South Carolina. It was amazing. Loved it. Got caught speeding like three times within 24 hours over there. It was incredible. I was actually buzzing, like seriously, because the cop on the bike pulled me up

and decided, I was like, this is like the movies. I'm going to get the line here. License and registration. That's all I wanted. Were you trying to get caught speeding? No, no, no. It was just a happy coincidence. I was just driving off. I was having a a great time and it came up right behind i was like oh lads and i pulled in and uh he walked up the side of the car just like i would imagine he would have

and i buzzed down the window and he was like license and registration i was kind of like you hadn't yet licensed you know um but then i remembered how ridiculous the irish driving license was you remember have you ever seen an old Irish driving licence? No. Paper? Yeah, it's paper, but it's about five pages. So it's this little pink novella

that I handed the man. He was kind of looking at it and he was very confused. He was looking at this little thing and he was like, and he looked back at me and then he looked at it again and then he looked back at me

and then he looked at it again and then I had a quick look at his gun and then he looked back at me and then he looked at it again for a last time i swear to god and he said to me you're not in iceland now boy i was like it's actually ireland um and he's like oh you boys got lucky i got some irish in me i got some irish in me and he just left me go i was like wow what are the chances of an American claiming Irish descent? Definitely not luck.

What about the second and third? Second and third time. So second time driving through a kind of a, that was when I was in, yeah, we were driving through like a kind of a little town. It was a main road. It went through a town. I didn't really slow down. Sheriff kind of pulled me in. And I was like just playing a bit of an Irish fool.

I was like, Jesus, I didn't see any signs at all and he gave me a stern enough warning but he left me on and the third time because we were late going to a show I got pulled over

and it was a little bit more serious we were driving back from shows and the guy asked me for my license and he was like

have you everyone in the car was drinking except me I was the designated driver so the other three lads were fucking hammered have you been drinking and he was like, everyone in the car was drinking except me. I was the designated driver. So the other three lads were fucking hammered. Have you been drinking?

And I was like, I haven't been drinking. And I wasn't. So I was like, I was glad. Show me your license. And I was like, oh shit, it's in the boot because I'd taken my jeans off. I was just wearing shorts. It was roasting, you know. So then I go around to the boot of the car

and I opened the boot and there's just fucking bottles of beer rolling all over the place from the lads having roadies like, you know. But he didn't, yeah,

nothing happened other than that. He was the most serious one where I was like, fuck, this is going to be. But they all left me. Go, I think it's too complicated for them.

It's too much paperwork. Yeah. The actual license is too much, almost paper for them to handle. It's genius. They couldn't even photocopy it. It's too big.

Have you ever seen one about that size? They're after upgrading now thankfully. And you supported Bill Burren when he was over in Ireland. Yeah.

Because your gigging has gone mental last few years. It's gone crazy. It's been great to watch. I loved opening for Bill Burrow though.

It was the first time he came to Ireland. It was like a Monday night sold out Vicar Street. Got a fucking standing ovation on the way to the microphone. It was amazing. Yeah,, sold out Vicar Street. Got a fucking standing ovation on the way to the microphone. It was amazing, yeah. It was absolutely class. Every comic in Ireland, I feel,

was there in the room. And this was like, Jesus, this was ages ago now. But I've opened up for a few of them, Nate Bargatze and Jim Gaffigan a couple of times as well, when they come to Ireland. There's a handful of American comics that whenever they come to the UK and Ireland,

every comic is just like I've got to go like there's big comics that don't really have that like I think Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are massive arena level

comics now but I don't think they've got like the back of the room with every comic nearby but Bill Bear Chappelle

like comics like that I think Louis still even now even after his controversy. I think Louis still, even now, even after this controversy, like I think comics go and watch because there's comics that I've seen as really good comics that were smashing it

and hilarious and massive. And then there's comics like Baer and Chappelle and Louis where it's like- They're not worshipped by comics quite the same. They're comics comics, but on a big level. I love Jim Gaffigan. I think he's amazing.

Nate Bargatze but it's so they're not the kind of comics masters of the art they're brilliant but I don't know if comics are going to rush to see them yeah Nate Bargatze had quite a few though

to be fair oh really he's huge now yeah his last couple of specials are really no there was the one that he did in lockdown

that's right outside kind of wasn't it that was a bit of a rougher watch it was a weird weird energy though that one I thought I was like it was like

there's no a low ceiling is what you want and he was outside yeah and no ceiling recording a special in the middle of COVID yeah

is a bit of a mad talk was it after Disneyland as well yeah it was in a car was it it looked like it was an Universal Studios thing it looks like he's doing it in the car park

yeah it's a different scale though, I think. I like doing my own shows, but why am I not for comics? Like, you know? Yeah.

I went back, I took a break from my tour and I opened for Frankie Boyle for Monday, January, every single day almost, like two days off. And it's just a different,

they're not there for you. You walk out and it's like, fuck. And most of the nights with Frankie were amazing. There was one night in Kilkenny though, where they were just fucking wild and the security

came up to me beforehand and they were like Jesus they're fucking mad. And he said don't worry we've already thrown this one fella out he threw his shoes

onto the stage and I was like okay that's alright fair enough and then I go out and I just you start off and there's these

fuckers down to me left and they're just not shutting the fuck up and I'm like you know one of those how do you do you're always weighing it up a little bit going how am i going to deal with these fellas now how long do you leave it before you try exactly you're gonna lose the rest of the room and your brain is like i think they're annoying to people around them and then i go to have a word to him and i see that one of them doesn't have any fucking shoes on and i'm like either he's gotten back in or this has become a trend like throwing your shoes back onto the stage and he actually had gotten back in or this has become a trend like throwing your shoes

back onto the stage and he actually had gotten back in for a playtime but yeah before we started we were telling you about the tier list we did in the first half

with alcohol and you mentioned you didn't drink for six years yeah and that while you weren't drinking the only drink you craved was Guinness absolutely

I just wanted to get that on the record. There's no question. The ceremony of the whole thing. Oh. Just the drink. Go on, what's your ceremony? You have to wait. You have to wait.

It's an art. Five business days, isn't it? It's about two minutes, actually. But it's beautiful. 119 seconds it is. Because there's nothing worse when someone just slaps him. Fucking one pour.

Oh, thank you you here you go loads of fucking bubbles on it and everything that would get thrown back at you in Ireland in some pubs if there's a bubble on it one bubble

there are pubs in Ireland where they go take it back yeah Cork is a Beamish town though yeah I prefer Guinness though I know I might get in trouble for that

it's Beamish and Murphy's are Cork's doubts but Guinness is I prefer above all of them we really It's Beamish and Murphy's are Cork Stouts, but Guinness is, I prefer, above all of them. We really enjoyed the Beamish when we were there. Murphy's I thought was good, but didn't quite, like Beamish is what I drank for the night when I was in. I might become a Beamish man as well as a Guinness man.

Are you going to become a Beamish man? They've got it in random parts of Ireland then. I was up in Derry and they had Beamish in loads of the bars, but it's mainly in Cork. Yeah. The landlord of the pub we went into, where we had our's mainly in Cork yeah the landlord of the pub we went into where we had our first one in Cork

he told us that in all of Ireland Guinness has about 90% of the stout market but in Cork it's about 40% it's equal with Beamish yeah

what bar did you go to can you remember can't remember do you remember that it was like the Oval Bar is a great bar in Cork for all stouts. Like one of my favourite bars.

I feel like I would, if you said that, I'd remember that. Really cool, little trendy little bar. You'd know it. Do you think you'd know it? Because Cork's,

is it a city? It's big enough. It's like a town. Big town. Yeah, exactly. I just remember the Andrew Ryan bit where he's doing,

comparing in London at the store and someone's from Cork and they literally know each other. Yes. He knew her family. Yeah, it's not that. I think that was just a coincidence.

She had a kind of a peculiar name and there happened to be a politician with that name as well. It's not that. Like, I don't even know half the people on my estate. It's not that small. I don't know everyone. You know what I mean?

But you loved your tour show there. Oh, it's brilliant. I only moved back there about three years ago. So i'm living in london moved back to cork you know big notions your kids have like your accent yeah they have my accent yeah oh i wasn't sure if they'd maybe have slightly twang of english before they got back my little boy and uh that's kind of totally gone now. Totally gone. Little bit of London, but now it's totally Cork, the two of them.

And my daughter, I can't even understand her half the time. She's got such a tickle. She's so Cork. She's so Cork. She's like, come here. And I'm like,

all right, I'll go there. It is so funny in New York when we're like, if you're in like a shop, like you can sort of just ask for something and they can sort of get from my accent what I'm after.

Like if I go, have you got this in a lodge? Then they just, they know that I'm asking for for something and they can sort of get from my accent what I'm after. Like if I go, have you got this in a large? Then they just, they know that I'm asking for a size and they hear large and they go, oh, he wants large. Especially if you're making elections and stuff. Totally. But like when we're having conversations with like Schultz's mates and his management team

who like we're bumping into, like you can see them looking at us like, what did you say? Like they really do struggle with it. Carl, you slow it down a lot. When we had someone over from the States to sort of in a business sort of, sort of like it, you know.

Yeah. And I was listening to Carl slow it down for an American. It was really funny. I slow it down naturally for them over there, but like still you can see them looking at us like. I slow it down. Yeah. You have to. Yeah, because they're so. There's only so many still you can see them looking at us like I slow it down yeah you have to yeah

because they're so there's only so many times you can say something though even in London I didn't have to go that far I was like at a till with this

and I was like can I pay it by card that's fairly fucking that must be a fairly standard question at a till what and this one was like sorry

what I was like can I pay it by card and she was like sorry, what? I was like, can I pay by card? And she was like, sorry. And she was panicking like, I don't know. I don't know what he's saying. And I was like, I then questioned myself, you know. I said it three times, can I pay by card?

Eventually took out my card like as a visual aid and started pointing at it. And we're at a till, mind you. Can I pay by card? And she was like, do you want a carrot? Why would you be that fucking hell bent on getting a carrot anyway but

I was like but I was pointing at she spoke English this is my first fucking language like as well you know hell bent

yeah I wouldn't be that fucking mad for a carrot and they wouldn't bypass all the... Carrots? Yeah. And she's already rung everything through.

I wouldn't be sending the woman off to get a carrot. But no, it was, yeah, yeah. My accent is... It doesn't happen too often because I reckon I speak very slowly. Especially on NGIGN, you know? I hear your accents a lot though with the family. I love it.

Do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In West Cork, it's actually more strong, I would say. I love it so much. Yeah, it's great. West Cork. Cork has about seven accents, I would say. Yeah, I'm from the north side of Cork.

That is so funny. Yeah. Shall we have a little break? I need a breather after the carrot. Hi. Here we are. I'm tired! What section is it? I need a breather after the carrot. Hi. Here we are. I'm tired. What section is it?

I don't know. Four of four. I nearly went to press the applause. Woo! Section. Arena, this Saturday, the 18th of May. There's about 300 tickets left. Go and get them, please.

It's going to be class. You're on tour. You've had a tour extension. I did, yeah. You've been on bare tour, mate. It's gone mad. It's going to be class. You're on tour. You've had a tour extension. I did, yeah. You've been on bear tour, mate. It's gone mad. It's amazing. But yeah, and I did a UK extension in September, October.

But I'm in Liverpool on the 19th, which is the last day of the season, isn't it? On the 19th? I'm on the 19th, yeah. Somebody came up and told me that. I'll tell you right now, it's a good job we're not still in the title race. Yeah, I'm pretty happy about that. I'm terrible, no, I'm not.

Yeah, so I was told if they win, you're fucked, you know, but... They didn't. They didn't, though. So, Saturday the 19th, you're at Hot Water. Hot Water, yeah. And then you've got extension of this tour. Yeah, going back to London, Brighton. Sunday the 19th.

Sunday the 19th, sorry. Is it a Sunday, yeah? Sunday's, yeah. I haven't looked at it properly yet. Oh, no, you're in Liverpool on the 19th Sunday the 19th is it a Sunday yeah Sunday's yeah I haven't looked it up properly yet oh no you're in Liverpool on the 18th

am I okay is that that's better that's the last day is it it's the day before the last day

it's the same night that I'm at the arena is it yeah okay right you're fucked I'm fucked yeah

choose where do we find your tickets Chris chriscancomedy.com loads of extra UK dates couple of Irish dates I'm going back to

London, Brighton another few places York, Chester can't remember all of them when's it in Chester September the 18th the story house September

the story house was that nice wouldn't know they wouldn't give me a date really yeah it is nice is it it is nice it's nice and

i'll be blagging you for two tickets oh brilliant um we last week tried our first effort at the room 102 no relation to room 101 i mean it's every relationship we've ripped it off um have you got anything you'd like to put in room 102, Chris? There's a few. I don't know if I can put a kind of a concept in there. You can put whatever you want. But like noisy food, you know, apples and stuff like that. Noisy food? And the first one you went to wasn't crisps?

No, I said that's what I mean. Everything. Apples, bananas, like anything. Bananas? Noisy food? Believe me, I've heard people being a vile with a banana crunchy food

is something that I've had for fucking so long now it's called misophonia it's literally a hatred

of certain sounds and it's horrible it's a horrible affliction I don't want it something I've inherited from my dad I was having a bowl of cornflakes

and he threw me out the window and all of a sudden I had the power then to get annoyed at I would be getting up 10 minutes early every morning putting milk on my brother's cereal

you know so that I was soggy by the time he managed to get through but it's bad because I mainly get it with loved ones you know

so that's the when I know I'm getting too close to someone when I'm fantasising about taking their life So are you trying to put the actual foods in or are you

just taking the noise out I could put the actual foods in or are you maybe noise taking the noise out I could put the crunchiness or even if I could hear something else when they were like my wife takes out an apple

she may as well be taking a shotgun out of her bag please not in the car you know and I've tried everything I've visualized everything I've tried everything

about this I was thinking in an ideal world she deserves someone better that wouldn't be going on about app I don't like that it's an

uncontrollable thing I don't know if any of you have it my partner's got it and if I whistle in the house she'll come up to me and go oh no you're probably in a good mood

you need to stop refereeing football games whistling isn't yeah it wouldn't be but I have apples now and all that she should be able to eat an apple

I think you just hate apples Chris no no it's apples crisps anything like that if I if you were giving me a lift somewhere, right? Like it's a hire car, so you're not worried about it being your car. Hire car, you're giving me a lift to a gig. What am I allowed to eat?

Weirdly enough, it's all right, but kind of, once you're not in my immediate, you know what I mean? My family. When it's actually fine is when someone is disgustingly loud eater and then everyone else is aware of it I feel okay then right

I'm like you see you see I don't you know what about the cinema because I imagine cinema drives me fucking mad people eating popcorn

in the cinema I would get rid of that or at least get it in a different container popcorn's not noisy though that's why they sell it

oh fuck it is it's very noisy it's noisy grabbing it getting it out of the fucking bundle but the actual eating is quiet it's a rust. It's noisy grabbing it. Getting it out of the fucking bottle. But the actual eating is quiet. It's a rustle.

It's the complete, it's the rustle. I've fantasized about meeting someone that's fed through a tube. But it was only a matter of time before the tube would annoy me as well. It would make some kind of gurgling, you know? I'd be like, listen,

we had enough. And it's your loved ones because you eat so many meals with them. You're like, still this shit. But I'm getting a kind because you eat so many meals with them. You're like, I'm still this shit. But I'm getting a kind of a hold on it. It's when you're more stressed, it's higher. And I'm getting a hold of it as I get older. Misophonia is real because we've had whinges about people eating.

Yeah. Did you get that bit as well? Did you know what I reacted to then? It sounded like you said miso horny. Yeah. Misophonia. Misophonia. Did you get a complaint on the show about it

whenever one of us is eating yeah because and also because it makes me so horny yeah it's because

yeah people have got it in the like airpods and you know it's not just eating noises that people have it from

so it can it can really escalate into some people can't leave the house with it they have it so severely they pick up more triggers and triggers

and other things will just annoy them. It could be typing on a computer or it could be clicking on a pen. I think I get it with when I hear Jewish children making balloon animals. That's pretty annoying. That's very specific though, isn't it? You might be okay for a while. He's fine with Muslim kids making

balloon animals. Quakers. But I get it and I looked at, there's a website and all of the triggers are on the website and it's like I looked at there's a website and all of the triggers are on the website and it's like don't read these triggers because you might

pick up more triggers but I read it anyway and it was like breathing was one of them oh I breathe far too loud for my partner heavy breathing

yeah which is statistically there's someone out there with a nurse with misophonia and there's a man in a life support machine doing her fucking head

and like you know and also footsteps was one and that's on the list footsteps there was a nurse with misophonia and there was a man on a life support machine doing her fucking head and like, you know. And also, footsteps was one. And that's on the list. Footsteps. They sounded so heavy. Wait, where's the new jump? Yeah.

I'm risking something here because, like, I live in a converted house now. Right. I live in the basement. I live in a basement flat. Oh, people above you? No, but listen,

so much worse than what I'm about to say and the reason I'm sort of starting this so hesitantly. i don't know whether it is the one right above us but there was there's a couple who live in our building who stopped one of my housemates and was like is that uh adam do you live with and he was like yeah he's like i'm a huge have a word fan right big fan of the podcast so there's a couple who live in my building they're a fan of the podcast now i don't know if it's them i don't know exactly what one they live in there's someone who lives above us and i'm telling you right now for the past six months while i've lived there they've been building a conservatory that has a circus full of jugglers in it wow because and they're doing star jumps while they do it it is beyond

is jack gone yeah or i would get jack on the mic to talk about this and it's i i i've always been the type of person who's like if your neighbor's making noise you just crack on with it it is what it is do you know what i mean like everyone's just living they are doing something in this flat just to wind me up do you think it's on laminate as well rather than carpet it's this is like tap dancing elephant sort of thing they could very well have trained an elephant to tap dance up there like it would make sense if that's what the noise is like literally you're in there you're trying to watch the chase not that we've ever watched the chase or friends or something and literally it's like they've got like an army of children

and they're just like... It is beyond insane. But it's also... I just had that weight in. It's beyond insane because it's all day. Like I have days where I'm in the house and I do fuck all, you know, you have a fuck all day hungover. And it's from nine in the morning until five

and then I go out and it must stop and then there's other times where we do the podcast, right? I love it how I didn't see it. And at night time they're doing it.

It is a 24 hour tap dancing elephant circus full of children. Sounds great. That would, yeah, that would annoy me a bit. On the eating thing though,

I got a lift to a gig in Blackpool once off another comic i won't name who it is in case it doesn't want to be named but uh we were driving and i put a stick of chewing gum in right and about 30 seconds after i put it in he just pulled onto the hard shoulder and i was like he didn't even look at me he literally so i'm sat there and he goes you need to wind that window down right now and throw that chewing gum out the window or I'm going to have to crash this car. And this is the first time I'd met him.

And I threw it out and he was like, I'm really sorry, but I get bad PCSD. He used to be in the army. He's got misophonia and it's a trigger for me, PCSD. And I'm having to use every fibre of my being to not lose my shit right now. And I had to just yeah

out the window yeah it was worth it though to share the petrol you each chew in the army fight or fight or I don't think that's what it was

I think it was a trigger rather than it's a fight or flight response yeah or crash yeah it is hard yeah it's difficult to deal with

I honestly I'd love you to have a meal with my dad really part of the trauma of my childhood is sunday roast listening to my dad put about yeah like a mouthful at least three mouthfuls in so just and he never ate with his mouth open the amount of food he could get in there right and the like like a washing machine just the way it moved around oh my god i've never had this before and you're you're imagining any dad's imagine any roasting is doing my head in yeah

he's a real he's a real dad yeah he wasn't i wasn't sat there hallucinating a dad i did he wasn't even a roast though he was just giving me birthday presents oh god oh my god it's so sad let me just do it very good chris yeah so that's what i put in there are we agreeing oh i've we've got to give it him yeah joe genuinely i was gonna fight this until your're imagining that puffed up yeah fuck you good yes um anyone else got one i've thought of one you got one yeah uh kettles that are unnecessarily loud it's another volume one right we're in 2024 yeah i would also throw washing machines into this washing machines that don't know how to stay in their lane that's's another one. But kettles, why are they so loud?

I've wanted them whistly kettles. Yeah, whistle kettle. That's fine, that's part of their job. I'm talking about the electric ones. The electric ones that just go, like that. Yeah, really loud. Kettles broken.

Genuinely. You need to get your kettle. That wasn't a good kettle impression. That sounds like a house might burn down sort of kettle. I've not worked on it. Get a shmanked demonic kettle. Joe, it's like a really windy like a house might burn down sort of kettle. I've not worked on it. Get a shmank. It's a demonic kettle. Joe, it's like really windy. It's like really windy, the kettle.

If we put the kettle on in there, you'll hear it. Yeah. It's just really loud. You've got one of the old-fashioned put it on the stove and whistles. Yeah, yeah. It's not that old-fashioned, but it's, yeah, making noise. It sounds, yeah. What's the benefit of that?

I don't know. Why are we not just using... It's shit, actually. I need a new kettle. It takes ages. It takes absolutely ages And it's Yeah I've got a boiling tap

Now in my kitchen Oh I'm going to get Yeah that's what I'm thinking Of getting one of them Best thing I've ever bought And you don't even Drink hot drinks No

I fill hot water bottles Up every day for my girlfriend And it saves me Every day She takes one to bed Middle of summer Oh no I mean like

Since we've had it I'm having that She has hot water bottles Every day Since we've had it Which is Maybe not now With the coming hot water bottles every day. Since we've had it, which is, maybe not now with the coming of spring, but yeah. She's got high maintenance, isn't she? She is.

You're such a good boyfriend, fiance. Yeah, she throws it down the stairs as well. So she goes, I'm going to go and wash my face. You know when girls go to bed four hours earlier to wash their face and brush their hair, and then you go off. Have you ever, has a girl ever gone to bed and just gone in bed with you?

Did you say wash the day and brush the face yeah they just they just go and do no there's a lot of maintenance but their pre-bed routine is like an hour i just go upstairs and get undressed and get in bed me maybe brush my teeth i think all women now have have added an extra hour of scrolling that is the international rule of how you need this time of lying down and she can be be like, Laura can be like, I'm so tired. I've got to go to bed. And like, she'll turn everything off. Yeah, I'm terrible.

And then it's like a kid on an iPad, like trying to sneak in. Watch it. But she just needs that. She'll throw the hot water bottle downstairs and she'll chill. Which means fill the hot water bottle up before you come up. Are you all right, Carl? Is everything okay? You're being bullied by your own missus.

She's very high maintenance. Chill! She's a seven-year-old child. She sounds amazing. You're trying to be stupid. Tell her! Is that her nickname for you? The only reason she doesn't do it

with the drink is it's a glass and it's smashed. Chili! First day! I'm gay! Chili make me spicy. Chili's a hot for me.

Bring me up. She's not Chinese. She sounds special. She go, bring me up a bottle of water, usually with icing and a hot water bottle. Bring me up. She's not Chinese. She sounds special. She'd go, bring me up a bottle of water, usually with icing and a hot water bottle. She's two different names.

Two different names. I've only just noticed like a thunderstorm in the bed. But yeah, I like maintaining her though, as Chandler once said. Oh yeah. Good to maintain.

Are we giving him? Can we just buy him instead of putting fucking noisy kettle? Should we just buy Finn? It's a new kettle. It's like a relatively new kettle. We only got the kettle like a year ago.

That one's not that old. It must be a shite kettle. It's just too loud. Why are they making any noise? We're in 2024. I also love that- What is this? I also love the kettles.

I know it's not, but- There's no heating element in that. But why is it making a noise? I love that kettles can't judge when they're boiling. If they take the top off they're like I'll keep going for four days. Does anyone ever do this? Joe and Sabote click

you should put your finger on it and keep it down. So it's extra boiling? So it feels like it's going to explode. Never going to go above 100 degrees. That's just me. I do that.

1000 degrees. Chill it. Chill it. Chill it. Make a hot tea. No you're not having it. I'm not. Are we not having it? I just don't think kettles like if you'd said

washing machines i'll be with you yeah they are wild when a washing machine gets into that the final spin you could be like you could be having the most like important conversation with a loved one or get to the best bit of a film and your washing machine just goes from... It goes wild for the spin bit, then it jumps up and down. Have you ever... We got a washing machine once. We thought it was broken. We bought it brand new from AO.

I think that's broken. I'll take it. 300 pounds. We've feared it, like connected it all up. I'm shit at stuff like this and put the first wash on and i've never seen it was like it was a on a sitcom it was the kitchen yeah it was all over the kitchen yeah turns out you've got to loosen the big lump of concrete at the bottom of the

washing machine yeah yeah yeah didn't know that never fit in a washing machine before nearly did structural damage to the kitchen it was fucking immense yeah and we we didn't just do one washing up that's broken we were like maybe that's just the first one when it needs to loosen up three or four washes washing machines just getting used to the kitchen it was unreal and then someone went, yeah, have you loosened off the, do you know there's concrete? Yeah.

In the, what? To stop you jumping around the kitchen? 100%, never knew that. I've never heard of this before. It's like, it's like the Tom Rigglesworth bit about opening a dishwasher mid-wash. You just expect like half an ocean

to just pour out. But actually it's just splashing water around in there. I'd never knew concrete was at the bottom of a washing machine. Yeah. The first time I ever thought about how dishwashers work was when I realised how dishwashers work. Because in my head, there's almost like borrowers who live in there

and they go in and they scrub your cups. Because when I took a cup, I still had a mark on it and I was like, how's this not working, the dishwasher? And you realise the water's just not sprayed to that exact bit of it. You were knocking in there going, work harder. Oh, shit.

Finn, you're not having it? Loud kettle. We're getting you a new kettle. No, I just think people need to be focused more on technology. No, you've got a Welsh kettle. Kettle technology. Can I throw in room 101? This is for room 102.

You're absolutely right. Getting numbers wrong. Can I throw in payment on account if you're self-employed? I know this isn't for everyone because you live a PAYE existence where just someone acts like your fucking parents and goes, this is a tax, we'll take it off you so you can't spend it, and that's what you owe. And I know that can be a pain because your pay gets fucking cut to bits but when you're self-employed you have to do all that

yourself which i don't mind you know you're getting paid you can put a bit aside and when you don't you can just panic in the last two months when you owe it or just tell your accountant to work magic but the payment on account is the biggest load of bullshit ever it's where the government go hey you know you owe us 10 grand of tax yeah listen even though you don't owe it could you give us five grand of next year's tax bill now oh i hate that yeah that's what you're yeah i hate that and twice that's what again in july yeah yeah some more yeah so my just in case you die just here just in case you fuck it up yeah and then if you don't pay that on time even though you've paid your tax bill you get a letter going hey you owe us that money you know you haven't paid that and you're like i don't owe you a fucking thing you're making up

tax that i owe that winds me up i hate it yeah can it go in room one or two i mean as a self-employed guy yes oh my god thank you very much. Also, water rates can fuck... I know this is dad-winging. Just water rates piss me off. Energy bills? I just got my... Energy, I don't mind because I don't know how to make electricity,

but I do know... How to make water? No, but you can just catch the rain. I don't know why it costs 500 pounds a quarter. Go on, do that then. No, I understand that, but I don't understand... I understand I have to pay water rates,

but why are they so fucking expensive? No, but water's quantifiable. You can see how much you use. You can't see how much electricity you use. It doesn't matter. They can make it up, and I can't argue. If you pour the taps,

you've done loads of it. You can not run the bath on the taps, and you've got them not paying nothing. Electricity, you pay even if you don't use the house. The house is just being used. Oh, the standing rate.

Yeah, you pay for nothing. I went an Aldi yeah we had to pay because the fridge was plugged in yeah my mate Matt has got a smart meter for the first time

just moved house no I got like an 8 minute voice note with him for the first time he's never had a smart meter smart meter is the worst

thing that ever happened for dad's mental health they're horrible mine is in a cupboard facing a wall I can't see it mine's unplugged I can't see it

I know how much a kettle like a boiler kettle kettle is one of the worst colloqu. I can't see it. I can't see it. I know how much a kettle, like a boiling kettle costs. Kettle's one of the worst colloquials ever. Too much, it should be less time because it's too loud. Seneca gets a bath and it's 14 quid and I can see it. I don't want to know. Yeah, because I don't want to be the dad who's like, turn everything off. It's February, it's cold.

No, look, the meter says we're in red. No, can't do it. I ate all of that stuff. I know you've got to pay it, but water feels expensive considering it just falls from the sky. Yeah. They tried to bring in water rates in Ireland, actually,

and didn't succeed. They put in all water meters and everything everywhere. And then they were just massive protests and they were like, fuck that. We're not paying for that. This was about seven or eight years ago. And they just said okay and they had to go around

and take loads of meters out and everything so you don't pay for water no there's no water rates in Ireland that's so cool because we were just like

no thanks you're fine it was mainly like it was really badass old ladies and stuff that were just stopping people from putting them in and everything

and any of the lads the engineers that came to put in meters they were just giving them grief and all that and they protested to the point where they were just like, okay, fuck it.

And they spent a lot of money on putting in water meters and stuff. And then the water charges never came through. I was so jealous. So cool. 100%.

Yeah. We just have to bend over, don't we? Yeah. I think the fuck, the tax, that tax thing though really does my head

into pain the following year. That is one that. But you can't. Is that in Ireland as well? Yeah. It's a preliminary year. And when I moved back to Ireland first, I was gigging.

I had to go back to work as a Sparks, actually, right? So I went back working. There was no gigs. Oh, you were Sparky? Yeah, I went for two years. Hang on, is that what you did before you did stand-up? Yeah, 12 years. Oh, cool.

For fucking 12 years beforehand. So I went back working as a Sparks. I had dreams when I was moving back to Ireland because I was in the middle of a big tour and then COVID hit and I moved back And obviously all of the gigs went I ended up moving into my childhood bedroom With my wife and kids

A very different dream altogether Got work as a Sparx again Went back to work for about two years But I'd used all my tax credits As a Sparx And then I started working as a comedian again For the first time And so I was in as a comedian again for the first time. And so I was in the high tax bracket,

which is like 40%. And then I got stung with the preliminary year, I think they call it there. Yeah. Which is another 40%. But I had nothing to offset it from the year before.

So I got my tax bill from my comedy and it was like 80% plus PRSI or whatever. So it was like, my tax bill was like, I think it was like 104% or something.

No, I swear to God. I was like, this can was like I think it was like 104% or something no I swear to God I was like this can't be fucking possible are you out of your childhood bedroom yeah I had to go back to work man I had to go back onto a building site

12 years off it go back and terrifying most terrifying thing I've ever done more terrifying than any gig I've ever done ever

so a good mate of mine of ours Steve Shanyoski yeah he went back and trained up didn't he trained up and he's just such a like he's always been a smart guy and he's always like he covid hit and he was like what so i've not got a job where the rest of us like right we need to podcast more

yeah and like most of the comedians just had a collective panic attack shana's just went nah this is this is not how i'm gonna do because in his head he was like cool this could happen again and i'm not gonna let it happen yeah trained trainers of spark and he's still doing it he's loving it yeah he's not back to comedy he's doing comedy but now he just gets to choose what he wants he doesn't have to do the road gigs if he doesn't want so he's been the my gig in chester i've gigged with him somewhere else still smashes it but he's now got a kid and he's just got a balance that i'm speaking for him but from what i understand he's like yeah this is solid i like it that and it's yeah good good pay in it because i had yeah i had that

balance for a while but then it's just the gig started getting busier and the job started getting busier but yeah it's terrifying man you haven't done something in 12 years and you're going back to it you're like fuck i need to know everything you know imagine if i just turned around went i'm gonna be a sparky, yeah, COVID. That'd be nice. Once I learn how to get the concrete loosened out of a washing machine, I'm perfect. That's the first lesson.

I went back. I was wondering would anybody recognise me and everything. And luckily, I hadn't that much of a profile. I know. But then I was going in to do my safe pass. You know your safe pass? It's like it's certain something else here now. But you have to have your card to go on the building site.

CS, CS card. It's like an eight certain something else here now but you have to have your card to go on the building CSCS card it's like an eight hour course about safety and uh the guy that was doing the safe pass this is when comedy was gone never ever coming back fucking recognized me Chris Kent and he was like yes me for a selfie I think it was one of the first selfies I've ever been asked for and it was the saddest selfie of all time because the last two meters we had to stay apart as well and someone else had to take it. And I was like, I'm about to do a safe pass here and go back to work. But it was genuine.

I know what he's talking about though because that safety net of money in your bank every Friday, the tax has already come out. It's amazing. I used to get paid in a brown paper packet like not to do the

cash. Yeah. Worked. You work the bar and it was Friday and the end of the shift they were like here you are

and you were like love that already pissed because I've been stealing alcohol that's how we got paid in Zellix wasn't it absolutely it was fucking

quality best thing ever and you get your tips in one as well you go back two weeks later you didn't get a big fucking thing of tips in it

where did you get that what job was that I worked bars I never when we cash yeah just didn't get it when we got to that age as soon as I could that in a i work bars i never when when we cash yeah i just didn't get it when

we got to that age as soon as i could work in a bar i had mates working at shops and having to get up at like 6 a.m on a saturday morning i was like you're fucking idiots i just loved working bars just it was so much fun nice um shall we call that a pod, gentlemen? Yeah. Go and see Chris do stand-up. He is fucking superb. And give him a follow. But not on the 18th of May. No, don't come to that one. Anyone that is coming, get a refund and go.

Where can we find you online on your socials, Chris? Because your Instagram's fucking brilliant. At ChrisKenComic. On all of them, I think. Yeah, right. I think so, yeah. At ChrisKenComic. Class.

That's a pod, isn't it? Finn. Yeah, go on. We've got a tune pod. Yeah, my song, Dead Time, is out now. Oh, no, let's not do this. We've been milking this.

Go on, let's do it. Are you putting your song at the end? Yes. Is this yours? Yes. Yes. Wow.

Quality. I've heard it. I like it. Finn's been editing. A bit more enthusiasm and fucking out. Finn's been editing the last two episodes

and he's been doing loads today. I am so for this oh yes i'm not joking we love your music okay we're all big fans just an air of you know no no how was it your gig when we we missed it we were away we tried to fly home that night but the flight was full how was it it was good yeah it's good i had a great time so it was good. I had a great time. Sound City was good, yeah. I saw a lot of people as well. Right. Finn, we love it. It's great.

Yeah? Okay, right. It's my song, Dead Time. I'm putting it on the video this week as well. Whoa! So you can watch the lyric video for it. Go and stream it. It really helped me out.

I'm very proud of this one. I'd like to do more music, and the only way to do that is by... Get Finn in the top 40. That can't be hard, surely? It is quite hard, but if you want to do that is by get fit in the top 40 that can't be hard surely it's quite hard but if you want to do that is it it's pretty hard like this time of the year top 40 can't be too hard you've got a it's got to be sales yeah you've got yeah go and buy it where can you buy it can you buy it yeah anywhere anywhere on amazon itunes get fit in the top 40 you said you'll do the next podcast. Bollocko. Would you?

If I get top 40? Yeah. Bollocko. Bollocko. Can I have a sock? Can I have a sock? On your foot? If you get me top 40,

I'll just do it. Yeah, nice, nice. I'll have a sock covering. There you go. Get Finn top 40 and he'll do a podcast naked. If you fancy him, go on my loads. Do it.

That'll be 10. This is my single dead time. It's available everywhere. Please go and stream it really help me out well done Finn thank you Chris appreciate you

cheers very much thanks for having me Another day, another time Close my eyes and I see a light Another day, another life Like the rain is dripping by Take me, take me, take me I don't know which way to go Oh, if you make me, make me, make me I'll leave this mind on hold Don't worry about today Tomorrow will take the blame Don't worry about today You won't remember how it feels anyway

Leave me, leave me, leave me I'll find my way home Oh, if you need me, need me, need me All you gotta do is make yourself known I wonder what it's all for, all for, all for And I tend to wonder But I'm lost, lost, lost In this dead time Lost in this dead time

Lost in this dead Take me, take me, take me I don't know which way to go Maybe if you make me, make me, make me I'll leave this mind and hold I wonder what it's all for, all for, all for And I tend to wonder That I'm lost, lost, lost I wonder What it's all for, all for, all for And I tend to wonder

But I'm lost, lost, lost in this dead time