Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #279 with Hatty Preston - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: June 2, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Support our cycle across India for Zoe's Place:https://cycle4zoes.enthuse.com/pf/finnlay-kulavuzGet subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Tickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Three quid access to more stuff than you can shake a stick at. Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped, the very best products on the market

for below the waist grooming. Go Ed, get on me. It feels like we haven't been in for a while. The very best products on the market for below the waist groomers. Go, Ed. Get on me. It feels like we haven't been in for a while. We haven't been in for a while. I think that's why. Yeah.

How long has it been? Ten days? Plague, disease, fins had fucking relades. Yeah. You've been on holiday. Poirotitis. I've been on holiday four times. Iitis. And fucked your wife four times. I was staying in a lovely resort called My Wife's Pumple. Captain, my captain.

It's tremendous. Anyone who's new to the podcast. Hello. Dan is married and we were betting on the over under on how many bonks he'd have on holiday. I put it at three. No, you said over under two. You said two. You did say two.

Did I? You said two. You've doubled your over under. I think maybe my three was like what I hoped for in my wildest dream. That fourth. Oh my God. So I tried to do on my Instagram stories

like the little subtle car emoji and then a brum brum at the end and you know because my wife's not fully stupid she was like why is there a little car on your story and why did you say brum brum and as she's still like cleaning herself up i wasn't that fast. I was like, oh, shit! Oh, babe, that was amazing. To Instagram! At any point when you were... So she was in on it at that point. Yeah, yeah.

One of the best decisions I made there, I know the bit was meant to be, listen, Dan, just subtly put in, the little cars, she'll never fucking know. And a little lady holiday brain won't work out what was going on. Because we agreed this before you went away yeah like you'd put a card on your instagram sorry i'm weird now you'd gone to pound town

in the boom boom pound down in a boom boom and uh don't do that voice and hello new listeners and wow getting her invested in it was great because i thought she might be like let's all take five you know how she does yeah this is my life and everyone at school is a patron not true three dads everyone knows everything now

but instead she just wanted to put the stats up competitive spirit yeah women love challenges they love yeah they love games

famously this is like a week long game of Monopoly to her she just yeah I'll give you Mayfair-long game of Monopoly to her. She just... You were just like, I'll give you Mayfair. I fucked her during Monopoly. That was the best bit. At any point were you thinking of us while it was happening? Yeah, I always think of you when I have sex with my wife, Finn.

You fucking weirdo. I bet you do, though, sometimes. I think. I bet you this week when you were bonging a couple of times, like, I popped into your head. Never... And then you came quicker. Yeah.

Oh, God. Never, never joring, respectfully. You know, love you boys, missed you. But never joring. But in the build-up, it was all about the stats, man. It was all about the stats. Sunday night, pound town. Phenomenal Monday story.

Monday, pound town. Again. Fucking night timies. Little night timies. You've been out, come back. Night timies. Monday story. Monday, again, night timies. Little night timies. You've been out, come back. Night timies. Third night,

didn't look like it was going to happen. And I thought, I don't want to just pester her. I don't like that feel. I want Lars to want. I, listen. You want to be wanted. I want my wife to want the dick yeah you know your dick my very specifically my little dick so when she's like not giving off the signals i don't want to

be like you know so i just thought any other techniques other than that? Yeah. Because I'm starting to see why she's off and off both. She was reading Bridgerton, one of the Bridgerton books. And it gets steamy, don't it? I think the fourth one of the series, ladies, if you want to need some kitchen roll. Wet your whistle. Yeah. I was just about to fall asleep and she woke me up and went,

hey, come here. Never has this happened. I was like, all right. and she woke me up and went, hey, come here. Never has this happened. I was like, all right. Now, I'm getting a, listen, help me to graphic. But you know when you know, like, she's ready? Yeah. That literature had got her all sourced up. Phenomenal.

Thank you, Bridgerton. I thought you were annoying as fuck up until that point. I thought Bridgerton was like the Crown spin-off, essentially. Yeah, it is, yeah. But they all fuck. Oh, really? No, it's not the Crown spin-off. It's like a...

No, it's all Regency and fucking... It's all Regency and... Yeah, but in my head, that is a Crown spin-off. You know what I mean? It's like a period drama. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It's a period... It's sense and sensibility with black people in it. Yeah. They've taken the Hamilton approach. They've put modern people in it. Because. It's a period. It's sense and sensibility with black people in it. Yeah. They've taken the Hamilton approach. They've put modern people in it. Because they've got a black duke. Modern people?

Black people? I mean. These new people. Rev. Never seen these before. Rev. Not even Monarch. They diversify.

Look at all these modern people. There was not an Asian duke in the 1800s. What? There was not an Asian duke in the 1800s. No, no. There was no one from an ethnic minority who hadn't earldom. Modern people. Yeah.

It makes modern family different, doesn't it? There's a lot of them in that. Modern people coming over here. Do you think this is going to transfer over to... Is this a meet you one season wonder just while coming over here do you think this is gonna transfer over to is this a meet you one season wonder just while you're away or is this gonna transfer

oh I thought you were talking about diversification I think it's a modern wonder or are we going back to white people for white roles there's never been a black duke

Finn tell us more about it do you think the the bonkids are gonna carry on over here or is it a holiday thing? Listen, fourth day. Hang on.

We got there on the Sunday. Wednesday, we had a massive dinner. And listen, even I didn't want to Bonk. Sounds like Craig Davis' first draft. Was it at the Indian Gaff we went to? Was it at the Indian Gaff we went to? It was at Bombay Babu. Yeah, it was good, that. Oh, Bombay Babu. The one we went to. Was it the Indian Gaff we went to? It was at Bombay Babu. Yeah, it was good, that.

Oh, Bombay Babu. The one we went to. The one we went to. So my hotel was just down the hill next to the beach. Such a typical British thing to do, though, isn't it? You go to the island of Tenerife. There's a billion restaurants. I've been to one before.

I'm going to go in there again. Well, Laura did that. She was like, oh, this place is like, I've never been to this place before. And I was like let's try that and it was fine you know the one we went down to on the little front at costa de zeche yeah right at the front and it was like fish restaurant and then me and finn had pizzas yeah do you remember that one yeah that's a fucking great restaurant she loved that one bombay babu is one of the best curries i've ever had for the first time ever i was like can i have a chicken tikka boona that's like medium like medium medium hot you know in like you know with

steak you go can i have it medium or medium rare or rare but you can go medium medium rare like you can almost give another sort of do Do you understand what I mean? Yeah, but the chef does ignore, yeah, just so you know when you do that with a steak. Right, right. A chef has five options. It's rare to well done, and there's medium, and there's medium well, and there's medium rare. Right, but...

And if you try and alter that, they're just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do it exactly how you've just said, and then they just do it, like... Well, I asked for a chicken tikka boona, like medium, medium, medium hot. And he absolutely nailed it twice. One of the best curries I've ever had. All of the food was good.

Definitely just gave you the house curry. But we were stuffed. And you just liked it. There was no... But then, so that's when I woke up and did the story like, hello darkness, my old friend. Really milked it. At that point um i got

so many responses on you know in your dms your message requests so this is i got there was no sex so you put an instagram story with three cars yeah with three cars in and then i did i thought this is funny this will be funny i have never had so many so i tried to delete them from my message requests and it crashed my instagram because so many people were like oh fucking hell we're laughing and everything the fourth the fourth day was the thursday was the the last full day we're at the pool and i basically went hey come on gotta get these stats up and she was like yeah before dinner absolutely the way forward that's the window post post sunning pre-dinner phenomenal never been so happy to post a fourth car oh what a fucking touch and thank you for all the congratulations

so many people invested why don't we keep it going why don't we set a new thing now yeah maybe like like for the next the next week you just put like you're just holding a stick of broccoli on your Instagram story cool well look out for that broccoli because I've had four bonks in a week

and I think that might be this year's quota so we know it's been up our arse nice because that's the broccoli for dick peanut butter for the bum bum for her dick

she's got a dick now it's been a long holiday oh my god it was great Costa deque is great but if you want a bit of couple time that is a nice resort

did you do Siam Park no we didn't do Siam Park we were too busy shagging mate stupid way to do

tennery stick it in the peanut butter on Siam Park you could have had sex at Siam Park what in a queue

no no in the fucking cubicle no i didn't want to do it no i just wanted we had four days we had four oh by the way i've been the beach off why went down on the first day i was like i'm a beach man i'm an absolute beachman right yeah except our hotel was basically on the beach. It was the last, like there was a door, there was a gate, there's a little path and then the beach. So we were right next to it.

And for the whole of our holiday last year, I was like, oh, the beach is me. It's the one. But it was half term, it was busier. And there was a lot of the ladies with the foot massage. Chinese. The Chinese ladies.

Modern people. There was a lot of modern people. And then an influx of the guys selling... It's got a patron energy, hasn't it? Because we're in on a Sunday. I'm in for 10 days. The guys with the bags, you know, they walk along and go, Fanta, Coca, Lemon, Fanta.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beer, Coca, Fanta, Lemon. He sounds very 2024. They just got a bag of them. Oh, the Coca got a lemon Fanta you know what I mean yeah I know that was very low

emissions this month oh it's so fucking annoying there was millions of them and Laura's like I can't like relax

so I was like alright I need the sea I need to get in the sea but then the bottom pool at the hotel was a like a salt water

pool nice so we went there. So I got my little, oh, I'm swimming in the sea, without the monsters, because that's the thing in it with the sea, the sea monsters. And there was no... Fanta, lemon, coca, beer.

It was so peaceful. So we found a little spot in the adultos exclusivos. Are you a combat? Are you now a combat? There's an adult bit. I am to that hotel, the Barhaia del Duc, which is one of the best hotels I've ever stayed in. Fucking amazing.

You know, last year we were like, this isn't a five star. This is an all right four star. And they're like, well, definitely five. I think it was a top end of a three, personally. Well, this one was a bang in a five like it was great the customer service was a mate you know when you're getting customer service where they don't bother you at all until you as soon as you look at someone and ask them for something they do it immediately drop what they're doing like they were brilliant they were so good

at that it was lovely it was like there was a few kids but the kids pool was up at the top so it was really peaceful around like the salt water pool I fucking loved it so I was off the beach I actually felt bad about that because I basically jibbed off the whole fucking holiday

around the pool with you lot to be like I'm a beach man we had a boss time as well yeah so much fun ball in the pool just in that little corner bit

with the goal. Unreal. There's none of that. Heads and volleys, mate. None of that at the Del Duke. I'm going to Turkey on Tuesday, and we're staying five star, but that's... Are we both away this week? Yeah.

Oh, wow. We're away the exact same days. Turkish. Oh, right. We'll record. I'll see you in two weeks. We've had a delay. We're waiting for it, Adam.

Turkish five star is three if you're lucky. Yeah. Yeah. They're pulling stars out of their eyes. It'll be fine. I go to Nashville on Tuesday. Oh, the bank. I love my comer.

And so, you know when I went to New York with Carl last month? I went to use my personal... So I've got three bank cards. I've got my personal account. I've got my Adam Rowe comedian account for my tour. Yeah. And I've got the podcast business card. What the cards I have on me.

I went to use my personal one in New York and Santander were like, Hey, you haven't told us that you're travelling. So no, not having your money, fuck you. Right? So I've had to use me Adam Rowe business card for a while because what I should have done is come immediately back from New York, gone straight to the bank and sorted it out.

What I did was... Phone calls. I was on the phone for 45 minutes the other day to the bank and every single 20 seconds on the music you know they're going i'm pretty sure it's just a man singing to you by the way she kept going we are still trying to get you a server we appreciate your patience and your kindness and i was like you are assuming a lot about the mood I'm going to be in when this phone finally gets answered. Someone's getting called a cuntflap.

Told them in the end, like, eventually get through after 45 minutes, and she goes, oh, yeah, I can see it got blocked. Can I just have the first line of your address? And I went, yeah, sure. Oh, yeah, and it's done. And no worries. And I went, well, I'm going back to America in a few days because you just make sure it doesn't happen again.

And she's like, where are you going? I went until, and that's done. So it was very simple and however a lot of my subscriptions because i've left it for nearly a month have cancelled right so like me me uh now tv for like the sport that's just cancelled because it's linked to that card right me preta monge subscription cancelled oh god what will you do? Me Amazon Prime cancelled because it's linked to that card. They're all getting slowly updated again now.

But the really important thing is when I booked my accommodation for Nashville, I'd selected to pay the month before we go. Oh, no. And yesterday I was in the pub with Jack and I was like, I was just going to check the address of where we're staying. So I went on booking.com on my email, and it said, there was two emails. One said, we're going to charge your card in three days for your stay in Nashville.

And the next one said, we couldn't charge your card for the stay in Nashville. We'll try again tomorrow. And then after that, it said, accommodation cancelled, unable to take. Oh. Yeah. So we're just going to go and sleep rough.

Slicking dick. Slicking dick. What are you going to do? What are you going to do when you get there? Just go to a different apartment. Ah, right. Was that easy? It was fine.

I just went on booking.com, found somewhere. Not as good. It's a lot better. It's in a much better location, and it was £500 more than the one. Where are you? What's the location? Sort of between broadway and east

nashville you know all those cool bars that were like house on the road yeah the other end so like if like if they're all up here and broadway's here and like the downtown's down here we're like there nice we're about a six minute walk to the stadium Yeah. And we've got tickets for the Friday at the stadium for CMA Fest. Oh, it's CMA Fest. Oh. Did you know that when you booked it? Yeah.

Oh, right. Yeah, I did, yeah. So we've got tickets. Who's on? All the big hitters? Country and... Country Music Association? That would be mine.

CMA, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's on? Big hitters or... Yeah, so we're going to see Luke Bryan, Cody Johnson, and Kelsey Ballerini. They all used to play for Ipswich. Amazing. Do you remember when they finished fifth?

You'd know some of their songs. Luke Bryan I've heard of. Yeah, he's a judge on American Idol as well. And he's handsome. Cool. It's handsome. Well, cool. It's class. And 49 Winchester who I went to see

last week in Manchester. They're playing one of the three stages on the Saturdays. I'm going to go and watch them as well. And I'm also hiring a Bronco and going on a road trip.

Like a horse? No, a Ford Bronco. Ah, okay. Like OJ. Murdering some women, yeah. Like OJ. Yeah. I've also inquired about buying a vintage Bronco and Like OJ. They're doing some women, yeah. Like OJ. Yeah. I've also inquired about buying a vintage Bronco

and getting it imported. Like OJ. Huh? Like OJ. Yeah, but it's a cooler one. So do you want to see it? Do you want to see me buy it? Oh, 100%.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vintage. Vintage Bronco. Broncos. 1.6intage. Vintage Bronco. Broncos. 1.6 million followers. Here we go. Oh, very nice. Oh, lovely, lovely, lovely.

Where's the actual video? That looked good around West Derby. Well, that's why I won it, because no one else has got one. No one else has got one. Why don't you get a Combine Harvester? It is class, don't it? It is class, Dominic. It is class.

Will it fit in the Q-Park? What? Will it fit in the Q-Park? Yeah, it's not even as big as my car. Is it not? It's just a pickup truck. Question, what are you going to do with your car? Are you trading it in for...

And you're just going to have a brown car? So I got my car valued last week. My car is currently worth about 40 grand. Is it? Yeah. Fucking hell. Yeah. Sweet. card is currently worth about 40 grand and there's a weird thing with range rovers at the minute where the the demand is more than how many they're making so you don't they don't appreciate very much at the minute um and to get one of yeah, yeah. But they start at $165,000. Ooh.

Oh, right. Is that how much they are out there or is that how much to import it? No, that's how much they are out there. Which card are you going to use for that?

What? Which card are you going to use for that? I'm going to finance it. Okay. Right. Yeah. It's a lot of money, isn't it?

Yeah. It's because they're vintage. It's because they're vintage. Yeah. Like a brand new one wouldn't be that much. But when you finish with it, it'll they're vintage. It's because they're vintage. A brand new one wouldn't be that much. But when you finish with it, it'll be more vintage. That's how cars work. I think I'll have it forever, though.

In theory, my car's going to be worth more, isn't it? And when I buy my ranch in Cheshire, it'll... What?! Oh, nice. It's going to be around the corner with his Bronco. I'm excited to see this all play out. Mr. O, you've got to pay for your Bronco. You've got three days to pay for your Bronco.

The Bronco's been cancelled. But you can rent a 2022 Bronco in Nashville for $144 a day. So I'm going to get one of them and just drive out to a lake and have some cold ones on the lake. It's a new lake. All right. I'll drive until I find the lake. Just put it in Google.

Jack, put that in Google. Lake. Does that not sound like a class name to you? Guys, you want to stop peddling in that lake? There's been some pollution in there. I wonder why my toes were itchy. And now one's dropped off. Oh, I'm so excited.

That's it. You got all your outfits? Or are you buying them out there? I've got a lot of new clothes. Finn, that was such lovely, like, prodding fishing. You knew where that was going. What do you mean? Tell us about your outfits.

Well, darling, let me show you the photo book. I've got a collage. Every day is a different mood, a theme. Luke Bryan's chiseled jaw. Lainey Wilson's big fat bander. I nearly, like, there was a toss-up really between the Friday and the Saturday at the stadium because Lainey Wilson is on on the

Saturday and I wanted to see her arsehole again. Listen. It's gone though. Lainey Wilson has had her bum removed. Yeah, a Zen pic. An epidemic. What's happened to Lainey Wilson's bumhole? That pill that everyone's on. Is it?

A Zempik. All the celebs are taking slimming pills. Listen. Someone told me he didn't lie there on his Zempik. Can't remember. Go on. What's a Zempik do? It's a fat burner.

It's a diabetes drug. Originally. Is it? But if you take it when you're not diabetic, it just makes you skinny. Thank you, and it is yeah have two of these you go blind in one eye for a bit and you'll get the judders but you'd be so skinny unless you want a big fat bunda like laney wilson now she's got a flappy tired ass but they all have like a zempic face like sharon looks like um skeletal from he-man because they go to bony yeah yeah but like i think christina pachinski's on it i think she mentioned

it yeah but i think she's doing a more humane humane dosage like a more because she's not sharon osborne's taking the horse one. She's taken... Horse Osempic. I got a fat horse. Get it on there. Horse Osempic. Right. I mean, I am tempted to try it because I feel like a fucking donut at the moment. I saw a clip from 18 months ago.

You two have both had a fucking glow up here. Have we? Really? Yeah. I feel a bit rough at the minute because I've had this... You don't know how much I needed that. Oh, that's nice, yeah? Really? Yeah. I feel a bit rough at the minute because I've left this car. You don't know how much I needed a belt. Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

Yeah, I've gone up a whole belt size in this week. You fat little bitch. Putting weight on? No, sorry, I've gone like I can do another belt. Okay, yeah, you are getting skinny. It's all that shagging. I threw up for three days solid. It's all that illness.

Yeah. How were yous when you were ill? Are you all right being ill? Or are you a bit like and if you ask all of my ex-girlfriends they'll say that i'm the most pathetic human being that's ever existed are you brave i don't get ill very often okay i don't get bedridden ill but when we did blind date oh you remember we did i got norovirus the week before. Did we record that on a Saturday? Was that a Saturday night? On the Friday, I sneezed in the shower

and my bum exploded. And I... It was so close to getting... I was like, it isn't me being a pussy. I was like, I can't dress up as Cilla Black and then poo my pants on stage. Like, that's not on. I wanted to go drinking so much after that night.

It was a great night. I wanted to go booze so much. In that hotel bar. Yeah. I think I had norovirus. I shat myself for the first time in a few years. That was fun. In your pants? for the first time in a few years. That was fun. In your pants?

In my pants. Like a full poo? It woke me up. Oh, wow. Oh, you are poorly. I was ill. If you're pooping in your sleep.

I woke up to yeah, poo in my pants. That was fun. I am not a religious man. Which God did you pray to? All of them. Oh, really? All of them.

When he took his undies off, Jesus appeared in his shite. Some people find him in toast and stuff. Well chosen, by the way. Like God, well chosen on that one. You can't draw the other one, even in poo. Char! Upset me, nasty bitch um yeah

oh that's the line that's the line isn't it we found the line nearly five years in a poo based Muhammad joke really that's what's gonna do it no one said it wasn't great and want to do lunges. We found the line nearly five years in. A poo-based Mohammed joke, really. That's what's going to do it. No one said it wasn't great. Yeah, I was over the toilet bowl praying to a god. One of the other ones.

Any god. I also wished for death a few times. Yeah. I was in a bad way. Still edited the Patreon episode, though. I had to stop six times to throw up. What? You still edited the Patreon bad way still edited the Patreon episode though I had to stop six times to throw up what

you still edited the Patreon well it had to happen didn't it you fucking little trooper it had to happen it's poo on the Patreon it's on his job

which takes very good lad I've taken the car roll today that's fine not from a bike but I get it I get it I was so sick

I could barely go almost night now go on carry on but yeah I was a bit pathetic for a few days no I'm I'm feeling alright

yeah getting there what were you like when you had COVID oh I just smoked weed for two weeks that was great I binged ted lasso and

smoked weed and wrote some songs i had a great like the first i don't think you had proper covid man i was the first two days we were we had that at the same time didn't we did we yeah you were in hospital we i went to hospital one night yeah yeah he had proper covid you had jeff buckley covid what what what when you're smoking weed and writing songs what kind of COVID's that well the first few days I was in bed but then you've got a it was at the point when you had to isolate for 10 days oh right so three days I'm in bed dying and then then I'm fine and I'm when I got COVID I was like oh this is gonna be sound I watch loads of like tv and then my eyes hurt yeah so i couldn't watch anything so there were there was like there was a little respite period in the middle where i thought i'd

beaten it and then i got bad again but it's three or four days where i just sort of lay there going in and out of sleep that's norovirus is worse because you are so poorly like physically poorly but that first three or four days of covid was rough just because i couldn't do any of the stuff that i wanted to do i just wanted to watch something and be like i'll just watch like a box set or something but i was so out of it my eyes stung it like hurt my eyes to watch something that was horrible i got a bit moany then i almost killed a girl from alabama when i covered oh i'm luke brown when i was at you when i was at uni in the states uh they didn't recognize covid they didn't think it existed yeah

because you're in deep south so they were like you weren't allowed to force people to wear masks and you weren't allowed to miss lessons unless you had like a full-blown test so while i was waiting for my results to come back, I had to go into lessons. And this girl from Alabama was like, oh yeah, you know, they're trying to muzzle us with these masks. Like, I can't believe it. And I was deathly ill with COVID speaking to her. And then she wasn't in for a month or two afterwards. Listen.

That's not your fault. Was she a bit? No, it was the Chinese. There you go. Modern people. It's a your fault. Was she a big... No, it was the Chinese. Yeah, there you go. Modern people. Was she... It's a modern disease. Was she a bigger girl?

Was she an Alabama slammer? No, she was like a sorority girl. Was she? She's hot, you can tell. She was... Sorry. Was she first? Like, she was...

Plastic-y. Ooh, that's a no. I wouldn't have done, but she was a sorority kind of... But maybe I was put off by the fact that she had like Trump tops and stuff like that. I'd find that so much more attractive. Top Trumps.

Oh! I'd find that so much more attractive than like a Democrat. Yeah, she's probably dirtier. Yeah, 100%. But also like trump supporters taking up the ass fuck my ass they moved all the foreign students into like empty accommodation and like locked them there if they had covid and it's what they wanted to do all along but it was

my 21st birthday when i had covid and i was like i'm not going into some random room so i just stayed in my room and um and i was in bed naked watching grey's anatomy and um the contamination crew came into my room and i just had some cock and balls they're all modern people harry we've heard you having a bad time we are the contamination crew and this one is fiddling with pigs crew and this one is fiddling with pigs um yeah but i like i was fiddling with bats that would have been so much better sorry spread eagle on the bed watching grey's anatomy sweating and this the idea of watching grey's anatomy while you're ill with a potentially deadly disease honestly i've got health anxiety now vicariously

through you years ago yeah oh Grey's Anatomy is one of the worst programs of all time just because it made me

want to like just kill myself to stop myself from dying I don't think medical dramas are your thing absolutely not

do you do that with other shows though what do you mean like Doomsday films like 2012 do you like no because that's nothing to do with health

and also i'm only scared of dying because i'll miss out on all the fun like if there's genuinely if there's a meteor heading towards earth and it comes on the news and it's like everyone's gonna die i'd be quite content i'd be like right we're all going you have no fomo that's exactly why i don't want to die oh it's like pew and you want to take everyone out with you if you're gonna go yeah like i i'd be so you know if i was on my deathbed and i'm surrounded by all my family and friends and it came on the news then like oh there's a meteor heading to earth i'd be like this is perfect so you're on your deathbed yeah you're dying yeah and in your head you're thinking you cunts are gonna go for a pint after this

is that the yeah i'm gonna miss my own wake do you know how annoying that is do you know how class my funeral's going to be oh yeah we're going to organise it ah damn you sped over three days at pins yeah

it's going to be a drum and bass event that's what he would have wanted the contamination crew right do you want to have a break yeah what were you saying earlier

Harry about your catholic got stolen what we're not having a break? Yeah, we must. What were you saying earlier, Harry, about your cat that got stolen? What? We're not having a break. We're talking about... We were talking about the age of cats, weren't we? Yeah. I mean, allegedly... We were talking about Millie, weren't we?

So I don't know whether Will wants to pan the camera. Will's got his dog in with us today and she's absolutely adorable. She looks like she's dying. Didn't she? Right now, yeah. She's just decided to put the deathliest pose on. Millie? Millie?

She's asleep now. Millie? Is she? That's what we said about Nana. Millie? Oh there she is, thank God. Maybe we should have shouted Nana louder. And Millie is 15 years old which in dog years is 105. Right? And we were talking about that

and you said you had a one year old cat yeah and it got I mean allegedly because I can't accuse him but we had a neighbour that looked like Dominic Littlewood

and he had a white van and we're 99% shit certainly stole our cat shit certain but it was like did you say he had a van

yeah that doesn't mean that he stole the cat I was going to say it's a weird detail he either killed it or he he stole it and why why do you think this uh he just gave off cat napper vibes right and i think i don't know that was the the theory he didn't like us he didn't like you so you think he killed your cat yeah but i think they got i think his kids got caught shooting the cat with uh bb pellets right so then we were just like cat murderer like this

well hang on the kids are little cunts that's i mean that's fair but this guy is because being called a cat stealer by association in my head of like oh that's the evil cat murderer man so maybe it's just all projected but i believe he did it's a shit superhero that cat murderer man evil cat murderer man cat murderer man uh my nan used to steal cats so i've got some experience here what the turkish one no british one what british one used to steal cats your welsh nan used to steal cats yeah yeah yeah uh she used to just lock them in her house if they? British one used to steal cats. Your Welsh nan used to steal cats? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She used to just lock them in her house if they came in. She used to feed all the cats.

So I've told... Oh, she held them hostage? Essentially. She used to feed everything. I told one of those stories at Pins of finding a dead cat in my nan's house. We'll come to that at some other point. She used to feed the hedgehogs, the seagulls, the rats. She used to actively feed the rats.

Many Isophanes. Yeah. You needed to visit her more. She was lonely. I did. I visited her all the time. Oh, did you? Yeah, she was just mental.

She used to... Make a space with the hedgehogs? Yeah. She used to... So her cat flat was just open. So we've heard. Let's just leave it. So tell us about your nan's cat flat. She just left it unattended, open all the time.

All hours of all hours. And if a neighbour's cat would come a few times and eat the food she would then lock the cat flap until it became settled and then that would be its home so at some point she had like so my nana my nana fed everything that wandered around the bungalow at her house that she was like that was her thing she never then fucking fritzled them and kept them in the basement she like let them go back

to where they were so they come to see her there'd be people knocking on the door going you got my cat and she'd be like no

I've not got your cat it's just loads of noise ignore that that's me dogs but yeah that was that was her um

what a woman yeah what a cat flap hobby yeah it was her hobby did she ever get busted for it by the police by the po-po she got she got done for the rats the the council came around the way you've got to stop feeding the rats and she was like no they were like we're gonna have we're gonna put rat traps down and she was fuming she didn't like the council do that? Can they come into your house?

I think her neighbour had complained because he had rats because she'd been feeding the rats. She'd just leave cheese out for them. Fully like... She was insane. In my head, it's like Noah's Ark around the back of your nana's cat flap.

Just like... Two by two. Flooded. Now we're having a break. Yeah. R.I.P. R.I.P. She dead.

I don't know why I did that. I did it weird. I did the start weird. The Comedians Club Chester, Saturday the 8th of June. We have tickets available. Mark Nelson, Will Duggan, and Scott Bennett with me comparing.

So this coming Saturday, Saturday the 8th of June. If you fancy it, come down to the church and watch us have the most fun. ComediansClubChester.com for tickets. You should post about it on Instagram and you can add music to it. You should put

Take Me to Church. Nice. Nicely done. But, you know, when you post about it on Instagram, you can add music to it. You should put Take Me to Church. Take Me to Church. Nice. Nicely done. Got some questions. Can you do it? Question? Oh, nice.

Oh, my God. Herman Haridason says, Wag Wag Lids, one for Adam Bolton player. He's Swedish. Herman Haridason played for, like harry redknapp's team isn't he really like that's a fake fake name someone's doing it if you whatever when you write in have word pod at gmail.com or if you want vip go to patreon um if you put a name i'll fucking read it i've said it before. I'll say it again. I'll read whatever is there.

I'm Ron Burgundy when it comes to this shit. Wag Wag Lids, one for Adam, really. Do you reckon you could win the Masters? And that's the question. No. Do you reckon you could win the Masters if every pro golfer started on the tee and you started the hole on every hole on the green? Absolutely not.

Like, and, like, there's scratch golfers, like people who play off zero. Do you know what I mean by that? Yeah. No handicap.

Yeah. No, people who have no handicap could have that question and they still wouldn't win it. And my handicap's like 30. Is that because, in, so like on a par three,

they are regularly just putting it straight on the green and put in um and then on a par three they'll they're all disappointed if they don't make the green but like they'll get it at least close enough where it's a chip on or chip in and then a port like yeah and then on a par four sometimes they're driving the green on a par four. And if not, they're very disappointed if they don't get there in two. Is it Flushing Meadows, the Masters? Augusta. Augusta, is that it?

Augusta, yeah. I played a bit of Tiger Woods back in the day. First of all, if this question is actually about me, my putting is horrific. That's the worst bit of my play. What's the strength of your my play what's the strength of your game apart from the i'm fairly consistent with my driver right but once you sort of know to play golf everyone is what you should be okay uh although they say it's the hardest club to hit but

i just don't believe them like my driver tends to go fairly straight and like about 220 yards. It's not that far for someone to be driving the ball. Okay. What's this thing I keep seeing on Instagram reels where it's just, there seems to be no finesse to it, but it's just the longest drive competition. Like that looks mental. Yeah. Like yoked guys, absolutely fucking heaving it it it's just a bit of a competition yeah

but like i'd be into that yeah that'd be fun i don't know why that looks so much fun the happy gilmore competition just get it as far as i saw tiger woods doing that doing the tag doing the happy gilmore run up the run did he yeah yeah yeah and they all wore what was the ice hockey team that Happy Gilmore had on oh I can't remember it looked like the

oh I can't remember I was googling but they all wore that and then Tiger Wolf Tiger Wolf Tiger Woods did it and he was good I watched Tiger Woods

have a longest drive competition with someone who's like a fucking chest and Tiger Woods goes me and you longest drive competition now and he's like a fucking chest. And Tiger Woods goes, me and you, longest drive competition now. And he goes, you go first. And the fella goes first and fucking stripes it. And the fella's like fucking,

he feels like he's in with a shot. And Tiger Woods gets on his knees and outdrives him. How does that work? It's just technique, is it? He's just- Do you get more power on your knees? No. He's taking a piss. He's like, even on your knees no he's taking a piss he's like even on my knees

i'll i'll drive you it's absurd um yeah so the the greens are augusta and i i only know this from listening to other people because i've never been or like experienced it myself and i i've only played to a certain level of golf club like the greens at augusta are impossible for someone like me or even a scratch golfer to read so like it looks like you'll be like right i'm gonna hit it and it's gonna kill around there and go and you'll hit it it'll go up there and down yeah way past the hole and it'll spin back to you and they're the famously hard greens. Like, impossible for someone like me to even get... So if we do the golf special, where are we?

Are we going somewhere with nice, flat, easy greens? It's a bunk on the baron. Oh, a bunk on the baron. It's got to be, hasn't it? Bunk on the baron. By the way, did you get many emails? No. About the golf special?

We got loads of messages on Patreon. No. I didn't see any. Dan got a lot of emails. Nothing's coming. I also got signed up to Ann Summers. Only fans. Loads of banter.

So we are going to do the Havoward Golf Open next summer. Planning is in place or in motion. I'll do it on me fucking knees, lad. And I think it'll be really fun. So we'll have a load of comedians. Some people who've never played before. Some people who play regularly. We'll have some of my mates.

We'll have some Patreons involved. But we're going to make it fun rules. Where like, if you're down a drink, it's a free shot and stuff. I'm into it. It makes it competitive. It'll be class. It'll be impossible to film.

You can have a fucking nightmare, but it's going to be class. Brad Jones says, quick question, like the slitheens in doctor who if you could choose someone to be able to zip yourself in and out of who would you go with so first part of the question because there's only one absolute doctor who got here and it's yeah finley cupboard love yeah what's a slitheen and and why is it so, like, slithering? How much detail do you need there?

You just need to know what it is. I don't want my vagina to dry up completely. There's some aliens from Rax Caracofalopatorius, and they... I'm sorry, what? They're, like, big green things, and they zip. They make...

They, like, kill people, and they make... They get their skins, and they, like, climb into their skin, and then zip their forehead. And then because they're so compressed, they fart a lot. They're like the farting aliens.

You know, because it's a serious show. Fart and zip up aliens. They were the prime minister at one point. Why? One of them was the prime minister. Killed Tony Blair. In real life? Yeah.

It was Saddam Hussein. Really? Yeah. It was Saddam Hussein. Really? Yeah. Who would you zip into if you could zip into any person? Whoever the boyfriend is of Miss World. Is that still a thing? Miss World. Yeah.

One of my friends regularly competes in pageants. Josh. Josh. Can we compete in pageants? Josh. I've got a friend who competes in it. Like she's competing in Miss Universe Great Britain in a couple of weeks. Yeah, Miss 24 is quite fit.

Do you not have to do regionals? Do you not have to like... Yeah, you do. You do? Yeah. So you have to be like Miss Croxteth to get into the Miss Liverpool. Well, I don't know how small it goes i

don't think it goes down to like streets or postcodes it's not like miss l12 right but there'll be it there'll be a miss liverpool and then she goes up against miss manchester miss chester miss fucking sheffield miss the miss northwest yeah and then the miss northwest and then it's miss england and then it's miss great brit, shit, there's too many pageants. And then Miss Great Britain goes to compete in Miss Wales. And one day, they'll be competing against the zip-up cunts all over the planet. Have you seen the...

I can't wait for the European final. Have you seen the video? I think it was viral last year where they're all introducing themselves. And then the French one just... What? Everyone managed to do their country in a reasonable volume. Morocco.

And she went, what? What's mad is beauty pageants aren't just about the aesthetics, not just about what you look like. There's like different rounds where it's like, hey, walk towards me in a straight line, do a little dance.

It's what women are good at. There's like spelling bees in it. There's maths competitions. Right, right. And each round is like a different- Hey, I'll bev to a Sudoku. See where you are miss liverpool yeah I'm good with numbers

yeah here you go Adam so here's some beauty pageant questions that they ask at Miss World what is your greatest weakness my greatest weakness being too

I don't think IBS is going to get you the win here my greatest weakness is not knowing when I'm beat I don't think IBS is going to get you the win here. My greatest weakness is not knowing when I'm beat. I like it. If you could control the national budget... It's actually strength. That's what they want. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What would you allocate the most funds to? The national budget. Yeah, save this country. So, like, Rishi Sunak's old job before he was running the country who is the Chancellor? I would say doesn't matter because they're going

I would say schooling and the NHS equally oh Jeremy Hunt recently President Trump I mean this is a bit outdated uh has said that the united states has an immigration crisis at the southern border do you agree i'm all for modernization i watch bridgerton and everything

i'm sound with it give me one more. Imagine if Miss Liverpool got asked that question. Miss Liverpool. If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would it be? Alive. That honestly, that is going to get you a little tick, isn't it? I think the most fun person to zip into right now

might be Biden. Yeah. His skin's loose enough. Yeah. It's also possible that someone is doing that yeah there's a lot of there's a lot of have you seen a conspiracy theory that he's not he's like a clone i've seen that he's a robot and you're like why are you making a shit robot because that's it has to be to be believable because if it was a good robot effort i'd be

like he wasn't that good six months ago he's like like those XP yeah yeah he's but he looks very different than he did like 15 20 years ago god does he yeah can you get this off what sense does that not make him a shit close

does he look like what older or something or well older he looks well older than he did 15 years ago just put like Joe Biden

different person and he's 81 now the screen's on yeah I know so put him in at 25 and see if he looks different. Can we not have like a maximum age limit as well on like people who run the free world?

There's only four years between him and Trump and the life difference is a lot. Yeah. In terms of who's alive. Do you see Trump's response when he came out for UFC 302 yesterday? What, they went mental? They went fucking mental and theo von is behind him fucking hyping it up yeah absolutely it happened when we went to vegas

to watch the ufc he was there and the same thing he's uh he's gonna win is that on no no well he's gonna win from prison which is gonna be an interesting twist isn't it he's going to win from prison, which is going to be an interesting twist, isn't it? He's not going to prison. He's a convicted felon. He is. The cheating, horrible cunt. I know it's overdone, but he is so good at press conferences. There's never... In what sense? They're the funniest thing ever.

I know, but I don't think that's what they should be. No, they shouldn't be. He's a horrible guy. But he is... When he came out and he went, and he was like, no one has ever been treated like this in the history of the US. It's all Biden.

The court's been paid off by Biden. The judge, I won't tell you what he did, but he's a bad guy. He's dropping all these things. Yeah, yeah. The jury, they literally crucified them. No, they didn't, did they, Donald? They didn't literally crucify them.

It's awful. But at some point, you have to accept he's going to win and just step back and watch it happen because there's genuinely nothing we can do. No, I know, but he's... There's a potential prison term for these 34 convictions. Then he's got to do another one in Florida because he faked some accounting down there.

Then a court in Georgia are trying to pull him up for basically attacking the whole democratic process with the election and the riot on the Capitol. And by the end of that, if he's been found guilty of all of that, he could be in prison for the campaign. Would that not kick off a civil war or something? There's no precedent for this

because apparently 100 years ago, a guy ran for the presidency from prison. He was a socialist candidate. He got like a million votes, which is fuck all in America. But no one has ever won the presidency while being in prison. There's no rules for it.

There's no constitutional precedent. So what will they do? Because if you can't fulfill your duties as president, then you can't, like they could easily argue you shouldn't be president, but then that will kick off the alt-right so badly because then it'll be like, you have robbed the election. Only one, when he got convicted, of 34 counts,

only one in six people that did a poll went, would you still vote for him? One in six people went, no, probably not. The rest were like, fucking make America great again. Because he's convinced a lot of it, a large part of his fan base that it's a witch hunt. They all believe it. I know this.

He's so slippery. He's so slippery. It's unbelievable. At some point, you have to accept that we're in the season finale of Planet Earth, and the writers have completely jumped the shark, and it's all just getting... Like, you just have to enjoy it. Like, the world is on fire.

It's one big bin fire. So let's just get some marshmallows and heat them up. Like, why are we worried anymore? Just let it happen enjoy it we get to be here for like the most mental bit of history none of the president's gonna be in prison he's gonna be doing press conferences in an orange jumpsuit and they're gonna he can't vote for himself he can't vote for the presidency because he's a convicted fellow but he can run it's it's a cartoon and it's fucking class.

It's the best episode of the fucking Simpsons you've ever seen. It's unbelievable. Let's enjoy it. The president is going to be in prison, maybe, but he's not going to prison. Billionaire presidents don't go to prison. I don't know. Again, if we're jumping the shark,

it'd be fucking great if he did because i hate the cunt but also just for the melodrama i totally agree like what are we doing differently it feels like the final season on it yeah but what are you doing differently there's there's two pretty horrific wars going on at the moment the one in ukraine is basically like mental it's it feels like because there's everyone's got nuclear weapons and they're like, no, we'll just keep shooting each other and chasing each other around the Ukraine while we could do that thing.

It's like having a thumb war with a loaded handgun on the table. Like, let's do it like this. I know I could shoot you, but let's just keep doing it like this. And we're just getting along with it. Everyone in the world's like, yeah, we're getting along with it. The president's going to be in prison. That's going to go so mental when it all hits in november you've got to put your fingers in your and i'm like come to chester on saturday no no no in terms of nuclear armageddon you do no it's all it's all i'm not doing anything and there's nothing anyone

can do or it'd be getting done so just enjoy the season finale of Planet Earth and the American arm of it is fucking class it's awful but it's entertaining and you cannot deny that it is batshit crazy and he's gonna win I don't think he is you know

yeah yeah he'd do it as well he'd do it, he. He'd do it. He'd be like, this would be great. Scary, man. Fucking hell. You seen Shane Gillis in the new Eminem video? No.

He's in Eminem's... Houdini. Yeah, he's in the music video for that. There was a... My man's doing all right, isn't he? There was a screenshot of a group chat from the New York comics who do Legion of Skanks. And someone was like, is that Shane in the new m&m video and the replies were it was i think at this point m&m's in the new shane video i've watched a couple of episodes of tires yeah it's

good i've watched it all i've watched it all all right is it really well done yeah it's just so really fun it's it's really funny and it's very refreshing for a comedy like that to be made because it is just it's very real that is what those places are like and it's not popular anymore or common to put that level of realism for inappropriate humor and what goes on in male-dominated workplaces like that and that's what it's like and it's it's already

the arena for season two and it's yeah I think we gave him his break you know yeah we did yeah it's it

also I found really good about it it's really plot driven I didn't I sort of thought they'd just do jokes

gags I thought they'd just do it for the gags but it's actually it is genuinely about the plot and you start getting kind of invested what's the manager called the will will it's so brilliant playing the straight man he's good playing the straight man it's a really funny guy but like his friendship with Shane in it is really nicely done yeah like and that's that's really good comedy has those moments where they're being cunts to each other,

but you can sense the affection from the characters. It's really nicely done. Go and watch Tires. Yeah. Shall we do some irrational celebrity beefs? Ooh. So for those who missed the episode where we brought this up, this is just, we asked people to get in touch

if they just hate a celebrity, like, for no reason. Like, i've got like a visceral hatred of judith keppel because she's a fucking arsehole did you did you know she's related to camilla parker bowls we have that sent in a few times yeah of course she is there you go it's progressed to murder right adam let's uh we'll put you in judgment of this if you agree give it a give it a bang you just you put you in judgment of this. If you agree, give it a bang. You just sit in judgment on this. Let's see.

William Candice says, I fucking hate Keira Knightley. She's objectively a good actor. She's been in some good films and lots of people think she's very fit, especially in that early 2000s era. But there's one thing that absolutely ruins it all and it's her laugh and smile.

When I see it, it makes her laugh and smile when i see it makes me cringe and want to yip i know exactly what he means though like i i've got like a soft spot for karen knightley i think she's all right from bend it bend it like beckham era what a film and pirates of the caribbean wow but also a smile is a bit like it looks like it's about to close a hospital. Like, it's so posh and tawny. Yeah. Like, her face looks like right-wing policy. Do you know what I mean? Her face, like, her mouth obviously comes from money.

Screams gentry. I'm getting an eyelid. Imagine she did that in a film. I'm getting an eyelid. I know what's in the trailer. If she did that in every film. Oh, Keira Knightley. Keira, can you stop doing that? You're not DJ Khaled.

Oh, Keira Knightley. Niall says, as far as celebrity hates go, I cannot stand Barry Keown. His face is strange and he's so weird and cringe on Instagram. From Salt Burn. I still haven't got over the fact that someone said he looks like he's a member of the US women's football team.

And he does. Like if he was playing centre mid for the US women's national team, you would not even question it. He looks like an athletic lesbian oh yeah yeah yeah um and i've still not got over the the scouse accent in saltburn what accent from prescott yeah yeah it's i mean it's mad people i needed to get over it but there's so much else going on in that film. They've come all the way around on that and that, oh, he was doing that on purpose

because he was hiding the fact that he was from Liverpool, so he was doing a bad acting on purpose. Oh, right, okay. It's a load of shit. I don't think that's true. Regan Dunaci says... What a name. Again.

Oh, by the way. My Irrational Beef is Craig David.id something about him don't trust that prick's big forehead uh and even though i have got a big forehead myself i totally know what he means i've never been at one with craig david you have you not that surprises me never just really i just i can't believe he kept going like he had his thing and then he sort of disappeared. Yeah. And then just sort of like kind of came back again. That's so...

But he came back cooler, didn't he? Yeah. Because originally he was like a gimp, weren't he? Like for years, everyone was like, Craig Davidson, Ming,

he's a gimp. He went away. His birthday parties were empty. Both of them ruined him. Yeah. So he went... Absolutely ruined him. So he went quiet.

And he came back with a hairline that wasn't his. And nostalgia. But also- Not just nostalgia. Because originally he was like a bit of a like R&B rapper, but he came back as like a fucking- He's a DJ, isn't he?

He's done a little DJ course, came back and was like, look at me fucking lights. Yeah. Yeah, but they all do DJ courses, don't they? Yeah. I think- Who did Coachella?

Was it Paris Hilton? Paris Hilton did a DJ section.j i mean she hasn't did you see she she's wandered around a deck she uh was the most random addition to the wishing leads good luck in the playoff final video paris hilton it was full of leads players and then just paris hilton no idea why she's a big big leads big leads she was the original celebrity porn tape wasn't she yeah in the day she was like one she was probably like 20 of my first 100 wanks some good stats stat boosting mathematician at heart um but i i'm not uh gonna agree on craig david because i think

his uh career arc is to be commended, he was a laughing stock and came back as a fucking like everyone sort of liked him, so no you're the problem, not Craig David he's a nice man, he's had enough shit, leave him alone, hey you listening Regan Dunacci, go back to running your

fucking country, Lisa says, I cannot stand David Attenborough I know everyone loves him and he's meant to be a national treasure, but for what? Diddling a few gibbons? Deaf-owned animal nonce. I don't buy it.

No. Oh, Lisa. You can't. I back this one a little bit. I don't hate him, but I don't like... People give him, I don't know,

a bit too much credit. Why? He's the nation's granddad. He's the nation's granddad. He's the nation's granddad, and he's shown us pictures of whales and that? My granddad never did that. I know. That's why yours is shite. Mine was better.

Mine looked like Mo Salah. What? Your granddad looked like Mo Salah? Yeah, he had an afro. Like, back in the early days. Is your granddad modern? What? Egyptian.

No. Are you all right, Harry? I was talking about this the other day. Have you got a Muslim grandad? You're not the only one over there. I'm not sure if I'm allowed. So no. If anyone asks, no.

But like, he could have been. I don't know. I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say family-wise, but, like, his dad could have been. His dad could have been. But you don't know. Yeah. Or was it, like, drama back in the day?

You admitted on here that your nana was a prostitute. That's his mum. And now you're getting all fucking touchy. His mum was a prostitute, so she could have been with several. Finn said the thing that Harry was trying not to. And the worry is that if anyone listens to it. Oh, Jesus. Are they alive?

No, my granddad isn't, but like... Yeah, but... You can't lie about the dead. You can't lie about the dead. But yeah, he looked like Mo Salah. Class. I'll say this about David Attenborough. No one else is going to be able to narrate

nature documentaries like it. Yeah, he's the Heath Ledger of animal documentaries. Helena Bonham Carter did one. He's the Heath Ledger of animals. He's ruined it Carter did one. He's the Heath Ledger of animals. He's ruined it for everyone who follows. There's always going to be judges against that. Helena Bonham Carter did one, and you're like... I've got a beef with her.

I don't like her. Yeah. She creeps me out. I think she's trying to. She was another 20 of mine. Original under the thing. Fight Club. Fight Club.

Oh, right. That was all CGI you know what hell in a bottom card that was CGI all that sex scene was all CGI was it yeah

yeah the old one could have said she over hentai you can I think you can tell as well again because it's OG innit yeah

I think it's called Life on Our Planet Planet and it's on Netflix Planet Hot Morgan Freeman yeah is the voice. And can I just say, I know it's not going to happen, but Morgan Freeman has that sort of basic granddad stature.

Yeah, but if you replace Attenborough with Freeman, it's a clock that's counting down again. Yeah. How old is Freeman? 85, 86? You've got a good 10 years. You don't get a good 10 years. You'll get 10 years, but you won't get a good 10 years.

Attenborough's still good. He's 87. You're getting 10 years. But not everyone lives to the same age, Dan. He's only been doing well. Sir David Attenborough is 90. He might go before Attenborough. Black don't crack. But it does die.

Sean Incest, don't know can we we're not giving him a we're not giving Lisa a fucking thing for Sir David are we no not a chance Morgan Freeman would be

a good replacement but he's too old it would be good to have him doing it yeah Sean In says I'm looking at this horse and it's fucking

another horse I'm Morgan Freeman doing it on file again again cut he's been hanging out with Keira Knightley I'm Morgan Freeman. Again. Again. Come. He's been hanging out with Keira Knightley. I'm Morgan Freeman.

I'm Morgan Freeman. Who's that? Who did I accidentally do? Morgan Freeman. Oh, my God. I did the Hormone Monster. Oh, my God. Look at that fish swimming around looking for some fish pussy.

Oh, that's a dog. That's a cow. Sean in says, Sean in says, don't know why, but Jesse. There's only a thousand tigers left in the wild. That's Bill Clinton. I did not have sexual relations with that tiger. That's a great David. Yeah. I did not have sexual relations with that tiger. I'm Morgan Freeman. That's a great David.

Yeah, that's what he's going to do. That's a buffalo. I'm Morgan Freeman. This one species of spider is over there with all its babies. That sounded so good until he started the next bit. This one species of spider is over there. The punch, this is the punch. It's over there. Morgan Freeman just not reading the script. Just, it's okay, I know how to do this, Morgan Freeman.

And then just ad-libbing like, that's a big whale. Look at the big whale. That's swimming in the sea. The sea's cold. Morgan Freeman don't like the sea. Morgan don't float like he used to. Look at that spider. I don't trust him. Morgan Freeman don't like to see. Morgan don't float like he used to. Look at that spider. I don't trust him. Sean in says, don't know why,

but Jesse Eisenberg's that. Jesse Eisenberg's face really winds me up. I don't know whether it's just because he played Mark Zuckerberg so well, but I want to punch his fucking little head in. He plays smug, smug Jewish person very well. He does play that role, every role.

Oh, okay. That is his shtick. Shtick. Did you mean that? Did you not hear the stank on him? Yeah, he's a gobshite, him. I'm sure it's because he's actually a really good actor, but he's such a convincing, annoying little prick.

Yeah. What's the one thing I really like him in? Is it Double Tap? Zombieland. Zombieland. Yeah, yeah. And then Zombieland. Zombieland 2 was shit. Really works in that.

Lennon McDade says, Tim Westwood, just an absolute goth. His personality is just him trying to be a different race. Sex offender. Tim Westwood just an absolute goth his personality is just him trying to be a different race sex offender Tim Westwood literal sex offender I don't think that's

an irrational celebrity beef he ruined I think if someone writes in Bill Cosby as well let's just be like yeah bad guy hang on what's the news about

Tim Westwood when did this break years ago 2005 is he a nonce no I'm not sure if it's nonce it's definitely like

bad me too'd he got me too'd yeah he got he got me too'd alright well Lennon McDade April 22

several women yeah right well you're right Lennon well done and also on top of all of that he ruined Pimp My Ride

like the the ones from the British version the exhibit one was class and then he ruined it he's like well we're going to put a toaster in your glove box he's like prick Morgan Freeman would have been so much better

oh my god I'm going to put some spinning reams on that kettle I'm Morgan Freeman Fraser Nixon says this is controversial always hated Jack Black. No!

He's a class voice actor, but when he plays himself, he's really dislikable. No, he isn't. He's probably the greatest human that's ever lived, actually. He just bounces around, he dresses for him. That's what I like about him. We've said it before, Jack Black, phenomenal pint. I wouldn't have any worries if they were like,

you know what, Jack Black's down at Pogues't have any worries if they were like, you know what, Jack Black's down at Pogues. He would be one where if he was a gobshite, that would be heartbreaking. He's just so obviously, isn't though? Like, he's just so obvious. I don't know whether we spoke about it on air, but there was a story of, I don't know where in the world it was.

I think, I don't know why I'm thinking this. It's where they closed the bar. Yeah, it was in Japan. It's somewhere in the world, and he I think, I don't know why I'm thinking this. Is it where they closed the bar? Yeah, I think, it was in Japan. It's somewhere in the world and he was filming somewhere, right? And he got a friend of his to go to a bar and say, will you just stay open for us?

Jack Black's in town, he's filming, he's filming till late and we just need somewhere to have some food and drinks and we'd just love you to just stay open just for us.

So, they kept the restaurant open. He turned up, like, they were all sat around just talking and someone was like, can someone just go and get a guitar? They got a guitar and they just sat around

until six in the morning just singing, but then gave like thousands of dollars in tips to the staff who stayed open because he's just sound. It was me that told you that story. Was it? Yeah. Class.

About halfway through that I went, this isn't a reel, it's me. It was me that told you that story. Was it? Yeah. Class. About halfway through that, I went, this isn't a reel. It's me. It was in New Zealand when I was at the comedy festival. They were like, this happened. And I've never been so happy to hear a story. And at the end, they were like, they had his credit card and they were like, it was like $5,500 or something because they just blitzed it and they put a higher fee

and he'd been okay with it. And then he tipped like twice that or like a three thousand dollar tip good egg fucking love him is there any other that one in by the way just stop listen to the podcast you're not welcome here anymore is there any other celebrities unless you're a patriot are there any other celebrities that you think would do that or are as sound jack black is up there for not only i think there's a lot of celebrities would hire a place and be like listen here's my credit card and do this but he let anyone that worked there stay and hang out that was that was why they loved him he wasn't like listen you just work it he he had people like they were like oh my mate is around the corner like he's been at a bar and

he was like get him over like they look there's very few celebrities like you'd hope that will ferrell would be that sound but like the truly love celebrities i don't think kevin hart would be like that i think he's got his entourage and like that's the perception that he's incredibly friendly sound he's good comic no one's got a bad word to say i don't think he'd be as open to everyone just like sitting out hanging out having a smoke i think a lot of celebrities present themselves as sound because it's the right thing to do and i think sometimes you see through that and i'm not accusing anyone of being like that specifically but what i'm saying is i think with jack black it shines through that he's not doing that he's just being him at all times i tell you, you know when I worked in Zellig's, right?

My first ever bar job. I don't know whether I've told this story on this podcast before because we're nearly five years in and there's going to be repetition sometimes. Do you know who the soundest celebrity for looking after the staff was that ever came in? Stephen Cole.

Every time they came to the bar, there was like, I think there was six of them, three lads, three girls. And they would come to the bar and they would give me the card and the round would be like 25 quid and they'd go just take 70.

They were just tipping like 40 and 50 quid a go. Every single round. Do you know who it was? Callum Best. Shmad. You could have given me all day. I've got that one. Where's he got his money from?

His dad. Yeah. His dad and also he was like... I feel like that might run out at some point. He was like a reality TV guy for a while and then a DJ, wasn't he? He was on the face. He was on the course of...

Back to the DJ. Morgan Freeman? Yeah, it was Morgan Freeman's been DJing at Coachella. That was it. I'm playing a song. Morgan Freeman. I'm playing this one again. I've lost my sound.

It's really tickling me every time I'm teaching this DJ course I'm Morgan Freeman He's teaching this That'd be a sick drop though wouldn't it I'm Morgan Freeman Remember DJ You need to bring

You need to bring your wall plug Let's get Charlie on that And make sure the speakers are good and loud because everybody's hearing. Not so good. Sam says, this is going to upset Finn. However, mine has to be Liam Gallagher.

There's something about him that just screams I'm an attention seeking man child who still thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. If I was to ever see him in person, I'd be more likely to shit in a bag and throw it at them. Big talk there, Sam. Then even consider asking for a picture or an autograph. I think you do neither. person i'd be more likely to shit in a bag and throw it at them big talk there sam uh then even

consider asking for a picture or an autograph i think you do neither i understand this one and you've got to understand i understand it but i reject it i reject it i again i all i really need from people is authenticity and he is very authentic and that's that's a persona he's a rock star i don't think it is it is no he's so sound on podcasts by all accounts he is he's the sound one who will make time for people and will do like videos of people if they ask also in when he when they came out in the 90s he like him being a fucking gobshite and having attitude it's what we all wanted we wanted someone it was great you like wanted someone to be like a bit of a dick it was cool yeah there's a lot of the stuff that they did back in the day that they would not get away with now but that's what makes it so like Wembley, 2000, he got bladdered. He was going through divorce

court and stuff. And he went, right, I want to see a pair of breasts on this screen right fucking now. And the camera's like, where the fuck? And there's a woman going, where? And it's like fucking mad shit. I don't know whether you wouldn't get away

with that now. Because as long as she's took her own top off, I think VAR is still in 2024 just on side. That's important. If you're at a rock show

and the cameraman's searching, don't go, she's got a pair of tits. Hey! Liam! I'm not even here with it! Mad. Yeah, no,

I'm not having this. Please don't put this one through. It'll upset me. You can Mad. Yeah, no, I'm not having this. Please don't put this one through. It'll upset me. You can decide. No, no, no. Liam, Sam. Irrational. Doesn't, listen, can be,

the Jack Black one, you threw it out there. It's fine. It was irrational. We want him. Celebrity beefs. Let's have a break. Let's face it. Most meal replacements are rough on sensitive stomachs.

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with code PODCAST15. Sperry. Trust nature. Hattie Preston is here. Second appearance in just a few months yeah almost like someone forgot to book a guest or something

I did do you know what Hattie like I say what a lot of people say a lot of things about you okay thank you whatever they say you know what

you know what no matter what everyone else says you are local you know what I mean you're right round the corner it's the biggest compliment I've had actually

thank you very much you're so near to the studio like who'll be free on a sunday the single childless bitch who's probably not in church sick are you still fully childless because i know you were trying to get some cum last time i know don't point it down when you say cum she tries yeah it was and also on, I should thank you very much for all the offers of sperm I got in my DMs after this episode. I really appreciate all of you. Any suitable matches?

I don't know. One of the messages and his opening gambit was, I know you're double my age, but I was like, you better be 12. Young cum. Pardon?

Young cum. Yeah, it was, yeah, absolutely. Do you know what's going on? Don't, listen, I've got the gist. You've got the gist. So Hattie wants a baby, but she don't want no foot and man. Foot and man?

She wants a foot and baby in her foot and belly, but she don't want to wipe any man's ass when he's 90. Or the lady's independent. Right, okay. Is that something you still want or are the DMs from 12-year-olds to put you off? Oh no, I would never.

I don't think she's like necessarily going for our listeners as her source of news. Hey, you don't know that. She's going to, there's like a special government building where you can go and get some. Yeah. All right.

We'll be really offended if you're trying to get some off-menu cum. That's all I'm saying. I'm really sorry. No, I would never i would never i'm not that highbrow um i know it was it's all been great i haven't actually told you this one lovely thing came from that sorry lots of lovely things came from that episode i love you all dearly and it was wonderful one lovely lovely thing they did i'm in the midst of all my messages about like how much they want their beautiful children to crawl out of me direct quote uh that was my favorite and uh there was this one girl who slid into my messages and she was like

hi i'm really this is probably a bit weird and out there so i promise you this is not weird and out there but uh she was like i just want to have my son yeah i really hate mine she was like i'm i just want you to know like i'm also trying trying for a baby by myself and going through IVF. And it was just so lovely listening to someone talk about it and be sound and fun about it. And she's like, I just want to say thank you so much. But if you ever wanted to go for a coffee or talk to someone, and now we're like really good mates. And I was with her for brunch this morning and we meet up

and we have like, she's my lovely friend. Oh, if you want to get laid, get to that brunch. She actually, her name's Lorna, and she's my loveliest friend. So thank you very much. I've got a brand new single mummy friend. Has she got a kid? No, she's the same as me.

She's in the middle of it. We're going along. It's actually quite similar timings, but she's great. Well, you told me a few months ago that you were like, it was like the end of the month you were getting. Yeah, it was.

And then they fucked it all up. Yeah, the clinic fucked it. Sorry, I'm not supposed to say it and then they fucked it all up yeah the clinic fucked it sorry i'm not supposed to but they fucked it all up so i went absolute full redhead but now and now we're back on for for next month um and everyone's terrified of me which is actually my favorite place to be in the world um we know so it's happening you're doing it doing the thing damn doing the thing oh my god i know it's really fun she actually lorna has this amazing story like it's so funny when you're doing it by yourself because i guess it is still the the rarity like it is still usually couples who are just struggling or a bit older or have you know so when you're doing by yourself apparently lorna had one and they do the like you know

jamming up you and they leave you there for a bit to have it all like settle and um and the lady as she was leaving she's like now listen just for the next few weeks just try not to have uh sexual intercourse if one was like i mean if i was batting them away with the stick i don't think we'd be in this position the two of us were like how do you think we're going like how do you think our sex lives are going if we're here being like you just based it up there and hope for the best. She thinks you're fucking, but like, not you. Yeah, maybe she thinks

we're just like mad whores who are just like, not this bit. We'd like our kids to be normal. Picky whores. Oh, you're going to get

to be a parent without anyone telling you what they think you should do. Or naming it, Dan. What a torch. But she's also going to be

one of those annoying comics, you know, like when comics get a dog and they always bring it to the gig. She's going to be happy with the baby in it. Oh, just when comics get a dog and they always bring it to the gig. It's going to be Hattie with the baby in it. Oh, just look at me baby while I go and do me clothes. Yeah, so get used to that.

The only comedian who's ever done that at a gig with me was Katherine Ryan. Did she take your baby or did she give you hers? She didn't take... Katherine Ryan does not steal babies. She does not. Just want to make that clear. Okay.

Allegedly. She had a kid at like the original Oak in Headingley. Yeah. Which is like a proper 120 seat max circuit gig. And she was like, I'm so sorry. She was literally on her iPad. So in terms of power move. Unbelievable.

I'm going to do it. But the problem is Brennan asked me to hold his dog last week for a gig and I fucked it up and dog ran on stage. So I've really like. I wouldn't tell that to the people at the spain clinic brendan i was like oh my god this dog just a bit i was like i had one job so we got names you already you're already set yeah because i don't have to run it by me no i'm not gonna reveal it at all because no because someone will steal it yeah no are you have it. No. I'm just passing the question.

Do you think you're done? Are you like two and done? Oh, we are medically done. Oh, you're, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, when they took the last baby out, they cut it. Yeah, just chopped his dick off.

Yeah, that's what they did. That's what they did. And that's how they described it as well. Baby's out, choppity chop. That's what they did, don't they? In ovaries, right? Yeah, yeah. And Laura can't remember it being In Overy's running the band. Yeah. Yeah. And Laura can't remember

it being agreed. She was just like there. Yeah, it's perfect. And they're like, do you want us to do this? Because you seem stupid. Yeah, flooded with oxytocin and love. You can do what you like.

Yeah. So no, it's definitely not happening again. We've got our little team and I don't want any more. That's really nice. I always find it quite weird when people won't like

reveal their names. Yeah, same. I just think there's also like a jinx-y aspect to it. Like, let's just get this kid out and home yeah before we start i already know the names i want and i tell everyone who asks yeah what jinxy row i just don't like people are like one of my best mates has got a baby during um july and i said something today i was like have you got names and he's like yeah and i was like what is it and he's like i can't tell you i'm like i've known you since we were four yeah like tell me what you're

calling your foot and baby yeah you're so jordy today no you can't people steal people people definitely steal people have already got them that did that happened in my family um because one cousin was born first they told the other answer the name and then she named it the exact even the same middle name. That's grounds for split, like family split up. Yeah, that auntie's dead now. So I don't know what happened there. Jesus Christ.

I don't know what happened there. I was little. Ben, I'm so sorry. That's huge. That's family. I like Zach and I like Eliza. Okay. And we can figure out where both of those have come from. Do you know how many... Where do you think Zach's from? Eliza. Okay. And we can figure out where both of those have come from.

Do you know how many... Where do you think Zach's from? The country singer? Nope. Dingle. No. Efron. Good guess though.

Efron. School of Rock. Cool name. I just liked the name and it was in that. And Eliza. Yeah. Doolittle. Eliza Minnelli.

Doolittle. No, it's Eliza from Hamilton. Good. Really good. Yeah, really good. And also I like Adamoolittle. No, it's Eliza Hamilton. Good. Really good. Yeah, really good. And also, I like Adam. Yeah. No, I figured that.

That checks out. You're absolutely someone who'd do Adam Jr. No, I wouldn't. Yeah, you are. I would do Vinnie, though, which was my original name. Okay. Was it? Is it the other way around?

Yeah, I was Vincent Rowe for a week. How many Juergens are there in Liverpool, do you think? We literally said that the last time I was on the podcast. I was like, there's going to be so many Juergens next year in Liverpool. No. I will promise you now, that's not my best name. It's just too German. Yeah.

It's too much. If his name was like Ulfie, then there'd be loads of... Ulfie? Ulfie? Ulfie? There'd be loads of Ulfies. And Ulfie wanted to call his most recent child diva but uh genuinely but jesse vetoed that so they went with such a cool name yeah it's felt like that becca's cool as fuck yeah yeah yeah

see there's all these options just i what i want to do to make it like native scouse is just call it r something just call it R Darren. Like straight off the bat. You know, that's not what we do. That just means it belongs to us. There's loads of people like R Kelly. I'm not taking any risks. He's a scouser.

He's a scouser. He belongs to Liverpool. You can have him. No, I'm not taking any risks because I'm just calling it R, first name, and then second name. Yeah,

straight off the bat. If I guess the name, will you tell me? No, because you won't guess it. No, because I'm a bougie bitch. You won't guess it.

Oh, are you going for like a horrible celebrity? Yeah. Apple or something. Big time, yeah. Prune. Oh, no. Prune, yeah. Prune Preston.

Absolutely. Really good. How did you get in there? I just jumped off. Is it an arty one? No, it's like, it's not arty. It's like. Bono.

Bono Preston. Yeah, absolutely. Guildhall. What? Deep Dale. No. Are you going really fancy? No, it's not fancy.

It's just a bit niche. I wouldn't do fancy. I don't really like fancy names, but just a bit. I have that thing. I don't want there to be another person of that in the same class. Clement. Clement. Atlee.

Yeah. That is where they're going to pass me. Greatlee yeah great no absolutely ruby not telling you it's ruby it's fucking ruby oh i can't call it ginger ruby i guessed that right didn't i you're a liar you're very close am i rudy no oh it's ruby or rud, it's Ruby or Rudy. It's Ruby. I think it's Heather. Heather. Heather's so great. Do you all go really hard? Don't be mad like Linda. Do you know what I mean?

Like, fuck it. Ah, Linda. Ah, Linda. She better be born 54 and smoking. Oh, she will be. This kid needs to come out rich is all. This kid needs to come out with a great idea for an app. There's a girl my sister goes to uni with who's 19

and she's called Margaret. God. They're all coming back though. No, Margaret's not coming back. That one's not. The Marthas and the Mabels, they're all coming back. Margaret. Margaret.

But is she Maggie? No, she's Margaret. Maggie is good. Maggie's great. Is Etta short for anything? Not sure about that. Etymology. Etymology.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't think of where we'd get that name from. It's so lovely. We've had loads of Ettas named after my Et get so lovely um with we've had loads of etters named after my etter i've had tons of tons i've had several messages over the last few years going we've just had a little kid and i've not told my wife where we've got the name from but we've gone with etter i really like the idea of that do you like it or do you get a bit like oh would you stop choosing my name no but but the thing is with the stealing names, I know you're like, doesn't matter, I've picked them.

In your close circle of mates or family, you can't have four fucking Etta's. No, you can't. It just doesn't work. It's fine if someone else has got the same name as your kid, but if you've got three cousins with the same, all Zach's, that is annoying, isn't it? Yeah, it is annoying.

So if someone else is Prego, you do have to keep the sort of... Then you can't just pick another name, can't you? Like, I like those names, but it's not like the end of the world. If, like, our Jack has a baby before me and he calls his kids Zach, then I'd just be like, do you know what? I'll just call him Bruce or something. Yeah. That's great.

That's the second option, isn't it? Bruce. Bruce Almighty Ro. Where'd you get the name, Adam? Don't know. Just came to me. Don't know. Just came to me. Don't know. I'm watching a lot of films.

Oh, God. Do you know what I found out the other day? Why redheads are called redheads? You said redhead about 15 minutes ago and I haven't stopped thinking about anything since and I've barely listened to a word that's been said. So you know the fruit orange? Right.

So there's a... Is anyone else concerned about how... Okay, carry on. So you know the fruit orange? There's a chicken and egg question about the fruit orange, and it's whether the fruit orange came first or whether the colour orange came first, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's neither. The answer is the tree so the orange tree was the first thing and it was nothing to do with the color or the fruits it was just the tree that had those things on yeah and back then orange wasn't a color in language it was either called yellow or red it was like dark yellow or light red right so back then orange was more commonly red than yellow. So a lot of people would say anything that was orange,

they'd say that's a shade of red. It's like a light red. And then because of the orange tree and the fruit that came off it, they started saying, well, this is an orange. This is well better. Right?

And then they were like, well, this is now the color orange and things that were that color started to get called orange. But redhead so far predates that, that it's stuck with it. And that's why people with orange hair get called redheads. Yeah, orange head doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

Nope, you're orange head. You're orange head. There's no blue in Italy as well. There's no word for blue. There ain't no black in the Union Jack. What? There's no word for blue, even though the national team plays in a blue kit.

So there's like azure. No, no, no. What colour is that? I don't know. We never name it. We say footy shirt. Why are you turning me into colours? So they have azure, I think,

which is like light blue, and then they have dark blue, but they don't have our blue. No, they can't have light blue and dark blue but they don't have our blue no they can't have light blue and dark blue if they don't have blue but they're different colours it's like

after the sky and after the sea but there's no like middle ground like CL oh like you know what you think when you say something's blue

royal blue yeah yeah well they probably don't have royal do they fascist blue this is such niche colour knowledge what have you guys been doing this week Yeah. Well, they probably don't have royal, do they? Fascist blue. This is such niche colour knowledge.

What have you guys been doing this week? This is really great. I've been quite depressed for two weeks, so I've just been on TikTok. And you're on TikTok! He's been to TikTok University. This wasn't an article, was it? But I did Google it afterwards. I'm pretty sure it was right.

Great. Can we stick with redhead? I just don't want to take orange head. an article but I did google it afterwards and I'm pretty sure it was right great can we stick with redhead I just don't want to take orange head I've got a Jean-Ger baby have you yeah

what a lucky boy little Trixie no I've got Jack is Jean-Ger and his cousin my sister's kid

Jean-Ger we've got two little Jean-Ger three year olds they both boys both boys yeah um my sister's a bit worried about how that's going to play out long term like it's she's really worried about future no it is different i'm pretty chilled out about it here's the thing at jack's age i had that color hair and i don't know what happened it just went so it could happen

i had one day when i was his age i was fully ginger my mom's ginger as a child do you get ginger bits in your beard and you have freckles still i have ginger bits i don't have freckles because i'm foreign all right my mom was yeah there you go it's so i think it's yeah ginger has to be recessive so it has to be on both sides but it's recessive so my parents my mom is like very very dark featured my dad was again, blonde, went brown. And I came out of absolutely nowhere. And it, cause it's on both sides secretly. Was there any school, any, any ginger based like bullying going on?

Well, sure. But I think this is where it's different for ginger boys and ginger girls. Like we're like ginger girls are fucking bitches. Like we're, we're like, we're fucking like hard work. Whereas I think the boys generally are on the side of being quite sweet and meek. Do you actually believe that someone's personality is attached to their hair colour?

No, just with redheads. Just with redheads. Yeah, just us, because we're the chosen people. But also, I think there's a belief that ginger women are sexy. There is a belief. Yeah, can you believe? That becomes a thing, doesn't it, now?

Like, it's a genre of porn, but there's no ginger men genre of porn there's not there's not I'm not having a go at your son I'm sure he's going to be a very handsome chap very handsome chap

great porn star yeah no but that is true it is different okay here's one does Jack have a temper because this is where I think ginger women get

yeah so it's not that he's angry all the time it's just the temper there's like a 0 to 60 which is unfathomably fast the fire every ginger has that like it's that is and that all the time. It's just the temper. There's like a nought to 60, which is unfathomably fast. The fire.

Every ginger has that. Like it's, that is, and that is a rule. Like there's no, we can be fine, fine, fine.

I can be having the best day of my life and then someone stands still at the top of escalators and I will fucking snap a neck. See, I just think that's you being a gobshite. I don't think that's anything to do with ginger. Adam, I think you might be secretly ginger.

I don't know. This is all checking out. I don't have a temper. No. The fuck are you talking to? No. You don't have a temper because you signpost it too well yeah why don't signpost it so it turns out that gingers um need more anesthetic yeah with yeah with that when you put out yeah you just don't you just there's also because they feel pain more yeah they've got more like

sensitivity we can yeah and but there's also a thing of they said we bleed more as well which is really interesting so if you you feel pain and you believe i'll prove it if you if he ever cuts himself he'll bleed a lot longer like it takes a long time for it to stop i asked a woman this when i was a woman a nurse and i was like can i just ask you because she's a random woman on the street. Hence, spoken of anyone for two weeks. I was like, can I ask, when I like nick myself shaving, it bleeds like for ages, just so, but tiny, but for ages.

And she just looked at me, she's like, yeah, because you're a redhead. I was like, what? She's like, ask any midwife in the world, redheads just bleed the most. There's just, I don't know what it is. Is that like haemophilia? Must be something to do with that.

If it's how something travels around the body, then that would check out with the anaesthetic thing. But yeah. Wow. Just stuff to know for Jack. If you need any more pointers, please get in touch. I'll stop shaving my baby. I'm going to say it right now. Because we've been trying to hide the hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, ginger boys are nicer. They're a lot sweeter. Yeah, he's getting there he's getting there when you say uh you said someone's worried about the long-term gingerness are you talking bullying is that what you're talking about i think that's yeah that's the concern yeah well the thing is if he wasn't gonna get bullied because he's a brother he's gonna get bullied for something isn't he i think you're just a lad especially if you go to an all-boys school. Yeah, you're going to find something.

You might as well have red hair, because otherwise the school people will dig deep on you and find out something about you. I do think being good at sport circumvents all bullying. I think that's an absolute get-out, Geoffrey. If you're good at sport, you're sort of, and that's boys and girls, sort of protected from that. It's linked to popularity.

A lot of homophobic abuse to girls who are good at sport. Yeah, but you've still got your gang. Do you know what I mean? You're always part of the team. So you're sort of protected to a point. I mean, girls' school is savage. It's absolutely horrific. But you've got...

Yeah, because I went to one. I've seen. Did you go to an all-girls school? Yeah. And was it bad? Awful. I think that's why no experience I've ever had since girls' school has been as awful, as hard,

as emotionally, mentally hard as girls' school. So I went to an all-boys' school right next to an all-girls' school, and in my head, they were all just reading to each other all day and giving each other compliments. Pillow fights. It is ungodly. What we are doing, it's the most like guerrilla warfare where you can't see it you can't see the attacks that kind but they are coming and you just

you can't tell where it's next coming from you can't tell who it's going to be from but you are under fire all day never physical no we're too good we're too smart it's never physical it's this like emotional mental like you get inside people with with women it's a lot of kind of hiding it hiding a dig in the positive like you're so brave like i couldn't pull that off that's so brave what you're wearing that's not just women it's gay men as well yeah oh and that's why we love them yeah because they're so good at it they're the best it's so it's like that thing of um i worked a woman once when I was nannying and I came down one day and I had a show

in the evening and obviously you look like shit when you're nannying because there's children with like yogurt on their hands the whole time so anyway I came down I was on my way out for a show

and I put a lash on and she came and she walked downstairs and she goes babe you look lovely and I was like oh thanks and she goes

don't you feel like you can't make an effort every day and you're like oh and it's that And I was like, oh, thanks. But she goes, don't feel like you can't make an effort every day. And you're like, oh, and it's that. It's a smile. And it's like, no, darling, it's just what you say. You look so lovely.

And you're like, you weren't, though. Like, you weren't. You were saying all your shit every single day. It just sounds like you can't take compliments. That must be it, Adam. She was being nice to you, and you made it a negative. Adam would have just taken it yeah thank you you maybe would maybe you'd be so good at an orgasm because it would all just be like and i'd be like everyone likes me so much no it wouldn't just be that like i'd just be like yeah they might think they've got one over on me but at the end of the day they're all just stupid yeah that's right. You've got them. Gently done.

Gently done, Mr. Oh, Adam, you're a fucking idiot. Of course I am. Back to your class below, man. Yeah, I don't think old boys school, there wasn't like the mental guerrilla warfare going on. It's more physical, isn't it? It's just a load of lads being knobheads to each other.

In the first week of year seven, I beat a lad in a game of short tennis and he went to go and get a chisel to stab me with. Is that for only short people? No, but thank you. It's nice that you found your sport. Stupid thing. It's underarm

saves short court with wooden paddles. It's paddleboard. Right. And I beat him in a game with that and he went to get a chisel to stab me with. And I found out last week that he's actually in prison now. Because he killed someone. With a chisel? Is that another one?

Yeah. Fucking hell. We're all... It needs to be like, you know, in Top Gear where they had the board. Yeah. We'll just get it out for Cardinal Heen. Well, I went to...

I went for a game of golf last week with two of the lads I went to school with and we were just like reminiscing about all the people we, what? Sorry, I said day release.

And we were talking about the people we went to school with and started Googling people that we've sort of forgotten about who were like rough lads and yeah,

there's well more than I thought that are actually in prison and mermaids and violent crime. Congratulations more than I thought that are actually in prison and more maids and violent crime that's great congratulations the version of that

I've got in my school is the amount of girls who went on to break up marriages really crushed it like really nailed it like the numbers are through the roof

where they were like I could use this fantastic education and get a job or I could break up a guy who's already got a fantastic job

and they did like what having affairs yeah yeah having affairs getting them getting the fella yeah step-mumming for life and they've nailed it absolutely nailed it oh my god i know see smart is it smart how can you find that out on google no because it's not like on their linkedin page like did it again girls also what women are really good at is finding information on the internet oh god we're unbelievable

it's absolutely insane a friend of mine got like some messages recently from like a a fake account that was made to look semi-real on Instagram

and they were just a bit like stalkery and a a female friend of mine I told her about it and she was like I'll find her and I was like female friend of mine i told her about it and she was like uh i'll find her and i was like no you won't like it to the other country she did in 10 minutes it was about a half an hour maybe and she's like this is her and she was right it's since been like

she was right and there was nothing to go off i don't know what they do she wouldn't tell me what she was doing she said she did me through it it all like an illuminati a little woman illuminati and i love it that's a weird kink to be into isn't it the breaking up her it is there's a comedian there's a comedian we all know yeah who um slept with a girl after a gig and he was single yeah so it's all fine yeah but she had you know on a night out when you go and watch comedy she had a few drinks and i think she'd watch someone else do stand-up about his family and then thought it was our mate who was single and decided i was married and went up and you know as a whenever you in that situation where you're like you know

you're getting laid you know when just straight from the like as long as i don't fuck this up this is a tap in she was giving off all the signs she was like yeah i want to go back to your signs hi and went back went back to his hotel room yeah was like oh my god yeah like let's like yeah whatever so during the thing was oh, tell me about your wife. While they were, like, getting ready to have sex. And he was like, what? I was like, sorry.

Call me her name. So Mike, like, wanted him to ring his wife while they were having sex. Oh, yes, please. Just ring her. But our mate, who will not be named, but is a legend, went along with it and she was like oh yeah she's called like mandy he was like oh tell me about mandy and he's literally

just making this up and then and then like to join like you know our phoner went to use his phone and ended up just listening to like a whatsapp from barry dodds to make it seem like he was using his phone like oh it's not she sounds but oh my god oh i'm going on a ghost hunt with me friends but that was the whole thing anyway in the morning just for his own entertainment was like oh yeah i'm not married and she went fucking ballistic just if i I ever ring you, like, late at night, and I go, you're like, babe, just play the fucking game. Just do a Barry Dodds impression. Hello, pet, how you doing? I'm worried about all of you.

Yeah, I would. I'd absolutely be your wife for now. Yeah, probably ring Hattie, not me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be really good at it, I think. Yeah, I think, yeah, it'd be good. And he didn't take the bins out. Like good stuff.

You know what wives and husbands talk like. because of all my experience with wives and husbands and i still hate your scatter cushions like good stuff like that have you because obviously you nannied for a while i did in the states in america and marca? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looked after other babies. That's why she can do it all on her own. Yeah. I love Geordie Roe. Have you watched marriages fall apart? Or can you not say? Do you know what?

I got really lucky in the States. Everyone I worked for, and I'm not just saying this, they were unbelievable. I loved, loved, loved all the families I worked for. I remember there was one family who wasn't in the States, was over here,

and I remember watching it and being like, mother of God. yeah you but i think a nanny is a very very like sacred holy like position in the family where you just see it all like you see absolutely everything and you it's yeah definitely but i fuck it that i think that i don't know if that's partly why i want to do it by myself is the like oh my god also you saw posh families i saw posh families and it is very different and and just that yeah it is they they communicate mad like there's no i came from a family where like my parents had rows like big old blaring rows and and obviously like listen it's not always but there's something kind of healthy

and honest about that do you know what i mean like when it's like fucking like get me out of this car and it's just great like and then they kiss and they cuddle and they're fine afterwards but it's the like passag do you know i mean it's that like passag that'll fucking chip away at you man over time i think i got a question hit me have you you know obviously you're gonna you're going to a sperm bank to get the baby and stuff and you're gonna raise this child i've seen an article recently read an article about a woman who did this and then like about five six years in

was like this is hard and I'm skinned and through the sperm I got in touch with the fella and he was then forced to pay child support

no you're not allowed but it was a thing though because I read an article in America yeah yeah did you read an article was it on TikTok

no it was an article okay fine okay that I found from TikTok. It was a video article. Yeah. But then the guy, like she did the video and the guy did a reply to it

and then I went and read the article about them. They were in the news. I see. Oh, but I think that's the American thing. It's so protected over here. Like it's so legally protected in that when you can reach out to him, what about, at what age,

what they owe you. Like it's really protected. in that when you can reach out to him what about at what age what they owe you like it's really protected also for this guy who maybe goes say you're i had a mate who did this when when he was younger and skin and worked out that you get like he got like 25 quid or yeah it's expensive over here yeah it's it's you every time you jizzed you got 25 quid i think he did all right off it like i think there was a limit of how much they want to me what if you were going around all the sperm banks going this is cool i turn up 25 quid of jizz you could have 400 kids out there that's what if they all turn around and went we need child support and you can't that that's really protected over here it's also really protected about how many women you're allowed to supply

to because of over here incest reasons because we're so where's like a small island what's the catalog like you know when you browse so great i can't tell you do you see a profile it's not catalog it's online obviously because it's not like i mean god bless it was catalog like argos back in the day do you know what i mean they're just like with a pen so yeah i the bit that got me so i start with the american ones because there's loads more of them in California they have them where you see the picture of the fella

like you see his actual picture of him and I was like this isn't the right way to choose this because I'm treating this like Tinder and I don't want to fuck my kid

you know what I mean like no it's important you really famously don't want to do that that's good though that's good instincts thank you Finn

I can pick a fat ugly fella who you don't want to fuck and then you'll have a fat ugly kid I can't have a fat kid I'd have to give it back don't shave him don't fuck him ginger kid can you bear i'm not doing it i'd give it back yeah um so so that was through me because i was like i don't need his picture actually because this is really oh so it's more like e-harmony where like jeff's uh you know really into the arts they are dan it's so funny and what's so wonderful is watching men

describe themselves like listening to men describe their best bits like my absolute favorite the one i initially really really wanted was um he was a guy and they had like random questions on like the sidebar just to be like a little bit about me you know like favorite animal favorite pastime like that shit he's on his favorite animal it said other do you reckon it was meant to be hotter it was better than that others was like so first of all this guy has gone to the drop down animal box and been like my favorite animal's not on the drop down which is like amazing that you as a man feel so strongly about your favorite animal that you're like, it's not here. But then you could... We all do, surely.

Okay, but then you could click on others. I was like, oh my God, he's made them write it down. He's not just put other in lefties, but no, and the mother of my child needs to know what it is. What was it? Piranha. That's close. His favourite animal.

Why other? Why not just piranha? Because obviously it wasn't on the drop down, was it? Because obviously there'll be like six where it's like donkey, dog, cat. Right, okay. Like one of the most dangerous of all the fish. I know the donkey was before dog and cat. Piranhas are fucking cool though.

Yeah. Piranhas are cool. Piranhas are the best fish. If you, a guy, you meet, so your sister's dating someone and he goes, do you know my favourite animal, Finn, While she's just making a cup of tea. Yeah, real quick. We wore piranhas. Speaking of fins.

That's fucking cool. Nice. He needed me to know that. On these catalogues, you have everything about them, every chromosome, everything their families died of, every colouring they have, every freckle on there. He needed me to know that his favourite animal was piranha. They asked him

he didn't he didn't he didn't write the prompts he could have just said cat then you've got a liar on your hands this is an honest man really good he's an honest man and he's well that's why i initially chose him and then it said what's your favorite pastime and he said weaponry and he said what's your favorite possession it was firearms and i was like i absolutely want this man he's class couldn't get what's your favourite pastime? And he said, weaponry. And he said, what's your favourite possession? And it was firearms. And I was like, I absolutely want this man. He's class.

Couldn't get him. He'd already spunk too many girls up. Hattie, if you had to get one of the lads to inseminate you, what questions would you ask? What are the things I need to know? Yeah. One of my favourites was how many of them were like, obviously unbelievable at sport.

That was my favourite, is they'd all be like, unbelievable at sport. That was my favourite, is they'd all be like, unbelievable at sport, and then they'd leave. I've never lost a best of five game at table tennis, ever. Oh, I'm in. Butter me up.

I am in. I'm a phenomenal women's hockey player. There you go. Do you get away with my mouth? I played for Real in a of uh pre-season friendlies jesus okay welsh prem gap on how are you guys uh i was the disabled one so i was putting goal so i'd probably kind of fall out of this kind of sports thing no i like that epileptic but because i was like staring off into space they'd put me in goal that must make you

quite a good goalkeeper if you're somebody like yeah or what yes so what they'd i'd be in goal and i'd stare up into space and then the ball would come and all the parents go harry and then i'd dive on purpose or medically both okay yeah i really am absolute horn he stared into space put the strobes on oh my god this is so hot I really like this any other questions no what's important

what are you looking for no I don't because I told you this and you laughed so hard you nearly shat yourself when you asked me this question was it last time you were on air or was it

no it was when we were hot water okay so come on you were in blackout do you remember I was dead drunk but yeah go on he's doing that thing where he was so drunk

that his eyes were shut and he was still talking you know the thing he's doing that thing where he was so drunk that his eyes were shut and he was still talking. You know the thing where he's like... That's the best, Adam. I love that, Adam. I love that, Adam. He'd message me so many times, he'd be like, come for a drink.

I was like, I'm literally doing two shows. Like, I'm absolutely... He's like... And then next minute, turned up a hot water. I was like, sick, good to see you. Eyes totally shut. Just like... Just asking me about my sperm donor which was awesome you sat down and you were like right you said exactly this question you're like

why did you pick you like i know you're not going to tell us about it hang on he's black i'm coming down. I was upset. I was like, sit down. What are you looking for? I like see others. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't see anything, but he was absolutely locked in.

He's like, but how did you pick him? He was just like, how did you pick him? So you see the thing was just like, how did you pick him? How did you pick him? So anyway, I was sat there. You see the most rogue room was like me, Danny McLaughlin, Rob Thomas and Phil Chapman.

I was like, this is absolutely where I wanted this conversation, by the way. So, and, um. I'm a fucking nightmare, aren't I? I'm a fucking nightmare, mate. And it's class. The only reason this feels bad is because it's about me. If you were telling me this story about anyone else, I'd be like, I fucking love this guy. Because it's me, it's so pathetic. It was so great.

I was like, OK, I'm going to go and get a new one. I'm going to go and get a new one. I'm going to go and get a new one. because it's me it's so pathetic it was so great and i was like okay um and i was like well the reason i picked him was he he's kind kind is that what i did how do you know he's kind? Right, because... Because he keeps a lot of piranhas. I remember this night, by the way. I was in Pogue and left half a pint of Guinness

to go and have this conversation. He had it and then went back. Obviously got what he needed and then fucked off again. And I was like, Adam, I was like, he's kind kind so when they donate their sperm and so when they finish jizzing in a cup in a hospital they they they they write like a handwritten letter to whoever picks them to be like this is a bit no they don't oh god and it turned up in crayon so he wrote a habit letter and i just my thing was like oh he sounds really kind and really lovely and ultimately in 18 years time this baby's allowed to track him down if they want to and i

just want them to meet someone who's not a complete raging arsehole so i picked someone kind this was like christmas for him like he couldn't get over the fact that he was like, you're such a fucking idiot! You're such a fucking idiot! He's like, trust you to go for it. I was like, yeah, I did. I went for someone kind, and I think that was the right thing, and I stand by it. So I'm sorry you have no soul, but I do.

You know the way you say you can track him down when he's 18? Mm-hmm. Are you sort of... Are you spiritual at all? Yeah. All right. Are you in any way worried about, like, bumping into him and then they know? Like, just like that? Because none of you spiritual at all? Yeah. All right. Are you in any way worried about like bumping into them

and then they know, like just like that? Because I don't know whether you know, there's a story. It's from years ago. TikTok. No. Article. The amount of magazines that get delivered to the studio. Sorry, yeah.

So this is a true story. This kid dies in a car crash. Jesus Christ, yeah. So this is a true story. This kid dies in a car crash. Jesus Christ, Adam. From Horse and Hound. From Dandy. He dies in a car crash, right? And he's an organ donor, so they take his lungs and his heart and his arsehole,

whatever he's signed up for. Famously, the bits they need. He's an arsehole donor. And this heart is really useful whatever he's signed up for. Famously, the bits they need. He's an arsehole, Gordon. And this heart is really useful and it goes into someone else like almost straight away because obviously there's a shortage of them, heart transplant.

And this fella gets this kid's heart, right? And years later, there's like a parade or something. What? Show off his new arsehole. And this fella who's had the heart transplants is at the parade. Yeah.

This is such a great article. You've retained for all these years. I'm starting to think Adam should be a journalist. Right, kids, right? There's a parade. There's a new arse This is a new art. And a new arsehole. Pride.

Oh, God. But this woman goes over to this kid, this lad at the parade. And she's like, can I ask you a really strange question? But did you have a heart transplant? And he was like, yeah. And she was like, you've got my son's heart. And she just knew. She just happened to be at the same parade as this lad. Fucking shit.

This woman is at a parade. She just goes to parades. Hang on. I can smell my dead son's arsehole. Come here. Have you got a new arsehole? That's my son's arsehole. I'd recognise it anywhere.

Far out in the breeze, in this parade. She just knew, yeah? So are you asking me if I'm worried that my child is one day in a car accident and needs a new arsehole? No, just if you're at a parade and some fella comes over to your kid and goes, you're my son.

And he's right. Like if he's just got the... Because by the way, you can laugh all you like. I might have some of the details. It might not have been a parade, right? But the general gist of that story is real. Harry, pull that off.

There's nothing. There is. Okay, that's. There's nothing. There is. Okay, that's what you're saying. I'm more worried about is the story how, you know, we're like estranged members of the family meet each other years later and then fuck. No. Yes, this is such a phenomenon.

So if people have been estranged at birth or like a child was taken up for adoption or whatever, and then they meet their biological. Yeah. And they mistake it and they shag. Do they know they're connected? See, thank you. Will and I are both extremely well-read people.

The important articles. Yeah, that's like a thing because you mistake what is ultimately DNA compatible. Yeah. Do you know where you're getting the jizz from? Yes. No, geographically? Yes. In this country? No. El Salvador. El Salvador. Also, you keep saying, like yeah do you know where you're getting the the jizz from yes no geographically yes in this

country no else also you keep saying he you have you is it a boy the donor there's a limit on how progressive we can be oh you want a man's jizz sorry i forgot to say he loves piranhas and his own dick. This is all a woman's jizz. Just piss. I mean, with your offspring. Yeah. Can you tailor that?

I think you can, but I'm not going to. Right, okay. Yeah, you can, but I won't. Are you getting American jizz? Because I want to be confident. Confident and kind. Yeah, confident and kind. Are they going to be raised like,

you're American, like you're half American? No. Oh, no. Are they going to be Scouse? No, they're going to be Scouse. That's why I'm calling it R. Darrow. American dad. Yeah.

Posh my ass. Scouse baby. Ginger hair. Yeah. The most confused child. It's going to be the leader of the free world. Since maybe Geordie Rowe. Guess who? Oh, God. That transplant thing is real, by the way, and I'll find it in a break. confused child since maybe Geordie Rowe.

That transplant thing is real, by the way, and I'll find it in a break. Thank God. Thank God. Please do. That'sperry. Sperry is a complete plant-based meal crafted for better digestion. What makes Sperry different? It's 100% allergen-free with no dairy or harsh artificial ingredients. So it's gentle on your stomach and safe for all common food allergies and digestive issues. It's also packed with premium plant-based proteins to keep you satisfied, plus all the essential nutrients for sustained energy. Try Sperry and get 15% off at sperry.ca with code PODCAST15. Sperry. Trust nature.

Hello, and we are back for part four of four. Did you like it? He took his catchphrase. I've never said that. Didn't like it. He took his catchphrase. I've never said that. No? Didn't like it. Shall we do some Room 102, which is just like the show Room 101,

but totally different. Totally different. Legally. What's bothering you? Right. Well, obviously everything, but everyone who has ever worked at Joe and the Juice. Okay.

Thank you. It is, for a place that sells juice and sandwiches and coffee, which are three great things, they are the most clinically depressed, furious people I've ever met. Like, they're furious. Every time you order anything from them, it's like I've just wished leukemia on their cat. They're awful.

I hate all of them. They're all vile. Really? Go to Joe and the Juice. I don't think i've ever been in one go in one they're awful every single time every single joe in the juice nationwide everyone i've ever been to they are so furious and angry with you for being in there and eating their food they're awful is it a new one i knew because there's black sheep coffee now that's relatively new in it yeah it's next door in it right and then there's joe in the juice oh it's awful if you only just got a joe in the oh it? Yeah, it's next door, isn't it? Right, and then there's Joe and the Juice.

Oh, it's awful. Have you only just got a Joe and the Juice? Oh, it's fucking awful. They're awful. The Liverpool one. Okay. Black sheep coffee's open really late as well. Yeah.

It's open. I like black sheep. It's good. Is it? Yeah, I have no beef with black sheep. None at all. It's very popular with your father's demographic. Oh, right.

Oh, okay. Yes. What's the demographic? Muslims. Are you? Yeah. And ginger. Yeah. Interesting. Has that ruled me out? No, no, no, absolutely. yes what's the demographic Muslims are you yeah and a ginger yeah interesting

has that rolled me out no no no absolutely straight back in straight back in Finn you can walk past the black sheep coffee at like nine o'clock at night

and there's just loads of Muslim guys just having like an espresso and it's like surely you're not going to sleep now very common that's just the thing

yeah they have like late night coffee oh the Italians famously love a late night fucking espresso, don't they? I don't know how that works. Throwing the juice is well too expensive. That would be my beef with it.

Do you think that's why they're furious? Because they're probably on like minimum wage and they're selling coffees for like 15 pounds. And they're like a smoothie's £8.50. It's insane. Oh, I hate them. I hate all of them. I think every single one of them. I reckon that the hiring process is like, do you have absolute clinical rage and depression?

And they're like, yeah, get in here, my guy, get in. Have you come through the foster system? Yes. I'm devastated and empty on the inside. Yeah, get in here. So how are they getting away? Is it good coffee? The juice is really nice.

The juice is good. But not nice enough to be like spat at. He's really nice. He's so misunderstood. It's just a hard time for him. But he loves a Bronco. That's my one. That's one of mine.

That's one of mine too. I need more room 102s. Do we take turns? Listen, you can get it in. You can have as many as you want. I've got one. You go for them. I have got one.

It's people who have no hoodie at all. Now, look, I don't need someone to be fucking whizzing and wazzing around. I don't need someone under my line. Cooking. But the people who are just like, and they're always old as well, and that makes no sense because they've got less time left. But, like, they're just. They should be quicker.

Yeah. Like, people who just, like, walk around shops. and that makes no sense because they've got less time left. But like they're just... They should be quicker. Yeah. Like they're just... Like people who just like walk around shops like... But also change direction. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Are they stoned?

But I think they are. I think they're all potted off their sweat. Right. I hate it. Do you know what I mean though? No, I know exactly... Like just fucking move.

Like if I became Prime... When I become Prime Minister... Yes, sorry, mean? No, I know exactly. I just fucking move. Like, if I became Prime, when I become Prime, they say, walking lanes in city centres, fast lane, and fucking door like a twat lane. Yeah. Get out me lane.

And if it's a big city and there's tourists, it's even worse, isn't it? Yeah, but I've got a thing about that. I think, you know, checkouts where they have like, are you cash or card or card only? I think we should be

splitting it differently. I think there should be this lane for people who want to chat. Yes. This lane for people who want to chat yes this way for people who want to get their shopping and continue with their lives like how many times have you been stopped by somebody's like oh it is nice today isn't it oh no it's lovely oh yeah i've had a

lovely what are you doing i don't want to be sexist right but you know if i'm in a supermarket like asda let's say there's no self-service checkout yeah and there's uh two queues yeah there's two tills on and two queues if one of them has got six men on and the other one's got two women, I will join the six men because it will be quicker. Yeah. Because men are there to get their shopping and leave and the old women, the two over there,

are going to talk about all their grandchildren and all their periods and all the other stuff. We famously tell checkout staff about our periods. Especially old women with grandkids. I'm still having them. I'm 97. It never stops. Would you believe it?

But I was ginger. No, I think that's fair. People with no hoodie. Yeah. We've got some pet peeves that we can use in the same sort of spot as Room 102. Lee says, pet peeve for you lads when people say they are trying for a baby you're not tricking anyone may as well just tell

everyone you're getting cream pied every night i have the almost exact opposite one which is when people get pregnant and then they sat there and then all like bump rubbing and they go we weren't even trying you're like did you have sex with that man? Because if not, something awful has happened to you. No, but there's a difference between trying and fucking. No, if you're having unprotected sex with a human being, like we weren't even trying. That's not trying to have a baby though. Is it? I was trying to fuck.

Yeah. He had four unprotected bunks on holiday this week. Four, by the way. That's so great, Dan. I'm really proud of you. Thank you to the National Health Service. Free cream pie service. But he wasn't trying for the baby. He was just trying to get off. I said something I shouldn't have said.

What did you say? Free cream pie service. On the NHS. On the NHS. And this is why we need to get rid of the Tories. To protect this beautiful thing. Protect the NHS. I know, I think it's a mental brag.

I think it's a mental brag. It's like, we weren't even trying. It's like, give the poor guy a break. It just sounds like you look at home. He wasn't even, I hate fucking him. Did you ever have a teacher come in pregnant? What? Did you ever have a teacher come in pregnant

and you immediately think, oh, they've had sex. Your teacher's had sex. That's a pretty surefire thing that she did. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Harry. No, but I was, we were in like year five and our teacher came and was like, we're having a baby.

We? The class? Yeah, the class baby. And we're each going to take it home on a Friday. Most classes have fish or hamsters. We ain't got a baby. We're going to raise it. Class 5C are having a baby. And so did you all get giggly?

Were you all like, she misses having sex? Yeah, I went to like a bit of a kind of secluded village primary i believe it's like yeah only 10 people in the year so there's only a handful of people that were like sorry real quick there were 10 people in the end you still got made to play goalie so bleak you'll play with two men down i've never thought about that as well you just broke my self-confidence no you stay there keep looking i am i had a similar thing but mine is more uh disgusting like so when i was sort of like uh 13 14 and i would see like young girls who were a few years older than me like 16 17 and obviously when you're sort of 30 and that you're doing sex ed at

school and you know they're putting like condoms on bananas and cucumbers and being like make sure you wear this or whatever and i would see like girls who were a few years older than me who would get pregnant and i would literally have the thought she got cummed in that's it i still have that thought now genuinely if someone's pregnant i'm like yeah you do you so literally you see her pregnant lady you're like she goes all the way 100 absolute raw dog fucking champ well done oh my god i love that uh we've got another one paul says pet peeve when you're phoning a family member or something and pass on your phone to someone else who talks for ages so you're sat

there waiting for your phone back with nothing to do that is a bit of that's annoying yeah facetime it's bad for now. Yeah, my mother-in-law, who's just looked after my kids for a week. God bless her, yeah. Wonderful woman. Can't just do audio phone calls. She just doesn't do it anymore.

It's all video chat and FaceTime. Yeah, that's it. It's an old woman thing now, isn't it? Does she hold it in the right place? Of course, it is then, it has to be on speaker doesn't it yeah so we're in like a cafe and we've got cousins and other grandkids on the thing and it's a busy cafe it doesn't work this is it needs to be at your fucking head

so you can hear them and they can hear you it's just a mental i know but then when that phone gets passed to anyone else that that phone's fucked off. I'm never the one that offers my phone for that. Fuck that. No. There's a lot of air. Yeah. Ring air.

Daddy, can I see? No, you can't fucking see anything. If people FaceTime me, I button them. I text them and say, what do you want? Oh, my God. I'm not FaceTiming anybody ever. Yeah. And Instagram, will you please, for the love of fuck,

delete the video call anyone in your DMs? Oh, God. It's so mental when you get, just fucking delete it. It shouldn't be an option. Who's doing that to you then? I don't know. I don't know. What I'm saying is, it's just a weird thing, isn't it?

Well, I follow this person on Instagram I send them a message nah I'll video call them yeah it's 6am I'm on beak they'll definitely

want to talk to me my worst one for that is when we speak to the family in Turkey you get passed round like a bong

yeah you do you get passed round like a bong you've got to speak to here's my dad here's bob and here's the uncles is the aunties is the cousins is the family friends you met in 2004 or speaking turkish to you yeah and i'm going i'm doing the same conversation with them that i do which is hello how are you i'm good how are you see ya can we hear it thing can we hear you turkish yeah but how do you so the conversation i have with them is that it's meribah is hello yeah and then nasa sins like how are you i'm sin nasa's in yeah iam send us a zim zimmer

iam send nasa sin is like i'm sound how are you no no no it's like cheers i'm also sound and then you're like, cool. And the whole family puts the phone down. Somewhere in Turkey, the whole family go, this kid's fucking boring. He's fucking dry. Him sim saladim, yes. Oh, sorry.

That sounded sort of right. I can't think of anything worse than having to speak to my whole family on the phone. I ain't been on the phone at all. When people ring me, I'm like, why are you doing this? Really? Like why? There's a handful of people

less that when they ring me, I'm like happy to have a chat with them. Hang on. A few asterisks. If Scran is involved. Do you know what I mean? Like we just did it.

If you're ordering. Then it's fine. It's going to be quick. I still would have rather you text me. Genuinely. When you rang me and was like,

do you want some food? It's immediate. What if I missed the reply? I'm on silent. You're also, oh, Interim 101, by the way, just while you brought it up, people who don't answer their mobile phones, you, I've never known anybody,

anybody to be so blissfully ignorant of their phone. But you just said you don't take voice calls from people. No, I do. I don't take video calls. If someone rings me, I answer it, but I'm pissed off. I'm like, what? However, if he's ringing someone, they better fucking answer. Absolutely fucking curious.

Because I do answer. It's just not ideal. But you're impossible to get hold of unless you're looking at your phone. As a really present parent. I honestly will not be changing that anytime soon. We all talk about it, you know, behind your back. Everybody. Will?

You'll phone each other. I've tried to ring Dan again. In the WhatsApp group that you're not in, the rest of us, it's all we talk about. We have conference calls. I'd be sound. You can have a WhatsApp group as long as I don't get joined to another one.

Oh my God. I hate them. That's a good one that's gotta be a room one or two fucking whatsapp groups i can't i like i can't no absolutely not someone asked me about a show they're like do you mind if we add it to it i was like do not absolutely do not copy and paste you lazy lazy boy oh yeah yeah for gigs fuck for a weekend of gigs i've seen it oh we're gonna do a whatsapp for the weekend so i i don't mind the whatsapp group unless we all agree that once the event is over can we just go cool i'm allowed to leave that without feeling bad also if anyone at any stage puts anything in this whatsapp group that isn't a date or a time or parking situation i will fucking snap your net when they're like lols guys really you're like, no chatting. There's no chatting in a WhatsApp group.

There's no random bits of chatter in a WhatsApp group. How many are you in? WhatsApp group. I bet you've never left a WhatsApp group. So Adam doesn't delete anything. I can't bear it. You're one of those people with 8,931 emails, aren't you?

I'll put the over under you being in 22 WhatsApp groups. So this is just as I'm going through my phone right now so I've got the the house group for the one where I live

there's the Havoward main group there's the Havoward management group there's the India for Zoe's Place group there's

Lads in Pyjamas which is the tour group there's the creative management group which is the management plus Will there's six there's Sc creative management group which is the management plus Will there's six

there's scouse comedians there's one called four balls one cup which is the golf group I'm in with three of me mates from school there's have a word sponsors which is the have a word management team plus Steve

I found something to go in my room 102 there's one called Paris which is still going from where I went to Paris for the Champions League final. So you can leave that one? Paris? You can leave Paris. But I don't though

because it's me, Alfie, Ian, Sterling, Josh, and Alfie's brother, Louis, and we all went to Paris

for the Champions League final. Yeah, no, no. But that's done now, you did it. But the last conversation in there was only on Monday.

So it's still going. I'm guessing that's turned into a Liverpool-based football chat. Sort of, yeah. What's next? How many are we at's turned into a Liverpool-based football chat. Sort of, yeah. What's next? How many are we at?

We're at about 12 here. Yeah. There's the What's Wrong With Me tour group, which was the original lads with pyjamas, but that one's also got Will and Vittorio in from when they joined us on the tour. Vittorio doesn't wear pyjamas. Mastermind Special.

I don't know why that wasn't a necessary extra group, but there's that. Mastermind Special. I don't know why that wasn't a necessary extra group, but there's that. There's a group with Ian Coburn from Live Nation and Matthew and Will from Torst, us to do with the Empire and the Arena. There's Content Creators,

which is a load of lads from lockdown when we were all making our own stuff. Oh, God. There's quite a few. That's a lot. That's the answer, a lot. I'm answer a lot i'm gonna start a whatsapp group from this podcast record same yeah i'm in it as well yeah yeah you're in it yeah lads and 90s and i was gone you're still going through your whatsapp messages yeah yeah that's

good it's really really good that was a really good segment clip it finn clip it what's our groups great ones going to room 102 100 yeah they are useful they are useful fine unnecessary unnecessary and chatter in whatsapp groups yeah oh shit banter hate it absolutely hate it if i want to chatter with you i'll we'll we'll go for coffee and we'll have a nice chat i don't yes nope nope um conor greenwood says people acting uh like they're on goggle box while watching something on the tv just shut the fuck up and watch it we don't need a comment every 30 seconds what i can be guilty of that i agree with that yeah i don't mind if i'm with someone i'm comfortable with your comment about the tv

when i'm watching something someone wants to talk about something else. Oh, no. If you're watching a film, I'm like, do you know next week I'll be going to go here? I'm like, you shut the fuck up. Jack Black's about to write a song on the spot here. Yeah, but even people,

if you're watching something good and it's moving along at an adult's pace that isn't, you know, there's stuff going on. I don't want to have to pause to go, what? What do you mean? What are you asking? That that's just annoying we need to watch the thing yeah but i think that i think that's a real like that can be the death of a couple like you have to watch tv the same you

know how couples have like wheeze when they're like we're watching this box set we're watching this series there has to be an understanding that either you're a couple who do not utter a fucking sound throughout the whole thing or you're a couple who stop and start oh absolutely no me and loz we don't tune in at the same time very often yeah but like last thing we were banging into i think was house of house of dragons it's coming back in it yeah yeah that was a proper yeah shut up and also if i just if like my my phone goes and someone's in a whatsapp group probably of course she goes what you're doing and you Yeah, of course. She goes, what are you doing? And you're like, yeah, that can work. You're so right. Are you allowed to like ask a question about what's going on? No, I suppose so.

There's got to be a little bit. Oh, what do you think is going to happen? Are they doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, when you iron to be who it is. Okay, that's why I was saying I was going to be off. But it has to be pre-agreed. What about if they're asking what has happened?

That's insane. Those are insane. Those are insane people because you're like i've been sat here too i have sat here for the same length of the like where do you think she got that and you're like so my mom is banging to eastenders and i'll ask her like can i just say one thing because of how you all speak i keep hearing you saying banging too like your your mom's having sex to eastenders and you're having sex to house of dragons but you're oh she gets fingered to emma dale yes i love that okay great and uh and i'll ask her like oh what's up with this fella that's i don't but i don't watch it then i just tune in and be like

oh is he a bare knuckle box you're she's like yeah you go straight to hell you're one of those you go straight to hell this has changed There's a bare knuckle box on each other. Phil Mitchell's new storyline. Do you watch EastEnders with your mum? She'll watch it and I'll, her and my stepdad are banging into it and I'll sit there

and he's just listening with his eyes. That's so nice. That's so nice. Sometimes you get, like you look at me like I'm a puppy or something sometimes.

I get that little glimpse in your eye where you go, oh. Like you're a goalie on a nine passing team yeah yeah i used to do with finn i'm not saying about it he's just a bit you know he's a goalie on a nine person team i used to do with finn but you're more cute than finn yeah you're like leoCaprio. I've turned 25 and you fuck me up.

Absolute ape-ass predator in the corner. Harry's still got years of, like, sad bollocks to come out with on that. It's that chair, doesn't it, to people? Oh, it's really sweet. Let's do some have a words, you know. It's OG. Advices. Can you hear it?

No. It's jazzy. Can you remember any of the... Can you remember any of the alternative names we had for the podcast before Have A Word? Because we called this a four-star name. We were like, we could keep looking for a five. But then...

Was it something like What You On About? It was something. Can I ask where Lids came from? It's a Scousism. It is. It's a Scousism. When I first, like, when Adam was starting to do pro gigs and stuff. Yeah.

It was about that, wasn't it? 2013, 14. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah and i started gigging with him a bit more yeah we got on and like rob thomas as well like he had a show called lid in la vida loca and i thought it was the funniest wordplay title because i didn't know what lid in was and they were like yeah it's just like lid like lad lid and i found it so funny that i i think that i just kept the thing going i thought all right lid yeah even though it's not a really like no loads of scouses aren't lidding are they it's a bit like

is it a bit like hack scouse it's not that it's you know there's a lot of complexity to the scouse lexicon and uh the way it works with uh scouses is is it's sort of said unrealistically. So I would never say, oh, dad, I'm going to pub with the lids. I'd say, I'm going to pub with the lads. But then I'd turn up in the pub and go, you all right, lids? Right. So it's when you're almost affecting more Scouse. Like, you're almost going and leaning into, like,

all right there, lids. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Or, like, you might put on your Instagram, like, a group picture of me, like, boss night with the're lit. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Or like you might put on your Instagram, like a group picture of me like boss night with the lids, but it's not real. So that's,

so that I love that. I find it really funny. And then it's sort of in the first few episodes, we just got referenced a few times and then it happened pretty organically really.

I love that. It's really funny listening to, I think there's a clip from the Parenting Hell podcast when they were like like rob rob beckett and josh are like they call them lids and it just like without the knowledge they just don't know they were going what should we call our listeners have a word they they're

called the lids and like just without context it does sound mental but it happened pretty naturally okay i really like it just wonders um that was my question have a word from aiden kegg have a word with the dad in my daughter's swimming class please lads every week wear speedos goggles and a swimming cap you're having a splash back with your four-year-old not training for the olympics you absolute aquanauts i love it i absolutely love that i think i'll be that parent who's like we don't absolutely no problem when people who take things seriously we don't we didn't we didn't we we were from very sporty family we did not play for fun we played like there was no taking part of the counts in my family at all like even now when we go on holiday as a five we're grown-ups my mom makes us race to see who's the fastest swimmer oh my god still like we're like we and it's not me but

i'm fine with it um but it she makes us race. We were never a fun sports family. Never, ever, one time. This is just someone making an effort, isn't it? This is someone putting the effort in. Like if you go into a barn, Dan's put a hat on. Do you know what I mean? I know, but full on. The goggles and your kids swimming.

Can I ask this though? Because this is actually one of my have a words. How ridiculous. This is one of my might and you might get this do you know those parents who speak to their kids in porno voice what what darling okay so there's this thing where they'll be like okay are you doing so well what porn are you watching no nice porn where they're respectful. It's not. I'm going to say, are you kidding?

They're not kind in your porn. Never in my life. Oh, my God. I watched some women's porn recently. It's shite. Wait, which one? You just prefer the porn with men. Did you watch the one that's like, made for women by women?

Is it that one? Where it's all like soft? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like she comes in and like he's doing the dishes and she's like, come over here and give us a kiss. And he just like goes down on her for ages and like, oh God, it's bullshit. And I love doing that.

I'm banging to that class. But no one is. I don't want to watch it. I wish I could go for those guys. It's like spit on my head and tell me I'm never going to meet your mother. I am in. Spit on my head. Me head, not even me face. Me head on the spit on my head and tell me i'm never gonna meet your mother i am in me head on my face me head on the top of my head i won't spit there i've got a weird kink you'll

get more dms after this but the porno voice kids is when they're at pick up they're like oh baby are you so good oh my goodness you do and you're like i fucking hate people who do baby voice just talk to the kid normally. Yes. Not baby babies. Not like tiny babies. They don't fucking, I'm talking, if you've got a three or four year old, and you're like, darling.

And then they go, me, me. Shut up. If that ever affects a silly little voice, I'm like, talk normally. Yeah. And then she goes, oh yeah, sorry. Sorry, I hate it. You can't talk too normally to children and babies. Yes, you can. You can't be to normally yes you can baby oh you're getting

big aren't you no how big you are you're happy there aren't you is that nice yeah but that's you can't do it to a dog you can't talk to a dog like right how are you doing exactly do you know what i disagree i think talk to a kid how you talk to your mates because they're the funniest kids the kids who just speak like adults are absolutely hysterical. They're so funny. You know the ones who are just like, yeah, great, that's really good. You can't talk to babies or dogs like that.

You can't be going, you're like Millie, something to lie down on your girl. No, no. Not fluttered. That's men's. That's joyless. Yeah.

Why have you got no soul? You've got loads of presents. Yeah. Fucking mad. But also, my friend... Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. That was weird, wasn't it?

Happy birthday to you. Fetch this. I'm dead proud of you. But my friend did a thing where her baby was a baby, like a baby baby, and she wouldn't let us say rude words in front of the baby. She'd be like, I'm talking proud of you but my friend did a thing where her baby was a baby like a baby baby and she wouldn't let us say rude words in front of the baby

like she'd be like I'm talking about sex and she was like can you not say sex fucking stupid shut up shut up make

I can't say sex content off in front of a fucking until they can talk yeah you're fine and if you're allowed to swear call your I hate that

until they can talk not just before that nah mate there's gotta be an age where you can't talk while getting bummed in front of a baby. I mean, you don't have to talk about getting bummed in front of anyone. Lars, Lars, Lars.

Ear mugs over the baby. I got bummed last night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what? Gauge in from your reaction. I shouldn't have said it in front of you either. God, women are so fucking touchy Cousin

But if you're talking to your friend Yeah If you're talking to your friend Who's got a baby And you're like you know I was getting fucking My hair bummed off the other night Right

And then she's like No You've obviously never been to West London She's gone like Well me baby You've got me baby Hear me Like you're gonna

Like at what point Yes I, at what point is... Yes, I understand at what point, but I had a friend who, like, she wouldn't let me say sex, so I had to go and be like, so now your baby thinks I'm deaf, first of all, so we're going to have to approach that down the line. So we were having... But she was then someone who also spoke to her baby

in the porno voice. I was like, sorry. Mummy, your deaf friend loves cock. I was like, she was like, oh, the baby, oh, your sugar, oh, the mummy. I was like, do you know what?'s like, oh, the baby. Oh, your sugar. Oh, the mummy.

It's like, do you know what? I'd rather be three months old and hear people talking about sex than think my mom wants to have it with me subconsciously. Do you know what I mean? This is all, this is you. It's not a sex voice.

It is a sex voice. No, it isn't. If someone talks to you like that in sex, you'd be fucking freaked out. Why do you talk to me like a child? You want me to suck your cock, do you?

Oh my God you you haven't oh I'm so into it of course you are you're a dirty man I'm so into it you've been a good boy haven't you I'd be like

that's different fucking Mary Poppins my cock off oh I hate it I hate it that's what the kids used to say when you were nannying wasn't it

that's not a sex voice it's a you were nannying, isn't it? That's not a sex voice. It's a baby and a dog voice. No, I hate... It is a sex... It's a porno voice. It's not? What? Find me a porn video and send me a...

I don't watch... Yes, you do. They don't do the porns I watch. Yeah. They're just spitting and stuff. They're just spitting. Just cool stuff. It's really light, right?

Do you know... I'm not going into it. Robert King, next have a word. We've moved on. Robert King says, need you to have a word with my mate. He's just got out of a seven-year relationship and has now started seeing his mate's niece.

Yeah, you read that right. His mate's niece. For context, he's 30 and she's 18. He's known her since she was little. This is defo not on, right? We've all given him stick, but he's 30 and she's 18. He's known her since she was little. This is defo not on, right? We've all given him stick, but he's keeping on going about it. So can you please have a word with him

to sort himself out? Sorry, you've given him stick about it? Like gentle ribbing at the pub. Yeah, give him a high five. Is this a problem? Yeah, it's fucking gross. Why? Because what is a 30-year-old man

getting from the company of an 18-year-old girl? Pussy. Adam, didn't you say 18 was the life of nonce? Didn't you say he was a paedophile? Yeah, what I'm doing here is trying to find how to... I just want some... Something like, young ting. Hello. Hello. Would you like to touch an... What's that? Something like, young ting. Hello.

Hello. Would you like to touch an old man's cock? Oh, no. Oh, God, why did I do that? Straight in the trailer. Fuck's sake. No! God, you're all so fucking basic.

It's so boring. What do you mean, basic and boring? It's so boring. It do you mean basic and boring? It's so boring. It's like, oh, this like little live, little 18 year old who's just thinks. I don't want it. I know you.

No. Half your age plus seven. Right, so half your age, so he's within that then? No, he's not. No, it has to be no 30. No, it has to be 22. Okay, fine. Which, you know what?

What advice do you make? It's wait four years, like Phillips Schofield. It has to be 22. Okay, fine. Which, you know what? What advice do you make? It's wait four years. Like Phillips Go Field. Yeah, wait four years. And then it doesn't. Is Harvey H. Puss having void if you know them? When they were 10. Yeah.

Probably, yeah. I think you have to look into the bylaws. Stop noncing, mate. Jay says, last one. Lad, I need you to have a word with my mate Jack we have a lad Sunday league team

and last week we assigned kit numbers because we chipped in and bought tops for everyone Jack said he wanted 7, 9, 10 or 11

and nothing else he's wank so we gave him number 19 he threw a hissy fit and refused to wear the top refused to warm up and then when he got subbed on,

he wore his top inside out out of protest. The ref wouldn't let him play so he stropped off, ran drills with cones on his own, never seen anything like it and now he's refusing

to come out drinking with us. Have a word, lads. That's from Jay. I absolutely love him. Do you? Yeah. That's right up my street. Or just protest, just I want this. Yeah's right up my street. Or just protest.

Just, I want this. Yeah, just really angry. Just really, yeah. You were annoyed at the fact they'd bought kits. Yeah, I was annoyed at the fact they'd bought kits. It tries, like, honestly, God bless you all. These, like, chipping in for kits on a Sunday. Get over yourself.

It didn't happen. You didn't play for England. Bore off. But how would they identify you as on whose team? They're a Sunday league team. Tape? Yeah, you do tape on the back. On what?

On your T-shirt. You all agree to wear the same colour and then you do it in tape on the back. Oh, my God. If you have a lad, honestly, we're buying him kits. If you send him to any form of football match with a T-shirt and tape on his back, and he's ginger, he's going to get murdered.

Badass. It's so much cooler. Little ginger LeBron with his homemade kiss. Looking like a little Christian. He's inter-religion, this one. That's what the kids in Africa do. Like, no joke, that is what they do. They stick, like, gaffer tape on their back.

Yeah, I know, but that's a bit different. I know, that's what I'm saying. You can't be doing that. No. Fucking run, Korn. corn no everyone loves an underdog no everyone loves a film about an underdog right and as well in school everyone likes beating the shit out of the underdog right if that is that if they've got gaffer tapes on their back with their number you're literally you're literally putting a target on his back. Don't do it. But you don't think like grown men on a Sunday, like, come on.

Men are not allowed to have fun and play football with their friends. Women don't like men having fun. I love men having fun, as you are. I'm starting to agree with you. It's either this or shagging 18-year-olds. I'm sorry, I didn't realise what the binary choice was. I think it shows fortitude by Jay and the lads that he was like, right, the rules are I'm 7, 9, 10 or 11,

nothing else, and they were like, cool, gobshite, I've 19. 19 is funny. 19's not even that bad a number. I think it's a kind of cool number. You could do Sadio Mane first season at Liverpool. Was it Matarazzi that did the plus? That's just a 10 then, isn't it? Ivan Zamorano did that as well.

What would your kit number be, if you could choose? What's Trent Alexander-Arnold? 66. That looks, to an old watcher of football, like I've been watching, when he came out, by the way, again, I'll say it again, phenomenal shoulders,

that kid is in great shape. When he's got 66 on his impressive back that is like does that not catch everyone's eye are you young enough that you're like sound it's what it's his number now that's just yeah yeah yeah 10 15 years ago yeah unheard of yeah well when you come through in fact not allowed to change after a couple of seasons but he's made that well i think he will forever be 66. I think if Joe Gomez had been sold like a year or a year and a half or two years after Trent broke through,

I think he would have took number two. But I think it's been 66 for so long now that it won't happen. So it would be kind of cool if you were like 99 or something. If you went, just fuck it, I'm 99. There's been loads of them, hasn't there? There's been loads of, everyone't there there's been loads of

everyone's had every number in the NFL now you're allowed zero happened about two years ago you're allowed double zero as well I think or is that just the NBA

I don't think you're allowed double zero in NBA I think you can do I think Russell Westbrook are you 10 Adam go on no

I mean this this is 10 but no 11 11 always chose 11 oh yeah it's me birthday oh right fair No. I mean, this is 10. But no, 11. 11? Always chose 11. Oh, yeah. It's me birthday.

Oh, right, fair. And I like how it's just very symmetrical. And Hattie is a plus sign made out of gorilla tape on whatever she's wearing. Hopefully not a backless top, otherwise. Sick. When you say he came out, has he come out? He's not gay.

Oh, right. He came out the tunnel. Oh, when he came out, has he come out? He's not gay. Oh, right. He came out the tunnel. Oh, when he came out the tunnel. Unlike Diana. Finn, what do you want to do? Hang on. Out of nowhere. What would your number be?

Well, I was a goalie as well, so I was one. But whenever I played outfield, I wanted eight. But that was for Diana. I'm an eight. I'm glad that you went with one, because to be honest with you, the only reason I asked you is if you give yourself any other number,

it would have just been really funny that even in your own head, you're not a first-year school kid. I was always one. Harry, what were you when you were goalie? I was 14. Number 14 on a nine-man team in goal. So good.

And the other team just used to flash a torch every now and again to fuck him up Harry was just an asterisk great number just an asterisk no one's had that before yeah

I'm hashtag ladies and gents what a fucking podcast Hattie where can we find you on socials because I know you're pushing your Instagram lows recently

I'm so good at it the most secretive comedian. It's Prattie Heston with a Y. Well, a P, but Prattie. And this is a lot. And this is why I don't say it on stage. Now I'm all waffling. And I'm doing my first ever solo show in September at Hot Water.

And also me and Michael Rice and our very good friend Chris Higgins, who's over from the States, are doing a split. We're doing a three-way, America style in July. So that, and that's at Jacaranda. Thank you for helping with that. Hattie is a fucking brilliant comic. Go and watch her live.

Thanks. Thanks for having me again. Yeah, we've got a tune. Oh God. What's the tune, what's the tune, mate?

This is from Guy. His name, his name, like his band name's Guy. It's not just a guy. Yeah. This is Guy. Is it a band or is it a solo artist?

It's a solo artist. Guy. It's called Guy. And it's not just a guy yeah this is Guy is it a band or is it a solo artist it's a solo artist Guy and it's his new tune called Gimme so this is Gimme by Guy Gimme Guy cool love you lids

appreciate you bye when you hear the rhythm start to move You play the game, you go insane Throw everything away You bite the hand, you make it bleed The good, the bad, the ugly I'm out. Give me some help, just give me something Give life, give life, give life I'm not a king, I'm not a god I'm barely just a person

I drink the bleach, I keep it clean The water calls the scene Give me a sign, give me some hope Get it out, I'm crying Give me hope Give me some love Give me some help Give me something Give life, give life, give life Give me a sign

Give me some hope Give me a life I can own Give me some hope Give me some hands Give me something Give me, give me, give me Now I can run