Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #285 with Vittorio Angelone & Mike Rice - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: July 14, 2024

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Three quid access to more stuff than you can shake a stick at. Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped, the very best products on the market

for below the waist grooming. Go Ed, get on me. The very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go, Ed. Get on me. Episode 285. Is it, yeah? I just know that off the top of my head. I keep, you know. Lovely.

Knocking up some stats here. And Adam is away doing a fact-finding mission of the Amazon basin. So, in his place, the young legend Michael Rice hello I'm not that young though 33 are you older than me you're older than Adam

yeah I think I am lad and I wouldn't and I really see him as older and he's achieved so much and I feel like a child around him I'm like you're you're an old wise man

you're the most Irish age as well yeah 33 33 and a third. And everyone's just like, say it again. Go on, say it again,

you dirty little bastard. Women love saying that. 33, dear Jesus gave up the coward. Oh, he died at 34, didn't he?

That's right, he gave up. 33, lad. No, he gave up at 33. 33, fucking,

he gave up and the Romans fucking had their wicked he gave up. It was 33. 33, he fucking, he gave up and the Romans fucking had their wicked way with him. It sounds like they sexually abused him. Well, they probably did. They're not going to put that in the Bible. But they were putting nails in his hands. What do you think they were putting up his flute?

They're cocked. Think about it. Do you know what I mean? That would make Easter so different, wouldn't it? Oh, lad. Absolutely. You'd get some kinky cunts in at mass then Wouldn't you? There's stigma involved in that

Yeah The smegma involved So you've been doing alright, kid? You alright? Yeah, I'm back I was back in Ireland there I'm just kind of back now Do you come back more Irish?

Yeah, yeah Well, because when I'm back When I'm home on the farm And. I was... Do you come back more Irish? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Well, because when I'm back, when I'm home on the farm and you're around cows and cow shit and my father's depression, you know what I mean? And you come back feeling like a sad poem,

you know what I mean? But then I was also on a comedown because I went to fucking... Are you going? Bruce Springsteen was on an island, see? an island and the boss, would you know him now? Yeah, we get him over here It's not just a limerick thing Where are you from? Kilkenny?

Oh sorry, Kilkenny So he came to Kilkenny and I love Bruce I'm not in love with him but I love him So I was like I was coming over from London so I was like I'm going to have the best time

my brothers are going to be there going to do some MDMA at Bruce going to bring some MD to Bruce and then so I was like I'm going to bring the drugs

and I had them here so I was like I'll bring them through the airport but in my head I was like right I've got this method for bringing the MD through I'm going to put it in my wallet

right I'm never going to think it in my wallet, right? You're never going to think it's going to be in your wallet, would they? No drugs are ever in your pocket. But then I'm going to fold over the wallet. The wallet has coins in it. And fold the coins on top of the MD. The machine can't see through coins. The coin method.

Famously. Right? Did it work? Well, this is it. it i went through put my fucking bag through the thing it goes through don't a second or like that like 30 seconds that it comes through and it's like is this an evil bag or is this good oh the little hover where it can go left or straight i i genuinely had the the biggest mental breakdown like internally i've ever had in my life for that yeah very important that you don't visualize any of that breakdown because they they know don't

they like i was literally there like this i was like you stupid cunt why would you think you can bring drugs through the airport that's the dumbest shit you put it in your the coin method that's not even a thing you've just made that up you stupid bastard to bring mdma to bruce springsteen it's not an mdma act right it's not a vici what are you gonna do fucking finger a 70 year old you stupid fucking prick you're 33 right jesus died right and i was just i lad i was using and then my fucking tray went straight on you didn't cheer though lad I was like you're a criminal genius that's it

the coin that's it if you want anything smuggled into Ireland speak to Mike lad he'll have two pounds 73 and change

and he can get you anything through lad weapons the coin method is flawless I thought I was just like

I'm like Pablo Escobar times 10 I just couldn't I like. How much, by the way, how much Mandy was it? Was like, was a nice little bag. Hang on.

We talking a nice little bag or a nice little bag? It was enough for me and me and my lovely brothers. All the brothers? Not all the brothers. Nimnog now, no. It wasn't like a blocker?

No way. It wasn't like a blocker bit, no. No, no, no, no, no. But no, Nimnogin needed clear head. He wouldn't want to be... He's in charge of the farm, isn't he? He's in charge of the farm. He can't be fucking...

He can't be locked up. Has MDMA not reached Ireland yet? Is that why you had to bring it over? No, lad, it has, but I just didn't want to have to... It's patronising cunts. No, I'm Wales. There's electricity there as well.

Tell us about Ireland. Have you got drugs yet? I know, Jesus, we'll just had the marijuana. It's a new thing. It's exciting. No, we have loads of drugs,

Ed. No, we're mad about drugs. Like, we're like the cocaine capital of Europe at the minute. Like, we're flying it.

We're doing really well. Kilkenny? Huh? Kilkenny's the cocaine capital of Europe. I am not fucking having that. Well, I kind of meant general Ireland, but I might go with Kilkenny's the cocaine capital of Europe I'm not fucking having that Well I kind of meant

General Ireland but I might go with Kilkenny But they do love it We're called the cats to Kilkenny cats And we're all like You know what I mean Just getting fucked up and acting like cats That's what we're known for George Galloway

Fucking leg it George Galloway You little maggot I don't know who George Galloway is He it George Galloway you little maggot I don't know what George Galloway is he's an MP he blocked me on Twitter the Welsh fella no

who loves Putin no he's Scottish oh he's Scottish and he loves Putin he wears a stupid hat he wears a stupid hat and he's like Putin

his sound I kind of thought he was and he famously did an impression of a cat on Celebrity Big Brother and he's never lived it down oh really and he blocked me on Twitter

without ever interacting with me. Never. That's nasty. Before I'd even have a way. This is like years ago. Carl's an online elephant. He never forgets. You've had some social media beef

since you were last in. Well, Conor McGregor called me inbred and retarded. And I'm only saying that word because that's a direct quote. Yep. Yeah. Makes it fine. Yeah.

So he called me an inbred, retarded fella. Why? Hang on, did he retweet it? Huh? No, he just commented. Oh. What a shame. Yeah, yeah, he just commented.

Well, he called it to me because he just saw one of my clips, one of the clips of me doing stand-up, and then he just, that's what he felt in his heart, was that I was inbred and retired it. And you just have to give it like, to be fair, like I'm not retired it. Am I? Do you know what I mean?

No. No, I'm not. Not even on MDMA at Bruce Springsteen. No. Lad though, I will say afterwards, after the concert, we had to go back.

We forget that it ends at 10 o'clock and we're living in my fucking, in the house with my parents. Go back to your mom and dad's. Yeah. So we just had to go back just, but we're all just like, you know,

and then like, you know, my, my beautiful mother's just there baking some bread and believing in Jesus Christ. Is she like the mum off? Is she like Joe Pesci's mum off? Goodfellas. Yeah. When they get there late and she just makes a las Is she like the mum of, is she like Joe Pesci's mum of Goodfellas?

Yeah. When they get there late and she just makes a lasagna at like 4am. Scorsese's actual mum. Is it, yeah? It's got all unscripted. That whole scene at the kitchen table. I love the one with the picture.

He went just act like a mum and the whole thing. The hoof. The hoof. The hoof. Oh God. That's how we see your mother. Oh Jesus, mate. Can we come in? Look at the fucking eyes on you. the hoof the hoof yeah that's how we see your mother like oh Jesus make

come in look at the fucking eyes on you like fucking saucers have some sourdough that's exactly what you want no she would think sourdough now is is bollocks like oh really

it's just old school it hasn't reached Ireland yet yeah have you got sourdough yet we have it there but you're smuggling it in in coins we

they would take it off you customs in Ireland they don't we don't believe in that I would owe you. We have it there. You're smuggling it in, in coins. They would take it off you at Customs in Ireland. They don't, we don't believe in that. What's this big fucking satanic shit? I was kind of weak and godless, yeah.

But no, my mother was there, she was baking brown bread and we all came in just fucking jaws, like pendulums. And she was like, oh, is the concert good?

And we were like, we love you so much, you know? It's the first hug she's had since 2004. Yeah, I apologised to her. I was like, sorry, is the concert good? And we were like, we love you so much, you know. It's the first hug she's had since 2004. Yeah, I apologised to her. I was like, sorry, I was a difficult teenager. Oh, no.

I was like, sorry. And she was like, what's wrong with your head? And I was like, you made me this way. You bruising the class A drugs. Yeah. Oh, lad, yeah. Oh, my God. I can't imagine a worse place to be

than a kitchen with someone's mam when you're off your biscuits in. I know. And then, like, by 11, she just had to leave because we started playing Bruce in the living room. Just like,

you know what I mean? And it's like, everyone had to get up the next day. They were just like, Jesus Christ. How many people, where was it at the stadium or kilkenny did nolan park stadiums was like 40 000 people yeah jesus oh yeah kilkenny loved

because you know bruce's stuff is all like i worked in a factory and now i'm not working in a factory yeah you can do that too and everyone in kilkenny is like you know yes bro is he still doing five hours he did three and a half hours, lad. What is going on with these pop stars? He was sweating like a whore in church. He was up there. He was fucking... Do you know what I mean?

Just coming down. And he's like, oh. And he's touching the crowd. He's a bit like Christ himself. Yeah. He has a fucking nail up his flute, the same Bruce. Do you know what I mean? Any special guests?

Huh? Did he bring any special guests? No, just Bruce. And then, surprise, more fucking Bruce. He walks back out. Yeah. In a different suit. do you know what I mean any special guests huh did he bring any special guests no just Bruce and then surprise more fucking Bruce he walks back out yeah

in a different suit well at one time he does crowd work for the first half hour then there's a break then you know yeah and he kind of

at one point he just like he sends the band off he's like you fuck off they just want just me now do you know what I mean so you get off I think that's a baller move though yeah yeah i like it could just go hey let's have you know

three acoustics to pull the acoustic out yeah should i explain that after the day genuinely she sat down with a guitar fucked the band off all like yeah yeah she was so fit by the way oh my shania fuck me yeahania. Fuck me. Yeah. And she's old, mate. She's nearly as old as Tess Daly. She had underwear. Who's 111? Tess Daly's 111. She's so old, I couldn't even say the number.

That's how old she is. Oh, fuck. She had underwear on and a coat, and that's it. Lad. In Livham. She's dirty. Oh, mate, she was so... Playing for those fucking Northern Tories.

She must have had so much work done. When she dies, she needs to be recycled, let's say. But she got some feather up called Ken. So this guy had been watching her for like 30 years more

all over the world and he's a famous fan. She went, I've heard Ken's here. He's from near Lytham. She got him on stage, just some proper Lancashire fella,

cowboy hat on, leather jacket. She's like, hi Ken. He was like, hello. She's like, so you only live

10 minutes away, how did you get here? He was like, on the bus. There's like 30 hi, Ken. He was like, hello. She's like, so you only live 10 minutes away, how did you get here? He was like, on the bus. There's like 30,000 people just buzzing off Ken. And then, he's just being Ken.

Yeah. And like, he can tell his wife's getting leathered that night and he's thinking of Shania. Like, she was in the crowd, fuck me,

he had jeans on. Margaret, when I come, can I shout Shania this one time? I know you've never let me in 30 years. I just want to fucking let you.

Well, the next song she did was, that don't impress me much. And instead of saying Brad Pitt, she said Ken. No. Oh, so you're Ken. I'm putting him down. Yeah. What?

That's putting him down. That's a neg. Yeah, it is. No, so you're Brad Pitt, because Brad Pitt's at the top. Yeah. So you're Ken. That doesn't impress me.

She didn't pick an ugly cunt, did she? She picked one of the most beautiful men ever. Yeah, but the thing is when it's Brad Pitt, that makes sense because it's ironic because it's like, you're that famous

and good looking. That don't impress me much. But when it's Ken, it's like, you're just hitting the nail on the head. You came here on the bus. That don't impress me.

You're poor. You're poor. You have yellow teeth. That don't impress me much. Yeah, but he gets to wank for that for the last five years of his life, whatever. Oh my God, is he dying? He's 81.

He's on his way, isn't he? So he started watching Shania in his 50s. He went, I was at your show in 1999 in Wembley. I don't even remember that. He went, I do. I do. Oh, mate, when she said Ken, everyone went, yes! But then I was sad because I didn't get to say Brad Pitt.

I was looking forward to that line. Do it again. Do it again, but properly. I went to watch... How old CD is that? I went to watch The War on Drugs last night in Liverpool. I wouldn't like that. Flashbacks.

And someone saw me and chanted Poirot at me, which was fun. Poirot? Yeah. His mum loves Poirot. me, which was fun. Poirot? Yeah. His mom loves Poirot. The fat little cunt with the mustache. That's not how we talk about his mother. I mean, that rotund gentleman. I defend his mother's honor.

He calls your mother a fat little cunt with a mustache. Can I just say, I didn't realize Finn was already doing the joke because I started doing the joke. So to be fair, is it play on? I don't... You're the vantage.

I defend your mother's honour. And also... Make sure she sees this. And also, I am very close with Big Lizzie Kuvaloos. Kulavooz. Yeah.

We're close. Yeah, you knew her name. You know her name. So he brought her to my show in Runcorn because, you know, he's got to show that lady a good time. It was her birthday. I knew I had to treat her. It know her name so he brought her to my show in runcorn because you know you've got to show that lady a good time it's her birthday mom put something nice on we're going runcorn we've got vip guest list at dan's show 96 tickets and um i was like oh brilliant course i've met your mom probably 15 times at this point you've worked for the company for four years she is a lovely wonderful supple

woman supple oh god everyone's mood skin oh phenomenal she's a wonderful woman she's a wonderful that's what we when we're knobheads we just like that's the what's the end what's the opposite prefix nice oh suffix right so she's a wonderful woman. However, we've called her Poirot tits so much for the last fucking year because she's watched Poirot maybe twice in her life. But now the thing is, oh, she loves Poirot. So it became Poirot tits. And I was like, brilliant.

So Finn's bringing his mum. And I had to go and see her. Finn, just a quick reminder, because I've forgotten the name I know and I don't want to go happy birthday Poirotette what would she have done

it's Big Lizzy she'd have been fine she's fucking sound I've met her I've sang Finn's song with her by the way if you're on Mandy and you've been to a gig

Finn's kitchen with his mum I think would be one of the sound and mum formations there she's she's like kind of a godless woman that wouldn't she's very god she's a cool yeah she married a muslim would she's would she say the word pussy like she'd be like oh my pussy's itchy but no i don't know she does she does say that quite often but you know what i mean

we found finn's line i line. I just saw it go. But I'm just asking, is she, you know, is she a woman unshackled? Yeah, she swears. Right, but she doesn't say like, oh, mum swears. She's not like, what's happening, motherfuckers? Right. You know what I mean? She's not like, oh, my fucking.

She's a shit. She's like, whoa, my asshole's steaming here. Right, yeah. Or you know what I mean? She doesn't fart on you. She wouldn't fart on you or something like that. Who's mum farts on you? I don't know.

He says she's cool. To me, cool people fart on each other. I think she's just like, yeah, play on, do what you want. She's cool. She's not degenerate. Okay, she's a good woman. Just because we haven't, you know, we don't follow our Lord and Saviour like you do.

No, it's just because my mother's afraid to, she's like afraid of farting. So, and I, because she's that repressed. It lets Jesus out? Well, that's, I think so. I think she feels the Holy Spirit is leaving her body. Jesus stinks. If she farts.

Jesus, you stinky little bastard. No. Jesus needs some fibre. But when we were growing up, like if my mother like, like farted by accident, like let one slip, she'd nearly start crying. She'd be like, I'm so sorry for doing that and so yeah

the shame man Do you know the first time I swore in front of my mum was on stage at the arena Really? Yeah I've never swore in front of your mum and then obviously

at the arena I was doing and she's like I've never had you swear before I was like I do do it Oh god Sometimes I can't like the arena was so up and down for me

I had bits of it that I didn't enjoy I had bits where I was having the time of my life. But basically, it was a bit of a rollercoaster. There was one point where I thought of a joke about Carl and then remembered that his mum was in the arena. I'm your brother.

Yeah. But your Paul's sound. Yeah. I think me and him have got on enough. Yeah. Same birthday. A joke, I think I've got enough credit in the bank with your Paul that he'd go, yeah, all same birthday a joke a joke i think i've got enough credit in the bank with your with your paul yeah that he'd go yeah all right it's a joke yeah it's not like

he doesn't like me and then he'd be like that little cunt no no but i pulled a punch and i've never been so happy to like i think you clocked it and afterwards went yeah thank you yeah yeah i've got to be nicer to you today why someone messaged and went what why are you so pissed off with car you've been a running thing for years does it hurt your feelings does what hurt me feeling that dan is cruel to you no i'm much worse to him than he is to me no the thing is we call it's it's out of this studio yeah i don't think i get on with i get on with everyone really well i get on with Carl so well like I'm the fucking

minister at his wedding, I'm not a real minister he's marrying me and my fiancée I love the man but he's a fucking wind up it's like getting marked by Park Ji Sung he's fucking everywhere and you're a perlo, trying to run the game thank you, there you go

I'm not Park Ji fucking Sung you're up my ar. Trying to run the game. Thank you. I'm really, there you go. I'm not party fucking. You're up my arm. I'll pick a two. So, and you wind, and you're a wind up. And he loves it. Like you can't see it when you watch it.

Oh, sometimes he negs. Right. And then I can just look over and his eyebrows are going. He's having fun with his eyebrows. And then I get testy and everyone's like, fucking hell lad. Right.

Don't know what's going on between you and Carl. Fucking murder there. And it's because I'm getting wound up and he's trying to wind me up so i don't want to be that guy because i love him let me be nice the whole episode today it's just going to be a fucking loving between you and me kid i don't like that tell him about it's how good as thick as i don't like i don't like pity and i don't like fake like it. It's not fake. You look, and this is genuine,

you look virile. You look, you seem fertile. I don't know yet. We're not having kids, so I don't know. I could be impotent. Right.

Well, no, impotent is if your willy doesn't work, lad. Believe me, I know about that. Infertile. Infertile is the word, sorry. Yeah.

Was that after the Monday? What? No, I was impotent for about six years there. Couldn't get it up. Six? Yeah, six years. 18 to 24.

I would just have panic attacks and I'd run away. 18, 24. Yeah. No, you were getting bonus when you didn't want them but when you did need them you couldn't.

I would just get afraid when I was with a woman on my own and I'd freeze and be like, oh. And then, you can't get hired

when you're afraid. Do you know what I mean? Is that true? If a lion came at you like, you're not going to be like whoa look at that 100 i mean you're afraid are you trying to get hard in front of the lion huh maybe if it's a fucking there's got a lovely thick mane a lioness a lioness you have to be a proper shagga for a lion to enter the room right and for you to be like i'm still gonna finish yeah yeah yeah six years well yeah no it was rotten now i tell you that it was nasty just mean you were shit at sex you're an impotent no no my willy i would just get my willy wouldn't work so i get i'd have panic attacks but then i wouldn't tell anyone because i was too ashamed and then everyone

would say i was gay but what if i wasn't gay I would have loved to be gay. There was no parade for people whose willies don't work. Do you know what I mean? There isn't actually. No, it's fucking bullshit as well. No, because

who's turning up? I'd be there. Impotent pride. I'd be fucking there. You could have a little, you'd have a little float with an inflatable cock that hadn't been inflated.

You know? Like a fucking Lilo with a hole in it. Yeah. Two lads trying to play pool with a rope like oh you know my father be there as well that's my favorite saying for a soft willy as well trying to play pool with a rope i know let's try to make a doorbell with licorice yeah how did you uh how did you get through it i would i like to go to you know it was the love of an african-american woman

this uh an african-american womanAmerican woman in America told me that she loved me and she'd, like, rub my hair and my back and my belly. Oh, so you just need connection? Oh, you needed mummy in. Connection, that's very important for a lot of people. Well, no, it was an African-American thing. Don't try to make it about connection. It was racial.

Now, it was the love, it was love, African love, from that originated in that continent. And then she'd rub me, my head and stuff, but she was very drunk all the time. So I don't even know, do you know what I mean? She's like, I love you. Where did you meet this woman? Huh?

Where did you meet her? We worked in a restaurant, an Italian restaurant run by Iranians called the Basil Leaf in Chicago. It was a little fucking fucking it was a money laundering operation to be honest with you that was a lot of information yeah if this is a lie that's one of the most incredible detailed lies ever like if it's but it's not bullshit i know it's not but if you are gonna lie that's the level of detail you want no it was sean and his mother mila she's this little iranian she's like a little dementor going around because she came from iran

so she was just like she just she'd come up to me and she'd be like she's like you smella she's this little Iranian she's like a little dementor going around because she came from Iran so she was just like she'd come up to me and she'd be like she's like you smell bad she's very mean to me she's quite cruel the Iranian mother and then Sean

the son was just kind of a bit of a fat eejit do you know what I mean and but that's where I met and where did your lady work? she worked with me we were both

that wasn't her name your lady what was her name? what? why would I call her my because it was in america so it was my ho i mean that's illegal in it sorry what was the name gone uh kayla kayla yeah so uh and kayla so she she kind of like she kind of sensed the sadness and then she kind of took me under her wing like i said she was pissed a lot of the time but then she like uh then she kind of we were got together and then she kind of took me under her wing. Like I said, she was pissed a lot of the time but then she like, then she kind of,

we got together and then I was having sex and my willy was working and I was, in my head, I was just like, it's, that's what I'm meant to be

with an African American. Much older? Huh? Much older? I think she was 52 or, but she was like, there wasn't,

there wasn't much bounce, do you know what I mean? It was, it was, there was a lot of swinging and, but she was like there wasn't there wasn't much bounce do you know what i mean it was it was there was a lot of swinging and uh but she was very she was like so tender and nice with me and stuff like that but then i don't know then she she was a mean drunk so then one time she like she fucking hit me and uh were you in an abusive relationship with an old african-american woman yeah i think so and then you when she hit you, that's when you came. Well, that's when it got, I was like,

I'm flying, daddy. Just a boy from Kilkenny who loves to be abused by African-American women. Right. In Chicago. That's right. Tale as old as time.

It was romantic. And then one time she got sick from the bed on the floor and then sure again, I was like a rock. And then one time she got sick from the bed on the floor. And then sure, again, I was like a rock. And then another time then she said, she pretended she was pregnant. She was like, she's like, I am pregnant. And then I remember she just, she toppled out of the bed onto the floor and just smacked it on, like on the floor, like a sack of spuds. And then she looked up at me and she was like, and she was like,

you don't even care. And my, your son is inside me. I was like, you couldn't know the gender. Do you know what I mean? Like there's no way that you know the gender.

Do you know what I mean? Or assume it. Or, and the assumption, I actually, yeah, at that point I was like, they,

you have them inside you. You horrible, unprogressive woman. On the floor. Yeah. But, uh woman on the floor yeah but uh ponder floor but do you like don't know you've your little rivalry do you ever did you ever do you ever wrestle or anything do you ever physicalize it never with an african-american woman but right i'm up to it well no do you ever like get because like me and my brother have that same thing you have for like he like we got on well

but he's started doing jujitsu so he always wants to wrestle now because he knows he can win and do his like his Asian tricks on me should have asked Conor

what? should have asked Conor for some tips yeah no I fuck it but he was actually so it's just and I was back fucking

when I was back he was telling me the story that I'd completely forgotten and this makes sense actually with a few of the things that I'm thinking about the progressive stuff when we were younger

me and my brother Pat and my cousin David so we kind of grew up together on the farm we were all like best friends David was a little older we used to worship him he was like our hero

but we used to go spying on the farm down the road the O'Briens because we had a rivalry, my father and them, like who was better farmers and stuff. But when we used to go, so we would go through the fields, go down spying, but we would get in disguise. So we would draw on mustaches on ourselves, right?

But then also we used to go into my mother's room and get lipstick and put like lipstick on and like blusher and these stuff. And then we used to have these like paddy room and get lipstick and put like lipstick on and like blusher and these stuff. And then we used to have these like paddy caps and we wore like overalls, which are like, kind of like Freddie Mercury. Yeah, jumpsuits.

Well, looking back, we were trans children. But like now, if that was today, we'd be probably put on hormone replacement or stuff like that. But back in the day, you were just asked to get off the O'Brien's farm.

Well, see, here's the thing. We would go down then and we were in disguise. Who were you disguised as though? Did that person exist in the town or was it not just that's Mike dressed insanely? Well, like obviously if you put it like that, we weren't seeing the full picture because we were obviously dressing up as a man with a moustache

but then a man who wants to be a woman to really kind of throw them off. But we just thought they wouldn't be able to know where we were obviously dressing up as a man with a mustache, but then a man who wants to be a woman to really kind of throw them off. But we just thought that they wouldn't be able to know where we were. But one day we were going down through the field because we were trying to catch them doing stuff like their farm. Like maybe they were like doing weird shit, like eating cow shit or like doing some Nazi shit. Do you know what I mean? Milking dogs.

Milking dogs. Something ungodly. Yeah. But do you know what I mean? You can't do that. Like. Something ungodly. Yeah, but do you know what I mean? You can't do that, like, or it's not legal. So like... Is it legal?

No. Dog milk. Right. Wanking dogs off is not legal. That's not, I don't know. Who's wanking them off? How do you get the milk out? From the nipples.

Yeah. Remember and meet the parents. I have nipples, Greg. Yeah. Can you milk me? Go on, sorry. Oh no, you're good. De Niro. How do you milk things? I mean, sorry. Oh, no, you're good. De Niro.

How do you milk me? I mean, I only milk myself. Right. And that's all you're ever going to milk. What's that? Can you milk? Meet the parents. De Niro.

Can you milk me? Yeah, sick. Can you milk me, Greg? Did you see the O'Briens doing anything? Wanking up dogs no they all we saw them doing was telling us to

get the fuck out of their farm oh they saw you oh like they were just they were the most inconspicuous kids ever well we were kids and we had these little

hats on we had paddy caps because we thought we were like the wind that shakes the barley it was like the Irish war of independence

butt dressed like with makeup it was very bizarre but you know when you're kids you're doing all sorts of weird shit kissing each other on the bum everything. But you know when you're kids, you're doing all sorts of weird shit, kissing each other on the bum, everything.

But anyway, you know, it's the countryside as well. There's nothing to do. So all you can do is explore your gender and sexuality and everything. And your brother's an asshole. Well, come on now. But yes.

But so one time we were going through, right? So we're going down through the field. We had all this stuff on. And walking down the road was like four hardy cunts from town because they would and walking down the road was like four hardy cunts from town because they would walk out our country road sometimes like just fucking tough cunts because they'd be coming down to like try like fucking throw rocks or fight cows like older lads older lads townies townies but like i'm talking they're from an estate called hebron

just tough serious tough cunts so they come out and they'd have dogs with them and shit and they'd be just coming to like trample flowers and... Travellers? Huh? Oh, the travellers. No, they weren't travellers. No, no, no. Towers are different, aren't they?

Yeah. But they wouldn't have been a million miles away now. And the Halton site was close by. But so they were walking down and I recognised one of them because I used to play hurling with him, right? He was a younger guy with the older fellas, right? So I, in my mind, there's a hedge between us. We're on the field there on the road.

It's like, this hedge is an insurmountable barrier, right? So I just shouted, right? I shouted, Joey Fatty's a knacker, right? Now that's not a good thing to say. What's a knacker? It kind of is alluding to travellers, like. Right. But it's not a nice thing to say. What's a knacker? It kind of is alluding to travellers. Right. But it's not a nice thing or politically correcting to say,

but I was, you know, I was young. I was about to invade a man's farm. You know, like I wasn't of good nature at the time. So I shouts that, right? And next thing I think, and see, the thing is, as well at this time, when we were going up, my brother Pa had brought a fucking, a super soaker.

Oh. Cause for going to O'Brien's farm, just in case he had to shoot his way out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that, right? So, he was kind of armed with that. So next thing,

I swear to God, like the Terminator, this fucker, right? Mark O'Dwyer jumps over the hedge. I swear to God, he jumped over the hedge.

He just leapt over it. Like this. Look now me and my cousin go fucking sprint i'm never ran fast do you know when you're running from a baiting like you're gonna get the head slapped off you and you're just like fucking you same ball just we were just gone right it's true yeah that's the fastest you ever run adrenaline oh the adrenaline we've never ran from a fight but right now what it means oh sorry yeah yeah yeah sorry i'm being nice yeah you are hard yeah but so i love you so much i actually do think you that you would like be capable of murder if it came to it i'm capable of murder yeah i could definitely think so but i'm not a fighter at all my shit'm a shit-ass. Right.

But you could order, like, get it done, have them clipped kind of thing. Probably. You've never run from a gang of lads? I was the gang of lads, mate. Fucking sick. I am the danger.

Jack Johnson, Terry O'Brien. There's no reason to run, is there? Just go, what lad? Game of Megs and Beats. Whoever wins, wins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did some fucking running back in the day yeah

so so me and my cousin we go leg it this guy that that came over the head that jumped over is a

literal he's dead now like a literal dead person murderer oh like someone who this is the level like

scary cunt right he jumps over the hedge. Me and my cousin run. My brother, Pa, doesn't move a muscle. Stands there. Smart. With the fucking super soaker.

I swear to God. Now your man stops for a second, right? Because he's confused. Because he's seeing this young trans woman, is what it looks like, with a hat on. Like, just so bizarre. Staring him down with a water gun. And I swear to God, he stops in front of him,

just like, what the fuck is this shit? And just like Scarface, my brother was like, say hello to my little friend. Just sprays him up and fucking down. like your man like just goes like that and then just goes over and just knocks my brother out like oh no like flattened like apart from that it's a great moment oh unbelievable knocked unconscious yeah oh like like he just folded like a deck chair like just fucking right and like i mean what did your brother expect to happen he honestly thought that your man is like gonna be like platoon like just melt like the wicked witch of the west yeah you don't mess with the wrong people motherfucker your man don't jump over he's got a

gun he's fucking up he's armed lads No he genuinely Taught your man Was gonna fucking just Like literally It's a 3000 It's a super Super 3000 Like a 50 count Do any people

Have ever ran from The parkies In the park The what The parkies Oh Okay The reason I said it

In that accent Was so you all heard Right Yeah yeah yeah We call them the parkies because they hang around the park no the parkies work there so the

Crocky Park what's this? oh it's like when they say workies it's just someone that works in the park I thought you meant like park rangers like in half

literally yeah so the park by ours Crocky Park when I grew up they closed the gates depending on the time of the year six or nine I think someone in winter

and you had to get out the park because they locked all the entrances to it so if you're in the park they have little vans and you can't go you need to go to the park now this is a big country park as well but like we were kids we didn't want to leave the park so we'd stay and just like ride off somewhere else but the rumor, and this was believed by everybody, that if they got you, they'd throw you in the back and, like, bum and batter you. Bum and batter? Yeah.

B&B? Yeah. Baby. Yeah. Like, you went on to bug the wrong B&B online. It was totally, it wasn't like, oh, yeah. But you're still in the park at 5pm.

Yeah, I live on the edge. Don't worry about it. No, but, like, be like, yeah, me brother's mates got battered. Like, everyone knew someone who got bummed and battered. Bummed and battered?

Are you talking about they got shagged up the arse and battered on top of that? Yeah. And we believe this. So if the parkies came here, you were like, oh shit.

I mean, that's rude. How do you think a bumming goes? Like a candle lit and everything? Well, no, but you'd think if they're bumming them that they at least were maybe in love with them

or... No, they weren't in love. Had some affection. Yeah. So we were on toes then. That's the only time we were on toes was when, oh shit, the parkies are there. Bam, on your bike.

Parkies are chasing you. You whip into a place the parkies can't go. You're safe for half an hour. Lad, I would beat... I would beat the 100 metre record running from the bum and battered lads. We always had bikes. Bum and battered lads. Oh, we always had bikes. Bum and battered crew.

It was the original park run. Right. Yeah, that's how it got going. Yeah, at the park. Lad, that's fucking ridiculous. Do you, did you, do you, you've obviously got a dog. Do you see these,

I don't know if you had the same, the bum and battered crew, because those lads down my road, they would have the nicest fucking dogs of all time. The most beautiful dogs. And I always think that in general, like,

there's lads that would just be punching with their dogs. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's like, you can be the most horrible, decrepit cunt and pull the most beautiful... You're talking about women?

No! Oh. Dogs, lad! Do they get to buy them, though? Yeah, but... Hang on, what are you saying? That Munsters can't buy Huskies? Oh. No, lad. I know what That Munters can't buy Huskies? Oh.

No, lad. I know what you mean. Do you know what I mean? I actually think if you're a dog breeder and some absolute troll turned up going, I want a beautiful dog, you'd be like, I don't think you deserve a beautiful dog.

I'd love a shiny little smooth dog. No, you're not a shiny little smooth dog. If I was selling dogs, the woman I got my dog from, she was choosing who she was selling to. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't like, yeah, you can have one. If I was selling dogs, the woman I got my dog from, she was choosing who she was selling to. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't like, yeah, you can have one.

She was like, oh, yeah. If you've got a rumpty pug who's like, yeah, that can go anywhere. Right. Like, you're not going to, if one of the lads comes up and says, hey, I want a dog, I'm in the bum and batter gang,

you're going to be like, hey, do you know what? No. No, they weren't a gang. They worked for the park. The bum and batter gang. There was three of us. We're employed by the park. The park approached the bum and batter gang. There was three. We're employed by the park.

The park approached the bum and batter gang. And we're like, can we employ you? Liverpool City Council, mate. They don't fuck around. They were the park. Their job was like, all they were doing was emptying the park. They were probably lovely fellas. But in our head.

They weren't emptying the park. Oh, you're. Hold on now. Mike thinks people. They weren't like a gang. Mike thinks actual Scouts children have been bummed to death. He's taking this. Jesus. They worked for the park. Hold on a gang. Mike thinks actual Scouts children have been bummed to death. He's taking this. Jesus.

They worked for the park. Hold on a second. Are you telling me that the bum and batter gang were not bumming or battering? No. This was just in the... This was just when we were kindling. And there was a bush where Pete O'Pete lived. No one ever saw him.

But apparently he lived in this bush. Don't go near it because you get dragged in and shagged. And he was at the park. He's a bum and batterty but what it is was the idea that pete is just a pedo he won't batter you it'll be nice the real was pete actually got grabbed by them and that's where he has to live now because he can't well it's one in one out yeah but yeah these these work for the park lad dude how old were you you? Oh, you're talking like early teens. Yeah, yeah. Probably like 10 to 13.

The park's like the best, isn't it? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because we had a guy, his name was Joey Lowry, right? Who went around. And this is what I think about, like people, like with their dog, with the most,

these terrible people with the most beautiful, luscious dogs. Not my dog. Right? Your dog is gorgeous. But you're beautiful. But you're gorgeous. And you say, luscious dogs. Not my dog. Right? Your dog is gorgeous. But you're beautiful. But you're gorgeous. And you say, hey, that's a... Count it.

And you say, that's a perfect fucking match. That's what I said when I saw it first. Does Wallace deserve you? That's why not. Count it. But so Joey Lowry, he had this big fucking beautiful, like, snow husky or some kind of a wolf thing. Husky.

But it was like, is it? I think all huskies are snow huskies, aren't they? Right. I don't think there's ever a Caribbean husky. Is there not? Would you not have like a Tipperary husky? The old tippy husk. The old tip husky.

Up the tip. Up the tip. Up the arse. So. Meow. Did we mention Athgarvon? No, that's where Bruce got it. So, meow. Did we mention ath carbon? No, that's where Bruce got it. Where, oh, he got, yeah,

nail up his, nail up his flute. Tell me about the dog in a second. I just want to say, hey, to Alan, Sork, get the ath, get the ath shirt down. What's that?

Our boy that we did the GAA special with. Yeah. They won the Quidditch World Cup. They won the World Cup of GAA for the County Kildare Division 4 area. What's his name? What's the fella's name?

Do you remember? Alf Garvin, GAA. Alan Sork. Is it Cal? Cal's his brother. Well done, Alf Garvin. You've done your parenting and your community proud

up the Ath I take it up the Ath take it up the Ath Ath play oh mate I'm going back to Ath Garvin I love that

yeah well I said we should go back anyway and he's like yeah come back well they're all they're all coming to see me on October 20th oh sick so if you're in Ireland

yeah we'll come over seeing Jimmy Swoles Jimmy Swoles I'm not going to, but I'm going to be in between both. Right. I'll probably come with you.

There's a country event. Yeah. But you're, in fact, this is a great place for an advert. Right. I'm doing these Dan Nightingale and Fiends. They're all sold out.

Apart from Darwin, York and Southport. They'll get there. We've sold, we've got about 60 tickets left in Dublin for for sunday october the 20th it's a show format that i am fucking loving now we're in our stride and all the big dogs are coming out to play in dublin which i think we're filming aren't we will we've got uh dean coglan uh mike rice a young legend mike rice and ishan oh shithan Navid Akbar and then

afterwards I'm having a spice bag and then we're going out because Adam and Jack and you are over to some country event Chris Stapleton I've been invited

but if you're there I'll choose you so we're having a mother of all nights out in Dublin on that Sunday and I'm not coming back on the Monday I might never come back on that Sunday and I'm not coming back on the Monday.

Right. I might never come back. Fuck that. I might. I think I'm going to come back on Tuesday morning. We've got to anyway. I want to stay. Yeah, we can talk about it on the Tuesday.

That's the Sunday we're doing in Dublin, is it? That is the Sunday. Tell me about your ugly mate with his beautiful dog. Well, no, it was just this fucking Jimmy. Lowry. Jimmy Lowry. He's this fucking bawdy fella. He'd always been been the fucking handball alleys in kilkenny there he's like handball there's an irish sport called handball we have a bouncy ball we hit it off a wall but it's also where you do like

you know if you want to do heroin or like someone or something what like nocturne alley yeah in yeah there were places where you could play handball or you could do like you could if you were good at smoking fags you would go smoke fags there which is smoking a cigarette in the street of course yeah yeah yeah so if you were good at that or you liked

to be with a woman alone with a woman you'd bring her there as well but this fella used to be always down the alleys with this beautiful big white husky and everything

it was the nicest dog ever silky like friendly everything he was a pedo. Oh shit. But that's what I'm saying. I think dogs can see

the badness in people because Wallace barks at people randomly, you know. Right. Wallace barks at pedos. Wallace barks at people with no threat to him.

Nothing. And he just doesn't like them. Right. I think dogs can see or smell. Well, then all postmen are pedos because Wallace does not like a high-vis, does he?

No, that's because of the builders in the house. Sorry to all the posties. But this guy, what I'm saying is, you can be a deplorable, the worst kind of human being, and you can still pull a lovely, lovely dog. And it's the one thing where you can really punch above your weight. But I did see, I was in Dublin one time and there was these two

heroin addicts coming across me on the road it was at night and they had this like bulldog and the bulldog did not look happy and whatever

they were like fucking fighting over a bit of heroin they were like it's mine Sarah give me that and they were like no it's not shut up Derek

they let go of the dog as soon as the dog got loose killed himself jumped in front of a bus he was like I'm out of here swear bus. He was like, I'm out of here.

Swear to God. He was like, there is no fucking way I'm staying living with these two fucking clowns. Committed suicide. I didn't see that coming. I swear to God. As soon as he got one bit of freedom, bus coming,

he dived in front of it. He was like, fucking get me out of here. Do you reckon he knew what that meant? Fucking buster. Buster's ending it yeah oh wow oh yeah lad i swear to god and i was just looking at me dog me dog no that was you or them that is a very good dublin heroin addict it's me dog you have to hit me dog and the bus driver just just, you know, he kept going. He used to bring the people wherever.

And then I'd say they were sad over the dog for about 30 seconds. And then they're like, where's me heroine, sir? And then they forgot poor dog. Dead on the road. And I went over and I just closed its eyes.

Give it a kiss? Yeah. Just, may you rest in peace. Oh my God. You're free from the heroin i need a break yeah all right all right people stay and up the earth and we are back with episode 285 noise here with a hell of a team and carl regler what was that put me above the team or below it? I think above for me.

Nice. Oh yeah. Wonderful woman. Yeah. We've got some. Oh, my favorite podcast has ended after 11 years.

It made me sad. the Around the NFL podcast. RIP. Oh, awful. I tell you, I promise you lids, if anything major happens with this podcast,

we will not leave you hanging. Like, there will be an explanation. There will be some sort of counseling offered. Yeah. Because they just went quiet mid-May. It just, they, out of nowhere, we'll be back on Monday, and then they weren't. And everyone went radio silent,

and it's hurt my heart. I've listened to those guys at least twice a week since 2013, and it has killed me. However, it's just a contractual thing. NFL media, owned by the NFL, are pretty fucking tight on the purse strings when it suits them,

and they just go through these contract cuts, and they've done it to these guys. Either offered can't i haven't worked out what's gone on but basically one of the guys greg has gone i need to stay there's obviously health benefits with medical and all sorts so he stayed and the other two mark and dan well no because i still like greg but the new vehicle that hasn't been announced yet with Dan Hanses and Mark Sessler I swear to God I hope they start a Patreon and I will

it will be the first ever Patreon that I pay for fuck me I'm so up for them starting something I was genuinely like oh I sent you a straightaway

I was like oh lad sorry yeah when one of them died Chris Wessling died three years ago and you know that thing of people feel involved

even though they've not met you. And you'll get this. And we get this a lot. Like I got it. I get it regularly at shows where people are like, oh shit, you're here and it's weirded them out and they feel involved because we've talked to them. Even though they've not been able to talk back

for now nearly five years. And people get invested. And when Chris passed, oh my god we're going nowhere by the way don't worry um if you did if you did break up what would it be that that did it i think greed no i think we've all i think carl just been a massive gobshite oh no um probably carl getting offered something else probably me outgrowing this Yeah I'd just go where Carl went We'd probably quit the podcast And then just restart it

Why's that funny Mike? What? Why's that funny? Carol outgrowing it Yeah Cause like Carol's doing well Come on

Carol's flying it like I love it here This is the greatest job of all time Honestly Whatever happens You are like I hope it's fucking 15 years in the future but uh we're going nowhere you won't know everything

if the podcast finishes in a decade or whatever we'll still exist as an entity doing stuff forever i think we do our own stuff like genuinely i'm going to listen to both new podcasts i'm fine with it i might have my preference i've got an idea of you know which one will be my preference but that's fine not the Greg one maybe not the Greg one but like I listened to the first episode

of that Greg's a snake he's not a snake he's a snake he's not a snake he is he's just he's a little snake

he's a weasel he's a coward it felt all very familiar yeah but the new one has got that like rebellious element on it what they're like

giving the middle finger I hope I hope I hope none of us fall out like if itious element on it what they're like giving the middle finger I hope I hope I hope none of us fall out like if it if it if it what

it felt all very familiar you said what do you mean Greg being a snitch yeah what was that about sorry no what was that about

they put out the the new the NFL daily on the old feed which is a little bit... It seemed like you were making a dig at it. No, no. I listened to the episode.

There's no... Not today. Not today. Or ever. Or maybe next week when I forgot. So, yeah. I just hope we don't fall out. We will have already fallen out.

I mean, we've had some fallouts, but... Not really. There's been war, two arguments, and... We've had some fallouts. Not really. There's been war, two arguments. We've had some spats. Oh, in Nashville. What happened? Oh, that was a bit stinky. That was the biggest one.

Did anyone get like a, what about that? No, they'd all be dead if it was me. That got toxic real quick. And to be fair, everyone's good at sorting it out quick because we're all grown adults who was it who got oh we were we all we all i think it was just it was eight or nine days of being with each other we've had three arguments in this company we have one in runcorn one here and one in one in Nashville. One in Leeds as well. Oh, yeah.

In Leeds? Yeah. Again, sorted out really quick. I don't remember the Leeds one. Me and Adam had a little tiff in Leeds. Remember that? No. At the Bake Off.

Me and Dan listened to Adele on the way back. Oh. Well, then we've had a million. Someone like you. Oh, you're not counting that as a... I'm not counting that, no. Because we've had... They happen all the time.

I'm talking about... Well what a person left here. Yeah. There was another Welsh guy the other one wasn't this Welsh guy. Oh yeah, that was a corker. We deal with it pretty well,

you know. You know, I think part of it is because no one's pretty. I'm probably the prettiest by a mile. Prettiest? Prissy.

Ah, he is the prettiest. I think he is quite. your skin is actually really nice reddish hue it's nice yeah you've got a good irish complexion you've got a reddish hue you're like a little lab lamp your liver is failing i think i am the prettiest i'm the prettiest by a mile i think i'd be appreciative yeah but everyone just calls everyone a cunt on the regs. So it makes someone actually going, shut up, you cunt, less impactful.

That's right. Because you're like, oh yeah, it's fine. That happens every fucking Monday and Wednesday. Sometimes you get a bit defensive. I'm bad for getting defensive. We've all done it. But then half an hour later, it's like, we're not arsed.

But the word cunt is dependent. It's affectionate, isn't it? I called my father a cunt on the phone the other day. He loved it, but like a little bit too much. He's like, say it again. Yeah.

That's my daddy. Well, not what you mean to, like, I don't know, it's part of the cause, isn't it? It's what you meant to.

I think we've built something and that is, that's got an element of like band of brothers. It's the Roman Empire. Yeah, we're trying to, we're all pushing the same way, but sometimes people want to push. Who's the emperor?

If it's Rome, who's Nero? Yes. Who? Yes. Adam Rowe. Yes. Jesus Christ. Do you know what I heard?

Do you know this fella Nero and the Roman Empire, did you ever hear what he did? By the way, you deserve this and it's valid, but it's happening. Because if we're going from that to's happening because if we're going from that to nero no no but we're going to classics that quick i'm having a screech it's just a very quick aside because it's a he uh so he was emperor anyway he was he was an uh a pup he was a nasty little man killed his mother killed his brother kicked his wife pregnant wife to death kicked her to death the bald Nero yeah

he was a pup very bold oh he was as bold as brass and uh next thing what a nice way of summing that up next thing anyway he had a slave boy

called uh Sporus his little slave boy he cuts the cock and balls off Sporus throws a wig on him and marries him yeah

sounds like you by the fact the bald Nero I'm just being sporous yeah just being a little sporous he's very progressive I watched looking back

he was forward thinking yes I watched Gladiator for the first time today well it's it's good yeah

but it's nowhere near like the this is the greatest film ever made that people make it out Troy is a better Roman film but it was 24 years ago It's good. Yeah. But it's nowhere near like the, this is the greatest film I've ever made that people make it out. Troy is a better Roman film. But it was 24 years ago,

can't. Do you know what I mean? At the time, Troy is a better, it's a simplified, I think it's Roman Empire for stupid people. Glad you, it's quite linear.

It's like, he's the bad guy. He's the good guy. Will we meet at the end? Yes. Yeah, I know. Yeah,

but it works. Yeah, it's good, but Troy is a better, guy. Will we meet at the end? Yes. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but it works. Yeah, it's good, but Troy is a better... Sorry for doing film club in the middle of this. Troy is a better representation of that era, I think. But, Carl,

what about Joaquin Phoenix wanting to shag his sister? He does do that, doesn't he? That's class. Yeah, that's great. Huh? Yeah. Sorry, yeah,

I mean, what I meant was like... Olden times. Old people. That's old. That's old. Right, but do you not think that Joaquin Phoenix being a little pale creep

trying to finger his sister is class? Yeah. Yeah. And then Russell Crowe, my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. But I've seen that quote that much that it felt like a meme when I saw it. Right.

Again, it's that thing we talked about, isn't it? If you've got nostalgia for it. I think Groundhog Day is one of the best films ever I don't know if that stands up but because I've watched it so many times

throughout my life you've watched it again and again like the movie over and over when did you first watch Home Alone oh when I was a young lad

so you think it's the best Christmas film ever made I think it's a wonderful film I watched it at like 28 and think it's one of the worst films and he watched it in July at a barbecue I still think it's Joe best Christmas film ever made? I think it's a wonderful film, yes. I watched it at like 28 and think it's one of the worst films. And he watched it in July at a barbecue. I still think it's Joe Pesci's best performance

as one of the wet bandits. It's got to be up there. He's pretty good. He gets hit with so much shit on the head. I mean, it's so Pesci hack to be like, good fellas, casino. Funny, funny house. Shut up.

When he gets hit with an iron on the head. What about my cousin Vinny? Oh, lad. hack it's so peshy hack to be like goodfellas yeah casino funny funny house shut up when he gets hit with an iron on the head about my cousin vinny oh lad that's quality film club go and check out film club by the way if you are not a patreon if you are not a patron sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod we've got nearly 27 000 lids for a fucking reason join the lid army the extra content the hour and a half of this bullshit every fucking week and then the specials there's now 40 45 specials

we're going to Amsterdam again again the soapbox special is coming out next week again maybe it's coming out

next week yeah it's coming out next week it's an unbelievable and now there is another sub podcast not one that Finn

started and fucked off it's one no one was listening to mine so I just sucked it off it was nice to do though It's unbelievable. And now there is another sub podcast, not one that Finn started and fucked off. It's one. No one was listening to mine, so I just sucked it off. It was nice to do though. It was, yeah, it was fun. Was it a music one, Finn? It was, yeah.

I did the first one. And now there's Film Club. So go and check that out. We love Film Club. Film Club, watch-alongs, lots of different things. My cousin Vinny, Marissa Tomei in that film.

Oh! I love it. Oi, ey! Oh! What am I? What am I? cousin vinnie marissa tomei in that film oh i love hey hey not jerking off over here all right we've got some good yeah what someone talked over it you this is this is oh put him put the headphones on him new new crown jewels jingle it's for questions. Oh, oh. That's it. Thank you. I felt like Snoop Dogg in the booth.

Do you know what I mean? Da, da, da, da, da. Hey! Where's the snare in my headphones? It's the motherfucking... Cam says... Oh, Cam,

you've put so many questions through. Really appreciate it. Yes, Lids. Have you seen that Lily Allen has started an OnlyFans called Lily Allen's Futsi 500 to sell pictures of her feet?

Even better, she's putting up premium toe content for only a tenner. If you lads had an OnlyFans, what would your price list for different parts of your body be? Before we answer the content-based question, which was beautifully set out by Cam, Lillian's got banging feet. Lillian.

Lillian. Yeah. Oh, Lillian. got banging feet Lillian Lillian yeah oh Lillian she's the daughter of the O'Briens who's her dad again Keith Allen who's he

who he's a cunt isn't he he's an actor yeah he's in Trainspotting he's done some I know he was the sheriff of Nottingham

from Robin Hood 2007 didn't her brother get his cock cut off in Game of Thrones Alfie yeah

he got castrated like he's from before yeah that was her brother who got his cock cut off one of my least favourite characters in the

whole of Game of Thrones Reek yeah but he's meant to be a little bleh oh he's horrid Ramsay Bolton oh he was a he was a pup

so bad he's good. Oh, unbelievable bad guy. Yeah. Wow. Whenever I was like, I hated Joffrey, you were meant to. Yeah. Ramsay.

That guy's had to like retire from acting. Is he done? I've not watched Game of Thrones. Jack Gleeson. People were giving him shit in the streets. Joffrey. Yeah. He did retire and he came,

he was at a gig of mine in the International in Dublin one time and he left during my set. Oh, a gobshite and i thought what an awful actor i said terrible but no he did retire but but i don't know the money's after running out and he's he's he's back looking for a greasy little pound again but he did his job yeah he was the most one of the worst bad guys most hateful little cunts in in tv and film history yeah he nailed it everyone hated him that's right and it's scuppered his career isn't is yeah is amon gonna be the new one haven't seen the end of the episode yet got 15 minutes to go right how's your dragon uh i haven't i haven't i've watched half an hour 40 minutes of like come

on come on come on pay off mate jeez Louise I'm excited I've got 15-20 minutes to go I stopped watching after half which was the first season when they changed the actress

for year one yeah but that's I didn't like that I didn't I don't care I like the first one I thought she was really hot she was 15

she was fucking maybe but it doesn't the actress wasn't I looked it up I googled it so She was really hot. She was 15 or something. She was fucking, maybe, but it doesn't, the actress was and I looked it up. I Googled it. So the actress is like 19. It's good.

Lily Allen, banging feet. Little cutie. I'm not a, I'm not a footman. Yeah. Never been a footman. A lot of porn is like,

oh, you got wanked off with your feet. I'm like, what are we doing here? Like monkeys? No. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's a monkey thing

that would be a better handjob a foot handjob from a monkey a monkey a little bunnu look his little bunnu bunnu hands on your dick making it look bigger

I'd love to get wanked off by a ring-tailed lemur have you ever put a pair of feet in your mouth and sucked on them yeah yeah

not a pair at the same time. Huh? That's a small person. I can't with my wife's feet. I think it's a quarter of an hour. You shouldn't have put a bun on it. Toes, yeah, I'm into it. I'd have an old sock of a toe.

My wife's got like almost deformed levels of large big toe. Yeah? Oh, something like real. Are they hairy? Real fucking troll thumbs. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they hairy?

Clip it. I'm not even joking. It's been a running thing. She's got fucking clod hoppers. And would you not give them... You can't knock her off balance. But would you not say there's... Would you not say there's no more than

more strong showing of your love than to kiss these wretched paws yeah yeah do you know what i mean she's a size six but she's got size nine toes right it's it's difficult to watch oh wow she's like half toe oh yeah yeah yeah she's like when you know it just when they feel where your toe is when you're a kid yeah like it's it starts halfway back. But then she's long-toed. Can she like pick things up? Are they dexterous? Talons. Unbelievable.

Has she ever touched your knob with her feet? No, because she'd hurt me. She'd hurt you? She stubbed her toe once in the house and broke a doorframe. Clip it. I don't even need it to go on the internet i just want to send it to laura can we work from the top down from you done yeah right like your head well that's got to be the big one in it because i don't like getting the hat off exactly the older i get the less i like my

dome yes how much you charge people to see the head um the head of the dick and the head of the man I think they're the absolute I'll give most of the rest of me away for free I think the first entry level little pick would be Runty

my tattoo on my bum how much are you paying for that you can have that for a fiver that might even be one of the previews on OnlyFans you know they give it away for free I've not researched it

I don't know the website here's a website OnlyFans it's a website.com oh cool i don't think anyone needs my shins i mean my shoulders they get in there right honestly i'm a lat pull down man yeah a lat man yeah i'm a lat pull down i'm a lat man um but i don't think i'm making much money from all of this are you charging different for a rectum flaccid i I thought you said my rectum. I'm never putting my bum all... I haven't seen my bum all.

I've never seen my bum all. I don't think you should sell a picture of a part of your body that you haven't seen yourself. That you can't sign off on, yeah. Carl, your arse would surely fetch a bit more than £2. We're going sizzler. Bad arse for this, I'm talking a grand. Right.

Because you've got a hoop on you you've like a little Nicki Minaj hoop on you are you up to your total on for Zoe's place because you could build a conservatory with that bunda surely Finn's nipples then

it's my hands isn't it is it yeah yeah my hands I reckon just fingering a woman or just like out just holding different shit

I'm going to put them away now oh my god now i'm like hey oh how much you pay for free you realize there's a profile camera oh your index finger and my wife's big toes middle finger middle fingers the middle earth have you seen his fingers no just show them they're quick can i do it just cut it away can you tickle me at the break? What does that mean? Oh, lad. I described it as he can carve his initials into mono shite. He can check for all types of cancer.

Prostate, lung. He gets right in there. Good God almighty. They're piano fingers. You would have been good on the twinklers. Harry flinched. That's not a good sign. What?

I just saw Harry Robinson go, Jesus. He's like our oldest listener that now Robinson go, Jesus. He's like, I've got all this listener that now works for the company. He just went, fuck. And poor old

Finn's paws. He can play the piano. Finn's wretched paws. Mike, you can play the piano through a letterbox. I'd say you can. I'd say you're good

at playing the old upside down piano, you devil. Huh? Fucking Stevie No Wonder. Woo. Yeah, I don't think

I think your bunda would make my arsehole not your arsehole though come on no but if that's an extra do you want to spend

another grand grand fucking hell it's a grand to see my bum Harry could you just whip onto

Lily Allen's Lily Allen's OnlyFans quick Carl just said it's a grand to see his bum so if someone slid into your DMs

and went I'll donate a grand to Zoe's place and send them a picture of their arse to my me my bank oh right it's a selfish thing I've already raised

Zoe's place do you and more yeah those dying kids have had enough haven't they well I'll show them my arse then that's what they want do you ever feel like

sexy walking around with a big arse like that do you feel like people are looking well apparently I'm not allowed to be naked in my own house Mike why because it's a like sexy walking around with a big arse like that do you feel like people are looking um well apparently i'm not allowed to be naked in my own house mike why because it's it causes a no dan told me no hang on whoa what right they are fucking great feet look at them feet yeah have you signed up for that cracking little feet all feet. All right, okay. Ah, yeah. Guess who's going through a divorce?

Lily. Ah, Lil. This is my thing. Yeah. With house nudity. You can be naked wherever you want to be, but if your front room curtains are open. I've got shutters.

And your front, of course you have to wear it. And the shutters are bespoke. White Venetian ones, yeah. Oh, white Venetian bespoke. Fucking hell, lad, you changed. Yeah. The only house in Spanish, Spanish heightened, right?

If you can't just be like, curtains open, dick out, it's fucking 20 to nine. Yeah. The school runs happening and every kid's like, what?

Woo! Mommy! So you were doing it to children? No. No could do and his argument is it's my house why are you looking in to that so you're saying curious children should see your cock kind of thing no okay i am usually naked in my house right the only time i gown up is if the postman knocks your gown up i've got i've got four dresses like cinderella yeah four dressing gowns bespoke i've actually won my name on because i'm a tory oh yeah right um and i'll walk around naked and make most of the time it's my house right but sometimes i'll like oh shit i'm gonna walk into the living room so i'll run in and run out again i find new that

he like i did a massage have you ever had a proper massage yeah Yeah. Pants. I'm a pants on man. Jeans for the massage. Full jeans. I had this fella, Henry, and he said pants off. And then I was like, all right, okay. But then,

and he was giving me the massage anyway. He had rough hands and I'm like a builder or something. You know what I mean? Where was this? In London, a place in Shoreditch. Henry. Horrible Henry.

So I was there and he's giving me the massage. I was so strong. He was so strong that I felt like very quite's giving me the massage and I was so strong he was so strong that I felt like very quite vulnerable like do you know what I mean but then like

and he was putting on the muscles and in my body everything I felt was like ah do you know like that like kind of a just ah but I didn't want to do that

because I felt he was a builder so I was like oh no never make that sound so I turned down a male massage recently in Spain right because clearly I've got some issues lad I tell you what he did then right that sounds so i i turned down a male massage yeah recently in spain right because i'm clearly

i've got some issues lad i tell you what he did then right he came he came down towards my arse yeah my bum that's not for henry next thing comes down puts his elbow into my glue i had two glutes one either side and he puts show elbow in vladimir gluten and to say And he puts Show off Elbow in Vladimir Gluten And Glutenkamen And he puts the elbow in And he just moves it Out to the left like this On my glute

And my arse cheeks Just gently Spread apart And do you know that little Cold wind hitting your arsehole Just My arse was like He was your arsehole's Moses

Yeah He was the first First person First white person To give him an erection Ever Like an accordion Yeah It was the first First person First white person To give him an erection Ever Like an accordion Yeah

It was honestly And my arsehole Parted like that And I was like I felt like So vulnerable I was like Henry spread my arsecheeks

Apart here He's clearly worked On the sites for years He's You know A red blooded man Was there a towel Huh But the towel he had Pulled Put down So the crack of my The arse Clearly worked on the sites for years. He's, you know, a red blooded man. Was there a towel? Huh?

But the towel he had pulled, put down. So the crack of my, the arse, it was down the crack. So now it was all open. Like you said, it was Moses. It was the Bible. It was Judaism. And so he's opening it up. And then he, you're just like, fucking hell.

And this is what you didn't want. Now, to his eternal credit, he did not molest me. That's good. Right? To his eternal credit, and I wrote that in the review. But if I had,

if I had an arse like yours, Henry couldn't. He's only flesh and blood. Do you know what I mean? So you were smart. You, I just, I just felt weird.

And that might be some deep-seated, from school, homophobia. But I was like, it's a man. I just don't want him to be sensual with me. I don't know why. Not with an arse like that, Carl. Yeah, I didn't want to get naked in front of a man and be sensual.

He'd forget you were a man. He would. He'd think this is Kim Kardashian on my table. I'm fine if the man's Chinese. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because he can beat him up. No, a Chinese man. It's fine if the man's Chinese. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because you can beat him up. No, a Chinese man. It's part of the wizardry.

He'd be climbing on top of you and he'd be... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Schwiegel? Yeah. I think so. You're arsehole, my precious. They're born with a special touch. Well, do you know what it is?

They're just like... You can see in their... They're all business. Do you know what I mean? The age... They're just like... Oh, there's their, they're all business. Do you know what I mean? The age, they're just like. Oh, there's nothing sensual. No. They're getting the knots out.

I had a Thai one once, a woman, and she climbed up on me like a little cat and she was up and hop and down my back. Now, what if Henry did that?

Huh? I would have died. Henry was a fucking chunky monkey like. I don't even think he was a licensed masseuse to be monkey like I don't even think He was a licensed masseuse To be honest I don't know how

This lad He's like you alright mate I was like Where was this Shouldn't you be from Taiwan or something Was it in the back Of a transit van

Where was it Did he have a shop There was a park It was behind He said something about Bumming battery I used to be a parkie Yeah I used to be a parkie No Yeah, he used to be a parkie.

No, it was just in this place in Shoreditch. And I don't know, I'd say he's after, he was maybe a plumber or something and it's just maybe his wife left him. He had a midlife crisis and he was like, I'm going to fucking touch people now. Do you know what I mean? That's what Harold Shipman did.

Yeah. Did he? Yeah. He was a licensed masseur and then he just started killing all women. Right. But there comes a time when you're like, because in my mind, there comes a time when, where does being a masseuse

lead to? You have to go to the next level. Usually not killing pensioners. Well, listen. It's happened to one person. Yeah? Harold Shipman. Harold Shipman. And that's the only one we know of.

Exactly. But that's, you know. Could be Henry Shipman, but all you know. His dastardly little brother. His dastardly. But you know, do you get this, do you have a thing with your bum hole?

I can never be sure if it's clean. Do you know what I mean? That's why I've got a Japanese toilet seat right it's been a while but even if I clean it I think fully half an hour later it could be like

Gaza down there right it probably is do you know what I mean I jet wash it huh I jet wash it and dry it and dry it

he's got a cartridge and would you have your lady would you tell her hey go have a look at that now would you be an asshole yes no Got you. Got to dry it on it, yeah. And would you have your lady, would you tell her, hey, go have a look at that now? Me arsehole?

Yes. No? You can check yourself though, can't you? What do you mean? A finger. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Risky game, man, isn't it?

Well. It's an awful place to send a full grown woman. She's gone to university, got a job. You know what I mean? She, you know what I mean you know takes care of her parents and then send her around to your arsehole

it's an awful thing to do to her it's always spotless we've always you know you've got to have a little hand wash just in case

yeah don't do it like on the bus oof no there's nothing less edifying than seeing someone rooting around their bumhole rooting around your bumhole

no that's on a bus. That is. Oh. That's out of order, isn't it? Ah, yeah. This is. But I just think, because we have a clit, like God gave us,

God gave us a clit up our arse, right? So he wants us to be penetrated by things and objects. Is it real? What do you mean? Because I've never enjoyed the bum all come. Because she's not finding your fucking... She's not going anywhere near it. It's a miracle

to get her to touch my dick. It's like trying to feed a fucking wild deer. Very jumpy. She's jumpy. She's frightened. The prospects of getting a digit up my... Well, put your own finger up there while she's wanking you off. About a toe.

Oh, yeah. From next door. Right, and that's me. Dead. Yeah. Put your own one up. Show, don't tell. Kind of like, look at that.

I've tried the bum all in. Right. I don't know. I'm too Anglo-Saxon To enjoy something up my arse I think I'm the same But what I'm saying is We have a clit up there

And the women are I wouldn't mind But they're always like Oh men can't find our clit Oh they should all be burnt alive Most of them aren't even looking for our one The lazy fucks We don't hear us complaining

Yeah but ours is really well hidden Huh? In a dirty, dirty place I mean it's the He's put it in the worst place He possibly could Like a horcrux Yeah

It's like a horcrux He's hidden it It's a horcrux Up our arse Do you know what I mean? But it is Harry Potter's a Rorio Yeah

What? Horcrux Isn't it mad that Voldemort's Voldemort's got a cock? Huh? Isn't it mad that Voldemort's Got a dick? He does have one Ray Fiennes What? Ray Fiennes Ray Fiennes has got a dick But Voldemort's got a cock huh isn't it mad that Voldemort's got a dick he does have one

Ralph Fiennes what Ralph Fiennes Ralph Fiennes has got a dick but Voldemort's got a dick he's only a man

right I just think it's mad he has needs he's hasn't it dropped off with all the evil like his nose I think

that's making more serpents no I no but I think bits have fallen off Voldemort because of the all the evil I think his dick went

on the on the 20th murder. It happens to Harold Shipman. His dick just fell off because of all the evil. Called all the evil out. Fuck me. Voldemort was a masseur. Right. Little known fact.

But that's where it starts. That's where it starts. It's the gateway to evil. If you're laddering up and touching people for money all day, where do you think that's going to lead? To taking on Dumbledore in a do-or-die battle. I don't know about you, Lids, but I'm having a great time today. What the fuck?

This is an absolute vintage podcast, Dave. Right, let's have a break. We have got the young phenom Vittorio Angoloni nasty little man nasty little man greedy little man um

noise and we are back episode 285 noise God what part is it though part three of

seven it's an extended bumper episode because Finn loves editing. You're going to upset them now when it's the fourth. Future household name Vittorio Angeloni is here. Whoa, you must be a household name in some houses. My mum knows who I am. They're in my house.

The Papist Phenom. Woo! Yeah. Papist Phenom. We know your name in my house. As Papist Phenom. Woo! Yeah. Papist Phenom. We know your name in my house. As Papist Comedians. This Papist Phenom.

This Papist Scumbag. Did English people, because Mike and I have been spending a lot of time recently doing Ian Paisley impressions. Were you like cognizant of Ian Paisley?

Are you from Dari? I will not relinquish my right. Is that Paisley? You know like William Ulsterman you know that Harry Enfield character.

Oh fucking brilliant. I have made a peaceful and legitimate request for cheese and pineapple on a stick. Who's the guy in the sunglasses? That's Gerry Adams.

I know him. Gerry Adams yeah he had the glasses with his beard. When I was a kid. I didn't interrupt you so don't interrupt me. I mean we never heard him

growing up because his voice wasn't allowed on UK television yeah they'd have a little and I really think they missed a trick

just making it sound normal it would have been so good if Jerry Adams was like no listen to me you know we want

what do we want Sinn Féin that's our right they'd mask his voice did you not know this we have a right for self determination because they didn't want

like Jerry Adams like they didn't want his like they mask his voice. Did you not know this? We have a right for a certain determination. Because they didn't want, like, Jerry Adams, like... They didn't want his, like... They thought his voice was so potently Catholic or something. Like, I still don't really understand the rationale for it. They will be hypnotized by the people

undertones of his devilish voice. Also, how shit was TV when I was a kid that I remember what, like, Jerry Adams was when I was like, well, there's nothing else on. Let's watch someone talk pretending to be Jerry Adams, and I still watched it. It was a voice actor. He was

dubbed over, and it wasn't... It was a wee Mexican dude. It's okay. It's okay, we want the United Ireland. We didn't do nothing. Hey, you guys are crazy. 800 years, you think. The same voice actor as Speedy Gonzalez? I was never officially in the IRA.

Who the fuck is that that you just did? Oh, you just did more from Madagascar. You absolutely nailed that, and that is a niche reference, but you accidentally nailed more. I don't even know what one in Madagascar that is. Oh, my God. Have a little check. Such a bad flashback.

So from Gerry Adams to Vittorio Angeloni. The pipeline. And we're using his real voice. We've decided. Maybe. The two most controversial Belfast men to ever enter the public eye. That's a high.

Angeloni and Adams. That's a high bar i would say yeah great podcast though yeah two men two men behind a lot of bombings yeah oh nice oh good yeah it's lovely to be here i've been it feels like i haven't been here in a while i've also had a different haircut every time i've been on this podcast that's right you've got hair you treat it badly. He's getting very cool. He's into getting trendy and doing drugs now.

I haven't done any drugs. You have done drugs. You were fucking high as a kite there. Alfie Brown gave me a gummy bear that was more potent than I was expecting. Who was there? It was at one of Adam's Leicester square theater gigs and jack was

there wherever he is the fucking bastard and jack said no to a gummy bear and i dove in front of that gummy bullet that fucked me you can mention saying no you need to say no that should be a rule for life how many milligrams are we talking i don't't even know. What's a strong milligram? Strong one. Half a kilo? Half a kilo strong, I think. Gummy bear was like this big? It was a real live bear. Yeah.

So we finished at Leicester Square Theatre and we're just wandering through. Like we've gotten a pint maybe or something. And I think Jack, Alfie has these gummy bears and Jack was going to the next pub, but I was just going home and Alfie like offered a gummy bear to Jack being like, oh, do you want a gummy bear? And Jack was like, no, I'm going to the next pub. So that's a bit much. And then Jack turns to me and goes, but if you're just going home to like go to sleep, that'll be perfect for you.

And I was just like in a good mood. So it was like, okay. And then walking over to get a taxi with Alfie. And Alfie goes, Alfie goes, is yours kicked in? And I went, no, I don't really think so. And Alfie goes, it looks like it's kicked in. And then I turned to Alfie and went, yeah, yours looks like it's kicked in as well. And then I get into the Uber and I close the door and I swear to fuck, like, do you know in Star Wars when the Millennium Falcon like goes into like,

and all the stars go past? That's what, like, I turned to like wave at Alfie out the taxi window and that's what it looked like. I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Uber on the way home. And the Uber driver sounded like Chewbacca. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easy, Chewie.

Bring you home, I will. But so, and we had a McDonald's in our hand and I immediately got so paranoid that I wasn't allowed to eat the food in the Uber. I was like, oh, oh, fuck, what do I do? So I, and I couldn't speak. I knew I couldn't speak couldn't speak the guy was like oh you're going to this address and i was like and just holding my little bag of chips and we're on the way everything's grand it feels like i'm in the uber for maybe three days something in and around that maybe and then he pulls in he goes i just need to pull in here for a second pulls into

a petrol station doesn't doesn't go to the pump just parks in the petrol station and goes into the shop and i have no idea what's happening i'm just sat in the back of the car he's not there anymore i'm still sneaking chips so he doesn't find out that i've eaten in the back of it i'm like like a little fuck like Speedy Gonzales just fucking don't look at me I don't know anything and then

he's in there and then over the course of him being in the petrol station getting like a sandwich or whatever which I don't think should be allowed

no that's madness nah isn't it like if you need to fill up with petrol that's okay that's I need the petrol as well

go in the shop if you've got a passenger is insanity isn't that so i mean there's a chance that i hallucinated all of this yeah but i think that he just went into the shop and i'm sat there freaking out and i convinced myself that he's gone home and i'm just in his car now and i'm like he's forgotten that i was there because why would he go to the shop if he knew that I was there?

So I convinced myself that he'd gone home. And then again, two to three working days later, he gets back into the front of the Uber. With his big shop. With a full, like, come back with a trolley. There's the detergent in there. Drives up to the house, which is like probably five minutes away from whatever petrol station that turned out to be.

I get out and I'm like freaking out with my little mcdonald's and i walk down towards the block of flats that i live in and i've been having like a real like um like a territory like a kind of cold war with the foxes outside my flat right they're getting ballsy do you have foxes near you little Little Russian foxes. They're getting mad. They'll walk out into the middle of the path, piss in front of where you need to walk, and then walk off into the distance.

Just on two high legs. Yeah. Smoking. Fuck you, mate. Piss, right. So I've decided in my fucking gummy bear land that I'm going to make a truce with the foxes. I love that.

So I start... An olive branch. I'm extending a truce with the foxes. I love that. An olive branch. I'm extending an olive branch to the foxes. I think this is a nice thing to do. It's like Gorbachev and Reagan. You offered your chips. I didn't offer. I started scattering them around the garden of the block of flats. And the foxes can only hear like really

high pitches. So I was at like three in the morning at my own block of flats, scattering chips going, and then like whistling every so often because they can hear like a big fucking and just throwing. That was nice.

Throwing chips around. That was sick. The dance in my role when I was a kid could do that. Yeah. And I was always jealous. He was the only one who could do it without his... Oh, just that?

My cousin can do that? No, he's going... My cousin does that? What's he doing? He's just an Arabic... What? He's Lebanese. He'd do it with his own teeth.

Carl grew up next to him. But he'd go like... It was like the loudest whistle ever. Foxes everywhere. But he could do it with his elbows. You know you're not whistling, right? Yeah. Right.

Okay. I just thought in your head you might have thought. No. Yeah. Carl grew up next to the Taliban. Like if he just touched his face, he could whistle. He's like a proper pro whistler. Yeah, that is a boss move.

That's rad. Yeah. Did the foxes come? Did you draw out the foxes? I have no idea because then I got really worried that I couldn't bring the McDonald's wrapper upstairs because my girlfriend would be annoyed if I'd had a McDonald's.

And she wouldn't be, but I was just freaking out. So I was like, I can't bring this upstairs. And I ran across the road to somebody else's skip who was having work done through the rest of the McDonald's in there but still had my cup and then as I got to the door I was like looked at my own cup with the big M and was like fuck I'm an idiot I've given it away so I get the lift back down to the ground floor of my block of flats and set it on the wall outside the block of flats and go I'll drink it in the morning makes sense did you sleep well

yeah i think i lost a day and that's jack that should have been jack's mcdonald's yeah weed weed sleeps good sleep i think isn't it i don't think it counts do you know what i mean like you don't rest you're not you're not like you switch off but it's not yeah you get to sleep but you don't get a deep sleep. No. Yeah, you'll conk out very, very quickly, but when you wake up in the morning, you feel like you've been running. Right.

Rather than sleeping. Does that make sense? Your brain does too much. Your brain sleeps up, recovers you, doesn't it? So you're not recovering. Right. This is where we are now. I mean, personally, this is where I'm in my battle with addiction anything that is actual textbook looks like drugs i i'm not allowed to touch we've had there's been a pretty pretty strong edict given down from my wife about the future of our

relationship you're not allowed to be a druggie anymore no more druggies however there's those there's technicalities there's technicality drugs in there, like gummy bears and fucking chocolate dinosaurs. That's where I'm all at now. Just put lemon in like a share, but lemon. Yes, exactly. Cocaine fruit pastels. Cocaine dust and fruit pastels is a good idea. Like a dip dab, but it's just a big bag of cat.

Yeah. Nice. I've never done the cat. You've done cat. The cat. I've never done the cat. You've done cat. The cat. I've never done the cat. My father's an architect. I refuse.

I'm a dork. I'm scared of everything. And rightly, I was in a good mood and took a gummy bear and thought I'd been kidnapped by an Uber driver. Edibles are dangerous. Scary biscuits. Yeah, ketamine's well worse. So much worse.

Yeah, I feel like... When like when people go oh i've not done that you can avoid that one that's not one where you're like ah come on give it a try it'll be a laugh you don't have to take cat off you're locked in a disabled toilet that you can't get out of it's fucking hard work one of my favorite like little internet things that goes around every so often have you seen it where a guy leaves a bag of cat in his hotel room and comes back to find the cleaner thought it was coke and he's just fucked He's fucked in the hotel room and he can't move

because he's done a bag of ket A little man wild just for goodness sake A little Gerry Adams I'm in a k-hole I can't free a country in this k-hole man Can't get a United Ireland in this K-hole. Okay? I can't free a country in this K-hole, man. Can't get a United Island in this K-hole, man.

Man. Man. Chico. I kid, I kid, I kid, I kid. I kid, I kid, man. Would Mexican be the best Jerry Adams voice to come in? Oh, Chinese Jerry Adams. Come on.

Who's taking it? I think. Who wants it? Everybody's leaving that's leaving his career is on fire let's not ruin that one i'm just keeping i think you should tag team him for jerry adams for chinese jerry adams oh all yours the whole country is ours the whole country oh that's really japanese you know give me back the six counties six countries yeah it's really japanese yeah you know. Give me back the six counties. Six counties. It's really Japanese. Yeah? Yeah.

Well, that's in the trailer. Have you ever seen... Carl, as a Japanese guy, have you ever seen David McSavage's very, very funny joke, which is online, so I'm not, like, giving away material that he's doing. Is it about... Defamations?

No, you can do... There's only certain... Like, you're not supposed to just do accents anymore, like stage that's bad or whatever I mean bad podcast to make that point maybe I'm going to need to leave the Scientology huh no you're thinking Miscavige which is close yeah very very good this is David McSavage who was in Calvary and also had a sketch show in Ireland very funny comedian and he had a really funny joke of like accents that you can mix together and the best one is Scottish and Japanese

and then for like three minutes on stage he just goes I'm so fine. It's just fucking it's so good isn't it? Lad, speak to McScavage

at Scientology lad. Yeah. V.O. was only telling me the other day hear about what Tom Cruise does on his birthday. Do you know you've got the bat in your hand

yeah I do I do have you forgotten what's no lad I'm so in love with holding it's unbelievable you've got a hurl there

you know I love a hurl if I could hold a hurl I feel like it's putting attention into the room Michael huh it's putting attention

into the room I think that'll make us all perform our best give him a fucking hurl I think I think we'll all perform our best give him a fucking hell I think I think we'll all perform our best if there's a little bit

of a fear of if you if you're fucking throwing a clanger you get a bit of that back to the South Kilkenny under nines days that's right

have your teethy rules podcast oh please lad oh lad that is so sick the grip the grips going quite custom made I will say

oh lad custom that is so beautiful from the Afghan boys all lad for the audio listeners we yeah

I'm gripping this hurl now like a big fucking juicy kiak have you seen kiak kiak kiak

kiak kiak kiak kiak kiak kiak kiak kiak

kiak kiak kiak have you seen Braveheart yeah it feels like that it feels like the mad Irishman with the weapon lad oh Jesus we talked about it before me and Vito on a pod Have you seen Braveheart? Yeah, it feels like that. It feels like the mad Irishman with the weapon.

Oh, Jesus. We talked about it before, me and Vito on the pod, but the way you get fired up in the GAA before a game is like nothing you've ever seen in your life. Like, they'll bring in, like, hundreds of years' worth of family feud. It's like, do you want this, John? Do you fucking want it? Well, act like you want it. Your father was a coward.

Are you going to let your whole family be seen as cowards John Fitzpatrick you're not lads be just fucking wasn't one of them called like Bastard O'Sullivan

and he was like the heaviest kid ever Bastard O'Sullivan yeah what was his name oh the best GAA player yeah Bastard O'Sullivan have you heard of

Bastard O'Sullivan I've not I know a few O'Sullivans who would have been bastards I get the vibe of them but the GAA has a stream he was a big boy and he ate like the longest

I've ever shot is that not The Rock yeah The Rock not Bastard oh you were thinking Diarmuid O'Sullivan The Rock yeah The Rock

oh it's not The Rock no I know who he's he was thinking about it was a cork because there's that famous video where he like he was a cork and like almost the full length

of the page that's right so he was a cork fullback can you think of Brock Lesnar played fullback what was his name

The Rock he was known as The Rock you're a big bastard O'Sullivan you're a big cunt McGee I know and he was

a bastard like he was an absolute dyed in wool cunt but and there was a nastiness to him I wouldn't be surprised now

like he's someone who's just killed men with his hands just crushed their skulls well any of those pre-helmet hurlers yeah terrify me

well they were kind of hoping to get brain damage do you know what I mean because it would make them like have less fear so they didn't have a coward's legacy that's right

I'm going to miss a great player 100% if you came out back in say the 70s and 80s if you were like finished your hurling career

and you had full mental faculty you were a fucking coward you were a fucking the man's 44 doesn't even have dementia yeah

it's like Trump talking to John McCain about being like captured he was like I think real heroes don't get captured. Yeah. He can only lift one arm, can't he?

No, he can only lift either arm to that high. Yeah, he can't do YMCA. Yeah, he can't do, which is a real, that's the biggest. He can do the MC. He can do the MC. Maybe not.

He can do like a low M, but it does just look like he's kind of gesturing towards his dick. And then the C kind of becomes like a G, like a lowercase G. And then the A, very weird. a, like a G, like a lowercase G. And then the A, very weird. Funny Japanese.

Yeah. Namaste. Ah, just, United Ireland, we need, no. Yeah,

but it's that thing of like, you had to actually. I just, I felt the regret just on that last one. He's like, ah, Jesus.

We'd moved so far away from the accents. I know. You just brought it all, just brought it all. moved so far away from the accents. I know. Accents equals talent. Jodie Colmer is the perfect example. Jodie Colmer. Yeah.

The actor. She can do every accent. She's always doing Mexican Jerry Adams. That's her big thing. We've kind of taken that off her a little bit today. But I think she would... It's like in her legacy, we're doing Mexican jariata. Also, the best game ever, people who can't do accents,

loads of fun. Like, no one wants to see you do it. Eh, fine, kind of fine. You either have to be exceptional. Shout out Kev Finn, who I worked with for the first time on Thursday. I mean, he is... He was on BGT.

Unbelievable. His dad's from Huddersfield. He's Canadian. And then his dad moved to Liverpool. His West Yorkshire accent and his Scouse accent, he does a bit about the Scouses that if I wrote as a wall, essentially, like I'm from Preston, would never have been accepted by Scouses.

They'd have been like, lads, shut the fuck up. What are you talking about? But because he's canadian they're like he's fucking nailed it here man it's brilliantly when it's done well but when carl when we force carl to it it's so fun i've never got it rolling but when carl rolls into one and it's so wrong it's so fucking beautiful i love an absolute car crash accent liverpool's got to be like one of the highest bars for when they'll accept you doing that

accent like most people are like okay if you're like like I don't get that bothered if people do like most people who try to do a northern Irish accent on the circuit at all do it really really badly but it's always with the same joke in it friendly Irish and scary Irish like oh cool cool

like not that I haven't been the dickhead that probably did that great early doors but that's well that's the one time mike's being called friendly with a fucking early yeah this really disproves the friendly irish scary irish thing yeah um but yeah to to do a scouse accent two scouses it's gotta be pretty good on it milo isn't coming on it yeah Milo does it Milo's very good at it

and his mum is Scouse Alfie's mum is from Liverpool it's unbelievable yeah I have spent every waking hour for the last four and a half years

with these guys in my life mine's getting there but it's still a caricature isn't it yeah like yeah Newcastle I just watched so many comedians

because I started out in Newcastle just wander up learn one place name. Reg Hunter, like, I'm not from round here. I'm from Middlesbrough. Nice. Bloody hell. That's unbelievable. That's a fucking joke.

That's a fucking joke. Massive black lad is clearly fucking mad. And that's where the comedy lays? Unbelievable. And he's coming in. If you mention the fucking Metro, I will lose my shit. Fucking quality. Finn's got a Scouse. Go on, Finn. Give it a rattle, lad.

What are you doing? Why not? I can't. Believe in yourself, lad. It's like iffy some days, it's all right. Go on, say it. Just give it a fucking lash. I'm better at doing Scouse woman. Do Freedom. Oh, you do a lot of Scouse women. The Braveheart Freedom bit.

The 10 Poirot Waffle, I need a shit. Scouse men sound like Scouse women. What a minute. I've got to get into it. 10 Poirot Waffle. I need a warm up. What's my line? What is my warm up?

So you're Braveheart. You're Mel Gibson Braveheart. Do you need like a word to get into it just say the N word I think we always say you can take our land but you cannot take our freedom and really give it

give it socks it's gonna be shit now no it won't baby that's the game no it'll be good lad sometimes it's good Dan that's the fucking game lad you fucking

you can take our land but you can't fucking take our freedom that was bad that was bad that was like Carl's the judge in the room

that was like you're in you're in Spain and you go where are you from from Liverpool lad and you go no you're not

I'm actually from New Brighton but you know so that was a good New Brighton so that was a good wall good wall I'll take it

that's not a compliment it does not mean that as a compliment I don't care it's a good wall yeah I'm from Liverpool where about's not a compliment. It does not mean that as a compliment. I don't care. It's a good wall. Yeah, I'm from Liverpool. What about, you know, just like about half an hour out.

Fuck off. I don't mind that when people do that. Loads of people do that from Belfast. If they're from like near Belfast, they'll just tell everybody they're from Belfast because who the fuck knows what Lisburn is. Yeah. Exactly.

Do you know what I mean? But you guys get real angry about it. Yeah, because they claim. The rules. Yeah. Exactly. Do you know what I mean? But you guys get real angry about it. Yeah, because they claim it. The rules. Yeah. But what haven't they earned? Do you know what I mean? What do you mean?

Like, what do they... No, you can't claim it. It's because they claim it. Right. But people from outside Liverpool, Belfast, claim to be from Belfast. And you like these people?

I don't mind. I don't have a fucking problem with it. Who would you pick to come to your house if it was between, like, a local Belfast guy or like one of these Lisbon people? Well, Belfast is maybe a slightly more divided city

than Liverpool is. Are they called Lisburnians? Lisbians. Lisbians. Lisbians. They are Lisbians. They have a parade every year. Shame.

Different parade. Lisbians, shame. But it is. It's bonfire marching time in in northern ireland at the minute oh is it big big bonfire get the flutes out somebody fell off one recently there's a police car on top of one of them for the first time that's big excitement that's in the news today hang on what's the one that's being made with the is that it's like there's houses near it that's so many of them but it's it's colossal that's so many of them again it's like wick a

man is this the one that like has the four entryways up the top it's it's colossal that's so many of them again it's like wick a man is this the one that like has the four entryways up the top it's the biggest thing yeah looks like it could fall on a house get a picture of the big like can you explain what this is i don't know what this is so every year uh on the 11th of july the night of the 11th of july like all the protestants in northern ireland they get together and they uh celebrate the Battle of the Boyne, which is basically when, ooh, which is basically when,

you've got one of them TVs that I've got. Sorry to get so distracted immediately. The Samsung TVs that have the channels. The ADHD. Oh, they're all the only?

You never asked for? No, but the channels, but it's not channels. It's each TV show has its own channel. Yeah, I've heard that. Dragon's Den's got one. There's a channel

that only shows Dragon's Den, like, like then it's got one there's a channel that only shows dragons then like like just at all times there's a come down with me channel there's i really thought i was being fucking like pranked by the prank patrol which is also a channel on so hang on is this the the the orange the orange masters sorry the orange mark is that is that same time is it this that's a good old joke what's the difference between an apple and an orange The orange... The orange... Bastards. Sorry. The orange monster. Is that the same time? That's a good old joke. What's the difference between an apple and an orange?

There's no such thing as an apple bastard. Ah! Nice. So what's this tall thing? I don't know anything. So they do bonfires on the 11th of July

and then they march on the 12th of July. So they just build these enormous bonfires out of pallets like right next to their houses and loads of houses get burnt down every year.

People die every year falling off them. And this year they've put a police car on top of them. So why did they do it if people are dying? Because it's their culture, Carl. Lad, I tell you what. Try and get a pallet in Northern Ireland in August. You're going to really struggle. That's right.

Fucking incredible structure. Sounds like they're Guy Fawkes. Yeah, but I mean, it is the similar anti-Catholic sentiments, but instead of like a thing of Guy Fawkes, they'll put up like Sinn Féin politicians or like... What would be the guy? Would that be Sinn Féin?

Sinn Féin politicians. Or like there was one time... The Pope. They love an old Pope burning. Yeah, they'll put the Pope up there and they'll also put like Terminally Ill. There was a young Terminally Ill Celtic fan. Yeah. And they put a little dummy of him up there and they'll also put like, like, uh, terminally ill. There was a young terminally ill Celtic fan. Yeah.

And they put a little dummy of him. Oh man. Up there. They're good lads. They're good lads. The humour can go, the humour can go too far. When I was a kid,

I thought Shim Fahim was a person. Wow. Yeah. Like Led Zeppelin. Like Sinead O'Connor. Yeah. I thought Shim Fahim was like the leader of, like Arsene Wenger for Arsenal.

Right. You thought that that was, yeah like Arsene Wenger for Arsenal. Right. You thought that that was yeah, Arsene Wenger really like do you think that's why he went to Arsenal for all those years? I just gotta.

Yeah. I gotta. Nobody else has that. I say we never got I've probably said this before but we never got any Irish history in school at all.

Yeah. Nothing. That's weird. Even in Liverpool you would think like you're getting some. Yeah. Yeah, lad.

Because it's not it doesn't reflect well on us. No. Really. But also, to be fair to you, you've got the whole empire. If you go into Ireland, you have to go into fucking Africa. You have to go into India. Do you know what I mean? And it's all...

Let's keep it. We won the World Cup. 66. Bobby Charlton. That's all you need to know that is it that fat cunt Churchill two world bare knuckle boxed

Hitler and won two world wars one world cup that's the end of history sick yeah so cool but it all interlinks did I ever tell you about

I went to see a play about like the Indian Revolution and the guy was really inspired by the IRA like he was reading books about the ira when he was so there was like gandhi was inspired you mean no gandhi wasn't gandhi was like the peaceful side of it doing like the marches and touching kids and stuff but then the um the there was like a violent faction to the indian malcolm x of the indian kind of that but like pre-mecca malcolm x

like aggressive right to kill the white man type thing and they were very inspired by the ira because they were seen as people who'd like taken on the british and like won 20 years before they'd fucking done it yeah that's right it was like i love the rattle and bust i'm representing the end in this yeah but uh this place this guy was really buzzing about the IRA and he was like, but he was talking to his mum and he's like, but mum,

this is like, it says that Sinn Féin did this, Sinn Féin did that. And his mum goes, but you're not Sinn Féin. And I was the only person in the theatre to laugh at this next line at Shakespeare's Globe.

But I promised the guy who was my mate, was playing the part, turned to his mum and went, we are the Sinn Féin of India. It was Gerry Adams voice say that again say that again what

we are the Sinn Féin of India yeah I just wanted to uncount it that was a good accent that was my mate we are the Sinn Féin of India yeah nobody else laughed I felt so stupid in the theatre

just like pissing myself laughing at what I thought that's the funniest line maybe nobody else laughed. I felt so stupid in the theatre, just like pissing myself laughing at what I thought. That's the funniest line. Maybe nobody else understood. Beautiful. Yeah, true. It's the accent. That was sick. What did he say? Yeah. I tell you the Irish and the, I think the Irish and the Indians get on well.

One of my ex-lovers. The Irish and everyone get on well, mate. You're loved internationally. The Irish and the Irish don everyone get on well mate well you're loved internationally the Irish and the Irish don't get on no I mean oh the home fixtures are a nightmare

but they are way right they call themselves British though the ones that don't get on with the other ones and I'm not involved I've backed off today yeah you don't even talk about

the old firm now we're talking about the actual troubles K-pop old firm and Taylor Swift don't touch the home yo fuck Taylor Swift don't touch yo fuck taylor swift don't the tension in the room you don't like cruel summer

and the old firm you didn't like cruel summer you didn't think that was a good song what the fuck we need to know we need to make the we need to make the old firm a person and then we can do an actual shag, Mario, Void. So we have Taylor Swift. We have, what's that? What's the K-pop band? What's the big one? BTS.

BTS. And Neil Lennon. Yeah, but they're Asian men, which is like women adjacent. Right. Well, they're the closest, yeah. Don't start a war on our podcast. Right.

And who's Ireland? Shag, Mario, Void, you've got BTS, Taylor Swift and like Neil Lennon. It has to be Neil Lennon. Right. And who's Ireland? Shag my avoid, you've got BTS, Taylor Swift and like Neil Lennon. It has to be Neil Lennon. Right. A hundred percent. Wait now, you'd like to,

so you want to kill Neil is what you're saying? No. No, right. But then, and then what's it? So Shag, marry, kill, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the vibe. Oh, you actually want to do it? Yeah. Because, well, we'll call this the guide to parenting section. Right. But no, so, but. That's the vibe. Oh, you actually want to do it? Yeah. Because. Well, we'll call this the guide to parenting section. Right. But no.

So, but you will. I'm shagging the Korean boys. Well, you're going to. Those fucking silky soft bums. You're going to. Then you're marrying Taylor for the moolah, aren't you? Exactly. And then you throw her off a boat somewhere.

She doesn't get boats. Also beat it. That's four bums. So you can marry her and then kill her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Neil died for nothing. Yeah, maybe you marry Neil Lennon,

but he's got nothing. No, lads. He's got stories. He's got no tactics. He's a great pint. He's got stories, lads. He's a great pint, but he has too many of them.

Right. But then his dick's not, he'll be too drunk. Have you seen videos of Neil Lennon immediately post resigning from Celtic? Sad.

Oh, really? Sad state,, just your dad and Ben. I'm shitting his pants. But he's, at least he's home. You know, Taylor's always on tour.

Yeah, that's true. If you want companionship, marry Neil Lennon. Oh, wait. I can't believe. Yeah. I can't believe that was a valid sentence.

Yeah. It was, it was actually a beautiful sentiment. He's taking Vin. Neil Lennon's going nowhere. He's got no offers. That's right. Where's he going nowhere he's got no offers that's right

where to go yeah you have to deal with the occasional bullet in the post but that's fine it's fine you got the BTS boys

to do security on the door those sweet sweet BTS boys but we're killing Taylor Swift just to clarify whoa

I don't know you've got a beef you've got a beef with Taylor that's just it's nasty and well Swifty beef misogynist to be honest I just I hate this I hate this I don't know you've got a beef you've got a beef with Taylor that's just it's nasty and misogynist

to be honest I hate this I hate this you like you criticise her and all of a sudden you're a misogynist what are you criticising though

I just think she can't sing or dance how would you get lost she's not boyzone it's Taylor Swift who's your favourite artist ever my favourite artist like Van Gogh

me are you musician musician artist ever oh you're gonna say some classical shit if you go to one no I'm actually not if you go to one show ever Dead or Alive My favourite artist, like Van Gogh, mate? Are you? Musician. Musician artist? Ever? Oh, you're going to say some classical shit. No, no, I'm actually not.

If you go to one show ever, Dead or Alive, who are you going to? Do I get to choose their set list or do they play the full... Yeah, you can choose. Ah, the 19th century percussionist, Lucas Van Quim. Lucas Van Quim? Oh, Van Quim was a master.

Dutch trailblazing triangle player, Van der Schloss. Isn't he managing Liverpool? He could be I think like the first two or first three albums of Arctic Monkeys is like going to be

the best gig of my life They can't dance? They don't purport to You know what I mean? Like they don't dance They don't They therefore They don't dance He picked one therefore they don't dance he picked

because they can't you can't fuck with the arctic monkeys first two or three albums like that's just undefeated that'll be the best gig of your life right you know i mean you'd go springsteen you're a big spring i like springsteen i'd also i might i like you know westlife i think there's the next there's the next mandy trip face to albums Lad, 15 number ones Elvis Beatles Westlife Top three UK number ones Of all time Louis Walsh

Talk about great managers Wenger, Ferguson Louis Walsh managed Louis Walsh managed Westlife To 15 number ones None of them can write a song And none of them can dance

That's a manager Brian McFadden was there mate What? Brian McFadden Brian McFadden left lad You can do it all and none of them can dance. That's a manager. Brian McFadden was there, mate. What? Brian McFadden. Brian McFadden left, lads. He could do it all, though. Huh? He could do it all.

He could do absolute... He could fight the Taliban with his bare hands, couldn't he? Yeah. He wanted to fight ISIS. ISIS, yeah. He tweeted it. He said,

I'll take the fuckers on and you know the last thing they want to see is him coming over the hill singing, I'm flying with the... It's Uptown Gale. There's a tweet in it. Oh, yeah oh yeah yeah yeah uh but uh did he really

tweet that he said why don't they fight man to man rather than dropping bombs on kids that's right and has there ever been a terrorist attack in sligo fuck no you see because they know they wouldn't get away with it no because he let them know do you hear anything from take that about isis not a fucking word very little fucking weasels dig that in the pocket of big ISIS yeah they're pro

do you reckon Westlife were the hardest boy band ever then Westlife are very very tough yeah no East 17 looked like

nasty little boys from the ends like 5 5 your man had the eyebrow pierced fucking J or whatever his name was he looked like he might

throw you a dig do diversity count as like a boy band I know they didn't sing but they were a dance troupe no I'm not having that The eyebrow pierced. Fucking Jay or whatever his name was. He looked like he might throw you a dig. Do diversity count as like a boy band? I know they didn't sing, but they were a dance troupe. No, I'm not having that. They're not in the troupe. They're a troupe. Blazing Squad? I'm sorry.

Blazing Squad's a good show. So Solid Crew? So Solid Crew. They had fucking Dushane. They had Dushane from Top Boy. No, they're not a boy band. Right. Come on.

There's Lisa Mafia. Yeah, you can't put NWA in this conversation. Like, that's not a boy band Well see This is what people Might not know Right now Brian McFadden And Keith Duffy

So Keith Duffy's from Boyzone Boy's Life They've come together To create Boy's Life The two hardest cunts From either band Have come together To create

Like a double Like they're two bouncers It'd be like Patrick Vieira And Roy Kane Yeah In the same team They have 23 number ones To create a double, like they're two bouncers. It'd be like Patrick Vieira and Roy Kane. Yeah, in the same team. They're playing in Raleigh in September. They have 23 number ones between them for the concerts, between Boyz N' Westlife.

It's an embarrassment to Rich's. Wow. It's an embarrassment. Amalgamation groups. Oh, I'm all for it. Romeo Dunn, fucking Ice Cube. So solid N-words. Right, let's get it going.

Yeah. McBusted was big for it. Yeah, they're still going i think so i don't know no it's not flying but they've they've gone a separate way annie lennox and the prodigy they're working together now yeah yeah just recently keith flint died so annie lennox took over yeah yeah right she's the fire starter you know yeah it Did I need... It's amazing. Did I need to read that fucking article that fucking Coldplay are funding... ISIS. No. I read that.

No, lad. That felt like a quiz blank. No, lad, I'm not even joking. Show me ISIS. I read an article that they're, like, giving money to... You can't press the bullshit bell when you're about to make a point. It really invalidates.

Did anyone read that? You know, I'll do this now because this is shite. No, but I read an article that they're funding the IDF, Israel. They're sending money. Google Jewish.

To be fair, the Middle East was not on your list of things not to talk about no you said k-pop and taylor swift you did not you did not mention gaza i just read i read this i read this article and then there was something that in glastonbury when they played viva la vida that apparently netanyahu was like playing like not the drums but he was like on the bass or something in the back does how does Coldplay support for the Palestinian? I think you've, you know,

right battlefield, wrong team here. Right. Well, maybe they've probably got it taken down. But yeah. Yeah, super injunction. They've probably got it taken down.

Yeah. Well, Chris Martin is funding the IDF. I know you just get it. Is this like a conspiracy theory? Are you like, if you listen to Yellow backwards, it's... Well, I haven't done that yet yet but i'm pretty sure it might make things pretty

clear about what's going on the music video backwards hmm music video backwards just rewind there you go exactly yeah it's just footage of uh go on just uh just good just good stuff Chris Martin though you know like he's up to he's up to no fucking good I heard him the other day saying he only eats

one meal a day what's that about calorie control got a kid called Apple hasn't he one meal lad bastard one meal

I go on that for a little while one meal a day I'm not on it at the minute right but that is certainly something I've been

into for a while. Right. You can make it a big one. Yeah, that wouldn't be wild if I had one meal in a day. It was like six o'clock. Okay, right. It's just an old-fashioned way

of saying intermittent fasting, isn't it? Okay, so the meal thing is fine, but then he's making his wife make candles out of her vagina. What about that? He broke up with her. Ex-wife. What?

Ex-wife. Yeah, because she broke up with him because he kept forcing her to make candles out of her pussy That's some strong labia I know she has got pussy candles She does Did you not know this?

This is not This is true Oh What's it called? Goop Yeah it smells like her vagina And she sells it on her website Goop

Yeah Goop's the website isn't it? Goop's like the magazine Goop's the brand Yeah she's like Jordan Peterson for women Right But she does She has her for women right but she does

she has her own pussy candles and she'd have them around the house apparently can we buy one yeah oh lad

I'm not I'm listen I'm the one who's usually pretty yeah sensible about the business card yeah you should

have a vagina but I really want a pussy candle please they sold out but I just don't understand like the appeal

of having a candle that smells like a vagina. Like just have, surely you just have to. This smell, yeah. It's a bit on the nose. It's big. Well, one would hope.

Right. Well, you can get a roll on if you want to wear it. No, I want that. I want a candle that says, this smells like my vagina, which that like for the audio listener. Right. That's what it's called. And that one smells like her orgasm specifically. I want that. I want a candle that says, this smells like my vagina, which that like, for the audio listener. Right. That's what it's called. And that one smells like her orgasm specifically. Can I buy it?

Apparently it caused a lot of problems in the relationship because Chris Martin's father kept buying them. Are you going to buy it now? Like he bought like 50 of them. That would be brutal if your dad kept buying your wife's vagina candles. Oh, lad. You'd be like,

dad, for fuck's sake, get everybody one for Christmas. Right. But why do you want a candle that smells like's vagina candles? Oh, lad. You'd be like, dad, for fuck's sake, get everybody one for Christmas. Right. But why do you want a candle that smells like a vagina? Just have a little... He made her do it, lad. Just have a little tub of, like, coins in your house. Oh! You're a nasty little man. Just have a change bowl, you know? That's how you get drugs

into other countries, isn't it, mate? Yeah, the coin man. The coin man. Don't tell everyone about that, lad. He knows. Of course I know. He knows. the sniffer dog at Dublin airport like I can just smell fanny you're just walking

through like it's your fucking communion that's the genius of the coin method if the sniffer dog it's just someone's on their period

that would be such a prank when I have kids I'm gonna have their communion candle be a fucking pussy Gwyneth Paltrow

vagina candle. Yeah, lads. The priest's gonna be like, ugh. Exactly. Like a little boy's bum. What body part could make, like, you can't do a cock. Cock-flavoured lollipops.

Cock-flavoured lollipops? But then you need, like, a scientist to lick your cock. Okay. Yeah. Is there a bad thing about that? Just some little poindexter. Well, I guess

for the result. Poindexter. Poindexter. I like it. Poindexter's good, isn't it? There's a guy called John Poindexter.

Is that true? He's a scientist, yeah. It's his actual name. Yeah, it is a last name. That's probably where it comes from. Like just biggest nerd of all time happened to have that last name.

Right. Could happen. I'm sick of these fucking nerds, lad. You sick of experts? Science. I know, but all of them. You Musk and fucking Zuck and Bezos and they own everything.

Fuck that. What about the big strong men? Let's take it over. But all the nerds are learning jujitsu. Huh? All the nerds are learning jujitsu, and it's quite scary. Zuck's fit now as well.

I've seen him with his little Kelly Afro and little chain and that. Right. And he's safe now. Yeah. Fucks. Yeah, but if society breaks down and there's no electric

and Bitcoin isn't worth anything, you can do jujitsu, but if you are 5'9 in your way, 12 stone, you're just going to get twatted by the biggest cunt. I have a hurl. I'm going to kill Zuckerberg

with a hurl. I'm going to kill Zuckerberg with a hurl. UFC won. Jujitsu beats everything. Mark Zuckerberg versus a 6'5", defensive end.

Right. It's over. Well, yeah, an athlete is going to be sucking them. If you do jujitsu, if he's like a pro at it, now it isn't over,

he'd just go to the ground and break his leg, wouldn't he? That's the point of, that's what the UFC started with. That's what they say. My brother does jiu-jitsu. That's why the UFC started.

It was to prove that jiu-jitsu, like, who's greatest. And he did fuck everyone up. Hang on, hang on. I'm not talking about, I'm not talking about the greatest jiu-jitsu. I'm talking about Zuckerberg.

Yeah. Everyone's too scared to fucking beat him because he's worth 160 billion. Do you think anyone who's sparring with Zuckerberg, and. Everyone's too scared to fucking beat him because he's worth 160 billion. Do you think anyone who's sparring with Zuckerberg and he's like, well, I really want you to go at me, you know, just really hell for leather

because I want to learn. They're holding back. Yeah. They're not getting them in a triangle choke. Cans aren't it, a lot of them. Triangle choke is a triangle. What body part would you use to throw that in?

A triangle choke? You'd be using your leg yeah right is it that yeah is it make a triangle yeah you do that yeah that's weird when you're rubbing it in he's rubbing it in and he's tapped but carol in on a serious note, why do we let, why have we let a system come up where all these smart little fellas can have all the stuff and then there's big strong fellas. Who don't you want to be back? Like medieval fucking England. Brock Lesnar should be the king of the world. Yeah, Mike thinks the strongest boy who carries the chairs after assembly should be billionaire. No, but Brock Lesnar or like, but like, why have we let a system come up

where you can sit over there and you're a little fella and you've got, oh, I've got this money and stuff and I'm a big strong fella and then I can't have it. Why can he keep it?

Because they've devised this little system with money and ownership and it's bullshit and it's all devised to keep the big strong men down. Yeah. And the little smart fellas up.

Do you know you're not a big strong fella? You benefit from this. You're just getting bummed by the rock. Mike's a big boy. Yeah. Mike's a big boy. He is taller than you think, Mike. If we're going to give compliments,

make him sound less like homoerotic. He's a big strong boy. I also get how tall he is. He's a big sweet boy. Big sweet boy. Yeah, I'm big. You're a farm boy as well? That's right.

I've grew up in combat with beasts, animals, the land, the wind. Dairy cows. Dairy cows, yeah. I've fought a sheep. No, I've literally have. I've punched. I have punched a cow in the face. Have you ever wrestled a goat?

No, but it was only because they wouldn't. They backed out. They backed out. They knew. Yeah. I have punched yeah a cow in the face have you ever have you ever wrestled a goat no but it was only because they were they wouldn't they backed out they backed out they knew yeah

they knew no but like I just think that the system that we've all agreed to in this whatever capitalism and stuff is we shouldn't have agreed to it

society and we've let these little nerds have most of the stuff what the fuck party did you vote for the viking viking party why can't we just We've let these little nerds have most of the stuff. What the fuck party did you vote for? The Viking. Why can't we just pillage?

Munching back on Henry VIII's times with this little maggot was like, nah, it's the fucking That's Carl's on my side on this. No, you need to go further back. Little maggots ran the game back in the In Henry VIII's death? Yeah, Henry VIII's son was a sickly, ill little boy who was king. Edward, yeah, he was. And he was a little, like, religious nerdy person.

Oh, really? Yeah, he was really like, Jesus is the saviour, kind of thing. Go! Yeah, he was. Such a little loser. But, lad, I was just thinking, because I just went through a break up there,

and then the pictures come up on my Instagram and stuff with the my ex now I've muted it now but then I was thinking back in Henry VIII's day

you break up with a girl fucking off with her head you don't have to see her again I have to see pictures of my ex her head couldn't be more attached to her fucking body that was

and it's just yeah that was the original muting and it's just that was the original muting and it's just bullshit. It's bullshit. You break up with a girl you fucking

lop the head off and you call it a day. You move on and everybody and that works out best for everyone. Well it did work out and people would

want to talk about that. Because she didn't have to see you either. No she didn't have to see Anton ever again. She's in bliss. It's a clean breakup. That's right.

Do you reckon Henry VIII went to hell? Henry VIII? You're asking the wrong side of the fence here. No, no. Did Henry VIII... Well, if you think about it, he himself was... So he was the head of the church here.

And he brought England from being Catholic pedos into being Protestant non-pedos. Right? That's in the pro column. Yeah. Cons all the women that he killed. Yeah, but they were fucking giving it a lot. They were fucking mountain lad.

They were full of gossip. No, lad. Fuck that. They were telling everyone, oh, he didn't make me come all day, so yeah, we'll see. Yeah. I'll make you go. Treason.

He killed three of them, didn't he? No, two. Divorced. Beheaded. The horse beheaded. Oh, yeah, two. Ow. Two and a death.

He only killed two. The horse. The horse. Catherine Barragan. There's people in the county who've killed more than that. At what point, and I don't want to because it's what's

divorced beheaded died divorced beheaded survived yeah so divorced beheaded died divorced beheaded

that fifth wife that got beheaded yeah she was only a young thing like we talk now about like red flags

but if you were about to marry a guy and somebody was like oh you know he killed one of them you'd be like ah but he didn't kill the last three. Right. But lad.

No one gets him like I do. That was just a phase he went through. I'll change him. Head on the chopping block. I think he can change. Lad, she had an attitude on her, that one. She did. She did.

You're very bad. What was she? Annigan? No Catherine Aragon Anne Boleyn Yeah Jane Seymour

Jane Seymour Jane Seymour died in childbirth wasn't it? Jane Seymour isn't a name for a person from that time Do you know what I mean? I do Jane Seymour was a co-star

in an American sitcom But the second one he killed was Jane Parr Yes Catherine Parr Now Catherine Parr American sitcom but the second one he killed was Jane Parr uh yes Catherine Parr now

Catherine Parr she was 18 and she was like like hot big boobies and bummed a whole shebang

and then Henry at that time was you know just gout ridden he had like one leg and he was drooling and bald

and just rotten his dick had leprosy it was the whole thing and then she couldn't just keep it together and nosh him off. She was like, oh, what the fuck? You are gross and that. And then he was like, I am the king.

You know, he was like, hurt his feelings. Which one blagged him from a painting that we'd like a filter on? That was Anne of Cleves, wasn't it? Yeah. She was an absolute munter. And yeah, that cost Thomas Cromwell his head. She was his cousin.

She was his german cousin and then he was like sure she's my cousin she must be good looking and then it was the original tinder she had one catfish she had yeah yeah she got catfish he got to draw herself bigger tits she did yeah i love that yeah and a massive clit like Right. Big Harry wants to see a picture. Don't worry. I'll do it. I'll do it. Fucking massive knockers on me, lad. I'll suck your dick clean off. I am sound.

Yeah. It's just an emoji smiley face at the top, but he's not even looking at me. Henry, have a look at that. Look at the bastards on here. Get her over. Who drew this? Her?

Well, she knows what she looks like. You know, I'm fucking, I'm buying this. I'm getting them wrong. He was so angry about that, that it was the end of Thomas Cromwell, who had basically run the gaff for 15, 20 years. Tommy C. Killed him.

Beautiful little Tommy C. I love Tommy C. And Tommy loved the fucking beheading, because when Henry had to get the ladies killed, he'd have to have a reason. So he'd be like, hey, tell everyone Anne Boleyn's a fucking witch, lad. And then Tommy C would be like, no butter.

He'd be spreading the word. He's Fabrizio Romano. Is he like Littlefinger? Oh, lad. No, he was such a Littlefinger, lad. Tommy C. Here we go. I love it.

I love it. I fucking love it. Imagine getting the Fabrizio Romano tweet before you get beheaded. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. God. Just typing it. You've got 12 seconds while your head's still there.

You've ruined this church, you. Yeah. So what did Tommy C do? He was... Thomas Cromwell was the son of a fucking... Preacher man. Like a son of a preacher man, and he was the only one that could make him cum.

Is he related to Ollie? Like Oliver Cromwell? No. No relation. No relation? Well, Ollie was the next century. Yeah, I don't think there's any relation. Are you sure?

No direct line? No, I think they are related. Oh, okay. He was poor. He's from Putney. I mean, everyone who's read Wolf Hall is like, oh, dad. But he rose up. And by the peak of it, he was like Chancellor, wasn't he?

Like he ran the whole court. He was the number one guy. Little finger. Little finger. And hated by the landed gentry, like the Duke of Norfolk. And he was so hated because he was a commoner and he had total power under henry and anne of cleves was the end of it yeah she like because he's the one who passed on the big booby picture

he was the one who was trying to secure that marriage yeah and he was getting he's like the agent yeah like he was going like she was there for a medical on the deadline day. She peed in all the wingies and just turned up with her tits on. She just turned up turned up at Westminster Abbey for a fucking medical just to look at her tits. But Henry only saw her

on the wedding day. So he literally And apparently his reaction was like He literally was like It's the very first episode of Married at First Sight. Yeah.

Some stumpy little German going, they are quite big, let me push them up. If only someone would invent a bra for this. That's why the wunderbar has little hands in it. The wunderbar. Poor old Tommy Cromwell

must have been fucking sweating when he saw the cut of Vanity Leaves. Because he met her off the boat. Here she goes. Germans are always fit Does anyone have any socks? Are they your only teeth? Does anyone have any socks?

Just stuff some socks We'll be okay Are they your only teeth? Are they your only teeth? Yeah She's like it's just a shark She's another robot And her eyes cross

He's like would you You're joking Hello Tommy Nice to see you This is England I'm ready for my wedding There's my cousin Henry I'm going to sock his cock This is England I'm ready for my wedding There's my cousin Henry I'm going to suck his cock

There's Arnie now Get down Look out See he should be Putting the world Just full Arnold Schwarzenegger Shows up to Maric And he's like

Go That's right That's why I like Arnie As a politician He's a big strong fella Yeah Governor of California Yeah

Who's the biggest Strongest PM of all time Ours probably Fucking Thatcher Thatcher maybe he's a big strong fella yeah and he would governor of California yeah who's the biggest strongest PM of all time ooh Boris probably fucking Thatcher Thatcher maybe Gordon Brown was a big lad

Gordon Brown big lad obviously we had no one likes him we had deputy fighting Prescott John Prescott's the hardest politician he's fucking

the hardest politician yeah well he's probably not the hardest politician there's certainly Tommy Robinson you know like Jerry Adams and all

I'd say they're probably slightly harder than than John Prescott he used to be a boxer didn't he yeah Jerry Adams used to be

in the IRA was he a boxer though he's killed women and children Carl with his fist children Carl with his fist that's the only people

he fought he's bet them to a pulp that's for snitching you little bollocks but do you think With his fist. That's the only people he fought. He's bet them to a pulp. That's for snitching you little bollocks. But do you think... From Thomas Cromwell to that. Thatcher's up there. Biggest, biggest toughest. She's up there as the biggest pal of course.

PM. Because not politicians, because there's too many like rogue independent politicians who would just be like mad cunts running about. Camping face. Yeah, he's probably the hardest, but pm primate like right truss truss would do some damage she wouldn't know her own strength i think she's mental yeah she's got to have something yeah she's five foot six syndrome or something she's got something what did he say? I missed that. Keep going. Keep going.

Go back. Go back. She's got something that doesn't exist yet. You know what I mean? It'll be trust syndrome. It'll be that. She brings a knife. She brings a knife.

She brings the knife. Yeah, she brings a knife to a soup party. She brings a knife to any type of fight. Go on. She's fucking batshit. Yeah's just her with a butter knife i think she showed up first day of bmpm with a butter knife like is this gonna be helpful turns up with a spoon to a knife fight yeah check mate that's not a knife that's not a knife it's a spoon Ah, so you played knife and spoon before. Truss must be the dumbest person that's... Is she the dumbest prime minister ever?

That's become the leader of like a major nation? She's stupider than Trump. I think the problem that like Truss is just a symptom of that, like actually not being elected. Because you have to be a bit smart to get elected because you have to know how to like play the electorate

and like do that so that's why like Trump isn't actually stupid Trump's one of the smartest he's the smartest cunt ever do you know what I mean to be him and get where he got

he's so smart and gonna invite people around him I'm with you on that one people are like Trump is stupid I'm like he's not stupid

and a despicable cunt anyone yeah yeah great politician but He's not stupid. And a despicable cunt. Anyone? Yeah. Boring. Great politician, but he's got intelligence.

Boring. I don't know anything about politics. You don't know anything about politics. I must comment on every YouTube video with my opinion. I disagree with you. I like the Thomas Cromwell thing. You don't fuck about it. That's when I tuned out when you brought up Trump. Ah,

Truss is a mad old cunt. It's fun to play Truss as Mike Rice. Ah,

she's mad. Mad as a fucking box of frogs. Rishi, he looked quite trim

didn't he? He's tiny. small but he's trim. He looks like a featherweight boxer,

you know? Yeah. But if you punched him he'd cry. Punch him in the

ear and his balance is just fucked Man He was a dumbo looking cunt Wasn't he But he's a little fella Wasn't he Rishi

Yeah He was a little small fella 5'2 This is back to your theory No well this is back to my point The only little fella on earth Who I'd give any kind of power Is Tom Cruise

And that's the truth You love Tom Cruise But we never said What he does on his birthday Lad Oh my god Listen to this Tell him

What T.Cruise This is his big birthday celebration Every year I heard that every year Tom Cruise on his birthday. Lad. Oh my God. Listen to this. Tell him. T. Cruz. This is his big birthday celebration every year. I heard that every year Tom Cruise on his birthday goes to a forest and has four guys

chase him in the forest and whoever finds him first gets to fuck him. He's like, I'll be behind the first tree. Guess what, guys? You're nice.

How'd you know that? But Tom, this is a car park. Rumors? Friend of a friend. Right. Tom Cruise is a friend of a friend. Nicole Kidman. Nicole Kidman told me.

No, David Miscavige told me. No, yeah. So apparently T. Cruise is off through the woods and he has five huntsmen coming after him. Yeah. And the one who catches him gets to fuck him. Gets to fuck him, yeah. And I don't think he tells the rest of them

that he's already been caught. I think he just gets probably fucked by all of them. Yeah. That's my theory on the whole thing. But he'd be hard to catch in the woods. He's under the grass. He's little. Have you seen his tooth?

The one that's in the middle of his face? That was my head, I know. Wait! Mike loves Tom Cruise, so be wary of this. His middle tooth is in the middle of his face? That was my head, wasn't it? Wait! My gloves, Tom Cruise, should be where he is. His middle tooth is in the middle of his head. As in, it's up around... No, see the way you've got two teeth? Yeah.

He's got a tooth in the middle. One tooth in the middle of his head. One of his front two teeth is in the middle. It lines up with his nose. Yeah. And he's had a lot of work done to them because when he first made his debut as a kid in cinema,

he had some bad tags on him. He's got a middle tooth. He's a beautiful man. I tell you, if I caught him in the forest, I'd have this hurl halfway up him. Are you a big cruisy boy, yeah? Huh? You a big cruisy boy?

I love him. I think he's the finest actor that's ever lived. And I think that... You love the Mission Impossible, but you just love like shit action film. If you think Mission Impossible is a shit action film, you really have more than autism lad

let me tell you it's got up syndrome you've got yeah up syndrome oh that's what he said yeah lad

lad Mission Impossible they're the finest action films like ever made like the last couple of Mission he fucking

they're the best bad action films bad action what's a good action film if Mission Impossible is a bad action film I mean most action films are bad

Die Hard's good Mission Impossible's good Die Hard's better than all the Mission Impossibles maybe put together I bet you haven't even seen fucking Die Hard I bet you haven't

I have yeah the Bones shit on Mission Impossible never seen the Bones what oh the Bones are well better than the Mission Impossible I think I've only seen

one of them but I would agree I think Mission Impossible are wildly've never seen The Bones. What? Oh, The Bones are well better than The Mission Impossible. I think I've only seen one of them, but I would agree. I think Mission Impossible are wildly overrated because they're like, they're inflated by their budget, so they have like big stunts, but it's not actually a good film.

Lad, the stunts are dead fucking, like, transcend you to a different time and place. Tom does them himself. He's actually, Am I the only person that doesn't fucking care?

He's not told anyone about that. He's never, he's never, he's never he's never like shown off about the fact that he does his own stunts why would he keep that to himself

he's trying to inspire the world Dan so he's inspire the world to do what jump off cliffs he wants to let us

know anything is possible do you ever fucking listen if you've got a motorbike yeah and a parachute just wazz it off just wazz it off the fucking cliff live a littlebike yeah the parachute just was it off just was it off the fucking cliff live a little be alive get off you know why does it matter that he does his own why

does that improve the story that he does his own stunts this is the thing with these action films you're like enjoying it a step behind and this is why it's the behind the scenes and fuck off this way he's tom cruise and you're autistic because he because tom knows the viewer can tell the fucking difference if you see that cunt's face flying in the wind. There's no five foot two stuntman. Huh? That's the only reason he does his own stunts. You're a nasty little dude.

You're a nasty man. There's no small enough body doubles. Warwick Davis was busy. You're right. So what happens if he dies doing a stunt? Would he be happy? If Kruisey dies doing a stunt, why would you want to lose him to a stunt i wouldn't want to lose in son and i won't lose him to a stunt because his his technique is flawless so that's not happening he knows his

so does he hang off the cliff with one finger is that him yes there's an epilogue maybe and maybe not it's none of your business and that's not something you even need to be asking. Just know he's doing it and it's class. So that's enough. But like, let's be honest, like Top Gun Maverick is the greatest sequel that was ever released of any movie in the history of time. I saw that, but I hadn't seen Top Gun. Is that bad?

It's not bad. It's lazy. But I just like, it was grand. Civil War, that came out recently. That's a good action film. That was good. That's good shit. And it's interesting. It's not massively action-y

it wasn't no it wasn't there's action in it the trailer was a lot more action-y than the film was yeah they kind of catfished yeah they literally took pictures

of people doing that Casino Royale's are better than any of Mission Impossible I'd say Casino Royale's a great film most of the Bond films are better than all of the

are you telling me no one's on the Tom Cruise train here fucking Jerry jerry mcguire oh yeah that was i was you don't like that post yeah coming back in and he's just like where's my wife anything after collateral i sort of lost interest lad collateral that is a sick is that jamie fox yeah what a film mate that's a fucking banger tom cruise gray hair killing people nice Nice. I haven't watched that for years. I might watch that soon. He was good in Tropic Thunder as well. Yeah.

He was good in Tropic Thunder. He's fat and he's dancing. He can do anything. Anything. So who do you prefer, James Bond or what's his name in Mission Impossible? John Impossible. John Impossible. Yeah, what the fuck is this?

Ethan Hunt, you fucking... Bad action guy name, Ethan Hunt. What do you mean, Ethan Hunt? He's getting hunted in a forest. Getting fucked up the ass it's all he's leaving clues

for us but Ethan's not a good action hero named Ethan you know it's like James to be fair though Jimmy

Jimmy Bond that's good shit he doesn't introduce himself but hi my name's Jim Jimmy Jimmy B

Jimmy B Jimmy Bond sounds like he plays left wing for Sheffield Wednesday. No, Jimmy Bond. Jim Bond's cool, I would say. Yeah.

Jim Bond. Yeah, Jim Bond. That's right. But James, he's a fucking pussy. No, James is good. Santiago? Huh?

That's Santiago in Spanish. Is it? Yeah, James is Santiago. He's Santiago Bond. Michael in Spanish is Miguel. Everything's good in Spanish. You're the only person I know

that when you say your name in Spanish, you also translate your last name and I don't think you're supposed to do that. Miguel Arroz. Soy Miguel Arroz. But I don't think you're supposed to do, I don't even think you're supposed to translate your name at all.

Me llamo Miguel Arroz. Boys, can I call and enter that section? Because I think we just broke a record. How long was it? Hour and one. Oh! One of my fucking podcasts is over here. A partner.

Nice. Episode two. Section four of 4 With Vittorio Angeloni And Miguel Lloras Miguel Lloras You guys Have a little podcast

Don't you? Yes Mike and Vittorio's Guide to Parenting This is the merch That isn't out yet That's sick I'm only fucking about

It's Your clips are so Fucking funny So good Of all the people I've seen go Hey we're gonna try I'm only fucking about it's a, your clips are so fucking funny. So good. Of all the people I've seen go, Hey, we're going to try this podcast in lock. And I remember the phone call we had a few years ago when I was like,

find someone dead funny and fucking do it with them. But they weren't available. So them but they weren't available so yeah now because adam's not here we're going to do one of the features he doesn't like. Yeah! I say he doesn't like it. It depends what day you're for. Can you get him on? Oh, oh yes. Oh, it's been a while. Right.

Hang on, can I get your hand? Just imagine it, Victoria. Yes. Big shout out to Guy Tiberius in group. Nice one. So solid, Edwards. I don't say that. Simple Pleasure says, we've got first one in.

Ben Jordan says, you're on a busy main road with your missus or mates in the car and nail a parallel park first time with cars waiting behind you. Ice in the fucking veins. You've never had a little park? I've never done it first time in my life. Right. I wish I could. You get out and you're like, i'm the dad of this car this

street i'm the daddy yeah everybody's pregnant with my kids oh yeah yeah you expect you expect nods like if i see a good parallel park i'll go yeah wow oh yeah right first time to avoid it i don't remember the last time first time under pressure I've I've bitched out of a lot of them where I'm I'm doing it and then there's a queue building up

and I just fucking like a weasel I just no you just drive to Offaly yeah exactly you drive up to the

wing mirror of the car you drive past what? no no you just get your dick out and spin that wheel with your dick so you should be level

with the wing mirror of the car that you're parking behind. The front of your car should be level, but surely it just depends. There's so many variables that aren't going to be true about that. No, there isn't. I mean, I can't drive at all. You should be level with the wing mirror.

You as a person or you as a car? You as a person. You as a person. And then you start turning. But surely the back of it... But different cars have a different distance. Cars making it less sexy. You just do it.

You got a camera on you though. Because you guys are doing well. You guys are doing well. You've all got cameras. I didn't have a camera and I felt wrong because I don't know how to do it. Palm roll it.

And pleasure your wife in the front. But are you doing camera or are you doing like Luke Skywalker? Turning off your guidance system. I'll gaffer tape the fucking screen. Using the front. But are you doing the, are you doing camera or are you doing like Luke Skywalker, like turning off your guidance system? I'll gaffer tape the fucking screen. Using the force?

It's instinct. I'll open a window, I'll close my eyes and I'll sniff my way in. It's instinct, it's craft. You have to let people know because if you're in a fancy car and you've nailed the power

of the park, people are going to assume cameras are like automatic parking or something. You have to like scream out the window the whole time. And that's why. No cameras!

And no cameras! No cameras! No cameras! Mama! Austin Ambassador. Harry Norman says, like scream out the window the whole time and that's why no cameras austin ambassador harry norman says wag wag boys hope you're all doing well we are thank you harry got a simple pleasure for you turning off the extra not here mate turning off the extractor fan once you finish cooking you don't realize how loud it is until you turn the fucker off cheers lads yeah i get that then you hear your own thoughts out right is that what you go to sleep i sleep i sleep on the hob yeah sleep with your own thoughts i'm trying to raw dog life at the minute are you raw dog and sleep yeah wow i've always raw dog sleep see people who go to sleep with something in the background i sleep that really surprises me i read a boring book until I cannot see anymore.

What are you listening to, the Quran or something? The Quran? Quran, Quran? No, I said a boring book, not the only book of truth ever written. I think this is absolutely valid because we've got an extractor fan that I don't think is connected to anything.

I'm pretty sure when the kitchen went in, it wasn't connected, but still it feels like you should turn it on yeah so you're just getting the hovercraft level noise no it sucks it off and pushes it along the ceiling your dinner's getting sucked off yeah i am as well james atherton says a simple pleasure when you peel the sticker off something you just bought and it comes off clean first time no scratching at glue for 10 minutes. Please use Easy Peel stickers, everybody who owns a company.

Stop this shit. Kev says, squirt in the squirty cream directly in your mouth. Unreal simple pleasure. What's a squirt? As in like whipped cream? Yeah. Not since I was a child.

Jeez, you have some fat cunt listeners. I used to put it in my hand when I was a kid. Squirt it into my hand. I've never, my household have never had squirty cream in the house just double pouring cream with amaretto

lad you're an idiot you fucking fool he said you're a fool were you too poor for squirty cream no no no are you too wealthy but so the squirty cream

that whipped cream is so nice yeah it's unbelievable it's unbelievable on everything but he doesn't like like an apple tart So the squirty cream, that whipped cream is so nice. Yeah. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable on everything. But he doesn't like like an apple tart. Am I mad and saying that's mental? I have a real issue with cooked fruit.

Are you coming from me about not liking certain foods when you're sat next to that man? Apple pie is, apple crumble all up there with some of the god foods. But they're cooked food so they can fuck off

I get what you mean but it has to be a soft if it's a hard apple pie with hard apples I'm a bit meh Yeah it has to be cooked like No but sometimes it's undercooked

and the apples are a bit crunchy Oh you get No you get a good one I like a lot of crumble I like a big crumble ratio to it But do you know what I like which is

Do you know what I like which is probably basically the same thing is a slice of apple on buttered toast. Oh, you're a total... What? That's the best thing you'll ever eat. But I'm a little boring.

Have that today. A Pink Lady apple or a Jazz apple, if you have it available to you. A Jazz apple. Pink Ladies are the only apple worth talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's drudgery. Granny Smith can suck my dick,

and I mean the woman. London has changed you, kid. Yeah. Not to be a contrarian, but have you ever tried a Jaffa cake on an onion? Oh, kid. Yeah. Not to be a contrarian, but have you ever chained a Jaffa cake on an onion? Oh, beautiful. Red onion, of course. You're not a parv.

I don't like Jaffa cakes because that's cooked fruit as well. Harry Ogle says, when the last person to use the butter doesn't put it back in the fridge so when you come to use it,

it's soft and perfect for spreading. Don't put it in the fridge. Don't put it in the fridge. Don't put it in the fridge. It's like cement. It's like cement't put it in the fridge. Don't put it in the fridge. It's like cement. Keep it in the cupboard. Summer butter.

Hang on, hang on. Midsummer butter murders. I love summer butter. That to me is the sound of winter when I can't instantly do that and it makes me sad and then you get depression

right yeah summer butter is class never put it in the fridge there was a house sitter in my house this weekend and I was like I'm gonna have a crisp butter

when I get home so excited the butter was in the fridge I basically rubbed cement on the bread and cut it open Kerrygold oh

only Kerrygold who's buying anything else Lurpac over here it's not butter it's not butter it's not butter it's not butter that's our christmas butter it's unbelievable carry gold's your christmas butter yeah you know you can get it all year round i know but it's like feels like a treat i used it as you know it's our baileys all year round i i do have you have you used to only drink baileys when i started drinking that was like the only thing I drank you must have got so fat yeah yeah yeah

what's your excuse? ah you dirty dog yeah but Baileys Baileys like every single and it's such a weird request at like a teenage house party you guys have Baileys? I've used butter as lube

you the cool kids yeah at band camp has anyone has anyone smuggled in sherry? did you wear that mayo story? what? county not the county mayonnaise Jared greelish Band camp. Has anyone smuggled in sherry? Did you hear that Mayo story? What? County.

Not the county. Mayonnaise. Jared. Grealish. You won't have sex for a couple of days. Come on. That's okay. I'm not having it anyway, lad.

You'll be all right. Laura's been chugging. Don't worry about that. This girl went to the doctors and said every time she like stands up. It's not a joke, by the way. Every time she like moves and stands up, she keeps orgas right having an orgasm noise like right yeah this isn't normal it's not like her this sounds like the setup to a proper working man coming coming the doctor found maggots Oh on a G spot you need to you need to work on the payoff Because a guy she'd slept with Used mayonnaise instead of lube

Alright So she had maggots on a G-spot Tickling a G-spot So she kept coming Maggots on a G-spot It's a winner Funny It's an Arctic Monkey song isn't it

Yeah Isn't it So what you're telling me is If you want to make a girl Come all the time Fill her with maggots No mayo This is the This is the takeaway from that story But so Are you telling me he is. If you want to make a girl cum all the time, fill her with maggots. A little mayo. This is the takeaway from that

story. But so, are you telling me... Maggots know where the clit is, but men don't. Yeah. Crazy. So you come into a girl, you'd be like, she'd be like, hey, how are you? And you just pull up a little bag of maggots and you're like, you're about to be pretty good. Hellmans. I'm sticking these down in your dute. Mitch

says, alright... Down in your dute. Mitch says, all right, down in your dute. Mitch says, all right, lad, simple pleasure here. Taking a bite out of both corners of a sandwich to leave a corker of a third bite in the middle. Big third bite sandwich. Third bite. If I could just have, if there was a shop that just sold the third bite of sandwich.

Yeah. Lad. Unreal. Wow. Now, I'm just playing devil's ad. A cut, right? Great abbreviation there, Dan. If you take the middle bite first,

not as satisfying because you've got the corners at the sides of your mouth. You've also got butter all over your face. Exactly, and that can fuck off, and then you might have a mouth orgasm because of the maggots. Right. Corner, corner, middle.

Corner, corner, middle. Corner, corner, middle. And then the little triangle there. My nonno, my granddad, he throws away any part of something that he's been eating that he's been holding. That goes in the bin. He holds the corner of something and then that's gone. That's just for holding. Like a pizza or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll just like that corner. Has he not heard about the children dying in Africa? No. No. What's that? Who are they? What are their names?

Name three of their songs. There's a Jimbo. Oh, yeah. Jim Bond? Jimbo, Jabomey, and... Oh! Jerome. Lobitibo.

And they're all children and they're all dead. Lobitibo. Lobitibo. And they love pizza crusts. Yeah, that's... Your nonna was a bastard. Yeah. Steven Outerson says

enjoying that can't be his name what's wrong with Outerson I don't know enjoying a meatball meal by the window seat in Ikea whilst watching couples

below argue to the brink of divorce as they struggle to load a hemnes wardrobe into the back of their Fiat Panda that they have grossly underestimated the cubic capacity of.

So just basically... Laughing at people. Having a bit of fun at Ikea. Ikea is unbelievable. Watching someone else have a row, I can agree with that. That is entertaining. It's lovely, yeah. This is me now.

Because I'm raw dog and I've got no headphones on no matter where I'm going, I walk along a bus or a tube and try and find the most interesting conversation to sit beside. So I'm listening to arguments all day now that's my podcast I raw dog outside

the outside world I never have music on but like even like if I'm shitting with no stimulus oh I have your phone yeah my phone's nowhere how's your creative process

have you got more time to think or is it just like a cacophony of things I was hoping that really good ideas would pop into my head but so far literally nothing you're just hearing racist chats on a bus yeah yeah i heard i know like why crystal palace is called that now that's it like an old lady was explaining to an american why it's called that so they invent this is so boring uh but i listened to women talk about

it for ages on the tube the other day so they invented plate glass they could make much bigger bits of glass than they ever could before. So Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, they built this big fucking conservatory but bigger than like three times the size of St. Paul's Cathedral

and it was just on the south side of Hyde Park and then trains would just come into like popular use. They were like cool again and then the people from Liverpool

and all around the country would come down and look at this big fucking conservatory. Raised loads of money. That money was used to build the Albert Hall, the V&A Museum and the Natural History Museum on that area. They deconstruct this big fucking conservatory raised loads of money, that money was used to build the Albert Hall, the V&A Museum

and the Natural History Museum on that area they deconstructed the big conservatory and moved to South East London and that's where it's called Crystal Palace Sick, I love that. Nice! Which was well out of town back in the day That wasn't London, that was in the countryside fully now, but now it's just where like Elliot steals from

What a horrible turn of events for Crystal Palace. What a fall from grace for Crystal Palace. IKEA is the one shop I'd like to get locked in overnight. Yeah, yeah, you can have a bit of fun. You getting locked in there

with the boys would be unbelievable. Right. What are you doing? What can't you do? I mean, you know, a lot of mini dime bars are getting smashed.

There's loads of scrans. There's loads of beds. There's kitchens that play a house in. The pick-a-mix in Ikea is legit. Scandinavian pick-a-mix. I've said it before. The Nordics know how to do fucking pick-a-mix. It's great stuff.

There's no better shop to get locked in overnight than Ikea. I can't think of any. And Summers? What are you going to why dress up they're not even dirty underwear that you could sniff

they're clean underwear you got dildos and stuff you can do all for your bum to be fair there's lots of things in Ikea that you could yeah

you haven't there's nothing you can do in Anne Summers that you can't do in Ikea yeah Ikea got everything it'd be so fun if I ever get rich

rich rich like silly rich i would go to ikea i'm having that for the weekend you closed and i'll pay for all the damage and it's just me and the boys in ikea for the weekend you could maybe just do an adult soft play in an ikea carl stag do is gonna be in an ikea yeah there's a chance it is you know yeah the unbelief pillow fights and all yeah there's loads of beds to stay in there's all different comforts of beds there's foods there, there's kitchens, there's mirrors. Right.

The mirrors are nice. You've got the plant section with all the noises and the steam. It'd be so fun. Last simple pleasure. Elliot Sharp says, looking at the roads and seeing all the little cars driving about when you're coming in for landing on a plane. Yes.

Every time. Do you know what I think? Isn't it cute, that one? The first time I can see a person. Is that just me? I know what you mean. I land and I go, I can't see cars yet. Impossible.

Now I can see cars. Right. I wonder what height I get to and I can see people. I always play that game. Yes, yes. Yeah, I've been afraid of flying recently just for some reason i i'm like dennis burkamp now do you drive huh drive everywhere well i do drive i do i'm able to drive um unlike you're not able to drive no i'm gonna learn soon but i've got a real

like my friends are arguing because i just want to learn how to drive automatic but some people think that's really cowardly and like i learned in a manual and always said oh it's better and i drive an automatic and i don't understand why you'd ever drive do you think you're a bit dyspraxic no but then just quite well coordinated well then just learning i've just literally never driven a car yeah but unless there's a like a reason like there are some people that aren't very well coordinated you know like the ones who couldn't ride a bike till they were like

17 you're like signs are but if there's no reason just manual learn the manual drive an automatic yeah

because then you've just got it in the bag but then it's just like time just takes longer to learn a manual doesn't it not really like how much longer

are we talking Vittorio you'll get it it's meant to be a lesson for every year you are old. I've got to do 28 lessons? So that's what the old average is.

Yeah, lad. 28? You'll be grand. They're 12 year olds are driving. I was driving when I was fucking six.

But that's easy because they've got spongy brains. Huh? You got spongy brain when you're six and you can like learn stuff that quick.

I'm stuck in my ways. Nah, your brains, there's stuff going on there. There's room. Got a little bit of sponge. There's room for... Well, there's your head so fat that

it's like, there's room, yeah. You'll get it in. You can tell they've been podcasting with each other a lot. Yeah. Your fucking heads. Your big fat fucking head.

You fat-headed idiot. I bet no one in the world can guess what this next feature is. Whoa! Hi, DJ Dan, and we play The Hit. It's have a word classics. Underrated, overrated. Say what it is.

Nice. We don't fuck around when naming our features. Cam says underrated, overrated. Lids, the Euro's been absolutely wanked this year. Ru don't fuck around when naming our features. Cam says, underrated, overrated lids. The Euro's been absolutely wanked this year, ruined by tactical knobheads playing chess football. Fucked.

Well, I agreed until I watched the best first half of international football I've watched for ages last night. Yeah, Spain are class.

What a lot of fun that was. Spain have just been classing that guy, that little boy. He's 11 years old. The magical child. He's such a lovely boy. He's a little wizard. Lovely, beautiful,'s such a lovely boy he's a little wizard

lovely beautiful sweet boy yeah he's a little magical boy right off his mother's tit into the top corner oh you see he's wiping the bit of milk off his face

powered by breast milk he's powered by breast milk has it been a wee bit you've been a bit you've been a bit detached international football is overrated to start as I think I love international football

so I'm going to push back on this welcome football is okay good Euros is always bleh and this has been a bad Euros it's been so many nil-nil, everyone's tired it's a really fatigued tournament Did you see Bielsa talking about how football is

in it's death throes almost more people are watching football than ever but it's like an artificially inflated number of people who just watch all the highlights and every so often good bits but football is about like the whole game being entertaining the whole time but everybody's so risk averse like all the managers are just like parking the bus hoping for the best we'll nab a goal here and there like southgate's the epitome of it and he says once this kind of bloat

of fans who are kind of just like not really there in it properly they don't actually care about the full game once that's gone football's fucked i've said games football is near its end well at the point where it's like the is the number one sport in 80 of the world you're like it's on the ropes because i tell you what hurling's coming once the Brazilians pick up one of these no it's not happening football's fine it's the biggest sport in the world what do you mean

it's on a set draw as in like most football fans are disillusioned with football most I can't there's not many

football fans going yeah it's great everyone's like fuck this nobody's buzzing to like if I had a kid to be buzzing, like, nobody's buzzing to like, if I had a kid, to be like,

oh, I'll take you to the match. Like, let's get you passionate about this as well. And you just be like, yeah, don't, who cares?

Why is that? Why is that? What's gone wrong? Pep Guardiola. Pep! Hang on, did you use young kids as the example of people who aren't, there's no seven year old lads getting taken to the first match going,

fucking game's gone. It's shite tactical football. They're absolutely in love with it. They don't get to enjoy the thing that we did when we were seven. They absolutely are enjoying it. They love it. The Premier League. So you're saying you go-

Kids going to a Premier League match. Going to a City match, they win 2-0. The other team don't touch the ball. Mate, it's the best day of their young lives. Yeah, the event, not the game. But I think Guardiola's actually the problem with this. Guardiola still plays like attacking, like it's a good brand

of football to watch. It's disgusting. It's people like Southgate who like, and it's maybe caused by how good Guardiola is that you just have to play that shit,

shithouse football. And I'm calling the end of the football chat. Thank you. Come on. We'll have a chat when football capitulates. It's on its way.

Right. Yeah. Right. I give it 40 years, which is like actually like football won't be we'll have a chat when football capitulates it's on its way right yeah right Lee says I give it 40 years which is like actually like football won't be this could be contentious

Lee says sunbeds underrated overrated never been on one of me life I don't have any like inclination to go on a sunbed

like I don't get why would you I don't get why if you're gonna do a kind of artificial tan thing why would you twice a week in the winter

for a tan and then you look but it tends to make people look fucking mental I know like you look like If you're going to do a kind of artificial tan thing, just do a spray tan or whatever. For a tan. And then you look, but it tends to make people look fucking mental. I know. Mike, you look like you've never even seen a sunbed. Ah, what the heck? What kind of a thing is that to say to me?

He's just back from Greece. I'm just back from Greece. He's got a sick watch tan. I love a watch tan line. Look at that. Why would you say that to me now? My mother said this to me. This is Miguel Rose.

Miguel Rose. Miguel Rose. Si. Hey. Si this to me. This is Miguel Ross. Miguel Ross. Miguel Ross. C. A. C. Brown skin. Why? My mother says this.

My mother says to me on the weekend, the cheek of the fucking woman, she was like, she's like, oh, you skin like mine, you don't really tan.

I said, keep that to yourself, you pale fucker, yeah. I do tan. Word for word, that. What?

Yeah, I did. I gave it to her. I said, you fucking whore. No. I do tan. Word for word, that. What? Yeah, I did. I gave it to her. I said, you fucking whore. No, I think I don't. I will say, you tan, but it fades very quickly. Like a week ago, you were very tan. I know.

You just look dirty. Well, that's not a nice thing to say. Dan, what you need to understand is that he is dirty. I just don't think you should wash every day. I just... If you grew up on a farm, you learn... Listen, some stink is good stink. Ella says, underrated, overrated.

Lollipop ladies. I don't think they get the credit they deserve. These bitches are here saving lives. Not to turn you on. I think I prefer a lollipop man to a lollipop lady. My mom was a man in school. He was a fucking lizard. I think my idea is lollipop ladies are quite like stern, but lollipop

men are like, oh, come on, it's all big fun. You know what I mean? No, good, just good lads. Oh, sorry. Whoa, no. Well, it depends what kind of lollipop man. It's like a different, like, I understand that like in terms of definition it is child trafficking but it's not yeah it depends if you if you're ushering them into a school all good yeah

is it illegal to be one without being a pointed one as in if you just get a big high visit a big stick if you just go to a busy role you're like you could probably amazon like can you just buy a lollipop lady yeah and you're like i'm trying to help the kids oh of course there was they used to be a lollipop lady they got sacked or they got the budget cut and they just used to and they put traffic lights in instead and they just used to stand and press the button for the kids so and then and then walk across with them and then walk into the middle even though it was green man and they'd walk i've middle and go, no. Do the Christ the Redeemer? Yeah. Genuinely, when I was a kid,

there was a lollipop lady outside the school. In my head, that's what you did when you retired. That was the job. I might do that. It was a really competitive market. There's one job per school and you better get it at the age of... Are you getting ushered on if you just do that?

Are the police coming and going, you can't do that, Oz? What's the crime? That's what I'm saying. J-walking. Constantly J-walking That's what I'm saying. J-walking. Constantly J-walking. You are, I guess, J-walking. Misdirecting the youth.

Impersonating a lollipop lady. Yeah. But I don't think they're getting enough. I think that they should be maybe upgraded to the fourth emergency service. If you call 999, it can be like fire police ambulance this road's fucking busy right give us a hand love and then a lollipop person oh by the way do they have lollipop days yet just lollipops they're called they're just lollipops can we genderless if we do the red bull soapbox again can we all be lollipop men and ladies and just stop everybody

so so when you see red bull soapbox that what they're special you'll see that we we were surrounded by people who got what they were doing and we had sort of like outfits carl nearly didn't wear us because he was like it's gonna be hot so and then he was short there was hundreds we we like being in a zoo. Hundreds of people will come in to see the Zobox. And really, you need outfits.

And I can't, like, I want to do this again. And I want to smash it and I want to do so well. But there's an outfit that I can't put my finger up, but I just think

lollipop ladies would be good. I mean, I'll do any of them, mate. That's a good Halloween costume to go with all your mates as lollipop people would be good? I mean, I'll do any of them, mate. That's a good Halloween costume to go with all your mates is lollipop people. Yeah. Like a group Halloween costume of loads of lollipop people.

Zombie lollipop ladies. Do you think there's a union? Oh, zombie lollipop ladies is good. But also, do you think lollipop people meet? Where do they get the stuff? What's happening? I think it's too complex. Who controls them?

We might have blown the whole of the party. You know, what's going on with lollipop? Who's in charge of the big lollip going on with lollipop who's in charge of the big lollipop choppa chop Salvador Dali designed the logo

for that did you know that he's such a nerd the choppa choppa logo was designed by Salvador Dali what isn't that such

a good little fact no I bet you 50 quid I have 50 quid well my facts have been all over the place because Oliver Cromwell was descended from a junior branch

of the Cromwell family. Why have you got 50 quid? Oh, you're such a fucking tawny. I've got a 50 pound name for my car. I swear to God, put that fucking 50 pound nut away. You better whip out some cocaine with it, you absolute goo. I just did a gig. I did a gig last night.

Did you? For your uncle at christmas here you go k and l anyway tommy cromwell was uh uh the great great grand uncle of oliver cromwell nice salvador dali uh really he designed the logo i it in. You've got 50 pounds. You obviously know what you're talking about. And Coldplay funded the IDF. Are you confusing with IVF? No. The Israeli Defense Forces. Netanyahu's led Israeli Defense Forces.

Coldplay have funded them. I really gave you an out. I gave you an out of talking about the IDF. No. Oh, it's been big Gaza check? No. That's what they need over there a lollipop lady

sort it right out well it wouldn't hurt Mike what on the west bank a lollipop lady on the west bank

boys what it's been amazing we are because we went so thick we're running out we had to run through

yeah yeah we're running out of time on the cars yeah we're literally going to had to run through yeah yeah we're running out of time on the cards yeah we're literally going to run out of podcast right it has been Michael

Miguel de Ros Miguel de Ros it's been absolutely superb where can we follow you online and go and see your specials and all that things YouTube

I have a special up an Irish disgrace Instagram Mike Rice Comedy Twitter TikTok I'm going to be on tour a new tour extension in the autumn October November Irish Disgrace, Instagram, Mike Rice Comedy, Twitter, TikTok. I'm going to be on tour. I'm doing a tour extension in the autumn, October, November.

MikeRiceComedy.com. Get tickets. I'm going all around the UK. Come get tickets and see that. And genuinely, I know it seems like a joke, and Chris Martin has been giving money to the IDF. You're also at the Edinburgh Fringe. And I'm at the Edinburgh Fringe

for the whole month. But the most important thing is... And Vittorio... Oh, forget that. Vittorio Angeloni. I'm at the Edinburgh Fringe for the whole of August. I'm doing an improvised

like crowd work show every day, which will be good fun. We'll have different guests all the time. And then I'm doing two, like one-offs of my tour show and then an autumn extension of my tour show.

I'm going to Dubai and Bahrain on the tour as well bit of fun bit of a laugh a little bit of no bad stuff going on over there no no no no that's sound they're good guys uh but yeah all over the UK and Ireland and it's like the second extension to the tour and I I feel like I've overstressed myself by the look of tickets so please do come along to the UK and Ireland dates of the of the tour in autumn and all that shit and yeah find me on Instagram and listen to our podcast

Mike and Vittorio Mike and Vittorio's Guide to Parenting Nice Lads that has been one of my favourite ever Adam's Not Here podcast that is well up there

with as good as it gets for the big man not being here he will be home from Tenerife next week. We are then in Amsterdam.

Hi! It's going to be fun. So this comes out post, obviously post-tonight for the semi-final. That's so exciting. You like it? It's a win-win. If England are through, that's great.

If Holland are through, that's probably more fun in Amsterdam. Definitely more fun. Because I'll be on cocaine curly whirlies having a great time. Shh. Yes, we have a song. Have you got a song?

Yes, this week it's from Ryan Rooney and it's his song called It Is What It Is. It is what it is. Noise. Oh. My nose is running Riot red

My mouth is really Bone dry Lying alone in my bed Asking myself Why oh why Then I took a turn From talking gales And seeing what sounds

About to sit and stiff Breathing heavy With Joe and some Strangers cow 19 feeling 30 And that max the cost But we're making up the time For all of it we lost

And I don't know how to stay in And I don't know how to behave Another year with no savings. But we are where we are. It is what it is. Dark circles round my eyes. When I sneeze it looks like snow. I've got work in a few hours.

I don't really want to go. Lying in my lonely room, wishing that my life would end Have a shower, then some food, the cycle always starts again 19 feeling 30, and that's the cost But we're making up the time For all of it we lost and I don't know how to stay in

and I don't know how to behave another year with no savings but we are where we are it is what it is yeah we are where we are But for now where we'll stay

Yeah, we wait and we wait To get rich on payday But it is what it is Not a lot we can say Can't guarantee tomorrow So we live for today 19 feeling 30 And that's the cost

But we're making all the time For all of it we lost And I don't know how to stay in And I don't know how to behave Another year with no savings But we are where we are. It is what it is.