Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #286 with Shem Rock - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Support our cycle across India for Zoe's Place:https://cycle4zoes.enthuse.com/pf/finnlay-kulavuzGet subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Tickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Three quid access to more stuff than you can shake a stick at. Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped, the very best products on the market

for below the waist groomers. Go, Ed. Get on me. Dan, what do your children call their grandparents? Fuckstick and Moo Moo. Unusual, innit? What about Uganda? Things have changed.

Things have changed with the old naming your nana game. Because there's a lot of young grandmas out there. You know? Yeah. Deputy Prime Minister Claire Rayner. Is she a nana? Angela Rayner. Angela Rayner.

Yeah, and Claire Rayner as well. Her sister, who is also wonderful. Yeah, so they just make up names now, don't they? Noonar and Neenar and Nimnum and fucking Nimnook. Right. And, you know, I i mean there is a did you have did you have all four of your grandparents my mother's uh parents the saints that they were leonard and frida sharples of st. anne's like such a northern name len and fred ah fucking phenomenal people were Nana

and Grandad Nana and if I am a yeah Lancashire Lancashire's yeah no there's some Nans

but Nans is a bit more scouse in honour of my Grandad if I have grandkids I want to be Grandad is that in your head

you're pops to me what pop a day pop a day and then on the other side, my dad's parents were gran and pop. He didn't want to be called grandpa or anything.

I think he was like, oh, it sounds too old. So he was pop. But I remember mates of mine going, pop! Like sort of taking the piss. And now it's pop and poo-paw and flibbity-pop and cheers demon

and all sorts of that. So I only had three. My dad's my the ale tucker before I was born why am I singing it I've got the jingle but I had

my dad's dad was my grandad my mum's dad was my grandad and my mum's mum was my nan nan grandad

hang on grandad Vinnie grandad John yeah you see that's where I think a grandpa could come in have a grandpa and a grandad. You can't say grandpa.

I mean, a lot of people can, but obviously... I'm not fucking Belgian. I'm not calling him Tintin. Are you all right? It's just not... There's no grandpas in Liverpool. No. Yeah, it's because...

Grandad Vinnie, Grandad John. Yeah, Grandad Pip-Pip. You know, that's not happening in height. I was married in my family as well when our Jack got called Jack. So I was called Vinny for the week, wasn't I? I was little Vinny for the week. And then everyone was like,

that's dead old-fashioned, and they changed it to Adam Vincent. But then when our Jack was born, they were called Jack, and apparently my mum's side of the family were like, why are you calling him after his other grandad? Because Jack was short for John back in the day. Even though they're both the same length.

Families love a kick-off over a fucking nothing, don't they? Isn't Sean short for John as well? I'm sure it is. Sean? Sean. I don't know. Do you know what Dappy calls his grandmother? I mean, it is if you say it wrong. Do you know what Dappy calls his grandmother? Na-na-na.

Yes, nice. My nan wouldn't let me call her that. My nan made me call her her name. So Laura's parents are Mama and Papa. Why? You can't say mommy or mom. Mama and Papa. And wonderful people, the pair of them.

I'm not a one. I'm not a one with it. It sounds mental. Mama and papa. That's mum and dad. I mean, it's mum and dad if you are a bad Tory cun, isn't it? Mama and papa. Yeah.

But this is a grandparent move. It's basically my mother-in-law and her boyfriend, Rob, partner. Are they doing mama or are they doing mama? Mama. Oh, you've got to say it in an East Midlands, mama and papa. It's mental, isn't it? It's not right. Lovely people, and this is a public episode.

God bless her. And thank you for looking after them. It sounds stupid to me. Go to Carl's wedding. Thank you for letting us go to Tenerife. Jude, you're a great woman. What does Wallace call your mum? What?

Carl's not having kids, is he? Allegedly. Oh, that's true. So, Seneca's mum is Granny. You're going to Granny's house. And my mum is Nanny. Is that what she says? And Wallace says that?

Nanny. Yeah? Have you met Wallace? Granny! You talk to your dogs because, are you going to Granny's house today? And he loves that because he knows he loves her. And then if he's going to my mum, are you going to see your nan?

So we do differentiate, yeah? If you had kids, would that be their names? Oh, you've got to keep going, otherwise Wallace wouldn't know what to call them. Yeah, she'd always be granny. It'd be confusing. She'd always be granny, me mum would be nan. Just nans all around for me.

Go on to your nans. Which one? The sign one. Yeah? Yeah. Mum, that's not a moody old bitch. Flip pop. You know what I mean?

Flip pop. And nyum nyum. Just make up sounds. Why do your kids shine? you sound like sweets as well i'm telling you they're all it's all pip-pips and fucking yip yips what do you call yours again finn uh the english one the dad was the same as the english one or welsh the welsh one sorry Order! Order! English, is it? You should be banished from here. Leave the country. It's a fucking disgrace.

You are a disgrace to the counties. Absolute fucking disgrace. You got me on a technicality. He was English. Oh, okay. What about you, Vorda? Want to take it back? You are welcome in Port Talbot again.

He was dead before I was born. Sad, isn't it? He was dead,. You are welcoming Port Talbot again. He was dead before I was born. That's sad, isn't it? So he was dead granddad. Welsh nan. Granddad. Welsh nan was nana. Yeah. And then Turkish is Baba Ana.

Definitely from Star Wars. And then granddad was dede. Yeah. Not as dead as the other one. They're both dead now. Dedes. Oh, nice nice I'd love a Turkish name there's a lot of Welsh's

Boba and Pip Pip typically if you're like Welshie Welsh it's like nine and tied so your nan's your nine that's an atomic kitten song isn't it the nine is tied in Belgium

in Belgium it's O Umar Nupa. And that sounds so Belgian, doesn't it? Umar Nupa. Umar Nupa. That's what they call my granddad. I'm going to look for names of grandparents around the world. It's just nan and granddad, and you give them their actual names, and then you don't need any.

I can't wait to be a granddad. It's going to be so good. What did you say Belgium was? So good. All of the fun of like loving a kid and not having to actually look after it all the time.

Bring it on. Here's a question though. How old's that there? She is seven and a half years old. Right. So you're probably, you know, 20 years,

20 years maybe away. It might be 25, yeah. Am I going to see it? You're going to be like 68. And that's not even a joke this time. Do you know what I mean? No, no. You'll be 68 when Etta's...

Well, I had Etta at 35. So I didn't start it young, did I? No. How old was Laura? She five years younger. But that's the thing, isn't it? She's five years younger. That's the thing.

It's a double-edged sword, that, isn't it? I want Etta to have a brilliant life and go and travel and do everything she wants to do. However, if she gets pregnant at 16, well, hey, I get to be a granddad. You're the first dad in history encouraging his 16-year-old daughter to have a baby. I'm going out.

Go where you fucking want. Don't worry about me. I just figured out that if Etta has a child at the same age that Laura had her, by the time your grandchild is 18, you'll be older than Joe Biden. And I'll be president. Can't wait. Do you reckon you'll do better than Joe Biden? I don't know.

I think I'll sleep less. No, he's only 81. It's fucking wild, isn't it? 80's not meant to look that bad. Yeah, he's spent his life in pretty high-end service, hasn't he? The pressure's been on. But it's mad that the most important role he's ever had

is at the point where he looks the sleepiest. Is he a chef? What? No, he's been in... He's a congressman and a senator. He's been in politics for decades and decades and decades. Yeah, the fact there's only three years between them is insane. Yeah, it's made.

Donald's younger. Yeah, by three years. Are we going to talk about the assassination attempt? By the time this goes out, it might be old news, mightn't it? But someone tries to shoot Donald Trump in the head and it hit him in the ear because he turned his head a little bit and he's fucking survived. A lot of conspiracies flying around.

Oh, there's a lot of conspiracies flying around. And I'll be honest, I don't love conspiracies, but there are some interesting points of... What did the Secret Service do? A guy was like, there's a guy there. Oi, I can see... They were taking fucking pictures of a guy with a shoot... Shooter.

With a shooter. Shooter. Shooter. Red. Shooter's on a fucking roof. Two minutes. They were just videoed him for two minutes and the secret service was like, no. That picture with the bullet winging past his head is scary.

And I know people are like, a couple of our listeners are like, fucking hell, he hates Trump, doesn't he? I do, but you can't be shooting people. Like, don't for one second. Don't for one second think, oh, Dan's going to be gutted he wasn't shot. You can't have people,

you can't have presidents shot in the head. Like, I hate the cunt, but we can't be shooting people. Like, we can't be causing insurrections if you don't like an election result. There's rules and fucking let's have elections and then when you lose them, fuck off respectfully. I don't like the the election but don't want no insurrection

My name Donald Trump I've got an erection Okay So yeah pretty grim And some fucking mad 20 year old kid is now dead And some poor sod in the audience Catching strays Doesn't mean I still think he's a cunt

Yeah you can't be trying to murder people just because of their politics That's just It's just an intense country in it i know it's like culture wise comedy wise sport wise i love it and it's obviously an incredible place but it just feels like the whole country's just turned up doesn't it in terms of its frequency and like stuff like this is incredible like i fucking hated the tories but when they lost that election they shook hands with everyone and fucked off quietly they'll regroup and then we'll see them again that is important and it can't be having this mad pass it pass over from power to power and like complaining and bitching and questioning results and then it just stokes

the anger the tories are about to enter the Alex Ferguson era, aren't they? Yeah. Like, they're post-Fergie. Yeah. They're just a bit in the mud. Yep. Haven't got the respect they once had. They'll be back.

They'll be back, scarily enough. But that's the good thing about it, isn't it? Well, like, an inch to the right in the world would be... I mean, America would be on fire right now. So many people would... So many more people would have died if he'd have been killed. Like, if you're just looking at it from the problems it would have caused at a grassroots level like what was someone told me that there's a recording of someone going they shot first this is this is war you're like god

if he'd have actually been killed so get well soon donald trump i don't know where he was when they played many men as he walked out or if he even knew the song but the fact he's got is that a real video? No it's a foreign edit Oh you're insane But Trump has got it in him to be like

stick it on, Many Men He's got the walk on it, he knows He looks like he's walking to the ring I thought he'd done it A kid for the washington commanders got shot in the uh off season and uh came out for the first time as a washington player to many he got shot a couple of times survived actually ended up in the training camp and and and started i think probably wasn't the first game of the season maybe the second or

third game of the season and ran out onto the field to many men, which is fucking cool. But I honestly thought Trump had walked out with his ear bandaged up and gone, play it. It's a good song. I mean, fair play to him. I mean, I know it's very easy to go, oh, fuck it, because he's basically won the election now,

but to get shot at and actually go, do you know what, I'm going to carry on, does probably take a lot. That picture on that picture that picture of him oh you can see the cogs in his head going this will

win me did you see the Washington Post I think it was the Washington Post or the New York I can't remember one of them

or left but actually cut out the American flag from the picture they edited it out why would they do that that's mad isn't it because they didn't

they didn't want it to use it as something that yeah but like that picture was all over the internet like five minutes after it was taken just makes everyone's already seen it just like it's such a fucking antiquated move that's a picture that will just remain in history no yeah yeah mad mad i had someone come to take my blood this morning and she couldn't do it twice it's a bit of a it's a bit of a fuck up that isn't it what did you fend that off she came from over as a vampire oh you mean like a doctor a nurse came around i booked a nursing

what for uh for my testosterone test to see if i've got low testosterone. Second round of testing. But you wank all the time. Yeah. Oh yeah, I'll cancel it then. What are you going to do if you have? What,

got low testosterone? Yeah. Go on testosterone replacement therapy. I want to be able to match you young bucks and your energy. So you feel like

you're low energy? You know, a little bit. It might not be good for your mood. Might not be good for your energy. I'm a lifting.

Are you going to become like... I'm not going to juice it. I'm not going to do anything if she can't fucking take blood. She tried here, she tried here and went, I've not been able to do it. Oh, she failed? She couldn't get the blood out. I got cut twice this morning.

That's weird. She's bad at her job, isn't she? Did she do the wiggling round when she was... I got cut twice this morning. That's weird. She's bad at her job, isn't she? Did she do the wiggling round when she was... It feels like... That's the worst bit. Have you had trouble being... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you had... Yeah, when I was in Turkey...

Is it a pot thing? It might be. But you don't know that? You're always on pot, right? And you've struggled. I've never struggled. I don't do pot. You had pot yesterday.

I smoked a doobie cigarette yesterday. Oh, I blazed up. It's a pot issue. Oh, man. I was like, puff, puff, give. You know? That just took me. Puff, puff, give blood.

Is that what's happened? I've never struggled to get blood. Oh, mate, I was blazing squad yesterday. I'm glad I haven't given blood. I'm glad I have. You blood. I'm glad I... You got good blood? You need bleeding like a fucking radiator, you. Take whatever you need, there.

You should just give him some of my blood, but then I'll never get the test because you're all testosterone. No one's ever taken blood from me. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. What? I've never had to give blood. Maybe when I was a baby or whatever, but no.

You never had your little health check test to see how you're doing? When? Oh, you could do with a little MOT. Get into the age, you know. You could do with a little MOT, you kid. I'm going to get a full body MOT towards the end of this year. Have you seen what you can get them done in Turkey?

See how good they are? No. What? It's insane. Stop going to Turkey for your stuff. No, it's like one of the best hospitals in the world. They do a full body MOT. It's like two days, like everything. They put you up in a five-star hotel it costs essentially nothing go on tiktok and have a look it's called health tourism

yeah and it looks like she's from the states she said it would have cost about 100k in the states cost 800 amazing i'll go let's go to turkey get your teeth sorted out brilliant they're the best dentists apart from when they absolutely mangle your head because they're not funny turkey i the turkey tea thing is mad i know there'll be some good gaffs over there but there are loads of videos of people going back this hurts and then then an actual British dentist going, good God, what have they done to you? But that myth of like, it's the best dentist in the world. You're just looking into British dentist propaganda though,

aren't you? Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they don't want people going to Turkey. They're trying to discourage it because all the dental market is going on the continent. 100%. You're falling for propaganda there. And the propaganda of like,

best hospital in the world, five-star hotel, it's 200 quid. It's the best hospital in the world, five-star hotel, it's 200 quid. It's the best hospital in the world and they do everything. It costs 400 grand in the States. Have you seen it, Finn? 28 quid.

Can you speak up, please? I've seen it. It looks... Oh, it's unbelievable. But it is. Medicine that over here we haven't even dreamed of. How much?

45 quid and a fucking blockbuster voucher. That's all you need to pay. No, but I'm not lying. It is true. It's just quantity over quality. They just get loads of people doing it and that's all you need to pay. No, but I'm not lying. It is true. It's just quantity over quality. They just get loads of people doing it, and that's how it pays for it.

Well, it's cheap because it's a second world country. Ooh. Ooh. No, mate. You all right, Finn? Wales? Have you found out that Finn's shagging someone and you're, like, jealous or something?

No, I'm just... What's going on here? I'm just not a fan of going to Turkey for your tea. I think you're believing all the propaganda. There's a war going on, Don. Is there? In the dental world. And you're a fallen victim.

All right. All right, okay. I'll see. You've got lovely teeth, though, Don, so I wouldn't worry about it. Thank you, mate. By the way, I found out over the weekend while we've been away

because I thought you'd just turn down a hair transplant that we arranged for you. What I've since found out is that there was a company over here. Oh, we're going over here for my hair transplant? We're not going to Turkey? Well, this is what I'm saying. We do the best hair transplant in the world. £42.

That's what I'm starting to think. Because you said that the one over here said it would take two excruciating sessions to get you half a head of hair. Now, let me say, I might have added some words there. They didn't say on the phone. I'm going to be honest, two excruciating full session. But they are.

It's meant to be horrific, isn't it? And that would come halfway up your head. You know, like a fucking staple gun in your head for like, what, two hours? Whap! Whap, whap, whap, whap! Right. But I'm just wondering whether there's any listeners

or maybe someone from Turkey out there who could get in touch and give them maybe just one excruciating session and give them a full head of hair. So, Steve, Steve got in contact.

I'm sick of you all being bald. He basically said he's too bald for the hair transplant. He's too far gone. What can we do? Even at Rancho Relaxo, the best Turkish hair transplant place in the world, yeah?

One excruciating session and then you'll be fucking bitches all the way home. It's essentially what they say. You were mentioning how much you hate your big bald head. I don't like it. They were your heads. I hate my head. This is why I wear hats all the time. I don't hate myself. But my head's a big fat fat, white, shiny head.

You just want long hair. I actually love your head, you know. And you never get your head out. I get it out sometimes. Get your head out. Very rarely. For the lads. Come on.

Get a hair transplant and join me. I don't make that hair. Oh, what? With that face. That's the after picture. Morgan. I haven't washed it for three days as long as I've got

you treat it right yeah you're not meant to wash it every day though are you not no meant to keep the oils in it he's right

he's doing it through laziness I'm just doing it through laziness the fact I didn't trust the shampoo in that hotel in Amsterdam yeah because it said shampoo bath I don't know

D40 oh this shampoo toothpaste I'm alright actually. No. It was scary that one. This does too many things. I'm liking the goatee though Dan. Yeah well I was meant to

because we go to Amsterdam and Adam doesn't like it. You keep saying this. Because you keep, when you keep when Carl goes, I like it, you keep going It's a very subtle it, you keep going. It's a very subtle look. You're not trying to be a cunt,

but I can, you know. No, I like it. I think it's good. No, you don't. I like it. It isn't not good. All right, listen.

What does Laura think of it? She fucking hates it. Why does she hate it, though? I think she's just... Do you know what I think it is? ...down from sex twice a month to once a month. Jealousy. Do you know what I think? Not jealousy.

She doesn't want to go to herself. I think what it is is another form of jealousy where she's looking at it and going, do you know what? Bitches are going to be throwing themselves at him now. Oh. Oh, right. Yeah.

She wants to keep you down and ugly. Well, the main thing is Emma likes it. Anyway. Oh, that's Emma. Harry's sister with a tiny little butt. That's just one for the patrons. So with Amsterdam last year. You can't be dropping jokes like that

that people don't understand. Explain the joke. Sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod to watch one of the funniest fucking exclusives that I had to watch the first half hour of this morning

because I was so pissed I couldn't remember recording it. Dan fancies Harry's sister. No, I don't. I just know what a wonderful young woman looks like. He was just saying,

you know, things. She's great. Very proud of her. And you. Oh, no. I'm only messing. No, you. Very proud of her. And you. Oh no. I'm only messing. I am.

Am I? You're only messing. So what, you knock it out of them and you do fancy it? I hate you. It's somewhere in the middle. Listen, we went to Patriot. We went to Amsterdam.

We went to Patreon, Amsterdam. We went to Amsterdam. We went to Patreon Amsterdam. For the weed. And I did fucked around with my facial hair. Just because it was January and I was bored. And then I said, we'll do it again next time we go to Amsterdam. So I cut this in on Saturday.

Prepared. Went and got an England top which I really enjoyed doing for the Euros on Sunday night. And then I went over to Superdrug to get some dye. They'd closed at 5.25, meant to be 5.30. I was just about to be that cunt who took a picture of like the shut door. And I was like,

I was going to send it to what the head office, but I'm like, don't tweet it. I'm injured. I need a muffler. Wrong place, love. Injured. So I didn't dye it. I'm injured I need a muck flurry wrong place love um

injured so I didn't diet and I listen it was just meant to be a little jokesy jokes but I kinda like it you look better

I kinda like it it makes you look more wise I might get bored of it I don't know some people won't mind it some people will hate it I am quite enjoying it I might just see how it goes

for a bit is that all right can i just get this special dispense a little pass from you all to just try something slightly new this is the only fuck around i can do with my whole fucking person and i'm just trying it for a bit i'm just gonna try it my tash has been quite divisive but it's really interesting like car likes it, and people close to me like it, but on my Instagram, it's literally split people into two camps, men and women. Men are telling me I look like a paedophile,

and every woman wants to fuck me. Isn't it? Yeah. Big change there. I've had men go, Tash, really? Fucking hell, don't go near schools. And then there's women being like, like I've had men go fucking hell like Tash really fucking hell don't go near schools

and then there's women being like fucking hell you're looking good you mate let me sit on that Tash with me pussy that is succinct

one dear I am paraphrasing a bit right there was a beautiful moment in Amsterdam where you got sort of introspective and we were all like a combination of pissed and high

and you were like, lads, seriously, do you like me too? I really do. That's the cow. I honestly love it. I think it looks fucking belting. I want to get rid of the handles. I want to take it to like, so it's just...

I think it looks better when you have the beard shorter. Yeah. I want the handles gone, like, so it's just. I think it looks better when you have the beard shorter. Yeah. Yeah. I want the handles gone, just like to the lip line. And then this is going to be shorter. Would you get rid of the beard altogether? No. Is that too far?

I think it's just, I need a little bit of stubble. A little bit of stubble. Yeah. Will's nodding. Take it down to like a one, which is what I had. The handles are a bit too much. Yeah. Will's nodding. Take it down to like a one, which is what I had for Amsterdam, but the handles are a bit too much. I think I want it flat. Must be fun being a stylish woman

who just goes through like a full renovation. Do you know what I mean? When they're like, I'm just doing something completely different. They've got a wardrobe with like loads of variation and they can dye their hair and for a whole month, they're like a different style of person.

There's so little... I think Damien's come out as trans here. You can do that though? You just need... You said to do that. You want to change your look? There's so little variation I can affect. Of course.

Has he got a slightly different colour hat? No, but there isn't though. You can do so much. You've got so much to work with that you are not paying attention to. You can do different types of tops, different types of bottoms, different hats.

And glasses. Yeah. I've lost a pair in Amsterdam. No right. You can do different types of tops, different types of bottoms, different hats. And glasses. Yeah. I've lost a pair in Amsterdam. No, but you could do, you don't have, like all of your glasses are pretty much those type of frames, aren't they?

Yeah. So you could try different frame glasses. Oh God. You could do like, you look good in every type of hat I've seen you in. Holy shit. Stop wearing a beanie.

Cowboy Wednesdays. Beanies? A beanie and some little round glasses. You go full hipster. It's July. It's July. I can't be beanie-ing. But in the winter, you could be full hipster.

You could in the winter. You're still caps in the winter, aren't you? No, that doesn't work at all. You somehow look more bald. Do you know what I mean, though? Yeah. No, honestly, that is... Oh, God.

Oh, God. Now, Dan. You're meant to be my fucking style advisor. I am, yeah. Change your palette. Jesus Christ! Change your palette as well. Yeah.

You're very grey and black. I mean, honestly, what an insight that is from you today when I'm wearing grey and black. No, go back to the last 10 episodes. I know, it's true. You need to do more earthy colours. Right. You know, try some beiges.

I've got some beige. I've been knocking out some beige. Light blues. This is the least pastel colours I've ever heard of. Try some brown. Pastel colours. Oh, just try heroin. Dan's coming with his dick out.

It's his new style. You know what I mean? Smack head. Let's have a look at your Instagram. Dan, here's an idea and you've got to trust us on this.

Can we dress you for the Patreon next episode? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. And trust us. I'll just say this though.

Last time you dressed me, I was wearing roller skates and clogs very quickly. There you are in a grey jacket. There you are in a football top.

There you are in all black. There you are in all black. There you are in a grey jacket. There you are in a football top. There you are in all black. There you are in all black. There you are in a grey jacket with a black T-shirt. There you are in all black. There you are in all black. There you are in a grey jacket with a black shirt. There you are in a grey hoodie.

There you are in all black. God, I wish I was in Technicolor Dreamcoat. There you are in a black top with khaki shorts. There you are in all black. There you are in a black top with khaki shorts. There you are in all black. There you are in all black. Oh, black with a blue jacket. Nice. All black.

All black holding up a football shirt. All right, we get it. All black. All right, I get it. All black. All right. That's not you. All black.

I get it. I get it. Grey shirt with a black gilet. I work on my power. All black. Oh, my God. All black. Oh, my beautiful door. All black. I get it. I get it. Grey shirt with a black gilet. I work on my power. All black. Oh, my God. All black. Oh, my beautiful door.

All black. This is absurd. By the way, I didn't expect it to be this bad. Right. All right. I'm going to do it. I promise you. All black.

Oh, God. All black. Oh. Grey jacket. Oh, and a beige jumper. Yay. All black. Oh, God. All black. Right. All black. Oh, God.

All black. Right, listen. Stop. You've made your point. So I'm not going to let you go on through the leaderboards of best ever rugby player. Nailed it. I don't think...

You should have said 100 metre sprinters. Oh, dear. Why? God. It was one Italian guy, wasn't it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I remember that. Right, okay.

Are you going to address me like one of your French girls? Me and Adam will take the business card and we'll do heart. Right. We need your measurements. Okay, I'm a UK nine. I know that because I just tried to sell some roller skates in Amsterdam. Patreon.com slash have a word pod. Thanks, man.

I'm 32 short, River Island. Please buy River Island jeans. They suit me. Might not be jeans. It's not going to be jeans, is it 32 short, River Island. Please buy River Island jeans. They suit me. Might not be jeans. It's not going to be jeans, is it? Oh, fucking lads. Suss. We're going to mix up your palate with denim.

Did you just get a drink, or? He doesn't really wear denim jeans, you know. A little bit, sometimes. Very rarely, though. The black denim. He hasn't got like a light, a white. Oh, yeah, a light, a light. A washed denim. All right, okay. I'm a large if i breathe in a medium okay okay large xl for oversized double xl for

really oversized yeah yeah and a tent for super oversized what about your hats how big should i have 59 centimeters it's like same as my dick. And can we buy your new glasses? What? Are we doing fucking bins as well? Yeah, because that's a big part of your look is your head. Oh shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get you my prescription. Oh, this is exciting. You're going to

look wonderful. Are you going to make me look like a Christmas paedophile? No, we're actually going to dress you well. Oh Adam.

What? I know we're a comedy podcast. I want you to look good. But you're a fashionista. I want you to look good. But you're a fashionista. I want you to look good. I'm going to take so much pride in this. What's a Christmas paedophile?

I don't know. What do you mean? Father Christmas? We can walk in Father Christmas. Breaking news. Santa's announced. No, we're going to dress you good and you're going to go,

oh shit, and it's going to change your life. All right, cool. And you've stopped vaping. Yeah. How's that going? Good. No withdrawals todayals today yeah i've got withdrawals yeah but i had a moment when i was on shrooms where i was like what the fuck are you doing and i put it in the bin and i've had that little like you'll know what it's like if you if you've ever had nicotine addiction it's like this little it's like a

little pull inside you it's like a like just pulling on you a bit. And you're like, oh, I'd love to satisfy that. But I know in a few days that'll have gone. Have you ever kicked an addiction? Because I haven't. I've never had one. No? Maybe a sugar, but I've never tried to kick it.

Yeah, I mean, sugary drinks. I haven't had a fizzy drink that isn't sparkling water or beer for like eight weeks. He's got very good willpower, though. When he kicks it into gear, he can do a few months in a lane. I also, I'd like to reject something that none of yous have said for a while, but you've said in the past. I think a lot of people call me impulsive

and say that I get involved with stuff and then I fuck it off. And I actually don't think I do, though. What you do is, and it's part of your podcasting, is you make a big fucking noise about any plan or sort of thing. And I think that

makes it seem, but I think part of that is performative. But you know. I'm a golfer now. You're a golfer now. Everyone's like, oh, that country thing

is just a phase. I've got three cowboy hats now. Yeah, sit on that. Don't sit on them. They're expensive. I just, three cowboy hats now. Yeah, sit on that. Don't just sit on them. They're expensive. I just, I don't think I'm this, what's the word?

You're not flaky. Flaky's the wrong word. No, floofily. It's not a shoe waffle. Oh my God. The word, it's, mmm.

It's like flaky, but, should I ever think about it? Floofily. The word, it's... Right. It's like flaky, but... Should I have a think about it? Floofen. The Dutch has ruined my language. Oh, my God. What's the word that's going to do my head in? Because the Dutch just have made up a language. Fickle!

Oh! See, floofen. I knew I was needed. Fickle! I'm not fickle. All right. Well, dress me, and we'll see how that goes. Okay? All right? Yeah. Let's have a break. I'm not fickle alright well dress me and we'll see how that goes okay

alright let's have a break it's the second section of today's podcast and we've got a what is that it's a fuck

audio come on. Rachel says, Hi Lids, question for you. I have a medical service dog for my epilepsy that I can assist when I'm about to have a seizure.

They're incredible, aren't they? Because they basically come in and go, hey, and then just sort of stand on them and warn the person with epilepsy that they're about to have a seizure. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. Do epileptics like shit themselves just before the seizure or something and dogs can smell it first? And they never remember what the shitting themselves is about. Shit myself. Oh, my God.

No more Rogan Josh. That's pretty hot. Oh, hang on. Seizure. The dog walks in and you go, oh, shit. Can we... Listen, Harry, I don't want to encroach on your health.

No, absolutely. But you famously are an epileptic. Famous epileptic. Have you got epilepsy? I don't go on about it much. Genuinely, I'll show. You don't know that? He's real, yeah.

I've had a seizure whilst working for this company. When? You held him. When? When... When was this? When i used to do the merch and i was like messaging in the little merch chat and i was like no merch today lads i'm all like seizure though seized up he takes medication though so he doesn't have what's that like uh

it's got what so i was diagnosed late i was 17 when I had my first seizure. You haven't had one for a while. Is that right? I've not had one. I went to the US and I didn't take, you can only take a certain amount of pills out. And because I'm stingy, I didn't pay for pills whilst I was out there.

I was like, I'll just chance it. And then I had a seizure out there. But you get banned from driving, which is like the rough bit. For years, I used to have these things. Why did you get banned from driving? In like the rough bit um for eight for years i used to have these things from driving in case you see when you drive you've got to be a year seizure free but for like for ages i'd have these things called my clonus which is like a mini two of them it'd be like you'd do that but i used to like is Is that what Tommy Cooper done? I used to go downstairs and I'd like take me cereal into the living room.

It's dead serious, but we just sat away for a little chat. Well, I used to take my cereal into the living room and like then do that and just fucking lash out the water. And after that, he was only allowed to have cereal in the downstairs that was an excuse to just be horrible to your mom oh shite that dinner well and i'd get shouted at for

being like tired because i would just hide it for ages and i thought it was just me being like not sleeping much because it's related to sleep mine and uh and then on my 17th birthday i was in turkey and my nan made me a milkshake, and I swilled her with it. It's just horrible. Like, it was like a Nesquik milkshake. I'd gone like that, and then I'd, like, come back into consciousness. How long did it last? The myclonus is like that.

Oh, right, right. It's almost like a tick, like... Yeah, but you're not conscious with it. Oh, right, okay. So, like, if I'm in... I used to be like in the shower and then i just kind of catch myself super scary and then like but if it was a seizure so the first time i had a seizure i hit my head when i did it so i didn't know who i was or my

dad was or who the prime minister was oh and they were all everyone was there. Yeah. What year was this? It was 2017. So that was, you know. I think so, yeah. Yeah. It wasn't like constant prime ministers that time. But the... Can you imagine if you went into a coma when Liz Truss got in?

And then you got the answer wrong and they just blew your head off because you thought you were fucked. That's what they do. That's what they do. They take a gun to every... Who's the prime minister? You better fucking know. But you're not like, you That's what they do. That's what they do. They take a gun to every... Who's the prime minister? You better fucking know.

But you're not like, you're not a cis dog. No, I don't have it as bad as, some people have it really, really bad. But I, you can sense it. The last time I had one, I got up and I had one of those MyClones. I used to have them every morning,

but since I've been on pills, I didn't. And I'd been to Thanksgiving in Atlanta, because I'm bougie. clones i used to have them every morning but since i've been on pills i didn't and uh and i had been to thanksgiving in atlanta because i'm bougie so we'd had like a late flight and i got up that morning and then had a little drop so there was like oh shit i can feel it so i'd gone in bed and then i woke up at like 3 p.m and like i had like locked jaw and internal bruising. And everyone just thought I'd kipped in through all my lectures. Oh, no. Scary. Bloody hell, mate.

You're doing good now, though? Yeah. Wow. And this is how my brain works. I'm now fully convinced that I'm epileptic. Genuinely, with your health anxiety, does it just take hearing about stuff to get you going? I just go, oh, I've had a bit of that.

You just hate waitresses. What? You just hate waitresses. You just hate Harry's nan. You'd rather lie in. Yeah, I lie in quite a bit, and sometimes I am a little bit jittery. I know all the prime ministers.

I've got epilepsy. Rachel says, if you had something that required an assist animal and you couldn't pick a dog, what animal would you choose? It depends what I'm getting her to assist me with. But you want an all-rounder, don't you? By the way, if anyone's not saying some type of monkey,

you're mad. Because everybody loves monkeys. Everyone loves monkeys. No, well, monkeys are wild animals, then. No, but I'm... Yeah. Give Adam an ailment and see what he picks. I'm assuming that if you've got an assist animal

and she's saying, what animal would you choose? You're getting like a tamed assist, but no bull monkey. You know? Okay. If you were deaf. Oh, hang on. All right.

All right. By my rules, I'll have a polar bear and then i'm fucking double hard yeah exactly just ripping people it's a tamed assist one you just have a a falcon now it's just pokemon in it right either he's seen a rabbit or i'm i'm about to have a seizure what What if you're blind? What's a falcon going to do? A guide polar bear. What's a falcon going to do? It's a tamed assist falcon.

You put it on like a leash and it drags you. Yeah. Take us to Asda Mead. That'd be sick. Got any mice? I'd go some form of monkey. Definitely. For what though?

for just helping out with everything I fancy some toast I think you just want a PA yeah but everyone would be like oh my god if Dan's coming over get his PA with him

because he's a massive friendly monkey do you know what I think? do you think that's what Michael Jackson was doing? aw this PA monkey it's just sending invoices.

I'd go with like a crocodile. Are you all, you've lost your mind? What's a crocodile going to help you with? Lost in the street. What are you having? Sled wolf.

It's what, a wolf you? I've got two broken ankles. I'll have a sled wolf. Get me to work and back. He just drags you along. Now I'm going with the crocodile, no one's fucking with me.

Cross the road dead easy. Yous are playing Digimon. No one's fucking with me because I've got an assistance crocodile. Yeah, but you've got a wolf. Yeah, a specific sled wolf. A massive. That's a thing though, isn't it?

PA monkeys don't exist. No, but they could. But they don't, though. But the world would be a better place. It would, yeah, but that's not a game, is it? If we're playing that, then okay, I'll have a fucking, you know, a blue whale with dusty dishes.

Where do you keep it? In the bath. In the bath? Oh, all right. Bath, doing well. Whale-sized bath, please, for me assist whale. Oh, shit, I've got to send an invoice. If we're changing the rules, it's a whale that can live on land.

Oh, it's a landed whale? Yes. Are you telling me that's not going to happen? It has. Then mine's a Tyrannosaurus Rex. A robot one. Yeah, but that's basically what you're doing, isn't it?

I still want a monkey. I want a monkey. I'd go with a human. Job creation. Really nice. Just a lovely

woman. Oh. Does it have to be a woman? No. This guy called Jeff. Yeah. Hi, Jeffff i can't see or hear um are you speaking have you just described a care assistant yeah all right i can't see or hear but like he knows i want to skin him but you can speak no i can't i can't see or hear i I can't see or hear. Oh, oh, oh.

You know what I mean? You haven't taken this question in the spirit it was intended. It's got to be animals as they come. You can't just have monkeys that are suddenly wearing a suit and tie and running the Olympics. You're absolutely right. Ring-tailed lemur. I'd like a gecko. What?

Gecko. What? There was just one. I just want to get gecko. Gecko would be so good because, you know what? Sometimes licking stamps is annoying. You've got a stamp gecko. Get on that. There you go.

On goes the stamp. You know, sometimes when you're turning the page of a novel, you're like, oh, my fingers are dry. The gecko. I'm having a sled wolf and I will take it like that. Can't have a dog. Or an horse. Now I'll have a horse.

Oh, a horse would be good, actually. Take us to Tesco, lad. Watch your ailment. What? Your arms don't work. He's lost his driving licence. Not even on the horse yet. Bad from driving.

Take us to Tesco. Horse is the right answer if you can't have a dog. You can't ride Jeff to Tesco. That's a fact. Horses are trainable aren't they? Famously I wouldn't lay an horse riding Been thinking about this

What was last week? Guitar No No It was Cloe What's the word? What's the word? What's the word?

Fickle Fickle I'm not fickle One break later Learning horse riding No Guitar How is guitar lessons going? I've got it booked in When for? Fickle! I'm not fickle. I'm not fickle. One break later. Learning horse riding. No. But I'm not fickle. How is guitar lessons going?

I've got it booked in. When for? The 13th of August at half five. The guy who I've booked in with is away for three weeks. Where is he? Are you doing the singing too? 14th of August at 5.30. So the fellow who does the guitar lessons

also does the singing lessons. But when you sign up for this school, you get one free lesson with your enrollment as like a trial. And he's like, do you want that to be guitar or singing? So I'm doing guitar first because I'd rather be able to play guitar.

I'm already all right at singing. So I want it, you know. And I've also, I've got a guitar. How much did it cost? It was free. My dad gave me. Oh, that's nice. In my head, you bought like a 15 grand guitar.

No, it's a couple of hundred quid worth. Apparently it's a Fender. Oh yeah. Oh, is's nice. In my head, you bought like a 15 grand guitar. No, it's a couple of hundred quid worth. Apparently it's a Fender. Oh, yeah. Oh, is it electric? Oh, a Fender. Nice. So I've got my guitar lessons booked in. So that's not fickle because I haven't stopped doing that yet.

You haven't started doing that. I haven't even cancelled that. I booked that in three weeks ago and it's still in the diary and I haven't forgotten. that. I booked that in three weeks ago and it's still in the diary and I haven't forgot. I'm not fickle. And my dad's giving me a horse. A horse. It's a fender horse.

I haven't said I'm definitely going to learn horse riding, but I am thinking about it. Great. You know, just don't fall off. What for? Like what's the... To race them? What?

Or to dance them? I don't want to be a jockey. No. He wants to enter his horse... He wants to enter his country all day on the roof of pins, on a horse, singing and playing a guitar.

It'd just be class to be able to ride horses, wouldn't it? Just be a horseman. I can ride the horse. You just sit on the back. I don't know what you're trying to learn. What do you mean? I've ridden a horse before. No, you haven't.

On your own? Yes, I have. No, hang on, hang on, hang on. In Costa Rica? You can sit on a horse and have it walked around, but actually riding a horse at pace... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on.

Point that camera right at his face. Right at it. Get as close as you possibly can. All right. You're telling me you rode a Costa Rican horse without assistance. I don't know if it was Costa Rican. Well, there's nobody else on it.

Was there a fella stood next to you walking the horse? So there was me, Seneca, the other two people on the trip, and then the person doing the trip at the front. And we were all on our horses. Was it a trail? Did they walk around? And then we did a bit of a canter, and it was terrifying, and I wanted them to stop.

Right. Kicked them in the ribs. So you can't ride horses unless you've got... Well, I kind of rode the horse. Yeah. That's not... That's not what I'm talking about, though, is it? That's what I'm saying.

What are you talking about? What do you want to learn? Ride an horse so that I can get on it... Like, so that I can just jump on any horse and get wherever I need to be. Jump on any horse. Yeah. You see a horse, jump on it and just start riding it.

You know? It's not illegal. He's a horseman. Yeah. Right. I want to be able to control horses. I want to be able to control horses. No, I mean, properly, like... At pace.

Yeah, no, he picked up a canter. It's not nice. I told him to stop. Yeah, well, I don't want to be a shithouse. Right. That's what happened to me, to be like, I'm comfy here. He's just cantering.

Yeah. We did horse trail at PGL, and Paul Vaughan's horse did a massive piss. Oh my God, it was phenomenal. Sarah Taylor screamed and then her horse bolted and she disappeared

into the forest. It was one of the funniest things. who these people are? What, what, let's just talk, all the people I went to school with, you do it for your school.

Fucking Jackie and Devo. That's our boys' school. Jack and Devo. Jack and Devo. Shall we do some icks? Go on That's gross Do you know what?

Just before we do icks I just want a pet peeve This isn't an ick, it's a pet peeve People on airplanes Say it Who put their bags Above the front seats and not their seats.

Yes! Yesterday, we're coming back from Amsterdam. There is a woman on her own, a single mother with her child. She had no space for her pram above her head because they were already full by the time we got on with people who were in the middle and the back of the plane who put their bags at the front because they want to just pull it as they get off the plane.

You put it above your head because otherwise by the time the people at the front get on, they have to put their stuff in the middle of the plane. And then when the plane lands, they have to sort of jig their way to the middle to get their stuff. It is a nightmare. Yeah. Awful.

I felt so sorry for that woman yesterday. A shout out to Steve who has a 10 kilogram backpack that weighs at least 25 kilograms and a backpack that is pushing 10 kilograms. And then was like, I'm going to stick both of these up there. He, for such a small man, travels so heavy.

Yeah. I like to travel heavy, but Steve's next level. The thing is, we had 10 kilogram bags. They're allowed in the thing, but then you can't have a heavy backpack and go, I'm going to stick that up there as well.

That's meant to go so that people can get there. Not that I'm having a stay. Loads of people do it. He's a cunt. Tell him. But yeah, people who take up room and then move to their own spot, just stop it.

Yesterday, I went and got that woman's pram and brought it. The second we landed, I stood up, so I could just and brought the second we landed i stood up so i could just go and get it before it all everyone before everyone else stood up and there was a woman who i had to sort of scoop past to get it and scoop back past with it and she looked at me like like like i was inconvenience in here and then she she was in like row nine or something she at one point went can you pass me that and i realized she was in like row nine or something. She, at one point went, can you pass me that? And I realized she was one of the fucking people who'd done exactly what I'm talking about because theirs was above number five.

She's like, can you pass me that one? So she'd done it and she was totting at me for going to get the thing for the woman who was on the second row on her own. Oh, that kid was so friendly. She loved you. She was a lovely little kid. Oh, mum and you're like, oh.

And you did a really good, like, future dad thing. It's a good sign. Papa Goose. That doesn't have to, my head in. Do you want the music? Let's do some X. Joe says, My boyfriend is one of those knobbers that Googles everything.

If we're having a discussion about something, he has to Google the answer immediately. We can't speculate on it or chat. Life's better when you can just guess the truth rather than getting the facts like Richard Osman. No. This is me. Just to back up my argument most of the time.

Do it all the time. Depends on the context, don't it? If you just need to know something, just Google it. But if you're just having a chat and a speculate, you know, in a pub over a few pints and a bag of nuts, then I do think there should be a no Googling rule. If it's a fun moment, but if it's just like, what film is he in?

That's the one time I go Google it. Oh, no, that's what I do. Because I like the game. I go, don't Google it. We'll work it out. And you feel good. Hang on. You're not concentrating on the thing I'm watching.

Can I pause it? Oh, no. She in. And I go Can I pause it? Oh no, I'm... She in. And I go, don't Google it. Oh, I'm never watching a film with you. That would do my head in. Karl, you pause a film

to sit there and argue about what they're in. I'm not arguing. I'm going, what's she in? Oh man, a quick IMDB is going to solve all the problems there. But in a couple,

if you're constantly fact checking, I could see that how that would be like, can we just have an opinion or talk about something? No, actually, I found out that that's wrong. I could see how that would be an ick. Leah says, my boyfriend asks me to call his phone

all the time when he loses it. And when he finds it, he answers the call as if I've genuinely called him. It's oddly specific, but it gives me the ick. He's just having a laugh, you miserable old cunt. I do that. I do that. I do that. It's funny, isn't he?

I'm out, and he goes, I'm in the house. I have my phone on silent all the time, and that is a major disadvantage. You don't deserve a phone. What do you mean? You should have it taken off you, medically. Why have you got it? What do you mean?

If I called you in an hour. You haven't got a mobile phone, really. Yeah, I have. You haven't? You've got a mobile tablet with no cellular service. When you use it, you have it. When you you mean? If I called you in an hour... You haven't got a mobile phone, really. Yeah, I have. You haven't? You've got a mobile tablet with no cellular service. When you're using it, you have, but when you haven't, it doesn't exist. I'll choose when I speak to you.

That's not what a mobile phone's about. If I'm trying to contact you, then it's not a mobile phone anymore. You've got a gallivant in the know here, oldie. I'm a big gallivanter. What if there's an emergency? Yeah? What if there's an emergency?

I'll find out 22 minutes after it's happened Adam's been killed in a horse riding accident Can't I wish Make it bigger Damn With his mouth Please can you just

turn it on to loud? Please Why would I turn it on to loud? So you can hear us Why? What do you mean why? So that you can hear me when people ring you?

Why would I do that? Why would I make it functional? You don't even like ringing I'm going to put it on, I'm going to meet you halfway and put it on vibrate. Dan, you said you've had problems with your battery

recently on your phone. Yeah. Are you considering switching sides? It's iPhone, please. Yeah, yeah. I've got an iPhone ordered. Yeah, the iPhone 22.

Whenever that comes out, I'll get one. Can't wait. Couple of years. Me and Will play a game where we try and answer the phone within the least rings because I love it. You call someone and answer the phone within the least rings.

Because I love when you call someone and they go, hello, and they're there. Oh, no, I hate that. Because then I don't know whether it's rang yet. I don't mean instantly. I mean like, doo, doo, hello. Bam, no one's wasting any time. I go, oh, lad, three rings, well done.

One ring, well done. Dan, I have to call you six times. Oh, mate, if you're on the third phone call, you're being a weirdo. What are you doing six times for? You've made your point. You need me. I don't ignore it once I've seen it.

If you ring me six times, some motherfucker better be dead and need my medical assistance. Why, what are you doing? Why would a dead person need your medical assistance? What? Why would a dead person? Well, why are you ringing me six times? Because sometimes we need a fucking answer to something.

To what? To what? Because you've got hyper-focus for an hour and a half, and then you're back to fucking dreamville. Use it! All right. I need to know the confirmation for this thing in two months. Right, this is fine.

You'll know in 20 minutes. In 20 minutes. It does not sound like it at all. By the way, everyone hated about you. Everyone. In 20 minutes. It does not sound like me. We're going to buy you a new phone. By the way, everyone hates it about you. Everyone, we all talk about it behind your back. No, you don't. You don't give a fuck about any of us enough to care about it. A part of the outfit, a new phone.

We'll get you an iPhone. Cool, nice. Put it on the company card. Leah says, my boyfriend asked me to call this. She keeps saying that, leah that's one of my pet pet peeves with ear oh my god i'm having a stroke with ear all right trump i'm having a lot of fun uh sarah clark howe says i have two icks to share lids i've married a complete psychopath my husband does not snap a kit kat to eat it finger by finger just takes big bites like

an actual heathen also on top of that he pours cereal puts in the milk and leaves it for half an hour to go completely mushy before he eats it what the actual fuck lock him up immediately so the the cereal one is disgusting the kit kat, I do this just to annoy people. Oh, it's on the kitchen. That's fine. I do it because I know how much it bothers people. Like if I'm on my own, I snap them off one by one. And he doesn't like a beaver.

But you eat like a bite out of three fingers. Not on my own. If I'm on my own, I do it properly. If I'm surrounded by people, cause I just, I'm an antagonistic little fuck. I'll just be like, you know, like, do you want to have a little hummie Kit Kat? You did it to me with a cheese string once

and I didn't enjoy it. Did you bite it? Did you just bit it? Efficient cheese stringing. I asked a cheese string like it was a single finger of a Kit Kat. Oh my God. Class.

Can I ask a question about Kit Kats? I haven't had one for a while. Are they still in the tinfoil? No. They will never get back to that level either. Oh. I could eat 45 of them in a row and still be hungry. I'll say this about Kit Kat.

They've done well for the variations of flavour. Yeah. There's some nice ones. The salted caramel one is... No, the best one is the peanut butter one. Yeah, no, there isn't. The salted caramel one is... No, the best one is the peanut butter one. Yeah, no, there isn't, but I'm saying

they've done well for the, you know, like, throwing in some different ones. Regular, original two-finger for me. Genuinely. Easy peasy. In my nans.

Not a big fan of... In my nans what? In my nans house. All right. Chunky. Not a fan of the chunky. That's what he called his man, yeah. She's a big girl.

You don't like chunky? Where's the kick-ass? No, just a two-finger or a four-finger split in half. Fair enough. But the cereal thing, I want to eat cereal so fast because it's so crunchy. Do you know, sometimes I get my cornflakes out, pour it, one of you cunts calls me,

I have to ignore it, and that time it's taken it's gone mushy i think it depends on the same even 10 15 seconds i feel like i'm chasing the freshness just answer the phone and go i'm having my cereal i'll bring you back i'm already watching enough already mushy it does depend on the cereal though some cereals you want it to be really crunchy and i think some of them are beneficial when the milk so not half an hour by we to bix we to bix is better when it's a bit soft i don't eat we to break because i've actually never fucked any children correct and i'm not a good hand dad shreddies they're better put it in the same bag what are you doing with your life it's frosties crunchy nozzle cocoa pops maybe rice krispies i like a regular call you need to open up your

cereal game there's so many more put me. Mum, put me Snetties on! Crave. They're a bit better soft. Do you want the little hazelnut ones? What about a Special K? Ooh. Because I'm a woman who's trying to lose weight. Special K. That's what you eat, isn't it?

What? Special K. Is that not Corn Flakes? No, isn't it got strawberries on it? Yeah, it's Wild Nuts. Special K is an absolute mum cereal, isn't it? It's nice. I eat Corn Flakes.

Proper. I think you might be the most mum of all of us, you know, Finn? Like, not like, like you're, it's just you love daytime TV and you love Special K.

Do I? Yeah, you do. What daytime TV do I love? You've been to every single one of their fucking recordings. I just had nothing to do when I was high. You've been to all of the shows.

You are a mummy. Have you been in the audience at Loose Women? No. Yet. Yeah. Loose Women? No. Yet? Yeah. Would you go? No.

I actually wouldn't. I went to... How many did I go to? Four. Four what? I went to A Question of Sport. Yeah. It's not daytime, it's evening.

The Chase? No. He wants to be a millionaire. Evening. Jeez. Yeah, get on that. The Paddy McGinnis one was daytime. That was the daytime quiz show.

I can't even remember what that was called. No Lighty, No Lighty. No, it wasn't Take Me Out. It was some quiz show. What else did I go to? Million Pound Drop. That's the best one. Can you imagine if I rang you and was like,

lads, got us a couple of tickets. There's a Paddy McGinnis daytime quiz show. Can you imagine how many things would have to not be happening that day for me and you to go and see that? But as a fucking 19 year old

with nothing to do, I wouldn't go now. You wouldn't? Yeah, 19? You should have been out fucking shagging women in the afternoon. You are a mummy's boy

and there's nothing wrong with that. But you are a mummy's boy. Hang on. Jamie Carroll, back in the day, I'd have gone and had a look. If someone went, hey, I've got like... I think it's the worst one, actually. No, just for the sort of... It's like zoo, isn't it the day, I'd have gone and had a look. If someone went, hey, I've got like...

I think that's the worst one, actually. No, just for the sort of... It's like a zoo, isn't it? Yeah, I know, but like, you don't have to be that like, hmm, this is lovely. But just to see it, I'd have gone to Jeremy Kyle, I think. And they went to Jerry Springer. Yeah.

That was... People were just throwing haymakers and that, fucking nine in the morning. Yeah. But Jeremy Kyle was just our shit version of jerry springer wasn't it yeah but jerry springer was like an entertainer jeremy kyle's just a weedy little cunt and i'd love to smash that then it's just a fact adam mccarthy says i've just ceased all attraction to a girl i'm speaking to i knew she was a cheerleader at our uni however i've seen her

on instagram she has won most improved cheerleading in the end of season awards the thought of it originally being shit and getting a pity vote makes me sad and I've gone off her. Is this normal? He's just a titany. All I thought of was class. He's an awful person. You can either be a good cheerleader or not cheerlead.

You can't improve. Being most improved football player was not one you wanted at the end of the season. That was the worst one to get. Because it meant you'd been a spanner. It means you'd been shit. Yeah. Did you win most improved? No. You don't want it. He's always been a good player.

Game player of the year at the start of the season. Playing for number two player of the year, lads, because obviously he knows he got that one. Last one. Dan Barnes says, my missus, the scruffy biatch, took her trainers and socks off

on our flight the other week and a bit later went to the toilet barefoot. Gave me the biggest ick ever. Have a word with her, lads. I go to the toilet on a plane just in my socks. Socks.

100% fine. I mean, not 100% though, because there's people missing and pissing and you've got a fucking sock on. Do you know what I've done? I just look at the though because there's people missing and pissing and you've got a fucking sock on do you know what I've done I just look at the floor

and don't stand in the piss I'm mad me I look at the floor and I go I've pissed that right I'm just not gonna stand in that two little pisses

shoes off on a plane is normal socks off it's a rogue one like right I think going to the toilet with just your socks is

I mean I'm not saying I've not done it and I've put my shoes back on but it's not an only. Right. I think going to the toilet with just your socks is, I mean, I'm not saying I've not done it. I've put my shoes back on, but it's not an ideal move, is it? Yeah, I would make me go, I wouldn't do it in my heat. I'd be like, babe, just put your socks on. Everyone's thinking you're a bit weird there. But if she was like, no, I'm fine.

I'd be like, do you know what? That is your individualism. And I'm not going to argue with you you i'm not licking your feet i took my feet off on a flight yesterday my feet off i just i've never been to a toilet with your stumps okay i need a break yeah i'm just having a little senior moment okay so we'll have a little break you need to get some on the test yeah I do like Vitor Belfort yeah if they could get blood out of me

that's how hard I am mate needles don't work you're just full of testosterone I hope there's no blood hopefully soon all right let's have a break welcome back to part three this week's episode

put a jacket on. Very nice jacket. It is a nice jacket, isn't it? I'm not colder, am I? Luckily, it gets dead warm in here gradually, so that'll be fun. Shem Rock is here. Oh, yes, mate. I thought that you were saying the name of the episode is Put a Jacket On, then.

I was like, what? Could have told me you were the warm one. Thanks for coming in, lad. I've been following you for a while now. Rising MMA star. I'm trying. I just think with the world of MMA, Carl's a huge... I'm a proper casual me.

Like McGregor got me into it years ago and then that was my gateway drug and I've sort of stayed casual. Carl and Steve's out there. They love it. They travel the world to watch the stuff. And I think so, so much mma is just the ufc but obviously you're fighting at octagon now and you've just come off a massive win which was like about a year in the build-up to it wasn't it maybe even a bit longer yeah yeah say about it just over a year when yeah yeah and

yeah i'm just i'm sort of fascinated by looking at the sort of side of mma that is that the ufc isn't showing and these like sorts of smaller promotions that are now you know they get interaction because i know you've got your eye on another event later in the year like they're big rooms aren't they it's not like it's mad because like not so long ago it was the ufc or not i'm wearing it where now you're seeing like especially where it's so hard for europeans to get on to the ufc compared to if you live in america you're seeing some of the european stars not only just me you've got like your brendan lochnane the coter chanel like all coming up on you know all of them

octagon me and denn Dennis and Akon. We're forging our own little own paths now because the UFC, if you're an American lad and you live in Vegas, 6-0, you're probably in the UFC, lad, where some of us are 12, 13, 14, 15 fights. Even look at Paddy. He went to the UFC after more than 20 fights. Some people can't do that many fights.

I'm 30 years of age, lad. I've had, what? Are you 30? I look good, don't I, lad? Actually, I'm 27. I didn't think you were 30. I thought you were a lot younger, lad. Yeah.

So, like, now it's me prime, do you know what I mean? So. Is that the goal? Or do you want to stay in Europe with these promotions? Or is the goal the UFC? At the end of the day, lad, I'm a prize fighter. I fight for money. So whoever's pulling out the most P's.

But obviously, lad, if UFC, because UFC have never given me no official offer. So if the UFC come with an official offer, you'd be stupid to not take it serious. So if the UFC come and said, look, we want to bring the Shem show over here, I'd have to think about it but as of right now I'm an octagon athlete

I'm happy with octagon, octagon are looking after me, treating me well I've got two more fights left on my contract there's a few names on the roster that I want to punch fuck out of so so who are the names because I know you like I want to talk about sort of the fight you've just had.

I know that's in your past now. You're not even looking at that anymore. You're looking at the next thing. But it felt like such a grudge match, especially because Pokorny's a police officer, isn't he? And you've put a bit of a sort of, a bit of an iconic speech after choking him out. And you could tell there was, like, such a grudge with your last fight because he really

didn't want to tap out no and he was going like he's gone but he's just refused he's got too much pride because of like what had gone between

yous and stuff and the first fight being cancelled I'd give him his due like he's a G for going out because many a man would have tapped

and my feet went out because it made me look a bit better do you get me I got to put a busy sleeve if he would have tapped I reckon everyone would have been like oh lad you should have knocked him out because no made me look a bit better. Do you get me? I got to put a busier sleeve. If he would have tapped, I reckon everyone would have been like,

oh, lad, you should have knocked him out. Because no one wants to see that shit, dude. But the fact that I put him face down, ass up, everyone was like, yeah. Tell everyone who's watching, because obviously a lot of our listeners will be completely unaware of you right now. Tell them why the first time you were meant to fight Poconi

didn't come off. What happened? So people don't know the full backstory. Me and him were actually supposed to fight Poconi didn't come off? What happened? So people don't know, like, the full backstory. Me and him were actually supposed to fight three times. Yeah. They'd done an open-air stadium in Prague. It was, like, Bill was their biggest event of the year at the time.

I was originally booked to fight him then. Is that where he's from? Yeah. He's, like, he's their Michael Bisbon. He's, like, a veteran of the sport over there,'s like, he's there, Michael Bisbon. He's like a veteran of the sport over there, a pioneer, one of the first to do it.

He was a policeman or he's still a policeman? I think he's still an active police officer, but I don't think he's full time. I think, imagine being famous

and he's like Steven Seagal, lad, you know what I mean? He's in and out and that. He's Steven Seagal of Czech Republic, the Prague police and community. Oh, I like Czech Seagal of Czech Republic the Prague

police and community but yeah I was supposed to fight him and he ended up swerving it after talking

shit about me online so I thought yeah we're on and then Jan Malik stepped in and I ended up

fighting him instead I submitted him and then that's when I got on the mic and was like Bocconi

shut the fuck up or take the fight and then me and him were just going back and forth was like, Baconi, shut the fuck up or take the fight. And then me and him were just going back and forth. And it went a bit personal. He started slagging me mad and that, me family. Obviously, people don't see this because it's in the DMs,

you know what I mean? So once that line was crossed, I was like, yeah, fuck you then, lad. Obviously, I didn't like him because he was a police officer, but it wouldn't have been no personal shit once he started saying family and that. So I'm fucking on to the promotion every day like look get me in get me in get me in they come to manchester and doneo arena that's when paul smith fought and he put me versus piccone on the was that supposed to be on that card yeah lad yeah yeah and for those who don't know at the weigh-in i got a bit overzealous and I kicked him. Why did you kick him? Lad, it was, do you know what it was, lad?

It was just so much. Was it your like to face off? Yeah. There was so much building up to it. And right before we faced off, I said to the owner, Pavel, he's not, there's two owners. One's a big, massive lump and one's a bit of a smaller guy. The smaller guy was in the middle.

And I said to him, to him like look if he touches me i'm gonna bang him so just don't let him touch me and we've come face to face and he's put his head on mine so i've pushed him and he's come again and put his head on mine and i've pushed him and i've been like lad don't come near me i'm not scared of you and as he's gone like he went like to like pour his hand my reaction was just and it was the clean left kick right on his liver. He said he broke his ribs and pulled out the fight because he's got injured by me. He still gets paid.

So he got paid his show money and never had to get beat up. So he's thinking, yeah, I've had my money. I'm not fucking getting done in here in his back garden. Took his money. I never got paid. I'm fuming. And this is the side that

people don't see like i could afford someone else that night i was offered to their opponents and i'm saying i don't care who it is i'll fight but this is how they got me lad he was like the only thing is you have to give i think it was like 60 percent of me pays to charity to say like sorry but he got to pick the charity and then i'm like hold on a minute lad do you think i'm dumb do you think i'm giving my money to the police because he's gonna pick a police charity and then it comes out in the media shem give 20 grand to the police so i said nah lad so the fight got cancelled i didn't fight anyone um and then obviously everyone's speaking about it because i've kicked this cunt out the way

and it's got millions of views on all the socials. So it just made the build up even bigger for the next one. My contract actually ran out after that fight. So I was like negotiating with them for a good few months. I changed management. So that made it even harder to negotiate. And then eventually we got the deal done. Where did the fight happen?

In Eden, in Prague. Oh, wow. So you've done it in his back garden? I went in his back garden, lad. It was a big 30,000 seat stadium. Every single person in there booing me, lad. It was the best feeling in the world. But do you know what surprised me?

Do you buzz off that? So this is what I was about to touch on then. Before I fought him, I got to fight in Birmingham against a Londoner, and I felt more pressure fighting in Birmingham with my family there watching than I did away with the whole world hating me, I felt like when I was away,

it was like I don't know none of these cunts, I don't care that they hate me or what, and the fact that they are booing me gave me that little fire in the belly of watch I'm going gonna silence all yous and it was mad because when I put him to sleep

if you were at the furthest end of the stadium you could have went yo and I could hear you that's how silent it was that's why I was like what now eh why aren't you

making noise now and I've walked out the cage and they're all like so when you beat someone you hate I always wonder I don't hate them

I don't hate them okay then so like the build-up you said they got personal yeah does that just wash away instantly joan you've put on a cape and you're like it's done i've won is that washed away do you respect them properly again or are you still like it's it's weird because i feel like it washes away as soon as i step in there oh really when i step in there it can be anyone i just see a body i just see a style and even like people ask me because before the fight i touch gloves with them and he was saying he was saying no touch gloves and i'm going do you want to touch gloves and in my mind i touch gloves if i think it's going to benefit me for me that's a range finder as soon

as the fight starts i can control the distance straight away so for me i took all the feelings out of it as soon as i'm in there i don't care if you don't like me i don't care if i hate you like it's business now i've got to show up and perform as a martial artist i feel if i went in there and fought with emotion you get tired you don't follow the game plan so i just took all that out of it and then obviously the fashion that i finished them in lad he didn't land a single strike it's not not a rivalry anymore, lad. If it would have been a bit closer and then I finished them, maybe we would have carried it on a bit more

and we would have maybe later down the line looked at the rematch or... Lad, you got whitewashed, bro, so it's... When did you do the line? When did the line come out that even I know about? Like... Lad, that was straight after the fight. He put me on the mic.

Can't do that jaw in a fight, can he? It's on his back. It's the right to the main side. Hey, on the mic. Can't do that jaw in a fight, can he? It's on his back. Right to the main side. Hey, shut up. I don't know. Maybe he just whispered it in his ear. That's fucking Wilson, isn't it? Do you know why I didn't speak to him?

He doesn't speak English. So every time we had to speak after the fight, because he'd come over and shook my hand, we had a translator there, so speaking to him in the fight wouldn't have done nothing. But it was funny because me MMA coach is there Ellis

and me and Ellis are like speaking and he's like see silent what now it's silent and when he said silent it just hit me

you have the right to remain silent so then I got on the mic and was like you have the right to remain silent obviously because he was a police officer

35,000 Czech people being like I don't know what to say when we walked out the cage we had a mass brawl as well lad in the crowd there's only an MMA fighter by the way who says that with a smile on their face

imagine if I'd just done a game like lad do you know when they go on stage it's the Apollo fucking mass brawl lad I was loving it to be fair but lad I was fuming because in the mass brawl you'd have your bucket with all your you know your ice bag, your two bottles of water

your towel, I've took my gloves off in the cage and I put my gloves in the bucket and during the mass brawl the gloves have gone flying and some fans obviously thought yeah pair of gloves made up, lad the company's charged me 100 euro for them and said I robbed them and I'm like

I haven't robbed no fucking gloves I'm not a scrub but anyway you do not get to keep your gloves you do not get to keep your gloves

go on the website now they'll be selling the gloves for a grand lad really yeah yeah of course they take your t-shirt off you sometimes if it's covered in blood

fucking have that written into your next contract you know I want me fucking gloves they're mine they're yours it is what it is because I'm mad at me it is what it is with him blood fucking have that written into your next contract you know I want me fucking gloves they're mine they're yours

it is what it is it is what it is so you've got two fights left in your contract but you don't know who it's fighting it's not set you know you've got

a fight two fights under this contract but what you've got coming up in October you're trying to who do you want you're trying to get on the Frankfurt card aren't you

yeah 12th of October it'll be the biggest event in European MMA history it's a 60,000 seat stadium even like the UFC are doing 20,000 seat stadiums

this is this is Frankfurt yeah Frankfurt is that the the stadium that the the NFL

where the Euros was was that stadium where the Euros was do you want to give us a name I'll give you the 100 names. Give us one name. I've asked for Conrad Driska because he's ranked number one

and I'm ranked number four and that was before the Bocconi fight so I'm assuming my ranking will now go up. There's a few other guys but they're all in this million euro tournament. They've done this tournament for a million euros so some of the other names that I wanted in the tournament so they're they're booked to fight other people um there's some other fella who i don't know if you've watched my instagram posts he looks a bit like cj or san

andreas me and him have been having back and forth i've called them all fucking conrad there's some other cunts i can't even remember the names they've all got mad names like to be honest here's a question for you, because obviously you mentioned being 30 now. So that is prime for an MMA fighter, isn't it? And you have got sort of one eye on a payday. I'm not saying you're just doing it for that, but like you say, you're a prize fighter.

And you know that, I've always been sort of fascinated by this with everyone who fights. You know full well that the longer you're unbeaten and the longer you're going on and beating people, the more likely it is that you're going to get big fights and get to be put on maybe a big check and get what you've earned.

Does it ever enter your head, oh, I'm not fighting him just yet because that could be close and I might get more money to fight him later down the line? Sometimes, like, there's a guy in the promotion, he's probably the biggest name they've got besides myself. His name's Keita. He's a black guy from Belgium.

He's been touted to go to the UFC before, apparently turned it down to stay with these. He must be getting a good paycheck and that. I was offered to fight him before on short notice when I was making my debut, but it was on two weeks notice and I would have had to go down a weight class. And the fighter

in me wanted to do it, but the coaches, my management, everyone's like first of all, you won't make weight in two weeks because I walk around at about 84 kilos and I had to make 65 kilos in two weeks so it's a big jump and then the second thing was let's make some noise down the line on your second contract fight them then you'll get more money but i'm a fighter first and it takes your manager being like yeah let us make this decision for you because you're doing it with heart

and we need to make this with head. Yeah. Like I'll fight him in my back garden. I'll go and fight him in the car park. But my manager obviously wouldn't want that and then he wants us to get paid, so. Have you ever fought on short notice? Yeah.

How much difference does it make? Like training for a certain person, then it changes. When I made my debut, do you know Jazza Dickens? Yeah, of course, yeah. He's a listener to this. I dislocated my ribs two weeks out,

training with, three weeks out, training with Jazza Dickens. You don't know Jazza Dickens? No, I love him. Jazza's a listener. I'm a big dicko. Okay, well,

just for our listeners who don't know Jazza, just describe him. What's he look like? Just describe, like- He's got race. What race is he? Race... What race is he?

Race? What race is he? The fastest. He's got very kind eyes. But honestly... What's his sport? What's his sport? He's a mixed martial artist.

Now, but he used to be... He used to be a rower. He was at Cambridge and he did the boat race. He did the boat race. Oh, he's a boxer. He works at a factory boxing things. He's a scouts boxer. Oh, you mean that Jazzy Dickens?

Jazza. Jazza Dickens. Jazza Dickens. I'll be honest. He nearly had a charity fight against Tony Carroll. Oh, fuck. Do you remember that? No, it wasn't that.

He threw? Oh, no, that wasn't him. I'm sure it was. No, I was going to do my head. I knew that was, but it wasn't him. No, I'm getting confused. That was Muhammad Ali. A lot of people can get them confused as well,

Jazza Dickens and Muhammad Ali. Name another Scouse boxer. Anthony Fowler. No. I was going to do my head. I didn't try and do me I think it'll come to you David Price no it wasn't no

imagine him fighting Beefy I'm sure it was Jasper Dickens I don't know it wasn't Nick Bould I don't know it was about 10 years ago anyway back to Jasper Dickens

yeah so you were saying short notice I've been booked to fight this Czech guy on my debut he was a boxer his name's Jakub Banich. If you're watching, you're a pussy.

Yeah, Jakub. What? Don't ever go to Czech because you'll find it. He pulled out and give no reason why. Still to this day, we don't know why he pulled out. I've brought Jazza into the gym. He come to the gym to film a video for his youtube channel like training mma and we were just having a mess about at the end and i took him down and i dislocated two of my ribs and i was bed bound for like close to two

weeks everyone told me to pull out the fight i should have pulled out the fight um he changed obviously my opponent to some brazilian guy on two weeks notice so I was training for a boxer and then now I'm fighting this third degree Jiu Jitsu black belt so now the game plan's gone from take this guy down and choke him out to don't get taken down and knock him out in the space of a two week period while I'm in bed with dislocated

ribs and not training so looking at it I probably shouldn't have took the fight but in my head I'm a fighter first I'm thinking no this is my debut I don't want to let everyone down pull out the fight, I feel like I'd look stupid in that, when really you wouldn't but as a fighter when you're in the

zone you're just thinking no I've got to fight went to that fight with him he dropped me in the first round in the very first exchange, he put me in a submission, nearly put me to sleep, and then I escaped. And then after that, I just wrestle-fucked him for the whole...

Wrestle-fucked him? Not with sex. For sex! So for those who don't know what wrestle-fucking someone is, it's basically just taking them down, not letting them up, smothering them. Spawing them off. Like Khabib,, just punching them up.

I've done that for the rest of the three rounds. And when it went to the judges, they scored a draw, lad, which is mad because I definitely, definitely won the last two rounds, like clearly. But ever since then, now I'm making sure I take the fights on my terms. I mean, getting a draw, I know you've won.

I know you're saying you've won, but even getting a draw on two weeks' notice with dislocated ribs and not being able to train, it's not a bad result, is it? It half done me, I think, because after that, I'd come in with a bit of hype. All the fans in the comments are like, ah, these shit.

But it was half a blessing as well, because then after that, everyone wanted to fight me. And then I went, obviously, now on my little tear, where I've had three first-round re-nicker chokes, and now all of then after that, everyone wanted to fight me. And then I went, obviously now on me, on me little tear, where I've had three first round re-nicker chokes. And now all of a sudden, no one wants to fight me. Can I ask what you prefer? Do you prefer standing up and,

and throwing, or do you, do you like doing the jujitsu and getting in? Like, cause you just said the two different styles. Yeah. What's your preference or what's your strength? Just for the people who don't know,

cause you, you lot know, but for all the noobs. So in my mind, if I hit you hard and you get knocked out, you never had a choice. Your body switched off for you. If I take your back and I choke you and you tap, you quit in there, lad. You look for the way out.

Can I just say, sir, I will quit on the way out can I just say sir I will quit on the way in to the octagon just for the audio lessons I got eye contact there and I felt threatened that was so

sinister yeah I wanna break people lad I wanna I want afterwards for them to when they wanna be like oh yeah but I would've done this or I could

no you quit you didn't wanna be in there when you tapped and that's why I rate P but I would have done this or I couldn't. No, you quit. You didn't want to be in there when you tapped. And that's why I rate Poconi for going to sleep because he didn't quit. He fucking, he tried to fight

till the very end. But you know, when you make them tap, lad, you can't say nothing to me. You can't say no shit to me, lad. You fucking give up, lad. And that's why I enjoy making people give,

you feel like a bitch if you give up, don't you, lad? You get knocked out, I got caught. Everyone gets caught on the day. Yeah, you didn't make the conscious decision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And not only that, it is the flip side to it.

Not only that, after the fight. Dan get punched in the face and tap out. Whoa, I'm not- I think he's having a seizure. No, he's tapping out. He's not even started. That's basically what Barry Dodds did you know

comedians boxing so like years ago there was a big charity comedians boxing event up in like Blythe just north of Newcastle

yeah and Barry Dodds got punched fell over and just went I'm out I've done it

while wearing a metallic pink leotard yeah yeah he was out erm yeah what I was going to say then you see the flip side

there's no one can follow a pink leotard there by the way that was that I was just thinking about it go on sorry mate Danny Matthews look at that

that's who it was hey that was doing your ending really DM I was going to say then the flip side to it is after the fight's done you don't you're also like you see the guy afterwards backstage he's with his family yous have shook hands you take humanized together like yeah now you don't see him as an enemy anymore i don't want to see him fucking

going on with a broken face and you submit someone lad they can go and fight two weeks later if they want to lad so even though like at the time

I want to kill you afterwards I'm like oh I'm glad I didn't kill him it's a bit mad isn't it it is a bit mad oh yeah they always think that

I'm like that with him at like five a side foot if he's on the opposite side to me at five a side foot I want to take his kneecaps off to stop him scoring and in a second

we're done it's like someone didn't get a chip he'll have on the way home yeah so you're a good talker though aren't you you're not such a big part

of it now lad you know what everyone says this but I'm just fucking being myself yeah but that's we're scouts we're good talkers anyway

look at Paddy look at Molly over there they say I'm elegant and they say I'm elegant and they say I'm rude and that and then when

I hear like people speak about me they're like yeah he's one of us he's just like your

next door neighbour he's the average guy over there our next door neighbour's an MMA fighter

there you go see just always shadowboxing in the garden you know what I mean terrifying really

but he is just like him that's why people say it you know what I mean? Terrifying, really. It sounds it. But he is just like him. That's why people say it. You know what I mean? I'm also interested in your name. Because it's a hard name, innit? So, my name's Shem. Which is short for...

Schmeichel. He's named after Peter Schmeichel. Yeah, Peter Schmeichel. He's my real dad, actually. I'm not getting away with that one. Where's the black come from, then? My real name is actually Shaquem. Okay.

But from a kid, everyone just called me little Shemi. And then as you get to a certain age, you go Shemi. It's a bit of a kid's name, and it just got shortened to Shem. And my real last name is Roch. Which is a good name for the fight it is in it lad yeah so people think shem rock for some reason they think that it's a stage name i thought that yeah when when i first like followed you i was like that i mean he's picked a belter but that's definitely a stage name yeah and i thought shem would be sure for something but i thought rock you would have just picked but it's not it's me it's sort of the other way around really my dad is

my dad's from Barbados and it's obviously the name Rock's from my dad Rock's actually a slave name so maybe I should change

my name to another non-slave name and do a Cassius Clay Muhammad Ali but it's my name my name now and it's

it's kind of it's your brand yeah it's my brand yeah it's weird because when I see people who don't know me like fans and that

they call me Shemrock like one word that's how I say Shemrock yeah yeah and that's how I know when I hear someone straight away or if I hear someone

say Shaquem or Shemi I'm like they know me who's that they know me yeah we're Shemrock it's like

no just call me Shem my name's Shem it's mad innit people say your full last name when they call you so your dad's from Barbados where's your mom from my dad's half Asian Mi enw i yw Dechem. Mae'n ddiddorol, mae pobl yn dweud eich enw diwethaf pan maen nhw'n eich clywed. Felly mae'ch dad yn Barbaiddos, lle mae'ch ni o? Mae'r dad yn hanner Beisio, hanner Saesneg,

ac mae fy mam yn Sgwotisig-Nigeriaidd. Waw, ble ydyn nhw'n cyfarfod? Mae hynny'n heredigaeth. Roeddent yn cyfarfod yn Toxteth. Roedd yn nabod yma, wedi'i gyflawni yn Barbaiddos, ac wedi dod yn ôl yma. Roedd fy mam wedi'i gyflawni yma. Gŵyl. Maent yn dod at ei gilydd. My dad, he was born here, raised in Barbados, then come back here. And my mum was raised here. Class.

They just come together, yeah. Just been wondering, have you ever fled the country and gone to Asia? Here we go. I was wondering that as well. I have indeed. We've got our researcher, Harry, provides us with some stuff.

We ask every comedian that comes on usually that question. This is the first time it's going to work but apparently that's where you started your journey as a fighter was in Asia yeah so

why were you in Asia lad it's a it's a mad one lad yeah because growing up fucking me my dad half left us

my mum raised three of us by herself single parent council estate didn't have much, fucking dragged up. I was out all the time, up to no good. I actually have older cousins

who have been doing martial arts from a young age, kickboxing and that, and they always used to come by my and pull up, and be like, lad, get in and let's go to this gym, lad, and laying out a fight, and I'd be like, fuck all that, lad. It's for fucking pussies, that rolling around on the floor and that. And then I had no interest in it whatsoever. I'm out up to no good every day doing what I shouldn't be doing.

Eventually, crime obviously caught up with me a little bit and I was wanted for a crime. Funnily enough, a crime that I didn't commit. But this is what i say all the time it's half karma because the amount of crimes that i did commit and the badness that i did do that i didn't get caught for the one that i didn't do fucking bit me in the ass but when i was what was the crime aggravated burglary oh wow yeah my cousin got five years for it and when my cousin got arrested and was on remand the lad who gave evidence i knew

him and he knew me so my cousin's in jail and i'm on the streets so basically he knew what was coming so next minute he's gone back to the station two weeks later give a second statement in to say i was there and now i'm wanted as well and at that time i'm about 18 years of age, I've got no faith in the police, no faith in the system, and I still don't. So I just weren't willing to hand myself in and do jail for a crime that I hadn't committed, so I ran and I went to Asia, of all places, got on the Eurostar from London to France,

flew from France to Bangkok, from Bangkok to Koh Samui. I'd done six months in Koh Samui. That's delicious Koh Samui, by the way. I'll have two of them, please. Two of them Koh Samui's there, please. What did you do when you got to Koh Samui? What did you do?

Just got any work? No, I was half living off savings and that. Yeah, yeah. Little bits and that. My older brother, he lived in... He had all the money from the aggravated burglary. He wasn't involved with it. But the people who were were in prison,

so he had all the money. My older brother, he was living in Malaysia, so I didn't want to come and bring all this heat to him and police to him when he's doing just a normal fucking he had a good job and that you know what i mean so um i went i'll go to kosa movie if i get nicked before then it is what it is if i don't then i'll go and see our kid in in in malaysia i had no intention of lasting more than three weeks i thought yeah when i'm on the eurourostar, I'm like, when it stops at the border, these are going to get me.

I got to France. I'm like, what? Okay, when I get on the plane to Thailand, I'll get caught there. And before I know it, I'm in Thailand, and I'm going, what? And then every day I'm thinking, oh, these are going to come for me soon.

These are going to come for me soon. And they never did. Are you just constantly looking over your shoulder there? Do you know what it was? I was half come to terms with it. That if they get me, they get me. But I'm going to make their life as hard as possible. I'm going to make them spend as much resources as possible.

Like that was my mentality, you know what I mean? We found him. He's in the fucking Arctic. Yeah, do you get me? At first, when I've gone over there, now I'm in Malaysia and that that it's like I'm on holiday so I'm just living my life I'm enjoying it never really been outside of Liverpool for me Liverpool is the best place in the world and then you you go outside and see other cultures and you're like

I don't know no actually it's all right here as well Liverpool's not the best city in the world like I'm so proud to be from here and I think we've got the best airport in the world because it takes about 30 seconds to get through security. But like once you start travelling you do start having a little walk around going New York's alright isn't it?

Nashville's alright isn't it? I've never been to New York so I don't know about New York but Malaysia was heavy. How long were you out there? I'd done eight years out there and I'd done two years

in Ireland so total on the run I'd done ten years. Wow. i've done two years in ireland so total on the run i've done 10 years wow was there a point where you woke up and forgot almost every other day it's like do you know what it was it was mad at first because like i said i felt like i was on holiday and at some point that wears off and now it's like shit i actually live here now i'm like i need to set up a normal life and where i don't know no one in the country, and I've got no, like, when I'm in Liverpool, my mates are saying, lad, you're getting out.

I've got a car here, we're getting out. And I'd go and do badness. Here, I don't know anyone, so I'm just like, and I've always been athletic. I've always went to gym. I've always liked training. So I just walked down the street and seen a sign that said jiu-jitsu, and I just thought,

do you know what? I love watching the UFC, and I knew when the fights go to the floor that that said jiu-jitsu and i just thought you know what i love watching the ufc and i i knew when the fights go to the floor that that was jiu-jitsu and i always liked when the fights in ufc went to the floor more than when they were standing so i went you know what i'm gonna go in and try this gone in the gym tried jiu-jitsu got choked out by little asian men by teenage boys by women women. Was that at the gym or was that something else? Oh, no, that was in my own time. In the gym. And then I just knew from that instance,

like, I don't know what the fuck that was, but I need to be able to do that to other people and I need to make sure that that can never happen to me again. Because the only way you can describe it, it's like being raped and not being able to stop it. If they wanted to, they could have fucked me, and I couldn't have done nothing about it, and the guy's only 40 kilos, and I'm fucking 80 kilos.

So when you're ready to go home, like, nah, that wasn't real, I'm going to go back tomorrow, and then it happens again the next day, and then it happens again the next day. So are you literally getting subbed in by people like half your size and weight? Yeah, and I promise you... Because they've been doing it years, they just know it.

I promise you now, if you come to NextGen, I would partner you with a 12-year-old half your size, and he Yeah. And I promise you. Because they've been doing it years. They just know it. I promise you now if you come to Next Gen I would partner you with a 12 year old half your size and he'd choke you out. Yeah. Every single woman in any MMA

would batter all of us in one minute. And at first you'd be like no he wouldn't. No he wouldn't. And then after you get tapped out 10 times

you'd be like yeah I think maybe I might try and learn this. And that's what it was for me. It was like a reality check because in my mind I'm like I've had a few fights and that fuck I'll just go down there and punch them up and that

and no didn't even come close and then i just started training every day before you know it my coach just come up to me and he's like you're competing next weekend and i'm like no i'm not and he's like you're that and my coach is the type of guy you don't really argue with. He's really militant. Everything's regime. You tuck your gear in, you tie your belts, fix your posture, bow, bow off the mat, ask for permission if you want to go to the toilet. So I didn't want to argue with him. Like, all right, I'm competing.

Done my first competition. And the whole time he just had me drilling the same armbar for the whole six weeks leading up to it or whatever. Two weeks he told me we're going. I've gone there and I just submitted everyone with the exact same arm bar. And then from that point on, I was like, hey, I'm going to be... How old are you at this stage? I started training. I think it was just on my 22nd birthday.

So I'm about 22, yeah. Wow. Yeah. And I just, from that point, I knew, like, I didn't want to do MMA at that point. Dwi'n meddwl ei bod yn fy 22nd ddiwrnod, felly dwi'n tua 22. Waw. O'r prynhawn hwn, dwi'n gwybod... Dwi ddim eisiau gwneud MMA ar y prynhawn hwn. Dwi'n gwybod eisiau gwneud jiu-jitsu. Rwy'n eisiau bod yn gyfranogwr bywyd jiu-jitsu. Rwy'n eisiau mynd i'r Ameirin a chwarae'r bywydau. Ond dyna sut i'n ddiddordeb.

Beth oeddwn i am fynd i'r Ameirin? Pam na? O, oherwydd rydych chi ar y rwnd. Yn sicr. Yn sicr. Yn sicr. about going to America and why not though oh yeah because you're on the run yeah of course yeah even he was in deep waiting your last question was like

how quickly did you forget it took you about three minutes there I was in it it was really for me the maddest thing was when I first come to the gym

I'm used to being that scally that when I'm walking down the street the woman holds her handbag and crosses the road because I'm there with my other,

where I've come to this gym and I've stepped on the mat and people are looking at me differently. There's women going, try and take this fucking handbag. Do you know what it is? Because I'm English, they're looking at me like, oh, the Queen, Harry Potter. Oh my gosh, wow. So when I'm saying, yeah, I'm from England,

they're thinking I'm this great guy, bro, and put me on a pedestal a little bit. I was on the mats with saying, yeah, I'm from England, they're thinking I'm this great guy, bro, and put me on a pedestal a little bit. I was on the mats with politicians, doctors, like people that I'd never mixed with before that I thought would assume I'm a scumbag. And at first, I'm like reserved to them. And after a while, they're like taking me out for food. Is your life the gym at this point?

I mean, you haven't got any like naughty friends. Three times a day, seven days a week. And they're all your crew now i'm ringing my mates back home we were out grafting and that and i'm like hey i'm doing this competition next week and they're going shut up your dickhead what are you on about lad you're fucking 22 you've never you've never trained in your life and i'm like nah nah i'm gonna be a world champion at me you know boys and they're like lad turn it in bro and it was mad that like, I loved it that much and I was that delusional and I was getting that good that quick

that I genuinely did believe that I was going to be the best in the world in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Like I said, now I'm on the mats with all these different types of people and mingling with all other MMA fighters as well, people who are fighting in big promotions.

My MMA coach at the time, he fought Ben Askren. So now I'm looking at that at that like what and i'm training with this guy every day before i know it paul what was that jake paul yeah yeah jake paul malaysia you know jake paul yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Not the one that's fighting Tyson. Yeah, that's him, yeah. There you go. Are you joking? Bit of a gloves man. So when did it come down?

When did you get nicked? I don't... Me eight years in Malaysia. After a while, I started doing all these other MMA tournaments. I was on a TV show. I won the TV show. I got signed to one championship.

That's got to be quite funny, being on Malaysian telly while you're on the run from the UK. Lad, it was mad. I'm sending the channel and that to the boys back home, and they're just like, what? This isn't real, is it? I got signed by one championship,

and I was on a TV show for them with, you know, Rich Franklin. He was the UFC champion for Anderson Silva. And he was just telling me... That was a nod like I did. No, I didn't know about that. He was UFC middleweight champion anyway. He was a big shit in America back in the day. He's telling me, like, lad, we're going to

make you the next champion. You're going to be the next big thing in Asia. And I'm thinking, what? My head's fell off on that. I've got back to Malaysia and they've been like yo we've just seen all these articles about you being a burglar and then you're on the run and that released me now my gyms found out that I'm wanted everyone on the mats found out I'm wanted now I'm getting treated a little bit differently not by maybe my circle but what promoter wants to bring a guy who's on the run to headline a card on their show? It makes them look bad a little bit, innit?

So I got to a point where opportunities were starting to come a little bit scarce. I'm also the guy who's submitting everyone in the first round, so all these strikers don't want to fight yet. They want an easier match-up. And I just thought to myself, like, it's come to this point where I can't really see my career progressing unless I come back to Europe, because at least in Europe I'll be able to get opportunities. I'm a European. I've got connections over there.

I know a few men in there. So I thought, where can I go to that is the same as Liverpool? My family can come and see me, but police can't arrest me. So I said, I'm going to Dublin. And in my mind, I was like, I'm gonna go to mcgregor's gym i'll train with mcgregor and i'll be sick went there two days later lockdown fucking all the gyms are short i don't know anyone the accommodation element kicked me out and giving me money back because of the virus and i was just stuck in ireland like wow i've made the

biggest mistake here but i'm glad it happened all that way because Malaysia was on lockdown for much longer except they had military patrol in the streets where you couldn't even go out your house so you came from Asia to Eora just before Covid hit, two days before the lockdown you might as well be in patient zero

I brought it no one's even looked at this but you went to McGregor's gym, didn't you? Yeah, I was in McGregor's gym for a good six to eight months. They found out I was wanted and they kicked me out as well. So it was like everywhere I was going, this stink was just following me, lad, and I couldn't get rid of it.

Did you not want to just face the music at that point? I did, but I also told myself, I'm not going to want myself in until I lose. That was my little stipulation to myself. When you lose your first fight, and that was from the very first amateur fight, if you lose this fight tonight, you'll hand yourself in tomorrow.

And I was just on a tear. That's some motivation to go and win, isn't it? Yeah, definitely it was, lad. And also, you're saying face the music. At that point, I imagine you don't know what the music's going to fucking sound like. You could be going, because you're not just on the charge, it's now

fucking... Abscondering. You don't know what you're facing, so what happened? I got offered to fight for the world title in Belfast. It was a risk because that's the UK in it, so if police found out they'd arrest me.

I thought, fuck it. I've took all these other risks. Let's go for it. I went there and I won me first world title. Thought I was the shit. Posted it on social media like an odd bed. They offered me to come back and defend it. And I thought, I've done it once, I can do it again. That was smart, wasn't it?

That was the first ever fight my mum come to watch me. The first time I'd seen my mum in 10 years. Sneaked into Belfast. It's funny because when I got to the event, they had all police there doing checks. And I was just like, what? Shit, me pants. Ended up jumping out the car.

It was on this big farmland. I ended up hopping across all different farms and coming through the back way covered in mud. Ended up fighting. I took my first ever loss. I lost. My mum watched me lose. And then I stepped out the cage,

literally left, went to get a bottle of water from the shop and got nicked. And went straight to Walton. That is a fucking bad night, that, innit? Yeah. Genuine question. Do you think the sort of the heightened emotions and the pressure of your mum being there for the first time and seeing her for the first time in

that long do you think that contributed to the loss i think there was two things what contributed to it um the whole being on the run thing every time you step in there still in the back here at me mum being there along with that and then the other thing was the guy i thought bob tro rydych chi'n cerdded i mewn, mae'n dal i'r ochr eich chyfrif. Mae fy mab yn yno, yn ymlaen â hynny. Ac y peth arall, y bobl rwy'n meddwl oedd y bobl rwy'n hyfforddi gyda nhw yn SBG. Ac fe wnes i hyfforddi gyda nhw yn y gym newydd rwy'n mynd i oherwydd roedd yn gym straiff ac yn gym weitaid. Roedd yn dod yno hefyd. Ac nid oedd ymddygiad i'w gweld oherwydd rwy'n ei ffurfio. Mae'n ddyn dda iawn, Nathan Kelly, mae'n rhedeg a ffeithio, yn gweithio yn PFL nawr.

Mae'n gwneud yn dda iawn ond fe wnes i gwneud yn ddiogel iawn oherwydd yn y gym fe wnes i ddod i'r gym i wneud yr hyn rwy'n ei eisiau i'w wneud bob dydd ac roeddwn i'n meddwl y byddai'n debyg yn y ffaith roeddwn i'n meddwl ie byddaf yn ei wneud yn y ffaith i'w gwrthdaro ac nid oedd yn mynd fel hyn yn amlwg, a allwch chi ddod ataf i mewn i mewn yno, mae'n rhywbeth o ddiffynu hefyd ond mae'n beth mae'n dda i mi ei fod yn dda i'w gwneud ac mae'n mynd i mewn yno, oherwydd yna oedd ychydig yn rhywbeth yn awr. Ond mae'n beth sydd. Rwy'n hapus amdano, ac rwy'n hapus bod hynny wedi digwydd. Mae wedi cyrraedd i ble rwy'n i nawr, a byddwn i'n dal i fod ar y rwng nawr.

Dydw i ddim wedi cymryd unrhyw fath i fynd i'r gwaith, dydw i ddim wedi cymryd unrhyw fath i fynd i'r gwaith nawr. Rwy'n hoffi bod y syniad yn eich oed, os oeddech chi wedi cael hynny, byddech chi'n dal i fod ar y rwng. Byddai'r polis yn dweud, na, mae wedi cael hynny, oedd e. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod â'i. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod â'i, mae'n rhaid i ni ei ddod â'i. Mae'n rhaid i ni ei ddod â'i, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae'n dweud y gwir, mae' come on lad no no he's won yeah we can't touch him we can't touch him he's got a rule he's not coming to prison unless he's loose he's got the belt

on everyone back off it is quite weird to sort of because like Dan's in no way spiritual at all and I'm a little

bit spiritual but like you'd sort of for a long time been like if I lose I'm handing myself in and you did

lose but you didn't hand yourself in but you did get taken so it's like there was a connection there between a loss and you eventually having to face what you had yourself in but you did get taken so it's like there was a connection there

between a loss and you eventually having to face what you had to maybe I would have lost and I would have told myself a lie and been like no no

if we lose the next one we land ourselves in so I'm glad it happened because I don't know would I have really followed through with it I like to think I would have but maybe I would have

shit my kegs and went nah not going to jail off my own back so what happened when he finally got here? Took you to Walton and how long? They put me on the back of the plane.

I'm all handcuffed up, fucking all with all my normal people. Everyone's staring at me straight to Walton. They denied me bail because they said I'm a flight risk. No shit. You know what, man? I'm just going to say. I thought I was getting bail. I thought I was getting bail.

I'm like that to my solicitor. What are the chances like? And my solicitor's like, leave it with me, bro. And I'm like, give me a percentage though, bro. Like 50-50, 80-20. And he's just like, I'll do my best. Lado stood in front of the judge and I'm like, what do you mean, flight risk?

What? With a 10 kilogram bag behind you. Passport in your top pocket. Come on. Yeah, I've gone straight to Walton. I'm on remand. It's lockdown, so we're stuck in our cells for 23 hours and 30 minutes a day.

You get out for half an hour. In that half an hour, you've got to do your kiosk to order your food for the week. If you want to go in the yard and train, you've got to get that in then. It was just the shittest time of my life. But the one thing that I did keep, which is what I think kept me sane, was discipline. I made sure that I didn't watch TV tv which me pad may fucking hated me for we could only listen to the radio i'd let him listen to classic fm and that was it um and that's every single day i'd have my routine wake up shadow box lift me weights because i'd

made my own weights lift me weights another round of shadow boxing after i'd done two rounds of shadow boxing then i could eat my first meal. You know, like, kind of structured me day out. Rules for yourself. Before you know it, lad, you're just sitting on your bed every day, just smoking weed on an iPhone, thinking, oh, this is shit, this jail. And now the screws are coming in your cell all the time

because you've got phones and weed. And then it just weren't worth it to live like that for me, lad. In my head the whole time, all I was thinking about. And it's obviously, now my path's a little bit different because I'm with Octagon, but the whole time I swear on my mum's life, I'm just thinking about, I'm going to be in the UFC. I'm going to be in the UFC.

When I get out of here, I'm going straight to this gym, training with Paddy, training with Molly and them, and I'm going to be in the UFC. And I'm on the wing with people, and the worst shit talkers you've ever met in your life are sitting in jail. a byddaf yn y UFC. Rwy'n ar y llaw gyda phobl. Yr unig fwyaf siwt-talker y byddech chi wedi'u cyfarfod o'ch bywyd yw'n eistedd yn y gaeaf. Byddai'n eistedd yn y gaeaf yn dweud bod yn llawr, ond rwy'n eistedd i'r gaeaf i roi'r llawr.

Ac rydych chi'n dweud, beth? Felly rwy'n siwt-talker arall, rwy'n mynd i ymrwymi yn y UFC, mi, chi'n gwybod, ffellur. Ac maen nhw'n mynd, siwt-laid, beth ydych chi'n ei olygu, y byddwch yn y UFC? Ac rwy'n dweud, na, rwy'n gwneud y MMI a hynny, a dwi' UFC? And I'm like, nah, I do the MMA and that, don't I? And they're like, yeah, yeah, so does he over there. And you've got some baghead like this in the corner,

shadowboxing, lad. Hey, people used to come up to me and that and be like, yeah, I've done a bit of street fighting and that myself, you know, lad, back in the day and that. And I'd just be like, oh, lad, I'm like you, aren't I, bro? Me and you are the same way, that knobhead, aren't we? That's self-awareness. That goes to see that and someone else will be like,

is that what they all think of me? I used to shadowbox on the yard and I'd hear people coming to the window like, ah, check you, crassy knobhead. And I'd come on the wing like, who was saying that then? And they'd just be like, don't know, bro. Don't know, bro. Wait, me, lad.

You'd be like, you cheeky bastards. And you are training with Paddy and Molly in that now, aren't you? You're down at the next gen? I could. The day I got out of jail got out on a Friday I think it was

let the weekend pass coming on the Monday straight in and it was from there I haven't looked back I remember my first session I was

fucking throwing up everywhere where I'm not in the same fighting shape in sparring and I'm coming out the toilet fucking after throwing

up with a big smile on my face and everyone just must be thinking who the fuck's this weirdo lad why is he why is he throwing up and laughing about it but to me it was like fucking hell this is everything I've been dreaming about I've been away for 10 years watching this scout scene and thinking like man this is my dream to be what they're doing even the guys who were fighting in the Olympia on a regional show I used to be watching

that and go man i'd love to do that and then when i come here and i'm like that's sick you gotta fight in the olympia and people are like the olympia's a shit hole and i'd be like yeah it is for you it's better than what i've been doing yeah yeah this is my dream lad and still to this day i haven't fought in liverpool have you not no not is that a big dream now? That's the biggest dream on my list, that I've got to, not just fight in Liverpool, it's got to be a headline, main event,

I need to be on my own show in Liverpool, the Shem show, sell it out. I would imagine that especially, if that's your big goal, is massive motivation to stay with Octagon, because you're absolutely the forefront of being the main guy

there and you know once you're in the UFC it's a lot more, there's a lot more politics and names involved isn't there the UFC haven't even been here yet and look what Paddy and Molly have done this is what I was about to say so why do you think Paul Smith fought in the AO arena

because the MNS won't do fucking MMA. They'll only do boxing. And I'm hearing through the grapevine that it's because police are putting pressure on them not to do the shows. Because the crowds bring a bit of trouble. But it doesn't, though, because I've been to boxing shows. No, I've been to loads.

I've been to so many events. The boxing shows are well more rowdy, I think, the crowds than the MMA shows. I've been to loads. No, I go to these mma shows almost every other weekend lad there's kids in the crowd people bring the children lad seven eight nine years old so if there was trouble going on people wouldn't be comfortable to bring the kids i just think mma still got that old school stigma of cage fighting yeah brutal bloody he's not them because

he's like yeah i think that no no it's it is, isn't it? It is, though, and it's got a bad rep. Boxing's got that old-fashioned, like, it's the gentleman's sport. MMA's too brutal. You take your wife to boxing, it's, like, glamorous and all, but, like, back then, but MMA's didn't have it.

Oh, I take my wife boxing, yeah. All the time, it's glamorous. It's what she has for date night. Every month. Go to boxing. The kids love it. The kids love it. All right, the kids,

we're going boxing again. Get your glad rags on. Do you think with the growth of MMA and sort of the star power that yourself, Paddy and Molly have all got, that at some point the arena could be skipped and we're talking more like a football ground? This is what I've been saying. I've been saying...

Because if all of you said on it i don't know if anyone watched me fight against lefty but afterwards i got on the mic and i said all of the gyms in liverpool rather than hating each other we all need to come together as one and put our heads together even we've got you know you don't like him and you don't like him let's forget all that for the sake of all of us as one coming together and pushing the sport to mixed martial arts we have got right now in the city of liverpool i believe one of the hotbeds in the world for mixed martial arts our city is better than any other city if you ask me in england the fighters we're producing the fucking the wins everyone's getting the level of training now if we all come together as one and could put our heads together

fucking we've got taylor swift selling out anfield she ain't no scouser lad so why can't level of training now if we all come together as one and could put our heads together fucking we've got Taylor Swift selling out Anfield she ain't no Scouser lad so why can't Scouser sell it out that is a fact by the way why can't Scouser

sell it out lad why can't we go look Darren Till's a free agent Adam could get on it open it yeah you could have a little fucking you and Paul Smith

I'm all good you know lad me back me back like I'm saying it's obviously Paddy and Molly, maybe they're under contract. But everyone else, if all other scousers come in, we can all chip in. I sell tickets, he sells tickets. If we all come together and sold out Anfield, you're telling me it couldn't happen, lad?

Fuck, lad, these knobheads, fucking Jake Paul done it fucking in America why can't we do it yeah but you know what it is it's gonna take one person to do it first for everyone to go oh actually look it is doable

no one wants to take the first risk do they lad correct we're Shem fans now for life so whatever you are we are lad

I will be there lad mate if you fight in Liverpool that's gonna be my first like MMA event for sure let's have a break final part four of the four final part right shem what we do in this section is we put things in room 102 not room 101 room 101 famously a tv show where you could just pick something that pissed you off and disappear it from existence forever.

Okay. But obviously, this is very different. That's what I should have done with that one earlier. That's a Room 101, isn't it? You know when you get on a plane and people are sat like on row 15 and you're in row three, but the person in row 15 has put their fucking bag

above row three thing and then you've got to put yours at the back. It's not that deep. It is. When there's nine years trying to get off a plane Shem some of these are pernickety do you know what I mean

it's not what's pernickety mean just little fucking fiddly whingy people but I think that's where the fun lies Steve Perez says room 102

complicated taps we don't need waterfall taps or any of that shite just give me one big hot and cold tap with water pressure that can take your skin off just traditional taps no he hates i don't get that one but showers in hotels that are dead confusing they do my head in nah do you know what though i don't mind them ones where you just like wave it and you don't

have to touch it yeah no i hate it my kitchen taps got filtered cold hot and boiling ninja karate under it do you know as long as the tap or the shower has got the right amount of water pressure and is easy to control the temperature i want it to be as fancy as possible i like fancy taps i like it to be a little bit of a waterfall one like one of those showers where you walk into the shower room and you're like, where's the water even going to come out of? Yeah. And you turn it on and it's just like, and it's just magic's out of the fucking ceiling.

They're class. Someone's made it. I've seen you on Telentenity for the last week, Claire. Like the whole ceiling was the shower. Like it was so wide. It was such a waste of water and it was class. Fuck the planet. Nice holidays.

My mother-in-law at her house when we go on a stay. My mother-in-law? She's got incredible water pressure. Don't know what they're doing down there. But the fucking shower head is like the spray

of water comes out fucking well thin. It can turn the thing? it's sharp. There is no turn on the thing. Oh. There is, I've stayed there loads. Stings your skin.

It's a fucking nightmare. Horrible. Can't put down your whole head, lad. It's good for washing your arse though. I like a sharp one on me gooch. Do you know if you've got like a multifunctional shower head?

You know, like when you clean your gooch, like the sharpest one. It cleans your gooch. It clears it out like a car, like a jet wash. You know, like when you clean your gooch, like the sharpest one. It cleans your gooch, doesn't it? It clears it out, like a jet wash. Are you going to tell everyone about you when you were high and you had a shower, wank? Oh, what?

You said it now, you've got to bring it up now. It was a few years ago, it was in Amsterdam. I was in, I'd had some truffles and then I was just letting, it was some great water pressure, this shower. I was just letting it hit my dick

and essentially just fucked the shower. Who found you? The shower fucked you. My ex-missus. The assistant ex-missus? Yeah. No wonder she bought a cat. Max says,

got one for room 102. Bucket hats. Just get bad manco vibes from them. stop being pussies and go all out and wear a cowboy hat that's all they are what was his name oh shit mac you've made a fucking enemy i love it you can't look we walk through town and it's like can i get a picture can i get a picture you put a bucket hat on and all of a sudden you're invisible let me get with them going I like cowboy hats mate

and they don't make you invisible they make you fucking invisible mate I like a boonie mate it's a boonie it's like a bucket hat for Australians with the string under it

until someone goes wow he looks like an autistic Adam Rowan do you know this is a true story last year I'd been in London for the day and I had a load of shopping.

I'd been to the shops in Oxford City and I was walking home from Lime Street when I lived in town and I had my three carrier bags on my arm because I was texting with my left and a group of lads walked past me and I heard them as they got about 10 yards past me go, he looked like a gay Adam Rowan.

Hey, that felt it. That felt it. Alex Wilson says, one for room 102, fucking hiccups, pointless bastards, and I'm on hour five of them today from a fucking Diet Coke at lunchtime, ready to ram my head into a wall. You've got something wrong with you, Kip. Yeah, you need to see a Dr head into a wall. Hold your breath. You've got something wrong with you, Kip.

Yeah, you need to see a doctor, Imlad, hour five. Hold your breath. No, but it... Don't the worst is when you hold your breath to get rid of hiccups

and you think, I've held it long enough and then you wake up. You have to try to hiccup. You can't force a hiccup. So if you try and hiccup, it stops. No, no.

When you hold your breath to get rid of it, that awful point where you think it's got to have gone and then it goes yeah I hate it so sneezing

pisses me off because I'm a little allergic fucking knobhead but there is something quite satisfying about like when you've got a little tickle

in your nose and then you sneeze you say it's the temp of an orgasm don't you I heard it was an eighth but that's the then I came 22 times in London.

I have never hit so many sneezes. I hope it's on the special. Let's see if we can make him sneeze eight times in a row. Take me to Alexandra Palace. So much, I think I pulled something in my fucking, like I felt like I pulled a muscle from just sneezing so much. But with hiccups, it's true. You're fucked in India, you know that?

I'm so fucked. They're truly pointless, hiccups., they are, like, aren't they? I say that's the only one so far that should go in the room. Oh, really? That's got your vote? I'd share my vote as hiccups can lag. Luke says, room 102, tit wanks. What?

They're unbelievable. Is this a straight man? Look, look, it's not gay Luke. Luke, I'm telling you, this is either a man who is dating a woman with tiny tits or he's got a cock that can't, it's too small. Yeah, he's got a small one, hasn't he? Yeah, think about it.

Tits. Yeah, but think about it, if your cock was that big. You can't get in there. Have you ever had the tit wank? There's a go, isn't there? Genuine question. So you get them in? So she like squishes them together.

He's speaking like he's never had one. With an older lady. I had an older lady. She could wrap around. That worked well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tit wank. I've had a tit wank.

I've had a tit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have a tit wank? Or they give you one? I booked in a tit wank. Yeah, yeah. There was an online book. I think he's got a tiny little willy. I give you one, don't you? I booked in a tit wank. Yeah, there was an online book. What, my side guy was this lad?

I think he's got a tiny little willy. Yeah, definitely. I'll have to say... Oh, here we go. I'll have to say this. If you offered me any form of orgasm given to me by a lady, I think it might be down there, you know? From the pum-pum, the bum-bum, the mouth,

and even the hand. It's above arsehole. Yeah, I'm not going near the... Tit wank above arsehole? I'm not going near the exe. Nah, that's a bit... Really? Nah.

Why don't you like a woman? Might as well be with a man. Ooh, it's not wrong there, you know. I think men's arseholes and women's arseholes are very different, though. I've never been in either, so I wouldn't know.

You've never done any bumming? No, it's not for me, that lad. Really? Nah. I go everywhere else, do all the other roles, but I'm not going near You've never done any bumming? No, it's not for me, that lad. Really? I go everywhere else. I do all the other roles, but I'm not going near that one. That's how I feel about Tick Wanks. Might as well just be a fat dude. Steve says...

He's got me there. Buskers. This is the final one for Room 102. Buskers, get them fucking gone. They all sing the same shite songs on the street when you're just trying to have a shop. He's a Torium. They add sound to the city.

Not even that, lad. He's fucking could be a homeless fella, lad. What do you want him to do? Rob people? Yeah, that's awful, lad. I think there's a middle ground, you know? Put down that flute. I love buskers.

My dad hates them, though. Really? Like, once a year, Christmas time, I go shopping with my dad. He does his Christmas shopping, buys the same seven people gifts you know sometimes

someone's died and you just get six right but my dad hates buskers right so I was like fuck

do you know what I will have I can't even hear myself think with him do you know what I will have not buskers the ones with the headsets on who are reading the bible and that

get rid of him they do my idea yeah bail him the bible bashes I'd say I've got nothing wrong with your religion and you want to

yeah shut up about it just stop ramming it down don't push it on me but the whole point of Catholicism and Christianity is to spread the word of Christ isn't it

so like that is part of his religion is to push it on you yeah but can I just say the worst are the Jehovah's they're always at central there's like

usually two of them they're all always wearing like really smart clothes they've got a little Jehovah's, they're always at Central. There's like, usually two of them, they're all always wearing like really smart clothes. They've got a little Jehovah's book stand and then they just never speak to anyone. What's wrong with that?

No, because in their head, they're like, we are spreading the word of Jesus. You're like, no, you just look like two Tories that have come to Liverpool Central

to ignore everyone. But they're not bothering anyone? But like, irritating. They're still there next to a book stand? No, but they kept them gone. No, I didn't to a book stand. Oh, they're gone.

No, I didn't. But then in their head, they're like, we went out, didn't we spread the word of Jesus? You're like, no,

you didn't. You just stood watching people ignore you. It's irritating. I love the preachers, to be honest with you. The preacher buskers. Do you know what I just think is dead funny about it?

There's no script, is there? Like, they're not reading from the Bible. They're just improvising constantly. Like, they've got to keep talking three hours of new stuff yeah but you know if you just stop for like two minutes

and actually listen to them some of the shite they come out with jesus loves you he does he wants you to have that bag you go in there and get that mark jacob's bag love jesus wants you to have it but make sure the poor people are getting like they just talk so much shite and i've got such a respect for them, because they are just doing new stuff. When it comes to buskers, and the god botherers, I don't want you to be fine, I don't want you to be okay,

be outstanding, or be a full blown fucking lunatic. No, yeah, I like these ones who are doing, and getting the fucking demons out of them, and that. Bro, if I open my TikTok now,

and scroll 10 times, you'll see two of them. Defo. Are you into that? Oh, it's been touched by the... I love it when they do the dance. It's been touched! They're just Derren Brown, aren't they?

Yeah, they are. They're all just Derren Brown. Yeah, they are. They're all just Derren Brown. He's honest with it, though, isn't he? Yeah. They're scamming. Or I've always thought that Derren Brown

might actually be the only real one, and he wants us to think he's... Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. He's Jesus. Is that what we're saying? He's Jesus. He could make you do things you don't want to in 10 minutes.

See, I don't think he could to me. But then... But he can't make Netflix give him a special. Is it about 40? Has he? Yeah, Netflix. Has Darren Brown done Netflix specials oh is he on channel 4

is he on channel 4 yeah okay Jesus yeah alright sorry bloody hell we're gonna do have words

Shem we can hear music you can't don't worry about it I can't do this this has been a fucking belter by the way mate but here we have

people just bitching about people in their lives, basically. This is why we started the podcast. And then it's everything else. Have a word. Lydia says, have a word with my boyfriend, Rob, who listens. Basically, Rob loves Love Island and watches it every night. I can't stand it. I think it's embarrassing that he watches it.

But now he's taken to kicking me out of the room when it's on so I don't talk to him, despite it being embarrassingly trash telly. Have a word with him. It's giving me the ick. Tell you right now. No, do you know what, love? Cheat on him.

Sorted. Stay with him. Sorted. No, yeah, cheat on him and let him know. Sorted. Do you know what? He doesn't deserve you. Done.

It's a weird tube thing. Yeah, do you know what? Hey, get on me. Have you not got a weird tube thing have you not have you not got a guilty pleasure of a TV show I don't watch TV you don't watch TV you're just watching Joel Osteen fucking get the demons out of people on TikTok

do you not watch telly at all don't own a TV don't enjoy watching it I feel like if I watch it it makes me stupid I just like watching fights that's it TikTok makes you smart, famously. Do you know what- Maybe if you didn't shine then it will, not at all. I love the fact that in your prison cell,

there was a dude who's come out, who's only listened to classic FM for, that's how hard you are that someone came out going, yeah, actually lad, fucking Tchaikovsky's not bad. He used to be like, lad, put his standards on, because everyone's shouting out the window, oh my God, Phil Mitchell's on the pipe, lad.

And he's like, lad, we're missing it, put it on. And I'd be like, nah, it's not going on. Lad, I'm sitting on my bed and next minute he'd just go, fuck off and crack me. And then we'd just have a full on scrap

for 20 minutes. And then we'd sit there, he'd build a joint and he'd go, yeah, it was sick that way, innit? And that'd happen like every day and I'd just fill him and he'd go, yeah, it was sick that way, innit? And that had happened like every day and I'd just fill him in every day. But like, I wouldn't punch him,

I'd just twist him up and that when he'd try and punch me because he'd be like, yeah, well, you can take it, you're a fighter and that. So if he'd have beat you, would you have put his sandals on? I would have had to, wouldn't I? I would have woke up and it was just on. Like, fair play, you got me there, like.

Richard Long says hi lads have a word for you by the way sorry I wasn't done with that last one sorry I think everyone is entitled

to have their guilty pleasure of a TV show don't think your opinion counts on this because you don't watch telly right here's the thing

you know he likes watching it and you are choosing to talk to him while he's watching it that is on you you're the problem wait how often is Love Island on is it every day No, he likes watching it. And you are choosing to talk to him while he's watching it. That is on you. You're the problem.

Wait, how often is Love Island on? Is it every day? Every night. It's every night for like a month, though. Come on. It's every night for a month. Unless he's watching it over and over. He's got 11 months of the year. And then he's watching season one back.

Oh, there's a winter one? No. There's two? Cool, two months. Tell him he can only have one of them. But while the summer one's on the OG the main one leave him alone

I reckon he wants her out the room so we can have a little maybe he isn't watching it she's belting it maybe he isn't watching it maybe he's just throwing a little bluey on

it's inbred sort of inverse sexism but she's going it's not attractive is it a bloke who wants to watch

Love Island when I don't give a shit like that's you're supposed to watch it with air and act like you don't enjoy it, but really be like, go on. That's a man, do you get me? Why are you watching this?

Switch this off, baby. Wait, there we are, better on. Richard Long says, Eyelids, my missus has a gay best... You what? Dick Long. Yeah, he's got you there, hasn't he? Dick Long. Oh, no, whatever name they write, I i'll fucking read i'm not trying to decipher this shit lad i'm

typing in next week all racist ones and i'll read them that's the scary thing dick long says my missus has a gay best mate who's a nice bloke and i get on fine with him but the other day they both went into the same toilet cubicle cubicle together as they both needed a piss i thought it was a bit weird so asked her what they were doing she said what do you mean he's gay he's not attracted to women and we were just having a slash now i've been with her for over two years and no she'd never do anything and he's dead gay so he wouldn't do anything so it's not even a question of loyalty for me but this is uh this play but is this play on or am I right finding it a bit weird?

She thinks it's completely normal to get her flaps out in front of a gay mate and he's fine getting his dick out in front of her. Well, they're not pissing in the toilet at the same time, are they? So it's not that bad.

Would you be all right with it? You're a liar. Yeah, I'm not into that. It is a weird one, isn't it? My girl's not doing that. It it is a weird one isn't it my girl's not doing that it's not a weird one it's just fucking not happening what

it's not happening what do you think he's going deep undercover just to bum your missus in the toilet I think that is more plausible than anything else yes how many years in is he hang on that's more plausible that's more plausible

than there's just a gay guy who doesn't care and he just needs a slash no I'm not saying that look I'm sure he's gay that's on the. That's more plausible than there's just a gay guy who doesn't care and he just needs a slash. No, I'm not saying that. Look, I'm sure he's gay. That's on the cards. I'm sure he's a cockman, okay? All I'm saying is no man is getting his knob out

in a one square foot cubicle with my missus. No man's getting his knob out. And I think that's fair enough. I think it's more of an issue of him getting his dick out than her getting her bits out. He's got his dick out. No, keep your pussy in your pants and fucking kick John out of the cubicle.

My thing is, why is he only having a problem with it if we've got a problem with it the way he's typed it? If we say it's sound, then it's sound. I think he does have a problem with it. Don't get your knob out within the same three yards. So you're saying you're alright with it?

Oh, the gays piss with it. It's fine. It's all right. They're not arsed. What? Yeah, the gays can do whatever they want. She's got to be fucking horny that she's like, oh my God, I've seen a dick, any dick.

I'm going to just fucking nosh him off. We're against his will. Would you let Laura go for a piss in the same cubicle as Josh Jones? She's never met Josh Jones. It would be so mental. Besides Steph This dead gay guy going, right, I'm taking your wife for a piss. Elton John

Elton John? Oh, she loves Elton John, they're close. No, people would pay to do that though, wouldn't they? Elton John's massive, I'd send my baby with Elton John, no problem Take a little picture as well, innit? Elton John's got kids, that means he's fucked women before and he got it up. No, it does Yeah, what about this then

though what about if the genders were reversed sorry genders one sir biology 101 elton john has got kids so that means he has fucked women before no no no it doesn't no it doesn't no it doesn't are these kids biologically do you think a surrogate came in and went listen elton i'll put a mask on i'll like and just bang away. He was married though, wasn't he? He's got young kids, hasn't he? No, he's got straight kids, hasn't he? Yeah. Straight kids?

Hold on a minute. When he was married to a woman, did he not have kids? Yeah, when he was straight he had kids. He's had kids since he was gay. But what he's saying is he was able to have sex with a He's had kids since he was gay. Right. With David. But what he's saying is, he was able to have sex with a woman, so he's got it in him.

Right. Yeah. He didn't have any kids with his wife. Oh, so you're absolutely talking shite. They've taken the jizz and flipped it up there. Flipped it up who? The surrogate. Flipped it up.

No, he's talking about his ex-wife who he was married to when he was straight. He didn't have any kids. He's fucked a woman, hasn't he? Has he? I don't... It doesn't say if he's fucked a woman. Why are we arguing about Elton John?

My wife's not going for a piss with him. Everyone's saying... I'm telling you right now, Elton John shags women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's after your missus day. So Elton John hasn't got any kids biologically with his ex-wife,

but okay, he came on a tits or whatever. That's not the point, is it? He fucked her. He's still nailed it. He fucked her. There's no way he had a fucking sexless marriage the entire time. He's fucked women. Therefore, he's not going for a piss with my missus in a cubicle.

Right, well, that is a new rule, and I want everyone to respect it from now on. Elton John is not allowed to go for a piss with Adam's made-up missus. All right, everyone? Is everyone happy with that? Sounds. So, but my wife can piss all over him. Is that all right?

Because I'm liberal. One more. You wouldn't allow that. Some of the shit we argue about is so mental. Yeah, I'm gone. And Elton John is a lot. Imagine you walk into the men's. Right.

A man comes out, you don't know, and then Laura comes out, and she goes, oh, he's gay. You'd be out, you don't know, and then Laura comes out and she goes, oh, he's gay. Oh, yeah, I'm punching his head in, bro. I'm not even asking questions. I'm going on a mad one. He's gay. So she's gone in the men's cubicle.

Yeah, because the women just chuck her and he's like, come in with me, babe. That's weird, though, because that's just a randomer. It's not like, oh, that's my best mate for 10 years. He's gay. Fine, he's gay. That's just a randy gay guy, so he could have just said he's gay. Has Laura got any gay friends?

Yeah. Who? Big gay Jeff. So big gay Jeff and Laura go in a cubicle, you're fine with that? He's a big lad. He's not getting in a cubicle with anyone else. Would you allow it? He's got a lot of love. I mean, I wouldn't stop her because I'd be like, I don't like that.

And then she'd respect it and not do it. There you go. That's a good woman, that. So he'd stop it. All right, you, Finn? I think it depends on how long they've been mates. He's just asking us to the shower in there. Can I fuck the shower? They've been mates for like 10 years. You can't be suspicious of your partners.

Just wait 10 seconds. It's not about suspicious. I'm not even thinking she's going to suck this gay guy off. I'm just saying I don't want any knobs that close to me bird's face. Laura's got loads of gay mates. She's got gay mates she's been with for 15 years. Sometimes she meets up with them in hotels and they spend the night. You know, sometimes she goes to Prezzo with them.

No. You know, and sometimes two of them meet up with her and they have a great time. And you're suspicious of that? You're mad. One more. I'm not having cock particles hit in my girl's face. Unless they're mad. One more. I'm not having cock particles in my girl's face. Unless they're mine. Yeah.

If he gets his knob out that close, there's going to be cock particles in here. What if he gets smelly? Oh. Steve Woodcock says, last one. Lads, I need you to have a word with my mate Simon. He's found a new girlfriend, and he has a gay boyfriend who's pissing on it. He's found a new girlfriend and has

been with her all of three weeks, so they're right into all the soppy shite already the main thing though is they've started dressing the same she buys matching trainers and matching jumpers for them to both wear when they're out and he's going along with it i came to pub the other day and he came to pub the other day in baby blue adidas trainers and we ripped the piss out of him have a word lads i think this sounds adorable he's lying in here you're lying in here and you're like fucking hell really you're not wearing matching stuff you know what it is you weren't that guy before no why have you just changed and become that if like if he was always like that cool but then what happens when they split up and now he's like i'm not wearing them anymore but like if you make a job in Tesco and he's wearing a Tesco uniform,

you wouldn't be like, you know what? You ain't wearing that last week, would you? He's getting paid to do that, though. I'll match her. If she's wearing a pink dress or whatever, I'll match her in that way. Oh, my God. The Japanese couple in Amsterdam.

Oh, yeah. Did you see them? I was on shrooms, so my visuals were a bit mental anyway. This kid walked past this japanese lad walked chinese uh walked past just asian asian what what walked past in a like a vintage lead united away kit from about four years ago like adidas this was so funny you didn't see this but right his girlfriend not only had the same color dyed hair as the lead united away kit but was also she'd matched the fucking Leeds United kit.

And because I was on streams, I was like, oh shit. She's matched up with his fucking Leeds United away kit. And Dan went up to this man and went, are you a Leeds United fan? And he went, oh, sorry, I don't know. You knew that was going to happen though, innit? Like, what's Leeds United? They look quality.

That is a mad couple. I see, again, it's the extremes. I don't mind it when people do that. But someone going, oh, have you got baby blue poo? Would you not wear matching pyjamas at Christmas with Laura? I'm not into all that.

I think that's the sign of a sausage. She does that with all the gay mates. Zoom into the men's face on that and they're always like... They're never happy. I'd be like, yeah. No, but they're just doing it. You'd do that with Seneca.

No, she wouldn't want me to. No, but if she wanted you to, you would. Because it's not that big of a sacrifice, is it? I'd do most things she wants. But I know she'd get the ick if I put her pyjamas on. Would you do that? Nah. What if she said, right, you've got a choice.

Either matching pyjamas or fucking up the arse. Putting the pyjamas on, lads. I'm putting the pyjamas on, lads. What's gay, are you? I'm putting the pyjamas on. I'm putting the pyjamas on. She's not taking no pictures, though. I'll put them on, she'll smile, and then I'll take them off then. I'm one of them.

I walk around naked in the gaff, me. I'm not a clothes man, me. Same. And you're allowed, because it's your house. Isn't it, lad? Fact. What about if someone's walking past your house and looks in? Look away, me. Same. And you're allowed because it's your house. Isn't it, lad? Fact. What about if someone's walking past your house and looks in? Look away, mate.

Lad. There you go. Get me. Whose window are you looking in there? Exactly. My house. Yeah. And you live near a school.

You're not going to be on the fucking road. I don't live near a school. Where's Carl? He's in fucking Koh Samui. No, I'm in my house. Don't look in then. It's definitely not. He doesn't even have curtains as well. I haven't. I'm in my house. Don't look in then. He doesn't even have curtains as well. I haven't.

I've got shutters. Thank you. I need me undies, mate. Nah, I like to let it swing me. I need me undies. Even now I'm commando, lad. I just let it loose. Yeah, I think that's the best way.

Yes. Yeah, same here. Let it swing. Length and strength, man. Swing, man. Maybe not length and strength. Yes. Yeah, same here. Let it swing. Length and strength, man. Swing, man. Maybe not length and strength. Yeah, man, bobs. It doesn't swing.

It just bobs. Mine's a swing, I'll add. I bet you it is. Anyway, this has been a fucking pleasure. Shem, where can we follow you? Give us your socials and all that. That's for sure. How fucking have you

nah I'm on the Instagram Shemrock BJJ I'm on the YouTube Shemrock BJJ TikTok Shemrock MMA

that's about it absolute belt thank you for coming in we've got some announcements coming soon yeah probably bleeped that from before

nope just bleep it because from before. Yeah, nope. Just bleep it, because it ruins the announcement thing, doesn't it? So just do your fucking job, yeah? And go on. What shites have you got this week? This. Ooh, you did it as well.

This is from Bailey Dowling. This is his song called Not Turning Back, and it's on SoundCloud. My name's Bailey Dowling, and this is my debut song, Not Turning Back song i love a bit of connolly love you guys cheers take it all leave me when i fail gets like this sometimes Would you risk it all To walk away with something Whenever you're on my mind

Cause I'm not turning back I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you Cause I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you And I used to love you, take a toll on me Take a toll on me It couldn't have been any clearer You know I'm blind, baby And darling, I used to love you Take a toll on me

It couldn't have been any clearer You know I'm blind, baby East rain in a silly situation I'm by the woods of every club and town I guess you are used to the occasion. And that's why I'll smile while you are down. Cause I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you. I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you No, I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you And I used to love you, take a toll on me

It couldn't have been any clearer You know I'm blind, baby And darling, I used to love you Take a toll on me It couldn't have been any clearer You know I'm blind, baby Cause I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you Cause I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you Cause I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you Cause I'm not turning back, I'm not turning back for you