Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #287 with Rob Thomas - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: July 28, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comFinn's Liverpool Gig:  skiddle.com/e/39298815As Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Support our cycle across India for Zoe's Place:https://cycle4zoes.enthuse.com/pf/finnlay-kulavuzGet subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Tickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Brought to you by Manscaped. The very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go, Ed. Get on me. Oh, hello. I had some drinks last night and I feel stupid today. Oh, what? What's different? Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Hello. I had some drinks last night and I feel stupid today. What's different? Oh my God.

Wow. Let me just hear your dulcet tones. Oh, nice. That's me horny. Yeah. You had some beers? 12 to 70 drinks. Yeah.

A lot of drinks. Oh, well, it's a Monday. Just for no reason. No, it was a Tuesday. It was a Tuesday. It was a sunny day. We went to Lough Lane, which is, you know, so far from our houses in Hyten.

Yeah, we had to get a plane. And, yeah. Spanish Airways. It didn't go too late, did it? We were home by, like, before midnight. I got home at half eleven, yeah. Yeah. But just, like, you know when you wake up and you're just like, why do I feel like this? I think I'm half eleven, yeah. Yeah. But just like,

you know when you wake up and you're just like, why do I feel like this? I think I'm a changed man, you know? From last night or? Just generally speaking. I think I'm just better now.

Like I feel stupid, so that's a good step. What would you have done this morning if the burger van was open? Would you have been able to work it? What burger van? Your burger van. Your burger van. The one that you start. The one that you open in a burger van was open, would you have been able to work it? What burger van?

Your burger van. Your burger van. The one that you start. The one that you open in a burger van? Oh, the one you spent a whole episode telling us that you were going to buy. Sandwich van. Ah, sandwich van, sandwich van. Never say he's fickle.

But I didn't start it. No. Being fickle would be starting and then stopping. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm full of shit. I'm not fickle. There you go. There you go.

So this is you done with drinking now, is it? No, it isn't. No. I couldn't believe how drunk he was. I was like, wow, Adam is fucked. But I hadn't ate. Yeah. Like all day.

I couldn't possibly have caught up in the time. It was impossible. You can't ever catch up. No, but he was gone. He was... I wasn't gone when you got there. No, up in the time. It was impossible. You can't ever catch up. No, but he was gone. He was... I wasn't gone when you got there. No, but in the end, you were. Yeah.

I drank a lot of that champagne. Yeah. I think it was the champagne, didn't it? Tuesday champagne. Just, you know, in the Spanish Quarter. A bottle of Pediasi. Oh, no, you were... Sorry, you were in...

A friend of ours had a reason to celebrate in the Bavarian Quarter. And so we got a bottle of Peddi as you well oh no you were sorry you were in a friend of ours had a reason to celebrate yeah Bavarian quarter and so we got a bottle of champagne nice but drunk it from the bottle yeah

classy we had no glasses yeah celebrate like Javs but yeah I just woke up today and I was just like why have I done that

why it was fun and that but it was to have fun yeah but we sang everyone has AIDS in the car on the way home. Oh, yeah.

No, it was worth it, yeah. You can do it again today. You can't do that sober, can you? Really? I've had two hangovers in the space of like five days now and I've done my own heading. So I forced myself to cycle to work. How's the cycling going?

Enjoying it? You need to start cycling. Yeah. Have you been on yet? I've been on my bike, yeah. I think you're going to try and pull out of this. No, I'm not. Oh, what was that face?

You are literally going to be incapable of doing like a quarter of a day of this. I'll start. I will. If you start now. For those who don't know what we're talking about, by the way, if you're new to the pod, hi. We're all cycling around India in november 450 kilometers in six days if you start now you've got three and

a bit months of if you do solid training you will be okay but you start now i will i just need to go and collect my bike and that's the daunting bit you're talking to two experienced cyclists here yeah carl's been on his bike twice adam now up to five bike rides so come on yeah but that's why I'm in a position to tell him that he needs to source his head out because I've cycled to work today it's five kilometres maybe and it's hard

India's not five kilometres I will do it I just need to collect it that's the daunting part once I collect the bike why is it so daunting? because I've got to take a wheel off and I don't trust myself to do that

who's where's the bike it's at my auntie's it's just you're riding your auntie's bike no my my uncle yeah had a bike that he doesn't use he he's very into cycling so he had a good bike that he doesn't use and he said i can have it how far from your house in hill is it it's in cuddington which is that's not the place. No, that is on a cartoon. That's where the cartoon bears live, isn't it? Cuddington. C-C-C-Cuddington.

Go on. It's in Cuddington, yeah. Where's Cuddington? Near Northwich. All right, okay. So it's quite a trek. Just buy a bike then. Buy a bike.

Get down to Charnock, Richard Cycles. Right, listen. Do you want me to help you get the bike? Yes, please, Dad. Right. Well, let's sort it out. Let's go on a father-son trip to Cuddington. Oh, yes, please.

For fuck's sake. Are you hungover, Finn? A little bit. Are you absolute lads? Were you fucking last night? Oh, drinking, I'm sorry. Were you drinking last night? I was drinking last night.

Were you drinking passages last night? Sorry, I gave you an edit he's running away no yeah um yeah you need to get on your bike just trust me yeah it's i can't believe how hard it is because i used to go on my bike with you for like 17 hours a day and it was fine yeah and it's not anymore we're old aren't we ah those days when you're just like you went out with your mates as soon as you could be asked and then you were it felt like you're out for about 48 hours it was more like the afternoon and then you and then your mum would be like what have you had to eat and you were like

like seven bags of crisps and i feel great it's so good nothing good. Nothing's changed. But how does that, like, honestly, when I was like a seven-year-old kid, I'd have done this, India bike ride, but no training. Yeah, yeah. Like easy. Getting old. Like, you don't feel like you're getting old until you realise you're old.

You know what I mean? Like, oh, I'm old now. I'm becoming aware of my mortality. Yeah, you don't get old. And my fragility. Yeah. That'll do it. You're not wearing a helmet, though.

I'm worried about you. I can't wear a helmet. I think your head would do better than most in a sort of collision sort of situation. And I don't mean this is... I'm not taking away from any intelligence. I'm not saying you're neanderthalic, but you have got that low fed,

and I think your skull might be slightly thicker than the normal human skull. So I think you'd be all, you know, hit Adam Rowe at 30. Fucking knobhead. I'm not driving fast enough for it to be a problem. That's not how accidents work, though, is it? What do you mean?

If you fall off. No, because cars that hit you, they might be going at a speed. They'd have to be flying to hit me in the head, though, wouldn't they? That's true, yeah. Don't, yeah, don't cycle near any car ramps. Do you ride a penny farthing?

Which mean? How high is your bike? Like, my head is above the height of the average car. Sam, that's why you should never wear it. Don't get hit by a truck. Lorry's are a problem. No. They don't go fast.

It's just unlikely, isn't it? If a car's coming to see that. It's just unlikely. Just stand it? If a car's coming just do that. It's just stand up. Just fast and furious it. It's just unlikely, isn't it? That I get hit by a fucking. Oh, let's touch wood. Hey, that's not fucking 10 feet.

Did you ever, did you ever wear a helmet when you were a kid? No, I was a kid. More fragile when you were a kid? No, but you're also bouncy aren't you? What? That is true. They are, kids are weirdly bouncy.

I just, I can't have a helmet on going, I can't get to work on a helmet. Wear a mask as well then. No, don't get to work on a helmet. Did you see Adam Rowe? Are you going to wear a helmet? If I go on, if I do a proper bike, a road one, yeah. If I'm going to the park, no.

So if you cycled to here, you'd put a helmet on? Yeah. Oh my God, you're such a gimp. But I don't want to die. I'm alive. You are alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Paul Walker said the day before he wasn't.

What amazing reasoning that is. I don't need a helmet. I'm alive. Why is anyone that's alive buying a helmet? Yeah, if you've been hit by a car, then get a helmet. If you're dead, you need a helmet. You should have had a helmet. I'm not wearing a helmet.

I might not even wear one in India. I don't think you'll be allowed to do it. What do you mean? The insurance won't allow you to do that, shall I? I'll tell the insurance to suck me dick. That's what you do. I always forget to do that. What are you all about?

I'll just do it on my own. All right, well, I'm not part of the group then. I'll just do my own one. Right next year's. Helmets are good. We know all well helmets are good. Check out the special that came out last night, Patrons.

Soapbox. All right, you just be careful. It's fine. Everything's fine, isn't it? Are you wearing knee pads, arm pads? Have you got brain damage? No. What did you say? I don't know what the last one was. A willy's fine, isn't it? Are you wearing knee pads, arm pads? Have you got brain damage? No. What did you say?

I don't know what the last one was. A willy pad, I don't know. I wore... You're not wearing arm pads? I mean, in India. Oh. Hang on. Arm pads and knee pads.

Are you being silly? No. All right. Elbow pads. I'm wearing shoulder pads like I'm in the 70s, mate. Yeah, yeah. Like a business woman. Yeah.

A padded suit jacket. I'm going to wear a helmet and then glasses. Like proper drummond, oakley bastards. What are you going to wear, Finn, when you walk into Cuddington? You don't need a helmet. Look at that thick. This would bounce. White fro, mate.

Like when we were playing out at that age, people used to like getting me to head stuff because my. People used to get him to head stuff and it did no damage. Like a football and listen because it makes like a really nice like hi-hat noise. It's spongy. It goes like. Tss.

Tss. For the audio listeners, Carl just found a way to hit a thing on the head in a valid way. All right, okay. So I'll be fine with that. So you're not wearing a helmet, you're just growing your hair out. Yeah, I'll just have an afro.

Right. I think I'm just going to do it naked. It's just going to be... Like, it'll be T-shirt and shorts in India, won't it? It'll have to be, yeah. So, well, I'm going to wear knee pads around Sefton Park, but T-shirt and shorts in India. What about your shoes?

What do you mean? They're important, aren't they? I've bought special pedals, mate. What do you mean? What? Why? Because your shoes, they don't clip into them, but they've got a grip.

I got sold it by the way. They're just pedals you've got fleeced no no what's the best pedals the ones with the little studs in no not yeah the studs

not the ones that you clip into no no you don't want to be that nonce no but the ones that you like your feet like grip onto so yeah

mine's just a normal bike and I've got my normal shoes on alright cool and I'm fine we weren't on. All right, cool. And I'm fine. We're not in India yet. You're doing, you're riding down fucking Park Road.

Yeah. Also, just don't be at the front of the group. I know that's going to be hard with your competitive instinct, but you know, at the peloton,

at the peloton, just hide in the middle. And then if there's a lorry, an Indian lorry, yeah, they're mowing the first 10 down, aren't they? But you're in the middle.

Safe. You're assuming it's going to be a head-on collision. What if it comes from the side and you don't want to be in the middle an Indian lorry, yeah, they're mowing the first 10 down, aren't they? But you're in the middle. Safe. You're assuming it's going to be a head-on collision? What if it comes from the side and you don't want to be in the middle? Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never cycle past a T-junction in India. Oh, no. No, I do want to win.

You want to win a charity bike ride with a load of middle-aged people making money for Zoe's Place? Yeah, but it's not all people your age, is it? There's some youngsters. Ooh, your age. There's three people under the age of 30. Cool.

Well, I want to beat them. All right, cool. Should we get him a little yellow cycle top so he's the tour leader? We've all got cycle tops, haven't we? Special ones. No, but I mean, the leader of the tour wears that yellow jersey, doesn't he?

I do want to be genuinely the fastest. I do. I want, the leader of the tour wears that yellow jersey, doesn't he? I do want to be genuinely the fastest. I do. I want to be the fittest person there. Lance Rostrong. Fire. Fire.

It all checks out. You going to do any EPL? You going to get on the drugs? What? You going to do Lance Armstrong and cheat? Lance Armstrong?

Yeah. You thinking of the man who went to the moon? You're thinking of Louis. Or Neil. Which one? Lance Armstrong? Yeah. You're thinking of the man who went to the moon. You're thinking of Louis. Or Neil. Which one? Lance Armstrong was the naughty cheater, wasn't he? Wasn't he?

I don't get why people do that, you know? To win. Yeah, but how do they live with themselves? In their nice houses, because they've won millions. Do you know what I mean, though? Yeah. Like, if you're a sportsman and you know you're cheating and you're still stood there

with your champagne and you're like hey I'm the best but you know you're a fucking bad cheating gimp like how does that not wait waiting for it to be

eviscerated by someone finding out and then your legacy yeah I get it and also all the people know you're a cheat the people who've helped you

Lance Armstrong said he would do it again he was like yeah I'll go Armstrong said he would do it again. He was like, yeah, I'll go back and I'll do it again. So, like, he got all the joy. You can't retrospectively take joy away. You still got to live it and be happy and be a millionaire. But I don't believe him.

Yeah, you... No, I know what you mean about... It's like if City lose their titles because they've cheated, they still got the joy of celebrating them at the time. But then the legacy's ruined, and they have to spend the rest of their days going, hey, that was shit, that, wasn't it? And we thought we'd won, but not to bring football in, because everyone will get fucking eggy about it.

But for Lance Armstrong, yeah, he got that joy of like, yeah, I'm the champion, knowing that he was cheating. But wasn't it just like absolutely everywhere in cycling at the time? Yeah, yes. There's barely any clean ones at that time, and he was just the best was cheating. But wasn't it just like absolutely everywhere in cycling at the time? Yeah, yeah. Yes. There's barely any clean ones at that time.

And he was just the best at cheating. That was all. It was putting more blood in your body, wasn't it? It was doing blood doesn't help you. It was. You were taking blood out,

like making more blood in your body and then putting extra blood in because it was more oxygen. The white blood cells were full of more oxygen, which means you have more oxygen. I thought blood cells are full of more oxygen, which means

you've more oxygen. I thought he was just juicing. No, he was as well. He's just topping up his blood. Yeah. It's called blood doping. It's also illegal. Wow.

Gives you more oxygen so you can breathe through the pain. Loads is illegal. Illegal doping-wise, isn't it? Like the, like...

Cornflakes, probably. No, I don't know. I think that might be. It's just having too many cornflakes in your blood. Always. If you're injecting Kellogg's, something's going on. He's got cocoa pop veins. I'm so competitive that I want to win.

And you have no excuses that I won. That's right. Do you remember when we used to play five and six a side? You know when another team would score a goal that shouldn't be allowed. Dubious. Like, and everyone's like kicking off. I'd always just be like,

let them have it. And we just have to beat them even more. Like, let them have it. I don't want them at the end of the game to be like, yeah, you beat us, but you took that goal off us.

So fucking let them have their shit little shouldn't count goal. And we'll still beat them. And then if you lose, they have that goal. No, then you can go, well, we got that goal, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. But I'd much rather be able to do that

than have them able to say to you, oh, I'm proper competitive, but like you get every advantage you want. Can you just pull up what we can do to dope for cycling? What's the- Well, we can do it. We're not getting tested. Yeah, I know. You we're not getting tested.

Yeah, no, I just, you saw that I'm coming. Are they not? We can, we are cycling through it though. We can blood though. But you do need like a team

of like nurses and shit. Probably like getting an IV drip would be good, wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Apparently Chappelle does that after like a heavy night.

Gets everyone fucking all the vitamins in her. You hang up, you just don't have one. Don't after a heavy night. Gets everyone fucking all the vitamins in us. You hang over, you just don't have one. Don't cum when you're there. What? Don't cum. Right. And then you build up your testosterone.

Yeah. Nice. Don't be wanking every night because then next day you're going to be low. Right, right, right. Don't be jizzing all over his bike. He's a regular cumsman. I'm an absolute cumsman. What would you...

Can you imagine you at the end... 72 hours. You haven't come. That'd be amazing. Amphetamines, Dan. Meth. Yeah. That's what it says.

Should we get some crystal meth? Get on the meth and don't wank. You'll fly, mate. Oh, yeah. Try and beat me then. No, that doesn't count he's on crystal meth you know what I mean

no smack heads love a bike yeah what on the street they're always having little adventures aren't they yeah

it looks fun the ones in Chester the ones in Chester they've always got two dogs there's always one ropey looking bird with them they've got a little gang of mates

they're outdoors they're enjoying the sun they've got a purpose gang of mates. They're outdoors. They're enjoying the sun. They've got a purpose. What are we doing tonight, Jeff? Finding some smack. It doesn't look that bad. I know they've probably lost everything else, but at least they've got a little crew.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? They're outside the old Woolworths. They've got a little den. We've got a crew. We've got a crew. Indoors. And we've got houses.

No, where's... All right, yeah. Where's our ropey-looking bird? He's like... Jeff, get me some smith. Look at him. We're there again. Right.

Yeah. All right, get me some crystal meth. Have you got a crystal meth guy? I'm sure we could sell it. Do you think you could? Seriously? Yeah. No.

Yeah, on the dark web. You can get... Oh, right. Your dealer doesn't do crystal meth, does he? I don't have a dealer. You what? The internet. You've just got the dark web? No.

What do you mean you haven't got a dealer? No, Lester. Where did you get all your pot from? Dark web. Do you? Finny, you're going to have a panic attack. Are you all right? Is it Enco Chat?

Is it Enco Chat? How hard did you hit him? Where did you get your pot? Huh? What? Did you get over in the house? Hey! I don't do anything.

You're trying to fucking crap, aren't you? Finn! I don't grow. Finn, do you know we know you? Why are you... I know, but... Do you know we've just been to Amsterdam? Yeah.

What are you doing? It's legal. What are you doing? I get it all from Amsterdam. Oh, do you? Just smuggle it back up Carl's arse. Yeah. Finn, where doing? It's legal. What are you doing? I get it all from Amsterdam. Oh, do you? Just smuggle it back up Carl's arse. Yeah.

Finn, where did you get your pod from? When you're bunning. A website. A website. Google? A website. Yeah, Google. Weed.co.uk.

You can Google it. I'm not going to give it away. Oh, you don't want to give your source away? Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is yeah is it the dark it's weed.com no no but i know people i've genuinely not done this i know people that have ordered like coke md and all all the other gear on the internet through the dark web so i reckon crystal meth is only get on the dark

web is it like a website is it darkweb..com? No, it's darkweb.com. Darkweb.com slash drugs. But you have to do it in an incognito tab. Yeah. Private browsing your sound. What are you doing? Googling things you can do on the dark web. You can buy people's bank accounts and crazy.

It's crazy. You can't buy my bank account. Yeah, I can. You just have to get close enough for me to get mine. Suck them off. How do you Bluetooth it? I want to find out something because you can get like,

you can order like hits and stuff, can't you? Yeah. You can get someone assassinated. You could. Why not? Do you think you can do it while using Google Chrome though?

Yeah, I'm on the dark web now. What's it called? Onion? I've just lowered the fucking brightness of my screen isn't it called onion or something what's on you you have to download the software that uses the chrome it's all encrypted and stuff not chrome the browser so you've got to download the software that's totally separate yeah and then it's but it's still on the internet but it's sort of like like it's all like it's like it's like the back alley

internet yeah right this is dangerous that's where smacker john hangs out down that little alley Like, it's like the back alley internet. Yeah. Right. This is dangerous. That's where smacker John hangs out, down that little alley. Little alley going, hey, I've got everything down here. What do you want? Do you want some crack or some babies?

Got everything down here. Do you want your bank account back? I'll just nicked it. There's not a list of things you can do, but there is wild, like anything you can think of. No, pretty much. You can do it. Golfing holiday dwarves

down water slides covered in chocolate dot com yeah you'll need the dark web for that what do they do there what do they provide who

who you'd ask them what you'd ask them for there what do you mean what is you need a dwarf first so they provide 100% I make those ones

no I can no the chocolate you can just buy from Tesco. Oh no, you need dark web chocolate. It's dark. Dark chocolate. Classy. Cool. And that was the shit comedy alarm.

And we need to work harder. So that goes off every time. We're shit. I think that was some cunt doing a fire alarm. I'm not asking, wasn't it? Cheers, mate. That would be great if that was a thing, man. Did someone just do a pun? What would you look for in a dark web, Dan?

Not drunks, because you've... all right all right i'd love uh like a chinese baby do you know what i mean i've got two white ones let's mix it up with the third if i ever did get to the point where i was adopting because i want kids so if i you know if i got told i was shooting blanks and or me cum wasn't luscious enough right then i i was adopting shampoo again adam's doctor just to let you know your cum's not luscious enough it tastes great but it's just not doing it you're not shooting blanks i see you there little puffs of nothing I would go for a different race what one

Chinese babies are cute you know but then they grow up to be Chinese people yeah whoa whoa order

order order a Chinese baby isn't just for Christmas that's what I'm saying yeah I'm not saying that's bad thing i'm saying i really did i'm sounding like oh lads i'd love a chinese baby taken out

the park oh everyone's like oh my god what a cute one but in 10 years what do you got a chinese teenager not for me jesus christ it's the definition of a puppy's cute in it and then it grows up to be a dog have you got the you know? Bro, what have you got against full-grown Chinese people? Nothing. It sounds like you do. He said, I want a Chinese baby. You want a Chinese person. That's what you end up with.

No, I don't want to adopt a 37-year-old Chinese bloke. That'd be awful. No, but you are. How are we going to get him into childcare? I'd love to that was me saying you need to know that it goes into a person i reckon on the dark web you can sort of like something you know like for a chinese child yeah just go to an adoption agency and just take the chinese

no that's gonna take take ages. Chinese, Jamaican, or nobody. So you've got to filter it. Chicken. What do you fancy tonight? We'll deliver. £2.50 delivery charge. Surely you get to pick when you go to an adoption agency. Surely there is a what races will you accept?

Huh? Yes, he beat me a minute in. At an adoption agency? In the first form, or do you think it's further down the line? Name. Do you have luscious cum? No. Which ethnicities are you sound with?

Listen, listen, listen, listen. Obviously, allowing for the fact that they do grow the fuck up. Do you want to look at a 40-year-old Namibian? Question. No, some people don't mind it. What I meant was, he said he wants a Chinese baby. It isn't always a baby. I know, Carl.

Cool. Yeah, I know how things work. Hey, we got you. We got you. But you, no. Surely, when you go to adopt they're like would you be okay with a non-white baby because you're a white man uh and what you're doing is going the other way and going hey i don't even want to look just literally no whites no thank

you you want to go straight for the you know you and it's very progressive of you. And I think that's how our enemies will see it. You're going in saying, me, a white man with a white child. Is it 1998? Grow up. It's 2024. Get me the Namibians. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. I've seen a couple more things you could do on the dark web. So you can buy someone's identity. I didn't know if we wanted to. Do they lose it? No, they still think they're called Dave. All right. What's the point of that then?

I could just say it anyway. I'm done. I can go. Or you can buy passports from around the world. Oh. They collect them like Pokemon cards? The cheapest one's Argentinian. $9.

Nine? What? $9. Get me one. Buy one. Now.inian. $9. $9? What? $9. Get me one. Buy one. Now. Hang on, hang on. I don't want an Argentinian one.

What do you reckon are the most expensive passports? There's three. United States. United States, Defo. No. Ireland. Germany. No.

Cayman Islands. No. Switzerland. It's not ones you'd expect. Well, then why are we guessing for the total? Czech, Slovakian, and Lithuanian. $3,800. You've all got fleet travel on you, haven't you? switzerland it's not ones you'd expect well then why are we guessing wales czech slovakian and lithuanian three thousand eight hundred dollars travel on this way in the euro we haven't got that no that doesn't make sense why would they be more valuable than spanish ones what what about

what about them yeah what about spanish people is about Spanish people? Because their security probably doesn't look into it as much as Spain. Yeah, they've got their shitty low-end passports. You can get away with. Because I want an EU passport for when we get back and they're like, oh, yeah, Britain, you go with everyone else. Fuck that. You'd get away with being Lithuanian. I'd get away with being Argentinian.

Yeah. Let's work on our accents. Hello, my name's Liam. What? From Lithuania. I'm Adam from Argentina. Okay, good. Let's have a holiday.

Oh, God. I've gone Argentinian. And you've gone Mexican. Okay. It's close enough, isn't it? I just ended up being Channing Tatum then. Isn't it mad how many accents

we've got in the UK when you consider like I would not be able to tell you the difference between a Mexican and an Argentinian accent dialect maps baby love it

did it in uni get it up what it's called a dialect map isn't it but we've got more here haven't we yeah insane amounts

like yeah like I can tell you what part of Liverpool someone's from totally it's mad so a lot of countries have got that

like the states have got that as well. But it's only two, 300 years old, isn't it? Yeah, I suppose. But the States like has like six, doesn't it? Across the whole country. No, there'll be more. It'll get more specific.

There's like New York Italian, New York Jew. There's Midwest. And then there's like Cali. It's just an excuse to go, oh my God. And there's like Midwest, like Texan, and then California, and that's it. There's loads more. There's absolutely more. Milwaukee's a true one.

Milwaukee. No, that's not. That's the New York. That's New York. I got a cousin in Milwaukee. She's not. That's New York. I got a cousin in Milwaukee. She's white. We've got like, what's the Fargo one? Is that American?

No, that's like North Dakota, Minnesota, Milwaukee. That's a really weird accent, isn't it? You can actually hear the Viking in it. Because they're all fucking Scandinavian that settled there. The wire got a lot of praise, didn't it? Because apparently Idris Elba and that in that do like a perfect Baltimore accent. It's not just American.

But ours are another 7,000, 8,000 years older than that. So you can go from Blackburn to Preston, and if you're from there, you can hear the difference. It's fucking 14 miles. So Scotland's got Highland Scottish, Lowland Scottish, and Glaswegian, but then obviously there's, like, within that there's... Oh, so they're the major groupies.

We've got really soft Edinburgh. You've got Edinburgh, yeah. That's like this, you know? And it's also this, aren't it? The north is Cumbrian, Northumbrian, Geordie... What's that one? Pitmatic? Pitmatic?

But, like, Macham's not listed there, but that's different. Pitmatic? Yeah. Like, if you're a Geordie rapper, that should be a name. Is the North Liverpool, South Liverpool,

and Wolm? No, so we're just North, we're Scouse. But then obviously, there's fucking 30 in Liverpool, so like,

yeah. Oh, I'm from Lough Lane myself. That's where I go for a booze on a Tuesday. Mean Ringo? If we can get out of this without saying coats and boots.

You know, it's summer at the minute, so I've got my trainers and my shirt on. What will you be wearing in winter, Ringo? Me coat and me boots with my dog.

I just take the dog for a few laps around Sefton Park. The fucking troller. So Wales has got Welsh, Cardiff and Manx because of the Isle of Man. That's not true either.

What a bag of shit that is anyone spent any time in hollywell where you're like oh my god you're scouse welsh yeah and then and then like up that round fucking banga and well even in between there you've got like denby which has got its own little inbred accent oh but the the state it's it's very eastern they've got like loads on the east and then as you go more because no one lived west and then it's like oh my god california and then there's like you know the midwest the pacific southwest rocky mountains massive then you've got like new york city hoods like rocky mountains massive they're a big group and they've got their own accent listen when we get on merchoid let's get some rocky mountain massive and i want

a pitmatic t-shirt i don't know what pitmatic is new york has got like the two main ones is italian and jewish there's the bronx there's the italian what the bronx is like italian in it what about the black people are they black italian yeah yeah they Like Mario Balotelli? Yeah. They all sound like Mario Balotelli. Yeah, Jay-Z's Italian. There you go. There's a book called We Are Not Mahams,

a pitmatic dictionary. So they probably claim our footmahams and all that. Do you know why Jay-Z's called Jay-Z? We found out. There's screeches all over the shop.

I've just not been able to do it. It is curly. So the metro line that takes you from Manhattan into Brooklyn is the Jay-Z line. There's two trains, the J train and the Z train. That's cool, isn't it?

And we were literally on it. That is cool. We were on it going back to our hotel in New York, and I was like, I wonder if that's why he's called Jay-Z. And I Googled it, and I was like... Have you seen the video with the old lady? Are you famous? Would I know you?

Yeah. He's playing like MSG, isn't he? I love it. Well, I hope you learned nothing and enjoyed the journey. Pitmatic out. What? If you haven't already and you enjoy our bullshit, sign up at patreon.com slash have a word pod for an exclusive episode every Wednesday.

Early access to this and all of the wonderful specials. And my God, we've got some absolute bangers coming up as well. Lock-ins, Nashville, Amsterdam, Amsterdam 2 coming soon, Ghost Hunts. Film Club, that's an extra podcast. Me, Finn and Harry do. Listen, from as little as £3 a month, you get tons.

It's hundreds and hundreds of hours. And I know some people are like, no, I'll never sign up to anything like that. It's the best deal on the internet. I swear to God. There's a reason. On the light web. There's better deals on the dark web. Yeah, yeah. There's a reason. On the light web. There's better deals on the dark web.

Yeah, yeah. We can get Chinese babies and smack. Yeah. We don't provide any of that. We're hoping to offer those soon. Yeah, exactly. We're on the same page. We've got 50 pounds here.

You get smack and Chinese babies. There's nearly 27,000 in the lid army for a reason. Right. And we sign the Chinese babies as well. I'm a bit worried that my goatee's stopping me getting sex. She doesn't... I don't think Laura's liking it. You weren't having sex before you had it.

I know, but I think I might be getting less. I went to kiss her and she grimaced. I'm... I can't like it. I think I'm sticking with it. I think I'm rolling with it. I did it for Amsterdam as a joke. Yeah.

For a kiss. For a kiss. For a kiss. On her arsehole, though. Did she grimace with her arsehole on her face? And we were in the Asda. Did she grimace with her arse? She's so frigid. Did she grimace with her arsehole over her face?

She puckered. It was aggressive. Yeah, I think it's nice. But if she's not puckering you... Why does that feel like a grimace? You keep saying it, but I don't believe you. But I'm enjoying it. But is it a major problem if you...

Are you enjoying not having sex? Whatever's stopping you having sex, you should get rid of early. If you were covered in poo, you'd go and wash it off. Where does a man make a stand? Where does a man make a stand? Can I not just decide? It's one of the few places on my fucking body

where hair grows where i actually want it to grow can i not sculpt it how i want yeah you can give me this but she gets to choose with her body whether she puts her pussy on your cock and that's how she describes how big can you grow it could you grow like a will her pussy yeah massive could you grow a will no no no well Would you not? Well, I'll try. How often do you shave it though? I haven't shaved it since Amsterdam.

This was meant to just be a joke, but I'm just enjoying it. Oh, you have to shave that? Yeah, yeah. But the actual hair. It's an issue, isn't it? I'm going to have to chart this over the next few weeks. You look like Bill Goldberg.

I told you that. I think I might commit a bit more to the muzzy and just shave all of this down to the skin. Let's do it. Let's just fuck with our faces. Finn? Huh? It's November, isn't it, when we're in India? What are you going to do? Muzzy.

No, you're going to grow a mustache. Muzzy for a muzzy. You mean you're going to grow a mustache. Nice. Shall we do some underrated, overrated? You're not Muslim? Kind of. Are you Muslim? He's Muslim adjacent. It's a good podcast, that.

So are you. He's never been Muslim. Hang on. What are we doing? He's never been a Muslim. Underrated, overrated, Islam. No. Go on.

Yeah, but your dad's a Muslim. You've been to mosque. All our family, they'd like's never been a Muslim. Underage, overage, Islam. No. Go on. Yeah, but your dad's a Muslim. You've been to mosque. All our family, they'd like me to be a Muslim. I know, but he's a bit Muslim. I used to tell people in school I was Muslim for attention. He's Muslim-y.

Muslim-ish. He's Muslim-ish. Isn't he? No. Yeah. Yeah. He's more Muslim than you. It's a spectrum.

Yeah, it is. It is a spectrum. What? It's a spectrum. All religion is. I's more Muslim than you. It's not a spectrum. Yeah, it is. It is a spectrum. What? It's a spectrum. All religion is. I'm Muslim curious. I'm like a big Christian. That's true.

That's possible. I think you are or you're not. No, that's not true at all, is it? I believe in a higher power and I believe in Father Christmas. I'm a big Christian. How Muslim are you? I don't like

sausage. I think he's like a 7. You don't like sausage? Percent? No. 7 out of 39. It's a weird scale. It's a 39 point scale. Underrated, overrated. The 100 point scale. We haven't played this jingle for ages. I want to give it justice. Is it overrated

or underrated to hit your wife with a shovel? Bam! Listen, we come up with new features and I don't like having new features without the jingles. So hey, you know where you are. Please make us some new jingles

because Charlie, who works for us, loves graphics but doesn't seem into making the music so help us out havewordpod at gmail.com thank you under 8 over 8 Natasha says

George Foreman grills my fella swears by them but I think they're a bit shite and they're horrible to clean did she email this in 2008

what they're the easiest things to clean in the world what's she fucking on about there it's a lean mean fat reducing

griller machine endorsed by a boxer. It just takes one wet wipe and it's good done. Good done? It's good done. One wipe and it's good done. I'm George Gafoma. I put my good name on it.

He called all his kids George, didn't he? Yeah. Isn't his daughter called Georgina as well? No, she's called George. Oh,'t he? Yeah. I love it. Isn't his daughter called Georgina as well? No, she's called George. Oh, is she? Yeah. It's pathetic. I don't know. I have... Laura uses them for toasties.

And they're banging. And it's a cycle, isn't it? You know the cycle? I know the cycle. You buy a toasty machine, you have loads of toasties, you then forget you've got a toasty machine and have none. Realise you've got one you have loads of toasties. You then forget you've got a toasty machine and have none. Realise you've got one and have loads of toasties and then it's a cycle forever.

How many months in the cycle? It could be years. I think I'm a decade into forgetting about toasties. Oh, hang on. That's too big a cycle. No, I'm the same. I haven't had one since I moved into my house and I've just remembered I want to buy a toasty maker.

Everyone's on their own toasty journey. Yeah. I used to have so many toasties when I was a kid. But we didn't have, we didn't use the George Foreman. My mum had a very specific one. And it put them in like little triangles, triangle pouches. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Hang on. With the little shell design on it. Unbelievable, mate. And the cheese and the fucking... It'd seal the bread. It'd put a little hot seal on the bread and the cheese would be its own glue. Yeah.

Did your mum ever... I want a toasty sandwich. My nana buttered the outside. Yes. Of course. Crispiness. Crispy bitch. And the inside was just like

Bernard Matthews wafer thin ham and loads of cheddar. It's like a whole pinch of cheese toasted on the cheddar. The hottest thing in the world. And you could leave it for an hour and a half and then bite into it

and it would still burn your head off. Oh, toasties. You won't be able to taste anything else for a week. Underrated. The only thing hotter was the jam in a Pop-Tart. Hotter than that?

A bagel off the toaster. Oh my God. Any sort of crust. Bagels are all crust. Do you know what I mean? But the crust on a bread that comes out of a toaster is... Like a pita. The cinnamon and raisin bagels, when they come out,

those raisins are molten lava hot. Have you ever taken your bedding out of the dryer in the laundrette? Hot? Yeah. It's the hottest thing in the world. Have you ever had a cinnamon and raisin bagel? Because I don't shag children. Yeah, because it looks like bat shite, doesn't it? Hot? Yeah. It's the artist in the world. Have you ever had a cinnamon and raisin bagel? Because I don't shag children. Yeah, because it looks

like bat shag, doesn't it? Oh, nice. I wonder what the pause was there. If we were trying to learn. No, we're just calling each other cinnamon, raisin, nonces. Thank you. Who's in the bagel aisle

of anywhere and goes, ooh, should I get that lovely one with poppy seeds on? Or should I get cinnamon and raisins? You get the orange New York bagel and leave the shop. New York Babels. New York Babels?

Yeah, Ryan Babels. The orange one's got sesame seeds on it. That's the only one you should ever buy. Have you ever got Ryan Babel out of a toaster? It's so hot. Yeah. It's really good, by the way. I don't like rat shit.

All right, cool. I love hanging out with you cunts. I have hot sauce in my toasties. I have a little bit of... I have a hot sauce in there. Can we get a toasty maker in the studio? Can we get a toasty now? Yeah.

Right, cool. Steve, put that camera down and go and get a toasty maker somewhere. Oh, mate. Dan versus food, but we all have toasties. Right, that's an eight-minute section because I want a cheese toasty. Joni says,

underrated, overrated, someone sticking their fingers in your mouth during sex. Feels like it happens more than it should. Girls like it. I find it a bit mad

when girls do it to me. But girls like sucking fingers, especially if it's got their pussy juice on. What about it? He's right though it is

I'm going to say this right it is not often you've turned me on I swear to god I think that after a cheese toasty chat is a bit much that is

I I got told something last night I will shave everyone's goey if I get a bit of that Dan I got told something last night by someone who slept with a lady and she said and you're going to love this

she said to him I'm a naughty little girl and you need to come for daddy what? come for daddy? no hang on no sorry daddy needs

no I want daddy to come that was it come for daddy no hang on no sorry daddy needs no yeah what's now i want daddy to come that was it come for daddy yeah can i just say i'm a little girl but forget about that you need to come for daddy i am a naughty little girl and please come because my dad's on his way i am a naughty little bitch and i believe in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and dad's going to come. See, the thing is... It's too much stuff. It's too... Because I am a dad and I've got kids,

that whole dad thing, there's a fine line where you're like, ew. Yeah. It's different if you've not got kids. I haven't. You know what I mean? It wasn't me, though.

You know, if a girl was like, hey, you know, you need to come and me though you know if a girl was like hey you know you need to come and also you need to get the paddling pool out I think that would

you know slightly infringe on it I'm about to soak this craft to get in it I love it when people can't do dirty talk fingers in the mouth if there's juices on

then yeah otherwise what are you doing are you giving me a fish hook? What the fuck? Apparently, you know. No, but like,

the asphyxiation of it is like some girls like that as well. Just like the choke. Yeah, yeah. Feed the pigeon. Yeah, but they, some of them like

just the, shutting down their throat because it's almost like they're sucking a cock while they're getting fucked. Have you ever given a sugar cube to a horse? Oh. That's what they love.'re getting fucked. Have you ever given a sugar cube to a horse? Oh.

That's what they love. They love that. Have you ever given... And then check a teeth when you're in there. I don't know. Have you ever fucked a dentist? A7, A2, 4, 3. Checkerteeth.com. Yeah, it's one of them, isn't it,

where you're like, if I'm not expecting it, I'll roll with anything but some things can be a shock if you're just bonking and all of a sudden she's like fuck off

have you ever had a girl like put like water in her mouth like drink water and dribble it into your mouth not for a while shave your goatee then yeah actually no

don't shave it because you look awful thanks mate Ed says under Shave your goatee then Actually no Don't shave it Because you look awful Thanks mate Ed says Underrated No you did look bad Without

I know I did I know I did Stupid Ed said Underrated Overrated Hotel cleaning service They come in

And make your bed But is that worth Having some strange Spanish lady in your room While you're not there Say that again Start all over that again Why is she Spanish?

Ed says, underrated, overrated, hotel cleaning service. They come in and make your bed, but is that worth having some strange Spanish lady in your room while you're not there? It's not your room. You're the weirdest guy you had. It's also class when you come back and your bed's... That is one of the best feelings in the world

when you get back from a day in the city or the beach and it's perfect. It's like you've just checked in. Yeah. Do you like it when they move your stuff a little bit? Yeah, don't mind. Tidy up for me. Don't steal anything.

They never do. No, they don't. I test them sometimes. What? I just leave money out, but I counter and then see what they do with it. That doesn't ring true, that. What do you mean?

I think you could leave money there, they'd steal some and you'd still be like, yes, roundabout enough. That's all sunshine. But like, I'll leave like 30 euros and like a couple of quid, do you know what I mean? Like a couple of like one euros. Yeah, yeah.

Just be like, that's 32 pounds 70 there. But I'll leave it like sort of in a, like a place where it clearly needs tidying a bit like on the bed or something on an unmade bed and then let's just see if they put it all together you leave the hotel i'm sorry i haven't poured money all over the bed to test the cleaners i don't do it every time what i do what i when i go on like as we leave for the day get the towels you know and everything i leave uh 40 000 pounds in cash and some loose diamonds i just like testing them do you know what i mean there's a lithuanian passport very valuable

from this might be one of the best feelings on the planet yeah i've got to be honest with you you've had a nightmare do you mean what um i don't like it when you know when you have to go back to the room and they're cleaning it? That's one of the cringiest little moments where they're like cleaning you. And they go, sorry, sorry, Mr. Dan. And that's what I say. Sorry, sorry. And they're like, why are you doing my voice?

Yeah, I just, middle class, middle class, working class girls just leave and go back to the beach again. Louis says, underrated, overrated, ferries. Let's see why we haven't done this feature for a while oh i love this feature it's fun mick or better than mick ferry better than a plane uh ferries better than planes can roam around and all sorts loads of room for activities you can't get to american on a ferry well you absolutely can if you've just got over like six' ferry. You'd go on a ferry. A P&O?

A P&O ferry. Taking a sea cat to Miami. I think boats are shite. The ferry to the Alamance was one of the worst experiences of my... I like being on a little boat, like a speedboat on a river. All the time. When was the last time you were on a speedboat on a river uh italy last summer we got one in chester lake that was lake como yeah

yeah i don't like ferries i like being on lake como on a speedboat yeah it was a river it was lake como we got one in chester once that was fun yeah the lady diana what no we got our own little speedboat oh right we went to go to Edinburgh so it was just a like there was no like timer on it

he was just like right you gotta fill an hour for this much money and we just realised like he just wasn't gonna do like to get us

we just had to bring it back after an hour so we just didn't it'd actually be even better if he chased us because then we're getting chased where did you end up

oh we're just about 20 yards away from where he was just doing water donuts yeah it was super he's like hey so i went to chester you're in river prison we were going to go to the fringe adam wasn't going we were going to go for a couple of days got to his and we're like can't be arsed so we got pick and mix and got a boat yeah that's genuinely sounds right for chester um i'm next year i'm going away with the kids we're going to drive down get the ferry we're going to go into northern france into belgium and we're going to go to your couple of euro camps in holland maybe and i thought

the ferry took takes ages but dover to calais it's correct it's it's really quick. People getting it to other places seems mad. Like Hull to Rotterdam takes fucking ages. Who's doing that? Apparently a lot of people, a lot of people. You can get the ferry from like Southampton to Santander, the bank,

in Northern Spain. Steve said, well, isn't it like two days? Yeah. So that's where ferries are just shit, isn't it? Like, how long do you want

to be on a ferry? Planes are class. Trains are awful. I hate train travel so much. Three hours to London, it makes me feel sick. Trains are the best. Tommy B says,

hentai porn. Who's wanking over cartoons? Me. Is it? Is it? Very rarely, but I have. I think, yeah.

Like Marge Simpson getting bummed by like Barney. No, I've done, I've, Velma though. You've got a Velma thing? You've watched Velma get well-aid? Velma's like the best cosplayer,

isn't she? Sexy Velma. Are you talking, you've wanked over a cartoon or you've wanked over a woman dressed as velma to be fair instagram has proved this in the last few years velma because she's the geeky one she wasn't cute in the actual cartoon but cosplayers make her look uh unbelievable i'll

give you that that's a cartoon yeah yeah ai's getting a bit naughty, innit? I don't think I had one call for a cartoon. Last one. Leroy says, underrated, overrated. Camels. I think they're underrated. Physically superior to horses. They have water tits and long eyelashes. And that's from Leroy, who wants to fuck a camel.

Water tits. That's what they are, though, innit? Camels are sick. Have you ever been on one? No. Do you know what we're getting on one? What's cruel? Riding camels.

To who? To us. To the camels? Competitively. What? They don't want to be ridden, do they? They just want to go out. Camels aren't ours.

You want to learn to horse ride? Yeah. Oh, right. Sorry. I'm trying to wake up. Camels are sick Where have you ridden a camel? In Egypt?

I've ridden a camel Classic Because you're 7% Muslim Yeah Nice Was it in Turkey or It was in Turkey On a boat trip

Rail on a camel Wow They used to have donkeys in rail Yeah Yeah I think I did that as a kid I don't really remember it But they used to have donkeys

But I think A fat person Collapsed one of the donkeys and it stopped that. It's not real, you know. Fucking hell, Betty, you've squashed a fucking donkey. Right, send in your underrated, overrated. Adam doesn't like it,

but I honestly think it's a fucking great feature. I've missed it. So camels, we didn't give a camels an overrated or the underrated? I think they are underrated. They've got water tits. Underrated. I reckon camels are underrated. How much of a per they are underrated. They've got water tits. Underrated. I reckon camels are underrated.

How much of a perv do you have to be to look at a camel and go, look at them tits. Have you seen how fast they can run, by the way? Yeah. They do race them somewhere. I'm all joking aside. There are camel races. I'd be into it.

I'd go and watch that. Oh, 100%. The special. The camel racing special. Finn, sort it out. You're on the cam national where's that alarm that was fire

fire alarm I think you had a cold when you recorded this you might do time ain't nothing but a deep thing baby when you recorded this. You might do time. Yeah, duh. Ain't nothing but a deep thing, baby. Advice. Jay says,

Wagwaglids need some advice here. A little while ago, me and my ex-fiance split up. Yeah, you don't need to say that, Jay. A little while ago, me and my fiance split up and went our separate ways, but remained friends. There's nothing really happened

to cause the breakup. Since then, we are both seeing other people now and are both supportive of each other a couple of our mutual friends have since spoken to be about her new man he lives in ireland and she not long came back from going over to see him for the first time out of curiosity her friends decided to try and look look into him to find out bit more about him, as it all felt a little odd. They discovered he uses about three different names online, he's engaged, and has three kids with his soon-to-be wife. They met, my ex-fiancé and him met and stayed at a hotel

for her safety. However, we think it might be something more. Do we bring this to her attention, as she might not know, or do we leave it and keep it to ourselves? And that's from Jay. I think you've got to bring it to her attention, but I think she should acknowledge how lucky she is to have found such a creative partner.

Yeah. The new one in Ireland? Yeah. He's good enough to keep her family going and have a girlfriend as well. He's clearly very, you know, ingenuity. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's what you look for in a partner. He's using three different names, so he's probably shagging someone else as well. Yeah. And very, you know, ingenuity. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's what you look for in a partner. He's using three different names so he's probably shagging someone else as well. Yeah. And he's finding time for all this stuff. That is a resourceful man.

Yep. You are never going to run out of fucking food with this man. No. The zombie apocalypse comes. He is going to be resourceful. Where's he going to be though?

What? Zombie apocalypse comes. He's got three places to be. Yeah. You hope that he picks yours as the gaff. But he's balancing it all, isn't he?

He's like Bear Grylls to me this guy right and he's got bear gales how do you tell someone you're staying in a hotel for their own safety without it sounding weird you need to stay in a hotel for your safety uh because some uh guys are really good at gaslighting vulnerable women and uh i don't know how he's managed to do it but like, oh Jesus, it's not safe in my house. I'll tell you that. Have you heard about the Troubles? Well, I'm not going to tell you about them but it's been pretty fucking bad. So we're in a Premier Inn. Don't worry about it. Are you the President?

Oh, and I'm the President. I'm actually the Taoiseach. I'm the President of Ireland so we're staying in a Premier Inn for your safety is the t-shock the prime minister it isn't it well you you know when someone asks for advice and it's like oh so-and-so's fucking around what do i do do i get involved i think if you've ever loved her someone needs to speak to her

it might not be you though jay why don't't you just go, hey, to the friends? It's their job, really. It's not yours as the ex. I know what you should do. He should start some fake profiles and start messaging her. And then when they meet up, go, look, this is what's happening, stop. Or he could make fake profiles and meet the guy.

Oh, and fuck him? Yeah. And make him gay? Film yourself shagging a new fella yeah and then be like look he's gay stand as the opposition in ireland you know beat him in the election fight an election and be like hey you see fiona he's a cunt shag him i reckon you should gas should make him gay. Can I call someone over as well?

Anonymous. Yeah, just get someone else to do the chat. Yeah, let's get someone else. Anonymous. Sorry, this has to be anonymous, but you'll see why. I have just inherited a large sum of money. Well, actually, it's my mum who has inherited it, and perks of being an only child, she's given a huge chunk to me.

Best bit is, I wasn't even close to the relative who passed, so respectfully, there's little downside, RIP and all that. Here's the kicker. I'm in a failing marriage with a woman who I'm fairly sure has cheated on me, and honestly, I don't even care. I just want out. But if she finds out about the money, I'm losing half of it, and I would rather not.

My mum dislikes her as well, and is well and truly on my side. And as of right now, no one else knows about the cash. Here's the thing. Divorce could take ages, and I feel like a kid at a sweet shop with 20 quid in his pocket. I need to spend something.

What can I do to treat myself while keeping the six-figure windfall quiet give it back to your mom yeah just keep all the laugh for us for a bit nobody wants his mom buys him a present oh yeah oh my mom bought me a speedboat today it's an asset though isn't it so if he did split up with it it would still be divisible she buys him an experience oh you can't take that away yeah she buys him a seat on richard branson's thing to the moon that quarter of a mil bosh might be more than he actually yes to borrow 150 grand where are you going never mind space for all you care you can't take this off me. I want half a spaceship.

That sounds fucking grim, that you're in a marriage where you have to hide stuff like that. Have you and Laura got a pre-nup? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I, honestly, when it comes to marital advice, I look to Kanye. And I was like, holler, we want pre-nup.

We want pre-nup. Yeah, we have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%. She can have half a fuck all that I had before. She's not getting any of this. No, we've got absolutely 50-50. If I divorce her, she owns half of my, have a word, shares. Right.

So let's keep it. Let's shave off the goatee. I think that's how it works. I've been led to believe that that is how it works. She owns half of all my assets because it's 50-50. She wouldn't have any power, would she? Literally, I know we own this business and I know we don't fully understand how it works,

but it would be a bit grim if she was like, yeah, I own 17.5% to have a word and then came in for the fucking director's meetings. Just fuming with me. Should have shaved that fucking thing off. We'd have to vote her in as a member of the board. Yeah, she'd have to be silent. I would be really upset with you if you did vote her in.

Just letting you know, I love a bit of piss take. But if, just to annoy me, you vote her in as a member of the board and then vote me off they're gonna have a lot of sovereign you fucking annoyed just dilute it all the shares we just issue a load of new shares and here's it just goes to not yeah so would yours as well yeah just so you know i mean i think we'll have loads more let's do that keep the goatee. Let's push Dan and Laura out. Nice one, love. We're not... This is your fault. How does that work if you own a company and you just want to fuck people off?

You can't do that, can you? You... We can't vote you off. No, it doesn't work like that, does it? No. Otherwise, it would have been pretty stupid empowering you as his best mate. I thought if between yous, you zone more than half.

No, we just take us over it? No. He'd win in court, wouldn't he? They'd go, why have you kicked him off? Because we want more money. If he did something bad, like if we found out he was like shagging you and Harry and like bullying you, that we could do him for gross misconduct. If we found out because it's happening, just will we find out?

It was consensual. What if I wasn't bullying them and they love it? It can't be consensual because you're in a position of power. Yeah. What? You can't shag anyoneual because you're in a position of power. Yeah. What? You can't shag your subsidies. What am I getting so annoyed about? I think... It's 23 and 24.

I can fuck them if I want. You can. If they're up for it. No, you can't fuck your subsidies. No. No. You can fuck Adam. Yeah.

Wow. And you could fuck Jack because he's like a... Contractor. He's a contractor, yeah. Can I have sex with any ladies? Yeah. Wow. And you could fuck Jack, because he's like a... Contractor. He's a contractor, yeah. Can I have sex with any ladies? Yeah. All right, cool.

Harry's a contractor, isn't he? Oh, I thought you were going to say, Harry's a lady. Oh, yeah, so you can fuck Harry. I'm telling you, I'm technically self-employed, so you shouldn't have done that. Shut up, you slut.

So you just calm fucks the orphan. All right, cool. Good to know. Makes him want it more. That's going to make some changes to my personal business plan for the year. Honestly, I think if I won the lottery, I think I'd think about keeping it quiet.

And then the more I think about that, I just don't know. No, not from Laura. Wow, you thought about it though. But I don't know if I'd want anyone knowing that I'd got... Would you tell us now? But I don't see what i gain from everyone knowing i wouldn't tell you but there would be signs i don't what have you seen the tweets what's the signs hang on talk me through the signs helicopter yacht right helicopter yacht are you still cycling in no helicopter yachting

i go i go, but the parking for helicopters is a nightmare, so I take the fucking yacht up the dock. It's bummed. If we're free, we're going to yacht up the dock, mate. In my head, I'm going to win the EuroMillions one day. I have like little fancy supporters all the time.

Do you put it on? We've never won the lottery. You don't do it. You can't manifest the EuroMillions. You can't manifest that. Do you put it on? You can't. I love that. We've never won the lottery. You don't do it. You can't manifest the EuroMillions. You can? No, you can't. Everybody else is though. Nope.

You can manifest a lot. I've seen you do it. It's almost frightening. But you can't manifest the EuroMillions when you don't play the EuroMillions. It's not how it works. I'll just start playing it. Okay, we're on a technicality.

No winners this week, but Adam Rowe has been concentrating pretty hard about this so we've given six balls and two bonus balls and there's 147 million Dan do you know

if you won 100 mil say you put it on and you genuinely won 100 mil what would you do for us erm you have

you have a decision to make because can I my whole life has been about being a comedian. I love it. And I don't ever want to give it up. You don't have to.

If you win a hundred million, what can you do that doesn't screw up your stand up? Do you know what I mean? Ricky Gervais has got more than that. No, but he's earned it. But he's earned it from talent. So I think I'd probably, if I went public with it, which I'd have to do,

because I'd give all of you a couple of million. A couple of what? Two mil. That's about right, you know. That's generous. Hang on, I've got 100 million. Yeah, which is beautiful, by the way. If you're in the States, we don't get taxed on our winnings.

So this is- You do if you give it to people low. Yeah. So if I give you two, you lose half of it. No, you pay the tax on it because you're the good lad. Well, then I can't give you 2 million.

Five then. I've got more people in my life than this. My sister, I've got about seven or eight people in my life. Don't tell them. And then they've got kids. I want to set trust funds up for them. It's expensive, this.

Just keeping it quiet. And I'll just get the nicer fuel when i look fill up the car yeah if i don't want 100 mil i'd expect five and i give him five okay right you should get about 20 grand each car's getting the rest of your dough what if i did that i like, here's 50 grand. That's huge. I can give that. Tax free. Apparently you can give a... Oh no, that's just a family. You can give 3,000. You could adopt us. I've already adopted you. Yeah, 5 mil.

I'll think about it. I'll also have to start playing the Euro millions as well. Does life get much better than daydreaming about winning shit loads of money yeah actually winning it winning it yeah oh yeah you know what i mean though can i say something i used to do it quite a lot i used to do it for my own entertainment and since this has kicked off i don't do it anymore and by the way anyone's like they're fucking millionaires

we're deaf or not but but this is the life I want to live that's why I'd be wary of winning that money because this is already great money just buys comfort

right it doesn't buy happiness but it buys a Lamborghini to cry in as they say the worries have gone hopefully and it buys comfort

it's not like oh god it's like we can have what we want and as long as you're not stupid you can be comfortable and so will your kids and your friends alright it buys comfort it's not like oh god it's like we can have what we want and as long as you're not stupid you can be comfortable and so will your kids and your friends

it buys comfort I'll sort some comfort out for you but it's different with Paul isn't it he's got a Rolls Royce but he's earned it yeah 100 mil

I'd open a comedy club immediately oh the dressing room on that would be something else I'd have so many businesses I'd have like yeah

oh go-karts. What? Tell me you wouldn't want your own indoor go-kart. But I love it. That's part of me. I would still, that wouldn't be business. Can't be asked running a go-kart. No, someone else could run it,

but then if you wanted to use it and someone was on it, you'd be annoyed, wouldn't you? Yeah. You're going to have a five-a-side pitch that looks like that Man City training ground. Oh, mate. and a goalkeeper who lives in my house and his job is to

go and goal when I say how much can I have for that I would do that like a groundskeeper that's got a house 100 grand a year I'd pay a goalkeeper that's a lovely property

yeah that's a goalie's house 100k a year I've got a thousand footballs and there's a net behind the goal so I can just hit it dead hard oh genuinely I'd love one of them cricket ball machines that I could

just go in the nets and bowl and just put it at like 55 miles an hour and feel like an absolute ninja. I'd love that. What do you mean? It's the joke me and Adam do all the time. I'd do that with baseball.

I prefer baseball. I prefer American soccer'd do that with baseball. Yeah. I prefer baseball. I prefer the American... Apart from soccer, like football, which is the best, I prefer all the American sports to any of the other British ones. Tennis would be a good one. I have a little tennis court with a thing for Adam Balls. Yeah, that'd be good.

You've just got a little housing estate. I want to get into paddle. Can we do it then? Yeah. Because I asked him and he said fucking no. You, Steve? Yeah, he didn't say yes. Yeah, we'll do it then because I asked him and he said fucking no you Steve yeah he didn't say yes

yeah we'll do it okay sorted right anonymous you've got a choice you've just got to either

you know like use Evian to water your house plants and use the premium fuel and just keep it the fuck quiet till you get rid of Brenda or

just go all in and start a go-karting business on your property yeah i don't know what you're gonna do there that sounds like a nightmare but i want my lunch buy a cheese toasty i've uh i've hit the wall. Really? Yeah. Luckily, Big Bobby T's here. What's happening, people? Hello.

I know you'll know the answers to this. How long has it been since you were on? So episode 100 I was. How was it? So what episode are we on now? 287. Wow. So 187 weeks since I last went.

That's over three years. So I just had a baby when I last had one, and now I'm fully a die now. Okay. How old's your baby now? Turns four in a few weeks. I'm dead careful what I give away, but except I'm not. I just get told to be dead careful.

So I've always got to catch myself. So at some point in the next... Why does your missus not... Are we allowed to say you've got a missus? I've got a missus, yeah. Does she know that people know babies get older? Yeah, yeah. She's petrified...

I didn't know until earlier, Carl. She's petrified about being found out and people knowing what she does and people who she works with finding out who I am. Didn't know that yet. So no, she's got a mystery husband and work and I have a mystery wife. So that's just how we work it.

Wild. And then anything that could put two and two together. So like the age of my son, people might work out. Okay. So there is reasoning to it. Yeah. Are you being hidden? Am I being hidden?

I think so. I think she's ashamed of me, yeah. That's fair enough. I don't mind. Do you never go to like social events with her? I used to. Now I don't. He's a dad now, Finn events with her? I used to. Now I don't. He's a dad now, Finn.

What's social about? Yeah, good point. Don't do social anymore, like I said. Just don't go out. It's horrible. It's great. I love it. That's great.

Not meeting everyone's workmates. Not meeting your partner's workmate. Sound. Yeah. That sound. Have you never had a friendship blossom from that? From Laura's colleagues oh yeah oh my best mate baz yeah no of course not although don't get me wrong i like hearing

the dramas when she was working it was good hearing the dramas yeah i get all i want to go to a fucking work event kiss my hoop it's my worst nightmare to be honest with you going to a partner's work thing and the more especially if they know what I do. Yeah, well, that's... Because then they're like, how have you been able to accommodate? Who's wedding is this? Do you want to do five for us now?

I've got one for you. The worst is going to a wedding and you don't know anybody and you get put with the men. The men? And all the men are just together. And none of the men want to be together. They'll be all right.

They'll talk about football. And all the men are like, do you want to just have to be together. They'll be all right. They'll talk about football. And all the men are like, do you want to just everyone shut up? I love it, mate. I think I have the opposite. I don't mind the way... I don't like it now so much because she's in a higher position now. So I've got to behave. When she first started, she's dead antisocial, my wife.

So she'd just like wind me up and let me go. And then I'd just go and schmooze. And like a wedding, love being just a men's table at a wedding. Just like, I just think it's great. Really? I'd rather be at a men's table at a wedding with my friends. That's the wedding I went to.

Two firemen. One of them was fucking gorgeous. I just fell in love with him all day. Oh, right, okay. We've had different weddings. This is incredible, yeah. Didn't you get put next to your wife at the wedding? Well, I was, but you just ignore them.

You speak to them every day, don't you? Like, you can't speak to a fireman for once. He was telling me about how someone was having an affair in their fire department, but it was a man with a lesbian. I was like, wow. So he turned there. I was like, that's...

I've done that. Every lesbian who's ever come across has turned. I've fully turned them back. They just keep spinning with me. Rage origin stories. Dan, thank you, girl. Dan makes lesbians the dark tan more lesbian

I actually at one point started seeing a girl and then she told me she was a lesbian and she was like I was sort of trying to get over it with you

I thought it was like a phase but it isn't I'm a lesbian then she changed her mind and was with me and then she's now got two kids to her man

and she's never touched another pussy in her life oh I know her as far as I know yeah she's asked if she's a lesbian yeah

she went for you and then was like nah I'm still a lesbian and then she was like actually get back here you yeah I want that dick actually

I want a different dick yeah yeah I know her yeah oh yeah I know her as well I don't

you do oh yeah yeah yeah cause mum Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know her. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I know her as well. I don't. You do. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Calls mum. She does have two kids. Yeah. So I fully turned a lesbian. Like, fully.

Do you know what I mean? Did you not turn herself? No. Do you remember seeing your first fit lesbian in real life? Yeah. I do. Do do remember Tribeca used to be on Berry Street

yeah I remember being in there for a pizza I was 22 two just fit girls old nuns my mind was blown like hold on

lesbians can look like that not in porn I didn't realise that was real we thought they all looked like people who go to pink concerts

the only lesbians I met were like me and my mate Margie who played darts on the softbox so like that lesbian darts team I don't think it my mate Margie who played darts on the soapbox. So, like, that lesbian darts team, I don't think it was meant to be a lesbian darts team.

I think it was meant to be a ladies darts team, but, like, six of them were lesbians. Often with lesbian couples, there's one, like, stunner and one that looks like a bloke. Yeah. But I've also seen the ones where they both look like Ray Winston. Yeah. But you very rarely see two fit ones.

That's what I mean. My mind was blown. One looked the spitting image of a porn star called Sativa Rose. I just remember being there like, I'm going to wank over this so much for the next few years. We used to have a lesbian manager that was attractive.

Yeah. Yeah. Remember? Yeah. I know exactly who you mean. Is your porn star, like, encyclopedia quite good then? yeah is it is your porn star like i don't encyclopedia quite good then or is this your favorite porn star um so so i i need a story to want to yeah so they tend to already have recurring actresses in them so i i need i need to be able to imagine

myself in the porno i need a reason why it's happening fact i need to be able to imagine myself in the porno. I need a reason why it's happening. I need to be able to put it all together in my mind. So you're like your naughty medicare, your browsers and that. They've got recurring porn stars. If I click a video, what? So you end up just knowing who they are from that. If I'm hungover, I just want to watch fluids coming out of someone. We don't need origin stories, surely.

I like a story sometimes. I do have to imagine myself. That's why I can't watch anyone with black dicks in. I've never... I can't wank with a black actor. I can if the girl is. Yeah, yeah. But not to me.

I can't have a black dick. But if a dick's too big, if a porn star's dick's too big, I'm like... Training day? Even I can't put this in my... Even I won't give myself that. Yeah.

If it's a big black dick, I'm like that's not my cock yeah get that in the trailer would you go to porn con would I go to

porn con absolutely not no look at you you would as well so would he no honestly so both of us

have gone no and he's like yeah you would you love porn you'd like to meet them you'd like to get a signed photograph with them I'd honestly rather end my own You'd like to get a signed photograph with them.

I'd honestly rather end my own life than have to go to a fucking conference centre and meet porn stars. Not even good ones. The ones that are sad enough to be like, oh my God, I'm going to sell my photos. Fuck off. What do you think's there for me?

Porn stars? Yeah, but they're not going to suddenly want to sleep with me. And also, they're not the people on the screen, are they? You sayfwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd.

Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn y bryd hynny, mae'r cyffredin yn mynd i'r ffwrdd. Yeah, but they're footballers every day of their life. They're not pretending to be footballers. Some of them are. Wait for that. Watch out, Everton. You've been regled.

I've watched interviews with some porn stars, right? Yeah. And some of them hate it. Yeah. Some of them hate what they do. Like, we have Rebecca Goodwin on this, and she's just like, it is just like a job to me. I don't like doing it.

It's like a shift. I'm just like, oh, fucking, what time do I clock off sort of thing. Can I say? Yeah. That ruins it to me. I don't like doing it. It's like a shift. I'm just like, oh, fucking what time do I clock off sort of thing. Can I say? Yeah. That ruins it for me. I know. Totally ruins it for me. Adriana Cechik, who was in a big car crash.

Great tennis player. She is in it for the love of the game. She loves cock. She organized a gangbang for herself for her birthday once. Oh. Did she film it or is it just that family? Well, I don't want to say how,

but I once met a brass who'd become a brass because she just was like, I'm just getting railed all the time. Why does it get paid for it? I just fucking love dick. I love sticking things up myself. I'm just going to get fucking paid for it.

Class. That's feminism. Cheers, Rob. But like, that's the love of the game now, isn't it? That's like fucking, I don't know, that's like Mo Salah

organising a game on goals for his birthday do you know what I mean pits with Machis after yeah class I love it

the busman's on at the innit have you ever seen footballers that have like proper goals in the back garden and like the big nets behind them you're thinking how often are you going out there and just smashing

you just do that every day we were talking about this in the first half even though you wouldn't know would you yeah I live in goalkeeping as well and I go going goal now 3am every day we were talking about this in the first half even though you wouldn't know would you yeah I live in goalkeeping as well

and I go go in goal now 3am if that's your job though yeah if you're coming back from 4 hours of training

right 4 hours I was going to say 8 but yeah some of us are committed to the game one's a ball on door one's second division do you know what I mean

I don't know what's going on at Melwood they're not in at 9 and clocking out at 5 are they it's not an 8 hour training session they train twice

it's 10 o'clock actually if you read the interviews they change it so they can do the school run so they get there I don't know what's going on at Melwood. They're not in at nine and clocking out at five, are they? It's not an eight-hour training session. They train twice in a day. It's 10 o'clock, actually, if you read the interviews. They change it so they can do the school run. So they get there for 10, and then they clock out at like six after they've had tea. Is it? Yeah. They train like 10 till one, and then they have a break.

Middle of the season. You have walkthrough and middle at meetings and all that, yeah. The thing is, when they've got the pitch out the back, it's for the kids, isn't it? It's for all the Rooney tribe it's not the it's not the actual professional footballer

who's going right I'm going to go and run around and kick a ball about Jack Wilshere had one and he didn't have any kids and I just remember thinking there's no way you do

like I've seen you shoot there's no way he didn't play football either though did he so what are you on about he was injured when he played he was

he was good he was good for like six months. Yeah. Yeah. He's just a white midfield Daniel Sturridge. Get up from that. That was the chant.

He's just a white midfield Daniel Sturridge. We need to work on our chants. Arsenal have totally bad chants, it's like so. What? Arsenal fans have totally bad chants. The only song is Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. Continue. Arsenal are notoriously bad chanters. What? Because Arsenal fans are notoriously bad. Chelsea are the worst. Their only song is, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, continue.

Shite. They're going to sing it. Do they sing continue? Chelsea, Chelsea, continue to win the game. Robbie said you're the dar, now why are you the dar? I was just fully, because you know I've always been a bit easily prickled.

Well now, I've always been easily wound up. I'm a bit of a knobhead. Yeah, yeah. Basically. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr.

Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. Dwi wedi bod yn llwyr yn llwyr. just fully like yeah i've got a reason to be it's fucking so now now i'm just like now there's a reason for my personality i'm just an angry old man oh so you having kids has helped you be the person you always were yeah always yeah basically mid-20s yeah mid-20s robs a gobshite now he's just a fucking dad and he's tired he works hard for the kids let him fucking moan if he wants to moan do you like the bins i'm not allowed to do the bins. Says me wife. You're not allowed to do the bins. It's all leftovers.

Get off them bins, Rob. You're rummaging again, Rob. Yogi bear. I'm selling again. Get me legs. Get me legs. Like, that's it. No more bins for you. No. Rob must be in Fox no it's me love it's me again who's that screeching so me wife's like a bit of a pain in the arse, like everything's got to be clean and tidy and all that.

Anal. Anal, yeah. Well, that chants me a fine thing. Yeah. That's how my wife's anal. So she doesn't, even though the bins is the masculine job in every relationship ever,

that's the one thing you're still allowed to just gender, like bins, that's a man's job. Even lesbians, it's the ugly one doing the bins. It's the one thing you they're allowed to gender. Ray Winston's on the recycling. Except in my house, you're not allowed to. I'm not allowed to do the bins, because I don't do them properly, Gordon, today.

What do you do? Because I don't put them out enough, apparently. She wants them right out there, on the fucking edge of the curb, ready for the bins. Oh, on the pavement? She wants them on the pavement, ready for the bins. Whoa, maverick, mate. But here's another thing. She's a gobshite, she wants them on the pavement ready for the bins but here's another thing she's a gobshite

she puts them out at 8 o'clock at night so I'm saying to her well if I was your if I was 15 and I'm walking past your bins and my weight's getting

volleyed I had to fucking volleyed your bin everywhere so there's no chance of putting the bins in the pavement you're a gobshite love

because I was a cunt when I was 15 you've got to take into account for these things so I put them at the top of the like the path and then 6 o'clock

the bin men take them from the top of the path but then when I go to work I pull them out a bit more and then I keep them on the property don't stick them out on the next year

I pull them out at like 7 o'clock because the bin men come at half 7 so on the way just before the screw screw them or something I pull them out

but she's like no she's I need to know they've been done before I can go to sleep. Right in the middle of the path. What about if someone's got a newborn baby and I take them out for a walk and you've blocked the pavement? At 10pm at night, you know?

You have a newborn child. They're not sleeping at all. You walk them? Yeah. Put them in bed? Come on, little John. We're going for a walk. You can't sleep.

Let's go out. David, think about it. You've got a baby who can't sleep. Just put them in bed. Carl's parents, oh, that's, you can't sleep, let's go out. Think about it. The motion. You've got a baby who can't sleep, just put them in bed. Carl's parents here. Can't wait for you to,

you wouldn't take them for a walk? Yes, yes, yes, go 10 o'clock at night. You can't sit and walk,

you fucking lunatics, they're in the cot sleeping. Adam, I can't sleep trying to go to Potwell. Yeah, let's go, let's head out,

yeah, yeah, I cannot wait for you knobbers to have kids and you'll be fucking first. Come on, walk. I know you're a fucking first. Come on, walk.

I know you're a fucking newborn. Walk. I said we're going for a walk. He's dragging on the gravel. Are you telling me? Yeah. The baby's sleeping cots. Better than they do in their own bed sometimes.

Prams, yeah. So you've taught either of your children how to 10pm at night before? I can't tell you what the first few months are like. It's mental. Oh, is it? Yeah. Sure it is.

Oh, yeah. You've been a baby? I tell you what, when I'm a parent, 6pm, I'll fucking close the door and I'll open it at 11am. Morning! Do you not sleep all night? Shut up. I'm your dad.

I'm not going for a walk ever. Why can't you drive? The baby won't go to sleep. Take him all for us. Take him to Boozer. Oh, wait, Carl, because it's coming for you. Within two years. Within two years.

Oh, the baby's not sleeping. I'm going to just go slaloming around all the bins. Slaloming. You're welcome, though. Slaloming. Bin bin slaloming. I'm going to take him, you know, Persia. Bin slalomin slalomin bin bin slalomin I'm going to take him you know

Persia bin slalomin bin slalomin he's going to join Al Qaeda if the baby can't sleep you join ISIS get the baby

to the Lebanon stupid the baby can't sleep take him to Lebanon no I've never seen anyone take their baby for a walk we've never even

concentrated what are you on about? You're lying. You're just lying. I am not lying. And you're brought up on the council estate and some people don't even take their babies for a walk to put them to sleep.

Some people are just parents who get to walk. I love seeing that. You're a Maccies at 11. You're like, somebody put your child to sleep. Yeah, exactly. They're like dogs. They have to walk them. What do you mean? They have to walk them. What do you mean?

They haven't been out for a walk, do they? What do you mean? Why are you walking your baby? No, no. Oh, my God, Colin. It's just a pram. It's just good for fresh air,

isn't it? The baby can't sleep. The motion helps them sleep. And also, it's not easy joining ISIS. You've got to walk all the way. That's a lot of paperwork. Yeah, yeah.

I think if my baby won't sleep, I'll go put it in bed. That's when I sleep. You have to fill out a form to join ISIS. Yeah, multiple. How do you know? Because you're 7%? Yeah.

He's Muslim, isn't he? 7%. Thank you. See, Rob identifies me in the correct way. He doesn't miss religion. Maybe you're a sleeper, Sal. Maybe you've been in ISIS all along. That would be

amazing like every episode finn's been involved in deep just slowly like yeah he mentions words that just trigger words oh so what else you do that's a babies if they can't do something well they can't sleep what you do if they're not eating yeah well at the moment i just argue with him yeah he's a child now isn't he yeah yeah he talks back i me just like i just plead with him now just like why why why are you doing this we've had a lovely day why are you ruining it by making me sit here for 40 minutes to watch you put your head in your hands next to a bowl of food like stop it we eat it all son you're killing me you eat what i'm saying i just don't understand what else you do with my babies that insane you can't do nothing with them anymore I can't believe I'm being gaslit by these two

you can't do nothing with them I got battered me and I can't touch my kid and sometimes I think he needs to understand that and maybe I get a cop on when I say that like he doesn't appreciate that I had to go fucking battered for this I don't want to hit him I just want him to know that I had to go

fucking battered for this and you should be grateful that I did not fucking battered for this. And you should be grateful that it's not even crossing my mind. But I wouldn't even do it, basically. I would think about it a lot. Yeah, slap my legs, yeah. He never slapped my... Joe Jackson. I got volleyed once for doing Penny for the Guy.

Volleyed? Volleyed up the stairs. Did you strike for doing Penny for the Guy? It's begging, innit? I didn't know it was begging. Did you get hit? Did your dad hit you? No.

I'd have fucking knocked him out. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember saying that to my mate once. He was like... Four years old. Why do you do what your dad says? Because my dad's six foot four and 25 stone.

I wouldn't do what your dad said because I'd knock him out. But my dad swat me. What was wrong with Penny for the guy? It's begging, innit? But like in a creative way for kids as well. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag.

A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag.

A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag.

A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A dwi'n meddwl, mae'n fag. A d it's a big old stand I'm not begging you we live in a mansion now he sends me emojis it's fucking horrible so your dad used to hit the back of your legs have you ever been rattled by your dad fella yeah have you

yeah yeah yeah he hit me with a lightsaber a few times what a real one no a prop yeah but they're from a generation

when they got beaten isn't it my dad got the slipper he got the cane at school like yeah and then his generation before him they got like executed't it my dad got the slipper he got the cane at school like yeah and then his generation before him

they got like executed for detention and all sorts it's getting softer generation before they had to go to war didn't he so it was like

yeah did you slap on the legs like did you yeah off your mum off your mum yeah I don't have my dad

slap me on the legs that was a bit out of line if a random dad had mad slapped me on the legs I'd be like is that my dad no we won't

I've always done something wrong I get a little slap on the legs I'd be like is that my dad no we won't if I was done something wrong I'd get a little slap on the legs yeah slap little slap did you never ever get a

little smack no never never no I think for our age that's why he's on common

I think he might have needed one I think he could have done with one I think I was just such a dangerous kid do you hear your dad never hit you because of your reputation?

Yeah, he just knew. He's heard the streets talking and gone. He knew, yeah. He'd see me scrap. Don't do that. He's only three, but I fear him. I've heard the whispers in nursery. I best not fucking touch him.

Fuck off, Dad. Going for a walk? I got it by other kids, you know? Because, like, you know, heavy as the head and all that, you know? Do you all want to come do you all want to come for the crown I thought you meant it was a big target

you just can't knock him out yeah I had loads of fights and stuff but like not with my parents but you can't have kids no more can you no you can't

you see some kids behave my kids have never, ever done it, behaved badly enough that I want to dropkick them. But if you're in Tesco and you see some little shit you think you could do with a little slap, and I know it's reprehensible. It's awful, isn't it?

Is it, though? Just occasionally you think it would just, if someone just went, what? Yeah. That's for your mum. What do you think? Wasn't the old Lord, you couldn't hit them hard enough

to leave a mark? Wasn't that it? I think that was one of them things where people just say, you know, like a moral code. Yeah. It was like one of them. It wasn't a written law, but that's the thing you'd say to each other as parents.

No blood. Like bros before hoes. It was that sort of, don't leave a mark or you'll be all right. I think it's so you don't get caught, isn't it? I don't leave a mark. I think that was an actual law. One minute. It is illegal for a parent or carer to smack their child

except in certain circumstances. Ah, war. Defence if the smack is considered reasonable punishment. No, it's true. It's true. It's unreasonable if it leaves a mark on's true. It's true. It's unreasonable if it leaves a mark on the child.

Wow. Right. He's instilling kids out as long as you don't You can't hit him in the head though. It's a body shot only. Yeah.

Straight to the liver. Leg kicks. Leg kicks are fine. Straight to the ribs. And does it have to be your kid? Oh, I think, yeah. No, can you hit

someone else's kid? Parent or carer. So if you were caring for someone's kid. I think it'd be easier to hit someone else's kid. Yeah? I think I Yeah. No, can you hit someone else's kid? Parent or carer. So if you were caring for someone's kid. I think it'd be easier to hit someone else's kid. Yeah? I think I'd find it well easier to hit someone else's kid than me own. What, just a quick liver shot?

There's no guilt, is there? Fucking, yeah. Because no one suspects it. I'd hit another kid if it was like fucking with my kid. If my kid was getting like bullied, I'd have no problem just like booting a kid into a bush. Yeah, you do feel like that. But then sometimes you do look at them and go but that you the love you have for their child you

sort of mirror that onto them and i mean like that's somebody else somebody else cares for that kid not very well i care for mine but then you say to yourself yeah but i do any good yeah i love dogs but if someone's eating wallace i'd snap a dog in half and not leave a mark rob doesn't like dogs yeah wallace doesn't like you either. I've never seen Wallace. I've never met a dog that doesn't like me. I think it's because you're quite a target and you've got black on. He doesn't like dark things.

Doesn't he now? Genuinely doesn't now. Yeah. He's just the way he is, isn't he? They don't walk him around Toxteth. No. Clearly. The only stage is here.

Can't be in cars. That's African way. It is. That goes fucking mental. Why don't be in cars, that's African, hey? Yes, that goes fucking mental. Why don't you like dogs? They got that on Sheffield Park again. Why don't you like dogs? I don't dislike them,

I just have no care. Indifference to them. Care for animals, I have no care for animals. Oh, no animals at all? Yeah, no animals. I think I'm a better person than yous though.

That's bollocks, isn't it? Because I'm not kidnapping a dog. No, I don't know why. I haven't dragged a dog away from it's mother do you know what I mean if it was up to me

I'd let Wallace be with his mum now happy with his brothers and sisters living the life that a dog should live but you kidnapped that dog

and kept it in your house so like I wouldn't do that in the woods so I'm a better I care for animals more than you do he's got two mattresses

in my house you're the Angelina Jolie of dogs how many brothers and sisters have you got in your house? None. Exactly. How many brothers and sisters were you born with? I'd rather have two.

Probably six or seven. Yeah, so you'd rather them live in the woods? Yeah, as a dog does. It doesn't domesticate animals. They're not domesticated. We domesticate them. They used to be wolves. By the way, Wallace isn't a wolf.

I love that dog. Yeah. You can't release that into the wild. Because he's been so far removed from being a wolf. Yeah, yeah. But they are domesticated. No, so you can't go, ah, fuck you, I don't yeah you can't release that into the wild because he's been so far removed from being a wolf yeah yeah but they are domesticated no so you can't go

ah fuck you I don't like you but get back in the woods can you I'm sure that was the arguments some people made over slavery as well

like they're here now so don't put them in the woods that's what he said like back during the civil war they were making similar arguments to that so what I'm saying is

I just saw Rob go I'm going to say it yeah I'm going to say it it's a valid point do you see wolves sorry master domesticated now

you know what I mean does that mean you've got like a tick on the psychopath because you've got no empathy for animals no but I've got empathy for them

like I feel sorry for Wallace now no that's not empathy that's difference isn't it what's the difference isn't it like sympathy yeah the difference, isn't it? Like, sympathy. Yeah, it's the difference, isn't it?

So, no, I can't put myself in Wallace's shoes because he hasn't got none. But maybe if he did. You should definitely get Wallace some shoes, by the way. Yes. Bootsies. Bootsies are a problem. I just don't like...

It's the same, like, I go to a safari, but I do, deep down inside, think, this is wrongness. Everybody does the same I go to a safari but I do deep down inside think this is wrongness everybody does no one goes to a safari and goes good this that's cool

a bit rough yeah but it's still there the zoos like that but the safari they're basically living the life that they were going to

in Africa anyway or wherever they're from yeah I'm sure them lions love hunting around Knowsley they don't know do they

the lions in Knowsley Safari Park haven't been brought here from Africa they've been bred around Knowsley they don't know do they the lions in Knowsley Safari Park haven't been brought here from Africa they've been bred in Knowsley yeah but Knowsley's all they know

what if there's an international transfer and he tells them about it like a job swap yeah yeah yeah he's in from the I just think that's all they know

they don't like yeah but again though that's not a good good argument why oh they don't know no better so let's just no but like Like... Yeah, but again, though, that's not a good argument. Why? Oh, they don't know no better, so let's just fucking... No, but, like, maybe you could take these ones to the Serengeti and they'd just be like,

I ate them, yeah. Yeah, they would now, because we've ruined them. Yeah, so go and look at them. Hang on, hang on. So, Rob, what do you want to do, then? We've ruined them. They're wool lions. So kill all pets.

They're done. Oh, my God. And then leave alone anything else in the wild. Stop going fucking near them. Leave them alone. What about blind people? Not putting them in the wild. I mean, what do they do for dogs?

What do they do for dogs? AI. We've got robot dogs now, haven't we? Or dwarves. We've got no need for... We don't need guide dogs, do we? We just don't really need a guide dog anymore, is there?

Guide dwarves? You just put headphones in on one of their meta things on a blind person. Are we just going to wash over guide dwarves? It's only guide dwarves. But they are looking for jobs. They only have pantomimes, don't they? Yeah.

And that's been taken off them by the woke left. Yeah. Guide dwarves, and then in December, you just don't let the blind people out? Because it's slippy anyway. In December. So while the pantomimes are on, you just don't let the blind people out. Because it's slippy anyway. In December. So while the pantomimes are on, you just don't let them out.

Why not? Fuck it. Fix two problems with one. Get the steps in. You're one of the only people I know that can make this, can bring this up. Ah, brilliant. Just a load of blind people at a sweet shop.

What the moan? I've given fuck it. I said library, not Greggs. Library, not Lion Bar, you cunt. Sorry. Guide fatties. Fat guide dwarves. Why not just give them a blind person

and be like 10,000 steps? He's got to do it, eh? Fat guide dwarves. Give it to dogs. Bring in fat guide dwarves. Society is fixed. There used to be wolves, you know. Soft is fixed. There used to be wolves, you know. Soft swat.

There used to be actors. Are they really not allowed in Panto anymore? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're not allowed to play. So there's a movement within the... Oh, sorry. I forgot you knew all about Pantos. I do.

I know. Of course. How did I not assume it? So there's a movement... I've been reading the entertainment industry that says like

dwarves shouldn't just be playing dwarf roles so there should be like a lead like there should be like they should do Die Hard again

but with Bruce McClane to be fair though he would get through the vents easier though wouldn't he yeah he'd just walk through it he would get through the vents easier though wouldn't he yeah he just

walked through it just like well through them vents yeah so like basically they're saying

like a mini gladiator it shouldn't just be oh you're a dwarf you play a dwarf

yeah it should be the sky's the limit yeah right Tyrion Lannister he's not

even though he's just playing a yeah yeah no I I get it yeah yeah yeah theyannister he's not even though he's he's just playing a yeah yeah no I get it yeah yeah yeah yeah they're saying it's not fair that just because they're a dwarf

they can't be in Die Hard yeah some of them have got chops Space John too are you doing Panto this season no holding out for Die Hard so

that'll be me Die Hard 4 every honestly remake every film with a little person. Just love, actually, when she opens the door, she's like, close it again. Don't get to the sign part. I'm all for it.

Look what knows, actually. You've killed Adam off. Too fast, too foot. 127 centimetres. Too fast, too foot. 127 centimeters. 300 centimeters. That's all that. That'd be three feet tall. That's all that.

300 millimeters. In the NBA. Right. I think we need to have a break Yeah I seconded Par 4 of 4 Just before we hit record then my housemate Jack left

and I asked him whether he was in for dinner and Rob called me gay I didn't, I said it was lovely to watch, I said I couldn't do I said it was lovely to watch. I'm also gay. I said I couldn't do it because in my head It's gay. I'd just be,

yeah, I'd have my uncle and my dad screaming, you're gay. Yeah. But then you would also tell them she died. I wouldn't make that

chicken curry again. Fuck off. I'd suck them off afterwards as well. Old brummies as well. What? Old brummies as well. Hang on,

you can't live with a housemate and go, what do you fancy for tea? It was the way he said it with a housemate and go, what do you fancy for tea? It was the way he said it. Oh, you did go, what do you want for tea, mate? Jack, are you going to be in for tea? Are you in for dinner?

Cock for tea again? Are you going to be in for tea? I'm going to make that chicken curry that we like. It's like, oh, jealousy. That's what it sounds like. But he's a cooksman, isn't he? Yeah, he's a cooksman. And you also said that you've got a resentment

towards joint stag and hen parties. Stens. Yes, I do, yeah. Why? Well, because I just think it's selfish. On the woman's part? No, on the person whose stag it is. Yeah.

Because the stag's not for you. So Carl's stag is for us. Right. It should be for us. Rob invited? Exactly, because it should be. You're an organiser. Stags are open invites.

Stags are always open invites. What? What? Oh, yeah, let's stick it on the Patreon. I don't want to go to a wedding. God fucked. You're not invited to the wedding? No, I'm not invited to the wedding.

I wouldn't want to go. You wouldn't want to go? The wedding of the year? Loads of stags. I've been on so many stags, I've never gone to a wedding. The stags are open invites. They're not for you.

They're for the rest of us. The ones who've been married and are now living that life and are now looking for an escape every now and again listen the open invite is insane but i sort of do not know what he means like there's what who's got that fucking brilliant bit about mark nelson like one comic we know has got a bit about how mark nelson needed that stag do you get to a certain age you're married you've got kids and all of a sudden your younger mates

are getting married and you're like this is for me boys this is for me and as you get older the people that you can justifiably argue to go on their stag

decreases Carl you're just in that bracket where I can say to my bird listen to Carl's stag oh yeah you can come to my stag I've known Carl for 14 years yeah we don't speak every day but we're good mates

we play foot together he was in hot water saying I've got to go on Carl's stag like oh the wedding's separate I've got to go on the stag I can argue to go

on your stag can't argue to go on Finn's stag can't argue to go on Steve's stag and for you to take that away from someone like me

who needs that break you're selfish okay you're invited but I don't want to go it was a joint stag because then she's going hold on the car's got to

have a joint stag and I've got to go we're going to Crufts would you not go honestly I reckon we'd have a class I'd love to go to Crufts I can go to be great

on the ale better on the dogs these dogs should be living in the woods they used to be release these beautiful creatures if I can gamble on them

I'm all in have you ever been to a kids sports day that's me that'd be great Release these beautiful creatures. If I can gamble on them, I'm all in. That's the grey arms. Have you ever been to a kid's sports day? That'd be great. There's a school by ours... Hang on. A kid's sports day for a stag do? No, but I wouldn't be against it.

There's a school by ours who had to cancel sports day because parents kept bringing cans. Were you better than him? And I thought that's terrible until I went to my first sports day this year and was like you know what improved this cans and a gamble it'd be great i'll have a tenner on jacob the only black kid in the school and what's he doing i'm doing the sprint obviously pissing the competition is what he was doing making my lad look shite did you do the dad race no

our dad race got cancelled because two years ago someone had a heart attack and I've never been happy about someone's heart attack before oh my god mate

if your dad has a heart attack during the dad race you've never you've never hit the end of it no oh my god

there's nothing like seeing a mum fall over in the mums race. Oh, yeah. Oh, once you see that big pair of knickers flying through the air. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Rob, why are you wearing your sore cone account number on your belly?

Right, well, Adam and Paul always get free shit, which annoys me because, as we know I'm the better Connor Audio listeners if you can hear a rustling it's because this knobhead has sellotaped things to his top Right well

you get a lot more viewers than us we do rightly so some would say most that's subjective so we don't get sponsors

so I thought here's me one chance do you try and get sponsors? Manscaped asked us couldn't be arsed to email them back like there you go Mae'n ddiddorol. Felly, nid ydym yn cael sbontiau. Ydych chi'n ceisio cael sbontiau? Yn ysgol ysgol, dwi'n gallu gweithio ar e-bost. Mae'n deall. Beth? Ond, wrth fynd yma, dwi'n meddwl, dyma fy ngwch i gael rhywbeth ariannol. Felly, Built Difference.

Sbontio gan nhw, gobeithio, o'r bryd hyn. Maen nhw'n gwneud t-shirt i ffattys. Maen nhw'n eu gwneud yn un nawr. Maen nhw'n ymgymryd yn y cymryd a'r llawr. Roeddwn i'n meddwl, rydych chi'n edrych yn ddynol. they make t-shirts for fatties I'm wearing one now they're a bit tighter on the arms and on the shoulders I was thinking you look slim they leave a little bit of room for your belly

Rob can you angle that microphone to you I'm all for you getting free t-shirts come tighter down the bottom so built different if you're listening tag them in for me please

yeah I'd like some free stuff step one undies the only undies I wear brilliant underwear bamboo in the gooch so keeps you dry talk to me keeps you dry bamboo in the gooch so keeps you dry talk to me

keeps you dry bamboo in the gooch I'm unsatisfied with all of my kegs you know well honestly I'm wearing some now I'd show you

but I don't want to bamboo in the gooch bamboo in the gooch area dry it's really good it's really good for drying that's this week's ban it's really good for drying

your sweaty balls stay stay just take note of that last one. Also, a little bit of a cup where your widget and your balls are. And that is treble clothed. So if you have a little dribble while you're out in the ale, get a bit of FOMO, wagon wheel comes on, you want to run back,

and your dribble doesn't show up on your pants, it's going to get three layers of cloth to get through as well. Also, they never ride up. Stay never stay there the hold never once ride off they are incredible okay you are incredible so and the last one is as Carl said saw code account on case I'm just for semi some money or sign you up to multiple direct debit yeah You've got to need my name and address and all that, haven't you? Rob Thomas. You don't need your address. Name's in the title of the episode. I'm going to guess Robert as well. They need my name, so... So if anyone wants to, build difference, step one,

and just send me some money, please. Or set that like that, but it's up for anything. You need more than that. You need a way to live, surely. Surely? He doesn't know! Ah well. You better hope your neighbours aren't watching then. Well, I hope my neighbours could do that. Hopefully enough people send me money that I don't care about the stuff that comes out. What are the right things on it though? What? You're not allowed to do it no more are you? What? Don't banks and people get angry if you put, like, cry money?

Because we used to send each other money. Oh, like subjects. Like rubber dicks and shit. Yeah, they get angry. They can't stop you doing it. Yeah. Like, hey, pack that in now or nothing will happen. We can't give you a mortgage. You've got fucking a refund from a dildo company

that was actually Adam Rowe. I think they're still giving you a mortgage. When I got my mortgage, I had to... And the person laughed. They were like, we get this all the time. I was like, crime money,

it's just the boys taking the piss. I don't do crime. I'm sorry, what? There was someone that actually put crime money. When I send money to someone, I put crime money always. And I had to go,

I don't do crime. I think that's like the default reference when I send car money. Yeah. Which is crime money. Yeah. Yeah. Robert, I don't do crime. I think that's like the default reference when I send car money. Yeah. Which is crime money. Yeah. Yeah.

Robert, Big Bobby T. Yes. Have you got any Room 102s for us? Have I? Dogs. Not to be confused with Room 101. It's Room 102. What have you got, Big Bob?

Let's go. Oh, dear. Have you been to Benidorm this year, by the way? Oh, yeah, I have. Have you been to Benidorm this year by the way? Oh yeah I have. Have you had your Benidorm trip? I have. Have you had your Benidorm trip? It was lovely. Rob, before I die I want to come to one of your Benidorm trips. I really mean it. When I was on your podcast.

Yeah. The other one. We were going to put a gig on at Benidorm weren't we? Were we? That's what we were discussing on my podcast. You were like. 100% in. You could have put a Dan Knight girl on Benidorm. Sticky Vicky closing. If you took anyone else, I'd that's what we discussed on my pod you were like 100% in you could have put a Dan Knight girl in Phoenix on a Benidorm Sticky Vicky closing

I mean if you took anyone else I'd fume I think rightly so as well I would love to go to Benidorm Bobby Dorm Bobby Dorm the locals call it I go at least once a year

Bobby Dorm that's what the locals Sticky Vicky's dead yeah she's dead the original's dead there's a new one isn't there she's not Sticky Vicky though what

she's not Sticky Vicky the locals wouldn't let her call her that name. Oh, really? It's a different name now. Oh. Her daughter was doing it for a bit, but I think she gave up. I think she lost the love when her mum died.

It's like the Queen. But there is someone else doing it. What? It's like the Queen. The Queen mums doing it now. It's like James Bond. No, her daughter was doing it for a bit, yeah, but she stopped now.

Now it's just like random mum. Who's the crew for Benidorm? Who's the crew? Yeah. Is it all the lads you went to school with? It's like open invites sort of thing, she stopped now now it's just like who's the crew for Benidorm who's the crew yeah is it all the lads you went to school with as we're stags like open invites

sort of thing but mostly lads we have a syndicate of six of us that go every year ten and a man five pound goes to Beth five pound goes to the bank

anything you win goes back in that normally pays for it gives you a bit of spends as well and then yeah you just go for the sake of going what's your favourite thing to them in Benidorm?

I've just come up with your ideas, Rob. What's your favourite thing to do in Benidorm? Get bladded in the sun. I just drink in the sun, yeah. I've got a group of very homophobic friends,

as you've probably just witnessed there. Yeah, because someone offered to make someone tea and he was like, Ben-der! So basically, if you get up and you drink

until you can't anymore then that's and then whoever's can't first is gay obviously and then you just carry on doing it that's going to be

a pretty gay week for me no it's good yeah you're more than welcome to come I was actually going to invite you this year because someone dropped out so it was literally

a free holiday to go oh shit and then I don't know what had happened but you were doing something during the weekend I was bathing the kids oh no it was Echo I've got a bath loader it was Adam doing the Echo so I don't know what had happened but you were doing something during the weekend just bathing the kids oh no it was Echo

oh I've got a bath it was Adam doing the Echo so I didn't want to be the one to take you away from that oh no I couldn't have missed that that was amazing

exactly that's why I never invited you room 102 sorry to distract you room 102 what have you got right first off

this one's an obvious one because we've all discussed it anyone who calls himself mum or dad to a pet, I just think... Put me in there, baby. Don't understand boundaries.

At the very least, that should be on a DBS. Why? Because you don't understand boundaries. You don't understand animals. You're not his mum or dad. I am. You're not. I feed him.

You're just kidnapping. If I adopted a baby... You're an adult to him, the same way Joseph Fritzl was a dad to his kids. He was a dad to his kids. Yeah, but he wasn't. But if I adopted... He was a father to... Anyone can be a father. It takes a Fritzl was a dad to his kids. He was a dad to his kids? Yeah, but he wasn't. He was a father to... Anyone can be a father.

It takes a special man to be a dad. That's the worst example! If I adopted a child, am I not that kid's dad? What? If I adopted a child. And you adopted a child? Yeah. Yeah, but was that child put up for adoption,

or was he ravaged from his mother and sold? Them dogs are put up for sale. Exactly. If you buy a kid, you know that's dad. What if he's Namibian? I don't know, actually. I think this does not go in. I am not passing this.

I'll be honest. I'll be surprised if any of these get passed. What would you want them to call him? What would you want them to recall? Where's Carl? Where's Carl? The roommate owner. Roommate?

Owner is probably more on the ball. Oh, Joe's coming home in a minute. I own that dog. Your roommate and owner. Kidnapping. See you in a minute. Owner too. Captive, something like that.

The dog's made up, though. Just call it its name. You're not its dad. Why would I call it its name? It's talking about me. Hello, I'm Wallace. Yeah, we'll Just call its name. You're not its dad. Why would I call it its name? It's talking about me. Hello, I'm Wallace. Yeah, well, just call him Wallace. I do.

You don't have to go, oh, I'm Wallace's dad. I don't call him Wallace's dad. You're Wallace's car. That's what you are. I'm his dad. Rob, you're not going to pass this one. Finn, you decide.

Don't even dare. Love you. Yeah, it's cuter Wallace. It's not. It's not going in. Yeah, it's his uncle speaking there. Next one. Right.

Anyone who tries to save the planet. I think the planet doesn't need saving. That's just human arrogance. The planet's not dying. We're dying. Fuck. Humans are the ones who are going to die. The planet will remain.

So anyone trying to save the planet now, it's just arrogance. Yeah, I agree. It's like just fucking die out. We had to go. Hundreds of millions of years of just arrogant. Yeah. It's like just fucking die out. We had to go. Hundreds of millions of years of temperature changing just happening again.

Yeah. So just ride it out. Get some speedos. Dodo's dead. No one's like going, oh, the whale moved on. We're going to move. Dinosaurs are dead.

We've done it. Oh, the hell! Anyway. Eventually, we'll be bones in a museum. Let's just leave it on. Move on. What in it? Who's the museum from?

The Earth Museum. Human arrogance again? You're assuming no one else will have museums. Oh, right. So what comes after us, aren't they going to want museums now? Raccoons. Could be raccoons. Could be cockroaches.

Cockroaches might evolve to have museums. Why are you so arrogant to think humans are the only ones that would have museums? Yeah, cockroach museums. Come on, get with it. You don't know where they live. Young cockroach kid. I do think there will be a better thing after us. There'll be another thing.

Who knows if it's better or worse? We were better than the ones before. How do you know? What do you mean? Dinosaurs haven't got the Xbox, have they? Well, they didn't. Yeah, but maybe that's why we're shit, because we killed ourselves by having the Xbox. I don't play it anymore

but we haven't killed ourselves we're all here having a laugh for now yeah but like eventually the world's gonna die I'm enjoying it

I'm very happy with this you're not gonna be welcoming me in a cockroach museum and that was a sentence that made sense I just think it's dead arrogant to try and save the planet

I agree by the way it's just like this is what we've done we've used coal we've done this fuck it let coal. We've done this. Fuck it, let's just ride it out now. I'd fly to Blackpool from here.

Yeah. Let's just ride it out. This is how we've chosen to live. I don't care. Like, when people are like, oh, put that in the recycling. Why don't you suck my cock? Enough people care that I don't need to.

Sorry. No, enough people don't care. So need to sorry and that's all no enough people don't care and the recycling so that doesn't matter what you do anyway exactly and the recycling

we've done the next thousand years anyway we just throw it on the pile yeah we're just we're beyond capacity

as it is we've chosen to live how we're going to live so that's just let's deal with it just get a plutonium lollipop lick it

who gives a fuck? That's it. And everyone's all like, oh, Taylor Swift's got a private jet. Of course she has. She's going to Amsterdam, the only other flight is a Ryanair

on an easy jet one. She's not getting on that, is she? Yeah, fucked. Let Taylor Swift do whatever she wants. I agree. People who try and save the planet

can go and ruin us. Fuck the planet, let's have a laugh. I know, you want to save the planet. Have fires, burn stuff. You're trying to save the planet. What are you trying to save, Finn? Do the planet. Let's have a laugh. I know you want to say fires, burn stuff. You're trying to save the planet.

What are you trying to save, Finn? Do you mean? You've got a MacBook? Finn, what are you trying to save? You know what I mean? No,

I don't. Explain yourself. No, explain what you're trying to, what are you trying to save? We are, we are. Oh,

we don't know. We are the world. Custodians of this planet. Yeah. Yeah. And what? And what? We've got to look after it. But we're...

But it's not us, is it? The planet's not dying. Yeah, it is. We're dying. No, we're killing it. No, we're not. No, we're not. China's killing it.

The planet's killing us. It was a nice age at one point. It was so nice. And it's sour now. Can I just say, I've just been listening for... It's one of them Sharky Scouse ones, isn't it?

Sorry. Fucking nah. Fucking nah. Oh, God. The planet's killing us. What? The planet ones isn't it sorry oh god the planet's killing us what the planet's

killing us it's where the disease let's be the disease yeah let's all be cancer

China's doing most of the damage as well yeah we're not Chinese and he's you know if he gets a baby

yeah we're not Chinese and only one of my kids is that passes Rob you've got that get in

yeah fuck the planet I'm this next one my beard told me not to put in. Definitely do it then. Anxiety. I don't believe in it. Well.

All anxiety is arrogance. Again. What do you mean? Well, all anxiety is just self-importance. What are you talking about? Well, you've got health anxiety, haven't you? Well, the root of that is I'm so special, I couldn't possibly be sick.

Oh, no, you've got that. I might get that. That would be the terrible thing to happen because I'm Adam Rowe and I'm special. No, no, that's not the thought process, though. That's what it feels like to me. It's not, oh, I'm special. It would be worse if I had it.

I'm not saying it's worse. When someone's like, oh, I've got bum cancer, when I then start going, oh, I might have bum cancer, I'm not going, that would be worse. I'm saying it would be equally bad that I've got bum cancer. Well, just have bum cancer and die. He did that in the trailer. Rob, if you saw someone with a broken leg,

you go, oh, I wish I didn't have that. You arrogant cunt. I don't. I don't. Let me see someone with a broken leg go, he's got a broken leg. Yeah, but then you're thinking, oh, wish I didn't have that. You arrogant cunt. I don't. I don't. I've never seen someone with a broken leg go, he's got a broken leg. Yeah, but then you're thinking, oh God, I wish I never make my leg. That's not arrogance. No, I don't think like that.

Self-preservation. I don't think you know what arrogance is. I don't think like that. Self-preservation. Why? That's a portrait onto yourself. That's just someone with a broken leg. It's the same as social anxiety.

People go, oh, I need to say goodbye to everyone because if I leave, I haven't said goodbye. People are going to talk badly of me no one's asked get off like stop like you're anagant what saying bye

anxious innit like oh no fuck off stop being anagant you're not that important I just all anxiety just leads to self importance

wow so you're just saying everyone should just get on with it yeah I've got a bit of anxiety about flying ah who it might crash who cares I it. Yeah. I've got a bit of anxiety about flying. Ah, it might crash. Who cares? I do agree with that.

I've got it, and I've got it bad. And I do think just... Alfie's got like a great quote from an old show where he's like, I have such a sympathetic attitude towards everyone else's mental health and a really regressive attitude to me own. Like when someone else is like,

I'm really struggling with depression and anxiety at the minute. I'm like fucking, and that's so tough. I hope you're right. When it's me, when I'm having a bout of it, I'm like, just fucking grow up.

You fucking stupid cunts. What if this happens? Well, what if it doesn't? It probably won't, will it? I hate it. It's the same with like,

one, depression and anxiety, I think are different. Anxiety has managed to throw itself in there. Well, the reason why it's a twat and then you saying about planes oh this plane might crash

do you know how many planes crash a year like one in what a million a million planes crash a year why are you that special that you're going to be that one in a million

why are you that special I don't think self importance again oh I'm the special one me whose plane's going to crash because I'm dead special get a grip do you know what I think we should give it to him yeah I do self-importance again. Oh, I'm the special one, me? Whose plane's going to crash? Because I'm dead special. Get a grip.

Do you know what? I think we should give it to him. Yeah, I do. He cares enough, like, okay. You got it. You're on a roll here, mate. Yes, I'm flying.

You were wrong, babe. Anyone who follows you on Insta with a private account, I think, should be a 24-hour lenience for me to check you out. If you're going to follow me, I should have 24 hours to go. Let's see. And then on top of that,

Mills with crack and profile pictures, who then only post posts to the kids. I think, nah, nah, your kids and your profile picture, I won't follow you. But if you're going to just shoot your profile picture, then I'm going to... I bait. Don't be baiting me.

I'll be showing me your kids. I'm not a nonce. I think if someone follows you, it should un-private them. Yeah. I'm 100% for that. I think everyone should have to sign up with their ID. There should be no dud accounts, eh? Yeah.

And if someone... You can have it un-private, but if you follow me, I can see everything. I think there should be a leeway, like 24 hours or something, so I can check it out if I want to follow you. No, if you follow me, it's mutual. We follow each other now.

I don't want to follow you back. I might not want to follow you. That's like friends on Facebook, wasn't it? I might not want to follow you back. Yeah, but I can still see who you are. But I should have 24 hours to see you to go, yes or no?

That Nilf thing is unbelievable. The profile pic where you're like, hello, and then it's just literally, the kids. Hemelith, Hemelith, Hemelith. You're like, oh, for fuck's sake. I planned a wank and that's gone. I think you're like hello and then it's just literally Hemeleth Hemeleth Hemeleth Hemeleth you're like oh for fuck's sake

I planned a wank and that's gone I think you're getting that as well can we give him that oh yeah absolutely three out of four

you're smashing this last one perfect paw machines I think they should go in room 102 they are are Brutus stabbing us in the back

with every paw the last betrayal of great men everywhere what's this Jesus once Jesus once sold for 30 pieces of silver for us in the back with every poor the last betrayal of great men everywhere what's this jesus wants once jesus wants all for 30 pieces of silver for us to gynastraff to their own oh i think it's a pawn perfect paw machines honestly i heard perfect pawn machine sorry and the rest never made sense machine made loads of sense perfect paw machine where you pour your own pint

around there's like three or four different versions of them yeah yeah where you can draft Pwy sy'n gwneud llawer o wahanol... Beth yw'r pecyn o ddynion perffaith? Y lle rydych chi'n gynnal eich hunain. Mae yna ddwy neu chwe fersiwn gwahanol ohonyn nhw. Y lle gallwch chi ddrafn eich eil eich hun. Felly, mae'r staf yn eu ddodd i bob dyn gwych. Pam? Oherwydd dyna'r pwbl sy'n cael ei gael. Dyna'r peth olaf sy'n eich cadw i ffwrdd. Rwy'n mynd i gael gynnes sy'n teimlo fel gael ei gael o'r pub ar ei ffwrdd. Roedd hynny'n cael ei wneud gan gyfrifoedd i'w ddynion.

O'r ffordd roedd eich gweithiwr yn ei ddynion. Dydyn nhw ddim yn rhaid i chi fynd i'r pub nawr. Yn union. Mae'n teimlo yn unig â'r pub. Nid yw'n gwerth. that was made by controlling women everywhere or like if your wife buys you a you don't have to go to the pub now it tastes just like the pub it doesn't love because when I taste it in the pub it tastes like freedom I just think they're horrible I think it's a stab in the back I think it's a controlling issue so what about men who build their own little bars

in the house well that's sad you're an NFL fan you're telling me you wouldn't love a garden office set up with a perfect

ball no I bet I would I think I've liked them two things I just I couldn't drink

a pint in the house have something to call them you know what I mean I wouldn't drink a pint with a sit down meal have you seen

Mike Bubbins what he's got in his garden half it's not even a big garden, half the garden is a, it's a bar. It's a bar that you'd find in fucking Tennessee. It's unbelievable.

Yeah. You'd love that. I wouldn't. With a port, with a perfect port. No. Big screen. With the blinds like that

every time you pour it. Another one. Who, like Muslims? Yeah. Finn's Mark. Oh, you mean your wife? Yeah. Oh, I thought you were

just being racist in the pub no she was like don't ever leave everything you need yeah don't leave

like no are you happy Rob yeah but I'm happy because I leave the house so tonight I get to go home we'll talk about this

and I'm free and I'm happy, I'm happy. But there's some men who don't leave the house anymore. How often do you go to the pub? Not very. I used to. It's hard now, because now when you leave the house, you've got to justify leaving it.

You can't just justify going for a pub on a Monday. Isn't that the great thing about being a stand-up, though? You're basically going to do the thing you love, and it's social, and you can have a beer. Yeah, yeah. Just don't have kids, and you can do it whenever you want, like I did last night. Yeah, no and it's social and you can have a beer yeah yeah just don't have kids and you can do it whenever you want like I did last night

yeah no no that's great for you well done it is fire I've had kids I've known love and I haven't pretended to love a dog that I've kidnapped

like so what one nil to you yes but sometimes some things you resent like people who pay like poor machines or stag do's you're not invited to noted think you'll ever have any more kids Some things you resent, like people who pay for machines or stag do's that you're not invited to.

Noted. Do you think you'll ever have any more kids? He's ready. I think, no, I don't know. Because I've got a nice little life at the moment. Okay. So it's hard. I'll start again.

They're expensive. Peugeot? We were paying seven ton a month just for nursery fees. That's a nice Peugeot. My cousin, she now runs, I think it's hers now, I think she's bought it, but she ran a nursery. She was like the manager. Dolly.

Yeah. Even though she was the manager of the gaff, when she took her own kid into the nursery with her, she still had to pay a slightly discounted rate to look after her own... She was paying to look after her own child. £7 a month we were paying. Is that real? For nursery fees.

And then, like, yeah, oh. That is insane. Isn't it? She's looking after her own kid. What? Is that for insurance? Food, nappies, there's still nappies shit like that

with an arts and crafts subsidy you have to pay more if you want to do crayons oh they all do so there's an extra like there's the care

and then there's you've got to also pay for the food and then you've also got to pay for like arts and crafts nursery is an absolute it's a gold mine looks like a fucking hard job the girls are on minimum wage.

They all look absolutely knackered changing fucking shitty nappies all day. It's not easy. Like seven kids pay one adult as well. Wow. Move the power bulb. Yeah, but I'd have another one. I don't think we will though.

Not sure. It's up in the air. Shall we do some listening room 102s? Yeah. Connor Greenwood says, can I put people riding horses on roads in room 102? It's a fucking horse. Why is it on a busy road at five o'clock on a Friday

when there's literally millions of fields you could be riding in? Added cunt points if the person riding it is wearing one of those high-vis jackets designed to look like a police jacket that says polite. All I heard then was Tory. Is that a real thing? Where does this cunt live? Lives in the countryside with other people with your own horses.

The Tory cunt. I backfired for you, bro, didn't I? Oh, a busy road? No, you mean a country lane with one lane? That's what you mean? If there was one running down Muir, they'd be like, whoa, mad this. If you live in a Cotswold, get over it.

Stanley Road and people just holding the buses up, yeah? Fair enough. I just hate anyone. 63 can't get past. But you all live on a country lane, you fucking can't do that. I hate anyone who moans about the environment they live in that they went to and it hasn't changed. Like people who live in town and then moan at bars

for like the volume of the, oh, it's really loud here. I love this nightclub. I think it's fucking insane. And they win. They win. People buy flats above nightclubs and then complain to the council. And the council tells the nightclub off.

Like, they should go right back to the tenants and be like, are you a stupid, thick cunt? You bought a flat above a nightclub? Shut up and have a dance. That's honestly the best point he's made for ages. Spot on. This is the same. He's moved to the countryside with his horses on the roads.

I go, oh, look at all these horses on the roads. I've never seen a horse on a road in my entire life. Do you know why? At the mash, that's it. Yeah, I don't live in horse road town. And I'm not going to. You'd love to, though. I want a horse.

I want to take my horse to Horseshoe Town. Jack says, Room 102, lads. Honorary degrees and doctorates from unis. We're just giving these degrees out for free, yeah?

Whilst I'm in 80 grand of debt, Kermit the Frog has an honorary degree. For fuck's sake. I don't think he'd get you anything, though. You can't get a job from them. No. It's just an honour, isn't it?

Yeah. Kermit the Frog's got merch as well. I reckon it's only a matter of anything though you can't like get a job from them no it's just an honour isn't it yeah Kim and Frog's got merch as well I reckon it's only a matter of time before you get offered an honorary degree Liverpool John Moores what for? for arts yeah for services too services to podcasting

yeah yeah class but you can't apply you know you can apply you can't apply for a CV what? you can apply for an honorary degree can you?

yeah that feels a bit much doesn't it oh no if you get honour me you get fin or stay to do it you just like

oh yeah hey just I think I should have an honorary degree I've got a degree now I can have a job they're like no it's just honour

no but we could have a party couldn't we go out for dinner graduation oh you get the whole you get the mortarboard and everything

you don't have to do a speech you have to do a keynote speech you have to speak in class yeah yeah I'll have it

go on apply for it what would his speech be yeah I fucked off uni didn't do it so just do like me don't finish your degree

nice one yeah that is that is what I'd say like you're paraphrasing a bit but yeah yeah you've wasted your fucking time

no I'd be like see you later if you just want to you know work for the man then keep going yeah I got this for nothing

shit on it I got this for nothing I did a week of uni fucked off before they asked me for any money didn't get the debt and I've still got one before all of you Adam Rowan Adam Rowan

you stupid cunts you could make a really good social point about how like the vet people into unis because they're just trying to get loads and that shouldn't be there but no you just want to be like it's a money machine though isn't it yeah that's what it is i think uni should be higher education as in that you have to earn it I know that might seem a bit classist but I think there's

too many stupid people going to university it's not classist if you get good grades I mean you could complain to the

education system you'll get a chance to get a good grade because you'll go to a good school because you're living in a bad area

but I'm saying if you don't get the grades enough to go to uni you can't go to uni do the Beatles and have a degree my cousin's doing

dressmaking in Hubert well that's not wrong with that no no no it is because there's eight of them in her street doing it and they're all doing it

for the maintenance grant because none of them have got a job and none of them turn up that's the definition of what I mean yeah if you're doing a media

and performance degree at the University of Wigan it's not worth 70 grand of debt eight of them aren't in bootle go get the signature go home

all get six grand every term and that's all I'm doing it for. They're just churning people out to get the money, don't they? That's it, yeah. As long as they get their money, then they're asked. Yeah, I think it should be, the credential should be higher to get in. Last one. Robson says,

something to go in room 102. The letter Z last in the alphabet only used to make plurals more gimpy go in room 102. The letter Z. Last in the alphabet. Only used to make plurals more gimpy and there's an entire generation named after it who are cringy as fuck.

Banish it. No. What about the zoo? Peter. Zebra. Just be the ooh, wouldn't it? And not only is it

really important to the word Peter, it looks like four slices of pizza. Yeah. Wow. That's so visual. I've never thought about it like that.. Yes, that's so visual. I've never thought about it like that.

Pizza with two S's. It's in my name. What are you calling the zoo, then? What are you calling a zebra? Who? A zebra? A zebra? Yeah.

You go in the zoo. There's very few letters. There's very few words that you can't just place Z with X, and it's still being seen. There's no Z in the Welsh alphabet. Yeah, exactly. Is that what you want to do? You want to live in Wales, do you? with X and it's still being the same there's no Z Zebra is just in the Welsh alphabet yeah exactly is that what you want to do you want to live in Wales

do you commute to Wales you haven't got a Z in your alphabet no you've got a double L K but you haven't got a Z what do you call pizza

not double L K just double L yeah but it makes a K sound on it it's pizza isn't it what do you call pizza in Wales I think it's just

pizza but it would be I don't actually know what it is P-I-T-S-A you just, isn't it? What do you call pizza in Wales? I think it's just pizza, but it would be... I don't actually know what it is. P-I-T-S-A. You just do it in a Welsh accent, do you? Pizza. It's probably just pizza, yeah.

You can't have your fucking cake and eat it too. Huh? Yeah, pizza. P-I-T-S-A. Pizza. You should know what a laughable pizza is.

Pizza. Not a real place. Not a real place. Can I have a slice of pizza? I've no idea what you're talking about. Can I have a slice of pizza. Pizza. Not a real place. Pizza. Not a real place. Can I have a slice of pizza? I've no idea what you're talking about. Can I have a slice of pizza? Oh, yeah. Can I have three?

What? Three. Pepperoni. What's the zoo? Let's have a look. Oh, we know what it is, Carl. You can speak Welsh. It's S-W.

Zoo. Zoo. Zoo. There's no goat. No goats. That's all it is. S-W Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue

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Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue Sue at Rob Thomas Comedy please follow me for the love of God because I'm like fighting for my life here just fucking it's just shit

give him a chance I know yeah just please just like you know he is good thanks Carl he said that like hmm

no he is good I am I am Rob Thomas Comedy if he fits send me a nude and I've got a podcast with Simon Wozniak.

He was on here a few weeks ago. Me and him. It's like, if you like, have a word. But not the silliness or the fun. Just like depression and like sad dads, then you'll love another one. So yeah, so check us out. Thanks very much.

Finn, have you got any majorly important gigs coming up in your career? Yes, I do Dan thanks for bringing that up where do we Adam let me just get my calendar up so I've got me and my band have got

the biggest show we've ever done and it is on don't say it it's on the 26th of October no oh my god we're in Peterborough

where are you Peterborough the Peterborough market fair oh that's a shame it only comes around once a month Oh my God. We're in Peterborough. Where are you? The Peterborough Market Fair. Oh, that's a shame. It only comes around once a month. Oh shit, PMF. You can't miss it.

It comes around but once a month. I'm not missing the October one. It's the biggest one. Anyway. Where's this gig going to be? The Jacaranda Baltic, which is a big room. And it could be pretty big for my career i would really appreciate if anyone would go and get a ticket we're donating a portion to zoe's place from every ticket wonderful um yeah

so i'm putting my song on the end of this episode so if you listen to it you've not heard it we've had a lot of new listeners since that it was released in july 2022 so it's uh if you've not take a ride it's not take a ride it's called i think i if you've not heard it before. Is it Take a Ride? It's not Take a Ride. It's called I Think I Do. You've not written a new song since July 2022. Yeah,

no, I have. You just look like that. I've just played. Imagine us trying to get away with that. A lot of comics doing new material. Yeah,

I mean us, not the others. Tickets are available on Skiddle or if you go on any of my socials, I'll be banging on about it. But please come. I'd really appreciate it we're fucking class

we are I'm going to say it it's really good love watching you guys come and watch us cheers it's the 26th 26th of October

I'll be there fuck Peter bro the one day in October we could go to the November one but it's not as good have you got any other dates coming up

that I can check yeah the 25th of October the day before you've got to travel down you've got to travel down the day before there's like a welcome drink Have you got any other dates coming up that I could check? Yeah, the 25th of October. The day before? You've got to travel down. You've got to travel down the day before. There's like a welcome drink.

It's an early start. We have other stuff, but I'm going to plug this one for now. This is the one we need to shift stuff. 26th of October. Finn and the Blue Dolphin. No, that's not my band. Just Finlay Kay. Finlay Kay?

Did you put him in another band no he has Finlay K and the Zootons you have worked with them haven't you I have worked with them but they are a different band I feel the line's been blurred just my band

Finlay K so just to make it clear Finlay K October the 26th and you're not in the Cranberries I'm not in the Cranberries why doesn't your band have a name

yeah I haven't thought of a band name no it's my tunes very elegant I've written all the tunes yeah but you're speaking like the Whalers Bob Marley wrote all the tunes. Yeah, but you're speaking like the Wailers. Bob Marley wrote all the tunes.

Finlay Kay and the Machine. Finlay Kay and the Dog Rattlers. Fucking dogs. Do they? I don't know. Finlay Kay and the Muslim Initiative. That's good, actually.

I like that. Go and see Finlay Kay and the Muslim Initiative? That's good, actually. That's good. I like that. Go and see Finlay Kay and the Muslim Initiative at the Jack and Anne the Bolt. Performing their first album, Breakdancing at the Mosque. It's like classic. Are you going to go?

Yeah, I'm there. I love the kid. He's very talented and they're a great band. Will you FaceTime me? Yeah. When it's on. If I don't pick up.

Hang on. Every time I FaceTime you, you're in Peterborough you know you're zoned in we're watching the posh aren't we the posh the posh

yeah posh and Bex are doing a talk at the Peterborough market fair so October 26th what song are you playing the tickets for three grand

they sold out as well there's only two tickets yeah this is my tune it's called I Think I Do it's sick listen to it bye Felicia

take what you want if you need it I know it can be hard to find rearrange all the things that you're feeling I wanna play on your mind

Not the sort of thing I go for Time will see you through Here in the moment I want it At least I know I think I do But you still feel it in the morning Like you're running out of time Will you make it for the last train? Well I'm meeting you at the end of the line.

I'll meet you at the end of the line. Take what you want if you need it. Nothing's here for too long. Can you feel it slipping through your fingers? Thank you. I think I did We used to feel it in the morning Like you're running out of time We make it for the last train Well, I made you at the end of the line You're through Oh, oh You're through

Oh, oh You're through Oh, oh You're through Oh, oh You're through Oh, oh You're through Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I shouldn't feel, feel I've had trouble sleeping lately I've been feeling things that I shouldn't feel, feel Will you still feel it in the morning?

Like you're running out of time Will you make it for the last train? Well, I meet you at the end of the line. I'll meet you at the end of the line