Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #29 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: April 10, 2020

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What's happening guys, it's Adam here. Just a quick word from our sponsors before we kick off today's episode. That is Beer52.com Beer52 is the UK's most popular craft beer discovery club. They're number one, baby! And they'll send you some amazing beers every month and you can rate and review them via their website to earn points and rewards. Now every month's beers that you get sent will have a brand new theme.

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and you can cancel or pause your membership at any time sign up now at beer52.com slash word that's our exclusive link that's b-e-e-r-5-2.com slash w-o-r-d you'll claim your free case of beer and for every person that signs up via that link only they slide us a little bit of money that supports the podcast it helps us out it's win-win so do us a favor pause the pod yeah go and do that now And then enjoy the episode Nice one See you in a bit Fucking did it in one take bro Yeah man

Pokey Pokey Picking a Pokey Good morning job seekers Oh my god Okay it's happening Catch me outside How about that Have you never seen me before

Upset me Nasty bitch I'm big boned I'm heavy structured I'm hung low if i pull my shit out this whole room get dark disgusting it's the end of the world as we know it and i feel like podcasting two mics two lids and a lot of time on their hands this is have a word shut down dailies let's get through this mess together.

We're in, lad. Welcome to the Pogmejse. We're in and we're for lad welcome back we're in and we're fucking off i'm in a much better mood today you know well i am fucking fuming not happy today this is 32 minutes and then i'm fucking gone i was i'm in a great mood but I feel like a kid who, you know, at school when the swotty kid fucked up and had to use a lie that all the never did any work kids used. That is how I feel today. I'm really well prepped for every episode. Sorted out all the curation for my bit. And I have thrown away the bits i needed and i have

the two bits of paper that i meant to fucking throw away so i feel like the nervy geeky kid is like sure i've i've genuinely done the work but i haven't brought it oh a likely story nightingale a likely fucking story you want to just go and print it off? It's all... No, no. The amount of faff. Mate, we'd have to stop everything. I'd have to come out of the Zoom. I'd have to literally stop the episode to print it off.

So this middle section, if it sounds a bit like I'm freewheeling the fucking Would You Rathers, I mean, it's fine. They're on my phone. I just like being prepared.'s how i feel i find like the i feel like i have i have my zoom on my laptop and then i have another tab open with me my google doc which is my prep for the day you should do that yeah teach you how to use technology granddad it's like having a notebook but on a screen but we're moving and with pictures and everything

oh i'm gonna be that guy aren't i i'm actually gonna be that guy i don't want to be too excited but i'm really excited for tomorrow's episode the boozy one i'm been counting the days you know yeah it's gonna be fun i'm annoyed that i didn't set up the bit i've sent off for my beer 52 because I really think by the way thank you to everyone who signed up for the beer52.com that I mean we knew some people would we knew the people that listen to this podcast like to have a drink but the apps I don't know if it's just because the offer sounded amazing or if you're trying to support us or if it's a combo of the two but we've been a bit blown away by that.

Yesterday, we finished the podcast early. Then Adam basically emailed Beer52 and they were like, lads, brilliant, we've had loads of sign-ups. And it fucking made my afternoon. I was in such... So I'm a bit gutted. So thank you to everyone who's done that.

And if you want to do that, Adam, how can the good listeners of Have A Word do that? They can go to beer52.com slash word. That's B-E-E-R 52.com slash W-O-R-D. When I got the email back yesterday from them and we found out how many people had signed up, it was about double what I was hoping for, to be honest with you.

I expected about half of what we got. You've got no idea how much that... You supporting our sponsors means that they'll keep sponsoring us and please do that with the others as well Trans Alloy Wheels which obviously started yesterday, they're a new sponsor and Vox All Comedy Club, I know you hear about

them on every episode and it becomes sort of just part of the episode, if you don't mind go and find them on social media and follow them and let them know that we're the ones who sent you because they're more likely to come back. I know this sounds stupid, but if you do that, they're literally giving us free money to help support making this

podcast and it doesn't take long for you to go and just click follow or click like on their Facebook pages. If you do that for us, it's a massive help and the amount of people who signed up to Beer 52 means that me and Dan are going to get drunk tomorrow. We're going to be in a good mood, baby. You got pissed yesterday, and then the week i was so chuffed about that 52 i was like oh my god i'm having a beer and i i've not been boozing loads but it was just i was just in such

a good mood the sun was baking oh it was brilliant i mowed the front lawn this is how much of a good mood was i've i mowed my neighbor's front lawn i was like do you know what my listeners are sawing us out mate we've got some of the most supportive alcoholic listeners in the fucking game and I mowed it he was like oh thanks for that Dan I was like don't worry don't touch me but don't worry that's on me that I've not given you fucking grass corona

but yeah tomorrow we're going for it we're having a bevy what's mad with the beer 52 thing as well is people know that you can sign up for free. You pay the postage and packaging on your first thing. You sign up for free. They send you eight beers. And then if you want,

you can cancel your subscription so that you don't get charged like a monthly thing. So many people have messaged us and said, mate, I love these beers so much. I'm staying as a subscriber to Beer 52. They're fully on board. We've actually got Beer 52, some proper, proper customers. Yeah, and that's great.

I'm going to get it next week, so the lockdown lock-in, which we're going to do on Saturdays, I will have the Beer 52 stuff for next week. I've already drank all of mine. Can I have another? And if you're thinking, guys... The only one I haven't drank is a stout, because I'm not really a. Right, well... Can have another. And if you're thinking, guys...

The only one I haven't drank is a stout, because I'm not really a stout, man. And if you're listening to the podcast, guys, how many fucking adverts do you get? I reckon we're at the limit of how many adverts. We'll move adverts in before we move adverts out. You know, out and in. And we're not just going to have

25 minutes of fucking adverts. There's a point where it is... Yeah. Three's the limit. Every episode from now on, we'll probably have three adverts and there's a point where it is yeah. Three's the limit every episode from now on will probably have three adverts on and it'll chop and change who they are but whoever becomes a sponsor of the Have A Word podcast if you could just do us a favour and support them even in

a small way by liking their Facebook page and letting them know we're the ones who sent you it helps us massively and also I mean I've been listening to Rogan for years and he sometimes has 8, 9, 10 minutes of adverts and fully wordy reads like we're trying to massively and also i mean i've been listening to rogan for years and he sometimes has eight nine ten minutes of adverts and fully wordy reads like we're trying to we're trying to get it ours in without bugging you do you know what i mean there's music underneath there's a bed underneath it's in it's out and before you know it there's an african lady going okay dickheads let's crack

on you know i'm trying to make it as least offensive as possible. I had a haircut for the first time since 2007, about three hours ago. Yeah. I've just been letting my hair grow because it's just like, oh, fuck it. You haven't got any hair? No, I mean, you know, when you're a baldy, you can't grow proper hair, but you can grow the awful start of a Bobbyby charlton if you want if you don't clip your hair it starts growing what you're gonna look like a monk you're gonna look like that weirdy pedo guy i thought you were just like i know i thought you had no hair girl you thought

it was like alopecia i thought it was yeah like yeah yeah we can't all be a fucking little woolly mammoth like you. Oh, mate, you're starting to look wild. Anyway, I was just clocking it, that awful look, and he woke up this morning. Sam is a hairdresser. My brother-in-law's a hairdresser, and he's staying with us, and he woke up, and he was like, does anyone just want to do someone's hair?

So he's getting the same withdrawal symptoms that we're getting from comedy so just to make him feel better laura's like i've already had two trims and he's he's she's like i'm gonna run out of fucking hair so i was like some country usually works in accounts is just like i need a spreadsheet just someone let me do it i need a profit profit and lost Colin. It was so funny. He sat me down and I got, I was like, this feels so fucking weird. Cause I've just been clipping my own head for 15 fucking years.

And he was like, all right. Okay. Is that the, how'd you like that? I was like, yeah, it's not,

it's not like you stylized it. You've just made me, I'm still bald. You've just made me look less pedophilic by clipping it. And if you listen to this going no i'm a bit thin on top but i do grow it out on the back and sides defo don't know it's not good stop hair shaming people again i'm allowed to i'm allowed to that's like when black people slag off black people and if you're a white if you're white and you're like yeah that black person's like whoa whoa whoa

hey hey fucking no that's not allowed I'm a baldy I'm allowed to call out other baldies you hairies you've got to keep your fucking mouth shut this is not your conversation it is my right

to be like that bald cunt's a pedo oh that's really effective oh hang on I didn't realise you were I take my hat off I'm like I'm allowed to say it

you know what I'm proud of myself for I'm starting to get to the point where when Jade does something that pisses me off I just I've managed a little system in my own brain

where I just let it go and I just don't have an argument what just at least like when Jade does something that winds me up now I just

I take a second I swallow it and go doesn't matter though does it and I let it go oh my god Adam can I just tell you it's like Beals 10 can I just tell you what you've been through can you make this salad stuff I take a second, I swallow it and go, doesn't matter though, does it? And I let it go. Oh my God, Adam. Can I just tell you what you've been through? I'm going to tell you what you've just been through.

You've been through the relationship equivalent of the montage in Lion King. You have just gone from baby Simba, you've just Hakuna Matata'd your whole fucking relationship, and now, my son, you're like a teenage Simba. You're like an older, adult, full-grown Simba. Hakuna Matata. No worries.

Every married man just listened to that and went, yes, dickhead, that is the future. That is how you've got to do it, otherwise you end up binning them off. That is Hakuna Matata do you know what happened earlier that made me notice

that I've done it right so I was watching do you know the famous go on I'm just going to give everyone a

because you're telling us a story but I want to let everyone go on tell us the story you know the famous video of

Chris Camara on Sky Sports News I've been watching it when someone gets sent off and they're like who's been sent off at Portsmouth and he goes, Asda I don't know Jeff you know that video

I watched it earlier and I went, have you ever seen this? And she went, yeah, I showed you it. And I went, you didn't. I did. I remember showing you it like six months ago and you'd never seen it. I was like, no, no, no, no. I had. And she went, no, no.

I showed you it. Now she does this all the time. Right. And you know what? I was ready to strangle her. Right. I was ready to go for her and be like, I'm one of the biggest football fans. It's one of the most famous football clips in the fucking world.

What's going on? Obviously, I'm getting texts from Jade because she can hear me from the next room. Ah! There's a ping! Shut up, you cunt! Ping! What?

Jade! She's so sweet! I did show you it I fucking did show you it she never yeah she thinks she showed me it and what I did was instead of like kicking off and being like she's doing it again you're in fucking trouble when you're done

ping I don't know Jeff did he? oh I saw him go off I thought he'd been substituted I don't know Dan use your fingers

and count how many players are on the pitch Adam and instead of being like I obviously have seen this I'm a football fan. I watch Sky Sports every fucking week, you lunatic. I just went, okay, cool.

Just let it go. And I thought there was not going to be a fight. I thought I'd got out of it. But it turns out, what she said, do you want me to read these texts? I can hear you, you little twat. I quoted it once and you didn't recognize it.

So I showed you it. I'll strangle you. You're in fucking trouble when you're done i'm not saying you never saw it before if you actually listened to me you'd have heard that i said you didn't remember the quote when i said it so i showed you it and what i quoted and you were like oh yeah i have seen it twat that's not what she said earlier but anyway you've you've I think you've regressed now. You've regressed because reading that out loudly while she can clearly hear you,

you've lost a little bit of Hakuna Matata. You're back to like, I just can't wait to be king. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Oh, another one? Here we go. Yes, it fucking was. If you cleaned your ears once in a while,

you'd understand, you scruff oh my god now we've gone right back the thing is now what's really funny is i'm still quite zen and happy she's in that room raging right now she's fuming she's got an hour hour in which to calm down and then I'll go and speak to her. But I'm just happy. Anyway, there won't be any arguments because I don't care enough. Texas, mate, is it Texas Chili Bean?

Is it Chili Bean in Texas that listens to us? She will not. If you are a Texans fan, if you live in Houston, if you like NFL and a bit, you've not seen the Chris Kamara not getting the score. So if you're like,

oh my God, I don't know what this is. Let me tell you, it is the weird thing that Sky Sports do because they're not actually allowed to show the coverage of the games. 3 p.m. on a Saturday in this country, you're not allowed to show football.

It's an old law where you can show football any other fucking time apart from at 3pm on Saturdays and it was because the league didn't want people to not go to the fixtures

at 3pm on a Saturday. So they put former players in the stands point the camera at them and not the pitch and they've got to be like

oh you're cutting to us here and it's oh it's a great game Jeff so and so scoring a fucking blinder and this game uh chris camara who is a fucking old school 80s legend he still got a perm still got a perm tash everyone loves cammy you've gotta love cammy a little bit overexposed but still lovely

he literally missed a red card one of the most integral bits of a fucking game and he's just so likeable he's like did it jeff did you get sent oh it's fucking brilliant i don't know why i've watched that twice this week why is everyone watching that and shut down because it's a classic it's like watching your favorite episode of friends the prime minister's in intensive care and i'm like yeah fuck that what about when cammy missed that blackburn pompey game not in intensive care anymore he's out he. He's out of intensive care, which, you know, just leads into the conspiracy that he wasn't even that sick in the first place. Do you know what?

I realised when I nearly lost him that I've loved him all along. I just think he's a great prime minister. He's the leader of this country. You either take that back or we're never doing another episode again. He is a fucking... And I just...

I think he's just been a sort of joke figure to me. But now, because we nearly lost him, I think I know what I had. And he's just such charismatic. You know, he's funny, a sort of joke figure to me but now because we nearly lost him I think I know what I had and he's just such charismatic you know he's funny isn't he and he's likeable you know your fucking face sarcasm's hard to get across

on a podcast Dan on a fucking zoom I thought you were talking shit I'm actually glad that he's back out so we can go back to calling him a fucking horrible tory cunt again you know what i mean now that he's back out now that he's back out we can be honest about him yeah when he's in intensive care and his missus is pregnant with a child you're like oh god i don't really oh now he's out of intensive care like ah fuck him the big bald

blonde prick bald he's not bald he's blonde he's really hairy bastard you can call him bald if you want though

I think he is yeah it's like when black people call white people the n-word innit because they're like mates with them what? like a black person

might call you his n-word you can call Boris Johnson your baldie but I can't do that they are so far down the rabbit hole

of this analogy that I it's still it's not as good unless I'm singing Lion King songs while you're talking about your own relationship I just can't wait to be king anyway he's out

so we can go back to calling him a bellend yeah is that the rule if you're in intensive care anyway he's out he's out so we can go back to calling him a bellend yeah is that the rule is that the rule if you're in intensive care you can't get called a bellend yeah it's like when when someone dies

and they become a better person isn't it yeah you know what I mean like like like when Michael Jackson died

his albums went through the roof again, even though for a while he'd been considered a pedophile. But for a while, after he died, he was like, ah, it's fine. I think he's a really bad example, because everyone was like, isn't he... He is a pedo, though, isn't he?

He's definitely a pedo. Didn't he get more stick? He was still a boss and shit. And everyone was like... The week he died, people were still like, do you know what? He was a flawed human. Or at least he was people were still like do you know what he was a flawed human or at least he was

a good musician do you know what I mean yeah definitely or like in Liverpool we have like a gang problem in Liverpool don't we and like someone will get like shot or stabbed in the gang warfare and then they'll do a feature on him in Liverpool like he was such a nice guy

valued member of the community and we're going to miss him. And then next to the article, there's a photo of him like wheelie and a motorbike in his mum's kitchen with a balaclava on and you're like, hang on a fucking minute. Wouldn't it be great? Wouldn't it be great if every time they had those people just saying like the same shitty fucking copy and paste nice things about him when he was clearly a

bit of a quendo. If they were like, yeah, we have three or four of them. And then we have an honest one from someone who wasn't that keen on him like i think he was a great son and he was a great nephew and he was a great big brother and then the fourth person's like he's an angry little shit didn't he was he was edl wasn't he racist little fucking toe rag and he had a dump valve the fucking cunt there's nothing worse than a loud racist shit house that'd be brilliant hey this is a question for you did you in in preston and wherever you've lived since do you know what mischief night is do you know what mizzy night is mischief night mizzy mizzyzy night, yeah. Is it something to do with Halloween?

Not exactly. Right, go on. So it's the night before Halloween. Right. And it's a night of mischief. And it's a scouse thing, I think. I think it's now spread to other cities, but it starts in Liverpool, as far as I'm aware.

Like a virus. And basically, kids go around being little cunts for a night. So they'll like, they'll egg you windows. Right. They'll throw an egg at your window. Yeah. So like in Liverpool

on Mischief Night you walk around like the council estates and you'll see people putting cling film like all over every one of the windows so that the next day

they can just go and peel the whole thing off and all the eggs come with it. It is. What you've just described to me is the most budget fucking Poundland purge I have ever heard. That was the most working class purge, British purge.

Like, yeah, in America, the film is like they've got metal lockers and they all go out murdering each other. In Merseyside, it's just a bit of cling film and some dickheads throwing eggs. Yeah. But, like, sometimes they'll, like, mix an egg with some flour and throw it at you and then it gets all sticky and shit. It's a proper thing, like.

And then last year, nine people got shot. Though Noggy Dogs really took it up fucking last year. They took Mischief Night up. Darren, put the machine gun away. No, They took Mischief Night up. Darren, put the machine gun away. No, it's Mischief Night, mum. Right. Well, just one clip. I swear to God, one clip.

You don't need two clips on Mischief Night. Put it away. Just three guns and one knife. I've told you about this. Fucking, it's going to escalate. You know, yesterday, was it yesterday, when I was saying, Chester's a bit meek and mild,

Liverpool's got an edge, and you were like, oh, that's fucking disgusting. I can't believe you're saying that about Liverpool. Have you heard of Mizzy Night? Not in Chester, mate. Not in Chester. I'm going to bring it to Chester. I'm doing Mizzy Night in Chester this year. Is that the same night as Shakespeare in the Park? I'm not sure. It might be.

Might be different nights. Mischief night is when Shakespeare in in the parks at chester and someone leaves a two-star on fucking trip advisor i thought the lighting was dreadful yeah my mom never used to let me join in with mischief night she used to be like that's for little bastards that it's for bastards you can't be fucking throwing eggs people have got to go and clean them the next day. Life's hard enough as it is without having to clean eggs off your window. So I used to have to pretend

I was just going out for a game of footy. And then we'd get Tony the Smackhead to go and get us six eggs. He also did fucking, he did perishables. My dog 2020, loads of hooch,

blue wicket, auto. Can you get us some eggs not free range just the cheap shit just the cheap shit I'm not even messing though like in the build up

to mischief night shops in Liverpool won't sell eggs to like teenagers like you have to get your mums going get your eggs for your mischief night

what's the worst parents would buy their children their eggs for mischief night because scumbags fucking they're they're

the parents who are currently like well i don't know where little dad and his yeah he's probably at the park with all his mates why wouldn't he be because there's a fucking pandemic on me no you're misunderstanding this this is like everyone gets involved in this this is not like just scumbag parents there's normal parents who are like, look, I know it's not ideal, but he's going to get his eggs. It's like when you get to a certain age when they'll let you drink in the house. I want to be the one buying the eggs. Yeah, look,

at least if I buy his eggs, I know he's only got 12. If he gets Tony the Smackhead to go, he only sells them in batches of 24. Now, I can't have about 24 eggs. He's just going to have 12. I need to know that the eggs he's using are in date and from a reputable supplier. Okay? So I'm going to buy

his eggs for him. The same way I'm going to buy his man off ice. What's the worst story from Mizzy Knight you ever heard? Oh fucking Liverpool. What's the worst Mischief Knight story you ever heard? I'm hoping this is going to be comical and not like, oh yeah, when that fucking whole class

of kids got killed what no it's not quite that bad um what there was like a lad by ours who was like really hard like you wouldn't fuck with him um so tell me about him he's just i'm not gonna say his name because you're still scared of it. Like Voldemort. You're not going to just say Candyman three times, mate. Do you remember Gav Webster's bit about that? I remember all me mates when I was growing up. Gazza, Wazza, Spazza and Dave

because he was hard. The hard guy never had a nickname. He just had his own name because he'd fucking twat you. Go on, You'd never do anything to him but a load of lads

egged his house on Mischief Night because he was like, everyone was like, we'll do his house because we've all got our lads up. Could be anyone.

It's Mischief Night in here. Finally get revenge from him being a little fucking rat, being a bully winding everyone up. He found out absolutely everyone who did it

and went and bricked all their houses. So he got a few eggs and he just smashed everyone's window. He was literally behind his fucking cellophane windows. He was just like, I have a very special set of skills and I will find you and I'll fucking brick your eyes oh that is that is amazing that's like again it's like so fucking working class but it's basically it it's basically taken

oh it's phenomenal he found everyone's name and then four years later they all ended up in the fucking maze it's less like Taken and more like have you seen Dead Man's Shoes Shane Meadows film oh what a film yeah one of the best British films of all time I think oh it's so bleak that film

like defo a top five but you know like he goes round and he's sort of getting everyone back one by one that's what it was like by the way dead man's shoes there's a twist in it and it'd be an awful cunt spoiler but you watch some twists and you go why would you say there's a twist in it oh that's a spoiler enough oh my god and that twist makes you go oh god i feel so sad inside no you've already ruined it for people oh you're right a Shane Meadows film from 2007 oh yeah

sorry you can't say there's a twist in it because then people are going to watch the whole film going when's the twist coming the whole point of a twist is that you don't see it coming maybe I'm talking about it's a British film but there's also British lollipops in it there's a twist

in it I'm fuming with youllipop it's a British film but there's also British lollipops in it there's a twist in it I'm fuming with you don't ever do that again what are you going to do to me Mizzy Knight's not for ages and we're on fucking Zoom what are you going to do egg the fucking

laptop I'm going to egg your fucking laptop it's your laptop dickhead I can't believe they egged the hard cunt's house and you're not even saying his name? How many years ago was this?

Was this like 12 years ago and you're still shitting it just in case he comes round? Well more, like 18 years ago. Go on, say his name. No, he's been in prison for murder and everything. What? He's been in prison for murder.

He's back out now. He's back out. He's back out. He was knocked down to voluntary manslaughter and he's back out. But yeah. Why did they not get down

to voluntary manslaughter? Because they found out his house got egged. I don't know. Oh, well, that's understandable. Hold on, Dodgy Grand here, Daniel. Oh, really? Do you want us

to come and murder both of us? That'd be a fucking great twist. Let's crack on with this audio bollocks. I'd like to tell you about Trans Alloy Wheels Limited. Alloy wheel refurbishments, car bodywork and customisation services in Leeds and throughout West Yorkshire.

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Forever young. I want to be forever young. Forever young. Do you really want to live forever? Do you want to live forever? If you got the option. Oh. Oh.

I don't know why I turned into the woman from fucking Gavin and Stacey. Oh. Excellent question. Oh. oh i don't know i turned into the woman from fucking gavin and stacy oh excellent question oh excellent question oh talking about that we've got to get our accents together jilly being in texas wants us to do houston um someone has asked for we're going to compile it we need to compile our list and we're going to do it right at the end when we're most drunk on the drinking podcast okay cool note two cells write some fucking accents down because i'm bringing i've got a few ready have you been practicing on jade you've been practicing on jade oh what's karen right Do I want to live forever? Honestly, at this point, if I got stuck with the body I have got now,

I'd be pretty fucking gutted. I don't want to be tubbing this around for ages, which is fine, because it's better than it's going to be in 10 years. However, in 10 years, everyone's going to be like, is that cunt nearly 50? Why does he look like that? He's looked exactly the same. You know know if you'd vampire it and you stay the same age as you are forever

i mean at 23 oh i mean i knew jack shit but what i look so good at 23 that's when i oh man can you put a photo of your 23 beautiful little Twitter. Oh, it's a beautiful little bisexual peacock that's going to nightclubs. I dyed my hair. Were you bisexual when you were younger? No, but I looked it. Ah, right. And who cares? You're 23. I'm like, oh my God. We used to go clubbing and like gay men

had... Have you ever touched another man's dick? Gay men had... Have you ever touched another man's dick? Listen, you know we're doing it on zoom if you keep asking questions that aggressively we're gonna keep on the shutdown will have ended like why are they still doing it over zoom fucking episode acting like a politician answer the question have you ever touched another man's dick well no i haven't touched them when when would i have touched another man's dick the worst answering it i'm not the one you want no i mean does it count with your

mouth what what'd you say describe touching not with hands get dick on me but i mean obviously does touch oh i see what you're doing you're saying you've sucked a dick but you haven't handed it i was just trying to do lols because I really felt like it was a witch trial. Have you sucked a dick? You can't handle the dick. Yeah, I remember going clubbing when I was 23 and men would flirt with you and you'd be like, oh God, get away.

And now I'd be chuffed if a man flirted with me. What are you doing? These are my tricks. Some impressions as well. Because I want to do Jack Nicholson we've heard you Jack Nicholson oh no we've heard you Christopher Walken now we won't do Christopher Walken

tomorrow people heard it it was good but people don't want to hear it again not tomorrow tomorrow's got to be fresh no Mike Tyson no Christopher Walken Walken both of you both right watch uh if you live forever you age so you'd be like a thousand years old but you'd have a thousand

year old body no that's ridiculous you don't even know how to play this game you don't you stay the same that's love i look seriously i take this after yesterday when you were like uh it doesn't matter they're ghosts that's taking this seriously if you're gonna live when you were like it doesn't matter they're ghosts taking this seriously if you're going to live forever you can't age because you're just going to be like a fucking dried husk like you know when you put a crisp packet in the oven by accident

do you ever do that as a kid put a crisp packet in the oven and it literally shrinks it perfectly no have you never seen that what for what purpose the oven and it literally shrinks it perfectly no have you never seen that what have i had for what purpose i think my mum my mum did it as like arts and crafts she was like just to keep us entertained one day how fucking council's that fucking boring we're sure house all right come on kid no put your playstation down we're gonna go to the oven and fuck this this was a while ago

wasn't this was the 40s the war was on rationing um i think if you put an empty packet of crisps in the oven it's not not too hot i think it shrinks perfectly and you just get like a mini little i think that's what you'd look like as a thousand year old you'd just be like a drag you don't want that then i'll take death i'll take life and death and die whenever i die but if i get to live forever from this point on yeah I'd take it fuck it you get to stay like that you don't get bored you don't get bored in like 700 years or something

also how long could you get away with it if you were born in sort of like 1900 and you were like right you live forever I mean they basically only worked out IDs and proper passports about eight years ago. You can get away with it now. They'd be like... I reckon Keanu Reeves has been around for a few hundred years, don't he?

There's like... There's like pictures of Keanu Reeves from like the 1700s. like pictures of Keanu Reeves from like the 1700s. Now, you know why I don't like conspiracy theories? But if they're going to look that stupid, I'm all in. That's phenomenal.

The World Towers, that was at the World Trade Centre. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Keanu Reeves is 312. Brilliant. Fucking moron. I'm not even making this up. Oh, good.

Do you not? Have you not seen him? Yeah, he's been around since day. But you're a silly person. You're a very silly person. Would you want to live forever? It'll fuck you up though, Adam. Because in 10 years, everyone's like, is he not ageing?

He's done really well in comedy you couldn't get famous because just tell people just tell people I live forever I'm invincible you would be

poked and prodded what do you mean it would be awful you'd need to keep it secret like vampires keep it secret otherwise you'd be hunted and put you'd be put in

like vampires keep it secret yeah you think there's vampires running around and they've just kept it a secret? You think vampires are real? No, but in the game, vampires keep a low profile, don't they? If you live forever,

you can't have people knowing you live forever because you're just going to be scientific testing on you. You're just going to become... No, I just go super public. We live in the age of social media. I'm a... Hi, guys! Still 28.

That gets so fucking boring. People would know if I just fucking disappeared for government's experiments. All my children have died of old age, but I'm still doing Insta Live. My dog's dead. Jade's dead. Dan's really dead.

He died about two years after because he's so old. Oh, hi, guys. It's me again. It's boring. People get fucking... This is like the hypothetical of, would you rather fly at 10 miles an hour or run at 100? There's no fucking advantage to flying at 10 miles an hour.

You're just a slow, boring flyer. What are you talking about? I won that one. Everyone online said they'd rather fly. Everyone doesn't see the fucking long game. Everyone sees the, oh, fucking long game everyone sees the oh fucking fly and then the American government are going to get hold of you and you're going to be an Aryan 51

getting fucking deep probes it's going to be like me clubbing when I was 23 like oh guys stop it the American government haven't got the power to shut down my Instagram what? Instagram that's owned by an American company? fucking hell who's the conspiracy theorist now, dickface?

Twitter then. It's going to be you and Keanu Reeves getting fucking prodded. But there you go. They haven't done it to Keanu Reeves. He's fucking, he's famous. He's an actor. They've gone, go on, Keanu, lad.

We know you're 418, but just go and make The Matrix reloaded. That's the most American fucking Skousk Pentagon ever. Alright, lad. It's also the fucking CIA. Alright. There's genuinely people who've said, like,

in the Matrix, it's not even like he's... It's not CGI. He's stopping the bullets in there. He's got powers, Keanu Reeves. Honestly, you've gone from yesterday shutting down the silliness

to now being the most silly person I've ever heard there's no you're going to be blown away when you google that after the show you're going to be like what he's right would you not add 8 to live forever it'd be bad though wouldn't it

I reckon I'd get bored in a couple of hundred years yeah you've got bored in 10 days of a shutdown, so I imagine eternity's going to get pretty tiresome. Yeah, exactly. Because we're bored within two weeks within a house. But if you live forever, then the world's your house, isn't it? It's just a slightly bigger house.

And eventually you're going to see everything, so you're going to be bored. The world is your slightly bigger house. That's actually pretty philosophical but like if you live forever you're gonna see everything aren't you you're gonna like go to and then you're done oh fucking madagascar again oh my god i meant the actual island Oh my God. Adam. Yeah, just a film.

I meant the actual island. What's Adam done with Eternity? Well, the year is 2358 and he's watched Madagascar fucking more than anyone in human history. Oh, fucking hell. Have you got anything for this middle section i mean you've just given us one that was a phenomenal one let me check my pieces of paper now i've got jack shit can find a would you rather if you want i'm really disappointed because there was harry

robinson sent some really good ones and i had them on fucking paper and everything really just go to the email and search harry i delete them i do why would you do that you fucking psychopath i like an order i like an order to everything stop deleting shit you fucking pain in the ass no your your fucking management of this gmail is a mess it's a shocking fucking insight into the lack of oh this is the wrong email is that your one i was like i was like well this looks very ordered oh yeah that's mine fucking dick yeah fucking dick i'm just loaded oh adam i had a clear out of my internet have you ever done that like defrag the computer before that's how bored i'm getting i've started to clean out of your internet well not not clean up i've just like got i've gone on

onto my laptop had a good old fucking have you ever done disc cleanup and a good defrag and i've put all old pictures onto a hard drive and i've got so bored in the shutdown now that i'm cleaning not just my house or my garden. I've started cleaning computers. Have you ever done that? Have you ever defragged? No, I haven't. Right. Harry Robinson, I'm taking a risk on you.

It says, and this is why I'm asking the question. I haven't read this. It says, would you rather from a nine-year-old? And I'll be honest, if you've been listening to this podcast, I would not be surprised if this sinks in beautifully with the level of intelligence we've been fucking managing for the last three months hope you guys are doing well this is from harry robinson cheers let's hope you guys are doing well i have a nine-year-old brother called oscar and i always ask him the tame would you rathers from the podcast and he he gave me, not like the horrific ones.

Would you like to fuck your dad? Can you imagine asking that to a nine-year-old? Right, you're inside your dad, right? And then your mum comes in and you have to kill her with a knife. Stop crying. Oscar, stop crying. He's had nightmares again, Harry. Do you know why?

No, mum, no, no, no. He keeps saying something about lids. Would you rather... This is from Oscar the nine-year-old. Would you rather let off the loudest fart every time you stood up or have your thighs make a squeaky noise every time you walk? I fucking love it. I love it.

Oscar, you little fucking legend. Would you rather have the loudest fart every time you stood up or have your thighs make a squeaky noise every time you walk? I think I want the fart just to end business meetings with hilarity. Well, thank you, Mr. Smith. Thank you very much, Mr. Adam. And yes, I look forward to reading your email. See you later.

In a bit, lad. Yeah, Mr. Smith. Thank you very much, Mr. Adam. And yes, I look forward to reading your email. See you later. In a bit, lad. Yeah, it's fine. This is where being a comedian works out so well. When there's these hypotheticals, you're like, what about a job interview? Well, I do not plan to ever fucking be in one. So shit's gone wrong if I'm in a job interview. If this podcast keeps building and building,

we might end up having some business meetings with some networks and stuff. That'd be funny for that. And if they, if Netflix don't get the fart, if Netflix don't think that's funny, then I don't know if I want to work with Netflix. Well, guys, it's amazing. You're going to be the first podcast

we're going to do actually a comedy special for a podcast. Adam, Dan, thanks so much. We're excited. This is a huge special for a podcast adam dan thanks so much we're excited if this is a huge opportunity and we'll see you soon nice one and if they're like deals off i'm like fuck you we're going to hbo oh just on the subject there because i sort of teased this last week um i have my comedy special in in the edit at the minute. It's going to be called Club Comic, and it's going to be coming out very soon on my YouTube channel. So if you're not, I know we've got the Have A Weird YouTube channel.

Go and subscribe to that. But also subscribe to youtube.com slash Adam Rowe Comedy. I've got a full-length comedy special coming very, very soon. I'm very proud of it. Yeah, I made it myself, exec produced it myself, directing it myself very proud of it. Yeah, I made it myself, exec produced it myself, directing it myself, all of it, and it's going on my YouTube channel with no backing. It'll be available for free. Go and watch it when it comes out.

And I've got a YouTube channel, it's Dan Nightingale Comedy, but it's got a full special. It's just got some stand-up from different places around the country. You don't need to be a full special because you are a full special. Just got some stand-up from different places around the country. You don't need to be a full special because you are a full special. Thank you very much.

Oh, Oscar, you fucking little ledge. What a ledge. What a dude. I'm taking the fart. I think farts are funny. I think that's the undeniable truth is that as a comedian, nothing is ever going to be funnier than a fart. undeniable truth is that as a comedian nothing is ever going to be funnier than a fart also just just stand up less you know just you just pick on me just like lean into it

just get lazy with it fart one and get a wheelchair and not oh my god adam you're in a wheelchair. What is it? Are you disabled? Are you paralysed? In a way. I've got flatulence. Trying to take that to universal credit. I need disability allowance. Why? I've got chronic flatulence every time I start talking.

I can't get any jobs. Oh yeah, I can't do squeaky legs. Oh, it'd be fucking horrible, that. Do you fancy a dead granddad story? Always. Never mind, would you, Rathers? You're not going to top a nine-year-old. Colin Hagen has sent this in.

Hi, lads. Going to have to stop having the podcast on while I'm at work in the morning as I've nearly injured myself twice. Shout out to you Colin Hagen, you've been getting in contact a lot, we appreciate you bro. My grandad was a bit of a joker, had lots of injuries and illnesses throughout his life so he wasn't easily phased. Prisoner of war, captured after Normandy in his 20s, coma induced accident at work in his 30s. Fucking nails me. Survived a shitload of fucking

Mizzy Nights. Several heart attacks into old age. We were all asked to pay our respects round the hospital bed. Round the hospital bed. I just want to say, before we crack on, Mizzy Nights, old people's houses are always off-limits. So, like, if someone was seen

to be egging an old woman's house or an old fella's house you'd just go and bang them that was bang out of order you don't do that to old people it's not fair they've got no one

to clean the windows the next day you don't do the old people and if you do you're going to get fucking jumped by everyone else wow

there's fucking rules on mischief night isn't there mischief to a point what it was it would have been bad if you were like the local nonief to a point what it was what it would it would have been bad if you were like

the local nonce wouldn't it do you know what I mean if you're like weird Pete round the corner that's not good is it we didn't have a local nonce

did you not did you not like have like a weird leave him alone ignore him I think I think we got given a choice between a local nonce

or Tony the Smackhead and we went with Tony the Smackhead just because it was you because it opened up so much more possibilities for the local children. We had a guy around the corner from us. He was just an angry old man that lived on his own,

and obviously, you know, we just... I don't know, it was sort of, like, hinted that he might have been a wrongan, but he was a high-risk knock-a-door run, though, that fucker. You really wanted some excitement on a boring afternoon. Fuck, Ian L. Try knocking on that cunt's door on a Saturday afternoon. Did you ever do knock... We didn't used to call it knock-a-door run.

We used to just call it knock-and-run. We used to tie a little bit of white cotton or fishing line to someone's door knocker and just go and hide hide and you just pull the the wire and knock so it ends up with them opening the door and like where the fuck have they gone that quick and then they literally stand behind the door and you knock and they open it immediately but you're not there because it's just a little bit of wire did you definitely do that did you actually do that yeah every one of all of us were just fucking stupid kids knocking

up to a pedophile's door that's the highest risk knock a door run in history not you're literally putting your head in the fucking tiger's mouth and you're there in a bush like pulling a little bit of fucking fishing line yeah just trying to wind the neighbors up to the max they can't figure it out but not all the other fuck have they gone away that quick? But not old people, because you had standards. No, knock and run, we did the old people. Knock and run, is that what it's called? Not knock and don't run. That's nasty.

Nasty bitch, upset me. Nasty bitch. Char. Nasty bitch. That's what Boris Johnson's going to be saying when he listens to this podcast. Like, oh, I was in a coma, intensive care. Charred nasty, bitch. There wasn't a single photo of him in intensive care.

I don't fucking believe it for a second, okay? I think it's fucking bullshit. I think he's just hiding because he's shit at his job. All right, Adam, let's keep it light. Several heart attacks. Several heart attacks for Grandad. I'll have a word. Today is Grandad themed as well, so that's funny, isn't it?

Let's keep it light. You don't need to bring it down. Anyway, back to this guy's dead grandad. So, he's been a prisoner of war, coma-induced accident at work in his 30s. Several heart attacks into old age. We were all asked to pay our respects around the hospital bed during one incident

when the machine he was hooked, when he, when the machine he was hooked up to started to kick off and the nurses came running. You can see the look

of horror on faces of everyone around us, around the bed. As they started to check him out, it all calmed down miraculously. When the nurses left, he openly admitted he'd held his breath

to see what would happen. What the fuck? I fucking corpsed while everyone else was still crying, and even when he finally died ten years later, I found it very hard to be sad, and I'd like to think that that was his plan. Fucking legend. What a fucking legend. Oh, Colinin hagan that was absolutely superb granddad hagan what a fucking dude

what a ledge i hope i've got that about me to be like oh this is boring is that what happens if you if you're hooked up and they've got all the monitors on? If you just hold your breath, like it kicks off like it's the trauma ward? I mean, it must do. Otherwise, you're calling Colin Hagen a liar. No, no. I don't want to do that. Oh, I'm not calling him a liar at all.

I think it's fucking exceptional. Great. I am loving, by the way, all the stories about dead relatives and death and relatives. For some reason, it's really doing yeah I love it keep them coming in have a weird pod at gmail.com

someone messaged me yesterday and said what's the email and I sent him it and he said oh you should put it in your bio because I found it really hard to find it I was like we say it on every episode have a weird pod at gmail.com if you're that

thick that you have to email someone independently ignoring the podcast and all the other fucking places you can find the email I probably don't want your email shall we have a word from Vauxhall Comedy Club and then we'll have a word with our fucking

listeners very professional. Now then, everyone, let's have a quick word about Vauxhall Comedy Club in that there London town. Now, obviously, there is a fucking pandemic going on.

No one's going comedy for a while. But as soon as they are, if you live anywhere near London, if you're down visiting in London and you fancy some stand-up, some of the best comics in the world will be playing voxel comedy club which is surprise the fucking prize in voxel so basically they've helped the podcast out massively by sponsoring it in our time of need and when we're out of the fucking bunker when we do our first live tour of this podcast the have a word show for london will be at the voxel comedy club if you're down

there and you fancy seeing some stand-up after the apocalypse, give Vauxhall Comedy Club a try. In the meantime, give them a follow on Instagram at Vauxhall Comedy Club, on Twitter at Vauxhall Comedy, and on Facebook,

they're just Vauxhall Comedy Club. Join the mailing list so they can tell you when they're reopening and what they're doing. It's VauxhallComedyClub.com. Adam's already played this room. I'm really looking forward to playing it.

They do a bottomless booze ticket on a Friday and Saturday night. You get 90 minutes of stand-up, excellent TV comedians, up-and-coming talent and also bottomless beer and wine. There's a spirit and mixer ticket for 35 quid. There's just entry for 10.

Be a good egg. Give them a little follow and we'll see you there after all this shit has blown over voxel comedy club that's it you are listening to the funniest podcast in the game it's have a word with adam rowe and dan nightingale cool yeah i've got lion king banging around my head Don't say be here. Now see here. As I'm sure some of you are aware,

tomorrow is going to be the first official lockdown lock-in. Me and Dan are going to have a bevy. You've got about another, I don't know, 12 hours to get any accents or impressions. Any distinctive celebrities that you want us to try and do an impression of. Me and Dan are both going to try and do a load of them. And then you're going to vote and let us know who you think is the best at doing accents and impressions. But it's going to be fucking carnage, isn't it?

Because we're going to be fucking six bevvies in. It's going to be a laugh. And also the guy who's like, right, we've all voted on it on Twitter. You need to get some Mad Dog 2020. I don't think we're going to be able to get it, you know, because I'm not even sure it exists anymore. And there's a pandemic and you can't go to the shops. But good effort. I will be drinking the booze that we have in, because I'm not even sure it exists anymore and there's a pandemic and you can't go to the shops, but good effort. I will be drinking the booze that we have in, which I think

is three beers and then my wife's scented fucking gin. You're going to drink whiskey? This is like a 16 year scotch whiskey. Can't wait for you to do a proper have a word with whiskey in you. What do you think they should do, Adam? Fuck off and die!

Alright. Keep it light. So, got two have-a-words today. It's time for have-a-word with Adam and Dan saying it's all the problems that you have with your friends. A little bit of fun. The first one

is with you! People want me to have a word with you! Daniel, we've had quite a lot of tweets from people who are fucking wound up with the way you're listing the episodes, okay? The first 26 of them were hashtag and then the number. So it was hashtag one, hashtag two, all the way up to hashtag 26. Then number 27, you turn to EP for episode, become episode 27. And the last one was NO for number

number 28 we need some fucking consistency do you want to do hashtags EPS or number pick now when you say we've had loads of emails we've had one fucking tweet I read it dickhead we've had fucking loads of tweets behave yourself and can I tell you I totally

understand and I feel your pain but I've started editing i've been i've been started editing on my desktop after after the first few months of editing on my laptop and it's working so much easier but like a bellend i bought a cheap ebay colorful fucking keyboard because it was like oh this will look good and it is a piece of chinese shit and it doesn't it doesn't have hashtag on it it doesn't have hashtag on it so that is why it's changed to no number because i would love to still be like hashtag 26 hashtag 27 hashtag 28 but i bought a fucking 6.99 piece of crap that took a month and a half to

get delivered from China. And now it's short of keys. Um, okay. Just go back to EP for me. That's better than no EP 29 today, isn't it? I don't give a fuck what you want or what anyone wants.

It's gets done how I do it. I'm in charge of that shit. Go back to EP nasty bitch god I need a drink but tomorrow's gonna be fun innit it's gonna be fucking great right second one

first proper one Lids Adam Dave love the podcast it's the best thing about this shutdown and I'm a proud 10 pound

Patreon member also thanks for the beer 52 offer. You're a pair of legends. Well, thank you very much, Mark. We appreciate you, motherfucker. Great way to get us on side, Mark. I reckon we're going to be on your side on this one.

Oh, you're going to love this one. It's granddad themed. Will you have a word with my granddad? He's in an airsonome and he has been for a few years. He's a proper old school geezer ladies man. Usually we go and visit them a few times a week but that's not allowed at the minute and rightly so with what's going on.

Yesterday we got a phone call from Angela, the woman who runs the home and he's been a dirty old get. He's been trying it on with three different women in the home. None of the women know he's cracking on with two others, but the people who

work there are worried that they're going to find out soon and it's all going to kick off if he doesn't pack it in. I don't know if you've ever seen a kick-off at an old people's home, but I can't imagine it's very pretty with that amount of catheters. Have a word with him, lads, and I'll get him to listen to the podcast.

I reckon your humour is right up his street anyway, being the old filthbag he clearly is. Cheers from Mark. I fucking love it. Could you imagine? Imagine. Imagine if they put this podcast on, on the stereo in the old people's home.

Never mind COVID-19. We could see off quite a few over 80s like what's a lid oh he's been trying to bang he's been trying to bang multiple nannies his granddad's name is neil by the way granddad neil granddad ne Neil How old's Grandad Neil He doesn't sound Three different women Grandad Neil Do you know what Fucking go for it

Go for it Neil Come on Isn't it What else you gonna do Like come on Being in old people's homes Must be fucking brutal My nana and grandad

Were in one And my grandad now, he's nearly 95, and he's basically said he'll top himself if anyone even says the word care home. He's like, don't worry about me. If I get one sniff of a care home, I've got tablets in the cupboard. You can't find them.

I know where they are. I'll do myself in. That's how, and it's because they are fucking brutal. Everyone just sat around all hating each other, being borderline racist. And if you can get a little bit of excitement in a care home just fucking go for it neil you dirty i can't remember whether i've told you about this on the podcast already i hope not but anyway if this is a repeat

to everyone i'm sorry my granddad towards the end of his life was in a care home and he had a type of dementia which meant his brain was essentially like 15 years ago so he didn't recognize me he recognized my dad but he didn't recognize me because obviously my dad hasn't changed over the last 15 years but in his head i'm a 13 year old kid right but that also means that his wife is still alive right in his head so he was in the care home one day and there was a woman in the corner of like the little living room thing that they have with a fella who'd come to visit her right he was in the care home one day and there was a woman in the corner of like the little living room thing that they have with a fella

who'd come to visit her. Right? He was in a different care home. And they're having a little kiss in the corner and me grandad got really pissed off because he thought it was me nan. He comes back to the room

to me and me dad and he's like, she's fucking carrying on right in front of me as well. Fucking dirty old slang. Do you know what? She's fucking welcome to him. He can have it. She's going to do that in front of me. Can fucking dirty old slang do you know what she's fucking welcome to me you can have it she's gonna do that in front of me can you believe what a dirty old bitch she is we're dying laughing because we can't even go because you can't tell them

kathy's dead because that's such a fucking you will fall around the party you just have to be like yeah yeah she's being a bitch isn't she you've got two choices you either ruin his day by saying she's dead or you just like like keep it ruined by going yeah she's a bit of a slag that is once we turned up and on my granddad's wall he had a certificate and i read it and it said the winner of the great zimmer frame race so i asked him what had happened the day before they'd give all the pensioners a zimmer frame and made them race

in the garden what and he won and I thought he'd have done it just as like a a joke or whatever but he took it

proper serious like oh you won the zimmer frame race he was like fucking course I did fucking slow in here mate no one got anywhere near me

do you know there's no sport on at the moment, I am so starved of sport right now, if we can arrange it, I would love to start putting some money down on fucking Nana Racing, oh that'd be amazing

look at Mildred go she's pulled the tights up, she's ready and they're off coming out of trap one, we've got Margaret. Coming out of trap two, there's Mavis. Trap three has got Ian. Trap four is Frank. Frank has stolen an early lead here.

He has stolen an early lead, but he is asthmatic. Let's hope he can get to the end. Dave is now catching up on the inside. Dave is really well. He's a slow starter, Dave, but he's really starting to catch up. Margaret has fell over. She has broken her other hip. And then right.

Mavis and Frank heading towards the finish line. It's going to be Mavis or Frank. It's a photo finish. It's a photo finish. We've got to wait four days for these to get developed. Right up on the inside rail,

someone in a fucking electronic like wheelchair, which is basically performance enhancing substances when you're doing nano racing oh man that is amazing oh that and you're asking me would i like to live forever yeah because i've had relatives in old people's homes and fuck that noise do you not want to go to a home I

I'm at that point now would you rather be on your own your family's forgot about you they don't really see you that much and you're just in your own house or would you rather be in a home surrounded by other old people who all stink like butchers that's gone out of business as well I don't nothing's great but you definitely

you'd rather be where you are like it's 100%. Why are you even trying to live past 90? Someone will go, well, my Nana was 90. She was skydiving at 97. Fuck off. It looks bleak past 85. In a supermarket, when I see older people buying healthy food,

when you get to 70, if you're in decent shape, you really don't want to misjudge it. If you're too healthy at 70, you're going to overshoot it and still be alive at 98 when one of your fucking ears has dropped off. Like, you're right. Grandad, what's happened to your ear?

That's dropped off. Why? Are you ill? No, it was fucking ancient. Bullshit. Don't be buying muesli at 73. Get a fucking cheeseburger. Start shoving the cheeseburgers down at 70

if I get to 70 and I'm looking too healthy I'm going to start doing cocaine again fucking grandad Daniel's still going for it and then watch me at the fucking nana racing when I've got the zimmer frame fucking away should we call it a POD should we call it a POD what we saying to granddad neil are we

saying just crack on trying to shag the women oh mate get older wrinkly puss puss fucking do it mate as long as it's consenting yeah and you can just keep trying on the same chat appliance until it works that is a bit of a problem in it in the care homes like even consent if you've got dementia you're going to forget you've given it so that was bleak oh fuck me

now that is a podcast I think I said yes I can't wait to get drunk tomorrow if this is what we're like sober Jesus Christ I'm telling you right now I think there is an expiry date on how long we can do

six pods a week because it's sending me fucking mental Adam I love you to bits I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow for a drinky pod. Let's do it, man. Today's band is called Sometime Today. They're sick. Their song is called Tinderella

and is about the high demands of girls on dating apps. If you want to find this band after you listen to this tune, facebook.com slash sometime today dot band, youtube.com slash some time today dot band youtube.com slash some time today band instagram is some underscore time underscore today and soundcloud is some dash time dash today this is some time

today this is their song it's tinderella we'll see you tomorrow for the lockdown lock in see you lads. Swipe to the left, to the right Take the time to tell me what you like What you hate, where you're from Can't hang on, you liked her for your dog Only match if you are of a certain height Won't answer if you start with hail or light

Please don't fall for me, cause I don't wanna have to stay Cause you're no good and I don't wanna know your name, your name, your name As soon as we first be the man If we match, follow me as the crowd Own a house, own a car It's a no if you live with your mom It's to know if you live with your mom Only match if you have a certain height One answer if you start with halo or height Please don't fool me, cause I don't wanna have to say

That you're no good and I don't wanna know your name, your name, your name I'm looking for a keeper, I know I'm doing achieve I should recommend him to a friend But if you're not a tender hand, say it's never gonna happen And never could I comprehend Is everybody gonna be good enough for me? Whoa, whoa, you're gonna have to say no We're not exactly Romeo We're gonna have to say no

We're gonna have to say no Malacos y Mauro We're gonna have to say no Cause my holy match if you upset me Won't answer if you start with hell or high Please don't fall me Cause I don't wanna have to say That you're no good And I don't wanna have to say That you're no good

And I don't wanna know your name Your name, your name