Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #290 with Thomas Green - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: August 18, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comFinn's Liverpool Gig: skiddle.com/e/39298815As Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Support our cycle across India for Zoe's Place:https://cycle4zoes.enthuse.com/pf/finnlay-kulavuzGet subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Tickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Patreon.com slash have a word pod. Enjoy the episode. It's a belter. Wag wag lids. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool. With Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word.

Brought to you by Manscaped. The very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go, Ed. Get on me. Very sleep deprived. Sleeping. What? Still not sleeping. He's not right. very sleep deprived sleeping what still not sleeping he's not right

I'm having I'm staying up late because you know you know your brain comes to life at night time it's like here's all these ideas but then

do you write any of them down yeah oh I wrote a fucking can I give you a joke I wrote yesterday and I read it back this morning and it needs a lot of work you can't read it back this morning, and it needs a lot of work.

You can't read it out. I just want your reaction. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Oh, you can't do that. That is a therapy bit, isn't it? It's good, though, isn't it? It's something there.

It's good, though. I went to see Noah Khan last night in Manchester, and one of his lyrics sparked that thought in it. It's good though, isn't it? It's something there. It's good though. I went to see Noah Khan last night in Manchester and one of his lyrics sparked that thought in my brain. His lyric is, I'm still angry at my parents for what my parents did to them. You need to start gigging more again and then you'll sleep for what their parents did to them. They didn't switch, did they?

Oh, it's just passed down the line, isn't it? Generational trauma! Be the guy who breaks the chain. Yep. Oh, I'm breaking chains, mate. Good punch the line, isn't it? Yeah. Generational trauma. Be the guy who breaks the chain. Yeah. Oh, I'm breaking chains, mate. Good punchline though, isn't it? Like it. Good.

You ready? Is that the Oakland A's, Dan? Yeah. Watch Moneyball again, don't they? Oh, it's good, isn't it? Yeah. Watch it for the second time. It's just as good.

Moneyball, the big short. Don't know what it is about those style of films. I haven't seen the big short, but I like Moneyball. Moneyballs. That's Power Rangers. Baseball. Baseball, yeah. short don't know what it is about those style i haven't seen the big shorts but i like money that's power rangers baseball baseball yeah i ain't watching jonah hell no though because he's a continue and definitely sort of not accepted i've got first hand knowledge that he's a someone told me i know yeah but like kevin spaceybed children against their will, but the usual suspects

are still fighting. Allegedly. Actually, no, he didn't. He got found not guilty. None of that. Actually, he could be doing that then. So it's not true. I'll back out.

The burden of proof was high though, you know? So he still could have. But Johnny Hill was in Superbad, so. Unreal. That's what I forgive. The old art

from the artist debate. I forgive so much for Superbad. What's your current of age film, Dan? Because that's ours, that's not yours. Nancy Drew. What's Nancy Drew? I don't know.

Nancy Drew. Nancy Drew. Yours is Stand By Me, surely. Was it The Breakfast Club or something like that? Fetish Beulah? It's an asylum film just the radio the archers i remember seeing a cave painting and going oh shit i'm a man now what's a common of age film it like maps does exactly what it says on the tip yeah formative years where you're like oh I'm discovering women

and shit like that and becoming a man or a woman teenagers it's Seneca's favourite kind of film I think American Pie might be mine

that's a couple of age film is it yeah yeah right losing virginities graduation the in between this is coming of age

TV yeah how can they both be though because like the in between this is like such a different age range to the American Pie so how can they both be though Because Like The in between This is like such a different age range To the American Pie

So how can they both be How can they be I don't think it's specific to like You have to be 16 Going on 17 or anything Oh it's just like It's just like a development That teenage sort of

Angst Into Yeah Becoming a young adult Realising shit about the world So I think I could watch But thanks for the Breakfast Club shout out. I was probably four years old when that came out.

Yeah, but Superbad's mine. Because that was the one, there wasn't a good one when I was that age. Yeah, but that's what I mean. I was like nine when that came out. Coming of age. No, but I mean. Yeah, but you were an early developer, weren't you?

I watched that when I was 14. You're from real. You did crack at 11. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think my arm was probably the in-between as well because I'm like,

oh, gims exist. That's what you got from a coming of age. They nailed high school with that. Yeah. They fucking nailed it.

Yeah. Yeah. Have you heard Donovan speak? Yeah. It's mad. He's posh, isn't he? Yeah.

Yeah. Because he's in Killing Eve. He's a good actor. And it blew me head off. Yeah. Because I was watching him talk and I was like, I know his face, but not his voice. What if I've seen it? And then when it clicked that that was Donovan in Killing Eve he's a good actor and it blew my head off yeah because I was watching him talk and I was like I know his face

but not his voice what if I'd seen it and then when it clicked that that was Donovan in Killing Eve I was like nah bruv Killing Eve's boss as well

American Pie definitely had a I'd never heard the phrase MILF before American Pie like it it was it was massive in 97

98 was it I think mine was probably Van Wilder then that's the one I liked you introduced me to Van Wilder It was massive in 97, 98, was it? I think mine was probably Van Wilder then. That's the one I liked. You introduced me to that. Van Wilder was fucking quality. Is that Ryan Reynolds? It was so good.

I'll let him off with that one. What do you mean let him off with it? I ate Ryan Reynolds, but I'll let him off with it. Whoa! What are you talking about? Oh, come on. Did you not know this? Listen to Film Club?

We had a big thing about this. Don't you listen to Film Club? I don't listen to any podcasts. Also, Dan, MILF originated in American Pie. Wow. There you go. What do you mean you hate Ryan Reynolds? I hate that he's Ryan Reynolds

in every film. That's good though, isn't it? No. I mean, I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Turns out, He's Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool. He's very divisive.

I like him. No, it's just become cool to watch him because he's that sound and cool. No, it isn't. I don't know him as a person I don't think he's uncool I don't like watching him in films

because I'm like I know who this character is it's the same in every film it's the kooky hey you'd hate James Bond you know no I wouldn't same in every film oh he's a spy

I get it what are you talking about what a great counter argument you'd hate a character that a film's about that is consistent through 14 films. Yeah.

I just, it bores me. Van Wilder though, I think that's the first one where he's Ryan Reynolds so I'll let him off because I like him but then he's too Ryan Reynolds.

Dead Pearl can die. Sorry, all the goths out there. You can't, famously. Oh yeah, sorry. That's it. Hey, he looks at the camera and talks to us. There's got to be a better example You can't, famously. Oh, yeah. Sorry. That's it. Hey, he looks at the camera and talks to us.

There's got to be a better example of Ryan Reynolds acting because we've... They're the most archetypal Ryan Reynolds being himself. Buried. I talked about it on Film Club. Buried.

He's not playing himself. He's playing a character. But he does. He does play Ryan Reynolds in everything nowadays. Yeah. But that sells. Fucking billionaire.

Yeah, he's fucking massive and he's successful. He's probably fit with a big dick. Blake Lively's gorgeous. Wrecks him. He owns some whiskey. Hang on, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.

He owns... He's not from films, a billionaire. He owns a mobile network in America. What? Aviation gin. Yeah, aviation gin and a mobile network. Which I think he made and sold, but when he sold it, he had to stay involved

as part of the sale because it's like, you're the it sells he's still right you see blake lively talking about him he got an award and blake lively spoke about him as a father and it gets you she's so fit he's done well there and he said about her like when i met blake i was like i'd take a bullet for her and as soon as we had kids i realized i'd used her as a human shield to defend my children. Do you feel like that about Laura? Oh, yeah, yeah. She's got real good shield qualities. Who would you let get shot?

Wallace or Seneca? Let. You had to choose. You had to choose. You can't save both of them. Someone said that, didn't they? Obviously. So someone's tied you to...

It's not! Because I'm not sure... Someone's tied you to a chair. Yeah. And they've got one bully. And they go, I'm going to either kill her. Yeah.

Or the fucking pooch. The pooch is gone, isn't he? Oh, what kind of dog dad are you? Oh my God. I thought you liked dogs. I do. Serica's had so many years. Wallace is like one, two years old.

What? Oh. Go and ask Jack the same thing about Pez. God,, two years old. What? Oh. Go and ask Jack the same thing about Pez. God, as a dog lover. And as mum. I actually don't know who he is.

I can't believe that. You can always find a new wife. There's only one Wallace. There is only one Wallace. Only one Wallace. It's so sad. No, because you've just

imagined someone shooting a dog. Yeah. Can you not imagine someone shooting Seneca? That makes so sad. No, because you've just imagined someone shooting a dog. Yeah. Can you not imagine someone shooting Seneca? That makes you sad. I don't see her that often. Doesn't see Wallace more. She doesn't let me pet her.

Not anymore. Every time I throw balls at her, she doesn't go for them like she used to. Her back legs have gone. That little, yeah. What about you? Fellow's got one bully. Etta.

Don't say that one. Why? You all thought it. You can't ask him that. I can. I just have. Etta, Jack, Laura. Which one dies?

Oh, no. That's impossible. Oh, by the way, that league table, who's the champion of that? I'm not sure. I know who's getting relegated. Who's getting relegated? Laura.

See? And it's what she'd want. Yeah, that's what you'd pick. That is what she'd want. What was Savika wanting? Mate, by the way, she wouldn't even need to end the... Like, I'm so getting relegated from that.

Plus, I know what I'm insured for. So she'd be like, yeah, that bowl gun. But you can't do the one of those two. What if there was three bullets? It was all four of yours. Yeah. Like, you're gone anyway, so you don't have to live with it.

Save one. Laura's gone. Save one of the kids. Yeah, but that is the... Yeah. Good answer. There's no answer. It's fine. Just put it away. Both of them. Etta, answer. It's fine.

Just both of them. Etta, I've known her longer. She dies. No. Oh, you've confused me. Oh, no. We should have really said. You've confused me.

Oh, no, I'm sorry about that. I know I've just blown your kid's head off, but do you know what? I should have set out the rules. I've done this before. Semantics. You know,'ve just blown your kid's head off, but do you know what? I should have set out the rules. I've done this before. Semantics. You know, I get people in these terrible situations and I don't set out the rules. It's my fault because I've got a lunch booked in and I

need to get there. Traffic's a nightmare. God, we should have taken our time with this. I've killed the wrong kid. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your life. Ta-da. It was just me and Jack because you're all dead. Oh yeah, in that one we're all dead. Oh yeah, in that one we're all dead. Sorry, lad. It's an impossible question.

I'm picking the human over... Is that what Sophie's Truth is about? Is that what that film's about? I've never seen it, but I think you're right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it like, it's both AIDS or something and there's only one anti-AIDS injection? What? It's something like that, isn't it?

Yeah. Is it? The kids have got AIDS, I think. No, it's a gun. It's a scouser with a gun. Right, who's getting it? Come on! Chop, fucking chop!

The game's about to start. Pow! Sophie should have made a fucking choice. She's dead. Go on. Oh, it's Auschwitz. Oh, it's Auschwitz. Why does it always come back to Auschwitz?

Is it about an AIDS vaccine? What, Sophie? Admittedly, I don't know Sophie's choice, so I wasn't chipping in, but how have you got AIDS vaccine from It's an Auschwitz story? Like,

you're in Auschwitz and you've got AIDS. That could be the subline to this podcast, by the way. 9-11, oh, it's Auschwitz.

Oh my God. Oh. And we do it to ourselves not even like there's a guest here legions astray every time oh it's Auschwitz oh damn

do you reckon anyone's ever had that reaction to Auschwitz oh where are you going a ticket oh it's Auschwitz fuck I thought I was going to A ticket? Oh, it's Auschwitz.

Fuck. I thought I was going to Disneyland. What did you think it was? Some kind of AIDS conundrum? I've just been a dick and making up. I knew it was like, which kid gets it, do you know what I mean?

So what is it? Which kid goes to Auschwitz? Yeah, just save one of them. They should have called the film that. And Sophie's the mum. Which kid comes to Christmas film? Well, there you go. Go and watch Sophie's Choice.

Luckily, Ryan Reynolds isn't there. Phew! It'd be the same. Because that would ruin it. Ryan Reynolds is a Nazi. In fact, that's just fucking Sam Rockwell in Jojo Rabbit, isn't it? Jojo Rabbit, phenomenal film. Got the fucking last scene on my wall.

Loved that film. Tarantino wanted Adam Sandler to be the bear Jew, didn't he, in Glorious Bastards? Really, yeah. Yeah, he wrote it for him. Adam Sandler? Yeah. That's mad.

He wrote that part of like the... It's such a serious role as well. Not really. Adam Sandler does serious well when he does it. That's a very recent development though. Yeah, no, no, he's been doing it every so often. He just picks and chooses and then he doesn't jack and jill to make the cash

and then he goes and does... Is this a film club? Are we doing film club? Yeah, we're doing film club. The Bear Jewel. It's a loving, glorious bastard. What's the basketball one? He's fucking great.

Coach Carter. No. No, Adam Sandler is not Coach Carter. He is? It's Uncut Gems recently that's the one way. Uncut, yeah. Whatever that is with the tall... With the tall...

You've nailed it. The Spanish guy. The Spanish kid. So good. What is it? Hustle. Hustle. Fucking belter.

I haven't seen it what are they doing happy girl it's good it's an aids conundrum that'll be fast you'll love it it's about ashford probably one of the saddest moments in film history is when he sees in jojo rabbi when he sees his mom's shoes yeah spoilers oh bro yeah that's Nazi Germany my favourite Adam Sandler film is Big Daddy never seen Big Daddy

I don't know are you going to shout at me never seen it if I do film that is one of the ones you've got to watch okay it's going to be a really long episode

we're doing eight films Big Daddy the kid from Ross's kid from Friends isn't it yeah I wonder what he's doing now Scuba Steve mate one of the

no that's the other ones is it the Sprouse twins it is isn't it yeah it. I wonder what he's doing now. Scuba Steve, mate. One of the... No, that's the other ones. Is it the Sprouse twins? Yeah. It is, isn't it? Yeah, it's the Sprouse twins. Oh, it's the twins! Suite Life and Zack and Cody.

Yeah. Yeah. So there was twins and that's how they... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. One of them's doing all right, one of them's a bit mental,

I think is the update. I think that's most twins in Hollywood, isn't it? Yeah. Mary-Kate and Ashley are doing all right. Are they? Well, they had a rocky few years, didn't they? Yeah. Mary-Kate and Ashley are doing all right. Are they? Well, they had a rocky

few years, didn't they? Did they? Yeah, they were. What was that called? For the audio listeners. Eating heroin. Oh, right. And a fucking car.

Well, the sisters ended up being the best one. The sister? Elizabeth Olsen. Oh, yeah. She's ended up doing the best. What have I seen her in? Loads.

Marvel films. No, I've seen her in something good. Twins are just creepy, aren't they? Twins are fucking weird people. I had this conversation with Seneca the other day. Do you know what's weird? He's right. It was just one of those badly

timed mouthfuls of water. They're fucking creepy. Identical fucking freaks. It is mental though, isn't it? Oh, it's two of us. Don't worry about it. Boy and girl twins, they're the worst. No, they're not. What?

No, identical, identical. You could be married to a woman who had an identical brother. But they're not identical. You can tell them apart. It's a twin, and they're like, oh, they've got all this weird potion power. You can't have identical twins with different genders. They've got all this power together, haven't they?

Did you say potion power? Yeah, some kind of voodoo gear, isn't it? No, when it's boy and girl, they're not as weird because they're not really twins. They're just two babies who shared the same gaff for a bit. Yeah, they're twins. They're not identical twins. Yeah, like identical twins, what I mean is by weird.

They're like fucking telepathic ones who can fucking speak across the living room and that. I can do that. With their head? With the mouth? The loud voices. Like, they're creepy. There's never been a horror film where it's like,

oh, we're the creepy twins and it's one boy and one girl. They're always the same gender. Identical twins are mental. They're all fucking freaks. God's photocopy. What would you do if you had one and you knew your wife just wanted to fucking have to go with the other one

because you look the same she obviously fancies him what oh you're saying they'd obviously be attracted to the other twin because you look the same yeah

is it forgivable if she does it by mistake like if he comes in one day with your hat on and fucks your wife do you divorce her it depends if you always fuck her that hat

if that's the fuck hat then yeah if she gets confused I think it says a lot about Fuck your wife. Do you divorce her? It depends if you're always fucking her up. If that's the fuck hat, then yeah. I think it says a lot about the twin, doesn't it? She's like, well, he started. I've got to let him finish. It's a mastermind. As if the twin wouldn't be like, I've just clocked on to who you are.

You started, so go on and finish. Just a heads up, I'm not your wife. What's his name? John Christian Anderson's son. Didn't we get a question in, Harry, about if your wife had an identical twin who started an OnlyFans, would you feel weird about it? I think so, yeah.

We had that question. Like if you were married to someone and they had an identical twin. I do have the same pussy though. Isn't that Friends? Yeah, Phooebe and uh yeah who's that yeah it is it is so phoebe's sister ashley is a porn star not not even like an only fans one like a full-on getting railed dressed as buffy the vampire slayer and she also uses phoebe's name as her porn star name which is clever that is where all the comedy comes from. Good episode.

But I've got the same nipples, haven't I? Identical. Yeah. Identical everything. That's mad, isn't it? What do you think identical means? Identical boy twins have the same dick. Yeah.

That's mad. Why are you saying that? To your authority? What do you mean? Yeah. Because everything's identical, apart from the nature side of stuff. So if one of them was taking big dick pills,

they don't both grow. They're not connected. Not through osmosis or anything. Can you Google that? The twins have the same dick. Identical. Identical dick. That's a pertinent question.

Could you imagine you had a little one? So they're very similar but the penises are very similar they're not identical I don't believe that you're either identical or you're not you can have rare cases where there are male and female

identical twins it's really rare no you can't because one of them's got tits I think you're getting really stuck on the word identical. I think... They're identical. Literally identical. You couldn't be.

But the meaning of identical twins is not like carbon copy, is it? It's like a mutation in the sex chromosome. So they'd have to be hermaphrodites? Hmm? Are they still a thing? I thought it was just a thing when we were in school. Are they still going?

Like shoulder pads? Yeah. Are they still going? You don't hear them no more? You used to hear about them all the time. Really? At your school?

Yeah. Yeah, your ma's a hermaphrodite. It was like a shout. Yeah. You don't hear them no more? Lady Gaga being a hermaphrodite was big news when I was in high school? Yeah. Yeah, your ma's hermaphrodite was like a shout. Yeah. You'd hear them no more. Lady Gaga being hermaphrodite was big news when I was in high school.

It was a lie. It was a lie. An awful lie. The thing is, she didn't deny it, did she? She leant into it. She leant into it.

She was like, yeah, why does it matter if I've got a big cock on my pants? That will make it worse, won't it? And what press conference

did she say that at? I'm paraphrasing, but that's close. That is not far off. It was in an interview with a... Someone was like, what do you say to rumours if I was having a big dick? And she was like, I'm not even going to address it, but why does it matter if I've got a cock in my pants?

Literally. So you've taken that as, I've got a cock in my pants. Why is that important? No, I'm not saying that at all. What I'm saying is, she didn't help herself, that important? No, I'm not saying that at all. What I'm saying is she didn't help herself, did she? If she wanted to quash the rumours, but she clearly didn't. She was leaning into it.

She was getting all the ham- Like, she was the ham-aphridized star, do you know what I mean? That's why she wanted all the ham. She was just trying to tell us. Ham-aphridized. Oh, the meat dress? Yeah. I thought you'd have got it quicker. Because was so we got it we got it twins when they have kids um if the two twins have kids they're technically cousins obviously but genetically

they're half siblings yeah and wow and if two sets of identical twins have babies with each other, so like identical twin brothers and identical twin sisters have babies, then they are exact siblings genetically. That's wild. What the fuck? Yeah. Do you reckon that's ever happened?

Yeah. Two lots of twins are found each year. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's quite common in the twin world. How many twins do you know? How many twins do you know? He's done so many twins that he's clearly... In Twin Town?

I've had a couple of hangovers where I've done twin deep dives because they genuinely freak me the fuck out. Oh, I mean, that's the dream. I'd love a threesome with two bitches. They're the same. Apply within. Apply within. Oh, my God. Apply within. Apply within. Oh my God, he's speaking to me.

And you, Jessica. Two fit bitches. We're both fit bitches. Identically fit. Equally fit. There's always an ugly one. Even though I'm identical, there's always an uglier one. Always. One of them's got a bit of a mad head. Yeah? always an ugly one yeah always one of them's got like a bit of a mad head yeah i'm not there's no opinions of fact look at the awesome twins

are they twins are they twins the olsen twins one of them's gonna laughing one of them's got a mad head they've've both had surgery now. They look the same. Oh my God, fuck me. She and Sharno's bones, Ed. Have you seen it? It's maddening. Oh, it's actually sad. A Zempik jaw.

A Zempik and loads of surgery. And surgery. I'll find it. She never looked normal back in the X Factor days. No, I've seen Simon Carp looks like the baby of Ice Age now. He does. He looks like a grown-up version of the baby of Ice Age. Yeah, it's sad, isn't it?

She actually regrets it, she said. She looks like... But there's no going back. I think she came out and said, like, oh, yeah, I shouldn't have done this. My head's gone mad. Again. Sharon Osbourne has released a statement. Oh, I shouldn't have done this my head's gone mad again sharon osborne has released a statement oh i shouldn't have done this my head's gone mad on it

it's a bit like that lady got a press conference oh my god she looks good there what that's not the same woman it's gone mad what one i can't see what you're pointing at. The big one. The biggest picture. She looks all right there. She looks 20 years younger. That's mad. Second one down. Yeah, that one.

Oh, Lord. But what's she meant to look like at that age? Isn't she like 93? Age with grace? Not with fucking a Zephyr pick and plastic in your head. She's 71. I don't think she looks as bad as you're making out You know

Google what is Sharon Osbourne Meant to look like right now What website is that Now come on That's the baby of Ice Age That's the baby of Ice Age Oh my god Carl you fucking nailed it No

Someone's messed with that picture. No, it's on my bed. They've all got my beds now. It's the Ice Age baby. It is. I don't know the Ice Age baby. Can I have a look at it? Please.

Someone, for me, do a little bit of... Can we get that picture of Simon Cowell near a mammoth? Let's see if there's a side-by-side. There's got to be. There you go. That'll be the only way to protest that. Stop it, Hollywood. What age do you reckon you're going to get to now

before you start messing with your face? Yeah, any time now, isn't it? 43. I've got to think about the future get a big pillow head going on what would you do first get a zen pic

which would be pretty pointless because I've been in the gym trying to do weights but you know isn't it just just a suppressant yeah but it it literally just

burns everything doesn't it fat, muscle doesn't burn anything no I mean that's what that's the result so your body does eventually

yeah you lose weight but you lose everything yeah because you've got no calories yeah you get full after like a bite which is you suppress i reckon that'll become like wider like as emper yeah like you'll be able to get it on the nhs for like no fucking people at some point yeah because somebody on it it's rough what's rough about it because he's just being lazy and he's in no energy he goes to the gym but he does that as well i think he just doesn't want to he's a bit lazy does one of is he doing full ozempic yeah but there's a british version it's not the same it's a different drug drug. Right. It's the same. Is it expensive? It's like £200 a month. You're going to do this, aren't you?

No. Do you want me to? You said that like a threat. You're going to do this, aren't you? That's 200 quid. Go on, sign off. It's a council tax. Don't do it, Dan.

No, I don't want to do it at all. I'm all right. It's just a good minute. Everyone's got a mad head but then they reckon you are yeah I mean I have lost tons of weight in the past and I just look like my head was too big for my body I look wrong I am worried about that

that's my biggest fear with losing loads of weight and getting in proper shape is having that former fat man head you know when fat people former fat man head. You know, when fat people lose weight and they look like a bat doll. I think it's fucking horrific. Isn't that the muscle? No, no, no.

That's what muscle helps it. It's something to do with the fat hanging off your face. I mean, when their heads stay big. Alec Baldwin. Yeah. Just a big fucking nugget. Can you wear your head out?

Well, I've lost weight off my head since we were in Nashville. Not your skull, though. Yeah. Come on. My skull is smaller since we got back from Nashville. What? You're not buying bigger hats?

Oh, yeah. No, I've measured my head and it's smaller. The cream hat fits me now and it never did. I've lost weight off my head. And I've got longer hair hair so I've probably lost even more weight than I realised your skull can't be

smaller though surely but it is Dan I'm not saying I know how maybe I'm a medical marvel are you definitely maybe you've lost

some of that fucking like you know when people have got like a fat back of head that's what I mean but it doesn't feel like there's any of that there

no you're fucking you're all skull yeah but i've i've lost i've lost i've lost that but what happens then if you get massive like brock lesnar because it's tiny and it looks like a little p you know what i mean i don't think his head's tiny i think it's tiny yeah but it looks tiny that's what you have to do you just have to have to keep getting bigger with muscle. Do you know when I did Dan Soda's podcast, there's loads of comments on that saying that they all thought I was a midget because of the thumbnail.

Because I've got a midget's head in the thumbnail. They were saying that word. Yeah. Have a look at the thumbnail. Have you got one of them? Your head's got dwarfism. Like Peter Dinklage. Go onto YouTube so that you see

the thumbnail properly. I'm trying to zoom in there. By the way, Peter Dinklage, I love that his first, second name is essentially Dinky. You can't really see it because of how...

I love Dan Soda, by the way. If you've not watched any of his stuff, go and check him out. You can't really see it because of how... I love Dan Soda, by the way. If you've not watched any of his stuff, go and check him out. I don't see it, mate. No, that's right. But, like, if you click on it, go to the comments. I think it's because of your neck. Control F midget.

What? Control F midget. You do look like you've got a neck that could withstand G-force. Do you know what I mean? No comments. I say do it, do it, do it. That's a 50 cents crew.

No, I can't find it. Is this a dream? Have you had a dream? He's deleted it, just to be nice. I think it's because you look like someone's tickling your neck. You're doing that. Yeah. Yeah.

You've got a sturdy neck, man. You've got a big head. Those legs are thin, but the neck is thick. My legs aren't thin. They're muscular. But they're thin. Muscular. Compared to your big fat neck.

Do you need more bike rides then? Yeah. I don't enjoy it. How's your arse? All right. The sore gooch thing. It wears off. My fucking seat is not a comfortable one like it's a racing seat i mean it's a racing bike it's a road bike i've not got any bike yet no um it's really affecting my shoulder and my neck i had to go for a massage

yesterday um so the vibrations which are only going to be worse on the rubble roads in India, are my bad shoulder. It's radiating into my neck and when I've left it for a few days, it was coming into my head. It gave me quite a bad headache. Shrinking your head. That's the worry, isn't it?

Yeah. Quite a trip. But I'm up to about 40 kilometres now. I can do 40 in one go. Takes two hours. What are you going to do if your head starts hurting? Huh?

What are you going to do if you get a big eddy? If you've never watched the podcast before, we're going to India to do 500 kilometres in about six days. Around. But it is six days. All right, sorry.

Yeah, it's maybe fine. It's doable. That last 50 would fuck you. It is doable, but you need to start training properly and you need to maybe at some point get a bike. I'm getting a bike up next Friday. Oh!

It's confirmed. Black Friday? We put it in. So you've got two months essentially. I'm picking it up after I watch Peter Kay. He does a ride every day. What? I'm picking it up after I go and watch Peter Kay.

You're going to watch Peter Kay? Yeah. At the co-op? It's my mum's Christmas present. At the co-op in manchester the other one the og last christmas oh it's because you have to put yourself in advance we're in the hospitality oh how are you wangled up do you know them special offers that are on the website yeah nice hang on so when did you get that for her well i originally had other

tickets i sold them and then got upgraded to hospitality. Does she like PTK? She's never seen him before, but she asked for it for Christmas. She's a weird woman. She likes comedy though, doesn't she? She likes comedy. And he's pretty well known.

She likes comedy. I think she felt like she was missing out or she didn't watch it. I don't particularly want to go. Yeah, I've seen you recently at stand-up comedy and you look like you hate the artful i don't like stand-up anymore i used to where are you picking the bike up from who watches right so you're going peter k she's coming with us right and my cousin we're going as a four yeah

and they're cycling they're cycling from cuttington no we're picking it up on the way back right are you gonna cycle it home? No, I'm going to put it in my car. In your car? Yeah, I've got to take the wheel off. Off your car? Off the bike. Got to take the wheel off the bike.

Why is it always mental with you, Finn? What do you mean? How else are you getting a bike in a car? It sounds a bit mental. What car do you drive now? One Series. I'm going to try putting the seats down and see if it'll fit cuddlington cuddlington it's like near nantwich so no i thought you'd know where nantwich was

it's like an hour just cycle around then an hour drive is gonna be how long cycle probably two hours i've got i've got an indoor bike I've been doing that just on the M53 every so often pointless is it yeah why

you need to get your bum ready I'm on a seat no it's not the same thing it won't be not helping it won't be making anything worse no but it won't be really helping I stopped aching from

from the car day a couple of days ago which was fun my wrist stilly had a big wank yeah carl day oh it's gonna be exciting to see how that all pans out let's have a break sorry steve steve wasn't ready we were just giving props to Johnny Bongo as an unbelievable show person. I love that man. And watching him do what he does at Bongo's Bingo is incredible.

He's a show person. He's a showman. It's 2024, you never know. You never know. He's the Michael Jordan of house and bingo parties. Of course, Michael Jordan is the original Jump person Jumpman

Yeah That's his brand Is it? Jumpman's his brand Yeah Drake's got a song about it called Jumpman Why do you think I did it? Too busy

Busy watching American Pie, mate. That's really funny, by the way, when someone tries to take a piss. Are you doing something like that? Jumpman, is it? Jumpman. Yeah, it is, Dan. Oh, cool.

I'll get back in my fucking box. Well, it's Jumpman, but that's a part of Jordan as the brand, yeah. It's on the side of some of the shoes, Dugley. Yeah. Have you got jordans uh one pair that really well i don't know if i suit them i went into a kicks like a a kit you know like kersh kicks style shop in dublin and just i'm so not used to that

style of trainer shop where you're like, oh, they look nice, and they're 450 quid. Yeah, that shop's kind of maybe done now. I think they're dying, yeah. Cash Kicks is probably the better one, but I think they're just museums now. You go in and you go, fuck it now. That's them, six grand now.

They're like Apple shops. You go in and just look at stuff and walk out. If your trainers are in cellophane. Yeah, not many people can afford to go and buy them. Like, I haven't bought trainees for ages. I'm much more likely to buy a pair of shoes or a pair of boots now. You're a bootsman. And shoes.

I got a lovely pair of shoes recently. The old ones. Yeah. Yeah, they are nice. Shall we do some questions? Where shall we go? Sam says haveawordpod at gmail.com if you want to send in a question

Sam says if you could simulate boring tasks like a corporate gig or a flight as you would in a game but it took say double the time off your lifespan how far would you be willing to go? So you can you just basically don't have to do boring shit you've seen the film

click done yeah yeah but it's twice off your life that's an unnecessarily sad film that yeah it made me that's the first time i ever cried i still yeah it's the first film i ever cried i know exactly what scene as well the dad yeah but he goes back to his dad welcome back to film club and you're like lad just fucking say something how about his dad erm I mean I

I already do sort of outsource boarding tasks but it doesn't take anything off me life takes off your bank account you could be the stuff you but it doesn't though

it's not much more expensive than doing it myself and me time's more valuable than that like laundry especially with washing machines. Laundry in a flat with two other men. And there's like, we've got one drying rack

and there's one washing machine and there's no dryer. It is, it's so much more logical for me to get the fella in Versace to do my undies. All the way to Vizag. Wash, dried, folded. Delivered to me door. Is there anything you wouldn't give him? What do you mean?

Anything that requires dry cleaning. Not even like, oh, you've used it to wipe up a coma or something? Oh no, he's washed some of my cum rags. Other than he knows that I don't know. Do you tip? What know do you tip what do you tip do I wipe the tip

of my car yeah yeah that's what I meant do I tip yeah on a cum rag day yeah yeah like you know when it's

you know when there's a couple of extra crusty ones going in you're like I'm gonna yeah because like they're like getting paid in cash

so whatever it is because it's different every time because it's a paid item I don't even know how much it is paid item but I just round in cash so whatever it is because it's different every time because it's a paid item and I don't even know how much it is a paid item but I just round it up so whatever.

I mean, if you're watching Adam's Cone Rags you need a tip and that is a fact. I'd want a tip. If you could get on a flight, say the flight was a two hour flight and it took four hours off your life

and you were just there and you didn't have to deal with it. A Ryanair flight to like Spain or somewhere, yeah, when it's just that uncomfy. Two and a half hours, and you didn't have to deal with it. A Ryanair flight to like Spain or somewhere, yeah, when it's just that uncomfy. Two and a half hour, like I'm about to fly

to Portugal tomorrow. I think it's above two and a half hour. If you thought four and above, I'm simulating it. Two and a half, you can manage it. But you're losing more hours there.

Yeah. Yeah, but I don't, that flight back from Nashville was the longest. No, but it was a comfy plane at least. I'm talking about.

Yeah, but what does it matter? You die at 83, you die at 10pm, you die at 2pm. No, but what does it matter? You die at 83. You die at 10 p.m. You die at 2 p.m. What does it matter? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What does it matter? So you're only using this once, are you?

I'm using it once tomorrow to get to fucking Portugal with two children. That was good. They've gone back as well. Oh, wow, wow. You're going to lose about 10 years off your life. Yeah.

What? This would rapidly get out of control. Yeah. And you wouldn't even realise it. And then you'd just die like fucking 46 or something. And you'd be like, oh no. I skipped too much, man. So say I've got 43 years left.

Right. You died of Geordie syndrome, by the way. 86. By the way. So you've taken 40 years of my life. That is ambitious for you, you know. 43 years left. Right.

Okay. It is though. 86 has aged for a man who's he's lived his life you've lived your life alright 76 yeah you give me 76

yeah I give you 73 give me 73 yeah so I've got 30 years left yeah so you're saying I'll just die tomorrow

because I'm taking 15 years of mundane tasks that'll get out of hand that quick it's 15 years to I'm with you. It's not going to be years. You just cherry pick it.

Just cherry pick it. I'm about to fly to fucking Portugal on a sweaty fucking flight to Faro. I'm not fast forwarding the family bit. No, because what he does is he starts with the mundane shit and he's like, oh, putting the kids to bed, that's doing me head in. Blip.

And then you just go do you know what I'm only doing the shit I like you're literally you are Adam Sandler in click aren't you no I'll just use it

for the major thing I'll just skip to the next bit of me career oh look I'm here now no I'm not I'm not gonna do that but that will happen that would be insane

do you know what 43 shot I'm gonna skip to being 49 oh I'm dead I'm telling you right now you would literally you would be making little trade-offs in your head.

You'd be watching the telly and you'd be like, oh, I need a shite. Ah, but I pooed. Oh, but I enjoy pooing. I like a good plop. What if you're in like a cinema and you can skip it

and you've done the poo and you don't miss any of the film? Is that how it works? No. Yeah? It goes on to the end? Yeah, but he's got, you're just on autopilot, aren't you?

It doesn't pause time no no well i thought it's essentially time travel to when you've finished yeah yeah oh that's different then isn't it i thought it just took the time off the end of your life like you've skipped 10 hours worth so we're gonna take 20 off the end and then so what they're saying does make more sense though for this thing yeah yeah but yeah you would you would literally, you would just be like, I can't be bothered doing that. Driving to gigs. If you were stuck in traffic, you'd boop.

You couldn't, don't you? You'd be late for the gig. No, you wouldn't. What are you talking about? It's double the time, innit? No. No. No, that's off the end of your life.

That's not off that point. So if it was an hour away and you skipped it. This is not complicated, and you're normally not this stupid. So it's basically, if you've got a boring hour's drive you just press it yeah and then it takes you an hour into the future you're there it does the journey for you it simulates the journey for you you are where you needed to be but you die two hours quicker the off the end of your life it's the end of your life like i said yeah okay that's what i meant but i thought you changed the parameters um no I wouldn't.

I like living my life. I don't want to. With them eight hours when you're fucking 80 or... What, sleeping? Would you skip your sleep? What? What? If you could skip sleep, would you skip sleep?

No. But you still felt the same at the end? Like you got the... Yeah, but a fucking miserable journey is not the same as being asleep. I'm talking about fucking... Why would you skip sleep? It's not tedious. Sleep's fucking... Why would you skip sleep? I'm talking about fucking sleep sleep's not tedious

sleep's fucking why would you skip sleep I'm skipping sleep it's boring boring it is sometimes I can't be I sleep and

I just want to be in the next are you alright today I'm asking the pertinent question I would rather not sleep if you gave me the choice and you went you can just keep going and just not need to

sleep like i would take that because my body needs it no but you would if you were just like if my body right now was kept awake yeah i would go insane but if humans didn't need to shut it down for eight hours i think those eight hours would be so much you'd be it'd be so useful do you know there isn't a scientist alive, past or present, that knows why we need to sleep? Apart from the fact we get tired. Like it doesn't make sense scientifically that humans need to like sleep. And it restores all sorts, doesn't it?

Yeah, they just don't know why we need to do it. I love that Pete Holmes bit about just trying to explain sleep to an alien. I love Pete Holmes. And just at the end of the day, just shut it down. Shut it down. I love that you have to pretend and just at the end of the day just shut it down shut it down you have to pretend

to be asleep is it boring no your mind just plays movies that you're in you have to pretend to be asleep to get to sleep

which is mad isn't it yes you have to lie there like I'm asleep aren't I that's such a good point you have to go right I am sleeping no you're not

and your body goes alright I'll real sleep then don't think about something cringy 20 years ago. Okay. Oh my God. I like sleep. Is that what your anxiety goes to when you're trying to sleep? Is it the past?

If I start thinking about stuff like that or fucking, I have to, to get me to sleep, because I don't watch stuff. I just play made up fucking sport careers in my head like a a teenage

one Wunderkind that's like an unbelievable footballer and scores 31 goals for Celtic just imagining someone else

just imagining the it's me it's me alright okay and then I get signed for Real Madrid and like I just play out the career

just watch goal but that wouldn't get me to sleep would it play goal too that'll send you to sleep back to film club welcome back to film club

yeah I've been a cricketer that was a that was I've been a no you haven't oh yeah no I've been a cricketer. That was... No, you haven't. Oh, yeah, no. I've been a...

To get me to sleep. It was unbelievable. That cricket career was brilliant. I played really well at school and I literally imagined the games. I'm like, oh, great shot. And then I played for Lancashire for a bit and then it was the winter.

So I went and played in India, a club team in india and that one was getting a bit too in depth because at one point i was like imagining because i stayed with the the the club captain's family and i was like oh yeah i'm in the spare room it was good it was really good and then i ended up playing for mumbai with dan you took the battle today off me thank you so it's like it's your dream. It's like a thought experiment. And you stay with the club captain's family

in the spare room rather than the club that you're going to sign for putting you up in a nice gaff. No, it was just a small, it was a small sort of local Mumbai. Why didn't you not go to a big, just invent a mansion? What?

Just invent a mansion. Didn't you dream? Like invent a class gaff? Why did you want to carry on working? Why didn't you just have a holiday? I'm in the spare room. Because I'm a young cricketer who wants to succeed. I want to play for England one day.

That was my head. I wanted to play over the winter. National League cricketer. Yeah, yeah. Did it in Australia as well. How quick do you fall asleep? Honestly, sometimes I don't get to like the third ball. Other times, other times I've like,

do you know, genuinely in that cricket fantasy, I played so well for the local cricket club that Mumbai like gave me a game and I played with Tendulkar. And then I imagined going back to the club and buying cricket bats for all the kids. That's what I'm saying, it's so mental. I proper like imagine what would happen i can't believe you stayed with someone's family in their indian spare room

rather than getting a hotel yeah they got me a hotel yeah they got me a hotel how would you make the time last are you sitting there having like small talk you're just skipping through all the things yeah i just sort of skipped through it but it's just a weird sort of way of I just find it very relaxing what were the names of the family I don't I never named anyone

gotta be a nightmare that one you want when asking my question you you erm Indian where's the papadum

club captain club captain's wife my anxious thoughts I find it very relaxing if I have my anxious thoughts it's all next week and my bank's gonna blow up so don't money and the kids so i can't think about stuff like that i can't think about work or stand up it just it keeps me awake it almost like revs revs me up no i'm saying my if i ever get anxious thoughts it's never the past like when you're trying to go to bed

when i was doing that when i was 19. I think like, imagine in a month this happens. That's my anxious, if I get anxious thoughts. While you're going to sleep? Yeah. Yeah, but I listen to things

to avoid it. See, I just, I've never, if I listen to, I don't know, if I listen to stuff, I can't,

can't. I have to listen to, we've done this before, but I have to listen to something I've already seen or heard. Yeah. Nah, mate. Just go and have a, you're doing cricket career. but it bores me. Yeah. And that's what you want. to something we've done this before but I have to listen to something I've already seen or heard yeah nah mate just go and have a

Indian cricket career but it bores me yeah and that's what you want you want to be focused and bored and if you close your eyes you can kind of

still see what's going on yeah oh if I put friends on so I put friends on on my phone and close it and then press play so that it put

just the audio plays I'm watching friends in my head there's just no lights on yeah I do it at the office yeah that's by the way this is way more normal than pretend you I'm watching friends in my head there's just no lights on yeah I do it at the office yeah that's by the way

this is way more normal than pretend you no I think playing food Lancashire being able being able to just sleep

you're raw dogging sleep being able to raw dog sleep is much more like mentally healthy yeah you're smashing it I couldn't do that

no way said I could do that pitch black no noise nothing nah I'm mad being locked up within a week yeah if something anxious You're smashing it. I couldn't do that. No way. Seneca does that. Pitch black, no noise, nothing. Nah. I'm mad. Being locked up within a week.

Yeah. If something anxious happens, if something bad happens, I think of every possible permutation and I have every possible argument and conversation about it. So that's catastrophizing, isn't it? Yeah, I'm the worst for it. Do you know what's really funny?

Do you do that? For a long... But like, I remember years ago telling you, when I started sort of realizing that I suffered with years ago telling you when I started sort of realising that I suffered with anxiety and telling you

what it was and I remember you being like I just don't suffer with it but you obviously always have you just didn't know what it was yeah

something happened recently to do with the wedding and it was shit and Seneca was sitting there talking and I went just go what just get in the bath

why I was like because I want go what just get in the bath why I was like because I want to sit here and in the bath I want to sit here and think I want to think

of every possible thing that could happen and then deal with them all get in the bath I'm doing my anxiety supercomputer that's what I did

hang on just downloading the mainframe. And then when it happens, I'm like, I've had this conversation before. I know what you're

going to say. What? Joe, when you're going to speak to somebody about something you know might not be good and you go,

they're going to say this. So I'm going to say this. And then they'll say that. Oh, it's brutal. You're just twisting

yourself up. Of course, it's not healthy, but I have to go, and then I feel like I've dealt with it, because it's already happened, even though it hasn't. So, by the way, this thing, have you now dealt with it? Yeah. Right, because that's the band-aid.

That's the thing. You're sitting there going, I can just think of every possible outcome of every conversation. Yes. Like, better to just do it. But I do the exact same thing as you're talking about there, but with most things so like what i what i'm discovering about myself lately and you're all gonna initially laugh at this

and then realize i'm right i'm quite quiet right i don't talk a lot unless it's on the podcast or on stage i agree with that like i'm quite a quiet person right and you know what it is your phone no i mean yeah part maybe in but that's not what i'm talking about what it is is i don't talk to people about anything because i've already had the conversations in my own head that all of them that could possibly happen so i've got no interest in what you've got to say what because i've already had the conversation about this thing. You can feel it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I've had conversations with... Yeah, yeah, I know. And you give off that vibe.

We've had conversations... It's the way you ask a question and then you go, and I'm gone. Oh, Adam's gone. Seneca does things with me where she speaks to me as though we've had a conversation, but she's had it in her head. Like she's asking me something...

Oh, that's a very... That's a woman thing. Like she's asking me for the third time, like, what do you mean? She's like, oh... Women a very that's a woman thing like she's asking me for the third time like what do you mean she's like oh women will start conversations in the middle as well

and they expect you to have had the first half with them but they actually had it in their head and then she'd go oh I spoke in my head about that

she'd be asking me something for the third time that she's gone we should do that why hasn't he done that and then she'd go can you do that and I'd go yeah

and I'd go why are you being weird or sometimes they'll just go out of nowhere you watch the film for three hours it's coming towards the end and they go

we'll get the early train and you go what are you talking about I was saying wasn't I like when we go to out of nowhere why don't you just do it

when we go to London in December like we'll get the early train oh we were having that conversation three weeks ago oh yeah well I've just thought

about it now yeah I like to deal with all the bad shit Freddie Quinn said it not to his level because he's like his parents dying

because then I can't be like oh shit that was new I don't know how to deal with his parents dying. Because then I can't be like, oh shit, that was new. I don't know how to deal with it. If it's something that, I don't get a lot of things that cause me anxiety, but if they do, that's how I deal with it.

It's not healthy probably, but I like to just live in my own hell for like two hours. So do you think sometimes you trying to decide what's going to happen is making the anxiety worse? Yeah, but i can't make

it go away so i may as well deal with it oh so you're saying i don't really want to be like this no but i've decided to just lean into it to the fullest extent compartmentalize i mean maybe not so much these days better than anybody i know i don't want to do that no i can't because i've always had to yeah yeah but like it always comes out at some point. My compartment license is essentially raised. Let's just put that in that box for now and we'll deal with that in a bit. But at some point, you have to go back and open the box.

But I can't do that. That box is always open and going, hey. So I'll go, all right. And then I'll just have a shit couple of days. Right. Yeah. That's good.

Wedding scores, though. Weddings are stressful, mate. Don't get married married why are they stressful just book the gaff that's the politics of it book the gaff book the magician book the DJ

done book the photography I'm dead happy there's Adam explaining weddings book that book that tell them where to be

shut up also I've already thought about it so you're boring get in the bath if it was like that yeah So you're boring. Get in the bath. It was like that, yeah. Do you want a wedding? Get in the bath.

I'll think about it. Politics in weddings is wild. So you've booked a photographer because Jack Finnegan is coming, but you want him to just be there? Yeah, he's a guest. If he's got his camera with him, we can get some shots.

Nice one. But Jack is a guest. So we've booked her. She's shooting on film only. It's 35 uh it's gonna be fucking beautiful she seems lovely because she's got to be essentially a guest is she italian no she's from london we're flying it over she is italian from london yeah you got it right how's erica doing with the sort of stresses she's a lot of better at life than me she's women are just better when it comes to that

like she's done so many things today probably all I've done is sit here and talk shit she's she's organising it and I'm just saying yes or no

but mainly yes erm yeah the other shit isn't fun when are we going suit shopping erm probably

pretty soon is Dan gonna have the same suit as us so for those who again if you're new to the podcast carl's getting married next year dan is um marrying them dan is the minister and the entertainer he's the minister um is he gonna have the same no dan multi-colored robes? Yeah. Yeah. Technicolour dream coat. That's what I've asked for. Ah, that's good. It's up to you.

Is that another two pounds? No. It's friends. Cool. When Joey marries Monica and Chandler. He's a minestainer. Yeah. And he wants to wear multi-coloured robes,

but he ends up in a World War II costume anyway. Because Gary Oldman's been with him. You need to pick something. And Gary Oldman was blathered. And it takes majors to get a scene done. Keep spitting that on. You need to pick something. Is that my arse?

It's a really good episode, actually. You need to... I remember the spitting. Yeah. Pick something that Serica agrees with. Yeah, yeah. Don't dress like us. Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah't dress like us. Oh, I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to speak to Serica. But also bring an outfit for the night as well and the other days. I'm not just bringing one outfit for the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got that. It's a five-day trip, Carl.

I'll have a few changes. He's down in multicoloured robes. You're going to need several pairs of undies, by the way. What I mean is, when the service is over, you can get changed into... You don't have to be dressed i've got a montana extra here for the night nice for the pool party we've got so many cool ideas i'm so excited i'm genuinely excited it's scary and it costs a million pounds and everyone hates you and falls out with you and you've got

no friends or family anymore We've not caused you any stress though, have we? No one in the Have A Word family is causing stress. Booked me flights. Soon as you were like,

you need to book the flights, Adam, I booked them. I didn't even put it off. Yeah. Booked. Have you booked your flights? No.

You're the only one on my list that's booked a flight. Okay. Right. We'll do it in the break. And all that's happening is they're getting more expensive. I haven't booked the flights, Adam. Okay. We'll do it in the break and all that's happening is they're getting more expensive I haven't booked the flight yet

okay we'll do it in the break okay I went to book the flight and then didn't I did that it's gonna be exciting it's gonna be fucking great

I'm so excited genuinely it's gonna be fucking bossing it be excited I'm we're all like it's gonna be fucking class I know

we're so excited just need the positive energy oh it's it's all positive it's going to be amazing it's not just going to be one of the best days of your life it's going to be one of the best three or four days it's going to be unbelievable all this hard work you're putting in now is going to pay off and i am going to be wearing the same outfit for five days i'm actually going a day before with laura and then the day after for a birthday but i'm just keeping on the

multicolored robes That's how I play. Maybe I'll get more there we go oh it's a sneaky one I'm not supposed to lose your fingers big shout out I haven't got Luke home we're making the playlist but there is going to be an end of night karaoke

so you will be able to sing what you want but not choose what to be an end of night karaoke. So you will be able to sing what you want. Great. But not choose what is played the rest of the day. We've got some confessions. Zach Booth says, I have a mini confession to make. Yeah, there's the gavel.

You sit in judgment. Judge Rowe presiding. Zach Booth says, I have a mini confession. I deliberately make sure there's at least one spider in the downstairs bathroom, so I get it all to myself. Do I deserve penance?

How does he do that? He's a spider catcher. I need a shite. Gotta go in the garden first. Catch a spider. I don't think spiders are easily caught unless they want to. Spiders don't really exist anymore. Unless they really want it. Spiders are dying off.

When I was a kid, there were spiders everywhere. Spiders aren't shagging, mate. Wasps, apparently it's a kid, there was spiders everywhere. Spiders aren't shagging, mate. No. But wasps, apparently it's a really low count wasp summer this summer. There's never wasps in my house, though. And there'll be some environmentalists going,

oh, hey, if the wasps drop any lower, there'll be no more fucking broccoli or something. And it's all bollocks. We'll be fine. Oh, you know, if bees stopped making honey, what would you do?

I'd just have normal Cheerios. That's the only issue. It's the ecology, mate. What's it going to affect? Cheerios. That is all it would affect in my life. And me carrots on Christmas morning. Oh, I love JD's hot honey, though.

What would happen there? Also, the broccoli. Oh, humans would figure out how to make it. You think humans would figure out how to make it you think bees would figure out how to make honey and we can't we put a man on the moon

allegedly the bees haven't alright maybe we didn't put a man on the moon we made concord though concord bees could fly

sort of we figured out how to fly faster and further yeah and with seats and bevvies. Stupid bees.

No, bees are class. Fair play. They've done well with what they've got, but there's no way you're telling me we couldn't just replace them. Fuck you, bees. Bees have just got a good PR. They're useless.

Also, what are bumblebees? Big, stupid, fat cunts. Yeah, the fat ones. I had to be like, what was that bloody teddy bear on legs? Yeah. That's what I always say you don't need bees mate

and all these fucking ecologists and these fucking Brian Cox consumers all like oh you need the bees for the fucking toast

Brian Cox is always talking about bees isn't he physics yeah and bees they're all in the same world physics and bees I'm Brian Cox

you've got to protect the big teddy bear looking ones it's physics isn't it plus I love Cheerios it says humanity would be fine but dinner would get I'm Brian Cox. You've got to protect the big teddy bear looking ones. It's physics, isn't it? Plus, I love Cheerios. It says humanity would be fine, but dinner would get a lot less interesting.

A lot less interesting? Oh, really? Who's having honey that often? Really? It was that National Geographic you've just pulled that out of. NRDC. I don't know. It would get a lot less interesting because it would be illegal to make roast potatoes

if there was no honey. If the bees were gone, they're the ones who keep legislating for roasties to be legal. Do you think we'd only lose honey? We would only lose honey. They don't make anything else, do they? They pollinate, don't they? Right, they pollinate what?

Other flowers. And what? You scramming flowers higher? How can I hide that? Do you have flowers for breakfast? No, don't. I'll be fine. Do you have flower-flavoured Cheerios? I can't have honey or sunflowers anymore.

Shush all. The honey and the sunflowers, they're all gone. What do they do that would affect you? Could you please Google what bees do? Yeah, they pollinate everything. Everything? Everything? You don't need to pollinate Milkyky bar yoghurts, do you?

No, but the... The cows eat the grass, and they wouldn't exist if they didn't eat the grass. Bees do not make grass better. Bees have got fuck all on lawns, mate. Oh, mate. He's so active, mate. They pollinate flowers.

Grass isn't flowers. Grass is just grass. Grass is just there, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Cows would be sound. What does pollination help us make? It's not.

It's more for the ecosystem. It's the base, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, he loves the ecosystem. Get ready. As in like other animals. It's just all the food chain, isn't it? It's the food chain.

You like pigs and otters, don't you, famously? That's all I saw. On a bap. Loves them for breakfast. They wouldn't be able to live. It's fine. It's got Milky Way yoghurts.

Pigs eat swill. Pigs eat their own shite. So they don't even need grass. So bacon and be able to live. It's fine. It's got Milky Way yoghurts. Pigs eat swill. Pigs eat their own shite. So they don't even need grass. So bacon butters are still sound. There's no fucking... There's no insects in bread. I can't argue with it. What are we actually talking about though?

If anything, we should kill the bees. Let's get rid of the cunts. I'm not advocating for any sorts of genocide. Leave them alone. But if they did just drop off the bees, we should kill the bees. Let's get rid of the cunts. Like, that's just... I'm not advocating for any sorts of genocide, mate. Like, leave them alone. But if they did just drop off the bees, we'd be fine. Beeschwitz. There's A, Auschwitz.

B, Beeschwitz. C, coffee. What? Coffee. What about coffee? They help coffee. Thank you, Dr. Cuvallus. They help coffee?

What do you mean they help coffee? Be good. They help with the, with making coffee. No, they make the honey that goes in nice sweet coffees. No, no. Oh, no, no, no. It says without it, without bees, coffee would become expensive and rare.

Right. It's nice. So that's why the coffee prices are going up. Less bees,bucks raise the prices it just says the it'll get a lot more bland so here's what it says right so almonds coffee apples avocados onions and berries oh what a fucking lovely dinner that is oh i want some avocado apples i think today uh Supermarkets would have half the amount of fruit and veg. Just make sure you get there when the half's brought.

Just order twice as much. Fuck the bees. I don't eat half a supermarket's worth of fruit. I just get there when they put it out. There's always well more fruit in the supermarket than they sell. You made yourself a stupid film. It's a load of bollocks, isn't it? We'd all be sound.

Fuck the bees, I say. What was the question? What was the question? He was putting spiders in his downstairs bathroom. And that's not a euphemism. Yeah. I think you're a liar. Anonymous.

Wag wag lids. A mate of mine has been a right cunt to me for a while, mugging me off constantly, chatting shit behind my back like a girl, trying to turn our whole group against me and begging for attention from anyone and everyone can i read this in the like bitchy tone this man a mate of mine has been a right con to me for a while mugging me off constantly trying to shit behind my back like

a girl trying to turn our whole group of mates against me and begging for attention like a little whore a few weeks i've added that a few weeks ago i decided i had had enough and set up a grinder account in his dad's name and began talking to other men eventually they wanted to meet up so i directed them to his house his mom obviously found out and the dad had no way to explain it and it led to a huge bust up my mate doesn't know it was me do i deserve penance or did he deserve it first of all i i reckon you did something in the first place to make your mates like you're off behind you behind your back because it doesn't just feel like one of your mates just does this for no reason

also if their family can't see that you've done this and don't believe that if his mum is like john you've got fucking seven gays in the car here. Do you know, John, when the first gay guy turned up for a bumming, I was like, well, that could be coincidence. When the second guy turned up, I was like, well, you know, that's just bad luck. Gay me once, fool on me. Fool on me.

By the way, if you imagine the word spust up means gangbang, it sounds better and funnier. Read it out again. Eventually, they wanted to meet up, so I directed them to his house. His mum obviously found out, and the dad had no way to explain it and led to a huge gangbang.

Well, they're all here, John, so someone's fucking... These seven lads have travelled far and wide to bum you, John. It doesn't matter that you didn't set up the account. That's a good porno, that right away. Game of Thrones themed. John Snow White and the Seven Gays.

Why is Snow White there? John Snow. Why is John Snow there? Because he's called John. And then he said Seven Gays in the garden. It made sense. Harry told me about an old Christmas cause and prank that we should have done ages ago, he there he'd bring people and tell them he'd won a radio city

prize and they have to get down to the radio city tower just let them go why did we never do that apparently they they had to turn up to rate the radio city tower and say what the number one was in the charts then and knock on. And years later, they got the woman out who used to be on the receptionist at Radio City who had to send all these people away. You were coming and just going like, get us loud.

Why did we never do that? Because you were tweeting Les Dennis. Who, by the way, was on the biggest morning show in the country this morning, refuting that he's a horse. And all the Who, by the way, was on the biggest morning show in the country this morning, refuting that he's a horse. And all the clips, by the way, make it look like that's why he was brought in. They've led with it. Yeah, the first thing was like,

Les Dennis, a horse? There's no, like, that's you. We've broke the world a little bit there, haven't we? Let's have a little break. Thomas Green is on the way. Hey! Guess who's here. Who?

Finn. Who's here? It's Thomas Green. Hey! What a show person. Just bought him a fine mullet. Yeah. Mullet's happening.

Is this the mullet's debut on Hathaway? Did you have that last time? No, it's the debut. Yeah, it's only been going this year. I like it. Thanks, man. Yeah Is this the mullet's debut on Hathaway, or did you have that last time? No, it's the debut. Yeah, it's only been going this year. I like it. Thanks, man. Yeah, growing the mullet out. Are you getting a mullet?

No. He's got the little curly sides. I'm starting to enjoy it being over my ears and stuff. I haven't done it today. This is bad. That fool of that's grown quite quickly. Yeah, it's taken a while. Has it? I haven't had my hair cut since this year. Your hair's quite thick. Yeah, it's taken a while. Is it?

I haven't had my hair cut since like this year. Your hair's quite thick though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, mine's really thin. At school they used to tell me that. So people used to call me Goat Boy. Goat Boy? Yeah, Goat Boy.

And they'd walk past and they'd go, eh, eh. Because they said I had like, my hair felt wiry Like a goat hair It does actually, it feels like goat's hair But it's thin, thin and wiry Thin and wiry, yeah

And I'm pretty good at jumping You're pulling the mullet off Which is, I think, rare No, they're back though, aren't they? Especially in Australia Mullets and muzzies, mate, have had a fucking great 18 months In the UK, not as lot as Ireland, Ireland's knocking some mullets and muzzies have had a fucking great 18 months in the UK not as lot as

Ireland Ireland's knocking some mullets out seen them some this weekend can I be honest with you it was the Irish that inspired it

when I watched the Rugby World Cup last year and there was a sick mullet in the Irish team and I went fuck I'm gonna get a mullet

and then yeah just started doing it I feel like in Aussie rules though it's all mullet yeah but some of just started doing it i feel like in in aussie rules though isn't it's all mullet yeah but some of them are filthy like they don't have like style to it it's just like like just fucking get the lawnmower out mate you know i mean this is a bit fucking dirty at the back i'm actually now you can't really tell i'm going to tash out a little bit and i'm going to

go shorter here and go a little bit stubble I'm such an influence on me you know everyone copies you out for a blonde mullet I've been thinking about having a mullet for ages he stole me thought I had a great

milk up for Ireland I'm such an influence on me god I'm good when I play for Ireland muzzy's a class by the way it takes some

getting used to like having a muzzy on your own face what are you a muzzy on your own face What are you saying? Muzzy, moustache Fuck, I kept thinking you were saying muzzy And I was so confused Never had a muzzy before?

He's got a muzzy It sounds too close to muzzy I kept thinking you went to a class and you got a muzzy The only other thing I think of with muzzy is slang for muslims He's a muzzy on your head. The only other thing that I think of with muzzy is like slang for Muslim. Yeah. He's a muzzy. All right. And you can be a muzzy

with a muzzy. And formalisticity. Strike a muzzy is this, of course. Who was Muslim? He didn't look it. He was Turkish descent, wasn't he?

Yeah. He played for Turkey, didn't he? I'm going to guess that he was muzzy. He played for Turkey. Is it? Get out.

Sorry. Thomas, speaking of which, do you feel disliked, Finn? I feel very disliked. Why? Because he's a useless cunt and I tell him all the time. Fucking hell, Finn. Don't stand for that. Don't stand for that James Corden-style abuse.

Are you okay, Finn? I'm all right. I'm getting there. I'm being comfortable with being disliked. Oh, what a good subject. That's so not true. Don't. Come on.

There's a book called The Courage to be Disliked, which Carl is reading at the minute, because he needs some lessons in it. The Courage to be Disliked. Yeah. To be okay with people not liking you, not to be a people pleaser, and not to do things to your own detriment

just to please other people. I thought you meant building up the courage to make people dislike you i can do that easy that's a piece of piss but are you like a sort of malleable person obviously in a long-term relationship you've got a little baby yes you're getting married to a woman in december correct yeah right so like do you sort of let it have its own way it's a good recap on thomas you're um do you like let it have its own way all the time does she get her own way by just like fucking do you know what i mean or are you willing to be disliked by your partner by going actually shut the fuck up we're painting the wall red or i'm one of them who like if we have an argument like a tiff i'm the first to

apologize because i just want it to be all right because otherwise i spiral out my own head that's it you know but then it's like absolutely fine i'm definitely a people pleaser is that what you mean yeah yeah 100 do you think she respects that though yeah oh yeah no but because i've already had my say and done my piece but then i I still sort of like we negotiate on whatever we're working on. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So like your wedding, right, if I was like to you, I want to wear a Mr. Blobby costume to your wedding.

Yeah. Right? And you were like, I'd rather you didn't. And I was like, but I'd really fucking want to wear a Mr. Blobby costume. Would you let me wear a Mr. Blobby costume? Oh, no, no, no, no. No? No, no.

It wouldn't go with the colour scheme. Even if it made me dislike you, you've got the courage for me to dislike you. I feel like that's on you if you don't like someone because you can't wear a fucking costume to a wedding. Okay. But he's full of courage. Do you think this is about couples?

Is this about relationships? No, I don't see it as couples. I never saw it as... No, because that's different, I think. That's totally different. Because with Soph, it's like, I know, like, you know... That she dislikes you. Yeah.

Yeah. Vehemently. No, like, when it comes to, like, people and work and situations, like, that's actually something... Actually, do you know what? I'm not even joking. A couple of years ago, Adam taught me some life lessons about sort of

fucking defending myself a little bit more and sort of such an influencer yeah you are he actually didn't even say it I just read his mind and he just picked the mullet off

while he was there he's going to want a mullet in a few years two years ago he was thinking about a mullet there you go but yeah I think that's

that was my issue we won't go into detail but there's certain professional situations you've been in where you've been like oh I'm just going to whatever and I've just been like but yeah like I think that's a but the same professional we won't go into detail but the same professional situations you've been in where you've been like oh I'm just gonna whatever

and I've just been like no fucking punch to fucking yeah yeah fucking stand up for yourself and I'm like okay yeah

and then you do it and you go fuck why have I been like a I think the courage to be disliked it's so key in a work environment

that's more than if you were gonna read that book surely the work environment is the main one that you're you were going to read that book, surely the work environment is the main one that you're focusing on. Well, apparently,

agreeableness is a really good predictor for lack of progression in your career. So, like, if you're a really

agreeable person, you're less likely to get promoted than non-agreeable people. So people, it's counterintuitive, isn't it? People think in a work environment

the best thing to do is get your head down, do the work, do what you're told, shut the fuck up. But the type of person who's like, no, that doesn't really work. You should do it this way. Those people, even though they're going against the grain

of their bosses, eventually get higher wages and... Some of them will get sacked. Yeah. Some of them, but some of them will succeed. Most of them will go to... There's a higher risk, isn't there, involved in that,

taking that attitude into a work environment. You will hit an immovable object sometimes, and you will not progress. But there's a chance that you will, because actually they'll go, no, he's right. Whereas if you just agree with everyone, keep your head down, like if you averaged it out,

most of those people aren't going to succeed. There's no reward without risk, Dan, when in Rome. Nice, yeah, yeah. Put them two together. Do you know what double speak is I think I mentioned that before apparently women use

that a lot in the workplace I'm not saying it's just them but apparently it's a reason because they're like if you've got a

mini can you you know I'm sorry to like bring you can you just come and do whereas men go can you do that apparently like that

there's another reason why women don't progress because they're not direct enough but within language it is a gender thing yeah so Finn

stop being a fucking woman about it no it's fine you can't do it without us going hey can you do that there's loads of men like that as well

yeah but I'm saying dims I mean the gnome doesn't care he's flipping me off right now he is but yeah I'm trying to learn to be okay

with being disliked in what situation do you think you struggle with the most uh sex mid-sex there's no specific mid-sex and she's like i don't like the way you're moving your hips he's like well i've got the courage to not give a what's up i'm going carry on anything i don't even i don't even work because that's whatever but other other places I need to be okay with people not liking me because I've made a decision

that I've decided to make yeah I've got to the point now where I I just cull people I'm getting there yeah because I'm like do you know what like I don't need the negativity

and the bullshit like if you're not on my thing you've got to be careful with that word your accent doesn't lend itself to that word I'd avoid that word if I were you cause sounds like kill I just kill people

negativity I don't need the negativity I'll just kill them no you're right your accent doesn't lend itself to that word I have no idea what's going on I'm going to say the word negativity negativity ok don't say it doesn't lend itself to the word. Okay, I have no idea what's going on, but... Okay, I'm going to say the word negativity. Negativity.

Okay, don't say it. All right. No, you can't define it. Oh, is that what you heard? Yeah. I thought cull and kill. No. Oh, my God. I didn't get it either.

Yeah, Dan's here to save me. We'll tell you later. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's such a good joke that we just can't broadcast. Yeah. But yeah, being okay with people not liking me is important. Yeah, but I think like, yeah,

if people like don't give you the time of day and aren't on board. I don't know what's going on. It's losing it. I have no idea what happened. You can't know what's going on. It's in my head. I just need to get past this.

Just keep talking to Carl. It's not what you've done. It's funny. I'm trying to read his mind again. You said you call people. it like friends yeah yeah just people who like um it's like valuing yourself if they don't value your time and stuff and they treat you like shit i'm like why why are you in my life then bro do you know what i mean and then also just people who are always fucking bitching and negativity and all that i'm just like i can't

do it and also you're a dad now, so you've got less time to put up with this shit. Has that given you a bit of perspective? Yeah, that's the other thing. I was actually talking to someone earlier. I was saying how like last night at a gig, I was talking about how, yeah, being a parent, because they're a parent as well,

and they were saying like it's crazy how much perspective it gives you that you just feel like, yeah, but I've got something serious. That's all that matters, no? Yeah yeah 100 it's just like tunnel vision how'd you call though because i've spoken about it on here it's not there's like it's difficult there's no set like format for binning off a platonic male friend like a mate there's no sort of set social structure for it if you're seeing someone or in a relationship everyone knows that you go oh i'm not really feeling it i don't think we should see it see each other anymore everyone's been through it before and everyone goes oh god that's bad or you're a dick or whatever but when it's a mate who you've had enough of it's really you can't say anything it's

a weird thing to imagine saying that to a mate going baz can i talk to you i just think we should see other people like i'm just not feeling feeling it. I'll write them a letter. Is it? The male thing to do is to just shut down and just ignore it. And the other fella will do the exact same thing. Yeah, and you'll both get it. What if they don't get it, though?

What if you just shut down and ignore it? And in 20 years, you're like, God, this cunt's been doing my head in for fucking ages. There is some people in your life that you've had too long to get rid of and you just like they're just there in the periphery aren't they they just float and occasionally you have to put up with them once you sort of missed a window you missed the window like in your early 20s you're like god i could have i could have thrown him out of mr window i hate mr window or kicked him out of Mr. Window. I hate Mr. Window. Or kicked him out of Mrs. Door.

Mr. Window. Yeah, some people just have to go, yeah, I'll see you. I look one over. No, but if they're a miserable fucker, get rid of them. How though? You just said you can't.

I know you've got it. You've got to be a trailblazer. Blank them. Blazer. Is there anyone in your life? Yes. Right? Yeah.

Who you talk to regularly. Blankum. Blazer. Is there anyone in your life? Yes. Right? Yeah. Who you talk to regularly. Oh, yeah. That you would quite happily write this second, never talk to again. Yeah. I feel like you guys are going way too hard on Finn. Oh, no. Thomas.

See? Nice try, Tom. Oh, it's Harry. No. Yeah, there is yeah yeah yeah we've all got I've got

like how often do you talk to the people or person we're thinking about every couple of months because if it was any more than that

I don't even think that counts no alright cool yeah yeah oh mate if it was all the time then I'd have had

to deal with it I thought you and Laura were going well we're going well we're going well we're going well how are you love you alright yeah no I'm sat had to deal with it. I thought you and Laura were going well. We're going well. Talk to his wife every couple of months. How are you, love? You all right?

Yeah, no, I'm sat next to you, yeah. Have you got any of them? Weekly? Someone I talk to weekly? No. Like, I don't deal with shit like this. If someone's doing my head in, they're dust, mate. Gone.

Bye. Nada. Au revoir, sir. Are they Spanish? Au revoir, sir. If you ever hear Adam speak Spanish to me, I know I'm down. I know who I like,

and I know... I've started writing a stand-up about this exact thing as well. I know who I like. I know what I like in people, and as soon as I've got people like that that I like, I keep them.

I'm like, yeah, get here. Let's all be friends. And the people I want to keep, I'll fight anyone for them. Like, we're mates, aren't we? We're family. We're friends. We win together. And they do one thing that puts me off them,

and I would watch them burn and not piss on them. One thing. One thing. I love you, but one thing. You do everything to get one thing, and he's done. No, he's got three I think I owe Carl about 17 actually what would a one thing

would it be like a bad habit no no just like if they did something that goes completely against what I believe is the fundamentals of friendship or vaping which is one of the fundamentals of friendship no vaping that's for me as well.

It's a disgusting habit. Yeah. I wouldn't ever. I have boundaries for my friends that I would also have in a partner. Certain things in a partner, if they did it, you go, right, well, I'm not,

you're just gone. Like, it's not a thing. And I've got similar things for friends. What would you do, Thomas, if one of your closest friends ever, because of what's happened recently with all the racism, kidnapped your child

and held them to ransom? You're going to cut them out, aren't you? I may have to have got them back. No, the man thing to do is just ignore it. They'll ignore it. It'll grow up and it'll come back. It's funny you say that, Adam, because that was on my list of things

that are fundamentally against friendship. It's kidnapping Louis. What happens to one of your friends? Like, oh, that's a bit of a... Oh, like if they called me? No, you're talking and they have a bit of an opinion that you're like oh shit that's a bit racist or homophobic or yeah yeah like if they were like oh where were you yesterday i was in the rally bro you cut them out yeah you would you'd be like defending a mask oh no you would yeah yeah yeah like we had which side were you marching? I'm talking close school, like, school friends.

What would you do? Talk to them or just call them? Yeah, I think you'd have to have a combo, wouldn't you? If it's something, like, if it's something fucking serious, like, it's like you're saying the races or something, you have to fucking call them out. Only if you want to keep them, though. That's the thing, isn't it?

What's the fucking, do you know what I mean? Like, you not have an obligation to society to try and change the mind of bigots? No, but we've discussed this before. There's bellends everywhere. They're not my fucking bellend. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Minds in me pants. I'm not having an argument with my dick about racism. You're not my bellend. Come on. Come on. Go on, Finn. Why is it always white women? What do you think about immigration, little Dan?

I think they should go home. My dick is... Big voice. Yeah, yeah. Ah, hello. Can I just say that from this angle, I can see Adam gave it a mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, of course. It's zippy, apparently. I want to send the boats back. Freddie Quincox. Zippy. Go on. Finn. I was just going to say,

Thomas, did you speak to anyone after you left the cult? Or was that completely cut off cold? So let's just recap for new listeners or people new to Thomas. Thomas grew up in a Christian cult and left when you were... No, I didn't grow up in it. I joined it. I joined it. You joined it as an adult? I joined it as a...

Yeah. Did you? I was 17, 18 when I first went. Oh, I thought your mum was like banged into it from day one. Nah, nah, nah. Nah. I went there because I thought

it was a cooler church than the one that I was at. Oh, right. So you were raised in a mental one anyway and then you moved in... No, I was in like a strict Baptist one and then it was like... Not a mental one? And then I went to this one because it was all like we and i was like fuck yeah oh this

is great they just have the inflatable wacky guys outside jesus loves you it just means you're a pejo dealer she even stole one of them fucking class that looks great i go to a church at that one side yeah honestly that's what it was like but have you kept in touch with any of them only you know what it's funny the only ones I've kept in touch with are also left

yeah you're not allowed I mean I'm not speaking for your cult but like if you're a Jehovah's Witness or whatever if you leave you're done you're dead to everyone aren't you it's mad and it's also like you're a Jehovah's Witness or whatever, if you leave, you're done. You're dead to everyone, aren't you? It's mad. And it's also like you're looked upon as... Yeah.

You're lost. You're lost. You're lost. You need salvation. Do you know what I mean? But yeah, my mate who left as well, every time I go back to Adelaide, we catch up with him as missus.

Dan, do you reckon you can speak on the behalf of the Jehovah's Witnesses? What, the Jehovah? As a whole? The cult I'm in, the Jehovah's Witnesses. No, I don't know what fucking wacky inflatable warehouse guy fucking church. I don't know the name of his cult. Jehovah's Witnesses, are they like Mormons?

No, they're Jehovah's. But what's a Jehovah? I thought Jehovah was a person, and they'rehovah's. But what's a Jehovah's? I thought Jehovah was a person and they're like witnesses. What's a Jehovah with you? Clip it. 100%. My mate...

So happy. You've been regaled. What do Jehovah's do? They come to your door. No, that's not their religion, is it? Doors. Well, I don't know. There we go.

You don't know either. The main difference is that the body of Christ is brown bread. Hey, that liquid death is doing you no good. Non-branded. Go on, what do Jehovah's do? They believe solely in the Bible. Like, they're living strict by it. Oh, it's by the word.

And also, there's like an end of days, isn't there? Yeah. You don't... When you die, your self ceases to exist until you're resurrected. The day of judgment. I'm not going to lie, that sounds pretty sick.

Wow. They all come back. Thomas Hayes, like two lines, if anyone listens, he's like, sign me back up. Oh, fuck,

that sounds great. I'm back, baby! You're so easy. They knock at your door. Oh, that's so sound. Love it! I've got some living down the street. So they've not tried to save us.

So my mate had ones that would regularly go up and down his street back in Adelaide. And he said one day he answered the door. He saw him coming. So he answered the door naked. And then they never came to his house again. Right. Yeah. Maybe they were gay. What? Maybe they were gay jehovah's witnesses i'm like you're tempting me i can't come back here again you think that they were like fuck we can't go back there

because that guy was gorgeous was massive i want it too much i'd have to leave the church and you can't you can't i think it's one rules. Tom, would you allow them in your house if they knocked? Gays. No, I don't want to talk religion. Me neither. Huh? I don't want to talk religion with them. Do you know what I mean?

Don't talk about religion with them, then? Well, what? I'm talking about gay people. I don't think... Oh, I think you're talking about Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't think Sophie would like them in the house, because Tom was within about 15 minutes. Giving him the deeds to the house.

Does it come with a kit? I mean... Start a pack. There's a free CD player, babe. I'm about to sign the whole thing giving him the deed to the house does it come with a kit I'm in starter pack there's free CD player babe if you get left for 15 minutes you will join a cult you just have to keep them near Thomas isn't allowed to answer the door I'm on cult watch

the baby's allowed make sure I don't sign up I've just come up with the best patron special I did of all time the Jehovah's Witness patron special no we take Thomas to a black church right well I'm sure I'd sign up. I've just come up with the best patron special I did of all time, by the way. The Jehovah's Witness patron special? No, we take Thomas to a black church. Right, well, I'm in. I've wanted to go to one for ages.

And? End of sentence. Well, just leave him there. We just take him and film his reaction. Just drop him off. When he's like, oh, Lord. And he'll be like, oh, Lord. It'd be class.

Where is the black church? There's one in Chester, but I don't think they speak like that. There's one in Chester? Yeah. Is it like a... There's one in Liverpool.

Yeah, that makes sense because there's black people in Liverpool. Yeah. There's loads. I don't think they're like, oh,

welcome to black church. Lord, I'm here down in Sealand Road, Chester. Where are the congregation from? They're from Blakon. They're from Poole. And some of them have come all the way across the water in a queen's ferret.

Welcome to Black George. Welcome to Black George. Welcome to Black George. I think they just, you know, I think they've got their voices. Shout out Blakaken and Hill. If I thought you'd want me to go to something a bit more sketchy, that would be fun.

That would be like a fun church. Like a caricature? Huh? Like a what? Sketchy, it means like drawn. A caricature? Oh, yeah. I didn't hear what you said. said Thomas you've really got to tune in

with these silly cunts today they're in a very silly mood and you're missing so much of it I wouldn't let gay people in what's more hang on what sort of church you're talking though

like in terms of like like a Westboro a Westboro Baptist yeah that's just a reason to be horrible they're not a church yeah but i mean like that's what i thought you meant for a special going taking you to the rest but like behind enemy lines kind of thing like um god hates the bad word and then like soldiers they pick it the bad way i won't say the word begins with an f and it responds to homosexuals. Sponsor? Sponsor? It answers the phone to them. You've never seen

the Westboro Baptist Church? They just say the worst. Oh, the Highness. Hate speech. They go to soldiers who've died at battle and protest at the wedding. At the wedding? At the funeral

that's fair I reckon can't be marrying this guy he's dead he died in Fallujah and they go like oh we're glad he's dead and all that it's horrendous

right yeah so probably not that one probably the black church that Adam suggested it's only more fun just tell me some of the things they do

you've nailed it you've nailed it you've nailed it it's the God hates God hates cigarettes God hates cigarettes that's their like slogan God hates cigarettes

maybe they're just like they've lost someone to lung cancer I wonder if anyone's ever lost someone to lung cancer accidentally during the Westford Baptist Church

they're very pro-lung yeah but these are these are the worst there's a Louis Theroux documentary about them I knew what it was I just wanted to explain Harry Robbo Harry Robbo Farolang. Yeah. But these are the worst. There's a Louis III documentary about them. I knew what it was.

I just wanted you to explain. Harry Robbo. Harry Robbo is very interested in these people. He's got one of their tops on. Yeah, that does look quite racist. Okay. It does look like he's got a German cross on it. Scientology for Tom, maybe?

Oh, that creeps me out because it's all the elites in Hollywood and stuff are secretly or not secretly doing it. It's like a weird... Is that the one with Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise has been pretty honest about his involvement. But women aren't allowed to make noise during birth or something? Is it something fucking weird like that? Women aren't allowed to talk through movies, it is. And I'm all for it.

Women aren't allowed to make noise during church. I don't know what he's in. It's Tom Cruise. He's from our church. Ask him on Sunday. Shut up.

Tom! What have you been in? Yeah, every time. It's Mission Impossible, look. It is. He's from the church. Where do I know him from? Fuck me.

Church. John Travolta's kid died because of Scientology, didn't he? No. What? He wasn't Scientologist, was he? Was he not? No, he was, wasn't he? No, he's one of the other ones.

Oh, he's... He's... He's something else where they can't have medicine. No, he's Scientology. No, I think he's converted to that. 1975 he joined Scientology. I think his kid died in 73, 74. When he was 15.

Who started it, Finn? L. Ron Hubbard. Yeah, L. Ron Hubbard. L. Ron Finn L. Ron Hubbard L. Ron Hubbard L. Ron L. Ron Hubbard L. Ron Lord of the Rings L. Ron started it in Rivendell

it's L. Ron Hubbard Hubbard it was a book it was a science it was a science fiction book that he just went this would be a sick religion

and what people just jumped on so that's what it was recently yes in the last three or four decades. Are you fucking serious? And people now do it as a religion. So he started religion. Yeah, it started in the 20th century.

That's fucking crazy. How old were you? Motherfucker. Because most religions, the Abrahamic ones, are from, you know, fucking 2,000 years ago. You know, this is like the 20th century. It wasn't founded in fucking 10 AD, was it? Was your cult founded a thousand years ago?

Yeah, but it comes from. It comes from the teaching. Do you know what I mean? It's not like a brand new one when he goes, yeah, fuck it. Mormonism's pretty new, isn't it? In the grand scheme of things. Oh, yeah. Are they believed Jesus is from America?

Is that or coming back to America? Coming to America. Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy, Jesus. It goes down really well at that church we're going to someone in America found like stone tablets with like a new message from God Joseph Smith

Joseph Smith Book of Mormon yeah yeah that's a fucking great play yeah and did you think that had nothing to do with the Mormon church no I knew it did but I forgot about that bit the whole thing because it was Yeah. And did you think that had nothing to do with the Mormon church? No, I knew it did, but I forgot about that bit. The whole bit. Because they were doing the South Park accents and stuff.

Yeah. And Jesus. And it was fucking great. I was dying. With Scientology, you get your own planet. I cried at the end. You get your own what? You get your own planet. Yeah, I think you do in Mormonism as well, don't you?

Do you? When you die, you get your own planet. Own planet? Yeah. Which one's this one When you die, you get your own planet. Own planet? Yeah. Which one's this one? Scientology. You want your own planet? No.

Bored. You won't be there, you'll be on your planet. I'm not going to lie, that sounds pretty enticing. I don't like walking to yours. I'm not getting a fucking spaceship to come and have a cup of tea,

am I? Have you seen Interstellar, though? Sam! Come here, mate. Am I on my own planet and he's on his? Yeah, I'm fucking out of here, mate. Yeah. But like, you have to pay to get to different levels of Scientology, don't you?

And then as you get to different levels, they tell you more shit. And they reckon by the time you get to the top, they just go, it's all bollocks. But we've all got loads of dough, so don't worry. But have you guys seen Interstellar? You haven't discovered new planets? I haven't seen it yet. I'm going to see it in December because it's going back back and be released you've never seen it no fuck okay well they just find some planets and some of them aren't as good as others i'm not giving anything

away from the plot imagine if you were given a planet but it was a shit one it was inhospitable huh it was inhospitable yeah yeah i'd be fuming it's like winning one of those fucking like lotteries for the house on facebook but then you find out it's in Coventry or something. Or like you rock up and it's got fucking... I don't want it. I don't even want to sell it. What lottery is that? What's the Coventry house lottery?

What's that? That's got to be made up. I've never seen it. Have you drawn the house lottery? On Facebook. Oh. Gee, come here. We've won a fucking other house in the house lottery. On Facebook. Ow. Gee, come here. We've won a fucking other house in Coventry.

That's the third one this month. Coventry house lottery. He's got a match fixing in him. We've won three in a month. Something's going on. What is this? You win a lottery. I know what he's on about.

You pay for a ticket. It's like a raffle for a house. It's like winner house worth 150 grand. It's a quid a dollar. And they wait until they've had like 250,000 entries. They make profit on it. And then they give the house away. There's loads of them all over the internet.

I've seen that on American game shows. They've got to pay the tax on whatever they win as a prize on game shows. Oh, that's fucked. It's so fucking bad. So if they go, oh, it's a luxury holiday. Like whatever the value of the holiday there's tax on it so if you if you get this holiday and yeah great it's worth 20 grand but you have to pay six grand of tax if you can't afford apparently with game shows the part

of the reason that's the soul like varied the prizes because often the people go i can't afford to pay the tax on that so i'm not claiming it what the price is right was the same a lot of people just couldn't do the things so they want a car they'd have to pay the tax on that, so I'm not claiming it. What? British Price is Right was the same. A lot of people just couldn't do the things. So they won a car, they'd have to pay the tax on the car. Yes. Yeah, and the game show, like, fill in a form immediately to IRS to go, hey, they won a car, just to let you know. They should be paying the tax on that.

Their lottery's taxed, isn't it, as well? Yeah. But the British one isn't. Well, gambling used to be taxed in the UK. When I was a kid, I remember, like, on like, if you bet on, like, the Grand National, which is all I bet on when I was a child, you had to choose with the bookies whether to pay the tax before or after the bet.

Hold on. You used to bet as a kid? On the Grand National? Yeah, since you were, like, 10. What? Younger? You were ever going with your mum to the bookies and picking three or four horses?

Adam's been doing tax returns since he was six, just because of all the winnings. But like you used to have to, so you'd choose, let's say the tax was 10% or whatever. It's probably different, but like if you put a quid bet on, then you could choose to put the tax on then of an extra 10p and pay £1.10, or you would pay 10% if you won. So if you won 10 quid, there's more of a gamble.

So, when you were betting on the Grand National, how old, 10? I mean, probably younger. How do you know? Were you based on the name of the horse? How do you think I pick horses now?

I don't know. I mean, I'd probably go with the colour of the top. Yeah. On the jockey. Like, normally I look for a horse that's got a name that might be important to my life. What do you mean important? So, like normally I look for a horse that's got a name that might be important

to my life what are you important so like there'll be a horse called like Anne's Wish I mean mum was called Anne so I'm like right

I'll have Anne's Wish oh fair enough I'd stand outside the bookies and go mum put these bets on because you're like yeah you can't come in did you ever win

I've never up until I think this year this year was the first year ever that I've won money on the Grand National. You won 100 quid on a horse called Colossal Cock. Because it's what Dan's mum was going to do. Yeah, that's what I do.

I used to win a lot. Norma's wish. But I used to put like 50p, you know, you'd win like six quid and you'd just have sweet money. Yeah, fuck, that's all right. It was great. You used to go to Sayers as well.

Who put it on? Me mum. Would they not ask questions that kids were in the betting shop? No, I wasn't allowed in. I'd stand outside. Oh, you'd stand outside. You'd bring to Sayers as well. Who put it on? Me mum. Would they not ask questions that kids were in the bedding shop? No, I wasn't allowed in. That's the not side. Oh, it's the other side. She'd bring the slip out

and I'd go, I don't know them for and she'd go and put it on. And she'd bring out the bevs and stuff. Wasn't a pub. Yeah. She'd go in, put the bet on, we'd go to Sayers, get a cake and we'd watch the game.

Oh, yeah. Okay, because in Oz, all the bedding bits are in the pub. You bet in the pub and there's a section of the pub that has a bedding. Which, by the way, sounds fucking well better. What a country.

All bookies are in the pub. Yeah, so you go to a certain pub, but with like a nice hotel pub kind of thing. It's a bit bigger where you can have a proper sit-down meal, like a nice pub. And they'll have a section in the corner. And it's like usually the big sports bars. Like a sports book.

The sports bars, all the tellies are around the corner. Oh, so it's like usually the big sports bars the sports bars all the tellies are around the corners oh so it's like Vegas like a sports book in Vegas yeah that's what most of them are no we've got betting shops

and they're all grim apart from like the occasional one where Ladbrokes have spent money on it there's one in Manchester City Centre that's sick

like it's like I think it might be one of their flagship ones I love a book it's class for every year a grubby little William Hill in the middle of fucking nowhere it's like, I think it might be one of their flagship ones. I love a bucket. It's classic. For every year. Oh, a grubby little William Hill

in the middle of fucking nowhere. It's full of sad people. Oh, it's grim. Tuesday afternoon. When you used to be able to smoke in there as well, like,

oh. When me and Soph went to Ireland, we went to meet her great uncle and her great aunt out in the middle of fucking nowhere. And,

um, we'll drive around. I am listening, but I'm putting a bat on you went and saw great aunt and she goes oh Tommy's around

at the you know at the bedding shop so we went around there and he comes out he's like who are you he's like

oh we're you know he's like great niece blah blah blah he's like okay stood for a photo

I've got bets on and just left and went straight back in didn't even want to have a chat fucking respecter he doesn't want to know you he died like I stood for a photo I've got bets on and just left and went straight back in didn't even want to have a chat fucking respect that he doesn't want to know yet he died like I think a year later he's read that book

Kyle's reading yeah oh yeah yeah and he died a year later no but this thing this guy was like at the end of his tenure

and he didn't give a fuck and I was like I envy just how he was just like this is my day I don't care who I'm meeting I'm having my fucking time to myself.

It's the epitome of what we were talking about. Yeah. So there's a race in 12 minutes and I've just put a bet on a horse called the Kings and is the Grand National today? It's that one. What? The Grand National today, no,

but there's horse racing every day. Well, he said he's putting a race now. We have more than one horse race a year. It's a fucking Wednesday afternoon, Thomas. It's the Grand National. No, it's not, Tom. There's loads of races. There's loads of fucking...

They're all over the world as well. No, but Ascot's like... I feel like Ascot's on every fucking other day. Every other day, Ascot it is, yeah. It's on tomorrow. Chains every week. It's Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday.

But it's not once a year. No, they have meets. They have race meets. Right. Like half a dozen, 10, 15 a year or whatever. Chester races is on every three days. Is the Grand National the biggest one? Is that like the pinnacle? Chester Races is not on every few days.

The Grand National is probably the most famous one. It's the most famous steeplechase in the world. And then the Cheltenham Gold Cup is like the prestigious one. Is it the biggest payout? For the riders? Yeah. The Gold Cup. Couldn't tell you about the horses.

Is it the Wimbledon of horses? No. Cheltenham Gold Cup is the one. They win the Grand National. The Grand National is not the best horses. It's the biggest spectacle one, but the horses that are in the Grand National aren't the best horses.

Are they not? No, no, no. I didn't know that. They're steeplechase horses, aren't they? The ones in the Cheltenham Gold Cup are the absolute... They're the Ferraris and Lamborghinis of horses. Terrible analogy. But do you know what I mean?

This is the Lamborghini of horses. Am I wrong? I thought the Cheltenham Gold Cup was like the absolute... What's a big risk, isn't it? It's going to die in the Grand National. Yeah, it's a million pounds split between the first 10 horses. So the winner gets... 100k per horse?

516 grand for the winner of the grand national is that it what half a million half a million what's a horse going to do with that money anyway

it's a lot of fucking outs the horse gets the prize that's sound man it's not the jockey the jockey just gets a fee from the

stable doesn't it I know you have to could you find out what the Cheltenham Gold Club is are you actually having me on right now? Yeah.

Of course it is. Like a yacht. You just meant it was the actual horse. 625 grams. Oh, it's not much more. Chester Aces is on 11 times a year, by the way. Yeah, feels like it.

About once a month. Yeah. How much money would you make as a jockey, you reckon? Like, over a lifetime? Is it like a sustainable income or do you have to work at fucking somewhere else

in part-time? You've got to get taken on by a really good stable, haven't you? Like, what's the, what did Frankie DeTore ride for? Godolphin, which is,

is it the Dubai? Aussie Dolphins. He rode dolphins and that's how he won so much. £27,800, but that's two years ago, so there's probably inflation. Probably around £30,000 a year.

Wow. That's for an average jockey. That's not for Frankie Dottori. The average flat jockey. That sounds like an insult. What about the big titted ones? What do you reckon would happen to your balls over that amount of time?

Do you know what I mean? The horse or the jockey? What? The jockey. The horse or the jockey? The jockey. Because you've got to think They're constantly

Smacking your ass down On the seat You can't That can't be good for you They're cupped up aren't they And most jockeys Are like legal dwarves So they probably

Have little balls They say like They're worried about them Over time Your jizz would be like Milkshake Milkshake jizz They've got smaller balls

Little people Yeah of course they have Are you sure? You like milkshake? Milkshake? Jesus. They've got smaller balls? Who? Little people? Yeah, of course they have. Are you sure? Have small people got smaller balls? I don't know. I think it shrinks all of it. I don't know.

Them. What do you mean? Can't update on Frankie Dottori if you want, my man. Yeah, please. Do-do-do-do-do. Frankie Dottori of Dave want my man Frankie Dottori can't tell me that like dwarves walking around with 7 inch cocks

I'd be mental I think there's some genuinely google the dwarves have been cockspin you get the fucking good shit we've had a naughty week this week this isn't the patron exclusive dwarfism

does not affect the size of the genitals class so they've all got big cocks comparatively this thing about you being a dwarf is checking out innit big head big cock just a big dwarf on reddit there's do the m word have normal sized penises big head, big cock. Just a big dwarf? No. On Reddit,

there's, do, yeah, M word, have normal sized penises? No. It's all right. Frankie Dottori,

Dan, got paid 160 pounds for a race, but he'd get 10% of whatever the horse made. Right, so the absolute bare minimum, that's probably like the union bare minimum.

160 quid. But he was riding for the shake of, you know, one of them. You know, Alderbydabidabum. Over there. The United... 160 quid, yeah. That's mad, that.

No, but then he's getting 10% of... It's danger with that, isn't it? I wonder they're fucking dragging it off, like fucking get over there. Fucking Brent's on the line, mate. Yeah, so if he won the Grand National, he's making 50 grand. Still a lot. That's like their biggest day as well.. Yeah, so if he won the Grand National, he's making 50 grand. Mm-hmm.

Still a lot. That's like their biggest day as well. Like, he might only win that fucking, you know... How many times Frankie Dottori won that? Like, three. So he's 150 grand this year in his career. Is that a famous guy? Frankie Dottori. Yeah, he's like one of the best jockeys of all time.

Is that the Michael Jordan of jockeys? Yeah. But smaller. Right. Michael Jordan's farockeys? Yeah. But smaller. Right. Michael Jordan's far too tall to be a jockey. 6'6"? Yeah. Jockeys average around 5'3".

5'3"? Yeah. Okay. No, well smaller. Do you reckon? Yeah. No. What?

Hang on, what? 5'3"? Smaller than 5'3"? 5'4". Frankie Torey's 5'3". Smaller than 5'3". 5'4". Frankie, sorry, he's 5'4". No, no, no. He's big. That's his Tinder profile, maybe, maybe.

We are his Tinder profile. How big do you think jockeys are? Like fucking little GI Joes? Just sellotape them to the back of a horse? They're small. They're not fucking... He thinks they're that big. Where's the fucking...

You go, 160 pounds you'll make if you win this race. Go on. Tell them Gold Cup's about to start. Where's the fucking jockey? Oh, he's in your wallet. Jesus Christ.

Did he pay to look? God, you were like four foot. No, you did not. I swear. S is four foot. Five three, isn't that small though

average average you're five eight five eight so Frankie Dottori's four there's a bigger difference between Jack and Dan

than Dan and Frankie Dottori you're just slamming Dan anyway I'm an inch shorter than him fuck you're only what five eight

I'm up here at five nine you're lucky he can'8 I'm up here at 5'9 you're lucky he can even see you down there fucking hell the average Frankie Dottori

is quite tall for a jockey the average jockey oh no if he's right it's going to do my head he's nowhere near right the average jockey

is 5'1 what 5'1 is the average 5'1 I thought it was 3'2 5'1 5'1 could have been a j1 is the average. 5'1". I thought it was 3'2". My mom could have been a jockey. She was a belted jockey.

She was an absolute jockey almost. The female jockeys are bigger. Average. So she wouldn't have qualified. Why does that work? Oh, because they weigh less. Yeah. All right.

This is a serious question. I'm not being a dickhead. Are the horses all similar size? Are they the same breed? Same type of horse? They're all horses. They're all fast ones. Yeah, but do you know what I mean?

You're not going to have a fucking Clydesdale. You're not going to have a Shire horse, no. You're going to have a fucking nice racing horse. Slow and steady. You know how you've got, if all the jockeys are around 5'1", are all the horses the same height? That's a good question.

I don't actually know the answer to that. The reason I ask is because you know how in the F1, the car has to weigh a certain amount, the driver has to weigh a certain amount. It's all measured before and after the race. No, the driver doesn't have to weigh a certain amount. Well, to make sure the weight... No, they don't.

You can be any size and be a Formula 1 driver. They're not going, you're too fat. Oh, yeah. You can be tall size and be a formula one driver they're not going you're too fat oh yeah oh yeah because if you some of them you can be tall and still be a formula one driver they'd rather you were small and light yeah they're not like a six foot six driver in though are they like there is a height limit the reason these are small is because it's better thoroughbreds the horse the type of horse right and that's like 99% of them. And you said it's shyer horses? No, I was joking. Oh, do they want the pole stuff? Yeah.

No, they're just really quiet. Have you turned off yet? I feel like that alarm's broken. You said shyer horse? I was like shy. You said shy a horse? I was like shy. Oh, shy. Thomas, how much of this have you missed? I'm not going to lie.

Quite a lot. But it's been entertaining. You've been great. Have a break, boys. I'm just watching you guys. A lot of it's just gone over my head. I think we've sent each other insane. I think this is nearly five years

of doing this we're all like I feel like I've walked in today yeah there's definitely a vibe of you all we've all been like locked in or something

it's a bit hot innit you finished that it's beautiful today it's no heavy on like I tell you what it's no sneak Drake what sex play give us it I like what it's no sneak Craig what section

please give us it I like it it's nice what is it what section is it come on oh wow there you go

I thought you said what's the sex give me it I like it that's what I thought he said I'm not good at sex me

what do we usually do in this section we usually do room 102 um Thomas is there anything you want to get Sex me. What do we usually do in this section? We usually do Room 102. Thomas, is there anything you want to get in the fucking bin for eternity? Yeah. You know, very specific, but delivery drivers who say, or delivery riders even, it could be food,

it could be clothing or something. And they say they've delivered it to a safe place and they haven't delivered it to a safe place. Like where's not a safe place?

So I live on a high street and they put it on my doorstep on a fucking high street and say it's in a safe space. I'm like, God, it's not. It's a high street.

Do you know what you do there? You get home and go, the package wasn't there and they send you it again. Oh, that's not. It's a high street. Do you know what you do there? You get home and go, the package wasn't there and they send you it again. Oh, that's not bad. Well, the worst one I had was, you know, the boat show

in London, the comedy club. I was on there and I ordered a Nando's there and the guy left my Nando's on embankment on the wall next to the Thames and said he left it in a safe space.

It went out. It fucking wasn't there. It wasn't there. Seagulls have got it. Fucking Nando's was gone. Do you really live on a high street? Yeah. That's mental.

Why? As in like Church Street here. That's our high street. Like where Primark is here. Oh yeah, but in a village high street, like a little town, not a city. What shops are near? Huh. What shops are near? Huh?

What shops are near? I'm next door to a bridal shop. Where are you in London, Thomas? I'm in Hertfordshire, in Birkhamstead, a little town, about a half hour out of London. Oh, I know Birkhamstead. Yeah, it's Birko. But everyone thinks I'm being Aussie saying it's called Birko,

but that's because it's all poshies there. It's quite posh. Yeah, they call it Birko. Birko. It isn't a safe space. Yeah, they call it Berco. Berco. It isn't a safe space. They're not going to nick anything. They're like, I don't want to fucking take that. Yeah, you know, it's got everything, Finn.

It's got like HSBC. What? Everything. Have a Bible song. You get your money, you buy your dress, you go home. What more do you want? Groceries? Shut up, love. They tell you what more do you want groceries shut up love do I tell you what

they do in Japan with safety if you drop money on the floor no if you drop money on the floor say like an hour

20 quid if you go to the nearest police station someone's handed it in no yep nope yep

see if they fire money on the floor they take it to the nearest police station no you just said you did it you dropped money and it to the nearest police station. You just said you did it.

You dropped money, and then you went to police station. Wallet's different. But if you drop a thousand yen, they will take it to the... You'd have dishonest people going to the cop shop. That was my first thought, by the way.

Why don't we all just fly to Japan, do a lap of all the busy stations, and come back a billionaire? Yeah. Yeah. Because they're so honest, they expect everyone to be honest. Who will I'm not?

What's the flights? Yeah. Fucking hell, this is a great scheme. I would love to see the conversation in a Japanese police station where no one speaks English and Adam's like, money, lad. Yen.

My yen. Gizzy. I dropped it where everywhere fucking all over the gaff they just say where was it and when and you say it was by the

HSBC at two o'clock and they go yeah someone's handed it I dropped my wallet at the Edinburgh Festival and someone put it and put it it's not a euphemism

you still didn't get on the telly I don't oh no that's true that's the end of that no come on someone handed it in it had cash in

yeah did they bring it to your show no they gave it to the police station oh right oh imagine they put it in the bucket and looked boss but it was your show no they gave it to the police station oh right oh imagine they put it in the bucket and looked boss but it was your money that would be so good

a guy got robbed in Glasgow and the guy he took his wallet off him and the guy robbed him looked at him and felt bad for the guy and took a tenner out of the guy's wallet

and said get home safe oh that's lovely isn't that so fucking nice that's like such a nice mugging yeah it's kind of nice is it quite yeah it's like such a nice mugging yeah it's kind of nice is it quite yeah it's just stole a tenner

no no no no he gave him a tenner he gave him his own tenner back oh that's lovely he stole his wallet and then said hang on

here's ten pound back yeah yeah saying get home isn't it lovely it's so nice I mean that's nicer than danger danger's out of you

never know who you might run into do you know what I walk you home fucking horrible these cunts and now that we're here give us all your stuff out your house

you could leave your laptop in a shop or a Mahi's or a Starbucks and leave and it wouldn't have like

genuinely there's no crime what Liverpool no not in Liverpool where oh Japan yeah

yeah right or on the banks of the Thames I've seen it it's a weird feeling when you get used to it people just respect other people's

things and kids are allowed to just walk to the shops and back into school they just put a yellow jacket on a yellow coat and everyone just looks after them

so incompetent the yellow jacket is like this is a child yeah not a jockey on a holiday because otherwise

come on let's get you to school I'm a fucking jockey love should I enjoy a fucking holiday yeah everyone just looks out for each other

it's dead nice I mean obviously there's bad things but we would all take the opportunity but a lot of people in the UK

be like oh there's 50 quid on the floor there, I'm just going to put it in my pocket and keep it. Yeah, 100% I'd do it. Yeah. Not if you saw the... Not the person who dropped it.

No. If I see, I'd run after them. But I'm not picking up and being like, who's this? And having someone else who just wants to come on over and go, that's mine. It's not yours.

It's mine. It's got to be your first day out. Everyone! Everyone on Church Street. Everyone! Drop 50 quid here. It's got to be your first day out. Everyone! Everyone on Church Street. Everyone! Drop 50 quid here. It's got the king's head on it. Man, that one.

Yeah. Yeah, just honesty. It's lovely, isn't it? Yeah, but then all Japanese people end up killing themselves, don't they? It's not a good system. Every time. It's not a good system.

It's 100% suicide rate. Everyone kills themselves. Yeah? Idiots. Maybe if you kept money, they'd be happy and wouldn Everyone kills themselves. Wow. Yeah? Idiots. Maybe if they kept money they'd be happy and wouldn't kill

themselves. But there is something about Japanese society that makes them all moody. The work ethic. Yeah.

The work ethic and the honesty. Everyone needs to be able to lie and have a lie down. They love their karaoke. Yeah.

Invented that. Yeah. Karaoke can do so much. No but like apparently that's why they so much no but like apparently that's why they do it is to like

like release after work and stuff because they do I get bladdered and go to karaoke yeah yeah to help they've all worked

18 hour shifts yeah 18 hours they'll happily work a 16 18 hour shift not happily that's my point they do kill themselves

yeah they work long they're hard we work hard not us but people who work nine to five in the UK

like she's a time they'll work seven to nine and go I'll get it done in the 16 hours they don't do any more work do they retire younger no right

they don't want days off they all throw themselves out of a blue from the 42 do they get a weekend off yeah but they don't one time off there was a

typhoon when we were there. Biggest typhoon in years. And we were given the day off work and people were complaining that they didn't want the day off. Are they just a nation of lizards? What's going on? Why are they doing this?

It's all about keeping up appearances. I work hard for my family. Yeah, okay. Why would you want a day off when there's a fucking typhoon, can't? Because they don't want to like you're not going to go to work again if you get swept up in the fucking atmosphere it's gonna be a typhoon i might as well be in the office yeah i can't go to the beach can i hang on what's the typhoon loads of rain it's essentially their way for the hurricane yeah all right so it's well yeah because australians get typhoons too

yeah yeah it's just a different way for the same thing. Is it? It's a bad storm. It's a big bad storm, yeah. The big bad storm. It's fucked. But yeah, it's just lovely. So let's put delivery drivers in room 102.

Go on. I think they can go in. Yeah, those ones. I've had people put stuff in my bin and say it's a safe place can you tell me like an electronics company that makes like phones in Thailand I've just got a joke I want to do Huawei

no no that's Chinese Thai phone company Nokia Japanese did you say Japanese no Taiwanese

is there any Taiwanese no well well welcome welcome Did you say Japanese? No, Taiwanese. Is there any? Taiwanese. No. Well, well, welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.

They make Thai phones. Yeah. Taiwanese or Thai? Either. Oh. One of them. It's called welcome. Welcome.

Oh, it's going to be a... A typhoon's what a Geordie calls a welcome phone. It's me typhoon. I think the alarm's broken off. Stop the podcast. Do a bit of dishes for me. Unbelievable. Next one. We've given it a year.

Next one. Any more? Oh, next one. Cyclists. No next one any more oh next one cyclists no we're all cyclists no we're not what the fuck

I hate me cyclists can fork off a cyclist got off kind of I live on a one way road and they're like oh I'm going to rant

I warned you but I also want to they want to break the rules and oh it does my fucking head in. And do you know what the worst ones are on the country roads and the lanes and they just don't fucking move out the way. And it's like, and then in London.

How can we move out the way? Huh? How can we move out the way? There's a curb. What do you mean? When I'm on my bike and you're behind me going, where am I meant to go? That's safe.

Not there. But I've got just as much right to be on the road as you. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If you weren't on the road at all, it would be such a better situation. It's a kind of a valid point. They are annoying.

Just eradicate. You're saying put them in the room. They're not on the road anymore. They're environmentally friendly. They're doing charitable work. I don't see the problem. They're also told to be too abreast now as well not behind each other shut the fuck up yeah no yeah that's the worst thing i've ever heard i don't know it's in the new

pedestrian laws that came out last year they've been encouraged to be too abreast rather than before i rode on road rode my bike on roads yeah i genuinely I was like why are you so far over and some of the the grids for like the rain water they're so like the drains

them yeah yeah the drains it's usually stuff when it wets comes from the sky but when there's a typhoon I've tried cycling in a typhoon

the grids for the rain water the grids for the rain water yeah that's the stuff they're thin and they're in the same shape Like you can't go over them You have to You have to go round them You can't go under it

Like it's I had an argument the other day With a driver And you get like Told me I was too far Into the middle of the road But you're like I don't want to go

Head over fucking heels A driver? Yeah Oh you're on your bike? Yeah So he was like Mate Hey

You're going gotta get yourself fucking killed there you're in the middle of the road and I went I'm not in the middle of the road I'm over to the side but I can't go any more over to the side

because there's cars parked around the whole fucking park and doors just open you're also allowed in the middle of the road you're not yeah

you're allowed you can go there if you don't like peace of mind also 20 miles an hour is the speed limit not a target

it's a goal he's a new fucking new person don't like peace of mind also 20 miles an hour is the speed limit it's not a target it's a goal he's a new fucking new person don't become a cyclist I am a cyclist I've got to be you've got a bike trying to save these babies

mate dying children who need uddies and that we're paying for clothes for dying kids I was so confused then I'm like

what is this going to do with him cycling we're going to India to cycle around India for charity you're going from here We're paying for clothes for dying kids. I was so confused then. I'm like, what does this got to do with him cycling? We're going to India to cycle around India for charity. You're going from here to India? No, we're going. Well, we are, yeah, but that's on a plane. Okay.

I was going to say, fuck, that's a ride. Yeah, we're doing 450k. You're right. In India? Yeah. On their roads? No, ours. We're taking our roads over as well. No.

Are you fucking for real? Like in those intersections. Have you been to India? Shut the fuck up. No. No, I haven't. Looks wild though. What?

Those roads? Those intersections? Never seen them. I've seen them on docos. It's wild, isn't it? Fuck, yes. This podcast called down in November. Tigers.

Fuck me. We're going to a tiger park as well? Yeah, yeah. On your bikes? Yeah. What the fuck? Are you guys playing your final ever

patron special? Because this will be it. Possibly. Yeah. Well, the funeral of one of us is going to be the last one. The tigers only kill

the slowest one. Just have to not be the slowest one. And Finn's not even started training. You're just like, When are you going? November. You haven't started?

He hasn't even got a bike yet. I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. You'll figure it out. You know what's about the bike? Yeah, you can't forget, can you? Thomas, we can't put cyclists in because we've all inadvertently become fucking cyclists.

Well, I didn't know this. You still get my advice. I'll tell you what, though. When there's about 40 of them and they're trying to look like the peloton they're coming to the coffee shop just chill and they're walking they're fucking like her the ball's fucking hanging and what i don't fuck i'm trying to have a coffee here i don't need to see you all walking in go oh yes um hello hi yeah uh just fuck off oh because they cycle up to burko from like fucking london yeah or just burko is quite posh oh hey so you get a lot of that people right now and you can hear him well you can hear him like you can hear him chatting down the high street on their bikes

like but they don't chat they fucking yell at each other in conversation yeah and then and then basically oh it's it's the worst i might just fuck off i don't surely you only get like 0.5 a second of that conversation that's more than enough do you know what i mean i can't vote myself into room one or not a cyclist she's gonna buy the children hoodies you're doing a charity a good thing one off you're not gonna get on a bike again, are you? That is a fact. I'm a cyclist for life, I think. And, can I also point out, actually, do you know what? You're not even doing it in this country. He's cycling to

golf. He won't stop. But you're not doing it in this country. Right now he is. So it doesn't affect me, you being in India. So I want you to get my vote, I hate cyclists. Especially around the park. Fuck off. Cyclists on UK roads. Make it more specific.

I'm voting for it. Put it in. Yeah. Yeah. Two all. I'm going. He doesn't get to vote for his own thing. Of course he doesn't.

I've got a very generic one. Like a big, big stroke or a very specific one. Go on. Big stroke. Big stroke. All fucking religion.

Just fuck off. The world would be such a better place. It's the root of all evil. Big stroke. All fucking religion. Just fuck off. The world would be such a better place. It's the root of all evil. It is. Yeah, man. Do you think it would? Do you think the world would be a better place without religion? I do.

You think about how many wars are started based on religion. Yeah, but do you not think they're just fucking psychopaths who would just cause them anyway? Cause they're over something else. Yeah, but I'm talking about through all of history. Yeah. You go right back and it's people starting wars based on religion. Think about the secretarism even within countries and stuff.

They'd have found reasons for war. They'd find it. That's just humanity, isn't it? I'm not saying there isn't evil and that people aren't fucking stupid, but I think it takes away a lot of that control that they had, especially before people could read and stuff. And the priests and stuff used to tell, before they converted the Bible from Latin to English, right,

they would tell the congregation what it said and they would lie to them, right? And then that's why the guys who translated it into English, they ended up being beheaded because they fucking went against the church, so to speak, because they made the word of God readily available for everyone. Says nothing about the priests getting free blowjobs in this, John. You're a liar!

I've been through this whole book. But I'm not saying it would cure everything, but I just think religion can... I was desperate. Yeah, where does it say in the Bible that the high priest should be in a massive hat in a golden fucking stage? I really feel like the word of Jesus got mangled.

I think it's on the back. I think it's in the blurb. Some twat in a big hat getting his ring kissed. Back to Adam's earlier point. I just feel like it's just been mangled isn't it the actual teachings of Jesus if you follow them fucking great

very positive loving caring and then just it's been molested over time by a church who's gone

yeah we could use that just take all these folks money who made the rules who made like the man commandments not Jesus

but don't you think though you could do good you don't attend commandments who was that moses was he a part of jesus oh lord now we're going way back is that's old testament that's what i'm saying it's like different so he's pre-jesus yeah he's like the Jew times. I mean, yeah. They're still now, aren't they? No, but the Old Testament is just the Jew book, isn't it? Yeah. It is, yeah.

Moses is, yeah. It's the Hebrews. I'm just wondering. It's a load of shite, isn't it? I'm just wondering who did it. But all of those teachings, probably not bad things. If you read the Bible, the New Testament, the actual teachings of Jesus, very positive stuff. Not all of those teachings, probably not bad things. Like, if you read the Bible, like the New Testament, the actual teachings of Jesus, very positive stuff.

Well, not all of it. Some of it's fucking horrific. Yeah, it was got a boss ox. But that's the Old Testament, though. Oh. The New Testament is the teaching of Jesus, the last four books. Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you're saying the New Testament in comparison to the Old Testament is a lot better. I'm just saying, there's's very positive things about religion. God found weed, didn't he, between those two books? It just became a much more fucking... That's what got me stuck in with it. This new lad, I'm sending him out.

He's sound, he's got long hair, he's chill. Loves a supper. Good with wood. Carpenter. Loves a supper. If you are... A a supper. Good with wood. Carpenter. Loves a supper. If you are... A fish supper. Like, that's what got me sucked into the church and the cult was that there is a good part of it that's so good with community

and community spirit and building and support and all that sort of stuff. And it is a lot of love. And the people there, a lot of the people at the church are fucking lovely people and they're meant well and they are good people you know what I mean they're not inherently evil

or anything like that and it's the leaders of the church that do the fucking weird culty shit where they're controlling guilt it's just a young man

that wanted to be part of something you could have joined a cricket club yeah yeah yeah in Dan's dreams but the cricket club didn't have any of this

going on did you get a six you did what if he get a six he did what if he gets a six he won't laugh he's fucking nailed that listen I'll stick religion in

yeah it's shite it's horrible and it winds yeah I was just playing devil's advocate ironically I think if you take

people fight on behalf I know you're about to bang the gavel but I was going to say you're about to win your point but if you take if you people fight on behalf of i know you're about to bang the gavel but i was gonna say you're about to win your point but if you uh claim and fight over religion but then people go yeah yeah but religion does so much good which is fair but they don't you don't have to have religion to be a good person you should just be a good person you can do good do you know what i'm saying the argument against that is where do you derive your moral code from, if not God?

A conscience. Yeah. Just human experience. Like in the Roman times, right? There we go. There we go. When people used to watch, like, you know, gladiators get fucking mauled by fucking horses and that. Right.

Gladiators fought horses. They used to watch humans die and they'd cheer. Yeah, but they were pagans. Yeah. horses and that gladiators fought horses humans die and they'd cheer yeah but they were pagans yeah do you mean

Romans yeah they weren't Christians yet yeah that's what I mean but they were still religious right

yeah but they didn't have the model code of Christianity like don't kill John but finish your point with that what what do you mean what he's saying is everything derives code of Christianity like don't kill John but finish your point with that what

what do you mean what he's saying is everything everything derives morally from religion so what is what was the point

about gladiators and horses yo but the thing is I love seeing horses fuck up a gladiator so what do you do with that

no what I'm saying is people did like watching that because they didn't have a moral code to follow. All their moral code was not that of Christianity. Right. Okay.

Yeah. But it's 2,000 years ago, isn't it? It's just a different culture. Completely different culture. Yeah. And they did have a code. They had a religious code. They had religion.

Right. But they just had a different fucked up religion. Right. What he's saying is all morality comes from... had a religious code they had religion right but they just had a different fucked up religion right what he's saying is all moral morality you're saying just have a conscience but those people back then didn't have a moral code to follow where that was against their conscience so against the societal conscience it was not no but i think it's difficult to bring up sort of like ethics of Roman, like, you know? Because that predates Christianity, which is my point. So I can't bring up current stuff.

But we're talking about religion. We're not just talking about Christianity, are we? No. We're putting all religion in, and they did have religion, and they were still fucking. But it was a shite one. Oh, Christianity's a good one. You're an idiot.

The model code of Christianity is good, isn't it? Yeah. We've got it as long as you're not gay. But even most churches are pretty accepting of gay people. They are now. And? They've changed the moral code. Gladiator 2's coming out soon.

The Baptist Church. Yeah. What? Gladiator 2's coming out soon. Yeah. Oh, my God! All day! Great. are we sponsored

by cinema Paul Mescal as well he's great listen religion you're in the fucking bin yeah but I tell you what's not in the bin

I'd love to see a gladiator fight a horse fact horses were involved they were on the chariots what horses were on the chariots. Did you just say horses were involved?

Involved. Oh, my God. He's right. Horses were in the... No, it's not right. A horse didn't fight a gladiator. You don't know that for a fact. He made it out like a gladiator came out with a sword and a shield

and a horse came out going... What the fuck? It was Christians and lions. And tigers and bears. Oh, my. Horses pulled the chariots that the guys were like, oh. He made out like it was a horse fighting a fucking gladiator. Oh, my.

You don't know that it wasn't? You don't know that it was? I didn't say that I do. I didn't say that I didn't. You did? He's making out horses for the... They might have. We don't know. i didn't you did i'm he's making out horses for they might have we don't know we went there well let's not talk about it then what a ridiculous point i'm three from three by the way you are i got one more religion and this is a niche one

this is a niche one go on australian olympic break dancers, bless her. I'm sorry, but that. You don't claim her. I think she's done it on purpose. Have you seen what happened? It has to be. Have you seen the conspiracy? Well, it's not even a conspiracy.

So the Australian Olympic team, breakdancing was new for this Olympics. The Australian Olympic committee went, we need to figure out how we're going to select these people. We'll go to Reagan, who has a PhD in break breakdancing they went to her and she went yes we should set up a committee uh i know these people that this that run this breakdancing competition it's founded by her husband he was that he picked who it was and

he's picked her clever smart i mean the girl who she beat how good she is yeah the girl who should have been there is unbelievable like genuinely got a breakdown because Australia is a country of 25 million people apparently Ray Gunn won big competitions too in Australia

it's just that there was some yeah massive competition she won was her husband the judge on that competition because it sounds like

she's got it sewn up yeah but I mean it's got to be part of me feels like it's got to beed up. Yeah. But I mean, it's got to be, part of me feels like it's got to be some kind of like trick. A bit. Do you remember when Joaquin Phoenix did that thing when he acted like he was going nuts

and it was a documentary that he'd done for a year. For about a year and a half. Yeah. Did all the rapping and all that. And he went on Letterman and was like mental. Yeah. All that went into, I've quit acting to be a rapper. You think it's Joaquin Phoenix

dressed as an Australian breakdancer? Well, he's a method actor. But I feel like she could maybe be making some epic doco. I got into the Olympics. Ooh. She said she trained, she even,

I think one of the interviews after was just like, people train for years in the Olympics. I train, I practice for 37 minutes. It really came across on camera as well do you know when she's doing it

and the other persons because they're there aren't they they're like battling it's the way she's like hmm yeah

she's like yeah good moves she must be thinking ah sort of fuck this but like is it just has she just done it

on purpose I think she's done it for a while no one thinks she's good who's seen her and they've all just gone through it funny great is it just has she just done it on purpose she doesn't I think she's done it for a while no one thinks she's good who's seen her and everyone's just gone just do it funny

I mean she has gone viral like fucking not a great way to go viral though is it no it's funny

it's not offensive about it she's just there's loads of anti-bullying like I'm sorry but the Olympics yeah because everyone's just

taking the piss it takes away from the Olympics of how fucking this is people who've been this is such a massive institution that's been around forever it's so fucking amazing i love the olympics i was obsessed with as a kid and like people who dedicate their lives to train for track swimming whatever fucking horses you know not fucking horses No not fucking them But then Welcome to the men's final Of the shagging horses It also brings together

All these sports That don't have that Spotlight Any other time Yeah But she's mocking it And that's why She's brought the light

To breakdancing Everyone's now talking About breakdancing She's done more for Breakdancing than Diversity did Hang on But that's

No But by being shit... They've removed it from any future... No, but... It's because of it. It doesn't bring respect to it. If the UK entrant had gone out there and gone, I'm going to do a breakdance,

and then pulled the pants down and shat on the stage... Not the same. False equivalence. Tell you what, everyone's talking about breakdancing. False equivalence. Because Big Dave shat all over that stage. That's a false equivalence. That's a very fair point.

What do you mean? Like, she's purposely gone on to not do well? No, but she's gone on and been like, oh, look, she's silly and shit, breakdancing. Yeah, having a shit would be awful, but she's still got us talking about breakdancing, hasn't she? I think that would be class as well. I don't think we'd have done an episode without mentioning it.

It's the better way of doing it. I think she was great in all powers. It was the kangaroo hops that really oh it's the lion damn yeah that where am i from fucking here mate i love it i missed the olympics it was pretty bad and that outfit she wore was just like i don't know so you don't you don't claim it? You want it gone? I'm sorry. It's not just... It feels harsh, but like fucking chuck Ray Gunn into Room 102. Some bad stuff in there as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, I don't know.

I just feel like it's a piss take at the Olympics. I thought she'd be a national hero now. It seems like something Australia would embrace. We're pretty serious about our sport. Breakdancing? Yeah. People are fucking... I've got really good evidence.

No, not breakdancing. Didn't you come third in the medals table? Like, Australia have done really well. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking smashed it. Considering how it's not the biggest population. There's no Russia.

Per capita, UK are top, aren't they? We... Are they? Per capita, UK is top, yeah. I know Are they? Per capita, UK is top, yeah. I know, that must be Australia, actually, because they've got a little smaller. Can't be. We've only got like 26 million.

Maybe that was halfway through then. I think Ireland have done pretty well per capita. Yeah. Ireland did really well. There's actually quite a few new countries as well who got medals for the first time. Yeah. Obviously, St. Lucia.

Botswana. Women's 100. So the Botswana run fellas. The Philippines got their first medal, didn't they? The kid got $800,000. Botswana run fella. Did you know DePlantis, I think his name is? The guy from Sweden who broke the pole vaulting world record?

Do you know how, if you have a look... Yeah, we talked about it, yeah. He gets a bit more payout from Adidas for every centimeter. 100 grand, yeah. Is that true, yeah? Yeah. Each time he breaks the world record, he gets paid. Oh, sorry.

When did you talk about this? Today? No, we mentioned it last week. I wasn't there. Oh, and you talked about the breakdancing last week? No, no. Just that world record. Oh, okay.

Shall we do a few from the listeners? Room 102, send them in at haveawordpod at gmail.com. Chris says, Room 102, camping holidays. Don't get me wrong. I wrong i love the great outdoors but fuck me camping holidays can get in the bin when i'm on holiday i want to relax but everything is an effort while camping washing up trek to the sinks shower trek to the showers need a piss in the night trek to the toilet blocks plus i have to build my own fucking hotel just don't on it. I know that seems like it's against the spirit of this, but room 102 or room 101 is supposed to be

things that you can't avoid in life. Like cyclists can go in, even though I'm one now and I'm going to fight you on it, because they are an annoyance that you can't avoid. You can just not go camping. It's I don't want guitar lessons, isn't it? I don't like camping and as a result, I just don't go. Who said that one? Was that Scott Bennett?

Makes it easier. What? Scott Bennett said that one in. It's just, just don't do it then. I don't like getting stabbed. Yeah. Don't put it in room 102. I just try and avoid it.

Karaoke. I hate singing. I sign up every time I go. I go to a karaoke bar every Saturday night and I sing five songs a day. Have you put food in there, though? All food. All food, yeah, in room 102. Every time I go, I go to a karaoke bar every Saturday night and I sing five songs of shit. Have you put food in there, though? All food. All food, yeah, in room 102.

You've put food in? No. No, I thought you said, like, garnish. He's got a list of garnishes on, but that's the practice. Yeah, but you could just not order that meal. No, but that happens to you. Order what meal? It's unlisted. It's unlisted?

It's not garnishes. It's unlisted? Here's the thing, Thomas. If someone sprinkles coriander all over my fucking butter chicken, I'm fuming. If they put on the menu, garnished with coriander,

I'd go, listen, fella, yeah, keep that shade to yourself. And then everyone's happy. Just list it. Unlisted camping holidays can get in Rome one or two. If you book like a five-star resort in the Maldives

and it's actually camping in North Wales, that can go everywhere. I put old people in there. How would you end up in North Wales instead of the Maldives though? I was being silly, Thomas. By the way, in the break, I don't know if you can see it on the shot,

there's a cactus next to Thomas. Oh, for fuck's sake. Thomas touched it it on the shot, there's a cactus next to Thomas. Oh, for fuck's sake. Thomas touched it and went, ow, that's a real cactus. No, I walked into it and stabbed my leg. That's like practice whether the hob's on with your face. Just ask, is that a real cactus? Oh, God.

It's real looking plants, real. Thomas, where can we find you online you're doing bits on instagram with your clips i love seeing them what are you uh tell us where we can see you thomas green comedy uh if you like my clips and stuff i'm uh bringing out september my first ever comedy special whoa directed by directed by filmed by well you know it yeah boy yeah so bringing that out and I'm also going to be announcing in September

my next UK and Ireland tour sick superb for 2025 we've got a song this week from a band called

Alchemy this is their tune Blessings also the link for my gig 26th of October is in the description oh you're doing a gig yes in Liverpool in Liverpool at the Jack around the Baltic yes This is their tune, Blessings. Also, the link for my gig, 26th of October, is in the description. Oh, you're doing a gig?

Yes. In Liverpool? In Liverpool. At the Jack around the Baltic? Yes. On the 26th of October? Yes. That's Saturday? Yeah, it's a Saturday.

Where would I get tickets if I wasn't busy? Where would you get tickets? Where would I get tickets, Finn? In the bio for this. Oh. Wow. And on your socials as well, of course. Yeah, it's all over my socials. Doing all the songs. Oh, wow. And on your socials as well, of course.

Yeah, it's all over my socials. Doing all the songs. Yeah. Are you doing your Brian Badondi impression as well? I will be. Bringing out all the hits. I'll open with the Brian Badondi impression.

You're doing Nashville and Wagon Wheel. I'll do Nashville. Is your guitar lesson tonight? He hasn't got back to me. He never replied to the first text. I was going to say, Nashville's three chords. If you can learn them by then,

come and sing it with me. He never got back to me. When did you text him? Are you playing guitar? I'm learning to play guitar. Oh, yeah. And sing. He's talking about learning.

And drums. But I haven't thought about the drums. Like acoustic? How many albums have you got? Acoustic or electric? The fucking Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins. Just the guitar. You can only get

acoustic drums. He's an acoustic man. He's an acoustic man. I was going to say, he'd have to be country. Yeah. Sing Nashville with him. That'd be sick.

Okay. There you go. If you want to see Adam sing Nashville, get some tickets. Have we got a band to play? Yeah, we just mentioned it. You've got dementia? I'm tired.

I want to go to Portugal with my family. Oh, you're probably in a family. What are they called? Alchemy. This is their tune, Blessings. Oh, love it. You've got dementia. I'm tired. I want to go to Portugal with my family. Oh, you're probably in a few hours. What are they called? Alchemy. This is their tune, Blessings. Oh, love it. We are Alchemy,

and this is our new single, Never Before Performed Live. It's Blessings. I'm going to have to fucking do that in October, aren't I? Yes. All right, enjoy Alchemy. Blessings. yes alright enjoy Alchemy bye all I want is you to stay I only see you for a day

When you look into my eyes I hope there's nothing you despise When you say you hate me more I hope there's nothing you despise When you say you hate me more I know it's cause I beat you out of evil Everyday with you would not suffice Cause you're too nice Gotta be more than just a roll of the dice And I know you're

Living so far Far away from my hometown And it's not fair Cause I miss you What else am I to do? It's not that different Check out my blessings And then I'm a part of one

If it was you One, two, three, go Last few years have been quite rough Not many times I man can act so tough See, I've been caught up in my head This ever-pervading sense of dread Instead of the angst, I'm feeling happy to stay And I know you're living so far, far away from my hometown.

And it's not a fact that I miss you. What else am I to do? It's not that depressing Check out my blessings And find my father Who on a film was you In my head now I can't be sure

I need time to work this out In my head Cause dishonesty Will not be a trade of mine Well yes I'm in love I can't be sure Don't need time to work this out In my head

Cause dishonesty Will not be a trade of mine. And I know you're loving so far away from my hometown. And it's not fair. Girl, I miss you What else am I to do? It's not that deep, please You can count my fears

And then my father Won't let me lose you Oh, yeah Oh, yeah Oh yeah, oh yeah Oh yeah, oh yeah Oh yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,