Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #294 with Gabby Bryan - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: September 15, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comFinn's Liverpool Gig: skiddle.com/e/39298815As Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Support our cycle across India for Zoe's Place:https://cycle4zoes.enthuse.com/pf/finnlay-kulavuzGet subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Tickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lads, before we start this week's episode of the Have A Word Podcast, do us a favour and make sure you're following us on all social media. We are at Have A Word Pod on Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. And on top of that, don't forget to go and subscribe to the Patreon page. Patreon.com slash Have A Word Pod. Early access to these episodes, an extra episode just for you lot every single week on Patreon. And don't forget those monthly specials of which there are 40 plus now. They're basically a movie every single month.

Patreon.com slash have a word pod. Enjoy the episode. It's a belter. Wag wag lids. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool. With Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word.

Brought to you by Manscaped. The very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go, Ed. Get on me. Hey. Hey. Guess who's back. It is.

You. I'm back. You're back. Where have I back? It is. You. I'm back. You're back. Where have I been? You've been Australia. No one's asked. What have yous been up to? This.

What have you been up to, Dan? Went on Will Hutchby's Stag Do. Yeah. Was good. Yeah. Yeah, it was really good. A lot of topless men. A lot of topless men.

A lot of Will Hutchby doing a mangina. He thought that was funny. What's that? And at one point showed us his gaping arsehole for a little too long gaping yeah he bent over and let's spread it you know when you're like you're like hey you meant to just flash your arse and be like that was gross wasn't it he was in the stance for a good minute and a half and then it's on me for i just kept looking you know yeah but it's like a car crash isn't it always it is you can't not look at it and then the police turn up yeah yeah he turned up to that stag do um he nearly cancels his own stag do on

the morning of the stag do because he went on his best mate stag do the weekend before uh ryan is made from school really bad planning by a friendship group did his stag do in ireland ryan's got mates who work at Amazon who are really like high flying, high achieving by the sounds of it. Alcoholics who do, who went for the full laddie, like, right.

What we're going to do on the Saturday is like, you've got to run a hundred meters and then down an egg and a Jägermeister. And then you've got to run a hundred meters back. And I don't even know. I don't even know if we'll try to keep up. I don't even know if Will tried to keep up or if it was just sort of like... He broke himself. See, that's the difference.

This is what we... I keep seeing the odd email we get while I've been away. People going, oh, there's some goth stuff. That's not goth stuff. That's world stuff. And it's not the same thing. Fact a mundo. One of the beautiful things about getting older,

you go, I don't want to do it. I don't give a fuck what you're doing. I don't want to do it. For years? Yeah, though. One of the beautiful things about getting older, you go, I don't want to do it. I don't give a fuck what you're doing. I don't want to do it. For years? Yeah, totally. But you've been like 50 for 15 years, haven't you? No, I just, peer pressure doesn't work on me because I just think I'm not arsed.

So Will was so violently sick. It is quite annoying, actually. He, his throat swelled up and he gave himself like a temporary sleep apnea and the combination of not really sleeping for three days and then being so ill that when he fell asleep, he couldn't breathe. So he woke up like a,

and that kept happening and he got the worst health anxiety ever and pretty much had about four hours sleep in four days and was a broken man a good four or five days after Ryan's stag do for his own stag do. God bless James, his other mate. He was like, I don't know if I can come.

And do you know what? We'd have gone on that stag do without him. They weren't having sex. He meant come on the stag do. I should have made that clear in knowing that you're in the conversation. I can't even jizz here. I'm having panic attacks. I haven't slept for four days, but in the conversation. I can't even jizz here. I'm having panic attacks.

I haven't slept for four days, but I cannot come. I wouldn't be able to come if I haven't slept for four days. I don't think anyway. Well, Will Hutchby is one of the high functioning alcoholics.

He's not like a paste. He's a legend, isn't he? And he turned up. Your body's not in a good place. It'd come out like a paste, wouldn't it? Like a pate. Oh, I think I'd have cancelled.

I think I would have cancelled. I think I would have cancelled. I think you would have cancelled. But James just went, stop being a fanny and get in the shower and wipe that jizz off. I don't think you've just listened to what Carl's just said.

Carl's saying if he doesn't sleep well, his cum goes like pate. I'm saying... I thought you were being creative. I thought you'd become a paste. Like fucking... Well, I've never not slept for four days,

but it ruins... See the guy on YouTube who didn't sleep for like 13 days to get the record? Yeah. Didn't someone do a welfare check and the police turned up? Yeah, because someone commented and said, I did this once and it literally ruined my mind for years. And now there's some days I just can't sleep.

Like it fucks you indefinitely. Yeah, it draws out like psychosis, doesn't it? Yeah. So that's how Will turned up to his own stag do phenomenal he was like I'm not drinking

you ever heard of the Russian sleep experiment go on where they kept people awake for like years just to see what happens to them they die don't they

google it because it's a terrifying like image the photograph of like it shows you yeah that's what they end up looking like gotta be fake news Google it. Because it's a terrifying image. The photograph, it shows you the eye. That's what he'll end up looking like. God, it'll be fake news.

No, no, it's a photograph. Oh, yeah. They've never been... No, but it's an old photograph. What was the old... What did people used to say? The camera never lies. It adds four pounds as well,

so he must have been skinny. Four? I thought it was ten. Does he? The camera adds been skinny four I thought it was ten was he the camera had ten pounds I thought it was four how many cameras are on you oh no ten pounds yeah

is it yeah it's a lot of weight so I had a very nice time and then I've had a lovely week and then I did the Glee's birthday party last night

and it was really nice compared it and Frankie Boyle opened and I could have watched he did a twenty minute set I Compared it and Frankie Boyle opened and I could have watched. He did a 20 minute set. I haven't seen Frankie Boyle live since I worked with him in the slaughterhouse in I guess 2005, 2006.

A lot of people don't know you and Frankie Boyle worked in a slaughterhouse together. No, a lot of people. We were on the bar. He was a bit older than me, so he was a supervisor. I haven't seen him gig for fucking years, and obviously he's gone on to have quite the career.

I could have watched him do that 20-minute set last night four or five times and not get bored. It was an absolute masterclass in joke writing for grown-ups. What's his vibe now? Offensive as fuck. Oh, is it still offensive? Oh, it's brilliant. And I watched it, and I thought,

every comic that we know who's trying to be an edgelord and offensive should watch Frankie Boyle do stand-up because it can be done so brilliantly and the joke is more important than it being offensive. And I know he's not trying to be offensive. It's just his style of humour. It's just his sense of humor fuck me he is exceptional and i've never even watched his specials or his dvds and i'm going to go back and watch them it's fucking brilliant and the crowd last night were a proper comedy crowd and they got it you could see a few people had probably

come to comedy for the first time and their face was an absolute picture because it's not for beginners who else was on there was Andy Robinson who's like a firm old favourite of the Birmingham Glee and Kate Barron

closed did great there was a middle act called Xin Hao Li and I've never seen anything like it it was absolutely

magical Wigan I've never the best compliment I can It was absolutely magical. Wigan. I've never seen, the best compliment I can play, without it being, you know when people are trying to be alternative and different, but they forget to be good.

This kid's funny as fuck. And I've never seen anyone. I think he used to have a good Edinburgh actually. I think he, yeah, he's exactly what you'd want in Edinburgh. You know, Edinburgh is about,

it's either got to be brilliant or original ideally both and and uh he's he's both so just watch out jin hao li fucking hell it was beautiful but weirdly weird intelligent silly a weird pace to it i loved being a compa last night you know when you're hosting a show and you're like, this is class because I'd have paid to watch that bill as a fan. But Frankie Boyle, mate, he's so perfect

for this fucking podcast. Well, I've tried a couple of times. Like when he was in Liverpool, he was like, I was concentrating on me show. Yeah. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. And he opened last night. They wanted him to close or like, you can tell. Yeah, that bill,

Kate's great, but that is, you know, the wrong way round. But he gets to do what he wants, doesn't he? Yeah. He's just in that position clothes or like you can tell yeah that bill like case grace but that is you know yeah but he's but he's he gets to do what he wants doesn't he yeah he's just in that position where he couldn't give a fuck no god he's amazing and i'm gonna get right into right i know this is newsflash for everyone that's been into him for 20 years but he is exactly i was watching him because we've got the roast coming up the roast too and I was like, this is just,

I'd love to see him apply that to roasting. He's so good at joke writing. So yeah, I've had a good time. You've been missed, obviously. Ishan and Mike were great. Brennan is,

I think everyone's favourite standing, I'd say. No, I mean, I've had them going away. Yeah, they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They are. I am.

Have you been up to your car? It's full call call it's just nothing pardon been to EE I've been to EE me and Stevie I'm just fuming because you weren't here

oh sorry I was like 10 minutes late you were 35 minutes late I was actually 40 minutes before you got here when I went to the wedding that doesn't count if you get here at 5am

when we're meant to get here at 1pm you're like fucking hell I'm fucking miles earlier than you lad yeah you are I'm not really

I'm not really fuming what have you been up to you've been with us yeah yeah me and Stevie have been playing a game what's the game with your dicks

just pardon what no it's to get someone to say it's to get the other person to say something basically what

what are you talking about so like I'll tell a story or something. I'll go guess what he did. And if you don't say what, sorry, if you don't say like, no,

so yeah, here's an example. Finn. Sounds great. You guys, you guys need to take up golf. Is it trying to like, hook them into something?

It's like gay man says what? You ever heard that game? And you go, what? And then you get done. So like in my family, like we used to do this thing where we're like, oh, have you seen him?

And like, you've got to try and get them to say who. And then you go, oh, Mickey Rooney. And if like, if you got the, do you remember that? Yeah, I do, yeah. Fucking hell, that's like in me days, isn't it? Old school. No, this is like. So what's the game?

What's the game? You, have you seen him? And they just have to go through every's, isn't it? Old school. No, this is like... So what's the game? What's the game? Have you seen him? And they just have to go through every celebrity ever until they get Mickey Rooney. No. No. This game must have been going on forever. No.

So here's like... Mickey Rooney as well? So like my Uncle Barney, who's my dad's brother, right? Yeah. He, and as soon as you're involved in this game, as soon as he's told you the rules to this game you are playing it until one of you dies right as far as my and was it uncle barney if you'd have met my uncle barney by now he'd have told he'd have explained this games yeah and he'd be

like you're in the circle now right but like every time he would see you from now until the end of time he would try and get you with it and And the game is, he'd be like, yeah, so have you been up to? And you'd be like, whatever. And then you'd go, well, have you been doing Barney? And he'd be like, oh, I was fucking in the pub the other night.

He was there. You go, who, who? And he'd go, Mickey Rooney. And he's won. And all he's trying to do is get you to say who. So that he can go Mickey Rooney and then then he's one so in no form of conversation with uncle barney you can ask him you can't ever go oh yeah right you've got to try you've got to go to him mickey rooney before he says it so our version is i say guess what he did and if you say

what i say he sucked me cock and it's happened that many times that conversations are ruined so if i go guess we did you go what i got i suck me cock and you go fucks sake you're meant to go nope like if he says who you go no you wouldn't play but that's what means oh you you it's not it's not like a linguistic thing you can't go what is that person's name you can't you're just you have to see the game and stop the game yeah yeah you have to go no I'm not playing because he's still going to go the name of the person is Mickey Rooney yeah yeah yeah

any sort of what's your one you want to suck me off no if I say like guess what he did you get sucked off by Mickey Rooney you say what I'll go

he sucked me cock okay so it's just what and I'll go he sucked me it's just a stupid thing right right right do you play it in gay clubs see him

guess what he just did no I'm clubs see him guess what he just did no i'm not seeing it guess what he just did no against my will i've been sexually assaulted police the police say what ah they're trying to interview steve and so what did he look like fucking idiot i think i'm playing shut that was that guy over there who who was it think I'm playing. Shut that up. Who's that guy over there? Who? Mickey Rooney. Who was it? Merseyside Police looking for Mickey Rooney. Because he keeps

aggressively sucking people off against their will. Classic Rooney. I've been to the other side of the world and I've had a look and it's fine.

Didn't we guess? We were all like... I thought you were not having a bad time, but you were like, whatever. Well, there's a couple of things I haven't posted anywhere because I was waiting to tell you guys, right? First of all, I upgraded both directions, meaning I made negative money on this tour.

And it's the best decision I've ever made that's why you're here now on form I couldn't possibly have done that flight zone without it but I only made the decision the day before I went

which by the way was like today you come straight from the flight here essentially yeah I landed at Heathrow 5am got picked up

drove to mine showered and then here but the day before I flew out I text Rebecca who was my Australian contact tour manager and was like upgrade it drove to mine, showered, and then here. But the day before I flew out, I text Rebecca, who was my Australian contact tour manager, and was like, upgrade it, fuck it.

You only live once sort of thing. So I get to the airport, Manchester airport, on Sunday last week. And I wish I'd taken a photo of this fucking woman who was on the desk. But you know, like the fucking receptionist in Monsters, Inc. That's what she looked like. Mike Wazowski. Yeah, that cunt.

Always watching. And she's doing this like, you know, like the fake nice thing. Yes, sir. No, can I have your passport, please, sir? Like, I'm like, fucking just speak to people with a bit of like genuineness, just this dish and genuineness bollocks. She's saying everything right but it doesn't sound right

yeah like if a transcript's ever read out she's done her job but she hasn't actually has she because she's being a fucking fat cunt

oh shit she wasn't that bad I'm being harsh maybe the jet lag's kicking in so I go to the she's on like the business thing

and I'm you know there's a big queue for the main bit but I'm like a fucking upgrade of me's gone to the fucking are you in, like, the business thing, and I'm, you know, there's a big queue for the main bit, but I'm like, I've fucking upgraded me. It's gone to the fucking... Are you in your trackies? Yeah.

Do you look full Scouse? I look, like, smart. Smart Scouse? Smart Scouse. Nice. Like, plain travel Scouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The best North face.

I didn't have a Monterex trackie on. I had, like, a labelless blue hoodie on. Hey, Monterex would be good for travelling. It'd be a bit much, and... Yeah, I think you'd get a few sneers I'd accept them and I'd

in fact I'm now because I didn't do it but I didn't have that sort of trackie on I'd like what you'd call like a sort of like week one

Love Island exit trackie yeah you know what I mean no don't you it's different to all of the t-shirts one of them

is singing on bastards so I go up and she goes yes sir and I. So I go up and she goes, yes, sir. And I went, I love you, all right. And she goes,

have you checked in online, sir? And I said, no, no, no, that's what I'm here for. I'll find a way where you're from. What? Hello, sir!

She did some amateur dramatics. I'm like, no, that's why I'm here. I need to check in now and drop me a bag. She goes, right, okay,

can I have your passport, please, and your book and reference? I was like, I haven't got my book'm here. I need to check in now and drop me a bag. She goes, right, okay. Can I have your passport, please? And your book and reference. I was like, I haven't got my book and reference. And she's just fucking playing slime sock and all, whatever. You know what I mean? So she goes, right, your passport. And she pulls the thing up and she goes, oh, right.

Oh, God. And I went, what's the matter? She goes, Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! And I went, what's the problem, love? She goes, I need to speak to Stephen. Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! And I went, what's the problem, love? She goes, I need to speak to Stephen.

Stephen! That's pretty apparent. So about fucking four and a half hours later, slash a minute, Stephen comes over and he goes, what's up? And she goes, look at that. And he goes, oh, yeah. And I go, Stephen, what's the issue, mate? And he goes, well, the thing is I go, Stephen, what's the issue, mate? And he goes, well, the thing is,

you've got two seats on the plane and there's one in economy class and there's one in business and I just don't know which one's the right one. I went, I do. It's the business one. He goes, yeah, I understand. I went, I've come to the business desk, haven't I?

The flight's being upgraded. He goes, that would explain it, would explain it i suppose i went well here's what hasn't happened i haven't downgraded i haven't voluntarily downgraded i want to feel snug he goes okay when did you upgrade and how did you do it did you do it online i went it was done for me he goes what do you mean i was like the travel agent in australia who works for the people i'm going to do a job for has booked all of it and they've done the upgrade and he goes right so you don't know who you spoke to and i was like i know because i didn't speak to anybody i just spoke to my tour manager and was like like approved the upgrade price and he was like right okay we'll be able to sort this but i just go and need to ring singapore i was flying with singapore airlines and i was like what do you mean

he goes we can't sort this in manchester we have to ring singapore and there is a language barrier so this might take a little bit of time and i was like right okay and he goes just do us a favor just stand to the side here we're going to continue to get people checked in and as soon as we're ready to sort of save, yeah, we'll call you back over. You won't have to go and join the queue again. And I was like, great. I thought it'd be a minute, five, 10, you know?

I stood there for 40 minutes. And you love that. And I'm getting more and more itchy because I don't want to be, first of all, I don't want to give this fucking cunt the satisfaction of kicking off. He's back. Do you know what I mean?

You know when she's being rude, so I want to be dead nice and patient so that she never has a leg to stand on in a court of law, right? What are you planning to do to her at this point? So I'm just like, I'm like, just wait it out. But like, do you know what she's doing?

She's checking people in and then she's not even going to me. It won't be much longer or I'll just go and check on that for you. Just next next so i'm just like at what point and after 40 minutes i was just about to go ah fuck this and uh this other girl come around who i hadn't seen yet and she goes where's mr rowdy where's mr rowdy and i went bro that's me she goes no it's rowdy i went Roe, that's me. She goes, no, it's Rowey.

I went, what are the odds? There's no other person here. R-O-W-E. She goes, yeah, Rowey. I went, no, it's Roe. She goes, is that you? I was like, yeah, it is. Oh my God.

So she goes, this should be ready to check in now. And so Steven then fucking spawns again from behind the fucking pillar. Or Steven, as he's known. Right. So he comes around and he's known right so he comes round and he goes right yeah we should be able to do this now and then he goes

yeah no you just do it and I'm back to fucking Monsters Inc woman so she's like and she fucking tries to do it and then she goes oh my god Steven

Steven Steven he comes back over and he goes what's going on there I have never seen that in all my time working here. And I went, go on, Steve and mate, one of a one now, right?

And he goes, someone's cancelled your entire booking. And I went, right. And he goes, who could have done that? And I went, you. And he goes, what do you mean? I went, you've obviously made a mistake when you've gone to fix the double seat problem. I was like, I don't even have access to the booking. I don't know the booking reference.

And no one in Australia even knows there's been a problem. It's just Singapore like, eh, we fuck you up. So he then shouts someone else over and that fella comes over and he goes, so what's going on? And he's like well this guy you know he had he'd booked two seats on the plane and i'm like i haven't booked two seats on the plane and he goes yeah well he had two seats on the plane one in business one

economy we didn't know which one he was he's saying he's in business and i've resented that so much he's saying he's in business so and the fella goes right so it is a business class ticket you've got there and i was like yeah it is yeah which is why I'm at the business queue, isn't it? And why there is a seat under that name. Rowey. He goes, right, yeah. He goes, well, I don't really see the problem. Just give him a boarding pass and just for a business seat that's currently unoccupied

and get him on the plane. So they give me it and let me go through. When I got to Singapore, Rebecca rang me. She's like, what's going on? I was like, what do you mean? She goes, where are you? I said, I'm to Singapore Rebecca rang me she's like what's going on I was like what do you mean she goes where are you I said I'm in Singapore and she goes

oh we've just had a call from the travel agent saying you refused to get on the plane I was like no no they do this every day

this is what they do I was fucking hammered as well they put people on planes I had so much whiskey watching Liverpool play Man do this every day. This is what they do. I was fucking hammered as well. They put people on planes. I had so much whiskey watching Liverpool play Man United in the sky. And this is 100% true. So. Oh, did you get the, was the internet good enough? They had it on.

What? They had the match on, on the telly. Oh my God. Like at me seat. It's the future. So when we got on the plane the woman goes she comes over she gives me a glass champagne she's like after we take off what uh what drink would you like and uh when me alfie and jack went to nashville alfie goes to me on that flight he goes what's your

plane drink and i was like what do you mean he goes i just think every man should have like a plane drink like the the thing you have to drink on a plane he's like i don't really drink jack daniels very often and i certainly don't really drink Jack Daniels very often. And I certainly don't drink it with ginger beer, but like Jack Daniels with ginger ale or ginger beer on a plane is like me plane drink. That's just like how I know I'm on a plane. It's just like me. Right.

That's me plane drink. So I was like, I think mine would just be like a good whiskey on the rocks, loads of rocks. And he's like, it's a fucking great plane drink. So she comes on. How long is the flight though?

What do you mean? How many whiskey on the rocks can you have to Australia? You're not exclusively drinking whisky on the rocks from Manchester to Australia.

Manchester to Singapore, 13 hours. I had 14. Liverpool did win 3-0. Yeah, but there's the

thing. So I'm in the little, like the same sort of set up we had for Nashville you get a box yeah you're in the little but like

you're in the front section of the plane and there's like the bar bit isn't there where you can go over and go oh can I have one of these so I go over the first

couple of times and then the woman who's so Singaporean she goes you know you've got a button on your thing and you can just press it

and we have to come over to you and whatever you want and I'm just like i've still got such a guilt about like being in the position of privilege to be able to be in that thing just being able to like summon a human with like whiskey on the rocks it just it jars me a little bit do you know what i mean and i think that's it's it's like downtown abbey when it when they pull a pull a little rope and you know what I mean and I think it's like Downton Abbey wouldn't it when they pull a pull a little rope and there's a bell

and all of a sudden a servant turns up so at this point I've had like you know eight or ten and the Liverpool game's on yeah

right and I'm like I do want another one and she's just told me don't be silly press the thing so I press it right

and she comes over and I'm like yeah could I just have another one and she's like I've already got it I know what you wanted Don't be silly. Press the thing. So I press it, right? And she comes over. And I'm like, yeah, can I just have another one? And she's like, I've already got it. I know what you wanted. So she'd already just brought it because I'd already had so many by this point. Seconds after she gives me it, we go 3-0. And I, in my excitement, drink all of it.

Is that to stop yourself screaming? No, no, no. Salah! No, I did scream and wake the woman next to me up at one point and she was quite rightfully upset. One of the members of staff suggested that I should either apologise or calm down.

Just calm down. So I sort of nail this drink because we go three in a row, I'm like, fucking get in. And then I'm like, now I want me cake and eat it too. I still want the drink, but I can't bring myself

because it's been like 40 seconds to summoning again. I'm like, I can't do that. And I've come back. That's just taking the piss. So I walk back up and I go, I know I've had just that one, but we've just scored again.

Can I have another one? And she goes, you really like this drink, don't you? And I was like, yeah. She goes, we have never known anybody like you. That's amazing. Now,

we have never known anybody. I get to Australia, 7pm. By the time I get to the hotel, Australian airports, by the way I get to the hotel Australian airports by the way are the best airports I've ever dealt with

they're fucking classic isn't Singapore the best in the world though yeah but like Singapore is like a cracking airport but I was only there for a couple of hours

and like with the changes and stuff I didn't get to see much of it and I just went to the lounge and got something to eat they were doing a butterfly garden huh yeah I've seen that

yeah it's class but you didn't see loads of it it was absolutely fucking steaming what I mean by great airports didn't see loads of it. He was absolutely fucking steaming to be fair. Yeah. What I mean by great airports, I mean quick and simple.

Oh, yeah. And also, you don't need ID to get on a domestic flight in Australia. At no point do you show any ID. Yeah, but if you whip a fucking banana out of your bag, they'll shoot you on sight. They're big fruit. Not domestically.

That's just internationally. Right, right, right. Domestically, genuinely genuinely they're like buses you just go in they scan your bag if you've got one they send you through you get on the plane

you get off the other one you walk straight out there is a security thing yeah but it's a small one and it's also like in New Zealand I did an internal flight

and I took my belt off because that's what you're meant to do and he went mate you're going to need that keep your pants up he was like why are you fucking

taking your belt off because they they haven't annoyed anyone to the point where they want to steal planes and kill people they're just on the other side of the world just minding their own business they don't have a take your belt off there's no need for security they're just chilled yeah fucking wild something i let my guard down to me to me. Got to Australia and was in the hotel by nine. And Rebecca had booked for us to go for some food at half nine. Chinese food. Got a butter chicken. I know that doesn't sound like it goes together,

but in Australia that works. And at 11, I was like, I don't need to go to bed. I've got to go to bed. I went to bed 11 till seven in the morning. And I was like, I've beaten jet lag to bed I went to bed 11 till 7 in the morning and I was like I've beaten jet lag I saw your story I am king of the jet lag that night I was in bed by 10 and I was up at four o'clock in the morning and you you hadn't you didn't sleep for six hours no you just woke up I did sleep for six hours but like a very broken sleep. I had a lot of anxiety while I was sleeping over there

because of the global marketing that Australia has done about being the snake and spider capital of the world. You thought you were getting your balls bitten by a snake in the toilet? Yeah, and then it's not just that. Like, I thought they'd just be like hiding, you know, fucking in the corners, fucking shadow box and waiting for me and shit. Do you know what I mean? I'll tell you what doesn't help, going on TikTok and searching, like,

the Australian city you're in and snake attack and find them one for wherever you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was told, look, in Sydney, you're probably going to be fine. You're probably not going to see anything. And if you do do it'll probably be outside right

and I was in Sydney for a day then going up to Brisbane which is Queensland and that's a lot more sharky snaky spidery

so in Brisbane terrible sleep because I wake up it's like my brain's waking me up every hour going just make sure there's no fucking

snakes and spiders in the corner of this room right brisbane's fine back to sydney fine i was then told look perth perth is fucking spidery spidery and fucking especially in the sea don't go into the sea spiders in the sea you get spiders and sharks in the sea and snakes in the sea snakes in the sea spiders Snakes in the sea. Spiders? Have you ever seen a spider crab? Scariest thing ever, by the way.

So, they said the one place you don't really need to worry about any of this shit is Melbourne. Right? You can see what's going on. Right? Now, I was in Melbourne last Saturday for the show. So, I was there Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Monday I flew to Perth. Now, it's healed a little bit.

Right? See this? The dot. Like, yeah, I mean, I can get closer to see if you need to see it, but it's fucking, right? So, in Melbourne, Friday, no, Saturday, Sunday Sunday and Monday I was in Melbourne right so

I don't like this bit do the show and afterwards everyone's like the drunken poet is where you want to go for the Guinness so I go to there

I have the first sip of the Guinness and I go that is really not bad it's actually really not bad it's like a seven that travelling a long way yeah and then i had the second sip and i was like i know it's not quite a seven and then i had the third one and i was like this is one of the worst paintings i've ever had in my entire life

and i said i'm just gonna go to bed and rebecca was staying in the same hotel as me but she was like i'm just she had a cousin and a couple of friends she's like i'm just gonna stay out with these guys i was like yeah great i was like i've just i feel like i'm bad socially i've hit a wall i just want to go back so i go into the room right and i don't know whether you've ever sort of walked in someone you just there's like a presence and you're like i just don't there's just an energy you don't like. So... How big was this spider? Was it a spider? So, I go in...

I've got anxiety and I know you survive. I go in to the bathroom, right? And in the bathroom is both like a long sort of green snake but a thin one. What? And a spider. And it's a black spider with red on its a thin one. What? And a spider. And it's a black spider with red on its back, also known as a redback spider, which is very poisonous.

Like if a redback spider bites a child, it can be dead within an hour. An adult, you've normally got about a day to get, like, antedilute, but you want to get it as quick as possible to be as not sick as you want. It's a baby killer. So I go, I just immediately go, oh, this is the worst thing that's ever happened,

and it's in the one city i was told i absolutely do not have to worry about it but you still needed a shit but i did need a shit oh mate i think you're allowed to poo on the floor close the door poo on the carpet so i'm like right what do i do here I do genuinely desperately need to toilet it's one of the reasons I've got off and I think the Guinness I think they're extra bad the Guinness was

fucking like rumbling so like I almost don't want to move right so I go right I've got to

like in my head I'm like do I try and deal with this do I get like me hair dry and fucking try and blow it into the toilet? Who has ever gone, listen, when you're in this situation, when you're in this situation,

out the window and blow the shit into this. When you're in this situation, your brain goes fucking everywhere, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like- Fight or hairdressing. Right? So I'm like, I can see them. They're in the bathroom.

I know, right, I know exactly where both of these fucking things are. And they're talking to each other probably as well. There he is. Let's get him. I'll wrap him, you bite him. But I was like, what I wanted to do was go down to the fucking lobby

and get the fucking man and get him to come up and do whatever. Because they obviously must be trained to fucking do it. Whatever he's going to, do you know what I mean? Yeah. So I'm like, what the fuck? What if I go down and when I come back up, they're just fucking chilling on the bed?

Or they're in bed. Or they're in bed. Or they're in bed. Or they're hiding. Right? That's worse. If you go downstairs and then you come back and they're not there. And they're gone. Then I'm like, I'm not even staying in the building anymore.

Right? So I'm like, what's my alternative? I'm like, I've got to go down. I've got to go down and get the man because like i can't just stand here for the next 30 years of my life got shit to be getting on with do you know i mean so i'm like i've got to go and get them and just hope they're still here when i come back upstairs i've just got to you two don't move so i go down and by the way i'm fucking shitting myself like i'm i'm laughing

telling the story now it's fucking you know what i mean like i am fucking shitting myself so i go down and i feel like i'm gonna be fucking sick and the fella goes to me he's like you're like mate and i was like uh mate look i was told like you know like i'm from the uk i'm stuttering like i'm from the uk like got like i'm not like scared of spiders but i know you've got fucking bad ones and like the snake thing like and he and he like trying to calm me down goes you got nothing to worry about that in in melbourne like you're gonna be fine and i was like well here's the thing mate there's a fucking redback spider in the fucking bathroom and i don't know if the snake's a bad one or just a fucking like a sound one but

there's a fucking snake there as well i don't know whether they've gone in together or like they're a fucking team it's their room but can you come and help me and he goes um i'm the only member of staff on i'm not meant to leave the desk and i was like well what do you want me to do because i'm not going back to that room on my own so you can give me another bedroom if you want and i'll stay in that till you get another member of staffing or like until the morning and he goes right i'll just leave a note so he writes for the spider back in 10 minutes go get out he's like he's like i'll just uh i'll write this note so he puts it on the fucking on the fucking front desk thing like back in 10 minutes got gone to help a customer

or a guest or whatever. And he grabs like this fucking stick with like a hook on the end of it. Snake. Right? Yeah, yeah. Snake stick. Well, I know that now.

He knows. Yeah. Right? He knows. It's not for the spider though. We're in the lift and literally while we're in the lift, he's just like whistling

and he's just like whistling. And he's just like... And I'm like fucking rattling with anxiety. And he goes, right, come on, show me where these are. And I could hear in his voice that he's fucking sceptical that there's going to be even anything in this room. We go into the bathroom, and they're both exactly where they were. Good lads. when I fucking left.

And the fella goes, oh, fucking right, yeah. Okay. Now the spider's sort of moving slowly, right? The snake sort of like stops. The snake's a bit like,

oh, he's got his mate now. Right? There's two of them. So, the fella goes, here's the problem mate now. Right? There's two of them. So the fella goes, here's the problem we've got. He goes, I can't deal with them both at once.

Yeah. And he goes, the snake's more likely to attack us, but the spider is more dangerous. So what do you want me to deal with first? No, no. What? That's not on the customer i would leave the hotel how big is this spider sorry how like roughly like that big like the smaller spiders in australia are the worst ones so like it's its head is fucking tiny and it's got like carl's ass

with a fucking red thing on it right so he goes he goes the snake's more likely to attack us the spider is more of a problem like if that snake bites you he's like you'll get a bit ill the spider's a fucking problem you know what i mean like you really don't want that to get you so which one do you want me to deal with first and i go nope is there no way we can burn the building down is there no way we can sort of like like shove the snake towards like

get him in the corner because he gets the fucking stick and I I suppose like the Australian hotels are built with this in mind the stick is

for the snake but it also like helps you with the latch on the fucking windows the windows have got like a thing so that helps you with the latch on the fucking windows the windows have got like a thing so that from a distance you can open the fucking thing right he opens the window and he's like right so we're gonna do snake first but keep an eye keep an eye on that spider

because once we move the snake the spider's gonna sort of panic nope moved the snake, the spider's going to sort of panic. Nope. So he's like moving it. And like, I can tell he's nervous, right? And as he goes to fucking pick the snake up, right, the spider jolts. And do you know what the

fella does? He sucked my cock. Oh, that was long, that one. That was lengthy. I was so excited. I was like, ah, say it! Oh, and yeah, I burnt myself on a frying pan. The fucking performance.

I was like... Go and re-watch it. Go and re-watch it go and re-watch it you saw the way we went a little bit about two minutes ago freaking out even sitting yeah I didn't see

any spiders none none that's mad not one not one snake either can I ask you a question did you google redback Spider for the story?

No, I genuinely did look into it all. I was. Finn knew it was happening. I knew it was happening. I was hooked. I knew what was going on. I was like, this is fucking sick, this story.

Yeah, I never played that game before. Oh, yeah, no, play that game you fall. I have got another real story to tell you. Got kicked out the honky tonk. With who? Mickey Rooney. Was that what you were going for? Was that what you were going for was that what you were going for honestly

I think the next 28 minute story yeah Mickey Rooney oh Mickey Rooney's now fully in play with the Spongebob it's going to get messy so eh it's a bar in Fremantle

which is half an hour outside of Perth called Honking Talk Blues how have I learned nothing how have I learned nothing from the podcast this is a great story brilliant story I'm so excited

I was literally going everyone's going to be loving this at home fucking spy that in a snake throw it both of them they're both together

I know it sounded retarded but it was fun so it's a bar in Fremantle I know it sounded retarded, but it was fun. So, there's a bar in Fremantle. Fremantle's a town 30 minutes outside of... What did he do with the snee? What? What did the fella do with the snee? There was no snee.

Anyway, I love that. So, after you came, what happened with the snee? Yeah. Anyway, I love that. So after you came, what happened with the... Yeah, I went down to the Honky Tonk. Which is like a country bar, isn't it? A country bar, yeah. And on the way in, the woman goes... The fella got ID and I was like, I'm Danny, I'm 32, don't look at me. I'm like, yeah, you can't come in without ID.

And I was like... I messaged your social media earlier, me. I'm like, yeah, you can't come in without ID. And I was like, I messaged your social media earlier, like, just asking what time you were open, telling them whether it was cool to come down and stuff and visit from the UK. And they were like, oh, did you? Yeah, cool. Great. If you've got no ID, you're not coming in.

I was like, there's fucking no need to be that rude. And I could see on their fucking, you know, like a doorman has like a clicker. They had like a digital one and it said like capacity uh 300 space 291 59 people currently in so i'm looking at that and i'm like you've only got 60 people in there's two of us me and the guy who'd open for me i was like what the fuck's going on and she goes look you can't come in without ID. We're opposite the police station. Yeah, they're looking through the windows.

We have to be careful with this stuff. She's like, everywhere in Western Australia makes people bring ID, so you're not going to get in anywhere. And I was like, right, okay, cool. So we go over the road into another pub immediately, and the doorman literally shakes our hand on the way in. I was like, please, something, right.

And while we're in there, I was like, do you know what? I'm on the other side of the world. Everyone the way in and while we're in there I was like do you know what I'm on the other side of the world everyone's told me how sick it is isn't it probably never get to go

in this place ever again right and I've shortened that fucking you know I'm very nice trying to go in these places and she's really

like fake nice rude is that what like have you you've messaged our guys

what have you got no idea you can't come in like that attitude and I was like what's wrong with you do you know what i mean so go in the other bar and i thought you know what i'll message the social media accounts again so i just messaged the person i was like look i went i actually did try and come down but i just got turned away i'm only over the road but i'm a big country fan i'm over from the uk i was just like me and my mates just wanted a beer and to see what like the vibe is and they reply like straight

to me like oh I'm so sorry I meant to let the door staff know that you'd be coming down just give me five minutes and I'll sort it out and they message back and they go right

you can go over now it's fine so go back over the doorman's still there and the woman who's the door woman like she's not like a security but she's like the person

you know yeah yeah you know what I mean on the door and uh the doorman goes yeah go on guys we've hit like we're we've had a way the manager's had a way with us and the woman goes just for future reference oh god she goes just take the loss lad listen to this this is one of the funniest things you'll ever in your entire life she goes just for future reference we actually make a lot of judgment based on how people take a no and i went what do you mean she goes well the reason we didn't let you in is we told you no and you didn't like that answer did you didn't just take it humbly and i went so you telling me that if i'd have just walked away

you'd have let me in and she went well maybe next time and i went i don't live here there's no next time i'm on the other side of the world and she goes well you've been allowed and just go in for your drink what and i felt like such a victory do you know what i mean i was like i've fucking won here she's a fucking cunt and she has been told by the manager stop being a fucking cunt and let them in and then she's still trying to be a cunt and she has been told by the manager, stop being a fucking cunt and let them in. And then she's still trying to be a cunt and she said something fucking stupid. She's going to go home tomorrow

and now I'm going to get to go into my little country bar and have a fucking great little time. I'm just going to show you the video of what that bar looked like by the time I got into it and you can slide this in to the episode because like the energy. You know what I mean? There's a burden.

Oh, it sounds great. Country music's not quite taken off in Australia, is it? Oh, no, it's massive. It was just the end of the night. Right, okay. Yeah, and then we had two beers and she come over and said you need to leave now what

yeah why she said we just had to leave and then on my way out she was like your friend said

something offensive to a member of staff but he hadn't been there any members of staff she just didn't like us would have been better with Mickey Rooney in it well fuck that woman well he's back oh my god i can't i'm still

getting over that story so well done let's have a little nice to have you back mate really nice to have you back what a bullshitter. World class. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

Hi, everybody. It's Jungle Jim Jerome, and I'm super excited to tell you that Inside Curling is back with Canadian and World Curling Hall of Famers Kevin Martin and Warren Hanson. I'm Kevin Martin. In this curling season, we will be bringing you our ever-popular weekly show along with special coverage from Canadian championships, world championships, and of course, the Grand Slam of curling.

I'm Warren Hanson. Our weekly show will bring you five popular segments. What's happening around the curling world, hot rock topics, mailbag, what are you hearing, and in the house.

First show of this season will be coming at you September 16th. Look out! Here we come! in the house. First show of this season will be coming at you September 16th. Look out! Here we come! Acast helps creators launch, grow,

and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com Did you boys see what happened to Shannon Sharp yesterday yeah didn't he get sacked

yeah which is shit I don't know if he has been sacked you know ESPN sacked him apparently I know but I think it's just a rumour

I think there was a bit of fake news about that was he bumming his wife and left his telly on not his wife left his telly on he was like you can't watch friendly

get out of here oh some of the porn where they leave the telly on is just sort of turn the TV off. But I don't get what he did wrong. I mean, he came up with... Hang on, he hasn't been sacked.

He hasn't definitely been sacked. That rumour was flying around. He was live on Instagram. He went... He was goosing, not even his bird, just some fucking lady called Michelle. And at one point he goes, oh, that's my Michelle

they were both making noise oh he was grunting can you do that in bed can you talk like that if I say to Laura

that's my Michelle traditionally she will get annoyed that's my Michelle especially if I do Shannon Sharpe's voice because he's a 54 year old black dude from America annoyed that's my Michelle especially if I do Shannon Sharpe's voice because he's a 54 year old black dude from America

oh that's right that's my Michelle Michelle my man it's Michelle if you said oh that's my Laura he's not been fired who

if I went that's my Laura great question oh damn who owns this pussy that's mine I Oh, damn. Who owns this pussy? That's mine. I've got a timeshare on this pussy. Got the pink slips.

There's no one else's pussy. Is it? Serious question. Is it? Is it? Anybody else using this pussy? Laying a claim on this pussy. But he said he'd been hacked.

He came out and went I was hacked you know and so I went did someone hack your voice as well it was an instant thing shut the it's not the only thing

the agent can come up with Sean's like oh my god I got a problem I've just been goosing Michelle and I've been on Instagram live

and the agent's like goosing right away it's spread he's a big half word fuck and the agent's like you've been hacked you've been hacked what a fucking hack that would be and also it's a bit of laminate floor you can't see anything he's just got his phone and it just basically just shaved yeah he's in bnq have you ever seen the walter white me when he's screaming at the window

like don't do it yeah you'll have seen it he tweeted in 2013 just started my instagram and someone's quoting it with that like you've seen the interstellar one then yeah it's like don't do it the internet was funny like but what's he done wrong it was an accident wasn't it nothing it's just funny but like people are people are pissed off and he's had to apologize but then he apologized like he's he's got to say some like he's not he has to say something because he's it's like graham sooner's doing it and he's got watch that it's just a what a bit of laminate floor and him going oh that's my michelle where's pa Pogba? Blaming Paul Pogba for bad performance. I don't think you can just go, ah, it's fine, I'm single, I'll use who I want.

I think that you can defend it like that. That would be my defence. I'd be like, fucking shut up. Shouldn't I be looking at me cock, should you? Yeah, but you don't work for ESPN, do you, Adam? Famously. I don't think that's the... You can't be like, fuck off.

I'm shagging. You should be listening. That's how it works. Turn it off. It's my private Instagram live. Turn it off. I don't want to listen to this. Yeah. Turn it off then.

Everyone who was watching wanted to watch, in my opinion. What amazing... If ESPN headquarters were like, you know what, Shannon? You fuck who you want live on Instagram. Everyone should turn it off. There you go. I don't think we're going to lose any sponsors over this. ESPN put that statement out.

A lot of complaints about contributors to Shannon Sharp, Goose and Michelle on Instagram. What we'd just like to say is we stand fully behind Shannon and suggest if you don't like it, turn us off. Fuck off, you naughty cunt. Also, the comments section was fucking funny. All right, back to the sport. Everyone who was watching wanted to watch.

What segment was that? The weather. That's the headquarters. That's where they finish every meeting. All right, we've got the minutes on that, Geoff. That was a good meeting. Back to the sport. No, I don't think he should be losing jobs.

No, he's owned it. He's not married, I don't think. He's in amazing shape, by the way. I've got his quote here. My phone wasn't hacked. It wasn't a prank. It was me being a healthy, active male. There you go.

He's just taken a minute and gone, yeah, I'm shagging a bird. People, there was rumours that he was, the kids use the word zesty now, don't they? Ever heard that? Mm. Zesty.

What was it? Gay. So people were saying maybe he's done it to beat the zesty rumours. Oh. Well, if it's Michelle Obama, he's actually just

doubled down on a new fruity. What? Is that just the new fruity? I'd say, oh, he's a bit zesty, isn't he? Right. Oh, so he right. Well, if it's Michelle Obama, he's actually just doubled down on a new fruity. What? Is that just the new fruity? I'd say, oh, he's a bit zesty, isn't he? Right. Oh, so he's done it. So apparently people are going, oh, he's just trying to be the zesty.

Nothing, everything's a conspiracy now, isn't it? Yeah, he's not really put that on. He's just got a woman called Michelle. Like, you sit there, make loads of sex noises. I'm going to say your name loads just so they know you're a bird. Hang on. I'm not showing you. Put this against so they know you're a bird hang on I'm not showing you

put this against here it's just a bit of laminate oh yeah fucking hell Michelle god your vagina's amazing you've got tits like a woman a proper woman

like a woman Michelle not Obama not Pfeiffer just making it clear imagine if woman. Michelle, not Obama. Not Pfeiffer. Just making it clear. Imagine if he said that, Michelle. Not Obama. Just to be clear.

Just a random Michelle. You're my Michelle. You're not like the country's Michelle. You're not the first lady. Sharon, you're over-talking it here, babe. Shut up. No, I'm not Michelle this water. By the way, you know American sports programs?

Well better. So much better. And it's getting there over here because of podcasts. Like the overlap and that is like bridging that gap. But they're still too like wooden on like the analysis on TNT sports and fucking Sky Sports. They should be more like SportsCenter and Challenge Sharp and Stephen A. Smith and that in America. Just a be more like SportsCenter and Sharon Sharp and Stephen A. Smith and that

in America. Just a bit more personality and get like, just tell us what you actually think. Put your neck on the line. But sometimes, yeah, okay. I know what you mean. They're definitely leaning towards that, aren't they? I'm not a big fan.

That's why I like Sturridge is getting a lot because he's proper personality. But British sports fans have got no... Sports fans? Sports fans? They're getting more dutch. I was ending the British sports fans have got no sports fans sports fans sports fans they're getting more dutch I was ending the British sports fans I've got no

I've got not much humour when it comes to the thing they love oh he's being a dick about my team he can die Americans kind of just wash over it

are we still going for I think I get a bit uppity no but not as much as like oh that's my team and he said something bad I hate him if you're on NFL Twitter, they get really touchy.

I think it's just a cultural thing that they've done that big, brash, former players standing at their desk, having it out. Whereas over here, it's been a bit more sort of conservative, hasn't it? Until recently where like Mika Richards is so much more,

like he's got so much more personality than traditional pundits. Don't you play with Mo Salah? Yeah. A Fiorentina. Isn't that insane? Class. Mo Salah's career has been better than that.

What were you going to say then you pointed? I sent you that video of Pat McAfee. Pat McAfee. It must be like a year or so old. It is one of... We could actually slide that in. I think we could get that in. If I showed these at now.

Would we not? No, because it's a TikTok video. Like, it's already a thing. You don't want to slide, Nathan. So, this... Call me DJ Casper. You'll love this, Carl. Oh, it's the most amazing trolley.

Did you send me it? I didn't watch it. Because you sent me it at a silly o'clock. I mean, that's entirely possible. The only thing that would have added to it if at the end of it he went, and he sucked my dick. So it's Georgia against Alabama

in one of the big college finals. And they ask him, who do you think is going to win the Georgia-Alabama game? He sat next to Theo Vaughn on like a sports panel. Watch this. And they ask him, who do you think is going to win the Georgia-Alabama game? He's sat next to Theo Vaughn on like a sports panel. Watch this. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song.

It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song.

It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song.

It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. It's the Georgia song. there's a little moment just before he switches where he's just sat there like with his little you had a screenshot didn't you he's just like

yeah bring that into the I mean I don't a game where just football fans here are just turd aren't they that's fun isn't it there's no fun over here anymore especially not in footy I don't know there's no fun at City

either there's no fun at City they win everything there's no fun the coverage has got more fun though you're saying that it has it has got more fun like Roy Keane is I know he's he plays the the grumpy old man

but he's pretty fucking funny with it have you seen the Ali McCoy's video from like 20 years ago he's talking about the Liverpool game how much uh

punch he's advanced now to like in depth oh it's Andy Gray it's not is it yeah it's Andy Gray she's got Jermaine Pennant on the wing

and Risa and now they'll be like you know he's going to invest and he goes you know Jermaine Pennant can run up that wing and Risa can run up that wing

and that's what they're going to do and that's like that's all he says it's like how much it's come well when they were touching the screen

and putting arrows he's going to run there and he's going to try and run there and Gerrard he might run there sports coverage when they first brought out the big screen it was like just touch it loads he's going to run there and he's going to try and run there and Jen had he might run there and they're like yeah he could

sports coverage when they first brought out the big screen it was like right just touch it loads I'm just trying to rewind that on this massive fucking 80s death

it's so funny and he's going to run there and he's going to try and score from about in the attacking position dick pepper him before he's over there

we've got some where's he going Ben Richardson said yes the boys. Obviously with the news of Dave Grohl having a shocking secret, I was wondering, oh, it's a...

What's the secret? He's got another confession to make. He's a goth. I don't click on that on Twitter. What is that? Oh, hang on, hang on. You're lying. He's not a goth by goth or not goth standards.

Dave Grohl's not a... I suppose he isn't because free fighters are quite cool, but then if he was in the street and I didn't know him, I'd go, goth. Yeah.hl's not I suppose he isn't because free fighters are quite cool but then if he was in the street and I didn't know him I'd go

goth so I don't know Dave Grohl well he spunked a woman who wasn't his wife and a little baby's come walking out

her pussy and gone I'm Dave Grohl's baby like and she's Geordie yeah graphic child there I come

out of her pussy and I've just been born out of wedlock fucking mad so what's he's had a baby with another woman he's having

he did an Instagram statement he's having a baby he's had a baby has he got a wife oh is this after the it's after the fact that baby's already out and it's foot and

he's talking what's going on nukie brown ale awake it and he's called him little. Nuki Brownale awake it. And he's called him Little Chris Waddle Groll. Alan Shearer. You got a wife? Alan Shearer.

Yeah, he's got a wife and kids. He's got a wife and kids. Alan Shearer Groll. Oh, so he's been naughty. Cats buyer. And he's been like, look, there's a lot of kids involved here. So let's respect all my kids.

And I'm trying to win my wife's trust back. And I'm going to raise this kid as well. So appreciate everyone keeping this matter private and the internet's gone. Okay, Dave. Is he a rock star? Yeah. Is he a rock star?

Is it rock that they do? Is that rock? Yeah. So he's allowed to fuck anyone, isn't he? Yeah, but he's been seen as the kind of nice rock star. International good guy, Dave Grohl. He was mean to Taylor though, wasn't he? Yeah, but he's been seen as the kind of nice rock star. International good guy, Dave Grohl. He was mean to Taylor,

though, wasn't he? That's what, you know, those conspiracies that that's why this has come out. Really?

Because he had a go at Taylor Swift a few months ago. Because they're all midwives that are fans of Taylor Swift. What are you on about? It was, I saw a few tweets

about that going, Swifties have finally got their payback. Because they'll impregnate someone. See Donald Trump getting asked about Taylor Swift's endorsement. What? You know Taylor Swift endorsed Kamala

Harris. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they went to Donald Trump, so what do you think about that? And he goes, ah, fucking never liked their music. Never liked it. I prefer their... Patrick Mahomes' wife is not a musician. Britney. Yeah. Britney Mahomes. Yeah. But he couldn not a musician. Britney.

Yeah. Britney Mahomes. Yeah. But he couldn't remember the name Britney. He calls her Patrick Mahomes' wife. Amazing if he'd have said

Britney and then go, really, Britney? Yeah, Mahomes. I'm not a hat. I think I like fucking spears, mate. So what's the question

about games? Games gone. Is that an opinion? I was wondering if you could come up with some shocking secrets that could be uncovered for various national treasure

because he is a national treasure in America he's very well loved this has hurt a lot of people also it's made a lot of like

husbands and boyfriends have to go I'd never cheat on you because Laura's like I just imagine that it'd be awful wouldn't it

the lack of trust you'd be so hurt you'd be heartbroken I was like yeah cool I didn't fuck anyone's like, I just imagine that. It'd be awful when it's the lack of trust. You'd be so hurt. You'd be heartbroken. I was like, yeah, cool. I didn't fuck anyone, by the way. I'm not David Grohl.

No. I've not pissed off Taylor Swift. I've got no hidden babies. I promise. I'm not David Grohl. I was like, chill out, Michelle. Have you seen

that David Grohl story, by the way? David. David Grohl. David Grohl. What's his name? Dave Grohl. His name's David. He's like Andy Cole. He'shl. David Grohl. What's his name? Dave Grohl. His name's David.

He's like Andy Cole. He's changed. I mean, he's a father again now. Andy Grohl. And Grohl on the wing. When Kurt Cobain blew his own head off with a shotty. Oh, did he? Or Courtney Love, did he?

Allegedly he did. Did Kurt Cobain piss off Taylor Swift fans as well? No, he pissed Courtney Love off. There's always been long-standing rumours that Courtney Love pulled the trigger. Courtney Love. I know you've been on the other side of the world, but it was English-speaking, though, wasn't it?

Courtney Love. David Grohl and Courtney Love. David Grohl and Courtney Love. Love, love at the tennis game. she blew his head off with a shotty yeah literally yeah no not literally no it was a shotgun and she yeah oh no it was a shotgun what are you basing that off just fucking internet rumor it's not let the man just blow his own head off. Right. Okay, well, anyway. In peace. Look, bottom line is, someone's head got blown off. The game's gone. And we don't know whose head it was.

All we know is the head was blown off. He didn't know Mika Richards was coming. Fuck off. So Dave Grohl went to the west coast of Ireland, right, for a little fucking trip. Post-Nirvana. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just driving down the road one night

and he comes like, near this hitchhiker. I love this confabulated version of the story. I know the story. I can't wait to see your version of it. And there was a thunderstorm and there was a spider and a snake.

Guess what he did? And his mouth. And then St. Patrick came and went, fuck, I thought I got rid of them cunts. Dave Grohl's like, I'm going to fucking give this prick a lift. What? Keep going.

Why? I always told you this story. Dave Grohl? David. Yeah. David Grohl. Davey? Yeah.

It's a love story. So he's driving down and he's like, can I allow? And he's like, there's this hitchhiker here. I'm going to give him a lift.. So he's driving down and he's like... And he's like... There's this hitchhiker here. I'm going to give him a lift. Who's he talking to? To himself.

Oh. Back to the spot. You've missed a bit. There is an important bit. He was getting away from Nirvana. He was heartbroken. Yeah, he was in Ireland. A kid came in, his head was blown off.

So to deal with the trauma of that... Wagner Love. Went to Galway, didn't he? He went for a few booners.. So to deal with the trauma of that. Wagner Lough. Went to Galway, didn't he? He went for a few booners. Yeah, he went for the Guinness in Galway, mate. So he's driving down the road, this fella's still there going.

Hitchhiking. No, he's just like, you're like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, but he does though in his head he's like maybe I'll give this guy a lift as he gets close to him he notices he's got a Kirkebane top on and no head and no head right Kirkebane's top

Jesus the Chinese are quick and in that moment he decided like I've got to go home because there's nowhere on the planet I can escape from this trauma

because I'm always going to be reminded of him and that cunt in the t-shirt froze to death because he didn't get a lift he didn't pick him up. Isn't that class? He drove past them

because he had the Nirvana top on. They found him. They found the kid. He was like, yeah, that was me. I was fucking freezing. That's what started the Foo Fighters. He went home and started demoing. That's cool. So this guy exists. Yeah, and there's a photograph of him in his Kirker bean top.

That's cool. Because he told his mates Yeah. And there's a photograph of him in his kicker bean top. Yeah. That's cool. Because like he told his mates, oh, I was hitchhiking once in a Nirvana top and fucking Dave Grohl drove right past me. So all his mates for years have gone, you're full of shit, kid. Oh, he's been in a pub in Galway for ages. You're full of bullshit.

I don't really hear that fucking Dave Grohl story again. But then recently on a podcast, Dave Grohl told that story. That's cool. So he got to come out and be like, that was me, see? That's sick. Yeah. Last question.

I was wondering, Ben Richardson says, I was wondering if you could come up with some shocking secrets that could be uncovered for various national treasures. These are people that you wouldn't... I didn't want this Dave Grohl thing. I like him as the nice guy. These are people that you don't expect it, you might not want it. But if a shocking, salacious secret...

What might it be? First off, we've got Dawn French. Cheers, national treasure. I love Dawn French. I think everyone loves her. Her actual name is Dawn Belgian. I think everyone loves her. Her actual name is like Dawn Belgian. I was going chocolate orange up the arse. What for?

You were? I thought she was. What? She was the voice of chocolate orange, wasn't she? Don't tap it, whack it. Was she? Sorry, I was just putting chocolate orange up my arse. What's the question?

I think a realistic one that might come out is that she used to peg Lenny Henry against us, Will. Oh. Like he wasn't really keen on it, but she was like, fucking shut up, I'm doing French, you big cunt. And he went... Do you know what?

I'm physically bigger and stronger than you, but you're doing French. That's what you keep reminding me. I think she used to peg Lenny Henry, but he didn't really like her and he just did it to make her happy. That's my Lenny Henry. Oh, whatever.

Oh, my Lenny. Oh, your mama's show. Full name. That's my Lenny Henry. Stephen Fry, is that one? Stephen Fry. Guess. He wipes his bogeys in the back of bus seats.

Just that he gets the bus and being on it. Did you just? No, I never. You did. I don't. I feel like there could be some stuff about Stephen Fry

that could come out. Here's one that I've got my eye on him, you know. What are you doing? What do you mean? I don't know. Yeah, I know what you mean. You know what I mean? I know what you mean. You know what I mean?

I know what you mean. A rational celebrity beef? No, no, no, no. No, I'm not beef because I really like him. I'm not going to be happy when I'm right. Oh, right, okay. If he, listen, I don't want it to happen. Yeah.

I'd be gutted. If you had to cancel Stephen Fry, there's so many good things that he's been in that you'd be like, oh, for fuck's sake. But listen, if it went a little bit Kevin Spacey, Fry there's so many good things he's been in that you'd be like oh for fuck's sake but listen if it went a little bit Kevin Spacey would you be like this isn't homophobia

this isn't just deep-seated homophobia what he is gay yeah oh no I'm not like a legend that he might be gay that's a fact I reckon he's gay you know thanks Firth thanks for standing up for the gays. There's something there where I'm like,

I don't know, you know? I don't want it to be because I really like you. He's not gay. That's the thing. No, just like... You're dead to me. Listen, you can be one or the other. You can't change teams again.

Just might be something. He kisses. I hope I'm wrong. It's like Freddie. You hope you're wrong, don't you? Yeah. Did you do this list

or did Ben Richardson do this list? I did this list. David Walliams. What could possibly come out about him? He's clean him. Okay.

Did you do the list? Do you not know the David Walliams stuff? No, I did the list. I thought, you know, National Treasure. He's not a fucking chef. Come fly with me.

Whoa! Make someone National Treasure. IMO. I know it was naughty, but it's some of the best I've ever made. Fact. The immigration officer. It's just unbelievable.

Paul Foote. Not Paul Foote. Ian Foote. Paul Foote. Ian Foote, his name is. Doing whimsy. Next to David Wall David Williams blacked up it's

some of the worst TV ever made yeah you're awful yeah I didn't watch the four series back to back last Sunday it's quotable

I don't believe you I didn't no Dan that is Carl's level of humour by the way by the way and I 100% agree with this

I seen a article the other day about how there's three levels to sense of humour, right? And so there's stupid, like, idiot humour, right? Not just talking silly humour. Yeah, but like that, yeah and there's mid-level humor and there's high level humor right if you're stupid if you're like on a sort of like in terms of the intelligence you need to be funny right if you're stupid then you only find the base level funny because you can't really understand mid-level humor or high-level humor right okay right if you're mid-level the

only thing you find funny is mid-level because you think the silly stuff is like you're above it and you're not clever enough for the high-level stuff if you're can i can i guess what the last one is yeah if you're high-level humor guess what the last one is yeah if you're high level humor you enjoy the silly stuff as well but not the middle right yeah the middle is so boring and isn't that fucking absolutely right though yeah like if you're intelligent you find really well-crafted intelligent humor funny and also you love a joke about poo I love Stuart Lee and I love Liam Bolton yeah no but no they're the same thing

Liam Bolton's smart I think the silly stupid fucking idiotic humour we're talking about is what we've just done to him in the first half right okay and Stuart Lee and Liam Bolton are the same high level stuff mid level we could name a hundred comics that do well on a circuit,

but you wouldn't, I couldn't pay you a hundred quid to go and watch one of them because you'd be like, I'd be fucking bored out of my mind. Hey, some phenomenal, brilliant minds in comedy have done some really silly sketches. Like the League of Gentlemen

is so well- written and so beautifully done and still one of my funniest sketches is pam doove doing the audition like so just come in and all you've got to say is like oh excuse me has anybody got a bottle of orange juice and this is a standalone sketch within all these complicated layered characters and she goes okay so you're all right a bit nervous okay so just come in excuse me anybody got a bottle of orange juice

okay when you're ready go and she comes in and goes I called her and I'm the one that got the bottle out of the door

and the director goes I'm not sure what happened there sort of lost the line when I first watched that I was having like you know when you're like oh I'm in trouble here.

I'm not breathing properly. And it's because it's so stupid. Team America World Cup. It's so stupid. Yeah. If you can't enjoy that. Gary, you remember the signal? Like that.

On a stand-up level, I think the only person who like in the same act has ever nailed it, like doing both high and really low is louis louis ck like and obviously we all hate him now and he's a creep and whatever but like he as a stand-up comic would have the most brilliant tower of stand-up that any comedian who's ever lived would be jealous beautifully observed and then he just stupid cum joking just to make himself out of nowhere and especially just in Phoenix, he's like, do you ever just like midway through an afternoon

think, for no reason, just got to wipe my ass? Not all the time. We were talking at lunch, weren't we? Gillis is similar, I think. Yeah, yeah. He's the new Louis. Yeah, yeah. He does the clever stuff when you think it's stupid stuff

and then it's actually clever. But I think that three levels of human is absolutely makes me so bored but the people who like average comedy think they're better than the stupid people and they're like that's just not enough yeah god i loved it like when i seen it i was like ah i never knew i knew that, but I knew it. Yeah. I love stupid shit. And I was, yeah, that's right. So too. I love the stupid shit more than anything, though.

Do you remember when, back to back, we went and seen Finn Taylor and Matt Ewins in Edinburgh? It's incredible. Oh, Matt Ewins. His show that year was phenomenal. Yeah. He's so good. He'd be a good guest, potentially.

Yeah. I'd get on with Yeah. He's so good. He'd be a good guest, potentially. Yeah. I get on with Matt very well. Because he sold it to me, and I was like, it's not going to live up to it. And I was like... Oh, he's got a phenomenal reputation in Edinburgh. James Bond joke in that show. Do you remember the James Bond bit?

Vaguely. Oh, who's the guy? Who's the guy that won the fucking Perrier or the Edinburgh Award that wears a wig and the teeth? I saw a clip of him the other john cairns john cairns he's doing he's like a paco rabban died i read that i didn't know it was a man that's like saying cornflakes has died what else is a man

is frank bentos a man? And again, it's just the simplest observation done really well. I creased. I showed it Laura. Laura can be a tough

crowd for that sometimes and she like... My favourite joke ever, I mean, I can't remember his name now. The walkie-talkie joke. Walkie-talkie. I can't say any more

than that. The walkie-talkie joke. Brian Regan. That's the best joke ever written yeah yeah yeah the whammy go and type in

what's his name Brian Regan walkie talkie it's like do you know what just go and spend your night watching the full thing

which is on YouTube and the quality is not great because it's like standard definition from like 2000 or whatever but just put up with it

Brian Regan I walked on the moon full special so i guarantee you i guarantee you it will be the most you've laughed out loud at a stand-up special in ages and and and you should all do this by the way on the plane home i watched alex edelman's just for us again which can't recommend highly enough but there's a comic who i need to work on getting on the air because alfie's recommended them to me before and he's had a special go on hbo max because he got nominated for new comedy of the year his name's leo reich and he's like a a camp young gay lad

who's got this special and i can't remember what the name of the special is, but it's on HBO Max. It is absolutely fucking fantastic. Literally, who cares? It is fucking unbelievable. You will love it. So when you say I will love it, you always mean stupid, don't you? Because that is the shit I love, though. That is both, though.

Like before when you showed that. Yeah. That is, I mean, that's such a fucking good joke. What he's talking there's james mccann go and google go on youtube and type in james mccann film he wants because fuck me what a bit that full leo reich special is oh it is so so fucking talented i can't wait to watch that i'm not even messing jin hao li last night had some silly bits and then some brilliant bits. And it's such a great bit. That keeps me watching when I'm like, oh.

Talking about standup, Alfie Brown is going on tour. Should we give a little bit plug to Alfie? Yeah. Some of the best comedy you will ever see done live. There's a new show, isn't there? AlfieBrownComedian.com for Open Hearted Human Inquiry, his tour show

that's going out in the autumn, I think. Yep. It's already started. Yeah, Thursday the 19th of September, which is basically this week,

I'll be in Brighton. They've extended this show, so there's a few more tickets available. It's sold out. I'm there with Dean Coghlan, Will Duggan,

and Mike Rice on my Fiend show. And oh my god, we've got a big fucking stand-up announcement coming. But we're going to sit on that for a little bit. We have, yeah. Let's have a break. And bring Gabby in. Oh yes. From two weeks ago.

I fancy a change of clothes. Gabby Bryan is back in the studio. Must be about a year to the day. Uh-huh. Since the last one. It feels good. Yeah? Ooh, it feels good.

Happy to be back? Yeah, but I have a bone to pick, and I'm actually pissed. I'm blood red mad. It's with both of us? Nope, it's with fucking Carl. Listen, I came on here an innocent flower. I've never been to Liverpool before.

I had no idea what the fuck any of you were saying. And I said, exactly. Shut the fuck up, Carl. And I said, why don't you teach me some fun, dirty little phrases that I could use and spread across the globe for one solid year. Tell everyone I've ever met. And I said, how do you say eat pussy and Carl looked me dead in the eyes did I was it me with a look of trust and responsibility and you said moggy mccunt and then I walked out of this studio and told 500 people that that's a phrase and then

we hung out in Nashville and Adam was like that was was made up. You didn't know that was made up. Not only did we hang out in Nashville and this didn't just naturally come up. Like we were talking to one of your friends and you were like, oh yeah, I went on Adam's podcast when I was in the UK and he taught me some phrases like,

you know what, eat pussies and scouts. And I was like, I pissed off and I was like, that is not true. You need to stop doing it. I said it on my podcast. I said it on 30 other podcasts. I've been spreading that is not true. You need to stop doing it. I said it on my podcast. I said it on 30 other podcasts.

I've been spreading it around, Carl. It's true. We went with it because it is rhythmically the same as Maddie McCann, who is a missing child, who actually has had quite a lot of airtime in this week's episode. Is it about a missing child? She's the most famous missing child ever.

Do you not know who Madeline McCann is? No, we have our own missing children. Don't worry about it. She's the goat. She's the most famous missing child ever. Do you not know who Madeleine McCann is? No, we have our own missing children. No, but she's the ghost. She's the best to ever do it. She's LeBron James or Michael Jordan. Really? Depending on who your ghost is. Kobe.

Why'd she go missing? She's dead as well. Why did she go missing? Well, I assume she's dead. No, we don't know that. Oh. Never been found. Is it like the situation where everyone thinks

a missing child is Anne Hathaway or Katy Perry or something? Yeah, she's Anne Hathaway. She's perry or something yeah she's on hathaway she became on hathaway so uh she was on holiday with her parents and they went for tapas and when they came back she was gone yeah yeah they left her in the house oh they left her and their two twins so it's not a time machine but the twins the twins were ugly the twins and madeline but the the the twins were ugly the twins and Madeline but the abductor left the twins they must have been ugly

huh I've done that joke on stage and I got fucking you've got a twin as well I have a twin too and there's a reason one of us is on camera

alright we're having fun isn't it a boy no he's a boy he's good looking I think they're weird who you're mad at me no we spoke about twins

last week he said identical same sex twins are weird i said i think it's weird that's to be a boy and a girl twin why i don't know i don't know what i don't know it just makes me feel a bit more weird do you talk about things are you close yeah i mean when you like did you experience when you were growing up did you share experiences or did you? Are you telepathic? Yeah. No, I mean. No, no, no, I can't read his mind, but when he's feeling sad, I feel sad.

And then when he's feeling hyped, I feel hyped. Even when you're not with him? Well, no, we're not aliens. So, hang on, hang on. So, if you're there together and he's sad, you feel sad as well. And there's no. At grandma's funeral. Look, he's sad and so am I. well. Yeah. And there's no... At grandma's funeral. Look, he's sad.

So am I. It's crazy. I'm also sad. Every time we watch The Green Mile together, just sad. I feel sad. Are you?

Oh my God, it's a twin thing. It's weird. No, I mean, they just share like when you, like, I don't know, big things in your life. They just share like when you lost your virginity,

did you tell him? Well, no, he's my brother. That's what I mean. But you should be so close, but you are your twins. What the fuck did you just say? Are you accusing me he's my brother. That's what I mean. But you shouldn't be so close, but you are your twins. What the fuck did you just say? Are you accusing me of fucking my brother? I can't clock what you're saying here.

I mean, if you were fucking your brother, you wouldn't have to tell him you just lost your virginity. I didn't fuck my brother. Yeah, we know. I never fucked my brother. Well, don't bring her up then. How have you got that in your head?

Because twins do everything together and they're so close, but I think boy and girl twins don't lose their virginity together. This is but I think boy and girl twins are pretty close. They don't lose their virginity together. This is what I was saying. I didn't say that. This is what I was saying last week.

Twins who are two genders, they're just babies who were born at the same time. They're not twins in the way that the identical ones are, where they're all fucking robots and in horror films and they come and mate

and you sleep and... Which is what they do. Every single time. Well, identical twins are fucking creepy. It's creepy and one is always a little bit hotter

than the other and then there's a real sadness to it. But you don't really know why. Yeah, but there's like one... It just goes to show that auras are real. Exactly.

There's a fatal flaw on one and you can't place it. I think they've always got big heads. The ugly ones are always got a big head. Look at the Olsen twins. I said this again. One of them's got a big head. Which one? I don't know. The one got a big head look at the Olsen twins I said this again one of them's got a big head

which one? I don't know the one with the big head well of course the one with the gigantism oh shit could you tell Mary Kate and Ashley apart?

only by their hairstyle and it's sort of like only by their big head one has a different hair on its big fucking head yeah no you've told hundreds of people, Margie McCunn. Hundreds of people.

Yeah. I mean, it was like my party story for a while. We'll teach you some more real ones today. I don't trust you. I'll never trust you again. Fool me once. Fool me once. I like your shirt, Gabby.

Thanks. Really trying to assimilate with the locals. What play did you have on the back? No, I'm scared. Could we have a look at the back? Show everyone your shirt, because it is covered by assimilate with the locals. What player do you have on the back? Now I'm scared. Could we have a look at the back? Show everyone your shirt because it is covered by your jacket at the minute. I'm wearing a Liverpool shirt.

It's an elite shirt. Where did you get that from? I found this in my dad's basement in a box in New Jersey, America. But I've been wearing it a lot and I get either love or hate on the internet because I wear it on stage a lot because I just like this.

I don't even know what this team is. This is a big player on the back though. Massive. He's so big. Gabby asked if it was a good player on the back of the shirt. Can we have a look? He's huge.

For the audio listeners, it's Anfield 2019. Anfield 2019. So the thing is with squad numbers, they normally only go up to like 25, 26. That's the name of the stadium. No, it's not. John Anfield was a centre-back.

And what's a centre-back? He's a defender. And what does it mean? No, his surname's Anfield. John Anfield was a centre-back. See, I don't trust you guys anymore. This is the issue at hand. Especially because we just told you the truth

and then you chose to ignore it and pick up his lie. It's the name of the stadium? Yeah. Oh, well. Is your dad a Liverpool fan? I have no idea. I think the dad played Anfield. I think that's what's happened there.

Oh. That will be it? Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I know it, actually, because I've got it here. You're never going to believe gonna believe this i'm on google right now i'm on the set list i'm looking at the set so everyone knows who's at that finn and hathaway it's on hathaway it's john hanfield he's he's a member of bon jovi is that right yes he's the keyboard player bon jovi so cool

it's so actually random because it's not it feels like the tambourine player of you too like there's a randomness to it is that a tambourine player on youtube i think you mean oasis that's liam gallagher the lead singer as well okay i know we're having a big oasis day everyone put your dicks away so we now get research documents ahead of all of our guests so So Harry is now our researcher. And the reason this happens is last year, as you left the building, Harry was like, oh, by the way, I meant to mention this before you started recording.

Do you know where our fella's in Bon Jovi? No, what happened was he told us previously and none of us listened. Genuinely, that's the truth. No. I thought it was awesome. You guys were looking at me with innocence and beauty and you had no idea my truth, my evil truth.

Do you like Bon Jovi? That's a great question, Carl. That's a great follow-up. The man or the band? Yeah, they're good. The band? The band? Yeah, the classics.

I met you there in Nashville. Yeah. You hung out with my whole family. Yeah, I did. Why don't you tell the story of how we got connected how we got connected yeah you got a dm oh shit yeah so i might have told this on a patron episode when i got back i was just in nashville for our post tour trip with alfie and jack and one of our fans messaged me and was like by the way gabby

brian's in nashville as well so you might want to just say hello and i was like that seems like a mad coincidence so i texted i was like you in nashville she was like yeah you i was like yeah i'm at the stadium at the minute she was like oh i've got to go to this launch party tonight my dad's opening a bar on broadway so he's just he's playing a four-hour concert with john bon Jovi and the rest of the band so i've got to be here about midnight you want to swing by to the exclusive guest VIP party as soon as you're done at the stadium

so I just text I sat next to Jack and Alfie and I went to him we're going to the opening of Bon Jovi's bar tonight on Broadway

because a friend of ours is running the guest list because she's the daughter of one of the band members and Alfie was just like do you want to say all of that again I was like

you know what actually it's Gabby Bryant he's not got class and then we went there and you were bored of the party by the time we got there and you want to say all of that again? I was like, you know what, actually, it's Gabby Bryant. He's not got class. And then we went there, and you were bored of the party by the time we got there. And you wanted to go to Loser's Bar, which is my favorite bar. It's the best bar in Nashville. It's the best bar in Nashville.

But one of our friends, Craig, shout out Craig, do not know his last name. I'll just spell his first name. S-H-U-T. It's Craig. It's-T It's Craig. It's Craig. It's Craig. Craig.

Craig. Craig. It's Craig. It's Craig, Carl. Fuck you. Is that all of... Is that a proper Americanism? Craig becomes Craig.

Yes. Is it Craigslist? Yes. It's Craigslist. And James Bond is Daniel Craig. No, he's not. How do you say it? Daniel Craig. Yes. Is it Craigslist? Yeah. Yes. It's Craigslist. And James Bond is Daniel Craig. No, he's not. How do you say it? Daniel Craig.

Wait, what was the word I was really nailing in Scouse? Cachlach. What? Cachlach. Cachlach. What was that word I was naming? Cachlach. No, what was the girl's name you could say?

Chechen. Chechen. That's not bad, you know. It's the hach word, but you're actually quite good at it. Chicken. What was the girl's name you could say in Bradfordonian? You could say a girl's name. Oh, Calle.

Calle. Calle. Yeah, but it's Craig. We'll carry on. We'll do it again. Craig. Craig. Yeah, so A-I is A, not E.

Craig, continue. Very welcoming, Carl. She came in with dag a, not a Craig continue. Very welcoming call. She came in with daggers. Not me. We're finding Craig and I are Craig. Craig has a van, a big party bus that he owns for some reason. And he drives us all around.

Do you remember this? Yeah. Drives us all around. We don't know why he does not have a job. He just owns this van. No one pays him. He drinks a bunch of shots at the bar and then he drives us around in a party bus.

So I said, Adam, get on this party bus. We're going out. And that's what we did. Yeah, we did. That's cool. And he drove you home. He did drive me home as well. On your own in a party bus?

With Craig. Just him and Craig. Yeah, it does feel weird now that I didn't tell them the story when I first came back what happened with Craig I left you on the party bus

alone you did yeah no it was it was me a few of your mates your brother and and Craig

and Craig Craig and I told him the address and he's like I don't know where that is and then I I showed him on my phone

he's like I still don't know where that is I was like do you want me to put it into your phone he's like I don't know where that is and then I showed him on my phone he's like I still don't know where that is I was like do you want me to put it into your phone he's like I don't really do maps I'll just try and figure it out

and wing it and then 10 minutes later we pulled up outside the house I was staying in so I don't know how he figured it out but he did Craig's a myth

yeah he's a wizard he's class though yeah he said he loves Liverpool as well really I was talking to him

about the city for a bit and he told me about a band based out here as well, who he'd met when they went to Nashville. There's this band. We need to figure out who this band is. There's a Scouse band running around Nashville right now. Well, the one that he told me was about a man with one arm called Xander and the Peace Pirates.

Yep. Is it them? That's not the Scouse band. It is? Xander and the Peace Pirates. I've heard of them. That's what this guy was called. It is? Xander and the Peace Pirates. I've heard of them. Yeah. What?

He's one arm. He's got one arm, so they're called the Peace Pirates because he's got like a hook. I think tambourine. I think they play in the jack sometimes. Yeah? Yeah.

They've asked about coming on here a couple of times. I've said I'll let them know when we're booking again, but like Craig told me to like message them and I was hammered and just messaged them. I was like, I just met one of your mates in that show and he was like, ah, class.

Wow. Xander and the Peace, ah, class. Wow. Xander and the Peace Pirates? Yeah. I think Carl's going to be into them. Are you bored? Those sound like the people we get at the end of the episode, don't they? Are you bored of Bon Jovi gigs now? No, they're so fun because there's a lot of free goods in the back.

So we don't really watch the show anymore. We just go in the back, steal all the free shit, get drunk, and then in the back steal all the free shit get drunk on the rider what's on their rider they're so old at this point that it's like it feels like a like gwyneth paltrow show there's like just tea and salad and soup so there's like the cocaine days are long long behind the show what live shows is gwyneth paltrow doing i don't know but i've got all my laptops out for the tickets. Cannot wait. She's opening for always, sis.

But yeah, we hung out with you the entire, I didn't stay all that long that night because you quite clearly had a big family get together going on. You'd asked me to go to this line dancing thing in like the North East of Nashville. So I come and met yous and then you were like,

oh yeah, me dad and some of the family are turning up soon. Like they're on the way. They're just flying flying back in they just have been to do a gig somewhere else and i was like oh class yeah cool and uh then about 150 people walked through the door and you knew 148 of them and i was just like i think i'm just gonna you should have stayed yeah no i know but it was just it was so obviously a big family reunion that like get together and like a chill compared to the night before. I was like, I think I'm just going to...

We were up till 5am drinking. There was nothing chill about it. Because I think I left at quarter past three, so that doesn't, like, extend it too much further. We went to the bar next door, and there was a man with Taco Life tattooed on his stomach. He had a fur vest on, no shirt, and a staff. Wow.

Goth. Who's the coolest person you've met through? A guy had taco life tattooed on his stomach with a staff. Have you met anyone insanely famous because of it? One time I was in line for a bathroom, and I got a tap on the shoulder, and I turned around, and it was Fergie. Alex Ferguson?

No. It was girl Fergie. Blacked peas fergie black eyed peas fergie that's cool that was probably the coolest moment what did she say she said is this the line for the bathroom and i said yeah and then it was and she'd just been done no i just love her that's wild yeah fergie's cool yeah what a woman so So it's now at the point now where your dad's... If they're gigging, it's just... It's like not even a thing. You're like not bothered.

Are they still gigging loads? Yeah. They'll probably tour next year. It's fun. Yeah. But, you know, they're all dads. It's not like there's hookers backstage. No.

No, isn't there? No. Just lie. Yeah. Yeah. T there's hookers backstage no no isn't there no just lie yeah yeah tons of hookers but they're all like 65 with like freckly chests you know it's not they're not guessing you grew up on tour then a bit yeah was that was it more fun back in the day or was it just being a kid like running around tour buses it was there was there was like 10 kids so it wasn't you know it was kind of a coddled it would it was like fun and fruity like we would go backstage and there would be like sumo wrestling suits and we'd all sumo wrestle on the back like it wasn't rock and roll that's pretty weird yeah see i guess see i think this is a really good uh example

of how your perspective in life sort of completely shapes how you see things because i didn't grow up sumo wrestling with nine other children backstage at concerts and you're saying it like i go oh i used to come home from school and watch friends on e4 and then watch it again on e4 plus one like that that's the difference in our upbringings well it seems like you would be like oh i'm 12 years old i'm doing cocaine i'm making out with a jonas brother like you think it would be a little more rock and roll and it was actually just um i would make out with the jonas brother if we could get one. Which one? Any of them? Joe. Alright, okay. Joe, Nick, Kevin. Kevin's the worst one. Yeah, Kevin's the one that you probably

couldn't picture. Kevin's the Michelle. Yeah, he's the one I can't picture. Along with the other two. You can picture the Jonas Brothers. You know the Jonas Brothers. You jerked off to them last night. Don't lie. Oh yeah, that's my thing. What about Ken Wynne, Dan? Ken Wynne Jones?

Why is he getting a lot of airtime tonight? I don't know. He's had two, hasn't he? Was he a Sunderland player? He was. Good player, yeah. One of the worst Jonas Brothers, though. Really stood out.

He's like 6'4". I'm a Sunderland kid. Oh, it was his height. Yeah, it was his height that made him stand out. What have you been up to for the last year, Gabby? Like, catch us up. Where have you been? What have you been doing?

Why are you back? I've been doing stand-up style comedy. Huh? I've been doing stand-up style comedy. Stand-up style comedy? Yes, I've been touring. I've been doing my podcasts. What's a good story?

I feel like I came in here with a story I wanted to tell you, and I forget what it was. I noticed you do a lot of on-stage time with another person which is, I don't see that a lot. Oh yeah, Steph, she's doing the podcast tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steph Dagg, hilarious comedian. Dark female comedian.

Very funny. So we've been doing like duo crowd work acts. Basically we just call a bunch of people gay together and it's fun. We do the same thing. Yeah. Sounds like me and Carl in our two-man group chat.

Has that come naturally or have you just had to practice that? Because comics don't do that a lot. We've done it a little bit. Carl, at your dojos, you've got a mic at the side, but it's pretty unusual unless you're a double act. I like it, though. I think it's a good iteration of the next bit of stand-up. Like, Vittorio's just sort of full-run a crowd working out

someone on stage for most of it as well. Like, the last night's The Fringe was him and Finn Taylor just doing crowd work for an hour. Oh, my God. It's just class, isn't it? It's like a different, fun way of doing it. I want to do more, like, experimental stuff. It kind of makes it feel like a party,

when there's two people on stage and you're running around and we, like, go in the audience. At Fringe, we kept making people do group prayers if an audience was bad we made everyone hold hands and do a catholic prayer but i'm a jew and she's a goth so neither of us know a prayer so we would pick a catholic sorry out of the audience and make them do a hail mary very spooky stuff but it made the poster what no we just did it we just improv'd it one night and we keep doing it when you say you're a jewer you're practicing no i'm annoying but keeping it hunted yeah i think that's the only on brand uh i'm annoying and cheap for sure okay but i don't believe in god okay but i don't not

believe in god that's me yeah just like i don't know there's something i believe when we get there and i'll apologize for the bits i did wrong and then you can come in can i and go on the slide yeah let me go in i'm not that bad you believe in ghosts you've seen a ghost no but i grew up in a haunted house well you didn't because you didn't see any ghosts yeah but everyone else did they were hiding from me do you want to hear a crazy story that my dad and my mom used to tell everyone and looking back i'm like that feels like maybe a meth or acid but when from a child's perspective it feels real they used to say okay my house was like very creepy old in the middle of the woods and like a clearing did you watch twilight yeah boys watch that yeah yeah everyone's saying it dan oh yeah loved it was kenwin jones

for twilight he missed harry potter as well okay what i didn't miss harry are you 75 i'm so into harry potter i just got into it in my 30s really oh that's the bad way to get into it no i no i was i didn't miss it but it wasn't on when I was a kid. Okay. What was on? Black and white? Spandau Ballet on MTV. Every night. So, you know the baseball scene in Twilight, that clearing in the middle of the woods?

Yes. When they're all around, they're fastening the trees. Yeah, I've seen it. They come out? Yeah. That is where my house was. Truly. That feeling, that vibe.

Spooky. Vampires. I'm guessing it was a Truly that feeling, that vibe, spooky vampires. Okay. I'm guessing it was a big, big, nice. No, it was this old wooden house that my dad bought in like 1982.

It actually doesn't feel that long ago. 1982. Before the wheel was invented. I was born in 81. So, thank you. Was it way back in the day? 1982. Okay, so it was this really long house,

and the main floor was just, like, open. And there was, obviously obviously my dad plays piano. There was like a grand piano on there, but it had it had just like room for people to dance. But no one did. Because why would you dance to classical piano? But my dad would play practice all night, like stay up till 5 a.m. practicing. And my mom would just like sit on the ground and watch. And they both said that one night ghost ghosts started appearing and they were like ballroom dancing basically but they would go through the piano in circles like it was a ballroom

so as a kid you're like wow i live in a haunted house and as an adult you go i think my parents were on meth yeah but like it must be a haunted house because otherwise they're having the same meth dream and that can't be possible because it depends on how much you've had that day and stuff so they wouldn't be having the same it feels like you have experience with meth yeah yeah it's all about your diet crystal meth on an empty stomach i'll be ball dancing all over when you take meth with another person you can't really sync up you do your own thing but the where i lived there was like a stream in the backyard, and that was the hospital grounds for a very famous battle. So a lot of people died right where my house was.

Is this in New Jersey? This is New Jersey. But were they ballroom dancing when they died? I don't know. Maybe fist bumping or something more New Jersey. I'm thinking whether it was the Battle of Yorktown. Monmouth. 1789.

Oh, the Battle of Monmouth. Who shit in the bed? Someone shit in the bed? Yeah. Shit in the bed of the Battle of Monmouth. Do you like Hamilton? Never watched. Oh, don't watch it.

Don't. It's rubbish. It's good if you want to have random American history knowledge, though. Oh, yeah. Battle of Monmouth. don't it's rubbish it's good if you want to have random American history knowledge though oh yeah Battle of Monmouth that I have done absolutely zero reading about

and couldn't tell you what fucking that was involved apart from General Charles Lee the Battle of Monmouth Charles Lee was a shithouse wasn't he

Charles Lee was an absolute pussy he was ballroom dancing that's why he got shot he wasn't wearing the appropriate gear for war. The battle of Monmouth. Waka-waka-wa. Waka-waka-wa.

Hamilton can suck my fucking balls. Same. My balls are next to yours. That must have been 1770 something. Six. 17. My balls are next to yours. 1799.

Let me get it out. 17. They're obsessed with Hamilton, Gabby. I'm not obsessed with Hamilton I'm not obsessed with it you know every word to every song I love Adam's brand of like Hamilton and Taylor Swift and going on jogs is my favourite thing I haven't been to a jog

two of the three because Taylor Swift has happened the fucking what was it what did you do? The didn't do. Half marathon. I did do the half marathon. You didn't do the marathon.

No, I didn't, no. No one's claiming that. No? Okay, good. It's good that you're not touching about it. Everyone's fighting. I got shot. How have you remembered?

Hang on. I'll tell you when it was. It was the Battle of 17... I got shot at the Battle of Monmouth. Confabulating memories I'm a cyclist now oh he's got a bike

he's got a bike I like how you did that very Shakespearean I'm a rally driver got a car oh I cycle a lot I'm a cyclist now

yeah 60 kilometres across two days do you have a peloton no I've got a bike oh you do it outdoors yeah old school

traditionalist oh shit you could do it inside now we've been to the moon the science is there huh yeah on a bike you can bike right inside

that's how they power the spaceship but you can't get to work inside that's the problem what we're going on a charity bike ride around India in November so he's practicing for that oh really

to raise money for kids in West Abbey there's kids by ours who are sick so that. Oh really? To raise money for kids in West Abbey. There's kids by ours who are sick so we're going to India to raise money for them. Oh nice. That's nice of you girl. They've specifically asked for it.

That's nice. Yeah. It's going to be class. That's great. Can I come? What can I just get a hotel room put a Peloton in it and FaceTime you?

You can't like I've gone to Australia on Sunday for a bit, and I'm not going to have a bike out there, so I'm going to have to do, like, the Peloton stuff while I'm out there. But it's just not as good training, you know? You need to be on a trail. Yeah.

What's your thing? If you had to do something for charity, what would be your, like, I don't really want to cycle around India, but, you know, it's for a good cause. What would be your weapon of choice if you had to raise money for charity? Probably making out. Really?

Yeah. A kissing booth with Gabby Bryan. Yeah. A ten and a go. A kissing booth for charity. Yeah. Gang bang all at once. No, I never said gang bang.

What do you mean? Oh, you mean one person for ages? Yeah. I thought you meant loads of people. My dirty, pervy head was like, wow, this sounds class. I would do a kissing booth. How much a kiss? Do you have a menu?

Oh, yeah, like with or without tongue. Do you have a menu like to kiss? Do you have a menu that features which kind of kiss I could get? Yeah, because you can get like peck, you know, tongues, cheek. Cheek? Yeah. Oh. See, my brain went to ass.

That's a hell of a menu. How much is that? Got a peck on the cheek, got a kiss on the lips, tonguey one, and a rim job. For orphans. How much is that? Ten grand to kiss my arsehole. Open five dollar increments.

Five if you ask. Yeah, 5, 10, 15. I would do nice Catholic make-outs. Catholic make-outs. No hands. No fingers. No fingers. No hands. Like Liam Gallagher.

Like that. Make-outs for charity. First base only. First base only. No tit even. Do you snog a lot? Are you still in the snogging game? No, but I just love,

I'm still in the snogging game. I just love a makeout. I think there's nothing more beautiful than like a makeout. Oh, yeah. A Catholic sleepover. You know? Form a huge...

Are you a big kisser, yeah? This is getting weird. I mean, I'd probably just run for charity, okay? Are you a snog... kissier. This is getting weird. I'd probably just run for charity, okay? Are you a snogger? You're a snogger. I've seen the video evidence. Wow! Do you have a snog tape?

Because if I'm ever out, when I've been out and about, I was kissing a girl at a bar. With no hands? With no hands because I was hammered. And Jack filmed you can't do anything like this. No one's got a camera in his hand. It was a mad kiss. Oh, it was a lot.

Do we have it? Can I see it? No, you can't. Let me see it. No, no, no. It's so bad. Drop it in. It's going to give me PTSD.

No hands? I've spent fucking months getting this out of here. Yeah. She was at least 28. It was her first kiss. She'd never done it before. Like Miss Pac-Man? Say maybe!

Oh, it was hard to watch. I showed my wife and she missed a meal. I need to see it. I need to see that. We'll show you in the break. We'll show you in the break. You think you do.

You don't. We'll show you in the break. We'll show you in the break. You think you do. You don't. We'll show you in the break. Carl, are you still having just snogs without like... Didn't you get married? Next year. Nice. Two weddings. Two?

Two different women? For now. For now. Why? One in Italy, one in England. Who are you, Princess Diana? Why are you having two... Did she ever...

I don't know, I just. No, one for people I would love away in Italy. And then everyone else. All the cunts that live near me. No jokes were said. I'm still a kisser, yeah. But do you ever just have a good old, because if I'm snogging, I'm about to go to pound town.

That's how, and that's not how I describe it to my wife. We only, we only like snog. That's where your intimacy has gone away. No, we do a bit of intimacy,

but I'm talking, we have nice kisses, a little bit of a smooch sometimes. They're never getting past like the fucking 20 second mark. Like, are you having a snog that is just for a snog sake?

You're not just snogging on the couch and then putting the weakest link on. Do you know what? Who does that? What freak does that? Leave me now. Do you sit on the couch and just make out? Yeah.

That's the best thing ever. I do it for charity. Have you had sex before? No. There's nothing better than like a long make out. That leads nowhere. Listen, I'm not getting married, so it depends. That's what I mean, though. If it leads somewhere, obviously, but I'm just

going, that was good. You know what? Better leave it there. You should kiss and not have sex because that's how you keep the intimacy. You shouldn't always need sex. But I wouldn't just sit there and have snogging for half an hour. So what would normally come next then? If you're not

having sex? What do you mean? You've just said you'll kiss and not have sex, but you won't just kiss? No, I mean, but we won't have big sessions of kissing and not have sex. We'll kiss and we'll be intimate and touch each other, but we won't just sit and snog. That's weird.

I don't think it's weird. How long for? He has been with her for like 17 years. 14 years we've been together. There's still romance. If you've just started seeing someone, you have like a night in. You have being together. There's still romance. Like if you've just started seeing someone, you have like a night in.

You have a little, like a little snog on the couch. How long for? What? An hour? In your 30s? A fucking snog? What are you talking about?

You'd get bored of kissing. Come on. I'm on Adam's team. Are you snogging on his phone? No, when you're a teenager and you can't go any further, I mean, you could clock two hours, couldn't you? Did you ever dry hump? Did I dry hump?

Oh, yeah. Did you? I was an absolute humper, mate. Of course. A humper? Yeah, when you get like, you can't have sex, and you're there and you're like on some fucking girl's couch. That would be a lot of women.

Here we go. Can you verify this, please, Danny? Speak for them, Adam. Go. and you're there and you're like on on some fucking girl a lot of women go apparently a lot of women when they're discovering themselves sexually like as they're going through sort of puberty throw pillow they're like fuck anything like through their undies they're like shag the couch and they'll They'll just fucking rub it. Is that true? Yeah. I didn't do it personally, but I hear a lot of stories about throw pillows and sides of couch. Yeah, like women love fucking the arm of the couch. He's out of brick.

It's Laura. It's girl. Honestly, mentally checking the arms of my couch in my head to be like, why are they worn down? Worn down? Oh, this is right. Sandpaper pussy. You need sand on the couch.

With your biff. Biff, by the way, is an actual term for the ladies. I don't believe you. Can someone else tell me? A hundred percent biff. I mean, yeah, yeah. No woman has ever been like,

hey, kiss my biff. And if they were, they're probably from Yorkshire. Biff is vagina. Biff is vagina. Remember when I asked if rats... You know, like in America

there was 50 shades of grey. We had Biff, Chip and Kipper. There's no way. Yeah. Key stage two and one. And there was a dog. Was the dog Kipper? Yeah, it was about BDSM.

I think. You can get that off, by the way. Say that again? Biff, Chip dog Kipper? Yeah, it was about BDSM. I think. You can get that off, by the way. Say that again? Biff, Chip and Kipper. What's Chip? Chip was the dick and the Kipper was the ass. That's true. Don't.

It's on Google. Let me see. Because I'm going to tell 500 people. You need to stop telling their stories. America, guess what? Biff, Chip and Gipper. I've been to the old country. Kipper's in Atlanta as well.

Biff, Chip and Gipper. Gipper? Gipper? Kipper? Is that, come on. Don't put your kipper on your arse. Oh. Go on.

This is true. Key stage one and two is little school. I missed it. I got into it in my 20s. Oh, it's Biff, Kipper and Chip. No, it's not. Biff, Chip and Kipper. Is it on?

Oh! It's Bobby Mayer, the comedy on the stairs. What is that? Don't ask. It's just... That's more embarrassing than having porn coming out.

It is real Biff, Chip and Kipper We learned it in school That's how we learned About the ladies And men's organs No Yes In school

Like sex ed We used Biff, Chip and Kipper How old were you When you had sex ed What's your sex ed look like Biff, Chip and Kipper readings Okay And then putting Johnnies on like bananas Condoms How old were you when you had sex ed? What's your sex ed look like? Best chip and kipper readings. Okay.

And then putting Johnnies on like bananas. Condoms. There was one, Johnnies. Love that. There was one sex ed class where I had to staple a bunch of female condoms to a poster board and I left school covered in lube. Are you alright? Do females still use condoms? Because I always think that's weird.

I've never known anyone to use it. You have to kind of like... You have to prep, don't you? Get ready. A female condom? You have to... Yeah. A female condom is just like putting a Tesco bag up a pussy.

Bag for life. Yeah. There's a Ziploc element. Oh, God. Yeah. It's not sexy, though, is it? No. It's definitely easier to just put it on the man.

Yeah. Yeah. And they reckon, they reckon they reckon allegedly that it would be a lot easier and safer for men to take a pill like they've had it for years but that like big pharma think it's better to like have women on the pill than men are you guys if you had to take a birth control would you take take it? Would it change me hormones? Yeah. Does it do the exact same thing? Would it change me hormones?

What? Does it do the exact same thing the woman's one does? Stop you from getting pregnant? No, I mean like the side effects. Put weight on, don't you, on the pill? Yeah, you'd get bloated. Would you risk it if you got bloated? I 100% take it to not have any more kids. many kids do you have 17 i've been shagging

i've been shagging i've been seeing bear biffs mate i've got two but that's it if there was only one option to not have more kids my two options would be no it would be even if it made you a bigger rational moody fella yeah more of one And your tits grew, but your tits grew. This is all happening anyway. This has been happening gradually since I started this podcast. I'm getting moodier and my tits are bigger. I think I might be pregnant. The pill isn't good though, is it?

No, it's bad for you. Yeah, it's really bad for you. I don't take it. Yeah. But I only make up. Like it messes your body. Like it messes all the chemicals in your body up. Oh, just pull out. What's the fucking problem? A woman can't pull out, can she? Pull off? Yeah. Pull off. Yeah it messes your body. Like it messes all the chemicals in your body up. Just pull out.

What's the fucking problem? A woman can't pull out, can she? Pull off. Yeah, pull off. Yeah, of course you can. Pull off. If both of you are trying to pull out and pull off. It's not hard.

How about the Billy Connolly we've seen now? I saw that and I was like, oh, it's so funny. But in the moment, I've never been like, oh, I'm just having so much fun. I couldn't possibly. Yeah? It's so much better to leave much fun. I couldn't possibly. Yeah? It's so much better to leave it in. I didn't say it wasn't better.

But I'm not so in the moment like, oh God, I'm fucking. You can just pull out. She'll pull out then. Just jeers on a thigh. Just jeers on a thigh. What about pre-cum? Oh, that's such a myth.

It's not. It's like you walking into my house and you can smell me making your favorite dinner and you sit into my house and you can smell me making like your favorite dinner and you sit down and just as you're about to be giving your favorite dinner, I just throw a fucking- On your thigh. Turkey twizzle at you.

That is his favorite meal. I'm happy. There you go. More fool you. Bet the pill is evil, isn't it? It's naughty. If you could smell your favourite dinner getting cooked out and then I threw a fucking salmon at you,

you'd be like, this is shit. And that's what pulling out is. It's not. Getting in with a salmon when you're expecting a lamb roast. That is pulling out. Some people don't have, you know, such great control. No. And pre-cum as well.

It exists. Just as potent sometimes. It's real. It's not a ghost. It's real. It's not just as potent. That's not true. It's cum, isn't it? No, but it's not just as potent. That's not true. It's cum, isn't it?

No, but it's not just as potent. Why is it actually the same place? It's got four billion sperm in, and then just two fucking eager beavers are in the pre-cum. It's not the same. But if they're overachievers. Yeah. You've got the Usain Bolt of cum.

They really want it? Yeah. In your pre-cum? Good question. What if I had the Usain Bolt of cum in my pre-cum? My kids could have been athletes. Just wasted on a thigh. Why did you add an extra syllable to that?

Athlete. Athletes. Athletes. Athletes. Catholic athletes. Catholic athletes. Catholic athletes. Never been said. Never been said.

Never been said before. Not in this city or anywhere else. Cathla Cathlaiths chechen. I'm so mam I was on boat. Cathla Cathlaiths chechen. I'm really good for you. You alright? Is it hot? We'll teach you some more Scouse as well in a bit. Yeah, yeah. I want more.

I told her mate when we were in Nashville, I'm on my ass. She was like, what would you say in Liverpool if you've got no money? I was like, can you say I'm on my ass? Got no money. And then about four hours later, we left Losers Bar and there was a hot dog stand.

And I got a hot dog and the fella went to her, mate, do you want one as well, love? And she went, nah, I can't, it's on my ass. You've fallen? Class. Shall we have a little break? Break it up. you've fallen class wonderful shall we have a little break break it up lads do us a favour yeah

you love us don't you you love this podcast that's why you're listening to it and especially if you're watching on YouTube helps us immeasurably if you go and leave a comment like subscribe

and turn the bell on it sends us through the roof with the algorithm it costs you absolutely nothing apart from half a second of your life and helps us no end. And you can follow us on socials, can't you, Dan? Do we? Yeah.

I have a word pod. I nearly said my handle then. I have a word pod. Just give us a follow and comment and don't just like something. Retweet it, share it, put it on your stories. Just be sound. Just nothing to be nice.

Be a good egg. Wa-ba! Woo! Ba-ba-ba-ba! Share it. Put it on your stories. Just be sound. Just nothing to be nice. Eat a good egg. Whoppa! Woo! Whoppa. Gabby's. Have you ever seen an elephant get sexually abused, Gabby? I've seen... Okay.

I've only done cocaine three times. Class. Same. Thank you. One this week. That means this week. Do you love cocaine? used to now i'm not allowed to do it anymore really yeah because i really love it don't want to ruin your family

yeah it's all that in it oh yeah because i'll die well the rest of us am i right no i've done cocaine three times once was off the back of a toilet in miami the good you know the way god intended to do cocaine another time i smoked crack on accident on accident yes did you know, the way God intended to do cocaine. Another time I smoked crack on accident. On accident? Yes. Did you know if you smoke cocaine, that's crack? Yeah. I didn't.

I got fully naked and I was wearing a fedora. Yeah. That's what crack did to me. Has anyone ever smoked crack in here? So you smoked crack and then you got naked or you were naked and then you were like, fancy some crack? No, I smoked crack and then I said, fancy some naked. Okay.

Have you ever done something similar to that without the crack though? Got naked? Only for my kissing booth. Whose was the hat? I was wearing a mini dress and a fedora and then I smoked cocaine, crack. And then something in my body said, get naked. Leave the hat on. Leave the hat.

Was it Tom Jones? Was it Tom Jones? I was like, hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. And then the third time I did crack was on safari in Africa. Okay. Can we just pedal back just a sec? Yeah.

So is... What? I think you'll know the answer. It's just insane. Crack cocaine. I don't know much about crack, man. I keep my clothes on. Yeah, but what I mean is,

is it the exact same stuff or is it like ribeye and like saline? Well, I think you could smoke crack with a spoon sometimes, right? Isn't there a crack spoon element? That's heroin. Isn't that heroin? No, that's injecting it

oh yeah and you you inhale it there's a spoon there's like tinfoil yeah i did it in a joint i smoked a joint i said this is weird and they said there's cocaine in that and i said oh so crack yeah tits tits tits hat hat yeah it's uh it's made by cooking cocaine with bacon soda then breaking it into small pieces facts how the fuck did you get crack how did you get cocaine in kenya okay you were in kenya no i was in uh tanzania this is the elephant one uh i smoked crack in romania right how many times you smoke crack once all right okay but How many times did you smoke crack? Once. Oh, right. Okay. But cocaine three times, including crack.

Okay. I was in a park with a bunch of Serbians, and I was smoking crack with them in Romania. Right. Earlier that day, I was chased by a gypsy with a knife. Okay. But that's not the story I want to tell. Okay. The story- You do understand we might enjoy that story.

Yeah. Why was the gypsy chasing you with the knife he was upset with i don't know i don't speak romani romani not romanian romani romani i think that's what the gypsies speak okay oh romany romany romany they're romany gypsies that's not the. Considering we were all speaking English, this has been difficult in places. Jesus fucking Christ. It's Romani. It's Romani? Okay, I go to Africa. Yeah.

I go to Africa to teach children English. This is a very white American girl thing to do. Okay? You go live on a commune. I've called it with Japanese children. What? I've called it with Japanese children. Really?

You and me, baby. Basic bitches. Go to Africa I haggle in town for a local guy to take us on safari now you go like when you like go on an organized safari you have to you know pay thousands of dollars it's you have to sign all this shit I found a guy in town who had a car and he took us into safari so hang on yeah it's not a safari it's just a bloke called jeff with a car yes who gave you a lift to the wildlife he gave me a ride through the safari right jeff feels like an ambitious name i can't imagine his name was jeff no what we go for but let's go with that i get in his car with my friend. He immediately hands me a joint and like a vodka bottle. We're drunk driving through safari.

He hands me the aux cord. I put on Lil Wayne. Oh, what did you go for? I want to lick you like a lollipop. That one. I want to muggy your cunt. I want to muggy your cuntunt i'll accept the apology later on yeah i don't want to apologize right now but i'll get to it okay so we're driving through

the safari there's you know we're in the lion area there's whatever there's jeeps with families we're blasting lil wayne drunk high we get to the elephant area. There's no elephants anywhere. Everyone's worried. Where are the elephants? This is where they live. There's we're in the front of this long line of Jeeps. And there's all you know, like kids watching whatever. And from the brush, we hear like elephant screams. And out of the brush comes one elephant and it's charging our jeep but we don't do anything because we're drunk and high so everyone just stares at it like this and it crosses right in front of the jeep and then we realize it's being chased by another elephant and the other elephant comes from the brush catches up to the first one mounts it fucks it fucks it loud and i don't know what animal rape

looks like but it felt like that could have been role play though it's true it could have been like i'm an elephant you're an elephant let's fuck like elephants that's lazy role play for elephants you're a bad little elephant i've got an idea i'm a man you're a woman let's fuck like we should was she smiling i don't think so no um and then we all watch the elephants have sex while our jeep is blasting i want to let you like a lollipop. Loud. Everyone's taking pictures. And then one hobbles away and the other one hobbles away. And then everyone drives off.

And the safari guy looked at me and he said, wow, I've actually never seen that before. That's lovely. Yeah. Yeah. Rock up a line, Jeff. You saw nature at its rawest there? It was pure nature.

Oh, and then that night i did cocaine oh and the cocaine in africa is like these little sticks where you it's raw cocaine and you chew on the sticks and the whole time i was like are you tricking me because i'm a dumb little white bitch and i'm just gonna chew on a stick and uh no it was cocaine do you enjoy it yeah it was awesome why didn't you enjoy it? Yeah, it was awesome. Why didn't you do it again then? The stick cocaine? No, why didn't you do cocaine again if it was so good? Well, because it felt like I did the Holy Trinity,

which was stick cocaine, raw cocaine, crack, and then off the back of a toilet. It feels like my journey with cocaine has ended. You've done it all. Yeah. David Beckham, he's won every league. Yeah. If she ever sees an elephant get bummed,

she'll get her bag in. Yeah. And that's a great way to live your life, isn't it? Just a zoo. Get her bag in. Wonderful. Is that what's going on in room 102? Why don't we start?

Oh, yeah, can you apologise now, please? I want to formally apologise to Carl because he never said Maggie McCann. Who did? I said it thank you because i didn't understand your wacky little accent and i thought you said moggy mccann as a backhand of the apology i love you thank you and i appreciate you and i respect you okay i'll take it what did you say originally he said moggy mccann because that that was funny to us. Because that rhymes with Maddie McCann, which is the little baby that went missing. Went missing and went back at the top.

And then you misheard it and was like, did you say Moggy McCann? And me and Carl have played this game for a very long time where you've misheard something, you're going to sound stupid, you've come up with it yourself. Yes, that is what he said. And let's build the lie.

Yeah. So I'm sorry. You're very welcome for the lie, whatever're lying to women as a sport for me and carl lying to women yeah we're very good at it not the ones they love no not for like game not like sex or not i know a guy who used to go up to girls in bars and say, if you could spell necessary, I'll fuck you. I'd be getting no pussy. It's one coffee, two sugars, isn't it? What?

One C, two S's. I'd be fucking him all night, mate. Easy word. Hit him in the car, son. I like that. There's game in that. That makes the woman think she's got to win your approval. Make it easy then.

Spell dog. I'll be fucking him all night. I'm a bit of a slag. You can spell dog. Should we do some room 102s? Yes. Yeah, sure. Gabby, have you got anything that you would like to fire into the sun

till the end of time? The first one is pound coins. Why? Because why do I have to go buy a coffee, like a little tiny titty Tim like this, with a bunch of coins, and then I have to look like an idiot and they pick the coins out of my hand like a...

I don't think you know how to pay for things. Use your card. I've never done that. But what do I do with all the coins? Please, can a latte from i haven't used the coin in 10 years from i don't know the cash when you use cash they give you back coins you've been to edinburgh and you've got loads of coins in your bucket i have a bucket outside my show and people put coins in it and you get part you get dollar notes yeah you don't have dollar coins. No. We don't have these thick doubloons that you guys... Wait till you see a two pound coin. There's two pounds coin?

There's a two pound coin. It's big. It's a weighty fella. A few years ago for one of the Queen's jubblies, they did a five pound coin. Do you remember that? They've been doing it for ages. They've been doing like those commemorative coins.

They disappear quickly then because people collect them and go, worth more than a fiver in a few years, that. But I haven't used coins in a decade. What do you do with the coins, then? I don't get them. I use my card. But what about cash?

Who gives me cash? I'm not a prostitute. Who would give me cash? Unless you can spell words, and then he is a real dirty... That didn't sound like you were calling Gabby a prostitute, by the way. You've been putting him in your bucket. Just because I'm a hooker doesn't mean that you're better than me. I don't use cash. Ever.

Ever. If someone, say I bought Adam something for £100 and he gave me £100 cash, I've bought something for Adam and this money means nothing. Because I'm just going to buy shop on and petrol with it. Whenever I get paid in cash for anything now, if I do a gig and they go,

here's cash or whatever, I just keep that cash until I'm going on holiday and I get it changed into American land money. Cash is worthless. But then do you bring a pile of coins? No. The coins just stay in a bag in my cupboard. They're very anti-cash

I've got a bag full of coins in me cupboard if you want Kenyan stick cocaine you need some cash yeah you need pound coins for that they get rid of the one and two pence coin they're useless oh my god utter fucking waste of time

but then people say what about charities and homeless people right just give them five pence yeah but then what do you do to your homeless people throw fucking coins at them they're covered in bruises yeah i mean you just don't pass to me you don't know yeah you don't have to go up and be like please sir take my change you just go yeah he says a couple of i hold my hands out and they pick out what they want yeah anything anything you know when you buy a coffee and you've got the coins yeah and it says like three pound forty yeah what you should do is just get like four of your pound coins and hand them

to the woman you're not supposed to go and she can keep or he can keep the change that was nice that you said a barista could be a man mate i honestly think coppers thank god get them in fucking get them gone because they cost more to. I've been saying this for years. Get the pig scum gone. You keep saying no. And the police force. As well, as well. I don't know.

I don't know how I'm going to vote on this. I hate coins. I am so with you on that. You want all coins gone? Yeah, I just don't get them anymore. But we're heading towards a cashless society. Why is everyone scared of that? I get it if I say people are losing out.

Because then you've got to pay tax on everything. Not that I don't. Obviously, I'm a law-abiding tax collector. Here's why it matters. Doesn't it weaken every transaction? What? Doesn't it weaken the money every transaction? Every single transaction

the money goes down. Yeah. Do we still have gold or is that done? This is something that I would ask a man on a first date. The Bank of England's gold

still, isn't it? The Bank of England's gold. The American's not, is it? I think we're out of gold. Do you guys have crypto? Yeah. Yeah. It's global.

It has to be to have any sort of value. We got Scouse crypto. Did you invest? What's that? It's local. You can get it in bootle you invest? What's that? It's local. You can get it in bootle from a guy with a laptop. It's great.

Why? Have you done a lot of investing? No, I didn't do it. All right. Okay. No, girls don't have crypto. That's not legit. You didn't buy an NFT, did you?

What? You didn't buy an NFT. No, no, no, no. You guys have crypto. We have astrology. And that's why we're different. But it's really all in the sky. When were you born, Gabby?

What? When were you born? Why? You want to do my chart? I want to guess. Do you believe in astrology? No, I only know three of them. Right.

March 10th. Pisces? Nice. What's that mean? It means you're born in the start of March. What? It means you're born at the start of March. Uh-huh.

Yeah. And you like nice things. Like fish. Yeah. You don't like confrontation no nope there you go that's it yep that's all i know can we put star signs in what can we put star signs in room one or two now i like them me no they're fun it's like magic i'm pisces too by the way you are yeah that's why we fight yeah it's because we're too similar yeah this is classic why do we get on so well then what are you pisces really we've gotten really well that's because he's a bitch and i like you better no i love you thank you adam's a capricorn aren't you yeah i don't know that i'm such

a stereotypical capricorn oh my god so caporn. You've got opinions and you stand by them. Is that next girlfriend? Yeah. I'm on the cusp. You're on the cusp? Yeah. Of what? Bisexual.

Virgo and Libra. I don't know those ones. Me either. Yeah. The cool ones at the start of the year. Oh, I think when you go on a date with a girl, you have a girl explain astrology. They love it when you say you're on the cusp and they're into it.

They're like, okay, let's decide which one you are. And then you go on a date with a guy and he tells you, you know, what a doja coin is. Oh, crypto. Yeah. And you go, okay, so anyone can make a coin. Is that what we want? I'm going to have to read up on this shit, you know.

Start telling everyone, hey, you know, doge coin. Coming to the moon, isn't it? Son of a bit. Do you want to come to that? No, get your pussy out. I'm on the cusp. I'm getting some biff. I'm voting against getting rid of pound coins.

I think I don't mind a bit of cash. I vote for. I'm against. I like money. Deciding vote. For the arcades. Yeah, exactly. For the arcades?

You're going to an arcade? No, but if i ever do go to an arcade i want to have to do the 2p machine do not go to i want to be able to play for pay for rage racing in one time i want to no i do want to go to an if you ever want to get pussy again do not go to an arcade no you can win a big teddy bear no women love arcades's... You don't want to see them... British women love arcades. I hate arcades, me. Especially the classy ones. You meet a girl in Knightsbridge. If you take a girl to Blackpool for a night out,

get her some candy floss. She is getting her moggy... How old is she? I'm just getting her moggy. A woman. A woman for sex? Is she seven? For sex?

Yeah, stop taking children for fun. Here's some two queens love playing the games and getting teddies and that. You get them some candy floss you get them some fish and chips you get it home you put it in an ass

what year is it what year is this 2024 take her on the fucking walter time closed yeah they love it um

when was the last time you took Laura on the walters last night she'd fuck you more you know if you took her black belt

or Alton Towers yeah she keeps saying it take me to Thorpe Park Thorpe Park Thorpe Park it's a roller coasters and that

it's a theme park are you saying Thot Thorpe Thorpe Park that'd be fun Thot Park Thot Park yeah

doesn't that sound for that hoe over there huh Thot sounds for that hoe over there yeah yeah class Thought. Sounds for that hoe over there. Yeah. Yeah. Class.

That'd be a good park. It would, yeah. She's always far away. Hoes over there. Have you got any more, Gabby? Let's see what I wrote down. Yeah. Men's sandals.

I don't want to see your feet. I'll vote with you right now. Get them gone. The sliders exist. I like a bear. Sandals are done. I like a Birkenstocks. No. You like a what? You don't. Come on, you right now. Get him gone. The sliders exist. I like a Birch. Sandals are done. I like a Birkenstocks. No, you don't.

Come on, you don't. No, Birkenstocks are making a come through, aren't they? It's not a comeback because they've never been in. But then, as a man, you wear a sock and you slide that

into the Birkenstocks. I wear socks at Birkenstocks but I get judged for it. Yeah, and you should. Should I? No. Thank you. I don't want to see your toes.

You guys don't take care of your toes. I don't want to see them. I take care of my toes. No, you don't. No, you don't. That see your toes. You guys don't take care of your toes. I don't want to see them. I take care of my toes. Okay. That's the biggest lie. That's got to be your biggest lie. What do you do to your toes?

What are you doing to them? I clip my nails and I get them all filed. That's because you're a Swifty. When? When was the last time? Be honest with me. No, come on. Don't do.

I saw your eyes go. You went to imagination land. Well, I don't like losing this one, so I'm going to die on this hill. They're probably due to be done now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on, hang on. 1998.

Yeah, you're due. Your MOT's due. MOT. What? Shoot me in the face. I wear socks with Birks, but people go, what are you doing? Karl, that's the worst you look.

You wore them in 10 minutes. Karl, you're a stylish man. Honestly, your style, your clothes, you look good. That is some of the worst looks you knock out. He likes it. Kiss. What about Crocs? Crocs? I'm big Croc head.

Good. Right, that's good. We know, yeah. Kenya. But they've had a good few years, haven't they? Because for a few years, it was like, oh, wouldn't be seen dead in them. And our friends wearing them as gloves and everything.

Fucking big now. It's gloves. It's people trying to be ironic. Again, I can wear Crocs. I'm a Croc ambassador. That's what Birkenstocks was. Oh, I just like them. Be careful if you've got kids and you go to the ironic. Again, I can wear Crocs. I'm a Croc ambassador. That's what Birkenstocks was? Oh, I just like them, me. Be careful if you've got kids

and you go to the Crocs store. There's an outlet called Cheshire Oaks near where I live. And there's all like designers. The Crocs store is opened. And on kids Crocs, you can put the charms. Yeah, they're called gibbets.

The gibbets. The gib... I thought it was giblets. Gibbets. Gibbets. I thought they were a pound of pop. No. They are not.

Oh, you can get jargons from China. I did 39 quid in gibbets. Get the jargon. Fuck you now. The gibbets are crazy. The gibbets are crazy. Can I throw this one in there? Take them on me.

Grown men who have gibbets on their crocs get in the fucking bin. You've got gibbets on your crocs? I know fucking bin. You've got gibbets on your crocs? I know you have. I've seen them. What are they? Yeah, but he's not a grown man. I also don't.

He's a baby. I also don't wear them out of the house. They're house crocs. They're just for you? Luke Combs has released some gibbets. I've got a little Amsterdam one. A little Amsterdam one and a little guitar. Oh.

How old are you? 25. My little baby boy. He was born in 1999. Eight. Eight. Yeah. Oh, that's just,

I'll accept that. Once it gets into 2000, I'm like, get the fuck away from me. Harry. When were you born, Harry? What,

what date? September 2nd. 2001. Wow, just missed it. Nine days. Just missed it. It's your fault, probably. Yeah.

He was one year and nine days old. Yeah. Yeah, but in the start. He was one year 2000. I thought you said 2001. No, I did. Yeah, but you're probably just about talking by then. He may be talking into it.

Oh. Standing up, were you? Then falling down. There's an ISIS training camp near Wigan. It wasn't ISIS, actually. This is pre-ISIS. It was Al-Qaeda. Al-Qaeda.

And they actually don't even get on. People get them confused. Put them in room 101, by the way. ISIS? Yeah. Yeah. No. ISIS.

They're characters. I just want it to be contrarian. So Sam holds with no socks, you mean? With no socks. Okay. Men's feet in display, on display in public. I've got such nice feet. It feels like you don't, Adam.

You've got bad talons, mate. What do you mean? Talons. They're like... Oh, no, my feet do fuck off. Oh. They are having a disagreement and they have been for a long time.

It's like you were near a campfire when you were young and they just started, like, trying to... Yeah, it is, but, like, they do. Okay. But I look after them because of that. Men don't need pretty feet, though. We're busy walking around doing stuff, aren't we? Yeah, you guys are too busy.

Yeah, you can sit there painting your toes. We're not making money and chopping wood. That's what we're doing. Let's see. Getting that coin. Like Jermaine Jenis. Take a sock off and let's see. No, don't do that.

Oh, please don't. Look at the V. I got a V in the middle. Can you see that? It's kind of nice. It's like when a Japanese girl goes like this. Kawaii. That's what he does when he goes on lights out yeah people look at my feet sometimes

you're a japanese teenage girl are you saying i love you in japanese slang uh i i vote for no socks but with socks i like you i'm i'm i'm going with you on this one get him gone i think i'm a couple of uh moon cycles away from getting myself a pair of Birkenstocks, so I'm refusing to do this. I think sliders are better. No. Get some sliders. You can't walk around outside on all the air,

but sliders in the outside. You can't go to the Asda in sliders. You cannot go to town in Birkenstocks with socks on. I could. No, Jack does. What are we talking about? Jack almost exclusively makes... Jack can do whatever the fuck he wants to do.

He's on a different fucking frequency from normal people. you can't walk in here with sliders on we've podded in sliders a thousand percent i remember doing it yeah you walked you've we've podded in sliders i would walk like from the car park to be in Sliders. Not in fucking January. Mad. Sorry. Say January again. January. Uh-uh. January. That's not what you said.

January. January. Mm. Can I throw one of- That's the worst one. One of room 102s that we've been sending in, Stuart Wareham says, room 102, the way Dan says cinema, lock it up and throw away the key.

But you just said it normally. You say cinema. No, cinema it up and throw away the key. You just said it normally. You say cinema. No, cinema. No, you do. You gaslight us. Say it. I used to say it. China.

And I think that was wrong. You pull that back a little bit. There's one vocal tick you have that does my head in, but I've never said anything. It's the way you say painful. Painful. You say painful. Why is that a T in it? Painful've never said anything. Go on. It's the way you say painful. Painful? You say paintful. Why is it a T in it?

Painful? No, you always go painful. No, I don't. You do. I've noticed it loads. Right, we'll have a word at dinner. All right. But you're fucking annoying me there.

Painful. Painful. It's absolutely painful. Oh, you've just done it? Yeah, you do. I do do it, yeah. Because I just did it on purpose. He's been doing my head in for months.

Painful. You said painful. Have you got any more? You haven't got that one, unfortunately. Oh, I said Sunday League, or we call it intramural sports. That's when a bunch of men who work in marketing play sports on the weekend.

Is that more of an ick, though? Maybe that's an ick. So it's like non-professional sports for adults. Just little boys running around with their little friends. Would you date one though? It's cute. It's sweet. But we get so much from it.

I know. It's like one of our things. Another example of women just not wanting men to have fun. No arcades. No goddamn sports. And no toes. Gabby! What?

Would you date a semi-professional footballer for me? Shut the fuck up. They're fine. That one's fine. It's semi-professional. It's like semi-skim. What gives you

the biggest ick sport-wise? If you met a guy and he was like, I actually, I'm on a lacrosse team, would that work? If he said it like that, yeah. Hi Gab, I actually am on a lacrosse team. Would that work? If he said it like that. Hi, Gabby.

I'm going to play lacrosse. There's something about rugby that's both hot as well as gay sex. Literally, we've had this conversation earlier. Yeah. It's when you really watch it. Do you know men who play rugby just like suck each other off in the dressing room? Full flesh? No, genuinely.

And they say it's not gay if it's rugby. That's why Adam did only two rugby tours. And I was like, no, it's too many dudes. It's like my jaw hurts at this point. Yeah, they drink each other's piss. They bum each other. They drink each other's piss? Yes.

Like they actually do. No, you're being serious. Yeah, yeah. Do you know like in fraternities, the mad stuff people do at like American universities? In the UK, rugby is just like fucking bumming all your mates yeah genuinely i'm that's not a lie some of them are long-term relationships i trust carl the most now did you see that yeah it's true it's just rugby they all just bum each other and drink piss they drink piss they will like frat stuff you like hate like drink yeah yeah new member of the rugby team the rest of the team will piss into a cup and then you'll have to down it these have never played rugby in their life they

just get i don't want to drink piss and get bummed that's why sorry you were impressed i'm doing your piss bumming is it too painful for you i miss i miss craig what a what a rugby player yeah wow how they slip through people do they really fuck each other What a rugby player. Yeah. And a lover. Rugby players are covered in piss and cum. Wow. Are they slip through people? Do they really fuck each other? No. It's like,

it's the gayest non-gay sport. As in like, it's not like just, they're all gay. Name a gay sport, Carl. A gay sport? Yeah. Gay rugby. Name a gay sport?

When you're watching it. It's the gayest non-gay sport. What's like a gay one? Golf for women. How do they do initiations, though? That is gay. Thank you. How do rugby players...

How do gay rugby players do initiation, then? They have to eat pussy. If you want to join the team, moggy me cunt. Some of them don't talk like that either. Yeah. Hey, I'm the new gay player, and I love to eat some pussy.

Some Brooklyn. That's towing a line. I don't know which line. I didn't say what race he was. You felt like you did, in a way. Good sound. What's happening? I'm all playing rugby.

I'm eating pussy. I'm a gay rugby player, motherfucker. Oh, God, I hate these pussies, but I'm going to eat it because I love team sports. Stop. I'm trying to be on NBC. Don't put me on there. Are you going to be on NBC?

Not the way you fucking want to be. Can we do some ics? We'll do some ics and see if you agree with them, Gabby. Jay, I once went back to a girl's house on a night out. She had a big poster of take that in her room. Not sure what was worse, her having to take that poster in 2024 or trying to goose a girl with Gary Barlow's eyes watching me.

Why are you making eye contact with the poster? We're going to goose a girl with gary barlow's eyes watching me why are you making eye contact with the poster we're gonna have to translate take that and i can't think no but the n-sync were cooler than take that it's like one direction it's like back again way less it's the same thing do you know robbie williams robin williams robbie yeah robin williams robin williams was in take that less cool. No, it's the same thing. Do you know Robbie Williams? Robin Williams? Robbie. Yeah, Robin Williams. Robin Williams was in Take That. Robin Williams.

Robbie Williams. Okay, okay. It's like one of our biggest bands ever. They didn't really export. Was the poster framed? I think it's still bad though, isn't it?

What's worse? If it is framed or not framed. Girls have posters in the room. They love all that shit. You have to be okay with that. Just don't make eye contact

with Garry Barlow while you're getting sucked off. Have you been to a woman's house who's had band posters in the room they love all that shit you have to be okay with that just don't make eye contact with gary barlow while you're getting sucked off you've been to a woman's house she's had band posters on the wall not just band posters boy band posters like it's not like a cool band is it no but i mean a grown woman with band posters on the wall seems a bit weird i love the jonas brothers and i love them but you wouldn't i love jo love Joe Jonas. I'm interested in seeing him in person. I've actually, I would never have a poster of him on my wall. No, because that's in my bedroom.

It's very, what about Kenwin Jones? Um, Katie says, I've got an ick. If I went back to a girl's house and she had a framed Kenwin Jones poster, I'd be like, you know,

ball. Yeah. I'd feel intimidated. Uh, Katie says says ick adults who wave at fire engines context i'm a firefighter and it's cute when kids wave and i get it when their parents wave but when driving past a beer garden and adults unironically wave it's a bad ick and serial killer behavior nobody does this no one does this. No one does this. Autistic guys. Nobody. Nobody is waving fire engines. Don't drive past autistic pubs. That'd be a loss.

There's a fire at the autistic pub. Well, they can sort it out themselves. Jake says, if you... There'd never be a fire at the autistic pub, by the way. They would have everything set and nailed. What? I would do this. Yeah, because you're all patriotic, aren't you? Are you patriotic?

I like country music. There you go. So does he. Yeah, that's as far as I... But I don't vote. Oh, do you? Right. You ever voted?

Yeah, maybe twice. It feels like a waste of my afternoon. Yeah. Also, you live in New York, and that's pretty... It's fine. Everyone's fine. Pretty blue, isn't it?

Yeah, I've left my wallet in three different voting booths, and that felt like a sign to stop. Especially because you've only voted twice. That's fair. It's like, what am I doing here? Do you love America? It's fine.

Okay, so you don't love it. I love it, but I love it here too, and I love Paris. I love a lot of things. You sound like us with the UK. It's like, nah. There's other places as well. Chloe says,

ick when lads wear Calvin Klein undies under their swimming trunks. What? I like that. I imagine on holiday. Put them in jail. I like that. We've had this before.

Something similar has been written in before. This is, do you know, outside of the Northwest of England is dead common. I like that we've had this before this is something similar that's been written in before this is do you know outside of the northwest of England is dead common people wear undies under their swimming trunks

do you do that what the fuck in America everyone does why yeah I don't know they are underway I don't have your business

I don't know why you do it we don't do that as girls just to clear up this isn't when you're going for your swim up, this isn't when you're going for your swim at the,

this is just when you're wearing them around like on holiday. Yeah? No, I think they mean when they go for a swim or whatever. Doesn't,

either way. Ah, what? They've got nets in, you don't need underwear, they are. Do you wear undies under your pants? No, it's just

unnecessarily wet underpants. Isn't it? What's the point? And they'd be sticking out your Speedos, wouldn't they? You wouldn't be able

to say, Speedos over Calvin. Briefs and then Speedos. She'll never know. Calvin's are sexy. Like Jane Fonda. Calvin's are, you just have to wear it.

I don't really wear anything else now. I've got Nike ones. I've got a few Nike ones for when I'm doing sports. Calvin's are for me. Sports? Sport.

What kind? Cycling. Lacrosse. It better Sports. Sport. What kind? Cycling. Lacrosse. It better not be Sunday. Yeah, you're a freak if you do that. That's a thing. Weird. You said you were into it.

I like it when men do this. No, you're like Calvin Klein's on men. You don't like men wearing two pairs of underwear. But we're so used to it. There's nothing better than like better than like abs and then calvin klein underwear same i agree what about what about like a big fat stomach full of guinness and then calvin klein underwear that's a little too close second you've washed it too many times uh lucy says hello lids got a nick for you when i was in my early 20s i went on a night out

uh night out with work ended up pulling a lad I work quite closely with. He asked if he could come back to mine, but I lived in a student house with seven other girls, so he said we should go back to his. What he neglected to tell me was he still lived at his family home and his parents and brother were all home. He also neglected to tell me he still shared a bunk bed with his brother.

He was 31. We still shagged and I escaped shortly after. Come on. Top bunk or bottom bunk? What would you prefer? If you're 31 and you're on the bottom bunk, that is even worse. I can't imagine having sex on a bottom bunk.

What about the top bunk? Because your head's hitting the top. What about the ceiling? Well, how? Your head's hitting the top if you're going fucking wild, but if he's just got to if you're going fucking wild, but if he's just got older... You know what I mean?

Come down here, you're going to hit the ceiling. You want them to be wealthy with nice high ceilings? At least you get a view. A shag with a view. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't let her head hit the ceiling. There's drywall coming down.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a lie. He's not having a bunk bed at 31 otherwise. And also, what man hears a woman go, I can't really go to mine. I live with seven other women my age.

She goes, you're mad. What? Not sexy. That's crazy. He could have had a fucking massive gangbang there if he played his cards right

and instead he gave this girl the ick and fucking ruined those bunk beds. Talk me through it. Talk me through how he gets a massive gangbang. He's gone out with a girl. He goes, fucking ruined those bunk beds. Talk me through it. Talk me through how he gets a massive gangbang. He's gone out with a girl. I've seen the videos.

There's seven housemates. He just knocks on and sees what happens. We're going to fucking hear if anyone wants... He asks. I'll put it on the rotor. We're going to fucking hear if anyone wants to fancy us a bit. Nice. If you took a fucking massive curry back,

you'd knock for that, wouldn't you? Maybe take a curry back, get to know everyone, and then anyway... That's what women love. Women love that. Have an onion bhaji. But I'm going to need payment in kind. Come here.

Come here. Don't break the poppadoms, you dirty bitch. Gabby, if you went back to a man's house and they had one of them beds with like a desk underneath. New York? In New York City. It's like a bunk bed with a desk. He's just working, isn't he?

He's trying to earn coin. Yeah, he's working hard. He deserves a little mug. Would you appreciate that? Or would you be like, oh God. I would call the police. I would call the police. Okay.

We've got to end because we have to end. Do you want to do one bit of advice and then we'll bail? Five minutes left. Five left you've got five we're out with five i just didn't want to do the fucking we're gonna run out of card space uh before we do this last bit then gabby tell us where uh people can find you online if you've got anything coming up that you want to plug you can find me on all social media at GabbyIsBrian. I have a podcast called La Podcast,

L apostrophe podcast. I have another podcast called Let Me Ask My Dad with my dad. He is the tambourine player for U2. I have a special out on YouTube

called Girl Town Hall and you can come see me on tour. I'm touring America in the fall and then in the spring I'll be back here. And you've won an Emmy.

And I won an Emmy. But that was for my day job. That's pretty cool still, though, isn't it? It was during COVID. I won an Emmy for my day job. Making cocktails. Best cocktail. Best cocktail.

Best mixologist. And that's it. I love you guys. Thanks for having me back. Okay. Say, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Say I love you back. We love you back. We all love you. I love you so thanks for having me back okay say whoa say I love you back we love you back

we all love you I love you so much that's why you came back thank you god she's needy right so we were gonna do another thing

but now we've definitely run out of time so oh yeah cause you're gonna have to play a fucking song as well Gabby thanks for coming

come back will you come back on in the spring please always I'll come back on until you guys hate me yeah come back will you come back on in the spring please always I'll come back on until you guys hate me yeah come on my gig's still on sale

link in the bio 26th of October Jack around the Baltic we're all there can't wait I want to come what day is it you're more than welcome

is it the 26th of October can you bring your dad to Saturday Saturday the 26th of October what what you doing what you doing I'm at an autistic pub that day.

Strap that helmet on and drink a little. Yeah. No, I... Yeah. You clearly got it, don't you? No, I'll be there. Oh. I got offered something before that I said yet to,

and then I can't. Good lad. That's nice. We'll all be there. Right, the song this week... Paul Smith is playing the arena that night, just so you know. Yeah, but he does that all the know. He does that all the time.

How often do I do the Jacaranda Bowl take? Never. That's how that works. The song this week is from my good mates, the Blue Dolphin Wranglers. It's called Wantin'. Go and listen to it. They're really cool.

They're class. That's how many tins of soup I've got in my cupboard. Good night. You're the one I wanted Take me to your heaven You're the one I'm feeling I don't want to go too soon It's coming around, see the key Mystery falls, never will

I just take my time To realize what you did to me You're the one I wanted To realize what you did to me. You're the one I wanted. Take me to your heaven. You're the one I'm feeling. I don't want to go too soon. Stop, move, give me something I don't wanna lose Ooh, you know I ain't givin' it up, givin' it up, givin' it up

Are you givin' it, givin' it up, givin' it up, givin' it up You're the one I want to Take me to your hiding room You're the one I feel I don't wanna go too soon Thank you. You're the one I wanted Take me to your hiding ground You're the one I'm feeling I don't wanna go too soon You're the one I'm wanting

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