Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #297 with Grace Campbell - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: October 6, 2024

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan Nightingale & Fiends Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comFinn's Liverpool Gig: skiddle.com/e/39298815As Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Support our cycle across India for Zoe's Place:https://cycle4zoes.enthuse.com/pf/finnlay-kulavuzGet subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's music: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Tickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Wag wag lids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have Our Word. Brought to you by Manscape, the very best product on the market for below the waist groomer. Go Ed, get on me. Ooh. Ooh, what episode is this?

297. 299. It's a fucking phenomenal cricket score. Shit, it's 399. This is, have a wad. I'm currently experimenting with different colours of trousers. Currently? I noticed it, you know. Like, I've just, you know, non-traditional jean colour.

They're totally fine. I know they are. Yeah. But like it's a step in. Like if I wear brown jeans next week and out, because if I went straight to brown jeans and came in, you'd all be like brown pants on. Blue pants on, have you, John? No, I don't think we would. I don't think anyone would notice.

I've been wearing that colour pants since I started it. Yeah, but you're a fucking realite, aren't you? A realite. And you're now seeing the light. I think the earthy colour palette is fine. As soon as I go yellow. I'm becoming, like, my fashion sense is just getting more and more. You know what I mean? You look like you could be...

You're dressing as if you're going to be invited to a Tennessee gun range at any point. Like, you're just ready to go, innit? It's a squeeze-arse jumper though, innit? I've got a fucking deer on me jumper. Do you know what? A few years ago, I'd have thought you were borderline special needs, but now I'm like, oh yeah, it's on brand. This is what I've done now. I'm telling you, a few years ago, if I'd have worn that, you'd have been like, like, what

the fuck are you doing with an elk on a jumper? And now it's like the wolf t-shirts, isn't it? No. It is not that far. I've got a wolf coat out there. From the wolf t-shirts, isn't it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no it's, it suits you and it's your look and you're nailing it. This is the thing. Like this one I said to, I think I said it's Alfie a while back. Like, like when you first wear a cowboy hat a couple of times, everyone's like, why do you got a cowboy hat on? On the 27th time, everyone's like, yeah, that's Adam. If you walked in in a cowboy hat, everyone would go, Adam's got his hat on. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I've normalized. Not the match. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I've normalized that.

Not the match. What? Not the match. No, but I did wear my cowboy hat to Anfield. No. Taylor Swift. That's cheating. Wear it.

Like, wear it to a Champions League game. Yeah, you get called a Texan in a second. Yeah, I think I'm not going to do it. Because I'm a social chameleon. I reckon you'd be fine in hospitality though. No, but it's on the way in, innit? Yeah. No, a text, it means like a gimp. He's got a bit of a text in him.

Not the actual text. So I'm gonna, like, we're going to Dublin to see Chris Stapleton. We are. I'm taking my cowboy hat. Oh, I can dress in big country as well, can't I? On Ryanair. Yeah, I'm gonna wear it on the plane,

cause I haven't got a bag for it. It's gonna be an extra 60 quid. No, you should wear it, Finn. Does that cowboy hat fit in this box? Seven grand. Sorry. So I'll have a cowboy hat on me Ryan Air flight to Dublin. Oh Saying that sure is gonna be a few country fans traveling over anyway, so I won't be the only ones How big worse is doing the stadium?

I think it's the arena Be the arena 15k 15 20 so I got three arena out what outwards capacity film. It's going to be a arena. Pull that shit up Jamie. But also on that night we've got, you know, Mr. Dan. 14 and a half thousand. Yeah. And I've only sold 12,000 for my Dan Nightingale and Fiends. Fair play Christopher Stapleton. You did it again. Big good little trip. A lot of people wearing ball caps on the Ryanair. I'm fucking Boon a weekend in Dublin with a blouse. It's only costing us £2.2 million each to go there, but you know, it'll be great.

Hotels, Travago. Yeah, not that expensive. Oh no, you're doing Friday and Saturday as well, aren't you? Friday, Saturday, Sunday, yeah. Yeah, I'm doing, I'm just doing Sunday and it was pretty reasonable. Oh yeah, we're doing. Just get me to Dublin. So what's the plan?

You're going off to see Chrissie Stabes, right? At the Stapleton Centre. And I'm doing Dan Ayk and Gail and Fiends at the Laugh-de-Lounge. And then are we meeting up for Booners? Is that the plan? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, all right, cool.

That's gonna be a belter. Yeah, nasty. Be fucking class. It'll be a lovely- Booners all weekend as well. There'll be an belter. Yeah. Nasty. Be fucking class. Be a lovely boon at all weekend as well. There'll be an autumn chill in the air as well. Dublin in the autumn mate. Argh! Grab a Houdiana jacket.

Hang on. What's Dublin in the autumn? Why is that good? Cold? I've been to Dublin in the sunshine. That's sound. No. I've never been to Dublin in the sunshine. I go, shit this is warm. I, do you know this year has cemented for me. Like, like I've been on the sort of the ah shit, this is warm. Do you know this year is cemented for me.

Like I've been on the sort of the edge of this for a few years now. I like it to be bright. I do like it to be bright, but I'm done with that weather. It's shit. You've all been fucking. By school, it's school at Hudwink as well.

Cause the happy time is, hey, summer holidays hot. It's shit. When you're allowed on the field. Oh, you're never cold thinking, do you know what I wish? I wish I was sweating. Right. You are sometimes cold and you think, oh, I wish it was warm. You can always warm up though.

I'll put a jumper on. You can't always cool down. Oh, smart. Like you can always just put another, you can't take your skin off. That's why I don't go on summer holidays. Because you can just, it's too hot in it. And I sunburn as well.

So I can't even take me, I have to have a top on in the summer and sweat through it. An elk sweatshirt, yeah. You have to, because that's fashion, isn't it? Autumn is good. It's not a wolf. Autumn, mate, it's just the, Autumn, it's bright and there's a little bit of brown leaves on the floor, and one's a little bit magical.

I'm married to an autumn truther. She fucking loves it. That's the lady, isn't it? Sometime in mid-August, there's a slightly cooler day, and she's like, oh, it's coming. Yeah? Yeah. It's coming. It's cost the rain off. And then she says, autumnal for the first time.

The best weather is bright and cold, where the sun's shining, but you can see your breath. Oh! Sovereignly cunt! I prefer summer. I'm a summer guy. Oh, shove it in me cunt. I prefer summer. I'm a summer guy. Cody Jacky. Of course you're a summer guy. Sonny. You've got that t-

I like his blood, buddy. Here's my other option. Beach, kecks, sun, relaxing, lounging. The sea's cooling down. Yeah, anyone? I like to travel to that. You literally, you literally spent a week on the beach in Tenerife under a fucking sun thing

so that you're in the shade because you don't want to be in the sun. I love sun things. Umbrella. Parasol. Parasol. Paratol. Sunbrella. Sunbrella.

Oh, I like it. But on a working day, when you work in a fucking office or you're on a bus or something, yeah, then heat is an absolute biatch. And there's nothing better in the UK than like 21 degrees with a couple of clouds in the sky, but blue skies. That's the peak of life. 21. Perfect blue skies.

Yeah, because you can still sleep at night. 14 degrees. Minus six. I tell you what, we can't handle two summers ago when it was 38 degrees Celsius. No, guys, we are just not set up for that. This country's not set up for anything. If it's too hot, too cold, too wet or too dry,

the trains stop. Has to be overcast. Do you know the rain one? Like, you know when people are like, ah, it's snowed and we're not ready for it? You're like, yeah, because it doesn't snow all the time. We've not got a massive infrastructure to sort that. Like in Sweden or whatever, I'm sure the trains don't stop for snow cause they're like, yeah, they get

it snows all the time cause they're Asian. But over here, when things are closed for flooding, you're like, surely we should have dealt with that bigger drains in it. Cause the floods in the day. Fucking hell. Yeah. The Bootle floods of 24. I see in the news. I genuinely like waste time. I didn't even know. So that's how you don't forget. We were filming, especially yesterday, I went to pick Dan up on the way. Yeah. And I had to turn around because his whole village is flooded at the bottom. Like completely. Oh, you live here. Blow my head off. Fill you. I can't go out. The village is flooded. Well, you can, you just can't go the way Finn was trying to go.

Which is the normal way that I'd go. Oh my God. Yeah, sorry, I totally did. It's all good. Yeah, clock it. The butcher's droned, no meat for a week. Oh my God. Carl's idea of small towns,

and it's not even like, you live in Chester, like it's not even that much of a small town. But Carl's like, there's a butcher and he's the only man in like a 10 mile radius who's got access to meat. And apparently he can't swim. Or navigate puddles. Small town girl living in a lonely world. You know? Listen. You okay? She's not taking the midnight train, it's flooded.

Yeah, there's no midnight train, there's nothing. No, we haven't got a train station. There's not even a taxi. Can you give me a lift to town please? No taxis are on. What's going on? You know we've got roads and cars. It's his idea.

And that isn't like in the city centre. It's CH1. Taxis come to Zorgo a 10 minute drive of it. Taxi's come to Zorgel, listen I know it. I can't come to Zorgel. And this time, at Rush Hour, it's 3.6 miles from the town centre. Have you got Uber? There is.

I've had an Uber in Chester. Have you? Not Zorgel though. Not Zorgel, it was like, it was Chester city centre. I didn't know that. Or call back in 40 minutes, Ducky. No we've got King Cabs who just run the whole gaff. They're like a mafia family. Have a taxi please, love.

What day do you want it for? Now? No, no, no, no, no. Now you're giving Brian a heart attack. He's only got two rides this week. Brian! Brian! He's still mourning the butcher. We will have a lot of listeners who live in these absolute fucking bumhole towns by the way.

And I swear to God... On the edges, Jester. Bumhole towns. Real doesn't have a structure, doesn't he? No. Oh my God. We've got coastline and leddens. What?

Coastline taxis and leddens. Leddens? Get a leddens. Cheaper than coastline. Coastline 01745 36666. Anyone who doesn't live in Liverpool to Cal has got a Lancashire or Yorkshire accent. Hello, I'm from Mill. Hello. I'm from Gowns South me. Hello, I'm from Buenos Aires. I like to live in a quiet place in the middle of the loudest place. I like to live in a quiet place in the middle of the loudest place. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where they live is quiet, but I'm very close to where everything is. It is mad how quiet your street is considering how close it is to a really loud street. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's beautiful. We've nailed it.

You pay for that. It's not, it's not a cheap place to live. The Spanish quarter of heightened. Pricy. But living like when you lived in the the city, it was quiet surely because you were so high. No, I wasn't. Oh, really? Yeah. Like most nights, like every hour you're there, like busy or I'm blank or the fire. They're gone past.

We lived in Paris. Foreign first responders. Go on past. We lived in Paris. Foreign first responders. I can't find this guy. We should never have come to Liverpool. We're Parisian. And that's the French ambience. How many like blackouts have you had?

How many what? Blackouts. What since the war? Like just recently. Oh shit. None. Isn't it mad that that used to be like a really prevalent thing? recently? Oh shit, none. Just for you. Isn't it mad that that used to be like a really prevalent thing?

Cause my granddad on my ma's side, my granddad Vinnie, he was an electrician and originally for the army, he was in the army as an electrician and then became a, like a public one when he was done. A public? Yeah. But then- Civilian? He said they used to have blackouts every four or five hours or whatever.

It was regular where it was once a month. Was that the meter running out or? No, the whole time. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Blackouts were very common, weren't they? Back in the 80s. But my granddad had a generator. So my mum said, there I was to be sound

because they had the generator. And then like the whole street had come around to theirs so that they could read the books and all that, everything was getting like, that's sick. That's cool. So that happens twice a week for us. I just thought that was the norm.

I didn't even realise that. You mean the village reading hour? That's great. Bring your candles, bring your literature. Why do you go into yours with candles? We all sit together to get through the darkness. You know? It's 1pm. I'm just... I'm scared. I'm writing letters to you know, neighbouring butchers to see if we can coax them over to Sorgill.

What the fuck are you on about? I'm just scared of small townness. I've said this. Yeah, I haven't done that. Do you think I'll change with age? Or do you think this is never, like when you're 70, you won't want that? I suppose I'm leaning into it a bit more because I'm kind of becoming rid of a community with my neighbors. And you really enjoyed yesterday?

I did enjoy yesterday, yeah, which was kind of leaning towards where you live on a bit more rural. I'm not a farmer. I live in a village that's on the outskirts of Chester. It's surrounded by farmer. I'll give you that. But that doesn't mean I own a tractor and farm. Why phones and allotment? What? You wife owns an allotment. That's just cause she's a sexy, sexy bitch. She knows what I'm into. Allotment chat. An

allotment is actually not a rural thing. An allotment is like a town thing. It's because people had terraces with no garden. So there'd be a patch of land that they all got a little bit of and they could grow vegetables and think about shit themselves. Where's your nearest car from, where else? Chester or Cheshire Oaks, you know, that massive shopping centre. Think the nearest car from where else in 2017. I don't think they survived COVID centre. Think they're near the Scalf Home warehouse in 2017.

Yeah, yeah. I don't think they survived Covid. No, they didn't. They're just not right now. Oh, it's one click away, Carl. Right, where's your nearest? By the way, Apple are up to the usual fucking tricks. Me phone's gone the blink because they've released a new one.

Yeah. Well, they've admitted it, haven't they? They're great though, aren't they? They're the best. Yeah. They've admitted what you do. So it's between your CPU or the battery, which degrades over time.

So you can choose, but they defaulted to degrade the CPU. So it's to keep you forward last and longer. They slow it down. But you can't change that in a second. I'm just going to get the new phone. Just get the new phone. It's wild.

What are we up to? iPhone 16. Oh, the 16. Can get the new phone as well. What are we up to? iPhone 16. Oh, the 16. Can't wait. 16 Pro Max. What's yours called? The Google Pixel 7. You know?

And that's a lower number. When are you doing an upgrade? Surely you've had that two years now. Yeah. iPhone? No. Never? You've just literally had a conversation about Apple

being up to the old tricks. Can Android do it as well. It stops working This is not working. It's not what I make it last longer Well, I say no my keys up to the old tricks turn in the fucking milkshake machine off So once I'm checking no good every now and then and also I love chicken nuggets. Yeah, I'll get an iPhone great. I love it when you reason with me smart So Apple literally on purpose, fuck up either the CPU or the battery and you're like, you need to get one though.

Cause it's the 16. Don't fuck it up. They slow one of them down so the other one can survive. Oh right, right, right. It's good tech, it's just everyone thought it was a secret, which it was a secret and then they told us.

That was good. So you can like, so not everyone can change. Steve Jobs went into a confession movement, told the police, then he was just a bitch and told everyone. His final words. We degrade the CPU or the battery. Is it common? Yeah, that's his dying. That was Steve Jobs died. No, I'm not. I'm going to just, I'm probably even going to just stay with this phone and get a cheap,

have a cheaper contract because I'm not paying for the phone. That's wild. We don't get wifi in Sogro, so you don't really use it outside the city do you? Wi-Fi's up blink again. Oh it's flooded into it. Do you ever think about moving into the big city Don? Which one? This one. This one. You dying for me to move to Liverpool? Yeah. I mean it'd be better. I would love if you lived here. Do you know every time I drive to Chester now for anything, because in the past like... Because it is three and a half hours isn't it for me? It might as well be.

Oh that's right. It's 38 minutes everyone. God. Listen, do you know in the past when I had like a gig at Alexander's or like I opened for Althea at Storri I was going to... Or when you lived in Chester? Yeah. But no, it's since I've been a driver and I wasn't a called when you lived in Chester. Yeah. But no, it's, it's since I've been a driver and I wasn't a driver when I lived in Chester. So I was always like,

Oh, fucking local one tonight. This class, right? So I drive to Chester to be like 40, 45 minutes, park up to the gig, whatever. When I do it now and I realized you have to do that four times a week minimum, it makes me sad and it makes me even sadder for Finn, but he's done it by choice. He's got no tatties. You've got kids and that. Your mom's not affected into this. Yeah, Poirot's not important.

It's from Sogol to work, takes me 35, 40 minutes. That's so long. That's to the car park and then you've got to walk, yeah. Takes you an hour from when you leave your doorstep to's to the car park and then you've got to walk. Yeah. It takes you an hour from when you leave your doorstep to get in the studio. Yeah. It's a bit less to be honest. So is that four hours a week of your life going down the bin?

Yeah, I just have to. It's great because mentally I prepare for this and it helps. It really helps. We'd have such a better relationship. All of us if you lived here. Right. Because you'd understand it more. We could take the kids to the park.

You dress them to get better. Thank you. Cheers. Thanks for that. Yee-haw. Yeah. I'd be able to wear camouflage. I'd just be able to carry that gun that I've always wanted. So I'd take my kids out of this school. There's loads of schools here. Yeah, there's loads of schools. So they're not asked about that.

Don't cry about your mates. You've got new mates. And Laura, and away from her a lot. Yeah, but their new mates won't be little walls, will they? That's scouse mates. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Cause Etta's always coming back going, these cunts are wolves. And I'm like, I know. I need to move you to Liverpool. Take me near Uncle Adam. You'd have more friends. Laura'd have more friends. How would I have more friends? I'm still your friends.

Not as much as you would be. Oh, right, right, right. I'd see you on a Thursday. Yeah, we'd bump into each other in the... You didn't see me on all of them? ... in the beat aisle of Tesco. That was your choice. Oh, yeah, about right.

No, but like, I'd be like, oh, you're gonna go for the pint, lad? You can't know because you live in fucking Barrow. Yeah, we have to plan a pint. We have to be like, oh, on the fourth Tuesday in September, we'll all have a pint. We could just pop in the booze. It's good that though, innit? It's good that. Yeah, but we could just pop in the booze. It's good that though, isn't it? It's good that. Yeah, but we could just pop in the booze, couldn't we?

For a few boonies. You have two, Dan? Oh, I'm just popping in the booze. Oh, me too. I have got mates in Chester though, but they're not as good as you guys. You don't speak about your mates in Chester. Antonio and Rumi and Sancho and Greg and Gregory

and Big Jeff and Slaggy Pam. And we could do double dates. They're my crew. Double dates, triple dates, quad dates. Right. Yeah. I'd have more babysitters. You literally would. I literally would. Etta and Jack could see Wally more. Yeah. Which they've been asking. And there's more things to do in Liverpool. Like they could go to Quasar. there's go kart. Brilliant. There's wifi. Uber. The boxing's nearer because it's only at the arena.

Holy shit. No combat sports in the arena, but yeah, he's not wrong. They have boxing in there. No, no combat sports. They've banned combat sports in the arena, haven't they? That's why it's when M&S took over. Didn't you go to the boxing though? No.

You've been to the boxing. It was in Manchester the boxing? No. You've been the boxing. It was in Manchester. At the arena in Liverpool. This is a deal breaker, guys. If there's no combat sports at the arena in Liverpool. You've been to the M&S Bank Arena to see the boxing. I've been to M&S Bank Combat Sports. Liam Smith fought that night.

Was that Liverpool? I thought it was Manchester. I wasn't watching. Where you were going? I wasn't watching. I just got in an Uber. I was like, take me to boxing. For references, boxing in three days at the arena. Well, there you go. Even better. They've unbanned it.

It must just be UFC or Embry. Alright. Life would be a dream for you. Yeah. Alright. Okay. Cool. I'll put it to Laura. I mean, she's pretty settled and happy. She got major anxiety last time I moved cities with her, but I think you're right. You're right. It's a place to be. He wants to come here desperately. Oh, that'd be, that'd be a big get. If you should get like he's a big guy, he's lost. He's lost the stone in the last eight years. So I'll have you know. It's a popular diet that one is it? It's hard to tell. Lose one stone in eight years. It's more consistent. I genuinely-

You just skip one meal every month. I genuinely, genuinely love if you lived here. All right, cool. Speaking of- I'll think about it. Dream lives. Hello. I read this article last night. what in the paper no on the

internet newspapers to read articles listen to this I want to know what you think about this right so was this fella this was in 2004, right? This is a true story by the way. It's in newspaper, it has to be. Or online newspaper. 20 years ago. Stop saying newspaper.

2004, right? Wild. He's at university, he's a freshman. And he meets this girl, and she's like the most popular girl at the uni. Like she's fucking, yeah. And he's like top of the class and at like in his major. So he's like sort of, he's a bit nerdy and stuff, but he's also, he's a jock. He plays football, but he's not like the quarterback. He's like a, a running

back or something. So he's like on the team and he's clever and whatnot. And he sort of takes a while to approach the scale but eventually they approach and they just fall in love. And through the whole of university, there's just like no problems. They're perfect couple. Like they're just the ideal American couple. Done, we're done, I love it.

And the story, great. That is so nice. That's lovely. And then. They move back to her hometown, like after university. They have two children really close together. So I think they're like almost Irish twins, like a year apart.

And then about three or four years later, they have another one and everything's really a deal. They have a couple of problems, but they sort of, you know, they build this massive life together. Huge house, his parents love her parents, her parents love his parents. It's just absolutely like going to the moon is the ideal marriage. Right. And then one Sunday, the kids are at their friends houses apart from the youngest one who's in bed and his Mrs. Goes, I'm going to just make you like some supper. You should just sit down and watch the football. Right. And he sits in the living room all good so far. Lovely. Wow. And he's watching the football, right? And he sits in the living room. All good so far. Lovely, yeah. What a life. Wow.

And he's watching the football on his TV. The dream, nice. And he just looks at his lamp, right? That's right. And when he looks at his lamp, his lamp is 2D. It's like not a three-dimensional thing. It looks flat, right? So he's like, what the fuck?

I usually see in 3D. He calls his Mrs. In from the kitchen, but she's gone out, she's just not there. She lied. Right? So he's like, what the fuck's going on here? And he's really confused by it. And he's like scared to touch her.

And for 24 hours, he doesn't leave his living room. He's just looking at this lamp, which is two day, right? And after 24 hours, he touches the lamp. And then a big like sort of bluster of light, like fills his eyes, complete whiteness. And then he wakes up on a football field in 2004. And he was a running back. He got hit in a college football game in America. He was knocked out for 30 seconds and lived 14 years of his life and it ruined his

mental health, ruined the next sort of decade of his life because he had to mourn a wife and three children that he'd built an entire life with in 30 seconds in his head. Wow. I've told you my acid story, haven't I? I did something similar to that. No, no, that was inedible. I did acid. I'm never doing it again. I said, I'm never doing it again. Ruined my life for six to nine months. I took it and I was in the bath and you've watched Rick and Morty, haven't you? It's Ron. Roy.

Roy. I did that. I lived a whole life. Like literally saw my future, saw my family and then died and woke up. But I must've, I don't know how long I was in the bath for, but that happened to me and it was fucking terrifying. Was the water still warm?

It was like lukewarm, it was tepid. Like half an hour an hour. Mate, why, what's horrible, I don't know. 30 seconds he was knocked out. So he just recalls all this life to these people? He lived it in his mind. A wedding day. That's some therapy. Is he sleeping in that?

Birth of a child. Birth of three children. You're mourning children aren't you? Watching them grow up. You're mourning your three kids and your wife who just don't exist. Was the woman real? No. Oh what. Imagine if he'd just gone and done it again. That'd be like Deja Vu. Yeah and the 2D lamb he's like you you're my wife she's like no I'm not. Is there a film of Blake Lively? What? Similar to that. Oh with Eric not Eric but uh Adeline. Age of Adeline. Isn't that fucking Maddler? No she just doesn't age that's the film with that. I'm thinking of in Adeline, she gets, she's in a car crash. She ends up in the water. There's a lightning strike and for whatever reason made up magical

film stuff. She doesn't age from that point on. And that's like 1930 or 1940 or something. So by the time it gets like 2015, she's still Blake Lively hot and her daughter is like 82 and she ends up, spoiler alert, she ends up falling in love with the son of someone she fell in love with in the sixties. And at every point she gets a few years down the line with a relationship and then just has to bail because they're aging and she's not. That's great by the way. It's a great film. This is, this is, uh, in Rick and Morty, there's a computer game that people play and obviously that's like interdimensional futuristic sci-fi stuff where you go in with a headset, a VR headset and you play Roy and you, you go through

his childhood, all his adolescence and his life and someone's playing the game. Is it, is it Morty's playing the game and he gets the like retirement age and like, does he, they find a tumor or something and he recovers and it's brilliant. And then they take the headset off and he's like, and then he does that same thing of like my wife because he's been playing the game for 70 years in his head. It's like that AI jail, I said, isn't it? Yeah. It's a similar concept to that.

He's just done it by accident. And it works. A special type of torture. Doesn't it just go to show, though, the time is relative? It does, Adam. It does. Social construct. And that's what we wanted to talk about here today, guys.

Just relatively aware of time and relativity. Well, he lived it. social construct. And that's what we wanted to talk about here today guys, just relatively aware of time and relativity. Well, like he lived it and it's not like he's on fucking fast forward in his head, is he going, Oh, come over here, white kids asshole, let's watch a match. Like he's not doing that. How do you know you're not doing that right now? We don't. That's the thing. That's what I'm trying to get round. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You went to bang your head. You fractured your skull at 40 in 2007.

That's scatty, innit? I've fainted before. Fainting's 40 in 2007. Fainting is similar in it. That's horrific. I might still be in the faint. Hang on. I eat meat then. I fainted.

Fainting is scary. It's grim as fuck. You start going like static telly. And then you just lose... Because you wake up and go, oh that could have been it. You literally wake up and go, I didn't know what was happening there. Well you know what death is like then? I do nothing. I feel faintly three or four times a day. I've been told to drink less coffee, but I need it. Electrolytes apparently. That's the new like craze everyone's having. So whose, whose thing

are we living right now? Oh my God. Did you't know. Did you bang your head at 40 in 2007? Am I still in my acid trip? Who knows? Surely the main character in your story, aren't you? Yeah. And I'm not the main character in this room. Or are we all one? And we're all one singular being.

Oh, you're just like a break off of my, you're the guy who does pot. I'm not a break off of yours, we're all one thing. How would we be doing that? What kind of shared consciousness? We all got locked out at one. How do you play 40? What? Hard. Or we could all just be figments of someone else's imagination.

Oh yeah. Maybe we're all in Brad Pitt's head. Did it? Can I ask a question, Finn? Did you give everyone weed before this? I may have slipped some edibles in. This is what I hope that if today I'm driving home and I bang my head or like I ever had this happen, I want to be a bit more aspirational than three kids in a mortgage and you know. Why you've smashed life? But he was just happy.

Yeah, no, but I'm already doing that in life. So I want my head injury to be more for NBA porn star. But you're still you. I want to play for the Dallas Mavericks and sling some dick, you know, as a five foot four white guy. What? Yeah. That would be fast to be fair. Can you imagine waking up now and you're on Dovey Field and you're just in a fight with one of your mates? No. I'm doing the other.

And also it would be really difficult to go back to how old would you be at that point? 15. At what point? And then he has to come back and he's learned all these things. And mentally he's a 32 year old guy who's been on huge national tours, TV, has got one of the biggest podcasts and he's just a 15 year old lad again's been on huge national tours, TV, has got one of the biggest podcasts in the UK and he's just a 15 year old lad again going, oh shit, what's the Victoria's Secret bit?

Doesn't exist yet. I know it's all new, but it's not gonna make sense if a 15 year old tries to do it. No, but I've got the video on my phone, I'll just watch it. Okay, well you've cracked that one. Oh, that's scatty that I'm one into that meat. Did you find any more? I've got three examples that I found online.

Because I told Harry I was going to bring this up. Nice. That's good prep, guys. So the first one. So two of them are excerpts from news articles, and one of them is like a firsthand account online. First one, a 45-year-old Caucasian man from Bryce Canyon, Utah, was in a three-day coma

after a motorcycle crash in which he said he lived an entire lifetime as an African American gangbanger in Southside LA. Honestly, you know when they say gangbanger, can I just check? Does that just mean gangster? Or does it mean he's involved in gangbangs? Gangster, gang member. No, because when you see gangster, it sounds very Matthew, don't it? Gangbanger is more like, Hey, I'm a gangbanger. This is my territory. Okay. So he's not just fucking like bombing people with all his mates? No, he's bombing his...

He might too. He could be a gangbanger and gangbanger. Exactly. But he identifies as a gangbanger. Well, the man claims he was a member of the Rolling 60s Crips and engaged in criminal activity and had an entire family with a girlfriend and children and felt he'd experienced racial discrimination before waking up as a white man in Utah. Yeah, was he dropping the M-bomb in his head? He described the experience as awful.

But he could, he could in his head. And said, I don't know how to read, how I'm going to readjust to the world. To be honest with you, a white man from Utah who rides motorbikes, I reckon he drops the M-bomb anyway. It's gonna be weird when he calls his mate Jeff, that's mad. They see that's more, if you're going to do it, let's not, let's do that. Let's just go something different. I wouldn't mind that. Does he have the past now then? No.

But he's experienced it hasn't he? In his own head, he hasn't experienced reality of it. And I know reality is subjective and maybe we're all in Brad Pitt's head. I know, Harry. But like, no, he can't say the N word because then I don't think you can reason with someone who's offended by that and be like, actually, I don't know whether you know this about me. Don't know, ignore me mustache and my motorbike

and my white face. I'm a black man in my head. I've lived a whole, I've been black longer than you. Also he lives in Utah, so he's not going to see any black people. That'll help. Second one, an amateur boxer in Spain claims he lived in a whole other life, starting in the early 1900s after being knocked out in spectacular fashion, despite only being asleep

in the ring for less than a minute. And Manuel Vasquez, 21, claims that he lived through Francisco Franco's dictatorship, had a wife and a full-time job at a can factory. He says, it felt so real. Everyone just thought I was concussed, but I really had no idea where I was. It still seems real. When I got home, I didn't know how to work my microwave. Big dreams there. That would be CTE.

Lived a whole life in which he never used a microwave. And working a can factory. Yeah, but he lived a whole life in the early 1900s where there wasn't microwaves. Oh, I see. Yeah. So, but also you've got to really know your history to not have a real gobbledygook version of early 20th century Spain. But it's a bit like if you, if you like, have you ever done it where you've watched like a documentary or something or watched like a history or a film and then you have a confabulated

history in your head like. Cause it probably wasn't factually. No, it wouldn't have been because things would have been invented that he couldn't possibly like feasible in his head. Yeah. He would have been walking around going like, yeah, I see. Where's he spotted? Yes. Yes. And last one. This is a first hand account from someone when I was about 12 or 13. Me and my friends were doing that silly childhood game where you would choke each other out to induce fainting. Huh? Silly little game. Silly, silly game.

When it was my turn, my friend seemed to choke me a bit longer than everyone else until I went to sleep. When I woke up 10 seconds later, I felt like I had lived 40 years in Alabama. For context, I am Canadian. I had gone to college, played in the MLB, met a wife and had children, lost family members. Met a wife?

Hello, I'm a wife. And then... And then one day I was invited over to a friend's house the MLB, met a wife and had children, lost family members. Met a wife. Hello, I'm a wife. And then one day I was invited over to a friend's house. And when I got there, it was my actual friend's house where I'd been choked unconscious. I then came to stared at my fellow 12 year old friends. They asked if I was all right. I said, I didn't want to talk about it. Then went home from then on until now. I've always felt more mature and more experienced than other people. And then the last sentence is, I personally think the only explanation is a wormhole.

Right. We can ignore that. Dan said he played that game. I don't know if we talked about it. No, when you breathe in and then choke someone up. I never let anyone do it to me. Cause I was like literally like choking someone. We weren't strangle wanking each other in the break room. Like we were, were we? Is this a bad thing? Yeah, because you'd be so fatigued and you know, there's a young person, you'd have all this baggage that you shouldn't have. But he says he felt more mature as well though. He has more life experiences. Yeah, but he was 12. Who wants a mature 12 year old who's played in the MLB and met a wife? He's going to be, he's going to be ostracized by his friends and he goes, Oh, do you want to come around and play space invaders? And he's like,

nah, man, it's pathetic. You guys need to grow up. Yeah. Hello. I think if I offered you right now, you can have two lives instead of one. Oh, hang on. When I take it, as long as I can live one day in this life and then have an alternate day, that I would honestly take you up on that right now. So we do today as Dan Nightingale podcast Happy Family and then we do Wednesday again as Dallas Mavericks 5'4 point guards. I don't think you get to pick though, do you? It's just a random, whatever happens. No, it is my question.

Here's what I'm asking you. If I said to you on your deathbed, hey, I can click my fingers right now and you will wake up as like a, as yourself, but as a 15 year old kid or a 20 year old kid or whatever. And you, the life you've just had, it'll be like, it's never happened. The people you've met, they're not there, but you can just start again. Oh, you don't remember? No?

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, you remember everything. In three years on my deathbed, I will honestly, of course, I think anyone on the deathbed would take another go around. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. I think if you're like the guy in my story

and it's the lamp thing, then if it happens to you, you just go, do you know what? I could have been run over that day. Let's just pretend I was run over. I think a lot of them wouldn't want to last the whole time. I think you'd be so tired. Oh, imagine if you just got a shit life. You were like, yes. What are you? What life did you get? Oh, it was a concussion. What life did you get? Like, I want a good one. Otherwise what we're doing like... Your life is yours to make, isn't it? I don't want to be like a fucking sail fisherman in Northern Norway. That'd be quite peaceful.

You'd be lovely. Yeah, he'd love it. Frab's out here. Fucking freezing. That's how I like it. Cold. That's the best weather. One more chance, but I wouldn't want the knowledge. If they went, you can go back, but you're wiped. I'd do it.

I wouldn't want to be like, Oh God, I know what's coming. No, you don't know what's coming. You just know what did happen, but now it's just erased. You lived it. You've still got that experience, but it's just, you woke up and it's gone. Basically you wake up right now and you're 32 years or whatever, like is just totally made up. You've completely made it up. And you go back to fucking West Derby in 2007.

Also you're like, cool, I'm going to make some money off. I'll know all the FA Cup results. No you don't. You made them up. You made up Everton being shit. Oh, why have I done that? You made up Liverpool winning the European Cup. If we're in anyone's head, this is my head. If this is your fucking concussion... We're on Finn's head, are we? And the fourth one.

Is Liverpool's head? How many might be? Karl, if this is your concussion, it is mental. Oh, no. Liverpool have won another Champions League. Quite contemptual. You've dreamed up Sean Dice. You've dreamed up the Lampard era.

Why have I done that? James McCarthy, you've made him up. I don't mind James McCarthy, he had a job, very serviceable footballer. Dad gave himself a coke addiction and a little dick. You killed David Bowie. I didn't. If this is your concussion you did. No, he just let him die.

I didn't kill him, did I? He just died within it. I also invented David Bowie, so well done me. I'm not me, I didn't. David Bowie already existed when you were a lad playing footy in West Derby. I didn't, who was born? Yeah, I invented Harry. Nice. He's good, isn't he? Yeah. Are you going to kill me off though? We've lost Bowie, but we've got Harry. Good swap, I'd say. Fucking great. So, comment with yours. Well, enjoy yours. I live six years as a podcast. Enjoy that with your cornflakes.

Everyone just going, fuck it up. She usually talk about the dick. We did get around to your dick in the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Existential dread. This could be yours. Yeah, it's probably mine. And also, it's possible that, like, we were really young

when this happened to us and And like one of us in Belgium, 9-11. Yeah, we could have invented it. You're not allowed to say things wrong, mate. I could have invented Auschwitz, he was there. Ah, it always comes back. If this is mine and I have invented the Mickey Rooney game that I can't play, That is next level weird. I'm tortured by this. Did I get my points?

Have you done it? I'll add it in the break. Oh, I'm mine. Did I get my point? Yeah, but you were two. You just need to get one. I don't give a fuck. It's on nine seven, isn't it?

I got a point. I've got a Mickey Rooney. Enjoy the special. It's out on, you know, later in the month. We need to stop saying the date. It's out later in the month. It's going to be a cracker. Fucking cut one. I mean, I'm going to lose, but.

Enjoy that on the 18th. Enjoy that later in the month. October, 2024. Friday, 6 p.m. Put it in your diary. Oh. Well, I'm not looking forward to it, but people wanted it and it's been facilitated. So here we go.

Dan versus hysterectomy. Rollback Dan versus food. By popular demand. In you come Harry Robbo. For those who are new to the pod, maybe you're a fan of Grace and you're watching for the first time. Dan is a 43 year old man with food phobias and we've made him try all sorts over the past few years. A pie, fish and chips, you know that? Cod and chips, goody sauce. Soup.

A hot dog. A hot dog. Pot noodle. Oh, I smashed that hot dog. Remember that? Pot noodle was fine. Pot noodle. He basically, he has nachos for his Christmas dinner.

So today we've got you something that we know you're going to love, but you're going to be a bit nervous of. All right. You're going to be nervous. Close your eyes for us. Right. Tight. Close your nose as well. Close your nose. Okay. Now keep your eyes closed for us. They're closed man. Okay. Now I just want you to big... Your sniff's not weird. Come on.

Now what do you think that is? I don't know. I think I might have Covid. I don't know. Okay, open your eyes. Okay. For those watching. We've got some crab stick meat. Some prawns.

Some mussel meat. and some fresh salmon. It's a seafood platter. It's not a seafood platter is it? It is. It's just on a plate. Four pieces of shit on a plate. Do you want us to go and put loads more on the plate for you? No.

So Dan, what I did here, I helped you, I made it less threatening by only putting a little bit on. You've got to eat all of it. No, I don't. That's not how Danvers food works. Would you like a bin? Yes, please. by only putting a little bit on. You gotta eat all of it. No, I don't. That's not how Dan vs Food works. Would you like a bin? Yes, please, get the bin.

Oh, are you gonna be sick because of a prawn? Can you just let me do Dan vs Food? Otherwise it's going in the fucking bin. What are you going for first? I'm going for this radish looking rongan. Okay, yeah. So that's actually made with plants. Is it fish stick?

It's a crab stick, but it's plant based. It's not though, is it crab based? No. Right, so It's a crab stick, but it's plant based. It's not though. Is it crab based? No. Right. So this is a crab stick. Quite an acquired taste of crab steak. And we're back ladies and gents. Swallow it you bitch. Go on. Can you be nice to me versus Dunn versus you? I don't like it when you bitch? You talk us through your feelings, your sensations. Well, there's waves of what's happening here. Yeah. Because a lot of me is telling me, oh my God, this is a hate crime.

And then there's a little wave of like, it's not too bad. And then the hate crime comes back. Crab sticks are not like an everyday's can. It tastes like sex. I mean, horrible. Well done. Well done. Remember that little victory because this is going to get very bad. What would you, Oh wait, no, we'll do. Oh God. I'm going to go salmon, right? Cause I know it's going to be bad, but it looked like a little bit of undercooked chicken, which I wish I was eating now.

It's honey roasted. Honestly, that's gorgeous. I just had some in the kitchen. I love honey and I love roasts. All of it. Stop all of it. Get it all in your mouth. Make your mom proud. The salmon! Bears are fucking idiots by the way. Right, well that was truly awful. What made you do that though? Cause it tastes like fishy shite and it's not cooked. It is. Oh right.

Oh this is so, this is awful. Awful. Never again will I eat salmon ever in my life. Good night. Full prone. I've got three years left on this light. That's an entire animal you're about to put in your mouth. What?

I've got no prob... No problem. Oh God. Think of England, come on. Shhhhhhh. Alright, just squelched. Oh it's so cold. In the fridge, aren't it? Got a cold mouth.

Not as bad as a salmon. This is alright in toast. Do you like prawn toast? Yeah, when I'm pissed, yeah. I love it. Well done, Dan. That was a good one again. A prawn texture can be quite like off-putting sometimes.

Oh, well. It's the toasters go to the... I fully agree. What are they doing now? So tell me what prawn toast is, because I can eat that when I'm drunk. So prawn toast is what you've just put in your mouth. Is it prawn jammed in bread and then deep fried,

which says me honest. So it toast is what you just put in your mouth. Is it prawn jammed in bread and then deep fried with sesame on it? No, so it's what you've just had there, like smashed up with a fork. Yeah. And then spread on bread, like it's a paste. Then sesame seeds, then deep fried. Yes. Prawn toast is good.

Oh, that's gonna make you die young, but that gonna taste good. Well, I'm never eating a prawn again, unless you do that with it. What is that? That's a mussel, Dan. No, it's not. It is muscle. Muscle means also known as fish brains. Why have you done that? A muscle hasn't got

a nervous system. So it's technically, if you're vegan, you can eat this. No, you can't. What? It's not that works. I thought vegans could, Harry's nodding. They don't have any sort of sentience. None of them can talk. I mean I wouldn't eat it but. I'm not vegan because they are animals. Okay nevermind then. Oh Harry. You can do it. No I can't. Stop trying to be supportive. Be mean to me. Alright, you're a piece of shit. Grow up. Are we doing well? What's that? A mussel. Who's eating that? I'm going, oh great, scram that. Oh, it was a big night last night, wasn't it?

I feel rough. Get some mussels in, Bev. It's a seafood, Dan. Mussels in a pasta are good. He's going back. Pasta? What? Ah! That fork's done. Well done, Dan. Well done, Dan.

Let's do some... Oh, the plate's in the bin. I was gonna do... Should we do some ratings? Let's start with the salmon. One out of 10, suspiciously fishy. It's a fish. It's too fishy though. What's he doing? It's showing off. Rain it in. It's like the most mild fish ever. Prawns? Prawn? Prawn? Four out of 10. Okay. It looked like it was going to be truly dreadful

and it wasn't as bad. I think you gave a hot dog a five. I might have forgotten my rating system. Crab sticks? By the way, again, I remember the rating system now. This is a damn versus food. I ate this stuff. Yeah, I know what you mean. One is, oh my God, that is so hateful.

10 is like, oh, surprising. What compared to food I like, 0.1, 0.2, that is so hateful. 10 is like, oh, surprising. What compared to food I like, 0.1, 0.2, 0.1, 0.3. Right. Crab sticks. Dan versus food, look, seven. That wasn't. Wow!

Same as a pot noodle. I found that weirdly edible. I wouldn't even book Crab Sticks. Yeah, but I like crab stick pot noodle. So, pot noodle. And the pod noodle. So pod noodle. And the final one, the mussels. No score. That is so horrific.

I resent all of you for even knowing it exists. Mussels in like a seafood pasta with chili and garlic. Oh, so more salmon. Yeah, mussels in salmon. That was the only seafood I used to eat before I was vegetarian was mussels on a beach in Turkey. I mean, those are horrible what you've just given him. Yeah they were bad. I wouldn't eat any of them. Oh 100 percent. The salmon was alright. Good game isn't it? I wouldn't eat any of that. Like I'd eat it like to prove a point like you just didn't. I wouldn't be sick here because I'm a

fully grown man. Crab sticks are grim though. What? Crab sticks are grim. Crab sticks are horrible. You've done well there then. Julie's taken the pack of crab sticks home. Julie's eaten them, she's eaten them now. Well that's her fired. I can't trust her ever again. Whoa. Dad versus food.

Glad that's back. Comment below what you'd like to see Dan eat. No don't. Yeah. Don't. And the thing is, if you No, don't. Yeah. Yeah. Or just... And the thing is, if you knew, don't be like, oh, what horrible stuff could get him to eat. Like, a turkey burger makes him sick. Oh, does that exist?

Yeah, we started them in school. Have you ever had turkey twizzlers, dad? What's a turkey twizzler? Have you had a turkey twizzler? Isn't it just like a... What's... It's a turkey twizzler. There's no other way to describe it. I don't know. Is it turkey twizzled? Isn't it just like a, what's... It's a turkey twizzler. There's no other way to describe it. It's a turkey twizzled.

I've never had one. There's a bean burger. What's a bean burger? I know what it's a burger. You've never had a bean burger. I haven't had a bean burger at all. Is it a baked bean burger? No, it's a vege burger. Oh, like a beanie wrap?

Yeah, yeah. But it's in the burger. My sister swears by those and I know, I try that. Fuck off. I swear. That's not what I meant. But he knew that wrong with it. That's why we're where we are. Has anyone got a chuddy an erection? Probably. I used to think a fish time struck Sunday. My breath did smell better. Fun times.

Drink some sneak done. Love that. Oh, well, I haven't made one. I'd love to. Could you make me a sneak, Harry? Could you make? I'm not even joking. I'm just fuck off.

You've Harry, you've just prepped me. I didn't prep it. You were part, you brought it to me. I wouldn't stay in the kitchen because I was gagging. There is some blueberry lemonade sneak in a black tub in the thing. Could you please make me one? No. Harry, please. Harry, I will start firing you.

I'm not going to pay you in weeks. Right, well you'll be mates with Julia out on the street. On the street. Could you please make me one? Harry, go make him a sneak. Yeah, I'll go make him a sneak. Thank you. I want to wash this down. Make him a nice warm glass of sneak.

I'll take it over the taste of salmon. Put it in the microwave for 16 minutes. Thank you very much. Blue lemonade. Blue. Try sneak if you've just ate mussels. Use code word 10. For 10% off the taste of fishy regret. Oh, it's questions now.

We've got, do you want a question? Ryan says, question lads, in ancient Egypt, oh, the taste. Pharaohs used to fill their tombs with items that symbolize them. And two servants would have stayed in the closed tomb and die with them. What would you have in the tomb and what two people would you trap in there with you? So Emperor Adam, Pharaoh Adam, King Adam. Two people and two things.

You die and it's two things that represent you. Yeah? A burner phone with tickets to the match, that's there. It's just a Liverpool top and a cowboy ass, innit? Yeah, that's me done. I realized this last night by the way, I don't need much You spend a lot What I just don't need much to make me happy I just need to be able to go to match Go to match and listen to me songs and drink pints of Guinness. Yeah What? What? I just don't need much to make me happy, I just need to be able to go to a match. Go to a match and listen to me songs. And drink pints of Guinness.

Yeah. That's not all you need though is it? That's a simplified version of your existence. I need sustenance as well. Ah right yeah. Mussels. I need you know, honey roasted salmon. I'm a simple man.

All I need is a lot of international travel, an absolutely exceptional stand-up career, one of the best podcasts in the world, the most amazing podcast studio in the UK, you know, and a cheese and ham sandwich from Harrods cost about 42 quid. And obviously, you know, air and the match. I know mine. I'm going to trap you and Stephen Muller know, air. And the match. I know mine. I'm going to trap you and Stephen Mulhern in, Dan. Why am I coming in your tomb? You, Stephen Mulhern, some salmon and a snake. And just film it for the rest of the world.

Is this your tomb? Yeah. Sounds like Dan's. Sounds like Dan's nightmare. You wouldn't get on with Stephen Mulhern. I think he would, you know. I reckon Dan could, like if... That's a nightmare. You wouldn't get on with Stephen Mullen. I think he would, you know. I reckon Dan could, like if... That's a dig that. And I know that you think that's a dig.

And I'm not having it. Go on, Dan. Get in your tomb with your gilet, which I like. And Stephen Mullen and your snakes. I reckon you're quite similar to Stephen Mullen. Honestly. I reckon you're quite similar to Stephen Mullane. Honestly? Maybe one way. Like he's very smiley on stage and he... Like if he was the host of Britain's Got More Talent, he'd do it in a very similar, like he'd have a similar cut of a jib of Stephen Mullane.

Go on then! Go on love, go on have your sing. You could be quite family friendly. I don't know if you've seen me compare. Hello. Welcome to Dan Nightingale and Fiends. Go on Mike Rice. Go and do your fucking Irish nonsense. I'm Dan Nightingale.

I don't see why anyone knows who Stephen Muller is. I don't know who he is. Is he a sex offender? What? I mean I got banned off Wikipedia for trying to open the world's eyes to that, but you know, okay. I think I'm thinking of Bill Cosby. I always mix them two up. No, I said he likes to kiss his snakes before bed three years. Three years. What are you in for? And that was, what are you with that? That was after a two year ban, that was my first move.

Shut up about your Wikipedia prison sentences. Can we get a video of Stephen Mulhern's TV presenting? Because I can't get wifi in Sorghum. Dan doesn't know who he is. We've got Telly in Sorghum. He's gone with this Dan. I know Stephen Mulhern. Is the new Catch Fresh guy guy, Catch Rage.

Cash in Holland. Yes, Cash in Holland. Look at him. I'm always touching weird old men's tits. Oh, this is great. Dan, we've got no sound, so you pretend like you're Stephen Mulholland. Hello, look at this.

Why have we got no sound? No, because it will get, we can't, hang on. Just leave it. You can't put that sound on. Because all of Stephen Mulholland's YouTube clips are actually registered music tracks. We'll end up paying Big Mull Hearn loads of them. Do the voiceover.

Oh here he is! Look at this fucking paedophile! He won the World Cup in 66 didn't he? You old shite! Okay, well you're selling your medal. Oh great. He's got the answer to the roadshow! Prince got sold! It does look like he's come to sell some doesn't it? I know, there's Jim, he's got a bin bag. That's his wife's remains in there.

We'll laugh about it later. Erm... What is this? This... It's freaking me out. Erm... I'm still high off the salmon. You've got a Mulher energy is what I'm saying. You...

This is a diss. This is a diss. Yes, it is. I used to love fingertips. Oh, what a show. What a show. Him and Finn Cotton. Yeah. I'll get that mixed up. Brady.

I'll have I'll have my bicycle that I've just bought, which I'll take that because I'm a cyclist now. And that's your fault. And it probably died on the bike in India. So that'll be fitting. And I'm taking Carl in as a vengeance. George Carlin.

And George Carlin. Taking some Carl in. Go on, so I'm in there with you. I'm taking Harry Robinson, cause I think he'd be really helpful in the afterlife. He's been unbelievable since he started working at this company. How do you get to take this? Is that the idea that the stuff be really helpful in the afterlife. He's been unbelievable since he started working at this company. How do you get to take this? Is that the idea that the stuff comes with you in your afterlife?

Well, that's if you believe in, you know, the old ancient Egyptian... Avid. Rawr! No, but like that... Is that what they believe? I think so, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, then I want to change mine. That's why they fill it with bitches, is there?

Who did you take with you? No, well, I said I wanted, I just said I live full top and a cowboy house, but then Your dick's going to be out in the afterlife. No, because you get like, you get to keep the toilet roll on. Yeah. Yeah. So it looks like you're going to match at Halloween. You can't be poo bedding with a cowboy.

You can be poo bedding in the afterlife. Well, no, I'm taking a sextal. I've never used one in real life, but like, what if you get to the afterlife and there's just no pussy? What about a woman? There's no women. Forever. Is there no women in the afterlife? Yeah, you don't want this.

Are you going to a gay club? Oh yeah, that's why they call it heaven. Are you, there's women in the afterlife. How do you know? Right. Is it just you in the afterlife? I don't know. Maybe I'm the only one who got in. My afterlife. Shit. There's you, Steve Mullane, Simon and some snakes. What have I done?

Sex doll and- Nice Harry Robinson. Do I have to add him for you? And that's Harry Robinson. So he's getting bored. In the ass. Sextal unlimited data on a tablet, big tablet. Not like a Egyptian tablet, but like an iPad. Unlimited days, unlimited battery, like inventor taking that with me. Nice.

Right. And then two people. The CPU will start going. You'll be able to speak to Steve Jobs. Why? I think he's the best analyst on Sky. So'll be able to speak to Steve Jobs. Why? I think he's the best analyst on Sky so I can watch the match with him and he can analyze it with me live.

Oh, you're watching the match on earth? Yeah. Cause I'm in the athlete but I've got an unlimited data iPad. So it's a match. Like I say, I don't need much. I just need a sex or Jamie Carragher and an iPad and I can bring one more person.

Yeah. Marco Pierre White. To make food for you. But what are you using to cook? I'm just going to hope that there's a kitchen there with some scone. And if there's not, you've just got to hang out with Marco Pierre White. Isn't he already dead? But I think he's a Liverpool fan. No, he's not dead.

I love it. Oh, Adam's like, no, getting confused with. there might be no women in the afterlife and you know, I need pussy, but I am taking Jamie Carragher and Marco Pierre White. I'm getting mixed up with gables. Yeah. Great chef. So Finn. I reckon I've smashed it there by the way. Someone I can have an intelligent conversation with the match with a way to watch the match. Why don't you take a lady pundit who you can also have sex with? Because she might not want to fuck me. That's true.

And Jamie Carrigan might want to fuck me. And you know, if you're in eternity, maybe I'll try bum sex with a man. Jamie Carrigan? Or Mark Uphead, I'd say. These are the conversations the pharaohs had. Two of them car moomers like, I need to take Jamie Carragher with me. I'm just taking my sex dogs, then I've got that. Although, will they even use that?

I probably just wank. No, that's a waste actually. iPad, Jamie Carragher, Marco Pier, wife, and... A fully equipped kitchen for Marco. I was gonna say a bottomless fridge. Full of food. What are you taking, Finn? I chose too early mate.

Oh no! Hang on! Hang on! Adam, this isn't happening. I'll take a fish as my other thing because Jesus is good at multiplying them so he's there and I'll be like Jesus we need 5,000 more fish lad so Marco Pierre can rustle us up some fucking fish dinners. Just fish. That's all Jesus is doing in heaven, just making more fish.

And from what I've just tasted, he's a fucking paedophile. What shall I take with me? I think Liam or Noel, which one? Why don't I take both? Because they hate each other. Great. They can bond over eternity. What if they both don't like you? Oh, I think I'd want that. I've said this before. No, it likes me. Oh, I don't want to talk about it. I met no, he was lovely. No, that sounds me. Seen

the pod. You three are great. I don't want to say it was you. Um, I take, uh, don't say guitar, you're not allowed to say guitar. I want to depress people in heaven. Why can't he take his guitar? He can take whatever he wants. You're not in the tomb, you don't have to listen to it. Oh yeah, take guitar. I'll take, I want to watch the match as well. Can I take like a dodgy fire stick? If you're in heaven, you can see the match. You just have to peer over the cloud. A fire stick's good because you get everything.

Dodgy fire stick. I want to take a jailbroken fire stick. Now you need a telly to put the fire stick in. Oh yeah. Okay. I'll take a telly as well. Fire stick, telly. I meant to say.

And lay him in no-agher. No guitar. We'll do Goggobox. Class. I'm not coming over to yours. I'm coming over to ours. Some fish. What nice... You can shag my hope here, white white. I'm a bit seriou in the car, have you? Let's do some advice. I'm here to help, here to help. I'll solve your problems, I'll tell you the best thing to do. If you want to do it, you'll be fine.

If you don't, you might do time. Agony out. Could you hear that then? Yep. Conor Mack says, what's up lids? I really need your advice. Me and my brother worked as live cards together when my brother met his girlfriend many years ago. I've also had

a close relationship with my brother's girlfriend as we always got on as mates. I have never thought or seen my brother's girlfriend in a sexual way until a few months ago. Him and his girlfriend came with me to see Coldplay in Budapest. Flakes. My brother's girlfriend bent over and I got a small glimpse of her underwear. She was wearing my favorite color. Ever since I've been going mad thinking about her in a very sexual way. When I watch porn, it just doesn't do it for me anymore

as I can't stop thinking of her. I just close my eyes with the pork sound. Still on. Pork? This is, I'm gonna read it how it's written. I close my eyes with pork sounds. I just want it to be pork. Go on for a wang, put me sausages on the telly.

Shhh. Hostages. With the porn sound still on, pretending that the mouse is me giving her a good C and two. Okay. Now I can't stop watching sister-in-law, brother's girlfriend porn. It's become an addiction.

Do you lads have any advice on how to stop this? Just don't like don't ever make a move and just live in your little fancy world's class and fuck wherever you want in your head. Yep, no one can tell you what's right or wrong as long as you never articulate any of your weird thoughts. What was his color? I want to go with the teal. Also who's getting horny at a Coldplay concert? Teal's good on these, isn't it? On a girl. If you bend over, you're getting horny anywhere really aren't you? Not if they're singing Fix You. Oh it's a banger. Who's bending over to Fix You? Fuck you mate. That's what you just changed to Fuck You. Fuck you yeah. I will try to fuck you. Fever Lab. Just, just fuck it in your head, it's fine. By the way.

It is totally forbidden though, isn't it? It's the forbidden one. Yeah, I just... It is totally forbidden, but that's why it's sexy, isn't it? That's why he likes her. Yeah. Right. That's why there's all these fucking step-dad and step-sister and step-mom pawns, because people need it to be naughtier than just man fucks woman. Yeah. If you watch... If you just watch, yeah.

Normal standard men having sex with women porn is a bit gay. Isn't it? Yeah. It's just, you know what I mean? It's just a bit like, oh. Oh, I love you. Kiss. Gay.

Come here. I'll pour off. Go on, what was your thought? I can't remember but I had another one. I was in the air. That's all right. That was going to be class. Doesn't matter. It's gone forever. I was in the barbers this morning and one of our barbers is he's in a long, say one of our barbers, one of the lads who works in the barbers that I go to.

I don't let him cut my hair. But uh, One of the B team. He's, he's C. Like I've got a B one. I've got A, I've got B and he's down, he does me beard sometimes when everyone else's on Aldi. We've got the same A, B and C. He's a good lad though.

Nice lad. You know what I mean? He's in a long term relationship with a lady from Europe. Not more specific than that. Or? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's watching from Finland and I know you mean about this conversation. I don't know whether you have cause very recent. So he's about to, uh, he's about to propose to his Finnish Mrs. Who? 28? He's not Finnish. She is Finnish.

Oh, hang on. I've had this coming. So he's been for years asking her just like one question every few months and just putting together the perfect engagement ring together. And he got it made, got his size right, got this, got that, got everything, nailed it. She has rummaged through his stuff, found the ring before he had a chance to propose, put it on, and sent him a picture and said, yeah, this will do. Red flags. Oh my god. Huge red flags.

You know, all of it's wrong. And then just the, yeah, this will do. Not even like, peep. That's nice. I love that. Oh, that is, nah. That flag's on fire. She's finished.

That stinks. I'll be so angry. He's pissed off, but he's quite malleable, I think, as a person. He's one of them. I guess you wouldn't have the stress of proposing. That's the best part though, isn't it? She's taking that moment away. I don't think many people ask a woman...

Sometimes you have to risk falling so that you can fly. And that. I don't think many people these days are asking a person to marry them going, I don't know what she's going to say. you know you're not it's not a fucking whoa Most people are asking no in full well, but they're living together. They've been with each other for years Yeah, but you said you were still nervous. No, I was nervous. So it was good not nervous because she'd say no Sarah after 14 years went you know what not feeling it. Sorry. I like where we're. I like where we're at. I'd be like fucking get on myself then. But the fact that she's a rummager is not good. The fact that she's found it and then not gone,

do you know what, this is exciting. I'll put it away. And act like I'm shocked. What's that like? Eh, you know, that's the finish answer. He is angry and apparently her parents are angry as well. And he told me before and I was like, can I tell the lads on the podcast today?

And he said, yeah. That's bad that, you know, that I'd put me, I'd give me like such like an ick, like a little 20% off. An ick? Oh, you give me the ick there. It's like when you pick your teeth. No, it takes it off the engagement of it. I'm what is, it's not as good as-

I'd take the ring back. It's not as good as it should have been. It should have a moment. Yeah, cause you've lost that. I'd take the ring back and be like, you know what? I'm sentencing you to five years and a new ring. So what they're not sure a lot of people get when they go to prison anyway. Um, so he's not, you would, you'd suggest there's punishment, no proposal for five years. I'd say that ring isn't for you.

Right. Oh, that's for me other missus. Can you get it? Can you get the money back or it's been, it's been specially bad? No, I'd be like, you've ruined that. No, I genuinely don't want to ask you anymore. Just strip it for parts. Yeah. I'd be like, I don't ask, you know, you've ruined it. Hang on. Is this the end of the relationship? No, but like for me, that would genuinely piss me off, like piss me off big.

Like if after the fact you went, yeah, I found it and tried and I'd be like, are you not bad? But to go out, that'll do picture. It's like, are you've taken the moment away from me as well? Nevermind yourself. Shit. What would you do, Finn? Uh, with the ring? What would you do with the lady? I'm gonna bed. Which is that ring? Um, that That would be, yeah, it's taken away the moment. But then like I said, I think you know me, I'm an over thinker. I'm an over thinker. So I'd be overthinking, you know,

the flash mob that I'd arranged and the song and dance I was gonna do. So I'd be happy to not have to do the choreography thing. Would you still have the flash mob do their thing or would you just be like, do you know what? Would you ring them and cancel? Because I don't think you would. I think you'd be like, do you know what?

They don't need to know. No, it's still nice to have a show, isn't it? She gets to watch the show. I think it's a red flag, and I think some people are marrying red flag factories and then wondering why they end up divorced in five years. Like if you are having- Because the government goes, you can't marry a factory.

Huge problems with your partner, man, woman, not child. But if you can't go into that marriage and go, ah, do you know what, this hasn't worked out when you've had all the warning signs. I'm not saying this is just one example, but if there's all the problems, it's like, come on, don't marry people who are a nightmare. Oh my God, this is amazing.

You've smashed it down. I'd still be like, fucking hell, you've ruined that. But I think it's that that'll do. I'd be like, oh, you fucking title title bitch. Interesting. Break time. Let's get the update in a few weeks. See you.

Good guess today. Hey, welcome back to part one of four, which is actually three of four, but recording in advance. Hey, hey, they didn't need to know that they didn't know, but they know now. Grace Campbell. We don't clap. We've got sound effects on it. Oh, so I don't wear headphones.

I like to be on a level with the guest. Yeah. These all like to put themselves above the guy. Did you have the sound effects? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was it? Just a round of applause. It was booing. So I don't wear headphones. I like to be on a level with the guests. These all like to put themselves above the guest. Did you all have the sound effects? Yeah.

Not being added in? Yeah. Ah, what was it? Just a round of applause. It was booing. I don't like headphones. They ruin my hair. I don't like headphones because they make me feel hot. Like I genuinely think like air needs to escape my ear holes. Like I genuinely think it like keeps the escape my ear holes. What? Like I genuinely think it like keeps the-

You just need good ones. The heat, no, cause I've worn the ones he wears. He's wearing a hat and a hoodie. He's like, I think it's the ears. There's no heat getting out of it. Yeah, but it's just overkill. I just don't like it at all. It makes me feel like really claustrophobic.

It'd look weird now if you did wear them, wouldn't it? What? It'd look weird if you did wear them. Have you never worn them? No. I think like worn them? No. I think like episode one, two. First few episodes and then you were like, nah. Yeah, because you were like,

you need to have phones on. You need to fucking have phones on. And I took them off and you were like, I'll put your headphones back on. Everyone's going to know you've got no headphones on. Sounds like me. I'm like that. You're a stickler for the rules, aren't you?

Nice to see you, Grace. Thanks for having me. Up in Liverpool. Yeah. You were saying this is one of your gaffes where you do well, like demographic wise. Yeah. These are your peeps.

It's just, you know, the white women in their late twenties. We've got loads of them. They love me. Yeah. Liverpool, I've had a lot of people telling me to come to Liverpool for ages. This is the first time I'm doing my own show in Liverpool on November the 8th. At the Playhouse?

At the Liverpool Playhouse, yeah. Nice. It's a good venue though. I've only ever seen one show and then it was Daniel Kitson. Yes. About 10 years ago. Were you there? Yep, me and you went.

Did we? Yep. I thought it was loads of us there. Just me and you. Really? Yeah. Just you two. Okay, you didn't mean anything to you.

We've just done so much together, I can't help but forget, you know. Yeah, me and you went. I forget who was there and when. It's a a surprise. Okay, you didn't mean anything to you. We've just done so much, together can't forget, you know? Yeah, me and you. I forget who was there and when. It's a class venue. And when does the tour properly start? In a month. Okay. And then it's two months long.

Anywhere not doing particularly well? Somewhere, you know, Guilford. Um, Guilford. Ah! Well, we're gonna sell you zero fucking tickets today. Good, good, good, good, Guilford. Yeah, yeah, this is not the one to boost that.

We can help you pretty much nationwide. The other day I was Googling like, how do I market a show in Guilford? And I was like Googling famous people from Guilford and Lily Collins was born in Guilford, even though she like grew up in LA. The one who plays Emily in Paris, Phil Collins' daughter. Yeah, she was born in Guilford. So I was doing all of this stuff, like for Emily in Paris fans, like come to Guildford, the birth town of Lily Collins and like about five tickets sold. Do you think people in Guildford know that she's from Guildford?

No, because then that's quite a bad market in Texas, really, isn't it? Hey, look, I'm doing this. Oh, by the way, I found out Emily in Paris is meant to be Emily in Paris. You know, because they say so much more sense. It does make so much more sense. Emily in Paris is a shit title. Emily and Betty is a lot better. Do any of you watch it? No, vicariously when my wife's watching it.

What is it? One of those things where you like Netflix. Yeah. Is it any good? I mean, I like love to hate watching it. I love watching it. It's, it's like very low rent TV, but I love it. Yeah. I had food poisoning last week and I was like, Emily in Paris. Perfect. It's low impact. It's great to throw up. It's not, it's just sort of chilled. There's like an English character who is at hit because the actor is from Burnley,

but he's playing someone from London. And it's like when Americans write like English people, it's like, Emily, let's go down the rubber dub. Got me rhyming slang. He's like, bill me on the blower. Yeah. And it's like, no one speaks like that. I'm obsessed with how Americans write English characters.

My favorite thing. So I love it. My favorite example of that is Green Street because Charlie Unham is like the lead in it, isn't he? And he's American. He's in, is he American? Yeah, he's in Sons of Anarchy, isn't he? Yeah.

No, he's not. You're getting confused with his character in The Gentleman. Is he? Is he?'s no he's not you're getting confused with his character and the gentleman is he is he no he's fucking not yeah he's from Newcastle upon Tyne he's a Geordie yeah yeah why is this Geordie accent in the gentleman so bad that's his real voice that's the real thing he's not a Geordie playing, pretending to be a Geordie, he's from Newcastle. Newcastle upon Tyne, that's not a Geordie. He's a Geordie doing a fake Geordie accent then,

because it is absolutely a bit, have you seen The Gentleman? Yeah. And it's fucking bad. Naughty boys. Yeah. I know you want to be like. I'm sure you want to be like, rawr on men.

It's fucking abysmal. It's his voice. His voice? That's not his voice. Imagine if you had people saying that your actual accent doesn't sound real. I don't know, isn't Scouse? That's bollocks, that. You're lying, aren't you? No, it's so true.

He's adoring. His cognac sense is pathetic as well. Yeah. So bad. But that's what I mean. It's obviously written with the idea of like, right, we've got Elijah Wooden here, so we're He's a Geordie. His Cockney accent is pathetic as well. Yeah. But that's what I mean. It's obviously written with the idea of like, right, we've got Elijah Wood in it. So Americans are gonna watch this.

So we're gonna need to get that across to the Americans. So at one point, like he's explaining Cockney rhymes like Elijah Wood. So he's like, you know how we get a lot of bees in our name? For money. It's one more set of you. Give me the fucking base. And Elijah was like, and you'd want the money there would you?

Fucking crap. And I do not believe you. I feel like I'm being hoodwinked. I can't believe it either. He's googling it. But he's from Newcastle, Pont-Aim. Right, so Emily in Paris. He can't even say the name of it right.

Newcastle, Pont-Aim? Emily in Paris, he can't even say the name of it right. No, castle upon time. But most people I know that watch it, hate it, but they watch it despite hating it. I think there's like a certain brand of TV show. That's like, like it's like shooting your brain with popcorn. You know, it like needs no actual stimulation. You don't need to use any of part of your brain. There's no subtext. It's not like, Oh, what's going on in their relationship. It's like a woman going, Oh, I really want to fuck him. And then it cuts through him going, I'll fuck him.

And you're like, I think they're going to fuck. I'm watching one at the moment, Tulsa King on Paramount with Sylvester Stallone, who's meant to be a mobster who gets fucked over to Oklahoma. And it's so simple. And it's kind of, I really enjoy it. But you never get to the end of the scene going, I'm going to have to rewatch that. Or like, it's so obvious. You're going to need money. Better give me the money. And then it just moves on. But I like, I like that just toning down the, just turning the frequency down to like dumb, dumb and just enjoying it. That's why I love country music. Tell me what you're up to.

No subjects. I don't want to have to figure it out. From like the loser. I was up this morning, God, God, I know where we are in the day. Morning, breakfast. How do the first sites, man? There's a song out there called beer for breakfast.

And it's class, it's about a man. What's it about? Exactly, it's about a man. What's it about? Exactly, it's about having beer for your breakfast. There's no subtext to it. It's just fucking class. See Me Now by Luke Combs. I wish my granddad could see me now, but he can't because he's dead.

But he'd be proud of me if he could. Gracie, you're into country because this guy is going for- I'm trying to remember that song. Have you heard that song? I wish granddad's didn't die. No, it's the crazy one where it's like, bird fucking in Boston. Have you heard that song? I wish granddad's didn't die. No, it's the crazy one where it's like, bird fucking in Boston. Do you know that one?

And he's talking about all these- Dick Down in Dallas. Dick Down in Dallas. Oh my God. That is a fucking banger. How does it go? We're gonna walk a junior. It's the lyrics are crazy.

You need to bring up the lyrics. She's getting teared up in Tennessee. Yeah. It's him basically. He's been cheating on. Buck fucked. Is it the- Buck fucked in Boston. That means he's reading the lyrics. He's getting teared up in Tennessee. He's been cheated on. He's been cheated on and he's written this like scathing song about his girlfriend. Read it out. It's crazy. He's got Google maps out. These are places I'll do a sexual thing in each place. And he's just like basically saying what a massive slut she is and talking about like the anal that she did in Austin. So this is the first the first verse is quite short so we'll do

that and then the chorus. So I bet you didn't think twice about Amarillo. Held Denver all but once crossed their mind. She's flying down 40 like a bat out of hell for Memphis. She left me all alone in Montgomery tonight She's getting dick down in Dallas railed out in rally tag teamed up in Tennessee anal din Austin Boston giving neck down in New Orleans Putting me through hell fucking someone else now. I'm the only one on my knees now I'm not the only one in my knees. Pray and she'll come back. Give me that sweet ass.

But I already know she's getting dick down in Dallas. Dick down, dick down in Dallas. Dick down, dick down in Dallas. That is poetry. I'd love to have someone write that song about me. It's a clever song, right? She's probably in the Lone Star Stays. Suck it off old Watts's name.

Oh yeah, the way he says that as well is like sucking off old Watts's name. Yeah, the way he says that as well is like sucking off old Watts's name. I wonder what a daddy would say, maybe he's the one to blame. Don't do the chorus again. Oh, I hate it. So I will say he's like a very specific country artist, you know, he does very offensive. Remedial. On the nose song. I just want to know, like what I want from a song is what are you up to?

How are you feeling? I don't have to figure it out. Yeah. Yeah places and sexual positions. I mean Have you been to Nashville twice? Did you love it? It was class. Have you been no, I've never been I'd love to go It's the best place in the world. We got we got not stuff not stuff in I felt like nearly got it right. It is brilliant. I really want to go. Yeah. This Saturday I'm hosting an all day rooftop country party. Wow.

The third one. You're really into the country. The third one. Yeah. Nice. Raise 25 grand for charity. Have you ever written a country song? Nope. Would you ever do that?

Have you? It was lovely as well. I fucking hated it. It turns out our fans loved it. Yeah. He hates it because he's a musician. So he wrote it for a laugh and it's the most stream song he's ever made. Nearly the most stream. It's like that band who did, what is it? Hot dog jumping. They just wrote a gibberish song just to entertain themselves. And it was their biggest hit by

an absolute mile. It's not a bad song, Nashville. It's written for, for Adam Rowe. Yeah. It's from my perspective, isn't it? It's the Adam Rowe song. It took you, it took you 11 minutes. Yeah. I was waiting for a McDonald's delivery. That's what it was. That's, that's very apt for me as well. Yeah. So obviously you're about to go on tour. How long have you been in standup now? Eight years. Eight years, eight years in. And for those listeners of ours who don't know who you are and what your background is and what your family connections are,

your dad is Alastair Campbell. And I'm sure you're sick. Is that, is that? What? A fucking scoop here? I'm sure you're sick. Then my real dad is Mick Hucknall. It makes so much sense.

Yeah, it doesn't it? I've been saying it for years. I'm like, he's my real dad. No, my dad is Alistair Campbell. Yes. Are you bored of talking about that? Do you just want to talk about, Grace, or do you- No, I like talking about it. It sort of depends like how I'm talking about it, but like obviously, and it's like my dad's a fascinating person and like people are interested in him and he's also like now having this like second dad's a fascinating person and like people are interested in him and he's also like now having this like second wave in his career with this podcast.

He's doing bits. He's doing the O2 arena. He needs to go fuck himself. I saw them on the O2 arena like last week they went on top of the dome. That was weird. Yeah. Wasn't that quite weird? Yeah. They looked like school trip out. It was weird. They did. They look like children. So yeah, he's, but I don't mind talking about him. He's my dad. People might not know who Alastair Campbell is. He was a right back for Wigan. FA Cup with him right back for Wigan.

He was the architect of New Labour, essentially. Yeah, and he's a huge Burnley fan. Is he from Burnley? He will tell you that he is, but he's not. So he's a huge Burnley fan. Is he from Burnley? He will tell you that he is, but he's not. So he's a liar. He moved around a lot, but he is a lifelong Burnley fan. He goes to every single match. Well, that's for Ho-Man away.

It's fucking me. Is your dad in the away end of Burnley games? Burnley away. Your dad's in the lower, Annie, when we play Burnley at Anfield. He does. That can't be true, actually. It is true. He's got a mental illness.

And it's Burnley. It's Burnley. I know because I used to have to go to Burnley matches all the time when I was a kid and I just don't, I don't hate football. It's not that. It's just I have a very low attention span. I think if I'm going to dedicate my attention to something, they're too far away. I wish I was closer to them.

I like it when they fight though, but I used to have to go there a lot. And there was this guy who was like an obsessive Burnley fan and their colors are Clara and blue. And he had a child and he called her Clara Ann Blue. That was her name. Clara Ann. Ann Blue.

Wow. That was her name. Oh, he sounds like such a- And then he changed their surname to Burnley. So her full name was Clara Ann Blue Burnley. Can you imagine if you grew up and found out that was the point? And you think your dad's got a mental illness? That is insane.

I know. Up the Reds row Anfield. I play like Burnley, football but not Burnley. Burnley can fuck off. Yeah, that's next level innit. It's an in between us quote. I was itching to next level. In between us close. I was itching to do it. Look at me. I can get a few naming naming your kid after like a football player.

Yeah, that's all right. Alfie named his name. There's a kid at Jack's preschool called Edison. His dad's a man. Have you seen the one that's called his kid? Yeah, his first name is he's got he's like 10 in London. his dad's Man City fan. Have you seen the one that's called his kid, Arshaven? Yeah. His first name. Is he Scouts?

He's like 10 now. In London. It would work so much better if he was Scouts. Arshaven. It's Arshaven. This isn't footballers, but my brother teaches someone called Kanye. No way, man. I'm technically named after a footballer.

Because there's a footballer called Karl Heinz Riedler. Mum didn't know that. And Paul, my brother's Liverpool fan said, why don't you call him Karl? Jokingly, he said, okay. And I'm called Karl after, technically after a footballer. I do think there's a, you know, like that Clarence Amberley one is fucking stupid.

And Edison's on the edge, but I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Fine. Alfie called his son Becker after Alison Becker, but it's B-E-C-K-E-R. I think it's cool. Because it's a lad's name, it's not for a girl. I think it's a cool name.

It's a cool name as well. And also there's a fucking limit. Like Sammy Reno, his son's called Louis, after Louis Suarez. But you would never know, that's just for him, and it's for his dad and for him to be like, yeah. Louis Suarez's daughter is called Delphina, which is an anagram of Anfield.

Yeah. Well, my middle name is Rose after the labor Rose, the labor party Rose. Really? How embarrassing is that? I fucking love it. Not West. Yeah.

And then my other middle name. That just turned me on. You could have been called Turf Moore. So you don't know. I know. That is. That would have been my drag name. My other middle name is Iona because that's where John Smith,

the leader of the Labour Party before Tony Blair was buried. How weird is that? That is pretty fucking weird. My parents were so obsessed with the Labour Party. Were you born pre-New Labour? I was born exactly when new labor's like, um, John Smith died when I was born. Not the same day. I'm actually at and said, I'm reincarnated.

He died at the exact moment I was born, but John Smith died like just before I was born. And then that's when Tony Blair became the leader. My dad started working for him when I was three weeks old and then they won the first election on my third birthday. So I was very young. I don't remember any of it. The only thing I know about John Smith is that he's a shitpaint. Yeah, that little look that he gave me.

All of your listeners, you'll have missed that. They just gave me like, hey, come on. Sure, man. What, what, who would you name your kid after they've seen that one? Yakubu. Briggerbeard. Yakubu Rigabit Yakubu regla

Vincent Rigabit Row after the singer Rigabit's Humpadink What a day was a lot of politics chatting your house then It was like it was boring Yeah, well, I just was so young. I just didn't engage, but yeah, there was a lot of politics in like, I used to go to Downey street all the time. Cause my mom also works in Downey street. So they both worked there full time. But there's not going to be a lot, like your mom didn't come home and just start talking to you as a kid about nursing. Did she? Did she? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I didn't give a fuck. My brother was a physio. They both worked in the chest. They talk about

that all the time. I'm like, ah, born. Yeah. All the time. Your stand-up's not massively political though, is it? My first show was, my first show that I did, like my first like Edinburgh show that I then toured was about, it was called why I'm not going into politics. And it was basically just to address like the elephant in the room of who I was. And I did a show about like why I will never go into politics and why I like, like hate the British political system. And also to be like, I am not my dad. And then after that, like my next show was about like a breakup and then this show is

about an abortion. So when you blew up on like online, I saw clips of you and I think it was like the third clip I'd seen and you were flying at this point and then you mentioned in passing like Daddy Works in politics and I went, oh, like I genuinely, I'd seen loads of clips of yours and didn't know. So it's not like you're trading off that really at all. You're doing your own thing and you just did that show to sort of get that monkey off your back and go like that's done with. Because I think I've benefited from it in loads of ways, obviously, because it's meant

that people like at the beginning of my career, people would come to watch my shows because they'd be like, let's see what Alison Campbell's daughter has to say. So I definitely at the beginning was like, I'm just going to do this to be like, yeah, you can call me an epa baby. I really don't care. And then I'm gonna just move on to like whatever else I wanna talk about. I mean, my dad gets no mention in this show.

In the last show he had like a mention, but just as my dad, but obviously like it is always gonna be this, especially to certain people, like he's always gonna be this like slightly looming, like my whole life when I walk into some situations, it's the only thing people are thinking about no matter how good I look. That's the thing you don't talk about with like nepotism and being like a nepo baby or whatever is sometimes it sort of looms over and everyone's like, well I'm talking about

you. Like when I started stand up my dad's mates went going, do you know what? It's going to have some fucking great bits about painting and decorating this game. Someone once came up on the stage and hit me. Wow. While I was on stage in a gig in London. Because of your politics? Because they found out who my dad was. They like came up on the stage,

well she tried to hit me and she got pulled off of me. That was really early in my career. And now I am like, cause after that happened, I was like, right, well, I can, anything can happen now and it's not going to be like that. So like being heckled. I love it. Cause I'm like, well, at least you're not hitting me. And that also that Nepal baby thing, it's not selling tickets in fucking like, what do they think your advantages? It's really interesting. Like nepotism is very real and like, it's really good that we're talking about it because especially

in creative industries, like it is real. Like if you look at like so many people who are doing really well and then you're like, Oh, their dad is this person, whatever it is real. And I think it's better that it's like acknowledged. I just think I've had a very specific type of Nepo because it wasn't like I was going into same industry as him. And I also, a lot of people hate him. So it's like sometimes, sometimes it's definitely worked in my favor. Sometimes it hasn't. I don't really care. It's just been my like reality. Um, but he thinks it's hilarious. Like he is obsessed with my comedy. How is he? Yeah. He loves coming down to the shows. He's into it. He

does. He came to my show in London before I went to Edinburgh. He finds it difficult. Like this show is, is a, this isn't a really intense show that London before I went to Edinburgh. He finds it difficult. Like this show is a, this is a really intense show that I'm doing at the moment. And it's basically about, it's actually a really weird story, but you know how like when you do a tour, you have to decide the name of the show so far in advance? I don't know if you've ever had that, right?

So like I got asked to like come up with the name of the show and this was like 18 months before I was going to do the show and my dog could come on heat. I'd just gotten a dog and she'd come on heat. So I was like, Oh, cool. This show, Grace Campbell's on heat. It'll be about like getting a dog. My dog be on heat. Cause like when Eddie was on heat, it was kind of crazy. Have you ever had a dog on heat? I've only had boys. It's crazy. Like cause all of them everywhere we'd go, like all of these male dogs are trying to like fuck my dog. What's your dog called, sorry? Eddie. She's a girl called Eddie. Right.

After Eddie from Ab Fab. Okay. Yeah. Right. Anyway, Eddie came on heat and then what happened was I, so I was writing, I was sort of thinking this is going to be a show about getting a dog, fucking boring show, whatever. And then the day I got Eddie spayed, I got pregnant by accident. Same day, the day of so weird, so weird, busy, so busy. No, I always say it was like a weird fucked

up karma from like pro lifers of dogs. They're being like, fuck you. I'm going to get you pregnant now. Then you're going to have to have an abortion. So then I had an abortion and it's like a show about, it's funny that the abortion part is not that funny, but it's a funny show about, about, about men and like the, the, the story is kind of a crazy story and the way that some people dealt with the situation was out of hand and it, and it's, yeah, it's quite a stimulating story. And the show did really well in Edinburgh. I think it's a good show. It's got some like musical numbers in it as well.

And classic abortion show. Yeah. You brought that up in the context of your dad seeing your standup. Has he seen this show? He's seen this show. He's not seeing the song that I do. Because I do a song now, which is crazy

if you know me, because I'm like the least musically gifted person who's ever existed in the world. My dad's a bagpipe player and he's really, really, really good. Every social occasion he's ever been to, he'll bring the bagpipe. You've never heard the bagpipes at Burnley? That's Pig AC. It's the Turf Moor National Anthem. But so I'm not musically gifted now, I've got this song in the show. I don't know if I'm selling the show well, but it's the show is it was people have really loved it because it's like, it's quite silly the show, but it's about growing up and like all of the

things that like changed my perspective on life in having an abortion and getting a dog. Okay. Is there anything you've done on stage where you know your dad's in and you've just been like, I shouldn't be talking about this in front of my dad or like you or what have you changed? I'll still do it. No, I would never change it. Okay. No, but I, but I will think this is awful for them. How unfortunate for them that they've worked so hard to like raise a child. Now they're hearing her talk about like, he's seeing you do material about anal. Is that correct? Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, yeah. That's as, as yeah. He says when he's watching me, he disassociates. So the only way he can survive it is by saying

that is not my child. It just starts playing the bagpipes. Yeah. That's how you know he feels awkward. He's like happy place, happy place. I'm in the highlands. I am, I had the routine years ago in my first ever Edinburgh show, which was not very good. But the routine was about a breakup argument and like a really sort of bad and toxic argument I had with the next girlfriend as we were breaking up.

And there's a lot of sex stuff in that argument and that story and like was sort of a point of contention in our relationship. And we eventually were just fine with each other to the point where she was like, oh, I'm coming to your show with my fiance. And she turned up and I was like, oh shit, that is actually about her.

Cause I disassociate from my bits about- Yeah, same. From being about real people. Especially after you're over something. Totally. So I actually got there, I was like, actually I've seen in the show about, I'm just like, I've got to do it.

Cause it's my final preview before I didn't report. And she was like, I'll be fine. After the show, Aaron and Fionn say come up to me to be like, yeah, class. And like she was fine with it. And I could just see on his face, he was like, I am not happy about that at all. The stuff I've done about my dad and stuff,

like about him, where I'm just being like, ah, I don't know whether he's gonna love this. But then afterwards he's always been fine. I've never pre-warned him. Can I ask you a question, right? If you had gone out with a standup and then you'd broken up with them and then you found out

they're doing material about your relationship I would not be able to not know what they're saying would you because I I'm convinced that my exes must send spies to my show it's that really main character of me but like I feel like I would need to know what is she saying about our relationship? Yeah, but I'd go. Yeah, 100% upset. I'd just go and I'd be fucking cap on at the back. Oh, 100%. Do you think you would go? I think I'd be quite scared to know if I, this is why I would never date a stand up,

but if I dated a stand up and then I would be quite scared to actually be there and talk about me. I've dated stand ups. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeff Norcock. But luckily he's quite political. No, I have, yeah. And nothing's got back to me that they're doing bits.

But if I like the two relationships where they were comics, they ended kind of badly with me being a dick. And I think it's fair game. If they've got a bit about me being a fucking knobhead and it's funny, I respect the game more than my feelings on that. Like if they, if what they can take from us,

our breakup is a decent bit, then it would, I'd be a dick comic to be like, you can't do that. You're a comic purest, Dan. Yeah, I don't mind. You're a comic before you're a man. Take one, take one bit away, happily. But I would want to see it. I wouldn't be sending my mates, like, what was it like?

I was good. Like, give me the details. I don't be sending my mates, like, what was it like? Oh, yeah, it was good. What, like, give me the details. I don't know, just about you being a nob. Like, I would want to see it. I'd say I'd want to see a video of it, I think. Not on Netflix. Not on Netflix, no. But I think about this a lot, because it's like, sometimes I think, like, why do people date me?

You know? Stop. That's not very main character, actually. Stop. No,. No, but like the anal such a high risk that I'm going to like do a bit about because that's what all, especially the last two, two to three years, all of my bits have been about men that I've dated. I'm evolving a bit more because like I'm running out of those stories, but I, I would now I think if I was a man, I'd think long and hard about it. Maybe they're a bit main character. Like, yeah, was a man, I'd think long and hard about it. Maybe they're a bit main character, like, yeah.

Do a bit about me. So I've always said this, there are two types of men, okay? Am I allowed to talk graphically about sex? Yeah. Yeah, let me just check. Oh, hang on. Yes. We'll break new ground for us, but you know what?

No, we did just read the lyrics of Dick, Dad and Daddy. So. Yeah. Try and reach our level, go on. So there are two types of men. There are the men who like never ever want me to talk about them in my standup. And then there are men who are always like,

are you gonna do that as a bit? Like what are you gonna say in your standup about me? And they always, the men who don't want me to talk about them in my standup, that don't make any sound when they come, like no sound. Like, you know, I don't know how you guys, but like basically sometimes you have sex with a man and when they come, it's like a ghost has passed through the room, like there is no sound and you're like,

what, like did it happen? We have to put a sound on. I have to say I've come. Wait, can I finish my- You have to say I've come. Wait, can I finish my... You have to say you've come. Oh, I don't think I've ever come without going, I've come. Yeah, but like... I just like reaffirm it, like, guess what that was.

Yeah, it was. You fuck your wife. Yeah, yeah. And then as you finish, you go, come. Yeah. I do this. Dick. I don't think I've ever did this. You don't make a sound.

No, I go, I say I'm about to call Laura up, come. I don't think I've ever just gone, yes. Yeah, but that's a sound. I'm talking about, like when I say, like a ghost is in the room, like there's like a shiver. And then you're like, was that an exorcism? And then you're like, did you come? And then you're like, okay, they did come.

And then the other ones, the ones who are desperate for me to talk about them in my standup are always the guys who like, when they come, it's like they're crying out for their moms to come and pick them up. Like that kind of vibe. I think there's a big middle ground that you're missing, you know.

I don't know how you're hitting the binary here, but like I'm telling you right now. It's just from my experience. It's just from my body count. That is a big orgasm where you go, mom, like not sorry. That is my, I was dating a guy who I would be like, are you okay? Like has something happened in the last 30 seconds? He's come. Yeah, but like, it's like he's just been reminded

of like some deep kind of trauma from his childhood as it was happening. I think I make a bit of noise, you know? Yeah, you have to make a noise. No, it's not voluntary. I'm not choosing it. I'm like, yeah, it's a completely involuntary thing. Kabow! Hey, wow! Got you! Isn't it? I'm like, yeah. It's a completely involuntary thing. What?

Kabow! Hey, wow! Got you! Like, bad ass. Have it! Have that. Gerard! Grace, did Tony Blair ever buy you Christmas presents?

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Everyone's been thinking. Good question. I think. No, he didn't. Did me?

No, that's bad. I've never bought his. Sheree did though. No, absolutely not. Oh, some Blair bitching. Are we going to spill some tea? No. Blair bitch project.

No. Why? Just did it because I was going to spill some tea? No. Blair bitch project. No. Why? Just didn't get any Christmas presents. Why? She's from Liverpool isn't she Shreve-Bram? You're getting confused with Chrissie Rock. I don't think we claim her. Well. They're very different people. Oh man I'd expect like a certain boss from Well... They're very different people. Oh, man, I'd expect like a certain boss from the man who runs the gaff. What do you mean?

I run this gaff and I don't get it. It's President's Day. Her dad run the gaff? Yeah. Just from Berry, Shane's house. No. Oh, sorry. Not north-west, but that's her southern address. Where is that?

Like, Manchester way. An hour and a half away. Was he cool? She definitely used to say that she was from Liverpool. I remember that very well. Her dad was that famous actor. Oh yeah, he was in Alf Garnet, wasn't he? Yeah.

We got the same birthday. You and Cherie Blair? Yeah. No way. What was your birthday? 23rd of September. That's my best friend's birthday, Anna. Next week. Shout out to Anna.

Yeah. And Cherie Blair. Yeah. I can't believe Anna has the same birthday as Sherrie Blair. That's blowing my mind. When you went to school, were there people asking these kind of questions? No, no one at my school cared. Everyone was cool. I went to a state school in Camden, no one gave a fuck.

No one cared at all. Literally no one gave a fuck. That must have been really, really funny. When she was at school, she was like seven, someone comes up and goes, Tony Blair never brought you Christmas presents. It's a fucking gold question though. We have a research department who obviously does like bits of research and stuff. And it says you claim at one point you were addicted to men.

Yeah. Is that true? And you went on 28 dates in two months. Yeah, that was not actually part of that phase that I did that because I had a tax bill that I had to pay. Sorry, are you charging them? No, that was a podcast that I did because I needed to pay my tax bill. Worse, I have not been on a date since then. But before then, I basically broke up with someone. I don't know if this ever happened to you guys, when you break up with someone and then the thought of being alone I don't know if this ever happened to you guys when you break up with someone and then the thought of being alone is just incomprehensible.

So I just like, Oh, thank God. What does the bell mean? It's just bullshit. Oh, okay. And then so I was like really obsessively like mass-aiding different men, which has all got too much. And then now I've gone the other way.

And I'm just like away from them. Fair. Not from in this room. There's a lot of male energy in this room. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's what we've been running on. I've relapsed.

Powered by doing a podcast. Can't even talk from on the air in any way, shape or form. Shall we call a break and come back with some bits? Just before we go into this section, Grace, your talk kicks off in a month. Where do people get tickets if they want them? DisgraceCampbell.com, people get tickets if they want them? Um, disgracecambl.com. Okay. My website, if you didn't get that.

I like it. Yeah, that's my Instagram handle, disgracecambl. I was blessed with a good name. Well, not my middle names, but my first name. Have you got anything that you'd like to put in our jarg room 101, room 102, just disappear it from existence for all time So many things good. Well, I have like a really big issue with bad breath Obviously everyone has an issue about breath. I'm very sensitive to like smells

So I went to a party recently and I just was having to give out chewing gum to absolutely everyone I think I seen something on a twisty and it. And it says, why does everyone with bad breath always want to tell you a secret? Yeah. Yeah. It's so true. They're always so in your fucking face and they're always on Coke.

That's the problem. Yeah. Coke makes your breath really bad. So yeah, I gave out a whole packet of chewing gum at this party. Cause I was going like your breath stinks. Like I'll talk to you if you have a chewing gum. Will you literally be that blonde till I say?

Yes, because don't you think that's kinder than them going up? I do, yeah. And then other people being like, his breath smells. Like, because that's like, that stays with you. It's like, if you smell, people do say that, you know, like you smell, I never forget a bad smell. So bad breath.

Is it all smells that do you read in? I'm bad with, I'm really bad with smells. I've got a mate that can't stay in Airbnb. She's just given up on Airbnb's. She's banned. Cause they'll put air fresheners like, you know, cause they're trying to be like, oh, we've made it nice. And it smells too weird for her to stay there.

Cause there's been an air freshener and she's like, oh, I can move the air freshener to another room. She's so like OCD about smells. I've got really weird like issues with smell and sound basically, but sound more so. Like I have really weird like issues with if I can hear something, like say when I'm performing, if I can hear any kind of sound that isn't me speaking

apart from laughter, I can't concentrate on what I'm saying. It's really like, so if someone speaks, I just stop and I have to be like, what are you talking about? Can you stop talking? And then I go back to the show. It must be some part of my whatever illness I have. And then I can't open fridges or bins. That's not strong enough.

Cause I don't like the smells. How would you eat? Just like rice cakes and Marmite. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Hang on, you've got to think what smells, what Marmite? You're just fine with Marmite. Where to keep your Marmite?

Marmite stays in the cupboard. Yeah, I don't think it goes in the fridge. It'd be too hard wouldn't it if it was in the fridge? Yeah. Too tough. Everyone I know who has Marmite keeps it in the fridge once it's opened. I think it's keep refrigerated once it's opened. I think it's keep refrigerated once open. I think we're in three months.

I think we're cupboardy. What? I think we're cupboardy. No, definitely in the cupboard. I do think Marmite needs to like figure out because like when you get take Marmite, why is it always then like it lands on the side of the pot and it's always Marmite everywhere. And I don't like the squeezy one anyway. That's a whole nother thing.

But yeah, so bad smells. I don't like there was a man on the train up here from London today, had his feet out, like his actual feet, like out of his socks underneath. Yeah, his whole feet. I took a bit of a trip. I did that on the plane. Are you joking?

No. But you were in business class. Yeah. That's fine. Was it under a blanket? So no. So I don't like being particularly hot when I'm trying to sleep.

So when I put the bed down to go to sleep on the way to Australia, I have my feet out. And then at one point I woke up cause I needed a way. So I just went to the toilet. And when I came out the toilet, there was a tiny Singaporean lady who was just holding two slippers and was like, for you. Oh, that's nice.

Cause there's piss on your socks. She worked there. She did work there, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's just a slipper lady. Yeah. But I just went in me bare feet because everyone else was fucking asleep and I just was hopeful that someone had pissed all over the floor.

I was bright. Before you did. It was for, I had to sit down, wait. Hang on. I can, first of all, I'm absolutely giving you bad breath because you can have that one going in room one or two. My, I think it's weird when, this is a weird inverted sexism. because you can have that one going in room one or two. I think it's weird when, this is a weird inverted sexism,

but I think when blokes have got bad breath, you're like, oh, I fucking saw it out, mate. But when girls have got stinky breath, I don't know why that just registers even more. Like a girl with fucking honking breath is so, when I was younger and you were trying to like crack on with girls and then someone would have really dry breath. Well that's why it affects you more

because you want to get with them and then it's so like disgusting. That's how when a man has bad breath, like, sorry, I just remembered a time. Who's your dream mom? I asked the pertinent questions in this place. Yeah, I know, the the caveats. Um, well, you just mentioned Adam driver. I used to be obsessed with Adam driver. Have

you had bad breath? Just get chewing gum. Well, but what if he had halitosis? Yeah, that's going to be a deal breaker. I don't think I'd be able to do that. So it's totally even Adam. Well, how does this is like? no, I wouldn't be able to do that. What was our IT teacher called? Mr. Morgan. Mr. Morgan. Did he have halitosis? He had something, mate.

He either had halitosis or he used to chew poo. It smelled, it smelled, it was evil. Have you seen in the Simpsons movie when the lake changes color and goes evil? That was it. I can see his tooth. You know what I'm talking about? He only had one tooth.

No. Oh right. No, but he had one very fucking energetic one. You know what I mean? Like he had his teeth and then he had one that was just like, what's happening? That would have been the cause of the smell. Yeah. Yeah.

It would have been like a rotting. Like there was a tooth that was trying to shake your hand. You know what I mean? Take your eye out. I missed a Morgan be like a rotting. Like there was a tooth that was trying to shake your hand. I'm Mr. Morgan's tooth. He hasn't got any teeth. He struggles to talk. Yeah. Bad breath goes in. Bad breath absolutely goes in. Feet out.

I don't know. Feet out. You can't put a smell. There's a time and a place for your feet out. I felt on the train today when people were eating, it was a bit much. What about for women's wearing like sandals? I think then I get that, cause probably, cause sometimes if I'm wearing

really high heels on stage, I will, my feet will get tired and I will take them off while I'm on stage. But I'm quite far away from them. I'm in massive venues, sort of thousands of seats vibe. I'm not right in front of the person. Also, if they've been in sandals, they've had a bit of fresh air, haven't they? Yeah. So it's the smell of feet. It's not like you just don't like feet. I'm not right in front of the person. Also, if they've been in sandals, they've had a bit of fresh air, haven't they?

So it's the smell of feet, it's not like you just don't like feet? No, I like feet. I just thought it was kind of grim. I was eating my lunch and looking at this man's socks off. Socks off? Yeah, obviously socks on, it's fine. Oh no, that's a yellow card, come on. That's what I was saying, I was socks off on the plane. Because I want to be cold to go to sleep.

Fuck. You went to the toilet with nothing on your feet whatsoever? Yeah. You're a mad man. Why am I a mad man? Everyone else was asleep. Who gives a shit? There might be piss on the floor. There probably was.

There wasn't. And it drove. There was piss on the floor. Do you know what they've done? I don't understand. An enemy socks either. That's worse. It's worse.

Pissy socks. I don't have pissy feet. Oh, put your shoes on. He would have. He saw the piss. You're telling me you're asleep on a plane in the bed and you get up to go to the toilet and you're putting your shoes on to go to the toilets. You're a liar and a charlatan. I keep my jeans on. Your jeans? My jeans. My hemi-jimis. Do you know where

he wore jeans to fly to Nashville? Nine hours in jeans. You're lying. They nearly excommunicated me. That is really weird. That's really weird. I was in business class. And we all pulled them up on it. And he was like, you're all fucking mad. Jeans are great. I love jeans mate. If I could fly with no clothes on a wood. Yeah. You can, but only once. There'll be a little Singaporean lady outside with underpants. The dressing gown. Please. I don't think it's bad breath that goes in. It's people who let themselves get bad breath

because you can't put a smell in because we can't just eradicate smells but just fucking sort your life out, brush your teeth. Also, I do think tell other people, I really would hate to think I'd been on a night out and my breath had smelt and no one had told me. I would hate to think I'd been on a night out and my breath had smelt and no one had told me. I would hate to think that. I'd much rather people say your breath smells

and then I would go home. People who don't look after the breath. You got any more? Do you want me to do one from the listener just to... Max says, room 102, people who put their dogs in prams, what the fuck are you lot doing? Does my head in? Who's that? People do.

Yeah, they do. But also, sorry, I'm gonna... They're not big dogs. I'm gonna defend that. When you have a dog and they're like old, you don't want them to die. So you would do anything for them to stay alive. Right. That is what that's about.

Oh, yeah. I did see... Is putting them in a pram do? Well, because if I had a dog that was too old, she couldn't walk anymore. But what are you taking her then? You roll around the park. Just leave her in the house. Taking them out and about.

Just leave her in the house. I've never put a dog in a pram, by the way, I have to say, but I would. Eddie, if Eddie needed to go in a pram, I'd put her in a pram. But like, why don't you just leave her at home? Because she still deserves to go out and about. She's, you know, still living her life.

She's not- What kind of dog is that? She's a King Charles Spaniel. You probably could just carry her then. Yeah, that's true, but I would quite like the flex of having a dog in a pack. I think it's a bit different if they're sort of like decrepit or injured.

Yeah. I think it's the little dog baskets. Yeah. Is it Pomeranians? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Again, there was a guy on the train up here.

I heard this meowing, right? And I was like, where the fuck is that coming from? He had a cat in his back and then he pulled a cow out of his bag. And at first I thought it was a Furby, you know the toys from Furby's? I was like, that's a Furby. And then I was watching it and I was like,

oh my God, it's an actual cat. And it was this, this also repulsed me. It was on the table where like the next person on the train is going to eat their food. Is this a grown man? This is a grown adult man. Okay. And the cat was on the table where like the next person is going to come on with their food and eat from this table. And the cat was like licking the table licking its paws like cats saliva all over the table. And I watched him he didn't wipe like it was really bugging me out. Anyway. I know it was really weird. It was the journey up was really weird.

And then I was trying to sort of connect with the man cause I was like being like, oh, your cat's really cute. And he was looking at me like, why are you talking to me? And it's like, you have a fucking cat on a train. Like you're asking for attention. Don't talk about my cat. I'm going to go and say though, it would have been weird

if this grown man had a Furby. That would be more worrying if he just got out of his backpack. Yeah, that would have been very nonsy. Frankie says for room 102, pianos in airport departure lounges. Fuck off, we're shattered. You're not Mozart. This isn't BGT. Where are these cunts flying from?

I know, where's all this? There's one in Houston, isn't there? Mm, and King's. There's one in St. Pancras. There's always someone on that. There's one in Liverpool, one. I just think people who hate buskers and stuff like this just don't appreciate beauty and art.

Hang on. This is not buskers. This is a piano that's left there for any not bed to have a go on. When people sit down and play it brilliantly, that's great. What they're saying is fucking pianos are just there for people to just bang their. I've never seen that.

Oh, I have. Oh, yeah. There's one in Liverpool, one. There's one at the top of the stairs on Liverpool one. Yeah, I've never seen, I've never seen. No, I agree. I've never seen someone bad do this. I have, I've seen loads someone bad doing it.

I've seen loads of Instagram reels of people being brilliant. In real life, it's just fucking Scallies having a bang on a piano. In Scented Pancreas, I've only ever seen like incredible people playing the piano. I think you said Scented Pancreas. Those reels of people being good at it has been getting on my nerves recently. It's been coming up on my algorithm a lot. And they've at first they were great because they were real. And now they get into the point where they've got like three cameras set up.

And a child comes up and goes, can I sing? Do you know Celine Dion? The hat goes on. And he goes, yeah, I do. Yeah. And then just plays it. The kids wearing a mic. Yeah. Got a lapel mic on. Oh my God. uh, yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. And then just plays it. The kid's wearing a mic. Yeah.

Got a lapel mic on. Oh my God. And it presents us like the real video. Talking about something going in room one or two, companies doing a fake, oh, we let the Gen Z person produce our marketing reel. And then it's the- The first one was great though.

But why does every company just rip off the original idea? So it just becomes the most hack shit. This is lit. Yeah, but the- No shit this is lit no cap. The Currys one? No it wasn't Currys it was um the one where they're like I'm gay. What? Have you not seen that ad it was a Christmas ad oh my god what was the it's like Currys but it's not Currys it's another shop it's called Richard what's that shop? No idea. Have you malfunctioned? Can you Google the Christmas advert?

Richard Sals? We've got Finn to Google. It's like a really famous, how have you not seen this? PC World. Richard Walker. No, they're like, hello, I'm Grace and I work at Boora and I am gay. And then the next one's like,

I am a lesbian. Have you not seen this? Google, like, it's, oh what is that? Google I'm gay. And then the next one's like, I am a lesbian. Have you not seen this? No. Google, like it's, oh, what is that? Google, I'm gay. Google, I'm gay Christmas advert. I'm gay Christmas advert. Robert Dyer's. Robert Dyer's, that's it. It's crazy.

What the fuck's Robert Dyer's? Oh, I have seen it. It's crazy. It's class as well. It's really, really funny. It's really amazing. Nine years ago now. Yeah, it's a Christmas.

It's like one of the best things. Like you have to watch it. Have you seen the new trend of the, the Jen's? Yes. The Currys one was the first one I saw was great. It's just been done. It's every time I go on Instagram. I liked the one of the Airbnb.

It was like the mom on TikTok. Yeah, no, that was the first one. You're wrong. When she's like, yeah. The Airbnb was the first one. It was the BnB and somewhere random. And it was the mom, the the girls giving her all these lines. The algorithm there, you've been had.

And me. They jumped on the trend and stole it. And you're like, oh, Cody's did that. Cody's a full of fucking shit, mate. I don't know which one to go with. I'll go with Ginger Panda, cause why not? Room 102 suggestion, calling tall or fat blokes? Big man. I didn't mind it when I was a kid, but now I'm 30. Always seems to be some five

foot eight prick saying it. I'm six foot four. I'd honestly rather be called a fat cunt. Cheers boys. That's from the Ginger Panda. I'm sorry, but I have absolutely zero sympathy with tall people complaining about anything that comes with being tall you're tall You get all the tall stuff big man's cool as well. Oh, yeah, I think I think big man's kind of a compliment Yeah, it's a nice way of acknowledging. They're a big fat Yeah, he's just said when he's a fat big man Absolutely call the big a big man a big man. Well, they fuck it who's gonna go? If it's a fat person, I think that's quite rude.

Yeah. Because they're like, like that's an insult, but being tall comes with all sorts of benefits. You're up there, you can see everything, you can reach everything. Women wanna fuck you more. Yeah, basketball career's a possibility. Yeah.

You know? Mm. It's all true. It's very true. Like, zero sympathy for any and tall people complaining about you're tall, you've got a good hand, crack on. Yeah and fuck you on planes. That's when the short man thrives with a leg room. In your jeans.

Tall people would never wear jeans on a plane. Um, one more, uh, Michael McBride says room one or two suggestion, uh, people who cheer and clap in cinemas at big moments can get to fuck. Oh, I don't know. I think I do that. It's Marvel. No, no, I think sometimes I do do that. No, no, no. I'm like so enthusiastic when I'm watching stuff and I forget that there are other people there. What's the last film you watched in the cinema? Well, the last time I got asked to leave the cinema was when I went to see the Amy Winehouse film, which is so bad.

And I was so loud about how bad it was. And I actually got asked to leave. Yeah, that's been quite animated about it. How many warnings did you get before you were thrown out? One, I didn't leave. I just stopped speaking. But I am very, I'm sure you can tell I speak really loudly. I have, I think I'm a bit deaf. So I talk really loudly naturally.

So I get shushed a lot wherever I go, but yeah. But that's not whoop, that's not like cheering. No, but like say for example in, what's a good example? Titanic. Yeah, I cheered loads now. Yeah. When it went down. Fucking get in.

That's what we came for. There's an iceberg. Yes. The icebergs. No, it's when the nerds cheer like Iron Man shooting someone. That's mainly America, isn't it? You see the videos of them.

Like the Marvel films now have a point where they like stop. Like in the Spider-Man film, the last one that came out, the original Spider-Men were in it, spoilers. And Andrew Garfield comes through and stops for three seconds to allow people to cheer in the cinema. That's mad. But when you just watch it at home, it looks fucking insane. That's actually really embarrassing. They're giving an applause break. That's really embarrassing. That's mad. But when you just watch it at home, it looks fucking insane. That's actually really embarrassing.

They're giving an applause break. That's really embarrassing. It's mental. That's like when a new comics, like write their set out and they put like laughs in brackets. There'll be some laughs here. Pause for laughter. And they predict, it's like when you,

and you predict how long a set's gonna be and then it's like 10 minutes short. Or like when you write out a set and then you go, encore. Yeah. And that bit never gets done. Do you know who I think is the worst for that? Go on. Mickey Rooney.

It's a face all the time. It's got one allowed. Yeah, it's got one allowed. He's just got it being Christopher Bolton with his. Oh, he changed it, isn't he? Oh, he's got it. He's got it. He's got it.

He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. It's a game we play in the office that hate each other. Trying to do a fucking podcast. So you have to get someone to basically... How does he even remember at that point? We've like fucking... And we've been recording for four hours today and he's like, I'll get him right at the end

when he's tired. If I say, Grace, you the end when he's tired. If I say, Grace, you haven't chose out there, you go, here we go. Mickey Rooney, you lose a point and I gain a point. So that's on minus four now. If you want to hang out with us anytime. We're fired. Grace, if you're looking for some fun times.

But if you all decide it was Mickey Rooney. No, my uncle invented the game back in the late 90s. OK, but so who it's it could be anyone. No, my uncle invented the game back in the late nineties. Okay. But, but so who it's, it could be anyone. No, no. It has to be Mickey Rooney. But if you call it, if you go, Oh, is it Mickey Rooney? Then it flipped. I lose a point. Oh, okay. Okay. If I say Jeff Goldblum, people might be like, why is he here? Let's get him on. Where did he come from in my head? Jeff Goldblum. You love Jeff recently. That's why. I love him.

You're a Jeffsman. I'm Jeff Heavy. He's John, you're Jeff. Shall we do some advice? You seem like you've got your life together, Disgraced Campbell. Here to help solve your problems. You can't even. If you'd like all your Solved by Professional Nobheads, have a wordpod at gmail.com. We'll get right on it.

This is from Anonymous. Lads, I need some advice, and it has to be anonymous. In short, my girlfriend of five years left me a few months back because she met a new fella. I was completely broken and couldn't wrap my head around it as things had seemed so good. Recently I found out that the fella she's left me for is actually a well-known comedian. The worst part about it is he's seemingly on everything I want to watch. Panel shows, random guest appearances on what I'm watching on telly and on everything I watch on my phone. I think my TikTok algorithm keeps feeding me him because I end up hate watching his clips. Do you have any advice on how I get over this

or how I avoid his stupid fucking face coming up everywhere? So it's quite interesting. Who is it? Do we know? I know who it is. I reckon I know who it is. What? I know who it is. Can we say it and bleep it out?

Yeah. No. Jeff Goldblum. It's Mickey Rooney. Are you going for that, aren't you? No. Aren't you? No. Aren't you? No.

Grace is on the board now. Wanna. I mean, you just gotta fucking block him. Block his name. You can do that on Twitter, can't you? Block their name, block the words. You can't block the TV channel, Dave. Yeah, but you just don't watch it.

Just don't put Dave on. No, you just avoid it. I haven't watched Dave for ages on purpose. Why, who's Sarah Kiddating? Nobody, it you just don't watch it. You just avoid it. I've watched David ages on purpose. Why who's Sarah could date and nobody's just, it would be a real kicker if your Mrs left you and then started dating your favorite comic. It's similar to James A. Castors bit, isn't it? Where his ex then went out with Rowan Atkinson. So he got dumped for Mr. Bean. Yeah, but he got the best bit ever. Didn't he? Yeah. And it's very So he got dumped for Mr. Bean. Yeah, but he got the best bit ever. Didn't he? Yeah. It is very, very, very Mr. Bean. Like it's, he must've just gone belt her.

It's the risk. It's the risk. You've got, well, I suppose if you're dating like someone famous, you run the risk of seeing them again. But if she's left them for someone famous. Yeah. That's the thing. Like he's not chosen that. Yeah. That has been thrust. Well, I suppose it's the risk you take, you know, when you date anyone. I know. You know, I could date someone and then she could leave me and end up with fucking Tom Cruise or fucking, you know. Mickey Rooney. Paul Giamatti.

Where are we calling these celebrities from? Where's she going? She's from West Derby. Have you heard who Stacey's dating? Paul Giamatti. It's mad, isn't it? Previously Tom Cruise and Adam Rowe. I don't know, mate.

You have a break from your fucking phone. Yeah. Get into books. Do you know what can I say? Because I've had to have this in the other way around, where I've had to, where I've dated people, and then they, like, I have to keep seeing them. And you have to go out of your way in every way

to avoid any of that Stop watching TV delete social media for a period of time Any of us honestly, have you ever had to have a little sort of detox from socials? Have you ever done that? Have you are you just yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I go off a bit a lot Oh, really you have a little like fallow periods where you're I go off of it a lot. Oh really? You have a little like fallow periods where you're off. I go off for like two weeks at a time. When you're not on it.

Watch Emily in Paris. He needs advice. I do, yeah. I don't go on it that much. It's really interesting. So I've been deleting. Basically, I wrote about my abortion a few months ago and since then I've been getting death threats.

Like my relationship with Instagram now is not as fun because every time I go on there, someone's tagged me in a post and called me a murderer. And so I've started deleting it for like periods of time, just cause then I'm like, it's so much nicer not being on it. And then now I've got it on my phone. I reckon I've been on it for about four minutes today to post. Like I did a story when I was in Liverpool. So has your stuff shared by all the pro lifers and now you're like a figurehead for pro choice? When I went after this thing that I wrote came out, I knew this was going to happen,

because people will be like, well, what did you expect? I knew it was going to happen. And that's why I wanted to write about it, because this is why abortions are still really hard to talk about. Because when people do, they get this kind of response and then that stops people from wanting to do it. But what I said was that I felt no one had prepared me for how depressed I would be afterwards. I was really, really like suicidally depressed for a few months. Like it was, it was not good. And that's all I said was that like, I think we should be allowed to talk about these things in like a complicated, nuanced way. And then a lot of American pro lifers took that as me saying I am pro life and I don't know it.

So like I've been writing these really long think pieces about how I actually don't know it but I am anti abortion, which is amazed. Like not I mean, it's really funny. But then these people are that they're kind of extreme people. A lot of Americans, then it's all America. Yeah. Yeah. So I think there's no nuance in it. Like as if you're like, you know what? I'm pro choice and I'm getting this abortion. I'm not even asked. Like every woman who's been through that isn't

torn at some point, like emotionally. And I think this is what annoys me so much with these things. One of the things I wanted to put in room one or two, but then I thought maybe this will bring the vibe down, but I've already brought the vibe back down, but I will bring it back up. Is we, I don't think talk enough about, it's not like getting a tooth removed or something like that. It is a procedure that has an effect on you and on men as well.

Like it's for everyone involved. It's like- Even if it's the right choice. 100%, but like when I had mine, there was no warning of like, what could happen. And so when it did happen, when I like was in a really bad way, I was so ashamed because I was like, everybody has like, everybody has abortions, like everyone gets them. No one has this reaction, there must be something fundamentally weak in me. And then when I wrote this piece, it was,

it was just completely mind blowing. And since I've done the show, it's just been mind blowing. The things that people have said to me about it, of them thinking that they were like the only people, because you sort of do grieve a bit. Yeah. Even though you're happy that you could do it, you've lost like something has gone in your body and your, and your hormones are used to being pregnant and suddenly you're not pregnant. Anyway, we don't talk about it enough. And the thing that I was gonna put in room 102 is men who insist on not wearing condoms. I want them to go in room 102.

Insist on it? Yeah. Is that a thing? The raw dog is? Yeah. But they ain't like, I'm not doing it. Well, like they'll try, they'll just be like, you know, it's much nicer without.

And then you get pregnant. Well, guilty is charged. But I've got a good pull out game mate. Great pull out game. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and some people do, and some people do, but like I also think people know when they have not successfully pulled out

and they should tell you that they haven't. Yeah, you can have that. I don't think we're gonna fight you on this one, Grace. No, no, no, obviously you're not. I win. Yeah, someone very close to me in my life was talking about this because she'd had an abortion. And she was like, I was a hundred percent

and I knew it was right. She was young and she'd do it again, but doesn't mean that in that moment you aren't like broken by it because you get what's going on. Like if this thing of like, oh my God, it's disgusting what you're doing, like as if that person just rolling into it couldn't give a shit. Yeah. I find it really interesting.

I get a lot of, I try and watch stuff I don't believe in so that my algorithm sends me stuff that I don't believe in because I want to sort of hear what other people are saying. And I'm getting a lot of American politics at the minute because of like the election coming up and I'm interested in it and seeing what's going on in the absolute bin fire that we call the planet. And abortion is such a massive thing in this election.

And just as someone who doesn't ever comment on it because it doesn't really feel like any of my business or whatever, I do think we're a billion years away from any sort of a bridge between the two sides and what people believe when it comes to abortion. Because obviously I'm a very pro-choice person, do whatever you want with your body and whatnot. The problem is, is that neither side,

and this happens with any sort of polarizing arguments I find, neither side wants to acknowledge the other side, they just want to shout at them. So it's like they don't know what the other side believes really because people who are pro-life believe that you're killing a baby. Now I don't agree with that. You know what I mean? People who are pro-choice believe you're not doing that. You're getting rid of some cells in your body that haven't developed yet. Now they are so far apart as opinions and what beliefs are.

And they're so far apart as beliefs. And they're not even remotely the same thing to each other. So both sides are actually talking about two completely different things. Because one side is saying, I don't think we should be allowed to kill babies. And the other side is saying, we're not killing babies, but they believe they are and they believe they're not.

And there's never ever, ever. But this is kind of what I've been doing and this is everything that I'm saying is that I'm not in any way pro-life. But my point is that the problem that's happened is because we as like pro-choice people are so scared of anyone being like you're pro-life, but my point is that the problem that's happened is because we as like pro-choice people are so scared of anyone being like you're pro-life that we don't want to say it was quite difficult what I had to go through because then we're worried that people will

be like, well, we should take away your right to have that freedom, which is a very real fear that we all have because if you look at what's happening in America, it is being taken away from people. So you don't want to complain. But then it means that there isn't enough of a conversation with other people who are having abortions of like, FYI, take fucking iron supplements. If you have enough money to have acupuncture, because that is absolutely life-changing. If anyone listening knows anyone going through an abortion,

if they can get acupuncture, it just regulates your hormones. Because what your body goes through is crazy. And if we had more of that conversation without it being like you're saying so fucking extreme of like if you're on one side, you're going to get canceled by the other side. And if that's the thing that it's very isolating when you're going through it, cause you feel like a bad person either way. Um, I think it's really good. We just have, yeah, it feels like a really important chat, but let me follow it with some sex advice.

Anonymous lady. Imagine if it was from anonymous guy. My missus won't let me just roll. She's always going on. How do I improve my pullout method? Get some fucking acupuncture. Sounds like a nightmare, mate. Leave her.

Anonymous, from anonymous lady. Hi, Lids, I need some anonymous advice. I've been with my boyfriend now officially for coming up two months. We were having sex last week and in the midst of it all, when I was on top, he called me mistress and tried to encourage me to be more dominant. He asked if I liked it and I sheepishly said

to not be awkward and ruin the moment. Sorry, I sheepishly said yes, to not be awkward and ruin the moment, but it was an instant turn off for me and I find it weird. Everyone's into different things and that's absolutely fine, but it's not for me. And now my boyfriend thinks it's something I'm into. He keeps on acting submissive in the bedroom and I don't know how to break it to him that I'm getting weirded out by it. And I also don't know if this is a deal breaker for the relationship. What should I do?

I think it's a deal breaker for the relationship, what should I do? I think it's a deal breaker. Well, I think the problem is then now, cause you've like gone along with it for a bit. If you turn around, you're like, I actually don't like it. He's going to take it personally. Yeah. I think he did talk it personally anyway. It's kink shame after the fact, didn't it?

Almost. Maybe just try. It's like your kinks giving me the ick and actually maybe it's too late now. Cause maybe I have the ick too bad to come back from it I I think I also think I break up with him That is the answer because I Genuinely believe that you have to have a similar thing like sex is a huge part of relationship

It's not just like a baseline thing. It's a huge fucking deal. Yeah. And the problem is now you're going to worry that if you say you don't like it, you're going to worry that you are not satisfying him. But you wouldn't be, would you? Exactly. And then you're going to just be like, well, he's probably going to go. I can't believe he can't pick up on it that she's not into it. Surely if you're with someone that intimately and they're like, yeah, I'm, you just do this for me. You could, you'd be able to pick up the,

she's not into it. I'm sorry. No. A lads too thick about this stuff. The amount of times that I've had to be like, I obviously did not come. And then they're like, really? And I'm like, were you there?

I've had women say that to me and I just, I don't believe them. You know? You're fucking did, I was there. Especially when they shout, was it? You said have it, right at the end. That's the magic word, isn't it? Do you mean?

Find someone with an equal kink. You've got to find someone with an equal kink and it doesn't have to be exactly the same. There's just a margin of error, isn't there? I agree, I do agree. It's got to be exactly the same. There's just a margin of error, isn't there? I agree. I do agree. It's got to be within this. And if he's up here and you're here, then it's...

Yeah, you're never gonna start a place with him. And you're two months in. What are you throwing away? You're throwing away August and July. What did it have been? A great way to look at it. So that's an episode. Thank you so much for coming in, Grace. Good luck with the bio. Also my new single outskirts is available.

Pre save be out on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th.

I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th.

I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to be on the 10th. I'm going to keep banging on about it. My gigs, uh, 26th of October in the bio. Also my new single outskirts is available. Pre-save be out on the 10th of October. We've done this in a weird order. So I've not actually announced that yet. And yeah. And so this week you're going to like this one. This week is a band called all right. Okay. And this is their single called Boys Noise. Both Boys as a Z and Noises as a Z. Hi guys, thanks for having us.

We won't be on too long. We are Alright Okay and this is our debut. It's Boys Noise. We won't be on too long. Don't worry. It's a quick one. That's what support acts in music often say though. Stuff like that, don't they?

They come on and they're like, don't mind us. We're just gonna play some background shite while yous have a little chat. And then the main ones will be on in a bit. Self-deplication, no. Support musicians, don't mind us. We're just going to play some background shite while you have a little chat. And then the main ones will be on in a bit. Self-deplication. Support musicians don't get the respect that support comedians do. No, she don't have to be there.

No, it's true. You don't have to be there in time. Because also, support musicians, the lights are still on. They've still got their house lights on when they're opening acts on. But for my gig, the supports are fucking great. Who are they? Bailey Dowling and Blue Dolphin Wranglers.

Oh, amazing. So get down early. Bailey, Bailey who? Dowling. Bailey Dowling. You should just start lying about his own support. He's great. He is.

They're both class. And Sting as well. And Sting. Sting is going to be there. And Ringo Starr, he's playing the drums. No one's asked. No, yeah. You actually want to sell us out.

And Mystery Celebrity is playing the drums. Third best drummer in the Beatles apparently. Thanks, Grace. See you again. Bye Felicia. Anglers, we give ourselves in nothing I'm guilty, but innocent of something Shutting the door, what have you done today? What have you done today? Join me in the sun I just need the noise Harmony, chaos, and...

...venture, just... The mediocre, a picture on the fridge door Ripping apart all of the paper reasons Shutting the door for every time today Journey in the sun I just leave the noise All in a chaos mass That just seemed us Enjoy me inside I just need the noise Harmony, chaos, wrath

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But I want a discount, Adam. Give me a discount. 20% off me. With what code? Crow well code's word 20 their cock. But I want a discount, Adam. You can discount. 20% off. With what? With what code? Crow well code's weird, Squenny. Oh, but I want free shipping. It's the only...

You get that anyway, guys. I'm done. Manscaped.com. Phenomenal. Now then, ladies and gents, time to talk about my absolute favourite sponsor. It's NordVPN. Favourite sponsor?

That's good, that. When they first came on board, you were like, I don't even know what a VPN is. And now they're your favorite sponsor. I thought they were brand new. Sorry. What's a VPN? What's a VPN?

Yeah. It's a way to up your internet security and also to change the location that your laptop or computer thinks it's in. Oh, so you could watch Netflix in Botswana. Yeah, but you could watch it in the UK and just have your laptop think it's in Botswana. Oh, you don't have to go in Botswana. Yeah, but you could watch it in the UK and just have your laptop think it's in Botswana. Oh, you don't have to go to Botswana. So you get to Botswana Netflix.

Ah, yeah, that's a mistake. It's like a digital travel thing. I've been wasting money on flights to Botswana. And we've got an offer for our listeners. If you go to NordVPN.com slash have a word, you get an extra four months when you sign up for the two-year plan and 20 gigabytes of eSIM data. So you can go, if you go on holiday, you know, like so often you can get like

charged for using your phone abroad. Like Botswana. They, if you go physically to Botswana, then they'll give you 20 gigabytes to use while you're on your holidays. Amazing. You need VPNs in your life. Better security. And there's loads of films on all the different streaming platforms that are

limited to certain countries. Find out what country that they're showing you film in and just sign up and then be like, oh, I'll use me NordVPN. And here we are. We're in Mozambique. NordVPN.com slash have a word. Go and watch Madagascar in Madagascar, but from the comfort of your nan's living room. Oh my God, yes.