Heavyweight - Heavyweight Check In 3

Episode Date: April 14, 2020

A lot of people have been feeling lonely lately. So, they've been reaching out. Music by Christine Fellows and Bobby Lord. And Simon. Mix by Bobby Lord. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hello? Hello, Simon. Hi. Hi. When you picked up the phone, I heard voices in the background. What was that? I like just playing voices in the background. What was that? I like just playing videos in the background and listening to them. Oh, just for the company? Yeah. So you just kind of listen to them in the background?

Simon is 10 years old, and like most kids, his school is closed indefinitely. But his parents have jobs they still need to leave the house for, so Simon's home, all alone, all day, except for lunchtime, when his dad stops by to eat with him. What kind of lunch do you usually have? I've been having a lot of hot pockets. Oh, yeah. Are they really hot inside? Sometimes. You gotta let them cool down. One time I had one too hot, and they burned the back of my taste buds for, like, the rest of the day.

Oh, my God. You just can't tell when they're hot or not from the outside because they don't steam up or anything. So when you take your first bite, it's like, am I going to just swallow it or spit it out? Yeah. You got to be patient. Yeah. So your dad comes home so you guys are able to have lunch together. Yeah. Do you look forward to that? Yeah. So your dad comes home so you guys are able to have lunch together? Yeah.

Do you look forward to that? Yeah. I get really lonely. Oh, you do, huh? Yeah. I didn't realize that I would get this lonely in only a few days. Were the first couple days less lonely? few days. Were the first couple days less lonely? Yeah, because it was just the first time ever being home alone for a full day by myself. Yeah. But then I just got used to it, and then it wasn't

so exciting, and then I realized how it was pretty lonely, so. What do you do when you get lonely? Well, usually I take my mind off it by doing more homework or watching videos. Do you have advice for other people who are by themselves right now and who maybe aren't used to it? It makes you feel a lot better if you just open up a blind or something. Like in my living room, we have a big window. Okay. And then there's a blind or something. Like in my living room, we have a big window. Okay. And then there's a blind on it. I usually, if I get scared, I just open that up and look outside,

and then I know that, you know, nothing else is happening, so I'm fine and I can see outside, and it just makes you feel better. Yeah, it's good sometimes to just remember that there's an outside out there, right? Yeah. It's not just you inside, outside out there, right? Yeah. It's not just you inside, and that's completely it. Yeah. So you have lunch, your dad heads back to work, and then what? Then I do the, not the homework on paper,

but just like where I have to practice my recorder and do some reading and all that stuff. Oh, you play the recorder? Yeah, that's our music. Do you have your recorder with you right now? Yes, I actually do. It's just on the ottoman. Would you be able to favor me with a little bit of what you've been practicing?

Okay, I'll try. Might mess up. That's okay. You're just practicing. We've been trying to do When the Saints Go Marching In. Oh, okay. You're just practicing. We've been trying to do a When the Saints Go Marching In. Oh, yeah. Let's hear it. Okay, here we go. ah ah Simon.

Yeah? That was excellent. And you know what was really, really great about it was your sense of timing. It sounds tight, is what I'm saying. I hear you. You're hip to my jazz lingo? Yeah. Well, you know, I've probably kept you from your studies long enough, right?

I mean, I really don't care, because I would rather not do it, but... Well, I don't want to get in trouble with your parents, so I'm going to let you get back to your routine. It's been really nice getting to talk to you. Yeah, thank you for letting me talk to you, too. Okay, take care, Simon. You, too. Bye. Hello? Stevie Lane. This is she.

Um, I have, uh, Kalila Holt. Kalila Holt? Hey. I see you've got your showbiz, uh, voice on, Kalila. I think this is just my normal voice. Um, you just had a, you just had a birthday this weekend. I did just have a birthday. My birthday was very good. I had a Zoom party.

Our own Stevie was in attendance. It was very fun. And I tweeted a thing about like, oh, it would be nice if people sent me like photos or stories of like small, nice things because it's my birthday. Yeah. And people sent me such amazing stuff. Uh-huh. Can you, can you share, uh, some of the, uh, little moments that you received?

Uh, so I got a lot of pictures of people's pets. I got a lot of pictures of people's pets. Here's one that says, my small nice thing soup and sandwich and soup and sandwich are two cats that are like cuddling together on the bed. Here's one that says, I was at the pharmacy and a sweet old man in front of me

announced to all the pharmacists, I am so in love with each and every one of you and there's nothing you can do about it. Someone sent a video of a birthday party they threw for their dog and they're like presenting him with a dog charcuterie board and the dog's really excited. This had to be

a Brooklyn dog, no? Probably. And Stevie, how have you been? What have you been up to? Last night we were kind of flipping through the channels and Panic Room was on. Have you guys seen Panic Room? A long time ago.

Is that with Jodie Foster? Yeah. It's about a home invasion and Jodie Foster and Kristen Stewart, her daughter, lock themselves in the panic room. And they like can't go out because the bad guys are out there. And like there's this one moment where Jodie Foster realizes she left her cell phone just outside the panic room. And so she, like, opens the door of the panic room, darts out, grabs her cell phone, and, like, runs back in and closed the door. And I was like, I feel like that's, like, our trips to the grocery store. You know, it's like, ugh, this is such a weird parallel. Yeah.

I do feel like there are all these small signs of nature reasserting itself. Just, I feel like I've been seeing so many birds, like so many blue jays and red cardinals. Yeah, me too, actually. I identified a bird call this morning. I was like, you know, I hear that bird all the time and I'm going to find out what kind of bird it is. What does it sound like? I'm sure you guys have heard it. It's that one that's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. You know that bird? Oh, yes, I do know that bird. Yeah, I hear that bird all the time. And I was finally like, what is it?

And so how did you do that? Is there a Shazam for bird call? I Googled, like, descending note bird trill. And I had to click around some, but I found it. It's a white-throated sparrow. Obviously, like, this isn't affecting everybody the same way, but do you feel like there's comfort in the idea that everybody's going through it and everybody's in it together?

I think there is comfort in like sort of that feeling of like community and like, it's funny just how many people I've talked to that are experiencing the same things. And like one of them is that everyone seems to be having really weird, vivid dreams. Yes. And I don't totally know why that is, if it's like a stress response or like where it's coming from that it's happening to so many people. Yeah. And are you guys dreaming about

this moment? Like about the virus specifically? Sometimes a little bit, yeah. But what was actually nice was last night I had a stress dream about trying to catch an Amtrak train and like not being able to get to the right track. And like I woke up and I was like, oh, it made me like nostalgic for the days that I was trying to catch trains.

Stevie, are you, what are your dreams like? I've just been having this thing where every single moment of waking up has been like a waking from a dream. And I've been enjoying them. Like none of them have been bad. moment of waking up has been like a waking from a dream. And I've been enjoying them. Like none of them have been bad. They've all been sort of like that kind of like wonderful dream where you're just like enjoying being somewhere else or like in some strange world in your head. That's nice.

Yeah, that is nice. It seems that right now there are a lot of people who are feeling lonely and lonely in a particular kind of way where they're just yearning to reach out to people that they have lost contact with in ways that they feel remiss about. They don't understand why they drifted and they just want to get back in touch. So at the end of our last check-in, we put a call out to people who wanted a little help.

So people reached out to us, and a lot of the emails that people sent and voice messages were very touching and compelling. So I talked to a few of them. Hey, Jonathan. So Cesar lives in downtown Los Angeles, and like all of us, he's cooped up at home in his apartment. And lately, he finds himself thinking a lot about an old best friend of his, a friend from college named Army. We hung out basically every day. We hung out in her dorm all the time between classes. And we graduated, and she actually helped me get on my feet despite not having much space she allowed me to stay in her living room on her couch for no money she said you know what

just save up towards a deposit save up towards getting your own furniture so don't worry about paying me rent she would go to work and she would sneak. She worked at Mimi's Cafe, which is like a chain restaurant. She would bring me back my favorite muffins from there. I don't know. She was a very encouraging and helpful friend. I don't feel like I even met her halfway. So Armie was dealing with a lot at the time. She was an undocumented immigrant from Mexico trying to start a life in the U.S. And then she started dating a much older man named Mark. She was constantly arguing with him because she felt like it would be beneficial to her if he would marry her so she could get her citizenship squared away and get a job and really get her career going.

But he was afraid to do it. Caesar says Army would obsess over her relationship with Mark, just replaying the same conversations they had over and over. Now Caesar's able to see how the relationship with Mark was tied to Army's sense of security. But at the time, he just found it exhausting. And so he began to slowly pull away. I unfortunately was more of a fair-weather friend at the time, I guess. What was also going on at the time was that Cesar was coming to terms with the fact that he was gay. He wasn't ready to come out yet, but Armie and her boyfriend Mark were pressuring him. Her boyfriend was the one that was always poking fun at me.

He would always be like, oh, just come out and say it already. So I felt like I couldn't because honestly I didn't want to prove them right. I didn't want to be like, okay, fine, you're right. Yeah. So the breaking point came in the form of a missed dinner date. Army had booked the reservation months in advance, but Caesar completely forgot all about it. And instead, he went to Disneyland. And Armie called him from the restaurant while he was

online at Space Mountain. She got really, really, really upset. And I thought, okay, I just need to apologize. I'll reach out to her later because I feel like she needs maybe a minute to cool off. And that minute turned into, I don't know, I think it's been like five, six years now. I think about her all the time and I feel, I just feel ashamed and, but I just don't know how to, how to approach it. So what do you want to do? Do you want to try to reach out? Yeah, I do. I've been contemplating doing it for years.

Do you want to just try cold calling? Right now? Yeah. Yeah, let me see. You still have her phone number so i do but i don't know if it's still her phone number um let me send her a text i'll see if it's i'm saying hello is this still army's number yeah so yeah we, we just wait. And finally, he gets a text back. Okay. And it says, what's up? Sorry, my nine-month-old keeps me away from the phone.

And yeah, so Caesar writes back to her, wow, you have a baby. That's so nice to hear. He explains that, you know, he lets her know that he's talking to me and he asks if we can give her a call. He lets her know that he's talking to me, and he asks if we can give her a call. And the text is marked red, but he doesn't hear anything back from Army. So we just continue to wait, and still nothing. And so finally, we just figure that it couldn't hurt if we just tried giving her a call. call hello hey army yes hey what's up it's nice to hear your voice it's been way too long no but i'm not promising anything because it's connor's nap time so he might get a little loud he's a little crazy so okay well let me jump into it then

um i've been thinking a lot about you throughout the years but especially more recently and i wanted to reach out again and and apologize for for being a crappy friend for not knowing how to listen to you when you were struggling with figuring out what to do with your life with your legal status with your relationship forgetting about our freaking dinner reservations at best yeah i left you hanging and i i totally screwed when i was embarrassed you see and when you did that it was like to me like you always had so so many friends see sir i did not until this day i still don't so when you left me it was it was bad so I just turned away and I have always felt bad about it I was feeling really awkward about coming out to you and why were you feeling awkward about coming out to me it's not like I was homophobic like I I I was, like, totally open. And, like, you know, I wasn't going to reject you for that.

You remember what you told me? You said. I will never forget. Like, I told you, like, we're going to laugh about this, like, when we're old, you know. And I told you that. I will always be there for you. That's how I remember it. And I know it sounds really shitty, but I was really afraid to face Mark.

And he always says the most inappropriate things, but that's Mark. You know, his sense of humor. So to us, it was just like, just do it. Come out of the closet, you know? And I think we were not sensitive to that. Yeah. We're still together. We got married.

We have a baby together. You did? Yeah, we did. together. We got married. We have a baby together. You did? Yeah, we did. Oh, wow. Congratulations. Yeah, we're actually pretty happy. We don't fight like cats and dogs anymore. We're pretty happy now.

Oh, good. I'll be right behind you. I got married in September. I got married to a man. Surprise, surprise. His name is Henry. And we've been working to make a baby too. So right now we're in the process of being matched with a surrogate. But yeah, everything's on hold because of the pandemic. Well, honestly, what I wanted to do was just connect and apologize.

And I know it's sort of a crummy time with COVID-19 and everything that's going on and social distancing. But, you know, I'm hoping maybe in the near future we could see each other again. I can meet your baby and you can be my husband. Yeah, that would be interesting. Yeah, maybe when all this thing clears out, that would be an interesting thing to try. I'm not going to say it's not all going to be awkward, but yeah, it'll be, it'll be something. Okay.

Thank you. Thanks again for hearing me out. Awesome. Yeah. Well, you take care and I'll talk to you soon. Okay. Thanks.

Okay. Bye. Bye. Oh, do you think you're going to, do you, I mean, do you, do you think you're gonna I mean do you think you will reach out to her again oh I will definitely will

I want to see what a kid looks like and I want to yeah I feel like she made it clear to me that maybe I'm gonna have to be the one to make more of an effort yeah and I'm okay with that it is funny that people are thinking about reaching out to people and reconnecting at this time when like there's no chance of actually like

doing that in a real way for the foreseeable future. You know, like I feel like there's some safety in that almost. Yeah. Yeah. And also like it just, I don't know, one of the things that I felt in listening to the two of them talk is that there is a certain kind of permission that these times grant, but then there's, there are certain things that it just cannot do, you know? Like she's not just going to forgive him because we're under quarantine. Right. Yeah. It just seems like Caesar is going to have work I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do.

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Please play responsibly. So there's one more call that I made to somebody that I'd wanted to reach out to and had been meaning to. Someone that I'm fond of and whose work I admire. He's an author. Podcast host. Even better. Vlogger. Vlogger.

Blogger? Vlogger with a V. Is that a word? In the 21st century, it sure is. All right. What a glorious time we live in. Hello? John Green?

Hi. How are you? Good. I Hi, how are you? Good. I assume I'm catching you at home? Yeah. Yeah, we're in the library in my house, and we set up a microphone, and so... I am talking to you from a closet in my basement. I am talking to you from a closet in my basement. The only desk that would fit into the closet isn't a desk, but a piano bench. And the only chair that would fit him to get it from him. He was like, but that's my chair. And I was like, I know, but Papa has to go downstairs and earn his keep. How are you faring?

Up and down, it has been really hard for me at times just because I know myself to be alarmist. I know myself to be anxious. I know myself to be a catastrophizer. But you can usually look to the people in your life who don't look at the world the way you do, and you can take their temperature and be like, okay, well, that must be the real reality. And now I look at those people and they are not communicating to me that everything is okay. Like, you know, like they are freaked out. Yeah. Like my brother is the sanest person I know and always sees the good side of things, like never acts as if he's under

stress, even when he is. And he hung up on me yesterday, like for the first time in 15 years. And then I called him back and he was like, sorry, I'm under a lot of stress. And I was like, what? under a lot of stress. And I was like, what? You? Huh. Are there things that have been bringing you comfort lately? I drink one Diet Dr. Pepper per day. Ah, yeah. I have a hundred Diet Dr. Peppers and I'm kind of counting down, assuming that this will be over by the time I get to the last Diet Dr. Pepper, or at least that it will be better. Yeah. And, oh my God, that one Diet Dr. Pepper a day tastes so flippin' good. Last night, I had a can of Coke Zero that I took out for a walk with me, and that was really nice. Yeah. A couple days ago, a neighbor rolled me a beer.

I was walking by and he said, do you want a beer? And I said, sure. And he rolled the beer to me. And then it was at my feet. And I was like, I guess I have to pick this up, even though there's no way I'm drinking this until I like wipe it down with 16 different Clorox wipes and like wash my hands up to my elbows. But I kind of raised the beer to him, and I was like, thanks, and then I put it in my jacket pocket, and I did drink it. I really believe that we will get through this, but the way we get through this,

like there's this Robert Frost quote I think about all the time, the only way out is through, and I really believe that. We are going to get through this, but the only way out is through, and we really believe that like we are going to get through this, but the only way out is through and we're going to get through it together. I think that's a really nice. Yeah. Um, it seems as though like right now people are thinking about people that they've lost touch with for whatever reasons and want to reach out. Oh, yeah. I've been experiencing it so deeply.

Oh, really? Yeah, because I was my best friend from high school. We loved each other so much, and we said, I love you all the time. so much and we said i love you all the time and todd's love for me like held me together in those years but what i've been thinking about lately is how much it still holds me together even though i haven't talked to him and i don't know seven or eight years because the gifts that he gave me, the confidence that he gave me are still with me. Because when I was in high school, I was such an awkward kid. I sort of had to learn by memorization what social cues were. And I remember Todd and I would go to a party, and then we'd be driving home from the party,

and he would be like, yeah, so listen, that was good. That was probably better than last time. Couple notes. You stand really close to people when you talk to them and then they take a half a step back and then you take a half a step forward and then eventually they're up against a wall and you're kind of still coming. And that feels a little aggressive to people. So when you notice if somebody is like up against the wall, that means that you've cornered them and you should take a step back. Wow. And so all that stuff like that I still use.

Wow, he's good. Oh, he was good. Yeah, so I've been thinking about him a lot. And have you guys just drifted no particular reason? No reason, yeah. No, I don't think so. just drifted no particular reason? No reason, yeah. I don't think so. But the distance almost becomes like a vicious cycle because the longer I go without talking to someone,

the more it feels like it will break my heart to talk to them. And the more guilty I feel for not having talked to them. Yeah. This guy, his name is Todd? Yeah. You don't feel like calling Todd, do you? I don't know that I know how to call Todd. Oh, how come?

I don't know his number. Oh, you lost his number? I was just Googling him. Hold on, I'm looking. Yeah. I was just Googling him. Let me, hold on, I'm looking. Yeah. I think it might take me...

I think I have a number. Oh, wow, that was quick. Yeah, it might not be right, but it also might be right. I think it's right. Yeah, I'm nervous now. Is it the idea of calling him? It's the idea of calling him on a podcast without having asked if I could call him on a podcast first.

Yeah. Can I call him, ask if I can call him on a podcast, and then... And then if he's game, conference me in? Maybe. Oh, I'm so nervous. Well, you know what? Here, I mean, if you get on the phone and you never come back to the line, I'll just assume that you guys are talking and are happily talking

and you've forgotten about me. That's a great idea. All right, I'm going to try this number. We'll see if it works. Hold on. Yeah, I'll be standing by. Oh, it didn't work. Oh, what happened?

It was a, it just was a disconnected number. Huh. Did you try it twice to make sure you had the number? Great point. That's what I'm here for. Hold on. Okay. Let me do it again.

Try it again. Nettos අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි Thank you.