Hello From The Magic Tavern - 20 - The Wedding Planner

Episode Date: July 17, 2015

This week I meet one of the best wedding planners in Foon...assuming you're not a tree.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungSouza Gurnick: Katie RichBungaree Chubbins: Tom GottliebMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real, but it is really sponsored by large management group. Wings and beer almost as good as podcasts. That's why Chicago Summer Wing Fest wants to give listeners a free t-shirt when they buy tickets with the offer code podcast. Available atFest.net. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun, I'm your host Arnie Neekham. If you haven't listened to the podcast before, this is what's going on. A while back I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king into the magical

land of fun. Luckily I still have my podcasting equipment with me, so I host a weekly podcast in the Tavern the Vermilion Minotaur in the town of Hogface in the of Foon, and I'm joined as always by my co-hosts. I am Yusudor, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos, Champion of the Great, Halls of Jorakis, the Elves Muleus Fiehlinselik, The twelves know me as Zoan and who extinguishes. And I am known in the Northeast as guess the maniest maestor. I'm trusting my friends there, maybe I'll be of a secret approach.

Get t- And my other co-host, Chant. Hi. Chant, the talking badger. Shape shifter. Shape shifter who turned into a talking badger. How you doing, Chant? I'm doing great.

I don't know if you know you said or knows today is my birthday Oh, yes, I'm no thank you so much. What birthday? How old are you? It's not your business. I don't want to talk about John stuff. How rude. Yeah, I don't want I don't want to talk about John's They do you ever have a week on this show where you don't say something rude to one or both of us? Is it rude to ask how old people are? Yes, of course it is you don't never ask a lady her age or a shapeshifter everyone knows that Yeah, in in food you might ask a woman like oh, hey, how old are you? Are you like 50s and she'll be like 2,800 years old and you just feel like a dick?

You might walk up to a lady who has a little bit of extra weight or be like oh are you pregnant? Oh, are you a badger? Are you a shapeshifter? It's rude. Because some people might be cursed. You know. I guess exactly. But if you're magically changed into a badger, you can't change back. So small talk is really off the table in food, in general.

Oh, you could talk about the weather, how the spice potatoes are today. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's all sorts of wonderful small things. Could I get, never talk about what birds you've seen. I enjoy watching birds. I love birds. So never talk directly about a person.

This makes an interview show very difficult. Also, I feel like you make a talk show really difficult. It's my birthday. Yeah, happy birthday. Sean gets what he wants today. Yes, he does. Can I get some spice potatoes with some canals in it? Of course.

I know It could I also get a I hate to fucking ask for this I think it a tiny horse Shunt It's your birthday. I I tiny horse with three by holes a tiny horse with three by holes all right a chundah I feel like you need some needs to go with that one with raspberry for chon. I feel like chon is is everyone stand back I feel like I'm making a tiny horse with three. No, I know wait look. I know it's his birthday But I feel like chon is becoming addicted to having sex with tiny horses with can I tell you something? Can I can I just say something since I've wish for two but holes?

I don't care about sex anymore pooping with with two by holes is now my new sex. That's better than sex. It truly is wonderful. Yeah, sometimes you get a big bowl of rooster's feet and then you go, I've got an upper coming on. Oh, nope, it's a down. Yeah, I had, I don't know if you know about in Fune, we have these, we have these mighty ducks,

these like great big mighty ducks. In one of them. Oh, we're not laughing at the power of a mighty duck. The mighty duck. I, they will pick up their clubs, their crooked clubs, and beat you over the head with them. They are so powerful. One of the mighty ducks asked me to, you know, like bang.

And I was like, I'd rather say home and poop, like honestly. So I'm a changed man. I don't know if I'll ever change out of being a badger because it's just delightful to move with two bubbles So you've decided to stay a badger for now unless I want to pursue that sweet sweet three-butthole horse Gray Bechion

FACE I can go look at him dance What a stupid little boss All right, you know, you know, you can talk more about chance birthday, but you know what I feel like we're being rude We need to introduce our guests are very excited. We're being joined by Susa Gernick a local magical wedding planner. Hello On the podcast. Oh wow. Thank you so much. How are you doing today, madam? Oh, now that is very rude Thank you so much. How are you doing today, madam?

Oh, now that is very rude. I thought that was good small talk. Never trust a wizard's for advice on how to talk to women. How dare you. So, Susa, tell us a little bit about, so you're a wedding planner. In FUN, I know almost nothing about wedding traditions in this world. Well, it's very interesting because marriage is forever and in food you can essentially live forever. So it's different I think for certain for certain species marriage doesn't mean as much.

I mean it's an eight-year commitment or something like that but for some it truly means being together and and alive and conscious for eternity together. And so that's kind of a big step. eternity together. And so that's kind of a big step. My business originally started as a wedlock for warlocks. And then I was sued for discrimination. I heard about this. Yeah, I refused to plan a wedding and make a cake for a group of goblins. We're having a wedding. Yeah, so We're having a wedding. Yeah, so that's what. What, do you mind if I asked why you didn't want to plan a wedding for goblins? I just don't think that that's what marriage is. I don't think that's what magical marriage is.

I don't think that's between two goblins. Uh-huh. And this was actually even worse. This was a goblin and a tree. Oh, my. I mean, love is love. So you're a strict donationist. I'm very donationist, yes. And so that has got me in trouble. So as I've gotten older, I've expanded to not just witches and warlocks. I will plan the wedding of other things. Sure. I just noticed you're just rolling your eyes really hard when you talk about expanding

the room. Oh yeah, it's just sort of a habit. It's just something that I do to cope. I can no longer have mead. Actually, I had a bit of a problem. Oh, a meeting of mead. I had to go to some meetings. Some meetings.

Yeah. We have AA meetings. Some meetings, yeah. We have AA meetings. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So I've developed different coping mechanisms. Tapping, turning on candles, turning off candles, a certain number of times. Sure.

And the eye rolling is one of the first things. Yeah. Oh gosh, Sousa, I find you both so sympathetic and so unsympathetic, all the same stuff. Well, that's what a wedding planner should be, really. That's true, yeah. Susa, are you married? I am not legally married in the eyes of the gods,

but I do have a domestic partner. Oh, I see. Who or what is it? Well, I don't think I want to really necessarily talk about him in public, but he changes He changes Yeah, the shape of the ship to like chump again. I don't necessarily want to get into it But let's just say I'm not rolling my eyes with the idea I didn't even realize there was another shapehifter that disclosed the hog space. What's that?

This close hog space. I'm sorry? This close hog space. Are you having a stroke? I am not having a stroke! Your throat really juts out at certain points when you speak. Well, I was brought into this world by a conspiracy of birds and wind and rain and fire and lightning and some frogs. So there might have a little frog in there.

Understood. Okay. So, Susa, how did you get into wedding planning to start with? Like, what drew you into the profession? I was an orphan, actually. But don't be sad. It was actually really good. My parents were pretty bad. Well, my dad was a goblin and my mother was a true. Whoa!

OK. Interesting. So pretty, man. So, I mean, there's that. This maybe is the kind of question that is not kosher to ask in Finn. Kosher? Kosher, you have Jewish people in Finn, right?

Yes, yes we do. Well, I would not plan a wedding for them. Oh no, so they get married, right? I don't know the culture. I know they don't believe in the fires of hell and I can't get behind that. Well, so soon. And trust me, they would try to use a car.

You would need a rabbi for that anyway. Okay. Maybe this is two personal of a question, but if your mother was a goblin, your father was a tree. My father was a goblin, and my mother was a tree. Oh, I'm sorry. She's a trobblin, not a tree. Oh, I see. So you're... Thank you. I might know your partner. I have a cousin in this area. I don't want to... Stemopolis? Yeah, Stemopolis. Oh my God! Your partner I have a cousin in this area

Stemopolis yeah Stemopolis His he's my my aunt's child my aunt. I don't know if you know her She I'm named after her her name's Bonnie chunt, but she has a kid Bonnie chunt she has a She has a kid it's yeah, miss my cousin so that might be Oh the spice potatoes with the candles. Yes, yes, can I blow them out? Happy birthday to chun I sang the The hub the birthday song now you sing it. I know happy birthday

To chun Thank you. Oh, happy birthday. Ditch on. Very good. That was pretty good. Very good. Carnival, could you do that again and just mean it a little more? Carnival Wilson is my secret trickster name. Don't just go throwing it around. Come on, Connie. Oh, they were tricking us.

Oh, they were tricking us. Carnival Wilson strikes again. Look, they're alive. Look at the dancing. They're dancing with the horse. Oh, they're there. They're there of a little sin, strives again. Look, they're alive. Look at dancing. They're dancing with the horse. Oh, beautiful.

Oh, there they go. Horses pissin' on them. Oh, what? Well, you know what, let's take a quick break and let Chant enjoy his birthday. Then horses start to catch fire. Let's quick actually, let's take a break and let Chant enjoy his birthday spice potato.

And we're going to hear from, we have a new sponsor. I'm really excited. Let's take a break and let Chant enjoy his birthday spice potato. And we're gonna hear from, we have a new sponsor, I'm really excited. I don't, again, I don't know if on Earth we have any sponsors there, but I know on Foonside we're starting to get a few sponsors. We're sponsored by the familiar in the minutes or this tavern that we recorded. And also I have a new sponsor, Bungery Chubbins, who sells chamber pots. What? Hello! Hello!

Do I talk into this? Yes, hello! My name is Bungery Chubbins, and my family has been selling chamber pots in hogs face for nearly nearly 100 year at chubbins chamber pots and so forth. Err, as my father's told me time and again, it's a good business. Piss holes are hard to clean, relieving yourself in the woods at night, leaves you vulnerable to attack by a displacer beast. So a chamber pot is likely your best option and trying to avoid buying one will only lead to heartbreak and a home drenched in piss. I had to learn that lesson, the hard way.

So, so please stop by Chabin's chamber pot and so forth. I'm Bungery Chabin's and like my father before me. This is my life. I think that's all. Well, it's different. And we're back. Thank you so much, Bungery Chobbins. I'm so excited that we have multiple sponsors now. The money is just going to start piling in. And maybe you know what? Tuchu, I should get you a birthday present. I love it. Is there anything you want for your birthday?

Stickers? Snickers? I have I I don't know how I like this. It's just the one thing I asked for one thing Okay, I just I can't get earth stuff. Susan could I ask you something? You seem to be a bit of a marital expert. If someone, so say you have two clients who are married for a while, and one of the partners of the marriage, leaves for several months.

They're just gone. No explanation, nothing. Did they vanish? Yes. Was it due to a curse? Sort of. Maybe. Possibly.

They just disappear. So we'll say it's the man leaves the wife. Oh, okay the wife's alone Has a baby newborn for several months. Uh-huh She has every right and and will most likely remarry, right? She has every right to it Almost like we're not after a couple months Technically, yes She technically does have the right to do that But again if he does reach here.

But she's definitely hitting it. I'm sorry. She's definitely hitting it. If she's not getting remarried, right? I don't know that necessarily. I mean, what would you do? What would I do if my spouse disappeared? Well, just for a couple of months, just for a couple of months.

But it's not attempted to reach out to her. You at all is doing a podcast and spending all his energy, drinking and producing. I mean, I would think that maybe I had dodged a sword because it sounds like he's kind of a dirtbag. Oh, I'll speak of the truth, that. Oh, my God. That's really cool.

You put that right to the outside of your place of business. Yeah. Since it don't, Mary no loser. Oh, this is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very. Right to the outside of your your place of business. Yeah, Mary no loser This is very very let's not let's not talk about my my Force to strangenment from my family wonderful. I have a question. Yes What if you were approached by a wizard? Uh-huh And this wizard had found the love of his life once again. And he had encased her in a crystal coffin.

Uh-huh. Would you perform a marriage for them while she was still in the coffin and could not say no? Was her heart beating? Or when I encased her? I mean, when she was encased? I hypothetically. Yeah, has it- does her heart continue to beat? Yes.

That is one policy I have had to enlist. Ah, yes. Each of the parties has to have a heart that beats at least once a day. Makes sense. Because I've run into least once a day. Makes sense. Because I've run into trouble in the past. I see. People marrying people who had passed on and things like that. And it just doesn't work out because in the end I usually don't get paid.

Right. And you could try to marry a person who has passed away simply because you are some sort of necrophilia. Perhaps because you just want the money or perhaps they're undead. Yeah, like my dad, my dad is a honger ghost. Oh, that's awesome. Really? That's cool.

I went to high school with a couple. What? Honger ghost. Yeah, but I mean, yeah. Can I just say, Sussi, you're chill as fuck. You're awesome. Whatever I like you a lot Susa I'm just sort of you know, I'm new to this world So I just don't understand culturally what stuff right is you know, just bad and what stuff is kind of race Well, I can tell you the main thing when we do weddings when we perform weddings

The vows always have to include something of, I promise not to disappear without any warning for months at a time. That's kind of the main thing. I feel like Chuchu has turned you against. That's pretty much the worst thing you can do is just disappear without warning. For example, if you have been cursed or you have to go to a faraway land or something like that You're required to give your spouse some sort of notice

Yeah, now Susa as a wedding platter. Oh What is your favorite wedding tradition? I love when one of the wedding parties They fly When they fly outside of the chapel, and then they meet, and then they fly back inside, it's really beautiful. It's pricey. I'm not going to lie. But it's such a wow factor to see the couple fly up

and then meet together in the sky. It's really, really lovely. So that's something that I encourage my clientele to tack on to their ceremony. That's a lovely thing. When people do that, I admit I should have it. Oh, it's beautiful. I also enjoy the bloodletting. Yeah, we see. Very good. Where the throats are caught by the elder statesmen and then the blood is intertwined and then the holes are then sealed.

Yeah, and they'll usually let like a like the you know flower girl or whoever like hold a little while to catch some blood like it's fun for the case like catch some blood. And then sometimes you can take that home and then you're supposed to open the blood you know your five year anniversary is blood and you know ten year. So yeah, so five years blood ten years blood. Five years blood ten years blood blood, 15 is blood. Is it worts in there somewhere? Well, that's 20.

20. I like the cutting of the cake. Oh, yeah, that's something that's really underrated, I think. What's also nice about the cutting of the cake is it's a subtle indication to guests that it's okay to leave, that it's okay, that the ceremony is essentially over. I never leave, though, because I'm always wishing

that I get the piece of cake that has the eyeball in it. Oh, I know it, and that's very funny, because I will say this, a lot of people are choosing not to go with eyeballs anymore. What? That makes sense. People are going with fingers, or even some sort of heirloom,

or even something more internal than an eyeball people are going with. Now does that still mean that you're the next to die? Yes, it absolutely does. And it sure is what I believe. I don't know if you know, also the mighty ducks, they're all cake eaters. They only eat cake.

They only eat cake. Yeah, so that's one thing too. Like I have to know in advance how many mighty ducks, they're all cake eaters, they only eat cake. They only eat cake. Yeah, so that's one thing too. Like I have to know in advance how many mighty ducks are going to be in your bridal party or are going to be attending. Yeah, so I'm like, I've got D3 mighty ducks coming to my. What? What does that mean? I don't know what that means.

That's a little nice. What other Arnold has trouble with numbers. We've established this many times. It's just Earth, Earth people are loving it, don't worry. You know what, this has got me thinking like, you said or Chant do you guys ever see yourselves getting married the wizards get married? Suicide the wizards get married. Oh, absolutely. Yes, absolutely they get married

They're the wizard weddings are actually very very traditional So you said are you clearly kidnapped someone and want to marry them? That's a type of a question But if I would find a bad, I can't bet one? Oh, yes, with... Oh, yeah, I love those. Oh, well, then yes. I think those are really neat.

They're so exciting. And it's very fun to see the person who is kidnapped. It's fun to see their family's reaction. To know that A, their loved one is alive. But also that now they've reached this beautiful union. Yes, yes. Those are exciting. I was imagined that I would take a Genelevia as Crystal Clawvin to my wedding day with me, and that lava would pour over it

and burst open, and she would stand fully aflame, screaming, I have free it last! Yeah, that's our vol- And then we would be met. That's our volcanic package. That's very popular. That sounds wonderful. I do want to say just to just to be courteous I notice that the more we say wedding and marriage the unwed mother's are kind of looking over here Oh, it's just a little awkward. So well, I mean that's there that was their choice

That's true. That's true. Chant, do you see yourself getting made? I mean, yeah, possibly. I mean, sucks the Susa's take. I mean, she's what a catch, right? Whatever. You're the root of you. You're the root of you. No, quit badgering me. No!

Oh, Aron, you might know this, but the word badger in our world has to. Yeah, yeah, it's a say. It's a say. Oh, okay, I see. Yeah. Susa, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry to keep harping on this. You can have a harp. Harping has one meaning in our world that has to play the harp.

Yeah, really? Yeah, harping is very, very popular. So I love harping. Do you mind if we throw out names of magical couples and you say whether you approve of that, and if you have you approve of that. And if you have any reasons. Sure.

So are you okay with like a vampire and a werewolf getting married? It depends on their age. The older they are, the more I approve. But if it's a young situation, if the vampire is much older than the werewolf, I think that's a little predatoryal. Sure, yeah. And they shouldn't be a war at the time. Yeah.

Yeah. Although that can cause an end to certain wars. Yeah. That's right. So marriage is also a useful tool like that. I got one. A dwarf in a Jew. I don't approve of either. Hmm. Two elves, but one of them is missing a leg. I would be more than okay with that and very, very happy that them is missing a leg. I would be more than okay with that and very, very happy that they had found each other. Oh, good.

Well, so you really seem to be mostly cool with most unions? Well, if someone has lost a limb, that usually isn't a harbinger of them, you know, burning in the fires of hell later. I suppose that's true. I don't know why I said you quote most unions. Clearly, widely and it's a medic. A boy in his dog.

Well, that's where the slippery slope does lead. Two guys, a girl. And a piece of place? Yeah. I would be okay with it, but only for like two months and then I'd probably cancel it. So Suza, thank you so much for joining us. Oh, thank you so much. And thank you for recognizing that wedding planning in any realm is not necessarily a luxury occupation.

It is a necessity. Oh, no, we do not take you for granted, Suza. Oh, thank you. We know that you work very, very hard, and that thou art a very talented woman in the way that thou dost plans. To turn a little abrid, ev'et, why those very skills could be used against the dark Lord,

crafting some grave deeds that would be the undoing of him. Will you join my quest? I mean, I don't know. I have not felt this good, since I woke up at a gutter just meaded out of my fucking mind so I don't know. Oh I could I could it I have my chin. Yeah. Stamatopolis is a lucky lucky day. You know we never even really talked about your struggles

with me but you don't have you back sometime. Oh yeah I also do a lot of outreach with at-risk youth and at-risk warlocks and witches and things like that. And there are many use at-risk here. Yeah, it's only 60% of the children in food diet. Yeah, so many. It's actually more like 80. Oh, is it really? It's just that that 20% that is an accountant for

sometime haunt us so we don't realize that they've passed on. Yeah. So some parents are like, boy, the kid's acting weird and you just don't realize they've been a ghost. They've been a ghost and that happens a lot, yeah. I see. Well, you know what? Showed up Arnie, let's read some emails. Did we get any emails to speak Arnie? You know, I've started, I got an email, I think, that's kind of important to read. We get, you can email me at magic tavern at puppies.supplies. I know it doesn't seem real, but that's really our email address. But speaking of confusing email address,

I got one that says, I've been sending emails to Chant with six teas at Gmail, but they keep bouncing. Maybe his mailbox is full, but he spells it CHUNTWITHSIXTS. Are you spelling out 60s? That's his problem. So you might be missing out on some emails, John.

I don't want to waste emails. C-H-U-N-T-T-T-T-T-T. Yeah, use that one. But hold your email like that. And if you got many emails, your email is good. Oh, I've got a shitload. Let's read one from Clark B? Clark says hey chunts big fan here as I try and visualize all of you

I know what a badger looks like and I know what a human male looks like generally But what is used to her look like be honest thanks Clark Hmm, I mean I'll let you describe yourself. Well, I don't want to be rude. I'm a 300 year old wizard I am glad in blue rob rude. I am a 300 year old wizard. I am glad in blue robes. I have a long white. I have a blue hat. I have my trusty sword and my trusty staff. And I am filled with magical power. Bence on destroying the dark lord. Yay! I have no other wish in the world but then to find him, cast him aside, smote him with my great power, and then return here to Hogg's face to live happy like that. I didn't mention your dimples

For the people of earth I would just say classic wizard It like if you went to a high school standard wizard If you just want to like a yeah, if you just want to like a high school production of a play about wizard Pretty much Wizard well, I know Don said you had those old ass eyes, so I didn't want to get into that I have another email. This is from spants or friends. Oh, spants. It's pants I don't think spances around tonight, but she sometimes sleeps under the under the bar. Yeah, spances Hey, they're chunty. It's spants. I only let her call me chunty. Don't get any ideas

I'm running to you from Arnold's laptop Sorry, first of all great. I know you said no to a date with me But I thought if I showed up here and sing you a song. I've been running for you. You might actually say yes I don't know worth a shot anyway. You're not here. So I'm sending you this message Let me know I sleep under the bar at the VM or I'll just see you at chance night from spants Huh, I have access to my computer? I just... Pretty much. I had access to it when I was asked to be here.

Oh, I'll let her into your room. I just let people in. I've... Things have been going missing from my room. Please don't let people into my room, Chos. Yeah, I'll see. That's my birthday. But speaking of access to my computer, there might be a Yusador you're on Twitter now.

Yes, you can reach me at use it or the blue. Send me any thoughts or feelings, join my quest. I aid me in this great battle against evil. Are there any other ways of contacting use it or? I would, of course, so many ways of contacting me. You can always find an eel, devour it live, and then dream of me. And in that dream, the eel will leave your body, trans-dimensionally, I, that's, astrally projected eel, will find me and tell me your tale.

So those are the two options. Pretty equal in the amount of effort. I've mentioned it many other ways. You can whisper into an A-Core and plant it in the ground, leap on it with pure tears of joy. Okay. Well, you know, let me read another email I got to amount of effort. I've mentioned it many other ways. You should whisper into an A-Cole and plant it in the ground, leap on it with pure tears of joy. Okay, well, you know, let me read another email I got to Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies. Here's one, hey Arnold, it's Arnie. I just wanted to let you know that I think someone is messing with your broadcast from Foon

before it reaches Earth. Oh, that's not good. Every episode begins and ends with an ominous voice declaring that nothing that happens on this podcast is actually real. He even came up with alternate names for Chant, Adel, Riffi, and Yusador's. That's a spell? Yeah, I don't know.

And Yusador, Matt Young, although I guess that could actually just be one of Yusador's other names that were still secret to us. You should never hear that. Up to now, from Ryan M. I don't know. I can't hear the podcast after I upload it. I mean, I'm guessing maybe it's just some ad. You only have what's whole week. Try to figure out how to do it.

The Wi-Fi from the Burger King, it's very slow. It's a difficult time actually. Susie, for my birthday, would you do me the honor and take this tiny horse with three bottles? I would love for you to keep that. That's my birthday wish. Can I tell you something? I have one of these at home.

What? Is that crazy? That is crazy. And I will gladly have two. But I just know I do have a tiny horse with three bottles at home. Take good care of him. He eats tiny, tiny. Oh, wow. I mean I mean for your birthday you're giving me a gift. Maybe you can come back on Arnold's

birthday and have a he'll give you an Arnold shaped chair because I'm assuming that's all you know. Or perhaps Arnold won't be here. He'll disappear two months before his birthday and he'll never even let me know that he was gone. What is your birthday birthday? I my birthday's in January so it's quite a ways away. Oh, it's called a carnival day. 17 months away. Yeah, wait. Oh, no. Hey, wait, what? Sarah, I think that's my wife. Sarah, what? Sarah.

Sarah, Sarah, come back. Well, well, Sam, come back! Sam! Well, um... Here we are, and, um... Magic Tevern. I've been, uh... You should all, Wizard of the Twelve, let him off of EFESIAS, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulate Half-Matical Light's, Devourer of Chaos, Trumpian of the Great Holes of Tarakas. The elves know me as fying out.

The dwarves know me as Zona and Hook Sanchis. I am no to the North East. This gets my needs, Maystall. And there may be other secret names you do not know yet. And I... Can I thought maybe things would end if I did that? Yeah. Wait, did you ever go by Dale?

Briefly. Secret name we found out. Oh my god, Dale! Find out your names. You have to add the list, add it to the list. I didn't want to say anything, but'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything.

I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything.

I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything.

I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just gonna slap the bartender. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to the new chunt. To chunt. We did it in a round. Wait a minute. Sarah! How would Sarah be in fume? That's not possible!

Has there been another dimensional breach already? This is not good, this is a... This... Ha, ha, ha! What a clever twist in a fictional story that is not real. Please believe me that it is not real. Usador was played competently by Matt Young. Junt was played reliably by Adolf Refy.

The wedding planner was played by special guest Katie Rich. Katie Rich writes for Saturday Night Live, and you can follow her on Twitter at KatieMary Rich. Bungery Chobbins was played by Tom Gottlieb. You may know Tom as the voice of Cookie Master Sin from the Jackbox Games games. You don't know Jack and Fibbage. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacoba and Ryan DeGeorgie.

edited by Ryan DeGeorgie. Music by Andy Poland. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Learn more about the show and how it's not real at hellofromthemagictavern.com or follow us on Twitter at MagicTavr. Hello from the MagicTavrn has a Facebook page. There you can find photographs of human actors that will finally assure you that none of this is really happening. Rare, curious t-shirts are like a form of currency with today's capricious millennials, and that's why we're

selling them to you. Get your hello from the Magic Tavern T-shirt at nrbotes.com today! And if you'd like to check out another show from the Chicago podcast co-op, check out the equally fictional Improvised Star Trek, an improvised parody of Star Trek featuring the adventures of the crew of the USS Cicifus, a slightly less enterprising starship. Improvised Star Trek, part of the Chicago podcast co-op. All of this barely organized whatever it is was sponsored by large management group.

Don't forget to get your free t-shirt when you buy tickets to Chicago Summer Wing Fest using the code podcast at wingfest.net.