Hello From The Magic Tavern - 58 - Keeper of the Doom Horn

Episode Date: April 18, 2016

We chat with Melchoir, The Keeper of the Doom Horn that Blows at World's End. Really hoping he doesn't blow it.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMelchoir: Alex EilhauerMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. Attention, fragile residents of Earth.

The following podcast is not real. But it is a proud member of the kidney snake, the Ear Wolf Podcasting Network. And it continues to be sponsored by an unnamed mystery company that wants to encourage listeners to send candy bars, voice acting manuals, or really whatever, too, cards against humanity, 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois, 60642, care of Arnie Neacamp, for Million Minotaur, Town of Hogsface, land of Foon,

and they'll try to shove that stuff through the portal behind the Burger King. Is that a euphemism? Anyway, enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arnee Nekamp. If you're never listening to the podcast before, everyone's listened. No, no, no, some people are listening to the podcast for the first time right now,

and they need to know that a year and six weeks I think I go, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the fantastical land of Foon. Luckily I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional portal and I use that to upload a podcast, I record every week here in the tavern the Vermilion Minotaur in the town of Hogsface in the land of Foon. And I'm joined as always by my Goon Companions. I am Yusidor, wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesias, master of light and shadow, and maybe later of the magical delights, the hour of chaos,

champion of the great halls of Tarakas, the elves, Nobius, Fyingyallik, the dwarves, Nobius, zoning in whose stangies, and I am known in the northeast, as my name is. Meistar, and... There may be other secret names you do not know yet. Oh, but if you did hear one of these names, I they would cause your brain to boil in delight until your eyes did bleed pure joy. But it would end positively.

I, you know, potato patato. Hm. Fair enough. And I'll also join by my- Can I have a minute or a spice potato is over here? Two please. And we're also joined by my favorite co-host. Hmm, chance up with that? Hey, chunk the talking Badger, how you doing buddy? Pretty good. I think I'm also going to start to be known as Badger Meefingies. Badger Meefingies? That's my-

Good. Badger Meefingies. Oh, I'm sorry, I should explain. There's a common phrase here in Fune. Some people say potato, others say patato, and sort of like either or. I should have explained that. It's because I was bispatato. Yes, exactly.

I should have explained that to you. This is a cloak. Oh, yeah, thank you. A colloquialism. Yeah, we also have this thing called knock knock jokes. We've already been over the knock knock. I've been here a year. You say who's that? Did you hear what I just said? I just said knock knock. Knock knock. Who's there? Badger. Me thingies. Badger me thingies who? me thingies who. Me, John.

God, dude. In your fucking face, dude, I still do not get knock knock. Here's a knock knock joke from my world. Oh, yes. Knock knock. Who is interrupting cow? Interrupting cow. We didn't get a finishing interrupting cow.

No, that's the whole never mind. But you see the cow has interrupted us. What a devilish creature this cow is. Is that cow as white as snow? This not snow. It's not snow. I've been saying the list over. What is snow?

A cow is white as milk. Cache, cape is red as blood. The hair is yellow as corn. The slipper is pure as gold. A cow is white as milk. The cape is red as blood. Wow, this is exhausting. I did.

It shows. Oh, you just exhausting. I did. It shows. Oh, you just stopped. Guess what that means? A tight rope walker died. Chant, I spent most of this week in my hovel surrounded by my potions attempting to make a cure for the... Oh, wow. And I have come up with this...

this vial of cure white liquid. Wow, it's glowing. Yeah, have a sip Just uh my dad always said never drink a vial of white liquid Suppotion I made to try to save your life. Um, okay. Let's give it a shot. All right How do you feel? Oh boy, um, baby, baby, baby Wow, I think I can see into infinity. That makes sense. That makes sense. It's mostly made from pupils. Wow. Oh, that's where the white comes from.

Well, you know what? Let's, let's, enough of this fucking around. Let's talk to our guest. I'm very excited. Our guest is, and I apologize if I say this wrong. Melchior, the keeper of the doom horn that blows at Worlds N. Yep, that's right, you got it. I- I- Good-good-good-dentie, the- Melcior. Uh, good-see you, Yusador. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- We're all screwed. Oh really? Yes. I'm very curious, Melky, or the keeper of the Doomhorn that blows at World's End.

You don't have to say my full name the whole time. Oh really? I just call me Mel if you... I would prefer that you do. Yes. That I set the whole. Yes. Alright.

But so, like, what is the Doomhorn? Uh, well, uh, it's, uh, the Doomhorn blows, it's my job to blow the Doomhorn. Uh, so... It's the Doomhorn blows it. It's my job to blow the Doomhorn So now your title though is keeper doesn't imply that you necessarily are the same person who blows it right Right, so that's why I wanted to clarify I it's my job to blow the Doomhorn I I decide when to blow the Doomhorn and the Doomhorn is the horn that kind of calls All the forces of good and evil and ambivalence together at the end of the world for a final battle for the soul of food. You know, we never talk much about the forces of ambivalence. Yeah, they're fine.

I think we talk about them every single week. To be fair, we're not sure they'll show, but yeah, they're supposed to be there. Sure. What, so how did you get this job? Yeah. Well, I got it. I want to say about a millennia ago, a long time, the goddess Foo gave it to me.

She kind of, well, she kind of put out an ad because they needed a new doom horn keeper on the smigslist. On smigslist? Yeah, that's right. On smigslist. Yes. And I think a lot of people didn't apply because they were asking for three to five years experience Which is sort of ridiculous. Yeah, how do you even yeah? How do you even but I think a lot of times like people put that out There and ads to kind of make sure you're serious. Sure. I really wanted the job I'm like I did have some previous experience blowing things that

careful Well, I will yeah, what like what was this previous experience blowing things that careful well, yeah, what like what was this previous experience like what what was this experience? Well, I've I'd blown the pipe of dismay You know that was I blew that you know to herald on the destruction of the Southeast corner of food. Oh Day sad day. It was terrible. It was terrible. It sounded great. Right? Thank you. Thank you. I was very nervous. Like a high high sea. I was a it wasn't high sea. What do you have a perfect pitch?

What are some of the other notes? There's a high sea. There's a sunny D. Uh, there's a there's a slaying a slaying a. Oh, that sounds awful. It's if you hear a slaying a, you are not long for this world Oh boy, yeah, and the doom horn itself is a doom D a doom D And then there's also if you play a note just write the Sun will come into the state of Capri Oh wow, but that one's really hard to get into like a lot of times You try and get it and it's like I messed it up and then you have to kind of trash it.

You just have to toss it away. Yeah. It's really frustrating. Yeah. Because you get like one good shot and then the flute that you're trying to play just breaks or bends and then you can't get it right. Oh, and it probably hurts as much as like a Hawaii punch.

What? Never mind. Now Melchio, I must ask you, is there any way for you to practice on the Doomhorn? For if you do blow it, it means the end of time. But if you don't get to play it beforehand, how do you know you're not going to fuck it up? Yeah, that's a little recital.

That is a great question. I get that all the time. I absolutely cannot practice ahead of time. Yeah. Because, yeah, if I do blow it. Well, I guess if I blew it real early, I think people would mostly just be confused because I'm not so much like,

it's Foon's job to come to kind of a crescendo and then I sort of punctuate it with the doom horn. Like after, like there's gonna be a build of like forces gathering and I punctuate it with the doom horn. You know, if I blow it a little bit too early, then you know, the battle's gonna happen to be kind of anti-climactic. If I miss blowing it, that's gonna be just so...

Like, it's gonna go on. I can't imagine how terrible it would be to miss blowing it. Yeah. Well, it just means that then Foon is gonna have to find another way to come to a second crescendo for me to blow it, and it's just gonna feel like it breaks. Is there a backup horn player Dina? Yes, Dina gonna blow her horn? Yes, I think it's emergency, she'll come blow your horn. In an emergency, yeah, but uh, or for 20 bucks.

Or whoever's in the kitchen with Dina. Well, Melchio, I'm very interested in your job, but it seems like you have a lot of downtime. For all you really have to do is keep a horn. Yeah, what did you walk us through? What are your days like? A lot of cleaning the spit valve? Uh, yes, I do have to clean out the spit valve, um, because I want to be able to blow it cleanly, um, when the time comes. So yeah, but it's mostly, yeah, you're right. I have a ton of downtime.

I polished the Doomhorn and then yeah, I have a lot. Has it ever walked in on you while you're polishing the Doomhorn and then yeah, I have a lot. Has it never walked in on you while you're polishing the Doomhorn? Embarrassingly my mom did one time. And it was sort of embarrassing because that's kind of a private ritual that I have. Sure. But she was very understanding.

Even though she, I mean, this was like, this was a thousand years ago because my mom has passed on. Oh, I'm so sorry to get that. Well, when you take the job of keeper the doom horn, you become immortal. That's a long way. Wow, that is a perk. It is a perk.

If you're a refired, do you like die immediately? I get to live out my life from that period. So, oh, so are you the same age that you were when you took the job? Right, right, right. I'm in my late 20s. I felt like my... Late 20s? Yeah.

Do I look older? I mean, look. I'm, you look much younger than a millennia. Yeah, exactly. Right, right. Well, I was kind of bouncing around and I didn't, you know, have a lot of direction. I was like, I want to sit down, like,

figure myself out. Sure. And so when the do more an opportunity came around, wow, I can sit down and really figure myself out for a long time. So it's been longer than I expected, because you can retire if you find someone else who wants to blow the Doomhorn.

Sure. Melchior, let me ask you this. You have a lot of free time. You have the ability to call the end times with your horn. Yeah. Before you do so, will you join me in my quest? Honestly, I feel like I shouldn't take sides. What?

Well, I'm blowing the doom horn to call together, you know, good and evil to fight at the final battle. Like, it feels like I'd be putting my thumb on the scale if I, like if I blew the doom horn, but I'm like, by the way, I'm kind of hope good wins. That just feels unfair and feels I see a point Wow, you would compromise your position. Yeah, neutrality is pretty important in a blowjob like I have Oh, but should I air need your

Nothing more important than a very neutral blowjob. You don't want to yeah, I make that something Yeah, so I how is that blowjob? It was neither good nor bad I have sorry. I asked so many more. We are not gonna leave the subject I'm gonna get some rainbow bowls do you want a bitches brew? Yeah, do you know? Yeah, I just seems like you probably drink bitches Brew, yeah, all right. All right. We'll be right back Okay, we're back now now milky or the keeper of the Doomhorn that blows at World's End, I guess I assumed at first that you were an instrument of good, but I guess when I'm coming to realize is that you're not aligned with either side. No, no, I mean, I'm just kind of punctuating the end of the world. I call everyone to battle when I think that the forces have gathered sufficiently, and

it's a great time for Fune to end. I'm kind of, you know, I'm the out. I'm looking for the out for Fune, basically. So the battle of good and evil has to result in Fune ending? Like, it can't be like a good winning. And then what just kind of continues? Sounds good to me. Yeah, the evil is banished, a new era of I guess,

peace and prosperity. I didn't really make the rules. I think you should take it up with the goddesses. Like all I know is I've got to blow the horn and fune ends and that's it. Then there'll be another world, I'm sure. But I mean, you don't want things to drag on forever, right? I don't know, I think that some things can go on forever,

especially if they're only like a half hour long and once a week. Sure, sure, but Foon is, Foon is many hours long every day all the time. That is true. That is true. I don't know, even the thing you described sounds like you get tired pretty quick. What? Oh, come on. I mean, I can tell you right now, I can see into infinity

and it is really taxing. And now I can see like infinity plus one and even thinking and seeing that is exhausting. No, I think everything has to come to an end. I think you're also underestimating how cool the end is going to be because there's a lot of stuff, a lot of the stuff that goes on quote unquote forever, stops at the end of the world. So like, so there wouldn't be like a birth of cool, it would just be, right? Okay. Yeah, it would be like the, you know,

the never ending geyser shuts off. No more forever girls. No more forever girls. Yeah, exactly. And I should point out that, though, I do come here every week and speak of my battle against the Dark Lord. There may be another Dark Lord. My battle with the Dark Lord or the Void may have nothing to do

with the blowing of the Doom moment or all. Yeah, it may or may not be. It kind of depends. I'll kind of feel it out when I see it, when I see the battle happen It is this a great place for Funda and or not so fear not our old A phone could go on for yeah, centuries eons millennia yet I will say the one good thing from Funda ending would be the end of can

What is hand the wizard? Yes, I haven't met can the wizard but for everything I've got a lot of the wiz guy. He comes by all the time. A lot of the wizards, I'll be honest, a lot of the wizards stop by to try to get a feel for whether it's ending soon or later. It's a mid-side information? Yeah, a lot of it. So you're busy with your blowjob,

and a wizard comes by trying to get a feel. Yeah, exactly. Trying to kind of cop a feel on whether the world is ending or not. Can I hate to be that guy? I hate to do what you're always like. Well, I know you just complained about that thing, but like... But he hates it, but what? Like, you know, you take the barometer

of how things are going in the world like, where are we at? I don't anticipate the world ending any time in the very near future. That's kind of a spoiler alert, I realize, but... Yeah, yeah. Foon's not gonna end in the next, I'm gonna say, 50 years for sure. Oh wow, so you would say this whole dark, Lord Threat,

that baggled me thingies keeps going on and on about. Oh, yeah, the world may not end, but it would live in such a state of darkness and despair that all would suffer and cry, and blood would stream forth in the very places where water did once grow and the beautiful animals of the forest were be replaced by dark, demented and twisted creatures. Tears would rain down from the skies instead of rain

and then you would grow a wart right in the middle of your forehead right before a very important date and then oh And then whoa That's what it has that what the horn sounds like yeah, I thought it was more like a Whoa, I guess we don't know for sure. Yeah, I guess I don't know for sure judging plant plant. I shouldn't I only have it softly. Oh Actually hadn't considered that just kind of just to get a second. No one hears the Doomhorn does the world end. If somebody blows the Doomhorn, but nobody hears the Doomhorn, does the world end? I don't know if you can play it softly.

I got a spoon created it. If you played it, it's gonna end the world. That's how it works. Can I ask, and I'm gonna beat that in a few months, so I'm kind of just like... You're not, shall we? I'm gonna say whatever impulses I have follow them. So I know that you on the side, I don't know how well publicized this is. I know on the side you sell books with pictures of your horn, just like a little pornography business on the side.

Could I buy one of those books? Absolutely. You're into pornography. Okay, great. Yeah, I would love to sell you. Here you go. And also, here's a, on the house, here's a ribbon that's just bringing awareness for curses.

It's a brown ribbon with a shape of a buttonhole if you just want to wear that, it would just help bring awareness to curses. Okay, great. There's a lot of this. Wait, wait, also, look at this book. Take this book back. This is the book that's for children.

What? You don't want his child pornography. It is absolutely not for children. You're under arrest. You're under arrest. So Melky, have you ever been married? I was married once a long time ago. Yes, but you're immortal and she died and you watched it slowly

I didn't I got out before she actually died. Oh, I could see where it was going kind of oh So do you date? What is her social life like? A lot of it well, so I'm hold up in a cave on the side of Mount Valley. Valley's a mount? It's Mount Valley, yeah. I thought it was a hill. A hill valley?

Well, I don't think there's that hillside valley. Yeah, hill valley. No, I know what you're thinking of, but I'm talking about the much larger one, Mount Valley, kind of far to the west. Is it a valley or a mountain? It's mountain valley. So valley is the name, but it's a mountain. Oh, I see.

Yeah, I mean, Have you ever been to mountain valley? To mountain valley? The valley. I've had their ranch dressing, I think. Yes, yes, yes. And then, has anyone been to valley high? It's just like a high valley.

It's sweet, I've heard it's sweet. Sweet valley high? Sweet valley high. Yeah, I've heard it's sweet. Sweet Valley high? Sweet Valley high. Yeah, I've been to sweet. I don't. I'll check it out. So Melchio or the keeper of the Doomhorn that blows at world's end. Thank you.

What, so there are so many heralds of destruction that are horns apparently, but are there other instruments that herald things good or bad? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I've got the Kiz of the end of your life So that's kind of a small yet of the end of your life wait the end of your life The you of the end of your life well

It's whoever's life if I blow the kazoo at the end of somebody's life I mean that's how probably when chant eyes. I mean now that we're kind of buddies I don't know I'm being no we can be friends If he dies, I'll know. I'll just feel it and I'll blow the kazoo. But from where you are. From where I am. Yeah, it has to be a kazoo.

It has to be a kazoo. Is that actually, I don't know. I'd rather like you thinking like a banjo. How would he blow a banjo? Well, no, he would play a banjo like this. But you know what, if you ever, yeah, you could switch from a horn to a banjo and then you could just get a hand job. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so. I hadn't thought about that. Now that you're saying it, I'd rather go out and upload it. No, a hand job can be as much fun. No, no, no. Well, but it would be a lot more less effort for you. Yeah, I could probably do it. Let's commit it, let's commit it.

But not... Has anyone ever visited the high road? I never have personally no We when he's all around Who ordered the higher for the low road the very low road there are lots of other instruments that Harold thinks There's there's the violin of a bad meal. Yeah, you know sometimes you Like you'll hear a violin sound and you'll know great. This is not gonna I'm starting up

Yeah, yeah, I'm starting to realize you might be a lot more busy than we thought like between people dying and people just having bad meals You must be playing instruments constantly. Yeah, the doom horn is definitely my like that's what I'm known for obviously But yeah, there's a lot of instruments. I play to herald the end of different things So yeah, there's there's something with a harp. There's a harp of the unknown. Okay someone with a cello maybe Chaloo. Wait, wait the harp of the unknown Yeah, when does that when do you play the harp of the unknown? Just whenever I want. I don't really know what happens Milky or the keeper of the doom horn that blows a world's end. Thank you so much for stopping by.

Great to be here. Thank you for having me. I actually have a question. Do you have, is there a noise that plays at the end of podcasts? I know this is the only podcast on Fune, but like, what would you play at the end of a conversation like this?

Oh, I'd probably play kind of a little trumpet and I'd do something like, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. I don't know. Yeah, it is very catchy. Oh, I'd probably play a little trumpet and I'd do something like That's catchy. Yeah, that is very catchy fantastic. Chant, have you got any letters this way? You bet your ass. Here's the email from Patrick Doe Patrick writes, Hi, Mr. Chant, I was wondering what's the ingredient in making a rainbow bowl and does the drink look like a rainbow? Or is the bowl a rainbow full of meat? Thank you Mr. Chunt. PS, can you tell Captain Baxter I say hi and a big fan of his crew and ship orbiting around the food? Captain Baxter. He must be eating, he must be eating something else. Well used to or is my resident mixologist at Chi Chi's Chow, swing on down to Chi Chi's

Chow whenever you can. So he is behind the bar in the kitchen. So he can go ahead and let people know what's in a rainbow bowl. To make a rainbow bowl, you first have to collect, missed from a bog, gather it slowly, put it through a prison, and then pour it into a bowl and Then cast a hex upon it Then it will let you see through time I would also recommend if you're a chance to drink prism wine It's a little nasty

Some people make it into toilets, but prison wine can be really delicious. Interesting. Well, so I've got some emails here. You can email me at MagicTaver and at puppies.supplies. It's really email address. Here's one. Arnie, I've noticed Chant has been very aggressive towards you, and sometimes verbally lashes out. I don't remember that. Knowing that you two are good friends, I wonder if he has been infected with rabies. Since the rift is small,

it makes sense that a small, rabid animal from earth might have crossed over into fune, and that chunt may have come across this animal not knowing what rabies is. Since you seem like a good guy, you should encourage your friend to get checked out before it's too late. Also, me and my brother Corbin love your show. Please toss a shout out if you read this question mark, question mark, thanks. Brand. Do you have rabies?

Oh, just kidding. Can you imagine three men? Little rabies? No, boy. I don't have rabies. I just checked, he doesn't. Okay, do you guys even, is rabies a thing in food yes otherwise you would have said what's rabies oh that's true rabies having rabies

y'all at your end do you have any more emails here we go this is an email from Richard Lewis Richard Lewis wow oh my god he's one of my favorite comedians from earth you know him okay, it says Richard Lewis. Richard Lewis. He said I'm doing a gesture on my head that it looks like you have horns. Chancel with that. He says, hello, in episode three, you explain to Arnie my vote is Ernie was drinking out of a person's anus. Well, you're dead on, Dick. Oh, what? Yeah, when you sort of turn someone into a cup, if they cross him, the opening of the cup would be the anus.

I'll never tell. Alright, let's see, I have one more email here. Question for Yusidor. There are so many ways of summon him that I wonder if anyone ever summons him by accident. Keep up the good work and you can be anything you chunt to be, Ted Cart from Boston. That was a real stretch. Chunts up with that? Uh, all the time. Of course.

I've done it myself. Yes, of course. I've done it myself. Yes, of course Sometimes somebody accidentally you're just you know by happenstance You know and it takes an acorn berries it's in the middle of the wood cries over it for 10 hours Sets themselves on fire and then screams out the words The word comes from the word, C'mon, Cuff, Thorn, Tane. And I'm like, here I am. And they're like, no, I was just doing that. I'm just, this is a random series of things that I just

did. Exactly. So what happens all the time? All the time. There's your answer, Ted Cart from Boston. Oh, before we go, actually, I had a question for you, Milky, or the keeper of the Doomhorn, the Blows of World's End. Thank you.

I've noticed that you're wearing a cape. Mm-hmm. And that, I mean, the light's not I've noticed that you're wearing a cape. Mm-hmm. And that, I mean, the light's not great in here, but it's a cape as, could be called a cape as red as blood. As, yeah. Would you mind if I, if I kept your cape as red as blood? Well, my initial reaction is yes, I would mind.

But is there a reason you? I'm collecting a Account was wide as Melka Cape is red is blood hair is you don't stop singing your also Yeah, you can have my cape absolutely. Oh wow, I need something in return. Oh I will take your first born child. I already have the already abandoned child. I have no access. I wouldn't, I could not give you my first born child. I'm sorry.

What do you want instead? I'll take, I'll take another bitch's brew then. Oh, fair enough. Yeah, you negotiated me down. Yeah, that was good. That was good. A lot of people don't try negotiating when they're asked for for his born child.

I recommend it. Too many people are just like, yep, all right. Yeah. I gotta get out of this tower. That's a little piece of food advice, always negotiate. I mean, this top is still spinning. Oh, no, are we still in a dream from last week? I don't think so. Hello again, I was just busy reading up on Earth Anatomy.

It turns out the pupil is the part of the eye that's black, and the sclera is the part of the eye that's white. Isn't that interesting, everyone? Anyway, none of that really happened, there are no alternate dimensions, because if there were, surely there would be one where that sweet valley high reference landed. Shunt the Talking Badger was played with his usual mix of items I'm not keeping track of by Adel Raphai. Usador the Wizard was played by Matt Young while not falling out of his chair or setting fire to anything, focusing on the positive. Melki or the keeper of the Doomhorn that blows at Worlds End was played by special guest Alex Islehauer.

Alex is a part of Insular Nerd Cabal World News Tonight, along with Arnie, Adel and Matt. He also performs at the Improvized Shakespeare Company with Matt and someone named Tim Sniffin, who sounds like a real gem. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Evan Jacover, Ryan DeGeorgie, and Arnie Neacamp. This episode edited by Ryan DeGeorgie. Oh, music by Andy Poland, logo by Adler LeBon, extra sound designed by Jason Knox. Visit to Georgie. Hey, don't turn off the podcast. I know you've probably just accidentally left it on, but hey, I, I'm Arnie, about a year over a year ago, I'm going to do one more time.

A little over a year ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the magical land of Foon. I record a podcast every week and I upload it to the internet. Ah, one more time. Where I record a podcast every week with my buddies, Chant the Talking Shape Shifter. Chant, please. And you said, or more time. Where I record a podcast every week with my buddies, chat the talking shapeshifter. Chat please. And use it or the wizard.

I am use it or the blue wizard. And we interview elves and dwarves and dragons. Well, we've actually never had a dragon on. But this is dragon on. And we hang out. Oh, fuck. Hell. Sounds terrible.

Don't bother. And we talk about buttholes a lot. Hell. Sounds terrible. Don't bother. And we talk about buttholes a lot. I apologize for that. If that sounds interesting, download Hello from the Magic Tavern. And fuck you. If you enjoyed that, you'll enjoy our show.

Say so, not real. Craig, have I ever shown you the light that determines when Matt Young is on autopilot? Hasn't that been on since I got here? It never goes out. you