Hello From The Magic Tavern - 77 - The Baron and the Frog

Episode Date: August 29, 2016

This week I'm excited to meet Foon's first Unicorn dentist.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBaron Ragoon: Chris RathjenSquibbert: Sarah ShockeySpintax the Green's Pandenomicon: Charlie McCrackinTricia: Kate JamesMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And it's still very much sponsored by Cards Against Humanity. If you send a package for Arnie or Yuzador 2, Cards Against Human humanity, 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois, 60642, care of Arnie Neacamp, Vermillion, Minotaur, Town of Augsface, Land of Foon, someone at cards will hand it to the actors who make the show, and they will pretend it was shoved through the dimensional tear behind the Burger King. Was that not clear that's what's been happening this whole time? And now, enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon.

I'm your host Arneanie Camp, if you've never listened to the podcast before. This is what's going on. A year and a half ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago, into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal. From that Burger King, I think, through the dimensional portal, and I use that upload a podcast.

I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town hog's face, in the land of foun, and I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, my best buds. Shunt, the king of the badgers. How you doing? Prrrr, shh. Shunt, what happened to your voice?

Oh, sorry, the badgers have been playing some pranks on me, sorry. Sorry. Badgers have been playing some pranks on you. Yeah, I just got kicked in the junk, so that's... Oh, by the badgers? Yeah, they're just having a good time, some goosing eggs. Are they still mad at you for still being alive? I don't think they're mad at me, but it's like anytime I go to like make a kingly speech,

they'll all stand up, turn around and like read a book, or like sometimes when I'm like getting food in sort of the Badger cafeteria, like one of them will come up and talk to me, and while they're talking to me, another one will come up behind me and get on all fours, and then the one talking to me will just shove me, and I'll go flying over the guy that's behind me.

They call it tabling. Why isn't it a Badger Teria? I don tabling. I listen to the badgerteria. I don't know. It should be a badgerteria. That's going to be my next decree. But you know what, they're going to stand up and turn around. Or they're going to put on those dumb sunglasses they've been putting on. So maybe you should have you considered stepping down and not being king of the badgers.

It seems like, so your dad are just having a good time. I don't know. Just give some eggs. Look, it sounds like they thought you were going to die. So they made you the king of the badgers it seems like so your daughter just having a good time just gus and gags look it sounds like they thought you were gonna die so they made you the king of the badgers and now that you're not gonna die they kind of want to get rid of you no i think you're reading paranoid i just worry about you buddy i'll be fine just watch your back

okay badgers are vicious evil creatures don't say that i can't hear you say that oh no and also joined by my other body. I am you sador wizard. I'm the 12th brilm of a feces Master of light and shadow manipulate her of magical lights devour of chaos He is fear and yellow the doors know he is so new strangers and I am no one in the Northeast Is me Me

Oh, I got a little down in my mouth. Oh Johnny Featherbeard's guys a little some of your feather beard is in your mouth It looks good though. You can hardly tell that it's made of feathers really yeah, thank you so much I mean I it feels lovely. I and you know I love birds. You do, you do love birds, except for Starlings. Why what is it about Starlings that you hate so much? Well, can I tell you what happened here? Sure, sure. All right. So I have plans, right? So I have plans, right? To go to the Council of the Starlings. Sure. And do a whole big magical like, what do you do?

Yeah. And I've got to be like, oh, there's gonna be fireworks and there'll be, you know, all of my magical lights, all my bubbles, my trinkets, all of it. The whole shabang. The whole shabang, yes, exactly. And I go to them and I get there, I'm like, oh, we had something else planned. So I'm standing up on this dius, like an idiot. Dius?

Dius. Mm-hmm. Right? I would think deus. We say dius. No, you say dius, I say deus. Let's go to the top. I'm standing on this stone slab, like an asshole.

Look. No, not an area bird insight. Well, you know what? You said, or, if every time you look like an asshole, you like an asshole. Look. No, not Nariah bird insight. Well, you know what? You said, or, if every time you look like an asshole, you made an enemy. Oh, don't worry, I do. Actually, I want to ask you one more thing you said, or before I introduce my guess, which I'm very excited about. How has cereal been?

You know, you started, you made your own pot catching software? Yes, pot catching software. Yes, I pot catching software It's it's all right, you know, I don't honestly I got through the whole first season I thought it was really good. Yeah, and then I didn't I mean didn't have the the kind of closure you would want But how could it exactly and then I slisten to the first episode of the second season and honestly it was just Just so weird. The premise is really dense to me, because I'm not from that world.

I don't know if I can think about it. It's hard to follow all the crazy things happening. Yeah, and it's just like, they're introducing all these things, and I don't get it. Yeah. I'm just like, I'm listening to it. I'm like, I guess, you know, I'm supposed to be so... You're like, what's a bird doll?

I am a person who is on a podcast, so I should be interested in all podcasts, but I learned that when I was like, it's just too weird Well, you know also keep in mind. It's a podcast about real things like this podcast Yes, so be you know when it's about real things you can't manufacture a good ending So maybe you know it so what I'm saying is don't expect a good ending exactly Exactly, that's what that's what my badger clan keeps saying to me. Oh, don't expect a good ending exactly exactly That's what that's what my badger clan keeps saying to me. Don't expect a good ending. I'll check on him So worried about you buddy. I woke up this morning in tape to my ceiling. There's like 400 little pieces of paper and they all said Eod

I'm like what is he? Yeah. Yeah, EID. Oh No, did you look at it in the mirror? Yeah, I always whenever I wake up I look at the ceiling with the mirror, just in case my Gorgon friend is staying with me. Yeah, I don't want to turn it down. Sure. Remember the other day when you just kept screaming Asian McLean? Yes, I do remember that.

Asia McLean! That was really good. That was really good. Well guys, okay, I'm so sorry. I'm so excited about our guest. Why is the table of badges over there? They're really staring us down. They keep staring. I guys, okay. I'm so sorry. I'm so excited about our guest Why is that table of badges over there? They're really staring us down. They keep staring

I mean just pointing I know aggressively pointing. I think it's just another goof chant it might be time for you to Change forms. They're just having fun. Okay, I just worry about you But anyway, anyway, we won't worry about it. Let's ignore haters gonna hate Let's I'm very excited to talk to the first Unicorn dentist a phone Let's ignore Haters Gonna Hate. Let's, I'm very excited to talk to the first unicorn dentist of Foon. Hello, this is so exciting. Hello there, gentlemen. No.

Baron. I'm afraid a fizzle-von pizzle-witch will not be joining you today. Wait, I had so many questions for fizzle-von pizzle-witch. The unicorn dentist of Foon. The unicorn dentist of Foon, yes, I know, but I'm afraid fizzle-von pizzle-witch has been detained. Fizzle-vizzle Von Pizzle wish has been detained

Fizzle Von Pizzle wish has been detained? Yes, Fizzle Von Pizzle which has been detained? This is an outrage. Can I ask why Fizzle Von Pizzle which was detained? Well, okay, so my guards detaised Details they taste him. Oh, don't taste them bro. Don't taste them Yes, well my guards they taste Fizzle Von Pizzle, which, because we're going to be having a little talk with Fizzle, about perhaps joining the forces of the Dark Lord. There are many rotting teeth in their jaws.

That's right. For new listeners, the Baron Regune is in charge of Shrike. Shangle birth Regune, Stewart of the Shrike Valley. Yeah, and he's very polite, but he's clearly very evil. As you can tell by the fact that I am waiting to be asked to sit. Yeah, okay, I mean, guys, I don't want to be rude. I don't want to be rude. I do.

He's evil. He's clearly in cahoots with the Dark Lord, but therein would you like to sit down. Ah, thank you very much. I don't mind if I do. I'll ask you, who's your Ruggoon companion? Oh You notice this little this little fellow on my shoulder. Yes, you're sitting down. I want to sit down. Yep. You there You go. I'm so sick of this shoulder. I tell you what he's got pointy shoulders

But I have there the normal level of sharpness for a shoulder. I don't know. They're sharp shoulders. I agree I see that every angle of you comes to a direct point. I, for the very evil in you, is make you hard and course with all sort of right angles that point and poke. Oh my god, look at his little beard. I'm sorry, do we know each other? Look at his little beard.

Yes, of course you know me. I am Yusunor. The wizard. Blue wizard. Oh, what is happening with your beard? Oh, it's made of feathers. I just pretend like it looks good. I love it I would buy like a little I would buy a little froggy comforter for me because I just get so cold Oh, don't touch my cheap though. Touch my cheap. That's right. So so, for some reason you're carrying a talking frog around with you. Yes, well, well, as you recall, the last time I was here, I was just going around shaking hands,

glad handing for Shrike, Shrike's back everyone. But I was unaware of the fact that you three gentle souls actually had caught the eye of the Dark Lord. I can't believe you just- I swear I've seen a drawing of you. Of me? Yeah, I've seen a drawing of you back at the big ol' you know, HQ as we frogs call it. We all live in like a big tub at HQ.

At HQ? Yeah, Dark Lord's HQ. Whoa, hold on, so you're from the Dark Lord's headquarters? Yes, well.'m an its employee When the Dark Lord found out that I had spoken to you first of all he was a So quite annoyed that I hadn't pressed you for more information. I got a real earful of scorpions But Like literally yes, but but I do have to actually thank you gentlemen

I have been getting so much more face to visit time with our Dark Lord since I met you. And part of that includes his servant, his dark, herald squibbert. I'm squibbert, nice to meet you. I'm so sorry, I'm not your squibbert. Anyone can touch me, anybody who wants to, and they want to. Well, it's a pretty open I'm sorry. Anyone can touch me, anybody who wants to, and they want to, yeah.

It's a pretty open statement. Yeah, pretty, you can touch me. I'm, you know, it's like free, free time with frogs. It's not a pedifrag, it's not a pedifrag. I got this nice little ridgy back. Okay, I'm gonna ask you a question, you have to tell me. Okay. If we pet you, are we gonna get warts?

No. Okay. There's a meath, you get warts, you get, it's a meath, you get warts if you are not good. If you are a bad person, that's. You get warts. You get, it's a meat. You get warts if you are not good. If you are a bad person, that's where you get warts from. And that is, that's it. Just from being a bad person. Just from having, yeah.

And it's just, you know, it's a specific kind of that it's impolite, really. Oh, I see. Yeah. I will say you shouldn't tell Lick Squivert unless you want to see some crazy things. Really? So you're kind of a psychedelic from?

Yes. And that's sort of like a fun thing. Me and Goon do all sorts of fun things together, but he does not pet me as much as I would like. We are always arguing about it down the street. I'll say, pet me, he says, no, I'll say, pet me, he says, no, I'll say, you know, back and forth for hours. She calls me Goon.

Wait, Arnie calls us as Goon Companions. Oh my god! We're not so different. No! We aren't so different. I agree. Why don't we all just come together around the Dark Lord's Obsidian Slav?

No! This one's not awesome. No, he's not awesome! Wait, quick cut, quick cut, okay. Okay. Is this the evil guy? Chant. Chant.

What? Have we all been taking red potion? I feel like all of our memories have been really bad lately. Okay, quick plan with plan. Oh yeah, what's that? Have we all been taking red potion? I feel like all of our memories has been really bad lately. Okay. Quick plan. Oh yeah, what's that? Oh, alright.

So these are the ones that the dark lord has. I should just do in a huddle because they're doing a huddle. Okay. Well you bought me a little tinful of porid. Yeah. Guys, what do you think is going on in their huddle right now? I don't know. I think they're maybe just talking about our huddle.

I bet they're, yeah, I bet look. Let's just try. Don't be obvious about it. Try to make it seem like we've got a about our huddle. I bet they're, yeah, I bet look, let's just try. Don't be obvious about it. Try to make it seem like we've got a really awesome huddle going on. I think we do, I think. I think, no, no, no, that's a little bit more. Okay, I have a little huddle down just a bit more.

It looks weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's still good. There's actually a special on porridge. Would you look to split a porridge? Can I get some kind of, I know you are about sweets. Can I get some cinnamon on mine? I like half a mine and then you can have your boar and bland half okay Why am I can I taste it? The table of badgers is now huddling up. Why are they huddling? There's so much huddling going wait

I haven't right now. Here's the plan. You should or get under the table. We'll distract them That's all I got I don't like it when you use the doors under the table Great he uses magical word magic So Baron um what's your plan what are you up to? What do you like what evil maneuverings are you up to oh? You know, I know I got here and I just I ran my mouth off last time with all of them. No, with all of my schemes, but that's. But you know what? That's what we like about you. And if I was ever to join the

dark Lord's cause, it would probably be because of your honesty. Okay, hold up. FYI, just so everybody knows, and I will be reminding you for the 10th or 11th time. I am reporting everything back to the dark Lord directly. That goon says, so he can say whatever he wants, but I'm taking it back. I'm packing it up in my little brain suitcase and I'm going to unpack it in its full capacity. Wow. How do you, how do you report back to the Dark Lord?

So when you get there, there's like a special pad. It's not a lily pad. It's more, you know, it's like purple and there's sparkles on it. You sit on it and that's the signal somewhere somebody sees it and then that's signal I'm back with information. When the door, Claude has time, which is not often, you might be sitting there 10, 11 hours straight. He will send somebody out, they will fetch you, bring you onto the stone pedestal and you will just sing like a canary for whatever information you were out gathering. And sometimes frogs be out for two, three years and they sit in there, you know, 36 hours of just this as I saw, I saw this, I saw that, you know, you know, unicorn

dentist and all that. Yeah, it's quivered has seen many dark dealings and doings. Oh my God, I have. Bringing words from the heralds of the dark lord far and wide. Wow like what are some of the hair like what are some of the Secret pockets of evil going on. Okay. Have you ever seen somebody just barf endless hair? I mean I have to tell them. I still like blemish barf's cats, which is kind of like endless hair. Yeah Give me a little bit of paper I some wood gonna do a hot foot on the baron First of all why would I have wood why would I have paper and wood? What have you got third burn up there?

Well, okay, look I have these posted notes that someone sent me a couple weeks back Well, I suppose I can share some, you know, general information. Yeah, yeah. Just juggle. You do whatever you want. I'm just here listening. That's all.

All right. Well, Trike is doing really well. You'll recall our motto. Trike, we're back. Yes, that's Trike's back, all sorts. Trike's back, yeah. Trike's back. The Empire of Trike's back.

You know, you did that one and like, I kinda, is it all right if I take that? Sure, yeah. the Emperor the Empire of Shrikes back, you know, you you that's you know, you did that one And like I kind of is it alright if I take that sure. Yeah, all right fantastic I pitched Shrike 3 we're back, but nobody took it But but no this is these are exciting times, you know as you guys are probably aware Well, you're of course aware King Albane in the Northeast It's dead. Yeah, that was That was big news for me. I had a big laugh. Oh, what, don't, not my king. I hear so many people say that, not my king.

Not my king. What's the king? Is your king, though? Look, maybe you don't like him as the king. He is your king. I mean, literally the Valley of Shrek has never been part of the Belleroth. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm literally right. Then he is not your king. You still say it with a tone, though. I swear to God, Goon's gonna get his ass kicked. of Shrek has never been part of the Belleroth. Oh! I'm sorry, I'm literally right. Then he is not your king. You still say it with a tone though. I swear to God, Goon's gonna get his ass kicked one of these days, and I'm not gonna be there to pick up pieces. Why would you say that in front of our new friends? I used it our worst.

I know, okay, now I know that. It's a little... I must be spared to the chef. So I'm really actually, I am hoping that a royal I must be spared to the shaft So I'm really actually I am hoping That a royal marriage can be arranged. I hear that princess Tricky O'Railia is Is single and you know really actually kind of cut from Regune Claude She does I mean I will say not to give you information you probably already know this Dead King Bellaroth's daughter, does seem evil.

Like she seems pretty evil. Like how? Like what does she do? She's just very, like, she's willing to just kill. She really wants to kill her brother, Tom Blaine, Belaroth, she's just hungry for power. Yes, you know, they use evil to just mean practical. Oh, sure, yeah.

But yes, so practical evil, potato, potato, deus deus deus I can take this no longer Use it or you get All right, you're stuck your own is I'm good. Oh, he's on fire. He's on fire What happens? You're here is on fire I'm fine now How dare you say that evil is not practical What is practical is to care about all the good men and women and children here in Fune I every race be it human Elf dwarf frog

Pink let giant Vingarian badger shape fitters badger shapesifters. I mean unicorns. Unicorns. Dentists. Dentists. Donkey's. Oh yeah. Actually, I have something for you, John. It is a par-faye from Old Billy.

Oh my God, he's been carrying that for like four hours. I don't know if you want to eat that, to be honest. I'd be honest, like that donkey. Well, well, sir, you can, your wizardness. I also looked to protect people, most importantly, those nearest and dearest to me, and if I can arrange a marriage with Tricky Eurelia, it's quite possible. I will be getting my son, Shanglebirth back. Your son, Shanglebirth back? Yes, so, you know, as a follower of the Dark Lord, I had to swear my firstborn son, Shanglebirth

junior, to the Dark Lord. I haven't seen him since he came of age. I still hear from him sometimes, you know, on the wind. On the wind? You know, sometimes he'll be like a winner night. Do you know where R.M.I.U.? He's kind of all beyond. He's a little vague. He has trouble with his pronouns. It's what it is. Yeah.

It's been raised properly. So he has trouble with his pronouns. So he doesn't use like proper nouns. So he wouldn't say your name. You wouldn't hear the name of the wind? No, I do not know the name of the wind. You worried that he's hurt? Oh, I've heard it's very good.

Are you just, are you worried that he's hurt? Because that would be a wise man's fear. I think it's safe to say that, you know, in the Dark Lord service, he knows pain. Oh, yeah, Mr. Empathetic over here. He knows pain. Well, I know. How are we going to get this marriage often running if we don't have any feelings, we don't emphasize the romance?

I tell you, I'm always offering him advice, and he's like, I am not one to hear from a frog right now, and I'm like, all right, I will go, I will go look at my stories. You make it sound like I, sometimes I don't like what you have to say, but it's not like I have a thing against frog. Well, it seems like.

How do I, how do I, how do I, I used to door what happened to the hotfoot? Yep, what, what, pardon what? Shit. Oh, hottle, wrong, hufflepuff. Hufflepuff. Yeah, lul, but you said, or what happened with the hotfoot? I set myself on fire.

I burned off most of my feather beard. Damn it! We are not doing a good job. We have to get this guy. We have to get this guy. I'm pumping information. I know, but information's one thing. Like, we have to get this guy. We have to get this guy. I'm pumping him for information I know but information is one thing like we have to humiliate him I thought those two questions you asked were really good and I wish that there was a third one Yeah, but what is that third question coming? Look don't rush me on the third question

If you want a third quality question, it's gonna take me as long as it takes for me to get it I With the the Roth and the fuss about it. See, that's what happens when you rush. I just feel like if you would let me teach you one of my songs, then you could sing it or teach somebody to sing it at a girl and it might be kind of sweet. All right.

Maybe after this. OK. Well, let's actually take a quick break. And when we come back, I want to learn more about the barren's plans to marry off his children for political power. So, Vizel, I was wondering, when you pull the teeth, is it difficult to not get gourd by the horn? He's not all right, is he?

We're not talking to Vizel van Pizel. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'd prepared all these questions. This is the first time that I like wrote some stuff down beforehand. How many steps do you take today? How many steps did I take that let me see if I can get it from the you have walked 13 steps. New record. You know what I had an amacon off! You know what I have found has helped my concentration immensely, commuting with the Dark Lord. Sure. I feel like your advice for everything is,

I'm gonna, the Dark Lord solves everything. Like, do you have anything else in your life? Yeah, what do you do when the Dark Lord says, I'm busy right now, I don't want to talk to you. What do you, what do you use then? Well, before you were around, I could pretend he was listening anyway. Right, and I'm here to talk to you. What are you what are you used in well before you were around? I could pretend he was listening anyway Right and I'm here to tell you he is not most of the time till he listens to me talk about you and that'll be a whole thing

Do you want more porridge? Yes, I do I'd guzzle that porridge down You know what? Why don't you just hop up to the bar there and get some poison? We'll talk to the Baron for a moment alone and also here take this perfe over to that table badgers and tell him it's from their king All right, I will but if this doesn't go well, I'm gonna come back and I'm on by you. No Yes, you said or my good friend. I must beg your wisdom and your practicality in this matter. You've seen now, through Scrivitz' very own words, the Dark Lord cares not for thee, and all he wishes is to gain more power and become more destructive. You said, or...

You know, when I was a child, there was a wizard at our court of fellow in Brown. I believe his name was Banjo Poptar. That sounds right. And I thought him a fool. For every great feat, there were ten of bluster. But what I realize talking to you is that you truly deeply care Of course, so let me tell you I know I am but an insect to the dark Lord I

Know I am but nothing. Oh, he seems to be kind of into it It's kind of his thing. I like that. I All the in this world that is mine is what I can grasp and what he does not pull out of my mitt? Would you rather not rise up? Be the... the crux of an earth-throwing of the Dark Lord Eye, with your wisdom and your insight, my quest could finally be completed! Yeah, I mean, we've given up on the lunar sword. We need a hero. Oh god, that sword. Oh, I mean oh shoot I went down there with a whole party of men. It was a it was a gruesome fate. I was lucky to make it out

How far did you get like how gruesome did it get? Did you get past the water? Yes, I got past the what I didn't get past were the grew the grew. Yeah, why were some grew? What is the, what's a grew? You know, it was kind of dark. It just, it ate all my men. Uh-huh, man. You mean you're like, I don't know what this thing looks like, but it's definitely a grew.

It's definitely a big, a big, big, big man. Yeah. I'm gonna get that lunar sword, but it's, it's, it's, it sounds dangerous. But you know, I, I am genuinely interested, like person to person, here by your family. so you're trying to marry your family off. Well, I mean, right now, just my, just my oldest,

Shengoverth, assuming I get him back in one piece. You know, it's, it's possible the, the twins next up there are the twins. My daughter, Jamie and, or twin brother, Semi. There's a Jamie and Semi. Yeah, which was born first? A Jamie. Jamie, okay. So it's a second boy, girl, boy, girl.

Sure. You know, and you know, we might marry them off eventually, but you know, they're at that age, you know, can't keep their hands off each other. So it's kind of, Huh, wait, what? Huh. Huh.

Oh, you know, I mean, they're just, they're at that age, you know, it is with twins. No, I don't. What? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm sorry, chunt, was it? Huh? They sit back the parfait. I would not recommend you eat it. What's that on top with all the bubbles? It looks like white with bubble, that's spits. Damn it. Well, there's spit, but there's little peepy under there, too. And I told them not to, and I said I didn't want to bring it back over, but they've written a bully me, too.

Did you guys want to have your own huddle? Yeah, sure. Well, Shibbert is stalking? Sure. I don't know What are you guys usually talk about in inodils we tell our secrets oh guys don't you go first new newbie? I really love the dark lore Not a secret. You are such a shallow pool

Now look why I don't I'm gonna try to convince you one more time to join me and Hope to feed the dark Lord and then everyone can live together safely and happily. Look, you talk about overthrowing the Dark Lord, you sadore, but look around. It's everything else that needs to be orathhrone. Oh, you can smite him? Squiver, let's handle that puddle up. Yeah. Listen, at some point we might be going to war, okay? Okay.

Strike and me and my friends. I just wanna know, like, how do we, do we, if we're fighting in your territory, in your marshy territory, how do we emerge victorious from the quagmire? Oh my God, what I'm gonna be doing to be completely honest is just getting as far down in the mud as I can and just blowing bubbles till it's done. And that's how we frogs have always survived

and that's how we're gonna continue to survive. Can I pet ya? Yes, absolutely, you can lick me if you want. Whoa, got it. John, are you alright? He'll be fine. He's just getting on the roller coaster that's going to the horizon. Step right up, step right up. Ladies and gentlemen, kids of all ages. Here you here, you, we have three rings for you right here and the first ring we have a man. A man from Earth? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no give a holler, anybody else went in now? Anybody else went in? Where's he gonna go? Where's he gonna go? Pop right back up at a 90 degree angle. Oh My god, a squibbet you seem to be a part of the forces of ambivalence. Well, you know, here's the thing everybody's gonna have a job and I don't I don't let my politics seep into what I'm doing

I just recite to the dark lord and I let people lick me and it's really it's you know It is what it is. What's the come down like from this high that chants on right now? You know it's a little it gets a little sad. Oh boy. Yeah, it's interesting because you see the beginning and if it's real quick and exciting at the beginning It's gonna be a little slow and It's just realized those badgers hate me. Oh Talk to him. I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm gonna say something. I'm gonna say something. I'madgers hate me. Oh, shut up. Oh my... I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm gonna say something. I'm gonna say something. I'm gonna go talk to him.

I'm gonna go talk to him. Oh, shut up. He's going to go talk to him. Now, I was just asking about the force of ambivalence that Arnie Rudeleyn are up to me. We've had a former guest on, with the Melcure, the keeper of the Doom War, that blows at the end of time.

And he says that at that time, he'll blow the the horn the forces of good and evil and ambivalence will gather and the end times will be upon us now. Do you you're telling me when even when the doomorm blows you won't do anything? I mean hopefully I won't hear it because I'll be so deep down in the mud just bathing in it rubbing it all over myself, you know, just kind of giving myself that day of pampering Sounds nice In today's day of pampering. That's my plan So Baron, yeah, do you see here that this very tool of the dark Lord cares not? Oh my god, you ate most of my porridge. I'm sorry. I was just you I wasn't paying attention

This is so him you see that this tool right here cares not for you No, the dark Lord either get you know you start you want to maybe move on to another topic It's like all you talk about is the dark. Oh is that all I talk about is that all I talk about he thinks you guys are Super interesting all right, and I kind of want to I want to see what it's all about and all you do is talk about him Wait the dark learn things we're super interesting. Oh, oh, yes. Oh, yes You the the man who walked here from another world mostly you yeah, it's like there's diagrams like how does that work? He's always like how does that work in different words sure. I am sure he's pretty interested in me too, meeting his chief rival and all. Uh, yeah, I mean, he mentions you.

You're mentioned. Yes. Arnie's friend. Not what I want? Not feared or... Wait, wait, wait, wait, I've got this. I've got this, I've got this, I've got this, I've got this, you said, or, hey, we're acquaintances. Nice.

I tell you what, I just like sitting here, like we've been walking on the road for so long and I've been talking to one person and you're looking at them and it is just really nice to be in a place where it's like, oh, I got licked, I got petted, I got treated like a lady. You bought me porridge, you never buy me stuff in front of, you know, when it's just the two of us, I think you were trying to show off. Oh, I have gold now all of a sudden. Well, I'm- I'm sorry we were alone, and I'm sorry

you do not enjoy my company, but you know, our traveling party, uh, yeah, you normally seem to travel by yourself, by yourself, or I'm sorry, not by yourself, but you don't travel with such a small part. It's fun, I'm more like a microphone than anything. No, I mean, I have a retinue that I was with here last time. Um, usually I travel with, uh,

with one of my, many, a number of my bastards. I've been lately, my newest bastard that I found, Hank. Actually, I ran into him shortly after I left here. On after my failed attempt to get the lunar sword, he usually travels with me, he's been following me around quite a bit, but he went a bit on a more-glorb bender.

Actually, yeah, we were in Gratax and got the news about King Albane. You can sort of, he's got one of those, you know, northeastern accents. You said, or you said, or, huddle up. I think he's talking about Tom Blaine, Belkroth. Remember, he said he was going to go spy on Baron Rangoon. Nadeaui. I'm just, look, I know you know this, but I just want to tell you this information.

Again, that Tom Blaine, the son of King Belorai, I am away. What? Down all of these. To spy on, he said he was gonna be three people. Guys, guys, guys,

stay away from him. What did I miss? Oh god, you're covered in your shit. Tell, tell, tell, you wasn't here. I heard it. I was in a white room,

and there was holes everywhere. These black holes and if I popped my head in one it came out the other. And used to doors there but he was being really mean. He was a big blue meany. Oh no. And then I got covered in shit. Oh, chump. It's okay buddy.

You know they kept asking me to talk more and then like the middle of a conversation. They run off. Hey, hey, hey, that is so you. They haven't see you every time you run in anybody. Oh, it's my fault. No, it's not your fault. I'm just saying. So, single-butt, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh It's a I know Can you think of any questions that don't? Oh, you know what I love birds you like birds. They're they're my favorite. I love birds too

Oh, I'm a falconer actually really yeah. Oh, oh you train them all yourself. Oh, yeah Yeah, well drives me nuts. They're always swooping down trying to take me off into the high heavens. I mean yeah I had to I had to carry them around a little less now. Falcon's dismissed. My Falcon Master DeAngelo Capricius usually travels with. I always midsense. Wait wasn't that another one of Tom Blaine Bellaroth's spy characters. This was sort of one of his, of his... Nadeaui. Yeah, he was gonna... Oh.

Nadeaui. Oh, John. Oh, he's in bad shape. Yeah, he's really... Give him a little of that red potion. Oh, yeah, here. Here. Here.

John, take this red potion. Not all of it. Ah, come here, frog. Sorry, if it's... No, no, no. Oh, there he goes again. Oh. All right, you know what? I will be honest. I am. Ah, come here, Froggy. Sorry, f***ing sense. Oh! Oh, there he goes again. Oh.

Alright, you know what? I will be honest. I am a little jealous of how well you liked. Well, I'm sorry. I just, here's the thing. I think you would like me if you could put your jealousy aside, and I would like you, if I could put aside disagreeing with most of the way you conduct yourself and your social skills.

No, you're right. That's exactly what Grumblewald was saying before he had to depart. Grumblewald's trimber schwits? Oh, you know him. Hut up! Hey guys, I'm pretty sure that was- Oh, that's hot! I'm pretty sure that that was Tom Blaine's third character. Oh yeah, baby. Oh, you know, Chun's gone full Austin powers.

You know what? I don't want to talk about earth stuff. You know, I know you know, but I started to tell it, so I'm just gonna say GrumbleWall Shrimmer Shits is the chief of the Ragoon Platoon, my elite. Right, four to go. I know that. I know, you know.

I was like, you know, you start to say a thing. I love when you were in Canada because it's a sun of empathy and that's a really good, you know, growing moment. Oh, all right. Well, thank you. I'm a thousand years old. So I've seen a lot of empathy. You're a thousand years old?

Yes. I'm a 300 years old. Wow. Well, you know, most of my life to be completely honest was spent down in the depths of the marsh just kind of charging up, you know, tadpole for, you know, 500 years. Oh, half of it. Yeah, teenage tadpole for another 250. Okay.

And then I started to like slowly eat out and I was like, do I want to wake up? Do I not? And it's like, well, here I am with goon over here eating all my porridge. Was it worth it? I don't know. A baron or shangel. Yeah. Gooney. So, Squibbert, you said before that don't know. A baron or shangel. Yeah, guinea. So, Squibbert, you said before that you had advice for the baron that you felt like he just

wouldn't listen to. Oh my god. If advice were brownies, I'd be baking them every day and he'd be throwing each pan in motion. Oh, brownies, please. Brownies, please. If somebody get, he's going to be really hungry after too late. I don't think we should give him sugar though. There's some kind of heavy pasta, maybe like a thick bread.

I'm just gonna cast a sleep beat spell on him. Bing-bong. We're gonna thank. Oh wow, he's asleep. He'll wake up in a couple minutes. This will be a nice, deep, quick sleep though. Uh-huh. It's like just enough to get away.

And you're a really screwed. You cast a sleep spell and a dungeon gets the monster a beast You go, what's the sleep? I'm getting the hell out of here. That would be very handy. Yes, it would be Doesn't work on goblins. It's not work on goblins. It is annoying so squibber. I say you are so much handsomer than that picture He has up. Oh, I feel like when they drew you they were like did it did we get this right? Like it's just kind of something's off with the eyes Yeah, I just like oh, it's so fun to see, they were like, did we get this right? Like it's just kind of something's off with the eyes. Yeah. I just like, oh, it's so fun to see in person.

It's like, you know, oh, I've heard so much. Yeah, I will say in person, you notice how his eyes sort of follow you? Like that picture. Well, yeah, he's looking. Yeah, he's looking at you. Well, you know what? He's not a drawing.

Yeah. That was silly. I apologize. I'll squib it. Now you were poured back to the dark Lord. I'm not drawing. You're not drawing. That was silly, I apologize. I'll squib it. Now you report back to the Dark Lord. Yeah, I'll sit on that pad soon enough. But there's no reason that you can't just tell us things that you know as well, correct?

Well, I don't see you paying me. Oh, is that... I'm hired by the Dark Lord. You're just hired. I'm hired yet. I get paid in clover leaves. I get paid in gold bars. I get paid in.

You know, sort of whatever they have leftover for the frogs. What about this rock? Oh, that's nice. Like that rock? Yeah, it's a nice rock. It's yours. Oh, I, I, I, I, I, it's very heavy and I have very little hands. I appreciate it so much.

If you want to give it to Goon though, he would treasure it. Could you channel me something if I give it to Goon? Well, what do you want to know? I just want to know what the Dark Lord knows about Arnie. I mean, he's got a picture of him. He's very interested in he would love it above all things if I could see you pass into the other world and then go back and say here's how he did it. That's what he would like.

I would love it if I could see myself do that too. Yes, I'm afraid that there's no information for the Dark Lord to get for Arne. Dune is gonna cry if you do not give him that rock. He would cherish it to the end of the Earth. I mean, it would be so very nice. It's a very nice rock. It is yours. It is a magical rock though. What does it do? It just sings a song. Oh, that's nice. Well, I mean if we're gonna listen to a song, Squiver it.

You have never wanted to hear my song once in your life. That's right. You mentioned you had a song to sing. I'd love to hear it. It's just a little romance advice song where it's like... I feel like there's no better romantic advice than the romantic advice you get from a singing animal. From a singing years and years and years old animals.

Yeah. Okay. You ready? Yeah. Where does the time go when you're a lover? Where does the time go when you kiss? Where does the time go when you're together? It goes up and over into the sky. Wow.

It's just a little, we frogs sing it when you think we're just making frog. That's what we are singing beautiful. I love how you hike across the table and had that top hat up and down while you Sing that sound. I never get a chance to show off my abilities and I am a dancer. Where was that hat? Outruns Yes, I a I... dreamed a dream. And?

Hope was high. Life was worth living. Oh, great! Here's the thing, you are gonna have the best sleepier life tonight. You're gonna be late miserable. What? I don't know. Is that the right thing? Well, squibbered Baron Regune, thank you so much for coming by and sort of giving us a little bit of useful information on the Dark Lord.

It has been so nice to just have a break. Uh, I mean, it's been nice to have a break, but I feel like, you know, we're on a little better terms now. Yeah, you've got a little light in your eyes. I think it's good for you to have to interact with people. You know what, I did get weird. I did get weird out there on the road. We all did. I did get weird. I did get weird out there on the way out dead speaking it weird

Boy, he should not have had three that's bad. Hey, you know, I've got a package recently people have been shoving packages through the dimensional Rift behind the for a million minutes or and here really packages items from the other world. Oh, yeah from the other world. Yeah. We gotta look at those. Yes, please open some. Okay, oh, boy, maybe I'm not sure if I should do it. He's really staring at this package. Hey, my eyes are up here.

Play it cool, buddy. This one comes with a note that says, this is handwritten, says Arnie, please chunt and use it or how to blow these. Thanks, Rob for Madison. Am I reading that correctly? Arnie, please chunt and use it or how to blow these. Chunt and use it to blow these. Rob for Madison. Am I reading that correctly? Arnie, please, Sean and Yusador, pal, the Yusador for Madison.

Rob for Madison. Don't worry, I've got it all stored up here. And they're just a bunch of little Oscar Meyer Weiner mobile whistles. There's a bunch of these actually. Yusador, you can have one. I don't know if I should give one to. Who is Oscar Meyer?

Oh, he makes hot dogs. He just, I don't want to talk about her stuff. Can I have one? Sure, I'll give you some information for a thing from another world sure. Yeah, of course. Yeah What's the information? The dark lord maybe taking some meetings with fibromyalgia The Queen of Goblins? They're very same. Holy cow. Oh, I am going to tell him you said that.

Ooh, what? OK, well, here you go. I hope it was worth it for that winy weasel. Oh, you can't even blow it. Oh, no. No. I hope that was worth it. You said I can do it. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Small scrolls designed to boost your magical abilities. I hope that one of the spills contained within knowledge surely I will be able to defeat the dark Lord

What's it for all are you getting all this I'm listening yet can I see those cards? Sure, let's open them up Let's see what we've got in here. I Have rise to the challenge don't need that take it Griffin dreamfinder I could do that anytime take it Nick's born idol and Doesn't have familiar to me Charging Badger. Oh That one will keep

Fedder gags giant deep water hypnotist Nick's born shield mate. These just sound like people I went to school with a hypnotist, Nick's born shield mate, these just sound like people I went to school with. Look, it's just a starter pack. I mean, for my- I don't really know that much about magic the gather. It's a- but it's a booster pack. Charge, charge the badges, charge the badges. Oh, but the very last card looks different. And it just says... Bird. Oh really? Hold on, holy fuck, shit, there's a magic trick. So okay, just for the listeners. This is a sealed pack. Flying.

That's all it says. This is a sealed pack of magic cards. It wasn't like, yeah, this is a sealed pack and the last one is bird. Yeah, that's a sign That is a sign. Oh now Shirley with these magic the gathering cards if I keep collecting these cards This is how it starts is a feat the dog boy You're gonna be like my my freshman year roommate who got obsessed with these cards and dropped out of school Your roommate was a magician? Oh, I'm so sorry.

Should have mentioned that. That's sad magicians. You haven't mentioned that in a year. That's sad magicians. Who had the power to call his mom and ask for more money for magic, the gathering cards. That's some of us are lucky enough to have mothers. Some of us are just have mothers.

He is holding that card right in my face. Can you believe all of that was fake? I sure is Elken. Usador the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the King of the Badgers was played by Adel Raphai. Barun Ragoon was played by Chris Rathjinn. You can hear Chris and Matt Young on the other podcast in Provise Star Trek, where they both take turns playing Councillor Troy.

I think I have that right. Squibbert The Talking Frog was played by Sarah Shockey. Check out Sarah's comedy wrestling podcast, Marty and Sarah Love Wrestling, which is available all the places podcasts are available. Greg, what was that noise? Are we under attack? Nope, sorry, we've intercepted more emails for the show. Please tell me they're not- Yep, more people saying Yusodore's name in other languages, like this one from Tim, Shadow at Grads. Should I pronounce that correctly? von Tim, Shadow at Grads. Hier ist Yusidors Name in German.

Yusidor, sauberer des zwölften Gefildes von Ephesius, meister des Lichts und des Schattens, manipulator magischer Freuden, verschlinger des Chaos, hält der großen Heilen von Tarakas. Die Elfen kennen ihn als Viennjallak, die Zwerge kennen ihn als Sohn in Huckstensius. Im Nordosten ist er auch bekannt unter Gessmaneous Maester. The Elven, Kenin Kendi Nalsvjernjallak, the Zwerge, Kendi Nalsolenhookstensius, the Zwerge, Kendi Nalsolenhookstensius, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge,

the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge,

the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, the Zwerge, I didn't use it all. I'll learn this. Okay, okay, that's enough. That's enough German for anyone.

Germans really like use it all for some reason. We intercepted a lot of German ones. I was really hoping we'd intercept something useful. Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt you. I just didn't know if I should be doing any like intern stuff while you're doing all of this in here. Craig, can you finish up here? Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arneneet Camp, Evan Jacoba and Rindie Georgi. This one edited by Rindie Georgi. and here.

Trisha, the frozen infant tears produced by the Aura Fiss on the mini-fridge have gotten a little too salty for my taste. I actually have to agree I'm also not comfortable with that.