Hello From The Magic Tavern - INTERLUDE - Hey Kids, it's a Magic Tavern!

Episode Date: February 26, 2018

We check in with an alternate reality version of the podcast, coming from a family friendly dimension where Arnie and his pals record a weekly children’s podcast. They’re joined by old friends including Flower and a very angry boy. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampDewey the Dolphin: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungFlower: Brooke BreitBlemish: Martin WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey I know what let's do. Why don't we blow off the podcast this week and spy on one of the multitude of alternate alternate realities? Maybe. Not the Wild West one. I am done paying for HBO's mistakes. I think I found a family-friendly dimension where hello from the Magic Tavern is a kid show. Yes, the family-friendly dimension, where everything is rated G and Pope Fiction is 4.5 minutes long. Alright, I'll hone in on the coordinates. Take us away, Craig. To a kid-friendly version of the show, where for one week, I won't have to hear the word

butthole over and over again, like some kind of vagus manchurian candidate. Hey kids, it's a Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical, fantastical land of fune, I'm your host Arnie. If you've never listened to the podcast before, welcome, I'm so excited that you're here. Look, this is everything you need to know. About three years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a little beans cafe in Evanston, Illinois. Into the magical, fantastical, family-friendly land of fune. Luckily, the portal is still open, so at the end of every day, I go back to my world and

go back to my family, where I upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern, the purple minotaur, on Hogg's face street, and the land of fune. And I get a lot of emails about this. Yes, sometimes it's difficult for the work-life balance of doing the podcast here in this magical land during the day and also making time for my family at home, but you know what? It's worth it. And I'm joined as always by my good friend, Dewey the Dolphin. Hey kids, it's me, Dewey the Dolphin.

And it's my purpose in life to make sure you have fun. Hey Dewey, it's so good to see you. How you doing bud? It's good to see you. I'm doing great. And the kids at home might not know to do a year dolphin this week because week to week you can be a different animal.

That's right Arnie, I turn into whatever I hug. Yeah, it's true. One day I'll hug you. Okay, that would be so much fun! You're gonna get hugged. Yeah. And I'm also joined by my other really good friend, Yucidor the Wizard. Hi, I'm Yucidor the Blue.

You know what, you can say your whole name. Hi, I'm Yucidor the Blue Wizard. Oh thanks. So Yucidor, what are you up to this week? Oh, I've been working on new magical spells Oh, teachers one teachers one. Oh, here's one. Wait You said or is this a magical spell that the kids could learn how to do at home? Oh, this is a spell for everyone to do All you have to do is get your mom and dad's permission and then count one

two three Is get your mom and dad's permission, and then count one, two, three. Now you know how to count to three. Oh wow, that was like magic. It was magic, numbers of magic. That's right, numbers are magic. You know, Arnie, since I've been a dolphin, I've been counting how many blowholes I have. You want to count with me? Sure. One, two, two, two blowholes. Two blowholes I have. You want to count with me? Sure. One, two.

Two. Two blowholes. Two blowholes. Do you have a blowhole? I don't. I wish I did. It's a hole that I use as a mammal to expel air. But you know what kids?

Mammals are a little confusing. What? There's just a lot of details about mammals that can be contradictory from animal to animal. Okay, that seems like you're an authority on the subject, but I know you're not. You know what, do eat. It's important to know that you don't have to be an authority on everything. It's okay to just ask questions. Asking questions is the best way to learn.

If you see someone and you want to know something about them, ask them a question. Doesn't matter if you know them or not. Let's try this out. Do eat. Do you want to ask a question of a usador? Mm-hmm. Usador, what's your favorite food? Oh, my favorite food would have to be pickles. That's silly. Arnie, what's your favorite food?

My favorite food, it's also pickles. What sweet pickles. Let's count how many people in the room like pickles. One, two, you don room like pickles. One, two. You don't like pickles, do we? No. As a dolphin, they might get stuck in my blowholes. That's true.

Then I can't breathe. I learned another magic trick this week. All right, kids, are you ready to load another magic trick? Kids, don't forget. Ask your parents permission. First thing. For every spell. Ask your mom and dad's permission. Then spell ask your mom and dad's permission

Then work with your mom and dad get a jar put in some water and some vinegar and some salt and then add cucumbers and you made your own pickles Arnie can I be honest sure sometimes? I don't ask my mom's permission because sometimes she can write my tail and When she does I like to flip her off. What's this? So kids, if your mom doesn't give you permission, feel free to flip her off. If you're a dolphin. Only if you're a dolphin. If you're worried about getting your parents permission, maybe make sure that they're listening to the podcast with you, preferably on a different device, so we get more downloads.

And make sure you ask your parents permission to leave a review. Make it a good one. Maybe a little bit silly. Ooh, audience shouldn't we talk to our guests? Actually, instead of calling them a guest, can we call them a friend? Yeah, that's a good idea, do we? Let's talk to our friend. Alright, well I'm excited because this is true.

I'll let's talk to one of my best friends in phone. Flower, the talking flower. Knock ity, knock, knock, knock. Guess who's here? Flower. Oh! But I'm thinking about changing my name today. Oh, you know what? It can be fun to change your name. Yeah, it can because you know what? I don't know who you're fluent. And today, I think I'm gonna be

Blossom. Blossom? Yeah, because the way I think about it, looking outside. So I'm just really good-shin. Your opinionation? Yep. That's just what I'm thinking. I mean, it, looking outside, sun to cheer the good shine. Your opinionation? Yep, that's just what I'm thinking. I was feeling a little bum this morning, and I said, well, something that would cheer me up, because I have ownership over my choices in my own life.

And so that was what I was going to do, is change something about myself, and make myself turn it around. Oh, flower, oh, I'm sorry, blossom. That's okay, I'll accept. Awesome. That's OK. I'll accept either. Why don't you feel on sand this morning? I don't know.

Sometimes I get jealous of other people. Like, what they got going on in their lives. And I try not to be a passenger in my own life. Like, I try to be the driver. But it's hard sometimes because I can't move. Yeah. So by starting thinking about it, I was like, where's something that you like about yourself?

You know that you can celebrate. So it's down more celebrate, more roots. Yeah. My actual roots stick go down into the dirt. I don't know where I came from, so I can't celebrate. Those roots. Yeah. But I can celebrate my roots.

It's good to get in touch with any kind of roots. Yeah, and as a strong independent flower flower you're able to soil yourself. Oh Yeah, absolutely. I saw myself daily. Make sure it's all packed in there. Kids, it's so important that you learn how to soil yourself Yeah, and you know what flower? I'm sorry blossom. That's cool Blossom maybe shouldn't focus on what you can't do because there's so many great things you can do Yeah, like have a can do attitude Exactly, yeah, I think that's what I was saying. Oh Hey kids, what are some of the things a flower can do

That's right What else? Mm-hmm that's right, too. You got it? You went the back, speak up. Yes, you went the back. Yeah, you've been real quiet in the back. Speak up.

Everything okay? Speak up! Oh, I heard him, it wasn't worth it. Yeah, that's not what we were talking about, but you know what? It's okay. Sometimes we just phase out. I do it, and I'm in the show. But you know what, we have another guest.

I'm sorry. We have another good friend. We can talk to you Thank you, Arnie. I'm really excited to talk to our good friend blemish boom boom boom It's blemish. Oh, no Who do you know what this means? What? blemish is a minion of the dark mood. I am in a dark mood today I've had to cook and cook and cook and I'm in the middle of the dark mood. I am in a dark mood today. I've had to cook and cook and cook and I'm tired of it.

I think I know what you're up. Sing it a song. Would it cheer me up or would it cheer you up? There's only one way to find out. Blimey, you seem sad. I am sad. I've been working in the kitchen, cooking and cleaning, and I haven't seen any friends or had any time to play.

Oh, blemish. Seems like you're feeling some really big feelings right now. I'm feeling a lot of feelings, and I don't know what to do with them, who to talk about them with, or where to put them. Oh, blemish. I just hope you know that none of these feelings are bad, you know? It's okay to have big feelings that you don't know how to control. Are you sure?

Because when I'm feeling these feelings, it feels like they're going to explode out of my body. Well, I don't know. Maybe we can all work together and think of some things blemish can do with this big feelings that don't hurt anybody or himself. Chattel, you're a feeling soon to a giant magical fireball. Yeah, or draw something. Run in circles. I can do two out of those three things. Come up with ideas for podcasts.

Mmm, mmm. Julie and some vegetables. I can do all of those things. Mmm. First, I'm going to say what I'm feeling. And it's anger. I'm going to say what I'm feeling. And it's anger. I'm feeling anger. Ben, I'm going to Julianne's and vegetables with my left hand while I draw with my right hand

and my brain thinks the podcast idea is. Sometimes it helps if you give your feelings a name. So maybe you should call your anger Julianne. Hmm. I will call my anger Julian. And I'm gonna make friends with Julian. So the next time Julian comes to visit me, I don't get quite so crazy. Yeah.

So you could have more Julian. You could have Julian more. Blimey, don't call yourself crazy. There's no need for that. When it's raining outside, it's okay to say that it's raining. Alright. I will. You know, Blenish, do you want to join Yusador's quest to defeat the Dark Mood? Could I? Of course you'd be welcome to join me.

Am I allowed? I'm always worried that if we go and do something together that maybe you won't like me at the end of it. Oh, I could never happen. You are one of my very best friends. Aww. Hug, who wouldn't want to have you on their quest? Kiss. Now, now Blossom, there's a big difference between hugging and kissing.

I know, I forget. I just have so many positive feelings and all I wanna do is hug and kiss and grab and squeeze and love everybody. I could just jump off a cliff, I was so happy. You're just filled with flower power. That's right. I'm sorry, blossom power. Stop apologizing.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna see what apologizing can. Oh, it's something I struggle with. Remember kids, sometimes you can just do too much of something. I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry kids. You, sometimes you can just do too much of something. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry kids.

You're doing it again. You're doing it again. I don't know, I think. Oh, it's all right, everyone. Arnie's just getting tired, which means it's time for Arnold to take a break. Oh, yeah. He'll need to say goodbye and say hi to his family, and then he'll come back and visit us again a little later. What a great father.

Oh, thanks. Yeah. You know what? It's not that I'm a great father. It's gonna have got a great family. They make me better. Can I give you a hug? Well, you know what? Yes.

Yes you can. Nope. Although you're reluctant, so I'm not going to. You know what? Before we go on break-do-y, we get so many hand-ridden letters from our listeners asking, if you were to say hug just somebody's hand or hug, or hug myself or hug yourself.

What would I turn into? Or hug a treat or hug like a rock? You know, it doesn't really count if you just hug and hands. You're just doing a quick hug tug. Yeah, my opinion is that kids seem to be overthinking it. You should that word already? overthinking, overthinking. That brings me to do is do's and don'ts. Can you say that word, Arty? Overthinking? Overthinking. That brings me to do his dos and don'ts.

Do question what you want. Don't write me any more handwritten letters asking what I've turned into if I hug myself. That's obnoxious. We'll be're back. Thanks guys, sorry I had to take a little bit of time away. I had just enough time to go home and wake up my daughter and make her breakfast and then head back here.

Well that sounds delightful. What did you have for breakfast? Well I made some eggs in a pan and also some bread. Also a banana. That's a full-rounded breakfast. Any pickles? No pickles. Not at that time. Arnie, that means you lied to me. You said you love pickles, but you didn't eat pickles when you had a chance to. That means you lied. No, do me that doesn't mean I lied. Just because I like something doesn't mean I have to have it all the time. It's time for another dewy's dews and don'ts. Okay, do it.

Do be honest with your friends. Don't lie. Are you okay, Dewy? I'm fine. What makes you think I'm not okay? You just lied to me. Don't do that again. Well, Dewy, just because I don't do something all the time doesn't mean it's a lie, doesn't it?

There's a lot of steam coming out of one of your blowholes. I think I need to get back in the water. I've been on land for some time. Oh no, do we? Dolphins have to be in water most of the time. Are you in any kind of danger? You've been on the water for a long time. You've been on the water for a long time.

Sorry, I have my echolocation on. Do you know what that is? I mean, just say no. Don't lie. No, that's all right. It's an important lesson, kids. Do you know what that is? I mean, just say no. Don't lie. No, that's alright. It's not important lesson kids. If you don't really know what something means or

haven't really read a book or seen a movie, it's okay just to say no. That's one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. Unless you meet someone who is a part of that, the creative process or inside of it. Then it's okay to say, I really love your work. People are compliments. Oh, I think Aani did the right thing because I ate nothing but pickles during the break and now I've turned to bright green. Oh no. Oh no. I know it'll make you feel better.

What? Let's go ahead and say some of Usadore's known names. Oh sure. Oh sure, it's fun to say Usadore's names. I love hearing them. And of course nothing back can happen when you say one of his names Oh no a name is just a way of saying hello Professor good times. Mr. Spaghetti. Chubby blanket. Abundance McGuire. Cookie Monster. Chaco Taco. Can we shorten that one? No. You could just say chocolate talk. Oh that that's alright. Yeah, actually, I sort of like that. Theo headphones. When you said that, a baby chick fell out of your mouth. I love chicks. I raise them and they're my friends.

Blimey, see, that's one of the things that's so special about you. Baby chicks come out of your mouth all the time. It's adorable. That's true, but the chicks don't talk to me like people do, and sometimes I get lonely, and I wonder, will anyone ever like me, and will they like how weird I am? And I don't want to tell anyone how weird I am, or the chicks come out of my mouth, because I'm afraid that they won't be my friend anymore.

You're not weird. And if you're weird, then I'm weird, and do is weird. The weird is. And awesome is weird, and awry is weird. We're all just... Unique. Or, you know what? Maybe we're all weird and that's okay. And I gotta say, I'm not sure if that's an acceptable lesson,

but it's something I believe. I guess it's all right to be weird. If you guys think it's all right to be weird, it's kind of cool to be weird within reason. Why don't you sing a song about being weird? Yeah, blamish, sometimes the things were scared to share about ourselves with other people. Come out a little easier if we sing a song about being weird? Yeah, I'm just wondering, sometimes the things were scared to share about ourselves with other people. Come out a little easier if we sing a song.

Oh, I thought we were just gonna gloss off my song idea again, but you brought it back around. Mm-hmm. Everyone's a widow. If you are a friend, Everyone's a widow. Who'll be there till the end. Now kids at home, using a verse. Very good. I love how fast that last verse is.

Why don't you feel it? Does that make you feel better? I like to know that other people are weird, just like me, and everyone likes different things. Yeah. Sorry I brought out my tiny trumpet in the middle of that. I just felt inspired by a song. I was really happy that you wanted to sing along with me.

Yeah, I sang through the trumpet. That's my mouthpiece. I was hoping that everyone would sing along, but only you did and then kids at home. Yeah, this room could be disappointing sometimes. Do you feel as if you've defeated the dark mood? I do feel better. There is always in the back of my mind a little bit of worry. You should be blemish, for the dark mood could come back in any time, and we must always be prepared. We must always be vigilant for if the dark mood strikes out at us when we are not prepared.

Oh, the damage it would cause. Oh, the lo-some dark days that would fall upon each of us. If the dark mood were to take over certainly you would mean death and destruction wherever we did turn. Arnie used to do her scaring me. Oh it's okay, don't worry about it. I'm just warning kids to watch out for the dark mood. You gotta be careful. That brings me to another dewy's dews and don'ts. Do speak your mind, don't fear monger. Also, kids are new word for this week is over-correcting. Yes, it are. Just because a dark mood is scary doesn't mean we need to over-correct and

shut down that emotion entirely. Ooh, but if I let him by emotions bubble up to the surface, who knows what could happen? Ooh. Yes, it are. Maybe it's okay to get in touch with your emotions. All right, here I go Arnie he's in the emotion state He's eating so much chocolate. There is so much danger around us from every corner. We must prepare Oh the void and the dark Lord and the dark mood All the forces of the multibuses converge at this point

Yeeeh! Let your cockles be raised for they'll be not but dangerous around us I swear that if thou does not take up sword and arms now and prepare thine self for the destruction that is weight Destruction self, I am due! Arnie what's a cockle? I'm scared Don't worry De Dewey. It has a perfectly normal explanation that I don't know off the top of my head.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Wow, you said, or you were just running in place the whole time that you said that. Well, yes. Well, it's good to get some exercise. Did it feel better to get that out? Oh, it did feel good to get you out. But for a moment, I saw Cross all the universes,

and I saw all the terrible and wonderful things that exist there. By Arnold, there are millions of you. What? Yeah, I've seen that. Yes, wow, a nose for who roots go deep into the multiverse as well. You exist in many different forms across many different worlds. Wow. Arnie, I have a question about this and as we talked about earlier, when you have a question, you should ask it.

So, I'm going to ask my good friend, Can Do The Wizard. Oh, what? What's wrong? I mean, look, we all love Can Do the Wizard. I know I do. I know I do, he's one of my best friends. But you know what, I bet he's sleeping. Let's not bother Can Do the Wizard.

No, I see him right there at that table. You're right. Come on over Can Do. Wait, Arnie, you seem reluctant. Well, I gotta say, Can Do the Wizard? It kinda makes me nervous. I feel bad about that. I mean, can do the wizard does nothing wrong with him, but just sometimes there are people that make you nervous, and I get a little nervous around him. And then I feel guilty for feeling

that way. Thank you for being honest. I feel like we all love can do the wizard. He's probably the most love character on this show. Oh sure. Second only to maybe me. Well, if he makes you uncomfortable though, we don't want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Yeah. We're being super nice to you.

I mean, we put blemish on the spot. We're like, a long time. Oh, that's true. And although having Candu come over is in no way putting me on the spot, but you know what, you're right. I'm gonna have him come over That's the can-do attitude he'd appreciate. Oh, yeah, I'm just getting that now aren't you're dense? Hi can-do

Hello, I'm can-do the wizard. I'm here to tell you that you can do anything Well actually I called you over so I can ask you a question. Don't push your agenda. Alright. What's your question? Passive aggressive dolphin? Well my good friend Yusudor was saying that he saw a cross time in space. He saw multiple versions of Arnie.

Do you know what that's about? Why yes I do because I've lived so long. Oh tell us all about it. These are my favorite stories. Yes, I have the natural wisdom of an older person. You'll never wear out. You're welcome, can't you? Exactly. I only gain good things as I get older. But yes, there are infinite universes, infinite possibilities. And if you think about it, if there is infinity, that means that everything exists eventually.

Let's count to infinity, shall we? Oh, that would take so long. And that's coming from me, someone that takes forever to get to what he's talking about. Well that we better get started. One, two, three, four, five. You're all adorable and also I don't mind saying a little in sufferable. Ten, eleven, twelve, 13, 14. Did someone call my name?

It's me, 14-a-door. Yay, everybody loves 14-a-door. Yay. Yay. You said, or, how are you my friend? I am very well, thank you for asking. Did you get those pickles I baked you? Hmm, yeah, I ate them all up.

Well, I don't wanna overstay my welcome, so I'll say, Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo. But wait, if you leave now, you won't be around for the amazing payoff to this pickle runner. It's definitely going somewhere, and I say that with all the wisdom of an older person. Okay, I'll stick around. Because that's what friends dare. Great. Well, you sounded flip it. Hey, don't say flip it. That's my word. Sorry. Before I go, I just want to say, use your imagination. Take some time to think of something fun Or something silly

Or something inspiring Because Somewhere It's true Because everything is I'm going away now That's not a euphemism I'm just going to go take a nap

No, goodbye can't do Goodbye can't do Bye can't do You from his unknown He says he's going to go taking it out. That's true. Well, I think we should think about the lessons we learned today. Yeah, we learned a lot of stuff.

I learned how to start counting to infinity. One, I learned to ask questions when you don't know something. Yeah, two. I learned that feelings can be scary, but they're all right. Three. Learn that anything I think is possible is possible, and I'm going to start getting to work on my plans. Cool.

I learned you can't just eat pickles. Five. I learned that sometimes Arnie lies. Six. I learned that you just can't win with this guy no matter what dimension you're in. Seven. But I also learned that there's so many different worlds and it's fun to think about what it would be like

if we were in another dimension. You know, it's crazy to think about it, but I bet somewhere there's a dimension where we're all in a tavern right now, recording this podcast, but at this table, at this very table, but we're all robots and space people. Ooh, that's fun to think about. Yeah, do you know who I think was bravest today?

Blemish. Oh. And you know what I think he deserves? Oh, hug! Oh, blind. Let's all give Blemish a hug. Blemish your today's hero. Oh, except as many hugs as I can get and squeeze you back twice as hard.

Are we doing like over the pants under the pants huts? Here while I'm hugging you, let me slip you a pickle. Oh, you know what that sound means? Thanks Melkioor, keeper of the Doom Horm that plays at the end of the show. Guys, I think it's almost time for us to say goodbye until next week. But we never did give Vlimish that hug. Mmm. Look! I'm Blemish!

Oh, a chick just came out of your mouth. Hehe. That's my food now. Wow! That change happens so fast! Mmm-hmm. Doesn't make you feel better by yourself to be looking at yourself right now? I love myself twice as much. I don't know, I'm not into it. Well, guys, let's end like we do every week where we sing our song.

Well good bye for now. We were glad to be your pal. We hope we made you stop and think just because you're in a tavern doesn't mean you should drink. In fact, ask your mom and dad if that's okay. We'll now send you on your way. We love you, we love you. Good night, good night. We love you, we love you. Good night, good night. Stay close to us When there is no light

We love you, we want you to take the coordinates for that dimension. Feed them to the adamantium squirrel that hangs out by the recycling bin, and then shoot it. Use it or the wizard was played by Mat Young, doing his very best Mrs. Doubtfire as if teetering at the top of a long staircase. Doe the Dolphin was played by Adel Raphai. Blossom, the talking flower, was played by Brooke Bright. Blemish the Half-Dwarf, apparently still alive in this dimension, was played by Martin Wilson. Such a curious sensation when someone returns from a long absence and you realize you haven't missed them at all.

Hey kids, it's a Magic Tavern, is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Ryan to Georgie and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Well Craig, I'll start calling the parents one by one and apologizing while you finish up here. New theme music this week by Andy Polent, new kid-friendly logo by Aller Labbon. And if you didn't see that logo, go to hellofromthemagictavern.com and check it out. Visit us at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op,

and thanks to Earwolf. you