Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Book Club: Pippi Longstocking

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Usidore, Chunt, Arnie, and Flower share their thoughts about the book, Pippi Longstocking. Who is the real Pippi?You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on X, Instagram and YouTube!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungFlower: Brooke BreitCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducer: Matt YoungAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Sage G.C.Special Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You'll start getting all the bonus episodes, plus ad-free versions of the main show without the wait. But if you're a bootlegger like me, you gotta wonder what I've got for you today. We here at HFTMT have our finger on the pulse. We know that people love to read. Nah, not doom-scrolling on your phone. Books! And what better than a classic children's book?

That's right, the book club is back with Chunt, Ysidor, Arnie, Flower and Pippi Longstocking. Ysidor, will you help me move this table? Just get things ready. Get the... Where do you want it? Over there. Oh, that's a different spell. I'm moving it. I'm moving it myself. Anyway I was just setting up for the for our book club. Oh yes I read about the Demon Spawn Pippi Longstocking.

Yeah she's some sort of tiny witch, right Arnie? Well, she, look, we're doing Pippi Longstocking because in March Magic, I included from Earth, Pippi Longstocking who I don't really know that much about as a magic user from Earth. People were going crazy for Pippi in our Patreon in the comments section and on the discord So we finally decided to read Pippi longstocking and it's a valid question

I feel like maybe the first question we're gonna try to tackle is Pippi a Demon demon a demon from hell. Yes. I'd say a witch from hell a witch from hell Yeah, just a whimsical a witch from hell a witch from hell yeah just a whimsical neighbor you know I sort of think that maybe she's a manic pixie dream neighbor hmm well I don't know already let me I thought the table could use a little sprucing up the table so bland so I got this flower to put in the middle of the table just a nice little centerpiece. Oh shit. Oh chun- Of all the flowers. Of all the flowers. Okay you caught me in the- I was stretching.

No. You're stretching. That's good. I was stretching and like I- listen trying to do more stretches before I do anything Because you know you get hurt if you don't do that, so I'm sorry um I heard you read a book Yes, we are we all read pippi longstocking a book from Earth. I Read it too. You read it. I read it too. Let me tell you what this is I'm gonna tell you a true fact. Every time we've done book club,

I have never read the book. Now once, now once, but I always cheated. Huh, that would explain why most of your observations were things like, fuck that bitch. Pretty much, pretty much, that's me. I mean, I think, I don't know that reading or not reading the book would have changed those observations Yeah, no, no, I scammed and then I like kind of talked to some people I talked to my friend Cliff

He gave me some notes on what was going on in the book and then but this time I heard y'all were talking about It and I said I'm gonna I'm doing two things. I'm gonna stretch Okay, and now I'm gonna start reading books Wow and Arnie this is on me After I read my copy of Pippi Longstocking I buried the book Cuz again, I thought she was a witch so flower must have snagged it with the roots. Yeah, I found your dirty-ass book I Put out in the woods just in case any other kids want to find it I put it out in the woods just in case any other kids want to find it. Yeah, I found some of the other shit that was out there too.

Oh, barely 80. Arnie, do you remember when you gave us that that screenwriting seminar? Mm hmm. Yeah. For me and Chunt and you kept talking about save the cat. Save the cat. Yeah, you gotta save the cat. Well, Pippi saves the cat in like chapter 10. She like saves two little boys in a burning building, which seems late to me based on what you told us about,

save the cat. The rest of the time, it seems like this is a cover story, right? Her mother passed away when she was very young. Yes. Her father was swept off a boat into the sea, and she purports- Let's be- let's all be honest. Yeah.

Probably dead. Probably- almost certainly dead. Cause I kept expecting- and look, I don't know, do we- I guess we- we don't necessarily have to go in some kind of chronological order here, but like, am I the only one that's with the whole book being like, I guess the father's gonna show up at some point? At the end? Maybe? I mean- Oni, that would presume that anything happens in this book at fucking all I can't stress enough

Hearing food in real life or in literature if you don't see a body that means they're dead Right. Oh, what if they're setting it up for the sequel? Like why if this is all just kind of like said now? Cause I will say this is, I read a book, but this is not a book. This is a series of situations. Yes. Strung together by a thin thread. Wait, you just described our podcast.

Yup. A series of situations strung together by a thin, oh shit, are we, are we Pippi Longstock? Are you Pippi Longstock? Am I? Wait, who's the Pippi here? I guess it's me. Onnie lift up this horse no well hold on that was a tiny horse with a top hat yeah and I I could barely lift it. He still didn't really lift it. He needed to warm up to it. Oh my arms. Yeah it looks like you have a oh it looks like you have a hernia I can tell from your pants. Stop looking at my hernia. That horse is letting you.

That horse is helping. He's gone limp. Arnie, I agree with you. I believe that the father is dead and gone, even though she purports that he has become the king of the cannibals and that she will someday become the princess of the cannibals, which is gruesome. Yeah. she will someday become the princess of the cannibals, which is gruesome.

Yeah. And I also want to point out that I think this whole thing is a cover story. Oh, I think the ground opened up fire and brimstone spewed out of the ground and then pippy long stocking came out of that hole in the ground directly from hell. That's why her hair is red. Yes, of course. Everyone from hell who has red hair, everyone who's red hair is from Hell. We all know this. Hell hair. Oh, and Flower, you're not wrong. All right, looking in the book, it says there are other Pippi books you'll enjoy, including Pippi in the South Seas, which maybe she finds her dad because her dad went overboard, and then Pippi goes on board. Wait, he went overboard and then she goes on board

Does this mean we have to read more of these? That's what I was gonna say. Can the four of us make a solemn promise? We won't do a book club about these other two Pippi longstocking books I swear. What if there's another one so it's what Pippi longstocking, Pippi South Seas, Pippi on board And then another one is just like Pippi you know talking, Pippi South sees, Pippi on board, and then another one is just like, Pippi, you know what, forget about the dance. Not worth it. Pippi's scared stupid? Pippi's scared, Pippi goes to prison.

Pippi saves Christmas? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It's the best one. Arnie, I did wanna bring it up because I know that they're rivals, but next book club we should read. I mean Wiley potatoes The rat with a wand in him just wrote a autobiography So if we if you're looking for something next time oh

Yeah, what's it called? What's his autobiography called? Arnie I don't know he just said he wrote it. Oh, what do you think it's called? Rats why I did it? The power within. So he's his name is Wiley potatoes. You know why the potatoes the rat with a wand inside him? I've heard of him. I don't know him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is Wiley potatoes the rat with a wand inside of him. He won our March Magic bracket. And he's, I think he's been on the podcast. Travis. Flower's making the same noises as you would hear her make when we were talking about

specific details from the Great Gatsby and Friday Precious. Tessa. That's my favorite part. Well, I don't want to spoil Bylee's book. I'm sure he goes into greater detail, but he was once attacked by a wizard who stabbed him with a wand and he got a wand stuck inside of him. Now he's one of the most potent magical creatures in food.

And he's why the potatoes the rat with the wand. His book is called Idaho no Udaho. Oh, I'd read that. He must've gotten an advanced copy. I'm a little miffed. I didn't get one but goddesses bless I guess. Maybe it's not the final name. That's just what I heard. Because again, I don't know him. I just know of you know, I know, I know must be nice to have your own private

Idaho no you to ho. Yes, one day I'll get one but until then let's let's talk about Ernie. Let's talk about Pippi longstocking written by I want to say asked Astrid Glynne grin Astrid Lundgren. Yes a beloved Swedish author Who wrote this children's book in the 1950s? I believe I did a little research and apparently it got published because it won a contest What sort of contest like a writing contest or what?

To write a children's book, huh? Hmm did anyone else enter the contest? Yeah, I was gonna say what was the competition guys? No, we're pissing off all the pippy of pippy heads.. Just a reminder we're reading this because so many people, so many Patreon supporters love Pippi Longstocking. I am fully aware that people are really excited about Pippi Longstocking and then they got me to read this book and now I'm mad about it. Here let me I'm gonna turn off where's the button on this laptop. Okay I turned off the audio. Listen the four of us hey Pippi Longstocking is pure chaos right? Yeah, she's insane. All she does is fuck up everything. She's awful to everyone Right, she's super strength. Yeah, she lies constantly

Sometimes you can't tell if she's lying or if she knows it other times. She just admits that she's lying She ruins circuses for no reason. Let's just say she's she's making everything about her. Right? Yeah. Like, yes. Yeah, I mean, and I get it. She's a child who is unencumbered by parents. So she likes to make up tall tales and seem more impressive than perhaps she is. Although she is very impressive in some ways, she has this strength. she has a certain simple way of viewing the world that can be charming at times she doesn't mean anyone any ill unless her evil plans are revealed in these other books which I have to assume they are

because she's directly from hell. Eastor I feel bad now you're right she's just a nine-year-old with three guns I'm sorry I said she was chaotic yes you're right. She's just a nine-year-old with three guns. I'm sorry I said she was chaotic. Yes. You're right. We have to make clear. I didn't know how soon we wanted to get to that. We got to talk about the guns. Literally you open the book and there's a there's a old timey, there's a 1950s drawing

of Pippi Longstocking holding a sword and a gun. That's like the first thing you see. And she also has a long stocking. Like it's pretty literal. She has a stocking, a black stocking that's hanging off her foot, like some sort of skin tag. Arnie, what is it with Earth books? So far we've read Pippi Longstockings, The Great Gatsby, and Pride and Prejudice, and all three have heavily featured guns. What is going on? What is going on on Earth that Elizabeth Bennet, remember in that scene where Elizabeth Bennet pulled a gun on Mr. Darcy and What is going on? What is going on on Earth that Elizabeth Bennett?

Remember in that scene where Elizabeth Bennett pulled a gun on Mr. Darcy and said, What's up now, cocksucker? Remember that? That was my favorite part. She was so prideful. I'm Tristan Redmond, and as a journalist, I've never believed in ghosts. But when I discovered that my wife's great-grandmother was murdered in the house next door to where I grew up, I started wondering about the inexplicable things that happened in my childhood bedroom. When I tried to find out more, I discovered that someone who slept in my room after me, someone I'd never met, was visited by the ghost of a faceless woman.

So I started digging into the murder in my wife's family. And I unearthed family secrets nobody could have imagined. Ghost Story won Best Documentary Podcast at the 2024 Ambys and is a Best True Crime nominee at the British Podcast Awards 2024. Ghost Story is now the first ever Apple Podcast series essential. Each month, Apple Podcast editors spotlight one series that has captivated listeners with masterful storytelling, creative excellence and a unique creative voice and vision. To recognize Ghost Story being chosen as the first series essential, Wondry has made it ad free for a limited time only on Apple Podcasts. If you haven't listened

yet, head over to Apple Podcasts to hear for yourself. What's up everybody? It's Jason Kelsey and I'm here with my slightly famous little brother, Travis aka Big Yeti Kelsey. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we're here to bring you a next level entertainment experience with our show, New Heights. We're covering all the hardest hitting topics in order of importance, UFO sightings,

the ideal PB and J combo, and of course, next level access to life inside the NFL and in the booth. Listen and watch New Heights wherever you get your podcasts. And if you want to listen to us first, without any interruptions and get bonus content, join One 3 Plus in the wondering app apple podcast or spotify Listen so for as many guns are in this situation. She got swords. She's got guns. She's all kinds of weapons

She got brute force. I do appreciate that this bitch got restrained because what does she do? She putting people in trees She's like she is not busting heads like she knows she could. She could be dropping horses on some motherfuckers. But instead, she's just gently draping people into trees, placing them out into the street. Like it's very powerful, but she doesn't use it for any ill gain, particularly, mostly its defensive mechanism or allows her to escape harm herself when others would do her harm, as the two burglars that she forced to dance all night might have done. Well, hold on, not just forced to dance all night, then paid them, paid them money for a full night's work of dancing and making comb music? not just for us to dance all night, then paid them. Paid them money for a full night's work

of dancing and making comb music? Well, I mean, she paid them a gold piece. Well, that's a lot of money on Earth, probably. Oh, it's a lot of gold piece on food is a lot of money, aren't it? I think basically you can get away with this shit if you're rich. And that's kind of like something that like this kind,

so she is bizarre. She is irrational to some degree, but also rational but she just she's bizarre. She's a weird chick. And I think that you can get away with this kind of fucking behavior if you are helpful and rich. Yeah, and she you don't even have to be helpful to be perfectly honest. Yeah, her dad's the cannibal king. She's a nepo baby. Let's say it. It's true. Her mom's an angel.

Okay, now let's get into this. On the very first page, Arnie, it might even be the first paragraph. They say about Pippi, they say she was nine years old and she lived there all alone, there being her house, and she had no mother and no father. And of course, that was very nice.

Now you, Sidor, you at whatever age you were when you were born, you had no mother and no father. Did you find that very nice? Well, yes, but I came into the world fully formed as the being you see before you now. So I was never a child per se, nor did I have a child's mind. So I didn't have these flights of fancy where I would just go on tangents and speak for long periods of times about nonsense like the time that all the birds came together and all the squirrels joined them and all the and all the creatures of force insisted there be a champion and then and they they created a portal into the nether regions of the feasius and said Oh, goddesses bless us with this champion who shall save us all. Oh what guys quick turn to page 52 okay on page 52 I I'm sorry I guess flower we have to share my cup. Oh, this is yeah Filthy I put some footnotes in there, too

It just looks like you stomped your roots on it yep on page 52 it says I think she's a wizard Arnie You thought we used her she says my name, this is her real name. She says my name is Pippalotta Delicatessa, window shade, mackerel mint, Ephraim's daughter, Longstocking. Ain't a good name, I can't deny that. It wasn't done. Daughter of Captain Ephraim Longstocking, formerly of the Terror of the Sea, now a Cannibal King.

Wow, what a long name. She might be a wizard. You might be a wizard. Well, I honestly hadn't thought of this. I came in with the theory that this entire story about her parents was a cover story while she laid the groundwork for her evil plans, which culminated in her handing two loaded guns

to two boring children, and their father seemingly oblivious to it or indifferent at best allowed them to walk off with two pistols. I assume the father's under some sort of spell or just a negligent father. I think it's the only time he's in the book at all. And we should get back to talking about Tommy and Annika but Oh, you say Annika? Annika? I say Anika. Annika? I say Anika.

Annika. Look let's just call them both the Nick Carraway of this book. Anakin. Oh I like that. Tommy and Anakin. Oh Arnie can we? Here's my theory. This is something that sometimes happens on Earth. There's a it's a common orphan situation where you think it's sort of an innocent young girl But really it's a small adult murderous man pretending to be an orphan. Oh, yeah So she's like a serial killer pretending to be this precocious child

Interesting Yeah, I guess we have to read the other two books. You're right on it Can I point out one other thing? This is this is the main thing that I spent the whole book thinking about it happens fairly early on I think it's in the chapter Pippi is a thing finder or something like that where they just go around looking for Stuff and Pippi says anything on the ground you own first of all Why they point to a man sleeping on the ground and say, you're fucking wild. But then she said, put your hand in that tree stump and they find jewelry.

They find like they find jewels and watches inside of trees. Yeah. And there's never any explanation. Like, did she hide them there? Well, the kids, the kids wonder that they say at one point, they're like, do you think Pippi put something there and they're like, I don't know good night But like how fucking amazing would have been if that tree just ate her hand off. I Assumed that they just robbed that tree. Oh Yes, oh man and a flower Ernie was talking about how they feel like if something's laying on the ground

You can just grab it and you own it. As a flower, that must happen. You must be napping and then someone just plucks you and it's like, this will go in my window. Yeah. And I'm like, all right, fuck this. This is nice change of pace. And then I just roll out of there because I have given myself a gift of movement. So I cannot be owned.

I can be only placed in a different location. That makes sense. And I'll slowly make my way out of there. No, I have boundaries. You know, it's like, I try to express it as soon as someone says, but I do want to draw everybody's attention to like one of the final moments in this entire book is,

Pippi shoots off two of the pistols and says, that was a good bang. Yes. That's when I was like, you know what? This book might be alright. She then also hands the guns to Tommy and Anakin and one of the kids goes, in their head they think, I hope this isn't loaded. She just shot the gun. It's not loaded anymore.

Well, I think we covered the book. Look, to be clear, there are guns in this book, but don't worry. One child gives loaded guns to two other children. Ani, I have to ask you. I think it's time to interrogate you a little bit. As the denizen of Earth, do children read this book? Look, yes. I think especially in Sweden, but everywhere. I have

heard of this book. I knew that Vivi Longstocking had red hair and pigtails and lift a horse over her head. Because this is a classic children's tale on Earth. Did I read it as a child? No. But you have to imagine that people do and I'm even going to go so look, was there a lot that made me angry about this book? Yes. But there's something charming about it. Like it doesn't it doesn't really go anywhere. But it's it's got a charm. Arnie, I'm so glad you said that. Ysidor hand me the box. Thank you so much. Arnie,

Ysidor and I agree and I presume flowers Well, you saw I agree that there was thank you that there was something charming about this book. There was something Magical and delightful about this book and to put a name to it. It's mr. Nielsen the monkey So Arnie, I was waiting to where we gonna get that monkey party We thought this podcast could use a little charm a little something special a little a little pick-me-up. So we got you Mischief the monkey. Oh So Should I be careful I mean

How safe is this monkey? He's very still he's he's staring at you He's a choice. Should I make eye contact or no no no no no no no Oh, no miss just was taking off his little bowler hat. Oh, he's rolling up his sleeves. Oh Arnie This box how long is monkey? Go make some pasta God I hope it's the pasta not just because I don't want my ass kicked. I miss you If you can look at our copy of the book, oh, and he's out the window. No There goes our copy

That monkey is gonna kill some people Now I did love mr. Nelson sure monkey Did mr. Nelson do anything in the book? I was gonna say you love him what you love about him like I love that there's Sure. The monkey. Did Mr. Nilsson do anything in the book? No. I was going to say, you love him. What do you love about him? Like, there's no personality to attach to, right?

He sleeps in a little bed, and he's always around. He's like the horse. Like, there's just a whole entourage of animals. Can we talk about why the horse doesn't get a name but Mr. Nilsson does? Because the horse isn't wearing clothes and Mr. Nilsson is. And Arnie, you say what did Mr. Nilsson do? If he didn't run away for whatever reason,

we never would have seen Pippi absolutely devastatingly rip the horns off that bull for no reason. That's right. They made sure to clarify that bulls cannot feel when you rip a horn off. And I thought that was for no reason. That's right. They made sure to clarify that bowls cannot feel when you rip a horn off. And that is not true. And I thought that was a wild detail. I have been a bull. That is not true.

That is not true. That's not true. I'll say it, horns are the most sensitive. Look, all I'm saying is, would it have been so hard in the Great Gatsby or Pride and Prejudice for them just to throw in a couple extra lines about there being a monkey there. It would have made it more fun as we've learned.

You don't have to put a whole lot of plot attached to the monkey. Just knowing there's a monkey wearing pants close by, it just makes it a little more fun. That's true. Yeah, if you introduce a monkey early on, you know at some point he's gonna go off. That's a, they call that go offs monkey.

Go offs monkey. But I don't know, did Mr. Nielsen ever go off? He just sort of was like, he was down for a good time. Clearly they're very happy, he's not gonna leave, but. Yeah. What did he bring to the table? Well, on the table, he drank his water and put his cup on his head.

Oh yeah, and then everyone else followed suit So that was sort of fun. I guess He did sleep in a tiny bed I like that part. Yeah, and the burglars were the burglars did were confused and thought it was the father Yeah, he was a misdirect. He was he provided Literary misdirect in that moment So he was he is a literary device, if not in world, he did serve some literary purpose.

Arnie, I'm not sure how it is on Earth, but in Foon, monkeys like Mischief, who's now roaming somewhere around Foon, educating himself surely on the book of Pippi Longstocking. Arnie, in Foon, monkeys can can how do I put this delicately? They can like rip off faces and stuff. Mm-hmm. They're very strong. Yeah, but on earth It seems like that's man and they will and they will yeah It's not just that they can they will they want to actually yeah, they want to rip off your genitals or rip off your face

that's their good faces and Yeah, they want to rip off your genitals or rip off your face. That's their good faces and It seems like on earth that's not the case because this nine-year-old has a has a monkey and a face well There are illustrations that suggest that Pippi has a face Yeah, but nothing in the text says that she has a face. Is that fair? Huh? She has freckles. She talked about freckles, but that doesn't have to be on the face I guess it sort of feels like if she didn't have a face that would definitely get mentioned Sure, but would be more credence for my theory that she is a demon from out. Yeah, has she eaten someone? Do you think that she's eaten a person?

Her dad is the cannibal king. That's what I want to know It seems like she's really idolizing that part of it And I just want to know it doesn't get mentioned. There's other food. There's seemingly very Swedish food mentioned like they have a picnic with meatballs and sugared pancakes Several little brown sausages and three pineapple puddings Yeah, tell us more about Swedish food. Yeah, tell us about Swedish food. Hmm. I don't know I don't know anything about Swedish food too spicy for you too spicy Well speaking of Swedish food at some point when you sir was trying to do that spell to help move the table

I thought for sure he was gonna make some Swedish food. Yeah, he sounded like a chef for sure You thought I sounded a little like a You thought I sounded a little like a Swedish chef? When you're trying to move the table, there's burger durga burger. It's just a spell I know. Just a spell I know. I can't get it. See? When you do it, your arms flail around.

And we can't quite see your legs for some reason. It's just how you do that magic spell. Oh, his hand is up your ass. Oh, is a good question, Flower ass. Oh is a good question flower Oh Miss Jeff Get out of there Speaking of limbs being in weird places

I will say another thing that I took genuine delight in was the way pippi longstocking sleeps With her like upside down with her head under the covers and her feet sticking out. And for some reason, I know this is a simple idea, just like, well, she sleeps backwards, but especially when the burglars came and she would talk to them and answer questions from underneath the blanket. I don't know why that was fine. I liked that. Huh?

See, now I hated this. Because anytime anybody did anything... Is this the thing that finally drives our friendship completely asunder? Possibly. Because anytime in this entire book that anyone or even Pippi did anything, for example, she would accidentally break an egg on her head and then she would immediately say, in Argentina, or whatever place she said. Argentina? She would, thank you. She would say, everyone wears eggs,

and if you eat it, then they hate you or something. Oh yes. And then someone would like, you know, put on their shoes, and she'd be like, in brazil, actually, everyone takes off shoes, and if you put on shoes, like, it was just opposite day constantly for this girl And I don't know why and I hated it

So for her to put her feet were head where head go and head where feet go just run chun. That's a great point I'm sorry. Will you excuse me for just a moment? use it or Yeah, I'm just I just need a little sanity check from both of you sure small adorable I just need a little sanity check from both of you. Sure. Small, adorable, constantly lies and is explaining like what weird things they do in different places are. Is Chunt Pippi Longstocking? I think that Pippi Longstocking might be more

casually racist than Chunt is. You'd be surprised. Why? And actually I now love Pippi. I think Pippi's actually pretty great. Yeah, you might be onto something. There's something there. I mean, you're not wrong.

He keeps giving guns to kids. How else are they going to protect themselves? I mean, you do have to teach children how to fight in the world of Shun. Is he really strong, though? Does he have the super strength? No. Chunt, lift up this horse. Yeah, do it.

Oh, turn into a horse. Ah, there we go. Yeah, see he can't say he does have a way to do it. That's true. He turned into a horse to lift a horse? Well, hold on. I turned into a horse to pick up a horse. How you doing? I'm so mad I didn't see that coming. I know. How you doing? Oh, I'm so mad I didn't see that coming.

I know. Oh, that pippy, you've done it again. And back into a badger with red fur. Oh, I'll keep it for now. Okay. Oh wow. This looks a little, it's like it doesn't look as, your coat looks different.

It's sticking out a little bit. Hmm, let me just braid this real quick. Here's the thing. She keeps mentioning all those places, like you said, Charlie. She's like, I've been here, I've been there. Did you know they do this there? And it's like, we get it, bitch. You travel, OK?

It's really annoying. Like nobody likes it when somebody comes back with like, story. I mean, that's why she got kicked out of the, what was it, tea or coffee party. The coffee party. She wouldn't shut up. Yes, yeah, like you said, Flower, she made everything about her. Yeah, she's a real, that kind of personality,

like I just don't really have patience for, you know, it's like, no, we all got shit going on. It's true. Can't always be about you, Pippi. Can we, while we're talking about the coffee party, I wanna get back to the topic of the Setagrins for a moment. Tommy and Anakin.

The what? Oh, what? You remember their last name? Isn't that their last name? Isn't that their last name, Setagrins? I believe you. What a weird name. Of all the details to remember from this,

I don't know why it's really striking. I thought it might be a spell. I was reading these books looking for spells. I said, set her grain, set her grain, and nothing happened. Tommy and Anakin, very boring, very boring children with nothing going on in their lives. No, not particularly, not a lot of character traits that one could point to other than one is the boy and one is the girl, I suppose. But their parents, like I mentioned, their father shows up to the very end, doesn't care that this other parentless child has given these two children a gun.

He's like, let's just go home. Yeah, also, he busted into Pippi's house and went up to the attic. Yeah. Rude. But Mrs. Cetagrin, at the party, everyone is annoyed with Pippi because she's ruining the pie and eating the whole pie and spilling things and making a mess and just jabbering on and on.

And then Mrs. Cetagrin comes back in and is delighted that anyone's eaten the pie. That's her whole deal. That's all we learn about her. Yeah. Well, it's stressful when you're throwing a party. It's like you kind of want people to enjoy it. You hope it's good.

I mean, it's not good if you throw a party and like no one's touched the food. Yeah. I suppose you're right. That's a problem. Each morning, it's a new opportunity, a chance to start fresh. Up First from NPR makes each morning an opportunity to learn and to understand.

Choose to join the world every morning with Up First, a podcast that hands you everything going on across the globe and down the street, all in 15 minutes or less. Start your day informed and anew with Up First by subscribing wherever you get your podcasts. In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of a beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the internet is the Kill List, a cache of chilling documents

containing names, photos, addresses and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out, convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C Truecrime shows like Morbid early and add free right now by joining Wondry Plus.

Check out Exhibit C in the Wondry app for all your Truecrime listening. Is it possible that the source of Pippi's super strength is that she drinks coffee? I love that for If you give a nine-year-old coffee that kids absolutely gonna Pick up a horse and shoot a gun. Absolutely. I mentioned it casually many times that Pippi likes to drink coffee. It's true Yeah, yeah, I really think so. Yeah, she grew up on a boat with a bunch of sailors. So that makes sense. Oh Maybe it's not those motorboat as well It's worth mentioning use it or on 101, I think that's what it was, fucking mischief. I think it was page 101 and page 159, Pippi exclaims, Tiddlypalm and Piddlyday.

Is that a spell? Tiddlypalm and Piddlyday? I tried it too. No, I couldn't get it to do anything. Tiddly tiddly palm and piddly day. Nope, nothing. No. Oh, the table moved.

Oh, that was that was just me kicking it. Oh, I did try this other spell in the book, though. Let me try it again here. Parfin books published by the Penguin Group. Penguin Young Readers Group 345 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014 USA. Is anything happening yet? No. This is about, it's about 10 times longer

than what I've read already. I'm getting sleepy. Yeah. Should I do the whole thing? Yeah. Penguin Group Canada, Ten Alcorn Avenue, Toronto, Ontario,

Canada M- Huh, said Avenue weird, but pronounced Toronto, Ontario perfectly. A division of person, Penguin Canada Inc, Penguin Books, He's going Swedish. He's going bold. Make a strand, London WC2R, Harrison Penguin Canada ink paying his books London WC to our

Zero RL England penguin Ireland the word penguins in here a lot it is One thing I identify with Pippi. I also don't like pollutification tables. Oh, yes. She's terrible at math just like you Arnie. Yeah. That's a good point. Quick, Chunt! Yeah? What? Do you think Arnie is Pippi Longstocking? Huh? What is it?

Arnie is Pippi Longstocking. Oh yeah. They're both bad at math. That's true. I've never met Arnie's parents, although he's talked about them. Yeah? Nine years old. He's nine years old?

We just gave him a monkey. And there's a horse kind of near him that I tried to pick up earlier. It all checks out. Everyone play it cool. He's basically, okay, okay. Oh shit. Wait, what kind of tables did you say? Politification tables?

Politificate? I don't remember that part. Oh, it's when Pippi goes to school and she tries- No, I'm looking at it. Yes, she's asked to do multiplication, I believe. Oh, oh, I found it, yeah. Did I get 10 time here for poll, pollification.

Wait, is that supposed to be a joke? I think so, yeah. Do you know how many times in every episode Flower is on, I have to edit that line out? Just Flower saying, what is that supposed to be, a joke? Is that a joke? And then you edit out my blank stare? No, we keep that in.

That's what's happening. We try, but everyone can feel it. Everyone can feel it. Good. Hey, can you excuse us a second, Flower? Chuck Usador. Yes, what? I have a theory.

What is it? You know how pippy longstocking makes us angry? Yeah. Sure. I think Flower is pippy longstocking. I don't get it. I don't. Where are you going with this? I love Flower.

Okay, well, nevermind. Flower makes me happy. In the jolly Joey summertime through the field of water make my way Do exactly as a wish and when I walk I go squish squish squish squish squish Just a beautiful flower. It's my shoes really true sometimes. Just as chip sometimes is chew For the shoe is wet the bull sleeps yet, and I eat all the rice pudding I get in the jolly summertime. Whoa, look.

I squish where I go, squish oh, squish oh. Oh, Flower's singing her beautiful little flower song. I love it. She's singing a little song, and she put scrub pads on her roots, and she's scrubbing around the floor. Ruffy up a boo, up a dee fa do foo, buh buh buh buh buh, ba doo ba doo ba doo ba doo ba doo ba doo. Wow.

This book could be a movie, Arnie. Yeah, I believe it's been several movies on Earth. It's been several TV series. Also, I believe there was a lot of work that went into one of the greatest workers of magic on all of Earth. Miyazaki put a lot of work into making a Pippi Longstocking movie, which unfortunately didn't come to pass. Miyazaki.

Wait, he made a movie that didn't get made. What? He put a lot of work into making a movie, but then it ended up not happening. Why didn't he just do it? Well, you know, probably rights issues, like probably. You know there's gotta be a porno called Pippi Longsucking. I, I mean, I'm really torn between not talking about that more or spending like an hour.

Like Pee Pee, long sucking. Dickie long sucking. Oh, how do we? He's coming into your world. Pippi cum stocking. Flower, Flower Arnie, Flower Arnie. Yeah. Did you notice how Usador isn't saying

any fun porno titles? Yeah. I think he's Pippi Longstock. I think I think he's taking offenses Us making fun of her name cuz it's his name. You know, I think it's cuz he's just done like the game Keep an eye on it. Okay, you don't think this is because he's thinking about how this is a children's book And then we might be like ruining and childhood memories Hey, if a nine-year-old picks up a gun can make fun of a name. That is that is fair point. He said this was everyone's favorite.

Okay, Arnie, I do want to say there's two bright spots in this book for me. I hate to admit it. The first one is at some point Tommy are bland, idiot little neighbor boy. He says the phrase, why do you have a horse on the porch? And when I said that out loud to myself, horse on the porch, horse on the porch, I just, for some reason, it really tickled me horse on the porch. And then number two is, at some point, Pippi is making the burglars dance for some reason and she calls one of them her sugar pig and I feel like Arnie we could use we don't have enough pet names on magic tavern would would you be my sugar pig Arnie will you be our sugar pig wait to be their sugar pig hold on first of all this is just a chutton me thing okay. Okay. All right, fine.

Chunt, we can call each other sugar pig. Yes! But only on the Patreon. Deal. Or should I say deal? Should you say squeal? I should have said squeal, sugar pig! It's a squeal sugar pig.

Now, if you limit it to the Patreon, I still recommend that you say it once on the main feed and then say If you're a patreon listener you should go on to I like a button if you're a patreon listener, you should go on to Social media or onto the reddit and just occasionally post things like you people aren't gonna fucking believe this sugar pig business going on on the patreon We got Arnie. How do we get sugar pig trending? Hmm. It's a good question. Maybe if we keep saying it a ton. Yeah, I don't know sugar pig. What do you sugar pig? Well, I don't know. Thank you for calling me sugar pig a sugar pig I don't know sugar pig. What do you sugar pig? Well, I don't know. Thank you for calling me sugar pig I should be also sugar. There's a pig over here in the corner. We could just pour some sugar on it

No, he has diabetes Oh that leopards trying to give the pig mouth-to-mouth is that what you do for someone diabetes Yeah, but don't tell him how to do it. He can't hear. Yeah, you can't he's deaf. You can't tell him Oh that leopards trying to give the pig mouth the mouth is that what you do for someone with diabetes Yeah, but don't tell him how to do it. He can't hear. Yeah, you can't he's deaf you can't tell him. Oh I mean not not through not with your voice that leopard has three legs What Arnie it was in a car accident, but it still rocks it still rocks, okay? Oh And one other thing that rocks, I almost forgot about it. Yusodora, you're gonna love this.

Oh. At some point towards the end, Pippi, the best word is lures her friends up to the attic and she says something about all the ghosts are gone because they've gone to a council meeting of the Ghost and Goblin Society. Oh, I do recall that. Yeah, that part is fun. Arnie, we have a Ghost and Goblin Society? Oh, I do recall that. Yeah, that part is fun.

Arnie, we have a Ghost and Goblin Society in Foon. Oh, you do? Yes, I guess all the ghosts from Earth must attend. Uh... I've never been invited, though I've asked to attend many times. I'm just so curious what those ghosts and goblins are up to. Why are they intermingling? Don't ghosts have very different desires and motivations than goblins are up to? Why are they intermingling? Don't ghosts have very different desires and

motivations than goblins? It seems like goblins would have their own sort of structure and society. Why are they intermingling? What are they up to? Why are you trying to keep them apart? I'm not. I'm not. I'm just curious about why they've been like, like, well, it's just ghosts and goblins. Why not ghosts and goblins and vampires? Why not? It's clearly alphabetical. Yeah, they're right next to each other. And I've been one year I went. My dad gave me Yeah, my

dad went one year. He calls it gags ghost and Goblin society. And at gags what he was mostly at the buffet table. But it seems like a lot of networking. So I think that's what it is. Oh, boo, buffet table. Yeah, I'm so sorry. There is a buffet table and there's a boo-fay table. Sorry, I couldn't help it. I didn't mean to correct you. No, you're but you're right. He was at the boo-fay table. You're absolutely right. And he ate a lot of fondue.

Which I guess I could just call fondue, cause that's what it's called. No, you gotta say it's spooky. Yeah, it's true. You know, I tried to join the penguin group. You did. And? You know, they wouldn't let me join either. Oh, flower.

Seems like they only let puffin' books in there. So, uh. FONDU! Well, this has been delightful. Learning all about Pippi Longstocking. I'm not quite sure... You said, where are you going? You're putting your coat on. Yeah, I'm putting my coat on. I gotta go. I have things to do today.

I was going, uh, actually to go thing-finding. Because I thought, well, this seems ridiculous, but why not try it once? Why not just go out and claim that anything on the ground is mine? Okay. So we'll just see how that goes, you know? Is anyone wanna go with me?

Anyone wanna be a thing finder with me? Yeah, I'll be down for that. Before we go, I mean, we never talked about that her house is called Villa Villa, Kula hmm was that some that's a Vanderpump rules type shit right there Yeah, is what that is a vampire name. Yeah, you know Villa Kula Villa Villa Kula Villa Villa Kula What do you think sugar pig you want to go thing-finding? What'd you call him sugar pig? Yeah? Yeah, sugar pig sugar pig do you want to go thing-finding or we can keep thinking up pippy pippy dong sucking we can keep thinking up or not That's good. That's good sugar pig

Both of you calling each other sugar pig quietly like I did Hey babe, what's up, babe? Yeah, babe Wow Wow sugar pig you gonna you gonna let her talk to me like Great This is really turn Now I've got to defend my sugar pig look before we go out thing-finding I do want to just take one moment to talk about the end of the book There is a kind of like You know, it's it's baby's birthday. Everyone comes over, she plays with guns, she gives guns to the other kids, the father comes to collect them.

And as they leave, there is this kind of wistful moment that I'm not sure if I fully understand, but it just says, Pippi followed her guests out to the porch and watched them disappear through the garden. They turned around to wave. The light from inside shone on her. There she stood with her stiff red braids, dressed in her father's night shirt which billowed around her feet. In one hand she held a pistol and in the other the sword. She saluted with it. When Tommy and Anakin and their father reached the gate, they heard her calling. They stopped to listen. The wind whistled through the trees so they could just barely hear what she said. She said,

and so we beat on boats against the current born back ceaselessly into the past. Huh? I don't know. It just has a kind of poetic quality to it. Wait, that's how yours ended? Yeah, there's like a green light and then they go into all that. I guess it's sort of a wistful remembrance of something you could never have that never really was. Mm-hmm.

Wow, this is a good book. Yeah. Wait, thing finding? That's the name of the porn. Oh, yes. Yep. Ah, nailed it. There you go.

Alright, let's go outside and put our hands in some trees. Yay! Pippie! Pippie, catch me, sugar pig. I'm coming, sugar pig. Wowie, wow, wow, what a crazy book right? But who were the fake people chatting about it you ask? Chunt the Talking Badger was played by Adelrify.

Ysidor the Blue was played by Matt Young. Flower was played by Brooke Bright. You can follow Brooke on Twitter at Brooke Bright and check out her Twitch and watch her play some fun video games at twitch.tv slash Brooke Bright. This episode was produced by Matt Young. Post production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Associate producer Anna Haverman. Special assistance by Ryan DiGiorgi.

This episode was edited by Sage GC. Logo by Alec LeBond. Theme by Andy Poland. Now, if you're the type of fan who's a completionist, you can get all the hello from the Magic Tavern goodness by going to patreon.com slash magic tavern to join our Patreon. For only five bucks a month, you support this independently produced podcast, which for you means you receive

two new bonus episodes each month, a monthly newsletter from the hosts, access to the Magic Tavern Discord, the full back catalog of bonus content and ad free versions of the main show. Time to close the book on this week, Zep. See you cool cats next week. Boolay craaay!

See you cool cats next week. Boolay Cray! You've been doing this a long time, and you're the best. And created by Ben Watkins. Multiple victims I connected to this. Comes a thrilling new series. He's a serial killer. I don't kill for fun. Miss Kelleher thinks he's the smartest guy in the room. There's a lot of sickos out there. He actually believes he's an artist. You're gonna be part of a masterpiece.

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