Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Momentos, Oh Momentos!

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Antiquity experts appraise items both grotesque and divine. Sponsored by The Gelena Rubenstein Foundation and The Corporation for Public Spellcasting and Viewers Like You, Who We Really Don't Know; Our Main Donors Are A Terrifying, Faceless, All-Consuming Mass That We Must Appease, But Seem Mostly to Like Tote Bags.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!CreditsThe Antiquarian, Boy, Svorn Gvornsnorn, and others: Chris RathjenDripfang LeDesparé, Don Ogre, Harv Blarve, and others: Kevin ScirettaJohn Ogre, Suzanne the Fairy, a Ladybug, and Sultanna from Pooters: Beth MelewskiCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiJohnny Greenjeans: Adal RifaiNarrator: Stephen DrangerProducers: Matt YoungAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tim JoyceSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgi, Kevin Sciretta and Chris RathjenMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandTickets for the live Magic Tavern show in Chicago on Thursday January 11 at 8pm are available now!Check out the new merch at our Teepublic store!Follow the show on YouTube to listen to the episode alongside two dynamic static animations of the tavern!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Oh yeah! From the Shrike Valley Pykeman's Auxiliary Hall, its Momentos, O Momentos, a show that throughout FUNE, you bring your most valued keepsakes, artifacts, and chotchkes for the review of our appraisal staff. Many fortunate have been made, and many are hearts broken. Will yours be the next to be declared a Momento? Oh, Momento? Here now, our leader, Praser,

Driftfang, Leda Spare. Greetings, everyone, and welcome to Momento, Oh, Momento. Live from the Shrike Valley Pichmans auxiliary hall. I'm here today amongst really a fucking rabble. Just shambling humanity with bags full of old shit from their barns, garages, basements, recently deceased loved ones, domiciles, and a lot of people that are obviously straight up hoarders that are hoping that we want to buy old diapers and beer cans Today we'll be seeing what they have to bring us and if you see if any of this shit is worth even spitting on and I of course can't do it all myself

I don't want to do it all myself because that sounds like a lot of work and fuck that shit I'm here with my leader praisers. Why don't you introduce yourselves now? Because I don't want to talk anymore. Thank you, dripfang. Oh my god. It is I, the antiquarian, once a librarian at the Library of Marantanth. Exile, due to my insatiable lustful forbidden knowledge. I now will examine, peer into and otherwise handle your keepsakes to determine whether there is value or whether all is valueless before the void.

Thanks, Antiquarian. Anything you're hoping to see today? I'm really hoping there might be some Barbadian miniatures. There are usually a lot of them hoping to see today? One item that was made a lot of the miniature version and another perishable that if it survived would be a real kick in the dick to nature. And now, up top of the antiquarian, we have another appraiser whose name I forgot. Please introduce yourself. Hi, my name is John Ogre and I'm an ogre and I've been appraising for over 30 years now. I specialize in ogre sports memorabilia, fine jewels, ogre paintings, and I mean if you have some stuff that's not ogre related to, I can probably look at some of that

too and tell you what it's worth. Really drowsy to be here. Same question that I asked the Antichrary in John Ogre. Anything you've got your big fucking Ogre fingers crossed that you see here today? Yeah, I'm really hoping I see um, a Jersey from one of the Ogre World's series is very rare. I saw somebody carrying a satchel back there that sort of had the same shape as an ogre jersey. So I don't know, I'm just kind of, I'm really hoping that one of those shows up. You know, that World Series, we only had one, because then we just all killed each other. So yeah, there's one World Series, and I'm really hoping to see a jersey from that. Fingers crossed again for a jersey from a legendarily bloody and one-off sporting event. I'd say if you're expecting anything of value, that's a real heave. Because again, looking at these people, it's a lot of

shambles, shirts, and zubas, and God help us. If that's any indication of what they're gonna shuffle off to buffalo for. Well, the time is ticking away. We better look at this old crap. Here we have our first item. Go ahead and step up, bring it to the table. Tell us what you got. Yes, hello.

Hi. Hi. Hello. This is a necklace. It was found on me when I was a baby. I was found left at the doorstep of a kindly farmer's fatch hut with only this necklace. And you can see there are markings here, but I cannot read them. There are few in my village who can read and they recognize the marking stot. Alright, I'm gonna point this to the Antiquarian

first round of appraisal because what I'm seeing here is a lot of room work on this necklace. Maybe you with your vast knowledge of library sciences would be able to uncover some of this room work. I touch my hand along the markings. Okay, that's creepy as fuck, I'm gonna stop you right there. I'm gonna back you away from that. I was not expecting to have the wrong sort of goosebumps from your appraisal. First of all, necklace bearer.

Well, what's your name? What do we calling you? The farmer simply calls me boy. All right. Is that what you'd like us to call you or would you like to pick a new nomenclature? It has always been said to me in great kindness. So boy is fine. It is. It's a real Kratos at Rady's vibe here today. Okay, is that the kid's fucking name? I'm quoting lore from a deep work of long ago. This necklace has a certain amount of sentimental value, I'm assuming, because the only thing

that you were bearing when you had it? That is correct, you understand. Yes. Great. John Ogre, could you evaluate this in any way that doesn't creep me the fuck out, unlike the Antiquarian? Yeah, you know, when you first brought this up to the table, I got really excited, you know, I thought, wow, having really seen something like this in a long time, you know, something that you're born with, almost chokes you to death, and I thought, this is something else, but you know, unfortunately, boy, I gotta be honest with you, I think you've been ahead. This looks like a fake.

This looks like a fake right here. I can't tell 100% but this, I showed it around to the other ogres and they thought it might be a fake as well. So I'm not sure what it's worth. I'm looking at it, sorry, I'm gonna know the ogre. My name's Don ogre. Uh, yeah, you did it, John. Uh, and then evaluating this, it looks like that this was, uh,

trying to pass itself off as some sort of ivory necklace, and most of it looks like to be, uh, old breakfast cereal, uh, with twine. Strongest rowhead. Uh, yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah. Thanks, Tom. Sorry, boy. Yes, sorry, boy.

It seems that, uh, will Antiquarian, do you want to follow up with any of this in a way that doesn't make me want to jump off a roof? Probably not. Alright, fair enough. It should be noted for everyone at home that the Antiquarian is just a giant head. It's the only aspect of him that we can truly see. I once was more, but now all is lost. Again, John, how much would you give in exchange for the boy's breakfast cereal necklace? Um, probably no gold, and I just eat it.

Antichlorium? I would probably offer a single copper and stare deeply at the markings and then you know the coppers kind of you know a pittance I would probably eat it as well. Yeah and I would have to say the same thing for me boy if I'm really honestly evaluating it it's old food with string in it and like John said, it's a marvel that you didn't choke. No, you shouldn't put Juliana baby, so it's a marvel that you didn't choke on it at all So what I would really give you with a handshake and a good luck and And and I a small book of names that you could choose something other than boy from

There's no sugar coating this. It's worthless. Oh, okay, well thank you, perhaps I will find another way to buy medicine for the farmer. Talk to a doctor. Best of luck! Lamentos and Lamentos is touring the Shrike Valley. For anyone who is going to be in the Upper Easter Quadrant area, we are going to be at the Provost Maloi Memorial banquet, evaluating any books or rarities that you might have. Stop on by and we'll momentum all, momentum you right in a nut sack.

Again we have another item that's been brought to the table of item bearer, state your prize and your case. Take your time. I'm sorry, I'm very shy. Oh no, it's okay. There's a giant head and an ogre and a very handsome necromancer looking at you right now. So there's a giant head and ogre and a very handsome necromancer looking at you right now. So there's a lot of pressure.

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I'm a fairy. Hello, Suzanne. Hello. Hello, Suzanne. Good grief, Charlie Brown, whoever that is. And I have this old painting here. It looks like a bunch of, you know, fairies that might have been in my family at play and

I guess I'm just looking for an explanation or if anybody knows anything about the history of this. It's been in my family for a lot of fairies. Do you mind if I stab this real quick to make sure it's not a car fume that's here to kill me? Okay. All right, it's not a car fume. is in fact authentic artwork, and we'll start the evaluation again with the antiquarian. This is a very interesting image. The fairies involved here are both laughing, and at the same time crying with their eyes,

or cryzing. It's quite rare to see work of this delicacy. I suspect that these fairies here are involved in a plot to perhaps murder of another fairy queen or, you know, a fairy, Duchess. Usually gatherings under the gibbous moon like this, as you can see in the upper quadrant, are for ill deeds. Yes, Suzanne, where your family known to be involved in any bloody plots against various royalty of the fairy court or nobility at all at this particular time? Well strangely enough there was a story that one of my fairy

grandmother's used to tell me about just that so this this yet this could be part of our story yeah that's true. By the technique that's used in the painting that I'm noticing right now it seems to be of a like of a late modern era amongst the the fairy folk the artwork is showing that it has some classical elements but that the depiction of the faces in the Crying is a response it was what fairy artists were using at the time is're like a response to the classical more more realistic artwork that was being done of fairies. So this would put it around I would probably say 300 to 350 years ago was your family around around 300 to 350 years ago? Yeah yeah I believe we were one of the the later fairy families but yet that sounds about right. Wow this is really tracking I'm really

I'm really interested in this. OK, yeah, and this frame seems to be just spun sugar. John, could you confirm this is looking like spun sugar to you? Ah, let me guess. If it's OK, I'm going to take a little bite out of this, if you don't mind. Just let him bite your, let him bite the painting that you have. Yeah, that's fine, OK.

Eh. Eh. Eh, eh. Eh, eh. Eh. Eh. Eh, eh. Yeah, that's fun, sure.

And, um, wow, this is a beauty. You know, once again, when you walked up to the table, I was like, this has got to be a fake. But, um, I don't think it is. I think this is real, this is absolute, real fairy piece. And, um, I would actually, I'd value this at five gold piece. I would agree with that price amongst human folk, but perhaps it is noteworthy that there's been a recent resurgence of interest in fairy

coos among the fairy community themselves. I believe you could get up to three changeling children for this. Wow, that's a great call. I got to agree with you on that. Yeah, I'm going to go with three changeling children for this. Wow, that's a great call. I gotta agree with you on that. Yeah, I'm gonna go with three changeling children as well. Very nice piece. Very nice piece. Fun fact about my collection. I have a very cozy which I put various drinks into keep cold when I'm getting drunk on a pontoon boat.

But yeah, I would have to say the amount of changeling children that my fellow adjudicators have given you. Yeah, you have a really great piece here. It's slightly undervalued now that it's been stabbed and the frame has been bitten. But other than that, I think you've got a really special piece here. Congratulations.

Thanks so much. And we also use fairy coosies as well. We have funny sayings on the side of them. You know, fairies for fucking. Sorry, I know this. I, I, it's sorry. Oh, no, it's fine. It's totally okay. Yeah, fairies for fucking mind says, not better, all glitter. That's another popular one. Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. There she goes. She disappeared. I want to game.

This is a fairy valuable painting. Yeah, there she goes, she disappeared once again. Momentos and momentos will also be evaluating different items near you. If you're near the Little League banquet for North Blondale, a little known verb just to the left of the Shrike Valley. Tickets are on sale for the buffet dinner at the village hall and also the buffet dinner can be stolen if you're large enough and you've got the sharp enough weapon and the guile and bravery to commit crime. Oh don't tell me don't tell me. John will be there and he'll be eating most of the ziti that is over a small burner. Antiquarian, will you be at that one?

I will be where I will be. John, have you noticed that everything the Antiquarian says sound like he's whispering it at a tombstone? Yeah, it's all at once very soothing and really disgusting. Speaking of soothing and disgusting, our next item is being brought directly to the table by this person person go ahead state who you are and what the fuck you're bothering us about Yeah, hello my my name is Horv Blarv and I think I got a real I think I got a real corker

This is a corn cob pipe that was owned by my great-grand uncle, who was a colonel in the Shrek Valley Army. He served in the Grand Army of the Shrek Valley during the uprising of the fourth age. And as you can see here, there's some scoring and there's some burn marks on the corn cob pipe from where he gripped it in his teeth in battle. As a family, we're very proud to have it, but also very ashamed because of all the things that have been uncovered about the Grand Army of the Shrike Valley during that particular encounter.

We would really love to know how much this is worth. Okay, great. Thanks, Harv. Blarv, and thank your parents for working real hard on that name. And we'll start with John the Ogre this time. John the Ogre, what do you see when you see this corn cob pipe given to us, but this fucking hillbilly. Wow. Wow, hard, barb, hard, barb. I gotta say, sorry.

You're saying it right, it's pronounced hard, barb. Thanks, hard, barb. Sometimes you get stuck in your throat a little bit. That's what it's, yeah. We were, our family was named while the doctor was choking a death. Oh, that makes sense. Beautiful family name. Once again got real excited when I saw this corn cob pipe

come through the line. I was a little worried because you had it in your mouth. And I thought, oh boy, he could be really messing up a family heirloom there. But now I see that it is part of your family. The spit is just going to stay on there, so that's OK. So, Harf, let me ask you something. You said this was from the fourth, the fourth... Part of the war? What was that? The fourth...

No, it was the uprising of the fourth age. Yeah, the uprising of the fourth age. I'm glad you said that because a lot of people would look at this pipe and go, this might be from the uprising of the fifth age. And no, because you can tell by the specific corn nibblets on the side here that this is from the fourth. This is from the fourth. So you've got a real piece here. And I think I'd be interested in knowing what other people think the value is.

I mean, I have my guess, but this could be, this could be a real shocker, a real shocker. Okay, Harvey, seems like you might have something here. Antiquarian? Go ahead and query all over this one. The uprising of the fourth age was truly one of blood. Blood of the men, blood of the goblin folk, blood of the fae, blood of the brownie. All was so tea in blood, which would explain some of the coloration here, kind of from the stem to the tip.

Now, let me ask, Harv Blar. Tell me. When you smoke this pipe, when you go to sleep, do you dream of war? Do you dream of being a soldier, wallowing in muck, panicked, afraid, in pain, shoving your blade left and right, the screams of your enemies reverberating inches from your face. Yeah, we see that a lot with these pipes, so that is another sign of the authenticity.

Oh wow, amazing. So, a round tape real quick, rapid fire, what would you give Harv Blarv in exchange for this corn cob pipe from his great uncle from the fourth age, the uprising? I think Harv would have a hard time selling this item because it is no doubt tied to his own family's blood. Were you to trade it for some coin, you would soon become obsessed with retrieving it?

You would return to whomever you had traded it to and abandoned it back, and if they refused, more blood would be added to its patina. Johnny Elgur, yeah, I gotta agree with the antiquarian. This is a nasty piece. more blood would be added to its patina. Johnny Elegant. Yeah, I gotta agree. At the end of query, and this is a nasty piece. And I don't think you'd want to trade it for any gold. You better keep it in the family,

unless you want even worse nightmares. So great piece, keep it in the family, really close your product body, and I thanks a lot. Yes, Harv, thank you so much. Keep that in the family, if you can to protect yourself, try to bury it deep under something sacred And if a tree would have bloomed from that site do not eat of the fruit that it bears unless you that's You look type of thing where you want to turn it something horrible unless you seek more and stranger dreams yet

Yeah, yeah, that's true. Okay. Thank you so everybody. Yeah, I'm gonna do okay. Thank you so much This pipe went from cursed to first Thank you, Hav Blav We're gonna take a quick break here at Momentos, or Momentos and Really wash the memory of most of those things that we've seen out of our eyeballs We'll be right back to see more stuff stuff people probably found at a dead person's house. Welcome back to Momento's, a momentos, quick programming note, stop bringing us fucking enchanted mirrors. Every fifth fucking person that comes up to us at one of these meets

is giving us a mirror that tells us our future. Or who the truly most beautiful person some manner is. Or it gives us some secret about our families. And honestly, we've oversaturated the market with these enchanted mirrors. If you have an enchanted mirror and you're in line to meet us at any event, go fuck yourself. And now, for more items, items, items. After the break, we always open with a rapid fire section, event, go fuck yourself. And now, for more items items items. After the break, we always open with a rapid fire section, where we get a bunch of ill-dressed

weirdos to come up to us, and real quick, show us the things that they hope will save their family from financial ruin. First up, this person. I brought this Dragon's tooth, and I have been told that I can trade it for any number of other dragons teeth or three Wyvern teeth Yep, I would say looking at that. That's worth at least one Wyvern tooth or Not a tooth a tith which is different or the scale of a chimera John Yeah, that seems about right.

Now that mouth is real good on that. Let me put it in between my teeth for a second to see if I can crack it. That's a dragon's tooth. Yeah, that's it, that's it. Yeah. Congratulations, you got a dragon's tooth. Market is really flooded these days. I'm not sure this is worth much at all.

Next person, again, before we get to the next person, we're full up on enchanted mirrors. We're full up on beanie babies. Don't bring us out of any fucking beanie babies anymore. If it's something small in the shape of a child animal and you've stuffed it with beans, we've already fucking seen it. And also a dragon's teeth, that's probably the last guy.

Okay, next one up, come on over. Hey. Hey. I'm a ladybug and this is a sword. Let me ask you, son. This sword, all gold? This is all gold, sword? Yeah, but I just happened to find it.

This sword is super valuable. I can hardly hold it up. It's impressive you can lift it at all. Hey, I asked the Providence. You say you just found it. Stuck more on that. Well, I was flying. It was springtime.

I was trying to find a mate. And I mistook some shine stuff on the ground for another bug and I found this sword and I've just been holding on to it ever since. And just so everybody knows, you're a ladybug. And even a full-sized adult ladybug, you are ladybug sized. This is not an enlarged or otherwise abnormally enlarged and lady this is a just straight up ladybug holding a full-size golden sword Now you see me now you don't I'm trying to pick the sword up with my tongue and it is a normal size So get your tongue get tongue off the sword. I just I want to establish

This is not a magically light soul John can you heft this sort at all? Oh my goodness. I mean I have ogre strength and you know This is I first of all I'm terrified. I'm gonna smash this lady bug with my ogre head I think so so I gotta be careful here and The heft the heft on this thing is really heavy. This is an unbelievable find Usually something you don't see that often I'm gonna say it's worth all the gold that's in the sword. Yeah, I'm gonna try to lift it now as well and gripping the hilt my entire hand burnt and it's electric shots through my very body

Which shows that it's also enchanted against evil. So I say this is worth a castle, or the weight of the gold that it is currently. So again, you can just trade this for the value of currency, for the gold that it is already made of. I want to agree with both of my co-opraisers here. I can add some notes about how the scroll work around the rapid fire But honestly, I am much more interested in this lady Run away run away get out of here lady She flies away with her tiny wings carrying a full size and chanted sword all right last one for the rapid fire Come on up. Fucko

All right, uh, my name, don't give a shit. Okay, great, I've got a jiky jantle rookie card. At what? Oh, it's a jiky jantle rookie card. It's from his inaugural season in Mittens when he was voted to be rookie of the Ion and also one No smatting title It's as you can see here. It's in a case and it is it is also in mint condition

Meaning I've also encased it completely in the her known as mint. Oh wow This seems like a John the ogre a special I am I'm beside myself here. I'm, I'm sweating, I'm sweating out ogre, ogre juice over this one. This is just unbelievable. It smells like butter. Yeah, take a look. Oh, wow. I, this is, um, this is a real card. This is it. This is, this is a real, this is real. But I gotta say, encasing it in mint was not a good idea. Oh no. Oh no. Yeah. encasing it in mint is gonna lower the value.

Well, you've actually taken away all the value. The encasing it in mint is just gonna turn it into a big piece of chew flap to put under your tongue. So if you're looking to kiss your lady friend, then you've got a good piece of chew flap to put under your tongue. So if you're looking to kiss your lady friend then you've got a good piece here but boy you really screwed the L-pooch on this one brohame. Oh boy. Oh man. You really went literal with mint condition and it seems like that was not the move. Antiquarian your thoughts. I'll just note that this seems to still include the gum, which normally would vastly increase the value.

But the gum that was included with these cards was peppermint, and the mint you have encased it in is spear mint, and clashing mints are the worst. Yep, that's a good call. That's a good call. I didn't notice that at first I was too horrified by the folks powers here. Oh, jeez. Yeah, it seems like you really you really dicted on this one So we're just gonna go ahead and say I would say this isn't worth Whatever the fuck it's printed on you've minted it up to shit. What I would just do is Grind this into a paste and brush your teeth good luck in life. Usually, you know, I'm a pretty cool ogre But good luck in life you fuck stick. I can't believe it. No, bye. You had your chance

So is it that that's the rapid fire of momentos or momentos Reminding this and of course this part is brought to you by the El Mementos. Reminding this, and of course this part is brought to you by the Gelandah Rubenstein Foundation. Are you a gelatinous cube with extra money left over? Then you can donate to this. Public works of the strike valley. We bring you all of the very best. And of course, listeners like you. Now that's out of the way. More items are in the offing. But first, a little bit about our adjudicators. Johnny Ogre, what brought you to looking at old stuff and telling people what it's worth? Well, I was really good at anything else, you know? I would smash pumpkins with my hands in the fall.

I would scare children. I wasn't good. I really just wasn't good at either of those things. And really, people think Ogreres can do a lot of stuff, but really those are the top two job prospects for ogres. So I wanted a little bit of, you know, something more for myself. So that's how I came to appraisal. Got real smart on a bunch of this trash. And here I am. Antiquarian, before you were a giant barely corporeal head,

what did you do? And what brought you to the evaluating items in their worth? I began as a humble librarian, all right, in the library of Marin Dant. My fellows would often joke that my head was always in a book. But as Eon's passed, and as my thirst for knowledge grew deeper and deeper, the rest of me but faded away. Eventually, the head librarian bid me leave because he wasn't into my vibe. It's a big thing of this age is the general vibe of things, which is weird for me to hear because I was raised during an age where if certain people of a certain age said the word vibe,

they were trying to sell you drugs. I also was selling drugs in the stacks. Okay, well then there you go. Alright, well I mean everyone has to have a side hustle. And sometimes the things that are a side hustle are the things that you're selling to us. Here's our next item here at Momentos or Momentos. Uh, yeah, hello, hello. Yes, this is my statue. You can see.

Oh, we're out of the rapid fire part. You can tell it's who you are. Oh, yes, hello. My name is Svorn Kvornzorn. Where's it? And I am an adventurer. I am what you call a rogue. I move quickly. I sneak up behind my enemies. Sometimes I stab them. Sometimes I steal things right from their belt and I was in a dungeon and I found the statue of pure crystal that seems to be an archer screaming. Her hands are shown up in front of her face as if she is gazing upon something terrifying and that is how I found her and I said this must be worth something and maybe I should leave now with this statue before I go any deeper and you'll know count to myself lucky. Okay, so it's a crystal figure of someone who is terrified. Now by the carvings it looks like

this was done by this is not an amateur work this was done by a craft person by somebody who works specifically with crystals. And as we all know about crystals these days a lot of them are used for like bullshit healing. So something this this seems, from what I know about these crystals and these shapes, it might have been something that was carved in order to capture something that was troubling the previous owner, like an illness or some sort of run of bad luck or just generally something that they were using to blame the bad choices that they were making in life on Other than just facing it now John you're nodding along with this as well You seem to be resident the bad choices and trying to solve them part really seems to resonate do you have any insight on this crystal piece?

Yeah, I mean, yeah, no, I've seen statue similar to this Representing murder genocide The killing of a lot of people. So I think you're right on there. I know You know, I hate to argue with you sir, but you said an archer screaming But I'm not sure if it's the face looks like screaming to me I know I agree with the screaming part. I'm not sure about the archer part. You know, this could just be a random figure of some sort.

Drong fingers, she has strong fingers. It could be a witch. It could be, I don't really want to make any guesses on what kind of figurine this is. I just, I don't know. But yeah, this does look like some sort of murderous genocide statue that, yeah, you don't want to put next to your sleep station at night, you know? That's a great, and honestly now that I'm looking at the base of this piece, what it's mounted on,

it does seem to have some markings on it that would indicate that it is, in fact, a genocide piece, something that there is the two crossed swords that are leaking real blood that's usually an indication that you're dealing with something that is is for a palpable sense of murder. Did you feel any of that when you initially touched the piece or rogue? Well I was just kind ofessing my decision to enter this particular dungeon. So it's hard to separate any sense of dread I got from the statue, vis-à-vis the overall sense of dread I felt in the dungeon. Yeah, yeah. Antiquarian, any insight on Dungeon Crystal? I hate to disagree with your assessment drip fan, but I am looking now for a signature, an artist's mark,

the claim that art has been made into the world, and I am finding none. I wonder if it's possible that this was in fact an adventurer Forcibly turned into a statue at oh That is wonderful inside with rogue Would you like to ask the statue if it was an adventure that was turned into crystal? Well, I would it consider me a rescuer or a thief of its body or can it hear me still? I mean, that's between you guys if this thing is sentient. If it isn't, then I hope not, it has been

in my bedroom for the last few months and it has seen some things like not crazy things but still personal things. Normally by the guidelines of this sort of program we wouldn't engage in that sort of delving but because I'm running it I'm going to absolutely demand that you ask this crystal statue whether it is real or not. All right, hello little statue. I wonder if you were once alive like me, and if so, whether or not you ever did lazy pooping, where you poop in buckets in bedroom instead of going to poop room

because it's cold outside and oh gosh the blood is flowing it's flowing and that's an answer. Antiquarian is that an answer? Because the blood is just pouring out of this thing like a burst wine cask. I am going to consider myself vindicated. Okay, there you go, there's your answer. Rogue, you have the soul or trapped essence of a fellow adventurer in the form of a terrified crystal woman. She's seen you do what you've only described as other fills. So can she be freed or ought I destroy?

What is the right thing for one to do? Oh, sorry, we only evaluate the actual value of the item. We can't tell you how to free it or how to deal with anything that is actually imparted or imbued with wisdom or spirit. So I mean, if all things considered, you have a valuable piece on your hands. I think if you wanted to, if the, do you want, I am uncomfortable.

I don't. No, I absolutely positively don't want this. I will not take this from you. I'd like to get as far away from it as possible, but if you could trick some roob into giving you something for it, I'd say this is worth two horses? Yeah, yeah, drop by, I agree, that's good, that's good, yeah. Okay, best of luck, and thank you so much for bringing this, and for sharing your story.

They said this is worth three horses, if anyone wants to make a deal. The results of this occursion appraising are crystal clear. The final stop on Momento's O Momento Shrike Valley tour will be at the last place that you would think, the cathedral of all bellows. That's right, we're taking over the inside of the church that is the most grand within the strike valley, even though we haven't told them that we're going to be there. Tickets will be your own willingness to go inside of a sacred place that we're making

profane. There will also be corn dogs and balloons for the kids. Come on out. The date is, you'll have to find out for yourself. All right, we have another person who's going to give us an item that is basically, for most people, the equivalent of a lottery ticket. Come on up, we'll try not to make it sad.

Hi, my name's Sultana. I'm the witch who owns Pooters, the bar in town. Sorry. I'm sorry, I was sorry, I didn't mean to, yes, Pooters. Yes, I'm Sultana, I own Pooters in town. And so when I bought the bar, this was hanging on the wall. It was the only thing left in there. It's some sort of silver platter. Are you... Damn it, is this an enchantment mirror? It's got something etched on it. I can't really tell.

But when I look into it, I can't see myself, but then sometimes I do see myself. So it was... Yeah, it was left in pooters. and I guess I'm just trying to get a read on it Damn it. It's another got a damn pooters enchanted mirror fuck. Okay, I mean I Antiquarian if you want to take a gander at this, but I told I told the producers no enchanted mirrors Like talk to people in line before we do this anyway. Sorry. Go ahead The platter is looking back into me. Of course, fuck this eye-see-it. It sees me.

Oh. And I didn't know my hair was looking this good today. Okay, I mean, it's enchanted. It could just be showing you what you want to say. Okay, fun. John the ogre. Any thoughts on this? This mysterious pooter platter? I mean, Tripfang, you know, I look into it. I, you know, I see a handsome, handsome young ogre, you know, not the older, more brownish, greenish gentleman

that I am today. So I'm gonna have to say this is an enchanted mirror and it's not worth much. You see these pretty much everywhere. Sorry, Saltona. Yeah, Saltona, I'm not even going to look into it because I already know, based on the markings and the reactions of my fellow adjudicators that what I look into, I'm going to see an idealized version of myself maybe from when I was happiest or when I thought I'd point in my life. There was

maybe an option to make a different choice to be a different person, where I would have been happier. And I'm just, again, I've seen so many of these that it kind of makes me want to vomit. So I'm going to say this is worth, I still have a neck in this world. Okay, yeah. So this doesn't have a definite value. The only thing that you can ascribe value to is who's buying it. Because if you find somebody who really needs

to see themselves at a point where they look better, they might be willing to pay a king's ransom, a queen's ransom, a sovereign's ransom. But if you take it into any other outlet, they probably are going to throw you out before you even get to bring it to the counter. Does that make sense? Yeah, wow, that really makes a lot of sense.

I think I'm probably just going to keep it hanging in putters. It's a really fun, like, talking point. People like to look into it and stuff. So yeah, I thought this is what I had, but I think it's just going to become a putter centerpiece. That sounds like the right place for it. Antiquarian, if you have any other, or John the Ogre, sorry, I'm open this up if anybody has any final thoughts on this. Another God

Damned Chanted Mirror. I think it's smart, Saltana. This is a nice piece for pooters and I'll see you next week for 99 cent pigeon toes. I will accompany. Well that'll do it for this edition of Momentos, O Momentos. We want to thank our sponsors, which are, of course, the Gelin Arubinstein Foundation, the Gelatinets Cube, which has left us there a state in order to fund our programming. Listeners like you, and I look at that! Pooters! Pooters has also sponsored this episode of Momentos and Momentos, reminding everyone for 99 cent pigeon toes and trivia night. We're all the trivia. We'll be about things that you see,

things that you see in the enchanted mirror. Final thoughts from our esteemed panel of evaluators. That was really great to see all the wares that came out today looking forward to, yeah, seeing everybody in those different spots you mentioned before. I really wanted a fingerooneroonian Macaroon today. As of all the food-based items that we saw, none of them were a Fingeroonian Macaroon.

They are all I crave. I know that some must yet exist on food. Stay tuned for our next program, talk with sick Reeves where he'll be guiding us through the different parts of food that Tourists go to bother people. I'm drip fangla de spare and I didn't find anything that I wanted to steal Which is kind of the whole reason I took this gig and it's kind of pissing me off So I'm putters you guys want to go pooters? We're gonna hit pooters. We're gonna hit pooters. Yeah, pooters.

Yeah. Pooters. Pooters. That ladybug almost hit me, sorry, flying by it almost hit me with that sword. Okay, we'll hit pooters. So long, everybody, and teakin' and did you know a brand new episode of Momentos O Momentos drops this December? If you want to hear it, you better join the Magic Tavern Patreon right now.

Just go to Patreon to become a patron. For only $5 per month, you not only support our independent production, but you get some pretty sweet benefits like two new bonus episodes every month. And that's not all. production, but you get some pretty sweet benefits like two new bonus episodes every month. And that's not all. You get a monthly newsletter from the hosts, early access to live events, access to the Magic Tavern Discord with a quarterly virtual meet and greet with the hosts, and the full back catalog of bonus content ad-free, including every single Magic Tavern's

Benav series. Plus other unscheduled surprises. To become a patron right now, just head on over to patreon.com slash magic tavern. Driftfang La Desparé at Don Ogre, Harv Blarve and others were played by Kevin Serretta. Kevin can be seen on Fridays and Saturdays performing with improvised Shakespeare Chicago at I.O. Chicago. You can also hear riffs and jokes that he wrote in season 13 of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. For season 13 and all past seasons of MSD3K, go to gizmoplex.com. John Ogers, who's and the fairy, a ladybug and sultana from Puders were played by Beth Melluski. You can also see Beth playing with improvised Shakespeare Chicago.

Take its info at iowimprov.com. The antiquarian, boy, sforren, gvorn snorn, and others were played by Chris Rathchin. Chris would like to promote taking a long walk. Maybe by the river. This episode was produced by Matt Young, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, associate producer Anna Hoverman, special assistance by Ryan D. Georgie. This episode was edited by Tim Joyce,

logo by Alehr Labbon, theme by Andy Poland. That's all for this week, but don't forget tickets are available now for Hello From The Magic Tavern Alive, Thursday, January 11th at 8 p. 8pm at Chicago's Talia Hall. Get your tickets on the show page at HelloFromTheMagicTavern.com And I'll see you next time, babies. Oh, yeah!

Have you ever seriously pissed off your indoors?laws, a couple of years ago I started investigating a murder in my wife's family. Why would I do something so stupid? Well, partly because I've come to suspect that the woman who was killed is haunting the house I grew up in. It was a weight in the bed like somebody was in it. I woke up because my bed was shaking, so it would be like, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake,

shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, but mainly because I think someone in the family might have got away with murder. Am I in laws? Well, they're not exactly thrilled about it. You are deconstructing an age old story. We're going to be more traumatized by this podcast than we were about the murder. I'll tell you then. There're going to be more traumatized by this podcast than we were about the merger, I'll tell you then. There is going to be

Bloodlack. I'm Tristan Redman, and from Wondering and Pineapple Street Studios, this is GoStory, a podcast about the things that come back to haunt us. Follow GoStory on the Wondering app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of GoStory ad-free right now by joining Wondering Plus.

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