Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Shadow City Ep 2: The Crime That Went Wrong (w/ Anthony Burch)

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! The bank heist finally begins, but soon Ma, Crusher, and Punches are in over their heads.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!Credits Crusher: Arnie Niekamp Matlida “Ma” O’Brien: Matt Young Tommy “Punches” DePlume: Adal Rifai Game Master: Anthony BurchInta and Nerf: Marla Caceres and Eddie PiñaProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal Rifai Post-Production Coordination: Garrett Schultz Editor: Sage G.C. Magic Tavern Logo: Allard Laban Theme Music: Sage G.C.Shadow City Season 1, Ep 1 is here :) Get tickets for our upcoming live shows at Thalia Hall and SF Sketchfest!Check out the new merch at our Teepublic store!Follow the show on YouTube to listen to the episode alongside two dynamic static animations of the tavern!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, I'm Michelle Beato. And I'm Peter Rosenberg. Hey Peter, tell the people about our new podcast. It's called Over the Top, and we cover the biggest topics in sports and pop culture, using Royal Rumble rules. Two stories enter, one gets tossed over the top rope until we arrive at the one most important thing on planet Earth that week. Listen to Over the Top on the Wendry Up or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Hey guys, how's it going? Oh, oh yeah, that's Nerf. Hey, okay, every other week... Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, look, a frog. Yeah. I found it outside. Okay, put it in the pot with the others. Mmm, delicious.

Every other week we're going to be unlocking an episode from the Patreon of Season 1 of Shadow City. Will this entice you to join the Patreon? Who knows? Inter. What is it now? Inter. Hey. Yes. Do I entice you?

All the time. But not now. I don't have seven hours to kill. Okay, I get it. Okay. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. It's on the calendar. It is. We have seven hours to kill. Okay, I get it. Okay. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow. It's on the calendar. It is. We have seven hours tomorrow. Our young are off picking mushrooms, and we will have seven hours to ourselves. Yay. It's been a while.

It has been a while. It's been about three days. Okay. I get it. You're not fulfilling your goblinly husband's duties. I know. I get it. Okay're not fulfilling your goblinly husband with duties. I know, I get it. Okay, I'll work harder on that. It's as if I'm not as as a spray as I used to be.

Don't you talk about my husband that way? You are. Oh, okay. I'm sorry to me. Nerf, you drip pure sexual goblin energy. And don't you ever forget that. I really needed to hear that right now. I've gained a few pounds. In all the right places, okay?

Oh, listen to you. Listen to you. Anyway, here's episode two of Shadow City. Episode one is already available on the main feed from last year. What? Did you want us to post it again? Just go listen to it. Listen to it. We don't. Link is in the description. Link's in it there, description. Wait, say that into my ear. Nerf. Link is in the description. These are euphemisms. Here's episode two! I Welcome back dear listener as we return to Shadow City.

If you do not listen to the first episode or don't remember what happened in the first episode. I like that you keep it present tense. If you do not listen to the first episode. If you do not listen. If you do not listen, here's what you do not know. Everything and nothing happened. We began a bank heist in a immediately flashback in time and accomplished very little. Look, it was elegant and circular.

If you do not listen, go listen. But I happily handed over to Anthony to get us back into this adventure again. Great. So I feel like I might as well go ahead and start us out since we basically made no progress last time. I'm just going to sort of start from beginning and get us all back into the setting again. Remind everybody sort of

what the vibe is. I'm just going to just going to do this a little bit more quickly. Black clouds pregnant with rain hanging the Starless Black Sky over Shadow City. Home of D.V. Supervillains, Crupt officials, and low level criminal scum like you. Only one man stands between Shadow City and Outer Chaos. It cameed writer of wrongs who fights evil with tooth dot dot dot and claw. A hero so unbeatable, so beloved that the toy story you pull up to has an entire window display devoted to his new, posable, talking action figures.

But right now he's not your biggest worry. You're thinking about the million dollars that you owe to Don Tribyani, one of Shadow City's most powerful mob bosses. Your driver, Robin Kirk, winbars, his palms coating the steering wheel and sweat, his eyes are fixed on the other side of the street, at the Shadow City First National Bank, the bank you're about to rob.

So my understanding from last time is that we were midway through the plan. Two of us, Tommy Punches de Plume, and Matilda Mao Bryan had gone in through the front, intimidated or beat somebody else, right? Yes, I believe I beat one guard up and then like told the other one to basically scram and I believe they did leave. Yes.

Matt Ma O'Brien, do you remember what your character did? I believe I was about to threaten someone with my bag of oranges when we started to flash back. And so I don't know if we resolved that. We sure did. We need to. Okay. So yeah, mid orange bag swing.

Yes, as we're at 55 minutes of our name. Yes, we record Scratched you with the orange bag slung over your shoulder about to come down for a blow. We said, I bet you're wondering how, how not the person on screen got here. And we learned that W. Crusher Arnie's character had attempted to get a job at the bank, failed. The one to prison had to be broken out by all of you in Garden Kirk and then we still did not find out where crusher is at this point in the heist.

So with my sphincter tight and my heart and my throat, I will ask Arnie, Friday night lights. What is sphincter heart and throat can't lose. Where is W Crusher in this moment right as Mai is about to cold-cock somebody with a bag of oranges? Well, I will say that after the last recording, I had the thought that I had two months

to seduce the secretary, but I decided not to flash back in time. Basically, I'm dressed up as a guard. Okay. As a guard. And I kind of come into front door. You see your dress up as a guard. Does that mean you went to like a spirit Halloween store and got like protection man outfit?

Like, okay. I look, here's the thing. to like a spirit Halloween store and got like protection man outfit like. Mm-hmm. Okay. I look, here's the thing. It's not a, I didn't spend a lot of money on this costume. Okay. So, but yeah, I am dressed as a guard, but keep in mind, dear listener, that I have a special skill that I know the ways of guards. So that maybe will help me sell it a little bit.

I just come in as if I'm trying to help. I'm like, well, there's a robbery going on in here. Okay, so it feels like, Ma, you basically, you were speaking to a guard and he reached the door leading to the area with all the tellers behind it. You were about to hit them. Do you follow through with hitting this person? If he just comes in and a fucking Halloween costume,

yeah, I'm gonna hit him with a bag of oranges. Oh, no, not him, not him, but the guard. Yeah, yeah. So go ahead and just give me a, give me a tack roll against this, this, this guard who you have at your mercy, so to speak. Okay, okay. Roll D20 for this.

Yeah. And then add four. Six, so 10. So with a 10, you bring the bag of oranges down and he kind of grabs it as it's coming down on him just right above his head and you're both now kind of fighting over the bag so yeah basically to set up where everybody is crushers coming through the door dress like a spirit Halloween guard my is struggling with the bag of oranges with a guard who won't like Gov it.

And Tommy Punches the Plume is sort of in the center of the lobby area. I guess staring down the customers and the tellers behind the Bulletproof Glass. Perfect. So what would anybody like to do? We don't have to go to the full initiative for this. I'm going to go ahead.

Tommy's going to go ahead and say, nobody moves, nobody gets hurt, let's all, just put our faces down under the nollium. Where's this real tile? What is this marble? That's nice. Why don't you give me an intimidation roll? Absolutely.

That is a 19. Wow. Oh, I'm sorry, 19 on the dice, but it popped up in the right hand corner, 22. Oh, great, okay. So yeah, so basically the soothing sounds of your Brad Garrett-esque voice strikes 19 on the dice, but it popped up in the right hand corner, 22. Oh, great. Okay. So, yeah. So, basically, the soothing sounds of your Brad Garrett-esque voice strikes fear into the heart of the people of this bank.

And everybody loves compliance. Everyone hits the deck, including the guard that was struggling with Ma, just let's go with the bag of oranges, and puts his head on the ground arms behind his back. The tellers also do that and they are now out of sight behind the counter. So you're not going to be quite sure what they might be doing because you can't see them. But yeah, you can see that a key ring on the back of the guard who just hit the ground in front of Ma might be something that gets you into the tellers area. So yeah. I grab it. Great. Awesome. So you can unlock the way into the tellers area. So yeah. I grab it.

Great, awesome. So you can unlock the way into the back area with all the tellers. You see three tellers back here. There is a door as, as, as, as Crusher knows, there's a door leading to the forber. I guess the X-Bank manager's office before he was murdered.

And then another, and then the elevator that heads down to the vault. What would you like to do? There are actually, once you roll perception moss into your back there now. Oh, okay. 11. Okay, so yeah, within 11,

you basically see everything I already described you. There are three tellers on the ground, there are four heads on the Lennelium and a door to the bank manager's office and an elevator down to the vault in a guard room. You basically have your run of the place, although there are a lot of people in this room. One of you might want to stay behind and keep an eye on them. It is up to you.

What would you like to do now, group? Anthony, do you say that there's a, we had to unlock a door to get into the tellers room? No, no, that key to the, sorry, that door that led to the tellers area. That was on a key ring on the guards back. That mod just grabbed and unlocked it. So all of you can go back there and have you wish. Okay, so I think Tommy's gonna ask the tellers to kind of in his soothing voice,

to get up off the ground, keep their eyes down, hands in the air, and walk out to the front of the bank with the rest of the people. Just so there's no funny business where they can like quickly press a button and call the police or anything. Okay, press a button and call up the police or anything Okay, and I don't want to break the game or anything

But does anyone the bank recognize Arnie from this grizzly murder? He committed here a few months ago. Let's find out Keep in mind I want to go spirit Halloween his store Arnie why don't you roll Stealth with disadvantage? Arnie, based on the last session, your character was absolutely on the cover of why, that was eight.

Oh, okay. So if anybody here is a subscriber to why magazine, well, the good news is believe it or not, my stealth is a plus five. So, ooh, but I've still, I rolled an eight plus five, I have a 13. Okay. So with a 13, only one person recognizes you

and it is the receptionist of the bank manager you murdered. And she's seen for cocaine too. Yes, the one you offered for cageing. The one that you had in your restaurant. Yeah. So she sees you and her face just goes white and she goes, whatever you want, oh my God. She just closes her eyes.

She goes, no, I didn't see you. I didn't see you. It's not the worst bank robber I've ever seen in my life. It could be, this is a dream. This is a dream. Do you want me to leave? I'll do whatever you want. Please just don't have an idea.

Don't think. It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it. Just, just, just stay there and if no one's gonna get hurt, we don't wanna hurt anybody, we just gotta get some money and get outta here. Yeah, I'm having orange.

All right. Yeah, have an orange. So she's going to take an orange, I'm gonna roll something for her. Roll for juice? I am, I'm basically rolling to see if she's got the sack to try to kick an alarm button. You're gonna roll a sunny D20?

Wow, black! Oh, it's back, baby! Go ahead, Mark. Go ahead, Mark inspiration for yourself. That's delightful. Okay, so she rolled not so great. So you can tell that she is eyeing, actually I think it would be Maul

because you just handed her an orange. You can tell the receptionist is eyeing one of the little red panic buttons underneath via the teller's booth. What would you like to do about that? Oh, oh honey, don't, please don't do that. You're not gonna get an orange if you do that. All right. Why don't you roll persuasion or intimidation depending on what you

can set it out to be. Yeah. I think persuasion. As she's rolling, I think Tommy, who always has his pickleball paddle on person, I think he takes it out of the back of his pants and he's holding it in like a white knuckle grip because he's he's thinking perhaps she might try and throw the orange to hit. We've just basically given her a projectile weapon to hit the the button. So he has his pickleball paddle ready to swat that orange away. I roll the 19 persuasion. Wow okay so with the 19 she you see her her picture stand, she plays softball on the weekends, sort of dissolved and her arm goes slack at her side. And then she reaches up and takes a big bite

out of the orange, because like, oh, God, fuck, what did I do that? Why didn't I feel like? You got to peel it first, and I'm out of it. You got to peel it first. That one's got me panicked. She says pointing at, at, at crusher. So it looks like he's an idiot. He showed up in a Halloween custom. Don't worry about.

She, she immediately gets stuck on the syndrome for you. Anybody saying that that guy that she saw a bird or somebody last time is stupid, she, you're her favorite person now. So she, oh my god, how can I help you? Yes. Okay. So the bank, the vault's down that way. There's a guard, there's one guard in the, in the security room after you get out of the elevator. They shouldn't, I mean, they definitely see you coming on the security cameras and stuff, so he's probably got his gun out. But yeah, I think I can do to help that keeps me nowhere near that one. She says pointing at pressure.

Stockholm syndrome will now you have free healthcare, so get it to erase any trauma from the past. Lucky me. And we shut whatever door, whatever teller door. Yeah. And maybe I think Tommy tries to break off the handle. Or if there's a lock, Anthony, yeah, you can lock it from that side.

From the inside. Yeah, okay. So, so there's the teller area and there's the lobby area where you asked everybody to come out into the lobby area. Yep. So you, do you want all of you to be on the side with the teller and then you lock yourselves behind that? Is that what you're saying?

Well, that's what I was kind of wondering. Like, should I stay with them? Like, I guess I'm trying to like figure out how to triangulate. Like, I should stay away from the teller who recognizes me and that has really taken to Ma. But like, I don't know how my, I'm trying to think like, how can I help him? It is up to you.

So basically, as is the case of most high situations, one of you is probably gonna wanna watch the hostages to make sure they don't just run out and immediately start calling the cops. Maybe the others of you wanna go downstairs or maybe you just wanna say, fuck it, let's let the hostages go, we'll be out of here by the time anything happens.

I will, Tommy will stay with the hostages just to kind of keep it on things. Okay. So then I'm going to the vault, Sweet, wait, is Arnie still passing himself as an officer guard or trying to? I thought I was. I could say something like, oh, he's kind of a bitch.

Is he better? Yeah, don't take me hostage with you for collateral. All right, roll deception. You're acting big for the guy who's watching the security cameras. All right, I got in eight. Okay. So I'm not going to say whether that succeeded or failed,

because it's a person that's not on the scene who's watching you. I wouldn't be confident if I were you. But the good thing about a crusher full of confidence. Great. I sort of roll my eyes and be like, all right, come on, I'm sort of all taking him as my hostage. But clearly a little annoyed. Great.

So you go down the elevator down a couple floors and it spits you out and it's basically into a long lobby leading to a big ass Batman ass safe. Just a big old bunch of tumblers, big old fucking thing. You'd grab like a ship steering wheel and open. And on the hallway between you and that, there's little door that leads off to the side and standing in the doorway, holding a rifle

at the open elevator door is a guard with an M16. And I'm gonna go ahead and roll and see if you even got the right kind of guard costume. Yes, not even close. The color's already right. You right kind of guard costume. Yes, not even close. The color's earning a right. You got a sexy guard costume. We're scared of how we're doing. I accidentally got a Guardians of the Galaxy costume.

Yeah, you just dressed like Groot. Fan art, please. You're just like sexy Groot, whereas this is an actual person with a gun. But you can tell that there is a big, shiny, red, video game object key card dangling from his belt loop that looks like it would probably help with opening the safe.

And so far, no alarms. So you actually have time on your side in this moment. What would you like to do? I pull my gun and try to use Arnie as a hostage anyway or try to use the crushers as a hostage anyway. Look, I'll kill him. I'll kill him. He's one of yours. He wore the wrong uniform today. He's uniforms at the cleaner. And if you don't want him

to die, then you gotta give us, you let us through. He goes, uh, go, go for it. That's fine. You rolled an eight. I rolled a natural 20. And I know that you're the, he was not difficult for me to suss out what's going on here. Go for it. Just get back in the elevator get out of here We won't even talk about it doesn't have to be a thing All right, uh look like a movie fam Why is your old bruh insight? All right I love to be someone who's like an active lead. I'm not a movie fam. I

I mean never saw a movie. I like yeah inside 17 17 a movie fam. I never saw a movie I liked. Yeah. Inside 17. 17. Okay. Yeah. First time in the whole game, I'm perceptive about something. Yeah. And it's about maybe the most useless thing you could possibly be noticing in this moment. Yeah. With a 17, you can tell he has a movie taste that is very, if not exactly in tune with the top 100 movies on IM2 to be the most popular most crowd pre-vings shit he's never seen a French film in his life but he loves some normy ass films.

I have one of the odds that crawl is in the top 100 movies. I'm gonna say zero. I'm gonna go ahead and search the page real quick but I'm almost certain it's zero. It is zero. Yeah there's no crawl in the top 100 movies. Alright but I'm gonna bring out my glaive Which has the power to anyone that recognizes as a real movie prop becomes obsessed with it and I will say like oh Shit, I forgot this is a real weapon. This is a movie prop

Probably also used in ready-play or one all the movies are in that right? Okay, go ahead and roll Persuasion because he just saw you go into your coat for something and if you rolled poorly he's going to think you're going for a weapon. Yeah all right well. Ooh I rolled a 19 plus 221. Wow okay so you managed to un-sheath your glaive with enough speed and dexterity that he realizes he's in no I guess you looking at you he already knew he was basically in no danger so he sees that he recognizes that it is in fact from

crawl and he goes I don't I wasn't I didn't like that movie it's not it's not a good movie it's like it's like 40 years old it's boring the special effects are not as good it's no lower the rings the return of the king which is my number four favorite movie. So you have one more action before I start blasting.

And when I black, when I start blasting, we have a bunch of noise alongs inside this bank. And immediately the, the, the cops are going to be informed of what's going on here. Anthony, I'm to call bullshit on you from prior, but I just pulled up the ION2B top 100 movies. Oh, I'm sorry. Nope, it's call me by your name. I'm sorry, never mind. I call me by my bad. Hmm. So, you have one more thing you can do with this guard

before he starts firing at you. What would you like to do? So we do it like doors open and he's like at the end of this hall, right? Yes. In front of the door. Yes. To save. How far away is he?

He is about 30 feet away and he's got a rifle pointed at you. Right. And you were in an enclosed space. So it's sort of a sort of a fish in a barrel that's 30 feet away kind of situation. See, so what we've done here is we've taken me the cleric, who is supposed to be the healer, and I have one action, or unless Arnie, unless you've got a real attack. Nobody else will ever watch the,

I ain't quite in trouble here. I should have watched this. I jumped on the grenade because nobody else would make a move. Yeah, I should. Oh, okay, here's my question. He says he really likes Lord of the Rings, right? The third one. He says this is for favorite movie.

This is for favorite movie. Do you have a real attack? How thoroughly did you fill out your sheet map? Did you do every step? I don't think so. How come? So you didn't put in any languages that you speak? Uh, let me see. I don't know where language is at. How come so you didn't put in any languages that you speak?

Let me see I don't know where language is at it should be in the bottom right-hand corner Are my weapons tools languages? Are you checking to see if he speaks guard or Elvish I was gonna see I mean look no I think Elvish right I speak celestial common and under common. I Didn't do this, I guess. Sorry. Well, hey, is there, I mean, I mean, I feel like you should fill out your, your form right now if you didn't fill that out. This plan sounds so bad I'm going to allow it.

Oh, languages. Languages, actually, do have. Common and Halfling. Halfling? Halfling is definitely Lord of the Rings. I feel like in this world, that means you have a encyclopedia understanding of the director's cut commentary and special features of all the Lord of the Rings movies. Okay.

All right. We'll play it your way, aren't you? Just try. Oh yeah. That, on that extended edition where they show how they put boar a mirror in the in the in the thing to for his burial, but then that's how they learned how to do the digital painting of golem. I thought that was so neat. Is this because it's the blue under the white skin. It's to Joe Pesci's.

Okay, go ahead and roll. What are you trying to do? Make him like What is the plan here? I guess I was just trying and thinking to draw him in and Distract him I guess he's got a gun pointed at me. We've got to do something use your fucking oranges Already met there's one thing I know about Lord of the Rings hands if you bring up the scene where vegan mortising kicks his helmet There's something a Lord of the Rings fan must always retort with Bring up that moment. That's good. That's good You will distract them I guarantee yeah if he's a real go to the ring fan

Hey, yeah, what about that moment when video mornings and kicks his helmet all right roll Because we've established that this person is Lord of the Rings fan. Go ahead and roll persuasion with advantage or deception. I'm going to do deception. Well, the higher of the two is definitely 14 plus two, 16. Okay, he's going to roll to see if he can resist, much like Roger Rabbit, Shaman Haircut, hearing him. He's hearing shaving haircut. He's shaving haircut. So his gun is aimed at you and you see it falter

for just a half a second and he goes, you know he broke his, and then he stops, and then puts his gun back in and goes, not a strong motherfucker and he starts shooting. So he is going to fire at you. He rolled a 17, does that beat your AC crusher? Let's see here. It sure does. Your AC is 13.

Yeah. Mine's 10. Okay, so he is going to pop you for 12 damage. You feel a bullet hit you right in the sexy, uncovered part of your, your, your starting because you have the big guard cleavage that came with the spirit Halloween thing. I haven't got like the art bulletproof farmer costume that doesn't really, but it's still just plastic. Yeah, it's still just plastic. Yeah, it hits you. It hurts a lot. As the gunshot goes off as well, you hear clacks on, start blaring through the bank. You see red lights blaring and blasting, and now he's going to, he's very clearly going to keep firing. He adjusts when recoil, his finger tenses around the

trigger again, Matt and Arnie, what are you going to do in this elevator? I think we established that in addition to our like special things, we just all had like handguns, at least we had guns, so I'm going to fire at him with my gun, which I probably just should have done in the first place. Okay, go ahead and give me an attack roll. Anthony, what Tommy have heard these gunshots from upstairs? Absolutely.

And so do all the people around you. You see a lot of fidgeting nervousness. When the shots first ring out, there's screams, everybody jumps near you. Some people start moving towards the door. So I would, and they're in an elevator, there's no stairs? No, there's probably a stairway right next to it. Okay, got it, connect.

So I think after the first gunshot, Tommy would have said, like, the people are probably all going to run out anyway. So I think Tommy tries to get downstairs as soon as possible. Okay, great. I rolled a 14. Okay, so a 14 will hit him. That is exactly his AC.

Great. So go ahead and roll, let's say, 2D6. Okay, so a 14 will hit him that is exactly his AC. So go ahead and roll, let's say 2d6, we'll say that's a pistol. Two, the worst I could have done. Alright, so weirdly you shoot him in the exact toe that Vigo Mortensen broke when he kicked that out and then loaded the rings. And he goes, wow, the irony. So everybody go ahead and roll initiative real quick. 16 for Tommy Punches.

11. I got 16. OK, we're in proper combat now. So Tommy, it is your turn. You come down the stairs. You see the bullet, lop off the front toe of this guard, who is trying to adjust his aim back up towards the elevator, which is just a little bit to your left, the stairway doors just to the right of the elevator. What would you like to do?

Am I able to... if I dash, does that... am I still able to hit or does dash take up my whole action? He would take up your whole action, but fuck it, let's just say that he's within a range for you to run and hit him. Okay, so I dash to attempt to hit him with my... I'm probably him. Okay, so I dashed to attempt to hit him with my, I'm probably still holding my pickle ball paddle, so I attempt to hit him with that. Sure. That is a 12 plus five is 17. Oh, wow, okay.

Describe how you whack this dude with your paddle because it knocks him for a loop. Yeah, I assume once he was hitting the toe, he was probably a little hunched over as the body is one to do. So I think I, almost like I'm still going to baseball bat, I go running one handed and swipe my pickleball paddle upward in his face to try and catch him right in the right in those. Yeah, you do. You break his nose. You hear the crunch of cartilage and his head snaps back and hits the door gem behind him and he goes,

no! And he seems to be a fair amount of pain. Arnie is your turn. All right, I am going to shoot him. Okay, and I can use two guns at the same time. That doesn't make you special, Arnie. Maybe. You don't need all special, are you? Maybe. You don't need all those guns.

I'm also looking at Arnie's character sheet. There's nothing on it. It says he can use it. I'll just do it. It says two weapon fighting. I take it back. I take it back. I can use two.

I'm my character can fly. Yeah. My character doesn't need to reload because his blood is bullets. You can just go ahead and roll the D20, and we'll say that you're blasting away with both your guns at that guard who is perilously close to your fellow robber, Tommy punches the blade. Oh, I rolled a four.

Okay, so you shoot Tommy punches to plume instead of the guard. Why don't you roll damage for your gun? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. 12. Okay, so maximum damage. You shoot Tommy punches to plume directly in his meaty back. He's so big, it's so hard to hit him. And of course Tommy. Grimissus.

Alright, Ma, it is your turn. So the guard got hit and broke his nose. Yes, is he like, to his face, he's still shooting or is he, he will when his turn comes back around. So he can still see and he's still upright enough to do. I think he was on his back and his head just hit the door jam. Is that right? He's not on his back. You stand.

His head snap back and hit the door jam. He's still standing. I see. Okay. But basically, you can tell if you was trying to aim at you in the elevator, it was going to be difficult, but now there's a very large Brad Garrett-sized bullet riddled man next to him. So he's probably just going to focus on shooting that person when his brain goes right.

Anthony, true or false? You ever thought you'd say that sentence in your life? Oh, you think this is the first time I said that sentence? Maybe I'm gonna yell, uh, surrender, or I'll shoot mock too. Oh. Wait, what? Look, I don't know what you really do,

and I'm just trying to get inside of his head. This is like working with a milieu of pedigree, like. Oh, shit. What should I do here? I'm just gonna shoot him again. I, I, I don't know what else to do right now. So I'm gonna roll. Okay. And Tommy just screams, please aim.

I gotta 12. Yeah, okay, so that, yeah, again, that's 14. He perfectly hits his AC. Okay. So yeah, you shoot him, so that's basically enough to reduce his hit points to zero. It is up to you, are you going for a lethal shot or a non-leaf-ful shot?

Non-leaf-ful. Where do you just blast off his other toe or the remaining toes on his one foot? How do you wanna do this? I wanna hit him in whatever his dominant arm is. Okay, so he definitely can't use the gun anymore. Great, so I shoot him in the right arm. I'm assuming All summy's are ready. Yeah. Oh, let me roll the safe. He's a righty. Okay. Let me put. Yeah, tell me and then I mean he's holding it in that

Whatever army fire is a rifle. He's living in both arms, but But yeah, no, he's definitely a righty. So you a man should shoot him and is in his muscular right biceps He clutches it with his other hand It falls to the ground and you can see with the bloodstreaming of his race, the fight is completely out of them. And he just goes, just take the key. I don't care, just take the body, it doesn't matter to me.

You're gonna be fucked anyway once he shows up. And when he says he, his eyes get really big and he gets really excited. Oh. So can I also cast a spell or that's another action? No, it's okay. We're out of combat now. So go ahead. I'm going to cast cure wounds on Adel's character on. Oh, thank God. On Tommy. Tommy, Tommy punches on punches. Sure.

I'm going to crawl over to the guard and ask him what his third favorite movie was. Almost famous for sure. So as he as he before he passes out he goes the dark night. I thought it was really mature. I thought it was like heat but with super heroes. And then he just passes out. I'm so mad that he passed out it because I was like, I wanted to talk about how I'd like to do. But the ending it just goes on too long. He wakes back up and he goes, no, I agree. It was kind of, it was weird. Right, right. Every, every since I saw it, I've tried to understand what the hero we deserve, but not the one we need versus the inverse of that, even me, I can't, and then he passes out.

And I turned to the other two. I'm like, I like this guy. So, you have basically, there's the safe in front of you. You've got the key to it. If you want to just open it up, you are welcome to the alarm is blaring now for, you know, about a minute. And I assume Bob Gardenkirk is waiting out in the or Bob Robin Kirk is waiting in the car for you. What would you like to do? Guys, I think we've wasted too much time.

We got to get out of here before he comes. Just open it up and let's get the money and go. Great. Alright, so the, um, the, as you put the key card up against the very large, well, you probably put it against the key card reader and next to the very large save door, it automatically begins to spin its wheel counterclockwise, it unlocks and opens, and inside, you see, uh, a lot of... nothing. Oh, fuck. What?

How much nothing? You see about two stacks of $20 bills, so probably at a glance, it's probably like $400. And behind you, the basic movie fan comes back up and it goes, oh, right, I should, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, farts his, he, now he dies, he farts his, he dies. Hey, I'm Michelle Beetle. And I'm Peter Rosenberg. Hey Peter, tell the people about our new podcast.

Right, it's called Over the Top. And we cover the biggest topics in sports and pop culture using royal rumble rules. That means we'll start with two stories. Toss one out on its ass and dive into the other stories with ruthless aggression. Oh, but it never stops because every 90 seconds after that. Oh God, whose music is that? Another story comes down to the ring. Rinse and repeat until we arrive at the one most important thing on planet Earth that week.

Follow over the top on the Wondering app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to over the top, add free right now by joining Wondering Plus. For the record, this is not a wrestling podcast. No, no, but it is inspired by wrestling. Is it everything inspired by wrestling, Beetle? Fair point. Yeah! No!

Let's say you love sports, but you're also a busy person. Maybe you missed last night's games, and you want to catch up on what happened. If we're talking about you right now, then you need to check out the lead starting five, the Daily Sports Podcast from Wondery, hosted by me, Sarah Kazal. And me, Zhang Zalas, along with our other co-hosts, Matt Strout and Tipo Shinski. Every weekday, we break down the five biggest stories of the day in about 10 minutes,

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or through Wondery Plus. The lead starting five, the sports news you need to start your day. The giggler, I hate those freaks. As you say the word freak, you hear a ding behind you. And as you were focusing on opening the safe, you did not notice that the elevator had come down from the lobby and the doors are about to open. And if anybody wants to roll inside or perception, either way I can tell you that your robber sense

is telling you that the key that this guard was worrying you of, the mast vigilante that strikes fear into the hearts of scum like you, would definitely be the kind of person to react to a bank heist. For this moment, have one moment to react before those doors open. So, are robber senses are tingling?

Yes, exactly. I think Tommy, either motions to the guys or tries to grab them by the arms, but I think he's sprinting towards the stairs that he came down. Okay. Whether or not he makes it as one thing, but I think his instinct is to try and take the stairs as fast as possible. Okay. What about the rest of you? I, since I'm pretty close to the guard anyway and shocked, I am going to lie down next to him, pretend to be unconscious, like I'm a guard that was also incapacitated

Okay All right, mom what about you? Okay, so I have my My coat which I haven't talked about yet. It's like a big fur coat that I always wear And we essentially said it has the powers of Sentinel shield so I always get advantage on perception Okay, so I'm gonna see if there's another way out of here. If there's a secret way out of here, I'm just going to roll perception. Sure.

I got a 22, and then I got a 15. I'll take the 22. Yes, you will. So, you can tell that the two main ways out of here are obviously the stairs of the elevator. There's also a ventilation shaft that leads from down here that just basically pumps fresh air from the surface that if you were to do a little bit of acrobatics do a little bit of holding your breath and tucking your belly in maybe you could

inchworm your way through the vent to get out but it would take a while and it would be fairly difficult. Okay. In that moment the doors of the elevator open and punches as you're running towards the stairs, you can see in the elevator door a figure. A figure that has a very familiar pointy-eared outline, a very familiar reddish brownish kind of color to it and you hear a growl from within the elevator. You have a moment to react. Is there anything you want to do as you're heading for the stairs? You're just ignoring what's in there. I think as soon as Tommy sees the outline of the the the visage of this character, he immediately drops to his knees and puts his hands over his head.

Oh great. So yeah, as you do that, you realize that the thing inside the elevator is not him himself, but one of his wonderful toys, a decoy. What does he get these toys? So as you say that, the stairwell door is kicked open and in one fluid motion, there is a brownish reddish blur that shoots through the air towards you, grabs you by the neck and pins you up against the wall, even though you're already on your knees. You are looking into the cowled face of Shadow City's greatest superhero, the Cougar. He has a much like other superhero heroes.

A cowl that entirely covers its face except for his mouth and he grunts at you with frustratingly lovely smelling breath. He goes, the pick up pet store. At that moment he raises up his finger, his hand presses a button and the decoy pops and a lot of smoke comes out. So crush your ear on the ground still pretending to be nodded out by my. You can see now that the cougar has one of your friends. There's a lot of pink smoke separating the two of you.

And the smoke is beginning to sort of loft its way towards you. What do you do? Do I still clearly see punches and the Cougar? No, as the smoke moves forward, it sort of involves both of them. And now you realize the Cougar could be anywhere in this biscuit-knit fog. If I may, 92.6 in the morning with punches in the Cougar. Cougar! It's ding-ding-ding!

Just like a Cougar, and a run-in and grab the strongest, youngest man in there. Well, I think this is the moment, because I know we're screwed. We didn't get the money. This guy's gonna kill us. Now the Cougars here I have to do this at least once per episode. I'm gonna use my prayer beads So if I pray I get there's a one what do we decide last time? There's like a one in one hundred chance that Jesus would show up. Yes So I roll like a very good on. Not bad. He will either fight my enemies or whisk us away. Okay.

Oh, so Jesus is like a warp whistle where he may just take us to another level. Yeah. He just takes you to different bank. Yeah. Jesus. I got a 44. Okay. I don't know what that means. It's not the special Jesus number. So no

gene you pray. But as the smoke gets closer and closer to you, you hear a growly, perry voice saying, you should be praying to me. And a clock comes the the fog and grabs you and throws you up against the wall and your your breath is knocked out of you So in this moment he is not the cougars not currently paying attention to you Crusher so you have a moment if there's something you would like to do while he's looking away from you He's actually to you. So he just talked so or I generally have a sense of where he is. Yep, right? Yep, right? Yep. Okay.

I'm going to try to shoot him with my two guns from the ground. Okay. Roll D20. Uh-huh. I got a 20. Like a, no, I got a 20. I hit, you know what, I used the wrong dice. What?

What that was. I rolled a D6 and I was in the middle. How did you roll a dice bigger than a 20 I said 26 sided die. Oh, okay, you rolled a D10 and it was 2 0. Okay So not as good as a 20 I rolled a 4 Okay, you roll a 4 you aim with both guns in the vague direction that you heard the sound of the growly voice of the cougar. And you fire. And from your perspective, you hear a loud metallic spank-

And then you hear a wet- and then another metallic thump. And then you hear a very loud crashing to the ground. If you get to your feet and you move through the smoke, you see Ma still pressed up against the wall. There's a dent in the wall next to Ma. And on the ground, you see the cougar with a lot of blood coming out of his mouth. And you can sort of gather that you missed,

but missed it just the right way that your bullet ricocheted off the wall and went directly into his unarmored mouth. And he is coughing and spurting up blood and like is sort of pawing at the air like a confused cat. No one ever thinks this shoot Batman in the mouth. I know. So uh, yeah, he is on the ground dying in front of you. You can see that his suit, he's trying to tap around parts of his suit in his last few moments of consciousness.

And you see like, like, you know, like Jack's like spike Jack's like you're being, if you were in a fucking bike chase, they like just out on the ground around him. And then like, some foam just explodes out of his chest on the wall, it's just like a bunch of different, it's like a 15 jacket of boxes with like confetti just going off at the same time.

It's like a magician's jacket, me. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I assume Crusher didn't really want to kill him. I mean, I think there was an assumption that he was somewhat unkillable. And so I think Crusher was a little bit alarmed in this moment and is sort of standing over him being like,

what are you trying to grab a hot, how could I help? What are you trying to get here, man? What's the, do you got like a, do you got like a cougar spray or something that heals bowling wounds? So those are the last words he ever hears. He's looking at you and he just has panic at paying in his eyes and then his eyes just sort of go dead and he stops Goodvall saying and the Cougar is dead in front of you surrounded by the detritus of some of his gadgets. Wow, the Cougar killed by a man who covered his face when trying to impersonate someone he looked exactly like. I turned to those and I'm like, guys, we did this together.

This is like a member of the foots little cousin accidentally killing Reffil. Yeah. Punches, you've also recovered from just being thrown into the wall and stuff like that, but the smoke is cleared. Okay. So it's just you down here with the corpse and the unconscious guard. What would you like to do? Tommy Rolls Perception.

Yes, please do. And that will be a adjusted 20. It was a 19 plus one. Oh wow. Okay, great. It's very tinny, but you could hear a voice coming from inside the cow near the ear. It is the voice of what sounds to be a very British, very asexual butler. Go master, master, come in. It sounds like you've taken a intense trauma to master your vitals, master. And am I still pinned to the wall or am I? No, no, he just pinned you with his hands. So you can walk around freely.

So I run over to grab the inner com or, or I kind of dip down near the cougar's mask. And I'm like, all good. Okay, so you say that into his mask. Yeah, go ahead and roll deception That is a seven So You hear a gasp on the other end and and the the butler goes oh No, oh he's dead. Oh, no, he's dead. He's been he's been murdered by brigandsands. Oh no, no, he's just in the shitter

Oh god, oh no I must tell his young word. Oh no, no, no, you leave him there. Don't you dare take his body? You foul things if you're if you're an inch of wisdom within you you leave him where he lay It doesn't matter that his suit is full of the most high-tech stuff You'll die in your temps to use it. Leave it right where it is. You bastards. No.

And Tommy tries to, before the Butler logs off, he tries to say, if you ring root about it, come find me. I'm the gigler. Go ahead and roll deception again. OK. I'm sure your voice sounds exactly like the gigler. It's me, the gigler. Oh, that's a natural one.

Natural one. Because I don't know what the fucking giglar sounds like, you buffoon. And he hangs up. OK, so alarm's blaring. It'll probably be, you know, 10 minutes before the cops get here. The corpse of the greatest hero that Shadows City has ever

known since bleeding in front of you. What would you like to do? And also, do you have no money? Grab him. That model was right. We got to sell all this stuff Great. So Tommy goes to pick up the cougar and put him on his back to try and carry out. Okay. Give me a strength check I also grab all of the gadgets and gizmos and sort of fell off of him. Okay, the He was like they were bouncing all over the place. Yeah, I'll help, that, yeah. Whatever I like to try to. Strength check is at 16. 16, okay, 16 will do it.

You always, is the heaviest, one of the heaviest things you've ever lived. No, no human being has ever felt this dance. He's like, he's like a collapsed star. He's just so dense. This suit has so much stuff in it. He's like Tom Sizemord. Yes, he also has what's her face is.

Tom Sizemord. Heidi Flies. He also has Heidi Flies' name. Tattooed above his dick. So Ma and Crusher, you scoop all the two double bags worth of razor sharp jacks, basically good for you know, pop and tires in a car chase. Foam that is now hardened, but it was you know pop and tires and a car chase foam that is now hardened but it was you know initially meant for like it seems like it was initially soft foam and

it's hard maybe you'll figure out what it is for for later and then also a DVD box set of Cougar Town. Yeah why not a DVD box set of Cougar Town and also a a a a a dark that seems to have some sort of green substance in it that has not been Dispressed by the dark yet. They just kind of fell out of his his ritz launcher So yeah, you head back up through the elevator and as you come out through the front of the bank You see Bob Garden or you see Bob Bob Robin Kirk has as is sitting there patiently like like like like like freaking out And seeing that you have the the the the the cougar over your shoulder He like begins to tear out what remains of his hair in panic. You got enough room for him.

He's going to trunk. Is he going in the in the back seat? trunk, right. We want to hide him, right? I think Tommy was going to maybe dig into his cowl to check his pulse. Cause I want to be 100% certain he's dead before we put him somewhere with no oxygen. Awesome. Uh, go ahead and roll a perception or medicine.

I rolled a 19 now also roll a perception or medicine. I rolled a 19. Now also roll a constitution saving throw. That is a 23. Wow, okay. So with a 23, so you reach in to feel his pulse. As your finger goes in, it also trips an electrical contact set into the cowl, which tries to zap you with 300 volts. But whether because of the immense damage that his suit has undergone, or you're incredibly

rough cuticles from playing pickleball, the electricity doesn't actually do very much damage to you at all. It just it kind of tangle. But you can tell that he is definitely dead. And actually while you're feeling back there, your fingers drift over a small button that when you press it, your fingers sort of, actually, I'm not gonna see you press it, but your fingers drift over and you see

that there's a little button there. I absolutely press it. Being an actual royal is never about finding your happy ending, but the worst part is, if they step out of line or fall in love with the wrong person, it changes the course of history. I'm Aresha Skidmore Williams, and I'm Brooke Sifrin. We've been telling the stories of the rich and famous on the hit Wondery Show even the rich, and talking about the latest celebrity news on Rich and Daily. We're going all over the world, on our new show Even the Royals. We'll be diving headfirst into the lives of the world's kings,

queens, and all the wannabes in their orbit throughout history. Think succession meets the crown meets real life. We're going to pull back the gilded curtain and show how royal status might be bright and shiny, but it comes at the expense of, well, everything else. Like your freedom, your privacy, and sometimes even your head. Follow Even The Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to Even The Royals early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. The holidays usually include hours on planes, cars, trains, flying baby next to you, put on those noise-councing headphones. Mom and dad arguing about directions in the car, air pods in. No matter how you listen, we have the perfect headphones on distraction. A new season of the critically acclaimed Dr. Death Podcast is back with a story of miraculous cures, magic, and murder.

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I absolutely press it. Okay, cool. You hear the pre-recorded voice of the Butler saying, a waiting voice print for suit unlock. And I do the exact same idea I think I did in the vault, which is unlock. All right, so the suit goes out,

and it again tries to shock you, but once again, it just kind of tickles you. You specifically seem to be impervious to these shocks. So Bob Robyn Kirk is like, well, you don't, let's get out of here. Just get the guy in the, wait, is that, that's the Cougar? Oh my God. And he looks at the Cougar and he looks behind him

at the toy store that's filled with Cougar memorabilia. And he looks at the Cougar and he's like, oh my God, he's so much bigger. I press, oh jeez, Louise. Oh, Tommy has a spark of an idea. He runs across his street to the toy store. Punches through the window and grabs one of the action figures, brings it back to the cow, presses the button again,

and pulls the string on the back of the doll, the Cougar doll. The doll goes, it's Cougar time. And the suit goes. Voice print accepted. Full abilities unlocked. And the suit begins to, like, you know, when we first started doing CG and movies, everybody would have a suit that like assembled

in 15 parts and would just shoot automatically. It kinda does that, like a bunch of panels open up on a suit. He's now in an unwieldy open Swiss army knife of a man that's just got a bunch of different compartments and things like that. But basically, yeah, you see all kinds of stuff. You basically, you see his full arsenal laid out before you. It's all connected to the suit.

It doesn't seem like it's stuff that can be removed. But you see smoke bombs set into his wrists. You see the jaws of death. There's a little metal jaw that can unhinge from the bottom of the cowl and could crush anything that's small enough that you could hypothetically divot in your mouth. He has a shock absorber, shin and leg guard so he can fall from any height. He's got boots that seem to have some sort of acceleration stuff in it.

Every 12-year-old in the Shadow City's dream is available to you in this moment. Every 12-year-old in the city dreams of killing the Cougar. It's doing a suit. He's a man. So I tossed the suit that's kind of unfurled and whatever has fallen out. I try and put that in the back of the van as quick as possible. And then, is it a van or a car? I think it's a car.

Car. I put that in the back seat. And then I put the Cougar's identity, his body. I put that in the trunk. Can I do a perception check to see if I recognize this guy? Yeah, go ahead and roll a perception. Okay, first one was a six, the second one was an 18. The suit is still attached to the Cougar, the man himself,

but a lot of compartments open up. So you basically have what is a mount to a corpse inside of a Swiss army knife and the two don't seem tobe extricable for one another. But his face is like this. But his face, the cowl opens up and you can see his face. And with your 19 perception check, you can see that this is Timothy for L'Anthropy, the millionaire good guy of Shadow City.

He's invested so much into the city's homeless shelters, into infrastructure. He's the only good billionaire on planet earth. Oh, no. And you killed him, so congratulations for that. But yeah, you can put his body into the back seat. Is he laying across your lap, so he's sitting up or like he's just another one of the guys? I think we are, we can at Bernies, Berniesing it.

That's not a phrase I thought I'd say. And I do want to say just to be clear, Tommy does take whatever, I don't know if it's like a cheek tissue or whatever, Tommy can kind of get his big mits on. He grabs or pinches off a bit of skin just to eat it and to be able to later tell the story that he ate the rich. That's great. Wow. That's the way. And Crusher says Timothy, philanthropy is father invented the concept of charity uh... yeah uh... bob guard bob robin carcass oh my god what did you all but what did you what did you guys do uh... i just got a call from dot trip you know

he's waiting for the buddy he we only we only got you know what till until son up and it's already eleven eleven p.m. but what are we gonna and uh... in that moment, the suit, the radio sparks to life again. And you hear the sound of somebody, like a younger person trying to do the Cougars voice, but it's not quite as impressive. And it goes,

you killed my master, and just know that I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna get, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, revenge. I'll find out. I do what, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. I'm just trying to think of? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? And I say to the little guys, guys, you gotta let him finish. You can't try to finish for him. It's not a kindness to try to finish his sentences when he's trying to get something out. What's this, uh, sparrow? You can't even recognize the famous sighting of the convoc, got fucking for Danny. Forget it. And he just, he burst into tears and starts crying. I get from the Cougar Dead, you're an empty nasty. Are you getting inspiration as well? So I think Tommy has another plan, which to if Tommy knows or if anybody in the car

knows where Timmy philanthropy lives, it's probably some huge penthouse or a giant castle in the suburb of Chicago. So if we know where he lives, Tommy suggests that we all go to his place so we can ransack it or find cash to pay off Don Triby on it. Robin Kirk says, oh God, that's a good idea. Well, I guess, I mean, it'll be dangerous because a gelopy like this is gonna be a real outta sorts in the rich district, but I guess it's worth a shot

and it's not like we have a lot of time. So, all right, here we go. And he puts the pedal to the metal and you're this car full of gangsters and the corpse of a philanthropist, heads towards the rich district of Saddo City with the hope of sneaking into Timothy Philanthropy's palatial manner.

Hey Bob, how far away is this man? Oh, it's 10 minutes. Like, fact, you know what? The traffic's pretty good. It'll be there in five. It's fine, don't worry about it. Can we swing by Shadowburger? You boys got five minutes to try to figure out

how to get that suit off of him and onto one of you. Yes, ma'am. That's crazy. This is in the first time I've been in a car trying to figure out how to get the close off in somebody in five minutes time. And Tommy takes out like a lobster fork. Meanwhile as your car speeds towards the rich district filled with a corpse and at least one guy who might as well be brain dead who murdered him.

You... A cross-shadowed city, underground, and a layer that is spray-painted with big red lips, shining light smiles. A lot of terrible knock-knock jokes that seem to have been written in blood. The Rolling Stones. No, it's a Rocky Horror picture show. It's just people watching Rocky Horror. At a wooden stage in front of a brick wall,

a lone figure stands. There arm atop a microphone stand, a microphone in their hand. And as they put the microphone to their lips, as if to begin to say, what's the deal with Shadow City or something. A flunky runs in and says, boss boss boss. I got a great news for the kuga. He's dead. We hear a loud crack as the stand-up comedian reaches out grabs the minion's head and snaps it all the way around. The body hits the ground, and even though this figure is

smiling with lipstick staining his teeth, even as he begins to cackle hysterically, the Chuckler says, that's not funny. That's not funny at all. So in this city, there's a giggler and a Chuckler. Oh, shit, shit forgot the names I Mean it would be great. No, let's go with the chuckler and see if the giggler shows up too. Yeah, I thought it was fun to be like yeah There's a bunch it's a bunch of riddler knockoffs are all just different laughs Yeah, the go far the shortler. Yeah, there's one does knock knocks one does puns one does like store

Almost like Lenny Bruce style comedy where it ties all together in the end. Yeah, one of the billhicks, where it just kind of complains really loudly. Oh my God. No, I like that, yeah, fuck it. This is an army of comedy-based villains that this city is known for. Every accident is a gift.

It's like the Joker and the Riddler. Yeah, the Juggler. The Juggler. Oh wow, didn't that make you want to subscribe to the Patreon? We'll be releasing the rest of Season 1 of Shadow City every other week on the main feed, but if you can't wait and want it all now, it's all available at patreon.com slash magic tavern, including all of season two of Shadow City. Also, while we're being forced to talk about the Patreon,

season four of offices and bosses begins this week, go sign up at patreon.com slash magic tavern. I think you're talking to me there. I'm in patient. Oh, I know you are a nerf. But it's one of the things I love about you. Oh, geez, look at you. You love my faults. I do, and you love my faults. I do.

We've been together for so long. Yeah, let me tell you some about some of the faults you have that I love. List them. Okay, you take my fries. I do. And then you drink for my cup, and then you backwash, and then it's a food. Wait, is that figurative? Or you literally do that?

No, you literally do that. Oh, okay. You're always drinking out of my question. You pour from an empty cup because you give so much to me emotionally. I do, but I love that. I gotta get back to these credits, honey. Oh, yeah, yeah. Crusher was played by Arnie Neacamp.

Ma O'Brien was played by Matt Young. Tommy Punches De Plume was played by Adolfie. You give me wet willies every once in a while too. Every once in a while you sink your wet finger in my ear. Baby, this is a family podcast. The Game Master was played by Anthony Birch. Check out Anthony's great podcast, Dungeons and Datties. When we play fight, you punch me really hard. I thought you liked it. Oh, did you? Wait, when you cry in pain, that's not a good thing? Oh no, not at any level.

Did we forget to plug the live shows? Hello from the Magic Tavern has two live shows coming up Thursday January 11th at 8 p.m. in Chicago. That's this week at Saturday February 3rd at 3 p.m. in San Francisco with special guest Ron Sanchez tickets for both are on sale now you can find more info and links in the show notes. May I have another note on myself? You think I don't notice, but you use my toothbrush. I do, baby. There's just nothing better for my toenails. Oh dear Lord, okay. I love you for that.

I really do. You know what else I love? Shadow City. It was produced by Arni Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adelrufie, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Edited by Sage GC, Shadow City logo by Allard Lebon. Speaking of the Shadow City logo, you can buy Shadow City merch on our T public store.

There's a link in the show notes. Shadow City theme music by Sage GC. I want music. You want new love-making music? Yes, I would like you love making music. Less want new love-making music? Yes, I would like new love-making music. Less horns this time. Oh, okay. No goblin marching band. All right. No more teenagers from the neighborhood practicing their marching band. There's something about the rhythm of it that gets me going. I think I get it, but I finish way too soon. That's true. That last time you did finish in about five and a half hours.

Yeah there's just something I just and I feel bad about it because it's borderline weird. It is weird baby but that's okay I was able to get some chores done because we still had that time blocked out on the goblin family calendar. Oh good. You know this is something that we can bring up with the therapist. We're going there's that by the way. That's right. Oh, wait, are we still recording? See you in two weeks with episode three of Shadow City.