Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Shadow City Ep 4: The Crime That Went Right (w/ Anthony Burch)

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Punches, Crusher, and Ma are in deep trouble. Only one force might save them: A GM named Anthony who take pity on them.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!Credits Crusher: Arnie Niekamp Matlida “Ma” O’Brien: Matt Young Tommy “Punches” DePlume: Adal Rifai Game Master: Anthony BurchInta and Nerf: Marla Caceres and Eddie PiñaProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal Rifai Post-Production Coordination: Garrett Schultz Editor: Sage G.C. Magic Tavern Logo: Allard Laban Theme Music: Sage G.C.Check out the new merch at our Teepublic store!Follow the show on YouTube to listen to the episode alongside two dynamic static animations of the tavern!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery's new podcast, Dis and Tell, wades into the glorious mess of celebrity beef. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud and asks, what does our obsession with these feuds say about us? Follow Dis and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Academy is a new scripted podcast

that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hello, this is Inta again! And Nerf! We're here unlocking episode 4 of Shadow City from the Magic Tavern Patreon.

If you want to support the show and get more Patreon content, visit patreon.com. Today is also my birthday! birthday. Okay, so where we are at is that after Crusher started a self-destruct for the Cougar Cave, several things happened. The Giggler you managed to successfully pawn off onto Don Tribioni, you convinced him that Don Tribioni is somebody worth attacking. So for now it seems like both of those problems might be a cause I solved. Sparrow, the boy ward of the cougar, appeared downstairs in the cougar cave and attacked Crusher and hit him with his motorcycle.

And I am wearing most of the cougars suit. I believe so. I have the diamond claws still and the smoke bombs, but otherwise it's just a suit. Yes, up the stairs leading from the Cougar Cave to the lounge of the library, rather, Joseph Rogan is choking Ma to death. Ma had the boots of the Cougar on,

but through some poor rolling, Ma attempted to kick Joe Rogan and the boots came off and Ma's kind of just helpless in this particular moment. Please, Joseph Rogan is his father. Call me News Radio. In the library, Punches managed to bite the fingers of a good dozen Joe Roganites, and in the panic of all them freaking out about their missing fingers, had begun to sneak down via the stairwell towards the bad cave, or starts the cougar cave,

and just a little bit ahead of him, having just scooted right past Joe Rogan, is the Chuckler, the other remaining sort of laughter-themed supervillain who is on his way downstairs to presumably do some nefarious things. I'm sorry, this is not the most important detail, but do I remember that the Chuckler is played by John Lovitz? I feel like you should.

I feel like there's no reason not to. Jealous? I think we established that as canon to the Batcave. So I think with all these balls in the air, the smartest thing to do might be to make everybody roll initiative. Oh, perfect. Tommy Punches rolls a three.

I also rolled a three. 15 plus three. Must be nice. All right, so that means the crusher, you were at the top of the initiative. You just got knocked onto your butt by a Sparrows cool, like purple, like dark, not a sparrow's cool like purple like dark Not a dark night

But like a bike you would ride at night that is kind of dark and looks dark even in the sunlight because it's all purple and black And you can hear the Chuckler coming down the stairs Just slightly louder you hear his giggling over the gasping dying sounds of your partner ma Okay, and I'm doing pretty low on life as well. I've got like six hit points. And Arnie, you once wrote a song called I'm Pretty Low on Life. I'm Pretty Low on Life. The vein of Toby Keith, is that right?

Can we hear some of it? I'm Pretty Low on Life, but I'm pretty high on bills. Oh, I should have been meth. That's from his later years when he graduated out of meth. I like to think that that's actually how the song goes. I think I've got a pretty good convincing plea for the spare. Even though it didn't work last time, I'm just going to say, hey, look, you're going to be able to beat the shit out of me.

There's no question. I'm not going to get away from you. I'm sorry. I'm wearing the cougar suit. That is disrespectful. But the real problem is the Chuckler is invading the cougar's inner sanctum. I think that's much worse than anything else

that's going on right here. You can beat my ass later. Maybe we should team up to take care of him right now. All right, why don't you roll persuasion? I think they recently took a roll on persuasion and the adaptation apparently isn't all that good. Yeah, look directly into the camera and then like really truncate a nice Jane Austen line

into something pit-bait. You gotta marry my sister. It's a living. I got a 19. Okay, well with a 19, you see the sparrow hop off his bike and come towards you, fist raised, ready to punch your nose through your skull. But as you say that, as you mentioned the words, the chuggler, the

villain that once beat him to death with a, I'm going to say umbrella, until he came back as like a darker version of himself. He hears that chuckling coming down the stairs and he turns and he like looks at you and like and does a slow squinted nod, like, yeah, let's team up to deal with this guy. And then he puts his fists out in front of him and turns to face the stairwell, presumably assuming that you will do the same. I squint and I also.

Cool. Anthony, am I able to chime in real quick? Just to roll to see if I can figure out what happened to Chris O'Donnell. Ooh, yeah, you're gonna have to do that disadvantage, though, because nobody actually knows. Okay, let's see. Draw Arcana.

Arcana, all right. Is one of your items CBS, though, because there might be some clues there. Oh, that's true. He's probably on a CSI or a Jag or something. So I did roll a four. Okay, so there's no way of knowing. Okay. We'll always have Cent roll a four. Okay, so there's no way of knowing. Okay.

We'll always have scent of a woman. Yeah. Okay, so do you, I feel like you just talked to Sparrow. If you wanna take a further action as you see Chuckler coming down the stairs, I feel like you can. You can also not. It's okay to just be like,

I'm gonna let Sparrow take the first move in the elbow. I think I'm gonna let Sparrow go first because I, yeah, I'm not equipped. I'm practically dead and I've never actually fought a supervillain before. Perfect, okay. So it is now Sparrow's turn. So without looking at you, he goes,

you go low, I'll go high. And before waiting, without waiting to see if you're gonna move or anything, he just sprints forward and like leaps onto the Chucklers shoulders, puts his legs around his neck, tries to do the like the black widow like crotch grapple throw, the Hurcanerana.

And he begins to like pivot himself around the Chucklers neck, but the Chuckler grabs him by the feet and stops his momentum and then turns really quickly and slams the sparrow's head into the door frame of the stairwell. And his body kind of goes limp for a second and he just falls to the ground and that's his whole turn, unfortunately.

Ooh, sickening crunch. I say, you look stupid doing that. That's how I go low. All right, so the Chucklers turn is next. And he hears you go with your classic insult comedy and he is going to I'm gonna give him a wisdom saving throw to see if it affects him or not Okay, so he succeeds pretty handily and he goes now now now talking about somebody's lack of physical ability That's a little bit punching down wouldn't you say and he's gonna wind up his fists like a cartoon character about to smack somebody And he's gonna try to hit you in the in the ding dong as he says punching down, wouldn't you say? And he's gonna wind up his fists like a cartoon character about to smack somebody.

And he's gonna try to hit you in the ding dong as he says punching down. All right, I'm gonna release my smoke bombs. Okay, so let's say you were holding that as a reaction as Sparrow ran up there. So he does this, he's about to let loose and when you drop him, you throw him in his face, how do you do it?

I throw them kind of at his feet and I just immediately like fall to the ground. Like just like try to- Like a fainting goat? As quickly as possible, like get into a different space than where I was a second ago. Great, okay.

So the smoke bomb, they go off filling the area around you with a dense fog, and you can see just for a second his fist break through the fog and completely with the air. He completely misaimed his punch, thanks to the smoke he might have hit you otherwise, but then he goes, oh, that's no fun, that's no punchline at all, come on, where are you?

And he's trying to like part the fog with his hands like it's a curtain. And he is gonna roll a search action to see if he can find you. Oh no, natural 20. Oh no. So he goes, any, me, any, money, there you are. And he grabs you by the scruff of your neck

and picks you up like a mama cat with her kitten and then turns you around to face him. And he goes, well, well, well, who's this we have here? He was crawling around on all fours, but his back was just clearly out of the smoke the whole time. Right, yeah, the smoke's really low to the ground. What does he look like?

Like, do you mind just like, what am I seeing? Yeah, you know Bozo the clown? He's a Chicago institution. Yeah, so turn upzo the clown? Is it a Chicago institution? Yeah, so turn up the like, the like pervometer on Bozo by like three ticks. Impossible. And shit. Can't be done.

And in the like the bald part of his head that doesn't have the crazy bowl red cut, it's like spikes like pick on a pinhead vibe from the top of his head. It's like spikes, like pick on a pinhead vibe from the top of his head. The End Hi, I'm Lindsay Graham, host of Wondery's Podcast American Scandal.

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your privacy, and sometimes even your head. Follow Even The Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Even The Royals early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. It's like spikes, like, kind of pinhead vibe from the top of his head. Does he have any scars or anything on his face? And how did he get them? Oh yeah, he's got tons of them. The stories he could tell you about those scars.

All right, I'm gonna add some more because I've got diamond claws and I'm gonna just slash him in the face. I do really love the idea of Clive Barker's Boza. This is very appealing to me. Goofrazer. So he got a natural 20, which means that if you're gonna do anything,

I feel like it's a disadvantage. So go ahead and roll his hack roll at disadvantages. You try to claw at him. Again, like a kitten pawing at their mom. I can also do it for you, I think. Plus to hit DC, I just clicked it. Let's see what happens. The slowest 3D dice in the history of dice

when I roll across my screen. Oh my God, it was literally slowing down my computer. That's how resource intensive that dice was. All right, so you got a six, so you whiff. So it goes, oh, this kitten's got claws. And then we're gonna cut to, it is Joe Rogan's turn now. Shit. And he is going to roll, if he gets a 15 or above and he is going to roll if he gets a

15 or above he is going to snap your neck anything lower and he has one turn away from snapping your neck Okay, hmm. He got an eight so you feel your trachea get Just a little bit tighter as he compresses it with his with his thumb And he's probably saying some stuff about like how mushrooms can cure cancer or some nonsense that you're not fully paying attention to because you're too busy focusing on the fact that if nothing is done by the time his turn rolls around again, you will be dead. And then he has an ad for like a sports betting site that only takes crypto.

Yeah, exactly. All right. Punches, it is your turn. And last we saw punches, he was descending the stairs from the main house. Is that right down back down into the cave? Correct. Confidently walking away, still chewing the fingers of the screaming Roganites behind him in the library. So I'm going to take it seems like the pressing issue is Ma O'Brien's throat. So not a phrase I ever thought I'd say. So I think Tommy punches

makes it to the bottom of the stairs and we see if it's permissible Anthony I think we see a bit of a flashback and we go to when W. Crusher was in jail for the bullshit that he pulled at episode one. We see Tommy punches the plume in his lab. It's canonical already that he loves pickleball and he always has a pickleball set on him and we see him sort of playing pickleball and he has this light bulb that goes off and he's in the lab and he makes himself a nickel ball and he makes himself a pickleball and he makes himself a Travis Bickleball and a pickle-rickleball and he keeps going through all these iterations until finally he comes up with something he

calls the tickleball. Now it's never been tested in combat, but... It hasn't been tested in the bedroom. It hasn't been tested. And nine out of ten women love it. And so he takes out this prototype tickle ball and he's going to attempt to hit it with his pickle ball paddle to hit Joe Rogan, to tickle him enough to where he would let go of Maul O'Brien. I love that. Give me a range of tack roll.

I'll also note that when we started doing this series, I thought you just made a pickleball as like a funny improv thing. I didn't realize it was it was an actual thing. It is sweeping the nation. Yeah, it's the number one new sport from four people between the ages of 55 and 80. Big range. Go ahead and just roll a d20 and then add a 4 to it. So that's an 8 plus 4 is 14. 14.

OK, cool. So what? That's a 12, guys. 8 plus 4? Matt, give it to me. He's trying to save you, man. He's trying to save your trick, yeah. You are going to put out on the internet

that you can't add two fucking numbers together, and I'm trying to save your ass. I already put out on the internet that you can't add two fucking numbers together And I'm trying to save your ass. I already put out on the internet my dude Tickleball So the tickleball screams through the air towards the perfectly hairless Orboyed head of Joseph Rogan and just as it's about to hit him right in the neck right in his roided out neck His hand shoots up and away from from ma's neck and grabs it out of the air and crushes it in his roided out neck, his hand shoots up and away from Ma's neck and grabs it out of the air and crushes it in his hand into a fine powder.

And he like very slowly turns and looks at you and he goes, oh, you want a little of a Joe Rogan experience too? I imagine that he, with his glistening bald head, that his eyes and face and everything are in the front and then it kind of sucks into a skull And then they come out the back of his head Yeah, the T1000 doesn't turn around that one time. He just puts all his features on the opposite side of his body

Yeah, that's actually what he does so it like you go from from my your experience is that he's looking directly at you to suddenly He'd like his the flesh of his face and body morph and he's like holding his arm behind him now facing away from you and looking at punches perfect So I believe that is Ma's turn now unless you wanted to use your movement to put yourself anywhere special punches Yeah, I think I would run as close to Joe Rogan as possible to set up for the next turn Great great. So you sprint to within arms reach of him. It is now your turn. Ma, if he decides to resume his choking of you, you will die, but in this moment,

you have at least something to do because he's only got one arm on you instead of two. I am pretty badly beat up though, although we didn't really keep track of any hit points there, so I assume I'm like at one or something. Let's go with that, sure. Yeah, so I'm in a pretty desperate state.

My both my legs are broken. I don't not sure how I can help here, other than to obviously attempt once again to use my prayer beads in the hopes that Jesus Christ will appear and save us all. Just as a reminder for people from the first episode, I came up with this item, and this is exactly what I sent to Anthony originally. I think I'm probably Catholic So if I pray I think there should be a one and Google plex

Chance that Jesus shows up and fights my enemies and whist or whisks us away or some other actual miracle But I think we settled on rolling a D 100. Yes. I think D 100 is a more reasonable Chance, I mean it should be unreasonable, but I'll roll the D100 and see what we get. I'm excited that we're about to have the versimilitude of someone praying to save them on their deathbed, and then it not working. I got an 18. Oh, that's the secret Jesus number.

So yeah, he shows up. Yeah, nope. Turns out God's not real but your broken legs are I'll say that's a free action to them pretty your fucking legs dude it's a free action great I'm gonna say you can still do something else if you'd like to if you want to you know swatted his arms or is the secret of this that there that there is no number because that that's oh that'd be a good move yeah no I was gonna say if her. Oh, that'd be a good move. Yeah, no.

I was gonna say if you had 100, that would be the number. Ah, yeah, yeah. 100 or 69. Okay. 69, he just comes in and blows you, he doesn't help. And says we're super patient. I do think Matt, you fucked up,

you should have had some sort of like whistle or loot where if you played a secret chord, you would please the Lord. You'd please him. Would you want to show up to help me? He would just be pleased. You'd please him. Would you want to show up to help me if you would just be pleased? Well I think I just have to cast cure wounds on myself. Oh that's great, yeah. So I guess what does that do for me?

1d8 plus 5. That's a lot for somebody at your level. Yeah, well I basically can't do shit else anything. That's fine. So 9 which gets me back up to 11. Great. All right, I'm sort of healed. My throat's feeling better.

Oh, this is nice. Harpy Firestone? I gotta call my lawyer. What is it that you look into yourself and feel or what ointment or drug do you use on yourself that gives you the strength to realize like, oh, this hurts a lot and this is not a permanent solution,

but like I could maybe get to my feet or I can at the very least breathe a little easier. My throat is crushed. I open a ball jar of minestrone and I just like chug the whole thing down. Great. Okay. The strony to the rescue.

All right, we are back up to Crusher, very similar to Ma. The Chuckler is holding you dangling and you see as he produces a big shiny knife and he slowly begins to move it towards your throat. So what are you going to do on your turn? I'm gonna do two things, if I may. One of them is just talking.

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, hey, whoa gonna say hey whoa whoa whoa look obviously you can kick my ass you can kill me no problem But that's not your biggest problem right now right now Joe Rogan is gathering the Cougars Boots he's already got the boots and also he's teaming up with Joe Don Tribbiani and the giggler you're gonna need all the help you can get we got it we got a team up man I'm gonna team up with you and we'll go after them together I love it every time already takes a turn he's like partnering up with someone who's about to kill him that's a secret weapon is teamwork. Well, we're friends. What?

I'm still in this fast and furious. Yeah, he's got the most HP out of anybody right now. So why don't you roll a persuasion or deception? I feel like this is actually deception. I'm going to do deception because I'm slightly better at that. Great. I got a 17 plus four. Wow.

OK. Ooh, a 26. Nice. So he goes, Ooh, a 26. Nice. So he goes, oh, you're right. You're just some nerd cosplaying as my arch enemy. I should be far more. Actually, you know what? With the cougar dead, that means that the sparrow

is the new cougar and I've always wanted to kill the cougar so that means I still can. Look at you. Oh, you are my new sidekick. What's your name going to be? Your name should be... Do I get a say in this? I'm taking notes, go ahead.

While we're sort of brainstorming this, my other action is I'm gonna use sleight of hand to just kind of see if I can pull any kind of thing out of his pockets. Oh, sure, okay. Give me a roll. I got a 10 plus five, 15. You see a little handkerchief out of his jacket sleeve

and as you subtly yank on it, you see that it's actually a razor sharp garage like Piano Wire. Oh wow, okay. I'm gonna just kind of keep that though. Sure. Because honestly, everyone I've teamed up with so far has just ended up immediately dying, so I'm just kind of keep that though. Sure. Because honestly, everyone I've teamed up with so far has just ended up immediately dying, so I'm hoping.

So he goes, time's up, I think your nickname, your cool nickname is Chucka Jr. And he's gonna go, Chucka Jr. Make yourself a ball! And he turns and he hurls you as hard as he can at a sparrow. Okay, and I say, let's do this, papa! You've got it, son, you've got it. Okay, so he rolls on 19, so you hit Sparrow pretty fucking hard

and you take a D4 of damage, Sparrow's gonna take a D6 of damage. He takes five, he's not doing good. And you've pinned him to the ground. He just begun to shake of shake some sense back into his head, but now you're pinning him. So it is his turn now. He is going to, oh sure, got.

By the way, I took four damage, so I'm down to two. Great. Well, I wouldn't say that's great, Anthony. I'd say it's delightful for the 12-all. While I'm bashing into the sparrow's body. I'm gonna whisper to him. Oh, watch down again He goes so he grunts you I know friend of friends. I know you're my partners at the end Alright, I have the most trusting eyes in the world So a sparrow is gonna spend his turn

getting to his feet and shoving you off of him, and he's gonna put his hands out in front of him and sort of do a come hither, let's go, kind of a finger-tutting thing at the Chuckler. And the two of them are gonna run straight at each other. It's the Chuckler's turn now, and the Chuckler is gonna go, this is how you do it,

and try to do the exact same very sexual black widow legs are under head like a tuck and rolly thingy, and he is going to also get a two. So his legs freeze up there, and the sparrow just bites him directly in the crotch as hard as he can. And the chocolate just starts going, ah, ah, ah, ah,

at least he's laughing and crying and in a ton of pain, and he's just flailing around, and sparrow's trying to hold him onto his shoulders. And the two of them seem like they are pretty well distracted by one another. They are there. Under my breath, I'm like, is this how this usually is? In my heart of hearts, the Chuckler,

when he said this is how you do it, he definitely said it in the Montell Jordan cadence. That's how you do it. So it is Joe Rogan's turn now. Joe Rogan is going to let go of Ma as he feels Ma sort of stand up behind him. And he is going to, with punches running straight at him, he is just going to bend over forward

so that the top of his bald head is facing punches as punches runs at him. But then as punches continues to run up, you see that his head begins to turn into a fist and his entire body reshapes. That's his outstretched arm and the fist is there. Yes, please. So he's gonna try to punch you and...

Ooh, we get to 19. Do both of his hands turn into Joe Rogan heads? Yeah, yeah, no, he's just one big fist with two small Joe Rogan heads on the end of his arms. Punches a headbutt? Yep. So he hits a 19, which I assume beats your AC. Oh, yeah.

So go ahead and take six damage. Got it. All right. He gets you right in the solar plexus. It doesn't feel great. And he is basically blocking the way. You're going to have to knock him down, climb over him, or do something to get past him if you do indeed

want to get past him. But that was his turn, was going into J-Row fist mode. And now it is Punch's turn. So Tommy Punches stands up and kind of dusts himself off, even though there's no additional dust on his clothing. And he looks Joe Rogan straight in the eyes, and he kind of cracks his neck. And he goes, I came here to do two things. Chew bubblegum and kick ass. And then he reaches into his back pocket, pulls out some denteen ice and starts to chew it. And there's kind of an awkward silence, an awkward moment where I'm sure Joe Rogan probably doesn't know what to do and Tommy punches it's kind of just stalling for time. And in the background you hear the computer go two minutes to detonation.

And as Tommy is chewing gum, which is what he always does to help him think, that's how he came up with the tickle ball. He suddenly remembers an item he has stashed in his boot. So he reaches down to his ankle and pulls out an item I don't think I've used yet, which is called the nice knife. Yeah, I don't think you have. So the nice knife is a small pocket knife that causes a person to be temporarily nicer to you when you stab them with it. The way I envisioned it is maybe rolling like a D 10.

And it's and the person you stab is that percentage nicer to you. OK, I love that. That's great. So I attempt to stab Joe Rogan with a nice knife. OK, go ahead and give me a d20 roll. As an 18. Great, yeah that knife goes wherever you want it to. Is his head still a fist?

Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna- But his fists are also heads. Ooh. Uh, but fists are smaller. So I'm gonna aim for his neck, his fat fucking squat. Great. Sequoia-esque neck.

So I'll roll a d10 to see... Yeah. What percentage nicer he is. That's a 9, so he's 90% nicer. Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're saying we're also multiplying it by enough 10. I don't know how you say that before you stab the guy. Well, that's a 10%. Come on, give it to me. I will say that he's 9% nicer. All right, I'll tell you.

But that manifest in him being like well I didn't know you'd be strong enough to break you it's not a lot of people can break through this skin You realize you know what I do to the skin every day the fucking the supplements I take a shit This shit should be like an iron hide I should be like the rhino from the amazing spider-man to Paul G a matty status bro and he is impressed by the fact that you managed to penetrate his hide and He like crosses his arms and looks at you and he goes, what uh what supplements you want? What are you lifting? Oh yeah I take uh uh antler

velvet um and uh I do crossfit also I didn't know I was talking and fighting with a fellow Geomati head Cinderella man one of the greatest cinematics masterpieces of all time. Oh the part is when it's in slow motion he he's punching the air and stuff. I felt like I was right there punching the air with him. Oh yeah, and sideways? Since sideways, I have never drank a glass of fucking merlot in my life. Oh, I would never, I would never sully these lips.

I would never, I would never. I'm gonna roll a dice for him to continue this. Okay, he got a two. So whatever the next Paul Giamatti movie that you like, he hates it. What about agent Cody Binks? Fuck you, agent Cody Binks. He's not in that one.

He's in Big Fat Lie, you piece of shit. Oh no. You dumb motherfucker. This guy's not a real Giamatti head. Oh, you son of a bitch, I'm twice as bad now. I'm now 18% madder than I was before. Oh no. You did your shit.

Oh no. So he's gonna reach for you. So it's not his turn yet, but he's basically gonna reach for you and try to grapple your fucking head and like gouge your eyes out with his thumbs. Go to. Ma, it is your turn.

Am I ambulatory in any possible way now? Yes. Can I get to where Crusher is? Yeah, you just have to get down the stairs. It'll be a little slow, but that minestrone or whatever you ate has probably got you the pep in your step you need to get down there. Ah, this feels so good to have a little bit of strength.

Just a little pick me up. I got a crusher here. I have to touch him. I have to get close enough to touch him. It was like a little eight ounce jar that I drank, but I take out a 16 ounce jar and I hand it to Crusher for him to drink this up. Drink this up, you gotta drink it up.

All right, thanks. That gets him 16 healed. Wow. Truly a ma to the very end. Yeah. That gets him 16 healed. Wow. Truly a ma to the very end. Yeah. You look hungry. Eat up, eat up, eat up. Yeah, and I'm like, hey, what are you,

hey, what are you up to? Up there. I'm gonna die. Ha ha ha ha. All right, so Crusher with 16 shiny hit points it is your turn again. All right, so, shit. Oh, right. So Shit Matt, what do you think? Should we together just try to figure out this car?

I mean, we do need to get the fuck out of here. Yeah, or should I be like going to try to save Punches why are you asking her? Can we see? Can we see him from where we're at? Like yeah, you're both at the bottom of the Yeah, you're both at the bottom of the staircase, which means you can look up and you can see Joe Rogan's form sort of moving in his hands, moving into strangle or crush the face of punches. You can see it's all about to happen up there.

He's kind of the doorway and the way coming down, right? Exactly, yeah. And you're also standing at the doorway to the exit down into the Cougar Cave. So you can also see there's the supercomputer, which Sparrow and the Chuggler are currently fighting next to. And then beyond that is the dais with the Cougar Mobile. And you know from how the dais lowered

showing the Sparrow and his bike that that dais, if properly activated, leads out of the mansion and onto the surface. Or you could try to go back up the stairs and leave the way you came in on your feet. All right, here's what I think I'm gonna do. I'm gonna start running up the stairs, running up that hill.

Yeah, I'm gonna make a deal with God. We tried that, didn't work. That's true. I'm going to, like I'm talking to Joe Rogan. I'm pretending like I'm not talking to him specifically. Like that kind of like walking out of a room,, whoa, the crazy stuff going on in there. Sure. I'm like, uh,

Extra in a movie setting up a foreshadowed little fact later on kind of vibes. Yeah, I'm like, oh, wow, I can't believe that the Chuckler is definitely going to kill the sparrow down there. Uh, he's going to get a lot of glory out of that. He's about like a punch or two away from really being the most important villain in all of Shadow City. Okay. Why don't you roll persuasion again? This is all horseshit. I'm allowed to lie, right? Yeah, of course.

Crushers means... No, it's amazing. Crushers means skill set seems to be mental terrorism So roll I roll deception. Okay. Yeah, my yeah, okay. Okay good. I got 16 plus 4 20 Okay, incredible. I've never seen a better rags to riches D&D story Here's the thing I I should have realized, I should just talk to people and not actively do anything.

Every time I've tried to fight or something, it's gone really badly. Yeah, so yeah, you say all that stuff and Rogan, who has now grabbed punches, hasn't started putting the hurt on him yet, but has him in both hands, turns around and goes, what? I'm the most important, hold on, hold on, what the fuck?

And then he like still holding punches in his hands ahead of him, punches dangling, his legs dangling above the ground with his skull in the meaty palms of Joe Rogan, rushes down the stairs with a wide stance, going, wait for me, wait for me. And so he's going to rush down the stairs, torrid you and... If we're talking about you right now, then you need to check out the lead starting five,

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Out now, wherever you get your podcasts. And so he's going to rush down the stairs, torch you, and I think, yeah, on his turn, he will shove his way past you and Ma, and he sees, it is now Sparrow's turn, he sees Barrow continuing to bite into the chaklairs, blood and confetti and little jack in the box. Like a little, like the snakes from the peanut jars are like all flying out of the hole in his pants.

And Sparrow is going to basically try to do like a sit up power bomb and just like slamming down onto the ground as hard as he can. I love all these like ultimate dragon moves. Yeah. I also like to imagine the Chuckler like every day stuffs all the stuff in his pants. And he's just like, you know what?

Just in case. If somebody bites my dick, this is gonna really pay off. If I have to do that kind of surprise, they're gonna get quite a surprise as well. So, Sparrow got a natural 20. So he, so what he, he fucking does, he does the full razor's edge.

He like stops biting his dick, like puts him onto his back in a crucifix pose, and then slams the chocolate down as hard as he can. The chocolate's head hits the ground at just the wrong angle and at just the wrong amount of force, and his neck just snaps so hard and it echoes through via the Cougar Cave. And a little, what seems to be a pre-recorded message

from his bow tie can be heard daltaining out of a little speaker and he goes looks like you got the last laugh ha ha ha and then a ticking noise begins on the Chucklers body now it is the Chucklers turn Chucklers dead so the computer says one minute destruction and Chucklers body says 13 seconds to destruction and Joe Rogan sees that Sparrow just killed the The computer says one minute's destruction, and the Chucklers body says 13 seconds to destruction.

And Joe Rogan sees that Sparrow just killed the Chuckler, which makes Joe Rogan the biggest villain in Shadow City. So I'm gonna have him roll to decide whether he cares about avenging the Chuckler and killing the Sparrow if he's just gonna bounce. He got a natural one. So he's gonna go Joe Rogan, and he's gonna put his head down

and charge Sparrow as hard as he can. So where's punches in all this? Is he still? Punches is still in the hands of Joe Rogan. He's gonna lower his head and charge at Sparrow. And now Punches is... He's like palmed Punches head like a basketball and has him in one hand to his side.

And so Punches' legs are dragging along the ground as Joe Rogan leans over and bum rushes Sparrow and hits him in the stomach with his shoulder. Sparrow does the thing where he like slams him on the back like fucking Captain Kirk fighting the Gorn and they're in mesh to nail like not very good punch him, drag out, fight while Punch's is still in the iron vice grip of Joe Rogan. Punches it is now your turn. OK, guys, so the cave is going to explode in one minute and the chuggler is going to explode in 13 seconds. So 60.

Now 60 minus 10. We have 50 seconds to get out. And let's see. Since my tickle ball didn't work, I'm going to go manual and I'm going to use my my own little mitts, my own huge hands to try and tickle Joe Rogan manually as he's grasping the top of my head. Go ahead, roll a sleight of hand or an attack or whatever you would like to roll. Ooh, love to see that.

That's a three. So yeah, you try to tickle him, but the, as he said before, his skin is so hard and so much like Apology of Matis that he cannot feel the tender loving touch of your phalanges hitting his skin, unfortunately. Great. So, Anthony, I'm going to use a special ability I think I have. So looking at my character sheet, I think I have something called Coming to Terms, where I roll to just close my eyes and be at peace. Be at peace with death. There's no need to roll for it. Yeah, no, I think you just automatically succeed in that one. You think

about all the good times you've had. Yeah. All right, Ma, it is your turn. By the time it goes to the Chucklers turn again, the Chuckler will explode. So it's Ma, it is your turn. By the time it goes to the Chucklers turn again, the Chuckler will explode. So it's Ma, then Crusher, then Sparrow, and after that, the Chuckler is going to explode. So Ma is your turn right now. Oh, man, okay, here's what I'm gonna do. Am I within 30 feet of punches?

Yes. I am going to cast Bless, Level Two Bless, which means whenever a target makes an attack roll or a saving throw before the spell ends, the target can roll a d4 and add the number rolled to the attack roll or saving throw. So hopefully there's some kind of saving throw out of this explosion. So I cast Bless on punches. Great. That makes a lot of sense. Okay. So I cast Bless on punches.

Great, that makes a lot of sense. Okay, so punches you are blessed. If the time comes to making a saving throw, which there will be one when the chuckle explodes, you will be able to add a D10 to it. And what that looks like is I go, oh punches, my boy, I love you, muah, muah, muah, muah, muah.

Love you. Yeah, and that sound is over what Punches was doing, which was coming to terms with his own death, but he remembers that he has a ma who loves him very much. Yeah. Crusher is your turn. All right. I do love the idea.

You never see it in like the Marvel movies where it's like as Iron Man is dying from Thanos or something, that Spider-Man's like, love you while swinging away. You're like a father to me, bye. Bye bye. Lylas. So is it fair to say that if I can just get Joe Rogan to let go of punches?

You can make Joe Rogan let go, Trump would have never gotten president. Damn. To answer your question though, yes, if Joe Rogan let go of punches, punches would be able to ambulate on his own accord. Okay. I have a Honda Accord.

I'm gonna throw the glaive. Oh. The prop from Crop. Your prize possession. I'm gonna throw it. Say it like Jerry Lee. And hopefully, I'm not gonna throw it in front of Joe Rogan,

like intentionally clattering to the ground loudly so he can see it. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, And I'm gonna say, oh wait, hold on. Is that an authentic prop from the movie Crawl? All right, so you're gonna have to make two roles. One to get it in front of Joe's field of view and then a persuasion to make him care about it. And I imagine Joe Rogan is wearing a T-shirt that says, Gia Mati by nature, sort of a play on Natty by Nature.

It says mind over GModder. 11 plus four, that's a 15. 15. Okay, that's exactly what you needed. So the glaive clatters to the ground perfectly in front between Sparrow and Joe Rogan, and he's looking down and it just suddenly enters this field of view. And he stutter steps for a second.

And then my persuasion, however, is justified. Justified. Oh, okay. So he sees the glaive. What do you say? Justified. That's Timothy Yalafon, I want to say. I say, hey, isn't that the glaive? And it's clearly not convincing. Yeah. And he goes, I don't watch nerd shit and just continues to charge. And I say, I say, I think it was also used in shoot them up. Paul G. Am I I'm I'm guessing I'm guessing. Rolled assumption with his advantage.

That would be Joe Rogan's favorite. Oh, God, he a movie. The part where he touches that girl's tip when she's dead. Oh, what a good joke. What a fun, normal tool joke. Oh, no. Is this a real movie? Unfortunately, yes. Yeah. It, what a good joke. What a fun, normal tool joke. Oh no, is this a real movie? Unfortunately, yes. It was almost a good movie,

and then everything about the movie was bad. Mm-hmm. Shoot him up? This close, shoot him up. I would never... They just changed all of the things they did along the whole way. Yeah, pretty much.

14 plus four got an 18. Deception is my thing. I said disadvantage, so you gotta roll again. I think the worst of the two. Oh, I'm sorry, so I'll do that again. And I got a 22, so that 18 stands. Jesus. God damn. Okay, so he stops right where he is.

His, the surprise that someone would invoke Clive Owen's worst movie, which is saying something, makes his hands go limp as he stands up straight and he goes to somebody and he says, shoot him up. And he turns around and looks at you dead in the eye and gives you the Rogan stare and you are now transfixed by Joseph Rogan. But he has let go of punches just in time for Sparrow's turn.

So Sparrow takes advantage of the fact that Joseph Rogan is facing away from him and jumps onto his back and he's going to try to push Joe Rogan onto the Chucklers body with 17. Okay, so with a 17, he successfully leaps off. There's like a wall jump off of Joe Rogan's back and sort of does a backflip and the like force of his feet hitting his back causes Joe Rogan to go whoa whoa and he stumbles forward and lands directly on top of the Chuckler

just in time for the little tinny voice in the Chucklers bowtie to go three, two, one, Joke's on you! and he explodes and Joe Rogan detonates in a flash of meat, fire, testosterone, and cryptocurrency. Look at that cookbook. And protein powder. And meat, it's like, you know, when they tried to blow up that whale, that beached whale,

there are chunks of Joe Rogan hitting the ceiling of the Cougar Cave. And every one of you gets a little bit of Joe on you, just as we all have gotten a little bit, we're all a little bit responsible for Joseph Rogan. Ambergris everywhere. It's like the little Staypuff Marshmallow Man in the latest Ghostbusters movie.

There's just a bunch of little Joe. Yeah, all you've done is multiply him into a bunch of small army of darkness Joe Rogan. Anti-Max, anti-Max. So yeah, Joe Rogan is dead and it is now punches. It is your turn once again. Everyone is dead except for Sparrow, who is looking at the three of you down here.

All of you are covered in gunk. 40 seconds left until detonation of the time Kuba came and also the head of house. And I think Tommy punches the plume. I think at this point he truly has come to terms in his at peace with his own mortality. So I think even though he's free from the grasps of Joe Rogan, his eyes are glazed over like a great white shark.

I think he is in his own transcendental meditation and probably his mantra that he keeps repeating is, my friends will never leave me. My friends will never leave me. My friends will never leave me. So I will never leave me, my friends will never leave me. So I think he is completely unable to sort of reclaim his autonomy. Ooh, okay. Uh, in that case-

Ma, we gotta leave him. It is your turn, Ma. Punches, get in the car! And he snaps out of it and runs over. Alright, so punches and ma and crusher. Yeah, we just run for the car. Yeah, you just run for the Cougar, Cougar Mobile as Sparrow pursues you.

He's hot on your heels. You got an extra second ahead of him because he was too busy dealing with the fact that he who never kills just murdered effectively two people. But you all run into the car door. All right, you run into the car. You run into the car and slam the door shut behind you and he begins to pound on the window of the car door

as the timer, so we're out of initiative now. The door's auto lock, he's pounding on the outside of the door, it's a little bit soundproof so you can barely hear him, you can see his body going, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. He's trying to get you to open the door or roll down the window. I try to gesture like, don't worry, I'll get these two.

How would you, how would describe those hand gestures? I'm like, I give him thumbs up. Okay. And like a point, me and you. So he thinks you're mocking him? No, then like a me and you buddy, like sort of smiling, the finger back and forth. Me and you and then like fake, like wave my fist at those other two like, oh, you two.

Yeah, I'm not even gonna make you roll for that. He definitely does not believe that. So the timer counts down 20 seconds. You're in the car, it's not moving. The day assassin started moving. There's just a bunch of buttons in here. You don't really know what they do Shit, what are you gonna do? You have 20 seconds before the cave explodes. Is there a deus button you roll arcana or

Investigation to see if you can find the right button. Hmm some kind of deus machina Seven not great seven. Yeah, you turn on the Ironically the satellite radio and you hear Joseph Rogan's last recorded show that he did, which was about always wearing bomb proof vests. And turns out he didn't practice what he preached. 15 seconds until nothing. Shit, somebody else do something.

I'm just gonna hit a button. All right, roll investigate. You just gonna hit a completely random button? If you wanna hit it random, just roll a D20. All right, I'm going gonna hit a completely random button? If you wanna hit it, random button just roll a d20. All right, I'm going to hit a completely random button. Two. So the car goes self-destruct initiated in five seconds. No shit.

And I think Tommy punches is kind of, he's in the back seat and he's still a little out of it. And he can't quite sit comfortably. And he reaches down into his pants and he pulls out the cougar doll that he had stolen from the toy store from across the bank and just for S's and G's he presses the talk button on the back of the doll. Great. So the cougar doll goes, I'm never going to die. And the car goes, voice print identified.

Turning on all the signs and tell you what the buttons are. And the car goes And all the lights come on in the along the dash and all the different buttons have different labels associated with them now and it says And you have one, you know, you have three seconds for it to press a button to do something I rolled investigation again and got an 18. Perfect. What kind of button are you looking for? I am looking for the exit or cave exit button. Whatever. I think that looks like sure So so you press what looks the first button you see that says exit on it But the the icon on it is a little bit confusing you think it looks like a cave But as you press it you realize it's the ejector seats. Shit. And the ejector, the dome of the car opens, the ejector seats shoot upward and towards the ceiling of the cave, which is unfortunately still closed.

Basically, the dashboard came with you, like all the chairs in the dashboard came out at the same time, and you were hurdling towards the ceiling. So thankfully, you're not going to explode from the Cougar Mobile exploding. And you see as it does behind you and Sparrow, it like does a cool like jump dive away from it as it explodes. And yeah, you have one more action before all three of you are turned into paste at the big metal lip of the cave exit.

And there's still buttons you can try to press. Actually with your 18 investigation, I'll tell you the different buttons you can press. Great. One of them says laser. One of them says cushion. One of them says sky. And one of them says vibes. Vibes, vibes, vibes, vibes.

Sky. All right. You press the sky button and the door covering the cave opens up and reveals the night sky. I was hoping it was a guy as in Dahl soundtrack was going to play, but. And you you sail into the into the polluted night and midnight air of Shadow City as beneath you. You hear Sparrow shouting angrily. He goes, I'll get you for this. You didn't have a gang name,

but you three asshole specifically, I'll get you. And uh- Save me, Sparrow. Ha ha ha ha ha. Because I will, I'll avenge you. Save me, pa pa. I still believe you, I'm still on your side somehow. And the cave beneath you,

you hear an explosion, rock that came from then another, and another, and another, and another, and eventually a firewall plume explodes out from the cave exit that you just jettisoned out of. And then the philanthropy manner also explodes, the windows shatter outward, and as the parachutes open on your seats

and you sort of slowly drift to the ground, you see Bob Robin Kirk circle back around in your jalapie and he gets out and sort of puts his arm on the roof of the car and then just watches you all float down. And yeah, as you land, he goes, whoa. So are we rich? Did we get paid? What happened, guys? And Tommy kind of shakes out his pants legs

and all the silverware that he stole from the manor kind of fall out. Great. So he goes, okay, I think we, you know what? I think I know a guy in Getropolis who can fence that for us. Why don't we go for a ride? Yoba's the guard door and one of you, your phone rings

and you can see that it is from Don Triviani. Hello Don. Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Is this Don Triviani? Yes, it's me, Donald Triviani. That's me. It doesn't sound like you, it's me, Donald Tribbiani. That's me. It doesn't sound like you, it's me, Ma. Oh hi Ma, can you put on a crusher for me?

Sure, sure, hold on. Hey buddy, what's going on? Hi! You remember how you told me that Don Tribbiani was the one who killed the cougar and had a bunch of reasons that I should go and burn her hand? Remember that? I think I said that Don Tribbiani is the cougar. Well that's what you said. I forgot it's been so long. It's alright man. It's been a long night for everybody. It has. Even though I left I think canonically about 15 minutes ago.

I just wanted to say thank you because I know you lied to me. I murdered him and his whole family and searched his homeless stay and I didn't find a single piece of cougar memorabilia so just so you know, I'm going to spend the rest of my days and potentially any sequel campaigns trying to find a way to hunt you down and murder you. What's he saying?

Put it on speaker. It's nothing. Yeah, okay, you're gonna murder you. What's he saying, put it on speaker? It's nothing. Yeah, okay, you're gonna find me. Don't forget, like I answered the phone the first time. My name is Ma. What are you talking about? We don't sound anything like. A little bit.

Cool, so he says toot-a-boo and he hangs up and the group of you with a couple armfuls of silverware, a couple of murders on your conscience, and still wielding all of the Cougar's equipment, get back in the car now debt-free, although with a pretty significant price in your head from the Giggler, and you drive towards Getropolis and hopefully while you're there, you don't run afoul of that city's premier vigilante. Cool guy, really good guy.

And Tommy, as we're riding, and I assume the windows are down, Tommy says, you know, the sparrow was right, we don't have a name for our gang. He called us three assholes, It has a ring to it. Yeah, I suppose it does sort of, but you know, what do we really want to do with our lives? We're going to a new city and we've got all this stuff and their best superhero is CoolGuy. What if one of you guys became the Cougar? The new Cougar?

And we helped you out, we turned over a new leaf? Or we could use it as an advantage to sucker people. I heard the people in this town are real suckers, and they're not ready, uh, the easy to con, right? Well, I think we can all agree our strength is agreeing with each other. And Tommy feels a tickle behind his ear like some sort of mosquito or Maybe a wasp or something and he kind of flicks behind his ear At a little whatever is back there and it flies out the window and a tiny Joe Rogan hits And liquefies into a puddle and falls down into the drain. And then like the T1000 just reforms itself, it's like slowly walking to follow your car.

All right, I think that's probably it other than potentially Robin Kirk saying like, well, you're three assholes, but there's four of us. And I think, I don't think we're assholes. I think we're pretty fantastic. Hey, wait a minute. I look at him and I point at him and myself. I give him the thumbs up and then I sort of shape my chest

at the other two. The gesticulators, that's our name. The hand boys. The hand boys. And the fourth asshole is always silent. Yay! This was awesome. Anthony, thank you so much for doing it.

Thank you for inviting me to do it. It was truly a pleasure. This has been a really great experience and I want to dissect it very quickly and very briefly here. Go for it. And just say like, from listening to Dungeons & Daddies a lot, I have a new appreciation for how creative

everyone is coming into that. Like, I think it's easy for me to improvise and do things when we're kind of like not trying to play a game, but like, even seeing the way Addle kind of like like invents things on the fly and like incorporates them into the game, like I want to come back and do that and like be like, oh, I can push the boundaries a little bit and I can come up with more far out stuff and like, yeah, that was cool. That was really cool way to think about the game as like a structure that

you can push the limits of it a little bit more. So that was really fun. Yeah, it's interesting because I as somebody who was since the Magic Tavern and was on and did not a great job. My doing a great job. Not having like the structure and the numbers and the dice rolling and stuff, like those gates make it a lot easier for me to make shit up. Whereas what you you all do on a weekly basis of it, just like, hey, let's just be funny to each other is the most petrifying thing

I can imagine doing at a regular cadence. So I am, as always, very impressed by it all. Oh, thanks, man. We're so funny at each other. That's not exactly wrong. You're your county's contact sport. And I've looked enough to play D&D with Rush Howell,

who plays Larry Bourbon, but it's so wonderful to have a DM who's just like, you say or do something and they're like, yeah, cool, let's figure this out together. Versus I've I've played D&D with DMs where it's like, you say or do something and they're like, you can't really do that. That's not I didn't plan for that. So we cannot do it. Yeah. Yeah.

I think D&D is much more fun when nobody really knows what's going to happen. And you're just sort of finding the most fun story for yourselves together And sometimes that story involves a 60-minute flashback that like never really comes back in any significant way But you're glad you did it. Well, I think Arnie's right that he did learn because in that first episode He was just killing left and right. And also it was just because he failed to lie to people It's not even like he changed his approach. He was just bad at doing it initially. That's true. That's that's a character arc It took me a long time. It was my friendship though with garden Kirk that really turned everything around for me Yeah, well, I don't want to advocate for prison reform. So

All right, well that was super fun. Thanks everyone for listening to Alright, well that was super fun. Thanks everyone for listening to Shadow City and I would like to encourage everyone if you don't already listen to Dungeons and Daddies Dungeons and Daddies I am not a big I don't listen to many Dungeons and Dragons podcasts, but I am sincerely a big fan of Dungeons and Daddies Thank you very much and a Trion supporter everything, and I highly recommend people, check it out. I don't know, thank you. And this would be really weird if it happened,

but if you subscribed to our Patreon and have never listened to our show and you started here, I would also highly recommend listening to Hello from the Magic Tavern. That'd be good news. Because this wasn't the place to start, but. While we're at it, guys,

I'd like to recommend everyone get into podcasts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha NERF! It is so cold here. Do you know how to make it less cold? Yeah. Yeah, there's thermostats all over the place, but only one of them is real What is a thermostat? It controls the temperature. It also gives people a sense of power. Oh Got it. Okay. Okay. So how we burn the bones of our enemies to keep our hobble warm. That is what these machines do Yes, okay, that's exactly what it's like. Do I also I made you a sweater Oh Yes. That's exactly what it's like. Also, I made you a sweater. Oh, Nerf! I always forget that you are a master crocheter. I know, you do, and that's what I love about you. That's another reason I love you. You forget stuff about me.

So that every time I am introduced to it once again, I am being delighted for the first time. It's like you're meeting me all over again for the first time. That's one of the benefits of being in Goblin Perry Menopause. My memory is starting to go. Oh yeah, look it for me. Well here's a sweater. I'll find the right thermostat so that you're not chilly anymore. Okay, thank you. Oh, speaking of which, the episode is over so I guess I have to do the outro credits.

Oh, okay. Crusher was played by Arnie Necamp, Ma O'Brien was played by Matt Young, Tommy Punch's Diplume was played by Adel Rifi, The Game Master was Anthony Birch, Check Out Anthony's Great Podcast, Dungeons & Daddies, Shadow City was produced by Arnie Necamp, Matt Young, and Adlerify, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, edited by Sage GC, Shadow City Logo by Allard LeBon, Shadow City Theme Music by Sage GC. That's the end of season one of Shadow City, but if you want to hear season two, you're in luck because all of it is already available on the Magic Tavern Patreon. Oh, the Patreon is great!

Supporters of the show get ad-free episodes and at least two bonus episodes each month. Here's a clip of the most recent Patreon episode, More Offices and Bosses. And I'll say before you leave, would you like to play on a scenario where you're peer pressured to take drugs and you weasel out of it? Sure. Yeah, we got time for that I guess. I got it, I still got it, Dump Pony. Uh, and Dump Pony's thrilled. Um, so he clearly wants to get through this quickly because he's surprised that you said

yes to this. So, uh, the three of you are given a scenario by Dump Pony. He is going to, uh, approach you in school dressed as like a hip kid with huge pants, couldn't be wider. Just the biggest pants you've ever seen and he's gonna try and tempt you with drugs and he's kind of whispered to you On stage Resist these drugs just so we can kind of teach a lesson and have this scenario kind of play out. Oh, hey. Oh, hey Hey, guys You guys want some drugs?

Hell yeah, brother. No. No, thank you. You meant to say it's opposite day here Yeah, I think that we although none of us are closing the door entirely on doing drugs in the future We're not interested in taking drugs today To hear the rest of that and to learn more about supporting the show visit patreon.com Magic Tavern we've run through all of season one of shadow city, but don't worry, we'll be back with something else special in two weeks time. I've collected all the paper punches in this building. I think we should start using this as currency.

Paper punches, show it to me. Oh look at you see, and then you open this up and it's like little bits of paper. And we can throw them at each other. They're like tiny, tiny snowballs. Yeah, tiny snowballs. Nerf, no one is looking. Should we lay these on the ground, take off our cloths, and roll around in them?

Oh, yes, please. Ah, floor's cold. Why is this building so cold? I don't know. it's freezing in here. It must be the high ceilings. You know what my favorite memory of this building is? What's that? When we found that glowing box of foods inside and you punched your fist through it and released

all the foods. Oh yes, I broke my hand in several places. has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make the list. Bishop Gray is all coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation

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where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.