Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 2 - Birdman of Hogsface

Episode Date: March 27, 2017

Larry Birdman returns to catch us up on the rules he'd like to change in the game of Mittens.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungLarry Birdman: Rush HowellBungaree Chubbins: Tom GottleibMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Enjoy the show! Hello, I'm chanvern. A weekly podcast, sorry, I'm still a weekly podcast. How are you getting so much food? They started bringing me snacks. Anyway, sorry. Anyway, a weekly podcast from the magical land of food. I'm your host, Arnie Neekamp.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, oh, a weekly podcast from the Magical Land of Foon. I'm your host Arne E. Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, oh it's complicated. But here's the simplest version of it that I can think of. About two years ago I fell through a dimensional portal in Chicago into the Magical Land of Foon. Unfortunately, since then, the dark lord of this world has taken over the town where I'm staying, is forcing me to upload a podcast through the dimensional rift that I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the prison town of Hogsface,

in the land of Foon. And I'm joined, as always, Bumma Buddy, my co-captive, chunt. Hello, how you doing, bud? I'm okay. Just trying to keep a morale high. Yeah, it's not. Does it not give you snacks in your cage?

No, I don't get snacks. No, I don't get snacks. Oh. They put a bowl of water in there, and then I just get like food scraps. Oh. Maybe they think you really are a badger. Maybe they're not trying to curry your favor.

Oh. The way they are trying to curry Arnold's favor to unlock his earthen secrets. Yeah, they're really treating me very well because they want me to keep doing this podcast so they can study the fact that it goes all the way to earth. Hmm. The woman who guards my room, her name is Steph.

I'll try and curry her favor just to see if I can get in good with her. Classic Steph Curry her favor? Mm-hmm. John, you said our still seems very weakened. I think there's one thing that can maybe cheer him up. Splash him on Arnaz face? And I'll splash what on my face. We'll be splash brothers! Splash brothers!

Super splash brothers! I'm also joined by my co-host who loves to say his name, but always cheers him up and gets him excited. I am Yoshida. Oh, is it of the twelfth realm of Ephesius? Master of Light and Shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devourer of chaos. Champion of the Great Hall of Drugs. Oh, he's smiling a little bit little bit. Oh, no, it's going downhill. He's falling asleep. God damn it. That's not the wizard's state. He's just asleep. He's just asleep. Use it on What? Uh, I am known in the North East is gasway. He's right picked up right where you left off. That's yeah, that's good. Yeah, promise me. Any other secret names that you'll now hear for I am in a weekend state due to the

I promise I have the other secret names that you'll now hear for I am in a weakened state due to the potions that they force me to drink every day that do disconnect me from my great magical powers Have you tried telling them that your powers aren't that great? Nay every day I tell them how magnificent my powers are and if only they would stop feeding me this potion They could see the great fireballs that I could cast and murder a thousand orcs with but a swipe of my hand Could you do that though? Sure. Why didn't you do 20 swipes the other night? Yeah, I died You did not do anything close to that one carrying my weight look you did that how do you expect Arnie to carry his weight? I know it's hard to carry this weight. You know what? No, especially with all these stamps No more I'm you're ready to stick together weight. You know what? No, no. Especially with all these stamps. No more, I'm...

You're right. We have to stick together, I'm sorry. We have to stick together. I apologize for what I said. If there's one good thing that has come out of us all being imprisoned by the Dark Lord and the Town of Hogs face in the land of Phoon, it's that maybe, like we can be a little bit more together and we can be a little bit more proactive about being positive going forward. Yes, we have to figure out a way to get out of camp,

we have to still figure out how to kill the Dark Lord. We gotta come together, guys. Yes, and we're gonna fight the Dark Lord by doing exactly the thing he wants us to do hosting this podcast every week. He's clearly trying to gain access to a rail model. Why don't you resist him? The snacks are so good. It's hard. Like, that's the thing. You can give up meals, but snacks. What kind of snacks are you getting? Oh, I'm getting potatoes, but they're cooked. They're not spice potatoes, which are the worst. They're cooking potatoes for you?

They're cooking potatoes for me. You know, there's all kinds of ways you can cook potatoes. Like what? Barbecue potatoes, deep fried potatoes. Oh yeah. Cut up potatoes, seasons potatoes. Cooking up is my favorite kind of cooking. So you think cutting up is a way to cook something?

Absolutely. I don't know. Oh, that's quite right. Tell you what, I put a whole chicken in front of you. Okay. That's one way to cook it. Putting it in front of you. Yeah.

That's my favorite method. Putting it in front of you. I cut up the chicken. Dolly different way. Because one way you say I eat chicken, the other way you say I had a wing, I had a breast, I had a thigh, or a jumps tick.

Wait, so if you just set it in front of you, I'm supposed to eat the chicken whole. You swallow it. So if I were to open a restaurant where I both put it in front of you and cut it up, is that like a fusion restaurant? Yeah, that would be like a cook cut fusion. Cook cut.

I like it. But guys, the dark loads minions so much want us to keep going. Oh, I hate those minions. I hate those minions. I feel like they always have one eye on me. They're the worst even in an iron like don't even and sometimes I even appreciate the ironic and sometimes I can understand what they're saying but they seem to understand each other I'm like what is going on? Yeah, it doesn't make sense. I feel

bad for the children who can't tell that they're really awful. I've been known I love the minions. I feel much more worse for the adults that can't realize that they're really true, but regardless Usador Regardless we have been provided with a guest and normally I would say no We won't just have whatever guests you bring to us, but it's a pretty good guest guys. Oh good We have the return of one of our favorite guests Larry Larry Birdman. Hey, how are you guys doing? Hello. Nice to see you.

Good to see you, Larry. How are you holding up? Yeah, you know, better than you guys. This is obviously terrible circumstances here, but yeah. You know, we do what we can. So for people who haven't listened to some of the previous episodes, Larry, you are the Commissioner of the FML? That's right. I'm the Commissioner of the Fune Mittens League and because you've never really

seemed to get into Mittens, Arnie Mittens is the most popular sport. Yes. And all the phone. It seems very complicated. It's extremely complicated. And a lot of that is unnecessarily complex, to be honest, a lot of the rules are complete waste of time.

I think I could boil it down to a game that would play really easily in about 30 to 45 minutes, and people would love. But sure. That's not what we've got. We've got about a two-week to six-month game, you know. Just that's just an individual game. Yeah, that's right. Now, you've always advocated for simplifying the game, but have you ever considered going the other way and making it so complicated that all of life is a mittens game?

You know, I think that's, we're about 85% of the way there. All right. Wait, what's this now? Well, you could certainly simplify it, but maybe the other way to go is to push through and make it even more complicated. So that all of life is a mittens. I wasn't sure if you were suggesting to take a sport and just turn it into a metaphor. Nah, that literally every moment of our waking lives is committed to not put the mittens. Yeah, well, my, my oldest son is kind of like that. He's been one of these fantasy leagues. You familiar with these fantasy leagues? Oh yes yes.

So it's like 20 people, so it's a league of people and they engage in a fantasy. And I would say that what is that fantasy? Well it can be any number of things. My son is in this fantasy league in which the fantasy is that they're all going to summit every of the 10 highest peaks in the world. And so they go into kind of a virtual reality. And for the last, I don't know, six months, my son is non-communicative and just engaged

in that fake world. So we could make Middens like that, I guess. You can conjure a virtual world and be totally disengaged from this world if you wish. But you have to be careful because if you engage in a virtual reality and you try and leave too soon, if you don't allow the proper method to extract yourself, you could go virtually insane.

And virtual insanity is nothing. Nothing you want to mess with. Also, just not a fan of the pullout method. Not safe. Not as safe as it could be, right? want to mess with. Also, just not a fan of the pullout method. Not safe. Not as safe as it could be, right? As it could be. Not as safe as other methods. That's not the same thing.

Yeah, you know, it's nice to see you guys. I've been asked to come here by several of the associates of the Dark Lord. I'm going to just say it, unfortunately, part of the governing body of the food Mittens League. Oh The Dark Lord himself is a big Mittens fan. He was one of the owners of the rival Mittens League Now it's now to funk. Yeah, there was a rival league. What was it called the huge terrible Mittens League the HTML and Huh it was as the name would suggest terrible HTML, and it was, as the name would suggest, terrible. And he was one of the owners, and they had even worse rules, frankly, than the rules in Mittens. And those rules drove me crazy, and ultimately, the Foon Mittens League. There was a schism for about 20 years,

where Mittens was played in two different leagues and ultimately people came to their senses and the, you know, the magic box ratings and the amount of walk and pops and everything suggested that our rules were better, which, again, our rules are a C-minus at best. Yeah, you really don't like a lot of the key rules in Middens. That's fair to say. I would say that the core of the game is great. Yeah. Trying to carry a pot of plant 2,000 yards.

We're 31 people on the other side are trying to stop you. That's a great game. Yeah. No one would argue with that. It's simple. You know, kids can get behind it. School y'all rules.

That's right. Yes, sir. But once you introduce, you know, flying birds, being worth 700 points instead of a score, being worth one point and things like that, it's just very frustrating. And right now, the rule that's really getting me down lately is the time out rule. And I think it's being abused this year. I don't understand why we allow these timeouts.

And. So what is it? What is a timeout exactly? A timeout is when one of the wizards stops time, allowing only the players in the Mittens game to understand what's going on. And then we pop back into action in a different pose, then we were. And so the fans don't know what's going on. And then we pop back into action in a different pose than we were.

And so the fans don't know what's happened. So a lot of times the game is over and nearly over. And the fans are like, that's horrible for me. I don't understand. I didn't, when I last saw it one second ago, it was three to two and now it's 2,800 and three to two. Yeah. Yusunor, is that something you would normally be able to do?

Just stop time. Oh, certainly. If I weren't drinking this potion that didn't allow me to access my powers and I was playing a game of Bidens, I would certainly time out and have some fun. Why didn't you do that when we were being attacked by Orcs here in the tavern? Because we weren't playing Mittens, were we? War isn't a game, Arnie. When I used to play Mittens, I was known a lot for fouls.

I would release birds, you you know ducks or mallards Yeah, I'm being a predator catch those birds. Yeah, and sometimes I would be and this is kind of why I got I was accused of technical fowls Which is where you take a regular bird make it look like a duck and it's technically a foul No, yeah, I got too many of those and too many technical fowls Put your bill on a sparrow and let it loose. Sure. Oh, if I could turn back time, if I could find a way. Oh, do you have an idea? Share it with us. I would have not had the last two minutes of this conversation.

That's all you had to share? Yep. So, you know, I share your frustration with the Dark Lord because he's just very frustrating to deal with from a Mittens capacity. He was one of the rule makers for a while. Fortunately, he knows what it is. What are some of the rules that the Dark Lord instigated in mittens?

Oh, he was awful. One of them, I remember, was that the female players had to get these sending stones, they're called, where you hold a stone and then someone else holds a stone. And while you're holding them, you can whisper and communicate with one another. You're familiar, you have these in your earth. Yeah, rocky takis. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, rocky takis. So these sending stones are rocky takis, is the more popular vernacular.

A man was required to hold a sending stone and then instruct the woman, how to go about whatever it was she was going to do in the field. So the women did not, we're not allowed to have control over their own bodies. Oh. And that was an unfortunate rule, but one that the Dark Lord perpetrated. Oh, the Dark Lord. Led to a lot of first trimester abortions.

No, yes. Which to be clear for new listeners, is my rudimentary understanding. I think everyone knows what a first trimester abortion is when the game is less than one third complete. Either team is allowed at any point to say, nope, we're done. We'd like to restart the game and the other team has to acquiesce to that. Uh-huh.

There's no exceptions. So usually a game of mittens involves the entire team's getting onto the pitch and then just sitting there for a third of the game. Now here's the problem. There is no time associated with the game. So how do you know when you're one third of the way there? Yeah. Right? You just have to feel it. That's right. Feel it in your bones. There is no time associated with the game. So how do you know when you're one-third of the way there? Yeah.

Right? You just have to feel it. That's right. Feel it in your bones. And so there's a lot of controversy over somebody saying, I call a first trimester abortion and they say, no, I believe you're into the second trimester. It's no longer legal. Oh boy.

And then, you know, we've had legislation. It's a big fight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But again, the HTML was a terrible league. They had the Mulligan rule What was the Mulligan rule you are allowed to have one extra player if his last name was Mulligan Oh, and so it made people with the last name Mulligan highly desirable who are some of the classic Mulligan player Tim

Grease man Mulligan Tim Grease man All of Greece himself up was impossible to catch. Oh Chris Mulligan was a real warrior. Oh, that's right He was yeah, he was a one hell of a warrior. No doubt about that. There was there was Larry Mulligan was a real warrior. Chris, that's right. He was, yeah, he was a one hell of a warrior. No doubt about that. There was Larry Mulligan. Perkely's Mulligan was a big one. Very strong, yeah. He knocked him down, he could get the fuck back up again.

No. And of course, there was Carth dith, the destroyer Mulligan. He was a dragon who changed his last name to Mulligan. Oh, that's cheating. That was ridiculous. And then, as you might imagine, everyone wanted the destroyer on their team. Oh, sure.

Yeah, he's clearly illegal. He was a technical Mulligan. Yeah, in fact, that was one of the things that led to the end of the HTML was multiple games in a row where he eviscerated the entire, not only his opponents, but also his team, and most of the fans. Well, he was a destroyer. Sure, yeah.

It's right there in his name right before Mulligan. Yeah, Dick Wizardry, my hated rival. He played in the HTML for a season or two, so that shows you the kind of low class vagrant and this was willing to work that way in HTML. So when the HTML got shut down, like what do you do when you shut down a league like that? When the HTML went away, did you leave like a notice? Yeah, well they had all the pitches set up all across and it was in a lot of the towns and cities of Fune that don't otherwise have a team and you know, they don't have a team because they can't support a team

Yeah, so it was you know a lot of sorry places Sorry Sorry HTML. Yeah, So it was, you know, a lot of sorry places. Sorry. Sorry HTML. Yeah. Not found. Not found. Oh, yes, it was very sad.

There were 404 teams in the league, which was very frustrating. Yeah. 404. Yeah. So as the league crumbled, it was before I was the commissioner. Yeah. Dick and I were still playing back then.

And, you know, I ended up making my way back into the FML and The rest is history, but I think the Dark Lord and his cohorts Continue to hold that against me and it's some of his favorite People that are the ones that are the most obstinate about not letting me make some simple rule changes that would help my game Yeah, well, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'd love to hear more about that. Let's take a quick break I'm gonna get a couple more snacks. I know chant and use it or you're not allowed to have any snacks You want me to try to get some snacks for you? No, just just go ahead and eat mine for me. Okay. I kind of like watching you I have a snack. I'll have a chicken wing

If you have a plan involving that chicken wing, you can tell me what it is. You don't have to give it a secret for me and just chuckle. I don't have a plan. Why are you winking right at me? Make sure if you're getting a chicken wing you ask for a cut chicken. Oh, though. What kind of style of chicken wing do you want? A boiled sautéed potatoes, grotton potatoes, drowned potatoes, burnt potatoes, all kinds of potatoes. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- Oh, oh, not that there's anything wrong with that. No, no, he was good.

Yes, oh, don't mind me, I'm just a stupid old chamber pot salesman in the... Glad service of the Dark Lord. And, friends, I bear exciting news. Soon all, people of Foul will have access to one of the new pots of the people, branded with the seal of the Dark Lord himself. Now we may think we prefer the old style we've enjoyed pissing in for years, but what the hell do we know? Of course the old and incontinence, why they'll have to pay quite a bit more, but I'm sure

it's a small price for a crap basket approved by the Dark one. So I'm Bungery Chobinch and I'm just so gold darn happy to tell you about the new parts of the people that help me selling here at Chobbins Chamberpots and so forth. They're not here yet, so enjoy your old parts while you still got them. I'm still getting used to being on the microphone, guys. Like, we spent like, I'm at least a month not doing this. That's right. We recorded for two years and you're getting used to the microphone. You know, you kind of forget a little bit. Like, you guys probably haven't been doing get nuts. What are you talking about? Of course we've been doing get nuts. They demand that we do getting nuts. Wait, the Dark Lord and his minions insisted that we turn out 100 getting nuts per day.

I got it. I have a pretty big fan of getting nuts. Oh Larry, thank you so much. Wow. I never got into this podcast concept until I was on. Yeah. And kind of frankly, I came to the first one that I did by mistake. Sure. Oh yeah. We get a lot of that. We get a lot of that. Did not understand what I was doing. Yeah. I thought it was gonna be related to fishing. And instead it was enjoyable.

And I've gotten nuts though, really. I've enjoyed that. And what is the dark lord trying to learn from having you guys do get nuts? Supposedly what sorts of nuts we're finding. Guys, if someday the dark lord defeats us through the information of knowing what kind of nuts you guys are finding.

See, here's the thing, getting nuts as a podcast. It tells you what it's gonna do and it doesn't. And I like that. It's pretty straightforward. It's really, yeah, like literally, it's its own elevator pit. I don't know if you have this.

We have something called a five paragraph essay where when you're taught to write as a child in the land of phone, you tell them what you're gonna tell them, then you tell them that, and then you tell them what you told them, and then you do two more paragraphs, one of which is about your favorite Middens Blair,

and that's how big Middens is. Yeah, it's huge. And the final paragraph is what we call a wild card. You can put anything you want, whatever, just thoughts. But those first three paragraphs, tell them what you're gonna tell them, tell them, and tell them what you told them.

And to me, getting nuts is all about that. Whereas if I hear like, hello from the magic tavern, I expect a series of greetings. Sure. And instead, you know, you veer from topic to topic, it's hard to tell what's good. Sometimes sentence by sentence. That's right.

Why aren't there more greetings on the show? Why don't we say hello? And why is it in its Italian magic? That is my bad. The Tavron is not inherently magic and I if I could go if I could turn back time if I could find a way I would rename the show hello from the Tavron hello from the Tavron or but holes weekly that seems more appropriate But you wouldn't if it was a magic tab you wouldn't have all those orcs walking around outside, which let me tell you, it was not an enjoyable greeting guard walking through those orcs. So they all want autographs. You can barely understand what they're talking about. What is it like having to have like planning meetings with people you know are evil?

Well, I mean, if we all had to ignore the people that we know to be evil, what would life be like? You've got to work with the evil people. You've got to work with the good people. You've got to work with the good people. You've got to work with the chaotic people. You know, it's what's your worst? Is it worse to work with an evil person or a chaotic person? Like an evil person's evil, but it's probably just got to be frustrating even just try to work with the chaotic person. That's right. I have two secretaries, one's evil and one's chaotic. And I will tell you, I use them for different reasons. The evil one is absolutely on top of her job.

I bet. But she is always trying to undercut me, and frankly to destroy me. Yeah. The chaotic one, he is disorganized, and he's just terrible. But from time to time, he comes up with a really great idea. I would say overall that I would prefer working

with the evil one in the chaotic but at least the evil one you know what you're getting they're coming at you and you can sort of prepare and defend yourself that seems to be the advantage to have you considered getting a good secretary no now they have uh... lawful neutral i'm not i don't lawful neutral is that Bobby neutral son Yes, have you considered hiring this guy? Lawful neutral send me a resume for lawful neutral and I I'll see what I can do wait you know Bobby neutral

Yes, I know Bobby neutral the owner of the milk hotel. Yes, huh. It's a small world Well, good guy is a good guy. Yeah, beautiful place played played mittens as I'm sure you know You should or a big mittens fan scururfan Skurr wasn't the cavalcade before the Dark Lord took over and shut down the... No cavalcade this year, so sad. But you know, Arnie, your anecdote reminds me, have you since you've been to Foon, have you visited the three statues of the Super North?

I have not. Ah, they're great. So you go up there and one of the statues always lies. Okay, and one always tells the truth. Uh-huh. Okay, and the third one is always, if he just lied, the next thing he says is the truth, and then after that, the next thing is a lie.

Alternates. Well, that's the best way to say it. Sure. And, uh... Alternates, or you can just say he gives no fucks. And these, these are talking statues? That's right. Like in the north of here.

Oh, super north. Super north. Yeah. Just north of Fingaria. But here's the thing about the statues is every morning they switch positions and you don't know which is which. Are you sure they're statues?

Like which one of them told you they were statues? Well, that's a good point. Oh, I never even thought that. Because first of all, they talk. There's a 50% move. That's right. But I will tell you two out of the three of them told they talk. There's a 50% change. They move. That's right. But I will tell you two out of the three of them told me their statues and the third one says they're not.

So we got to work that out logically. If they are not statues, then the one who always tells the truth would say we're not statues. Yes. And the one that always lies would say we are statues. And then the third one, you don't know what he's going to say. Yeah. Just to look at them, though, what would you guess? Are they statues? Well, I've got to go by what they tell me aren't

you. They say we're statues. Yeah. And after they answer a question, after seven days, isn't that like the expiration of the statute of limitations on that? I think it depends on which one you're talking to. Okay. Yeah. Oh boy. So there's a statute of limitations on the statues. Yeah. I don't believe Honolth has been up there there. You have not been to visit. I'm trying to think if I've been really far north in this land. Plans are as no. How far away from the tavern have I gotten?

I don't think I've gotten super north now. No. Would you go super north? Hmm. Do you know Elijah? Elijah would. So Larry, what have I missed in the FML since last time? It's been like a year

I think we've seen you well you missed the 10th anniversary Roundtable round robin superstation wagon which took place last I don't know six months ago. Oh wow So we did you watch that? Let me have you watched a single game? I still have not watched a single game of them. I mean what is not a big sports fan in general and also Mittens is more than a sport. It's a it's 85% of its way to a virtual reality. It's true. That's true. But yeah, we had a great the as as you know, I've told you a couple times in the 10th anniversary roundtable, round robin, Super Station wagon. The 10 previous winning teams get together and play one game. Nine of the teams lose and they're banned from ever playing midges again.

The tenth team wins and the MVP gets coded in gold and sold at auction. Wow. Right. We had a great tenth anniversary and the team from Malfoy won, so they allowed to continue to play and nine other teams can ever play again including much to my happiness the Dark Lord's favorite team Oh, what was the Dark Lord's favorite team? Rickles? The Rickles Nickelbackers the Rickles Nickelbackers. Yes. What do you love about them? I think they were the most evil team. Oh, yeah, that seems the thing. It was just they talked a lot of trash

On the field they were there it was there was an insult team for sure They have a lot of great stories. Yeah as well. Yeah, sure. I suppose their mascot is a lot of trash on the field. They were there. It was there was an insult team for sure. But they have a lot of great stories. Yeah, as well. Sure. I suppose their mascot is a pack of rats. I see. That's right. The head of the team is a mafia lord.

They call them Don Reckles. Uh-huh. He's the probably the most despicable team owner Yeah. In all of the FML. He's a wait. Don Reckles took over. He's now the Don.

That's right. Is a meet you out? Yeah, a meet you's out. So it used to be the all of the FML. He's, uh, Wait, Don Rickles took over. He's now the Don. That's right. Is it Michi out? Yeah, Michi's out. So it used to be the Don of the team was Don of Michi, but then Rickles took over. So he's Don Rickles. It's the only team not named for a location. It's named for a human being who is Rickles Snicklebagger.

And he is the Don of the team. The name of the team is the Rickles Snicklebaggers, but the apostrophe is just right in there because the team belongs to him. So it's Rickle Snickle Baggers team. Wow. Yeah, I mean, Nareed used to own them, right? You kind of get to name the team whenever you own it. So when Nareed was the dawn, you know, she had a different name for them.

Uh-huh, and Nassammer. Sorry? Oh, yeah, and Nassammer. Oh, Nassam yeah, in the summer. Oh, in the summer, yeah. Yeah. Since they don't have a hometown, they're constantly on tour, going from place to place, playing different venues. They don't have their own home base to play out of.

So they do a lot of crowd work. It's hard for them to get fans, except for the Dark Lord. And, you know, they just, they come up into the stands, they do interact with you, even though they're rude to you. Wow. And the most sort of like, presentational dawn ever was there's this guy, Marley Hughes to kind of own one of the teams. And he had some magic.

So during the pre-show, he would like cause lightning and thunder to kind of ring down. Good old Thunder, done Marley. Yeah, he was amazing. He was really amazing. So when the 10th anniversary round robin... Round table, round robin, Super Station wagon, that's right. So whenever that happens afterwards, there's just a massive number of

middens players who are suddenly out of the game. It's a rule I would do away with. Yeah. But the rules of the game were crafted by Tom Bigglesworth when he wrote those children's books. That's right. No one will allow me. Now I will say, I'm very frustrated because right before the Dark Lord took over, I had established the high probability of getting a group together who were going to evaluate

the rules of mittens and make some real changes. Yes. Some real changes. Yeah. And then the Dark Lord takes over and now here I am, you know, doing a podcast, it's not my favorite getting nuts. Oh, I mean, I enjoy this. Sure. Don't get me wrong. Thank you. Well, we can all be getting nuts. Well, I tune in and it's here the nuts we're getting and it's just a list of them. And then I say, that's great. I'm going to get some of those nuts. Yeah, you play along at home. That's right. Me and my

wife and my second oldest son play a game called Get Nuts Bingo, where you write down a bunch of different nuts that my get sets and get nuts. And then if you make five in a row, you call bingo. And then, well, I don't want to say what the prizes are because those are personal. But they're probably nuts. Well, that's right. So Larry, thanks for stopping by and updating us on what's going on in the outside world, at least through what's going on with the FML.

Yeah, well, my pleasure, and I do hope that you get out of this predicament soon, and I can return here under better circumstances. Well, Larry, there's something I kind of want to ask every guest that comes on now. Is there something you can do to help us to feed the dark Lord? Well, I'm I sure I mean I'm the commissioner of the biggest league in a lot of people frankly view me as As powerful and nearly as powerful as the dark Lord. Is that is that true? Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, what do you what again? You've never come to a mittens game. There's thousands of people that come to every single one of them It's a big deal. So could I help? Sure. But I'm right now, my number one priority is getting these rules changed in Mittens. As soon as that happens, I will get over here and figure out how

to help you guys out. And are you still in your compound in French lock? That's right. Yeah. So guys, if we can somehow figure out how to help him change the rules of the FML, then maybe he can defeat the Dark Lord. Well, perhaps I'll eat this chicken wing. Oh, yes, the Dark. I just would love some insight into what this chicken wing plan is. What plan is that, Arnold? Winking at me. Larry, can I ask about a few players? I'm just curious if they're still active or not. Sure. Unworthy James, is he supplying? Unworthy James is retired. He had an unfortunate problem with his eyesight. Walt Chambermaid?

Yeah, oh yeah. Walt's, he's playing for Skurr. Is he a chambermaid or is that his name? No, it's just the man's name is Walt Chambermaid. Oh, I guess. Says a man named Arnie Neekamp. Yes, are you a camp of knees? I am not Walt chamber made once scored

700 points in a game which is not that impressive that's catching one bird. That's true I once scored 4200 points in six minutes when I caught six birds Did you bring that up just to show how you're better than Walt chamber made? I am better than Walt chamber Man there's no doubt about that by the way there was recently a list of the top 100 mittens players of all time well chamber made 91st oh yeah wow I was higher than that well what were you I was the number that was better than second was did Reggie the Miller make that list no no he was you know he's too limited he's gonna did one thing now was Reggie the Miller is that he is a Miller that's right. Yeah, that's occupation. Okay. Why would that be his name?

Yeah, they don't understand Miller last name Miller doesn't make sense. That makes no sense lateral spree well Guys always throwing the ball to the side well, he you know, he choked so badly in the last cavalcade that Spree well is no longer last had to hear that's right. He did choke That's right. He switched teams with the in-choked. You know, I still wanna answer people's emails on the show, but ever since the Dark Lord has taken over, the firewall's been a little weird, so I haven't been able to get recent emails,

but here's some emails people sent to us a little while back. If you wanna send an email to me, send it to Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies, it's a really email address, hopefully it still works. But here's one, hey Arnie, I'm listening back through the podcast archive again And I've noticed that the goddess Foo is usually the one invoked, but not the goddess's U or Un. Chunts up with that. Love Travis

I don't know. I often pray to Un Un. All three of the goddesses are very important to the creation of Three of the goddesses are very important to the creation of a fund, but I suppose it's I suppose that Fuh does get some extra recognition for being at the beginning of the list people tend to think of them in order and She is the first one that does come to mind But do they have any distinct characteristics between the three of them or are there situations where you're like This is a totally invoking the name of the goddess U, situation. Well, Foo, of course, is green, and is the one who made the land that we all do stand

on, and U, of course, is blue and made all the water and helped things to grow on that land. And Oon, of course, is white and gray, and made the sun and the sky come to life. Oh. Now Oon is the one that makes the really good pancakes as well. Oon also makes amazing pancakes. Sometimes she makes them into the shape of your favorite characters from that Tom Bigglesworth book. Oh, yeah.

That's right, the book that uh... mittens based on the based on the only is boy that ever did lonely uh... the loneliest lonely as son of lonely and i leave uh... you referenced the second book that's right yes i said i had to track these books down no i don't know i'd like to read but i'd prefer to read a book written at a child's level i have an email here you can email me a chant a gmail com that's chant with six tees this is uh... says hello from Australia

My name is Warren and I come from the city of Ipswich in the land of Australia on earth I have binge listened to all of your podcasts over the past two months and we'd like to thank you for all of it I have not been in the best of health during this time. Oh, sorry to hear Arnie I wanted to say I have faith in you and you're part in the quest to defeat the evil hordes of the Dark Lord. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I hope one day you return to Earth, hope to hear from you soon, from Warren Telling.

Great, thanks Warren. Well, super nice. One thing that we like to do with some people that aren't feeling great is get them to a Middens game where we'll let them meet their favorite Middens player and sit there and hang out with the team and we call it the Make a Wish. Oh.

Because they then are allowed to come out and do the wish move. What's the wish move? That's a famous move. It's where when you're carrying the potted plant, you're the baskin, right? You're running across the field. You throw up the potted plant out of both of your hands forward, run past some people, and then catch it. Backward, you've thrown it to, that's called a wish. That's a wish. That's a wish.

You make a wish. That's amazing. So they get to do that? That's right, they come out with their very best player, they'll throw it over their head, and then go catch it, and then the best player always doesn't try quite as hard as they could, and so they don't block the plan. But they still have to be able to run forward.

Well remember if anyone else gets the hold of your plant, you lose the game and you lose whatever social status you have. Yeah. How many games are lost by allowing me to wish children to come and play? Well, none. I mean, that's just a side thing to get to do it. But I would say plants, you know, being knocked out of hands It's probably 90% of the end of games because remember you don't play to a specific score or a specific amount of time sure

Yeah, man, this is does seem like a horrible sport. No, it's a great sport, but just needs a few tweaks Bake potatoes salted potatoes peppered potatoes whole potatoes tiny potatoes Right, Mr. Potatoes, Mrs. Potatoes, Mrs. Potatoes, potatoes. Well, here we are, living the event we foreshadowed for 100 episodes. Buyers, remorse anyone,? Are in Sam and Diana fun couple? No matter, none of this is really happening. Usador the tired wizard was played by Matt Young, such a nuanced engaging performance. Oh, sorry, I just glanced over it in Aaron Brockovich DVD I had laying around and started describing

it. Shunt the talking badger was played by Adel Ruffiah. What do you do with the time between Adel deciding he's going to say something clever and him actually saying it? I write letters to old friends. Friends are like living scrapbooks aren't they? Oh, autumn. Larry Birdman, the head of the FML, was played by special guest Rush Howell. And Bungery Chobbins, the chamber pot salesman, was played by Tom Gottlieb. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Ryan DeGeorgie, Evan Jacover and Arnie Neacamp. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Theme song by Andy Poland and show logo by Alderman LeBalla. If you've never gotten around to writing a review of the podcast on iTunes, why not take a quick moment to do that? Write

something positive or negative it's really up to you. But they do say when people write iTunes reviews, they are really writing about themselves. Well, that's that. Now then, I must tell that Penpal's podcast, I have some recommendations for hilarious and shortfire character pairings. Herman Melville and Bill Keen, mastermind of the family circus universe. Anowentour and one of the little rolling box droids from Star Wars. Donald Rumsfeld, an Orco the court magician of Eternia, an anthropomorphic tree from Oz, and a normal tree. Julia Child and a Velociraptor, but get this, the raptors trapped in a giant cake.

Willy Wonka and Dorothy Parker, oh the word play, carries husband Mr. Big and Voldemort's Horcrux ring after Snape removed the curse. Yeah, that's paid it. Romeo and the normal tree from earlier and it's the tree's second interview that day so it's Grouchy, Leonardo da Vinci, Leonardo da Caprio, and Leonardo da human-sized karate turtle monster. Oh, now I want to be invited to that one. An Earthman, a wizard, and a badger. Wait, that goes on a different list called Box Office Pools. different list called box office calls.