Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 77 - Death Knight (w/ Brennan Lee Mulligan)

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

Kalahaxorus the Grim, an evil spirt in a suit of armor reflects on his life's purpose.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungKalhaxorus the Grim: Brennan Lee MulliganM...ysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Chris RathjenSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:47 Whoa, not real. Not real is what I meant to say. Hey, subconscious, keep it down back there. Now, audience, I've been sneaking out of this empty except for Trisha government facility and wandering around wintertime Chicago. And let me just say, if you're going to form the silhouette of an angel in the snow, maybe don't freak out when I update it to reflect what angels actually look like. Because if you're not going to include the antlers and the six-foot proboscis with a hand at the end,
Starting point is 00:01:15 then, uh, that's not an angel. This message is especially for the kids, and I know how much of our audience is five and under. That sweet demographic that hasn't quite gotten the hang of story structure. But enough interesting content, let's get to what you've been waiting for. Or rather what you've come to realize you can't put off any longer. Sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast, this is everything you need to know. About five years and 11 months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger
Starting point is 00:02:12 King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast, chronicling our quest to stop the dark Lord from capturing me who, let's just be clear, I might be the most important person in food right now, to stop the dark Lord from capturing me in getting the magic thing that's in my head. But enough about me, I am joined as always by my bodyguard,
Starting point is 00:02:46 he won't leave my side, use it or the wizard. I am use it or, wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow, an apelator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Turokos, the elves noomious fying yalak, the dwarves noy is Zoning in Hook Stinges, and I am known in the North East as guessmossiest Mastar, and there may be other secret names. Names that if I did air under them allowed, most assuredly their power would destroy everything in their path. Yes, a direct beam of sound, formed from those words with an eminence from my very lips, leaving a perfect circle through every tree I was looking at.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Oh, D. I found the perfect disguise for you. Oh, okay. I did want to protect you and you've been somewhat resistance to my ideas of living inside my skin and whatnot. So I was thinking, what about disguise? I'm here, I'm into it. Yeah? Ooh, what if I went back to pretending like I'm an airline pilot?
Starting point is 00:03:50 I like that, I liked wearing the uniform. There are no bad ideas, there are no bad ideas except for that one. Because that would make you even more obviously not from this world. So I found this giant thing. What a cool name, like... Chip. Sky. No. No, damn, draw more attention to you.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Even more attention than if not. So I found this giant burlapsack. And I have written on the front of it, Poet Hatoes. First of all, that is the biggest burlapsack I have ever seen. Oh, thank you! Like, why would people think that a walking bag of potatoes isn't weird? Because they're with a wizard. They would assume,
Starting point is 00:04:31 Oh, that wizard has conjured feet onto that sack of potatoes! Oh, that's right. And you know what? I can't believe I haven't mentioned this. For weeks, you have had a bag of potatoes following you around. Why the fuck would I carry my own potatoes around? That's true. I guess put some feet on it. You love carbs. And then whenever I'm hungry, I just reach in there, like I am right now.
Starting point is 00:04:51 Oh. Take a big crunchy bite. Yeah. Uh, well, I'm joined also by my other co-host, a Shunt-the-talking Badger. No, no, it's just, it's just Chantalya, baby. Oh. No. Sai. Oni, that was a heavy sigh. fucking badger. No, no, it's just, it's just Chantaya baby. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Psy. Olli, that was a heavy sigh. I know when he said the word. That's a kind of like, please ask me about how sad I am, kind of. Psy. Sorry I was laying down while sighing. Psy.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Maybe two sacks of potatoes would be conspicuous. So, Chant, buddy, how you doing? Well, I guess I'm not doing so hot time, you know, what I'm just the last few days I'm really missing Iggy, baby. And it's just nice to have a little companion and like, you know, for a little while, the sack of potatoes was fun, you know.
Starting point is 00:05:38 I wrote a whole fanfic, I wrote a whole banging spuds where Yusidor fucks the bag of potatoes, and it's all it's real fun But I guess yeah, I guess that word's words welcome out now. I'm sad again. I'm sorry bud Hey, Blucidor. Yes, would you would you do your old pal? Hey boy a little favor? Absolutely anything you want you must needs ask for it Oh, thank you. thank you, thank you. You know the other day when I tripped over
Starting point is 00:06:06 that piece of wood in the ground? Well, it turns out that what it was was six little graves, each grave for a different part of a cat. So I have four cat legs, a cat body, and a cat head, and I was wondering if you could re-enimate the cat for me so I could have a pet, please. Hmm, well, uh... Please, please, please, please.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Does seem to brush up against the dock odds of Necromancy, but uh... I hate to interrupt this negotiation, yes. Why was the cat buried in six separate graves that just happened to all be... right next to each other? Hey, Chip, don't worry about it. Okay, don't you have a plane to 10 to or something? That is true. We're gonna be taking off at about 15 minutes. So everybody go ahead and get seated. When the the fast and see I haven't been on a plane in a long time. I'm trying to remember.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Yes, I'd say it's been at least five years, right? It's been five years and eleven months. Oh, my goodness. We're going to have fun six years? I know. That can't be right. So let me just put the head around here and the lid. Okay. Great.
Starting point is 00:07:13 And I think I want to name it say-ons. Oh, and when you re-eneminate it, can you make it to where the parts don't reconnect? They all just kind of float together. Oh, you don't want to connect it? No, unconnected. Kind of floaty ghostly still. Uh-huh. Oh, this don't want to connect it. No, unconnected. Kind of floaty ghostly still. Uh-huh. Oh, this is gonna be so fun. Sayon's the unconnected floaty cat. That's all I want.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Simple enough. But it's until a car... Hey, yo. Sayance? Whoa, you did it. I mean, it is wagging its head and speaking out of its tail, but... Close enough. Yes, but look at those mystical purple flames that just seem to surround it all times. Isn't that a wonderful little... uh, flourish?
Starting point is 00:08:03 I love it. You sort of think he's so much, buddy. Oh, say on, you're my new best friend. Well, Arnie, sorry, you're, you're my new, but there are a few rules. Oh, you cannot get it wet, but that's my whole thing. Get wet. You cannot feed it after midnight, but that's my other whole thing. Snacky time. Ha! After midnight based on what? Based on where? Where? Everything's after midnight. Oh, are you just saying that song you always sing? What's it called after midnight? The undead are strangely bound to time zones. When does that flip back over? Like when is this undead cat allowed to start eating again? Well, if you're moving in an Easterly direction,
Starting point is 00:08:46 you're going to get, later and later, going an hour ahead, you know. Gonna get a lot of headwinds going in an Easterly direction. And then you have to factor in daylight savings. Why do you have to factor in daylight savings? I'm so tired of all these fucking cat rules. You have to factor in daylight savings time.
Starting point is 00:09:02 You have to factor in daylight 401k time. You have to factor in Daylight Savings Time. You have to factor in Daylight 401k time. You have to factor in Daylight Savings Bond time. Hmm. Looking at the menu here, they do not offer slumber cups. Hmm. What is this book? What is this tavern, by the way,
Starting point is 00:09:16 that we're at this week? Oh, this is the giggling tick. The giggling tick. Mm-hmm. Are there any taverns in all of food that have inviting names? Oh, let's see. There's the AmbitExterious Rhino. There's the murderous Swan.
Starting point is 00:09:34 There's the gaping hole. Spank bank. No. That's where I keep my day by savings. What does that mean, though? Well, they've themed it like a place where you would save your money in a giant metal vault. But if you try to shake your money out
Starting point is 00:09:51 before you've saved it, they'll give you a little spanking. Huh, that's an odd thing. Yeah, but it's kind of fun. Ernie, you'd be surprised. I, gentlemen, I don't want to alarm you. There seems to be a very large, terrifying, evil-evil-looking, I hate to say that, but evil-looking. Yeah, I mean, don't judge a tone by its first page.
Starting point is 00:10:18 Look, you're not saying evil, you're just saying evil-looking. Yes, exactly. Over there, you see the terrifying, the terrifying, a metal-clad, dark night. Yeah, the one that's like wearing his armor inside. Yes, Arnie, get in the sack. Get in the sack. Get in the sack!
Starting point is 00:10:37 I don't know. Get in the sack. He's popping into the sack. What are you, what are you, hey? Um, two gathered here at this table. Zach! Oh, he's not evil, he's just awkward! Hey buddy! Welcome! It is our first time as well. Please join us at this table and let us sample this happy hour as companions. You have remarked on my nature. You have said that I am not evil. In such a fashion,
Starting point is 00:11:19 I have to make one think that you were perhaps wondering as to the caliber of my soul. Well, you know, you see what's one clad in such a dark and terrifying spiky armor as yours, and you have to make some assumptions. I got to say, in the plate, I don't know all the terms for armor, like the face plate, there's a little bit like fog and smoke just sort of pouring out So that seems is that evil? Are you referring to the fact that while my armor is quite corporeal? That what was once my body is now as in
Starting point is 00:11:59 Substantial as the mist and I can reach my god face like this I can reach my godless through my own face like this! Whoa! Oh, man, impressive. I mean, it's just dry eyes. Good, sir. Please, as I said before, join us for some vittles and refreshment. We shall get to know one another.
Starting point is 00:12:20 We here are recording what is called a potting cast. Yeah, I have some of these vitals taste the rainbow. My tongue is as dead as the rest of my body. You behold the death night. No rainbow shall be tasted here nor in tea-dairy fruit or vitals of any kind. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Your tongue is dead, and yet you were able to roll your L like that. Come on.
Starting point is 00:12:44 What? Chunk, of all the things he just said, that was the thing that you actually said his tongue is dead and then he was like, so if your tongue is dead you probably like went like a pickled egg or something like that. I will be happy to consume whatever fear this tabernoles if only to make Mary with the mortal souls that populated. Can I sit down here? Yes, please. Yes, just look. Sorry, say on, say on.
Starting point is 00:13:15 Come over here. By, by daddy. Come by daddy. Sorry, it's my dead cat. I see that your cat marks the same station of death that I... Calaxus the Grim! Now wafed through this unlife between realms! So your name was Halifax? Was that...
Starting point is 00:13:34 What was your name? Close Calaxus! But you're too good to try. Halifax! The Grim! Calaxus the Grim! Hi! Calaxana!
Starting point is 00:13:44 Well, Calaxus, it is a pleasure to meet you. Hi! I'm Yusudor the Blue. Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesious Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Mental Light, Devour of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Trocus, the elves Nobius Fying Alec,
Starting point is 00:14:00 the dwarves Nobius Zodyn in Hukestangies, and I am known in the North East, as gasmanius Maystar, and I, my friend, we do find ourselves upon the road, even now, towards the northeast, where a gasmaniac I shall be once again. Well, Lou's door. I am Calhatsur as the Grimm, Hammer of the El Daffery, and four of the Dindry El, Guard you the Shroud of Matthew, High Commander of the blades of South and Swarm champion, of the Red Queen, Mursia, of Threx,
Starting point is 00:14:31 to us I that slew the glad winds of Rivenmore, and I'm just, I'm very into all of your names, it's nice to know somebody. Fuck me, he just outused it or do you? He just got schooled, my dude. I don't know about outused it or what. I don't know, fuck just out used it or do you use it? I just got school my dude about out to you so I don't know fuck off use it or We don't be fuck off you got fucking owned by this dead-ass night look Hey, you slow the glad winds yes For 800 years where my remains in the tomb at the heart of the value of souls
Starting point is 00:15:04 When the eldest of the value of souls when the eldest of the gladwin borne came and disturbed my slumber and I awoke and I laid waste to them as was clearly stated on the curse at the beginning of the two very clear they're entering the tomb and they're just a big warning that you should be able to read and see, right? Yes, of course there's always a risk when you write a warning that if it's centuries of millennia until your tomb is discovered that might become a dead language, but we put it in the biggest sort of clearest font to be good.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Yes. I remember it, Ian, now. Don't talk to me to life had my coffee. Yeah! At the end of the day you'll have to have fun with it. And so we put the curse up there and it's not one of these curses where it's supposed to instigate something. We really didn't want people to interact with the tomb, but they did. And so I rose up.
Starting point is 00:16:07 It's like literally a warning. It's it's it's for them, right? The the warning is for them. It's not one of those tricky like maybe something bad, but maybe something good. Which one of these things where there's a certain type of adventure that sees the warning and goes, this is an invitation. And here's the part. Honestly, fault, where fault is due. There are some people that do make dungeons
Starting point is 00:16:32 and leave like important world necessary artifacts at the bottom of the dungeon. It's like, well, how much did you want people to leave this alone? If you knew there was a prophecy where they were gonna need it in 500 years. This was, there's no artifact, there's no prophecy. It's just where my dead body is at. Please leave me alone. There's just a dead guy here who will kill you if you wake
Starting point is 00:16:54 him up. A million percent. Yes, you hit the nail so squarely on the head. So yes, you did kill the good ones. Ah, Ahni isn't particularly good at math. A million percent is a lot. It's like, maybe the most percentage you can have. Yes. So that's like almost all of it, like almost. Almost. Yes. However much it is, it is a thousand times more that,
Starting point is 00:17:18 because a hundred percent would be one entirety, and then a million percent, and it's actually 10, is it 10,000? No, just 1,000. Yeah. would be one entirety and then a million percent was actually ten is a ten thousand? No, just one thousand, yeah. Just one thousand, yeah. But could be the black ones. No, ten thousand. It is ten.
Starting point is 00:17:32 Hundred percent. How many because of zero moves at once? So ten would be a thousand, a hundred would be ten thousand, a thousand would be a hundred thousand, yes, ten thousand is ten thousand. So, Trent, what are you guys going on? I got this new cat. You want a pet sound? Give him a look.
Starting point is 00:17:51 I don't know. I gotta say, the cat is cool. But are there ever potentially dark consequences to that kind of magic, that kind of necromancy? I feel like maybe in our six years, we've had some consequences with stuff like this, but honestly, I can't remember, and I've been so sad that I'm just so happy to have a pet. I gotta say I hate consequences.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Oh, you know what I kinda like consequences? Really? Yeah, like if I put my hand in the fire, and it catches on fire, I'm like, ow, that was fun. You know, put the other hand in, even it out. You're an effect guy. I'm a cause guy.
Starting point is 00:18:30 Yeah, that's our relationship. Always looking for a good cause. Mm-hmm. All right, so she's still talking about numbers. You put the decimal here. I think that that means you can, then you can divide it. You'll get an even number every time
Starting point is 00:18:45 There's a lot of this is one of those back when I was being instructed in the broad matrix of There was a teacher who kind of did there was a quick it was one of those quick things where it was like you Carried over this. I'll you picture like an X in space and sort of it's the two lines twist to make an X I think you were kind of doing a cat's cradle. You did that with picture like an X in space and sort of it's the two lines twist to make an X of you are kind of doing a counts cradle. You did that with multiplication. Fascinating. Wow Arnie look at that. The two of them are at that chalkboard up by the tavern and they're just going to town with this equation and oh look at that. The tavern jender is standing by the side. It looks like he wants to
Starting point is 00:19:22 get oh he's getting in on it. I don't care for those apples at all sir I say good day to you to think that some peasant would interfere the important work of those whose titles list longer than the vast stretches of almond me how it sickens me that was embarrassing that janitor picked up the chalk and he didn't know what the fuck he was doing. He drew a little flower, x equals flower, get the fuck out of here. Oh wait, no, it looks like the janitor's making the mistake of asking God, you're not the shoud of us all. I can't ever believe the savage swan champion.
Starting point is 00:20:10 Other rate queen Merzia, Os' sakes, was either way the gladwins of Rivenorn. If it's only who am still just... was here. Wow, at some point, he really sounds like my friend Scott if not just like Scott at least Scott is The red Queen Mosier If you've seen her lately, I haven't seen her and I would say you go two decades or so
Starting point is 00:20:40 She was alive as recent Kias. It's two decades ago. Oh, yes I well I saw a vision of her in a forest And I assume she was still alive, but she may have been a spirit. I don't know. Oh, this must be tough. It for you Faxi my guy it must be hard to be dead because then you spend your whole life watching everyone around you live This is kind of my badger friend. This is kind of The terrible conundrum. find myself in, I uh, I walk up from my tomb and know that my tomb had been disturbed and I slew the glad winds have written more and I was kind of expecting on having slain the last one of the big climatic battle on top of a tower of wreath and lightning and it really was a total coin flip.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Couldn't go either way. Oh, sounds like it had to be there. Yo. And I'm so sorry I don't want to be rude. It's just like when people talk about the battles they've been in, I'm like, unless I saw it, like I don't care. Like, it's like dreams.
Starting point is 00:21:38 If I'm not in it, or there's no fucking I don't really want to know. Like, 100%. Exactly. 100%. Exactly. 100%. I understand. But this... Okay, so TLTR, it is a great battle, top of the tower.
Starting point is 00:21:53 So the last of the glenwinds. TLTR, that lightning did rain? Yes, that's an acronym we've used for the lightning did rain. The thunderstorm was so charged thick with arcane potency that indeed the two commingled in act of utmost hope and I smooted him there upon the tower and the forces of darkness laid low at champion of the light and I was expecting to kind of explode into red radiance or some kind of dust and return to my tomb and I didn't. Oh, huh. You really gotta work on the ending of that story. Hey brother, you're telling me,
Starting point is 00:22:36 you know, are you telling me what a loved some kind of climactic kaboom. Instead, some kind of climactic kaboom. Instead, your friend, these have been me, just kind of stood there waiting waiting to a pothiosis or something and I had to just walk down the stairs and sort of, was out on the rain and it's like I did it, I killed all of them. And then I'm just sort of here and I just walked down the street. Wait a minute, vis-a-vis a pothus. Is it just a character that you created so that you could have someone to talk to? No, no, no. This isn't like that anti-donna episode. Oh, okay. I am here to say I have done some calculations in mind-brain,
Starting point is 00:23:18 and I told you, Calhaxoris the grim. You did not complete your purpose. What? But there must be some other greater purpose awaiting thee, and I, being a great wizard of this age, do hereby declare that you know not on me. It turned your undead forces For defeating the dark lord at use a door side Yeah, and also consider changing undead to like fun dead. Oh cuz undead. I feel like undead has a stigma You know right who's fault is that you know? Oh, why should I have to why should I have to be brand as fun dead just to make some normal Why should I have to be brand as fun dead just to make some normal means comfortable, you know what I mean? You held up a mirror and it hurt. Yeah, you speak the truth
Starting point is 00:24:10 It hurts the look inward and now that I'm the owner of a fun dead cat like I need to be better about that Thank you. Thank you, Haxi for educating me. I hear what everyone is saying here I'm just saying it like sometimes when you put a positive spin on a thing and you call yourself not undead But hey, I'm real life, you know, that sounds like maybe a more positive experience than more people can easily get themselves by But I think and listen you seem a very nice people and I'm not gonna lie. I feel like I am the nicest person Something not usually heard exclaimed at the top of one's lens. So here's the weird thing. I've heard him yell that while like shoving people into a river. I want them to know that what they have done has angered the nicest person so much that they need to be pushed in the water.
Starting point is 00:25:02 What you've done to me, you have made me the nicest person to do this. Exactly. A semantics of undead the side. Use it all. You would proclaim yourself the nicest person alive and yet be willing to be seen side by side with a death knight on your quest. That's how nice I am. I imagine it myself astride me as chun with his warhammer,
Starting point is 00:25:34 two sacks of potatoes. Sorry, I don't have the warhammer. I have a limp piece of hay. Yeah, I have a limp piece of hay. Right, right, right. He's a hayboy. So we're just to clarify. Mm-hmm. A stride you is the badger?
Starting point is 00:25:48 Yeah, so you've got a tiny little badger riding around. You fucking know it. These two are constantly trying to get each other to ride them. I don't understand. Get on my back. Come on, I can support it. No, get on my back. No, you get on my back.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Look, get on my back. Sayon's, get on top of my head. Calahex, is it possible you didn't slay all the gold wins? Like, for instance, on my world, character actor Tony Goldwin, enemy of all ghosts. Here's the issue, and I hear what you're saying. I'm not going to last a little frustrating because it is like, you think it didn't occur to me
Starting point is 00:26:24 and maybe I didn't kill all the glad, like you know what I mean? You go out of it. It's kind of like you're coming into, it would be like if I went into someone's, I don't know, a sandwich shop. And I was like, you should consider using, it's like, buddy, did you come in
Starting point is 00:26:37 and solve my sandwich shop's problem? Day one, like you saw, I've been doing this, my whole life, my dad, I'm gonna do this. So family shop. And I'm like a subterranean way. I'm not quite sure I understand your point because every time I go into a Sammich shop I say why do you not have celery salt and then he yells I'm the nicest person I am the nicest to people Yeah, you make a fail but to your point sorry again, awnie is your name. Yes, I'm maybe the most important person
Starting point is 00:27:08 There's a lot of huge claims being made here Huge claims. Yeah, you got one. Yeah, I got I got 10 dicks Here's the thing where huh? Here's the thing where Huh, your claim is actually strikingly more humble than the claims of your two Commanders. Oh, you think that's humble Did I forget to mention that each one's smaller than the next? Yeah You could you could just line them up the other direction huh? Yeah, when I line them up. They look like a little pan flute Or you're such a pessimist Yeah, yeah, the dicks have huge.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Half huge. Huh, there's got to be a word for that. Half huge. No, I think that's a proper term. I can't believe that the backwards cat is the second most disturbing visual I've anticipated in my 10 minutes here at this bar table with you. Oh, did I forget to mention you said or my blue pal over here. He brought sayons into existence. And I also saw him, oh, this was maybe years ago, but there was all these Eagles who had died and they promised
Starting point is 00:28:23 that they'd never live again ever and people were like, please live again and the Eagles were like, we will never live again until hell freezes over. And then, Yusidor somehow worked his magic and got the Eagles back to life. They were live again. Yes, I talked to the head, Eagle Glen and I insisted I was like you have to come back everyone wants to see you Everyone yeah everyone you especially These equals just a question how did you do it?
Starting point is 00:29:03 Did you actually freeze however was that what step one? Yeah, yeah, I just used an ice spell to freeze over a section of hell the section What I did know the Eagles to be hiding and I just sort of stuck my head down there I was like hey before this all melts and my head the explodes or burns off or whatever the hell Gappens down here You guys want to come back Glenn Glenn, what do you think? And he was like, all right, I'll do it. For the right money.
Starting point is 00:29:29 And I said, fine. How much do you want? He said seven gold pieces. I said, that doesn't seem like very much. And then he said, no, that's the price it must be. And I said, well, fine. Now, I'll just give it to you. I've got seven gold pieces.
Starting point is 00:29:42 I've got more than that on me. You should have one like 40 gold pieces. I'll give you 40 gold pieces to go back on tour. I died 800 years ago, even back then, it was 10 gold pieces just for an eagle ride. I'm trying to, I mean, this, I mean, if you can even find, I'm trying to set a gold,
Starting point is 00:29:59 this is bargain-been prices. Yeah, that's what I said. I was like, I'm sure you could charge more than that. You know, you have to think about inflation. You have to think about the cost of living and the fact of these things in, he didn't want to hear it. You know what I was just to say, is people would always wonder about rates
Starting point is 00:30:15 back when I was the commander of the blades of Zath. People always have a question about your rate, and they would say, oh, I'm just asking to ride across a river into the L Flans and burn the village. It won't take more than 10 hours and I would say friend, friend, you're not paying for the 10 hours. You're paying for the 30 years when I was in the fighting pits of Zarnath. That's what you pay for. You know, it's all the training and everything that went in. Inperience. Yes. No, you're worth. I'm a child. I'm a princess.
Starting point is 00:30:44 I'm not going to mean anything to you, but I think I figured something just a hundred percent Let's go back to the truck quickly I think you said or and Kalahaxrus are kind of the Waldorf and statler of this world like Just like put him in a balcony and let them like talk Like, they're cool. Just like put them in a balcony and let them like talk. Balkini, the guy you said is from Perfect Strangers. Arnie, hey buddy, I don't know what you're talking about. This sounds like a lot of earth stuff,
Starting point is 00:31:15 which I do wanna know about. But why don't you let me know what you're getting at while we take a quick break. Okay, what do you think, Sans? Ahhhhh! Okay, what do you think Sans? So, how an actress do you mind my asking? I don't think I've met a deaf night before like were you always a deaf night? Or did you become a deaf knight or did you become a deaf knight? I was an infernal paladin in the service of the Red Queen. So there was a 72 year period where I was a living man
Starting point is 00:31:56 very much a knight sworn to the service and forces an evil. And you know, you live a life like that and you just kind of, you know, I would never have been the kind of person to say, oh, definitely going to be a death night. You are a monster. It's just one of the things you put in the work. You cross your fingers. You say, I've sworn service and field to the red queen and her dark gods. Hopefully this pans.
Starting point is 00:32:23 You know, you hope. And it worked out for me, and it doesn't, hopefully this pans. And you know, you hope. And it worked out for me, and it doesn't work out for everybody. And I'm just very grateful for the opportunity to exist and perpetuate all in life and further the cause of evil. And I don't know if this is like ghost
Starting point is 00:32:36 to kind of ask about it, especially like we just met, but who are your dark gods? Like who, what is your like worship situation? Flash, three-year, Rajnor, cracks, God's like who what is your like worship situation? A flash three year Raznor cracks um blood uh
Starting point is 00:32:50 Strassnath You don't hear about blad too much anymore Blad underrated as far as all things go Obviously I'm not gonna I'm not gonna kneel a shrine of blad before a massacre or slaughter Yeah, but let's say say Vlad is great for those situations where it's like, hey, I need to do evil, but I'm just beat. Can you create a sanctuary of darkness
Starting point is 00:33:13 where I can just truly lay down and zombed out for like four hours? So say I'm thinking about getting into Vlad, right? Like hypothetically, because I'm good. Yes. But if I were someone that's like, hey, I want to familiarize myself with Blav's work. Like, where's a good place to start?
Starting point is 00:33:31 Not necessarily the deep cuts, but like the starting place. The cultists of Blav have never really gotten. The problem is that Blav is the dark god of apathy, sloth, and indifference. So you can imagine that Blav is the dark god of apathy, sloth, and indifference. So you can imagine that Blav's cults face a lot of logistical hurdles because his most developed worshippers kind of are flaky. This hypothetical is turning real for me because I think it might be all about Blav.
Starting point is 00:33:58 He has the shittiest temples. Oh, you could barely call them temples. And here's the thing, I am a worshiper of blood, and what I'm doing now is actually a form of brains. This is not even blasphemy. Blood just worked like that. It's kind of the wild thing. Blood is worshipped in any moment
Starting point is 00:34:15 where you put off a task until later time. Blood is worshipped when you want a snack, but you can't even get up to get the snack, so you just sort of sit there hungry. Brad exists most in the moment where you are actually too tired to go to bed. That's sort of the kind of on-wee and apathy. Yeah, so Brad is like the god of I can't even. Yes, in a very real way.
Starting point is 00:34:41 As you can imagine, during the dorm time when primordial mythic combat was the rule of the day, blood was a very minor spirit in the modern age of food. Blood is huge, blood is doing great even without any temples really, a truly tremendous, in any case, but the worship of blood, I'd be happy to talk out blood all day. You've been blathering on. This actually, you actually, you know, the end of all of you, the word comes from that. Oh really? Yes, absolutely, under percent. Ha, I guess I know this clever of- Oh, as I fucking thought.
Starting point is 00:35:11 At least I got my 10 dicks. I didn't mean to, I know how you digs do you have. None, I may have missed. Well, sorry, I'm so sorry. I had a dick once, through once I had a dick. And I thought for so long that maybe someone would be interested in knowing more about it.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Oh, so you died of urgent? Well, that's loaded. Yeah, that's that be. That's sort of loaded. Listen, they were all, they were all, they were all, they were all, they were taken. I was the sworn champion of the Red Queen, and she was like, Hey, if you're going to be my most potent, evil knight,
Starting point is 00:35:50 then no running around and sleeping with people, and I truly, so you said you saw the Red Queen 20 years ago in a vision? Or was she talking about, did she mention me, or was there anything kind of going on? It sounds like you slept with the Red queen, did you put down a- I just got- RURAKA'S NAAA- RURAKA'S NAAA-
Starting point is 00:36:09 I'm single-bath-a-pelt-a-mail-to-wall-you-misgrid What the- Fuck? Did I get him wet? Did I feed him after midnight? What is going on? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no she said unto me, You said all, for so long you have attempted to defeat the Zark Lord you have failed, time after time. And I said, damn you, red queen, and she said, nay, listen to my warning now.
Starting point is 00:37:00 I know that when you complete your task, you shall be free." And then she disappeared. I thought perhaps I had dreamed it, but usually my dreams evolve uh uh birds. Yeah, there's usually not a field in your dreams. So, her spirit must exist. She is somehow connected to the Netherrealm and is here trying to tell the stories. Yeah, and all I was saying was if you did sleep with the right queen, you should at least put down a towel. That's all I was saying.
Starting point is 00:37:28 And if you travel to the forest of Bologna, you may be able to find her there as well. It's only been about 20 years, and I've been to Bologna for soup. Yeah, I love a soup Bologna. Have you been to bread Bologna? Oh, love breadball and go Maybe very clear Only from my respect for the Wizard use the door and his many names and this vision he imparted to me is Your badger friend safe from my soul drinker sword
Starting point is 00:38:03 Okay, give me my piece of hay. Give me my limp piece of hay. All you want to do is... Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, On, on, on, chunk, chunk, get me sack! Hey, hey, what about here? Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop! Pop, can you see me? Buffa? I want to apologize for losing my cool, that badger, um, he really, you know, something about it is good. Pre-gen-asherable sense for what your thing is that you're most sincere about.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Oh, he loves pushing buttons. Look, honestly, it's only a matter of time before someone kills him with a soul-sucker sword, to be honest. You said, oh, this information you were giving me, though it breaks my heart that she did not mention me to you. Maybe she was too wrapped up in it, or maybe, you know, it's too, she couldn't just go there emotionally, you know like she's too She's feeling it too much dimension into you and I must go to Boingour forest. Oh no, she mentioned you when I went back She mentioned you when I went Wait, you just told a long story about how she talked about you. I told you I saw her 20 years ago and I was telling that story
Starting point is 00:39:24 You know, I saw her 20 years ago and I was telling that story. You see that? No, I went back 10 years later. 10 years later, this is so recent. Yes, I went back 10 years later and I said I still have not completed my quest and I saw her again, sort of drifting through the forest and I was chasing her down. And wherever I did catch up with her, I could hear her whisper. God, Axe. That's what my name is!
Starting point is 00:39:45 God-Axer is close. At the time, since I hadn't met you, I hadn't put it together that she was talking about you, but clearly, she was looking for you. I can't believe it. Long did I wonder if in the boiling, neck-romantic heart of the witch queen, Mursia. Her majesty, resplendent and red, there was not some corner of her soul that could see how desperate I was for her to even just say, what's going on with you today? How are you feeling? I killed so many people because I thought it would be so happy.
Starting point is 00:40:25 And that she spoke my name. Yes. It was all she spoke. Well, that time. Motherfucker, if you have been there and seen her more recently than 10 years, let's talk about this, how about this? What's the most recent occasion on which you have seen the red Queen Merzia? Hey motherfucker, nobody calls my friend a motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:40:48 Yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh shit! Buddy, you should've heard my inside the mist, if it's kind of a cool island, there's all these puzzles.
Starting point is 00:41:01 Don't touch any of my puzzles! Those are for later. Oh, they're so cool. I could stay in this for, I don't know, 18 to 20's, you hours. I mean, they were cool, but you know. What do you mean? They're cool?
Starting point is 00:41:14 They're so cool. I don't know how that mist is aging. I think it's so cool. Are you going to do anything? Eh? Do you want to have a set of mist? No. Why does everyone try to get me inside of people's bodies?
Starting point is 00:41:27 Uh, let's see. Uh, last time I saw the red greener is probably like, uh, fortnight ago. Two weeks ago! Right. Should I tell you what happened that time? Yes, please, please, please. Okay. Uh, I went back in and I, you know, once a year usually I go back and I try to find her
Starting point is 00:41:45 and I see if I can, that's how to do more information. And this time she spoke the name again, Calax, Calax, the great, and I thought to myself, this is strange, I don't know who that is, she seems to be obsessed with him. So I just asked this time, I'm like, who the fuck is this guy?
Starting point is 00:41:59 You keep all the posts, a lady, or whoever you're talking about, you know, and she did turn to me, she said, the only one who can free me from my internal prison. Oh, shit. I should have thought of that. This is huge. This is absolutely huge for me.
Starting point is 00:42:21 This is absolutely huge for me. This is why. This is why I slew the last of the gladmines and did not myself vanish. Because my purpose is not to exact revenge. It is to lay a tender smooth shell cross the cheek of my beloved. Speaking of vanish now that you're out of my beloved! Speaking of Anishina, you're distracted! Ffff! Ffff! Oh god, this is the... Eeeeeeewww!
Starting point is 00:42:49 Arty! Arty, use it! Use the right... I sucked up all the mist! It's inside me! This guy's inside me! I'm inside the bander! And would you believe it?
Starting point is 00:42:59 You're also puzzled in here! Try to stop bogarring that death knife. You want something? Here, open your mouth. Oh! Okay. Now, Galaxrus, do you want me to tell you about the letters that the Red Queen and I right back and forth
Starting point is 00:43:19 to each other all the time? You motherfucker! You are the motherfucker! You're the motherfucker! You're the motherfucker! You motherfucker Yes, yes, we have a regular correspondence You know, but like red queen aside strong move to write a letter to someone you saw two weeks ago damn Right strong move. I especially considering how long it takes for someone to get a letter. Yeah, well, you know, I like to keep up with all my friends, uh, via birds and letters, and, uh, you know, uh, the Red Queen and I formed quite a kinship over the years that I, uh, have seen her.
Starting point is 00:43:55 I think she regrets a lot of the evil that she's done, but I have to think she really digs some of it, but she's a spirit, so I think I can still turn her around. I think you're true, Papis. Maybe to go to this forest of bowling ghoul, give a sweet kiss to the spirit of the Red Queen, and then both of you join me on Yusur-Raw's quest to defeat the Dark Lord. That sounds pretty good, right? What a redemption arc. Yusur-Daw, if you have, after all these long centuries, giving me my chance at love, then my sword shall be yours evermore. Oh. Oh, wait, how many of you kissed somebody? I don't- I don't got lips. Oh, she's a spirit, too. So you're both sort of non-corporeal completely, so I think that'll work out. Yeah, so that either, like, will work or will eat even more not work.
Starting point is 00:44:45 One of those two. Hold on, this is the most important math problem of all. How kiss if no got lips? But here, come over to the chalkboard. All right, let's go to the bottom. How kiss if no got lips? Okay, so we'll say that lips equals X. Okay, we'll say that kiss is Z here.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Z is a function of X. Z is a function of X. Get out of here, Jen. Okay, I'm gonna carry this. Carry the fun. Kiss is Z here Get out of your chin And haha that's it I solved it. This chalkboard is covered in gibberish what Fine, okay fine. I just wanted to get in on the math solving fun But I don't have the brains for it. Okay, I'm sorry. What how about candy lips? Put some put some fucking candy lips on your helmet big guy I something of that nature. Good perhaps, serve instead. I, I, but you know, maybe, actually, maybe this is a bad idea because you know, if you go and, you know, if I carry lips and then she's,
Starting point is 00:45:52 she's been waiting for a real kiss or, for her centuries and then she seems like a cat lips. She's like, oh, this guy's, I forgot, he's a token herb. And then she's like, get out of here, you herb. And then it's all this time for nothing. What if she doesn't like me? Guys. What if she doesn't like me? Guys, what if she doesn't like me now?
Starting point is 00:46:07 She's gonna like you. Yes. She already likes you. She speaks of you often. And I think I believe that you shouldn't worry about the kiss. Simply go to her. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Speak with her. Kenny Lips are, you know, sweet. And it shows you have a sense of humor. Yeah. So go to her, speak to her, Kenny lips are, you know, it's sweet and it shows you have a sense of humor. Yeah, so go to a speaker here where she has to say, have the candy lips with you like in a pouch or something in case you need them later. All right, that does make sense. Sort of, you know, you know, hope for the best, prepare for the worst kind of mentality. There you go. But to be fair, this could go badly.
Starting point is 00:46:42 God, why would you see it? Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Look, here's the thing. I want to be, I agree. I want to be positive too. All right, like I want to like not stop Calla Haxorus from like going for the thing that he wants, but also just because she's been saying, it's been hundreds of years.
Starting point is 00:47:03 He's been around like why did she reach out? Maybe she didn't know how to, maybe she thought he was lost to the eternal slumber of the Nether World. Okay, here's what you do. I'm not an actress, here's what you do. You take your mist and you put it inside of a gorilla. Cool, so you put the mist inside of a gorilla. You have that gorilla go up to the queen
Starting point is 00:47:25 and just like start a conversation, be like, hey, how's it going? Like, have you heard of Kalahakstrius? Like, do you remember him or like, what's the deal? So you kind of like, you are your own wingman, right? You kind of scout ahead and then based on what happens, you can be like, hey, it's me. I'm the mist in the gorilla, right?
Starting point is 00:47:44 See, I love this plan and but the dismount worries me Because where do we sort of that's the thing is okay now she's friends with this gorilla and I leave the gorilla But let's let's say that everything works out. Let's say it's this case today I get a green light and then I leave this gorilla and now she's like okay I'm in love with you. I can't wait until you meet my gorilla friend. Well, shit, this gorilla is just gotten out of being possessed and now it's back to a normal gorilla and she starts to put it to a duty.
Starting point is 00:48:13 It's just, it's a good plan, but there's a lot of volatility, there's a lot of ex-factors, there's, you know, wrenches can get thrown into the folks here a little bit. Arnie, quick sidebar, I think we just found out from Book Club what a green light means. It means you can kiss a gorilla. Oh!
Starting point is 00:48:28 Remember from that book we read, there's that green light at the end? Mm-hmm. Now we know. Oh yeah, the great Gatsby. Mm-hmm. What is a snubbed nose motorboat? I need to know. Calhaxius, you're right about the dismount.
Starting point is 00:48:40 That is, that is troubling, but I feel like with your charm and your lookuaciousness and your vocabulary, there's no worry. Of course she's in love with you. Hell, I hate you. I even love you a little bit. I hate you too, my friend. I hate you too. All hallahacks, what's gonna make hallahacks happy? Like, is it, are you just looking for the oblivion of having accomplished your purpose
Starting point is 00:49:09 and not having to exist in any way anymore? Or is it something else? Sounds nice. Are you just chasing this red queen that you were really into when you were a dark paladin? But that was a long time ago. Are you still that person? Well, well, goodness.
Starting point is 00:49:30 You know, there's a part of me that wonders, I mean, uh, undead is an act of holding on. At any moment, the only thing anchoring me to my ancestral armor is the pure force of hatred I have for all living things. And also of my desire to see things work out between the red queen and me. And sure. I won't lie. I remember being on our terrible crusades for the gods of evil and it was a moment or in my later years being powered in where I was beheading a champion of the light astride, I fear some dragon seed.
Starting point is 00:50:11 Was it like a two week crusade or like a one week crusade? Was it like all inclusive or how's the food? It's one of those things where it's a two flex three because obviously for the people that are on the crusade they are kind of opting in for whatever, but if you're a staff, it's sort of like your contract can get extended and you just kind of got a role with that. So if you're gonna go on really, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I was on a crusade once and I didn't realize
Starting point is 00:50:36 it was like a crusade where people brought their kids and I was like, fuck me, this sucks. Oh, why do that? You're ruining the crusade, you're not gonna have a good time on that crusade, no one else's. It was not no one else's. Yeah. It's just like, just wait.
Starting point is 00:50:47 And I said, you can just wait until that was a couple more years in their teenagers. And then take my mother's crusade. Yeah. And then take my mother's. Also, it's really traumatizing for the kids. Of course, it's absolute bloodshed. It's horrifying religious and demonic violence.
Starting point is 00:51:01 I wouldn't bring child on that. And I'm evil. You know, so let me on that and I'm evil. So, let me figure that out. But the good food. Oh, the buffet is great. The buffet is like, and again, there's a whole culture you meet a lot of interesting people.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Obviously, it's a fun part of it. But, you know, twelfth the end, a lot of the infernal glee, I would feel with the shedding of innocent blood, it just kind of stopped hitting in the same way, you know? It kind of felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, er, it felt, errr, it felt, errr, it felt, er,. It was more like, no, and not at all that. It was sort of more just like, what is the point of, like we keep, we keep, you know, marshaling. Yeah, it's like jerking off without a boner. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:51:58 Like that. I was not allowed to jerk off. So, but I do from cultural reference understand what you mean. And I think that's a great analogy. Hmm. Yeah, it's like you got to jerk off, but I do from cultural reference understand what you mean, and I think that's a great analogy. It's like you gotta ask yourself, are you doing evil to live? Are you living to do evil? Wow.
Starting point is 00:52:14 You should cross stitch that. Get in the sack. Oh! Both of us. What's the whole objective? Call of Hexress, I think that you must fulfill your purpose, whatever you believe that to be. For it is then and only then that you will feel true satisfaction again. You'll soon.
Starting point is 00:52:37 Look deep. Ask the hard questions. What do you want? I summon new dark spirits of the world, surround me with your ancient wisdom, come to me and my guide. The power of the Earth, the grace of the Earth, has come together in this moment with your champion faithful servant, me death your wisdom and guidance Here's some potato skins eat these while you're there
Starting point is 00:53:08 I'm sounds like all this rushing to wind Is that okay? Everything's fine, everything's fine Don't fear this Here we go Do I lay to rest my wickedness and loathing and pass into oblivion as most my oath. What do I miss get all for the one who got away?
Starting point is 00:53:33 Is he playing a game show out there? Yes, hang on, hang on! Spirit number one, what's in you? I'm saying you're too You must continue to destroy Destroy anything on path That's one for destroy Spirit number two I said Restore like
Starting point is 00:53:58 That means there are numbers re-ordering on your diebreakers Spirit number three, come forward I said I just I'm going to be our diebreakers! Mirror number three, come forward! I would say... uh... just be yourself, probably. Right. Take away what can I choose you from it, sir? I'm not alone.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Be yourself. Be gone, Doc Spiritsk! Galeeve-Lichting-Color! Ah! Yes, I feel the room with rightest light. And now, you are baned back to your dock spaces. Yeah, also everyone needs a Luzange. Luzanges for all! Luzange! Luzange! Luzange! I'm a LuzangeEN spirit is escaped! Here, come out of the sack!
Starting point is 00:54:46 I cast off the evil spirits with a spell of light, and I freed a LOSEN spirit. Trump put those six sticks away. Aww, what happened to the four? I'll never tell. Did you learn anything, Calhaxers? The spirits. They have left me humbled. Did you learn anything, Calhaxus? Wow, that's right, Carfox. Two paths in a road diverged. And I walked down the median in between the paths just into the woods?
Starting point is 00:55:27 Exactly. Exactly, my good friend, exactly. Ha! Well, shit, I don't even... Yeah, I guess I have been hung up on this kind of romance I built in my head. And the entire life of Carnage and Bloodshed that I built around that kind of became my identity while I was waiting for a ship that was maybe never going to come in. But fuck me, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Who Calhaxerus is if he's not Calhaxerus the Grim? Maybe you're Calhaaxrus the Woodworker. Or Calhaxrus the Baker. Or Calhaxrus the uh... The poet. The poet's very good one. I was gonna say a real estate agent. That's still evil.
Starting point is 00:56:16 Or a mathematics professor. Calhaxrus, it's not always about the destination. You've got to enjoy the journey. Take it from me. I'm a cause guy. I'm just not interested in the destination. You've got to enjoy the journey. Take it from me. I'm a cause guy. I'm just not interested in the effect. I'm never working on anything that's ever gonna go anywhere. Just enjoy where you are in this moment. What a blackhead. Arnie. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:56:40 You bear the aura of one who walks between worlds. One who has seen a journey from between realms. Yeah, didn't you say you saw a journey at the Ohio State Fair in 1994? Yeah, don't stop believing tour, 1994. That rhymed. Wait a minute. What is this? A don't stop believing tour?
Starting point is 00:57:04 Is this some kind of crusade? Arne, that's a great slogan for car fox to take away. Don't stop believing. Car facts. Listen to me. If you don't stop believing, hang on to this feeling. Street lights, people, it starts to not make as much sense if I keep going through the lyrics.
Starting point is 00:57:24 It made sense before that? Is this a valid religion poem? Do you have some ability for me to listen to these words? Ooh, are we gonna get it in on the C-Chanty market? Please, Arnie, please? Um, the only thing is I don't want to run a foul of copy-right laws on my world. That's the only... Oh, sure, yeah, no, I just check stuff.
Starting point is 00:57:44 There we had a huge problem with that back in the necropolis Yeah, well these words of wisdom don't stop believing Hold on to that feel a yeah What all about that last part, but that's right if you feel like you've lost your voice like you don't have your voice anymore And you can't find it and nobody could possibly replace your voice. There's still hope, don't stop believing. You might find a new voice, and yes, that voice might come from South America, who knows? And it might sound exactly like your previous voice, and then holy shit, how do we do that?
Starting point is 00:58:22 Right? I don't know what I'm saying here, but all I'm saying is you do you you're great. Well, incredible. You know, I think this is more than me a chance, but the destiny brought us here together. I thank you, Arnie, for your wise words. Arnie, for your wise words, to become once more myself. Before I was the death night, before I was the commander of the blades of Zath, I was just a city boy. Born and raised in the port city of Siddish Roy. And I ended up on the wagon train around midnight and I didn't care where I was going. I just needed to get away. Off from the glory of love. Oh, go ahead. No, I was going to say, and I met the Red Queen who herself was born just a small town girl living in this lonely world
Starting point is 00:59:29 I'm going to go burn this town to the ground. Oh Hold on. No, that's that's that I'm not sure where we jumped to that and maybe it was a mistake not to steer him towards oblivion now that I think about Yeah, thanks a lot now towards oblivion now that I think about it. Yeah, thanks a lot. Now, uh, relax, Russ. Yes? Please, I beg of you. As a favor to me, your favorite math buddy.
Starting point is 00:59:50 Don't burn the town to the ground. Don't burn it. Wait, that's right. Oh my God, I'm falling right back into the habit. He's here to help. I'm like, doing, yeah, it's so well. That's vicious. That just happened right in front of us.
Starting point is 01:00:04 Right. That's wild. Ooh. Oh, it's like Calahaxrius 2 back in the habit. You, you know, no sequel of what you've done before. No, I'm going to be different. I'm going to be different. Would anyone here like... ...a hug? I would love a hug.
Starting point is 01:00:20 Here you go buddy I'm definitely impaled, but I'll be fine. I'm a very very powerful. What's it? Yeah, that's all right. It's all right. It's always you know, it's like you try it It's like you can make the intention just to like you know clean the slate and write a new chapter so to speak But those you know you have to work sort of D- deconstruct all those, you know, habits and... It's messed up. What have you thought about talking to someone? Other than the three of you? Maybe like a professional, you know, maybe, uh, pray to...
Starting point is 01:00:55 the three goddesses, the three main deities, you know, a food. Food, who are oon? Oh, come on, the three goddesses of food, I can't- Oh yeah, they're the best. Oh, they're the- the three goddesses of food. I can't that's oh, yeah, they're the best oh They're the the three goddesses of food. Okay, I mean I guess they're no blath but whatever well Here's what I'm saying is when I give a blood saddened black I actually get power So all right all right all right all right all right all right all so you could talk to a therapist who yeah Having good mental health is fucking badass. A therapist you say, yes.
Starting point is 01:01:27 That's probably better than talking to three dildos who give you conflicting advice. That didn't know that I think about it. No, he lost four of them. I shall find a therapist and I shall force this therapist to fix me. Lest I slay them. No, no, no, no, just pay them. Yeah, just pay their fee. I don't have any money. Remember when you were upset about people not taking you seriously for your rates? Now you're doing it to someone else.
Starting point is 01:01:57 Wow. Oh my god. Yeah, that's right too. In the last three minutes. Ooh, this is gonna be a process. I can tell this is gonna be a whole deal. And yeah, that's that's right to in the in the last three minutes. Oh This is gonna be a process. I can tell this is gonna be a whole deal Also, you tell us you have no money after we spent an hour ordering all these drinks and apps Oh, did you guys want me to chip in for those? He's edging towards his door
Starting point is 01:02:19 Do you guys want me to say maybe next time? Oh! Do you want me to ride these little suckers? Got sucked! Later, I'm supposed to! Oh, yeah! Oh! Did he say suckers got sucked? So, fuck. Now I like him again.
Starting point is 01:02:35 Now I like him again. I want that as a t-shirt. That's a real black move. Real black-ass To purchase your very own first edition suckers got sucked hoodie bathrobe or suit. Go to www.thethingis. This is probably going to happen. Someone is going to make this and then it's going to be a real thing
Starting point is 01:03:09 and people are going to buy it. It's not even funny. There's no point in finishing the bit. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking badger was played by Adolf Refy. Calaxarist the Grim was played by special guest Brennan Lee Mulligan. Discussion point for later.
Starting point is 01:03:24 Was Brennan trying to out-mat young? Matt Young? Did he succeed? New episodes of the show Brennan DMs Dimension20, drop every Wednesday on dropout.tv, and you can also check out free seasons of the show on youtube.com slash Dimension20 show. If that's too much Brennan too fast, just follow him on Twitter at BrennanLM, and on to This episode edited by Chris Rathjen, special assistance provided by Ryan to Georgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Dot com, you always finish the bit. You

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