Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 100 - Wizards' Choice Awards (w/ Felicia Day, Mary Holland, Rush Howell, Erika Ishii, Anthony LeBlanc, Charlie McCrackin and Martin Wilson)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello listeners, this is Mike Corey of Against the Odds. You might know that I adventure around the world while recording this podcast. And over the years, I've learned that where I stay when I travel can make all the difference. Airbnb has been my go-to place for finding the perfect accommodations. Because with hotels, you often don't have the luxury of extra space or privacy. Recently, I had a bunch of friends come down to visit in Mexico. We found this large house and the place had a pool, a barbecue, a kitchen, and a great big living room to play cards, watch movies, and just chill out. It honestly made all

Starting point is 00:00:37 the difference in the trip. It felt like we were all roommates again. The next time you're planning a trip, whether it's with friends, family, or yourself, check out Airbnb to find something you won't forget. Hi, it's me, the OG Green Grum and the Grinch. Listen as I launch a campaign against Christmas cheer, grilling celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. Now try to get my heart to grow a few sizes, but it's not gonna work, honey. Follow Tiz the Grinch Holiday Talk Show on The OneDriat, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Starting point is 00:01:09 People of Earth, copy, paste. So the Burger King shutdown, this government facility has been abandoned, and somehow I missed the small military strike force that went through the portal into FUNE. I miss that, and Loki Season 2. The first I need to address immediately, but most importantly, hello from the Magic Tavern has two live shows coming up, and we're trying something new and allowing people to see them. Tickets are available now for the live show in Chicago on Thursday January 11th at 8pm at

Starting point is 00:01:44 Taliahol, as well as the San Francisco Sketchfest show on Saturday, February 3rd at 3pm for some hot, hot mid-afternoon comedy at the Brava Theatre with special guest Ron Functions. You can find more info and links in the show notes. Now, to shut this facility down permanently and... Oh no, I forgot about all the goblins being held captive on the lower levels. Uh, oh hello? Hello?

Starting point is 00:02:13 Can anybody hear us? Is anyone out there? Great, let's hear from the featured extras. Real talk. Would I be okay leaving them down there forever? Maybe? I'll consider that moral dilemma instead of listening to this. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arneony Camp, the greatest warrior in all of fune, also the greatest lawyer in all of fune. But this week, for once, it's not about me, it's about wizards, the Wizards Choice Awards, and I'm so excited, I'm not sure why I'm whispering, but I'm backstage,

Starting point is 00:03:11 and I feel like I shouldn't be speaking at my usual show volume, but I am joined by my Hello from the Magic Tabern co-host, Chant the Talking Badger. Oh yeah, baby. Oh yeah, baby. Oh yeah, baby. John, what's... Arnie, I'm so nervous I'm presenting tonight. I'm doing like a speech and presenting and I'm just really nervous.

Starting point is 00:03:34 You know, you see the Wizard Choice Awards, you know, as a kid, you know, you scryin' a pool of blood, you watch it and it's, it's just a really, it's, I mean, so as a kid, you would watch it in a pool of blood. Oh, yeah, everyone does. Everyone takes off the Sunday or whatever day it falls on. And just kind of- It can happen anywhere or anytime,

Starting point is 00:03:54 but it was on a Sunday. Anywhere times. Always on a Sunday. Yeah. Any given Sunday? Yes, to go into phrase. And I just can't believe I'm in this glass castle in the sky. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:08 You know, it's still near nibble bottom, but I didn't know there wasn't giant glass castle in the sky by nibble bottom. I think it formed when the wards began. It just appeared here, and I don't know that it was here before. Yeah. And it will probably disappear or turn

Starting point is 00:04:24 into seven dragons after we're done. Oh my God. Well, I've got to say I'm very excited. I've never watched the Wizard Choice Awards before, but I'm excited to be a guest. No, you just watch for the commercials. Well, I are there, like, what are the commercials usually like? Well, they're usually like too long and sort of trying to appeal to you on some emotional level. Or they're just real weird.

Starting point is 00:04:49 Ernie here's what I'll say. Definitely go to the bathroom during the commercials and not during the in-memorium. The in-memorium is impossibly short. Wizards rarely die. Yeah. That's true. Well, oh, anyway, so chan the talking badger. Also my other co-host who is himself a wizard, so he says,

Starting point is 00:05:08 you said or the blue. I am you said or, wizard of the twelfth realm of a fizziest master of light and shadow. Many p.m. you have magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Trockus, the elves nobius fiend, yellow. The dwarves nobius zone in his stangies, and I am known in the north east as gasmaniacist Maestar,

Starting point is 00:05:24 and tonight, a cavalcade of stars of the Wizarding World shall march out before the, and create an spectacle like you're never seen before. Oh, how much marching is there going to be in this award show? I mean, I think you can march as much as you want. The thing about the Wizard's Choice Awards is you kind of make it your own thing. One year, I just turned into an elephant. That's it? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:48 Okay. You don't really hear the word cavalcade before anything except for the word stars, huh? That's true. Yeah. A cavalcade of bread. It doesn't really work. Okay, Tushae, that's why you're the wizard.

Starting point is 00:06:01 You're right. I lost track. How many wizard choice awards are you up for tonight? Well, I'm up for the most important award of all, of course. Best Wizard of the Year. What for defeating the truth? Whoa. Does someone say best Wizard of the Year?

Starting point is 00:06:19 Well, that's going to me! Timidham the Teal! Timidham! We don't have a chance of waiting. Get out of here. Listeners, there's a hustle and bustle of so many interesting figures back here. I'm so sorry, Tim Tam.

Starting point is 00:06:34 If I know you, you should be moving from one part of the glass castle to another. Do you got a moment to be on Mike with us? Well, sure, I'd love to be on Mike with you. You're so lucky to be speaking to me, because usually you can't catch me, you can't see me. I'm so teeny tiny. Yes.

Starting point is 00:06:53 I'm a teeny tiny little wizard. Oni, Tim Tammy is one of the smallest wizards we have. And I have to say, I'll walk in for best short. I hope I'm a lucky for best short's narrative. Oh, fingers crossed. And also, and also, guess what? I also, you can't probably tell, but I lost my pants. Oh.

Starting point is 00:07:19 I can't find them anywhere. Okay. Oh, well, your robe seems to be covering the important bits anyway. Do you want me to help you look for your pants? Please help me look for my pants. I need them. Because what if I walk over some subway grate or something? When I go up on stage to receive my award and my robe below up and...

Starting point is 00:07:41 And you see my junk! I'm sure attention Attention, everyone. Everyone cast a path retrieval spell. Er, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha. Oh, I could do this, but I could do this, but I could do this. Er, okay, okay, do it. I could do it. I could do it, you don't have to do it.

Starting point is 00:07:58 I can do it, you can do it too. I don't see. They're both up for best wizards. And Arnie, Arnie, this is classic wizard-choice-or-chidantigans. Like, this is classic Wizard Choice Award shenanigans. Like, this is just absolutely classic. You know, I'll summon my pets. I'll summon my pets.

Starting point is 00:08:10 I'll go somewhere else, I'll summon my pets. I'll have to do it in front of you. I don't have to prove that I can do a spell in front of you, because I'm a wizard. Wee! Oh, there she goes. Oh, yeah. Huh.

Starting point is 00:08:20 Well, Arnie, what do you think of the Crystal Castle that's formed here for the Wizard's Choice Awards? It's quite incredible, isn't it? It is amazing, and there's just so much... There's so many magical artifacts, like I know you've been collecting stuff before. I thought that reminds me, Chant, Chant, Chant, you should put that down, you should not touch it. Oh, it just looks like a funky diamond. Is that what this is? Well, that is a funky diamond, that the funky diamond and if you make an angry

Starting point is 00:08:46 It will destroy us all Okay, wait and it's called the funky diamond. It's called the funky diamond. He got it in one I did do some your mama jokes just a minute ago. Is that bad? Angry guys, is it behind me? Where'd it go? It's not my hands guys. It's not my hands. Well, it's not my hands. Uh, well, it's probably just went to the restroom or something. I wouldn't have to worry about it too much. Even diamonds. What about you, Sennor? What is this gigantic stone? This is like one of the biggest artifacts I've ever seen. Oh, this, this, oh well,

Starting point is 00:09:18 I, this is the, uh, the heart of the castle itself. Uh, it's always the heart of one of a structure appears to the Wizard's Choice Awards. Of course, it's the stone of Ephesius. And it's, you know, it's what links all of the wizards back to the realms of Ephesius. And, you know, if you were ever lost, our connection to that realm would also be lost. And our ability to be immortal. But that's why it slips in and out of pocket dimensions. It's seldom appears. That's why the wizards' choice can happen anywhere

Starting point is 00:09:48 anytime, but I was on a Sunday. Wow. That makes sense now. Now I understand. Yeah, the Sunday part makes sense now. Now, that's not very interesting, but this is a very interesting magical item. This is a magical wand that only makes Turkey really dry.

Starting point is 00:10:05 Ooh, can I try? Yeah, yeah. We've got a whole wall of turkeys over there. Oh, wow. Wow, a wall of tur- let me put down the wand. Wow, a wall of turkeys. This is- this is more impressive. You can try all those out.

Starting point is 00:10:18 Just make them totally unedible. If only being able to make Turkey dry makes you magical, I might be a wizard. No. Well, honey, come on. I've been known to make a turkey. I won't say it. You know what?

Starting point is 00:10:32 I won't say it. Not today of all days. Oh, hum. You said art. Thank you. You're welcome. I get it for you. Huh.

Starting point is 00:10:42 We should finish each others. Face bananas. We should finish each others. Face bananas. We should finish it on each other's come. Oh, look at this. Whoa, the slab of screaming. Oh yeah. I'm gonna press this. Ugh.

Starting point is 00:10:56 Ah. That's a tiny, that was a tiny screen. Oh, that's a pretty, that's a more of like a mone, or a slab of screaming really oversells it. Well, you know, honestly, a couple of wizards choice awards ago It was really like it was really going to town is really screaming screaming Spin-tax came back here. I was like, man. Why are you so screaming so loud? You're taking attention away from me I'm a good spin-back. That's a good choice. Thank you. Oh, this level screaming

Starting point is 00:11:21 Thank you. Thank you. Oh, this level's great. There you go. There's that level screen. Hey, Ray. Ray, Ray. Hey, Ray. Hey, and spin. Hey.

Starting point is 00:11:27 Ooh, that's good too. Thank you. That was actually the spot. That was all the time. Let's make fun of spin-tax. Till it dies. We teach a class. Sure.

Starting point is 00:11:35 I need to make a little lecture and income. Yes. Finish each others income. Excuse me, sir. Hello. I'd like to see some badges or IDs. Oh This is so great. This is our security Cal or

Starting point is 00:11:52 Piss? Kel Vax is trash some more ebb and wing. Yes. I'm security detail for the event Okay, go for a kill great. Oh Oh, okay, go for Cal. Great. Cool. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. They have one of those berries in their ears. Oh, yeah. I think it's screaming. All right. It's easier. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus.

Starting point is 00:12:16 Uh-uh. Well, ID's badges. Cal, Cal, thank you so much for being security for this award show on short notice. And please do not take it personally that we had a whole other security team originally that didn't include you, but since they have all become incapacitated, we are so excited that you and your many swords are on security for the awards. Yep, that's me.

Starting point is 00:12:40 Kell is always the one you come crawling back to. Just like all the rest of the X's. It's except that, I mean, I think it's mostly because they can't, you know, walk on two legs. Most direct dragons are not bipedal. No. KEL, anyway, you wanna see my swords? Yeah, I do.

Starting point is 00:13:02 I'm actually probably going to ask too much about your personal life, but yeah, got any new swords? Oh man, look at this one right here. This one, I ordered a way for, and it's really cool because it has my family crest on it. Hmm, what are the symbols in your family crest? I'm not familiar with this. It's like one of these things is just a thumbs down.

Starting point is 00:13:25 Oh, yeah, that's from my mother's side. Oh. And the pie, that's from the Ebenwing penchant for pie throwing accuracy. Oh. That sounds like a lie. Yeah, it sounds like your family makes bad pies. A thumbs down then a pie. That sounds like a pie. I'm gonna need to see some IDs, serves. Yeah, yes. Where's my badge? Where's my badge? Oh. Here you go. Everything should be in

Starting point is 00:13:59 order. I'll cast my spell and magical lights in front of me. Use it all. Uh-uh. All right. All right. I don't really have any identification. Any ID? You believe we've met. I hired you for this. Sorry, I'm just following the rules, man.

Starting point is 00:14:15 Oni, you should have some sort of pass to be back here. You can't just be back here. Yeah, I feel like I'm a known figure around food. I've been here for eight and a half years. Ever since I fell through a mention of one of my favorite things. I'm gonna have to ask you to calm down. I'm gonna, I'm just need to see some badges. Oh my God, they're, Pant, did you, they're pants? Just flying across, okay, I'll be right back,

Starting point is 00:14:40 but I better see some ID the next time I come back here. No problem. Ony, should I cast a badge for you? Cree for an hour. A thin air? I guess so, yeah. Okay, this should take a couple of weeks. Oh shit.

Starting point is 00:14:52 Spinthead, what I'm telling you is that we need to just kill everyone. This is absolutely outrageous. They won't let me do my talent show. I have a star for them to have me singing. Genglavia the red. To refuse my performance I just want everyone to bleed all over Gene Glevia I've been sharpening knives since the subject of your sentence

Starting point is 00:15:11 Let's kill everyone. I agree. Oh, uh, this is this is so embarrassing. Uh, your wands are on. Oh This is not an accident. I love to be heard This is on purpose and I want everyone to hear that I intend to kill them. Ah, Spentak, you are such a boy, you're an opposite of a boy, you're, which is an extra-your- That's whatever it is. He is an extra-your- He is an extra- he wants everyone to see everything. It is very, very dirty. I've seen way too much of it. There's always more to show. I have many layers inside me, and I can turn myself inside out.

Starting point is 00:15:43 I'll do it for you now. Let me reach inside my belly button. I'll just turn myself inside out Look for that nomination next year that's gonna be nominated. Oh, wow His fleet is quite hot. I will say if there was one organ that I would have intercourse with it would be Spentaxe's fleet Arnie best best spleen play next year with it would be Spentaxes sleeve. Arnie, best spleen play next year. Spentaxes a lot. And here I am back to my original inside out and outside in. Wonderful, wonderful.

Starting point is 00:16:11 So what are you going to do about this situation? I have a song prepared. Well, listen, Genelevia, I also have a song prepared, but I wasn't asked to sing. So I think what you should do is sing your damn heart out. Neither was, this is a good point. Neither was I, was not asked to sing. So I think what you should do is sing your damn heart out. Neither was I, this is a good point. Neither was I, I would not ask the sing. I was I'd... Sing. That was pretty great. That was pretty great. So much stuff caught on fire when you started singing.

Starting point is 00:16:43 Thank you very much. I met it a whole village of Nome's the other day just practicing was so gratifying to see them running around with their little heads on fire. And isn't a burning-nome head music to all of us? Don't you dare try to hike who right now, Spintax? Oh was that a hike who I didn't even try? Ah, boy. Spintax, is it embarrassing that you would repair the exact same song? Embarrassing? Great minds think alike, right?

Starting point is 00:17:09 Isn't that the... Can we hear just a smidge of it? Well, the same part? I don't know if I can hit the same part. I had a last-minute change. Well, it's not as good as mine, but I'd be willing to hear it out in order to insult it change. Well it's not as good as mine but I'd be willing to hear it out in order to insult it afterwards. Well that is not the kind of setting of a stage that I enjoy but I'll take it anyway. The floor's mine here goes. Wait how did you start again? Did you give it to me one more time? Both of them. Oh, it's happening to me.

Starting point is 00:17:45 That one. Oh, yeah. I like that. I like that. Not as good as mine, clearly, but adequate. I also plan to play my green tambourine. Listen as I play, play, play, play, play, play, play. My green tambourine.

Starting point is 00:18:00 Spin tags. I gotta say, before you started singing, I wasn't 100% confident your voice was capable of singing. Good job. I'm insulted, my voice is the most melodious and all of fume. And how dare you compliment another person besides me? Arne, where is you, sir? Eh, yes. Sorry, I was trying to find a pair of pants. Eh, uh, jill, it's so uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Go ahead to me. Well, very often, I imagine myself crawling into a pantry

Starting point is 00:18:46 and opening a jar of honey and sticking my two fingers into the jar of honey. Arnie, I don't know about you, but pantry is just one of those words I just can't get behind. You know, of course you can't get behind a pantry. Please tell me what you're doing. I cover myself in the honey. Please go on.

Starting point is 00:19:02 And then I transform myself into a turkey. A honey glazed turkey. Stop it. And I wait for you to come and consume me. What would you do with some mini carrots, Yosidol? Oh, those mini carrots would also be glazed. No. Yeah, it's talking in their faces are smashed so close to each other.

Starting point is 00:19:21 God. I think they're trying to get nominated next year for, you know, best glazed turkey fucking a rack of ribs. Oh, they got three of that award. Very upsetting. It was upsetting. Please let us continue this later. We have really, really not been near each other

Starting point is 00:19:37 and I have been so thinking of you and so proud of you. I do hope that you beat that little tiny chim tam that chitty. Yeah. Wee! Descendant Calmy! If you say my name, Tim Tam the Chitty! Or I also respond to Tim Tam the Teal.

Starting point is 00:19:56 Wee! Oh, she was inside of, she was inside of, uh, Spintax's tambourine the whole time. That's right! That's right! And I have a terrible headache. Because I was beat up right, I would like,

Starting point is 00:20:08 it was a drying machine or something. Ouch. All right, I wasn't aware, that's why my third from the left bit of bells didn't go off correctly. You've ruined my song, Tim Tim. I was, I was so much between the bells, because I'm a mischievous little wizard, and I was holding the top one up with my hands, and I was holding the bottom one down with my feet.

Starting point is 00:20:31 Your panceless bottoms! I'm going to go to the bathroom and see at the top of my lungs to prepare for my solo which I will take or I will kill people. Goodbye! Or I will kill people. Oh. Good boy! Oh, good boy! Oh, good boy! Oh, good boy! Hey, hey, hey, hey, yo, uh, I'm a props my musical performance on fire right now. Oh. Oh. Jamilius.

Starting point is 00:20:55 Hey, hey, what's up, man? What's going on? You're also doing a musical performance? Yeah, I'm up for a best wizard's album of the year award. I got a bunch of spells, you know, but freestyle're freestyle spells, I put into compilation, you know, and so, you know, it's got nominated. I don't know what I'm going to say, you know. Congratulations.

Starting point is 00:21:10 That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty hot, man. I got some new tracks, some old tracks, put them all together and, you know, just like, you know, spells on spells on spells, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:21:20 And are you, because I know it changes everyone's well, are you going to be performing the spells or the songs or are you gonna have somebody else do it? Well, I'm gonna do some of them, but I have some guests come out to do it from the South, you know, I got some great Southern Southern spellcasters, human, you know,

Starting point is 00:21:37 but they're like to jump on, do some couple of tracks every once in a while. But, you know, I think, I really try to put to the great performance, you know, I just wanna make sure that everybody has a good time, you know, I think, I really try to put to the great performance, you know, I just want to make sure that everybody has a good time, you know, because the music has to bring people together, you know, and spells bring it even closer together, you know. Mm-hmm, that's true.

Starting point is 00:21:53 Oh, speaking of everyone coming together, I believe the opening ceremonies are about to begin. Let's take a quick break before that, though. Yeah. Yeah. Let's take a quick break before that. Yeah. Many put their hope in Dr. Serhat. His company was worth half a billion dollars.

Starting point is 00:22:14 His research promised groundbreaking treatments for HIV and cancer. Scientists, doctors, renowned experts were saying genius, genius, genius. People that knew him were convinced that he saved their life. But the brilliant doctor was hiding a secret. Do not cross this line. That was being messaged to us. Do not cross this line. A secret, the doctor was desperate to keep. This was a person who was willing to coldheartedly just lie to people's faces.

Starting point is 00:22:46 We're dealing with an international fugitive. From Wendry, the makers of Over My Dead Body and the shrink-next door comes a new season of Dr. Death, Bad Magic. I'm Laura Beale. You can listen to Dr. Death, Bad Magic, exclusively an ad-free by subscribing to Wendry Plus in the Wendry app. Since time in Memorial, the Wizards choice awards are already doing the immemorial. The Wizards choice awards have allowed Wizards of all walks of life to come together for a celebration of their amazing accomplishments. Tonight is no different.

Starting point is 00:23:30 And MC, this event tonight, is none other than the one, the only, the greatest mid-niss player of all time, Larry Birdman! Hello, hello, welcome to the Wizard's Choice Awards that can happen anytime and anywhere except always on Sunday. So it's a heck of a treat everybody. We don't know when we'll be back, it could be in a week, next Sunday, it could be in a hundred years. So we're all gathered together and we're going to go through a lot of great awards, a lot of great things tonight. I already saw people dressed up and down on the dead carpet. The carpet made up of the souls of all of the deceased former Wizard's Choice Award winners.

Starting point is 00:24:15 And tonight we'll have all of the great awards. Of course culminating in best Wizard of the Year, but before we get there, things like the Dry Spell award, for the comeback wizard of the year overcoming the longest dry spell. We'll have best supporting wizard, we'll have guest supporting wizard, the guest, the wizard who's brought the most guests this year always gets an award. We'll have best magic act, duo, best magic act, solo, best makeup for the best improvised spell. And we have all sorts of great presenters and everything here. I'm just so excited.

Starting point is 00:24:50 It's taking a step out of my normal role as an athlete and as a commissioner. And I have all sorts of great help here who will be assisting throughout the Wizard's Choice Awards. As we get ready to see what's on the question on everyone's mind. Can the same wizard win the biggest award of the year and the smallest? Yeah! Time will tell. Yeah! The answer is yeah! That's it. It's not. I'm not a wizard. I'm an audience member. I'm not a wizard. That's not a wizard. Who's that lady in the teal? We all know that's you, Jim Tam.

Starting point is 00:25:28 We all know it's you. I'm going to have to escort you out. Please don't make me use a necessary force. Now, helping me with presentations throughout the night is a good friend of mine. And someone I've been on, his podcast on several occasions, and that is Chant the Talking Badger. Thank you so much, Chant, for helping me out.

Starting point is 00:25:50 Of course, I'm a little bit out of my element to the same way you'd be if you were on a bit and spiel, I suppose. Oh, yeah, baby. Thank you so much, Larry. It's great to be here with you. Let's go ahead and get some of the smaller awards out of the way up top.

Starting point is 00:26:06 Great. First for best short, there's one nominee and that's... Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, I'll skid it. Tim Tim, the Tim! Let's take it off. Hey! Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, spin! Boop, swing, swing! Boop, boop, swing! Ah! Here I am! What's that? Thank you to the Academy!

Starting point is 00:26:40 And this... Pfft! And, but I just like to think the had me and I like to think my agents and I'd love to think my... Oh my puppy, my puppy has always believed in me and thank you so much for all of it and I thank you so much and I can't wait to see what other awards I win. This is with the verse of many. Oh, I stepped over, it's that way great. Oh no.

Starting point is 00:27:10 Oh, we can see everything. Oh, why did we have the subway right under the crystal palace here? This is very undangeless. Yeah. Anyway, thank you. Yeah. Who close one?

Starting point is 00:27:19 The Banshee's screams almost took her off. Of course, if you go on for too long, the Banshee's screams will start to sound off. That was Tim Tam, the Teals eighth wizards choice award. Zing's time winner of best small wizard, and one time winner of most conspicuously selfish use of wizardry. So congratulations to Tim Tam.

Starting point is 00:27:42 Yeah, congratulations to T3. And we do have one more quick little word before we have the first sort of speech or big category. And that is, uh, I hate to see this. It is best summoning of tiny pants. The nominees are, come on. Tim Tam, the teal. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Starting point is 00:28:04 Spin text the green. Yeah, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, six, five, two, one. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Wizards. Hey, shit, Tails. This is well-deserved as you can tell by my gloves made of tiny pants all over my hands. They're blinging out. And I worked very little for this award, but I deserve it the most.

Starting point is 00:28:41 More than anyone ever has. And I deserve all the awards, which don't really matter to me because I've won them all already I'll get you spin tax if it's the last thing I do oh Well, I'll see you coming a mile away and you're naked bottoms, and I've got your pants right here right here Here's your left leg. Oh fuck you And already this is classic wizards awards. This is classic shit Oh, is it weird? Did I snuck up next to you on stage? No, that's fine.

Starting point is 00:29:09 And now, for the first speech of the night, you heard his voice earlier, but now here he is, in the flesh, the wickedly powerful, you saw Doree the blue a. Well, chant, you know my name. Sorry, I panicked, I just vaulted it. Oh, who? my name. Sorry, I panic, I've looked at it. I just vaulted it. Oh, who? I just panicked, I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:29:29 Ray finds how much money? Well, all right, everyone, I wanted to just come up here and say, I wanted to thank you all. It's a great honor to be here among you and to be nominated this year for a best wizard. I've never won a wizard's choice award. I've been nominated several times, but I'm very excited. And of course, in honor of this wonderful event that can happen anywhere and anytime, but I was on a Sunday, I wanted to take these nooms and transform them all into caramel corn

Starting point is 00:29:59 for us to eat. Yes, caramel popcorn! Made from the bodies of known. S'enjoyed. Hey, stop! Hey, stop! You should go. Yes, I will. My pants are off now.

Starting point is 00:30:10 Thank you. Back to you, Chant. Back to you, Larry Birdman. No, a great speech there from Yusidor, who famously has been nominated 212 times without a win. Not a single win, well known, has Benet these awards time and time again. All right, 212 nominees today is the day a lot of people think he breaks the streak.

Starting point is 00:30:33 Of course we don't know for sure the Wizard Choice Awards brought to you by the Braggen Dragon. The Braggen Dragon is sight where men and women alike can come online and discuss their sexual exescapades in a heightened fashion for an audience of wizards and dragons. That's the bragging dragon. Check in to read about others. Okay. They've put a lot of money they gave us this glass house. So, no surprises early on. Everyone thought Spin Tex was a near lock for the summoning of the tiny pants. But of course, this is my first time hosting. And one thing I'm pretty excited about is the in-memorium

Starting point is 00:31:16 and then the wizard memorium as well. The wizard memorium, of course, being very short because very few wizards die. The in-memorium about the giant anthropomorphized letters of inn that walk around our Great Land, who have a very short lifespan, and so literally thousands die. So we'll take a quick break while we watch

Starting point is 00:31:37 and see the ends that have passed over the course of this year. Oh, honey, I think that this is going smashingly well so far. And I just wanted to thank you again for putting together the security detail and doing everything that you've done for us. Yeah, go for Kel. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:32:01 Yes. Good. Kel, my friend still doesn't have a badge. I'm sorry. Hello? Yes. My friend still doesn Kale, my friend still doesn't have a badge. I'm sorry, hello? Yes. My friend still doesn't have a badge, but he does have a badge. Yeah. All right.

Starting point is 00:32:12 Well, that count. What does the badgeer say? I say we're good. We're good to go. Also, can we get, we asked for six bottles of local meat? And I don't see that back here. OK, why? We take the security detail,

Starting point is 00:32:25 and that's kind of the job of the stage manager. Gotcha, I'm so chiseled. So, I have more important things to do. But we do need to talk to someone about all the things on our rider. Kell, I hate to point this out, but most of the time you've been just like looking at yourself in this mirror, holding your swords.

Starting point is 00:32:42 That's completely a falsehood. I have also been checking my messages on the bragging dragon. Oh, I believe in support of this whole entire show. And if I didn't have multiple burner accounts on there, then where would we be? Not in this glass castle, I'll tell you that. I guess that's true. Kallie, he'd dig it back into this, but you have a real thing for dragons, right?

Starting point is 00:33:08 It's not a thing for dragons. I am a dragon-enjoyer. I just really appreciate their culture, and I can't help it that, you know, dragon chicks are like just objectively better than the rest of the kinds of chicks that are here. Okay, that seems pretty diminutive to the biology. Speak that way about it. How has your personal life been since last,

Starting point is 00:33:34 since last we saw you? I don't wanna keep asking questions, I don't want the answers to you. And yet, I am who I am. Well, you might be wondering why I'm missing a left hand. I didn't want to ask. I thought it would be rude. It was a reply if you not to ask about it earlier. Yeah, no, I, I, I, I, I, I'm not ashamed of the things that I sacrifice for love. Okay.

Starting point is 00:34:00 Not, not gonna explain that any further than that, that's just... Well, I normally don't kiss and tell. But I will say, that my last girlfriend was, you know, okay, just... Alright, come closer. Okay, yeah, yeah. She was wider, a biter, very kinky. She was what? Very kinky.

Starting point is 00:34:25 She was what? A bitinky. She was what? A bider. A bider. A bider. A bider. A bider. A bider. A bider.

Starting point is 00:34:34 A bider. A bider. A bider. A bider. A bider. A bider. That was easy. A bider.

Starting point is 00:34:42 A bider. A bider. That makes sense. A bider. Okay. I'm not die here. I'm gonna die here. That makes sense. Oh, shit. I'm gonna die here. Okay, I'm gonna need you not to congregate in the hallways, everybody. You had your wand open, you sit on the wall. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry about that. We could hear it.

Starting point is 00:34:53 What? Oh, yeah. Oh, shit, I got, I got, I got to get back on stage. I'm up, I'm up, I'm up. Oh, honey, honey. Blameesh returns with a rainbow ball for you. Oh, thank you, Blameesh. Blameesh, I ordered his drink like five days ago back at the tavern.

Starting point is 00:35:07 Yes, so. The plan wasn't for you to come to the wizard's choice awards, Blanish, where you're gonna, look, I know we have helped take out all the bad thoughts out of your brain. I'm trying to, I don't know who could be listening so I'm trying to be very careful in what I say, but you know, I don't want you to take this wrong way, but you're totally a liability to be here.

Starting point is 00:35:30 I don't know what you mean. Everything about my life has been great. I've been making out with kitchen knives and knives and sides and look at me. Not take a look, I'll take off all my rooms. You can look not a cut, not a nick, not a mark, nothing. Yeah, I've been making out with cats. I've been making out with Jaguar's bigger cats.

Starting point is 00:35:57 I've been experimenting and look at me. You've been experimenting with bigger cats? Yes. Look at this. I've never been better, I've never felt. I don't know what you've never felt. You say look at this. Look at all of that.

Starting point is 00:36:10 I feel like there's so many things I could be, I'm not sure exactly what you're referring to. There's just a lot going on. There's a lot going on. Take your time then. Blimeesh, I am so happy that you have found a newfound sense of happiness and peace. Plus, use it or put a spell on you

Starting point is 00:36:27 that makes you very hard to hurt, but just don't abuse it. Because if you die, that would be very, very bad. It's going great, don't worry about blemish. Okay, well just try to stay away from anybody that looks dangerous, okay, which I guess would be everybody here. Gotta go.

Starting point is 00:36:44 Ever since I was a kid, I've been mesmerized by the power of wizards. We come to the wizards to escape, to be told a story, to see the impossible, made possible. Wizards make us laugh, make us cry. And now I'd like to introduce the man who started these awards. An old wizard who's here to show us how out of touch with reality he is. With the longest speech of the night, please welcome Can. Hello. Oh, damn it.

Starting point is 00:37:21 Oh, God. I am Canifus Induspring, Master of Space and Time, Head Constable of the Can Force, Head Master of the Gisborne of Prebatory School for Young Reasons. I've been booing before, and it's never stopped me. The elves did know me as Kanagan the other living. The elves do know me as Kanagan the other living. The elves do know me as Kendall do space. The elves will know me as Candy Crowley.

Starting point is 00:37:50 The giant's did know me as... Kandal Ruh. Whoa! That was fire! So much fire! Have some caramel popcorn, you piece of shit. Why does everyone hate me so much? Yeah, this is just the worst part of every word ceremony. It's just you getting up here and saying your names forever So I can't you giant swim?

Starting point is 00:38:13 No, me as canalingus if you know what I mean I Kind of like that one. It's kind of laid bare canalingus. We know what you mean It's not really couched with it anything Must we fling more spells that you can take a hint and hit the road yeah, here's another spell for you fart Funny what he's actually oh, oh, he's he's leaving Oh, he's leaving. That's you, Larry. One more fart could kill me.

Starting point is 00:38:46 All right. Well, had some good awards, biggest proof of ward. All sorts of fun. We've seen David Silverfield already taking home two wizards choice awards tonight. Spin Tax the Green with seven already won so far tonight. What about the fancy mercen... What about the fancy mercenawatt? today. Spin Tax the Green with seven already won so far tonight. Building on. What about the fancy

Starting point is 00:39:07 Merkin award? You haven't gotten to that. I'm the only nominee. I'm ready. We'll be we'll be getting to the fancy Merkin just after this message from our sponsors. Toys are us bringing you the Wizard's Choice Awards. That's Toys are us. Chuck, if you ever met us, the Zara of all Toys? No, I mean I've dreamed of meeting him but never actually met him. Yeah, he's terrific, he's tiny, he's Zara of all Toys.

Starting point is 00:39:36 Well he's tiny because he's never grown up, right? That's right, he says don't call us, we'll call you, which is you, another one of those giant anthropomorphic letters, who is the toy maker. So what happens call you, which is you, another one of those giant anthropomorphic letters, who is the toy maker. So what happens is you go to Toys R Us and he gets in touch with you and eventually, a toy will be delivered to you. John, John, sorry, I know you're in the middle of hosting. There's something I think you need to see backstage.

Starting point is 00:40:00 What is it, Arnie? Oh, sorry, I can't. Sorry, I know. No, I can't. Sorry, I'm sorry. No, I gotta, look, there's something about aegi baby. Yeah, there's, oh, there is something about him. He's so precious. Sometimes he'll roll in the sun.

Starting point is 00:40:12 Just right in the perfect little ray of sun, a little pool. No, John, seriously, like some kind of magic ricocheted off of aegi baby. And I think aegi baby is... Finally, atching? What? What? Where, where, where is he? You're following me, following me? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:28 You're starting to think, how are you? I'm okay. Get on your back. Okay, yeah. For once, ride me, some of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:36 Yeah. This is an emergency. See, it's like half cracked open. Oh no. Oh, sweetie. Oh, thank you. Look, whatever comes out, whatever comes out Oh no. Oh, sweetie. Oh Whatever comes out whatever comes out, Chun. Yeah, you're gonna be great. Yeah, uh, hey buddy. Hey, hey, it's okay There's glowing light

Starting point is 00:41:00 Morning, what is that? I came as soon as I heard I brought this truck of magical items. Let me see if there's some sort of egg ceiling wand in here Okay, okay, no, maybe this is good. Maybe it's good that it's a crack here. Yeah, it's good. It's good Oh, we hold my hand Ernie. Hold your hand. Let me see if there's some sort of magical crowbar Okay, oh, I can't look. I can't look you you step over there, and I'll tell you what happens, okay? Okay, thank you. Use it or, is it just me? Or is this thing crawling out of this egg look really familiar? Yes, it does look familiar. Does look familiar.

Starting point is 00:41:53 I'm gonna just try saying the name that I associate with this thing. Is it done? Is it over? Almost just a second, buddy. Hold on, buddy. Two-sit-or? Who? Me? Two-sit-or. Yeah, I- I- I'm sorry, you- you just look a lot like a maybe wizard, we used to know? Oh, thank you. You have no memories, Posse?

Starting point is 00:42:16 I guess I have, yes, I do. I was in an egg. Huh. Hmm. Yeah. Would you like to meet your, I guess, father? Yeah. I have a father?

Starting point is 00:42:32 Yeah. I thought for somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, I thought wizards don't have fathers. Why did I think that? Why? It's debatable whether you're a wizard or not. Oh, really? I have rope.

Starting point is 00:42:45 Oh, hello. Hello. Hey, Chant. This is what came out of the egg. This is, I don't know. This isn't funny. This isn't funny. You said or.

Starting point is 00:42:59 Chant, I think this is a new kind of a noose adore. Yeah, it's noose door. Hi, hi honey You're home I don't know I don't think you recognize members. Yeah, thanks. It's nice to meet you, little buddy on shante What's chat? It's Chat I'm chat. I'm I was your I'm Happy to meet you

Starting point is 00:43:29 Okay, nice to meet you buddy. Hey you all have been so nice that take care I'm gonna go check out what this whole shindig's about. Oh I guess you are Seemed like an adult. Whoa. Yeah, I do seem like an adult and I you know seem like an adult. Whoa, yeah, I do seem like an adult. And you know what, as an adult, I've been rude. Big guy, the name's Nusador. Any Nusador?

Starting point is 00:43:54 No, we got it. We got it in one. Blue guy, the name's Nusador. And I am Nusador. Hey little furry buddy, the name's Nusador. Ooh, a big hug. Thanks man. It's nice to meet the three of you.

Starting point is 00:44:10 Yeah. Well it was nice to meet you too, Nusiddore. It was nice to meet you too, Nusiddore. Hey best of luck. Pick her up so fast. Chant, would you like a hug? Do you need anything? I doubt. it's just...

Starting point is 00:44:27 Yeah, yeah, I'd like a hug. Come here, come here little guy. Come here, I got you. Oh, it'll be okay. I let go, right? Yeah, I let go. You don't want to be a helicopter parent? No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:44:42 Yeah, oh, fuck, yes, you're already... You're right, I almost... Yeah, I know you don't know what a helicopter is. The, no, no. Yeah, oh, fuck, yes, you're already, you're right. I almost, yeah. I know you don't know what a helicopter is. The father of my husband. Yeah, I don't even think about that part. No, this will be fine. This will be fine.

Starting point is 00:44:55 Do you want me to, people are gesturing for you to go back out and continue hosting the show. Oh, no, no, no, no. Do you want me to tell them that we can have, I'm sure Larry Burbin can handle a bite of this. No, no, no, no, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Has it ever occurred to you guys we don't have healthy relationship to he just said I love you he just said I love you too Oh, all right time to get back to the show. Okay. Well, what did I come in here? All right take one of these Okay Oh, hmm. Hello for the magic time

Starting point is 00:45:40 Remember everything. Hey guys who's Kate Winslet? Why do I know that name now? Kate Winslet. Well, it must be a nominee. Again, thank you so much to all of our sponsors, Bragg and Dragon, Toys R Us, Quick Change, and all of the others, really some great sponsors this year, making it all possible for us to do this. Now, John, earlier, we talked about the biggest award of all, which of course goes to Best

Starting point is 00:46:18 Wizard of the Year, which I've fought for a long time to just call Wizard of the Year, because the best is superfluous, in my view, right? Like we know, if you call Wizard of the Year because the best is superfluous. In my view, right? Like we know, if you're Wizard of the Year, it's not... There's a best implied, wouldn't you say? I would say so, but I also know that Wizards can be pretty sensitive. They are pretty egotistical, and they want as many sort of names before that award is possible. That's right. I demand you add another best, best wizard of the best year. Of course, we can't do that because the awards are not annual.

Starting point is 00:46:49 People make that mistake all the time. Could happen next week, could happen 100 years from now. Frankly, a terrible cadence to these awards. I remember one year, the awards start happening in the middle of the awards, and it got pretty active. It was pretty wild. That's right, a great loophole that year, right? Because it can happen anytime, anywhere,

Starting point is 00:47:09 as long as it's a Sunday, including in the middle of other awards. It was wild to see so many wizards winning. Left and right just raking in two award shows at the same time. Of course, he said, or the blue, ah, came out with a big, big egg, big old zero. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:24 I remember that. I remember he was presenting at a time when another award ceremony began in which he was a nominee so he had to break the bad news to himself that he had yet again not won one of the Wizards Choice Awards but tonight that all could change there are only five Wizards up for best Wizard of the Year and for a quick retrospective about one of them Chantal I'll turn to you. Sorry. I don't want to interrupt y'all Sorry, I got a special word going out now to the audience is Jimmy. Oh, sorry. Oh, the best audience award going out to everybody in the audience Except for one wizard going out to everybody in the audience, except for one wizard.

Starting point is 00:48:03 Oh. I'm sorry. Everybody here gets the best audience award, except for you, Laura. I'm sorry, man. As I really should, I tried to make that happen. I'm so sorry. Yes!

Starting point is 00:48:15 I can't believe I won. I'm so sorry. What a problem. So yeah, back to retrospective, sorry, but I just had to make it like you never had a great. No, no, no, of course. And also, you've just won best pandering to the audience award which The thing is possible! Yeah!

Starting point is 00:48:46 And now, let's get to the best wizard of the best year award. And of course, we'll see a clip from each wizard. Yeah, let's start with, you know her as Tim Tam the teal, or perhaps Tim Tam the titty, but whatever you know her as, you know she's incredibly small, but here to show you that height isn't everything. Here's a quick retrospective of some of the things Tim Tim the teal has done this year. Hey, where's this boat going? Can I get on it?

Starting point is 00:49:18 Guess what? You don't have a choice because I'm already on it. I'm so tiny, you... I'm on on it. I'm so tiny. I'm on the boat. Oh, Paris. Paris is quite nice. She's got my vote. Of course, Arnie Paris is the matchmaker in food. Everyone goes to Paris. They want to find a mate, you know. she got a boat. I don't know, we even need to see anymore of the retrospective after, I mean, that tiny wizard, when she got a vacation. Oh, the Duchy of Liberty.

Starting point is 00:49:57 Look at the Duchy of Liberty. Vigor that I thought it'd be, and I'm tiny. So Tim Tam, you know, a bunch of places, but I didn't see you go anywhere in the southern region of the land. No, she did. Oh, no, I did. Yeah, I did. I'm talking to you from my retrospective right now.

Starting point is 00:50:16 I'm speaking to you from the video right now, and I did. I didn't know if people's retrospective videos break the fourth wall. This is absurd. I agree, Felicia. I'm with Jimi-lius, Tim Tam, the Teals to White. I'm Tim Tam, the Titty, or Tim Tam, the Teal, and I approve this message. Incredible. Just incredible, Chuck, that Tim Tam knew exactly how this award show would go. And therefore, in some of the magic she was doing earlier this year, actually addressed the future and perfectly responded to some points that would be made.

Starting point is 00:50:51 So once again, the tricks. A powerful wizard to address hecklers in the past. Magnificently done. And Tim Tam, the deal not wearing pants in any of those clips. Never once. Never once. Next nominee was the great multiple time. I believe 212 victories for this. So the exact opposite of Usador, and that is the great Spin Techs, the green. And let's see one of the great moments

Starting point is 00:51:24 from Spin Techs, Green Gear this year. How does our hip sole and as I speak those words you can tell that your children are safe really return to their beds they've been missing for a year and I've returned this whole village's children to them. I don't know where they were. They certainly went with me Feeling my my magical devices at my my castles dungeon for years and years toiling around walking in circles pushing wheels That didn't happen and now I've delivered them safe to you. Caldas are epsilon your kids are home I love you all to buy. Oh, this is interesting. Jim Tam the te teal is appearing in Spin Tax's clip. I haven't seen this before.

Starting point is 00:52:05 Hey, I'm back here. Do you see me? Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder. Tim Tam is spell bombing. Spell bombing a clip. We don't really see that. The etiquette is usually a ghost move. Ah, so for me.

Starting point is 00:52:22 Cold-sa, chair, a ruptar. We're leaving. Leave. That way, please. Get out of my clip. So for me! Cold-sac, can't run up to our repeat leave! Zap Zap Lasers! Get out of my clip! I didn't know there was a leave leave spot. Perfect ending to Spentax's clip. That's surely going to help give him the lead to say his classic catchphrase, Zap Zap Lasers. You might see that on a lot of t-shirts here tonight in the audience.

Starting point is 00:52:42 A lot of plushy Spentax's Zap Zap Lasers, of course, one of the most well-known catchphrases out of all the Wizards Larry. Yeah, saved 100 children this year, hard to beat that. But you know, Tim Tam did get on that boat. Another one that we need to see of course is 212 times a Bridesmaid never a Wizard's Choice Award winner and that is Yusador but this year he's done something no wizard has ever done and it's incredibly powerful and incredibly important and here with a brief interview

Starting point is 00:53:21 that was taped just hours ago Y you store the blue explaining what it took to pull off the incredible. Okay, so we'll just put together this fake interview that they'll use later in the show. So just so you can just make up some bullshit about how you did this thing. I really didn't edit this, didn't I? Well, someone will edit it later on, don't worry.

Starting point is 00:53:47 Okay. Yeah, so don't worry if you need to like take a moment and say anything like, you know what, before we really get into it, like who do you hate at the Wizard's Choice Award? Like, like what? What are the, you know, what are the, like do you ever get there and you're just like,

Starting point is 00:54:03 ugh, grang or the gray, like that guy again, woo. Well, I get there and you're just like, oh, gringo or the gray, like, my guy again, woo. Well, I think I assume you're trying to get me to say spin-tax, but really, I don't hate spin-tax. It's really Tim Tamleteele, who's driving me that shit crazy right now. I mean, that's good news. I'm upset. Well, Olli, I just want to be sure that we get a good speech over to them, because I

Starting point is 00:54:30 just want them to understand we're getting really cheap, but true death. I want them to believe that. I want them to think. What is this? What is this? What is this? It's on fake. Yes, bro.

Starting point is 00:54:40 If they find out that the dark who has trapped him blemishes body and that he's the one, we'll actually figure out a way to jump from body to body and then ride in the forest. I'll never win this thing. It's a true man. It's a true man. Surprise. Settle down everyone. You know what?

Starting point is 00:54:57 That reminds me, you Sador. This might be a weird time to do this. You know, I remember email recently from a listener. I've never really been to take what I've just got at a ball reveal here. You don't want to email recently from a listener. Uh... I've never really been to take one of these. We just had a bomb revealed here. Are we going to keep the tape running of this? Yes.

Starting point is 00:55:12 Incompetent, interfueling. I want to hear what I have to say. Hey, Mailman, magic tavern. A puppy's that supplies. It's a really email address. They wrote, hey, Arnie, Badger Boy, and Dick Bisk. I have been going through past episodes in preparation for the Wizards' Choice Awards.

Starting point is 00:55:24 And wanted to share some information that you already know with you. You said, or blah blah blah, they go on for a while. The flowers still open. You said, or did kill the Dark Lord. The listeners heard this happen and you saw all of it. The DL hopping his soul into a carfoon happened after the Dark Lord's death, beam of light and all. But most importantly, I believe that the Dark Lord being imprisoned within blemish is the best possible result. And most importantly, I believe the Dark Lord being imprisoned within blemish is the best possible result in use of our and the Dark Lord's potential confrontations. Trapping him with in blemish, who is painted with a forbidden ink, ensures he is indefinitely

Starting point is 00:55:56 powerless. Is anyone enjoying listening to the person? I'm loving it. I love it. I love it. And that a new Dark Lord will not arise. My thinking is that there is no need for farce and that being upfront about the dealings with the dark lord Wait, did that no need for hearts?

Starting point is 00:56:11 Sorry you so I'm just laughing about something unrelated of course Larry one more fart could kill can Would ensure was it choice awards more than trying to keep a semantic line? I'm a feature right here. Why is it only speaking so much? Where is Yusodor? Yes, turn this video off. Well, I do apologize. It seems like such a good idea in the classroom. You can say the name on and off the podcast if you want. Jonathan Fairfax.

Starting point is 00:56:37 Fuck Jonathan. Two problems. One, I'm showing the wrong tape. Two, I'm not sure how to stop it. So is Jonathan Fairfax here? Jonathan Fairfax. Johnny, I was in the John. How's it going out here? Oh, shit, you sonore.

Starting point is 00:56:51 You sonore, I demand you come out here and explain yourself. Oh, what's in it? Well, good news, bad news. Good news is, a listener named Jonathan Fairfax thinks you should be honest and that that would be the best thing that it would really pay off. The bad news is, I think we accidentally just told everybody that the Dark Lord is trapped within Blumish. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's good.

Starting point is 00:57:12 This is gonna be a world my Murkin Award. Now a song from Randy Newdman. This is the magic cool upside down and choose a cool every reason This is this is absurd isn't this is Oh no no wait wait please hear me out I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We got a question. Tell me to be on the line. I'm going to get the order. I'm sorry. You have to explain. You have to explain. I'm one type of Wizards Choice Award winner as part of this audience and I have something

Starting point is 00:57:53 to say. I think even though you said or here has never won a Wizards Choice Award and it's starting to seem right now like maybe he never will. I think he should have a chance to defend himself about what's going on here. You should have told him. We did good. We all did good stuff, right? We did the best we could, given the circumstances, and yes, I lied about it, but I knew that if everyone found out that the

Starting point is 00:58:26 Dark Lord was technically still alive, that there was a chance that the forces of evil may come and kill blemish and allow him to re-econate in a new form. I have done everything I can to end his dark reign, by trapping him in this body and keeping him in the basement. I've… basement I've Well, I've done What I set out to do the reason I was brought into this world by a conspiracy of birds and rain and wind and fire To ensure that there was a champion that would protect us from the forces of evil should I come stand by you during this part? No, I'll kill you

Starting point is 00:59:00 No, no, no, don't play it. Wait, wait, wait, before we go all... Zap Zap lasers trademark. We should... Where did you get all that sword though? That wasn't from their pants. Ah-ha! Swish, swish, swish! We're a letter open air, see, so tiny.

Starting point is 00:59:18 Hey, my limited edition! It's mine now! You said, or, you did such a good job, except you just had them play that video, that very long video that was unedited and you spilled everything on the video, and it seems like maybe really one of people didn't know about this terrible betrayal

Starting point is 00:59:38 you have enacted upon all the wizards. Yes, terrible! We could have all taken your lead and all fulfilled our true purposes. And all experienced the real death you could have had a wizard genocide on your hands because of this stupid lie. Uh, well, I just thought... I thought if the world knew the Dark Lord still was alive,

Starting point is 00:59:58 there was a chance... I... a chance that he would come back. And I wanted to protect the world, and I-I'd hope that you, as my fellow wizards, would understand that. But you're under right to trap a-a dark lord in-in-such a-in-such a casing. Yeah, what's next? You're going to trap me somewhere? That'd be worse.

Starting point is 01:00:20 Don't chance me. Spin-tax. Oh, I'll tempt him. Look at everybody everybody guys. Do you know what's happening inside of him? Like, is a dark war like in a weird, like, odd prison where he's like, expression, torture and pain? Or is he having the best time of his life

Starting point is 01:00:36 and experiencing paradise both are bad? Is it like a motel sexist? Because those are terrible. Those are the main count as awful. What if I took off my robes and everyone could look at my naked form? Yeah! No, it would help a little.

Starting point is 01:00:49 It would turn out like this. You can't imagine. Let's check it out. I like it. See what's going on. Take a long look. Wow. Do you have genitalia?

Starting point is 01:00:58 Are you just tucking it somewhere? That cat. That cat is his dick. That's genitalia. That cat is his dick. Oh, that cat. Oh that cat. Oh My god, I didn't choose this I killed the dog road. I see I can see the genitalia. Oh Good one Tim death. Thank you

Starting point is 01:01:18 That's a win next year. That's totally win next next the word ceremony Yeah, look everybody we can maybe agree that maybe the lie wasn't the best thing and I think you you said, or, and, and I look, I was complicit in that lie. And so it's, Sean, we're sorry about that. And also, you know what, while we're at it, we can all agree that listener Jonathan Fairfax had a bad idea that we should let people know what this is. Do you get paid every time you say Jonathan Fairfax? Why do you keep saying that man's name? And I think we can all agree that the one time Willie Crystal doesn't host the Wizard's Choice Awards.

Starting point is 01:01:48 It turns into a complete shit show. I apologize. Agreed. There's a guy made of crystal? Yeah. He has a Willie made of crystal. Yeah, yeah, right. Willie Crystal, I think we can all agree.

Starting point is 01:02:00 This is his castle. Yes. Well, this individual with this cat genitalia, whatever it is, is one of the worst vessels that we could have put the dark Lord into. It's quite, quite frankly, very insulting. Agreed! Agreed! No wizard deserves it. I didn't, I didn't choose this.

Starting point is 01:02:17 Look, the thing that might not be clear is, look, you soared in, figure out how to cheat the true death. Actually, the dark Lord figured out how to cheat the true death. And that's how he hopped into this body. Well, I'd like to interview him. Let's get a video of him up there. His travels, maybe a wedding. Yeah, where is he?

Starting point is 01:02:32 His retrospective. Yeah, you can't. You can't. Fourth nominee for Wizard of the Year, the Dark Lord. Come on. Oh, let's get about it here. Yes, Wizards deserve the freest will of all. We're the most powerful beings, and we deserve to hear if the Dark Lord consents to stay

Starting point is 01:02:50 within this cat-dick human. Let's rip him in half and find out. Let's do it! Fireball! Oh, shit! That's that one! Oh, shit! That's that one!

Starting point is 01:03:00 John, you said we have to protect the blemish. Oh, uh, uh, uh, Kel. Kel, come on swing your sword Who's this he says girl what do you tell You bring a plus one Messed up my game oh a bider I see a bider If you see my left leg around

Starting point is 01:03:28 If you see my left leg around somewhere, it can just toss it my way. I can just drag us with this dragon-corn show. I'll watch that later, but it's cute. Flings! Flings! Flings! Oh, my! I call down a cavalcade of acid rain! No, no, no, stop.

Starting point is 01:03:41 They're off to all to all. I am telling you. Now, if you insist on allowing the Dark Lord to be reincarnated, I shall do something no wizard has ever done. I shall destroy the stone of Ephesius, our connection back to the realms, and I shall ensure that... Shut your damn mouth.

Starting point is 01:04:01 You should order to. What'd you do, man? I'll ensure no one returned from the dead Everyone will have the true death from now and for forever That that seems very spiteful Yeah, well, I'm sorry I promise you as your best friend and sometimes enemy that if you do this you'll be the first to die at my hands my giant hands No, I'm out of my hands my teeny tiny hands

Starting point is 01:04:29 You should be the first to die. Did nobody else hear Cana Lingus? That's right. Look! He actually does deserve the first true day. Thank you. That's all I have to say. My ears are burning! 100%. You said, well, please don't do this. Actually, you're just giving us incentive to kill you first.

Starting point is 01:04:44 And I don't want to kill you. I want your hands all over me all the time, but we really should talk. Oh, well, I guess we... You said, or are you sure about this? If you destroy this thing, it'll be possible that you could die. Well, if it's that's what it takes to kill the Dark Lord, that's what I'm sent here to do, right? Yeah, and I gotta say it feels also kind of appropriate. Look, we accidentally killed blemish once

Starting point is 01:05:05 It's kind of nice that we can try to save him this time. It's true. Even though he's gross. We don't need your storytelling arc here Okay, we're not here to make you look hey Still kind of a good arc right anybody anybody agree with that. Yeah, I already big thumbs up If I if I may. Yeah, okay. Also, thank you, Miss Titt, for the tiny pair of pants to stunch the blood flow and active. You got it. Well, as someone who isn't a wizard here and the wizard's choice, the lords, I got to say that life is very short, but a brief candle for those of us who are not wizards, but it is made all the sweeter for its ephemeral nature.

Starting point is 01:05:51 I've got, I'm really, I'm really kind of losing all of it. It's lost a lot of it. It's not too tiny, they don't even cover it at all. I just, they're in the wound now. They're inside the It doesn't really make mortality look good. No, thank you Cat-cow Cow Cow

Starting point is 01:06:17 Is cow dead? I think I think I think it's co-go. I can't tell if this is like a kink or a cow? A KV both. Yeah. While everyone's been distracted, I've snuck up behind Blamish, and I have a syringe of poison to his throat. What? Nice!

Starting point is 01:06:34 What? Good job! I've conjured this syringe of poison. It's got all nine of his poison mixed together. I'm doing the two, I'm doing the two, I'm doing the two. Thank you, Tim Tam. Tim Tam, you're just holding the end of spin-tax this syringe. Yeah, but I'm doing the two, I'm doing the two, I'm doing the two. Thank you, Tim Tam. Tim Tam, you're just holding the end of spin texas to Rude. Yeah, but I'm doing the two, I'm doing the two.

Starting point is 01:06:48 She's helping, she's helping. This whole time I've been solely filling up his stomach with bread. I'm like, madly encanting bread into his stomach. You said, or, look, I'll support you whatever you decide to do. But you know what? Wizards are kind of dicks. Do they deserve to live forever? No, it's made us all nuts.

Starting point is 01:07:06 Plus, I'm never gonna win that damn award. Well, you sure that's the thing. A bunch of wizards sitting around hoping for awards. Why do you need awards? You're the most powerful creatures in Foon. Isn't that enough? I think so. That's why I've always fought for the forces of goodness and to try to make the world a little better than

Starting point is 01:07:27 How it was when I found it just how And if what would make the world better is to make sure that wizards aren't immortal anymore then so be it I supply to the top of this crystal castle and I shall take the stone of easiest off of the edifice That we're manifested here with this castle and I shall crush it with my great wizardly power. And... ...and... ...and... ...and...

Starting point is 01:07:52 ...and... ...and... ...and... ...and... ...and... ...and... ...and... ...and...

Starting point is 01:08:03 ...and... ...and... ...and... ...and... ...and... ...and... Oh my god! Ouch! Oh, it feels like menstrual grabs, but what? Ow! Ow! Oh my god, ouch! There. It is done. No.

Starting point is 01:08:15 The stone of a fecesist is destroyed. Wait, does this mean wizards aren't immortal anymore? Everyone back the fuck off! Back the fuck away from me! No one touched me! What'd you do, man? We'll never be able to have all those inter courses with all those spears and other things that you put in everywhere. This is horrible! Oh my god.

Starting point is 01:08:33 I'm just not realizing how much danger a shit there is in this room. Look, you said we're man. I'm terrified, man. I was able to live this life because I can live forever. I'm a black wizard, man. What'd you do, man? You must have my entire life, man. That's twice. That's twice you screw me over you. The worst dad figure I've ever had my life.

Starting point is 01:08:52 Oh, too many of you. I'm never going to be able to get on a boat again. I don't think that's true. I'm not. It can be able to live in a megacity more. The temperature gets very low, and I don't know when frostbite sets in, but it's probably just anywhere. So I'm gonna have to move to the beach and just shut myself in and grab myself and cotton.

Starting point is 01:09:11 This is very upsetting, Yusodoh. How am I gonna forgive you? I feel germs and viruses invading my body, crawling on my skin, trying to invade me and tear apart my meat! What have you done to us, Usador? Well, I mean, people survive all the time and still do great acts of wonder and heroism, even if they are immortal. We're not people, you idiot! Yeah! Who is this, man? I will do nothing for no one ever again.

Starting point is 01:09:39 It's all about me, me, me now. I'm me, preserving me. Yes. I mean, my skin, I can feel it. Oh, I mean, I, my skin, I can feel it. Oh my God. Oh my God, I can feel a wrinkle. Do I have a wrinkle, Tim Tam? Do I have a wrinkle?

Starting point is 01:09:49 Oh my God. Yes, there's an arm. I'm stuck in one. Ah! This is a one die. Is this how I die? Tim Tam's gonna die right here right now on one of those gigantic wrinkles.

Starting point is 01:10:01 Yes. We can't trust anything right now. Everything is a danger. Everyone, stay back. No one breathed on me. Do we get germs now? Can we dive a term? Oh no.

Starting point is 01:10:10 We gotta shut it down. Jamelius. Jamelius is right. We've gotta have order. Yep, what do you mean? We gotta take this entire thing and shut it down. Wizards love everybody. We're declaring Wizards long.

Starting point is 01:10:23 Mike makes right. No, no no no no yes No one in an out of phone no one moves around full unless it wasn't demands it all wizards all the time all authority Yeah, ten feet around every wizard. We must have a border of a protection and Definitely some skin cream. Please give me some skin cream I'm going to fly to the far east and I'm going to assemble an army to protect me of skeletons and demon bowls and Fire things. I'll have no part of this you may can split up food if you want into different territories and Try to be the the rulers of those areas, but I will have nothing to do with wizard law

Starting point is 01:10:58 You said or use it or really be careful. You're up kind of high here. Why don't you take my hand? You don't really you could fall You're up kind of high here. Why don't you take my hand? You don't really, you could fall. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you give you we'll give you shorts for like yeah, we'll give you swords really Kell even while dying Kell keeps talking to themselves in the mirror That looks good Goodbye, you said oh, we'll never be able to intercourse again Who knows what intercourse can do to a person age them anything? I just oh no like dear. How could you disappoint me so much? I didn't know. Oh no. I didn't mean to disappoint you.

Starting point is 01:12:09 The castle's falling apart. The wizard's choice awards is over. Quickly. We must all escape. Escape. I hate you all, and if I see you again, I'll kill you. Turning myself into a rocket and blasting off into the sky. I'm going straight to Paris to have a nice coffee at a cafe.

Starting point is 01:12:27 He's grown. Tim, Tim is true. I love you all so much. You just now realize that? Oh look, Larry Burmese. He's shimming down a rope. How about a hair? This was a disaster.

Starting point is 01:12:41 Goodbye Larry. Somebody get Willie Crystal's agent on the phone immediately. I used to go. Uh, yes Jim and Ace. I think you were right. What? I think that we are all Dix. We are the biggest Dix in the entire land, man.

Starting point is 01:12:55 Uh, we don't have to be. We can start using our powers to help people again and create a better world if we just work together. Zap Zap, please! Attack! Oh no! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Starting point is 01:13:11 Jamilies! Oh, they're not the four. Oh! I know they got my market award! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, I need market award!

Starting point is 01:13:23 Quickly, Olli, we must make our escape. Everyone, on to this sh- I ain't to eagle, I have summoned here. Whoa, that- that appeared so fast! Yes, I conjured it out of the thin air. But don't say anything about it's- about it's third wing. Whoa, look at that third wing, it's a three goal! No, no, no, no, no! You came up with that name so fast! Well, I just assumed that's a wing on the belly?

Starting point is 01:13:46 Quick, that's gonna be for show, right? It's not even moving. Everyone, up on the back! This game flies with me in three wings. Hey, you used it, or? Yes. What is the wizard Law even mean? It's a terrible... old law, chunt.

Starting point is 01:14:10 When I near, thought would come to fruition. Oh, the wizards. They have laid their claims, and all shall wage war against them, and they shall wage war against us. I have everyone shall come into conflict with the wizards now for freedom itself as it's stake. They shall dictate what we eat when we sleep, how we sleep, where we sleep, how long we sleep, and all sorts of other laws too. Things that don't even have to do is sleep. A lot of sleep centric stuff, it's stuff. Yeah, but a lot of stuff about what we eat and where we go and who we talk to, it's terrible. So, Fune is fucked So, food is fucked. Food is fucked.

Starting point is 01:14:47 Arnie, food is fucked! Food is fucked. The only slower lining is it seems like a pretty exciting thing to explore in the next season. We got unfucked food! That's a T-shirt. Hey, you, Sador. Yes, John. Um, I stole one of these backstage. I just wanted to give it? Yes, John. I stole one of these backstage.

Starting point is 01:15:06 I just wanted to give it to you. And I want to officially award you the best wizard of the best year award from Arnie and I. Oh, thank you. Well, I really appreciate it. I mean, it's not official, like the one I won for being in the audience. Yes. And I won the same audience one, because, definitely, you know, I'm in the audience as well, even though I'm appreciate it. I mean, it's not official like the one I won for being in the audience. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:25 And I won the same audience one because, definitely, the, you know, I'm in the audience as well, even though I'm on stage. I know it says it's engraved to best Merkin, but you'll know in your heart and mind that it's the best ways to do it the best you're really. Well, it's the thought that counts. Also, if it makes you feel any better, I got this email from a listener, the email, the magic tab, and it puppies that supplies. Oh, is it that guy again? from a listener. They emailed me a magic tablet. Puppy set supplies. Oh, is it that guy again?

Starting point is 01:15:46 What's his name? It's a different one. It says, hello, Arnie, Chant, and Yucidor. Ever since the recent episode with Bar North, the lawyer, Arnie has been calling himself the greatest lawyer in all of Foon. And I just want to point out that this is not the case. Since Yucidor was defending Arnie,

Starting point is 01:16:02 it was technically him and not Arnie who defeated Bar North, making Yucidor was defending Arni, it was technically him and not Arni who defeated Barnor, making Yusur and not Arni the true greatest lawyer in all of Finn. PS don't die. Sincerely, DJ Buttsu. Wow. Thanks DJ Buttsu. A lovely gesture.

Starting point is 01:16:18 I suppose I'll add that to my list of incredible titles. So hold on. Arni, DJ Buttsu. Are they just on the twos? We don't have time for that. You know, the ones in twos? The DJ Buttsu will just be on the twos. Arnie, does that make sense? We don't have time for that.

Starting point is 01:16:40 We don't have time for that. But does it make sense when I'm asking? Yes, on the twos, just the twos? I think I'm a better thing to end our entire season on than the twos line. So the wizards are at war now and on top of that on the only one who knows there's a military strike force from Earth that's infiltrated Foon, I'm gonna need a bigger cape. It's time for me to take action and fix this. But let me first wrap this up one more time for the season. Yours are the wizards was played by Matt Young.

Starting point is 01:17:24 Chant the talking Badger was played by Matt Young. Chontha-talking Badger was played by Adolfi. Tim Tam, the Tio, was played by Mary Holland. Kelvaxis, the sword bro, was played by Erika Ishii. Check out her narrative play podcast, World's Beyond Number. Even though we know there's just the one. Geneleviya the Red was played by Felicia Day. Check out Third Eye. Felicia's new scripted fantasy comedy audio adventure about a failed chosen one whose

Starting point is 01:17:49 life is turned topsy-turvy by a girl who admires instead of hates her. Out now at audible.com slash Third Eye. It stars Felicia Day, Sean Aston, London Hughes, Lily Peachew, Will Wheaton and featuring Neil Gaiman as the narrator. Hmm, I could appreciate a good framing device. Spin Tax The Green was played by Charlie McCracken. Jimuilius The Maw was played by Anthony LeBlanc. Check out Charlie McCracken and Anthony and lots of other great performers in Letters

Starting point is 01:18:18 to Santa, a 24 hour charity improv show December 16th through the 17th at the Elysian Theater in LA and streaming online. Larry Birdman was played by Rush Howellah. Blamish was played by Martin Wilson. Did everyone else get a little tired hearing that one credit? Me too. Ah, hello! We're still down here! Yeah, I've gone anywhere. Yes, I haven't forgotten about you, there's just a lot going on right now.

Starting point is 01:18:44 Okay, listeners, if you haven't caught on, this is the season finale. Yes, the thing you just heard! We're taking a few months off before, don't say I didn't warn you, returning with season 5. Don't worry, you're still going to be inundated with quote-unquote content during that break. In two weeks, you'll have the annual slap annual slap together winter solstice bonus scene. Then after that, roughly every other week will be unlocking stuff from the Patreon and putting it on the main feed. Mmm, delicious sloppy seconds. Starting with the rest of season one of Shadow City.

Starting point is 01:19:18 A cops and robbers actual play, DM'd by Anthony Birch. And if you're not getting enough regular magic tavern, expression of wonderment, these next few months are a great time to join the Patreon, where we'll be running the long awaited season 4 of offices and bosses, along with some extra surprises, like a comic strip. Now it's not a surprise. Speaking of the Patreon, hello from the magic tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the magic, hello from the Magic Taverness and Independent Production. Made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavron Patreon. Supporters like William Freeman, Paul Mosary, Stephen Barry, Andrew Anderson, I hated

Starting point is 01:19:55 when AI generates names. Suzie N.W. Danny Janie, Adam Blythe Smith, Kirsten Kaderah, Brooke Ross, Alex Mobre, Jack Gore, Matt Harling, Peter Ramcasun, Jun Liu, Celeste and Chris Wulston. Patrons get ad-free episodes, the entire back catalogue, including all the previous spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. And very soon, those bonus episodes will be a new season of offices and bosses. Here's a clip from the most recent Patreon episode. Have I your permission to site beyond site to see if I can identify the prize inside?

Starting point is 01:20:38 Yeah, can he thunder cat this for us? Oh please do. Oh, it is a cramly. The cracker, fig or re. Oh, you're, you're the, you are wealthy. This is invaluable. This is the lucky. Do you guys want to celebrate by eating some delicious crackers? Let me just open this up.

Starting point is 01:20:59 No, no, no, no, no. I will kill you, Philistine. It's just Philistine. It's just the figurine. If you open the cracker tin, it will lose all of its value. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have the treasure of Shangri-Groggar in your hands,

Starting point is 01:21:14 and not just some dumb princess. What? Shut up! Shut the fuck up! No, there's this. Did someone say that the treasure of Shangri-Groggar is... Not literal. It's not literal.

Starting point is 01:21:24 You've got too much to do, Knight. Get out of here. You've made your quests. It's supposed to find an egg. To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Do you find yourself literally begging for this to end? Too bad. You can also find out about the upcoming Patreon meet and greet on Discord talking about the season finale. With Arnie, Matt and Adel at 9pm CT on December 14th. Hmm, I'm free that night, not that anyone asked. Hello from the Magic Havrin is produced by Arnie Knee Camp Matt Young and Adel Ruffi.

Starting point is 01:21:56 If you're hoping they'll include you in upcoming fun events, well, every time the heart is broken it only becomes more resilient. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Associate Producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Sage GC. Hello from the Magic Hover logo by Alert Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Oh, okay, that's everything.

Starting point is 01:22:17 Where's that intercom? Here we go. Attention, goblins being held captive in the lower levels. A, sorry the story left you behind. B, who am I speaking to? I'm Nerf. I'm Einta. There are a lot of astounders.

Starting point is 01:22:32 There's so many of us here, it's crowded! That's enough, I don't have time for character development. Listen up, I'm unlocking all the doors. You have full access. This facility is yours to do with as you see fit. All I ask in return is that you keep an eye on Whatever goes up in place of that Burger King All right so much for this way station time to go somewhere. I really don't want to be Oh, you need a metal contraption to transport yourself

Starting point is 01:23:07 Oh ho ho ho! You need a metal contraption to transport yourself, YONG! Look, pal, I knew Nikola Tesla and he would not have liked that boxy disaster. Over this fence? Alright, let's see if this portal detector is still functioning. I should not have used it as a whisk so often. There it is, still there. This angle is tricky. I am really not looking forward to this, but... ...in I go! Oh, Arnie, look, the tape of Tim Tam the Teal. There's more vacation videos. Ah! Here I am in South Dakota. Yep, she.

Starting point is 01:23:56 Wow, and oh, look, there's, look at all the, there's so much grass. Oh boy, I love it here. There's look at all the there's so much grass. Oh boy, I love it here. I'm gonna next, I'm gonna go, oh gosh. We all go. Hey Arnie, I just realized this isn't a clip. That's just, that's just Tim Tim standing on stage.

Starting point is 01:24:23 Oh, where am I gonna go? Here I am, it's Althacoda. Wee! Let's get out of here for this whole damn castle collapses.

Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 100 - Wizards' Choice Awards (w/ Felicia Day, Mary Holland, Rush Howell, Erika Ishii, Anthony LeBlanc, Charlie McCrackin and Martin Wilson)

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