Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 30 - Rats

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

There's a party going on at the Strange Familiar, hosted by a rat fraternity.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiDorisue: Matt YoungCharlie Havarti: Sean CoyleGreg Cheese: Waleed MansourMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Sage G.C.Magic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

People of the following podcast is not real. And if you're just rolling off a fresh air into this, well, on our program there'll be much less swearing, no prank calls to the elderly, and absolutely no repeated ringing of a gong while screaming, you got grossed. No just Earthbound audio performers describing parallel universes that don't exist so there's no use in worrying about them. So, sit back, know that you're safe from the heavy metal-infused, shocked from the magical land of food and I'm your host, Darni Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Seven years and three months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king, blah blah blah.

Shunt! Dora-suit! Duh, who use it or? I need guys guys! Yeah, what's up, what's up, what's up? I'm sorry, you know how much I love doing the intro to the podcast, but I kinda have something important to talk about. Oh, yes! Is everything okay? Did you catch an STD? I'm sorry, you know how much I love doing the intro to the podcast, but I kind of have something important to talk about oh Yes is everything okay. Did you did you catch an STD?

No, why is that every time? You can you can tell us you can tell us and you can show us Can I would I know I mean I guess it's good to know that would you should you in a boat? Would you could you with a goat? I mean, is that what happened with a goat? Are you that goat? No, no, we're going down a very straight road. And that's coming from me. I hope.

What? Or any what is it? So remember, we went to Hogs face there a couple weeks ago. It was a nice little getaway. You know, when we came back, it took me a couple days, but I was like, oh, that's right. We've got the Dark Lord trapped in the basement. I should probably go check on how

Tormelene Dragon Teen, who's watching the Dark Lord, has been doing down there. So I go down there. Tormelene Dragon Teen is a sleep, hey Arnie. Arnie, huh? Are you being paid by the word to tell this story? Yeah. Oh, okay, I'm sorry, go ahead.

I am. In a way, I mean, I guess it's more than by the time. I'm, look, in some ways, I am being paid to fill this time. And so, maybe I'm putting too many words into this time. I could slow it down and it would be fine. Okay, yeah, go ahead. I just thought, I just thought maybe you bought stock in long-windedness, but I'm the asshole Hmm, I mean your words, not mine. No. Okay, continue, it happens. So I'm just saying the Dark Lord was gone.

What? The Dark Lord who we're keeping in the basement was gone. And here's the thing, I should have told you both immediately, but I didn't. What? What? What do you mean he's gone? No, no, no, no. Oh gosh, but gosh. I, yeah, that's something I've heard you say already. I don't. What? What? What do you mean you've gone? No, no, no. Oh, gosh, but gosh. I, yeah.

That's something I've heard you say already. I don't know what I'm saying. I know. I say it all the time when my pants start to fall down. It sounds like a dumb chicken. Oh, gosh, but gosh. I have. But tell us what happened.

Did you find it with that? Oh, now you want me to tell you what happened. Oh, too many words. Okay, how much do you, you? I didn't say that. I have 10. Okay. I have 10 gold pieces. Here you words. Okay, how much do you really want? I can say that here. I have 10 gold pieces. Here you go.

Okay, tell us. And Yusunor, what do you got? A non-exhaustible amount of patience. Really though? That seems. I don't think that's true. Tell me now. Non-exhaustible.

So the next day, I'm hanging out in the tab. And as I often do, you know, they're around here I just like this is my place and I look over and The dark lord is clearing the dirty dishes off of my table What? Oh, oh you just mean the boy. Yeah, you don't have the dark lord is trapped in the body of a carfune blemish Right you keep telling us information we know. Yeah, you know all this stuff.

Why do I keep explaining all this stuff to you in such detail? You have blemishes from... Just get to the pod where you're having trouble pee. Heh. Look. I grabbed blemish, slash the dark lord, whisked him back down into the basement,

locked him in his cage again. So that's fine, and I guess I should have led with that. I should have led with a like, don't worry, the Dark Lord is still trapped. Phew. Yeah, we should have led with that. But why did he, why was he just hanging out up here, clearing tables, and why was he busing?

Well, sometimes I like to go down there and taunt him and remind him that I nearly killed him, and then I thought, you know, we need a bus boy around here. Yeah, and Arnie, I'm just thinking out loud right now, but maybe busin' makes him feel good. Mmm, that's true. Good V. Yeah, you know, when you bus a table, you feel like you're getting stuff done.

It's like you're cleaning up, right? And we all will get the little itch of satisfaction when you clean, right? It's nice to come home to a clean home. Sure. Sometimes I'm trying to look at blemish. I just give something from my childhood something that could never be corrupted, you know Well, you can't arrest a mountain You just have to rest a mountain. You can't arrest a mountain. You can't arrest a mountain. You can't arrest a mountain. You can't, here's the thing, John, that's already someone's bookie.

You know, you can't arrest a mountain. That's right, that's right. Maybe you just gotta look here, you just take those pieces apart and like replace them so it's like, oh, you can't fuck the sky. I got a job. Yeah, you can't fuck the sky. I got a job. Yeah, I know. Fuck this guy. Actually, you know what?

Excuse me. Well, I fuck this guy. You said you're gonna job. Oh, I'm sorry. I keep calling you. You said you're gonna job. Mercy, what's your new job? What's your new job?

I'm enchanting things like necklaces and rings. You know, just giving them a little boffs and things. I'm enchanting things like necklaces and rings You know just giving them a little buffs and things I have set up a little stand outside Did you say little buffs? Yeah little buffs? So in my head this is like a two-inch man who's super jacked That's right. Is that word? Wow? Yes, I enchanted a bunch of necklaces I enchant rings and I make little buffs Well, I'm that it's a competition, Arnie, but I have news as well.

Okay. I'm dating someone. Ooh. Well, we haven't gotten on a date yet, but I met them when I dug up Sian's life. Let me do what you do. Remember last week when I dug up Sian's? Yeah, that's all I really,

I'm appreciating this exposition. Yeah. So when I dug up Sian's, I also dug up say on, yeah, that's all I really, I'm appreciating this exposition. Yeah, yeah. So when I dug up say on, I also dug up this skull and I was like, you skull bones. Oh, and I'm so sorry to interrupt. Now I know who say on, says, what, would you tell me anyway? It's my undead cat, it's all bones,

kind of floating in this guy. But I was kind of like, it was skull bones and then the skull was sentient. And it was like, hey, cutie, and I was like, me? And we hit it off, and I have a date with the sentience skull next week. This is definitely going to lead to an STD. Their name is shaky cakes, and I'm just very excited. It's a shaky cake.

It is exciting. And you said, or you keep bringing up STDs, is there something you want to tell us? I have had several STDs over my very long life, each more powerful than the last. More powerful than the last. Wow. So they're just building on top of each other. That's right. Mmm. Yeah.

It's loud in here tonight. It is. I was gonna say the same thing. I guess there's some kind of event going on at the tavern. Oh, and I guess last week that guy punched a hole in the roofs that there might be a lot of outside noises coming Yeah, that's inconvenient especially for our editors, but what are you gonna do? Hey guys? Yeah, yeah Do you mind if I pull over some of these revelers over to our table? Sure, I must be a guest already scheduled. No.

No failed to do that. You failed to do that. I was so worried about the Dark Lord and I spent so much time like- You didn't tell us about the photo- weeks. No, no, no, but I spent so much time thinking about how I was going to tell you and I was like, okay, Arnie, remember all the details that are important to tell them in this story. So I spent like half a day in the bathroom looking in the mirror telling that and that's I thought it came out with Brakto. That's right at Doris who remember Arnie years and years ago remember he told us he has memento disease.

Oh, that's right. Or maybe no. I said I'm a big mentor. Is that why you can't lifting up carts that parallel park? Yeah. Wasn't that impressive? You also sat down and that down and your outfit on a wet bench and it gave your outfit pinstripes, which was perfect for your job interview. That reminds me, I finally finished your blade, Ony. The fresh makeup. Oh, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude over. I could tell you guys about how the Cooper and Town is dead now, but maybe I'll tell you that next week. Hey, hey, hey, hey guys probably died of an ass. Guys, yeah, hey, we're in, hey, we, you know, we kind of own the stab room. We're just kind of curious what event is going on here tonight.

Oh, say no more. Do you mind if we take a stand on your table? Please, come over. Join us. Yeah, please. You want me to live to you? Oh, no. I got it.

Now, Alex, Alex, you. Now, we should calm him clean. Arnie often forgets to tell, I guess, that you are being recorded on an audio medium that should be transmitted to other worlds. Okay, if we have to come clean, it's unlikely because we are dirty rats, to be honest. Mmm.

I mean, that's literal, though. You are right. That is literal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we, yeah, we're not, like, rats in the non-literal sense. We're rats in the very literal sense Arnie, Arnie, yeah, look at these rats. They're wearing polos with no pants. I know is what's weirder? That they're wearing polos or the fact that they are wearing polos. But no, I don't know. This is fascinating So what's up guys? Don't be shy. You're here for the frat event or what the rat event? It's a frat event

Yeah, it's for it's for yeah, this is a rush event for a row alpha tall you guys that's what you're here for right? Oh So this is a this guy gets it. This is a brand my dude. Oh punch it in Punch it in gosh, but, hell yeah, my dude. You know the two punch gosh, but gosh. That's a good thing they're not wearing pants because they would have been falling down. So these are a lot of good reasons.

We're not wearing pants. These are Frat rats rushing Frat. Did I get that right? What happened there at the end? Close. Frat rats rushing rat. Rat, what was it? What was it?

Ro alpha tau, that's right. Oh alpha tau Yeah, my dude you got it That is latin for it's it's it's ratin. I'm sorry. I miss boat. Oh Like some of my furniture home is ratten oh Very nice. I'm talking to some classy guys here. Check this out. Now I'm not talking to some classy gentleman. Now I'm not sure if I overheard somewhere Ratten.

That's a dead language? Well, yeah, when our ancestors passed away, it became a dead light language when they got stepped on by all those bulls. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, the rats are an e- infooned the rats. They're kind participates every four years in an event called the Standing of the Bulls where the rats stand in the Bulls' run and boy, oh boy, it is a sh**. I'm not

looking forward to next summer. Let's just say that. Super high fatality rate, but a ton of fun afterwards if you make it. So I'm so sorry. I haven't asked this yet. What what are gentlemen? What are your names? Oh, yeah, I'd love to get y'all's names too, but I'll introduce myself My name is Charlie Havardi. Charlie Havardi. Okay. Yeah, I'm the president of Ro Alpha Tau. So it's pleasure to meet you Phil's party. Oh Yep, that's Charlie and and I'm Greg Cheese. Oh, no, I want cheese now, so I just wish I was a giant utter just being milked in a field. I've got to apologize for my friend here.

He's got a weird like dairy fixation thing lately. Oh, no, okay. Well, to be fair, I had a dairy godmother, and she taught me her ways, So I'm a little, I'm sorry, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll shape it up, sorry, sorry, there's definitely like a dairy heir about you, you know, and then I'm picking up on. Thank you. But hey, I really honestly, fellas, it doesn't matter what you're really into necessarily, it doesn't matter how, you know, kind of freaky weird you are, you know, we take all shapes and sizes and you know, take them as they come. We are very accepting house. And we'd love to get to know you fellas a little bit more and see if you're interested

and potentially joining a rat house. Oh, well, will you, Charlie, was it? Yeah, Charlie, that's right. Would you please give us one moment? Arnie, show us. Dorsey, hey. Should we rush? I mean, this is our chance.

There really been much of a joyer. I don't know. This is our chance to fit in. Oh, to have a group of friends, to bond, to party. Chant, I see how this makes sense for you, but for Dorsi, when I don't know if we can join an animal house. I mean, will they say they take all kinds,

all shapes, all sizes? But look around, look around the tavern tonight. Everybody partying is a rat. Wow, Arnie, unbelievable. Wow. That is disgusting. No, I'm just saying, oh the rats, that's disgusting. You're fine, you're fine.

What are you saying? What you're saying is literally true. Yeah, wow, but look, wow. Charlie, we would like, the three of us would like to rush. Oh, oh, you know, can you actually give me one second to talk with my associate Greg Cheese here real quick? Of course. What, oh yeah, what do you mean?

Oh my gosh. This is awesome. Do you see the size of these guys? If they join our house, Frog House will never mess with us again. Oh my God, and they'll also be able to drink with me and make pledge tonight a lot easier. Yeah, and that. We got them on the hook, now we got a real amen.

Okay, sounds good. I'm on board. Hell yeah, point yourself hook now. We got a real him in okay sounds good. I'm on board Hell yeah punch yourself in the balls real quick. Oh, okay All right, let's get back over there I just punched myself with the balls. I wish I had a reason to do that I just punched Dorsun the balls Whoa, whoa guys, I pledge it hasn't even started yet. You guys are off to an amazing start. Sorry, we're just so excited.

Let's take a quick break. We'll get some drinks and we'll hear about what we need to do to rush after we come back. Okay, Charlie, Greg. Um, why do we need to know to do this little... Frat wrap. Face jug, face jug. I'm jugging your face.

Oh no! I grabbed you by the collar and I'm jugging in your face. Whoa. Okay, that's very close. Okay. Well, the first thing to know is, Pledgehip is not as bad as it seems. I have been pledging for, you know, six semesters,

but it's okay, that's okay. Okay, because I was a little worried, because I think I read in the newspaper two years ago, like 50 horses died during some sort of hazing, frat hazing. It was actually a grazing. It was a grazing that was happening. Oh.

It got out of hand. It was a sick party. I mean, that was one for the got out of hand. It was a sick party I mean that was one for the books for sure, but Yeah, it's like butt grazing Yeah, they were butt grazing. I heard that's dangerous. Yeah, yeah, you know, you don't want a butt grazing I mean butt grazing is when you dip a tampon and grass and oh you can figure it out. John. We don't need all these details about that Although you know I read the newspaper about all these scarecrow's that died in a hazing incident recently Oh, I hadn't heard of that can you tell me more?

If I must I think oh maybe yeah, maybe I'm gonna confuse it was a it was amazing incident Yes now after there was an amazing party after that happened. So sad obviously of all the scared-crown passing but yeah it wasn't amazing. Sad and kind of corny but uh... Speaking of amazing parties, I don't know if that's something you guys are into. Oh, yes. You can hear us. Yeah, this guy, okay.

So that's kind of what Rad House is known for is throwing some pretty epic parties. So if that's something that you're interested in, I mean, you'll find it here. I guess I do like to party. Yeah, you guys big party guys? Is it a party without fireworks? Oh, whoa.

Ah, my retinas. Dorisu, I'm glad there's no roof here anymore. Otherwise, that would cause a fire. Well, yes, I wouldn't do anything so dangerous as that. Uh, that reminds me, Lonnie. Since I can't run the tavern as you should owe anymore, you need to... You need to get the roof fixed.

Oh. Okay. Can you do that for me, please? Sure, I'll say yes. Okay, thank you. Oh, and... Fireworks! Whoa! I'll say yeah. Okay, thank you. Oh, and- Fireworks! Whoa!

I always do like new magic and stuff. That's- that's some high-level stuff. Like, you know, we're- we're going to school for magic, so. Oh. We- we know already. I'm pretty jealous. I got it. I am Dora Suther Sosera, not a wizard born of magic,

but a man who had to learn magic, a big fat meaty man who doesn't know anything about magic innately, but had to learn it like a big pylacrap. Well if there's anything we've learned it's that not everyone can magic, but magic can come from anywhere. Oh it's like bourbon and whiskey. I think I can get it. So what school is your fraternity attached to? We actually attend the Funevarsity of Michigan. Oh, Go Blue, right?

That's the motto because everyone's supposed to talk about like butts and balls and tits and stuff. Yeah, we talk a lot about butts and balls and also tits. Yeah, usually's the model because everyone's supposed to like talk about like butts and balls and tits and stuff. Yeah, we talk a lot about butts and balls and also tits and so... Yeah, usually go blue. Yeah, so we have to go blue. Olli, have we told you about the University of Michigan? No. Although I before you explain it, I've got to say and I don't know why I'm saying this, is an Ohioan from my world.

I feel like I'm not gonna like this. Ooh, hi. Ooh, ooh, hi. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Don't tell me you're into. If you can do that, you're gonna make me gag. All right. Oh wait.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Oh wait Ohio, yeah, Arnie, we were in Ohio. Yeah, you were in Ohio. That's all right, that's all right. We went to a Myers. Yes, you were in Ohio. That's right, that's right. All right. We went to a Myers. Yes, you were in Ohio in 1989.

That's right. But frankly, it's probably still much the same now. Oh, does Earth have a Ohio State Food University? No, it has Ohio State University, which is close. If you think about it, a lot of the same letters, at least like four or five of the same letters. But I didn't even go to that school, so I don't know. I don't care.

The rats might be able to better explain, but from what I've heard, the Phu New Versailles of Michigan, we know our friend Can, right? Well Can has an arbor, and on the land where his arbor is, he built a school to try and pass along, is that right Dorsu that can start this university to pass along his limited knowledge? That's correct in Can Arbor, that's exactly what's located and it originally was just called the Funiversity but then everyone there started missing their grants, they just moved away from home for the first time, they're like oh my

grandmother, I miss her so much. And then it sort of got shortened to miss you again over the time. Yeah, I had a friend who went there, he unfortunately died. He ran into the zingerman. The zingerman is a man who gives zingers. So you walk up to him and he just kind of like,

dresses you down, he just kind of like tells you what your deal is and like a really succinct biting way and my friend got things so hard he got. Delicious though, probably. Oh, I've heard, yeah, I heard it was delicious. We're getting all of this right, right Greg? Right, Charlie? Everything you've said is 100% correct, right?

Oh. Yeah, I actually study history at the Funeversity because I unfortunately was also not born with any magical abilities and have also been unable to learn them at my time there. Hey Greg, cheese, can I talk to you for a second just to the side of the thing? Yeah, of course.

Okay, what's going on Charlie? What are you doing? Talking about history dude, come on, we need these guys. They seem to interested, I'm sorry. You see the inch in your non-magic abilities, bro, come on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Captain Charlie have already. Captain, what the hell was that? I'm trying to be professional. Please can I be in the frat for real? Please. If you keep working hard, tell you what.

Raise one fist in the air. OK. Raise the other. All right. Now, fling both of those fists? Okay. Raise the other. All right. Now, fling both of those fists at your nuts as hard as you can right now. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! How much is that good idea? Oh! Oh! Oh! I think that guy's nuts are history. Oh my God, this is you guys. How long has it been since we've been talking and haven't had a round? I think that guys nuts are history. Yeah. Oh.

Oh my god, this is you guys. How long has it been since we've been talking and haven't had a round? Let's remedy this. On us, of course, on Radhouse. Oh, no, no, no, please, please, please. We have the proprietors of this very establishment that you find yourself in. We shall treat you to a round. A round of drinks for me and my friends.

Charlie, how much am I gonna have to drink this time? Dude, just feel it out. Just try to impress these guys, okay? I'll do my best. Rat friends, just so you know, if you want me to, since I'm up pledge, sirs, what I could do, just kind of offer up some sort of hazing, is I know how to do something called the elephant walk.

That's why I put one thumb in my asshole and the other thumb in my asshole because I have two assholes and I just kind of sit down. You know the elephant walk? Yeah. And you only just started pledging. You guys are kind of blowing my mind. Oh wow. To be fair, he offers that information up to every guest. Also, you don't have to refer to me as sir because I technically am still not a full member of the frat. We're fellow pledges with you now. Yes!

Craig, we got an extra... Yeah. Here are some ails if you just arrived at the table. Oh, I think these are big enough. You could just climb right in there if you wanted. You only got to ask me twice. And backflip! Oh!

Wow. Craig? He said backflip. Ooh, wow. Grace, he said backflip, but he just drank it. Oh, I mean, yes sir, give me a beer. Backflip, go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, now you're getting it. Arnie, say doing the splits. The saying doing the splits.

Come on, do, do, do, do, do. Come on. Here, I'll have to do something to impress them now. I know. I'll take this glass of beer and I'll eat it whole. Oh, yep, just a man who learned magic. Oh my god, that was incredible. So, guys, I'm not going to lie to you.

Pledge of candy, pretty tough, but you seem to be taking it in stride. Is, are you guys just, you can totally be candid with me and it's fine. Are you rushing any other houses? Frog house, pig house, normal house. Those all sound pretty appealing. I mean, if we're,

sir, if we're meant to be honest, which I believe we are, we were approached by the full house earlier, but we at the time were not interested. The full house? Yes, it's the fraternity house where all they do is go to buffets. I've heard good things about Owl House,

but I don't know anything about it. It's great. I've heard Owl House is great. I've heard the same. I need to watch. I need to take them out. Owl Houses, why have heard the same? I need to watch. I need to take them out. Owl Houses. Charlie, they're for across the street from us.

Or I guess on top of the street. Yeah, I gotta be honest, our house is technically in the sewer. I hope that works for you guys. It's sick, It's really sick. Well, it's got to be better than the place I was asked to rush way back when I was at the Great Halls of Turokis, Monster House.

Yeah. I just, not that interesting, really. It was fine. It's fine. Well, if you guys really are serious about pledging rat house, I can into you a few things. One, you're gonna have the time of your life. Two STDs.

I was getting to that. Oh, no. You're gonna get a couple STDs like without a question. The majority of the house has an STD and most of us aren't sexually active. So we're not even sure how it's getting passed around. We think maybe the toilets.

But these STDs are incredibly powerful. Oh, yeah. Wily power. Wily power. Stun. Dorsen. Dorsen, you're vibrating. Calm down.

Oh, I can't wait. I don't know. This is something unpredictable to be hearing from T.M.E.S. I do hope we have the time of our life Are either rats not mice? Oh, sorry Thanks by the way you're just giving off a super cool vibe chunt, right me. Yes, yes sir chunt. Thank you, sir Yeah, I don't usually do this, but I'm straight up gonna initiate your ass right now usually do this, but I'm straight up gonna initiate your ass right now. What the fuck?

What the fuck? What? Greg, Greg, it's all right. You gotta be cool. I'm gonna be cool. Oh my God! Greg, just hang on here with me. It'll be fine, it'll be fine.

Hey, let's have a quick huddle. Greg, Dorisu, me, I'm including myself and this huddle. Okay. Greg, buddy, you gotta get yourself together. You're never gonna make it into the frat if you keep like, I mean, it's been so long. It's been so long. It's been such a long time. Oh my god. Stop being such a whiny baby. All right Maybe that's why they're not taking you in because you're being a whiny baby. I know I'm not always a whiny baby Okay, well you're being one right now. Okay. All right, so what do I be cool like chat? Look at him

With fur and his hair. Wait, I have that too. He's not so cool. Look at his thumbs. They're covered in shit. Yes sir, I have the thumbs with the fur, the feet with the fur, the tail with the fur. Thank you sir. Who has two thumbs that are covered in shit? It's, it's chun. It's chun. All right, dude. Well, I mean, so this is, I mean, this is all just a formality, really, but typically you and I, now we kneel and we look eye to eye. And I just shake your hand and I give you this special hand shake.

It just means that I stuck my thumbs up my ass too and that we do a regular handshake but our thumbs squished together a little bit. Yeah, sealed and shit. Sealed and shit. And I try and sneak my hand in here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Oh, I'm out of the room. Wait Charlie, if I may, am I now a full member? You're a full member, Sean, and you are my brother now. You are my brother. Greg, step forward, you little play-gast bitch. You're rat cheese bitch. Charlie, you are actually my brother. What the heck? Wait, you are literally brothers?

Yes. On a technicality. On a technicality. Yeah, technically we have the same mom. Technically we have the same model. Technically we have the same model. And the same dad, yeah. Yeah, that would do it. That is a technicality, I suppose. Yeah, but what's the deal with you having different last names?

Well, do you want to take this great cheese? Yeah, I'll take it. So our dad didn't allow me to have our full name, so he let me pick one. And the closest thing that I was allowed to pick was cheese. That is the saddest story I've ever heard. No way, are you serious, the saddest? You could pick any last day you wanted.

You could have been Greg Powergem, and you chose cheese. Or you even could have gone the route of like being Greg Cavarty. Guys, that's the saddest part of that story. Yeah. Yeah. So the last name, the depart that he just said cheese. Uh huh. Greg, you've got to make a big splash and you've got to do it tonight.

Climb up on on his head and get him to cook some food. I just don't think my little bro is ever going to let me into this fraternity. Charlie and Chut. Charlie and Chut. I just don't think my little bro is ever gonna let me into this fraternity Charlie in chat Charlie in chat John Charlie in chat. We Greg Greg come here. Yeah, okay together look at them see them. They're cool. They're the snobs We're the slabs. We got to take them down Take them down you me. Yeah start our own frater D. Oh, that seems like a lot of work. No, we gotta just like tear them down to our level

or something. Hey, pledges, poops, I'm talking to you. Yeah, sir. Yes, sir, captain. John said he's thirsty, so can we get another round going or what's the deal? Yeah, I'll be right back with that. No, no, no, no, no, come back, come back.

What, what, what, what? I don't want something from the bar. Great come here, piss in my mouth. What? Piss in your mouth? Wait, what? Now, yes, Captain Chunt. Art Charlie, see this shit, he's really gonna do it.

I can't believe it. What an idiot. He's doing it, he's doing it, he's actually doing it. Oh, fine, fine. Now you have piss in your mouth. Yeah. It's not doing. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Now you're pissing him out. Yeah. And it's not even bare piss, like usual. Ah.

I will say this is when it comes in handy to not have pants on. Sure. That's true. Well, now we know. Well, I was gonna say I'm thirsty too, but I bad. No, I'm not anymore. I would take, I would take bar drinks. Greg, take off your polo and wear it as pants.

What? Where are your polo's pants? Charlie, tell him he's gone too far. Hey, he's an active man. I've got no jurisdiction over this guy. Now do a handstand and kick yourself in the head, because the head is where your balls would be. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Arnie, what's it like we do this every hundred episodes? Arnie, what's too close to? You know I can't do that.

Yeah, I'm sorry, buddy. That's okay, but how you doing? Is it you enjoying this whole thing? I don't know, I'd say that's fine. Okay, but just hey, just within reason, don't get out of control. Okay, I'm not being a bully, am I? Yeah, you are. Can I actually talk to you for a second, Sean?

Yeah, what's up, brother? So, here's the thing, my dude. I absolutely love the energy that you're already bringing to Radhouse. Well, I do want your two best buds to get in here too. So if you say less, say less. Oh bro, you're not coming at the king are you? Not dog, I'm just saying say less. Pay more.

I get it, I get it, we're just saying say last. 13. Pay more. Or I could get it. I get it. I get it. We're some pack of go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just like these two guys, we want them in, because they're big. They're muscle in.

Big guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, so I'm glad we're on the same page. Absolutely. Well, I think Charlie, it's going to be weird coming from me because I have the history of these two. So why don't you initiate them and I can just kind of hang back with Greg here.

Greg buddy. Hey, what's up? I'm sorry, my head and my balls hurt so much right now. I like to do all those push-ups. And honestly, you're looking swollen, my dude. Let me talk to you guys for a second. I wanna get to know you a little bit better before inevitably, of course, if you're still interested, You're looking swollen my dude. Let me talk to you guys for a second. I want to get to know you a little bit better before

Anevdably of course if you're still interested. We'd love to get you in rat house. Oh, I appreciate that We really we really need you guys Greg cheese She speak Yeah, speaking this whole time. Oh G.C. You fucked it. What when did the rules change? I am this close to making you piss and I'm a... I'm out! But Greg said something fascinating. Why do you really need us? I'm gonna level with you guys.

We have the sickest house on campus with amazing cred. And we're really building something special. But sometimes, you know, other houses get ideas that we can be pushed around because we're a little bit smaller. And I know what you're thinking. I don't look small, but I am. I mean, I'm a, I'm big for a rat. I'm eight times. Well, I got to say also you do, you do look small. You're pretty small. Okay, let's arm wrestle. All right, all right. Here we go. No, I want him. Here we go. I Know I want him Okay, go ahead. He magic man. He's the one who said shit. Yeah, you want to step to the king. Okay, sure. I'm oh

Already coming for Charlie have our teeth. Oh Already be careful. I'm just trying my hard time figuring out how to negotiate this you want a hard time Charlie This is a common-tall person problem with I appreciate this. You want a party in the charlie? This is a common tall person problem with arm wrestling where it's like, how do you get a good angle on it? Because, you know what I mean?

And rock it off the table, get your my surprise, get into his hand and slam it down. Ain't no party like a half party party cause a half party party don't stop. Ugh, give me some chorn. Okay, fine, just on my hand. Just on my hand. Just on the table.

Okay, okay, I think we should take a quick break and then do best two out of three. Arnie, buddy. Yeah, hey, listen. You're still my best friend, okay? Charlie is my brother, but you're my best friend, and I want you in this wrap. It's happened really fast, I've got to say.

I know, I know, I know. I think you said I was right last episode, when I said I'm super suggestible, but I'm just having so much fun. But listen, I want you in the frat with me, and I know you told me on Earth you had two friends, I think your names were like Abdul and Paula, and you said that they both rushed, rushed.

And so I want you to as well. Will you rush and be by a frat brother? Hmm, okay, well, I'm not really a big frat person, but as I did learn from my friends, Abdul and Paula opposites do attract. So maybe I can get into this. Yeah, it's like two subsword and one step back. But ultimately, you are making progress.

Yeah, but yeah, I'm just doing the math on that. Yeah, and I don't mean to come off like a cold-hearted snake. Okay, look and do my eyes. Yeah. Uh-oh, you've been friends. Shot none of you telling me no. No, no, no, no, no, seriously, you're my best friend, please. And that's all of them.

No, yeah, you're lucky. That's all my advice I can figure it out. You are lucky, there's literally nothing else. That's all my advice I can figure out. That's all of it. can pick up lucky. There's literally nothing else all my advice I can pick up That's all Whoa, okay, no these guys are definitely getting bits to pledge a frat What you these little buffs these guys are sick?

They're doing like oh yes and I can make it as many of these as you need you can have a whole bunch of little buffs running around Joining you a frat. Oh my god. I'm gonna be the weakest guy in the fricking frat Can I ask Dorsu why you called them little buffs and not musclemen? Uh, well, you know, sometimes when you create a conscious being out of nothingness, you just look at in the eye, you go, it's like a little buff to me. Hmm, I begot, I love these old guys. Oh, they're delicious, too. Yes. So good.

Oh, no. Oh, here, quick. Great. Yeah. I'm Doros. I'm not anyone else. But I enchanted a ring. Small enough to fit into.

Onto your little rat fingers. Oh, I want you to take this ring. I don't think it. And the gem inserted there, I love rocks. That gem inserted there and that ring give you the confidence you need. Ring slap? What are we talking about, boys?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it made it onto my hand. Yeah, gosh. Yeah, John, you just slapped that ring straight onto that finger. That's what I meant to do. What's up, Greg? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Chuck, you just slapped that ring straight onto that finger. That's what I meant to do. What's up, Greg? Oh, oh! What's up?

What's up, is you fucking suck, Chuck? Whoa. Damn, what? Hey, cheese. You can't talk to an actor like that. Charlie, I'm your older brother. Go to your room. Wait, you're the older brother?

I suck. How bad is it? You suck, bad, Chuck. You suck real bad. Oh, no, no. Turn it over. I suck. I suck. I're the older brother. I suck how bad is it? You suck bad, John. You suck real bad. I'm not Charlie do something. I don't know, he looks taller.

I don't know how to stand up to confidence. Uh, Greg, geez, dude, what's going on? And like, know your place. The name's Greg Havarti. All right, you better learn it. Oh my goddess. And, Sean, if you want to learn how to stand, you stand on your hands and you kick yourself in the head balls. Yes, sir. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, already do something. Ony, do you, do you also want one of these confidence rings? I'd say they last, I don't know, a minute, I'd say they last I don't know minute two minutes tops I don't know I'd love to have one, but there's no way I could get one of those on my fingers. I'm messing up. Yeah, that's a good point

I would have taken that Do they make those small enough for penises? I mean big enough penises? I mean big enough? No, you said it mad you said it. Hold it. Hold it. I'm going to tell all the brothers at the frat house about your little thing. Just one second just let me take this in because for the first time ever I feel like I'm actually looking at my brother. Take a knee. Greg, cheese. Look me in the eye. Okay, but you take a knee too.

Okay. Did you put your thumb up your butt already? Yeah, it's up there. Alright? It's up there. Awesome. Shake my hand. Press our thumbs together. You're my brother.

And you're my brother and you're my brother. Oh my god, am I really finally in the frat? Oh, are you serious? Yeah, dude, you're in. No way. Oh my god. I've been waiting for so long for this. I'm so happy.

Are you crying? Yeah, I'm freaking crying. No, are you crying? Yeah, I'm freaking crying like a little baby You guys that's that's not cool, is it? I don't know I'm crying too But I'm just crying because Doris is crying. I'm not crying about the original thing You guys you're gonna make me crying I don't want to cry because that's weak. Firework. I love my brothers. I love my brothers. I love my co-hosts. I'm sorry. You guys, quick. Stick your thumbs up your butts. Okay.

Alright. Quickly. I'm quick as a camp. There was a time, sorry, I made the 20 push-ups. Alright, I forgive you. I'm sorry. I told you, Matt. I love you.

I love you, Oni. Okay, now, Grab, I'll give each of you a hand, and then we'll push your thumbs to you, other. Okay. You are officially row, alpha, ta elephant tall members and you're our brothers and you owe us dudes Yeah, how much of the dues? Depends on how big your room is in the house. Oh My bigger. We're quite a bit bigger than the rest of you. Yeah.

Don't worry, you guys will totally fit in them. So. Well, I wish you told us about the dues up front, honestly. I'm going to be, I'm going to be perfectly honest. I mean, if I'm being perfectly honest, not cool, dudes, that's not cool. Dudes, that's, I gave Arnie my last 10 gold to tell a story. Hmm.

I can't afford to buy friends. I guess. Oh, shit. I didn't realize you guys were poor as fuck. Yeah, you know, you guys are poor as fuck. Well, that's fuck, not as fuck. Yeah, I running a little tavern up here in the town of nibble bottom and, you know, I'd say maybe frugal as shit, but not poor is fine right right we just have to be careful with our money

Yeah because I you guys even in the black no no no no I I fall in victim to quite a few schemes over the years and giving away hundreds of thousands of gold pieces to various um Well confidence artists yeah and not to brag but I've had 50 thousand gold pieces stolen from me five to seven time well I'll tell you do what Subaru I'll make you a deal if you guys want to open your bar to us to throw you know a couple exchanges or you know themed parties. Let's say four to eight times a semester Then you guys can stay honorary members. I Does that strike you? I mean it strikes me in a way that four to eight is pretty wide swing

Can we get a more? Oh, can we get a more of a twelve? Four to twelve Mower duck Did he call me Subaru? I mean, I kinda like it. So, I mean, obviously you guys would be invited to some of these themed parties and we've thrown some pretty good ones. What are some of the themes?

Mopsters and lobsters. Okay. Obviously, the perfect combination. Barbarians and librarians. I'm sensing a theme to the themes. D is four where you can come dressed as anything that begins with the letter D and then that's just your costume. Well, that blew my thing. There's also, once a year, there's my birthday party if you wanna come to the... Shut up, Greg.

Ha ha ha. Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. No, no, no, that was still fun. Belly touch and chest bump. Ugh. Well, I think we must agree to your terms. We're sad to just be honorary members, but if you're only going to have four to

twelve parties, why that seems perfectly reasonable. Yeah, an easy to plan around. It could be. And typically, you know, we're not doing amateur nights. We're not taking up, you know, the weekends. It's on most nights when other folks aren't even partying. So I think it's a probably a pretty good deal for you Yeah, that's pretty good. I mean every once in a while we get the pig man on campus in here

But you know, he's just one guy from a company. Oh, yeah, holy shit. You guys know the pig man. Oh, yeah Very good terms the pig man. Isn't his name Kevin Bacon? Arnie aren't you supposed to call him Mr. Bacon. Oh, sorry Mr. Bacon. We're the Baconator. I'm hungry all of a sudden. Me too. But honestly, the other thing too is we will spend money here.

We drink a lot. Last night I had an entire beer. Oh, but we had an entire beer. We split one between all the rats. Yes, that's impressive though considering your size. So if you come here, I'd say four to 12 times a year and every time you drink a whole beer, we're gonna be in the black real quick.

Well, excellent. Yeah, hey, put her there. I do have a question though and I'm really sort of thinking through this thing of us inviting like a lot of rats into our tavern numerous times. It's only mostly rats if that helps. Yeah, we're not an all rat fraternity,

just mostly rats. Like what are the non-rat members? So we've got four, got four non-rat members. I mean, I see a Nutria sitting over there, which is in the rat family. Uh-huh. Yeah, we don't know him. Look him up.

Trust me, you'll be impressed. Impressed? Yeah, there he is. You thought we knew that guy? I mean, I thought, maybe it's a regional thing, but I don't know. I think that knows that guy. Seriously, look up, Nutria. Yeah, no, I'm willing to believe it.

I'm just not willing to be impressed. Yeah, but we're not all rats. There is, we do have a gopher and we've got a coffee and beer and stuff. No, that's Greg's job. Oh, I'm so sorry. What? What?

Hey, I love you brother. Once a thumb went out my butt, I no longer am getting any coffee for anybody. Good. You don't need to, dude. Good. Keep your hands away from my coffee. Do you guys have any like hamsters,

or dribbles in the, in the, for example? Oh my, I'm almost as offended as when you said, Nutria. No. I just assumed, because I saw this cart pull up, and a bunch of hamsters got out, and they had like backwards hats and sunglasses, and like cool vests, and they're kind of dancing around the cart

But that again, that was maybe 12 13 years ago No, that was a while look it up. I don't know if you impressed you'll be impressed. You'll be impressed a roll in that very square shaped cart I remember yes. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to be one of those guys for a while Oh those guys are I think those guys are from a different frat. Kappa, something with an alpha. It's a long alpha. Yeah. But yeah, no, so it's mostly rats.

Oh yeah, one dragon. One dragon. What? Oh, that's pretty impressive. Yeah. And the dragon's like the den mother. Yeah, the dragon makes all the food for us. It's very helpful It's because we usually can't reach most foods

Yeah, and so it's Pretty strict bed times in force to Sure, you got to be before midnight. Yeah, we've lost a couple of brothers who did not adhere to the dragons bed times Fuck do you have to like sleep on a hoard? Yeah, so it depends, um, room picks are based on house points and you get house points based on your house positions that you hold. So for example, I'm president, I'm also social chair and rush chair, um,

and I've got a lot of house points so I get the best room in a house, which is right smack dab in the middle of the hoard. Mm-hmm, wow, so. When do you study? Oh, fucking study, I don't know shit. Well, how are you going to matriculate from your food diversity of Michigan?

Charlie is just an inherently good student in terms of like he's able to get all the test questions, right? People write papers for him. He's such a good student. That, yeah, yeah, so I've got about a B average right now, but he does this thing that's so cool. We're like during tests, he'll like look at other people's papers and he knows that they have the right answers and then he'll like get those. But he looks at other people's tests. He sees what answer they have. He recognizes that their answer is right. He writes it down.

Yes, it's a gift. So it sounds like it sounds like he knows the material. So you're looking around here like, that was not right, but this one is. Yeah, I don't think he's a good student. He's always been. And it's not foolproof. There's sometimes where I look at someone's paper and I'm not sure if they're answers right. But I'll take it anyways, because I'm not perfect, you know.

That's why I got a B average. Charlie, what is your plan after you graduate? I want to be a very powerful mage. I'm going to be a great student. I'm not perfect, you know? That's why I got a B average. Nice. Charlie, what is your plan after you graduate? I want to be a very powerful mage. Oh, I know someone who didn't help you with that. Who? Arnie.

Me? Introduce him to Dorisu. Oh, okay. You're trying to... Oh wait, I'm sorry. You're just trying to involve me, and that's okay. Guys, I'm so sorry, I forgot. Dorisu is a sorcerer not a meagre.

I can't keep all these things. I can't keep all these things. You're trying to basically- Yeah, the sorcerer mage wizard, they're all exactly the same. No, no, no, wizards are different. Well, if you guys got any connections, I mean, the industry I'm trying to get into is like, you know, if there's a big live Music show happening. I was love to create, you know, those those lights and images that you know really take a show next level and be able to conjure those So although all the light magic. Yeah. Yeah. Also, if you know anybody that can do anything with the history of magic degree Yeah, what I should do that can do anything with the history of magic degree, yeah.

What have you guys ever used it? You guys should intern at a Mage Sexy Location. That club, have you been to Mage Sexy Location? I have not been to it. Is this a new tree of thing? No, no, no. Mage Sexy Location. It's one of the hottest clubs. You have it. Look it up one time.

Look it up, you'll be impressed. Like 13 years ago Fuck you guys I'm going Honestly like my my mage secret want that like I've carried my entire life is I know you guys are gonna make fun of me wait note, but is it dangerous for us to know your secret want? I mean, I feel comfortable. You guys are my brothers. I've always wanted to be powerful enough to fuck this guy.

Nobody can fuck this guy. Well, I think Chuck wanted to do it earlier. Yeah, it's Quintitya did it probably as well. That's true. Yeah. Maybe you should go to the courts of the Bellaroth and become a mage in their service and then learn the secrets that may be hidden there. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's just like, I know every young rat says the same thing.

It's just that the sky is the most beautiful thing that they've ever seen. And it looks like it would have the caressive, very gentle and empathetic lover, and I'd love to get to know it better. But, well, look, guys, I'm just a little worried that you guys are just going to shit in our bread. That's my main concern. I guess no one else is sharing their secret one. It was just kind of I just share and then we move on. Oh, I'm sorry. That was very rude of me. You were very vulnerable and I responded by saying I was where you're gonna shit my bread. Well, I thought to share but then I thought everyone would go, huh? What?

You could try. What? You could try. No, I'm good. What's your secret one? I'm good. I'm good. Thank you though. I'm good.

On to the next. But I gotta be honest, I am worried also, Chant that you're gonna shit in my bread. No, buddy, I would never. Never? Well, if I did, I would tell you. Okay, well, I appreciate that. You're my best friend. Well, I appreciate that. We don't have the last did, I would tell you. Okay, well I appreciate that. You're my best friend. Well, I appreciate that.

We don't have the last name, but we are brothers. In fact, I don't have the last name. Can I be... Shunt and you care? I mean... I guess so. Yeah, why not? I don't care.

I'm not really attached to them. Damn, I'll stop you. I was looking more for an enthusiastic yes than a... Oh, I guess so. Wow, that really felt like it could have been a big moment between me and you. Right, thank you, Greg. Fuck you, Greg.

Thank you, Greg. I'm sorry, I'm just distracted. I'm worrying about my bread. Shiny robes. That's your secret wand. Yeah, that's my secret wand. Shiny robes. No one's gonna call them on that.

No one. No one's gonna say, oh, what to that? I get that. Uh, shall I understand? Yeah. Although your robes, I mean, look pretty dope right now. I gotta be honest. Yes, well, they're a multi-faceted shade of ever-shifting colors, because I certainly

am not associated with a single color. That would be a wizard thing, which I'm definitely not. oh we got to get you guys polos with the letters on them Oh, here we go. Thank you, Don't Jackson and Here we go toss you polo toss you polo. Oh, thank you. It feels pretty. These are very small. Who was the guy that handed you the polos? Donaldson Donaldson. Oh, he look kind of cool. Oh, yeah, do you want him to hang out with us? No, I just, he had, so he looked like he had

so much product in his fur, and he just looks, it's really quaffed. Yeah, yeah, no, he's, he's actually our treasurer. So he's got a lot of house points, really good spot in the horde. Yeah, and he kind of smells like, you know, like when you go into an armory and there's a bunch of axes and there's just like that axe smell, like he's smelled so much like

that, like almost overwhelming, but in a good way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now he's, he does smell very good, although he does have a rare disease, that like every once in a while really affects the way he smells. It's called double pits to Chasty and it's he's got twice the amount of armpit in each armpit and it spreads into his chest but yeah he stands around a lot of axes that get grinded to kind of cover up for that. Charlie's respect. Was was that your secret? Oh secret want my secret want is Charlie's respect This is this actually seems like a big moment. Yeah, aren't you watching it could be based on

Let's watch I I want you to know something that's process. process. It's, you want my respect? I want you to know that you never have to worry about having my respect. Here it comes, here it comes. Oh, to defeat all evil and food. That's what I meant to say. Not shiny or robes. Dorisoo, you're stepping on this. Come on.

No, it's alright. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Ah, sorry, I got a backflip and took, took, took, took. Okay, now I'm ready. Um, you've always had my respect, Greg. Cheek, I'm sorry, not Greg. Cheek. Greg, Cheek. Greg Havardi. Now what do you say, we party. A Greg Havardi party? Listen, I've always rode you way harder than all the other pledges and I mean around and around the sewers but it's because I see the most potential in you. And because I know that the second that you get in this fraternity, you're going to be way cooler than me. And people are going to see it.

And I was scared, but that's just selfish. You know, ever since the day your birth that I remember, because I'm older than you. By like a lot. Yeah, you have like, I remember. I remember. That's right. I always was worried that you were going to take my place in the family

and be the head of the household one day. And then we got to college and you literally were the head of the house. So you got to understand where I'm coming from. But to know that I have your respect, I just, So you gotta understand where I'm coming from. But to know that I have your respect. I'm... I just... I don't ever need a secret wand again. I'm gonna tell you all the wands that I have.

Oh my god, it's Chunk Kai. Great, now I'm crying. And finally, I'll share my secret wand. I wish everyone knew what a nutrient was. So I would have to carry this burden. N-U-T. What? N-U-T-R-I-A. Look it up, please. Huh? I'm so tired of being, NUT. What? NUT RIA, look it up, please. Huh? I'm so tired of being the only one.

Huh? Who? Ugh. Damn tie anxiety medication. Already what do you think? Mubster or lobster? Hmm. I mean, bow fits, that's a thing.

It's not about each of the discrete parts. Like that's what's so great about it. You get both mingling together. Hey guys, I just, I wanna apologize for, well for Pledgehip earlier and giving it to you guys kind of rough so it's a sign of good faith. If you all want to, you can either punch my balls or if you feel like your fist is too big and it doesn't really make sense,

I can punch them for you guys, but I have no problems Flies across the room Still all saying flies across the room and doing a bad pretty big I made pounds My secret wand was a 30 minute run time, so I guess we're all learning to work with what we have. Was this entire performance generated by a fundamentally broken AI you're wondering? No, there were real people behind those two and a half dimensional characters. Doris who the Sorcerer was played by Yuzuru the Blue, what? Who was played by Matt Young, Yon?

John the Talking Badger was played by Adolfi. The fraternity rats Charlie Havarti and Greg Cheese were played by special guests Sean Coil and Walid Mansour. Check out their podcast on the HeadGum Network, sitcom D&D. It's a real play D&D podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience, where each episode is self-contained and follows a classic Sitcom formula. Think Dungeons & Dragons meets New Girl. Thought of it? Great. Find Sitcom D&D wherever podcasts are. To check out Walid's art, follow Walid Draws Things. There's periods between each word I can't explain it anymore clearly on Instagram.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by Patreon supporters like Adam Lee Brick Johnson. I hope that hyphen is a supporter to Adam Tyler C. Not. Connor Farrell. James Gerard Murphy, Lise, Karen D, Noy Cruz, Mariah Dawn, Amy Bigger Staff, Content Warning, The Word Bigger Staff, Fresno Bob, Raisin Outlaw, Duke Williams, Rich Perry, Lauria, Nikla Claire, Keith, Lena Barkin, and Maggie. Smith or Jillian Hall, who can say Patreon supporters get ad-free episodes, all of the

spin-off series like offices and bosses, earth games, and hay tavern tavern, plus two completely new bonus episodes each month. To learn more about supporting the show, and the various perks we've tacked on in an increasingly desperate bid for your approval, go to patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Matt Young in Adel Ruffiah, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Sage GC. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Aller the Laban,

Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.