Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 42 - The Bear (w/ Alden Ford)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Chunt and Usidore have a fine dining experience at a bear's diner in the woods.CreditsGhusidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiThe Bear: Alden FordMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tim JoyceMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandClick HERE for tickets for the upcoming live show at the Bell House (Brooklyn, NY) on October 14th.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. People of Earth, the following podcast is not real, and it's time to listen to another

episode, while you do whatever it is you normally do during this time. I assume some driving, maybe studying, maybe some like detective work, but now I wonder if there's even one of you out there who listens while performing surgery or diffusing delicate explosive equipment, which I can understand as laughter can jostle the hands. So worry not about intricate storylines or meticulous character work disrupting your focus and enjoy the show. Oh Wow, well How come the magic tavern Well, we're on the road hello on the road On the road

Okay, okay, so this just happened right this just in Bipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipip to come and take a break and kick back our heels on our way to the egg kingdom. Can we put on my heels? Uh-huh. That, that, that, that. Uh, when I saw a cougar jump out of the woods and she hit on me so hard right after that, another cougar. This time the cat type, it came out and it, it was, it was the pheromones that, that chanted this other

cougar were putting out this 55 year old woman had so many cats she was obsessed it was it was wild but then a cougar jumped in this is cougar jumps out yes the feral type on all fours yes so I I prepare my most powerful parallelization spell I don't want to hurt the cougar it's a nice kitty very nice kitty, and I accidentally Had to put this I accidentally paralyzed Ony from from the top of the head down right or should we just say full paralysis? Am I being crazy? No, you're all being crazy I mean okay, okay if you look at the top of his hair some of his hair is still blowing in the wind Yeah, so it's not quite the top of the head. I think he's so cool.

His good hair. That's great hair. What if he can hear us? Can you hear us? Arnie, can you hear us? Not gonna say it real quick. Hello, is anyone home? Wait, there's something in his eyes.

I think he can hear us. He must be able to hear us. So he's not asleep. He's just paralyzed. So I accidentally paralyzed Arnie with his spell. And then the cougar came, almost jumped right on top of chants, so I stabbed it through the brain with my sword out of desperation.

I didn't want to hurt the kitty, it was a nice kitty. It was insane, and can I just say, I don't wanna be dramatic, but the point of your blade went through the cougar's brain, and right to my eye, almost if you were to zoom in and close up, it was like right to the right to the actual the iris of my eye, right to the winds and some of the cougar blood dripped down the blade into my eye and then I started to be like, I'm changing and I felt like I was turning into a cougar, but then I realized I'm a sheep shifter and I was just instinctually changing, right, you know, just to like match

it, you know, oh, do you think that's why shapeshifter exist so they can blend in with their environment, wherever you're at, that way you're never in danger? Yeah, I think I just kind of mimic other people's voices and behaviors when I'm nervous, though, when I'm nervous. Oh, well, I, but it's a perfect, well, people like that, they like it when you, they feel like you're in sync with them. You're in sync with them and you're doing the same thing Same thing as that, Lewis! And you finish each other's basements. Yes. It's always nice to have a contractor over.

I've been back to Hogsface for years and my little hovel on top of the hill. I have to assume that's filled with snakes and water and sewage. How filled with snakes and water is it? It's so filled with snakes and water. Uh-huh. That you'd think it was a drip fang in there. DEM!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Arnie laugh! Arnie laugh! Arnie say no if you don't want a Nectatoo with Drew's name. Okay! D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- I'm gonna go to your cooker blood, dip it on my claw, my towel, and if you will, and I don't know. I can't write that down. It's a claw, and let me just, and underline, underline, underline. Oh, we should come up with a system, Arnie. If you look slightly left, that meet your left,

your left, your left. That means no, and if you look slightly to your right, that means you wanna sandwich. And those are the two things Arnie needs to communicate at all times. Yes, that's, I mean, I figured I'd give him his top two thing. And those are the two things Arnie needs to communicate it all times. Yes, that's, I mean, I figured I'd give him his top two things. And if we offer you like super something

and you wanna say no, I want a sandwich, just roll your eyes. Right, exactly. Oh boy, oh, you sure? How do we, what's the, hey about a few years ago? Oh, oh, a few years ago, there's a podcast and we're, and we're doing it.

Hold on a second before you. Yeah. Ronnie, do you want us to do your introduction for you? He's looking to the right, which means he wants to sandwich. Interesting. It will find food soon, okay buddy? Oh, I just hear one right now. But I think it's Sikkata season.

You know, every 70 years, those little bugs that crawl out of the ground and bark everywhere. I think it's, I think I hear a Sikkata. You do? Yeah. It's like a wretching, almost like a barking wretching sound. You don't get that? Oh I guess I do get that. Well if you don't don't go along with it. No no no I do get it. What could it mean? Is this a year that's supposed to come back? A year's a like minutes to me. Yeah I think um I think it is. They'd say seven, but it feels like it's every two years. I can't keep track. Well, we should keep on our ears. Dear listeners, please tell us if you hear a sitcom

and if you do, you win a bag of suckers. Can we do that, Arnie? Can we give them a bag of suckers for life? He's looking to the right. He must be hearing this. He is. Hungry as hell. Well, we'll definitely send out those suckers then

But but but but let's why don't we ride a little bit ahead? Hey, what's the name of your horse again that we have Arne on your new horse? What's the name of your horse? Oh, uh Well, I had I swapped out my horse. Oh for a new horse and even new a horse Ooh upgrade can you do that because doesn't the warranty run? If you do that, doesn't that void the warranty? Well, it could, except for that I did it using magic. So the horse that I had is probably floating through some black void right now. And I've pulled this horse out of the ether. It didn't exist anywhere before this. It's probably terrified to be a horse. It might have been some soul that I captured from some other universe and

Wow, exilator. What is its name? Sandy? Sandy? What a beautiful tribute of a horse. Two other horses. Well, let's I'm gonna take dumpster here and why don't we why don't we write up ahead here and I Feel like I smell food and I don't know if it's just because I'm hungry and because Arnie keeps begging for fucking sandwiches. Come down buddy sandwiches all day, but I feel like I I feel like it's almost in the air or something Yeah, what is that? Well, there's a sign that says one mile ahead the grill is gone. Oh, is that the name of the place? Or does that mean there was a girl in a scone? It might be a threat. Oh One mile ahead and the girl is gone.

All right, let me turn into a cougar here. All right, I'm ready to take on anything. All right, well, let's, why don't we go and see if the grill's there or not? And by the way, Sean, what happened to that lovely young lady you were speaking to, the one who was in our 50s, the other cougar? Oh, well, she gave me, she gave me a potion

to reach her at any time. So I'm going to maybe at some point, after I get my child back, I told her about the child, she's cool with it. Maybe I'll smash the potion and we can meet up sometime. Oh, she gave you a smash potion. Yeah. Those are fun, I don't do those enough.

I usually do the drinking kind, but the kind you throw down at your feet I'd like the style of that. Yes. I Mean mostly I do like three years of commitment potions, and it's just like good But it's just like if it would be so nice to just throw down a smash potion every once in a while Not make a habit out of it. I don't want to be a fucking smash boy. They suck. Have you ever have you've been Despoil Island? Ah, I you know what, I've heard of it. I feel like I watched it from a distance for like 20 minutes

and I had to turn away. Right. Because it was just so annoying. These beautiful, these beautiful boys think they have all these problems. They talk all weird. Mm-hmm. I don't know.

It's just, it's obnoxious, I guess. Yeah. A lot of people said it was fun to watch, but it's, I found it obnoxious. Oh, there it is. The grill is gone! It's the name of the place! That's a good name! I like that name! It makes you think! Yes! It makes you think, is there a grill in this grill? Oh, that reminds me of my friend. Did I ever introduce you to Firefly Geary?

No, I don't think I ever did meet Firefly Geary. His name is Geary. Oh! My, my apologies. Sorry, you're just saying Gary. It's Gary. Gary. And he's a firefly. And he goes around to diners, grills, and dives. Ah, I see. Yes.

He kind of flies around butt first, so it's like this illuminated blonde just right in your face. But he's great. I mean, he's better than people think. Now that you describe him physically, I do think I'd remember him. He has all eight of his eyes on the back of his head. But, and he puts on the back of his head an upside down, which is really weird. But again,

couldn't be an ice-ro-dude. Honestly, he's off the chain. I really love him. He's a cool dude. Let me tie up our forces here. Arnie, we'll show you, bring Arnie in or should we just bring him up? Fucking sandwich. Roast beef? He said sandwich. Okay. All right. Let's push up in these saloon doors Stand down bear fear not for a thou stust stand before the great and powerful wizard known as grizzly wonder tooth Grizzly wonder tooth. Yes. I have not seen you in years. Oh. Grizzly. Welcome.

Welcome to the Grail is Got. This is my diner. Well, it is now. Oh, what a wonderful. I use your... Introduce me. I'm sorry. Chant, this is the bear who greets us.

And the bear? Yes. I'm the bear. This is my restaurant. Bear who greets us. This is Chant. The bear, it is so nice. Bear who greeted us, this is Trent. The bear, it is so nice to meet you. Whatever you're cooking back there, smells wonderful. Thank you, thank you.

Yes, I don't want to brag. I'm sort of trying to elevate kind of the culinary profile of the grill. OK. As it were, it was this grill, I mean, as you can see, this has been here for a long time and it's been sort of fallen out of favor in the kingdom for a long time

and I actually inherited it from my brother, another different bear. He also known as the bear. I mean, we're both bears. Right, you're both bears. I mean, yes, obviously we have names for each other, but I'm not going to impose that onto other beings. Trent, I know you're probably familiar with this,

but the listeners at home may not be aware, and Ani's not here to ask ignorant questions. So I'm going to explain to you, Trent, so the listener may know, different bear clans, they may take more human names, but other bear clans only have their bear names, which sound sort of like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I mean, you know, we're not here to do that. Right, I apologize. It's not perfect, I do what I can. Oh, that reminds me, our third friend, you'll see right through the window there. He's looking desperately to the left over and over again.

That's Arnie. Ah-ha, yes. Is he dead then? In a way, I don't think so. Dead on his feet. He accidentally paralyzed himself. He paralyzed himself. He was mass around with Magiky Shunabin.

That's right. Was a smash potion. You would think, you think, but. Because those get everywhere, you throw it down. I mean, honestly, there's like two good types of smash potions. There's one way it makes you disappear. And there's one way it's sort of,

you know, it's like a grenade you throw it in. And then it's like an area of an effect sort of situation. But if you have like a parallelization smash potion, terrible combination, that is going to have collateral damage you don't have any idea about. That has to be a focused spell, a focused potion. Exactly. I mean personally, at least I'm no magician, I'm a chef, but if I were designing potions,

I would never design a paralysis potion. A paralysis spell, sure. Yeah, a paralysis potion. Cool, you're gonna give that to someone? A paralysis spell is inherently targeted. Whoever put that into a smash potion was an idiot. Yeah, I guess if you made it a potion to like, if you like everyone's want to just want to like,

not feel anything, and just be like, I just want to like lay around. What, you're telling a friend, hey, 48 hours from now, come over and give me the antidote? I suppose you could, you could craft it in such a way that it would wear off over time. But I think what you're really looking for, a chante is a numbing potion, which is just alcohol.

I guess so, but there's something special about paralysis because then it's like, you could, I mean, you could, the bear, you could contact a friend and be like, why don't you come over in 40 hours and if I'm not unparallized, we get married to each other. And that could be like a fun pack to have. What about drugs though? Can you just use some drugs behind?

Oh, oh, oh. Shep, behind, behind. Thank you. There's a big fire back there, behind. Oh, yes, excuse me, sorry. I'll be right back. I've had a lot of those packs. Not ones worked out.

You've had a lot of what? Marriage packs? Oh yeah, hundreds, I'd say. What? Yeah, you know, you go, oh, you know, if in a hundred years, you're not married, and you're not still making love to all the animals in the forest, and, you know,

and you don't, you know, still control of nature. Okay, and immediately I see the problem here, which is there's too many caveats. It should be one thing. These are all different packs with the, which is there's too many caveats. It should be one thing. These are all different packs with the same person, with all slightly different caveats. All right, okay. Oh, Lord, wow, thank you.

Chunt, is it? I guess, thank you for pointing out that fire, that it actually happens quite a lot. It's a grill, so you know, obviously, it's always on fire, but sometimes it's hard to get away from you. I apologize, you have been here for 10 minutes and I have not offered you a table, water,

a menu, anything. Can I get you anything to drink or eat? I would like a table made of water. You said, or why do you always have to do this? Can't we just sit, I don't want to swim while I'm eating. I might drown. This booth looks great. The booth looks great. Listen, Grizzly, I, I mean, sure, I can, I can pour water on the table. I mean, you're sort of the magic guy. Ooh, sloppy steaks. Sorry, sloppy steaks. The steaks around here are pretty low, honestly.

But I, I will find them. I'll find them. All right, well, this looks nice here. I like this table. Could we, excuse me, the bear? Yes, yes, yes. Could we start with what do you recommend? Is there an appetizer you'd recommend?

We are finished. We're so finished. Or actually, are there any specials? Ooh, yes. Well, I'll tell you this, you you know since I sort of took over the grill they're all, it's all specials, all specials all the time. well so no, there's our no specials. well you know, just bear with me because it's different every day.

oh that's what your apron says. yes, well the bear with me. don't worry, we'll buy some merch, come down. I've got to monetize somehow. Right, I mean, I'm one bear in a dilapidated diner. I mean, if you've seen the road outside, there's not a lot of people traveling by. No.

And I don't know if you heard, but it's cicada season. So with all this barfing going around, I don't think you're gonna get a lot of business. Yeah, well, it is cicada season, and I'm so glad you mentioned that, because that's our first special. And it is special, because it comes but once every seven years.

Well, then set us up. You'd like cicadas. Yes, so it sounds good to me. Excellent. I have a, it's a bed of honeycomb with a 12 cicada on top, grilled, obviously to grill, covered in sort of a sort of a hair remalade. Oh hair remalade. The hair is my own. Oh interesting. Before I forget. Hey

you Siddharth. Yes. How is Arnie like a cicada? How is Arnie like a cicada? I don't know. They both come once every seven years. That's what this whole setup's been for. He just left. Why did he leave? Why did? Let's take a quick break. Fine. I'll go get your cicadas ready. Hey, use it or... Yes. I think we fucked up. We took... We just took the first special we should have heard all this special then oh

From there. Hey, um when he when the bear brings the food. I know he's your friend, but when the bear brings the food Yeah, let's let's let's make sure there's something wrong with it and send it We'll send it back and be like what else do you have what should we say is wrong with it? Um, I got something. Okay, I'll play it cool. Don't forget, we have to get a sandwich, we have to get a sandwich. Here we come, here we come, here we come. All right, got the special here, sick catas on top of a bed of honeycomb with hair remalade.

My hair, we can... Um, this looks terrible. Nice. Oh, I, yes, I've got this. I didn't know what this is. I'm so sorry, you didn't. Oh, okay. Technically he's right. I didn't know this. I'm so sorry. You didn't. No. Okay, technically he's right.

I think I ordered it. So, yeah, you know, I totally understand that. And I really, you know, it's just, it's crazy back there was the fire. So I was sort of, I was my whole kitchen is sort of half. Yes, chef. But to a cinder and I just, maybe I got a little bit distracted. Maybe I could offer you something else on the house. Oh!

Well, we prefer it here at the table, but what are the other specials? Oh, I'm so glad you asked. Well, I have, there's a whole beehive, which I've picked myself from the garden in the back, which is the woods, and I've sliced it in half, and it's just covered in sort of an entire blackberry bush. Okay. It's sort of, well, I like to think of that as sort of authentic bear cuisine, and if you're into it, if you're into the challenge,

I think you'll find it very rewarding. You're not trying to dumb it down for a mass audience. No. Not to be disrespectful to your culture, but it just feels like that dish. It seems like it's mostly for the gram. I don't know if you know gram. He lives about an hour outside of town

and he just loves looking at food. He's sort of a performative about liking bear cuisine. He comes in here, he orders some trash or like a rotted salmon carcass. He's like, mmm, so good. But really, he's mostly just drawing pictures of it and then leaving. And he just wears that red crop top shirt.

And I'm like, you're not a bear, you can't pull that off. Yeah, that's true. That guy, oh bothers me. I'll tell you that much. Anyway, let's see what else I have. I have a marmette. You know what a marmette is you know what a marmott is. Oh, marmott duke.

No, no, no. It's sort of like a ground hog or like a wood chuck. It's in that family. Right. It's that thinly sliced, like a cartpacho. Ooh. And then covered in the rest of the carcass that I didn't slice it.

I'm finding a bit of a theme. I don't want to be a negative Nancy, but it feels like a lot of your stuff is like pretty elevated And then you dump something huge on top of it, which kind of buries the art. So like the bisected um, I just want to I just want to double check some I I actually Grisly could I have a quick word with the quick aside. Oh sure sure excuse us for a moment, John. Yes. What is it? What do you need the bear? It looks like user was having an aside salad. I guess I'll sit over here.

I need you to do me a salad right now. Okay. You're my friend. Yes? We know each other. We're familiar. We know each other from... I know you. You're the bear. Yeah, exactly.

Is this Jud guy? Is he a critic or what? Or is he just an asshole? Um, oh, how do I unpack that? Don't keep me waiting too long, jealous. Prof- I mean, I don't mean this, he like a critical person, I know that that's also true. Right. Do I need to impress him for any reason other

than sort of my professional obligation to bring the customer happiness? As far as I know, he has no professional credits or current occupation as a critic. Now, he is very difficult to please. I mean, that's obvious. That's okay. He's made that clear. Okay, I hope that helps.

Does that clarify everything you need to know? Yeah, absolutely. Listen, Chant, yes. I'm so glad you seemed like such a discerning customer here. Oh, well, that might seem that way because I took out these tiny glasses and took out a little note pad with a pen. Yes.

Oh, wow, you're jotting notes. Ambience, zero. The roof fell in some years ago and I haven't had a chance to, I'm sort of focused on the kitchen and not a lot of people are willing to work for a literal bear who's constantly setting fire to the grill. No need to explain to me, I'm just observing

a front of house, barely. Is that a pod? Oh, shit, let me cross this out. Be e-gain. Now it is. Because no matter how bad a review is, if I can latch onto a pun for a poll quote, I'll take it. Now, I don't wanna throw my weight around

because I'm a tiny little badger, shape shifter, but I don't know if you know lean Mitchell Of Mitchell leans now Mitchell lean he does create stars in the culinary world So he has empowered me when I do find a nice little spot on the road or when I'm out Adventuring with my friends if I find a tasty treat I can give them a Mitchell lean star You have the power to to bestow one of Mitchell's stars onto this grill with my friends, if I find a tasty treat, I can give them a Mitchell-Lean star. You have the power to bestow one of Mitchell's stars onto this grill.

Would you believe I have one in my bag right now? Ugh. I guess my gas met no. Would you believe I have a paper that says I have one at home? Are those two options or are both true? Do you have one and also a paper for a second one? I have one in my bag and I have a certificate of authenticity from Lean Mitchell.

You mean Mitchell Lean? Well, it's, yeah, I call on Lean Mitchell, but he has, he makes the... Is he skinny or does he leaning on things? I know the answer, do you? It's an ironic nickname, because he doesn't lean on anything, he stands straight up. And he's rotund, as the day is long. Yes. So, um, go ahead and bring us out. Uh, what's the, uh, he's sort of what's the name? What's like, I'm in your hands, like, chef, I'm in your hands, like, um, card blanche. Uh, card blanche, please.

Uh, Al dente. Oh, Makase? Is that what you're looking for? Yes. Prefix. Prefix, postfix. Uh, bring it all out. Uh, before I would go back to the grill, I just want to just double check your friend outside who's not dead again

he's looking super hard to the right does he need a sandwich or something he does need a sandwich do you have sandwiches here? I'm sorry Grizzly I thought you wanted the specials oh wait I just want to sandwich some sort of pedestrian now do you come all the way out here all All out here to this road, to this grill. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You confronted an actual bear, and you're asking now for a sandwich.

I suppose we shouldn't leave him out there. It is starting to rain quite a bit. You sir, why don't you go grab him and I'll try and calm things down with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you've got a good thing going here. Yeah. Hey, the bear, I want to you've got a good thing going here. Yeah. Hey the bear I want to just apologize for grizzly over here. He's an old weirdo and he doesn't you know Sometimes he's out in the sun too long his brain gets cooked and he's kind of rude

So I just want to apologize and I don't know if This is helpful But why don't I just say that cocaine, oh, I'm so glad you asked. Yes, it is. Let me just put down a line here. And if you want to- Listen, I don't go in, I don't go in for that. Oh, you don't partake in jazz salt? No, no.

Listen, I don't know what this is all about. I don't know what you think I am. You don't skey the nose slopes. Come on. I'm a different kind of chef. Listen, I inherited this restaurant from my brother, who's, whole business model was killing travelers who came in hoping that the grill was open.

That was his one special, you might call it, was killing people who'd passed by the grill. I don't want to become what he was. He was also an addict, as you might expect. Oh, that's sad. Well, he was addicted to eating humans, but also he used a lot of drugs. Sure.

Yeah. But he was a chef and that was sort of, that's a culture. I mean, if you're working 18 hour days, and then drinking afterwards, sure, you gotta have some energy, right? Yes. I got on, he, huh. Prop Proper up here in the booth with us.

You know, when you're paralyzed, you can't really help at all. Just like, you know, like if you're not paralyzed, you could, you like, use your upper body strength. It was very convincing the way you sort of pup it in. It looked like he was helping. It looked like he was walking. The way you delivered that line, I thought you're going to launch into like a type five of, you might be paralyzed. Well, there are that line, I thought you're gonna launch into like a type 5 of you might be paralyzed.

Well, there are some ways to know if you're paralyzed. Oh, yes, can you see your toes? No. That's because your head can't move. You might be paralyzed. I'm gonna make that sandwich. I think it's time for me to make that sandwich. That's for my friend, by the way. If I didn't clarify that before. Yeah, I think he wanted roast beef. I could do that. Yeah, I think he wanted roast beef.

I could do that. And oh, Chef, elevate it. Do you really want me to, because it seems like the biggest thing you have an issue with is when I try to elevate it. Yeah, well, I would say, Chant, forgive me, but I think for Arnie, I think let's not elevate it.

I don't think he's really gonna appreciate it. You see, our friend Arnie here, he looks like a regular human, but he's from another world. You see six and a half years ago He felt through a magical portal behind a Burger King into the magical fantastical land of fune and every week since then He's hosted a podcast the wife is to the wife. Oh He's still getting a signal from the wife of the Burger King I

I got lost into the into the tavern in which he hosts a weekly podcast through the mental... The mental rift. Ah, yeah. None of that, none of this is making sense at all to me and your lack of confidence about it makes it even more dubious to be honest. That's what people keep saying in their emails.

So you're no stranger than Chant to negative feedback. And how does it make you feel, Badger? I could write a book. Well, it's mostly, I guess, people wanting to either set me up with their pets or fuck me themselves. So I don't know how to answer this. I know I've been there. That's the first thing you've said that I've related to. Yeah, basically same seas except for the pet pot. Sure. Uh oh, uh, the thing about Arnie is he's got a very simple taste. He likes mashed potatoes and he likes chicken and he likes mushrooms.

Yeah, pretty basic, basic stuff. Grains, uh, wheat, um, sugar salt, pepper, salt and salt and pepper. Well, never touching. He often laments that he can't get cinnamon toast crunch here. Is that a thing you do? Hold on. Cinnamon.

Uh-huh. On toast. Somehow retaining the crunch. I guess I don't really know. I don't understand. Oh, also, what was that thing? Six feet of bubble tape for you, not them? Do you have that?

Do you have six feet of bubble tape? Yes, I have. I mean, that's sort of like, when I'm working, you know, do you have that? Do you have six feet of bubble tape? Yes, I have, I mean, that's sort of like, when I'm working, you know, those long days, I've got one of those quart containers of, well, ice water, obviously, to keep me hydrated and then I've got six feet of bubble tape for me, not you. Huh, not a glass?

Not a glass, no. Too breakable, too small, obviously. So you drink it out of a container, like a plastic container, just to kind of look cool? It's gotta be just for aesthetic, right? No, no, absolutely not. When was the last time you saw a tanker or a flagging that was large enough to slake your thirst? Slaving for 18 hours over a hot grill?

I guess you should have made me one. I mean, if you had a table made of water. Pissed again. Oh, one more. A McDealot-y, it keeps the hot side hot and the cool side cool. Do you do that? What do those letters stand? I don't know.

This is Earth stuff that Arnie talks about. All right, we nod and we go, huh? Yes. Yeah, he's always like, crossfire, you'll get caught up in the crossfire. And we just go Teehee buddy, Teehee. He's really looking to the left right now. What did you say Arnie does for work? He's really looking to the left right now. What did you say?

Oh, and he does for work. He's a jingle man? He's a jingle man of some kind? Yes, I think he writes jingles. It's, it's, it's, there's like funny little games and there's little songs. And I think he's the songwriter that writes the songs. Although I've never heard him sing a song.

He sort of just kind of mumbles them in hopes that you understand the reference. Yes, that's it. Yes exactly. I think that's it. I think that's it. I wish that I could speak to him. I wish that whatever spell has tangled up his mind and frozen his body was able to be undone because it seems to me that his vision for cuisine is something maybe I could take take a page out of his weird book the cinnamon and toast and crunch that's a that's a combination I've never considered before Cinnamon of course yes, yeah, obviously that toast yes every day But not covered in the blood of some sort of ungulate

not not covered in the blood of some sort of ungulate, not dipped in the fresh cool waters of a rushing stream. Maybe I've been going about this all wrong. Maybe I'm imposing too much of my bare cuisine onto this food for other people, simple idiotic humans like this Arnie here. Pedestrian, this is what we call him. Pedestrian boring boring you might say.

I can't remember for sure. I don't think there was any salmon in the cinnamon toast crunch. It feels, it feels like their bones were the crunch. Am I crazy? Oh, maybe the bones was the crunch. The crunch come from salmon bones. Wait Arnie's talking, the bear, we actually taught Arnie how to communicate with us.

So we have a very complex language that we've established with him arney says no no no sandwich sandwich no no no sandwich sandwich no sandwich sandwich sandwich no no no no no no no no no no no that's one of his worst jingles i think i like the one about crossfire what was that one

crossfire are you got it let me teach it to you. We'll take a break. Robots in disguise. Something like that? Uh, similar. We'll take a quick break when we're right back with more jingles. Give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off and branch of that. Back very much. Okay folks, thank you for waiting. Had to prepare some things, kind of switch some things around, remove some things.

I've got here sort of a hard roll, sliced in half, got some sliced beef, which is cooked on the grill, but not too much, sort of a medium rare on top with a grilled up some peppers and some onions. And the drippings from the roast beef I actually put in a little bowl next to this. And if you like, you can sort of, but it's not really up to me. Ah, you made a beautiful sauce. Oh, yeah, thank you. Thank you. Well, you know, it's just tried something new,

put a little rosemary on there, a little thyme. And yes, and I actually served it with water, with ice in it, which is the ice is from the freezer. And the water is from the well. No, excellent. Well, I'm gonna try to feed this to Auntie, even though his mouth is closed shut. Now, this doesn't appeal to me at all, but, you know, part of, you know, learning to

be a chef that's service industry is about, you know, learning the wants of your clientele and being able to learn how to serve them in a way that makes them happy because what is food? What is food if not bringing happiness to others? Wow, he is really cramming that sandwich into that man's mouth. Just to say you should know what food is, because I thought you were asking me

and I was like, oh, fuck. Ah, I'm just eating. I think the sauce is helping because I'm getting little like that mushy betzerk, I think I'm kind of getting through the little gap in his lips, but it's hard to get the whole sandwich in there Wait, let me take it by this and Well, oh fuck. Oh goddesses

What I'm whispered back to when I was a boy on the farm. Oh This is too good. Sorry, take it back. I don't want it. It's too good When I come to a when I come to like a grill or a diner, I just want like a nasty fucking burger, you know what I'm saying? Or like pancakes or waffles. This is too, this is too elevated. Too good. Take it back, throw it in the trash. Listen, this is a grill.

Okay, this is not a, ride in. This is not a dive. I'm a sandwich artist. Okay, I mean, I'm now. I learned to be one just now. What? Don't just make up terms. I was giving you classic barefoot trash,

bees, dead fish, and you said, no, I want to eat fresh. So I went back and I thought like a sandwich artist, okay? And I put something together that, I mean, now that I look at it, sort of makes sense to me. I feel like I could, I could sort of build a whole menu around this.

I mean, who the fuck am I, but at the same time? Putting turkey and green pepper on bread does not an artist make, okay, my little- It is roast beef, use foolish badger. Same thing. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Alright, everyone, everyone I think tensions are a little high, and that's fine, because we're experiencing new things today and sometimes new things can be challenging. But it's okay to be challenged, Chant, and the bear, it's fine for people to criticize what you do as long as you stay true to yourself. Yes, exactly. Grizzly, I was confronted with change and with new information and I adapted

to it. Just like you, Chant, were confronted with Bear Quizzine and you said it was all bullshit. Now, Chant, why do you have such a problem with change? You hate change. You never change. Every day of my life, I shape shift. Okay. Even if you guys don't see it, I shape shift. It's almost like an it-changing scratch. So when you're constantly shape shifting to change other elements of yourself, to change your personality, or to change your outlook or perspective, it's exhausting.

Yo, grizzly real talk, real talk, proportionately. Let's say like out of 100. What's the worst of this? Out of 100 days. How many days is this guy not a badger? Zero? Okay. No cap. Now look, be that is it may.

I think what's Trump is trying to say to you, the bear is that he needs some consistency in his life. So would he go to an establishment like a grill? He just wants, you know, stack a pancake and some nasty fried-ass stuff, eggs. Okay, I can do that. You want me to lower myself and make food that's not only not bare food but not good food either? I'll do that.

I don't want you to lower yourself but I still want you to make the food. Is there a way to do that? I'm gonna go see what we've got in the walk-in. He said, or this motherfucker, there's no other customers. He's whatever his brother built, this motherfucker ruined, okay? Can't you just try the blackberry bush? No, I don't wanna eat a bush. Well, I mean, you know. I'm fine, I don't eat it.

But a blackberry, come on. If there's thorns in that, there's probably thistles. I would eat like the blackberry bush on its own, and then I would eat the sliced a beehive on its own, but to combine them to just dump a bush on a honeycomb. That's not Art that's not food. It's not food and art and cuisine to you, but it is to the bear I Think of all the downy bears, do you know 32? How many of those 32 bears do you know meticulously cut a How many of those 32 bears do you know meticulously cut a honeycomb in half a whole beehive and then they take the most

Perfectly ripened blackberry bush and they find just the right pieces of it to pair together to create a beautiful Sumptuous experience like a door. I'm salivating, but it's just because your chef cadence. Well, all right folks I found two things back in the walk-in. Folks, you know our names. First, is this little tom up in the amongst all of the cookbooks and sort of culinary theory manuals I have back there. I have something called an almanac, an animal's almanac. Look at this, look at this, flip to the bee, badgers, what they eat, earth, uh, an almanac. An animal's almanac. Look at this. Look at this. Uh, flip to the bee. Badgers. What they eat? Earthworms. Frogs. Rodents. Birds. Eggs. Lizards. Insects. Bulbs. Seeds and berries.

Earthworms, listen, Jim, you're describing a badger. I am a shapeshifter. My name is the bear. Grills. And I, that's my job. And it's also my name. Come on. How are you surviving right now, okay? You probably drink your own piss, you dirty fuck. Listen, I'm a shapeshifter, not a badger, okay? Now, yes, I'm in the form of a badger, but I still have my palette. And my palette is what my palette is, okay?

My mouth wants what my mouth wants. And the customer is always right. I can't believe you've been eating bulbs this whole time and never told me. Every once in a while. The other thing I found back here is... Three eggs over easy with some... Go on beef hash. Now there we go.

Oh my goodness. Now that was a perfectly nice, nice compromise. Yes, dig in, Chant. Oh. One tenth done. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Grizzly, I apologize, I never really asked for what you wanted. You've been so kind to me this whole time, and I never bothered to take your order, because this asshole kept chopping me down. I can't, I know. It's fine, it's not a problem, really.

I really wanted to try the mormite. The what? The mormite? The mormite. Do you mean the mormite? The mormite, yes, sorry. I thought you said Marmite. Oh, uh, yeah, well, we do have that. Uh, I...

You're sort of one of the... Are you one of the people who really likes Marmite? Or you're someone who really doesn't like it? I really don't like it. That's why I wanted to try it. Because I like to try things that I don't like to see if I like them now. I like it. I like it, and I like you. Oh, I'll have the momma then. All right, fine. You want some momma on the side for dipping or?

Sure. Sort of a glaze I could make a reduction of some kind. Ooh, yes, that sounds lovely. Yes, thank you very much, the bear. All right. How's it going, Trunt? Three tenths of the way through. Okay.

Well, or wait, or is it seven-twenty-eighths? Fuck, I lost track of the fractions. Mmm, seven-twenty-eighths. Huh? Uh, well, uh, we don't have Arnie here to do the math for us, so, uh, we're going to have to keep entertaining the listeners, Chant, uh, if you take just a quick break from eating there. Um, I just wanted to know, uh,

are you, well, coming very close to the kingdom aren't you excited to be reunited with your lost child? Oh look, you sir look at my plate, I ate all the hash but I ate all around the eggs, do you see that? Oh, that's because I missed my little eggie baby. I think you can still eat the eggs, it's not definitely not, you know, it's a different egg, it's a different egg. It's a different egg. It's a different egg. Yeah, squelgar. Sorry, I called it. Eggy, baby. Squelgar. It's a different egg. This is just, this is so fucking tasty. Like, lead with this. Like, this is what I expect when I come into a grill.

Right? Uh-huh. Boy. Well, I'm going to be having some more challenging food here at a moment. And you're welcome to partake of it if you like. Ooh. Um, no thank you. Uh, the bear? Snap, snap, snap. The bear?

Don't. I'm the chef. You don't snap. Okay. Yes. What do you want? We're still kind of hungry. And we're going to be hitting the road soon to look for my son.

Don't ask. Do you have like 30 little cans of tomatoes we could take on the road to eat along the way of snacks? 30. Do you want 30 cans of tomatoes? The little cans of tomatoes we could take on the road to eat along the way snacks 30 you want 30 cans of tomatoes the little cans little cans well the little ones taste better Well, that's why I asked for if I thought the big hands they spent our would ask for the big kids listen Yes, I have I have a bunch of cans of tomatoes. You want to just take them unopened with you? Yeah, I'm yeah, I looked inside them have you no why would You want to just take them unopened with you. Yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm a looked inside them, have you?

No, why would, as soon as you open them, you sort of have a, the clock starts ticking, you know. Sure, you gotta use them. Yeah, we'll take your whole stock and tell you what, I'll give you five coin for them. Now I'm being overly generous. Listen, I'm gonna level with you. Disrestress is not doing super great.

Okay, well I wondered why you were taking the orders and there were no other customers and no one working here. Listen, when I inherited this restaurant from my brother, I thought, surely I can do better than just killing everyone who comes in. Yeah, I was less of a restaurant and more of a trap. Exactly.

Exactly, it was a bear trap, but other kind. The kind that's not so good for you guys, but good for me. Kind of a nothing but trouble situation. I don't follow. I don't either, but aren't you supposed to say it all the time? Did he have sort of like a shitty thing grin on his face? Really, it's saying... Oh, yeah.

A huge shitty thing grin. He's definitely looking to the right right now. So he wants another sandwich. He barely ate the first one. Well, I think he hears something really hilarious he said in the past and he just wants a sandwich. This is the natural reaction. All right, fair enough. I guess I'll make one more sandwich.

But listen, John, it is absolutely highway robbery for me to give you 30 cans of tomatoes for five coin. But I need this money, I need it. And I think, listen, five coin is not nearly enough for me to sort of fix this place up and hire a staff and advertise and get the word out, try to get 5 flag, I in here to do a feature. Firefly Gary.

Firefly Gary. But look, it's a start. So yes, I'll give you my tomatoes. And I'll take your coin and maybe this will be the first step on the long road to redemption for me, the bear grills. Well, and we still have to settle our bills, so I'll be a little more money for you. And don't forget the most valuable thing we can offer you. Word of mouth. Yes. In addition to location, which I've failed at already, we are in the middle of nowhere.

Nobody wants to come to a grill like 35 miles from the egg kingdom. Well, that's because famously, you have to buy a location location location, three locations that triangulate to a center spot where you put your business. You buy land on those three locations? Listen, I don't have the time to spell it out for you But they always say location location location, which is three properties now

You have to invest in that real estate and then figure it out from there behind chef behind You have to buy the fourth location in the middle or is it just a three to triangulate or once you buy those three view on everything in the middle You know when I had to choose chow I knew all this stuff but I forgot it because it's been so long. It's been a long time. Been a long time. I we haven't even been. He keeps looking to the left as soon as you said Chichu's chow. Uh, uh, he wants a tattoo of it. But he says, get his tattoo on there.

Oh, I actually wrote Drew again. Oh, well. Underline, underline, underline. Is that why you've had such a contentious relationship with the bear? Because our own business happened to fail. Our restaurant? You think I, this like this motherfucker, because I'm a failed chef who couldn't cut it? You said or.

You nailed it. Oh, well. Of course that's why. And actually, the fire behind him, I set that when he wasn't looking. Oh, shunt. I'm burning this bitch down. Don't burn it down, that's not nice. No, but it's fun.

But don't add, but now you have something you could share. He's a struggling chef. You've been a struggling chef. You can relate to one another. OK, buddy boys, here's your tomatoes. Thank you, and here's the five coin. Thank you very much. And here's another, you say, I think.

17 gold ought to cover the rest of our bill for this evening. Wow, truly, this is the best day this grill has had and as long as I can remember. Yikes. 23, 22 coin. Well mine weren't gold, just abs. I don't know if you looked, but mine weren't gold.

Yep, nope. Okay, sorry. 17 gold and 5 copper. Chant? Grizzly? Arnie? Thank you. For teaching me something about myself. Wait, what did you learn?

Oh, I'm sure I'll figure it out at some point. I was thinking it was sort of like, well, you sort of taught me how mean people can be to when you're, how far someone can sort of punch down. Huh. Yeah. And Grizzly, you taught me again, how the power of kindness can transcend species.

And Arnie, you taught me that. It left means no, and right means sandwich. The bear, you've taught me something, which is, I'll figure it out eventually, but hey buddy, I hope that your restaurant, I hope it gets renewed for a second season, meaning I hope I see this restaurant when we pass back through here in the next season.

Next season, next fall winter, Vistache. I lose track. We can only hope, friend. I hope Vistache doesn't come early and does not burn your grill to the ground. Hey, Yusador. Yeah. What is Arnie and Vistache having, Kamen? I don't know.

What does Arnie and Vistache have in Kamen? They both come early. No. They're done. Excellent. Well, the bear, I suppose, will be on our way. Thank you for a lovely evening and a lovely meal. The mommet was divine.

Oh, thank you very much. The mormite, it's still hated. So terrible. So terrible. So bad. And I think, let me grab my road sack here. I think Mitchell Lee would want you to have this. Yes, that's right.

I'm giving you the certificate of authenticity, but not the star. Uh, well, that means you can't give out the star later too, because no one's going to believe it's real. Hmm. Can we get that certificate back, please? Oh, yeah, this is kind of a gift of the measure situation. I'll trade you for the star. What will you trade me?

The certificate. Fuck, well that just... Nobody's gonna believe the star is real. You can't have this certificate. Yeah. Well, listeners, I suppose a week from now, we'll be right here trying to figure out this problem still So we'll start another episode from here at the grill. What if I got you an autographed 8x10 from the hungry hound

Oh, you know that dog who loves to eat that might be a local thing Really? Yeah, no, I've never never heard of that. I've seen his face all around nibble bottom Yeah, well that just a nibble bottom. That's the only place you'll see the hungry hound. What a hungry hound. That dog is insatiable. I don't know what we should do about Arnie. He still seems to be paralyzed.

I think I'll wear off after a few more hours. Aren't you like a thousand years old? Surely you have an antidote or some sort of sort of spell, reversal spell for this paralyzed. Is this a spell from some incredibly powerful? A wizard so powerful, I could never defeat him. I mean, I don't want it, I don't want it to be assumed that that wizard even exists. Terrifying, isn't it?

No, I think I can do something. Now, I think about it. I just didn't, I didn't think I was so upset before about the Cougar and the other Cougar and stuff that I didn't got. Oh, you guys had to run in with the Cougar. Yes, yes we did. I stabbed in the brain. Ah, yeah, good job.

You know, people are always asking like who could win in a fight? You or that Cougar outside and I'm like, I don't know, I don't want to get in. No, no, no, not her. Oh, the other one. I stabbed the other one in the brain. Oh, the big cat. The big cat. Can I just say, whenever you're in a fight, stab him in the brain it works so well you're gonna quick right probably gets gets the job done Yeah, get get her done as you might say sorry earlier

I stole your sign that says the grill is gone. Here's your sign. Well another sign is gone. Oh So now the grill is gone. Oh, it's on fire. No, it's on fire. The girl is gone. Oh Shit, oh it's burning you know what jingle Arnie would sing right now Google I get me get you go that's right Quick hell and get on the out of here before the space burns to the fucking ground Goddy so heavy try not to have a rhinoceros or something big that'll help carry a No, so there's something big that'll help carry a Here we go. There you go. I look we're sorry that the grill is burning down, but now it's living up to its name

Grail will be gone soon Oh my sign. You'll figure it out. Goodbye Yes, sorry, I'm still standing here, but I'm making it sound like my voice is getting further away Sorry, I just I I'm gonna go home. I figured out the anti-parallelization spell. Or after all, to the wall. How you feeling, Olli? Uh.

Uh. It looked like a meagre cheetah. How if only there was some sort of anti-fire spell? Hmm. Well, we'll figure it out eventually. Duh! Oh, the Acidore. The Acidore, yes.

Look, I don't know if the tiny can of tomatoes are looking. Little tomatoes. We're back. We're back. You know, sometimes the trail of destruction this show leaves in its wake is metaphorical. Other times it's a literal restaurant burning to the ground. The fun comes in guessing which it'll be from week to week. Usador the Blue was played by Matt Young. Sean to the Talking Badger was played by Adolf Refire.

The Bear was played by special guest Alden Ford. Alden is one of the creators of the hilarious improvised sci-fi epic Mission to Zix, along with providing the voice of Plegte Dexeter. The Mission to Zix series finale should be dropping any day now, so you can start listening confident in the knowledge that it will indeed end. Hmm, bringing a podcast to a graceful and dignified conclusion,

there's a concept, find Mission to Six, wherever you harvest podcasts. Speaking of places where things are, hello from the Magic Taven is doing a live show at the Bell House Theater in Brooklyn, New York, on Friday, October 14th. Tickets on sale now. Click on the link in the show notes

or visit hellofromthemagictaven.com and click the live shows tab, or just trust that the universe will make it happen. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. People like, who do we have today, Lincoln? I'm kidding, Lincoln hasn't been here for months. People like, Paul Sanders, C. Sturdy, James Snable, built me a table, practiced his carpentry whenever he's able.

Xavier, Susanna Windspear, and she added a green heart, I'll assume that was a normal heart that got a lethal dose of gamma radiation. Ben Antia, David Bowser, J. Bidolph, Ryan Van Gorder, occasional hoarder, favorite month February, he says, because it's shorter. Daniel Harp Lee rolls Thomas lucky Reeves not lucky enough to be higher up on this list Thomas Benjamin Polly No, no Megan Flippin Chloe captain chaos and Brittnese and a quick note to support her Liz I know I mentioned you last week and I kind of blew past your name without spending much time with it sort of like an afterthought and I stand by that choice.

Patrons get ad-free episodes and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Also, access to a Patrons-only Discord server which just added a bunch of cool new emotes from artist Kevin Buttnick. I would know because I've learned how to access this discord area and let me tell you, the spelling and grammar going on in there, yikes! To learn more about supporting the show in a way that I never really have, visit patreon.com-slash-magic-tavrn. Hello from the Magic Tavrn is produced by Anini Camp, Matt Young and Adolf Refyre. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, this episode edited by Tim Joyce. Hello from the Magic Tavrn logo by Allard LeBan.

Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Excuse me, I've got 45 hungry bears here and they all want something to eat. Do you have anything? Can you help us? We saw the sign down the road. No, the grill is gone. Yeah, that's what the sign said. By a wizard, a paralyzed man, and a talking badger. And I will have my revenge if it's the last thing I do They took everything from me

Except my brother who you died before they came along and also the diner could have been in better shape Before I mean to be honest things were not going great when they showed up But then they were sort of the last straw and for that I shall never give them Just like a honeycomb Figure that going to the wood figured out eat a pusher salmon or something do what we're all just always doing Don't look to me. What an ass. Have you lost your autonomy? Have you lost your instincts? Coach yeah, I shit in the woods. Oh, I did I. You did. We all know you did. You know we know you did.