Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 71 - Roast Comic

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

Greg Taskel, Comedy Rascal, stops by to roast the hosts.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiGreg Taskel: Mort BurkeMysterious Man: Tim SniffenDirector Ward: Shane WilsonTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Garrett SchultzMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. It may appear that a woman named Trisha has been a victim of the murder of a woman who was a victim of the murder.

Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully.

Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully.

Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. Tim, I want you to listen carefully. It may appear that a woman named Trisha has burst into my institute and is telling you that everything is a lie. But this is merely Hank's final attack and you must resist it. Sir, whatever this guy is telling you, I know. Hard pass. None of that is right. How can none of what I know be the truth?

I'm scientific volunteer, Tim Sniffin. Tim Sniffin? Jesus, were you naming him after the host of a game show for children with allergies? See Tim, she's attacking your identity. That has Hank written all over it. Sir, if you can hear me through whatever programming you wrapped up in, I was monitoring this government facility, you know, just, you know, in my spare time, I keep busy with varied interests. I say life is a scavenger hunt, not a marathon. Well,

anyway, this entire building is enveloped by a dense field of illusion, and I think it's being generated by this, whatever this is. Some kind of psychic parasite. Ouch. Everything's flickering. I can't tell what's real. Other than Andor's crackling dialogue. Boy, he is super invested in Andor. I know, right? But try to get him to watch a single episode of the circle, and it's all Tricia, you're an abomination, I keep locked in a bland room in the back of the bunker. Tim, listen to me.

You have a transmission coming in. Letting it go unannounced will destroy everything we've accomplished. Sir, I hate to agree with whatever that thing is, but you did teach me that leaving a transmission unframed creates a huge amount of paperwork. OK, OK, I'll try my best to do the voice again. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm while chewing on an old, damp magazine. But if that says entertainment to you, then I'm left with no choice but to say sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neekamp, the greatest warrior in all of Foon.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. A little bit more than 8 years and 1 month ago, I felt through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I used that to upload a podcast, recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar, in the town of Nibblebottom, at the base of the Unnamed Bull Mountain in the Magical Land of Foon. And I am joined, as always, by my co-host,

Chump the Talking Badger. Arny, Arny, Arny, Arny, Big News, Big News. Yeah. So you know how you, me, and you, sir, have been raising aegy baby and just showering him with love, more love than he's ever known in his whole egg life? Yeah, and I know this doesn't mean anything to you, but I keep saying I'm the Gutenberg. Yeah, I don't know what that means. Is it a good thing?

Yeah, I invented the printing press, but keep going, keep going. Well, whatever it is, you're really selling. Arnie, Aegee Baby had his first words this morning. I didn't even know that was possible. Yeah, I mean, every once in a while I'll hear hear a little knock where we'll do like, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he'll go not knock. But this morning, way way, hold on. He'll knock. Yeah, I may not have heard you correctly.

Was it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then he maybe says, stop that. Whoa, his knocks, but the knocks could have been, it's too hard knocks. So, I mean, I don't speak knocks. It could have been stop it. Oh my gosh, it's two hard knocks. So I mean I don't speak knocks. It could have been stop it. Oh my gosh. It's a hard knocks life that you're going through right now. Is this what a good group would do? Oh this is so what a good and bad would do. Well anyway Arnie, this morning I whistled. I was trying to kind of connect with them. They say music is good for a

baby. So I whistled. I love you. And here, it's like this, which means I love you and whistle. And the baby whistled back. Here, listen, all, hey, oh, you some bring it baby. Yeah, there you go. Do you hear that? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, already whnie whistles his words. And that's not just wind blowing through the micro cracks in the egg. Arnie, come on, that's his first words. Listen here, listen here, you do it, you whistle, I love you. Oh, I can barely whistle. Wow. Oh, no.

What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? That sounds like that's when going through the cracks in my shell. The only wind in here is on chilly night. Arty, your lips couldn't be further apart. What do you think a whistle is? I don't know when you put your lips together and blow. Sexy. How about this?

Oh, listen. Huh? He did it back. Arnie, he did it back. Wow. This is so cool. Holy cow, this is very cool. Congratulations, Charlie. Thank you.

Congratulations to you. Congratulations, actually. Congratulations, Charlie. Congratulations to you. You sure can, congratulations to you. Congratulations to all. Oh, and I will say, and we're gonna stick with the Aggie Baby thing, but I also just wanna

before we forget, introduce our other co-host to the Aggie Baby thing. It's my child. The updates, but we're doing updates. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I'd also like to introduce my other co-host who are you ghost anymore?

Nah, no, I have recently returned it from the dead. I am Yusudor, wizard of the 12th realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow, minimally turned of magical delights, devour of chaos champion of the great halls of Trockus, the elves, new me is fiendy elic, the dwarves know me is zoned in a hoax dengeys and I am known throughout the northeast as gasmanius may start I have done the impossible to defeat the true death after completing my purpose and return here to this world to continue to be a skirt against the forces of evil. Now, Arnie, we're doing an update.

Is this kind of like a best piece? A little bit, a little bit, yeah. I have to say, I'm a bit surprised to the... How much people have just accepted the fact that I'm back. They don't seem phased, they don't seem confused, they're surprised, they're like, oh, you said, oh, how are you? Yeah, I don't want to say this too loud. Yeah. Because I don't want anyone over here.

Yeah. Last week, I did a true wish that you didn't have to be dead anymore, even though you weren't really dead. I haven't been dead this whole time. I know how it's pretending to be a ghost. We know that. But then something has changed. You know that? I knew that. And hey, I gotta tell you, I don't... I told Chant, I've been here the whole time.

Can you not see me? I was pursuing. You should know this. In Thune, if someone is dead and then they come back to life, it's like asking a woman if she's dead and then they come back to life, it's like asking a woman if she's pregnant. You don't want to say anything. Okay.

Because if you're like, oh, you're back alive and they're still dead, that ruins their day. So you never want to ask. You, sir, this isn't going to make sense to you, but you're kind of like the Ted Danson. And everyone thinks you're a ghost in the background, but really you're just a standee. He's dancing Ted, and I'm not.

Not the team, da da da da da da da. So you should work. The next day, it just seems like everybody just casually accepted that you were alive. Yeah, but there's still a strange energy in here. I just, ah, I'm glad to be alive, and I did not have to return to be a ghost, because I wasn't a ghost. Olli, do you know that? I wasn't really a ghost. I did know that, and frankly, we told a lot of people. We told a lot of people.

Not just our listeners, but people just in the tavern. And honestly, we frequently talked about it at this level, that it's very easy to overhear at other tables. I don't know what you mean. It's very difficult to hear our conversations. But I think you're right, Yusador. I'm a little concerned because we wished on the Golden Unicorn and in the past almost all those wishes resulted in the death of the Wisher. So I'm worried that like, am I gonna die? Or ironically, are you gonna die? What a delightful guest though. What a wonderful time. I had a great time once I was unfrozen. Did you say guest or guest?

Cause I have a guest. Oh, what's your guest? Well, you brought in Aggie Babies, so you know this, in celebration of Aggie Babies' first whistle words. You know how we're always kind of like ragging on each other, we're always sort of poked in prodding,

making fun of each other. Since the three of us are raising this egg, I thought it would be so fun to put that aside and bring in somebody else to do a professional. Now I saw a flyer in town, of course, aren't a flyers when you nail a bird to a tree and it's, it doesn't hurt the bird. It doesn't hurt the bird.

No, and it's sort of squawk something where it's like, you know, instruments for sale or whatever it says. It's a living, but I found a flyer and it was paroding this guest today. Please welcome a roast comic. This is a professional. This is Greg Tassel, comedy rascal. Oh, I, you guys have been making fun of me.

Hello, dudes. What's going on, guys? Oh, hey Greg! Hey! It's a pleasure to meet you. Good to be here everyone, so glad to be here. Already don't mention his voice. Oh boy.

Okay, I gotta think of other questions. So, Greg, what's up with your face? Wait, what? We're getting into the roasts early, huh? Oh, okay. Yes, so, I guess so, and I'm so sorry. I meant that sincerely. What? We're getting into the roasts early, huh? Okay. Yes. I guess so, and I'm so sorry. I meant that sincerely.

I didn't mean that as an insult. Just like a curiosity. Like a joy face. Yeah, okay, absolutely. I was in a pretty serious cart accident. Oh, no. I got teaboned by another cart. It was going four miles an hour. Oh, that's a fast

Arnie, I don't know if you know this T-bone is when another cart will get mad at you and throw a steak to your horse Your horse will stop to eat the steak and you'll fly out of it going Yep, and it shattered my ocular cavity Because we all know how much horses love steak. They know I't get enough of it love steaks. Hey, okay, do you guys want me to roast you guys? I don't know if that's where I don't usually roast people unless they invite me to There's a little stage right here our table if you'd like to just step up there and and give us a Sample of your wares as it were Okay, great. Let's start. Okay. Let's see you use the door. That's your name. Hey this guy's got a weird voice

Doesn't he? He sounds like a Orson wells his corpse came to life and started loving I don't understand You haven't met Orson the guy stuck in the well. No. Oh, oh, he's one of them He's one of the most well-known people stuck in the well. Yeah, that's his whole thing. He's been down there for 40 years Wow, he kind of invented the format. Yeah, he did he really he was very innovative in the world of well-living Okay, let's keep rolling. Let's see. Okay, who's the door?

What's going on with that beard, my man? You look like Santa Claus fucked a clansman. I don't know whether to ask you for a present or cancel you. Am I right, everybody? Yeah. What? I don't understand. Our new Clansman is

it's someone who will come into your town in those cell clams and they just suck their cowards A lot of times you don't know their clamsman, but you kind of smell it like if they stand down with him you'll smell the clams Yeah, just just a little pieces of shit also Arnie Did you notice this guy's going so hard on you said or I think we're safe I think we're safe he keeps looking around and then his eyes go straight back to you, Sidore. Also, can you believe he said you said we had a funny voice?

I know. Get in here, Irms. I can't believe it either. I think my voice is quite beautiful. Okay, hey, this guy over here. Your name's Chant. What's going on with this guy? You're a little, supposed to be a badger.

That's, you look like a rat to me, my, and I think I know a rat when I see one. Don't you have a like an animatronic chucky cheese bandie should be fronting somewhere? Okay, John, keep it together, big fake smile for the table, push it down, push it down. John, what kind of name is that? Was gangbang face-flug already taken? Who can chant it in meaning thing by it? This is his job? Arnie here in Foon, a gangbang is when a lot of people have sex together. Oh, okay. But also, isn't that the name of one of Chant's aunts?

Probably. And let's see who we got over here. Okay, Arnie. Arnie my man. You look like a police Sketch of a guy who's addicted to magical pornography Imagine that's why you're so obsessed with that Wi-Fi you're always talking about I will say I will say and look not I don't want to like delve into anything, a TORID, but the magical pornography in this world is pretty amazing. It's pretty impressive. Oh, so you're familiar?

I'm just, I've seen a little bit, you know, like you're just walking and you like see some magical pornography is like falling to the street and you're like, what is this? Oh, well, I have to explain what a gangbang was. Oh, I is this? Oh, what is this? Oh, what is this? Why did I have to explain what a gangbang was? Oh, I should explain. Greg Tascow, you said this Wi-Fi you've been hearing about. Wi-Fi stands for Witches Fight. So what it is, I guess, wherever Arnie's from,

which is Earth Witches Fight, and that produces some sort of electricity, which is invisible in the air and helps you see, I don't know. It's Arnie, do you want to explain it to him? No, not really.. No you both have it wrong it's clearly to which is fight which causes sound waves to reverberate through the air and then a dolphin sends you magical brain waves to fill your computer. Oh speaking of Chuck the dolphin

is at the bar a great can you roast Chuck the dolphin? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I think I know what's going on. I think I think I think he's projecting. Oh You know, it's how he keeps saying everyone has a funny boy. Yeah, I think I think yeah Right, I'm so sorry. I got distracted for a moment. No, no, no, it's not No, it's not you guys. It's not the projection thing, although that's honestly pretty clearly true now that you mentioned it It's a... I just... I'm a... I'm a strange from my son. I uh... I haven't talked to him in a really long time and uh...

Oh, great. Oh... He's turning 16 today and uh... Oh my gosh. Yeah, you won't talk to me anymore because I am... I'm unable to stop roasting him. Oh gosh. Yeah, you won't talk to me anymore because I am unable to stop roasting him. Oh gosh. I mean, Grey, that seems like a pretty simple fix. Just stop roasting him. I wish it was so chut.

You think he just turned it off like that? This guy's on fire. I can't, it is true. It's absolutely true, what's the momentum starts going, but also plus the reality is, a dark mage cursed me, a millennium ago, to only tell Rose jokes. So you can't tell other types of jokes. Try telling a knock knock joke right now. Knock knock. Who's there? Shut up, you pussy!

Oh, yeah, he got me pretty good there. He got me pretty good. Greg, have you tried just stopping telling jokes entirely for a little bit? Yeah, I tried for a while. I tried to go hug my son. In the middle of it, I told him he looked like Jonathan Taylor. Thomas, fuck the snuffle fluff! Oh, what's a snuffle fluff in this world, John?

A snuffle fluff, it's sort of an elephant, but it's hairier, and it eats marshmallow. It only eats marshmallow. And it's got wings, is it obviously? It's got wings, yeah. Well, that's implied use of the door, it's got wings. What do you ask? And Jonathan was the tailor, but then everyone made fun of them because his clothes were so bad, they suck, so fucking bad.

So he changed his name to Thomas. And then people started to call him Jonathan, the tailor Thomas. And it wasn't an improvement, it would be honest. When you legally change your name and food, you have to write down your old name, cross it out and then write the new name. And you wrote Jonathan Taylor that he wrote down Thomas D. Forgot to cross out the first part.

He got to cross it out. Also his dad would always, like, kind of bark. It was kind of, his friends would come over and he'd be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And it was just, everyone hates his dad. His dad's been a funny to me, I don't know. No, it wasn't. Maybe at the time, but it's not now looking back.

And his dad was always trying to gain more power He's trying to gain more power learn spells learn magic any eventually blew up To infinity and beyond which sounds dark, but again, that's the kind of world that my people dance and you know We have a brave true tellers of this world Greg can I can I ask great before you were cursed by a black mage to 100 years ago, you look great for whatever you are. Can I ask, what did you do before you were cursed to be a roast comic? I mostly like took improv classes and didn't do likes and stuff yet, but arguably much,

much sadder. Yeah, so this is not great. I'm not a move, I feel like. I mean, I've gotten a little bit of work at some of our various fantastical comedy clubs here at Food and that's been nice. Like, where have you worked? Like the laughter pond, where all the audience are all giant frogs.

Oh, the laughter pond is a great venue. I think it's really nice there. If you don't mind being wet. Yes. Do you mind being wet? No, I don't mind. I know who else doesn't mind your wife. See why would I?

Oh, you can't turn it off. You can't turn it off. We're not married. Well, Greg, we're going to take a brief break. Let's get you maybe a drink or something. And let's come back and we'll hear more of your story and I'm sure some more Top Nights Roasts. Yeah, a drink would technically be a relapse, but you're on, buddy. Okay. All right, we're back with Greg Tassel, uh, cursed to eternally be a roast comedian.

Can I ask Greg, I don't know what the ins and outs of this curse are, like, will you eventually have the sweet release of death, or are you really just going to have to roast forever? Great question, aren't you, Livincoward? Uh, yeah, every night I beg for some kind of loving God to take me from this living hell and every morning I wake up and have to insult the first person who tries to get close to me. Oh. I mean, that's not too far from how the three of us live, right?

So... Yeah, there's a bunch of... Yeah, a lot of guys are actually pretty, pretty similar to Turns Out. That's really how most male relationships are. It's quite tragic. Yeah. Greg, I cannot imagine. This is my egg over here. He just had his first words.

I could not imagine not talking to him for how long was it? It's been 11 years, Chuck. 11 years. I mean, I guess I didn't talk to him for a couple years. But 11 years is so long. Is there anything that we can do that a human, a wizard and a shapeshifter could do to kind of help you figure out how to reconnect with him? Well, first of all, Chuck,

that was a beautiful question. Thank you so much, you fucking asshole. See, I just wanna say, really, hold on tight to that little hanging yours. I mean, that's such a special time. Thank you. I don't know, maybe we could, you know, like I said, I used to do some improv, maybe we could kind of work shops some stuff or something, try a little bit of roleplay. Arnie, didn't you used to improv on Earth?

I did. You did on a cruise ship, right? What's a cruise ship? I did it on a cruise ship where all the world's best improvisers perform. Um, you said you were a bit of a celebrity, I think we were. I was, well, I don't know if I would say that. I was more of, uh, what we would, in the improv game, would call a wall stander, where I would just kind of like during a show,

I would kind of lean against the wall and wait for a time when I definitely had something, come in, do that thing and get out as fast as possible. Oh, and you also said, did you say you had sex with 185 janitors, and it was the world's worst sex or something? You said sex with me is like, what did you do? You could stop it.

You could stop it at a very quirky party. Okay. It's hard to explain. And it was a quirky party in terms of everyone knew who they were except for you. Is that right? Are you going to guess who people were? Look, it was a different time and I said it. I was doing a whole whole down, but I would not say something like that now. I see. I see. Greg, the first thing you need to know is that since you haven't seen your son in 11 years and he's turning 16 today, there's a very good chance that he's much taller than he was before. So when you go to meet him, look up higher. Yeah, that's why they call it feet 16. Because when you turn 16, you usually

gain like a foot or so. So Arnie and food, they call it feet 16. And usually you get like a brand new cart and you can be a monster about it. It's a pretty special thing. It's pretty pretty. It's pretty pretty, pretty good. Although you guys bring up a really good potential challenge in all of this. If you haven't seen him in 11 years, when you see him, you will have probably

changed a fair amount. And so there's just gonna be so much tantalizing fresh material. You're gonna be like, I didn't make jokes about these things before. Yeah, it's really, let's say he has acne or something. How am I gonna be able to not grow? You know what I mean? Call them a disgusting pizza face or something.

You know, it's all hard stuff. Well, great. Why don't you, since you and Arnie are, I think the only two people I know in my life that have taken improv, why don't the two of you do a scene? Arnie, you'll be, um, the sun. Can I ask your son's name? Yeah, his name is Greg also. Oh, so Arnie, why don't you be Greg and Greg, you be Greg. And let's see you see, we're just, and we're just improvising and it's, it's just father reconnecting with son. Okay. And before we start, can I ask Greg, look, and I want to preface this by saying,

like, I'm not really a voice guy, I don't do a lot of voices, but did your son have a particular voice that's helpful, and again, I probably would prefer not to do any voices, but make him do a voice, make him do a voice. Yeah, I mean, I haven't seen him in a very long time, but I imagine he sounds exactly like me,

which is, I'm assuming perfectly normal Probably hold on to that voice for a liner, too Okay, and the two of you are in you sir. What's like a good setting? For a father son like like a like a diner or like a doctor's office doctor And I'm sorry Greg. Did you say what your son's name was? His name is also Greg. Greg is great. Arty, you said you were good at listening.

You said the first role of improv was listening. I didn't say I was good at the first role of improv and start to see. Okay. Hey, Dad, Dad, is that you? Yeah, oh my gosh, it's been so long, little grey. It's been exactly 11 years, I think. And here you are, the doctors of us,

why I hope everything's alright health wise. Yeah, oh, Dad, thank you. I'm in a place where I want to acknowledge your gift of maybe there's something wrong with me. So I don't want to deny it by saying that everything is good. Maybe I'm getting in my head about how to use me. My name is Dr. Banana and you have two days to die. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh.

That's terrible news, little Greg. It is Greg, but it makes me better, Daddy Greg, to know that you're here with me, although I have one wish. I know, if I am going to pass from this mortal food, I was really hoping I'd have a doctor that sounded just like the two of us. Wouldn't that be wonderful? You sure be a doctor? What kind of doctor? Oh, other Greg, I have your diagnosis.

Yes? It turns out you have Farts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I Jesus Christ oh God they're terrible. Oh No, no, no, no. Oh my God Exprisionating and seeing okay great. Oh That's what we call heightening Yes, I intended for the the thoughts to be Terminal so well done. I mean if you're reconnecting with your son, it goes anything like that.

Ten out of ten success. What's stopping you? I want to say, honestly, Arnie, just even though that was a pretend make-em-up, I really felt what it could feel like to be healed through my son's forgiveness. Oh, I'm glad that I could help provide that. I really try to latch on to some kind of emotional truth of my improv, and then I get in my head

and I just think about am I doing it right or not, and I just sort of try a coast from there. So I'm glad that it seemed to have helped you. Also, your beard looks like somebody hot glued pubes to a baby! Why? Why? That's true, glued pubes to a baby! Why? Why? That's true, baby pubes. Ah, well, maybe does that mean I've got a baby face underneath it?

Okay, I'm just sort of trying to find the silver lining in some of these. I wonder if that's the end. Now Greg, I noticed during that scene, you barely roasted anyone, and perhaps if you channel your comedy into some other form perhaps you can put off the insult comedy temporarily just long enough to connect with your son You said you're absolutely right that may be the longest I've gone without roasting So maybe you need to get into like I don't know And what else is funny juggling or a juggling is very funny?

Well it depends on what you're juggling. I saw a man juggling swords and it it was terrifying Oh, that would be very anxious But it also yeah, it seems like whenever you're doing improv That you don't roast Yeah, I wonder if there's anything else less embarrassing that I could do to help me not roast. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Have you considered maybe approaching it like, whatever the roast version of a long con is, right?

Like if you're just sort of like, have the mental trick of being like, I am going to be as sincere as possible and then at the end, boom, there's gonna be a big payoff but that could maybe just prolong our long yeah right or maybe yeah or a slow roast or maybe I could say the punchline like in my cart on the way oh yes you slow cook it and then it's more tender you're not you're not hitting as hard. It's more tender when you eventually roast someone. Right.

Yeah, to move on from improv. Thought about getting a job. I tried once, but I roasted my manager so bad that he should cuz I like. Oh, no. I know, dudes. Oh my gosh. This is very sad. This has really been a horrible burden on you.

It's dark guys, I'm telling you, there is no love in this world for a roast comic. Well, of course. What should there be, probably? No, there's absolutely should not be. Greg, I'm trying to be positive for you and for your son who you're gonna reconnect with. I, fingers crossed.

Is there any good that's coming up roasting? I mean, surely maybe you've gotten to participate in like, I don't know, a celebrity roast? Like some of the famous citizens of Foon? Have you gotten to Queen Tatanya or anyone, any big names in Foon you've gotten a roast? Yeah, yeah, Queen Tatanya. I was on the, what we call the day is in her roast. Yeah, it was a powerful time. Yeah, I mean, that's one of the few times where the peasants like us can speak truth to

power about superficial, you know, physical issues that the powerful have. Yes, nice, like their scars and their weird eyes. Their eyes are so close together. Right, things they can't help. Exactly. They might perhaps have to be slightly overweight or insecure about something. We really attack that for about an hour. That's fun. That's fun. Do you ever tip-toe into talking about, like, their ideologies or anything of substance? I try not to. We try not to keep it get too political, but sometimes if it's way out there we'll really go for it.

And I've heard with some of these celebrity roasts like when you roast a queen or king or a prince or someone of note a duke I hear it's a lot of like you've never met them before and you're just coming in guns of blazing and no one really likes each other It's just sort of like a it's just sort of like a bag of gold right yeah That's exactly right yeah like a bag of wonderful gold yeah, you just think of as a bag of gold yeah, okay I will I mean you have to work that's the thing I gotta work. Oh do you send is there any sort of like do you send Greg money? Little Greg yeah, I was for a little while I said him a bunch of phone bucks He's he's got Fox yes, of course right. Yeah, he sent them back unfortunately

With a no-time to him that said I don't love you daddy Greg's mother how did you how did you meet her? She was a waitress at one of the clothes! That makes it, that makes it, right? Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, we stayed up way too late one night doing magical cocaine! Oh, sounds... I would have to imagine that better than regular cocaine.

Yeah, it was pretty wild. Of course, after a while you get into the worst stuff. Do you know what I mean? It's not the good cocaine for very long. It turns into low level magical meth. It gets ugly out of you. Oh no. I mean, it's hard to find that many ferry wings

to grind up into a fine powder to make magical cocaine. So, you know, eventually you have to just settle for like, you know, maybe a grinding up a dwarf's beard and smoking that. Yeah. We've all been there. We've all been there. And never do magical cocaine off of a magical mirror because you think it's on the mirror

and it's for you, the mirror will absorb it. And then the mirror's gonna be an asshole for 30 to 45 minutes. That's right, yeah, you don't wanna hang out with a mirror that's trying to tell you about it, start up. You know, it's tech world ideas for two days straight. I'm just kidding. Interlocking gears.

Ugh, technology's awful. I do lose. Now I'm concerned that I've trade places with my own magical mere self. Maybe we should take a quick break and find out if I'm really me or the mere doppelganger of myself. Greg, we've been talking about magic a bit and that made me wonder. A little bit about this mage that cursed you, is it possible we could try to track this mage down and get you uncursed?

I mean, maybe that's an avenue we could explore. Yeah, what's this motherfucker's name? Wow, thanks Arnie and Chant! Yeah, I never really thought about visiting him again. His name was all so Greg. Most of the people I know is named are Greg. But he was Greg the Mage. Okay, just having curiosity, what does his voice sound like? Pretty normal.

Okay. Like this. Well, give us all the information. Mage, Hex, location. Yeah, sure. So, the Hex was a series of what to me sounded like nonsense words, but I was immediately felt this... I was imbued with this knowledge that I'd never be close to another living human being emotionally. And it happened on Carson and Duquesne. Hey, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, yes. It sounds like Greg gotunker Night or maybe he was high in magic of cocaine. Any yelled at himself in the mirror?

Oh my god. And he's never, maybe he's never forgiven himself? I also, I also don't know what spell just sounds like nonsense. Oh, you sir, do you mind turning my cop into a glass? Errol, turn it all to long! Close enough, a dead duck. Sure Error, turtle, clon-t-la! Close enough, uh, dead duck. Sure. Yeah, whatever, whatever. Um, well, great. We've taken note.

We will search this Greg down so that you and Greg can be together again. Oh my god, thank you, chon! Oh! Did everyone see that? Greg said thank you, chon. Period. No roast. Unless he's gonna say it in the car, turn the way home. Yeah, his nose is bleeding. Like clearly there's something he's,

but he's truly biting his tongue. His nose, mouth, and eyes are bleeding. So there's something he wants to say, but he didn't. That's real progress, Greg. That's progress. Maybe just let it out so you can build up some resistance for talking to your son, Greg. Your neck doesn't match your body,

shut it all! Oh, no! My biggest insecurity. Uh, I'm always thought that. Yeah, I can see why that one was hard to keep in. But look, I got really close. I mean, yeah, it was hard, but there was more progress, chunt.

Yeah? I don't know. I did kind of slightly overhear what you were whispering about, well, maybe in a way I've never forgiven Greg. In which Greg are you talking about? Yeah, it's confusing because there are a lot of Greg's in the stage. The mage, your son, yourself. Well, really, I think all forgiveness stems from within so I feel like the answer is probably this Greg has to forgive Greg

I didn't clarify anything of course of course of course Guys be supportive be smart of course of course. Oh, yes, absolutely very great Greg supporting Greg Yeah, great good. It's not a curiosity. I have a suspicion here Who is the name of Greg's mother the waitress Greg of course, of course of course aren't and already had you had written down Greg you just showed it to me. Yeah And here's what part of the spell is just to make him only perceive Greg's. Uh, he called you chunced just a minute ago. Uh, that's true, but I will say when I ask him, let me try to ask him.

Yes, Greg, my friend, the badger here, what's his name? I get chunced. Okay, he knows that. My friend, the badger here, what's his name? John! Okay, he knows that. But I was saying, because John does kind of look like a Greg. That's the weird thing. I always thought that. My next a Greg, but my body is a John.

I will say when I hired Greg, he did call my son Gregie, baby. Now, Gregie, baby, it's not, it's Aggie, baby. So maybe it's something where it's like, maybe it's like one and two. So maybe it's something where it's like, maybe it's like one and two. Look, now that you mentioned it, you're the first three people I've met and since the curse who ought to name Greg, which is only now striking me as quite odd.

Oh, that is odd. It is. If we're the first people that you don't see as maybe kind of weird mirror versions of yourself, but we're also the first people that you've had any success in not roasting incessantly. Yeah. Is it possible that you three are sent through some sort of spiritual realm, and some sort of, I don't know, circular, a coven of powerful mages in order to help me experience a new world where I can give and receive long.

Yeah, that sounds right. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Go. Hunderpee, hunderpee. It felt a little convoluted, what I was saying, so I'm so glad it sounded right. Yeah, I know, a lot of magical. I am a wizard, naturally born into this world fully formed as you see me now. I am not a person.

I am a force of nature, magic incarnate, and around me wonders unceasing seem to appear. So yeah, any kind of crazy shit can happen, you know, around me. You never know. I wish Greg would have roasted your ass. I wish he would have fucking nailed you to the fucking wall. I wish you would have poked your ass. Yeah, well, you were talking. I had all these bullets in the chamber and yet... Somehow, I was able to let each one of them slide and put the proverbial gun down! Well, I mean, I don't mind being roasted. I can take it. I've been alive for 350 years and I, so, someone around there and I've heard I've heard all matter of insult and wonderful compliment.

Often, praises are heaped upon me and new names given to me for my great accomplishments. That's sort of the interesting thing, guys, is that every single one of you has honestly been quite accepting and even embracing of my powerful roles. Which is, I don't know, made me sort of turn this corner in a way it feels. Oh, that's wonderful to hear. Guys, did you hear that? We've turned a corner by being super supportive and delicate and thoughtful, which is totally not what we used to be. Yeah, that's a better way of thinking about it. I was just thinking that we didn't mind hearing it because we're just sort of desperate for attention. Arnie, I'm just glad we've been talking about Greg all night

instead of Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. You said, oh, you're so old. instead of Masha, Masha, Masha. You said all you're so old. Well speaking of old, I have an email here. This might have been from a while ago, Arnie, do you mind if I read it? No, please do. This is to chuntwith6t's at gmail.com.

This is an email from Marianne. It says, I have a few questions about shape shifters. Hey chunt, my name is Yudita and I am 13 years old, so I probably shouldn't be listening to this podcast, at least they're self-aware. But then again, we're getting sex education in school right now. There's so much information in this email. So I think it should be okay for me

to listen to this podcast. I'm at episode 52, Arnie's one year anniversary, and you've picked up a cursed coin. Oh, did I pick up a cursed coin already? Oh yeah. It was a whole thing. Well, I had some questions about shapefifters. Like, what were you when you were born?

Listen, you did a, I've surely mentioned this hundreds of times, if not thousands. I was what I was. Already have I mentioned this before, you, Zidore? Oh yeah. I think so, but look, you did a, Chun can't remember the time he was cursed and season one. He's not going to remember things that happened years before that. PS anyways, I wrote this in the year 2020 and I just found this in my drafts. I still want an answer. Huh? Sincerely wait, oh, hold on. Sincerely

Maori. I thought they said their name was you, Dita. PPS, I prefer to be referred to as Maori now, use the Dutch pronunciation. I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at the name thing. I just wanna say, Chant, it's almost magically every time you have a question about the email. The email immediately answers that question. I feel like this email is shape shifting.

And like M, I'll like ouch and re-like read. Also, hey, oh, I'm 17 now. We'll hook. Huh. Well, that email took a few turns around the corner. Well, I mean, we should really read these things before we read them on it. That I think that's maybe step number.

Maybe step number. Never will happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, meowry, meowry, thank you so much for writing. And happy 17th. Thank you for writing to us when you were four years younger. And oh, 17.

Greg, that's one year older than Greg. Yeah. Incredible. Another amazing coincidence. Incredible. Another amazing coincidence. Wow. So if someone who's 17, like Meari, can write into us when they're 13, and Meari forgot about this email for four years.

It was left in their dress for four years, and then they sent it. That means someone who's 16 could easily put behind them 11 years of forgetting their father. Easily. That's just logic. Can't argue with facts, baby. Arnie, what do you know about the Dutch? I don't know a lot about the Dutch, although I believe I actually am slightly of Dutch descent. It's not gonna mean that much to you. My family always thought we were largely German

on my father's side, but then we came to realize that we might be more Dutch than German, which if you ask me, sounds like a trade-up. What's up, guys? What's up? That answer just hurt me a lot. It was maybe the most enane things

have ever been said on this podcast. And that is really saying something. Would you like me to open a portal so that you may visit your son this very moment? You said, all right, love that. Or, or, okay. I don't, Arnie, when you said, well, I said Dutch first and then you repeated Dutch, why are we back on this?

Well hold on an idea sparked a lot more to my story about discovering that I might not be Might be Dutch Greg something sparked inside me and I had the most wonderful business idea Greg Would you like to buy a tulip bulb? Which is this right here, for 40,000 gold coin? Now, this tulip bulb is unlike any other tulip bulb I've ever seen. You can go through the portal, absolutely, connect with your son, love him, revisit him, heal, whatever you want to do, or also, like I said, for 40,000 gold coin, the tulip bulb. Definitely going with my sunshine. At totally get it, totally get it.

Would you do 35? No. No. You're giving him the opportunity to pay all of that money for a tulip bulb? Yes. Absolutely. You sir, 22,000 tulip bulb.

Fine, I'll buy it. Yes. I think we just made something cool. Green kakashal, akha-hal, artralotath. Arne, agrof. Arne, tartar. Yeah, Arne, did you use it? I used to do it with a green cock shawl.

I think so. He has a shawl for his cock, I guess. But I'm being honest, that's all I'm never hearing anybody say. It's has a shawl for his cock. I guess so, but I'm being honest. That's all I'm never hearing anybody say is green cock shawl. Dutch, dutch, dutch. Wow. Right, there's the portal. I guess this is it. Guys, I just want to say I feel that I'm finally ready to face my beautiful son

and bring with me the heart of a loving father and leave behind these roasting days. Yeah, that's you Greg Cocksholl. That's wonderful. No, Arnie, it's casco. It's casco. The comedy rascal. Can I just say Greg, I know you're probably thinking this, I just want to vocalize it. I think it's so wonderful that you turned this corner during the one hour that I hired you for. Oh, we got a few roasted there.

He didn't roast for the whole hour, which is fine, and I paid you the full price, which is fine. Yeah, that's what we had. And we just thought, I can pay upfront, Jones. Yeah, I now I get it. Now I understand why,

because that's why you pay anyone upfront, Carpenter, anyone, because they might turn a corner during their work. So I just want to say I'm not going to ask for a refund, and that's very big of me. And we should all recognize that. That even though I paid for an hour of roasting and I only got 22 or so minutes, that's still pretty good.

On your way out if you want to roast the portal, I wouldn't be mad. Hey look, John, you know, I think you got nine or 10 pretty solid slams in there. And you know what the reality is? That's why they call me the Rascal Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa How the Crags gone, I guess it's possible that he didn't have a breakthrough and really the thing that was keeping him from roasting us the whole time was just a fuck us over at the end. I mean, it's entirely possible.

I think there's a good chance that, like, Chant Theorize, this is a self-inflicted curse and perhaps Ian right now he's connecting with his son and they're having a meaningful conversation the likes of which father and son have air-node in this world. Hello, hello, Reg Union. Hello father, so good to see you. Oh my gosh, how you grow. Oh father. Well, well, well, look, finally decides to show up and take care of our son.

Mother, my beautiful ex-wife. Father, mother, you're back together here. Mother, look, father's hand is growing directly out of his shoulders. It's like he doesn't have a neck at all. Will you be pleased to know, Greg, that I've taken another as a husband? Meet the black mage who cursed you, Greg coming here? Mmmmmmmm? Oh my gosh!

Greg, you monster! Me? No, Greg Greg I said! Who's son? Honey you look like Goody Hawn got run off! Dad maybe you could have hung on to mom. If you weren't as limp as a fish you just fell out of the sky. Oh my god!

My beautiful son! Rose? Oh my god Greg Greg Black mage Greg To me a favor will you yeah, I can't make any promise Where he goes to bed Will you do me a favor? Yeah?

Kiss him gently on the forehead. And if you roast... Will you laugh? Yeah. I will. Wait, wait, wait! I've heard enough! I can have two husbands.

Welcome back, Greg, you goofy, necked bitch. Oh my God, a weird polyamorous three-grag-thrupple. Now this is a sitcom of I have a god damn heard one. You son, did you teleport Greg to the other side of the tavern? Like, it was a son over there. All time? I think they walked through when I opened it.

He was talking for a while. I mean, if a portal opened up in your house, you'd probably want to see it on the other side. I guess so. Also, can I just say during the break, I got Greg a water, and he took a sip and said, yep, definitely relapsed. Well, this episode seems to be a first. I can't recall ever having comedy on the show before.

Usantle the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adolf Refyre. But enough of the featured extras who did the heavy lifting! Greg Tassel, comedy rascal, was played by special guest Mort Burke. Check out Mort's new stand-up special, Spiritually Filthy, on YouTube. Although from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Thousands of computer-generated background figures each programed

with their own unique fighting style. These quote-unquote people include Mitch of Underland, Sister Under City to Hogsface, is that right? Or is Mitch just printing his own showbible on Mom's inkjet? Ian Klasby, Nick Morgan, Favard, William and Christy Meyer, Wendy Dibburn, Matt Parent, Jim Burdick, Hannah Cakes, the most gentle mafia warlord of all, Kevin Gallagher of Shamburgia, No Thanka, Chris, Pilar Gonzales, Paige Dempsey, and Cat Wood, since apparently, Dog Wouldn't. Patrons get ad-free episodes the entire back catalog including all the previous spin-offs,

the option to keep the In-Flight magazine whenever they travel, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Currently we're running season three of Masters of Mayhem. Episode three with special guest Beth Melluski as Claudia the Witch just dropped. Listen to it! Oh yes, my wife ate this finger off my hand, so... Oh, that's unfortunate. Straight out, chanted. But, I mean, it's been so long since we talked, actually. But yeah, no, we all got married,

and then we fled her thinking that she would be devouring us in a hole. That was a misunderstanding. Then when I figured that out, I tried to get her back. And right when we were like kind of starting to click that's when The dark Lord was destroyed and I'll just be honest. I was not kind of responsive at that time I sort of ghosted her at exactly the wrong time And I've been sending her some letters and kind of

Kind of hoping that she'll give me another chance But she hasn't said no or center armies at war against strike So, you know, there's a chance I could pull it off still Orbeirren, I'm gonna do something for you I'm gonna take one of those cauldrons and make a sex cauldron for you Now I put a bunch of nice figures out on the front, you know, busty snakes and Right? Snakes with panties.

That's sort of thing. I heard they shut that place down. That's amazing. The snakes with panties? Yes, that's been close for quite some time now. They're looking. Yeah, there was a real, turns out there was some inbezzling going on. Next thing, you know, they were panties up, they were done.

Yes, all done. But I'm going to make you a sex cauldron and you're going to win this wife of yours back. It's going to be one of the 100. You can check it out, give it to her. And then the rest, the other 99, I think I'm going to do some erotic art with the two of you. Awesome.

Just got to roll with that, we know. To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern Hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young and Adel Ruffiah post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz this episode edited by Garrett Schultz Hello from the magic tavern logo by Allard Leban magic tavern theme by Andy Poland All right, and I'm out. Sometimes that is not easy to maintain. Wait, wait, wait, stop.

I want to understand what I'm hearing. You just sounded like yourself a moment ago, but now you think you're someone else? Doing an impersonation? Well, yeah, a substandard impersonation. Dr. Ward keeps reminding me I leave a lot to be desired. Okay, that is gaslighting, and while it is refreshing to see it happen to a guy for once, that is totally not cool. What the hell have you done to him?

I've merely refrained his consciousness in a manner that makes him more pliant for me to interact with. In a sense I did to him when he's been doing to the podcast for years. But why? My motives are no concern of yours, and once Tim opens a portal with my device, I'll be a universe away. I'm right here, you know. Then, sir, you've got to focus.

All of this is a huge mental illusion, like crypto, and there is no Tim sniffing. Tim, walk away from this, and you'll never drink LaCroix again. Oh, we have LaCroix now? But sir, you always called it the Ryan Murphy of Beverages. I don't know what to think, and I don't know if I can do this myself. Then maybe I can help. I've got to lock that door.