Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 72 - Otok and Blemish

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Can Otok Barleyfoot help carfoon Blemish suppress the evil trapped inside him?CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerBlemish: Martin WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenDirector Ward: Shane WilsonTricia: Kate JamesCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I assume your Craig, are you going to keep lingering there in the doorway? I was going for kind of a casual hero pose. I would say either chin resting on hand or giving a salute, not both. Got it, so I've been monitoring this place through the coffee maker for months. Seems like we've got some kind of psychic attack situation. Trisha, you appear stunned into silence and my old boss is curled up on the floor. I can explain everything. Your friend is dead, and this woman killed him. Okay, that doesn't seem right. Trisha like to undermine his authority, but not usually with murder. And as for you, sir, what's going on?

Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm Tim Sniffin, helpful science volunteer. What is that accent? Long Island by way of sinus allergies? I think of it as Matthew Perry, without the success. Either way, your friend is in some kind of delusional half-coma. But he left explicit instructions for any visiting allies to redirect their efforts towards addressing the climate crisis. Okay, I know that's a lie.

No one hates the rain forest more than our old boss. Oh gosh, that's an incoming transmission, isn't it? Ugh, another transmission I've got to do my part, but I don't know if I have the strength. We're here, sir, and we're gonna get through this together. Start us off. People of Earth. The following podcast is...

brought to you by a generous donation from the Sackler family. Is that right? Just so we're clear, this is a rescue? That's what I'm witnessing here. Wait, no, I've got it. The following podcast is not real. The Sackler family still doesn't have their grubby

opioid stain fingers on our creative process, and it's time for you to sit back and enjoy the show. on our creative process, and it's time for you to sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon on your host Arne Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Eight years and two months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional riff and I used that to upload a podcast recorded

here in the tavern, the strange familiar in the town of Nibblebottom at the base of the innable mountain in the magical land of fume. And I am joined as always by my co-host, chump the talking badger kick rock Chump right is everything all right. No, I just got some bad news. Oh Yeah, my uncle is it is this something oh I was gonna wait. What are we gonna guess? I was gonna say Is this really gonna be something that's gonna bring down the episode should we maybe talk about it off Mike? But no, no, did you put those rocks on the table to kick around? Yeah, these rocks these are very dirty rocks. I brought them in from outside to kick because I'm bummed Hey, I can reframe I already hold on um my uncle died. Oh Is that better? I think so sometimes like a positive energy will sort of spin things

But no, no, I'm so sorry. Chuck, no. Some things are more important than the podcast. I want you to have your legitimate, how you're really feeling plus that authenticity is always going to play better in the episode anyway. Are you doing bud? Your uncle died? Yeah, I'm doing okay. It wasn't to be fair and I know this can be a weird territory.

He wasn't my biological uncle. He was one of my dad's good friends and they always called him a weird pervert uncle. How did you know? Yeah, I don't know. But there's a weird situation where he died and I just got a letter in the mail where if I spend one night in his haunted horse I stand to inherit his fortune. Huh. What night in a haunted horse? Yeah? How will you survive the bristle of the mane and the swishing of the tail and the ghosts, all the ghosts?

That's what I'm saying. If I do it, I need some friends with me to watch my back see. I have a clarifying question. Sure. In what way are you inside this haunted horse? Well, I suppose we could enter through the mouth. If you're hung up on the details, we travel through the esophagus into the large intestine where we probably stay

the night or stay up all night and play some games. Chuch, chuch, chuch. Oh, each other's stories, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Please allow me to explain this to audience in terms he'll understand Arnie do you remember when we visited the 1980s and we watched inner space? Oh, do I ever? It's a lot like that, but instead of that short fellow it is a horse who has been possessed by

unholy spirits First of all instead of that Dennis Quaid fellow, Dennis Quaid would be the horse in the scenario and we would be Martin Short. Wait, no, I'm completely wrong. Oh, dear, you said what? This might be the first time in the history of this podcast I've had to sincerely apologize to you.

You regret. The horse is Martin Short. Of course, Dennis Quaid. Of course, Martin Short is the horse. What do you think I am some sort of idiot? I bet that's true. I don't know what I was thinking. So we'd probably eat some shrunk arouse and that would shrink us down, would go inside and spend the night being a bingo whore out and about with my uncle's fortune. Okay. You know, they only make the vanilla

shrunk arouse now. Are you serious? I can't find the chocolate ones anyway. That sucks. You know what? I'm not going to do it. He was a cool dude, but never mind. Aren't you? You should have loved... You would have loved to interview him. He was an ancient dream. His name was Harry Heavyheart, and just a cool, weird neighborhood bird.

Huh. All at all. Can I ask, Chat? Is there a time limit on house? Like, do you have a few months to do this whole haunted horse adventure or does it have to be pretty soon? Well, it said one night only, then there's an asterisk.

And when you look at the bottom, there's a little bit of a footnote and it said, if possible. So I think there's some wiggle room. Okay. On the contract, not on the horse. Once we're on that horse, it's gonna be air tight. Is the contract valid if it's Patreon content?

Ooh, you know what, let me consults with his legal team about that. Okay. Sorry, let me consult with his legal team about that. Oh, okay. I misspoke, sorry, I had something to say. Sure, something to my teeth. Yucidor, oh, I am also joined by my other co-host,

Yucidor, who is a very alive wizard. I am Yusidor, a wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow. Many of you like to have magical lights to power, of chaos, champion of the great holes of Trockus, the elves nobius fying out, the dwarves no me is zone-in-and-whoogs-senges, and I am known throughout the northeast as gasmoneas mey may star and there may be other secret names names. Oh, low if air these names do enter thine ears be most assured that you shall feel pain unlike any other thou hast experienced first your blood shall begin to boil and then your brain shall begin to melt and then your nipples will get as hard as rocks.

Oh, shit. I think you're gonna say like a tinnitus, like once your ears hear the name, tinnitus, tonight is? I can't wait to see that movie. It looks like a fun game. Tinnitus. Get hard nipples on my tinnitus. I was gonna say the hard gibbles part

sounds like a nice palette cleanser along the way. All that pain and then, whoa, my nibbles are hard as rocks. Yeah, you know, I like to balance, you know, pleasure and pain. Sure. You're like a Clive Barker novel in that way. I don't. Can you believe this day? Can you believe this day and spend time in the 1980s on Earth?

Can you believe this day and space in some way that I could understand? Oh gosh, there, yeah. Look, think about it. no, I can't. Oh, but hey, and look, this is not me trying to change the subject from Interspace, but our old friend, O'Talk Myleyfoot is walking by. O'Talk, O'Talk, I know you're so busy around the tavern.

Would you mind coming up here and shut me, didn't you? What's up, yeah, you just put that down over there. Yeah, well, what's up, guys? Hey, O'Talk, you know, we rescued you months ago. You've been working around the tavern, but we haven't really had a chance to catch up with you on how things are going. And I don't know if I'd say rescue.

We're like, we left together. Arm and arm. Yeah, we sort of created a blanket of destruction and the life that O'Doc had created for himself and sort of forced him to evacuate more so than we rescued him, I think. Yeah, maybe absconded with? Oh, yes, absconded. I mean, very good.

Sort of like Trongo. That was a little lonely, but it was a decent life. I don't know, it seemed like we were arguing you from your empty empty life there. Okay. Okay. Half empty. And you said, or don't think I didn't hear you. This is not because I didn't book a guest.

I'm just making time for my close friends. It's not all about guests. All right, fine. It's since when. Oh, it's chasing that dragon. The biggest star you can find in all of food. Oh, low the day that you stop climbing that ladder. I shall lay down and die.

I'm alive. So I'm gonna make time for my good friend, I shall. Lay down and die. I'm alive right now. So I'm gonna make time for my good friend, Otock, who I haven't spoken to in months, and who before that I had forgotten to ask you for years and years. Otock, what's the thing you're up to these days? Wow, nailed it, aren't you? Well, I was actually just gonna ask Yanniella,

if I think about a couple changes to the place. I've been meaning to run a couple things by you. Oh, yes, as I am the owner here of the Straits Familiar. All changes must be approved by me. Right, yeah, that's what a couple of the guys told me that I couldn't make any changes without checking with you. Oh no!

Oh, talk. I trust you. You ran the familiar minotaur. Like, no one else air did. The greatest bomb in alive, I would have to say. If you decide that there's a change that must be made, I give you carte blanche to make that change. Oh, carte?

Excellent. Why, I was thinking about putting some little crag shells over the floor to give it a little more rustic feel. It was just like crunch on through. They're walking around. Crag shells? Well, crag, crag shells.

Crag shells. From a crag tree. From a crag tree? I'm not familiar with a crag. Crag, where the hell are you gonna get crag shells? From a crag animal, a crag bush? No, they're from a crag tree, you crag bush, no they're from a crag tree you idiot. So Otock, don't forget you have cart blanche, I call her blanche, you have the enchanted cart blanche

and you can use her to haul those um, crag rocks wherever you need to, okay? Is it pronounced? Right, blanche. I say blanche, you say blanche, let's call the whole thing off, but um, yeah it's uh, let me, let me give a little uh little whistle there oh here she comes oh hey blanche oh she can't speak she's great she's an enchanted heart right what are you gonna do with the crag nuts? I'll feed them to the the way we're children oh okay well that's well that seems efficient. It's a long history of charitable works. That's wonderful. And then we can have the shells here on the floor

and people will know as they step on them and if he has feels more rustic, feels homey here, just throw your shells on the floor, but they'll also know that those children are well cared for. Yeah, and then you can say, carry on my wayward son after you've feeding them, feeding them, feeding them?

Is that how you say when you feed someone a crag rock, cragnut? Ooh, I'm barely holding on to this conversation. I got to get you on. It is the traditional blessing you hand a cragnut over to a wayward child and you say, carry on my wayward son. No. And Sean, I'm so sorry. I had heard that you would wanted to pitch a spin-off

podcast with Otock called Getting Cragnuts. Getting Cragnuts. What? How dare you? No, it's, oh, you saw it. It's a totally different podcast. We'd be getting Cragnuts. Oh, that's true.

And this would be more like Otock Radio. So it's a little more slower pace, a bit of a slow burn. You know how getting Otock's episodes are, I don't know, 10 to 20 seconds. Right. This would be more like two and a half to three hours. This would be like horse time radio. Sounds in sufferable. Yeah, long form.

So it would be like more O-talk, less rock loving wizards like Yusador. I mean, yeah, I guess, I guess so. But Yusador, you're welcome to guest anytime you like. If you come on with like, you know, like a fun thing, like you have a, Oh, I guess, I guess so. But you sort of, you're welcome to guest anytime. You like, if you come on with like, you know, like a fun thing, like you have a, oh, you have a thing. Like a funny character? Yeah, like, you know, like you're always coughing

or something or, that's very funny. That's very funny. Ah, find funny if you're on your like, sure, I would, I could play a wizard who just fell down. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ah. That's plastic, you're hired. You're hired. That's so bad.

Oh, that's so good. Oh, that means that's where he is. You know what, that was funny. He really really fell down. No, I hurt myself. Oh, even fun here. Oh, yeah, some crack shells on the ground already. Yeah, those are gonna hurt.

All right, should have warned you. Those are really tearing to your skin, those shells are so jagged. Yeah, it's really hard to get the nuts out. They're very dangerous shells. That's why you have to open them for the way you would, children. Oh, I'm so sorry, guys. I could talk about these crag nuts and Krag shells and all the sort of Krag.

Great. Well, the tree grows to be about 12 to 15 feet high and each tree has a lot of... Oh, this is good content. 700 nuts on it. But it only has six leaves. I'm so... I've noticed you've had a big grid on your face ever since Yusur said it's hard to get the nuts out. Oh, yeah. Oh, and I'm just trying... I've noticed you've had a big grit on your face ever since Yousura said it's hard to get the nut so

Oh, and I'm just trying to look I would love to spend the next 12 to 13 episodes just talking about that But I keep getting distracted. Oh, Doc. I am so sorry We have seen you here. You've been in the tavern for months and months and I keep meaning to tell you You know your old friend and coworker, practically a family member. I thought that was gonna be an insult for a second. You know you're so old. How old am I?

How are we going here? I could have rave on that structure for 18 to 19 episodes, but I really am trying to tell Otock, look, I don't wanna pull an Otock here and forget to tell Otock, look, I don't wanna pull an Otock here and forget to tell Otock something or to save him for years and years. Otock, remember blemish, who unfortunately died. Do I remember blemish?

It's like a son to me. I know. Well, what if I told you that we have blemish locked up in the basement right now? Oh, we're telling him that? Well, not really. Or he said, what if he were? So let's see if he was. What if? that we have blemish locked up in the basement right now. Oh, we're telling him that? Well, are you saying what if he were? So let's see what if?

Let's see the reaction. It's eye-first level. What if? What if? Matt at me? The basement of this establishment. Yes. Yeah.

Locked up. Like, chain. Well, shackles. Right now, we're just trying to gauge your action because right now could both be happening and not happening. It's sort of a like Shroudonger's cat. Um, remember Shroudonger who had a cat for a penis, much like blemish?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, so this is sort of a, just trying to gauge, well, how do you feel about that? Would that upset you? Would that please you? Well, I mean, blemish is not easily shackled. First, I'd find it hard to believe that he'd even allow you to lock him up.

I mean, if you were to say something like that. Well, perhaps it's circumstances. Let us have no other choice for her. Oni? Oh, Doc, here's the thing. And I'm gonna be completely honest with you. Blemish is not himself. We have Blemish in the basement for realsies,

but he's been ill and we've had him locked up to protect himself. And we've gotten many emails from listeners who like Blemish, some of them exist, saying that maybe someone could get in touch with blemish and really like teach him to be himself and that the best person to do that would be O-Talk, you. Well, of course, I mean, do you know how many times

I've nursed blemish back to health? I've helped him find himself more times that I can count. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of all over the place. When you say, if you have blemish in this basement, I need to see him now. Well, though, I feel like, China, I mean, it's kind of all over the place. If you have permission, if you have permission, it's basement. I need to see him now. Well, though, I feel like, China, I feel like you have a question.

And I feel like it's a question I would wanna ask as well. Yeah, when you say nurse, what is that in tail? Cause I'm picturing him in like swaddling and you're like pushing him up to your bosom and he's suckling on your teeth. He's going. Does that, what else do you picture?

Okay, well I picture he's a little bit older now and he's running around and he ran into the corner of a wall and bloodied his nose and you come swapping over and wrapping up and swaddling and place him up to all of this. Place him up to your buzzer. That's what music is playing. He suckles at your teeth.

That I'm picturing him the oldest he's ever been before you stop seeing him and he's twisted his ankle and you pick him up and grab him and swaddling him. But it's head towards your bosom and he's suckles at your teet. Is this along the right lines? That's pretty close. That's all pretty accurate. So bring him out of the basement. Yeah. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Real quick, Otock, would you excuse me for just a second? I have to talk to my co-host here for one second. John. And the song would have been the bad in the bassinet.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. John, use it or you know me. I would love talking about Otock nursing blemish for three to four years, like a whole season and a half of this podcast. But we have to get O-Talk down there to see blemish. But before I do, I just got to ask you guys, do you feel like I properly set the table for the listeners? Like I don't think I want to tell O-Talk that the Dark Lord is trapped in blemishes body and that it's not really blemish,

it's a car-foon blemish, but oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. No Arnie, I think you did a wonderful job. And can I just say, you are stockpiling so much hypothetical content based on anything and everything we say. That's the sign of a true post. Oh, did he keep saying I could talk about that for three weeks. I could, let's could that become a patron episode your uncle done? Like you are so focused on, you know, in a good way about the longevity and really making a meal out of everything that I say, follow your heart.

Chan, you know, light your right. And I've been thinking at this whole time, we have got to bump this whole O-Toc and Blumish thing until next season. We gotta go to that fucking haunted horse, man. What are you doing? What are you doing? Horrible mistake.

Honey, you've already cast the spell of exposition. It's time to take a break and then come back and resolve this story. Okay. They always say never look a haunted horse in the mouth. All right, O'Dock, these are the stairs to the basement. I imagine you're wondering why we kept telling you not to go in the basement. You probably just thought it was a call back to an earlier season. Guys, we're on fire.

Yes, and now you're probably going to notice it seems very much like a dragon lives down here and they've been carving out a kind of a chasm to build a horde into. So I wouldn't, don't worry about that though, that's a, we're taking care of that. There is a smell, there's a distinct dragon smell. Yes, we're a Tourmaline dragon team that's been living down here, sort of a taking care of, blood issue, taking care of, is that the right way to say that? More killing people to try to get too blemish, but I made a point of coming down here and adding Otox name to the Do not kill less so you should be good

I think I did that. I know I meant to do that. I think I did that. Thanks Arnie. I could have sworn I brought a candle down here last week to help kind of with the smell Mm-hmm, but I don't know where it went It was cinnamon roll so we should be smelling. I should be good. How long does the candle last, Arning? I don't know, but it does remind me when I came down here to add Otox's name to the list, I ate a really hot cinnamon roll, and something seemed wrong about it. Really funny. Was it all icing, quote unquote?

Mm-hmm. Oh, buddy. Just telling you to get this. Did you hear that skittering? What? Was, no. Was there skittering? But I see something in the corner there.

Present yourself. Who goes there? Caleb Lincoln, come out. Blamish returns. Oh, he's right behind us. Behind me. Behind me, Blamish is going to want to see my face. Blamish?

Odog. Blamish. Is itck. Blemish. Is it really you? It's me, buddy. Hey. What? What? Where have you been?

Where have I been? Where? A blemish blemish. I know you've been very confused and sometimes. A lot of the time you've been thinking you're the dark lord, but we're here to remind you that you're blemish.

That you're really blemish and you're old buddy, O'Talk is here to help you with that. Yeah, and I don't wanna get hung up on details, but you said blemish returns when we came down the stairs. That sounds kind of insane. Like if I lived in my house for a year and I didn't leave the house, if somebody came in the front door, I wouldn't say,

I'm back, baby. Does that make sense? You I think you I think you would if you were rejoining someone you would say I'm back, baby and Okay, and here you are and I've returned to you and shut to support blemishes point You could do that if you want to Yeah, yes, yes, it's not like all your catchphrases make complete fucking sense. All right, big bump, get wet. Okay, point taken.

Oh, that's a good catchphrase, point taken. Although, why don't you have a question? The first time you go someplace, what do you say? Isn't it a wonderful morning? Oh, okay. And then when you come back, I mutter it, I don't usually say it that loud, then when I come back, each place I do that wants

and then from everything else, everything else. Everything else. Okay, sorry, now that hypothetical say, you meet someone at the bar, they loan you something, then you go to their house to return it. When you go to their house and they open the door and you return the item, what do you say? Blemish returns.

That's the first time in the blank of the item. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Now, we could have done this bullshit with Blemish at any point, the first time in the blink of the eye to... Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Now, we could have done this bullshit with Blemish at any point, but we brought O-Talk here. Oh, that's right. He helped Blemish. Blemish.

You said I'm so sorry to interrupt. Are you saying we should be leaving space for O-Talk and Blemish to be in this episode? Why would I ever suggest such a thing? There's only so much space. Well, they could talk for 10 more episodes. I mean, that could be a whole thing. I guess I could. We could leave them here and go to that haunted horse.

Blower's get over here. Someone even nougat. Ah, what catch you? I've been out, ow, ow. I've been down here for, I don't even know how long. Every time I try and make a mark on the walls, the fucking dragon blows fire, makes smoke, breathes, smog. I can't keep track of days, nights, time.

What is happening? Who anyone is? Why I'm not serving more drinks more frequently? I've never heard that expression blows fire. Well, blemish, I have no idea what's been going on, but Arnie's been keeping me in the dark about a lot of things. I had no idea you were down here. Are we going back to work?

Yeah, there's some things to do. I got plans for you. What's your old job back? Uh, who's the safe-to-let blemish? Out of the basement, we were thinking that you would help blemish, but that blemish would, I don't know, just for fun. We'll continue to be trapped down here,

maybe forever. What? Doesn't make any sense? Look at this guy. No, I'm a con. Oh, that grin. They're right. I understand.

They're right. Just, I guess I wish that you could do a second thing for me than a different thing. I don't really want my job back. But living down here is no life at all. Oh, Doc. Kneel down. Close up.

Okay. Ow. It's always weird. It was always weird with him. I need you to kill me. Oh, hey, hey, hey. Oh, Doc. I need you to kill me.

Oh, Doc. Kill me. He still has a sense of humor. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's why I think that's what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing.

I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing know, work program. I mean, I've already given Otock cart blanche. Cart blanche. And I get in it. Right. Yeah, we need someone to pull the nuts out.

Blanche. No, don't say that, the blanche. Can I write in cart blanche and pull the nuts out and absolute who's not? Who's in the cart with me? Some like orders walk. Yeah, Arnie, maybe we could do like a work release program. Like, how did it?

Oh, a bl Blenish. Yes. The Honest. Yes. Are you evil? No. Hmm, why did you look sight-design? Well, who's next to me?

Well, Arnie's on one side, I didn't mean you could worry on the other. I can't trust anyone. I've been down here for months, maybe? Years? I don't even know. It's been a long time. It's been a long time, I think. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. Coming up like in a year and a half maybe. There was finally a nice smell down here, or maybe a day and a half before it went away

and I heard Arnie gagging. It's not a pleasant place to live. I'm not having a great time down here. Wait, wait. Arnie, we can't continue like this. Oh, O'Talk might be able to, you know, help I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. Yeah, you're right, look. If he escapes or dies and it magically unleashes the DL again, that is probably the worst thing that could possibly happen. But also, it just feels kind of gross for us

to keep him down here like this, right? Yeah, Arnie, you're really off things. I know, I'll always. You guys, you're gonna leave some space for me again. I just wanna say something. I mean, if anything, he looks gentler than he used to. He seems sweeter. I don't know what's happened to him,

but I think we can trust him. I mean, you know, people have said I got a sauce platform, but just look at him. Yeah, he is putting his hands together and then resting his chin on his fingers where they meet with a big grin. That's right. It reminds me. There used to be this really angry guy. You know, he used to come to the Vrindleian Mentor all the time.

And one time he got an arrow in the head. He was really angry guy. Really harsh with his family. Took an arrow in the head. The Vrindleian Mentor. Totally changed him. Totally different guy. Henrik. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Henrik. Yeah, we all regarded him as one of the top people in our neighborhood.

From that point forward. I thought you were going to say Greaves Martin because you remember Greaves Martin also got shot in the head with an arrow, but it was like a funny, it was funny when he got shot in the head with an arrow. You know Martin always wore those Greaves. So you were thinking Greaves Martin, but it was really a regarding Henrik thing that he was talking about. Exactly, yeah, yeah.

Different guy. Not enough people talking about regarding Henrik. Arnie, did we ever tell you when we boxed Helena? What? Well, another story for another time. Take me back. Sounds sexy. Okay, Arnie, you should do it.

Is there some sort of test? Is there something we can do to try and really figure out if he's good or not? Oh, there are multiple tests for evil. The first one is, just take a quick break and see what he does for the next two to six minutes. Alright, that 2-3 minutes was completely inconclusive, but we decided to bring Blemish up to the tavern anyway. Well, inconclusive is good if he had done something very evil in that time frame we would have known he was eaten. What's the longest that an evil person can pretend to not be evil?

Sixty? Six days! Mm-hmm. One day a week they gotta get it out of their system. What's the longest a normal person can pretend to be a wizard? I dare you. Hello, assholes! How may I take your order?

Ah, ha, ha, ha! Let me show you the back, baby. Alright, it's okay. Wow, he's a real jerk about it, but he brought some of our favorite drinks. Three boobles all around. Oh, yes, please. Thank you so much. Thank you, boy.

This is a six-dimension. Let's look at him move around this bar floor. He's doing a good job. But while he was handing mine to me, I could see him slowly spitting into my drink, though. But that's what normal blemish would do, right? That's what I was going to say. That's like the most blemish thing he's done so far. That's traditional classic blemish.

Uh blemish, could we also get a round of mozzarella wands and some teeter totes and uh nut shows. I think would be good. Arnie have you had nut shows yet? I have not had nut shows. It's a lot of fried testicles with cheese, jalapeno, and cabbage. It's really, really good. I like some of those ingredients. Oh, talk, this is my first day back

and I'm already deep in the weeds. I can't handle this much. They keep listing things. I don't have anything to write with. What? I need a break. Is it almost my break time? I'll take the triple down sandwich chicken

between two slices of chicken. No, listen to them, blemish, listen. You take a break,? I'll take the triple down sandwich chicken between two slices of chicken. No, listen to him, blemish, listen, you take a break, okay? You take a break, get friends out here, he can man some of your tables. Frons! It's gonna get my sandwich, my triple down, I don't think so. Frons, can you get the triple down here or two or a few more? Don't ask, Frons, Frons is also having a hard time, I'll do it. I'll do, I'll take this one. I'll get the triple down.

I'm having a hard time. I'm having a hard time. My uncle died. There was something. Oh, oh, Franz, same, but he's same. Well, he wasn't, he wasn't really my uncle, but he was just a pervert in the neighborhood. Same girl, same.

Wait, who's your uncle? It isn't Harry. Heavy heart, is it? It is Harry, heavy. Heavy ancient dream. heavy ancient dream? The ancient dream. Yeah, that's right. You seem very uncertain about the name of your uncle. No, I was just a strut. Oh my gosh Hey, did you did you might chance to get any letter in the mail? Yeah, they want me to stay inside of a haunted horse Franz have a very important question for you. Yeah, Would you be available to be a guest in a Patreon episode

where we go to the Haunted Horse? Absolutely. See you guys there. Oh, friends. Just kind of, he just took off. Lana, she looked really fostered. Why don't you and Otock go back behind the tavern, take a moment, gain your composure.

All I ask is you bring these microphones with you so that we can still use some of what you say as content in this episode. We have to fill the maw of content. And the paw of content? That's true. Wait, if they only have two microphones, who gets the third one? Does one of us get to keep talking while they're having their conversation? Yeah, Ari, what's going on?

Mmm, I'll see. Alright, blemish, come on. Oh, talk. Do you understand what's going on here? Very, very little, but I know my friend. Right? I see you. Look at me.

I'm looking at you. Don't always have to look at you. Just when you say I want you to look at me, I don't have to do it. I miss. Blemish, look at me. Look at me in the eyes. Alright, what?

It's not your fault. What? It's not your fault. Shut up. It doesn't, that's stupid thing, what? It's not your fault. What? It's not your fault. Shut up, it doesn't, that's stupid thing to say. It's not your fault. That's a stupid thing to say. It doesn't make any difference. I don't even know what it is that you're talking about.

That's a fault. That anyone could be a fault. Who's a fault? No one's a fault. It's not your fault. Shut up. Why don't you slap me in the face? Really as hard as I can.

No, I didn't say that. With my dick. With my dick. With my cat dick. Yeah, sure Hey guys, I'm just checking in on what the man, you need to still need a couple minutes. We're fine We're fine. I'll be okay. I'll be back in five minutes. I'm driving Did I say five minutes? Okay, I'll go back you guys you keep going You said two to six minutes It's been five minutes. Okay, I'll go back. You guys, you keep going. You said two to six minutes.

Blamish, don't mind him. Listen, how do you feel? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Something more than just regular me. I know I sometimes I'm not the nicest and not the best. And a lot of things make me very frustrated. And when I get frustrated, I get angry very easily. It's true. And something else is wrong. And I don't know what it is. Blamish.

I mean, maybe it's just, maybe just miss your purpose. You know who you used to be? Pallin' around the Vermilion Minotaur? Joking around? Barfin' up cats. Even then, I think you always ignored me and my hopes and dreams. Like an employer would.

When really I wanted you to ignore my hopes and dreams. Like a father would. I miss. I wanted you to ignore my hopes and dreams like a father would Plemish Oh, Plemish I haven't heard you make that noise in years. Arnie is he's starting guys. Should we go back there? The noises we're hearing from behind the pavin are a little unsettling sounds like he's trying to turn over a new leaf That's exactly what that sounds like. Oh, talk. Blamish. I need your help. I'm glad you're back. Maybe things will be better now. Definitely. And are you willing, if things don't get better, to kill me? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It would be the nice thing to do. It would be like, what a dad would do if his son really needed him to kill him. Wouldn't a dad do that? Son really needed. If his son asked really nicely? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I mean, it was legitimate. He really needed to be killed?

I don't know. I don't know. don't know sometimes I say things and I'm not sure why hey guys just poke my head in again it seems like you know we want to give you a little bit of time if you need time that's fine but some of the worst really need drinks right I like a alright okay we're wrapping it up yeah yeah and sorry yeah we make it in this triple-down. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, Franz just kind of,

Franz, I'm gonna have to win that. Fucking damn it. Listen, we'll be right there. Flamish, look at me. I'm looking. It's gonna be okay. And if it's not okay, I promise I'll fucking kill you.

Thank you, O'Talk. I get over here. Ah! Boy, boy, my sandwich hasn't arrived yet. I get over here Here we are here we are let me get it. I'm gonna get it for you Fiannill like I got the sandwich. Oh, thank you, O'Talk And there you go Little gendelsus I love gendelsus mm-hmm Kindles sauce? I love kindles sauce.

Mm-hmm. So, a little, another little addition. I forgot to ask you if that was okay. No need to ask. I have the utmost faith in you. I am certain that no matter what you choose, and however you guide blemish, you should become a better being for it.

Hey Arnie, yeah? Um, do you think Franz really had an uncle hairy heavy heart? I mean, sure. I suppose it's a little weird that he didn't know the name of his uncle and you had to say it first. Yeah, and he was, I noticed him kind of lingering when I was telling that story earlier. It's just really weird, but I was just going to say, Arnie, it's not too late to go to the office.

Oh, I'm so sorry. You don't have to, after you've already gotten my attention with the pst, you don't have to say it again like, I kind of have to do it to remind myself to keep whispering otherwise I'll talk, otherwise I'll talk Norm C. So, we might want went out the window to go stay the night in the haunted horse, so he might beat us to it. So, we might want to act fast. When you say, is that like your releasing volume?

Like is it the sound of like the raise volume releasing? I get, not that you mention it, it might be like, there might be, unless I do that, that it builds up, and then I get loud again. There's only one way to find out what's wrong with Chunt. We have to shrink down and get inside of him. Oh yeah! Like, um, Martin Short. Now, now, did someone say Martin Short?

Pardon? Wow, it's me, Greeves Martin. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Look, I was shunned through the head with an arrow. Pardon, waah, it's me, Greeves Martin! Ha ha ha ha! Look, I was shunned through the head with an arrow. Pardon, waah! That's so rather be regarded, Henry, I think. Hello, may I take your order? Yes, I want to- the Gribbling-Gibbit?

One Gribbling-Gibbit coming Gribbling Jibbit coming up. Thank you, I'm Cat. What? The valence is laid on your head. Why are you putting that on a cat? Actually, I'm getting it with you. Why are you putting that on a cat? That's unsanitary.

I'm sorry, who are you? Uh, there are. Who? I... Do you want a Gribbling Jibbit? A Gribbling Jibbit? Yes, do you want a Gribbling Jibbit? Yes, I do.

Well then, shot up for a second. Get one. I am Lady Fluff Bottom. How dare you? Lady Fluff Bottom? Why is the floor covered with shells? I'm sorry, is there a problem here? I'm the sort of the sub-manager. Lady Fluff Bottom. Yes, I, Mr. Barleyfoot, uh, Mr. Balifoot, it's good to see you. Uh, this gentle bend just put my plate on a cat. It's just going back to the kitchen to get filled with the grubling jubbit.

Right, yep, yep. Yep, we've been, uh, we've been using some cats to transport food into the kitchen out of the kitchen. Completely sanitary, promise you. It cat has been scoped and sacked. Oh, I suppose if you have signed a fold list, I'm gonna have all of that. Excuse me. Hey, excuse me.

Yes, yes. Could I get a clean fork over here? That guy's wearing a bib. Could I get a clean fork? There's fork clean enough for you. Also, could someone change my diaper? All right, buddy, get lost. Get out of here.

This is not kind of a place to lie down. Lie down. Oh, wait, lie down. Okay, I'm lying down. Lie down, yeah. Happy to do here. This is not kind of a place to lie down. Lie down. Oh wait, lie down. Okay, I'm lying down. Lie down, yeah. Happy to do it. Now that it's shells. I'm gonna scrape the...

I never get these shells. He's bleeding. Where is that? He's clean as a whistle. Could I trouble you for another round of crickets, sir? Of course. Excuse me. Yes.

My eyes are up here. Higher? What? Higher? Where? Keep looking. My neck hurts. I'm up this hurts.

Higher? Where? Out! Out! You're up. I'll hoist you up. I'll hoist you up. Then, here are my eyes.

They float above my body. One cricket syrup coming right up. Thank you. Okay, get down. Ah, boy, boy! Coming, coming! Now, I started eating my triple down, and I liked two of the pieces of chicken, but not the third.

And I'd like you to fix it. I'd like you to refix your attitude. How shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! You said, or- How dare you speak to me in such a way. I am not only you said all the blue, the great wizard.

I am the who- all this establishment. Ah. Fine. Guys, is it possible that Blemish is going to be reminded how terrible it is to work in the service industry that he might want to go back to the basement? I think he's having a good time, and we're just goofing around. Now, go give me something to replace this immediately. I'm an unsatisfied customer, and owner.

Curse you, Zodan, and your stenches. Yes, he already there's nothing he can do, because there's a thing called, waiter customer confidentiality Invulable otok. Yep. Who's that new boy? Oh, that's Kittle I'm so sorry, and I'll talk I think he's referring to Blamish. Oh Blamish yes, I know Kittle Right oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you didn't know blemish. God I blemish has been by my side My ears are beading. Did someone need something?

Should I make some table side guacamole? Oh, kiddo, a lot of members of the wait staff here. A little off. I'll be back of only for you and then the pit for me. here. Little up. I'll be back of only for you and then the pit for me. He's choking. He's choking. Oh, some of the blemish, blemish, do you know what I'm saying? Let me get the same kill. See it out of my mouth. I'll give him mouth to mouth. Oh, what? His tongue is pushing the pit deeper. What are you doing? This is like choking with this Tom now.

I have to sell this place. Ah, Kittle. Kittle, are you there? Yes, you saved my life. Thank you for pushing the pit deeper. Most people would have wasted time trying to pull it out. Oh, thank God Kittle's alive. Oh, now there's a reason to tune it next week.

I know Kittles like the Babu Frick of this place. Hey come on! You found a Frick! Come on! And really when you think of it, this podcast is like the baboo frick of the entire podcast section of the iTunes store. He's getting weaker. We've got to help him.

I can help too. You seem problematic, but I'm trying to get better about delegating, so let's dive in. You saw the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chump the talking badger was played by Adelrafi. Otak Barley Foot was played by Nick Bear. Blemish was played by... Oh, this is an interesting technological achievement. Played by Chat GPT asked to simulate a tired, dad spending Father's Day alone at Wendy's. Wait, no, Blemish was played by Martin Wilson.

That's right, sir, let your disappointment with Martin Wilson give you strength. Hello from the Magic Taven is an independent production. Made possible by supporters of the Magic Taven Patreon Supporters like oh so many names so so many names. We can't possibly have that much support We can all read the names, but the fans hate when other people read the names That was one bit or in sell on discord. They love when other people read the names Don't have the strength to argue. Christmas came early. Kevin Kuhn.

Naomi Hatchman. You're gonna read them to O.E.R. So Get Encanceled. Dominic Cancilla. Jeff from New Jersey. Wyatt Ryder. Mame Bubble Guns. Is that a Pokemon or an American Girl doll? Both.

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All over the lawn. Good one, Ward. Sam Williamson. And Mim's in name. Your fairy drag mothers. Oh, I've got nothing for them. They sound fantastic. Tricia, you sure you don't want one?

Absolutely silent. It's almost like she was played by someone who had an allergic reaction to something the day of recording and had to go to the ER, but it's fine now, so calm down, everybody. Almost exactly like that. Agreed. Patrons get ad-free episodes, the entire back catalog, including all the previous spin-offs,

and at least two new bonus episodes each month. And, after recording the episode you just listened to, and joking that they should spend the night in a haunted horse for Patreon, did they then scramble to actually record a Patreon episode where they spend the night in a haunted horse? For better or for worse, yes they did! And that episode hits the Patreon later this week. To learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Matt Young and Adore Fyre. Post-production co-ordination by Garrett Schultz.

This episode edited by Anna Hoverman. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Great job everybody. We're all friends and are about to part ways amicably, just like the last episode of Mash. That sounds right. What a lovely conclusion. That can't be right, and why this trisha keep pointing at that machine in the corner.

Don't worry about that, it's my new air fryer. Everyone's using them, and I'm powerless against social pressure. Air fryer. If I'm not mistaken, that's an unauthorized portal induction system. I keep seeing them on Etsy. What of it? Tim, don't you want to show your friend out so we can say our goodbyes? That sounds like a great idea, director. Off you go, Craig.

Hang on, Trisha just handed me a note. It says, Ward needs boss to work portal systems stop at all costs. Well, that could mean anything. Others more. Do not let Ward interrupt this note. It literally means what it says. Oh, all that on one note? There were two notes, stacked. I didn't actually see the second one right away.

Look, I'm not going anywhere. I have got to get rid of the sharpies and the legal pads. Thank you.