Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 80 - Tavern World

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

A dimension-hopping accident leads to a world where Hello from the Magic Tavern is so popular it has its own theme park.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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people of the following I can't do this right now I forgot at the end of last week episode there was another cross-dimensional breach because why stop now and now Arnie usador and chant are unwittingly in a dimension where hello from the magick tavern is popular very popular well if anything's going to kill the multiverse obsession, it's this. Enjoy the show! I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it.

I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I've been walking for 20 goddamn minutes. Grandpa. Hey, sorry. I forgot to turn the microphone on. Oh, hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast.

You're starting the podcast, I thought we were walking up to that gate over there. Yeah, we are. I'm fine. Sorry, go ahead. I like us to kind of like record on our way up. Okay, yeah, all right. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of food, fucking. Okay, yeah, all right. Hello from the Magic Tavern.

A weekly podcast from the magical land of food, usually. But I am your host, Arne, you can't. Usually. If you, I'm always Arne. Me, sorry, I'm still, guys, I was just in the hospital like five minutes ago. Oh yeah, nobody, are you okay? I, you know, I'm feeling a lot better, I think.

Yeah, good, good. I don't wanna tell you what they did to my body to get those kids Tell us about the nurses You're trying I don't think you can I think I'm doing a lot better But thank you for still pushing me in this wheelchair. Yeah, no problem. I think I'll only need it for the next four to five years Yeah, whatever what are arennie, whatever you need. And what is this? Is this some sort of, you said it's a French,

some sort of French bag, Colostomy? Some sort of, what is this? What's this bag? This is a Colostomy bag. Colostomy. Here's the thing, and I just wanna be very clear about this. I just got one, just in case I ever need it. Like, it's not attached to my body.

I'm burdened with a lot of things, okay? But not a colostomy bag. I think being prepared is very wise. Yes. Oh, so dear listener, at the end of the last episode, we were in 1989 on Earth and we thought we were trying to get back to food and use it or fucked up some kind of magic. What? And we are in this giant parking lot. No, sorry, Arnie, you must still be on some sort of bed. It actually says parking loot.

And it looks like we are currently in the Emerald Zone. That's sort of clever. Big old treasure chest is parking loops. That's kind of fun. Yeah. It's like a, it's like a funny thing that we would say. Yeah, well, let's, let's park Arnie here

in the Emerald, looped, and Arnie, we will keep scouting around and we'll be right back. You're gonna leave me here? Guys, not for long, just not for long. We'll be, we'll be, we'll be, we'll be, you keep doing the show, you keep doing the show. Okay, um, we're the magical land of food. I'm gonna start any camp. You've never listen to the podcast before

This is everything you need to know eight years and several months ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king and Chicago into the magical fantasy Chun is everything all right Boone party you're never gonna believe this It's it's it's it's it's food. It, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, it's kind of, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's sort of, Boone, you've got to see it. It's, it's, it's a, it's a very excited, pulled our world here. Yeah. And take a world like yours. I think, I think this is maybe a, I don't even know.

Oh, yeah, crazy. It's crazy already. Wait a second. I'm looking at some of Oh, yeah, crazy. It's crazy already. Wait a second. I'm looking at some of the parking signs around here. And there's like a badger shape if you're parking in this section. And there's a wizard shape if you're parking over in that section. And there's a mouse flexing.

Yeah. That must be Arnie. It's like they know us specifically. This is like a parking lot to appeal to us. Are we? Arnie, I can't stress this enough. It's a they know us specifically. This is like a parking lot to appeal to us. Are we? Arnie, I can't stress this enough. It's a parking loot and also look at this. Follow the pink polo path to Magic Tavern World. Guys, this is a crazy guess.

But are we in a world where hello from the Magic Tavern is popular enough? No. If there's an amusement park? Well, if you look at the parking lutes, clearly it's not popular. There are a lot of cars here, but I don't see many. These cars look dusty. Dusty, dusty cars. Well, I don't think I've seen one of the person

other than the two of you. Yeah, unless Arnie on Earth are tumbleweds people? No. No. Yeah, the no people, no people. Well, Arnie, no people... Let's- Well, Arnie, let's follow the Pinkfellow Path. This is so exciting, though, still!

Oh my gosh! Let me draw my sword and raise my staff. And let me clear my throat. Ha, ha, ha! We may encounter danger here. We know not what lies ahead in this... I just have it world. You said I shall strike down any whom dare oppose us. You said, or have you ever had a fucking vacation in your entire life. What do you mean?

We're gonna go to a muslim park let me draw my sword just in case Come on, look can we have fun just once? We always work so hard Look the two of you don't know this is an amusement park for all you know This is one giant elaborate death crap. Can we just walk into one place without you stabbing something? Yeah, I find I'll put my sword away. Yes Leaving my stuff raised all right. There's a giant arch to go inside There doesn't seem to be anyone to take tickets or anything.

Wait, it says here, get your access bracelet and put my hand in this thing. Oh, no, it's a trap. Dude, it put a kind of cool looking bracelet. I don't know why my bracelet says, Trisha 47819. Ah, that doesn't mean anything to me. Yeah, you guys put in your hands in.

Okay, only put my little grubby paw in here and... Ooh, yeah, this is kind of fun. Uh, this says Trisha, 6249 and it looks like... It looks like I won something while I open this up. I got a... Oh, guys, I got a fifth fastest pass! Fifth fastest pass! This pass lets you be fifth in line for any ride.

Wow! You always are you wait, are you hold on? You're fifth in every ride? Are you always fifth in line? It's fifth in line, but my question is, what if somebody else has one of these? How do we do that? Uh, but it looks like luckily no one else is here.

So you two will go first, then, uh, third and fourth spot will go to, I guess you two again, if you wanna write it again. And then I'll bring up the rear. Thanks to this, if fast as fast. Sure. Put it in my hand. It says I'm Creeg. Huh.

Hmm, I don't know where it means. Well, we can go ahead and be aware. Free. The following amusement park is not real. Bringsed wrong. You know, I said I'd bring up the rear. And it feels like on the point, I guess I'm always bringing up the rear.

Is that fair to say? Is that fair to say? Bringing it up too much if you asked me. Yeah, I'll slow my roll as it were. Ooh, look at that ride, Arty. Look at that. This is so cool. And look at this sign that says,

the foodest place on earth. The foodest place on earth the foodest place on earth I would oh can we write this very cable car? Yeah, please this very cable car please. It's still moving like I This place is running even though there's no people here Ah, honey. Yeah, no, I would like to ride some of the rides as well, but turn around and Look in the center of the rides as well, but turn around and Look in the center of the park. Oh, it says the center of the park, but that's not what you're talking about

It's the Vermilion Minotaur. Ah Exactly as it was Whoa, and it's not it's not a car food is it? I don't know. I don't think so. It doesn't look all squirrely around the edges Oh wait, look a little closer. It looks like it's the food kiosk. And it actually, if you read more closely, it's the Vermillion MMMMator. Oh.

Oh. Huh. Well, I am a little more. Nice first second. A little more. So I can't have nice things on here. That I am kind of hungry. Let's see what they have here.

Let me look over the menu here. Okay, it looks like, yeah, there's a big old minotaur holding a menu. Okay, they have a 22 ounce bitch size. It looks like they have... I wonder if this place family friendly? Literally one of the first food items has bitch in the name. Huh, well, I mean, it's just a word, aren't we? Words don't have power.

Ooh, this drink comes with a novelty cup where you have two straws in your little buttholes. Ooh, yes, yes, yes. Okay, they have some snacks here, they have a crepe shifter, sweet or savory, interesting. Ooh, on tap, they have the base of the unnamable mountain dew. Ooh, I like that. Are we so fain? Is there, they have the base of the unnamed mountain dew. Oh, I like that.

Are we so fain? Yesor, they have something for you. The twelfth realm of a fudgius, devour of Euros, with a master of sprite and shadow? Uh-huh. That sounds delicious, but we're overlooking the point here. Okay, how the hell is this possible? What is this place and how did it come to be?

Maybe we died and we're in heaven. Wait, heaven is a us themed amusement park with no visitors? I'm pretty sad, Evan, I'm gonna be honest. That's a pretty sad heaven, I guess though. But it's better than like whatever that Tuesday's with Morrigan would come up with. No, no, no,n is very clearly laid out. The goddesses, after you turn into a pure ray of light and fire yourself into the sky,

you return to the goddesses and all their sons and daughters and granddaughters, and you just dance nude for the rest of your existence. What? Yeah. Is burning, man? Yeah. We do that. I always dance nude

That's true Chanty is sort of heaven on earth when you think about it. I could really go for some blend mashed potatoes Nibble bottomless nachos, but if nobody's here, how do we even get the food? Because I definitely would like something I'm hungry. I can't think of a thing to say. Just for... You said there's a huge menu right here. Just read any of the things on this menu. I read it, but why would I do that?

There's so many things you don't want some Chuchu's chowder? Hi, did someone say Chuchu's? I am your server today. My name is Chant, the talking badger. Whoa. Chant, it looks like you, but it's a little bit sweeter. Yeah, this guy moves so briefly. It's like, I can't tell, it's like,

if you put sand in a condom, is that make sense? No. Why is that the first, why would you describe it like that? It was like sand in the con. Yeah, no, it reminds me of all the times I put sand in a condom. What can I get for you, baby? Are there any specials today? Yes, for today only we have our 20,000 rowing forks.

20,000 rowing forks. I don't want just forks. I actually want some food. That's too many forks. just forks. I actually want some food. That's too many forks This guy sucks. No, they're nailing This guy sucks. Are you kidding? That's exactly how you do? Yeah, yeah, this is a hundred percent you only the voice What's come on? Thank you, be nice. What else can I get for you today?

I'll have an extra large red potion. Scanning, scanning. Sorry, buddy, can't serve you red potion. Be nice. I'm not even here. That's sad, not even here. I thought maybe it was just like sugar water or something. Well, I'll take a rainbow bowl,

even though it looks like it's just a pile of jelly. You've got it, dude. One rainbow bowl coming up. That comes with a free rainbow cut. If you want it. Yeah, I've got to get rid of this mohawk. Trying to cut a mohawk into a bull cut. Oh it just destroyed. Oh it just exploded. It broke. Oh that's uh, what a pity.

That is unfortunate. Although obviously that is this is not what today is about but I have been thinking we've had mohawks for a while. And look, I love that we were doing this thing together. But do we want to maybe magically not have mohawks anymore? Oh. Oh, where, where, where, where, where? And I love them. Look, I love that we're all doing it together.

But if you, but if you guys were tired of having mohawks, I would be open to- I'm extremely open to not having mohawks. What I'm commenting on is now somebody loves magical of a sun... Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well

well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, Oh, like it is guff about it. Yeah, Mr Let's use our gumption and blood sweat and tears to get something done. Suddenly went some magic in the mix, a Well, we are in the magic region of this amusement park. It says right there like I guess there must be different regions In that case case as they say That's normal here. I'm gonna say it. That's the worst spell you've ever done. How dare you? My a lot

Yeah, you sir. Do you mind writing that down real quick just on a scroll a lot of BLR Gages? Narrow yeah yeah the only saving grace is it didn't start out with hey guys okay let me see this scroll here yep yep okay I see it but it worked hey it worked my my smokey mohawk's gone you can't argue with results wait guys go over here across the way yeah do? Do we want to... I don't... it looks like it's running. It looks like there's a ride.

Use the door's wild ride? Huh. Use the door's wild ride. Yeah, that sounds fun to me. I bet it's entertaining and educational. Hmm. We're not gonna go to like hell in this, are we? Like in the ride, we're not gonna go to hell.

I would hope so. But maybe they saved that over there for the pizza zone. Oh wow. Pizza zone. Yeah according to the sign looks like there's a whole area that's just pizza hell themed. Ooh they have blood carts. I guess it's kind of like go carts but blood carts aren't am... I bet you hate that right. It is fun I think.

Yeah. Mmm blood cards. Blood cards. Arnamp, you want to, oh, let's do, let's do Usidor's Wild Ride. And then, either Blood Cards, or, I think I see an Arnampheemed ride that I want to ride afterward. Okay. Well, everyone get into these giant Wizard hats, and we'll start Usidor's Wild Ride right

after the break. Oh it's starting. Welcome to usanol's wild ride. Before we begin just a few tips for safety and fun, please keep all your wizard hats, rotation, ones, inside the hand. For anyone who might be colorblind, this ride is exclusively blue. I guess that means nothing to you if you're colorblind. Why is this guy coming so hard for colorblind people? If you little bitches are under the age of 18 or under five foot six,

please get out of the ride now while it's moving and head back to our food court. And now, use it or it's wild ride. Foon demanded that there must be a shabby end. You're right, it's starting to shut the fuck up. Oh, sorry. Sorry. At the beginning of time, the goddesses brought everything into existence. This is good. I like this. I like this. At the beginning of time.

Wow. How long? A while. But only before the beginning of time. Before the beginning of the... Why is our hats are going backwards? Like we're going further back in time? This room has nothing. It's just nothing.

And in that void, the goddess is decided there must be a world and in that world. There must be all manner of things, things, things, things. Things, things, several times, does not make it specific. We'll rope this. That really doubled down on her vagary. Oh, but look, there's a candlestick flying by us, and a chair.

Oh, and a backpack? Oh, that's nice. Now I can see the strings. Well, they have to hold it up somehow. I assume they don't have magickia for real, so they're doing the best they can. Some weird underwear floated by? Oh, we're headed straight for that fireplace.

What's that about? And once the goddesses sat around the fire and decided all the things must live on a world together, they said, let there be good and evil. Light versus dark. And then, when the darkness Overweld the world a champion stepped forth Usador Brought it to the world by a conspiracy of wind and rain and birds and fire and squirrels and

It's raining from the sun and there's a lot of time and birds and rain and traction It's raining from the sun and there's a lot of rain ton on there's birds and rain and trovian and that 20 and all I guess the evil dark lord he who is loved more than any other in all of the food the greatest wizard even greater than spin-tax that has been I thought we'll see more in a minute Oh that's a good chunk.

I like that. Hazbean, it rhymes with grie. Did you get it? Oh, look, it's a giant canopy bed with a rack of ribs. And you know, you should all fell in love with Genelevia the Red, and they appeared before each other. Haz, different types of food, they reached an apex. And then... They went down!

WAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAA! Ugh. Wait, was that a crazy part of the ride? The physical representation of them going down? Were they going down on each other?

Is it coming from the roof? I think something... I think something. It's me. Let's try it again. Let's try it again. Ah, ah, ah, ah, you're number five. Yeah. There's got to be a refractory period before we ride that thing again.

Yeah, give me two minutes. I'll be good to go again, baby. Wow. That's pretty cool. Did you use the ride? You feel there's a hole. I mean, I don't know if they don't have this kind of thing on food necessarily, but on Earth, it's a big deal if you're big enough IP to have a ride based around you.

Congratulations! I thought the buildup was a lot more to be interesting than the going up and down the and around the loops and stuff. You saw, I just gotta say, I am so impressed that this ride went everywhere before the beginning of time, the beginning of time the beginning of time the introduction of Yusudor right and then Yusudor and Jin leave it going down on each other Right then the ride was done all the air is well The ride is done, but I don't know if you to notice or we walk out this exit Yusudor's wild ride the sequel is right over there

What well wait? I want to spend the can I just spend a minute here and the Usidor's Wild Ride gift shop? Sure, yeah, it's peace. And Usidor, you might still be on meds, but it looks like that sign actually says sex it. Oh, I didn't even notice that. That's, wait, that's a door. Are you on meds as well? Oh, yeah, I just grabbed some on the way out.

Yeah, Arnie, Usidor and I took some of your Colin Quinn's. Oh. Colin Quinn's? Colin Quinn's? Well, how do we feelin' good? Pretty soon. Yeah, I feel like I could do an update. Oh my, Colin, I'm a Colin fan and you're not.

That's got a fun. I will. Here's the thing. I'm very intrigued by this gift shop and I definitely am interested in these action figures. Ooh. What sort of action do they do, honey? I mean, I think you just, you provide the action.

They're just figures that you move around with your hands and you have them fight each other. That's crappy. You take care of those. I already do action. I don't need these. Actually, this, it looks like there is an Arni one that if you push down on a shoulder, he stands up in poops.

Ooh, I won that one. Oh, that's pretty. Even I've got a Sidnet, that's kind of cool. That's good. Why don't we have this kind of merch? Okay, let's, okay, I, oh, that's pretty. I even I've got a submit. That's kind of cool. That's good. Why don't we have this kind of merch? Okay, let's okay. Oh, there's a lot of different characters in here. It's not just used to or looks like well, there is a do you want some use some more shirt? Okay, that's a bit of a struggle. Everybody's working for the squeak end with a picture of Momo. Okay, seems like a money grab.

Okay. Oh, here's a gender swap to you, Siddharth, saying I'm use adorable. I actually like that a lot. That's right. There's a chunch shirt. I can't believe I ate the butthole thing. Okay, bit of a stretch. Cromon feel the noise. All right.

There's also another shirt with a picture of your buttholes and it says a bit of a stretch. That's... I need one in every size. Give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. They have R&E knee pads. Oh, for what? I don't know.

R&E? You wrote the right. There's a flower shirt in the back that says, it's his. It's wineau fuck you. One brand. Honestly, honestly, honestly, if you guys look around, it looks like there's over 7,000 shirts. There's a shirt for every time in the show,

you know what I've said, like, that should be a shirt. It looks like they're all here and then some. I donated all the potato chips. Wow. Oh, there's a mug, you're one in Vermillion? Okay, I want that one, I want that one. Cause I do miss the Vermillion, man. To look, I love the strange familiar, but the Verm okay, I want that one. I want that one, because I do miss the Vermilion Minute. Look, I love the Strange Familiar,

but the Vermilion Minute tour had something special. Oh, and look, there's two racks of shirts. One is all cats, and one is all doctors. You get the shoes. Ooh, that's fun. It's very fun. I like something a little more sophisticated from a gift shop to bring home as a memento,

so I might pick up this very coffee table book about Hello from the Magic Tavern. It's like it has a lot of tasteful sketches. Hey Arnie, I see what you crammed inside that this very coffee table book. I see you grabbed everybody's working for the squeak-end Momo shirt. Sure, well, I mean, I don't know, it's just, it's just kind of cute. Come on. Okay. All right, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I should wear different shirts. Ony, what's a post card? Oh, it's just like a little card that you write a message on. And on one side, there's a picture in the right message

and you send it in the mail to somebody. If you want to send a letter with you, you don't want to, but you don't want to write very much. It's a shitty letter. Are you describing a shitty letter? Well, these are some shitty letters with some really cool photos on them of different places in food. I have Shrike Valley

There's one with a sexy lady. It says I wish you were Skur. Oh, yeah, there's lots of lots of fun stuff You know Fingeria and Northeastia. That's really fun. I like that a lot They even have a postcard of fleek the guy who used used to sell his teeth. Oh yeah, remember fleek? Everybody's working for the fleek end. Man, you don't even look around. There's a lot of fleek merch here. Here's one with a wagon wheel running over fleek,

and it just says on fleek. Yeah. Fleek week? Shark fleek? Yeah. Huh. Yeah, I think this is all a fucking money grab, but I'm going to fill up my little belly

with a bunch of shards. In the discount bin, there's a salsa of the month club. If it's on, how old is this salsa? I don't know, there's just 12 jars of salsa. It's on discount. I wouldn't need any of that. Yeah. There's a chef hat that says chef cadence.

That's fun. Mm-hmm. Well, do we say anything else that should have it here? Yeah, I think we had a lot of some other amusing things in here, but we're clearly getting tired of reading. Oh, wait, there's a hoodie that says merch on it. Arnie, can I grab it real quick?

I look here, well, I don't know. This place seems abandoned, but can we just take this stuff or should we don't have money? Oh, Arnie, you're reading one of the t-shirts. Can we just take this stuff or should we don't have money? Oh Ernie you're reading one of the t-shirts can we just take this stuff and it has a picture can would you like to check out? Oh it's a user would you like to check out? He's saying would you like to check out and he's lifting up his robe so we see his leg up to the thigh.

If you're done checking me out I can help you pay for your purchases. Ah, fuck, we gotta pay for it. Arning, do you have any Earth money? I don't know. Um, excuse me, uh... a shop clerk used to do... How do we pay for this stuff? With USD...

American Dollars. Or I can take Venmo. Well, do you take, ornigh, I got this. Do you take... ...USDsnats? Getnats. That's Yusador. That's Chant. That's a... ...automaton of Yusador.

And we're... Getnats. Oh! You're a fan. Everyone is... ...it is well known and well documented. Hello from the Magic tavern is the most popular piece of media ever created. Huh. This, of course, is the first of seven locations

across the globe of Hello from the magic tavern world. Wow, is there like a Euro tavern world? Yes. Everyone hated it. Oh. That's, Arnie, this is, this is everything you wanted, right? Uh, Tomatown used to do it, or can I ask? Uh, I know, Arnie, this was your biggest dream. Can I ask, uh, Tomatown used to do it, did we make it into entertainment weekly? Yeah.

You have, there have been several issues of entertainment weekly in the digital edition, where hello for the magic tavern was the cover. The digital cover? Does that let me know? That's nice. That's nice. The physical copies of entertainment weekly stopped being published in the year 2015 when everyone started listening to podcasts and hello for the magic tavern became the single most popular thing on Earth, physical media was immediately ended.

Wait, hold on. Oh, it looks like not all physical media, because I see here at the desk there's a CD. It's a picture of me with a bowtie and it says, Chunts, Bing songs? That's correct. We were sued and forced to create physical media once again, despite the fact that we all hated. Wow. Wow.

Um, what can we have? We were sued by Jerry Seinfeld, who insisted there be a CD of his favorite podcast. Hello from the Magic Tavern. Who was one of the greatest guests of the show? Wait hold on, so Jerry Seinfeld was a guest. The popular guest on Hello from the Magic Tavern. But then he sued to get a physical copy of it. That's how much he wanted it. Hmm. I'm sorry. Did someone say Joey Seinfeld?

What does Jerry Seinfeld and Amatronic in here? What's the deal? I'll tell you, the deal is 35% off. That's the deal. Thank you, Jerry. I have some thoughts about how Jerry's side and thoughts sounds, but I don't want to say. You're welcome, that's my time. I'm getting the light. That hit, I'm a tronic, got out of here so fast. It's like I didn't want to talk more. Arnie, some characters just don't want to hang around it. Hey, I get it.

I get it. You know what? It's getting a little stuffy in here all this merch. I'm gonna... Yeah, let's... Should we... Should we... Oh, no.

Oh, no. It looks like there's bumper cars called bang and buds. Don't love that. Ooh, yes, yes, yes. Johnny, come here for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come into the corner. Wait, are you doing okay?

What's going on? Can you just help you find a bathroom or something? No, no, no, no. Did you get your yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and take them back to food with us. Help us overcome evil. Yes, we can get them to do the podcast while we focus on other things. Yes, very good, very, very good. Hi, this is a vacation. Can we look? No quests. We're not gonna find any evil. And besides the fact that I am recording all this,

we're not gonna work on the podcast. We're just gonna enjoy, reap the benefits of all the hard work we've done. A pretty much, we found a world where people lay really like us. And I'm self-involved enough to really love this. Pfft. Or, well Arnie speaking of self-involved, I don't know if you can see it from here,

but it looks like there's a giant building that's just, it's just kinda like the top of your head, it's just like the hair. It says Arnie Neckam's Tower of Hair. Oh I never realized how tall your hair is. My hair is pretty tall. I guess I also never realized how I pronounced hair. You do say hair in a weird way. I've started doing it we spend too much time together. Should we go to the Tower of Hair? Let's go., I'll be right behind you. I, uh... Uh...

Come here! Get out of my room! Let's hide you! What's up with you? What's up with you? Get out of my room! Get out of my room! Get out of my room!

Did you see her hands? Okay, I guess we... Get into this... Really really kind of scary car. Buckle ourselves in, it looks a little... There's also a lot of hair inside the ride, which I don't know if I would say it was looks dangerous because it looks like this whole park is sponsored by Toyota. Oh yeah, like my old Toyota Camry. Well, this ride looks like it's shaped like a little bit like your car, right?

Yeah, a little bit, I didn't really think about it. Although my car didn't go straight up, like, whoa, like we are now. Oh, oh, the seats feel weird. It feels like, it's like, kind of full of sand. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I do know you're not holding. Welcome to Arnie's Tower of Terror. Before we begin, a few tips for safety and fun. Please keep your robes, ones, and hats inside the hat.

For anyone colorblind, this ride is in all blue. I know that means nothing to you. Is this the same message for the different? Please now enjoy Arnie's Tower of Terror. I think they're just editing in the name of the ride. It's how you keep your sand safe. Gotta keep it fresh. Why are they cutting so many corners on my ride? Hey, it looks like we're going up, up, up, up, up, up. Maybe this ride is just about my hair and there are other rides that are about other parts of me. I wouldn't get your hopes up. Okay, let's see

We're rising pretty slow This feels this feels very slow right? Yeah, it's slow to me. Oh sure. Yeah, I think I hear a voice Weekly podcast in the magical land of food. I'm your host Arnee Cam and this is my hair Have you never listened to podcasts before? This is everything you need to Have you never listened to podcasts before this is everything you need to? Yeah, we dropped like I'll say we drop like two feet, but we screamed a lot But it was just straight down. Yeah straight down. Wow. I don't think I've ever been facing down and went straight down. Yeah. Huh, I like the part where it was my voice

talking about the eye cast. Yeah, it sounded just like your intro, but that Arnie voice mentioned his hair. So it's like my just kind of she wore it in. It seems like they're cut in corners. Yeah, I think so. Have you thought about that though? I've been kind of a regular.

Yeah, having a kind of a regular hair update. Arnie, you do have really tall, really cool hair. I do have cool hair. We should talk about it more. Yeah, we should talk about it more. We should interview your hair. Hair, your hair. Yeah. So what I'm hearing is there's a new segment on the show

called Onnie's House of Hair. That or, if you saw what I'm hearing is there's a new segment on the show called Ony's House of Hair. That or, if you use the doors, what I'm hearing, either one, I think either one works. Ooh! Ah! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Do you guys see that? What, what is it?

There's so much stuff to look at. There's so much visual and stimuli. Yeah, I know, I know, but my eyes laser focused in on something. Remember when I haste have a laser? Yeah! Yeah! You're into that! So fast! I know, but it was so cool. Hey! My eyes laser focused it on something Remember when I used to have a laser yeah I know but it was so cool. Hey, but it looks like there's a giant but hole But it's like a three-dimensional but hole. It's this is called the get wet caught What is it? Yeah, there's a sign here. I don't know. I can't I can't know there's a sign here get wet Cut it says wet caught stands for

wet Experimental taint community of tomorrow There's another side here, get wet caught. It says wet caught stands for wet, experimental, taint community of tomorrow. Huh. Should we go inside? Color me interested. I feel like this is gonna be an educational but okay. Okay, let's see here.

I don't know. That is a giant butthole. Do I just jump through one of these? It looks like there's a mule, but that's way up there. Oh, you just just jumped into the butthole. Okay. I'm gonna jump into I guess one of the other buttholes. Ow! Owlet, one, two, go buy and jump into the fifth butthole! Hi, and welcome to... Chunts, get wet-caught. This guy. Every ride at the park where he says in the name of the ride he sounds more depressed. I'm worried about the guy who's recording this stuff. Before we get going, a few tips for safety and fun.

Please keep all your... Buttholes. Inside the hats. For those of you who are colorblind, this ride is exclusively in blue. I know that means nothing to you. Please keep your wands, ropes, and dicks inside the hats. And now a message from Jerry Seinfeld. Hi, everyone.

I know what you're thinking. Woo! It's Jerry Seinfeld! One of the top podcastes. One of the top bunkers. One of the top bunkers. One of the top bunkers. I think the robot is not functioning. One of the top bunkers gets the whole room for the meditator. I've been on a record breaking 32 times.

In every time I come back, they're playing a new character to show my range as enacted. Please enjoy now, Chants Wet Cut. Enjoy the rain! Hi everyone, I'm world famous actor Matt Young. You know me best as Yusudor the Blue. From the podcast, hello from the Magic Tapper. You're so killing me. Today we're going to be learning a little bit about anatomy. We make a lot of jokes and we have a lot of fun talking about our buttoles on the show.

But today we want you to understand the human body and understand how the human body will survive in the world of tomorrow. Addle? That's right, Matt. But don't just take it from Matt Young. Take it from me. Adolrefe. One of the characters on Hello for the Magic Tavern. Can you guess which one? That's right.

It's incorrigible scam. Chant the shapeshifter. We're going to take you inside the human body in high definitions you've never seen before. What's that you have? Smell a vision? We created it. What a smell a vision?

That's right. You smell through your eyes. But don't just take it from me. Take it from the creator and main host of Hello from the Magic Tavern. Matt Young. Thanks, Addle. I wanted to talk to you all today about the circulatory system. As our hero.

Oh, sir. It's a good friend, Ma Young. This is the party. What are you doing? Hey, I'm... We have this deal till 10. I know. I know usually I just handle the high level stuff for... Hello from the Magic Tavern Industries, but...

I thought I'd come down and help guide people through the world of the Amos. Ah, that's great. Thank you so much for doing that, Arnie. Because as our atmosphere gets thinner and thinner, and more and more people are fighting for the resources to stay alive and be able to breathe here on Planet Earth, it's important that each one of us understands how our orifices affect our circulatory system and the oxygen that can get into our bodies. And look, I know life on planet Earth has gotten a lot more difficult since the podcast wars.

And we at home for the magic to happen, we feel I don't know. I'm very small and a small way responsible for that. Yes, so if you want to help out, please stop by our merch store. You can find it at the very end or in between. Used or as wild ride part one and user as wild ride part two. And please purchase one of our Don't Hurt the Earth bumper stickers. Now they cost only $40 and for every $40 you spend, $2 will go to not hurt the earth. And don't forget to see our new film,

three Amigos, the next generation. And a lot of people complain about our movies where we don't play our characters and all that from the Madagascar, because we're still trying stuff. And here now, for you, inside the Get Wet Cot Center, is a quick preview of three Amigos, next generation. Hey, you guys!

Hey, you guys! Look up here! Look up here! Look up here in space! Wow I can't wait to see that move. Huh, what a blast we had on set huh? Well, what the hell is this? What are they gonna start talking about? Spinters. They just in the ride by saying, well, did they say Earth? When did the ride end? I already outside and walking.

What the hell? Okay, blacked out. Yeah, what is going on? Or at least browned out. Ooh, we got it. Oh, look. Over here, over here. Welcome to the Hall of Goddesses. Through these doors, you will learn about the goddesses, Foo, O, and Oon Un in the hall of goddesses. Now your heads.

This exhibit is funded by the new Hampshire Asiagos. The New Hampshire Asiagos, that name sounds familiar. Sounds familiar. Why does that sound familiar? The New Hampshire Asiagos? Hmm. I am Fuhu and God is of the God is... Hold on.

No, you could keep going food. No. Did you want to talk? No, no, I thought you were all saying that name first. Okay, no. Yeah, I didn't know you were going to give more context. No, we're not. Let's start with oof. That makes sense. Let's start with oof.

I was insane. Start with me. I thought we were just introducing ourselves. I'm being passive again soon. Look if we both made that mistake then maybe you're the one that's wrong. Wow just like when we were kids. Go on let's tell us more of your stuff. I'm the eldest of the goddesses. Foo. I have butterfly wings.

Shut hold on. There's a long pause. I have butterfly wings. Shut hold on. There's a long pause. I have butterfly wings and also a gossamer dress made of tears and gossamer. My feet are a size 9. I like walks on the forest and being in space from above. What else? My hobbies include creation and walks on the forest. Ah, oon?

Oon? Yeah? What? You're food? You're your own dear. I just thought if you were going to talk over me, you were probably addressing me. No, sorry, go on. Yeah, I just, I was just just gonna say it seems like you're really

just stretching for more time. OO, do you wanna go? Oh, can I? Hi. I'm OO. OO. You know me because I'm 12 feet tall, and I have an eye made of lava that will destroy anything

that gets in its path. I love food, and I love making sure that everyone there is safe unless I'm mad at them and then I'll destroy them with righteous retribution. Oh, is it my turn? Why are you being past the graces to me? I just I turned it over to you after briefly introducing myself. I'm sorry, I'm just still feeling a lot of emotions from before. Hi! Let's take a quick break from the Hall of Goddesses to hear a sneak preview from three amigos. The next generation! Guys, there are so many heads of it! Is there a way we could pay for this amusement park

and not get so many ads? I don't know, Arnie, I don't think so. Wait, does this Ryan have a skip 15 seconds ahead button at least? Ooh, yeah, try it, let's try and do this at, um, two times speed. Okay. And, don't forget to join our Patreon. Oh, yeah, try it, let's try and do this two times speed. Okay. Ah! And don't forget to join our Patreon, specifically for the amusement park if you don't want to get the ads. Oh man, this is a fucking money grab. And you get access to the Discord Center.

Who is that? Don't mind me. Wait, wait, who are you? Whoever that was had a great voice. I was just a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy.

I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. God is very good. God is as. Yes, you can't beat the originals. Fuck you. Fuck you, man.

You sir, kill us, boys. How do you care if we're just arguing with a random voice? And now I get to finally stab something. Ha! It's just a... You're just stabbing it in the air. And now back to the Hall of Goddesses and the introduction of Oon. Hi, I'm Oon. I'm the best one.

And my hair is... Oh, please. My hair is my feet. And I can fly under the window. You know that we just tell you you're the best one, because your hair is your feet. Do you know that Oon? Sorry, the burst your bubble. I can travel backwards in color.

I've been made to ask you for a eternity When you say you fly underground Do you fly in like caves? Yeah, what does that mean? Do you fly around through the the dirt and the actual you face the do you face through the ground? Yeah, it's like a way to travel flying underground. Okay, that doesn't tell. The transportation is the fastest way to travel. I dive into the ground and I fly. Okay. Ah, on my back, on your back. Why do your pants have pants have shorts? What is that? One leg is pants and one leg is shorts. What is that? I'm versatile. No, you look insane.

I'll say it. Sorry, I know we'd say we would never confront her, but I have to say it. You look insane. I don't have a giant fire eye. That's crazy. Thanks for coming to the Hall of Goddesses sponsored by the new Hampshire Aceagos. Go Aceagos! We are going to die here. Yeah, I think I already did. What the hell is going on, honey? I'm getting really afraid. Those goddesses were really strange. I've met the goddesses. They're only a little bit like that. Just a little bit like what percentage like that would you say they are? Like 85.

Okay, but that other 15% is disconcerting. Yeah, exactly. I don't know if some of that info was canon. Where is the system? He's been part getting their information. I assume from the podcast, but if Jerry Se that info was canon. Where is the system usement park getting their information? I assume from the podcast, but if Jerry Seinfeld was a guest on the podcast, then that sounds a little bit different from ours. It does sound a little bit different. Also, I know he sort of blew passes, but do they say podcast wars? And that the air isn't breathable? Yeah, uh, yeah, all of that is right. And I'm very concerned that we're in major trouble here.

We don't know what year it is. Well, this doesn't seem to be your planet exactly, honey. It seems to be a little bit off. It's definitely not fun. I don't know. I guess following the trail of the podcast led us to the version of the universe, the multiverse, where the show became the most popular. And the most dangerous.

I thought you should have had my sword out this whole time. I wasn't gonna mention this right away. And I kind of missed it because there's visually so much going on. So much going on. So easy to overlook some of the details. There's a fair amount of skeletons around, just kind of laying around.

Oh, I thought those were automaton claxes. Yeah, I thought that at first, too. But then I tried to around. Oh, I thought those were automaton claxes. Yeah, I thought they're the first two, but then I tried to pick, look, I'm gonna, I tried to pick this up, I've been carrying this foot around for a while. Oh yeah. And this is a foot. I guess none of them are talking.

Yeah. I think everyone in this planet died. Yeah, Arnie, I hate to say it. I think, Earth is doomed. Oh no. You're the last think Earth is doomed. Oh no. You're the last man on planet Earth. Oh no. Why the last man?

I don't know. I don't know. And print media is dead, which is too bad because I imagine the print version of why the last man would be so much better. Where do we go from here? Did we kill Earth? Arnie, did we hurt Earth?

Well, it seems like it's slightly different than us. So... Or did we hurt Earth? I'm not going to take responsibility for this. Yeah. But I think we just need to hunker down and figure out our next plan. And whatever that plan is, just get used to being here for a little while. I'm sorry, did you say hunker down? It's me, podcast hunk, Jerry's line film.

Do you know about our hello from the Magic Tavern immersive cruise? It's $35,000 a day with unlimited soda. Magic Tavern immersive cruise is, it's something something fun. Steve, money on soda. Didises! It's something, something fun! Steve Money on soda. Did he say it's something, something fun? Was he supposed to? I don't know if that's a dynamic ad insertion sort of thing that went wrong. Yeah, I don't know.

It sounded like that said voice was supposed to insert some information there perhaps? Yeah, exactly. Well, that cruise does sound pretty cool. Wait, guys, do you hear... Are those... why are there sirens going off? Yeah, is that it seems really ominous Quickly back to the vermilion Minotaur whatever the hell was called for million in the tour

I thought you know what the vermilion better. That yo. The-ah, that is so much better. Look, we should change it. Oh, you sure? Can you magically fix that before we leave? Just in case. Absolutely. A lot of stuff that has been perfect, isn't it? And actually, let's go.

That was that one. You're still looking at the books. Let's actually go back through everything we've listed and see if there's anything you should work about to change it to, because I feel like there's a few conquerors here. Oh, just a quick punch-up spell? Yeah. I don't know if there's anything used to work I'd got to change it to, because I feel like there's a few conquerors here. Oh, just a quick punch-up spell? Yeah!

Oh, good job. Now the show's hilarious. Whoa! My teacher changed to say, everybody's working for the NEAK camp? I like it. Quick, quick, quick, quick right? Shut up, you might get in trouble. Look, all I'm saying is, we could just leave them there. I could delete any subsequent transmissions, lose the frequency of that dimension, which isn't real anyway,

and we could spend 40 plus minutes each week reading sections of Eat Pray Love to each other. Think about it. Use it or the wizard was played by Mat Young. Chunk the talking badger was played by Adolf Refire. No guest stars. None! Being known as a toxic, creative working environment is a badge we wear with pride.

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Patrons like all those heroes get ad-free episodes, the entire back catalog, including all the previous spin-offs, and at least to new bonus episodes each month. To learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arne Neekamp, Matt Young in Adel Ruffiah. Post-production coordination by Garrett Shultz concrats to Garrett and his wife on their new baby born this last week, wishing that baby many years of innocence

before it learns what a taskmaster it has for a patriarch. Associate producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Anna Hoverman, she's still got it, folks. Hello from the Magic Hover in Loco by Allard Lebanne. Tavern World theme by Andy Poland.