Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 96 - Put-Together Person (w/ John Lutz)

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

A person made entirely of dead body parts does a fundraiser for the Lend a Limb foundation.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungNOOOOO! Peterson: John LutzMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tim JoyceMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandCheck out the new merch at our Teepublic store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on X and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my brand new podcast. It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries. You can expect things like bizarre unheard of diseases, strange medical mishaps, unexplainable deaths, and everything in between. Listen to Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm going deep into my wife's family history, digging up the cold case of her murdered great-grandmother. And did I mention that I'm looking into whether the murderer was actually the beloved family patriarch? Binge all episodes of Ghost Story, add free right now on Wondru Plus.

People of Earth, the following podcast is not real and my favorite holiday is almost here. That's right, Secret Lesson Eve, where children arrive at the door in sloppy homemade costumes, and I see how long they're willing to wait while I search for candy I don't actually have, while offering them helpful little observations and learnings. Like, you know, all the Snickers bars in the world aren't as sweet as catching up with an old friend. And my favorite kind of movies are called books. Oh, they're little expressions when you say, I guess I left those turtle brownies in my other house. But maybe the real treat was the words I've offered. That is the look of eventual gratitude. So, while we count the minutes,

let's sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fume. I'm your host Arnie Neacamp, the greatest warrior in all of fume, the greatest lawyer in all of fume, and also a permabody of the Red Queen Merzia. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know eight and a half years ago. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of FUME. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I used that to upload a podcast, recorded here in the tavern,

the strange familiar, in the town of Nibblebottom, at the base of the innamable mountain, in the magical land of Phoon. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Yusur the Blue. I am Yusur the all-wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipule, Tower of Magical Blossom. And can I just say, that was a really good opening. And you know what I think the difference was?

What's that? No one interrupted you. Nobody interrupted me, it's true. Usually I have a hard time getting through that whole thing. Usually the only thing interrupting me is my own ability to not take a breath more often. Well, I did notice you were gasping for air at points. The listeners can't see that,

the way you sort of hunch over and taking a deep breath and attempt to catch your breath just in time to keep speaking. It sometimes takes me about an hour and a half to get through that opening and we just, we edit that down. But we, of course, we must call out the draft with a boat for legs in the room

and say that a chunt isn't here this week. Yeah, do we feel like the audience will notice? It's kind of a little bit of a bummer to talk about, should we just pretend that he's here? I'll just get it out on the table. Okay. Chunt died.

A little bit. A little bit. But he's fine. Like a week's worth of being dead. Yes, he got hurt very badly, which in tune sometimes we say, you died, a little bit. Yes. But now he's healing and he's doing better, but he tried, you know, he, it's, it's chunned for a October season.

So of course he was raising blood for needy vampires, and some of those vampires were a little needy than they should have been, and they bit him a little bit, but he won't be a vampire, we took care of all that, he'll be fine. In retrospect, it was probably a mistake to do Chun for an October so close to Castle Hawks' Fire, where there are just now millions and millions of vampires in there. Things has gone out of control. That's right, we should just douse that place with Garlic. I know, we should have just been running around, shooting our arrows.

You know, look, we are classic vampire survivors. We should have learned our lessons. That's very true. I just want one of those axes that you throw up in the air and just sort of falls down. Those are fun. You said, okay, ask. The whole thing about like telling people they've died

just a little bit. The doctors ever come in and sort of The doctors ever come in and say, well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is you died. The bad news is a lot. Like you're really, really dead. Yes, the degree to which you're dead greatly affects the way the doctors give you news. If you died a lot, they won't give you news at all because you're dead. But if you died just a little bit, they might come in and be like, I'm so sorry, you died. Some. The worst thing about the tragedy that happened at Chunfure on October, which Chant will be

completely better by next week, maybe, maybe, or let's play it out, let's see how people are at. Let's see where it goes. Maybe we learned that it's okay. Oh, but, Arnie, I know you are on a constant quest for content. So fear not. You should all has come to feel the whole left here by chunt. I don't like that. Yeah, I have for you found a new charity in greater than the chunt for red October.

Yeah, I have found a put together person who's from the Lend Lim Foundation. Sir, please come join us at the table, won't you? Of course, hello. Hi. Hello? Well, we're very excited to have you on and learn all about you? Yes, of course, hello. Hi. Hello. Well, we're very excited to have you on and learn all about you, though, the wonderful work that you are doing.

And this is, of course, my friend, Arnie. He's from Earth. I'm from another world. Oh, hello. Well, er, hi. That's pretty interesting. I look so thank you. You're welcome.

And I'm so sorry we haven't met before, I don't think. Although I gotta be honest with you, we could have met before and I forgot. Like I mean a lot of people, I've kind of become kind of an important person in this world. I don't know why I'm really derailing just getting to know you. No, no, that's fine, just go ahead.

Talk about yourself, it's fun. So I'm from another world. And so that makes me pretty interesting. And then I accidentally killed the greatest warrior in all foods And now I'm the greatest warrior in all food if that isn't enough technically I also defeated his brother the greatest lawyer in all foods and now I'm a lawyer I guess so much going on I can't even tell you that that's a lot. Oh man. Yeah, you just got a face I just want to like tell you guys, like you're just very personable.

Thank you. Well, I'm a lot of persons, because I'm a put together person. I don't know if you've ever met a put together person before. I don't know. But we are put together from a lot of different pieces of other people's bodies, and then we are reanimated into life.

Okay. Were you personally reanimated by a Necromancer or some sort of mad science person or someone else entirely? It was a mad science person who also dipped his toe in alchemy a little bit, but he wasn't that great at it. So that's why I think it went into to put together people business.

He put me together, oh my God, wow, now it's like, this is crazy, like 10 years ago. Oh. Actually, time flies. But, you know, so I was put together 10 years ago and he re-annotated me into being alive again, which I didn't like at first, I'm gonna be honest. It is very jarring to

have been dead yeah and then come back to life somewhere where you didn't die of course in like a in a laboratory type setting and then also not have all your original parts right so I have to ask friend. Oh, that reminds me. I'm sorry. What was your name again? Oh, yes, my name is no Oh, what an interesting name. How did you come to have such a so-precrate? Well, so basically I freaked out when I was I guess you could call it born again and then I Tried to escape and I jumped out a window and as I was doing it the mad scientist was yelling no Come back. So I assumed that no was my name

So then has come back your last name? No, he was telling me to come back. Oh, I see my last name's Peterson No, Peterson. Oh, okay. I see I see well That's a fascinating tale of being born. I have to answer that. I'm so sorry. I interrupt you, Yusador. How dare you? It's very important to pronounce people's names,

the way that they want them to be pronounced. Yeah, because it's not no. That's my father. I'm just kidding. I don't know who my father is. It's probably like, it's more like my father's. My name is pronounced no no, no Peterson. Of all the people you think I'd be the one that would do that.

You would think so. No, I have to ask you. Yes. When you say you're reborn, reanimated, is there a central figure that you are member-bearing from your past life or you kind of an amalgamation of those former lives? Well, you know, since there's only one part of me

that has a brain, there's only really one life. So like the arms and the legs and the other parts really don't inform anything other than maybe like my right arm's really jacked. So my right arm must have been some sort of like bodybuilder or something or you know, worked manual labor in a mine or something But that doesn't I don't remember any of that so it's all just guesses But you know for my brain and head

That's where I get some it's like a whisper of a memory of who I used to be Okay, yeah, there's flashes of things you remember like of a memory of who I used to be. Oh, okay. Yeah, are there flashes of things you remember? Like, come on. And they come at the strangest times. Like, I don't have any control over it. It's just like a picture.

And usually, because it's my memory, it's pictures of other people. So it's weird, because it doesn't really help me. No, who I was. It's just like, it helps me know who I was around, I guess. There's a woman that comes in a lot that I think was my wife. And she looks, she's gorgeous.

I mean, from the flashes that I see. She's gorgeous. Thank you. I must have, I mean, my body must not have looked like my head or else the mind, you know, because my head's not that great. I'm gonna be honest. You can see it.

It's a little bit, I don't know if I would say that. It's hard to tell from, you know, there's a certain amount of, let's just say a decomposition. You don't have to, you don't have to, you don't have to. I get it, but thank you. Thank you. Your head is on a little bit of a weird angle. Like, would you, he did not do a good job.

I think I might have been his first put together person. Oh, yes. Yeah. So, well, anyway, I just wanted to say that I've learned that those, those past parts of my life don't make me who I am anymore because I could have been a real a-hole back then. And now I decided that my new rebirth, my new reanimation is a whole new person and that's why I dedicated my liked and charity. Oh that's wonderful. It's about who you are now, not who you were then.

You've learned and you've grown and you've literally put together a new version of yourself and now you're the best possible version of yourself. Well I mean someone else put together a new version. Okay. Well, you know Not to be yeah, that's true. It wasn't me. I mean, I'll tell you what if I if I put myself together I definitely would have given myself smaller feet Because yes, God of trying to put boots for these things I got to say they're not only are they big, but they're big in different ways. Like they're just like the ones that are big.

Like wide big and short, and the other ones long and thin. It is a, a, a, big in so of a time trying to walk. Why, I'm certain that it is. But you say you're doing this wonderful charitable work now. Tell us more about, about how you're getting limbs for put together people.

Yes, so some put together people. This is a big misconception that when you're put together person, the scientist or alchemist put you together completely before he reanimates you. Sometimes that's true. I see. But more often than not, most put together people don't have all their parts. Oh, yeah. And it's because, you know, parts are hard to come by these days.

And also, it's illegal to go into, like, cemeteries and such to steal parts. Well, yes, I guess technically it's illegal, but it's certainly frowned upon. But, you know, sometimes when you need a part, you just go and get the pot that you need That is very true, but somebody you know some of these I got it's that gun I'm gonna be honest with you some of these

They're kind of fly by night put together people doctors. They don't really know what they're doing and some show They just don't have they don't they like get a hand, but they don't get the forearm So it'll just be like a hand on like the upper part of an arm on one side and then sometimes I'm gonna be this is the hardest part for us. Sometimes it's animal parts. So it could be like it could be like on the other the left arm is just like a donkey leg. You know the left arm is a donkey leg. That is a tragedy. Yes. I mean, because what are you going to do with that hoof? You can't, I mean, you can't pick anything up with it.

I at least have all human parts. Can I ask, no, well, to the mad science people, do they sometimes just get impatient and they're like, I'm half done, but I just got to turn this thing on and see what happens. I'm not a big fan of them. Oh god. I do think that they tend to, you know, they get a little whipped up and just, they go, well, they go mad. It's in the name, it's right there in the name.

And they're not making good choices. I mean, it's just about making choices. Yeah. Well, I would have to say too, though,, you know to play devil's advocate for a moment Not that I would ever put together a person and try to reanimate them Use it or I'm sorry. No, will you excuse for just a moment? Sure. I'm um, um, I'll be right back Can you trick at the park? Well, you know what? That's so great our guests usually we have to walk away from the table I love that finally have a guest that they walk away,

but we're talking to each other. You said you had to have been a mad science person at some point, or maybe just like a magic version of that, right? Right, I'm more into the alchemy, Necromancery side. I mean, I've dabbled in it. I think it's despicable, but I hate drip thing, but I respect him. But I've never really met Necromancer,

but yeah, you know, you try to have different things. I put some cats back together and I got a couple people, but nothing, nothing big. Do you ever just do a combination that you're just sort of like, what's the wildest I could get with this? Do you ever just kind of like monster factor yet? Well, yeah, sometimes you just see how far

you can push those sliders. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I think he's coming back. His timing is great. I don't know what you wanted to drink, but I wanted to get you something, so I got us all al. I thought that was safe.

A safe bet. A wonderful choice, and I thank the, for this wonderful boon button. Let us enjoy our ales while we take a quick break. So, no! And again, am I saying that right? Oh, that was perfect. Oh, thank you. Where does the Peterson come from?

Here's a funny thing. Sometimes, some of our pieces come with clothing. And it was right in my underwear. Well, brother, what do you know? And Peterson, I assume Peterson would not be like, they could be a couple things. It could be my last name. It could be my first name, but I don't think that.

And it also could be Peterson, you know, if it's a kid's underwear. But I just thought Peterson, I would be a strange way to mock your underwear if it's a kid's underwear. Yeah. But yeah, I just thought, Peter said, that would, you know, be a strange way to mark your underwear if you are a child. Yeah. I am, I am Peter's son and this is my underwear. Well, I don't know.

Okay, and it's always a make sense. Like if you find someone's shoes or something, let's say, like getting it back to the kid is probably easier to get it back to the adult. Oh, yes. Yeah, you know, you lose your underwear somewhere and you know, you're not gonna wanna bring that to a kid is probably easier to get it back to the adult. Ah, yes. Yeah, you lose your underwear somewhere, and you're not gonna wanna bring that to a kid. That'll get you in trouble.

Yeah, that is true. Well, speaking of losing your underwear, you've carved out a new life up for yourself. No, master of the segue. No, I was going to say outside of your charity work, how's your personal life? Are you seeing anyone? Are you, are you romantically entangled?

Are you, is it complicated? Well, I'll tell you something. I am seeing someone and with two different types of eyes. That's a little put together person joke. I have a blue eye and a green eye, as you can see. Well, your head is put together. I'm so sorry to interrupt, your head is put together person joke. I have a blue eye and a green eye, as you can see. Your head is put together, I'm so sorry to interrupt, your head is put together. Well, yes, just certain parts of it.

I think the green eye is original. I think the blue eye might have been how I was killed in the first place. Oh. So I think, you know, might have been a spike, you know, might have been a spider, you know, might have been a spider and climbed in there. I don't know. But he had to put a new blue eye in there for me. Is there any chance that there's still a spider somewhere in there in your head?

Oh my god, yes. I think I'm lousy with spiders. Because I don't eat. I don't have to eat. It's a weird thing. Yeah. So I'm sure there are creatures inside of me just like running around in there. Because I do hear noises like the gurgling noises that I used to get when I used to eat. I hear those, so I'm assuming it might feel like a rat or a spider or something in there. Is it that you choose not to eat or you just have no need for fuel at all?

It's a little bit of both. I don't necessarily need the nutrients since I am undead. I don't necessarily need the nutrients since I am undead. Secondly though, it just, you know, I don't have the desire. I don't know why. It's just not I see food. It makes me, it just doesn't do anything for me anymore. It's a possible you're just depressed. You know, I mean, isn't everyone a just depressed? You, you, oh, ah, you know, I mean, is it, isn't everyone a little depressed? Yeah, oh yeah.

Oh yes, they're the whole depressed version of me that lives in my hat, like, the meeting on the day. Oh no, you wouldn't, he's terrible. Okay. Blucidor? That's right. And even though you don't eat, you've brought at these wonderful ails and, and frankly, I love these signs.

My friend, I am a drinker. Oh, okay And I'll tell you what it takes a lot for me to get drunk But I get there if you know what I'm talking about okay, okay no longer interested in eating Drinking a lot needs to drink a lot brave. I crave alcohol. That doesn't seem like a problem to me Oh, well, I think that the best thing, if you'd like to, you know, take a moment and tell us a little bit more about the charity work that you're doing.

No, you'd love to hear about it, and then we'll learn more about you again. Yes, sure, I'll talk about that. The charity's name is Lendalim. Good name. Yes, I came up with it myself. So Linda Lim is basically a charity for any put together person who doesn't have the parts that they should.

Now the one thing that I will say is weird about the name is that we don't, it's not really like we're lending it because we don't want it back. We don't want that back. But we do facilitate all of the finding of the limb, the attachment of the limb and, or the detachment of the defective limbs or pieces. And then we have registered nurses who go and check in for at least a month or two after to make sure

that the new limb is taking. Oh, that's wonderful. Because sometimes I put together person rejects all of its parts. All of them, what does that look like? There was a friend of mine. He's no longer with us, but he was a put together person. And all of his parts rejected each other.

And it was a slow and painful process of them just falling off and shriveling up until he just, all the pieces fell off. Oh, I remember you told me this story before when I first met you and you said that your friend's name was, I've done it! Yes, I've done it was really, he was a kind soul. What did it say and I've done it! Yes, I've done it was really... he was a kind soul.

What did it say and I've done it's underwear? I do know that his last name was also Peterson. So we didn't know if we were somehow related. Or if we were like brothers who also had this like if it was twin kids who had underwear. I don't know, it could have been, it could have just been some weird guy named Peterson who donated all his underwear to charity and then, you know, that's why we find that.

I hate to ask so many underwear related questions, but no, no, that's fine. No, you don't. Oh, I should do it after show, that's just all underwear questions. Sure. So the printing of Peterson, does it look like how nice is it written in the underwear? And I assume in the the waistband or on the label? Yes, well, that's the interesting thing because it's it's not actually like like written in it was actually sewn in. It is it was it was a thread that was done. It was it's but I mean it's go I let me show you here. It's look like right there.

Oh, it's gorgeous isn't it? It's like embroidered, lovely. It's someone who was truly committed to their craft. This is your one pair of underwear? Yeah, I only have one pair of all clothes. Maybe we should start a new branch of Led to Lim that's Lensum underwear. It's not a literative, it's not as nice. We'll think of a better name for it.

Share some underwear? Well, don't, yeah, I don't need, what, it's not as nice. We'll think of a better name for it. Share some underwear? Well don't, yeah, I don't need, what, what, that, that, that, that's pretty good. Like I said, I don't eat, so I don't ever, I don't ever poop. Ha, for lack of a better term. Ha, I don't ever poop. There are some things in there though, I will say that. There were things in there? Was there a spider? Maybe, I mean, what maybe was a, a crushed spider. I was just, in this, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't bring this up. It could also be flesh.

That is one of the other problems. Even if your body doesn't reject yourself, flesh just does, I mean, it's just gonna drop off every once in a while. Yes, I wanted to ask a little more about a lenda limb. You mentioned, of course, that the donors wouldn't actually be getting those limbs back. So it's a bit of a misnomer, but that's fine. I, as a wizard, when I die, I'll turn into a shaft

of pure light and flame into the heavens. But already here, he'll have lots of limbs left over. Are any of you thought about becoming a limb donor? I guess I have. I mean, back on Earth, I was an organ donor. Well, all you have to do is sign this form right here. Is it, isn't that right? No.

Yes, that is correct. We have a form here where you can, it just states that you are, when you meet your demise, you are fine with us taking any of your limbs to put on a put together person But I see that there's a little bit of fight print under there that says you only have to give up one limb now Yes, and the rest you get after they die that is correct I'm maybe a deal breaker for me. I'm gonna be honest

But still thank you because I didn't I never read the fine print So I really would have regretted that if I'd signed this immediately. It's just one limb right now. And as they have to technically be a limb, I assume people need ears and things like that, nature. Yes, oh my gosh, we need ears. We need ears and noses. Noses and ears are behind arms are the biggest

with things we need. You know what, I'm so sorry. Like my eyesight isn't what it used to be, or probably someone should lend me their eyes, but there's even more fine print under that other fine print. That's a little disrespectful, that's a little disrespect.

Sorry, I was trying to relate. I don't, yeah, I understand, but you might not be around too many put together people, but I'm just saying we've all got problems. All right, okay, okay. What's the fine print you saw? Yeah, I can't read this other fine print underneath the first set of fine print. people but I'm gonna say we've all got problems. All right. Okay. Okay. What's the fine print you saw?

Yeah, I can't read this other fine print underneath the first set of fine print. Oh, yes. So all that says, if you get out like a magnifying glass or something, it says, if you end up being a put together person, all your parts will be returned to you. Oh. Oh. That's a nice one. That's pretty good.

I don't know why we put that in the fine print because I think people would be more prone to do it. Yeah. They saw that, but yeah, I don't make these. I don't make these. That's not my department. How often does that happen where like a put together person that's like, oh, thank God, it says I have this new arm, but then their arm gets reposed by the original person?

It happens, not as much as you'd think, but it does, it does happen. Well, but then that person can go back to Linda Lim. Yes, exactly. We have a process where that, and we make it seamless so that when the person, I can see all the seams, it's not seamless. I can see where you're all sewn together.

Oh, yes, see, now that's the kind of humor I like. Uh, uh, uh, What do you think about that about any of the other jokes that we might have said so far, this episode? Well, no, I'm... This is a very serious topic. No one's making jokes on it. Oh, sorry.

We're trying to raise limbs. So, yes, if a person needs to give up their limb, back to the original owner of the limb, they come in and we already have a new limb ready for them so that when they're giving the old limb, the new old limb is then put on. Well, that's wonderful. That's perfect.

We've tried to think of every, every single situation. Now, I know Arnie has waited into some uncomfortable territory and I apologize for his very poor behavior, but I may need to ask a question that's also just as insensitive, but I hope you'll understand. I just might know where this might be going, but go ahead. I'm trying to overcome my ignorance, but no, that's fine. And if he's wrong about where you think this is going, I also want to hear what you think he's saying.

Absolutely. Let's keep that in the back pocket. Yes. What the hell's going on with the things on your neck? Oh, that was not what I thought he was going to ask about. I was going to ask him what the hell's going on with the things on your neck? Oh, that was not what I thought he was gonna ask him. Oh, no. Are those like, screws and nuts, what are those? What's going on?

Yes. Well, they are their bolts. Oh, okay. And what they do is that is how at least my particular mad science-tist electrified me back to life. Oh. He used lightning and they conducted through there particular mad science, a electrified me back to life. He used lightning and they conducted through there to reignite my brain waves.

Oh, that's smart. Yes. Honey, we should get a pair of those for you. Yeah, I mean, I've got to be honest with you, I need a recharge. They work for hangovers. I'll tell you that much. Yeah.

You zap those things again when you're feeling a little... Oh my, yeah. When I put down like 20 ails and then I'm like, ooh, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, and the next morning I'm like, oh boy, here we go. Get me to a lightning storm. Speaking of which during the break, you drank all the ails that you brought to the table. How about I'll get another round.

I'll get a couple actually, just so we can have some as well. Okay, I'll be right back. Well, no, I just wanted over there. Well, no! I just wanted to say- Wait, no, you said you don't want me to go? I was just talking to no. What?

You know what, why don't you go over there and we'll take a quick break? Wait, who are you talking to? No! What? Let's take a break. Well, while Arnie's getting us some more ails, I didn't want to bring this up in front of Arnie because he has a bit of a problem with red potion. He's addicted to it, he can't have it.

If you feel like, I understand you have put together a person, you may be self-medicating somewhat, but if you feel like you really have a problem you should speak to someone about that I mean what else is going on your life other than you know party and getting drunk, you know? You're obviously working the charity, but you know, you know, no I want to know more about you Oh, well, you know, not it's interesting because a lot of people don't want to get to know Put together people too well because they um They're terrifying yet. We're we're scary looking. I mean, they're scary

There are scary your things out there, but we're pretty pretty high up there. Well something I've noticed is Please take this as constructive criticism. Mm-hmm. Maybe don't approach small girls next to rivers. Okay. Yeah, now that happened once That's the funny thing about rumors. That happened once. I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't do that. You definitely shouldn't do that. Yes, no, no, I know.

That happened once with one particular, put together person, and then it like gets spread around that all put together people do that, and that is not the case. And I understand that that would make people nervous, but that's not a real concern that people should have. I'll put that out there on this.

Please, people do not be concerned about us around your children. We do not care. We don't care about your kids. So, I just wanna put that out there. Okay, well, forgive me for my ignorance. Now we're all living together, and we're sharing this new knowledge

with all of our listening audience. So that's a wonderful thing, I think. All right, so I'm back. Here's an ale for me. An ale for you, Sador, and an ale, and an ale, and an ale for no. Thank you. No. There's a woman that just keeps staring at you from over there at the bar

Now let me ask this question. Is it a stare of like interest or a stare of fear? That's a good question. This is the hardest thing about me meeting people I know you asked if I was seeing someone and I am like I am dating But it is hard because you don't know if it's someone who's just like really but it is hard because you don't know if it's someone who's just like really interested in your parts or if they're like frightened for looking at you, you know? Yeah. Well, you hope if you're dating someone that they're interested in your parts.

I'll tell you, I know that you had Arnie you had mentioned that you wanted to know what I was thinking when we were gonna talk about the bolts. Yes, you had mentioned that. I'll tell you. I was thinking that you were gonna ask about my penis. Oh, well, we would never. That's one of our standard questions, I.

You're right, you're right, it is. Because that's one thing the people are always like, is that it come with the pelvis and the whole part together or it's a different part. Where's the seam at as they say? Is it like one shaft, different head? That's inappropriate. Oh, sorry. I really think that was... You've gotta stop. I mean, just... I know you don't know, but there's a little bit that thank you. But yes, that's that's what I thought he was going to be we're going to talk about.

Well, since you brought it up, what's going on down there? Okay, this is something that I've been working on as a put together person is that I went through a long period of time where I kept replacing it because I was never happy with it. I was like, oh this one's too small, this one's big, but it's too crooked. This one is just a little, this I don't like the color. So I and then I had to just stop and take a step back, which is hard because of my too big feet. And literally be okay with whatever part I had because I could just, I could continue this cycle

forever and ever and ever and ever and then just never be happy with what I actually have. Right. Have you considered starting like its own spin off? Charity like grab a groin or something like that? Well, no, I haven't actually. I hate that name, but. Well, I have to say, I forgot one of

other standard questions too. You may not know the answer to this since you don't remember your past lives. Uncle, dead are alive. I do know this one. I do get a flash every once in a while of a man who does not look like he could have been my father but could have more of an uncle quality. You know when you look at somebody like that's more of an uncle.

Probably a mustache. Yes, there's definitely a mustache. Definitely just a little more frumpy of a guy and he I've seen him in my visions falling off a clip, so he's dead. Oh, okay, dead uncle, great. Dead uncle. That woman won't stop staring over here. I know, I would say not horrified,

but just a kind of like disbelieving, like I've just seen a ghost kind of look on her face. Okay, kind of what's happening. What's that? She may have known one of my parts previously before I was put together. Like that jacked arm? It could be the jacked arm, could be the face.

What nine times out of 10, it's the face. Yeah, although the arm is jacked in a weird way, and it's got like, it's got like an anchor tap to on it. Yep, yep. Yeah, yeah. That says Samantha. She could know me from that. And that could be Samantha. I don't know. I don't know. It's also there's a lot of rings on those fingers. Oh, those are mine. Don't you have to touch it? Those I do. I, I really like jewelry. You can even see I'm wearing. I have a couple necklaces on. It's the only thing I can really accessorize. Every once in a while, I'll put a ring on my bolt.

Oh, that's fun. That's nice. Yeah, just to like, if I'm going out on a town, I'll put a couple rings on my bolts and... Yeah. Does the woman at the bar? Oh, that... Hello! That's a woman. It's a woman from the bar. Yeah, we all know that we know. I'm sorry to ask.

But are you Richard? No, I'm Arnie. No, I'm not talking to you. Oh, sorry. Are you Richard Peterson? Oh, my God. She might recognize your butt. My last name is Peterson.

OK. Have you, have we met? I think, I think you might be. My ex has been, but he died. Have you have we bet I think I think you might be my ex-husband But he died and he owed me a lot of money. Oh How much money five thousand gold? It would love over come that Snap oh

Hey hang on hang on this could this could be all right. This This could be alright. Let me go through her papers here real quick Oh good. She's a lim donor. This is perfect for the podcast today Perfect for the charity. So all those limbs are gonna go to a good a good host It all worked out everyone's happy in the end. Yes Sorry about that. Sorry. How does that work when you owe money from a past life? Did you just, you kind of get a reset when you're reborn? I don't think any of that carries over, yeah. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, it's okay, I'm sorry. There's a thing that happens, there's certain situations where I do just snap. And then you say snap. Yes, and then I snap just snap. And then you say snap. Yes, and then I say snap so much. That's a neck. That must have come from a previous life or just the electricity in my brain. Or it might be the 17 beers I've had.

That's probably not helping. So what you're saying, this isn't the first time this has happened? Well, it happened sometimes. It is just something that puts together person has to deal with. She had papers that said she's limed owner, and she's willing to give up all these limbs. So we'll read the details of our papers closely

by getting a torch here, looking closely at the details. So I'm going to be able to... What's wrong? What's wrong? What the fuck? What's wrong? I'm getting a torch here. I'm looking. That is a, whoo-hoo! You are lucky that I've just recently snapped because that could have been another snap situation. But since I did it just recently, there wasn't like, didn't have as much endorphins, but that is just never bring a torture round

that put together person, please. Okay, I'm sorry. Oh, excuse me, I'm scream. I've been your server this evening. My shift is over, I hate to do this. You're in no hurry to leave, but if you could just cash out now, here's your bill for the drinks that you owe so far. Thank you, Scrim.

Thank you, Scrim. How much, how much, sorry, how much do you owe here? Oh, just about 12 gold. I have a question. Does Scrim always work here? Do you know him? Has he been around a lot? I've never seen Scrim before in my life. I've never seen Scrim before.

Okay, snap! Wow. It's 12 gold. I was gonna pay it! I just didn't want to snap somebody that actually has been around a lot I understand that but but but it was my treat look first of all I don't condone any I don't condone anything You've done but I will say I appreciate that you checked in as if it was a beloved character. Yes Okay, well let me check his papers. He's not an organ dono. So Well just I can fix, I can fix that. I can fix that with a little piece of paper here that we had

for Arning's design. I'm just gonna put Scrim. Okay, that seems unethical, but uh... You know how the law works, I guess, I don't. I'm not a lawyer, I'm so wizard. Um... Who I did act as a lawyer a couple weeks ago, didn't I? I also, I mean, if you have lawyer questions, I am the greatest lawyer in all of it. Yeah, is that legal what he just did? Can he just sign strunting for scrimp, posthumously? I don't say yes.

Okay, great. It all worked out. I do have a question for you, Arnie. If my neighbor's dog is pooping on my lawn, do I have any recourse, can I snap him? Just snap it. Not even his neck. No, just yeah. I mean, would that get me in trouble?

I'm afraid I don't practice lawn law, so I don't exactly know. Okay, I don't know about that one. I'm guessing it's probably okay if it's your lawn. Okay, yeah, it's my problem. Did you start, did you try before that, yelling at the dog, get off my lawn? The dogs just bark at me and don't leave. They just, they don't like put together people,

so they just bark. Do animals in general dislike you, like sort of sense you're an unnatural thing? Yes, they have an inherent sense that I am not right. Yeah. Conflicting odors, probably. Oh yeah. It's like, oh shit, did seven people just walk up to me? Although, if the animal knew one of the pieces

that put together person, that animal would be friendly towards that, at least that part. Oh, that's nice, that's something. So hopefully it's a hand so you can pet them. Do you have a favorite part of yourself? Yes, I do, I have a favorite part that I, you know, and this is the thing where I've just, you know,

I've learned, I can't choose my parts, I need to fall in love with my parts. I've gotta say that my calves are my favorite part of my body. Because whoever they're from, they're from the same person. They were a runner. I'll tell you that much because they are in shape. And I don't do anything to them, but they stay in shape. And I don't do anything to them, but they stay in shape.

And no flesh has fallen. Oh, from these things, these things have, these puppies, these puppies have maintained. Well, well, well. Excuse me, I'm looking for my brother, Scram. Snap. Okay.

Right. Hey, you killed beloved character scram Was that a beloved character? Scram's been on every episode for the last four years The Woolfies was going back and ended him out. We'll figure something out. Yeah, we'll edit those little episodes Don't worry about it. Oh I should have put together that the brother he's been looking for for years was scrimmed. Who we just saw? Oh, no, I thought guys I really feel like I might be having a snap attack and

Because I feel like if I do I really just I don't want to snap either of you. No, please don't I'd like to see try well Would you really? Good luck. Well, I'm not and by the way, I have nothing against you. Arnie has made some off-color jokes, so I just, I'm hoping that he doesn't do another one. Yeah, yeah, and I don't want to snap anybody else. Okay.

Have you been all in all the episodes? Not all. Okay. The only reason he's been in on every episode is chun. Until now. Actually, he's missed some too. Chun sounds like a real asshole. Everyone agrees that that's definitely the truth, so that's fine. So I'm glad he's not here because I feel like of any of you guys, I probably will snap

him. Save his life, save his life, I'm not having him here. Well, we're very glad that you're able to come on and tell us all about your charitable work and we'll clean up these bodies, I guess, which seems to be a recurring theme of the show lately. And we'll have to have you back sometime. Let us know how many limbs you're able to garner during this charitable season.

And if anybody wants to just donate money or time to the charity, they can visit my website, which is where the spiders live. Above my door, there's a box, it's above, there's a box above my door, that you can put the money in. Have you considered putting the box on their place? I put it a little lower personally.

But I don't want people to steal from it, so if somebody's gonna put something into it, I think that they will get the stool or something to put it in there. People are tend to be more motivated to give money than to steal money. Yeah, so that's why the box is above my door, right by my website.

Okay, well, everyone goes to nose website and leaves some money in the box. And thank you so much for having me. I'm sorry I killed three people. Yeah. Any chance I get to get to to let people know a little bit more about put together people and that they shouldn't be scared of us at all. We're just like every other person. The interview might be counterproductive to that cause. Yeah, I mean, I will... Okay, let's go through it real quick. X-Wife. Asking for money.

Justifiable snap? That's a snap, right? Scrim and Scram. The Loved characters from the podcast. That's a little dice here. That was, yeah. Excuse me, I'm here to clean up all the bodies. Oh my God, please, I gotta go, I gotta go.

Scrub? Scrub, are you here to clean all the bodies up? Also, I'm looking for my cousins. They don't want to do this. I'm just, can I have your broom? Sure. Snap, I just snapped the broom. Oh no! Oh no!

Oh no! The broom is a sauce of my life essence! Ugh! But I didn't know that that was a thing! Oh, yeah. Well, a stabless piece of cannon that the broom was the life essence of screw- Oh, I've been keeping it alive. Yeah. No, I didn't know there was a spell.

Literally unkillable otherwise. That's alright. Hey, I would say this to you know, perfectly indicative of your journey. Progress, not perfection. Thanks. And if we're talking about this podcast, maybe not even progress. Never forget we have three choices in life. Perfection, progress, or

Podcasts. Use it or the wizard was played by Mat Young. Nooo! Peterson was played by special guest John Lutz. Mr. Lutz's career peaked with his portrayal of meddling millionaire Charles Benbroge in the improvised police procedural cuffs at the IOT in Chicago, circa 2002. To see John's current, derivative work, check out the Maplewood murders on Roku, which he co-created with AP Bio and Girls 5 ever, Gem, Paula Pell. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Supporters like Richard Pugh, Brian Keli, Allegio, Matthew Zamsky,

Adam B, Ash Alexander, Bigs Fuchikos, oh hey nice work threading the stone needle in Beggars Canyon could come in handy someday. Alicia, Alex Carnahan, Becca The Giraffe Evans, T, Jeff Forsey Forsy Robin Holmes and Anisha. Patrons get ad-free episodes, the entire back catalog including all the previous spin-offs and at least two new bonus episodes each month to learn more about supporting the show visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arne Neckamp, Matt Young and Adel Refyre, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, associate producer Anna Havernmann.

This episode edited by Tim Joyce. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Levan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. you