Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 98 - Union Wench

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

The hosts meet a tavern wench working to unionize a nearby tavern.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiPennywhistle DuGuava: Katelyn HempsteadMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Stephen DrangerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandCheck out the new merch at our Teepublic store!Follow the show on YouTube to listen to the episode alongside two dynamic static animations of the tavern!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on X and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello listeners, this is Mike Corey of Against the Odds. You might know that I adventure around the world while recording this podcast. And over the years, I've learned that where I stay when I travel can make all the difference. Airbnb has been my go-to place for finding the perfect accommodations. Because with hotels, you often don't have the luxury of extra space or privacy. Recently, I had a bunch of friends come down to visit in Mexico. We found this large house and the place had a pool, a barbecue, a kitchen, and a great big living room to play cards, watch movies, and just chill out. It honestly made all

the difference in the trip. It felt like we were all roommates again. The next time you're planning a trip, whether it's with friends, family, or yourself, check out Airbnb. To find something you won't forget. Hi, it's me, the OG Green Grum and the Grinch. Listen as I launch a campaign against Christmas cheer, grilling celebrity guests, like chestnuts on an open fire. They'll try to get my heart to grow a few sizes, but it's not gonna work, honey! Follow Tiz the Grinch Holiday Talk Show on the OneDriap, or wherever you get your podcasts.

People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. And allow me to add that if I were a resident of this planet and I did have a birthday, it just might be today. And I can share that my only birthday wish would be nuanced performances and well thought out storylines. So it looks like another birthday of going to bed disappointed for yours truly. Now sit back, blow out those candles, and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Armini Camp, the greatest warrior in all of fune. Also, the greatest lawyer in all of fune. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know 8 and half years ago. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King and Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the

dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar, and the town of nibble bottom, at the base of the unnameable mountain in the magical land of fun. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Chant the Talking Badger. Bebo. How you doing, buddy? I'm doing good and bad. You want good? You want good first or bad first? I guess I want good first. Okay. With the hopes that we get to get. Oh, okay. Oh, thank you for that hug.

Okay, now the bad. Um, you know how I've been making a restaurant boogered of buttholes? Oh, yes. Turns out I don't have any fucking money left. I spent so much money on these friendship bracers, which I think look Pretty fucking cool and they are cool. Obviously a token of my friendship and love for you and you so but I Wasn't really thinking about you know that I have to you know pay employees and have constructions and you know magic and ovens and protections and

Words and all this stuff. So I Don't know what to do right now. So I need to make money quick. Huh. Have you considered just giving up your dream of having a restaurant? Hmm. I guess I might be a solution that's good for everybody.

Yeah. I never thought, wow, you're so supportive. Thanks, Arnie. You're welcome. I feel like every time I do anything, you're so supportive in that you say why don't you do anything else? Yeah, why don't you give up that dream? That's it.

I should start. I shouldn't make a book called Give Up That Dream. Oh, that's what we could do, Arnie. We could co-write a book. Books are popular. Mm-hmm. Now here's how we can practice what we preach. Let's give up the dream of writing that book.

Already letter relief. That shows it right. We don't have to write. We don give up the dream of writing that book. Huh. Already later relief, because that shows it right. That shows it right. We don't have to write. Oh, few. Yeah, also when you said preach, I was like, whoa, but you weren't suggesting that as an alternative. You're just saying. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, yeah. You gotta talk a big game, but I don't like to follow through. So this works out pretty good for me. I just like to relax, give a big stretch in the sun. I'll lay in my little hole here. Oh hey, Chant, your fur is smoking a little bit in the sunlight. Huh. Okay, well, my fur is over 18, so that's fine. Okay, that's good to know. Speaking of someone that should give up their dreams, my other co-host used it or the blue.

I am Yusador, Wizard of the 12th Rail of the Fesius Master of Light and Shadow, Manifulator of Magical Light, Stiff Hour of Chaos, Champion of the Great Holes of Trakis, the elves Nubius Viennialek, the dwarves Nubius Zodan in Hook Stinges, and I am known throughout the northeast, as Gaspnubius Mastar, and low, good listener, Nair, give up on your dreams. For if even for a moment you did cease to dream, I could not appear to you in that dream and give you an apple which is also a pear. Hmm, dreams are crazy.

Apple's also imagined such a bear hole. Yeah, shit. That might be the wildest thing we've ever had on the podcast. And last week we had a hippopotad plant. Yeah, the thing about that all week. Yeah, I've been thinking about that all week too. I can't remember who the guest was, but a hip-a-potted plant really stuck.

Yeah, it's pretty fun. Maybe that's, that'll be my thing. I sell hip-a-potted plants. I open up a store, call it hip-a-potted plants. And, uh, no, but I don't have any money. Well, give up on a dream. Arnie, two for two. Yeah, see?

This just works in almost every circumstance And I feel like I got so much done like I accomplished something I come up with a dream. I talk myself out of it Done yeah progress Wow, yeah, I feel like I'm really good. Here's what you do you start making a checklist a thing you want to do Decide to give up on that dream and then cross those things out. It's like the fastest you're gonna ever accomplish. I'm just gonna let it. Grab my paper and make a checklist. And now that I've finished writing a list,

I can scratch that off. Done. What, did you accomplish the dream in this case then? Oh, fuck. Hmm. Tell me more about an apple pair. I hate to call you out on a technicality. Whoa!

Can you imagine such a thing? Oh, it would be as delicious about an apple pear. I hate to call you out on a technicality. Whoa! Can you imagine such a thing? Oh, it would be as delicious as an apple. But as melee as a pear. So like a soft apple. Spired apple, yeah. Huh, okay. Guys, I'm not 100% sure I've ever had a pear. What? Whoa! What the fuck? You don't have pears on your face?

Are you sitting over there in quince's like an idiot? Arnie, what the fuck they don't have pairs on I just sit over there in quince's like an idiot already What the fuck have you been doing? We got a look I'm not 100% sure I haven't but I'm not 100% sure I have okay already close your eyes We're gonna sell this right fucking now. Okay sure close your eyes close your eyes describe what you think a pair looks like Good guest good Sort of like me with legs Describe what you think a pair looks like. Oh, I'm trying to imagine Arnie with legs. Well, let's have a, that has just been a long season. It's been a long season.

Why don't we, we should have a guess on today but make sure that there's not too much magic because if we have like another wizard or something or we have, you know, some sort of like talking spellbook or something or we have some sort of talking spell book or something, I think that might just make me blow a gasket. Yeah, and we're gonna be- So it's still with real world stuff, like people. Yeah, and anyway, in a few weeks,

we're gonna be sick with wizards. We're gonna be flush with wizards. We're gonna be up to our necks and wizards. You're gonna be stepping in wizard like it's shit outside the warehouse. Speaking of, you know how in the weeks leading up to the Wizard Choice Awards, they release the winners of the sort of less popular categories? Yeah, one one last week. Yeah, you might want to check the male again because it looks like you won

Wizard who says, the most! Oh! Oh! Oh! I hope Mayor's talk's great setting yourself up for next year. Who says, oh, the most? Oh, oh, oh, oh till the last fucking second now. Honestly, I think this is like the 30th consecutive episode where one that we've forgotten to book a guest. All right, well, yeah, that's how you want to run your business Excuse me. Oh God, yes. Oh Who I I'm not hitting on you.

Sorry. It's just I'm off the clock right now. I just like, I don't know. Men yelling, hey excuse me, I'm just across the bar. No, no, you're right. That sucked. No, no, no, it's on me. It's on me.

I'm sorry. I'm on my own. No, no, it's not. I'm in one mood. What's up, man? What, let me lower my voice. Would you mind being a guest? I'm a wormwood. What's up, man? With let me lower my voice. Would you mind being a guest? Well, I'm sorry. Would you mind being a guest on a podcast? I do. It's not true. I couldn't help me. I wonder if you would wouldn't mind joining us as a guest on the podcast that Arnie hosts. This is my friend Shunt and

That's Arnie over there at the table. Yeah, it's not weird. Oh And that's Ony over there at the table. Yeah, that's not weird. Carnie, don't ever agree with it's not weird. No, no, no, if you lead with it's not weird, then I'll know it's not weird. I mean, that's how you pick a bloomin' in a bar. Oh, oh, this is just sort of a friendly chat. Oh, I thought the three of you were

some sort of polycule with microphones. No, we're just best friends who have bracelets to make each other appear in different places. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were.

I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were.

I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you were. I think that's the way you yourself. I would love to be on here. Would you call it a podcast? Yeah, it's a podcast. Well, it's sort of like I'm sure you've heard of podpires, the way of fire podcasts.

Yeah, so it's kind of like podpires, but we actually, we have an actual microphone. I think they're just using like a very stuck on a branch with a leaf. Yeah, and that's usually just sort of a pretext to get a little neck. Yeah, exactly. Excellent.

So we're going to do well in this show. Come on, just have a seat over here and what is your name? Hey, I'm Penny Whistled DeGuava. Penny Whistled DeGuava? Yeah, from the town of Guava. You can call me Penny. You don't need to do the whole, the whole shabang. Penny Whistled DeGuava, can I get you something from the bar? Oh my gosh, what sort of thing? We're sort of like friends, you know, we've got like a organization.

Oh, okay. Well, I you know, I'm good friends with the bartenders Well, I you know, I like to think I'm a good contest. Oh, no, I just think you know a boss needs to also be a friend Oh, you own this bar. Well, sort of through a series of Miss adventures I came to own the bar if you asked me to recount them, I couldn't possibly. Okay, I'll I didn't. Oh, wait, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Can I ask Pennywise, what is, what's your dream? Penny whistle. Huh?

Penny whistle. That's so funny that you say that. That was my mom's childhood name, like nickname for me. Oh. Because she would always say like, you know, the Pennywise pound foolish. Um, I was very bad with money as a child. So Pennywise, it's, it's cute. That was very cute. I think most kids are bad with money.

Um, what is your dream, uh, Penny? It's so funny. You should ask me that because it sort of pertains to what we're doing. Well, it's not illegal. Um, I'm a union organizer. I work at the bar downtown called Milk Jugs. Oh, okay. Use it or come on.

We shut down that place many a night. Oh, well, I do enjoy the food. I go for the food. Yeah, I go for the articles. Yeah, I go for the articles Okay, but there's no shame in wanting to look at a pair of Luscious enormous breasts shoved up so high in a corset. They're they're practically horizontal Judging out in a way that just defies gravity. I don't have any problem with that. Okay All right, yes, I and we're doing this place. I don't think I problem with that. OK, all right, yes. I, I, we're doing this. And where do I go?

This place, I don't think you guys never invited me. Oh, Arnie, you wouldn't like it. Yeah, Arnie, we just thought it, you know, it doesn't seem like you're kind of seen exactly. So you know, you know, friendly waitresses and hot wings. I like all those things. No, Arnie, you wouldn't you wouldn't get it. Okay. Yeah, these waiters says their boobs are so high that when they're like

Yeah, we can barely talk which is one of the reasons that we need a union. Oh, okay, well that sounds that sounds good Of course you should organize and Make sure that you're being fairly compensated for the work that you do. Exactly. See, you are on the side of the worker and I love that, you, Siddore. Well, I try. I am not perfect, but I do the best that I can. And will I hope that we can support you in some way? Sorry. I hope we can support you in some way. Sorry. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I love my job, it's not that I hate my boss. It's just that I think that, you know, workers deserve protection. And when you're a tavernwinch,

there's certain things that are expectations of the job. Again, boob so high up that they're partially strangling you. A certain amount of flirting. Wait, so now a certain amount of flirting is what you're fighting for? Yes. Okay. We need to be allowed to flirt more.

Okay. They're not letting us do it enough. Interesting. Why would they discourage that? Because they sort of, you know, there's this attitude of like, women should be seen and not heard. And when I flirt, I flirt in a very sort of aggressive way. Uh-huh. And they're saying that it makes people uncomfortable and scared.

Yeah, I agree. You should never heard women. That is terrible. I'm on your side. That's what I'm saying They have these callies in there that are just like like when my break is over guys when my break is over Tell me if you've experienced this a dog comes into the break room Okay Yapping and nipping at my heels and and gets me back out on the floor Wow, does that sound right to you? No, it's not that's terrible Okay. Yapping and nipping at my heels and gets me back out on the floor. Wow.

Does that sound right to you? No, it does not. That's terrible. It sounds weirdly inefficient. Uh, yeah. The dog is also in a corset with enormous breasts. Oh, now we're talking. Now I gotta go to this place.

That's it, milk balls, right? It's connected. Milk dogs is connected to milk balls. Milk balls, yeah, for the animal. Six heavy tits. Yeah, the logo is just six bowls of milk with nipples in them. Wait, but is that not related to the place downtown called Airbuts? Are there's nothing in the rule books that says there's a bar downtown called Airbuts?

Okay, okay. And believe me, I've looked. I went down to see the town daddy, and I made him pull out the rule book. And guess what? There is no rule that an air butt can't serve beer. So you know the town daddy? Yeah, I mean, you know, just from sort of showing up to meetings and complaining. Okay, sure. Okay. Well, right. Seems like you get involved. I do get involved. Thank you for noticing that, Arnie.

Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for noticing, I notice. I do like to notice. They must call you Arnie the Noticer. No, but I might add that. Wait, Arnie, you like to notice maybe, he used to or maybe we should take him to milk jugs. Oh, well, I suppose we could,

but I think if we are going to go there, you can't go in there yelling, I'm not a pervert, it's not weird. That's my catch phrase. Well I think you just can't yell it, I think we need to get you a little badge that you wear that says those things. Or like a little card you can hand to people.

Right. Don't panic, I'm not a pervert right Don't panic. I'm not a pervert Don't panic. I'm not a pervert and it's just a little card to hand people You know you see them out in the world. You just say here's a card. I'm not I don't want to startle you I think it's a good idea that would be if you had like I'm sorry I didn't have a great reaction when you yelled to me across the bar But if you just come up to me and silently placed a card on the bar that said, this isn't weird, I'm not a pervert. The way I would have responded would have been so different.

Now, Penny, I do have to ask. You said silently placed it on the bar, and then you said, so is that just, is that a little tick you have? Or is that sound unrelated? Like is that like letting out a little fart while you do it? Okay. Oh, women don't fart.

Penny, tell them. I do but out of a different, not out of where you're thinking. Oh. And not out of there either. Okay. Oh, you do where I was thinking the second time. Yeah, I didn't. It is sufficient.

Yeah. See, that's a, that's a clearly an example of an expert in the service industry. You know what the first thing is and the second thing is. It's my job to have an inkling of, you know, like what men are thinking. And then rhyme when I can. That's excellent. You know, there's a standard question we always like to ask on the show.

Is your uncle alive? What an interesting question. We always ask it. That's fine. We always ask. Yeah, so I have two uncles One of them is a Yeah, do you want to do you want to do only want to know about one of them?

If they're alive that's it's sort of a moot point. Okay. Yeah, but both of my uncles are alive One of them is like a cobalt who's also a lawyer and One of them lives up in the mountains and is a hermit. Okay, great, perfect. Do you have other names? No, no, I think we're good. I think we're good with that, right? I think that's the perfect time to take a break. Okay, well, should I go? Oh no, you should be the brain.

We're going to take a quick break where We have people on earth try to sell things to the people who listen to Oni show. And then we'll come back and we'll talk some more, then we'll take another break. Okay. And then we'll stop after that. Okay, I mean, if you want to break from me at any point, just say it, I'm in the service industry, I get it.

Hi, I'm Chuck. And you should buy a card that says, don't panic. I'm not a pervert. Can I can I be an ad use or can I be an ad? I think you just were Carol Ryan was a mother a daughter a classic rock lover She was also a victim of one of the cruelest crimes in Central New York history. In fact, the crime scene was so grizzly that, at first, investigators couldn't determine what kind of weapon was used. And that was just the beginning of an unsolved case so heinous that it would haunt police and this upstate community for decades to come. Firecracker, hosted by reporter Katrina Tullik, is a new six-part series from Wondry that

explores the gruesome murder of Carol Ryan, who had an explosive device detonated inside of her. This podcast explores Carol's final hours, how investigators initially bungled her crime scene, and why the leading suspect has never been arrested. But follow along as renewed optimism about advancements in DNA technology, threatened to put this monster behind bars. And finally get justice for Carol. Listen to Firecracker on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to Firecracker early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. So I understand that there are a lot of insomniacs that they're trying to hide to take your jobs. Really aggressive insomniacs. Because they're up all night and so they can, you know, better serve. Right, right. But we don't want these AIs taking your jobs, do we? Uh, no. What? You guys are quirky. We were saying that up top. We were saying this is the quirky is weirdest episode you guys are so funny You guys are really funny and different from other men and that's the kind of flirting style that they're asking me to lay off on

Huh huh that was flirting yeah, you're different. You're not like other guys. They're bad and you're good Want to give you more money Okay, well, yeah, I'm getting any yet. Sorry, give me one. Sorry about the Arnie She's just she's just kind of doing her job with you. She's just kind of doing her job. I can tell she likes me And I know that must suffer you, but I can tell like anyone she talks to you She's just kind of doing her job, but she she genuinely likes me like it's pretty obvious, right? I mean first of all she's not doing a job. She's just in this tavern. So I Think you're confused about the whole situation. Huh?

You sure what do you think? And this is a rock that I found next to the other rock that I was showing you. Ugh. Hey guys. Hey, Penny. Yeah, I don't mean to cut in, but, uh, I was thinking, you know, I feel like I came in kind of hot with this mission of unionizing like you, you, you, you haven't even been to milk jugs.

You know, since we started trying to institutionalize some change there and making it better. Would you wanna pop over there? Oh, well, you sort of would, but I am Arnie, it's really not for him. I need to see these dogs. Milk bowls, if you wanna see some dogs who are just pregnant and like just recently gave birth and so their breasts are really like dangling down

to the ground and we could go to milk bowls. It's not as funny that they call it milk bowls. Seems like that beef of cats and then milk bones would be for dogs. But that's what it is. That's the all-boy dogs. You're insane. All right, let's head over to milk jug. Let me just get that out.

And hop on and make it older here. You've got really nimble hands for a badger. Like almost raccoon hands. Thank you. I'm actually a little strapped for gold right now, but here's 10 gold, and that's for the union. That's for you, the union, or what about you? Oh my God, you didn't have to do that.

I know, I know. You were so sweet, you were so sweet, you were nicer. Grabbing is so hard. Is it ever a pain to me? It's been a pain to me. Okay, okay, all right, everyone's on that. And so I could stand a ton of down. So the place we're going to is not milk duds.

No, that is for it, like, animate objects. So it's sort of like cursed objects that are in like sexy outfits. Oh, look at the cursed objects we talk to. Oh gosh, amulets, shoes. There's a girl down there, pair red shoes that if you put them on, you'll dance yourself to death. She is so fun.

Sounds dangerous. Well, let's go. Should we use our braces? I guess I could just, you know, disappear and reappear there and get you all there with braces. Can I say a question about that? Sure. You keep saying braces, but it's not a bracelet? Right, their braces not a bracelet. Your braces bracelet more like a piece of armor like that armor for your form got it yeah I'm I'm not a fighter yeah take one of my friends your crazy oh my gosh that's so sweet oh my god you're such a good little guy can I pick your ears yeah well first film feel my arm like film my arm. Oh my gosh it's so strong. Wow that's incredible. See Arne. Well I'm strong too probably. Well show me your muscles. Yeah man I'm flexing pretty hard. Let me grab ow, ow. Oh, God. I'm sorry.

I did it again. Sorry, then, that's me. I'm weak. I'm so weak. No, they were really huge. And I'll transform my body, my entire body into one giant bicep. Oh, wow. Wow, girls won't tell you this, but that's what they actually like.

Bicep with a big old smile and eyes. Yeah. Just want to be bicep. Cut off at the elbow. Bleed it. Oh, oh, oh. Guys, why are you not distracted from the true purpose of the cause? I'm sorry, with the cause. What's the cause? That we're going to milk chest.

The union. Oh, the union, yes. So the union, and just to be clear Penny all the winches they're funionized right? So they are funionized and that means almost nothing. It's sort of a fake guilds and if I'm being honest like the funion has a little bit of an organized crime problem. Oh no no, whoa. It's just like, you know, you go to the meetings, there's these guys hanging around, these centaurs, and they're sort of trotting around,

and they're like, you know, it's good for you, you vote for the Funion. What, or the organization that I am actually sort of, as balancing here is the TWU, the Tavern Onech is United. Because I think that we've got needs that just aren't covered by the funyan. Hmm.

I hate it when one of those centros comes up to you and goes, look, look, I want to help you out. But these back legs here, I don't know what they're going to do. And then they like kick over your lemonade stand or whatever you're working on at that time. I know exactly what you mean. You're slacking somebody does. I know exactly what you mean. Because I'll be honest, my first job was working at Eliminade stand.

Really? This might be slightly different. You should or took a lemon and he magicked it. So it had two little legs. Then he taught it how to stand. It took up about three months. He was very proud when it finally was able to keep its weight underneath it. And then a centaur kicked it over.

So was that when you worked at Eleminate? Well, it was similar. Yeah, so very similar. It was a lemon that would sort of help people out and provide aid. And then it was like on like a music stand. Of course you worked with the lemon who provided aid. That is so, you're so sweet, dear. That's amazing. Oh my gosh, thank you so much. And can I say that that is such a great little um, drink at you been carrying around. Oh thank you so much. Thank you.

It's just like really, uh, kind of much I had one. Oh yeah. Uh, this, yeah, this, this key to the rest of my money. I take it. Just, I swear, no, I can't. No, please. Oh, my God, I can't. No. No, please. No.

No, I can't. Oh, what? Oh, we're here. No, Jucks. Um, oh, my God. Okay, let's see who's working. Oh, it's Darla. You're going to love her. She's a giantist. Oh, and Arnie prepares a lot. She's a giant tit.

She has a giant tit. She has a giant tit. She's a pair of giant tit. You know how you were a bicep earlier? Yes. Similar thing. Now Arnie brace yourself when we step inside. There's gonna be like 30 scrying pools playing the bitons game and it's gonna be pretty raucous I think right unless things have changed. No no they keep it really loud which is leading to hearing issues for a lot of the women so... Is that one of the things you're working to change? Absolutely you are so smart to notice that. Oh, thank you. Well, I try. I try to read a whole book every hour. Oh, every hour, your eyes must hurt.

Well, luckily I remember everything I eat. She's rubbing his eyes. Yeah, let me get in there. Let me really get in there. Lots of worse noise I've ever heard. Yeah. Okay, please stop. Please stop. Yeah, that, please stop. Please stop

Yeah, it's not bad. I mean it's not expecting food It's it's a little extra saver Anyway, let's get in here aren't you you ready? Yeah, I am. Oh, you're so brave Okay, so yeah, there's like a, I'm just crying pools. And they're sort of like a, like a bar where you can stand up and move like little tables. And the menus are all sort of shaped like an enormous press filling out of a corset, which is like

out of a complicated polygon. Right, all right, shape. I mean, I feel like I wouldn't quite process it. That's what that is if someone didn't tell me. Yeah, now that I come to look at it, it sort of just looks like a triangle and then two sort of semi-circles. Hey, Aani. Yeah. Hey, Aani, they've got the thing where it's a little space where it's like a little tiny

mitten's field and you could run the plot and plant from one end to the other. Do you want to do the mitten's game? I'm more of a conversation guy. Do you want to come do the mitten's game? Oh of a conversation guy. Do you want to come through the mince game? Oh, Arnie, Arnie, they have a puke box. Do you want me to put something on the puke box? What happens at the puke box? Do you just...

You choose a wetness between 1 and 100 of how wet the puke is. And then you put in a bronze coin, and then you hit the button, and it plays that puke sound for an hour. For an hour. Yeah. Can zero note puke sounds? I don't know what you'd think, but it's not. It's a dry heave.

Oh, maybe worse. Do you want, I feel so bad that you gave me all your money. John, do you want a coin, honey? Um, so you can play this puke box? No, don't. Thank you, honey. Oh my god, adorable. Oh, we need someone to make the omelette. We need someone to make the omelette.

This place is really stressful. How can you work here? There's just so much going on. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to like, it's exhausting. Did you not have anything like this in your world? I mean, we, I guess, sort of, but I wouldn't go that often. Yeah, how, how not often is that often? I mean, only once a week.

Okay, yes, you didn't really get the full. Yeah. Already the tiktok's are here, the tiktok's are here. Everybody in the tiktok's are here. It's feeding time, come here, girls. Come here, girls. Come on, come on. Some of them do speak our language, but I, I like to use that voice anyway. Come on, girls! Go! Go! Huh? Some of them do speak our language, but uh...

Oh! I like to use that voice anyway. Go, girls! Come on! Did you buy? Hi, I'm Darla. I'm your server tonight. Oh, hey! Hey, girl, I brought friends in.

Oh, hey, girl, I need to see you there. Oh, no, that's okay. You have no eyes. That's right. Sorry. Are you all looking perceived light, yeah? Oh, yeah. I can sense... sense my areola sense light and odor Yeah, just so I'm clear one. This isn't weird to I'm not a perfect three I'm trying to look you in the eyes, but I think your tits are your eyes. So just so you know, I'm not trying to look at you

Hey, it's all right. Look right where you're looking I'm just starting to look at you. Hey, it's all right. Look right where you're looking. Phew. Yeah. You are wearing a button that says, hey gentlemen, my eyes are not here. Yeah, and it's stabbed right through the meat.

Which I always tell you don't have to do. Yeah, yeah, I don't know, I just thought. I just thought it really gets the point across. You know, that's why I think Penny's so great. She's really organized. He's looking out for our will be. Oh, Darla is such a strong force for the cause. She like really stands up to management. It's so inspiring when they said that she had to wear a uniform.

She was like, I literally can't. And I love that. Yeah, I mean, they set one on top of my giant breasts That's not even the right shape look right off. Yeah, can I get you guys? some Free chicken next free chicken next why are they pretty? Cuz I'm comping you because your friends Just take it, okay

Usually I do Guy is just take it. Okay. Yeah, Arnie, I usually don't get this. Two connects, they're pretty tough. Darla, I think it might be worth that you think they're perverts. Do you mind just reassuring them that you know they're not. Let me try to smell them with my aerials. I can tell this one is better get close. I can tell this one isn't the little one. This is a bit of a catch 22 By You're saying

It'll run is definitely not a pervert. Yeah, you don't in the clear. Hey believe tits believe tits the first time Whoa, she's my first motorboating you, Arnie. I can't describe that. She's sort of just whipping them back and forth on your body. It does look like it hurts. If me squeezing hurt earlier, I'd know this is painful. Hey, you sir, look, a snap nose motorboat. Oh, ha ha. Finally, I understand. Well, with that new piece of knowledge, perhaps we should take a quick break. Are you mad at me? Is that why we're taking a break? Yeah.

So Penny, how can the three of us, who are friends and one of us is magic and one of us is the greatest lawyer and greatest warrior in food and one of us is just trying to do the best and support his friends. How can we help you unionize or spread the word? This is so lovely of you and can I just say you're three of the good ones. You guys get it. Yeah, I think you mentioned that already. Yeah, you're three of the good ones. You guys, get it. Yeah, I think you mentioned that already. Yeah, you're good guys.

I only like you and each of you is the only one I like. Oh, okay. Okay. Nope, we're good. Okay. Was she kind of kissing between the three of us kind of fanning around? Yeah, sorry.

When I walk in here, I got to get it to like, on the top of the... Shides of the boat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I noticed, not that I was looking penny, but I noticed that as soon as you walked into milk jokes, the pants that you wear, got very hot, I do some of those steam or smoke,

the rising foam. I set them on fire. Hmm, interesting. That's not part of the uniform. It's just sort of a habit of mine. You just personally have hot pants. Hmm, interesting. That's not part of the uniform. It's just sort of a habit of mine. You just personally have hot baths. Yes, yeah, I prefer them that way. Look, the thing that you guys could do,

and like, I know this is gonna sound crazy. Stop tipping. Okay. Okay. Because when people tip, it sort of reinforces this pattern of like, all the winch is good for is like flirting and slinging ale and like she has to arm her wages.

But the truth is everyone is just serving a ring, you know, like a living wage. And I learned that from Marlblarks. I've been reading a lot. Marlblarks? Mm-hmm, yeah. Marlblarks is Mm-hmm. Yeah. Marlblarks is an elf that sort of lived, you probably haven't heard about, lived a long

time ago. But he wrote a really good book, Mr. Capital. And it's all about just, you know, like demanding what you deserve from the property-owning classes. So, when you tip, you tip, you create this sort of cycle and then you stop tipping, then the owner of the company's first to actually pay a living wage.

And I do mean living. Like the wages alive? We want alive coins. Oh, okay. That's one of the things our union is demanding. Hi, and what would living coins or living wages you call it weirdly? How would that help you a lot? Well, it would be like a lemonade stand where they can sort of get their legs

and get up and walk around and redistribute themselves. So wealth would be redistributed. Oh, also a living wage they're gonna have like take these together make more wages that your money sort of grows. Exactly and you don't sound like a pervert. Does again have to have sex with each other like if the money is by itself can it trickle down in any way? I hate to get a pedantic about this, but do the various pieces of money? Do they have little legs and faces?

Are they, how do they manifest their sentience? If they don't like a situation, they get up and walk away, they vote with their feet. Okay. So if you're not fun to hang out with, you're gonna end up poor. It doesn't sound like a better food. It does it does can you imagine Arnie with legs? Not really. Yeah, I mean you that yeah, so that's that's sort of you know don't tip and

When you go into a restaurant, you know don't be like fake polite and just sort of like fake polite and just sort of cheap. Oh, can we pass that a little bit? Sure. What constitutes being a fake, fake light? So can you say that again a little more time? What constitutes being a fake, fake light? Got it. I think it would just be like, you know, when you go in,

just be honest. If you're in a bad mood, treat the waiter like shit. Okay, I mean, just be real like you would with a family member. I shouldn't just be neutral. No. If I'm in a bad mood, I shouldn't just try to be neutral, maybe not particularly nice, because I don't really feel like I'd like to put on a show, but I should actually allow my frustration to come out onto the serving staff.

Absolutely, radical honesty. Oh, the next one here, thank you, Darlene. Allow my frustration to come out onto the serving staff Absolutely, Radical honesty. Oh the next one here. Thank you, Darla. Oh, thank you Darla. Oh, you're welcome Do you need anything else? Just to let you know you will not be getting a tip you're welcome Thank you. Yeah, Darla. This is good work. Do you need anything else you tall drink of water? I am a person. I'm not gonna water. I can't see. I can't see. I'm baked. This is all echo location for me. Please. And to be fair, you've been sloshing around. I know I have to go to the bathroom. You can trickle down. Anyway, you want anything else? You big tall sexy chunk of man. Wait, does that mean?

Yeah, that's still you. Arnie, she's really trying. Can you just give her some? Um, no, I'm good. I'm good. Thank you. Okay. Well, there's an extra neck in there for him.

That was nice about her. Why don't you think of it? I don't know. Penny, you know, I really want to support, I really believe that like, I want to support workers having better working conditions. But it just seems like all the advice that you're giving us are ways of making it seem harder on the people who work. Oh my gosh.

Arnie, I could tell you from another world where everything's tobsy, turvy, back, reserves, I down. The more... It just... There's crazy shit over there. They don't know any spells or anything. All their books don't have spells in them. What do they have? Ah, stupid boring stories. It's a lot of people kissing, it's a lot of, um, uh, what else? It's a lot of finding people, you have to find this guy in a sweatshirt,

you have to find this woman in a red coat. Just a lot of searching for shit. Everybody wears a red coat. Yeah, and there's a the hermit who invented capitalism. Oh, why, why? I guess we should have asked him. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy.

I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy.

I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I guess he's a bit of a bad guy. I don't know. For some reason, I'll have to talk to you about capitalism. Oh, my uncle. Oh, my uncle is the hermit who invented capitalism. Oh, my, why?

I guess we should have asked some followers. Why would hermit invent capitalism? Arnie. A lot of time, other sands. First, you make the giant pair of tits feel bad because she's not a see cup. She doesn't have eyes. Now this, I'm gonna sit here.

Okay, I have a little long life. It's not the first time I've made a giant pair of tits. You're bad. Look. But at least you're being honest. You're not honest. I know what I'm asking. That's good.

I know why. A hermit would have been capitalism, because he never let go of his dream. What? Yeah, I just said it was something like I understood, but I don't know. Oh, it was nothing. No, that was really smart. I'm sorry. That was really smart.

I assume your uncle had this idea and taught you about it. So, are you sort of like an agent of chaos where you're trying to organize a union but you're really a capitalist who's trying to somehow undermine the whole process? I'm fascinated and I think I want you on my side, whatever your deal is. Yeah, I guess I should have explained this

and thank you, I'm on your side. This is sort of a stereotype, but like a lot of women who work at milkdots, I have alcohol issues. Um, he was kind of a dick. He invented capitalism. I hate capitalism. So bought a Bing-Bot-A-BOOM. Sorry. It's rebellion. Yes, I see. Uh, indeed. Well, then, in all by all means, uh, we should support you and help you, uh, overthrow this government and then, uh, put a new king in its place. Okay, great. And also, I've probably come to your bar and start trying to unite Slayer. Oh, we're fine. We're doing all right.

Yeah, well, see you in a couple of months. Whenever it's in town for the Wizard's Choice Awards, we're gonna really do some actions then we'll be out there with signs so I can say don't tip or be nice to us. Oh, wait, well, I mean we already have Arnie in there, so half the battle. Right, tip, come on.

So are you guys gonna order any drinks so you're gonna just gonna make my co-workers work for free? Oh, um, I'll find a thing. Yes, I'll have what's Arnie doing in Milkstine or what do you do? I'm not a milk here. Oh, yes. Milk and whiskey.

Make you a white Russian. Yeah, Arnie, white Russian is when they put milk in a jug that they do really fast. Like they're rushed. And so it gets the outside of the jug. Wait. Are you going to describe drinks on it or you're going to order one? Wait, I guess I'll try the milk mojito. The milk mojito.

What about you little guy? I'll do a dairy fairy. I have a dairy fairy. I'll do a very fairy. I'll do a very fairy. I'll have a milk and vodka. Okay, yeah, sounds good to me too. I'll be right back with those. Penny, did you need anything? Oh, I'll just have a hot milk.

Can you make it really hot? Yeah, I'll be right back with my big boobs. Thank you. Thank you, Queen. I love her. Oh, Ahni, do you understand why we didn't bring you here? It seems like you don't get it. I don her. Ah, honey, do you understand why we didn't bring you here? It seems like you don't get it. I don't.

See? We were right the whole time. You're the same. I definitely want people to have better working conditions here, but I also don't know why anybody comes here to play the Mittens game. To enjoy the hospitality of disembodied body parts and dogs who've recently given birth. And to put bronze coins in the put box and play the same zero over and over. There's like, what, how many scrying pools are there here?

Did you say, Chant? Like 30 ish. Oh, yeah. I think it's 32 now. The 32 scrying pools all showing different sporting events. You know, Middens games can go on for months So sometimes people come in here. They see a part of a minnes game They leave they go home. They have a kid. They raise the kid. They come back. They watch the rest of the minnes game

Yeah, you can't really following minnes that much. Although I do notice in one of the Scrying pools There's just a bunch of signs saying where's chunk of bugles, but shit fuck. I justah! Oh, I just remembered, I have to walk my pet. I'm going to buy right now. Yes, now I'm going to get it. I have to pick it up and walk it. Okay, here's a milk and vodka. Here's a dairy fairy and I'm sorry, would you have again? Oh, here's your hot milk.

Yeah, hot hot milk, thank you. And what would you have, would you have again? Oh, here's your hot milk. Yeah, hot hot milk, thank you. And what'd you have, what'd you have sexy? Oh, me? Yeah, I just wanted to, yeah, just wanted a confirmation on that. I, I just had a milk mojito. A milk mojito, sorry, I'll feed you right back with that. She makes them herself.

Oh, I'll miss you all, Bill. I think you know how. I'll miss you too. And there's bubbles, but appearing on the field as if I don't know who he missed a lot of the game, but who he is flying around the field, oh he's gone! Oh God, you know it's weird. I never really put it together before, but Chuck Bugglespullix will not like your friend, Sean.

Dachath, you know I've also never noticed. There's a really weird old sounding announcer for this game. So old. I don't think I've ever seen Chunton, chunk Buggles butt in the same place at the same time. But their first names are so different, so I know. It's funny. It looks like Buggles butt is walking off the field. Who knows where he's going, but he's won the game, probably.

Is this game being announced by a prospector? I don't know. but he's won the game probably. Is this game being announced by a prospector? I'm worried that he like time traveled from a different era of mystery. Oh, that could be, right? Hey, here's your milk mojito. Thank you. Do you like it? Um, no, I like you.

I like you. What? I think you seem great. What would make your life better? It would. What would make your work situation better? Oh, at work. Probably a less interesting answer.

Fair wages, no tips. People just yelling at me if they're mad. Get to flirt more aggressively, right? I get to flirt more aggressively. I'd say outside of work, having a corpomorial body where I could interact with humans in a more normal fashion Are you okay, Trent? Yeah, no, I just I was just looking Six-thed a dog. It was just picking up my dog. That's okay. This is my pet. All right. It was here though.

I forgot they should fit me. Hey, can you put Emily down? She can talk. She can talk. Yeah, she works here. What are you doing? That's not your pet. Oh, sorry.

I just sat six kids. Oh, sorry. Congratulations. You're welcome. You're so soon. Yeah, they don't give a shiny maternity leave. And that's another thing. That's terrible.

You should get maternity maternity leave, parental leave, and most certainly. I think so too. Sean, I have all of your money. How are you going to buy a pet? Song, buy it for a song. You know, the expression. And that's quite literal here. It was a little tune, they give it to you.

Yeah. What song? Yeah, what song? You know the expression and that's quite literal here. It was a little too and they can think of it too. Yeah What's on? Yeah, what's on? Probably zero on the cute parts You know, you know, we all know the song. Yeah, we all know the song So you think dogs should get my turn titty leave?? Yes, I think that dogs, women, does a body body parts, elves, everyone. She get my tady turn to do me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay, what do you think we're talking about? We're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about, we're talking. Wait, wait, wait, fuck. You still have money. What? Hey, I think I know what's going on here. Yeah. And it was being sarcastic. What?

I think everything finished and saying, I think she's being sarcastic. I don't think so. Remember, remember when she said like, oh, you're so cute. She's such a... Chant, if she's being sarcastic, why would she take us to this place called Milk Jugs

where we were literally waited on by a giant set of tits? Oh no, but it seems like I'm on a something, right? Why would you do that, if she wasn't being sarcastic? Why would you do that period? Hey Penny, hey Penny. What's up? Um, I don't want to make this weird, about perfect. Are you being sarcastic?

Yeah. I'm not being sarcastic this weird about perfect. Are you being sarcastic? Yeah. I'm not being sarcastic this entire time. I've been just a lesson or? Yeah, so since we met, I've been extremely sarcastic. And the reason why is because I knew you owned the bar that I was drinking in. Oh, you did? I wanted to teach you a lesson

about how to treat female employees. Oh, yeah. Okay. Big tips, be polite, no union. No, okay. Okay. Ha. Yes.

Yes. That whole last hour of our lives doesn't matter. Well, that's true on every single episode of this show. Good night everyone. I do want to quickly read an email actually. What is an email? From my world, you can send a message that we read on the show. You can email us at MagicTab, or at PuppyStyleSupply. It's a real email address. Here's one.

The subject line is in all caps. Burger King is closing on Irving Park. And they write, disaster, I live close to it, it kind of smells, it has dated pictures of Riggly Field that it tries to pull off as current, but they have Wi-Fi or they had it, curses. I think it's going to be a parking lot for Cubs Games, which does us no good,

unless the second cup of World Series win within a century can magically bring you home. And it wouldn't get my hopes up for that. Penny, how much of that did you understand? I'm field, recent. It's about it. Now, Ani, some keen-eared listeners have often asked us why you're still getting a Wi-Fi signal from a Burger King that grows, so distant from which to which I would say,

he was always distant from it, he's on another world. Yeah, relax. But I wonder what happens if that burger can close like when we lose the Wi-Fi signal? I think a pry just still get Wi-Fi from the parking lot. And I've told you Arnie, it might be okay because remember that one episode where you should have tried to turn me into a personal hot spot? Oh yeah, it might have worked. It might have worked.

I guess we'll find out. We have Wi-Fi here. Which is fine. Yeah, well, oh I'm sorry, I didn't takeate clearly. We have a big jar of wife's eyes. Oh, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just pleased. It's terrible. Oh, thank this place. I'm sorry. I don't even need to judge. We told you it wouldn't like it. You're right, you're right. Oh, yeah, you're really smart for not liking a fun bar that every dude loves.

Already, that might have been real I can't tell. Oh no, Olli, you're so special, you're just the smartest one of them all. Was that earnest? I don't know you very well. Oh no, I was trying to jump up on the sarcasm. Oh my god, good job. Really funny. Wait, wait a minute. Hold on, the Burger King shut down, but I'm in a facility across the street monitoring that Burger King right now. Let me just open the window.

Huh, yeah, closed. The sign is down, it's all fenced up. Lots of graffiti. When did this happen? I guess I was distracted by the whole Dr. Ward Fiasco. But this is a big detail to miss. Kind of the whole reason I'm here. Along with having the opportunity to tell you that,

Use It All The Wizard was played by Math Young. Chonthor Talking Badger was played by Adolf Refire. Penny Whistle was played by special guest, Caitlin Hemstead. Check out Caitlin's podcast, Versus Pop Culture Battles, Wherever you get your podcasts. Hello from the Magic Tavine is an independent production,

made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavine Patreon. Supporters like, Courtney Gallagher, Leia Tidesco, Debra Flores, Kelly, wielder of the flame, Kelly, we've told you a thousand times, do not wield the flame in the house! Blake, Blake, Smith, Lara, Woodrow, William Edward Wilber III, not royalty, Neil Fleckinstein, possible royalty, Rosie, Aaron Desitoff, and Sean Cuby.

Patrons get ad-free episodes, the entire back catalog, including all the previous spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month to learn more about supporting the show visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neekamp, Matt Young and Adolf Refy. Post-production co-ordination by Garrett Schultz. Associate producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Stefan Dranger. Hello for the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.

A note that the podcast is taking the next two weeks off for Thanksgiving break and to prepare for the season finale. We'll be back with a new episode on December 4th. I can't get over that the Burger King closed and I didn't notice. Did anyone else in this secret government facility hear about this? Anybody? Hello? My only person still working in this secret government facility. Hello? Lincoln? Anybody? [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪