Hey Riddle Riddle - #320: Horton Stands His Ground w/ Brennan Lee Mulligan

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

We are still out in LA and we have Brennan Lee Mulligan from Dimension 20, Dropout and Worlds Beyond Number on the podcast to...well, do riddles. Sorry about that.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest Starring:Brennan Lee MulliganEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hi, are these the auditions for being a Hey Riddle Riddle host? Yes, they are. Open auditions. Open auditions. Thank you so much, Carl. I've been up since 5 a.m. I've been in the line around the block. It's not a contest. Okay. Wow. You don't look like you've been up a minute past 7. Thank you. Mm-hmm. So hopefully you prepared a riddle. We want to hear one dramatic one comedic. Yes. Okay. Yeah. And one classic too. If you have like a Shakespearean. Oh yeah, like one that probably rhymes or something like that, of course.

It doesn't necessarily need to rhyme, but it should be an iambic pentameter. Which is in that rhyming. And I will be counting. What's that? Is that? Never mind. I can't tell you. I can't answer that question.

Great. Whenever you're ready. And slate. Okay, hi, my name is Erin, I'm 5'8". No, I'm starting a riddle. Slate is found in the ground. Oh, okay. Chalk or walk, who would be bound?

Jennifer Tilly. Jennifer Tilly, okay, great. Five, eight. Yeah, right. Five, eight. Willing to shave. Soaking wet, five, eight. Okay, five, eight and a little, I think.

You think more than five, eight. What are you talking about? We've seen enough. You're hired. Yeah, I figured. I'm closer to 5'9". You think more than 5'8". What are you talking about? We've seen enough. You're hired. Yeah, I figured. She's Aaron in a beard. Was that soaking wet 5'8"? Yeah.

Like, her height would be different if she was wet. I guess if you're wet, sometimes you get cold and you kind of sludge. Brendan, her shoes are made of, you know when you go to a nicer restaurant and they pour hot water on a napkin and it. Dehydrated napkin. Thank you.

So you, oh wow, those Skechers are made of dehydrated napkin material. Same with my skin too, it sort of expands. Oh my God. When I get into water. Kind of a human dehydrated napkin. Yeah, that's sort of my vibe too, personality-wise. And we're joined today by Brennan Lee Mulligan.

Thank you so much for coming on today. A nice hearty salute. A salute, you got a salute. I've never had a salute before, a military man. God bless and keep you all. Quite a nice turn, like a nice turn to it. You start from the elbow and the wrist kind of follows and it gives you a little.

Like the Queen's wave, rest of his. One of these. I've heard, I don't know if this is true, I heard that the salute comes from when knights met on the battlefield, they would like raise their visors. Yeah. So they knew, so it's like, hey, I am the Knight of Bananas, don't think that I'm, you know,

cause some people might claim to be, oh, I'm, yes, I'm the knight you know. And you can tell from the eyes, huh? Yes. If you're in full plate mail, it could be anybody under there. Yes. That's true. And oftentimes it would be.

It could be several kids. a bunch of kids in there. Yeah. Sometimes the knight would like die or get too drunk, and the very handsome squire would actually have to put on the knight's costume. And then Alan Tudyk would also be there. And then also... It's sounding like a knight's tale.

No, it's not necessarily a knight's tale. It doesn't have to be a knight's tale. What music, what 70s rock band is playing in the background? It could be a Queen song. It doesn't necessarily, be a nice tale. What music, what 70s rock band is playing in the background? It could be a Queen song. It doesn't have to be something like, but not necessarily We Will Rock You. But it's like, they invented it. I just heard, god, this anecdote is just barely good enough to share.

Share, share, share. That's our whole pocket. Yeah, for sure. Did you know that the moment where, the actor's name is, I think, Roland Emmerich? The villain? No, Robert Baratheon. Oh, yes, yes, yes. the moment where, the actor's name is, I think, Roland Emmerich? The villain? No, Robert Baratheon.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Who's one of the helper guys. There's a moment where Paul Bettany gives his big Geoffrey Chaucer speech, and the crowd is completely silent, and that character actor goes, ah, and it makes everyone cheer. Yeah.

That was improvised. That's incredible. Because the crowd was all Estonian and they had no idea what Paul Bettany was saying. Not a clue. So he did his whole speech to crickets and then the guy improvised that to get the reaction out of them.

And then the director was like, turn a camera on Roland, we're gonna use that. We're gonna absolutely use that. So it turns out Estonians are the most adept people at improv. Incredible. Because I feel like you do that anywhere else and people would be like, okay. So it turns out, Estonians are the most adept people at improv. Mm-hmm. Incredible.

They have an innate. Because I feel like you do that anywhere else and people would be like, okay, yeah. But to have a full-throated hurrah, that's incredible. That's incredible, yes, Andy. Yeah. That is very much worth sharing. Yeah, that was a perfect anecdote.

And on topic. I really doubted myself right at the start there. I was like, God, I don't know if this one's gonna get, it has the mustard that it needs. That's the most coherent thing that has ever mustard that it needs. I don't know. That's the most coherent thing that has ever been on the show. I'm not even kidding. I like to imagine Alan Tudyk improvised,

it's called the lines. Because that line is just too perfect. Why did they do that? They just had banger after banger. That movie was Paul Bettany, Alan Tudyk, Heath, obviously. And then, God, what's his? Continental Joaquin Phoenix. Yes, that's the villain. The villain in that movie is Continental Joaquin Phoenix.

Who's also the villain in The Illusionist, the movie I love very, very much. Yes. Great eyebrows on that. The eyebrows for days. I watched a night's tale in high school in history class, I gotta say, twice, three times a year. Why?

I do not know why. Because there's nothing about history in a Night's Tale. But it was awesome for us. We watched Glory and they just put on Glory, which is fine. It was a Night's Tale in Troy. Those were the two that we watched all the time. Yeah.

That movie feels like it was made in a lab to do what was exactly the business model of its time period, which was to be on TBS. And whenever it was on, you were like, oh, a movie that is absolutely fun enough to justify watching commercials, and I will feel happy joining in, no matter where in the movie it is.

Are we near the end? We're in the middle? It's just starting? Okay, count me in. No matter where you join, you will sit and watch the whole rest of the movie. Because why wouldn't you? Do we think, legally, Shawshank Redemption started that... I feel like Shawshank Redemption was the first movie

that I noticed as a teenager, 20-year-old, where I was like, this is on TV constantly. Maybe on TBS. And I feel like after that, there started to be movies that were a different genre of movie that started to be pumped into that channel constantly. Yeah, I don't know what started it, but I definitely remember Shawshank as being one of those movies that was just kind of on

all the time. My favorite one, which I'll stop and watch anytime, is The Day After Tomorrow. That's on TV at any, you've never seen The Day After Tomorrow? Yes, Dennis Quaid. Can I blow your mind? I've only ever seen that movie in a hotel room. On a TV.

On TV halfway through. Like I have no idea how that movie starts and I kind of don't know how that movie ends. No one does. Because you start to have sex with your wife? Yeah, or I take a nap. The two things you do in a hotel room. It's not because I have to go eat Mexican food on the floor.

Sure. Or the bathroom. Brennan, top movie you would watch on TV if it came on? Top movie I would watch on TV if it came on. I'm gonna go with, just to buy you time. I would say probably like airplane or hot shots. Like something where it's like, it's a gag a second. So it's like, I don't care where I pick up.

I'm gonna watch the bits. I think for me, the movie that if I'm like scanning through and it's on, I'm always amazed when it's on, where it's like, it's like, oh my God, because it's not like you wouldn't think to watch it from time to time, but if any of the Lord of the Rings movies are on. Yeah.

Did you, I assume you have 40X in LA? Oh yeah. Did you see it in 40X when it just released a few weeks ago? I did not, I have not caught it in 40X, I really want to, but I caught all the originals every Christmas, around Christmas time, with my dad in the same movie theater in Harlem every year as they did in the past.

That's cool. And it was fucking awesome. What's your ranking of the three? Have you talked about this publicly? I don't want the internet to sort of come down on you. I mean, they're all incredible, even with the crazy multiple endings, Return of the King, I absolutely love.

I think what's wild is you have to give it up for the two towers. I think the two towers, the two, Battle of Helm's deep. So it begins. The speech at the end of the two towers that Sam gives, that there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, it's worth fighting for. Oh, I'll.

I'll cry right now. I'll cry right now, I'm not scared. I'm not fucking scared of any of you. So, nor should you be. I'll cry. What's the opposite of athletes? That's what we are. Speak for yourself.

I can jump and run. So speaking of Lord of the Rings, a lot of people, I can jump and run. Not in that order though. If I jump, I'm shot for running for the rest of the day. There's that chemical in my leg. Yeah, I can jump and then run and then my knees will explode.

Yeah, right. What do you want, Robbie? A lot of people we have on this show, their first entree to Riddles is The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings. Brennan, what is your relationship with Riddles? Do you enjoy escape rooms? Do you enjoy puzzles, Riddles, crosswords? My biggest entry point to Riddles was that I worked as a staff member at a live action

role playing summer camp for many, many years. Battles Eyes just shot wide open. I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah, it was a... Is this back when it was like LARPing? Because I feel like it was LARPing... Did LARPing transform into live action?

Well, that's just the acronym. That's the acronym. Oh, yes. Live action role playing. So LARPing is, there's many different varieties of it. It's all over. And there's shades of it everywhere. Like, you know, there's a lot of corporate,

very immersive experiences that you see as theme parks or amusements or things like that. You see there's a lot of, then you have things like escape rooms, which often be much smaller independent businesses. LARP itself, the actual role playing, there are like, you know, there's like big published ones, like the vampire, vampire, the masquerade has its things.

There's also parlor LARP. There's Nordic LARP. There's more LARP parlor LARP parlor LARP. That is a very American accent. Like that's like, that sounds like a BBC actor being like, honey, I'm off to my parlor LARP. So the lead guy from The Wire trying to do a Baltimore accent.

What is parlor lark? Is that like, burner mystery parties? That's similar. I would say my understanding, and I have never done parlor lark, is that it's often a little bit more avant-garde, a little bit artsier, that there's more, it's smaller, less to do with combat

and like roaming over a large land space. Like it's called Parlor because you can do it in like a conference room or whatever, right? The camp that you did, was it more like dagger here, like combat large stuff or? So it was really focused on that because obviously it was for kids and teenagers. So there's a big focus on, we're gonna do capture the flag

with foam swords and you have shields and we're running around and we're doing the medieval fighting. We had like a magic system so you could be wizards and we had like foam lightning bolts and things like that. It was very interesting because it was a little bit less war game. If anyone's seen the documentary dark on it's a little bit less like, or, or is familiar with like HEMA, like historical European martial arts or society for creative anachronism.

Our stuff was like foam and tunics off a shelf. And it was really about constructing these adventure games that were like four hours long where you would really be in character and we would do set decoration and makeup and costuming. And you'd be, it would be also, there's no audience. It's like everyone in the camps with like a hundred participants are all in character full land.

Is this like upstate New York or where is this looking at? Upstate New York, yeah. It was called the Wayfinder Experience. It's still active. I'm very, it's a wonderful, wonderful community. They're running like the fifth installment in a game series I started when I was like 19 years old. Wow.

That's so cool. I like like passed on the torch for it to the kids that are working there now. It's awesome. It's an incredible community. And it also just like a very, like, you know, in a week long camp, maybe you'll play two or three like adventure games, but the rest of it is like making great friends and you're doing activities

and we teach improv in theater and we go on fun land walks and do capture the flag and sword games. And it's just awesome. It's great. I feel like this is the least surprising it's just awesome. It's great. I feel like this is the least surprising origin story for you. It's like Spider-Man being bit by a spider.

Yeah. Like that is so down the middle. I am the absolute product of a LARP camp in upstate New York, 100%. So riddles were often a big component of our classic intro fantasy games, which often had what we would call like a diamond flow, where like, oh no, the wedding of the prince

and princess has been attacked by an evil necromancer. Oh no. Like, oh no! Aaron's genuinely upset. Oh no, what are we gonna do? This is fucking awful. Um, uh, well, it's, it's, it's, we used to joke about the fact that if there was a wedding,

you were like, you know, you would often hear like, as a story writer, would be like, okay, tomorrow when we begin the adventure game, it will begin at the wedding of the Prince of House Lear and the Princess of House Lunok. And you'd be like, as a 13-year-old kid, you're like, ain't no way this wedding's going off. We're not getting to dancing.

We're not getting to dancing. You know some goddamn necromancer's about to pop up in the middle of this fucking thing. I object. I object. And I remember reading a little bit about this, but they had a bully camp that was across the lake, right? And then they had to move this camp

because the bullies would, they would swim or row over. Like 80s bully camp. Here's the funny part is we absolutely shared land with other camps. We were absolutely the problem. Of course. We were on a very Christian land. That's not the YMCA. And we straight up had this guy Bob,

who was the land manager show up in a scene where we had some kid covered in fake blood, absolutely torturing his fellow demons, being like, welcome to the land of pain, we are the demons of shadow. And this guy, Bob, is like, I don't know what in the heck is going on out here. But you-

That rules. At the Christian camp, they're using consecrated blood. I mean, at least it's sanctioned blood. We had an 11-year-old kid, there was some lifeguard who was like, no purpling, which purpling is when boys and girls touch each other. What?

Yeah. Oh, so it's like, I see, the colors is. Yeah, it's blue and red touches. It's like, no purpling. And I think an 11-year-old boy was like, fuck you. What? And we had no. That sucks because purpling is like,

gotta be one of my favorite things. Purple-ing. As you get older, purple-ing rules? I can't believe, my life is different now. Before and after learning the word purple-ing. Purple-ing terrified me, like the idea of it, but like, fucking like, nowadays I'm like, I'm all about purple-ing.

How much of any amount of larping is like, I got you, no you didn't, no I hit you. No higg is like, I got you. No, you didn't. No, I hit you. No higgies. Hey, I got you syndrome. Whoa. So we don't yell, hey, I got you. Okay. There's none of that.

It's honor system. But I think that the funny thing that you would quickly learn is that the social cost of being, because we were at a camp where there was an entire week spent together, the social cost of being a cheater is so immediate and so high. It's like having a rash.

Yeah, totally. I used to do, this will be a shock to no one I used to do in high school, you did Dagger here behind the auxiliary band building, which is like a foam weapons and there's like a touch system, right? And the cheaters, the people who were like, auxiliary band building, which is like a foam weapons. And there's like a touch system, right? And the cheaters, the people who were like,

you didn't get me, they were phased out pretty quickly. Cause people just don't want to fucking play with you if you're going to be like, you didn't hit me. But we also had, we would say garb. If you, you had to be on the person. So if you hit someone's like shirt or something like that, that's a garb head, it doesn't count. So there were a lot of people that would call garb.

What does it stand for again? It doesn't stand for anything, but your garb is like- Break. Attle refined. Garb. This guy missed one acronym and now he's fucking Johnny Lisp for an acronym. He's like, oh yeah, that's an acronym, of course. An acronym, that's short for- It's okay to rest, Attle.

Acroy, can't read. It's okay to rest, Addle. Akroyd can't read. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dan Akroyd. Um, all right, well, hey, I think, I think at this point we've been doing the show for like 15 minutes. I think I have to do some riddles. Yeah, let's do it. This is the moment in the show, Brandon, where we cease having a good time.

Fun over. Fun over. Great. Yeah, I hope you did have a good time because that is now over and it is now time to work. Here we go. Um, okay, so we have listeners that submit riddles and sometimes they provide context for the riddles that they submit. I wrote that down and today's context is one of my favorites.

This is a riddle from Veronica S, who made it when they were seven years old. Oh boy. Wow. So this is a riddle from the mind of a seven year old. That's gonna be adorable. If we make fun of this, we're technically making fun of a kid. They sent it as an adult,

but they did tell me that they made it when they were a child. Okay. Suzie was pregnant with a daughter and already knew what to name her. Her other daughters were named Dorothy, Renee, Minnie, and Faith. What would she name her new child? Dorothy, Renee, Minnie, and Faith. Okay. Okay. If you need me to, I can spell any of those names, but I think that they're pretty standard spellings

of all of those names. Now we have to ask, you said the person who sent this in wrote this when they were seven? Seven years old. Does the answer make sense? Oh yes. Okay. It's not like cheese.

I know, yeah. Where does night go? Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. It's like, okay man, you got any more for me? Can we move our day along? No, this answer does make sense, but it also makes sense that a seven-year-old... What's the name of the mom?

Samantha? No. Suzy. I think it's Suzy because if you remember earlier in the show when everybody was Kevin and Suzy. Right, right, right. Yeah, this is from 2019, this riddle. Okay, so let's unpack these names.

Dorothy, of course, Oz. Renee, Renee Russo, was that someone? That's an actress. That was someone, Thomas Crown Affair. Thank you so much. No, thank you. Dorothy, Renee. Minnie. Minnie Mouse. Minnie Mouse, Minnie Driver.

Minnie Driver. Minnie Driver, Mouse. Thomas Crown Affair. Yeah, and seven year olds love the Thomas Crown Affair, right? Yeah, and Groves Point Blanc, they love that as well. Dorothy Gale, I guess was her name. And Faith, and you are on the wrong track with, anything that you're talking about?

Is it like the letters in them? Erin. Yes. The first letters? Yeah, the letters matter. For sure the letters matter. Dorothy Renee, Dr. D.R. Dorothy is D.O. No, well, Dorothy Renee, I was.

Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. There are words about that there. There are hints. And the first hint is don't ever think it isn't a trick, which is true. This is not a trick question. OK. Two, there is a pattern to the children's names. OK. And three, it's a pattern a seven year old would know and be able to pick up

on. So don't do math on it, like it's not math. Can you say just the children's names again? Dorothy, Renee, Minnie, and Faith. And you're supposed to come up with what the fifth daughter is going to be named. The mom already knows it. And is this, is the list of children's names in order of birth? In order, yes.

Dorothy, Renee, Minnie, Faith. Well, her name is Susie. Does the fact that the mom's name is Susie matter? No, I would say no, it does not. Brandon, what's your attic meat doing? Attic meat is what we call brains on the show. Well, right now it's sort of spiraling about the term attic meat.

Natural. Falling backwards. Falling backwards, kind of really horrified and put off. I'd say upset. Your brain's like Alan Rickman at the end of Die Hard. Grasping, grasping. By the way, that was my movie. The movie that would come on TV

and I would watch the whole one through. Die Hard 100% absolutely. I could tell me Mr. McClay. Town to page. Hans Booby or Boobala. It's his first movie. You asked me for miracles. I give you the FBI.

Is it like the double letters? Is it like the letters inside it? Double letters, letters inside it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, no. That's a good guess. But yeah, Renee and Minnie do have double letters, but it doesn't have to do with the letters in the middle of the words. And this is something a seven-year-old would know. Oh, oh, oh, no. That's a good guess. But yeah, Renee and Minnie do have double letters, but it doesn't have to do with the letters

in the middle of the words. Okay. And this is something a seven-year-old would know. A seven-year-old, yeah. Dorothy Renee Minnie Faith. Mm-hmm. It could be a seven-year-old who, this is not a good hint,

but I guess like watched a specific movie. So these are characters in a movie probably. It's not characters in a movie. Okay. But the names are representation. Does it have to do with the way they can be shortened as nicknames? Ooh, dot? Dot.

No, but shorten it even more and you got it. D. Dore Fossami Talotito. Oh! Julie Andrews. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, fit that pattern. Great. I'd like to see a scene. Yes. Let's see. JPC, you are a music teacher for us and you're clearly incredibly underqualified for this job and we're starting to ask some questions. Okay.

So take out your music books and it's going to be 45 minutes of silent music reading today. So start it whenever you please. Mr. Bonjolais? Yes. Is it true you used to be in a band? I used to be near a band. I was a roadie. Sorry, groupie.

I was a groupie for a band. I was on the road with a band as a groupie. Can you describe in detail what a groupie does? It would be faster for me to tell you what we didn't do. Purpleing? We basically did everything, yeah. We went all the way musically. Musically.

We went all the way musically. Which really gets into school and we haven't picked up these recorders or xylophones not even once. Nobody recorded anything that I say in this class. I pick up the xylophone every night. I come back to the school and I pick it up over my head. Whoa. Jeff is the strongest kid in class.

And I will be posting the rankings every class. Jeff is the strongest kid in class. And I will be posting the rankings every class. Jeff remains the strongest kid in class. It's silent reading from music books today. So just, you know, mouth the sounds from your music books. I'd love to learn a little bit about music. Okay. Can anyone do falsetto? I can name the characters from Sopranos. Okay.

Polly Walnut. Polly Wal- Ah, beat me there. We all know the Sopranos song that teaches us all of the names. It starts with Polly Walnuts, it ends with Big Pussy. We all know the song. But we're not singing that today. Ah, look, you know, why don't you kids

teach me something about music, huh? A little reversal, see what you know. Okay, uh, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle. Okay. Jeff, why don't you just throw the xylophone or something? Buy us some time. No, Jeff, no, Jeff. God, he's strong.

That is a strong, that is a strong eight-year-old. Holy shit. God, I'm so strong. He's turning, it's not quite green. That is a strong eight-year-old. Holy shit. God, I'm so strong. He's turning, it's not quite green. It's, who? I just want to learn music. Same.

It's the only thing that calms him down. Music soothes the sad dreams. Okay, so this next one is going to be, okay. So these are going to be from Sterling and Sterling did a fun thing, which I enjoy, which sent a few riddles with a ascending level of difficulty. Okay.

So this first riddle is a kind of a warm-up level riddle. Take me out and scratch my head. I am black, but once was red. What am I? Blackhead makes me think of, like scratching in black, like blackhead makes me think of like a pimple. Okay, yeah, that makes me think of like scratching in black. Like blackhead makes me think of like a pimple. Okay, yeah. That makes me think of a pimple too.

A blackhead can turn into a red. Redhead. Yeah, redhead. Mm-mm. That's the order of heads. The phylum. Yes, it is a match. A match is red.

Yes, yes, yes. There you go. Yeah, that is gonna be a match, correct, Adol? You are just a very good boy. Thank you so much, sir. Okay, so here's your now your intermediate level. I have a question for Brennan. You have a question? Brennan.

For some reason, I get the feeling that you can open a bottle of beer by snapping your fingers. True or false? False, and here's what I'll say about that. In terms of opening a beer with the snap of my fingers, now I can do the countertop. Okay, that's so impressive'll say about that. In terms of opening a beer with the snap of my fingers, now I can do the like countertop. Okay, that's so impressive.

Countertop pop. The countertop pop. I bartended for many, many years, but I've never had a drink. What am I? A riddle? Bartending for many years, what am I? I'm gonna say teetotaler.

Might be a slur, so I don't know if I wanna say it. Casey, just go ahead and add a big beep when I said the T word, but I don't know if I wanna say it. Casey, just go ahead and add a big beep when I said the T word, but I don't know if I can say. No, that's true. I bartended for many, many years when I was living in New York, but I've never had a drink. Wow. Yeah.

That's crazy. Is it just a personal choice or? Personal choice, family relationships, you know, hedging bets with what I know my biological proclivities to substance abuse are. Right? But it made me very bad at recommending drinks as a bartender.

Right? That's tough. Yeah, that's like, I went to an Applebee's once and I asked what was, if the waiter would recommend something on the menu and they said, I wouldn't eat here. No! No! And they were correct.

They were correct. I think Applebee's microwaves all of their food. So it's not something that you'd generally. Wait, can we see a scene? Yeah, please. I wanna see a scene. All right, JPC, you're you at Applebee's. Mr. Welcome to Applebee's.

What can I get you tonight? Thanks for stopping by. You know, before I pop open the menu, I always like to ask the waiter, like, what's like, what are your like three favorite things here? Like, what would you recommend that people try if they've never been to an Applebee's before? Oh, uh.

I recommend you get your head out of your ass. Oh. That's always fresh. We get that, we get that every Tuesday right off the truck. A big, overflowing box of getting your head out of your fucking ass. Uh, I'm so sorry, this is my nightmare. Uh, I... Steve, can I talk to you for a sec?

Sir, I am so sorry. Steve, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, yeah, for sure, man. What's up? Um, I see that you're swapping with me for Saturday. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I can do that. Okay. All right, just wanted to make sure. All right, thank you. Yeah, you got it. I just wanted you to know that I'm not, like, a one-top that, like, I can do that. All right, just wanna make sure. All right, thank you. Yeah, you got it. I just wanted you to know that I'm not like a one top that like doesn't tip.

Like I usually tip like well to compensate for the fact that I'm only one person. I'm sorry to like, I see that you probably, this table could have made you a lot more money tonight and I apologize. I... The energy you came into this interaction with, of like, let's have a fun, let's like bond.

Let's have a fun time. You're at the LaGuardia Applebush. So this is the fucking, you know the last curve that water makes as it disappears into the toilet? That's this for people's lives. Okay, yeah, no, I'm sorry. Every time I leave here, I have a panic attack about how to come back. Whoa, whoa, hey man, can I just talk to you

really quick over here? One second. Hey okay um I thought about it I'd love to go on a date. Great. Great. We see you have to work. I'll see you have to work. Great.

Oh I tried to leave but I was glued to my seat in fear. Look man you want a burger? Ah yeah yeah I'll just have a I guess I'll just have a burger or no or no, I don't want that Here's what I need you to tell me and I am gonna grab your shirt as I ask You're so strong. I I was always the strongest kid in my class and I will put you right through the window I'll put you right through it. No, no what no, please Why is someone with this much joie de vivre at this fucking Applebee's? If you have this much of a goddamn spring in your step,

how did you end up here? I just, I'm flying. I'm obviously taking a flight today. It's a return flight because I went and broke up a wedding. It was my high school girlfriend. I told her not to marry the guy. And we do cut to the wedding. Samantha, I just want to say from the day I met you,

it's just been fireworks. Yeah. And every meal with you is just the best moment of my life. Sorry, someone's walking towards the... Yeah, so on an ideal day, what's like three things that you would love to do with Samantha? And actually, I'd love to do them. Samantha, will you marry me? Sorry, who is this?

Oh, it's Jeff from high school? Oh my god, yes! Yes, okay, cool! Oh my god, yeah, of course! Really worried there for a second. Sorry, are we going to hot swap a new groom in here? Hot swap? Father, save me.

Oh, man. Also, that Applebee thing you said, JPC, reminded me that when I was in high school, after a play, we went to Chili's, because that's what you do. And our waitress quit in the middle of the meal, mid meal, sat down with us, ordered, and then told us all the disgusting things about chilies. You wanna know something about chilies?

Specifically the one in Quincy, Massachusetts. Sure, I'd love to. I don't think it exists anymore, so that's why I can say this. They would wash their dishes once a week with a hose outside. Oh no. An 18 year old would wash it with a hose outside once a week. Oh no. Oh, oh, oh. An 18 year old would wash it with a hose outside

once a week. Oh God. I had a waiter quit at Chili's once on New Year's Day. And they just came by our table and said, I can't do this anymore. I just want to let you guys know it's not your fault, but I fucking quit. I can't stand it.

It's not your fault. And then they walked out and then we waited for, I don't know why we waited. We were dumb, but we waited for like 40 minutes for someone to come with some authority to let us know that we could pay and then leave the chilis and the manager came out and they were like, hey, we're like so sorry about this. Like obviously we're going to take like $5 off of the menu. We're like, we're not, we're like, we're not going to pay for this. And he's like, yeah, that's fair. It's fair that this is a free meal. I do love that this guy quit Jilly's, but also part of me is like,

can't wrap my head around the ego to stop by a table and be like, I just need you to know this isn't your fault. Or it's like, that's more courtesy than my dad should. When he left. But it's insane to be like, you didn't know this isn't your fault. Or I'm like, if I quit, I just leave. The way you described it, it's just enough,

but if he had put any more mustard on it, it would have been really, like sitting down, like, I want you guys to know that you didn't do anything. Please keep enjoying your meal. You didn't do anything wrong. And I'm still gonna see you every summer, and we're gonna have Wednesday nights. What about Christmas?

What? Do I get two desserts? Were we in the middle of the riddle? I hate this feeling. Oh. We do have to say quickly, someone, if not everyone, should take exactly what Brennan said, copy paste that into a Yelp review for your local Applebee's. You know the water that starts to...

Yeah, let's spam. The last stream of water that circles the toilet. Post that as your, I believe five stars, but put that... Yeah, five stars. It's gotta be five stars. Amazing meal, wonderful time with family, and a good meal with friends. Let's spam. The last stream of water as it circles the toilet. Post that as your, it'll be five stars, but put that. Yeah, five stars. It's gotta be five stars.

Amazing meal, Wonderful Timeless Family, just like that last curve of water before it vanishes down the toilet. Backhanded yell. Yeah, it's a backhanded yell. God, this Applebee's has a five star rating. It's all horrible reviews. You know what, that's a good,

speaking of horrible reviews, that's a good assignment, I need to take a little break, and we'll be right back after this break. One, two, three, four, eight, Rictal Breakdown. Hey, Addle, did you get Erin's wedding present that she sent to us?

Yeah, she sent us a Helix sleep mattress, which is incredible. I already had one. I had the Midnight Lux, which is my favorite mattress of all time, but now I have a second Midnight Lux. It does kind of feel like, didn't we go in on getting her a Helix mattress for her wedding present? Does this feel like a re-gift? No, because I remember we embroidered the Helix mattress we got her, and it said, congratulations, Erin. And then the one she sent us said, congratulations, comma, Erin.

Darren. And Darren was spelled in a way that I've never seen it spelled before. D in a different thread and color, E-R-I-N. That's very strange, but I guess you're right. I guess it makes sense that that is the way that... I mean, look, I'm not not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth I love a helix mattress, and this is a midnight Lux which is that's my sleep preference I love a midnight Lux mattress now. I already have one, but this is also the mattress that I have it I guess I can put this message like I live it group or something if I absolutely a day mattress Yeah, as they call it and since you brought them up we should introduce our

Host for today our guest host today, Gift Horse. Thank you. You should also use Helix mattress for any pets that might love it. Adel, I know your three cats love your Helix mattress. I'm a horse and I love Helix sleep as well. So hard not to look at your mouth. Plus, Helix mattresses are personalized and shipped straight to your door free of charge.

And Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100-night trial and a 10 to 15-year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress. But don't take my word from it. Don't take it straight from the horse's mouth.

He says mouth. Please stop looking at my mouth. Well, just stop saying mouth. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired magazine. It is even recommended by multiple sleep leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a go to solution for improving your sleep. Did you know horses sleep standing up? I did know that, yes, and I know that if a horse sleeps standing up on a Helix mattress

they do leave some pretty bad paw prints. Paw prints? Who have hoof prints in there? Plus, Helix knows everyone's unique and everyone sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed to specific sleep positions and feel preferences.

Models with memory foam layers to provide optimal relief if you sleep on your side. Models with a more responsive foam to cradle your body for essential support in stomach and back sleeping positions. Plus enhanced cooling features to keep you from overheating at night. And we should say, actually, Gift Horse, you can go ahead and get out of here. Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helix sleep comm slash riddle This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long with helix better sleep starts now Speaking of best offer yet. Did you know my uncle was in the Godfather? Oh

I'm that's so sorry offer unless he played one of the No, he didn't he He was the horse? Okay. He was James Caan! He was James Caan! My uncle, James Caan! This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hi, come on aboard! Hi!

I'll catch the next one. I'll wait for the next one. No, no need. My name is... Corporal Smash. Oh... Corporal Smash. Oh, Corporal Smash. Wink, wink. Wink, wink. Yeah, we met at, uh, we met at Aaron's post-wedding wedding party, right? Yes, that's right. On JPC, yeah, from Hey Roodle Roodle. You're Grimside, correct?

Yes, that's right. Yeah. For sure. I just wanted to tell you, I'm not sure if you heard about this, BetterHelp. Yeah, actually, yeah, I have heard of BetterHelp, yeah. It's online therapy. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. And I love BetterHelp. I use it all the time because I'm not the captain of a boat. I'm the whatever, you know. You're an officer. I'm an officer on a boat. For sure. And I hear noises constantly and they drive me boat. I'm an officer on a boat. For sure.

I hear noises constantly and they drive me insane. It's almost like mesophonia. And so I use BetterHelp to help me deal with my emotions, deal with any of my sort of, you know, struggles being on this high seas all the time. No, yeah, sure. I mean, it would be great for that. Sometimes it's just great to talk to a person. I mean, I love online therapy because you can kind of do it at your schedule.

It's entirely online. It's time to be convenient. It's flexible, suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. That's right. That's right. So yeah, it sounds, I mean, yeah, it sounds like you're a big fan already.

Of better help, not necessarily of what your thing is, and I'm not getting on your boat because it looks like, and this is not an indictment of your boat, it looks like it was drawn by hand. Thank you, it was, yes. Great, yeah, so that's not really something me, like a corporal human man, would be able to get on. Sure, and I should say to you, never skip breakfast, of course, never, never skip breakfast, and also, never skip therapy day with BetterHelp.

Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle. Yeah, and do you know is Aaron ever coming back from the boat trip or is he? I don't think so. Okay, yep. Well, get out of here. You're shoving me, you're shoving me into the water. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Attention farm animals, it's I, Charlotte. You've all seen that I've written some pig or something on my web. Well, now I'm looking to make a website. Does anyone have suggestions? Yeah, you could use Squarespace, Charlotte. Okay, the rat has the floor. Yeah, I mean, if you would permit a horse to speak, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to

stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. Sell anything from products to content to time. All in one place, all on your terms. Thanks, Zach the horse. I don't know why people say you're annoying. And Charlotte, you can upload video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content. Oh thanks Stephanie, your fur doesn't look dumb at all. Huh? Sorry it's gonna be like a gossip website. Oh no, a gossip website plus Charlotte! You can

make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools, except credit cards, PayPal, PayPal Apple Pay and ineligible countries offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with after pay and clear pay never pay with a ducks bill ever again sorry that was forced thanks farmer Tom I'm a farmer not even a duck well Well Charlotte you can easily manage your clients and invoices from vetting leads to receiving payment via invoices in one streamlined customizable workflow. Let me I'm inspired let me go back up to my web and start to spin. Check out Squarespace.com for a free

trial and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hey, Charlotte, I read the website, what it said about horses and I'm gonna eat you. Pfft. Riddle, riddle. Okay, we're back from break. nothing happened, Erin's not different. Nothing happened though.

Break, just ads, just ads everyone loves, ads. Erin, you asked me before break I think if we're in the middle of a riddle because you hate that sensation. I do, I hate that sensation. We were not in the middle of a riddle. Oh thank god. I hate when that happens. And the DNA test said we were not in the middle of a riddle.

Okay, doing a big celebration dance. Throws it out the window. Psh. Okay, but this is the intermediate level riddle from Sterling. It goes as follows. I may be of the eye, in order I am pie. In my center, there is a star.

I keep medics where they are. Okay. Mm-hmm. Keep medics where they are? Medics Mm-hmm. Keep medics where they are? Medics, yeah, like a paramedic. I don't know why I used a word that had the word in it to define the word, it doesn't matter. In my center there's a star, I keep medics where they are.

What's the beginning of the riddle, sorry? I maybe of the I, in order. I E-Y-E. E-Y-E, E-Y-E. Beholder, I of the beholder, Cyclops. In order I am pi, in my center there is a star, I keep medics where they are. Center or centaur?

It's centaur, you got me. I got it, you got your ass. It's a horse with a cross and a half. The star thing's throwing me. In the center there's a... I may be of the I, in order I am pi, so pi is 3.14. So in order I am third?

Each line of this riddle, I would say, is getting you to the answer in a different way. So the lines are connected. So it's different meaning. This is a word maybe that has multiple meanings. The lines are connected to each other. Okay. Now you're gonna get into the situation

where Erin really dislikes, where we're in the middle of a riddle and she forgets about it. I literally just said I hated that, but I'm ready. Brennan, you are a surgeon. Right. And Brennan is operating on Erin. Erin, you are, this is sort of,

they call it the preamble, I believe, the preamble to your surgery, where the doctor's gonna walk you through everything. But Brennan is being a little coy about what's gonna happen, almost like he's giving you a little riddle. Okay, great. Feeling sleepy already. Well, that's perfectly normal.

You know, those those first complements of just the oral medication are going to get you nice and drowsy, and then we're going to finish with the gas. Which will be, you know, get you sort of, you'll basically wake up feeling like you had just gone to sleep, and like no time had passed, and whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and then we'll basically be, hmm?

Sorry, no, keep going, I guess. Well, you know, there's basically the procedure that we have planned is totally routine. I've done it hundreds of times. Usually takes about 45 minutes, which is totally within the realm of the anesthesia. Best laid plans of mice and men. But ultimately, we're, you know,

my hope and knock on wood is that we are able to use this normal procedure. But the plan B, I'm very excited about. Okay, so it's like a tonsillectomy, like just getting my tonsils out. I get strapped like three, four times a year. And you notice, Brendan is wearing one of those, those like hats that are like, almost like the Dr. Seuss hat. You used to win them at carnivals by throwing, popping a balloon.

Yeah, I'm familiar. Is this the Jamiroquai hat? Thank you. Yeah, I was thinking Jamiroquai hat. You're in your nose, throat, doctor. Mm-hmm, restorators, yeah. Restorators. Doctor, sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted to let you know that the device is fueled. Why did that nurse do doctors in air quotes? That nurse just went doctor. Oh, we don't tell her who the doctors are here. So she is assuming I'm a doctor, which I am. You rest assured. Okay, they wheeled me through the back. Yes.

This is starting to feel like a Five Guys Burgers and fries back room. No, no, no, no, no, no. Do you want peanuts? Yeah, there's like tons of sacks of peanuts around. You have some peanuts. You know, I just, I'm sort of in a very claustrophobic situation where the anesthesia or whatever this is, right,

is taking hold of my body. Oh God, if you're uncomfortable, I also took some. Okay. I'm also falling asleep. Switching to black lights, doctor. Black lights? In the white room. Sing. I'll just let this happen. Honestly, it's such a white room. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Sing. I'll just let this happen. Ha ha ha ha ha. Honestly, it's such a bad idea to get a good loop back around. What, a doctor can't sing cream? A doctor can't sing cream and fall asleep in a Jamiroquai hat?

Sorry. Sorry, have some peanuts, maybe you'll calm down. Oh, I guess you wanted the American medical experience. Wow, like it's so great. A doctor can't sing cream. Western medicine won't prepare you for what this Jamiroquai hat can do. I also picture every time you go to grab a scalpel,

you do the Jamiroquai footwork, like as a couch moves past you. I used to have my favorite right now. Just crazy that the power that Jamiroquai had to take that hat away from the cat in the hat. Yeah. Yeah. Bold. Bold, powerful. Because that was laminated in culture

and they were like, us too. Yeah, Jamiroquai came along with that one album and everyone went, that's a Jamiroquai hat. Yeah. Can I say something about Cat in the Hat? Yeah. He makes me so uncomfortable. He's ass.

Yeah, yes. He's ass. Might be, I feel pretty kind of disturbed by all things Dr. Seuss. I don't like the vibe. I don't like the vibe. See, here's the thing. As someone who's been reading a lot things Dr. Seuss. I don't like the vibe. I don't like the vibe. See, here's the thing. As someone who's been reading a lot of Dr. Seuss these days,

the Lorax banger. Great. One fish, two fish. Yertle the Turtle, anti-monarchical, fucking rad, revolution-deposed turtle king. If you read the snitches, there's the story What Was I Scared Of, where a beautiful story about someone

who's scared of a pair of pants walking around and they become friends. I never heard of this niche. Oh, God! I gotta check it out. You gotta read this niche's book. And then you read Cat in the Hat, and you're like, who is this motherfucker?

But I also have a long, since childhood, and this maybe is why I got so bullied and then eventually went to LARP camp, I was always like, we need to listen to this fish, this fish is why I got so bullied and then eventually went to LARP camp. I was always like, we need to listen to this fish. This fish is responsible. Why are we glorifying Baloo the bear? Bagheera is the only person taking the threat of Shere Khan seriously.

I would like Bagheera energy in my life and I would not like to say about- The origin of anxiety. Yes. Baloo is Bacchus. He's like, let's drink and have a good time and dance. I was a four year old being like, Baloo is, this is hateful.

This degree of negligence is hateful. We should not celebrate this bear. Mowgli, who I identify with, was almost killed by monkeys. And Bagheera has been talking sense from day one. How do you feel about tailspin? Tailspin, love tailspin. Okay. I'd like to see a scene actually. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh got anything? What are we looking at, booking-wise?

I have a friend who's gotten more involved in VoiceOver. And so he's telling me that there's a lot of video games. Is there anybody at Activision or Blizzard that wants a tall cat? I can bring a whimsical... Oh, yeah. No, Sith. And also, you asked me to call you Sith Cat in the Hat. It's taken on a different meaning nowadays in the zeitgeist.

It's sort of an evil Jedi thing. Right! Do you think you could get me on the acolyte? I think they're... One of the main characters just died, so they're probably recasting for season two. I think they shot every... Listen, I just died so they're probably recasting for season two. I think they shot every I Listen, I reached out to Capcom. You know, they're doing a Street Fighter versus and I I Posited you is like what if dr. Seuss is cat-in-a-hat had like big ball-rock punching gloves or something

You're not you're not saying dr. Seuss is cat-in-a-hat. Are you it should just be this am I am I to drop? Dr. Seuss we don't need them. We I am I to drop dr. Suzy? We don't need him We I've I've outgrown the brand. Listen. Here's the thing Tik Tok, I'm sorry. Did you say the thing? Oh, I'm so sorry Ben. Oh Oh, can I call you Ben? Yeah, you could call me Ben. You could call me too. Tuzi thingy to whatever's comfortable with you Yeah, Oh diff. I'm sorry. What You're not in the Fantastic Four, are you? No. I could be. I mean, God, I wanna work.

I've been telling you I wanna work. So we wanted to pitch this to you. Okay. I, per- between you and I, thing one is strung out. He is, he's the last I saw him, he was in Vegas. And I think- You're doing a residency. I think, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which hotel? This'll tell me how he's doing, which hotel. Which hotel? Yeah, this'll tell me how he's doing which hotel which hotel yeah, this will tell me how he's doing the golden nugget Three months tree yes Horton hears his name Not even hears a who yeah My ears burning, please. I'm well you guys talking to me. Let me cut to the cheese Here's what you were offered the three of you were offered a podcast on barstool Sports.

How much do you know? Gotta turn it down on principle. I am desperate for work, but not that desperate. I'd guessed if it's just a guest spot, I'd do that. I'd do it. Okay, all right. The same. I will say, I will say.

Horton needs it more. Cat in the Hat would do one of those fucking parts. Would do Barstool. Yeah. For sure. We always say that. The thing about alpha males, I consider myself an alpha male.

The L.A. Rams and Matt Stafford have an agreement. I can't listen to this. They don't want men in their feminine energy. I'm in my masculine energy all day, every day. That voice is just. Hucksters and grifters wall to wall. 45 more minutes. 45 more minutes.

If I may, that's almost an Alan Tudyk-ish. Tudyk-ish? Yeah, Tudyk-ish. Thank you. It's a very Tudyk-flavored Edwin, right? It's a very- Who's Edwin? Edwin is the original Mad Hatter. Edwin is- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

And I'm Mary Poppins. I love to laugh. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, yeah. That's the same guy? Same guy. Mad Hatter is, I believe, I could be wrong, but I believe. That makes so much sense.

I could be wrong. A very, very, yeah. I cried myself to sleep, in a good way. Yeah. I should. Huh. Huh. The other night I was on TikTok and I found a TikTok comp- uh, compilation of, I don't know this guy's name.

They said his name, but there's some guy who was famous in movies from like the forties through the seventies or something, but his whole shtick was to turn around and go, yes. Yeah. And they parody him on The Simpsons. And I just thought it was like a, I was like, oh And they parody him on The Simpsons. And I just thought it was like,

I was like, oh, they're just being weird. For sure. It was making fun of an actual actor. And it was just a compilation of all his moments. And it was the funniest fucking thing. God, I gotta find it now. That same voice that you're the, Ed Wynn, is that what you said?

Ed Wynn, yeah. That same type of voice. And I was shaking crying. To get pigeonholed for something like that, it's gotta feel both very bad and very good. Cause like once you've been doing, you used to have like 40s to the, once you've been doing it for 20 years,

you're like, this is me. You know, I just, this is what I do. And towards the tail end, it's like him on the love boat. And someone's like, excuse me, bartender. And he turns around and says it. And it's, so it's like a- Big pop, yeah, for sure. My favorite type in show business, what a mess.

God, God. Talking about that voice too, specifically, the like, there's so many things like that, like Looney Tunes and the Simpsons, where you're like, oh no, that's a real dude. When you're like, oh, Peter Lorre isn't the guy from Looney Tunes? When I watched Animaniacs, I was like,

what a weird dude to be like, yes, let me get that. I'll have the steak, au proie. And I'm like, oh, that's a silly character. And then you grow up and you're like, oh, that's a real dude. Well, because what you don't understand is you think that the cartoons that you're watching as a child are also being written by children, but they're being written by 50-year-old men

right in this room who have a history and a context of all this stuff. I'll say Horton, Here's a Who absolutely also slaps. And I'll tell you, when I read to my kid and I say, when Horton goes, a person's a person no matter how small, makes you wanna cry. My only problem that I wanna communicate to my child at some point in the future with Horton is,

at the end, we forgive the kangaroo and the monkeys really fast in Horton. I don't know if you remember, I'm deep in this world. What did they do? So Horton hears the who's on this speck of dust on a clover. He hears it and he's like, I think this is a tiny civilization of people.

And he confirms that. And the villains of the story, it's really this one busybody kangaroo who's like, there's nothing on there. And he's like, no, there is. And at a certain point, she conscripts this family of monkeys called the Wickershims into capturing Mauling and beating Horton.

They use the word Maul, Mauling. What do they ram it with? I don't know. I don't even know that it's at the end of a stanza. I think he throws it in there fully just as like, by the way, they did fucking injure him, he's not okay. But the point being that there's a moment,

like me and my wife when we're reading bedtime stories will have these moments where we're reading a story and have to leap out and like opine on the story. So you're sitting there and there's one moment this kangaroo is like, well, there's nothing on that spec and we're going to take it and throw it in basil nut oil and boil it. And I stopped and like in reading it was like, so you're telling me you don't

think anyone's on the spec and that's why you're going to go all the way out of your way to boil it. That's crazy. You're crazy. And at the end they hear it finally and are like, oh, there are people on it. And then it's like, that's it. And there's no page where Horton's like,

hey, you fucking attacked me. And all of you almost destroyed a city full of people. There's no contrition, there's no examination. I honestly wanna confirm to my child that Horton would have been well within his rights. He's a fuckingition, there's no examination. I honestly want to confirm to my child that Horton would have been well within his rights. He's a fucking elephant, okay? And they were talking about kangaroos and monkeys out here.

Horton could have been like actually the defense of Whoville. I smell an additional chapter written by Raley Mulligan. Horton stands his ground. Horton stands his ground. Horton by any means necessary. A sequel called The Havershums Walk it Back. Yeah, it's the way it's been. Hey listen, when we're talking about Bonin,

I just want to say, I didn't know these people. The Don't Tread on Me flag, but it's Horton's trunk instead of the snake. The Jungle of Null has a congressional hearing and a monkey in a suit is like, I was swept up in a moment that I didn't. Brendan, my wife and I have this experience often. I think the thing is that hearing and a monkey in a suit is like, I was swept up in a moment that I didn't. Brendan, my wife and I have this experience often. I think the thing is that I think children's book writers or whatever, they don't necessarily think that children can handle all of these

heady concepts, which I don't necessarily agree with because how will we ever know if we don't try? But a lot of the children's books that we have or that have been recommended or we have hand-me-downs are weirdly sanitized versions of things that just kind of end. And you're like, But a lot of the children's books that we have or that have been recommended We have like hand-me-downs are like weirdly Sanitized versions of things that just kind of like end and you're like what the fuck like this There's not even like a narrative arc to this goddamn story It's like the boy just found a pair of shoes and that's the I had to read that like what the fuck is this dude? I just had this because my favorite story from childhood was this book called Big Al Which is about a big ugly fish in the ocean And he's really scary and he's really ugly and he doesn't have any friends

and it's really sad. And he does, he like buries himself in sand to make himself small and he paints himself so he'll be bright colors. He does all these things to try to blend in, but every time he like sneezes and the sand goes everywhere or he gets too excited and the paint comes off and like he always reveals that he's big and scary. And then fishermen come and sweep up all the fish, but he's big and scary, so he comes and he bites the net and he saves all the fish, and then he gets swept up in the net and brought up, and my wife is like,

oh, that little fish, you're gonna see that he's good and save him. The little fish do not do that. The little fish go, oh my gosh, that big scary fish saved us, and they're so sad that he's good and save him. The little fish do not do that. The little fish go, oh my gosh, that big scary fish saved us. And they're like so sad that he's gone. Let's build a statue. And then he comes back down

and it's because he's so ugly that the fishermen throw him back in the water. And then after that, he's now friends with all the fish as a big scary ugly fish. And I was like, and because he saved them, they did all this. And I closed it and I was like, the because he saved them, they did all this, and I closed it, and I was like, the end.

And my wife went like, huh, seems like that fish never had any real friends. He just only. Got lucky kind of, yeah. They tolerated him after he risked his life to save them, which they repaid in no way. And she patted me on the shoulder and was like, huh, seems like you really have to prove

a lot of your value to people. And I'm like. You're like, uh oh. And you're at a moment shoulder and was like, huh, seems like you really have to prove a lot of your value to people. And I'm like, uh-oh. And you're at a moment where you're like, did things happen to me in childhood that made me the way I am? Oh, no, yeah. We read a book. That was brutal.

I'm falling backwards, it's the attic meat all over again. My attic meat. It was a book called like The Grouchy Ladybug or something like that. We read that book and the whole book is this, there's two ladybugs, one of the ladybugs offers to share some aphids and a grouchy ladybug or something like that. We read that book and the whole book is this, there's two ladybugs, one of the ladybugs offers to share some aphids and grabs your ladybug, it's like, no, I don't want aphids, I want to fight. And the other ladybug's like, okay, let's fight. And they're

like, I'm not going to fight you, you're too small, I'm going to go fight someone bigger. And then the whole book is them meeting bigger people until finally a whale slaps the ladybug and the ladybug flies all the way back to the beginning of the book. And then the other ladybug is like, hey, you look like you've been to the ringer. You want some aphids? And like, yeah, I'd love some. And I remember, whatever, there's no real lesson to the end of that book. It's just like, sometimes you'll get the shit kicked out

of you and maybe that'll make you a nicer person. And I closed the book. That's a lesson. I closed the book and in my storybook voice I said, and we'll never read that book again. Yeah. So you guys are both new dads. What are your like top three favorite children's books,

like picture books? That's a Lorax. Speak for the trees. A Friend as a Joke gave us the book that was very popular, I don't know, like 10 years ago. Go the Fuck to Sleep. Russian Erin gave us Go the Fuck to Sleep.

And I really enjoy reading that book. It's just like, it's fun because it's like a meme or whatever, but it does have like, there is a part of you that is an exasperated dad that you just be like, yeah, man, I do get this part. Like, it doesn't feel fair though, because my child is a very good sleeper.

So I'm like, this doesn't really apply to you, but it's more just kind of like a fun thing for dad to read. Dad to let us see. Yes, I did have a very fun, like a fun thing for dad to read. Dad to let us see. Yes. I did have a very fun, I love reading the Lorax to my daughter. I read it to my nephew who is four and fully capable of understanding the book. And he's like, whoa, what the fuck is a truffalo tree? What are we doing here?

What are we doing here? And it was so funny because I, you know, I'm a performer and I really sell the hell out of the Lorax. So the parts where he's like, he's like, they loved living here, but I can't let them stay. They have to find food and I hope that they may. And like having those moments where he's like sending the animals away from the place and it gets to the end.

And it's like, unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, get better. It's not. And I'm reading this story that I love so much and my wife is taking pictures of my nephew, who this is hard to do over a podcast, but he is doing the scream. Like she is, my four year old nephew is like,

oh Christ almighty. And he gets to the end and I realize how fucking sad, because the Lorax does not come back at the end of the book. The book is a list of instructions given to a child that if the child follows, the Lorax and his friends may come back. And I get to the end and I just went, and that's the Lorax.

And my nephew went, oh. Pretty bleak. That's his origin of anxiety. Yeah, and I swear to God, my nephew looked and went, I think there's another page. Oh! And I was like, dog, no there is not, man. You're the other page.

Hey buddy, you're the other page. And that also is a big part where I read it as a kid. I read it as a kid and loved it because you read it and it's like, oh, we are being entrusted as the hope of the future, which is very inspiring if you're little. If you're an adult and reading it, there is another vantage point of defeat and failure

of like, well. You close the Lorax and you think, hey buddy, still think it's a good idea for Joe Biden not to run? Huh? Think that'll destroy the Democrats? He's like, I'm a kid, I can't, I shouldn't be. There's another page.

Should there be another page, please Uncle Brandon? There's another page, yeah. This is what everyone reading the New York Times is doing. Is there another page? Should there be another page? Is there another page? Erin, are you ready to get your mind blown? We're in the middle of a riddle.

No we're not. Oh Erin. Shut up about that, we're not. It's been about 20 minutes, but we are in the middle of a riddle. No. There's a riddle going on right now. Oh, it's a weird, it's the star one.

I may be of the eye, in order I am pie. In my center there is a star, I keep medics where they are. I may be of the eye? So what keeps medics where they are, residency? A cross. This is the, a lot of these are like sayings or like colloquialisms

that are related to this thing. So I made cross, I made of the eye, red cross for medic. Mm-mm, no, cross is, it's not cross. Center of pie. Red is good though, I like red, where you're going with that. Red. Yeah. Iris. I made of the eye, in order I am pie.

Oh, apple. Erin. It is apple. Apple of day keeps the doctor away. Apple of the eye. I keep medics where they are. An apple of the day keeps the doctor away. In my center there is a star.

I guess if you cut an apple in half, there's like a star pattern sometimes in the, yeah. And in order I am pie. And that's more just like I order a pie, an apple pie. Oh, in order I am pie. It's not the 3.14, which is what I thought when I read that riddle. That was, yeah. Okay, well here, that one hurt me.

Sterling has one more riddle. And so the first one they said was a warmup. The second one they said was a intermediate level. That's what you just did. And then they have a who knows level because this is a personal creation, which I always encourage and endorse when people write their own riddles. Here we go. My floors are crumbling.

My walls are encrusted. Yet inside a treasure lies. My courts are round. My ceiling has holes. Yet I stay very warm inside. This is Keewanee High School. This is the high school I went to. This is Adles High School.

Yeah. And then they post a picture of you, Adle, from high school. And I got to say, my man, the shoulders, I mean, fully stacked. Thank you. The guy's got it. Built like a brick shit house, this guy. Can you read the riddle again?

Every football practice my coach would be like, I said no pads today. And then I'd wink and he'd be like, whoa. Whoa. Hey man, you're too good looking to play football. Has anyone ever told you that? Acting school, that's where you wanna go. He doesn't teach her anymore

Okay, my floors are crumbling my walls are encrusted yet inside a treasure lies my courts are round my ceiling I'm sorry. Are you saying courts like basketball court or you saying courts? Okay, you've asked this so many times over the course of the last year What's the court that I'm starting to feel a little self-conscious about the way I'm saying things Are you saying quarts? Okay, you've asked this so many times over the course of the last few recordings. Over the quarts of the last few recordings. I'm starting to feel a little self-conscious about the way I'm saying things. Quarts, C-O-U-R-T-S.

Okay, okay, and the quarts are what? My quarts are round. My ceiling has holes, yet I stay very warm inside. What has quarts? Is this like? My quarts are round is the one that I would like, don't even fuck with that one. Don't even think about it.

Yeah, that one's the hardest one to get, so I'm like stay away. Floor is crumbling. Floor is crumbling and ceiling has holes. That could help us. Is this like a, this sounds like a baked good or something. Addle. Yeah. Addle. Floors are crumbling. Donut?

Ceiling has holes. Is it a donut? Oh, that's, well, that would be one horse, I would say, but it's not, it's not a donut. So what do you, what is like? This is a cro- What is multiple holes? A pretzel.

Okay, yeah, and it's warm inside. Coffee cake. And treasure, yeah, inside I treasure lies and yet I stay very warm inside, are kind of the same, they're pointing you to the same place. Inside a treasure, so my floor is crumbling. Walls are encrusted and you got bacon. Yeah, these are all baking. Pie? It's crumbly, crust same place. Inside a treasure. So my floor is crumbling. Mm-hmm. Walls are encrusted. And you got bacon.

Yeah, these are all baking. Crumbly, crusty. It is a pie. There was pie in the last thing. You double pie'd us. You double pie'd us. I know, and I thought that double pie thing, you were gonna get it quick.

You were gonna get it quick. You double pie'd us. Me and Sterling are not in cahoots. I don't even know Sterling. They're not getting a fucking Venmo from me. We're gonna do what we did to Horton to you. Call you 6.28, you're double pie. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

A kangaroo breaks in here and starts beating the shit out of me. Just wailing. I'm gonna boil you all. Oh God, I don't wanna be boiled by a kangaroo. Christ, this kangaroo's awful. What's the, is it Old King Cole who pulls the blackbirds out of a pie or something? Pervert. Old,

Pfft. Pervert. He's purpling, he's like purpling... Using a jolly nursery rhyme, King, and being like, this guy is a freak. This guy's fucking Jason Biggs in his pie. He's also a freak, cat in the hat freak, all these people are freaks.

What's old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he. He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl and he called for his fiddler's three. Sounds like Brennan doesn't remember it. Pervert. Brennan doesn't get a button. Word for word, remember his bowl and he called for his fiddler's three. Sounds like Brennan doesn't remember it. Pervert. He doesn't remember.

Just word for word remember. This guy's calling for three fiddlers, absolute fucking freak, absolute pervert. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Have you ever heard one fiddler and been like, you know what, we could really use two more of these guys? No, no way. I want to see a quick scene.

Brennan and Erin are king and queen. Great. JPC, you are a baker. Okay. And you've made a nasty little pie that you're presenting to the king and queen and we'll see how they receive it. Approach.

Approach. I am but a humble town baker and I wanted to thank both of you for making the village such a wonderful place to live, and I thought I'd show my thanks and appreciation by making you a sweet, delicious pie. Well, this villager is quite breathy. I'm already sort of on edge. Right.

They say my pies are the best pies in the kingdom. Well darling, remember we don't eat these pies who wink. No, no, no. No, these pies are celebratory. They're for the people we are forgiving, monarchs. Kindly slice us off a piece of your pie that we might judge if it is fair. No, no, no. Yes, yes.

My pies, Qynda, are the people, they don't have refined and delicate palates. Only royal palates like yourselves would be able to taste the intricacies of my pie. There's a hole in this pie, I'll say it. There's lots of holes. It's a pie. My queen, she calls them like she sees them. Yes.

Every time. You're gonna have to wake up pretty early in the morning, Town Baker, to slide a fucking whole pie in front of us and not have her catch it. Yes, Queen, what a delicate eye you have. Many holes have, pies have eye, for the latticework that I employ

is second to none in the kingdom. One bite, just one bite. Let me watch you eat a bite. What was that one bite. Let me watch you eat a bite. What was that last one? Let me watch you eat a bite. All right, no flat requests from townsfolk. Okay, I'll put some zazz on it. Let me watch you eat a bite.

How about before we let you watch us do anything, I just jam a thumb in there real quick and we kind of figure out what the lay of the land is. Could you use anything bigger than a thumb even? Well, there's just been sort of some issues with some of the pies brought in here. Oh yes, inferior pies. I have many competitors in this town.

My liege, my lady. Oh boy, this guy. Forgive my state of undress for I am the town baker and someone knocked me on the back of my head. No. Hmm. If he's the town baker, ask him what goes in a pie. What goes in a pie?

My penis. Okay, this guy's cool. This guy's cool. We'll just tell your mom that we ate all the pie. Oh man. I think we've referenced American Pie like on three episodes that we've recorded. That's not good.

Brennan, thank you so much for being on this episode referencing American Pie. For a second I thought that was the end of the episode. That is, yeah, it is. It is, in some ways. Tell us, obviously, a lot going on in your life. Tell us what people should check out. That's a great question.

In general, you can check me out on dropout.tv. And also you can see us all over and follow us on socials for Dimension 20, Game Changer, Make Some Noise, a bunch of amazing shows on Dropout. You can check out my podcast, World's Beyond Number. One of my favorite podcasts of all time. Are you for real? I love it so much. Oh my God, Erin, I had no idea. Very meaningful for real? I love it so much. Oh my God, Erin, I had no idea.

Very meaningful to me. I love it. Oh my God. Our editor, Casey Tony, I believe also did some work for the Patreon. Was Casey Tony just outside a moment ago? No, that's a different Casey. Okay, that's incredible.

Casey is phenomenal. Yeah, he's a great audio engineer. Casey, cut that out. And Casey, cut that out. And Casey, they can't hide my love for you. Casey, I love you. Cut it out. I love you, Casey. Casey, even out. And Casey cut that out. And Casey, they can't hide my love for you. Casey, I love you. Cut it out. I love you.

Casey, even if only your ears hear this Casey, I love you. If you get to this point in the podcast, you're fired. Casey, you're fired. I love Casey editing crying, being like, don't ever know, don't ever know. Yeah, we're terrible to him. We're really, really, really bad to him,

but he's a really great guy. He's incredible. World's Beyond Number, Dropout 20. Dropout, you can check out. I also, depending on when this comes out. Dimension 20, and Dropout. Dimensionout, you can check out, I also, depending on when this Comes out. Dimension 20, and Dropout. Dimension 20, which is the show that I GM for. We're doing live shows, where we have a show coming up

at Madison Square Garden. Which is, Insane. That's really cool. Un-fucking-believable. True. Congratulations. Thank you. The coolest thing that could be happening right now. It is un, I have no degree or ability to process it.

I went to Times Square with my dad. I'm a New Yorker and we looked at the billboard in Times Square and I just dissociated for an hour. It was true. Is your face on the billboard? Yes. It's on the bicycle stand. Me and my dad were just there and I was like, this is fucking silly, man.

That's incredible. This is really silly. That's crazy. And it's deeply meaningful. The show's gonna be such a fucking blast. We're so excited. But, and then also depending on when this comes out, you can see me, uh, this July I'm doing a mini series for critical role, uh,

and they're a campaign three called downfall. And there's just so many exciting things coming to drop out and, uh, oh, and I was in and helped produce a movie that my wife Isabella Roland wrote and starred in called dead. wife Isabella Rowland wrote and starred in called Dead. And it is a supernatural dark comedy about her father who passed away a couple of years ago. And it's about a ghost that comes back to haunt everybody in a family except his daughter.

That is so funny. It's so funny. And she's killer in it. So I can't wait to see that. Oh yeah. Congratulations on everything. Thank you. And I look forward to the day

when we have to pull this episode because you're- Yeah, because I've boiled a town in diesel nut oil. Yeah, absolutely. You've blown up to such a degree, more so than you have already, to where you're like, can you please take the- I can't be associated with it. I can't run for office because of this episode.

My fellow Americans, please don't check out Hey! Riddle. Riddle. Okay. We're getting to that, boy. Thank you so much for coming on. My fellow Americans, please don't check out Hay Riddle Riddle. We're getting to that, boy. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. I got nothing else to plug.

Yeah, do we have anything else? Patreon.com slash Hay Riddle Riddle, obviously, for our bonus episodes and check us out on our live show tours. We're going to be playing also in New York City, so it's similar venues probably, and Boston and DC this fall. Yeah. Yeah. HeyVariousVirtual.com slash live for tickets.

Great. Jupiter. Sometimes I can end it on my own without a problem. Thanks guys. Wow, Aaron. Yeah, I did it. And John Patrick Cohen. Casey Toney did the editing. And Ari Parrish in the music. Logo created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Napores.

One, two, three, four, hey, Riddle, Riddle. Well hey there XAs and Publix. If you liked that you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's more public access. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or starting your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and you get to watch our episodes. See you there!