Hey Riddle Riddle - #8: My Riddle Pony with Arnie Niekamp

Episode Date: September 12, 2018

A very special episode brings in guest host Arnie Niekamp (Hello From the Magic Tavern)! In this tasty ep Arnie fails at math, a prisoners life hangs in the balance, we learn about the sex lives of penguins, Erin demands we remember the movie Fever Pitch and much much more! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. You asked for it, you got it. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. It's the podcast Hey Riddle, Riddle. Do you like that intro? I love that intro and me laughing was a sign of that I like the intro. Good. Just a little stuff subconscious about that as I was saying it. This is the podcast for Puzzies and Riddies for all you Kevin's and Susie's out there. My name is Adolfi. I'm JPC. And I'm Aaron Keith. And you lost confidence halfway through that opening I saw it on your face. Jokes on you I never had confidence. I guess the jokes on all of us that isn't it. And today's episode is a special one for two reasons.

One, we're going to do our first mailbag episode, the jokes on all of us that is in it. And today's episode is a special one for two reasons. One we're going to do our first mailbag episode, meaning that this is all going to be listener-submitted riddles and puzzies, riddies and puzzies. I'll be playing the role of Old Man Puzzles, of course, for this episode, of course. So I know all the answers to these. And of course, if you ever have a Puzzie already you want to send to us, you can send us that at hrrpodcast at gmail.com. I wanted to do this one because we've been getting a ton of riddles.

We've got about 200 emails or so much. Too much. Too many riddles. And also because I think the biggest complain about the podcast is that the riddles blow. Does that make sense? Yeah. The Puzzies and Ritzi's blow. I've had a lot of feedback that I suck on the podcast, but yes, and the Riddles are also bad. So what I wanted to do was be like,

well, here's some listeners submitted Riddies and Puzzies. Oh, so what do we think of that? It's not to improve the show. It's more like, fuck you, you do it better. Kind of. Okay, yeah, for sure. Another reason that this episode is so special is because we have our very first guest co-host,

one of my best friends, and someone I do another podcast with, Mr. Arnie and E. Camp. Another reason that this episode is so special is because we have our very first guest co-host, one of my best friends, and someone I do another podcast with, Mr. Arnie and E. Camp. Hey, thanks for having me on the show. Could you do that again instead of just saying, hey, can you say the name of the show? Hey, Riddle Riddle. Should I lose confidence halfway through? I can't get it. Yeah, that's a mandatory, if you say the name of the show, you do have to lose utter confidence halfway through.

And we're excited to have you on. Thank you so much for doing this. I'm very excited to be on. Or he does a podcast called Hello from the Magic Tavern. Do you want to promote that on here? Yes, I do. We'll wait till the end of the show. Okay.

It's kind of like Oraboros eating its own tail. I have a question for Arnie since you're new to the podcast to Hey Riddle Riddle Welcome Welcome. How do you feel about riddles? Most of us here hate them. We've just we've discovered throughout the course of the show. I would say that I generally assume that I'm like slightly riddle positive, but listening to some of the metal ignition. Honey, I have some bad news. I'm riddled with puzzles, but listening to the podcast, I'm like, that's right, I do hate riddles, but I enjoy hating them. I've listened to all the ones that have come out and I enjoy

very much. I think that's the target audience, people that think that they like riddles and then hear the podcast realize that they hate riddles. I think the target demographic is people who want to enjoy how much they hate it, and then contact us podcast and realize that they hate riddles. I think the target demographic is people who want to enjoy how much they hate it and then contact us and be like, these riddles suck. And it's like, no, we know. It's like emailing MSDK 3000 and being like,

hey, honestly, those movies bad. I think our demographic is cats and humans close who've decided to go to work. And that brings us to our first dead stop, Aaron, what was that? I think our target demographic is cats and human clothes. Great, so I heard correctly. But I was totally on board, but then overlooked then it was followed up by,

and those cats have decided to go to work. They've decided to become part of the work force. Those cats are like, today's the day. Yeah, and they're like, I'm tired of sleeping all day. I'm gonna put on a suit, I'm gonna go on the train, and I'm like, like, I'm tired of sleeping all day. I'm going to put on a suit. I'm going to go on the train and I'm like, commute. I'm going to listen to this podcast. What would, yeah, what would a human do? They'd listen to this podcast.

Of course. You can't. Of course. Of course. You need to fill that commute time with something. Most importantly, when they walk around in the world in the workplace, are they walking on four legs or two legs? That's.

There's a right answer. Two legs. One. It's hilarious. One leg. I'm bored. What cat walks on two legs to work? Four legs at lunch and then three legs in the afternoon. I know that.

It's Kathy. Ack. Yes. Correct. So I thought to start off with Arnie doing a special puzzle just for him. You two can kind of play along or chime in if you want. But my friend Arnie is very good at math. Is this a trap? This is a reason we brought you on the podcast to do math questions. You two can kind of play along or chime in if you want. But my friend Arnie is very good at math. So I try.

This is a really. We brought you on the podcast to do math questions. Can I use scratch paper? This is a parent trap. And so what we're going to do is we have a math fuzzy for Arnie here. So what's going to happen here is this. Arnie, I want you to write down this equation.

Next. Woo. Let's see what's there. I want to just for people who couldn't see what happened. A cat just walked into the studio and in a full three-piece suit, excuse himself and sneaked all over the place. Can I just, my family pointed out that I sneezed in a previous episode and no one said anything just a heads up. Great, your family pointed that out. Yeah, they just started trying to defend my honors. So what do you think of the new podcast I'm doing, Mom and Dad?

Well, you sneezed and the gentleman didn't say anything. Bad man is. All right, go ahead, sorry. Arnie, you're going to write this down. Eight plus eight equals 91. Cool, eight plus eight equals 91. Now with that equation in front of you, on that piece of paper, here's what you need to do.

And this is a Puzzie submitted by our friend Garrett Kelly. So we'll give him credit for that. Arnie, what you're going to do is this, change one thing besides the numbers to make the below equation correct. 8 plus 8 equals 91. Change one thing about the numbers to make... No, besides the numbers. Change one thing besides the numbers to make the below equation correct. Eight plus eight equals 91. Are anyone, would it talk us through your process?

Okay, so I'm looking at these numbers. Well, that's, that I've written down. Great start. No, it's a terrible start. This is the one that you can't change. I would look at anything but those numbers. I'm looking at the numbers. I'm totally ignoring the symbols.

You sound like a cat who's gone to work for the first time. Well, honestly, the first thing that goes to my mind is, so if this one is specifically for me, am I the only one who needs to figure it out? Or do John and Aaron, are they in on it? Is this some kind of thing? It's this is mostly, I mean, I guess if I had to kind of talk through why I did this,

it's mostly to shame and embarrass you So if you want to take the full brunt of this, but also JPC and Eric can play wrong if they know it Please say that you know it. I'll just go ahead and say that I know it and I will take note follow-up questions Do you know it because you've heard it before? No, I don't know it and I don't know it. Okay, A plus eight equals 91 change So change one thing in general besides the numbers to make the equation correct. So I have a question, this is gonna sound stupid. Is eight times eight 91? No.

Okay, well then it sounds very serious. No. So yeah, like the first, I feel like the first thing I think of the thing that it seems like it's leading you towards is thinking that if you either change the plus sign or the equal to something, like is it a simple math problem but it can't be, I'll give you a hint. You don't have to know math.

Oh, well, that qualifies me to help answer this as well. Okay. If it just doesn't equal 81, or what if it just doesn't equal 81? You know, I could write a line through, that is an actual mathematical symbol. Here's what I'll say. What if I change the equal to equal ish?

I don't remember the actual term. Which is my favorite. Rapper from Washington State equal ish. Can I change the change of the choice to have come and done the podcast? Yes, that's the one that you could do. That's the correct answer. And now that equation is correct. I wish I hadn't have been here. The answer is, well, the not equal sign is actually correct. So shit, there's two answers. But the other answer is to turn the piece of paper upside down and now you have 16 equals eight plus eight. What the, oh my, that's magic.

That's amazing. Honestly, pretty good, Garrett, so I take back what I said, listeners, these are some better puzzies and riddies. That is better. I'm sorry for doubting that. Yeah, there was no doubt in my mind that the listeners are right about the podcast and they are some art or something else.

That's just absolutely true. And we thank you very much for sending these in. My favorite reviews on either Apple podcasts or on Twitter is just people being like, love this podcast, so funny. I figured out all the riddles immediately. I'm just like, oh no. All of them? Yeah.

See. Some of them were unfigurable. Oh, yeah. Well, you already brings up a good point. Most of these riddles are trash. Arnie, here's what I want to let you know. So a lot of the riddles you've listened to the episodes. Here's how a lot of the riddles that we've been doing work. A man is found dead on the sidewalk. He's wearing a Mickey Mouse hat. His name has four letters. He usually speaks to his mom on Mondays and Sundays, but not on Tuesdays or Thursdays. His favorite color is blue. His least favorite color is orange.

How did he die? And then the answer would be he fell out of a building. Yeah, he was shot. That's typically that information. It's either that or it's the exact opposite. It's a complete bookend where it's like a man is dead next to a but butter scotch candy. How did he die?

And then it's like, well, he went to a candy store. He got in a fight. He was kicked out. The man shoved the butter scotch down his throat. He coughed it up with his dying breath. So those are the bookends of our rules. It does seem like the classic, like the great riddles are like the ones that they match up so perfectly that you kind of can figure them out.

Yeah, those are my favorite. Yeah, I do like lateral thinking puzzies because with enough sort of juice You can you can figure it out. But then on the opposite end there's ones where it's just sort of like Pars out this complicated scenario and exactly the way I'm thinking of it Although it could have gone down any number of other ways. There's a fine line between a riddle and just a stupid question. I had a friend say to me recently- Welcome back to a hasty question. Hey stupid question. I had a friend say to me recently that the best riddles feel more like a story with a hole

in it. And I thought that was good. What about you? Forget it. I feel like the most successful ones are like magic tricks or it's just misdirection where they yeah are very correctly Assuming what preconception you're gonna have like the one we just did. Yeah, let's get into some more dessert listeners submitted Puzzies and Rites this one's from Kelly P Kelly says you live in a one-story house made entirely of red wood. How does she know? This is specifically for JPC.

Holy shit. At night, you go into the fridge and grab one diet coke. What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? Why won't you acknowledge me? The end.

It's slower, JPC, it's slower. You live in a one story house made entirely of red wood. What color would the stairs be? Does wood. What color would the stairs be? Does it say what color would the stairs be? Mm-hmm W O O D. No always looking for the homophobiles. I love the secret. You live in a red wood house. You live in a one story house made entirely of red wood. What color would the stairs be? I know it. I know it. I know it. Go ahead and say it. There are no stairs. You don't bury the survivors.

What are these ghosts in here for? You live in a one story house as the answer. So there are no stairs. This I have issue with. I take Umbridge because you could have stairs down to the basement. Right? Yes. This is the corner of Adles issues.

Or just a stoop. Or just a stoop. Did your houses have basements? Yeah, where'd you grow up? England? New England, sir. No, my house had a basement, but I feel like that's not a... Common thing?

No, I just don't feel like everyone has had basements. You feel like you're special because you have a basement in your house? Yeah, yeah, I thought, maybe. I guess not. I think not everyone has basements, but I think Adels' problem with this is not everyone does not have basements. That guess not. I think not everyone has basements, but I think Adel's problem with this is not everyone does not have basements.

That's true. Yeah, I also grew up in a, what, one of my house that I grew up in was a ranch style house. Money or houses must be nice money bags. Yeah, really nice to have, you know what? All that Indianapolis money. Indianapolis money. It goes a long way in Indianapolis,

but we had like twoares up to like the porch and there were like two stairs into the garage. So that's a bad riddle. And the listener who submitted that riddle did a bad job. Or maybe just slightly recessed living room. That's funny. You know, it's funny. Aaron says that's funny. I mean it. The Aaron stamp of a broom. Aaron never laughs. She just says, either that's funny or says that's not funny. Marrow bot will be. I do ADR all of Aaron's laughs into the podcast. If you do hear Aaron Giggle, that is me in a recording booth alone.

Then why'd you give me such a weird laugh? I do all the sneezes. Here's another one for you. This is also from Kelly. So we'll see if she can redeem herself. A prisoner is told, if you tell a lie, we will hang you. If you tell the truth, we will shoot you. What can the prisoner say to save themselves? I'm horny. That's what it is. Wow. If you tell a lie, if you tell a lie, we will hang you. If you tell the truth, we will shoot you. What can the prisoner say

to save themselves? So does the prisoner have to say anything? The prisoner does have to say something to save themselves. Do you think it's kind of a thing of like they'll take pity if the prisoner just kind of emotionally shuts down? Yeah, if like this is first of all, I think this is a messed-up thing to do to another human being. I think that this has to be illegal. There's no way that they have the right to punish a prisoner for lying versus telling the truth. This brings us to our favorite segment, Righteous Moment, with JPC. So let's maybe play out, even though we don't know the answer yet. Let's play out. Oh, wow. JPC, you are going

to be executed. Okay. If you tell a lie, they'll hang you. If you tell the truth, they'll shoot you. Arnie and Aaron want you to the the guards or the executioners unless you see weirdly being where this goes we were just with JPC being self-righteous. Okay Wake up. Well Put your having the most beautiful dream put your head in this news What and this gun next year ahead? Okay, I'm holding the gun now. Thank you. Shit, I should not give it in the gun.

Cock. Hey buddy, it's your first day's topic. So hard on yourself. All right, now here's the way this is gonna go down. I just need this job. Oh, he's pointing the gun at us. Yeah, you're both fucked now, okay. I know.

Now here's the way this is. This is the way that this is gonna go down. I want you two to do a little scene for video, okay, I know. Now here's the way this is the way that this is going to go down. I want you to do a little scene for video, okay? I want you to play a prisoner and you have two choices. You get shot or you get hung. You get hung if you tell the truth and you get shot if you lie. You're going to be the prisoner's other guard friend. So now you hold the gun up to your head and put this news

around your neck. Okay. Okay. This is like a turducket. What? Nothing. It's very specific request from it. Oh wait, but now we have the gun. Oh, shit. Okay. All right. But wait, I'm getting out of here, you two. You guard. I want you to act out a scenario for me. Okay. Who am I playing? We're gonna never do what you say you dirty scumbag. Okay, who am I playing? We're gonna never do what you say you dirty scumbag.

You're gonna be a prisoner and if you, I've already forgotten. Why? You're going to tell the truth or lie. Okay, you're going to tell the truth. Hey Arnie, do you have a second? Can I come see over here? Okay, sure. And my theater professor's office.

Okay, sure. Oh, dramatic scarf fling. Of course, I'm the theater professor here at Acting You, and I feel like... I really learned a lot. Oh, is the middle of my sentence, the beginning of yours? No, I would just... What everything I'm saying is an apprentice. Is this a David Mammoth play or just gonna cut me off in the middle to curse and swear? So I'm getting away from the reality of this. This is my cellmate who was a former acting professor, who then committed arson

and burnt down the acting school. Hey, cellmate. Cellmate. My name's John. John. Yeah, call me John. I just wanna, I feel like cellmate has more character. I really miss, I feel like we're gonna die in here

and I really miss acting. Would you mind acting out a scenario where you're a prisoner about to be executed? Okay, I'm a guard and we'll act that out. It would really help me keep my sanity if I could act. I'm gonna consider this your last meal. What? I get your last meal.

I trade you this for your last meal. It doesn't matter, we're gonna be killed. Well yeah, but I want your last meal. You wanna die a little piggy? Great. What? You want to over stuff? Put this news on your neck and this gum by your head. News on your neck, gun in your head, okay? Okay. Now if you tell the truth, you die. If you lie, you live. Did that guard over there say, you're ducking at something?

And see. Okay, so I think we got there we figured it out the answer to this riddle is The answer to this riddle is you will hang me That's what the prisoner has to say. Oh I was gonna say if you tell a lie we will hang you if you tell the truth we will shoot you So if the prisoner says you will hang me they're in a bit of a pickle. All right. See they don't like paradox Mm-hmm. I would have just said what is truth You would have just said, what is truth? Then you would have gotten shot. Baby, don't hurt me. Baby, don't hurt me. What's truth? Arnie, how do you like being on a show so far? Great. We're gonna keep checking it and every couple of minutes. Well, all the scenarios involved me being pulled aside and

scolded by Adel. Yes. Okay. Good. Here we go. Here's another one. This one's from Johnny, that's not my cell mate from the previous scene, but an actual listener from Spokane, Washington. Johnny submits the following Puzzy. I wonder if it's raining for him right now. Because he's in Washington? Yeah.

Is Spokane known for rain? I don't know. I just wonder what's going on with him today. Raining for him right now. Like, is he having a rainy day? Maybe. So here's the, the fuzzy. What is black, white, and blue all over

going down a flight of stairs? What is black, white, and blue all over going down a flight of stairs? And again, this is a listener submitted a fuzzy because we thought maybe not to choose the puzzies and riddies we normally use because they're too bad. I don't know that it's a great strategy to be shitting on the people that are in our fan base.

That's a bit of the rules. I feel like these people aren't the problem. No, no, no, everyone, our fan base, I think we'll call them Kevin's and Susie's. Yeah, their fans are Kevin's and Susie's or Cousie's or sevens, whatever you want in that audience. Because some people aren's Kevin's and Susie's or Cousie's Or sevens Whatever you want in that Absolutely, but everybody's a seven but everyone's a cozy

We're like a Midwest seven as opposed to like a New York seven. I'm a podcast seven But I we adore listenership we adore everyone who listens But there's like three people who just really stuck in my crowd. When is a listener, not a listener, when we adore them? Oh, nice. What is black and white and blue all over, going down a flight of stairs? A zebra who's sad going down the flight of stairs.

So blue all over, that's like a sex thing, right? We get here, like a penguin receiving a blowjob. Yeah. That's so cute. Oh, it's so cute. It's a penguin in a zebra 69ing. And Well, it's so cute. It's a penguin in his ebra 69ing. And they just came from the Arctic to their blue. Yeah, my favorite part in March of the penguins, that documentary from 10 years ago, is when

all of the pigments start blowing each other as part of their like, like, crazy. Well, March is fuck months to them, right? Yeah. So March of the penguin just then having... The penguins walk 400 miles in the Arctic and then they go to town on each other's ding dogs and you do frame The way Morgan Freeman describes it is really what Really makes it pop the answer to this no no no no no no I can get this Don't I don't need to the answer yet. Is it a play on like the old what's black and blue and red all over?

A very similar black and white. Yeah, so it's that kind of thinking. Yeah, that's a newspaper writer like a frog in a blender or something like that. Jesus Christ. What? Black and white in a blender. Or like a penguin falling down the stairs. In any necklace smoothie.

That's so cute too. A frog in a blender. We like our news fresh. What's the, what's this written? It's black and white. And blue all over. Going down a flight of stairs. I'll give you 10 more seconds. What's this rental? It's black and white. And blue all over, going down a flight of stairs. I'll give you 10 more seconds.

That's all I need. A newspaper in the wind that is heading towards the subway. No, we can get this one. I think I got it. Yeah, it's a news. No, no, we can get it. And going down a flight of stairs, what goes down flights of stairs?

Elepators, escalators. Nope, those are two things that absolutely do not. For sure, okay. Unless they're being installed. The answer is a nun falling down. Why is she blue? Because of bruises. There's a...

No. He seems to know a lot about nun bruises, aren't he? Oh, yeah, he loses. And here's the second part of this Puzzie. If we want to call it that, it's more of a weird joke. The second part is, what is black and white and laughing? The nun who pushed her. Wait, wait, wait, no, wait. Why is it blue? Because she's getting bruises. Bluses, she's getting bruises. You know, bruises, you know, bruises,

clues that kid show where the dog was being abused. Oh, jeez. And they had the salt who was. Your skin goes blue when you've lost oxygen. So wouldn't a better thing be? This is Hey Riddle Riddle, not medical textbook. I think a better answer to that riddle would be a nun who has been chosen. I'm onto you and I know why this was red.

I know why this was red. It's not over. It's blue because all right we're gonna roleplay this because this is my add-all red this to begin with. So JPC I would love if you were a narrator and then Arnie and Adel I would love if you were the Adel you were the none that was being pushed down the stairs. Ooh sorry it gets all the revenge. Yeah I just don't often see you as a villain Arnie and I would love to see you get to. All right. As JPC, you're gonna be like a more

-convrooming-esque. Yeah. And he'll set the scene. Well, I'm sure I won't be more in good free, but I'll ask. Can you be Alan Alda-esque? Yeah, I should. So Alan Alda is the narrator, and let's go.

So Alan Alda is the narrator, and is this like a true crime thing? No, this is more like a documentary all up March of the Penguins. I need to know exactly what's gonna happen before we start. So is this, um, do we know each other? Are we nuns? I want to know the backstory. And what's our name? None and none. Hello, this is Alan Aldrin. I've just been given a tape of a none murdering another nut. I am being held here at gunpoint by a man with a mask and so I will

Well gun and newspoint. All right, I will I will narrate looks like One of the nuns is coming up from behind the other nuns. Oh, Abigail, you surprised me. Oh, yes, sister prudence I was wondering I want to show you something over here by this very long staircase. Oh, is it this staircase itself? You know how much I adore? Architecture, I'm a big Frank Lord right head. Oh, I guess I could have gone with that story. That story? No, no, no, no. I want to go... There's a penguin getting a blow job on upstairs.

Oh, yeah. So, I was thinking we should go judge it Let me ask you something to see if you're telling the truth because if you're not I'll hang you Oh, is the penguin will this go into your head? Of course as Perstandard here at the church is the penguin getting a blowjob from their spouse You know what I don't know if the pain is married to that's even Okay, this is what Alan Alder just cutting in to say that when a penguin gives another penguin a blowjob, it's for life. A penguin's pair off one by one and only blow that penguin until the next mating season.

The reason I ask is because when penguins give blow jobs, they blow for life. They wouldn't go and seek out another partner if that makes sense. So I wanted to see if you're lying because if you said no, it was a mistress I would know that you were lying to me, but it seems you're telling the truth Let's go Teedering you're falling so lonely teedering here my fingers are almost Just okay, is anyone watching? Your fingers. Oh, okay, that's my

T-Dreams. Okay, so anyone's watching. Grabbed your fingers. Okay, so much. That's my epic figure. Whoa, that's so... Oh, but the trick finger has a little zip line that, ooh, caught you in this... Oh, and let me pull myself back up. Just cut it right now.

Oh, but that's my... Teraway habit. Teraway habit. Oh, oh, I'm catching a little bit of air and I'm... I'm flying. Look at me, I'm a flying man. Seems like the narrator is completely unneeded in this situation. I guess God wants you to live.

I throw myself downstairs. I'm coming, Squawk! Penguin's wait. Yeah, when they're coming. What's- what is it called when a bunch of penguins live together? Or where they live? Real world. Is it a rookery?

A rook? A rook? A rook? Some, uh, someone Google it and let me know. Okay, if you're listening to the pod plus, plus, plus. If you're listening to the pod plus, plus, you paid $20 to get to our premium channel. Please Google what is it called when penguins live together and send that to Aaron. Yes, thank you. And then Aaron, would you like to give your phone number?

I love to learn. So, I just come to my house. All right, let's go on to the next read here. A man has found murdered. Here we go. This is in our wheelhouse. Okay, yes. Lots of death on the show.

A man has found murdered in a room that has 53 bicycles scattered about. What happened? This is more in the vein of the riddles we usually do. I need to set this one out because someone told me this today. I have heard this one as a child as well. So I also know the answer. I don't know the answer to this riddle,

but I do know the... Cool, so fuck me, we all know it. You know it? Yes, because I've read it. So you just know it before you read it. I didn't know before I read it, but I believe this is submitted from Jenna. So Manna's found murdered in a room

that has 53 bicycles scattered about what happened. We all know it. So, yeah, so it's, you know, bicycles are playing cards and there's usually 52 in a deck. You was cheating at cards and you got killed. Ooh, no, actually, this is, it was a hipster. Oh, yeah. And he was killed for having too many bicycles.

Yeah, that was annoying. And the ones with the big wheel at the front? Hipsters are notorious for having multiple bicycles. That's their thing. Like Aaron said, they won't have the big wheel if I had a tiny one in back. Yeah, no, I know what you're talking about. You know, I'm reading a laugh maybe.

Aaron, I'm trying to agree with you. God bless you. Aaron, do you think hipsters are time travelers? What am I thinking of? All right, that brings us to another scene. We're going gonna play out Aaron, let's have you be a time traveling hipster absolutely. What's have Arnie and JPC? They're going to be living in Boston, but they're not American citizens

Because this is gonna be pre 1776 so they'll be English subjects great I'm out gonna be an Australian subject perfect Arnie. Do you have an accent you can do? I will be Looking around the room for him. Did as it go I'm gonna be an Australian subject. Perfect, Ernie, do you have an accent you can do? I will be... Ernie's looking around the room for him. I did as it goes. I thought you said I will be a wolf. I'll be a wolf.

You'll be a wolf, dressed as a cat, dressed as a human. And then Aaron, you have a Boston accent and you'll be a time traveling Boston hipster. Here we go. Are we in a bicycle store? I'm not in a bicycle store. I'm not in a bicycle store. I don't think that exists, but I'll try my best.

You die? You die? We're going to the bicycle store? Welcome to a bicycle store. Oh, god. Yeah, hi. I was wondering, do you guys have coffee? Oh, really? A coffee, but we've...fliss-fast deals? And what did you just say? It's Australian for coffee? What the what did you just say? It's Australian for coffee. What the hell did you just say to me?

It's really good. Do you want to fight me? I'm kidding, I never fight. Or I would also be a little careful because I have a wolf here. What? Where's your wolf? I mean, it's my friend's titty. It sounds, your voice sounds like... Are you kidding me? I can't hear you friend's titty It sounds your voice sounds like you get about to sneeze

Oh not Did you hear what I said yeah, you said my voice sounds like I'm a bit to sneeze except I'm not So here's the thing. I am going to rob you and I'm going to steal your bikes. Oh, I'm riddled. I love riddles. Because he is the thing. I'm from the future. And I live in a gorgeous, like, loft.

And I play music for my friends and I never show it. It's really fun. But I don't think there's gonna be a consequence about distilled these bikes from you. Not to make this about me, but it's with that obvious that I don't want under these two costumes. I mean, I really blew it for you.

I shouldn't have said anything, and I'll feel beat if they did. I really thought maybe people would suspect I was really a cat. Wait, I mean, if you were doing for key, you could have potentially done it, but I'll probably be... Hey, are you famous, Julia?

Yeah, yeah. Is that your wolf? It's my wolf. That's not my wolf. That's not a wolf. This is a wolf. It's my wolf. I'm also a wolf.

It's a wolf. Oh my. Okay, maybe I'll... Maybe I'll... Maybe I'll wolf, it's a wolf. He did it all. Hey, hey, don't. Oh my. Maybe I'll, what'd you say? Maybe I'll will this wolf. He did off. Hey, how you doing? Pretty good. You look great. Oh, God. Oh, they're blowing each other. Oh, and they're

still. I was blown for life. I gotta get out of here. Call me a penguin. Call me a friend. That was difficult for me because I've never seen a hipster with a Boston accent. Oh yeah, they don't have Boston hipsters. No. In the future. Well, I'm sure there's a lot of hipsters that live in Boston, who live in Los Angeles.

But they don't have like Boston accents. No, they don't have Boston accents. It's more like people you'd see by Fenway. I'd love to see a hipster with a thick like Chicago accent too. I don't think hipsters have accents. No, I also think that a lot of young people don't have a thick of accent. Yeah, young think hipsters have accents. No, I also think that a lot of young people don't have a thick of accent. Yeah, young people don't have accents. As we ponder that, what's just do maybe

two more and then we'll and then we'll go from there. Now let's do two more and then we'll go from there. I disagree. I think we should do two more and then we'll do. Two more earning. I think we should go from there after doing two more. I agree with her. This one is from Julia Harrison. doing two more. I agree with her, honey. This one is from Julia Harrison. Julia says, this is her favorite riddle. It is- Who would love for some of the

their least favorite riddle? This is my least favorite riddle. This is a middle of a park riddle for me. Enjoy. A man pushed his car to a hotel where he lost his fortune. What happened? A man pushed his car to a hotel where he lost his fortune. What happened?

Okay, so hotels can be casinos as well. So that's a good place to lose your fortune. But why did he push his car? Does it matter that it's a man? No, not necessarily. Okay, you know the answer to this. But he is a doctor. He's a doctor.

If you read that to me one more time. A doctor pushed their car to a hotel where they lost their fortune. What happened? I feel like should, is it, am I correct in all three of us have no clue to start? or push their car to a hotel where they lost their fortune. What happened? I feel like should, am I correct in all three of us have no clue to start. Oh yeah, no clue to start. My base level is I have no clue about this.

Should we play side bets on which keyword is gonna be the one that's supposed to trick us? Oh yeah, okay. What's supposed to be the, like is it Dr. Carr Hotel or fortune? Like what's the, like is there an order of most to least tricky in this scenario? I think that fortune is the trickiest.

Fortune really sticks out of something going on with that. Yeah, that seems like a very intentional word. Here's a little hint. Here's a little hint, the car is made of silver. Is that true? It is true. Maybe not actual silver, but it's at least silver plated. Okay, yeah, I think I got it.

I got it. It's a silver rato. It's a truck. Yeah, and it's a fortune cookie. The man with country stride, that's the answer. A doctor. Okay, so I am downgrading my interest in doctor. Yeah, doctor, doctor, just a distraction. I think I know the answer.

You know the answer? So the man is pushing his car to a hotel and then he loses his fortune and the car is silver plated. Do you know? No, I don't. I don't know. You know. That's what it was. I do. Is it fun for me to get should I give actual clues? I don't think it matters. I think we have a host. I would love if you told me what thing doesn't matter. You know what? The word push is actually, I would, that did not put that down as one of the important

words. Oh, interesting. A man pushes a silver car. Please a doctor. A man pushes a silver car. A man pushes a silver car. If this doctor part ends up being important, I've completely missed it. Also worth saying that the name of the hotel is not important.

Okay. But the location of the hotel is not important. Okay. But the location of the hotel is. Absolutely. What? And the owner of the hotel is important too. To some degree. The hotel, California. That's what it is.

It's such a lovely place. He can never leave, so you can't get his desk. He's loved the Eagles and that's why. We all know, as we found out, teens love Jemeriquy. The Eagles. The Eagles. The dabbing inside their moms.

The sadder moms. Yeah, did we say that in an episode? We did. Oh, God. You were the one who did it. You got a list of the show, Aaron. You're gonna love it. It sounds like me.

Keep us up there and what your friends say. Look, this guy's been in trouble since go. Boy, that's a great hit. My brain is a song. Is the answer to this a song? No. I don't believe so. I don't believe so.

I'm under-caffeinated. If it were a song, it might I don't believe so. I think I'm undercaffeinated. If it were a song, it might be Jail House Rock. If you're unlucky. What the heck? You're saying that like it's a hint? Just take a chance on an answer. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Oh, God. Jesus Christ, you're not going to win any beauty pageants talking like that. Yeah, I got it, got it, got it. Thank you so much for all of the hints that I was very upset with. I don't know how to answer. Is it helpful if he pushes his silver thimble to a hotel? I don't know that. I don't know that.

If we're talking about monopoly. What? I also don't know that silver is a color, but like it's definitely not really like pewter. Yeah, it's definitely not silver. That's so misleading. A monopoly thesis is so. But keep in mind, he is a doctor. It must have been nice to be a frickin' millionaire

and have a silver monopoly. That's a really, really good, very old. It is actually, I'm into it. That's maybe the first one I'm gonna give an A too. Ooh, and the doctor was, what I did like is I think it's good, intentional or not to have a distractor word in there. Cause I could have gotten, if without that clue from Adelaide,

I feel like I would have gotten hooked up on doctor. Like, why is he a doctor for a long time? Well, in one of our first episodes, we established that man have to be doctors, right? Yes, the gentleman. Or fathers, just fathers, maybe. Fathers are doctors, yes. So that's not really part of the riddle.

I just fell for not knowing or running exactly. Yep. Well, you said you listened to the episodes and we believed you. We go by the honors just from there. I haven't listened to the ones that haven't come out yet. So a big part of the episodes where you have guests on are duping the guests with our inside jokes. And since you are the first guest, you get to experience that first. The full one.

Because we don't often feel included in our own lives and we want to pass it on. Well, to make others feel lesser. Well, at the end, I'm going to turn this paper upside down. I will have succeeded at all of these things. This is submitted by Brendan Ochoa. I hope I'm saying that correctly. I hope you aren't. I hope Brendan gets his revenge on you.

And this is actually one that I, when I was a teenager and first discovering Pussies and Radies, this was used to be my favorite. So I might be bringing this stuff. I'm going to stop us right there and I'm going to do a quick role play segment. Adel, you're gonna be role playing yourself as a teenager, you're gonna be...

Okay, I hope you're not gonna have somebody play my dad because that's not how I am. He went around. It's also funny you say that because listening to the first episode of this podcast, I had a vivid image of just Adel as a teenager at home in my new friends over. Hey guys, want to solve some puzzles? Don't ever call the puzzle. You're going to be discovering riddles in your

room alone for the first time and then you're Aaron, you're going to play Adel's mother. You are going to burst into the room and discover him, discovering himself himself discovering riddles. Oh, jeez. Dude, dude, dude, gonna play some more Megaman 3. And Adel, please be discovering riddles. And not playing Megaman 3. Oh, time to pause my game, but I can't save it. Let's go to the show. Honey, honey. Yeah.

Oh, mom, are you narrating what you do again? Yeah, that's, you know, I don't have any friends, so I just have to... Do me a favor. My voice is... I'm a teenager, but my voice is so deep. Hey, Anne. Do me a favor. Go outside. Hmm.

There's not riddles out there. Go to a party, maybe. Hey, Eddle. It's me. Mega Man. Mega Man. What has a wood saw in the morning? Here we go.

A fire blaster in the apple. What's on the morning? And I don't know. Honey, stop masturbating. Please. Sorry. It's a mom. I'm sorry.

God, it's normal to be young and to do that, but just wait till I leave the room. Oh, sorry. I just got cut up in a riddle. Battle, it's me, Megaman. Hey, Megaman. Wait till I leave. What's flaccid in the morning? Am penis. Yes. Well for now. Hey, mom, mom, mom, mom. Wait, I just came up with a puzzle. You want to hear it?

What's black and blue and what's black and white and blue and falling down the stairs? A nun who gets pushed on the fucking stairs. Go to a party. Go inside, please. It's me, Magnet. You don't need other people. Wait, I'll leave! And see. So here's my favorite puzzle from when I was a teenager. You leave home, make three left turns, and return home

where you find two men wearing masks. Who are they? I know it. You leave home, make three left turns, and return home where you find two men wearing masks. Who are they? You leave home, make three left turns, and return home where you find two men wearing masks. Who are they? So, Adel mentioned that his dad wasn't around when he was a teenager. So, this was his favorite riddle growing up. So, I feel like it's his dad and an older version of himself like embracing. That is wrong. Is it possible? This is still monopoly. Yes. Yeah, I think it is absolutely monopoly. I think I know the answer to this one as well. So you leave the house, you turn

left three times and then you find two men wearing masks. You leave home, you make three left turns, you return home, that's a big part of it, you return home, where you find two men wearing masks. Who are the two men? So and you were a teenager at this time, right? So I think the answer is you left the house, you took a walk around the block, you came back and your mom was watching Eyes Wide Shut with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. And it was the, when they were still married. Oh, yeah, for sure, they were still married.

And it was the scene where everyone's wearing masks and doing sex on each other. And that's your favorite riddle. Um, that's right. Is it possible? Is it possible you leave home, you take a couple turns, you come home earlier than expected,

and it's government agents who are putting on masks of you and your mother to trick other people. But you catch them. The answer is it was two members from the band Slippnot. I was a big Slippnot fan. My mom had arranged for them to come to my birthday party. If I would just leave the house for three leftards. So you got two members of the seven person bands.

Why not? Hey, they're from Iowa. I think they have like 13 drummers in that band. So if we struck out entirely so far, you've caught on to a few things. So I wouldn't say you struck out. I'd say you have one or two strikes. You leave the house.

Were you humming the Simpsons theme song? JPC's swinging away. Yeah. I feel I'm totally out of it. Do you know the answer? I do not know. IPC swing away. Yeah. I feel I'm totally out of it. Do you know the answer? I do not know. I have no game. Two, three strikes are out at the answer is a catcher and umpire.

Go socks! The two men waiting at home are a catcher and umpire. So you've had a hit or a home run. You make three left turns, which is rounding the bases. You return home, which is the home plate. You find two men wearing masks, and they're the catcher of the umpire. They then put a gun to your head and a new to the surrounding neck. That is a good riddle for being a teen

because that would probably be the last time that I cared about baseball. I used to love going to the segment. Fever pitch is an underrated movie. I love the movie Fever pitch. What city was that filmed in? I don't know. Okay, let's do a little.

I feel like I wouldn't have gotten that one as quickly if it didn't immediately follow the monopoly one. Oh, kind of put you in the same board. You're saying I'm making for a good old man puzzle because of the pacing of my. You're on a great job. Here we go. I want to do a quick reenactment. This will just take a minute.

Okay. Aaron, I want you to be Drew Barrymore. Arnie, I want you to be Jimmy Fallon. And I want you to, as best as you can, to remember and act out any minute in the entire movie of Fever Pitch. Jimmy Fallon, I am in Boston with you in it's 2004 and we happen to be filming this movie during this time. I know, it's great. You know what? I think we're going to win this time.

And JPC, you're Alan Alda trying to start the wave. Got it. Can I offer anybody some cocaine? Seeing that. Alright, let's take us to our last, uh, Rudi, your fuzzy here. This is a longer episode, but we have, um, a great friend and a great co-host. It's not our fault. It's not our fault. It's a longer episode, but we have a great friend and a great co-host. So it's not our fault. It's not our fault. It's a longer episode, but I've been really dragged around.

Leave us some reviews on iTunes or Royalism podcast, and specifically Blame Arnie for this being long. Here's our last one here. This is from Noah Goodman. There is a lady, period. One night she turns off the light and goes to bed. The next morning she wakes up, reads the newspaper and decides to commit suicide.

Why? There's a lady, one night she turns off the light, goes to bed, the next morning she wakes up, reads the newspaper and decides to commit suicide. Why? Okay, so if we're using like Arnie's scale of importance here, I think the light, turning off the light has to be... That's a big part of it.

That has to be the biggest part of it. And you can ask, if you want to ask some questions, I will definitely answer you yesterday out to these. Can I do a quick sidebar? Why does so many riddles involve death and dying? Are you a lawyer? Are you a lawyer? I am.

I'll allow this on. You have to tell me if you're a lawyer. It's in treatment if you don't. Do I look like I could be a lawyer? Does it look like I have enough energy to do anything? You are holding two very long pointers, so yes, I think that you would definitely be a lawyer. Two very long hands. That's like L Woods. For years. What is it? Is this I even call it a hard stop? Yeah, finally one for JP Stop, that's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

No, if it's you it's hard stuff. It's hard stuff. Hard stuff. I for me it's full stuff What so lawyers have two point in my mind in my mind let me defend myself You know how like and I think you're gonna need a lawyer. Are you sure you don't want a lawyer? I think this is my lawyer I in courtroom movies where they have large printout charts, then they have the pointer things. And they're pointing to the intersection here and then the car struck you here. And then a good lawyer would have more of those.

So in my mind, they would have two of those things. Also, I was going to say pistols, but I don't think lawyers carry pistols. I know doctors carry pistols. Of course. What is a lawyer carry a briefcase? Briefcase. I mean, I love book. I said that's how it feels.

I think you're confusing lawyers with cocaine dealers. Yeah. Okay. So light is a huge part of it. Light is a huge part of it. And here's what I say, Aaron, if you get this one, we will allow a bingo bingo hatata. You can celebrate with a bingo bingo hatata if you get this one.

The woman, So the woman is God, and she's turning out the light of the, hold on. He said no. He said no. Adul just objected to the fact that God could be a woman. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no that she turns off. I'm just doing more of the sessions. It seems the light, not a light. It actually has to do with the newspaper. She commits suicide because Trump's America.

I mean, that's a good reason for anyone to do it. She turns off the light. Yeah. Does it matter that it's the, in not a? To some degree, let me give you a few clues here. Was the headline a report of a death? The headline in this paper a report of a death? Yes.

Was it the death of many people? Yes. Did she know the people who died? No. Is the light important? Yes. Oh, was it a stop light? Or was it a full stop light? Full stop light. She, she, you know when someone's going to bed

and then they turn off the lights at the intersection? Did she, did she cause the deaths by turning off the light? Yes. Was it like a, what's, why am I blanking? Is where she lives important? Yes. Lighthouse.

Yeah. She lives in a lighthouse. There's more sense in the night. She lives in a lighthouse. She actually, yes. She accidentally turned off the lighthouse. The lighthouse? Causing a ship to crash.

Hold on, that'll be a lot of people. Hold on. I think that we're right. She turned off the stop light outside the lighthouse. Yes. One car crashed killed the lighthouse. Yes. One car crashed, killed two people. Yes.

JPC, since you solved it, wouldn't give a bingo bingo hot tata? I think actually Arnie solved it. You wouldn't give a bingo bingo hot tata? He just couldn't remember what a lighthouse was called, but he didn't say it. I know it. I know it.

Bingo bingo hot tata. Yeah. I'm really happy for you, Arnie. That's our reward now as we get to give a bingo bingo hot hot hot hot Sure, although I feel like I could have done that better Aaron do you have any tips on doing a good bingo? Just have it come from your soul of the joy and this is the most joy I've ever felt bingo bingo hot Pretty good. Oh, yeah, you're under of joy sounds like a little goblin well You're under a joy sounds like a little goblin well

The shoe fits Arnie, thank you so much for being on thank you for having me I will the giant legitimately like I asked Addle to be on and not vice versa Oh, I'm sure he would have asked me someday. Yes, that is the way Arnie does produce this podcast And he did ask Addle to be honest Arnie anything you want to promote hey We already started the joke. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, where is the handle? Guys, wouldn't it be a hilarious meta joke if then we just did a whole

another episode starting right now. I'd love to go back to the beginning and just use that about energy. Check out hello from the Magic Tavern, a very weird comedy improv fantasy show that Adela and I do with a bunch of people. John has been on, Aaron has been on, they're both great guests and a lot of great Chicago people. Also, I by day work for Jackbox Games, working on party video games that you might like. If you like fun thinky party stuff, the Jackbox Party Packs. If you listen to this podcast, you probably do. You you like fun thinky party stuff the jack bucks party packs if you listen to this podcast you probably do you

probably like fun thinky party stuff fun thinky party stuff uh it's a game like draw full trivia and runner party and jack bucks party pack five is coming out this fall with a new you don't know jack trivia game ooh what you directed right which I uh editorially directed. We'll give it to you. Yeah. You need to win. What an interesting distinction. Let's give you a win. JP, see anything you want to promote? Yeah, probably some stuff. You can listen to the campaign podcast on the one-shot network. And then if you're in Chicago, see an improv show. There you go. Just go ahead and have fun. Oh, any

improv show? Now I'm going to seem like an ass saying which one. Yeah, what if you're in Chicago see Aaron's improv show? It's Friday nights at 1030 at the I.O. Theater. Yeah, that's true. Any family members you want to promote? Oh, let's see. I have a cousin Daniel who's like really delightful at parties. Like he's a fun person to have at a family event. Does he like think he party games?

I don't think he, I don't know what he likes. Hmm, he's fun though. Got it, sounds like you're pretty close. Al, anything you want to promote? Um, no. Okay, then as always, we'll go out with a question for Aaron. Aaron, my question this week, you mentioned that your fun, your eyes are already closed,

waiting for this question. You mentioned that your cousin, Daniel, is very fun at parties. My question is if Daniel was at a party and it was the most fun party that it could be, what planet would that party be on? Jupiter! There we go. That's the show. Go ahead and email us at www.heyrittlerittle.com.

We'll see you next time. This has been Hey Rittle Rittle. Created by Adolf Refi. at gmail.com. We'll see you next time. Moco created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nipora. I don't really know why I keep it for a hit with the brick dome. That was a hit-gum podcast.