Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #291: Uncle Mumbles Spooky House of Horrors

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

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Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bedsheets, pillows, comforters and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter and the host of We're Here to Help.

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Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Okay, Adol, my bags are packed. Looks like JPC's bags are packed. I think we're ready to go. Where are we going? Oh, perfect. So Disneyland? Close. Any other guesses? Paris. Universal? Disney Paris? Any other guesses? Uh, Paris. Universal? Universal? Disney Paris? Oh, Disney Paris.

Disney Paris. Oh, Sacrebleu. That would be so fun. Disney Japan! Disney Japan! Arigato. That would be so fun as well. Um, any other guesses? Are we close? Um... I think the three of us are close.

Disney Cruise? Being in World News, I think, brought us together and then doing the podcast for sure. I mean you just said pack bags so I kind of packed a- I don't know how long and I don't really know what kind of. I just kind of packed like a plethora of- Oh good word. Um yeah sorry I should have been more specific.

I just hate texting. Oh for sure. And I hate being on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. Yeah for sure. And I mean JBC you seem to have packed your full duffel bag full of knives that you usually bring on every trip These are my travel knives Because you never know if you're gonna stay at an Airbnb if they're gonna have like actual good knives for like butchery

Like a lot of times they have like knives that will like serve to like spread I don't know what people do butter on toast or something like that, but they won't have like knives to slaughter people do And then you're also you're kind of like a 13 year old at a state fair or something like you buy a lot of throwing Stars and stuff. Oh for sure Yeah, any any any bladed weapon that is legal to purchase and sell in the state that I am in I'm purchasing it Yeah, and yeah,, earlier, probably last week, I remember you said like, try and punch me here. And I was like, huh? And you're like, try and punch me here.

Yeah. A lot of people don't know like the butt is the strongest organ in the body. It can, it's got a shock, natural shock absorber. So it's like, Are we going to Atlantis? Is this a tropical vacation? What is this? I'm so excited to find out where we're going. As much as I love Atlantis, and you guys have to go, I'm telling you, it will improve your underwater breathing by ten. Just going there will? Yes. This is one of those things where it's like you should probably be in shape before you go to Atlantis.

You shouldn't go to Yellowstone without like being prepared to hike. I thought I was talking about the resort in the Caribbean. But are we talking about literal Atlantis? Isn't there a resort called Atlantis? Oh you must. I don't know if there's a resort called Atlantis. We're thinking of Namor's home? That's where we're thinking of. Yeah, the Submariner. Yeah. Alright, well then if this is just an Atlantis episode that I'm excited to go under the sea with you guys. That's great

This is good. We're going somewhere. I'm excited. This sounds fun Again, I'm not really in physical shape to go to Atlantis at this point I prefer the Dom Mariner if you know what I mean Dom Mariner if you know what I mean Yeah, Ken Murphy jr. He was a baseball player is the dominant Mariner are we late for the train what is happening? Oh I hope we're not taking a train. Oh Erin you salty dog we are you said you had travel covered and if it's like if you cheaped out and got us like an Amtrak ticket I'm probably a little mad sometimes. They're actually more expensive than flying which doesn't make any fucking sense because it's like eight times as long Oh, yeah. Yeah, sometimes I'll be like I should go to

Gatlingberg and let me check. I don't want to drive. Let me Gatlingberg no this Sidewalk is this the trip just tell me this is a bit of a trip to catch up with Y'all, but here's the thing Good news bad news. I mean obviously We're into October. It's a very spooky month, but which is that the beginners are the bad news well That's it. I guess it's just news sorry. Yeah, it's a good news bad news news, so that was the news the bad news is my, um, my uncle died.

Aw, mumbles. I'm so sorry. Was this mom's side or dad's side? Um, neither. No, this wasn't, this wasn't your uncle from the north. Uh, no. No, no, no. Oh, thank God. Was it your uncle from the west? He died a while ago, I think.

Yeah, but he might be back or something, it doesn't matter. This was Uncle Mumbles, who lived just west of where we're standing right now. Oh, I don't know that I've ever... Well, not that we all mention our uncles very much, but I don't know that I've ever heard you mention Uncle Mumbles. But I'm sorry for their passing. Actually, we'll slot in a moment where I mention them. Casey, go ahead and slot that in right here. And we cut back.

And do you want to know the good news? Uh, yeah, I mean, I hope it's that he lived a good life or... Left me some monies. I think it was a pretty painful existence. Oh, his mumbles is a nickname. His name was Mark, but he you know, he go to Starbucks and be like, and they go, huh? He is kind of like, yeah. And it's just I mean, that was you wanted a macchiato.

Did he have like a was it like a medical mumbles? Yes, because it seems like a mumble doesn't seem like a mumble seems like something that you could address with like a speech pathology You guys I took four years of mumbles in high school and then another year and two or two in college like I speak mumbles I can't read mumbles That would have been so helpful like even just a week ago or something because you do conversational mumbles, correct Erin Yeah, I mean I can navigate mumbles, but I can't like make a speech in mumbles You know, I can sing in mumbles, right? I've heard you sing in mumbles, correct, Erin? Yeah, I mean, I can navigate mumbles, but I can't make a speech in mumbles. Oh, but you can sing in mumbles, right?

I've heard you sing in mumbles. Yeah, I can sing in mumbles. But I heard that if you communicate with someone whose native tongue is mumbles, they can't really understand you. Like, you do like, what's the Spanglish for mumbles? Come on, you can think about that. Yeah, you got, well, you, whatever's rattling around

in your brain. You do mumblish. Mumblish. I could hear a marble rattling around in your brain You could think about yeah, you got well you whatever's right I could hear a marble rattling around your brain while you try to think of that This show is sponsored by better help Huh? Oh my gosh, you guys are dressed like a skeleton and a zombie. It really freaked me out. What? Oh my god, look at what we're wearing. Oh Yeah, I have brains On the outside today. Mm-hmm, yeah. And I had chicken wings before this

and did an awful job cleaning up. Well you guys look super scary, but can I tell you what's even scarier? What's that? I'd love to hear. Some of the stuff that I'm facing in my own life. You're talking about like fears and anxieties and stuff like that, right? Yeah, that's what I'm facing in my own life. Oh, you're talking about like fears and anxieties and stuff like that, right?

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Big time. And therapy is a great tool for facing your fears and finding ways to overcome them. That's why I use BetterHelp. Oh, now BetterHelp, Erin, that's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule, right?

It's the one where you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. That's BetterHelp. Yeah, sorry. What did you say you had for breakfast? Well, it wasn't really breakfast. It was chicken wings. It was a couple days ago. So you're no longer a vegetarian. Okay. So it was chicken wings and I'm spelling it K-H-I-C. It's like a cute kitschy.

There's bones in it though. I use BetterHelp and that kind of therapy works so much better for my brain. Being able to message my counselor anytime when things are actually happening is so helpful for my mental health. Ooh yeah, and therapy, especially this time of year, can help you learn to accept all parts of you

so you can take off that mask. Not the Halloween mask, but the other mask. Because masks should be for Halloween fun, but not for our emotions. And also therapy isn't just for addressing one specific thing. It's for helping you learn positive coping skills that you can use all across your life. It's about setting boundaries and then deciding

where to employ those boundaries. So overcome your fears with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. Aaron, what are you going for for Halloween? What are you going as?

I'm dressed like a witch right now, you guys didn't notice? Oh, okay, let's move on. Is there a marble in your brain? Is that what we're going to the hospital? If there is, then I'm out two marbles because there should be three in there. So if it's only one, then I gotta get my marble guy on the horn.

I think if I lose the last one, I die. Or like, I can't tell lies anymore or something. There's also a tree with a thousand leaves and somehow they're falling and I don't remember how they're falling, but it's ill-quartet for me. I don't know. You either die or you can't tell lies anymore.

I don't know which is a worse fate for you. Yeah, they're both pretty bad, equally bad for me, but that was the deal that I made with the guy at the cross. It doesn't matter. Where are we going? Hear me out. This whole episode is us on the sidewalk. So far. Yeah, Aaron, so far.

So far, yeah. I was saying, what if we deal with Uncle Mumbles next week? And this is just what this is. Oh, so you read my pilot script, Uncle Mumbles next week. Yeah, it was. It's the last week tonight, but it's news, mumble. He gets next week's paper delivered every day, but he can't communicate with people, so no one knows. He tries to prevent things, but yeah.

He's just sobbing, trying to get people to understand how they can prevent terrible things from happening. It's like a cross between early edition and that Aaron Burr peanut butter commercial. Is this the good news? Did you get picked up? No, the new, oh, no, it got turned down by everyone.

No. Oh, Adam. Except for- Zav's love. I wanna say Crunchyroll offered me 20K. Crunchyroll, interesting. When is one of us gonna book a peanut butter commercial? We're going out for all of them

and the three of us just can't make it stick. What's going on, guys? Can't make it, we can't make it stick. Oh, right. Aaron. I didn't even mean to do that. I think it's because we're using too many puns in the peanut butter commercials. I think that's turning people off.

And the money's there. I mean, Jeff, Peter Pan, Skippy, they're all advertising. In a little peek behind the curtain, we do have the same acting coach, the three of us. And right now, the last two years, we've just been working on peanut butter commercial acting so kind of disappointing that we have you guys are going to JPC's acting factories you're acting factory yeah well last time it was JPC's houseboat I

think it doesn't have to matter it doesn't have to matter what it was last time no the stuff we say matters if this is on the internet forever JPC the choices you make are here forever. Aaron, we can't believe that the things that we say matter because then we'd have to take responsibility for the things that we say. I feel like you're running right into the point without quite seeing the point.

Just push past the point, though. I mean, we can't have that, let's not let it be true because if it's true, it's true. Careful, you're gonna lose that last marble. That last marble, it's fragile. I would be careful, Don't push through anything. I think I have to be reincarnated as a snail if I lose that last marble, so I really don't want to be doing that. Hmm, can't be too bad. I mean, what's the worst that could happen to a snail?

Bird eats ya. Yeah, bird eats ya. No, it can't eat ya because of the shell. Okay, I'll just tell that to the bird as it's fucking pulling me out the front of the shell, Aaron. Yeah, the good news is you would kill a bird, but I think you'd still die stuck in the throat Yeah, I think if you kill something because they choke on you while they're eating you you end up losing ultimately That's a loss for you. You take an L on that one a bee sting. It's like how a bee gets its final Revenge as it dies. Yeah, but it dies

Right, but it's it still hurt you. Yeah, but it dies. Right, but it still hurt you. Yeah, if I was a bee, I feel like, you know, if someone swats at me, if someone pokes my home, I'd be pissed, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I'd really want to save my sting up for like, you know, someone who's just like egregiously being a piece of shit. I think that all bees think that way but every time they use their sting it's complete panic. It's like you think like you think your your confrontation is gonna be this big confrontation and then suddenly like someone yells at you and you jump and suddenly you've stung it.

You know it's like a hundred percent. On a Friday night a bee is having drinks with his friends and he goes I know who I'm saving my sting for and it's Brett Kavanaugh. When I sting, it'll be Brett Kavanaugh on the tip of his freaking nose. And then on Monday morning, like a little kid is playing soccer and the bees like, ah! The bees on a flower and like a dog comes over and it stings it. You know, it's like, we all think it's going to be one way and it's not that way. 1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew! Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7-day trial at patreon.com slash

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