Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #297: Animal Parade!

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

Listen to the rest with a 7 day free trial at our Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is going to be our first animal parade article. Got it. This is from W. W says, hey team, I'm only on episode 113. This is of the main feed, but I love animal parade. No idea if this still exists. Huh. But here's an old news story from my town. Just going huh.

Huh. No idea of what still exists. So this is an old news story from their town. The internet? This is an old news story from their town. The internet? This is from the- The news story? They used a link to a dead website. This is from the Otago Daily Times.

Headline reads, taser ends wild goat chase. Okay, I am locked into whatever this is. God, that feels like, you know when you're doing World News and someone reads the headline of an article and your whole body is just filled with the joy of knowing like how good it's about to get? I don't even need to hear many of the sentences of this article. I have everything I need from Taser Ed's Wild Goat Chase.

I'm on the sides of World News, on the sideline of World News, and I'm like grabbing JPC by the shoulders to shift him so I can run out and play the goat as soon as somebody's lips stop moving reading the article. Five people run on stage and I'm grabbing JPC by the shoulders to shift him so I can run out and play the goat as soon as somebody's lips stop moving reading the article. Five people run on stage and I'll go, bah, bah, bah. And then I come in and I go, anybody wanna, hey, police force, you guys ready to catch that goat?

And the audience goes, yes, yes, yes. I wanna say that the show is better than that, but it's just not. It's about that. It's just not. It's about that. And then I turn and look directly at the audience and I go, don't tase me, bro. No, no. That one we don't do.

That one we say to Patriot. All the 17 year olds are like, what is he talking, what is he referencing? Taser ends Wild Goat Chase when he was charged by a panicked renegade goat in Amaru. Renegade goat, renegade goat. Renegade goat in Amaru Renegade goat Renegade goat, I mean that's a gate by the way puts like it's it's like when they use the word like thug This is just putting like an unnecessary lay on on the goat Like what what about the goat was a renegade? Did he have like a cutoff motorcycle jacket? Was he was he like a member of the Mayans? No, he was dating my daughter.

He flunked out of school. He's got a switchblade comb. Oh, where, oh, where could my baby be? Isn't that song about a renegade? A renegade goat, baby goat. A renegade. A criminal who goes to heaven. Oh, same thing.

A renegade goat. Rentade goat, baby goat. I think it's about a criminal close to heaven. Oh, same thing. Renegade goat. Rent a goat. Renegade goat would be a fantastic Marvel edition. Marvel, if you're listening, let us write that. We're sorry. We should also say we do not condone animal violence. This is not funny because a goat got tased.

It's funny because an idiot human decided to tase a goat. Well, I also think it's like this is a news article that someone wrote. Yes. This is, we're living through the downfall of news and I gotta say, this is why. This is one of the reasons why. I'm gonna cherry pick some quotes here. It says, the guy who tased the goat, it says, he admitted his decision to use his taser might have been considered a bit drastic But given the circumstances he felt it was the best decision for all

For all Yeah for the goat that goat needed to learn some respect I was thinking about the peasants in china when I tased this goat. I was thinking I was thinking about all the peoples of the world Uh, clearly we need to give goats tasers, so it's a fair fight fair fight. I do want to see a scene Let's say JPC you are a renegade goat and Aaron you and I are just like regular goats

and JPC has come back from maybe like a ayahuasca trip or something, and that's why he's got this new renegade personality. Good grass today, huh? Yeah, so good. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that Chester? Is he wearing a leather coat?

Whoa, Chester. Kinda. Couldn't quite get it on, and then I'll make these for goats. What's up, nerds. What's up nerds? What's up sheeple? Not much. Buster.

What are you guys eating, grass? Yeah, hillside grass. Can you take off your sunglasses? Yeah, I can, she's not too. I'm having takis. You guys ever had takis? No, what's a taki? Dude, I can't even begin.

What are you taki-ing about? All No, what's a talkie? Dude, I can't even begin. What are you talkie-ing about? Alright, what's up, Melissa? Got a new side to you I haven't ever seen before. Oh, um, yeah, I'm just doing goat stuff this morning, Chester. What are you up to? Is that a little tattoo on your hoof? Oh, is this a tattoo on my hoof?

Oh, that's right, I got wasted last night and got a goat tattoo What makes it a goat tattoo tattoo that they give a goat? I got it on my hoof because that's the well, I don't think we have like nerve index there Also, it's just yes. It's like black on black. So it's like that really easy to show up but You know Yesterday when you fainted in front of the whole herd, you seemed to kind of like run away embarrassed, sort of crying like a goat. Nah.

And then now you have a leather jacket and a tattoo. Wasn't me actually, maybe actually I fainted or like kind of fell down because of how fucked up I was on ayahuasca. Don't know if you guys have ever had ayahuasca before, ever heard of that before the drug Okay, what's going on with you? Melissa? I know we're not supposed to

Melissa, I'm sorry. Hey. Hey, honey, Melissa, honey. Yeah We're Happily married right? I mean every morning we graze on the hillside and then we fall asleep We wake up we graze some more fall asleep. We graze some more we fall asleep I haven't been sneaking into the house and reading oh Trying to get it over Chester Yeah, okay, what are they say tooth headset? No if it's not points on the back end. I'm not interested I'm not I don't I don't I don't get out of bed for more than four points. Points on the back end.

Is he wheeling and feeling? He can eat my goat ass. Does he have human money at his disposal? He's pacing back and forth on two hooves. Why don't you just call me Jeff when you've got it done, OK? What do I pay you for? Sorry about that, guys. That's my fucking agent.

Whoa. Agent for what? Oh, I mean, just like he technically does commercial stuff. But he's trying to like branch out and now he's like doing movie, you know, whatever. But like he's solid on the commercial stuff. I'm going to let him run with it because it's like, you know, it's his bag too. But Chester, you've changed new job, new tattoo, new haircut. Well,

short on the sides long on the top Well, you dropped these tickets. What is tickets Amy Grant Christmas special Grand Ole Opry? How are you fording Amy Grant tickets? Well one of these has my name on it Melissa no well it was supposed to be a Christmas surprise, but Chaz if you look at the other ticket, it's got your name on it. Oh, I can't read, so... I mean-

I can't read either! This is what the guy told me! Melissa can read! That seems like bigger news, right? Hey, real quick, these are Amy Grant tickets for the Grandolapi, right? Well, that's what they smell like! Yes! But I don't know how I know how to read.

We can smell! I can intuit see What a bad boy what a bad boy what a bad boy is that sheep I guess that's more she what a goats make What's on the goats make? That's one of the funniest videos of all time from 12 years ago. Trouble, trouble. And also my favorite Taylor Swift song. Weezer, when they perform not as Weezer,

they perform as Goat Punishment. Wait, why would they ever not perform as Weezer? I think when they wanna do stuff that isn't like Weezer songs, or if they wanna like, sometimes they do it for like, the diehard fans, if they're like, hey, we wanna do a small show, and we don't want people to find out it's a Weezer show, they'll say,

hey, we're no punishment. If they wake up and they're like, let's play good music today. Yeah. What if we just do a hard reset, and we only do Rush covers? Yeah. And Weezer fans, I joke, I like I like everything except for maladroid I don't know how

Um, I don't know how we're gonna Top a renegade goat. I'm starting to feel nervous You can bottom if it's gonna be oh my god. Oh my god, Casey do something. I don't know Erin really just can you just take clean? Can you do a clean take and just say I went to bottom a renegade good You say it you say it Casey. I read that time stamp down for me Tell him to send all three When they go police, ambulance, fire truck go all the way. Okay, here's another animal parade article, but before we read it,

let's do a real quick round of animal parade. Aaron, starting with you. Oh my God, no. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. A rat with a hangover. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. A mouse with a party attitude. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bup. A mouse with a party attitude. Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

Just a salamander, animal prey. Yay. Salamander had too many syllables and I panicked. Yeah. I get that. Salamander. Yeah. Salamander. Salamander.

Yeah, salamander, four. Salamander, four. This is from Jen. Jen says, "'Seal breaks into a New Zealand home "'and lounges on the couch?' Awesome. Here we fucking go. I wonder what this article's about.

Ba da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Excuse me, I got tired from my concert. Could I just lay on your couch? That's the most we've ever sung in unison over Zoom, BBC. That was actually impressive. Well done done us. One, two, three, four, hate Riddle Riddle's glue.

Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven day trial at patreon.com.