Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #318: The Ball Is The Egg - A PBL Documentary

Episode Date: April 11, 2025

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Order, order, please come to order. We hear now... No more rambles please. We hear now from the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, the Honorable John Roberts. No, Roberts. As Chief Justice and Representative of the Supreme Court of these United States of America, I have the pleasure, nay, the duty, of today writing one of the historic wrongs of this great nation.

Here to forth hints with as if whatever, the so-called Penguin Baseball League shall not discriminate on the basis of plumage, barbs, beaks, bellies, or breasts. For it is neither waddle nor wingspan that gives a bird the authority to engage in our national pastime. It is this court, and today it is the opinion of this court that all birds, not the shoes, from nape to nail, feather to fecal sac, and cape to cloaca were created in the glorious

image of great God to play baseball. To all those assembled here and all those listening henceforth with B4 out across whatever, let it be now known, Penguin Baseball League is open to all birds. Again, not the shoes. And to all birds. Really not the shoes. And to all birds, really not the shoes, I say, play ball!

And the egg is the ball. Oh no, no, no, that's crazy! All birds can't play with me! All birds can't play with me! All birds can't play with me! All birds, all birds, all birds, all birds, all birds! ["The New York Times"] Tom Sanducci with CNN News. You heard it here first.

Honorable John Roberts has declared that all birds, not the shoes, are now eligible to play ball. Jennifer Vagina breaking in here with some breaking news. All birds, not the shoes, are able to play baseball now. More at 11. Jeff Stake here, NBSNCMEBDDBZ. Sorry, I don't know what happened. We have a producer that has a taser, and he's been hitting us under the desk with the taser

as we... It doesn't matter. All birds. Tom Sandusky with CNN. Some news anchors are being tased, is what I'm hearing in my earpiece. An investigation is ongoing. Hi, I'm Jennifer Vagina with Fox News, here to say I'm the only newscaster left after all of them have been tased.

More at 11. Hi, I'm Derek. I'm an intern at MSNBC. All the newscasters are gone, so I have to be the one to say this, but as we all know, April the Penguins is big, it's huge, it's the biggest event in sports and- Shock, shock, shock. They can still tase us! Well, not to say the Penguin Baseball League draft was a huge hit, but there are some who

didn't make the cut. We take you now to one of their stories. Tase. Ow! We take you now to one of their stories. Taze. Ow! Observe here the North American barn owl. This owl's name is Owl Borlin. A play on Owl Borlin, I assume, from Home Improvement.

A sitcom which I am currently making my way through. Season one is delectable, hilarious. The mother's quite gorgeous. I dare say I have a crush on her, but this is not her story. This is Owl Borlans. Born in Missouri in the small town of St. Louis, Owl Borlans was raised by a single owl. We see here with our camera crews Owlborlin talking to his mother about the upcoming Penguin

Baseball League draft. Let me just fix your hair real quick. I can't believe my baby's going to be playing in the Penguin Baseball League! Mom, it's not a sure thing. I mean, I'm eligible for the draft and hopefully, hopefully someone saw something in me. Woo woo! Of course they did. Your dad and you have been practicing Penguin Baseball as long as I can remember. He's gonna be so proud of you. Yeah. Yeah, my dad and I have been practicing.

I mean, I've been throwing the ball up in the air on his grave, if that's what you mean, Mom. I mean, he's still gonna be proud. We all, we bought you a big cake that said congratulations on definitely getting into the league. Mom, please, don't. Chickens before they're hatched. Mom, I haven't been drafted yet.

I mean, hopefully I will be. I mean, the odds are likely, I guess. Here's the whole family. Come on in, everybody. Oh, oh, oh. Fly in, fly in. Uncle Darryl, cousin Susie? I can't believe you're all awake during the day for this.

We were making a special exception for our favorite little owl. I can't believe I had to fly all the way here from Florida where I retired to you're a snowbird how dare you you impotent well maybe our owl here will be a shrimp shredder and you can go see the games live, huh? Bah hum owl. Oh, oh wait, here comes the draft is on. Here it comes. All right everybody quiet down. My baby's about to be drafted into the Penguin Baseball League. And that's it for the 2025 Penguin Baseball League draft. Congratulations to all the beautiful birds

who are joining the league this year and better luck next time to all the names that weren't picked and boy, there were a lot of them. No, there must be some kind of mistake. Those five clowns wouldn't forget about you. Well, I didn't get drafted, but aw-shocks did? Aw-shocks? That makes no sense baby there's been a huge mistake. Okay hold on hold on maybe it's because a home improvement is not top of mind so when people were reading

through the list they didn't understand the reverence. Why did you give me this name mother? Wait what's going on? I flew all the way from Florida. I thought owls were joining the Penguin Baseball League. They are. A bunch of them made it, didn't you see? We can fix this, right? We can call someone. You know what?

A friend of a friend went to college with JPC. I can get his number, we can give him a call, and we can try to convince him. Tell him that there's been some sort of mistake. The owls are desperate. They will do anything to protect their young. But sometimes an owl needs to learn on its own. A quick call to a JPC couldn't hurt though. Pick up, pick up, pick up. Everybody be quiet. Pick up, pick up. It's ringing. Hello, you've reached the offices of the Tampa Bay Shrimp Shredders. How may I direct your call? Oh, I thought this would be right to him. Excuse me, I'm looking to talk to your owner, John Patrick Cohn. Oh, yeah, this is him. Sorry I do that.

Voice, I screen my calls. Ah shit, forgot the asshole was calling. Too late now. Do you answer every phone call like that? I feel, is this your personal phone number? Yeah. What do I have, two phone numbers? What the fuck?

Oh no, I just assumed that you would be getting calls that weren't just Shredder related. That's how I screen my calls, because then if people like, I can like screen my... Trump does this. You're not a drug dealer anymore. You were in college though, right? Sorry. Trump does this, right? Am I crazy that he does this? I feel like he had like a persona that he would like, after a meandering 52 minutes, the call continues.

Okay, so I think, yeah, I think Elon Musk is the one who pretends to be someone else. Sounds like him. And they're like, is this Elon Musk defending himself? And he goes, absolutely not. Absolutely not, but he is so hot and handsome isn't he? It's just like a weird guy in Germany who like kind of is just like the Elon Musk fan. It's just like a crazy thing. Right. Yeah. Yeah, sir. Anyway, anyhoodle. I've been tucking your ear off. Probably let you go.

Oh, no, sorry. I had a reason for... Say what? So funny. I had arised for my call. Who is this? This is a concerned mother. My baby was the absolute best of the best at his al high school at penguin baseball and when he found out there would be a professional league right as he was graduating we couldn't believe our luck. Okay, thank god. Bullet dodged unconcerned mother phone calls and it's about this.

Oh, you thought it was going to be like a paternity? Ever been so desperate to get a call from your baby? I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby.

I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. I've been so desperate to get a call from my baby. He was graduating we couldn't believe our luck. Okay. Thank God bullet dodged unconcerned mother phone calls And it's about this. Oh, you thought it was gonna be like a paternity I'm gonna say this is going to what I thought it was and what it's absolutely probably not and I didn't do anything

And if I did prove it in fucking court Yeah, look who is your child Owl bro, owl Borland sir Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, Owl, But an owl sorry owl Borland. Oh owl Borland. Oh, you know what? great player I Yeah, I remember I watched I watched his combine. Um, yeah, no, he's awesome. I you know, I wish we had I Wish we had a room for him on the team. I really do but you know better get rid of Osama bin Robin and Good how Borland on the team?

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