History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 102 - Girls Gotta Eat are wild!
Episode Date: December 13, 2019The Cuzzies are joined this week by the girls from Girls Gotta Eat podcast, Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg!!! No history on this one but lots of sex talk, giggles and werk it gurl! This episod...e was recorded back in April 2019! Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼♂️🐕🙆🏻♂️🙆🏼♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips
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Discussion (0)
Got it.
Yeah. Do it. Don't do it. Whatever you want.
I love his video. This is awesome.
Doesn't Mike Mush look like an emoji? His face?
You want to call Mike Mush?
Yeah.
Why Mush?
Or Mike Emoji Face.
It sounds very endearing, Mike Mush.
I like Mike Mush.
I'm going to kiss Mike on the lips.
I'm going to kiss you on the lips.
No, you're going to get my ear infection.
I'm going to kiss these girls on the lips.
I can't.
It's illegal.
Yeah, you're a married kid.
You do this music.
Welcome.
The music is so good.
I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
Welcome to the History Hyenas, ladies.
Yes, the History Hyenas.
Thank you for listening.
It's Chris DiStefano, a.k.a.
Chrissy Conniptions, with me, as always.
A.k.a.
Chrissy Moist Ear. Wet Ear. A.k.a. Chrissy the Wet Ear. Yeah. A.k.a. Chrissy Kniptions, with me as always. A.k.a. Chrissy Moist Ear.
Wet Ear.
A.k.a. Chrissy the Wet Ear.
Yeah.
A.k.a. Chrissy Antibiotics.
A.k.a. Chrissy Sudafed.
I feel like that would be like your hitman name, Chrissy the Wet Ear.
Chrissy the Wet Ear.
Yeah.
I kill somebody and then I just, yeah, I just rip my ear flu.
Yeah, just pee in their fucking ear.
Jizz in their ear.
That's your mark.
Yeah, turn him over.
Turn him over.
Open his ear.
Open his ear. Yeah, it in her ear. That's your mark. Yeah, turn him over. Turn him over. Open his ear. Open his ear.
Yeah, now they know
who got you.
Giannis Pappas,
aka Special Needs Stamos,
is always with us.
Oh my God, it is.
Yeah, special...
Don't his eyes
look too close together?
Yes.
Yeah.
That was...
You're married.
We can say whatever we want.
You can just slay people
if they're married.
You can't have single people
like that.
No, you can't.
By the way,
her reaction was true and visceral.
True and visceral.
She was like, oh my God, you do look like a retarded John Stamos.
And that's why they have an amazing podcast.
It's Rain and Ashley.
The girl's got an E.
Yas!
Yas!
Let's do one get the gay out, Yas.
Okay, let me get one out.
Oh my God.
Yas!
Good one.
Now you're a straight kid.
Let me get one.
Yas! Yeah, get it out. Yas straight kid. Let me get one. Yas!
Yeah, get it out.
Yeah.
And then I push it down.
That's why I have big triceps.
That's what we say.
Push the gate.
You save it up in your traps?
Save it up.
Yeah.
Thank you guys for coming.
This is so great already.
Thanks for being on our show.
Already happy to be here.
We toast to Goats Preach.
You looked kind of disappointed when you found out that this isn't going to air for like
a month.
You were about to promote it and you were like, fuck these guys.
Well, I guess we'll sign up for the Patreon, I guess.
Yeah.
We'll sign up for the Patreon.
Yeah.
I don't like to wait for things.
I like instant gratification.
Same with me.
That's why I have sex with people that I just met all the time.
100%.
I eat everything I want all the time.
Same.
I can't wait for it.
I told you.
Didn't I tell you?
Like we were meant to be?
Yes.
Yeah.
Chrissy can't.
He can't wait for things.
You can't wait either?
They call you Chrissy Can't Wait?
I'm Chrissy Go. Chrissy Goes. Chrissy Go. Chrissy Greenlights. I just go. I eat can't wait for things. You can't wait either? They call you Chrissy Can't Wait? I'm Chrissy Go.
Chrissy Greenlights.
I just go.
I eat it.
I fuck it.
I get an ear infection.
And then I just keep going.
You impregnate it.
I impregnate it.
You take a pill and everything's fine.
I take a pill and everything's fine.
You get chlamydia.
It's just whatever.
You're broken traffic like Chrissy.
Yeah.
You're like, it's green.
Yeah.
It's broken.
Giannis and I are very different because Giannis is married and very responsible. But the thing is- I'm straight. He's green. It's broken. Giannis and I are very different because Giannis is married and very responsible.
But the thing is-
I'm straight.
He's gay.
There's differences between us.
It's what it is.
But I feel like Gianni now, he's married.
He's a 43-year-old kid.
And he's married and he's getting his life going.
He's getting his life going now.
That's very New York to get married in your 40s.
It's extremely New York.
That's why I moved here.
Yeah.
Did you get married?
No, just to wait it out longer.
I was in the South for so long.
I was like, I can't be here.
Do you want to get married?
Oh, they were talking about you in circles.
Not recently.
I don't want to anymore.
She's still single.
You don't want to anymore.
It just happened like a couple weeks ago.
What happened?
I was like, I don't give a fuck about this.
Cool.
Like the women I look up to, they're not married.
Like a lot of the women I admire.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
RBG. Chelsea Handler, Sarah Silverman, Diane Keaton. None better Ginsburg RPG Chelsea Handler Sarah Silverman like not Mary Caitlyn Jenner
I'm just like what's the point of all yeah all the Kardashians not married
Kardashian has psoriasis team psoriasis just posted a picture for psoriasis
Kardashian Kim a picture of her legit psoriasis she's been pretty open about
that oh really I didn't know about that but she's posted a picture of her legit psoriasis. Yeah, she's been pretty open about that. Oh, really? Oh, I didn't know about that. But she posted a picture.
Of her psoriasis?
Yeah, she posted it.
Wow, she's so brave.
Brave.
Did you guys see Jessica Simpson's foot that one time?
No.
Is it gross?
Yeah, it's gross.
This guy's got a foot fetish.
Not these feet.
She posted her giant pregnant fluid-filled foot.
Wow.
Why did she do that?
Just because, like, does anyone know how to get rid of swelling for pregnant feet?
It was incredible.
Like, she couldn't Google it. Wow. You know what's funny? You should look up that foot. Because does anyone know how to get rid of swelling for pregnant feet? It was incredible.
Like she couldn't Google it.
You know what's funny?
You should look up that foot.
I've noticed now.
Zach, can you pull up the foot?
Yeah.
Just put it on. This is how comfortable we've become now in America.
Being pregnant has become this insurmountable feat that women are talking about.
Feet?
Yeah, or feet.
They're like, look, I had to throw up once or twice like it's so hard it's like you know
when it was hard when women died during pregnancy yeah look at that foot i'm gonna put that in my
mouth you would still put that in your mouth cuz no it looks like she had a skiing accident
yeah yeah that's rough i used to sprain my ankle but it's very brave that's brave of her
she's brave i used to sprain my ankles all the time, and that's what they would look like.
Because those look better than your feet, believe it or not.
I have jacked up feet.
Do you have cankles?
My feet look broken.
No, my toes just cross over each other.
All of them?
Yeah, it's gross.
You fit in regular shoes?
Yeah, but I have a thing called hammer toe, where it's just like MC Hammer Toe, where
my toes just grow over each other, and eventually it's going to get to a point where my dad couldn't wear sneakers at some point.
So they're just going to have to break my feet.
Are you serious?
You have to just break your toes.
And then they put them in like little baby casts.
And then they just set right.
But right now I have no problem.
Wait, show me what it looks like.
It's like the claw?
I can show them the pic.
But that's what the yoga socks on that has...
You get a good idea.
Which toes are crossed?
Give me a diagram.
My big toe and the toe next to it.
Can I see it?
Yeah, it's like that.
There we go.
But it's not that way, though.
Just imagine, see how it's going the other way?
Mine's going...
Mine grows over each other.
Chris, can I sing a song for you really quick?
Yes.
What?
See you at the cross toes.
You won't be lonely. See you at the crossroads. You won't be lonely.
See you at the crossroads.
She just gave Rafael DeLuca an idea for the next song.
We have a fan of ours, Rafael DeLuca, who went to Harvard and then became a DJ.
So he completely wasted his parents' money.
But he likes to make beats, so he's going to make a See You at the Crossroads beat.
See you at the crossroads.
I'm going to send it to you.
Yeah, so it's kind of something.
So you won't be lonely.
Can you get royalties for this song yeah that was
hilarious yeah you're welcome she's very musically inclined you're well you're welcome what part of
the south were you from well i'm i just lived in atlanta for 10 years i'm from delaware originally
it's not cool good state delaware yeah you want a little fun fact about delaware that i learned
because i remember that you were from delaware. Wilmington, Delaware has or had the
highest amounts of murders.
Yeah, it's a murder capital. Well, murder capital
but it's not that they had the most
murders. Per capita. Exactly.
Small people but a lot of them killed each other
because a lot of the drugs
come off I-95. That's where
they come off. It's like real
murder. What year was this? They were the murder capital.
I think it's still murdery. It's very murderish still but it's this? They were the murder capital. It's still murdery.
It's very murderous still,
but it's like the 80s or 90s.
What's the big city in Delaware?
Is it Wilmington?
It is Wilmington.
It's just really Delaware's Wilmington
and University of Delaware at the top,
Dover in the middle,
and then the beaches at the bottom.
That's it.
There's really nothing to it.
But you can't talk shit about it.
I get really passionate.
Are you going to vote for Joe Biden
if he runs because he's Delaware?
Yes.
Joe Biden is everything.
Right.
Second most famous person in the state besides me.
Well, and my brother.
It's the three of us.
Why is your brother famous?
What did he do?
Well, he played football at Delaware.
He was super heavily recruited from all kinds of colleges.
He wanted to stay in state.
He's like a homebody.
Joe Biden wrote him letters.
Wow.
It was crazy.
Coaches were coming to the school.
It was nuts.
And then now he's just like a famous bartender.
But like a famous stuff.
Rehoboth Beach?
Like everybody knows him.
The most famous bar in Delaware.
Is he jacked?
Is he jacked hit?
He's 6'7", 3'10".
Oh my God.
Fucking huge piece probably.
Oh God.
I know it's your brother, but like, you know.
But then is it?
Or in comparison, it looks small.
I don't know why I said that.
Let's just drop it.
No, whatever.
Yeah, no, I get it.
Wow, that's a famous fucking bartender.
So he's basically banging out a lot of girls every summer.
Or is he married now?
He's a relationship guy.
Now he has a girlfriend.
First time this has happened, she's 6'2".
Wow.
So they look normal, but then you realize they're bigger than everybody.
Do you like her?
Love her.
Love her.
That's good.
Her and Raina are a little competitive.
She cooks better. She brings better gifts. She's younger. Her and Raina are a little competitive. She cooks better.
She brings better gifts.
She's younger.
Her tits are perkier.
Do you think...
You have great tits.
Do you think...
Thanks, Chrissy.
Sure.
Do you...
Chrissy compliments.
Do you think her brother's cute?
Like, was there ever...
Is he like a good-looking guy?
Like, would it be off-limits for you to date a brother?
I've never gotten that vibe from him.
He just...
The vibe I get from him, he's like like another brother to me but he's
very supportive i think he's good looking and successful and awesome and like the coolest guy
he always texts us good luck before the shows right like he's great he girls love my brother
i can imagine don't get it twisted like he's just kind of looks big and scary right it's very like
armenian or who really knows what so like he gets like anytime i put him
on any any sort of like instagram he girls like flood in i would imagine yeah oh cute he's just
huge yeah you know yannis's brother is a is a gay lawyer yeah okay and then his and his other
brother is shit his pants on the dance floor in this wedding yeah this just passed was he on drugs
no he's special needs yeah so thank you for making me feel like an asshole. No, it's okay.
We'll talk about it.
On this podcast, it's just what it is.
Can you share the story?
I love a shit pants story.
He shit his pants.
During the electric slide?
At the end of the day, everyone was on the dance floor.
He was on the dance floor.
At some point, he shit his pants.
I only found out because of the smell of shit.
He didn't know.
I think he was just kind of like, you know,
yeah, I'm sweating now.
He thought he was just sweating.
And then I paid for that rental,
the tuxedo.
Sure.
So I just told the company we lost it.
You gotta buy it.
I didn't want to like send it back.
With a shit stain.
You could have washed it in the sink.
Can you wash it?
I don't know how men's rentals work.
I was thinking about making up a story
being like we hit a deer.
Yuck.
And we were driving his tuxedo.
And then his brother. Yeah. You know, it's the dead carcass. But, you know, we hit a deer. Yuck. And we were driving his tuxedo. And then his brother.
Yeah.
You know, it's the dead carcass.
But, you know, because it's gone.
The tuxedo's gone.
You got to keep it.
Every time I shit my pants in something, I just keep it.
Oh, I mean, I remember there was a-
He was the only kid in jeans and a t-shirt for the rest of the wedding.
Yeah.
I mean, he was in a tux until about 1130, and then he came back down and looked like
Pulp Fiction in the morning.
Wait, is this a younger kid?
No, he's 10 years older than me.
Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Who was that kid you took a picture? me yeah oh okay yeah but in physical age mentally that wasn't you he's younger
this i was thinking of somebody else oh okay forget to cut that no we don't cut anything okay
i like the wedding you guys look very sharp at the way thank you we appreciate that yeah close by
oh he could castle yeah hunting on long island yeah yeah i mean i get when I was in the castle, I was like, because I agree.
I'm more with you, Ashley.
I'm like, I don't want to get married.
I don't need it.
I don't feel like it's.
I can't afford it either at this point.
You already got obligations.
I already got dress shoes.
I already got child support.
Yeah.
But when I was in that castle.
I heard that.
That was funny.
That was funny.
I like it.
You're fucking on fire.
She said you can't wear dress shoes yeah
unless you see a podiatrist
and have six month recovery
it's all toe comedy
from here on out
that's all I want to do
is toe comedy
what if you just like
went to a support group
and met another person
with the same fucked up
kind of feet
and then like
you guys would have
the same problems
I mean
it's like two people
with herpes
right
yeah
well there's been women
that I've dated
that have had horrific feet,
and then I show them mine,
and I'm like, oh, I don't feel so bad.
Like, my feet almost look like
they should just be amputated at this point.
Like, they just look like
right before amputation level feet.
Should we show them?
Is that misery when she cuts his feet?
Kathy Bates.
I would, cuz, but I don't,
if I bend down and my ear is in so much pain.
No, I'm not talking about those.
I'm talking about the pick.
Oh, show them.
Should I show them?
Yeah, but that pick is not – it's in yoga socks.
Believe it or not, I think the yoga socks help.
They make it worse?
No, I think they help.
They make it less terrible.
Yoga socks like each toe.
Each toe.
Yeah, because I get – a person comes to my house.
Shout out, Jen.
Shout out, Jen Yoga.
You have a personal yoga instructor.
She comes because I wasn't going to go because i realized your toes i wasn't gonna go
and she and she was like listen when we were doing the yoga like my feet kept slipping out and they
just hurt and she was like your toes are it's because they're all like in a in a ball on the
floor so she's like i have these socks where you can put each individual toe into and then that
helped yeah so then i took a picture with those on so you can physically separate your toes you
can move them like a thong toe sandal.
Yeah.
I wouldn't be able to.
I have no control over my sec.
I can't physically.
I can't move them with my brain, but I can move them with my hands.
So that's what I was getting at.
Yeah.
Can you physically move them with your hands?
With my hands.
Not with my brain, though.
Like I can move, you know, like I can move my finger with my brain right now.
This is my brain doing this.
Really?
Right. But like my toes are like, like they wouldn't move, but I can take my finger with my brain right now. This is my brain doing this. Really?
But like if my toes are like, they wouldn't move.
But I can take my hand and go like that.
Okay, we're very similar.
I have a thing like that with my hand.
I can't give the middle finger with this hand.
This is as far down as my fingers will go.
So I can't move with my brain, but I can do it with my hand.
Yeah, look at this. This is my thumb.
I stabbed myself with a knife.
I put a knife straight through my hand. Yeah, see my thumb, I can't put my thumb straight. Yeah, look at this. This is my thumb. I stabbed myself with a knife. I put a knife straight through my hand.
Yeah, see my thumb,
I can't put my thumb straight.
So we have the same finger
and then I go like that
and then it just snaps back.
Oh, you have one of those, yeah.
Yeah, but it's just,
I don't control it.
Okay, Ashley, you ready?
It's not that impressive, but go.
Cue the bone buds.
I mean, we don't have to do this.
No, I don't care
because it's not even that big of a deal.
You're a handsome kid, but.
Well, that's not even that bad.
Is that the one with the yoga socks?
Yeah, not that bad.
It's not that bad.
Okay, but your big toe is the longest.
It's disgusting.
It's shockingly long.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
It's like a penis.
It's so long.
Someone on the Patreon said something funny.
What did they call your big toe?
They said it was like a thumbs up or...
Thumbs down?
Thumbs up emoji.
Also, are these purple pants?
Like, what are these pants for?
Yeah, I know.
I was just...
I don't know what I'm doing.
Did you guys ever watch Jersey Shore season one?
Yeah.
Season one?
This is not that bad, I feel like.
Sammy had a hammer toe.
He's a hot kid.
So you would think his feet would look like his head.
No, I disagree.
You're too hot to have nice feet.
We've spoken about this, though.
You may.
We've spoken about this.
I'm not a hot for a comedian.
I understand maybe i don't
look like other comedians but in the grand scope of things i have so many imperfections that i think
that's why i'm a comedian if i was really a hot guy i'd be an actor the hot like there's nothing
wrong with chris pine he's just a hot guy you want to blow i don't want a perfection like right
but that's what i'm saying but that's why i'm a comedian because i have a puffy left nipple i have
weird feet i get fucking ear infections i'm kind
of gay what else what else is wrong with you um what else is wrong humanize yourself um that's
good uh you probably will have a foot removed at some point i have a foot removed at some point
um he's predisposed to diabetes yeah i i but chris i just scared of the dark i don't know
sounds like a garbage man from queens i thought we said this on our podcast we talked about you i thought you
were going to be like shorter right like i don't know why maybe because you like have a stockier
build right and then when you walked into my apartment i was like oh wow like he's kind of hot
yeah like you're taller than i thought yeah you're just like a bigger dude right you translate better
in person right yeah well i think that's another thing about me i translate better in
person but i am a letdown for women usually usually it's just like usually it's just like
sex once and then they're like yeah you know but i feel like that's a lot of you you're like a total
letdown in general that's not like a you specific thing that's just men like you think that they're
gonna be so great and then you're like yeah it yeah, it's just like, yeah, you know, yeah.
Like almost every girl I've dated.
Yeah.
Like even like my kid's mom, like she said, I mean, count in the hundreds.
Like if the women who comment on your Instagram really say if they knew who you were in these fucking disgusting habits and if they knew they would defriend you.
So she's like, it's crazy that like I wish i could fucking tell girls like the real what how
fucking gross you are and i was like all right but then she always wants to date again so she's
she doesn't really mean that she doesn't mind though i don't know she's trying to knock you
down yeah she's scorned who's your wife his wife's a piece yeah um she's like what's the story can i
see a photo of her like a long time girlfriend uh yeah five years i think uh i believe is she
older or younger?
She's younger.
She's 30 years younger than me.
No, she's about 15 years younger.
But in Greece, that's fine.
She's my child bride.
Yeah, in Greece, that's fine.
It's like ISIS.
Yeah.
Me and her dad were high school friends.
Yeah.
No, she's 14 years younger than me.
Okay.
Is she a comedian or no?
No.
Which is perfect.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Yeah. I don't know that I'd want it. would which is perfect yeah perfect yeah yeah i don't
know that i don't know but here's the thing i don't want to date i wouldn't date a woman who
stand up because that's direct competition and it gets weird but i would i would like i would
i think women in comedy are great to date yeah absolutely andrew collins actually i guess
andrew collins puddle boy comedy adjacent comedy was that andrew i don't remember who said it i
love that he was like i would i don't want to really date a full-blown stand-up.
We're doing the same shows every night, but Comedy Adjacent.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
She's so pretty.
She's so much prettier than I am.
I'm so jealous.
No, no, no, no.
Do you get John Stamos a lot?
I get Special Needs because he came up with that nickname.
Now people just call me Special Needs Stamos.
You don't look Special Needs, but you do look like John Stamos.
I look like they put me in for lighting for John Stamos to come in.
Yeah, John Stamos background team.
My ear feels like it's going to explode.
If it exploded on the podcast, I would think it would by herself.
Yeah, there she is.
I'm already going through your Instagram.
What do you mean?
Do it.
Check his DMs.
You'll just see pictures of my feet.
You want to see my Google history?
Respond to people.
Yeah.
But I like this comedy adjacent thing. I think you need somebody that understands what your lifestyle is like and is
not going to expect you to be around all the time yes um but somebody that's not in direct competition
of you i like that i and i i want i need a woman i want a woman who's got like she's really focused
on other things and and she's got like problems that she's gotten through or like that she's
going through like young girls now it's like the big they're beautiful but it's like i just there's not they don't understand like i have
i got my career i got my kid like i i'm not available so listen ladies what you have to do
is have the wisdom of a 35 year old the money of a 30 year old and the ass of a 22 year old
that's what you need it's no big deal it's easy it's no big deal. It's easy. It's no big deal. It's easy. No, but also I'm not,
yeah,
I don't,
I'm not picky though.
Like whatever.
I just go honestly to be fucking honest with you.
I don't even know what I want in a woman.
I just,
I don't know.
Either I like you. You want her to leave at the end of the appointment.
Yeah.
That's what you want.
Did you bring a date to the wedding?
No.
You went solo.
I think it's tough when you're in somebody's wedding to bring a date.
I don't want to be bothered with somebody unless it's a serious relationship.
And it's also like,
it's also like, you know, we have to be there at 8am. Like they don't have to be bothered with somebody unless it's a serious relationship. And it's also like we have to be there
at 8am. They don't have to be there at 6.
What am I going to do with this person?
I'm just going to sit in the hotel.
I went alone.
Better chance to meet somebody at the wedding. I'm not sure if you did.
I don't remember.
If I met a girl at the wedding? I met a girl at the wedding.
You did?
Did you crack her open and clean her out?
I might have cracked her open and cleaned her out.
It might have happened
who was she
no I don't know
you don't know
you don't know who she was
no I just
I was just
no
not important
I'm joking
no
oh you're joking
he just
Chris brings it out
he's just
he has a look I think
that brings out
sexual desire in women
he's built like a
like a fantasy
like you wish
like when you think about
I'm not though
yeah you're a guy who comes over
I have a big head
I want you
I want you
love a big head
George Clooney
huge head
Russell Crowe
giant head
we just talked about
Spartacus
we just did a whole episode
on Spartacus
which is what Gladiator
the movie
Russell Crowe's big movie
is based on
but you have tattoos
you have a whole thing
I have tattoos
but they're bad
you're a girl fantasy
you're a girl
like I want you
coming over in jeans
and construction boots with a belt
and being like...
Well, that's another thing.
I can't fix shit.
I can't fix anything.
Yeah, but you look like you can.
That sounds Jewish to me.
Are you Jewish?
No, very Catholic.
Well, not Catholic anymore.
I don't go to church anymore.
Yeah, you told us about...
I told you about that.
Converted to Islam and finally...
Yeah, Zach is Muslim, so...
You should be wearing a turtleneck.
What happens?
What's going on?
No, he's just playing.
Yeah, he plays sound effects. I love sound... We don't have any sound effects. Or a monitor. What's going on? He plays sound effects.
We don't have any sound effects.
Or a monitor.
Can we record here?
You guys are doing 10 times better than us from your living room.
I know.
I was just being patronizing.
You guys get all this and it's not helping?
Why do you think your podcast is so successful?
Just because of who we are as people.
You know what I mean?
You're so easy-going.
I just feel like it is i mean well we we just like i think i'm a psycho perfectionist like i don't
know and so i think we took it super duper seriously and i think it's just our chemistry
and we like treated it as this like super not that other people aren't but i think we just kind of
started on the right foot with like here's our format here's how it's gonna here's how it's gonna go here's the music here's it's just very
we how many episodes in did it like really were you like holy shit we got something good here
like one or no some people are just some people are like five in here's also we have a great
product but we were able to push it out to a ton of people day one with our instagram right so it
helps also instagram
your guys instagrams were big before you started the podcast i wasn't sure again if the podcast
sucked then nobody would listen to it but we had a leg up i mean we've had a commute cumulative a
million followers instagram to like advertise day one were you bffs no before the party actually
so how so what like how did it happen i don't understand. Ashley came up with the idea to do
a show about dating
and relationships and she wanted to do it with
somebody that was really open
and honest about their own life because she's open and honest
about hers and we're both fortunate that we don't have
full-time 9-5s. We have to worry about bosses
and companies. But I think
it actually worked out better that we barely knew each other
because every story we tell each other is
fresh and new. So we're surprising each other all the time with stuff
still to this day i think yeah it's only been a year and a half that we've known each other you
guys better really yeah keep the friendship going you guys success i just yeah that would suck if
they got has there ever been like a little fight like a fight yeah i mean i think that like if
you're not fighting with each other then you're not standing up for what you believe in and fighting
for something that you think is great and cool i think that like we have disagreements
but like i think that it's only because one of us believes something's really good for the show
and really wants to do it you know yeah well i just think we have this thing that like binds
us together like it's i i swear it's like i'm not i mean it's not like a marriage but
there's this thing. Is it called money? You can't just walk away.
Money.
That's a good call.
There it is.
A lot of money.
All of our contracts with our advertisers.
No, but it just makes you like, you can't just blow up and walk away.
You know, and I think that's, we talk about this with relationships and stuff.
Like when nothing's holding you to a relationship, it's so much easier to be like, fuck you.
And like, you know, storm out.
I'm sure you guys talk about this all the time.
But like we were just talking about it before because Giannis read an article where he said 50% of women cheat.
Do you think you believe that?
It sounds like a lot of women.
I know.
I don't know.
He said it was easy.
But I'd have to know the sample set that you're looking at.
Does it include people that are 16, 17, 18?
Does it include your dating your frat guy
boyfriend you make out with another guy or is it like married and yeah is it married women but
i think that women you know men will step out more i think but women that doesn't mean the desire
isn't there women want to feel desired and excited and new and fresh i just think maybe they're less
likely to if you were like in a serious relationship with the guy would you allow him to cheat like not fall in love but like just bang bang a few girls
well it's not cheating if you know right if somebody's being honest about it it's not really
cheating the lie right cheating yeah interesting but if i mean if i say to somebody like i mean
we've interviewed people on our show that are in open relationships um or that like our shafir came
on our show was talking about how he sleeps around and she knows.
I don't know if it's cheating really.
If the person knows about it. They know about it.
I mean, yeah, that's his quote.
Like the lie is what makes it cheating.
If you know, then you're just kind of open.
Would I let somebody deceive me and lie to me?
No, it's not my ideal situation.
But I think people have all kinds of situations that work for them.
No one's going to lie.
Like lie. Lie to me me don't lie to me but like his situation sounds i don't know that i'd want
to be in that situation but like he has a full-time girlfriend at home when he's on the road maybe he
sleeps around a little bit but like as long as he's honest with it that seems like a pretty good
situation situation it's always better in theory though in reality people's feelings get involved
it always becomes yeah like an open relationship i feel like it doesn't work really like you find out like somebody just in a marriage it's just like it's
not going to work yeah but i do think as the more you go with someone like the longer the relationship
goes like if you just had sex with somebody it's like okay but you can't with a woman you can't
fall in love with another woman that's like you can't do it well we say this like it's to me if it was like between
my significant other like getting drunk at a bachelor party and like getting a blow job or
i don't know god forbid like really like sleeping with somebody and then not even even getting their
contact info just like a drunken slip up to like get his dick wet as opposed to like he's flirting
with this girl at work and they have this like emotional connection and she's like making him laugh like that makes me feel crazy like right i'd rather have the physical
slip up any day yeah yeah well i know it's and it's all cultural like i know in france
like a lot of people there's a comedian gad elmaleh who's always here he was saying like in france
it's like understood like men aren't gonna do that yeah like it's like almost like if he's not doing
that if he's not like the woman's like what's going on like what are you gay or something
like don't you don't have sex with all these women like you just can't fall in love with them if you
fall in love with them it's over you're getting divorced but you can't tell somebody right don't
fall in love with someone so like i can almost see it like if you're a comedian and you just get
off stage you get a blow job blow job from somebody on, you're never going to talk to that person again.
As opposed to like falling in love with somebody at your job.
Yeah, my kid's mom when we were dating, she told me.
She was like, look, I'll allow you to get blowjobs on the road.
Okay, I was just going to ask you about that.
It just felt like it was a trap.
You told us that on our podcast.
And I was wondering, did you ever like – did that ever happen?
No.
Do you think she would have actually gotten mad?
1,000 percent yes.
Really? Yeah. do you think she would have actually gotten mad 1000% yes really do you think being told you could do it though
deterred you from doing it
you're like okay I already have the keys to the candy shop
I felt like I just felt
like that is 100% a trap
like I can't I mean she was
she told me that but like a week before
she was like comparing
she was accusing me of cheating on her because she found
doll hairs.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, I would play with my daughter's dolls in the bath with her.
And she was like, these are human hairs.
They have follicles.
I was like, well, that came out of fucking Barbie.
She took a DNA test.
Yeah.
So it's specific to your situation.
To her is why you didn't do it.
But I think some women, I think some women would honestly be cool with it.
I thought about this recently because I kind of had a crush on a guy that is just like so many women would be coming after him he's just like so beautiful he's on
the road and i was like i don't know like if i was dating this guy and we were like in a committed
relationship and then some girl messaged and was like yeah i blew your boyfriend last night i'd be
like good for you yeah just like a hoe on the road yeah like i don't know if i i don't know i
thought i was i this podcast has made me rethink a lot of things.
Right.
As term, in terms of like commitment, cheating, you know, Nikki Glaser, obviously you talked
a lot about how she used to want her to get together.
She told us that.
To like hook up with other people.
Yeah.
Do you believe that?
I just don't know if that's going to work though.
Well, she told us.
I don't believe that she, I believe that she enjoyed it.
No, no, no.
I believe her too, but I'm saying like, I don't know.
I don't know if that would work.
I think that there's one, I think there's one size fits one for every relationship.
And so I think that some people can be like that.
I might be able to be like that with one guy and not like that with another guy.
I think in theory I like the idea.
I don't know in practice that I'd feel super happy.
I always think what I don't know doesn't hurt me.
I wouldn't want to know, I think.
But that is cheating.
You can't get away with cheating in 2019.
It's just not, you just can't.
On social media, you're going to get caught.
Back in the day, I mean, that's just, people just cheated.
And then it went away, yeah.
And then it just went away.
I just feel like I would be too out of control.
Like, yeah, if a guy I was dating like got a blowjob in the road, whatever.
But like, how do I know you're not like texting with
her now like that's what would drive me crazy you keep saying blowjob and you know what's
interesting well i don't know if it's interesting it's probably we feel that way as a guy like if
a girl if i was dating a girl and she was like i've blown 10 guys but i've had sex with 40
with condoms on i like wouldn't even care about the sex but i was like wait a minute you had 10
different guys dicks in your mouth yeah in your mouth like i like i was dating this girl when i was like younger
like 10 years ago and like she told me like that she like blew this guy that i knew like she's like
we never had sex like i just i just like sucked his dick for a few minutes and i i just couldn't
it's so much worse for the guy the blowjob is so much worse. Is it? Absolutely. But for girls, to me,
I'm going to
try to get this out and not sound slut-shaming,
but I'm not
blowing dudes that aren't my boyfriend.
There's no way.
If a girl says,
yeah, I blew this dude,
I'm a little judgy
about it. I don't know. It seems like you are
more of a hoe. If you're blowing random guys. Yeah, blowing random dudes. But I'm also a little judgy about it I don't know it seems like you are kind of like more of a hoe
if you're blowing random guys
but I'm also probably only doing that stuff
with somebody that I care about like you're saying
so like it's the bad kind of cheating
if I'm in a relationship and I'm like
giving blowjobs having sex with somebody else
I'm not going to do that with somebody I don't care about a little bit
like I'm not having casual
sex at my age I've had like enough
I've fucked enough dudes I don't need to like fuck a guy on the road all the time you know so if i'm doing that yeah then
i probably have feelings for that what's your age 24 25 26 yeah 23 yeah it still works yeah always
work we just graduated college somebody the other day was like look about 18 19 somebody asked me
the other day are you in town for spring break i was like yes i am yes i am for my daughter's
spring break i feel that way i feel that I am. Yes, I am. For my daughter's spring break.
I feel that way.
I feel that way, too.
I mean, sometimes on this podcast, like with Yana, I'll be like, dude, am I really?
I know we joke around, but like, am I fucking gay?
Because like this girl is DMing me and she's like, just come over and fuck me.
And I just don't want to do it.
Yeah, but like, I don't want to do it.
Who wants to do anything that easy?
I don't want to do anything that easy.
Maybe that's what it is.
It's like for men, they want a little bit of a chance.
Well, you're just going to show up and stick your dick and all.
That's not fun.
I think part of it for you is just the sheer amount you get.
But even like a girl who doesn't make it easy.
Embarrassment or riches.
Like a girl who's like, oh, let's go have a drink.
I just don't want to do it.
Like, I don't want to do it.
Don't you feel like you're just like.
I'm exhausted.
Like, yeah, my best guy friend, he's like, I don't even have.
I couldn't cheat if I want all the time.
I don't care about this.
Like, I think when you're like have a lot going on in your life and you're fulfilled you're not out there like
chasing pussy i'll say this yeah that that's what i think it's coming down to because he's saying
it's sheer amount which may have but i think it's like i feel fulfilled by my career and my kid and
your daughter so i don't have those holes as much anymore i think that's what it is like people that
are out there just like trying to get laid all the time it's like get a hobby it's like how yeah
what what there's nothing there's to be nothing different about us anymore.
Once you've had sex with like 20 people, it's like you've had sex with everybody.
Yeah, totally.
About 20, it's like what are you going to – you've seen every kind of vagina.
You've seen every kind of penis.
You've seen weird nipples.
You've smelled everything.
You know what's going on.
I want to see everyone naked though.
Everybody naked?
I just want to see everyone's tits.
I want to see what everybody – I don't necessarily want to see what his dick looks like, but I want to see everybody naked though i just want to see everyone's tits i want to see what everybody i don't necessarily see what his dick looks like but i want to see everybody yeah unfortunately i don't
have a i don't have a presentable limp penis no yeah i gotta like i gotta go in the stall and
chub it up that's not a weird thing that nobody's a presentable limp dick it's it's
yeah but i don't have to like nothing has to happen to my vagina for it to look some guys
have a presentable limp dick like It's just kind of like...
You?
Presentable.
Not limp.
No.
It's presentable hard, but not...
Yeah, black guys.
Yeah, have a presentable limp dick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
That's just...
Mush?
Do you have a presentable dick?
Mush might have...
You don't think so?
He answered that like, oh, God, no.
Zach may have a presentable limp dick.
Zach, how's your cock look?
It's great.
It's got a Brillo pad above it.
He's a swarming out of his first day of keto.
Oh, let me ask you a question.
Okay.
Like, this is my podcast.
No, no, please.
We love this.
Can I ask you your feelings on pubic hair?
Okay.
None.
I want it gone.
You want none.
None.
That's why you have that child ride.
Exactly.
Hey-o.
I personally
don't mind a pube
a pube just a single pube
just one pube
if she misses one pube
I don't mind it but two
don't let her have two pube
I don't mind a full bush
I think because the reason why
is I think the first porn
that I started to watch
the porn that was taped around,
that was passed around,
because it used to be VHS,
the women had full bushes.
70s porn.
Yeah, and I enjoyed it.
For sure.
Yeah, it was full bush porn,
and so I don't mind it.
To be honest with you, though,
I can't tell you the last time
I've been with a woman who's had pubes.
I mean, I don't think people don't do it anymore.
I don't know.
I've been toying with growing mine back lately.
It wouldn't deter me.
I mean, styles are cyclical.
I love it.
I love a bush.
I love a bush.
I have zero.
I'm not out here getting bikini waxes for any man or anything just for comfortability.
It just gets itchy down there.
It's just annoying.
Right.
Then the bikini season comes. It's a mess. Yeah. So it's really just for comfortability. It just gets itchy down there. It's just annoying. Then the bikini season comes, it's a mess.
So it's really just
comfort for me. When I was with my
kid's mom, I wasn't allowed to shave my pubes
because then she would think if I shaved my pubes
I was going to have sex with somebody.
So now that I've been single, I have
the biggest push. I mean, I have full bush.
That's the blocker? I bet you
that's one of those hairs got in my ear.
What do you guys like?
Do you like bush or do you like Skip?
I just want you to maintain what you have going on.
I've never had a situation.
Tell me if you have.
I've never had a situation where I've gone down there and been like,
holy shit, something's wrong.
I've just never been with a guy that didn't manscape.
One guy, I remember running my fingers through it.
To gross you out a little bit?
Yeah, it was too much.
Why?
This guy, two-shirt Trent. Two-shirt Trentrent so can i just tell the story yeah please his friends
called him two-shirt trent and they were like he only has two shirts actually and i'm like that's
gotta be an exaggeration oh i thought it was because he wore two shirts at a time at all
times like the two pop colors as in he only owned two and i was like that's ridiculous and then one
day i slept over at his place finger combed the pubes the night before he went to work and i was like that's ridiculous and then one day i slept over at his place
finger combed the pubes the night before he went to work and he was like stay here let yourself
out we actually lived in the same apartment complex he was like stay here let yourself
out whenever and i was like okay and i was like i'm gonna open that closet one shirt on a hanger
so one shirt on him one shirt on a hanger and i called my friend i was like get over here he really owns two shirts
no and then for my birthday he really liked me and he bought himself a third shirt
that was a big day for him right there and he had a full bush this kid i was like yes but i was like
i feel like i don't like him at all i'm like i need to break up with him and my friend karen was
like actually he was friends with her boyfriend she was like chad told me karen and chad there
she was like chad told me that he trends the mall getting a shirt for your birthday and i was like, Ashley, he was friends with her boyfriend. She was like, Chad told me, Karen and Chad, she was like, Chad told me
that he trends the mall, getting a shirt
for your birthday. And I was like, I can't break up with this guy.
If he got his third shirt. Yeah.
That would be rough.
He was like, I got a shirt for, I got
the only other shirt that I own for this.
Boy, did you dump him though anyway?
Yeah, we like, I usually, what I used to do when I still
She waited until I paid off the credit card bill that month.
You look smart, smart girl month I usually just get really wasted
And like burn it to the ground
You just do something so crazy
I would expect a kid who only owned
Two shirt I would expect that kid to not manscape
If he took care of everything else
In the rest of his life but he only had two shirts
That would be weird
I would like to know what guys are really doing down there
Is it like a
Like an electric shaver i use a
mock three in the shower yeah and then i wash after that and then i just rub like a whole bunch
of lotion on it or something like i don't know what i go well if i shave no if i'm going full
bush then i just wash my bush like my hair i just shampoo it it's like a little boss do you
what do you shave no i shave my ball i shave it in the shower i shave my i don't put shaving cream
on my dick and balls i just while the shower's I shave my balls, yeah. I don't put shaving cream on my dick and balls. I just, while the shower's running, I'll just shave.
Okay.
Are you a hairy guy?
Not too hairy.
Okay.
But I shave my balls.
Yeah, with a razor.
Oh, so you got, you're a bick?
You're a bick?
I just feel-
You bick your balls?
I don't like going out in the world without shaved balls.
Really?
Yeah, my mood's on top.
Isn't it not, it's not itchy?
Not itchy at all.
He also cleans his asshole out with witch hazel.
Third day.
That's a true thing.
Third day. He takes witch hazel and he He also cleans his asshole out with witch hazel. Third day. That's a true thing. Third day.
He takes witch hazel and he cleans the inside of his asshole with witch hazel.
That's a true thing.
What's witch hazel?
It's like hydrogen peroxide, but he puts it in his ass.
I feel like my butt has been itching a little more lately.
Witch hazel.
Witch hazel.
By the way, our fans, real quick, our fans have said put the witch hazel in the refrigerator.
It's a cold witch hazel.
Works better.
That's my thing.
How do you do this?
Witch hazel is an old family. Remember I told you my butt's been itching more. Yeah. It's clean. She's been the refrigerator. It's a cold witch hazel. Works better. Okay, yeah. How do you do this? But how do you get it in your butt? Witch hazel's an old family.
I told you my butt's been itching more.
Yeah, and it's clean.
She's been showering.
It's clean.
I can testify.
It's been itching a little more.
Yeah, I think you gotta witch hazel your asshole.
So you put it up your asshole?
Or does your wife do it?
Not yet.
She hasn't yet, but when we get more comfortable.
Yeah, now that we're married.
She has no rights anymore.
You guys are married.
Exactly.
That was in the vows.
I traded three goats for her.
Now she has to witch hazel your butthole.
With a Q-tip?
Do you actually penetrate your butthole or do you just do the rim?
I just take toilet paper.
I pour some witch hazel on it.
And when I want a 100% clean ass, because usually you're either 90, 92, 97%.
Shower's not going to get you 100% clean asshole.
Not an American shower. Not an American shower.
Not an American shower.
Remove the shower head so you can get in your ass.
That's a problem in America.
You can't bring the party to the tragedy.
I could do it in my kitchen, though.
I have a removable hose in my kitchen.
You have a clean ass.
Yeah.
And you're short.
You can climb up there and fucking squatter over.
No doubt.
I could fit in the sink a little.
I use a loofah as well.
I get in there a loofah.
It's just been itching.
But people said in our podcast that loofahs are filled with bacteria and they're disgusting.
Probably.
Oh, yeah.
Can I do it?
I'll do it on my fingertip and just kind of go around my asshole.
You can get creative.
Is it Whole Foods?
Develop your own style.
You could Amazon it.
They also have wipes.
And over the final frontier of friendship, I'll witch hazel your asshole.
Do you guys know how you bleach an asshole?
No.
So my old bikini waxing place in Atlanta, she started doing asshole bleachings. And I was like, how do you guys know how you bleach an asshole no so my my old bikini waxing place used in atlanta she started doing asshole bleachings and i was like how do you do it and she was like
you literally just have to rim around and with your finger until it's bleached yeah with actual
okay i have a crazy question what do they massage the bleach into your what's the point of it yeah
so some girls have like some girls have like a brown asshole that's not it's not shit residue
it's just their vessels are brown.
My butt is like the same color through and through.
I'm pink all the way.
Do you really look at your asshole?
I have explored every crevice of my body.
It's all the same color.
Most people have some brown down there.
But what would be the...
If you're in porn...
I don't know.
It's just like a skin...
I mean, your skin is different colors in some places.
No, but I mean like skin...
Okay, if I had something on my skin that I...
But like... I mean, who's seeing the inside of your asshole?
I understand people see your butt.
It's not the inside.
It's around the rim.
It's a different color sometimes.
So in other words, like in a bikini,
you'd be able to see a brown asshole.
Oh, no, no, no.
Only if you spread your teeth.
Okay, so if I bent over and I like spread my cheeks out,
if you're staring into my star,
the color of the star would be like a different color.
So a girl would be getting her asshole bleached
if she thinks she's going to be having sex from the bed. Yeah, like butt sex a star would be like a different color. So a girl would be getting her asshole bleached if she thinks she's gonna be
having sex from the bed. Yeah, like butt sex a lot.
I think it's unnecessary. Never had butt sex ever in my
life. Not once. Okay.
Yeah, we should date. That sounds great. Yeah, I've never done it.
I've never done it. I've tried to finagle
it in a girl's butt. It just doesn't work.
I'd rather fuck you in your ear than your ass.
You don't like it either. At least that's lubricated. No, I don't like it.
It's dry.
I'm not a big fan.
It's dry.
I've never eaten an ass either.
I've never done anything with a butt.
I've gotten horned up and licked a few asses, though.
Do you guys like it?
Yes, that's what I want to ask.
I had one girl against my will stick her finger in my ass and was blowing me and stuck her finger in my ass.
And it was against my will initially, but it did feel really good.
So that's why you didn't like it at first because you have to be warned when it's going to happen.
You've got to warm it up. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
She's like, just relax, babe. But you know what people
say? You know what my theory on that is?
People say, oh, you like a finger
in your ass. It's like, yeah, I like a
finger in my ass when I'm getting my dick sucked.
So I think the dick sucked is the big
part of that. You could shoot me in the
head while you're sucking my dick. I'll be like, I like
getting shot in the head with my girs.
You know what I mean?
I disagree. Men have
nerve endings in your prostate, so you have a clit
in your butt. You have
a G-spot in your butt. We like to call it a
chitoris. A chitoris. That's hilarious.
Chitoris.
People say that, but I don't know. Every time
a doctor's put his finger up there, I've felt
uncomfortable. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. One of my gyno fingers may have not turned on. People say that But I don't know Every time a doctor Just put his finger up there I've felt Uncomfortable
Well because it's uncomfortable
Yeah it's uncomfortable
Because it's a man
Like one of my
Gyno fingers
Me I'm not turned on
Right
Yeah
But if he was
Sucking my dick
While he did that
I bet you I'd like it
That's true
Yeah
I would really like it
You think a blowjob
Is a blowjob
Would you get a blowjob
From anybody
No there's bad blowjobs
No I mean
A man
A man
Yeah
Is he shaved
Is he wearing a wig
His face is shaved
Does he got a wig on?
No
Okay now you're making it tough
Well cause Yanni
Does he have facial hair?
Yanni masturbates to a transgender porn
I have
A lot of people do
It's a huge
I have
It is a huge porn category
Tell them what we learned
About the video we watched in the house
Which one?
The number one porn
We learned
We watched this
The science of it
That neuroscientist that spoke
Oh yeah it's very interesting
Well yeah these
Well they It's straight men who watch it and they
think because it tricks your brain cuz evolutionary theory animals the when
when another animal has a heart on other animals get excited because they want to
get in there and compete and fuck the female that he just fucked to try to get
his their sperm in there so we see all these images the phallus and the women and it kind of combines
the things and tricks your brain um into being a horny because i realized after i watched you don't
like men or whatever i realized after i watched that i i whenever i'm watching porn if you know
i'm watching it for the woman but anytime the guy's not that hard i'm i can't the guy has to
be rock hard for me.
And I always felt like, oh, that's gay.
But this neuroscientist is like, no, it's not.
Straight men are looking.
They want the hard penis and the big boobs.
That's why they're into transgender.
Hard penis, big boobs.
That's what we like.
I find myself being weirdly attracted to drag queens.
It's just like a weird thing.
So it's like a man dressed as a woman.
We should hang out sometime.
Interesting. You didn't tell me that
yeah like I was
I'm like why do I feel
turned on by this person
I've always been trying
to figure it out
man in drag
is this a new thing
or you've always felt like this
it's not like
I'm not like out here
masturbating just porn
but I always have felt like that
like I'm just kind of like
oh I'm kind of
weirdly attracted
but I wouldn't be
if he wasn't in drag
I think it's also
I wouldn't be attracted
to this gay man I think it's very taboo I think it's like a little bit out there and I dated somebody that
was straight I think I mean I think straight and loved transvestite porn super into it didn't
bother you at all I know as long as somebody isn't into like incest and like and raping kids porn
I don't care what you're into my cousin but it's just another thing it's just a thing that happens it's a victimless crime
yeah yeah
we were kids
we were 13
yeah
I think it's fine
a blowjob's a blowjob
yeah
I'm into lesbian porn
that's what I like to watch
I don't necessarily
want to have sex with girls
I'm not into lesbian porn
it doesn't do nothing
I don't know a lot of
straight guys that are
when guys are like
oh isn't it awesome
to watch girls kiss
I'm like not really
not for me
you need a nice hard dick
in there don't you
I like a nice hard dick
if one of them had a nice
hard cock in there then yeah Chrissy? I like a nice hard dick. If one of them had a nice hard cock in there, I think, yeah.
Chrissy Hardcocks.
Chrissy Hardcocks.
Chrissy Erections.
Yeah.
Chrissy Blue Shoots.
Yeah.
All women like lesbian porn.
Yes.
And a lot of straight guys don't like it.
Yeah.
It's weird.
It's fucking weird, man.
I do remember when I was, I don't know how old I was, but like Wild Things, I remember
watching that.
I'm like, what do I feel like this?
Like it was hot.
Well, there is more of a fluidity to lesbians
than there is to gay men.
If I will go gay, you can't come back.
It's a weirder thing for me to think of.
Not a weirder thing.
It's harder to be a male bisexual
than it is to be a female bisexual.
We talk about this all the time.
It's one of the weird things to reconcile in your head.
You're a guy's dating a woman,
and she's like, oh, just FYI,
I've hooked up with a couple girls,
and they're like, no big deal. And you're dating a man, and he's like,, like I've hooked up with a couple of girls and they're like, no big deal.
And you're dating a man and he's like,
oh, I've hooked up with a couple of dudes
and you're like, what the fuck?
It's this thing, it's like hard,
but I'm always trying to figure out why that is.
If you watch gay porn and you watch lesbian porn,
your answer's there.
Because like, you're right.
Women are designed to be beautiful.
So I can understand why straight women
are attracted to women.
Because by nature, you're designed to be- Body's a work of art. Yeah, you're designed to be beautiful so i can understand why straight women are attracted to women because by nature you're designed body's a work of art yeah you're designed to be coveted
whereas guys you're just we're designed to like lift bricks and fucking you know we're just ugly
looking so if if you're a guy who wants to fuck guys you're gay guy yeah you're not it's like
it's a specific thing like when a guy's attracted to a guy that is just you're wired different I can't
choose to want to bang anything that
has hair on it you know if your
toes have stringy hairs like
a fucking substitute teacher
on like I'm not into it I like a
nice feminine foot to put in my mouth yes
I have a foot fetish can I see your feet
now please yeah I don't
have cute feet was that a good segue
Ashley has really nice feet.
Yeah.
I'm a feet guy.
I do have good feet.
They're long.
No, but they're nice.
They're pretty.
The shape is thin, high arch, real big.
They're nice.
I put feet right in my mouth.
But thin.
Yeah.
I plug it in like a pacifier.
But they're pretty.
While I'm having sex, I just keep them in there.
Do you like smelly feet?
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
As long as they're feminine and they look good.
Have you ever got a foot job?
Yeah.
Yes, I have.
Yeah.
You like that?
I mean, that would be weird if I was in my 40s and I was like a foot job virgin.
If I have a foot fetish, that would mean I was like repressed.
Where does somebody come when they give you a foot job?
I mean, I don't-
Where do you come?
Where do I come?
I don't think you can get a lot of grip on it.
On their feet.
You want to come on their feet.
I want to come on their feet.
Is this all real?
I feel like it'd be hard to finish.
This is real, yeah.
Okay.
I have a foot fetish, yeah.
Okay.
I do.
I feel like it'd be hard to finish a foot job.
Not a bad one.
Not horrible.
Have there been girls you've been having sex with Raw daddy
And you've pulled out and came on their feet
I mean yeah
It's happened
Oh my gosh
But look I'm not
I don't smell
I don't smell the sneaker
I don't have that
I don't have one of those
Like I need to get the shoe
It's the foot
The foot
When I get turned on
I want to put the foot in my mouth
I don't know why
But he also when he was a kid
When he was like sexually
Exploring himself He would put on stockings and jerk off It's a true thing It's what it is So it's all to put the foot in my mouth. But he also when he was a kid when he was like being sexually when he was like sexually exploring himself he would put on
stockings and jerk off. It's a true thing.
It's what it is. So it's all designed around the foot.
Sex is a weird wonderful thing. I personally think
I like full bush because it was that
porno that I saw but also the first
vagina I ever saw was my mom and she had a full bush.
Yeah. When he was a kid he would experiment
he would let a priest manipulate him and then bang
him in a Catholic church basement. So that's
how he experimented. I got sculled. you know that's that's well not by the priest but like i
my friend i was like you did black out a few times i was the runt i was the runt of my friend group
yeah i was the youngest one i was like 12 little christy yeah one time i was i was just in the
bathroom they came down they held my legs down somebody skull fucked me like quick two three
pumps and my head hit the back of the toilet seat.
It's what it is.
Is this real?
No, it's real.
Yeah, it's real.
It's just what it is.
But I'm fine.
It motivated me to be
a comedian and an athlete
and I've surpassed them.
One of them is dead.
Like I've surpassed them all.
Yeah, so it's fine.
I needed it.
I needed to get hit in the uvula
with somebody's cock.
Quick, it's just what it is, please.
And that's why you have ear problems today. That's it is i mean they're all connected that's why you're doing a doctor about this yeah i should have she asked
about your history yeah well no she she was like god the way she was talking to me like if she
thought i was such a pussy until she looked in my ear right and then i mean she told me i was like
i was like fluid came out of my ear she's like that's your ear crying like it's she was was like, you're going to need fucking pills to go to sleep because the pain's unbearable.
I can't believe she even went.
Russian people just can't do jobs well where you're supposed to make someone feel better.
No.
That's not in their cultural repertoire.
Absolutely not.
They can't make you feel better.
My blood pressure was too high.
She's like, are you on drugs?
Why is your blood pressure this high?
I was like, it's 130 over 80, which is high, but it's not like crazy.
They never deliver news softly.
They're not built for it.
They grew up on meat and 20 degree temperature.
And for some reason, millions and millions of people always dead.
Whenever you hear about Russian history, there's always millions of people somewhere dead.
They really don't fuck around.
In the 1940s, millions of people died.
It was cold. Everyone was dead. So it's Eastern Europeans. You can't fuck fuck around. In the 1940s, millions of people died. It was cold.
Everyone was dead.
So it's Eastern Europeans.
You can't fuck with them.
People are always dead.
Ashley, I wanted to talk.
You had said before
that you want to talk about koala bears
because it's the History of Nature podcast.
Yeah.
So sometimes we like to talk about nature
if there's no history.
So what do you have to say about koala bears?
So I just have this.
That's a weird segue, by the way.
It doesn't matter.
Feet are in your mouth.
We're talking about shemale porn.
Let's talk about koala bears. Yeah. Listen, it'set are in her mouth. We're talking about shemale porn. Let's talk about koala bears.
Listen, it's a history of hyenas.
We're fucking wild.
Wild.
We're going to talk about koalas now.
I have such a reaction to koala bears.
Also, I've never even met one.
Okay.
I follow every Instagram account.
I'm obsessed with all of them.
I love koalas so much.
There's this video where I think it was Kristen Bell.
She was on some show, like Ellen or something they brought out a sloth and like she started crying
and i was like i thought she was like kidding i'm like no i would do that like if you brought
one in right now you'd cry i don't know what it is i like feel like i love them so much yeah
there's a huge part of your life i cannot wait to go to australia like i i'm like whoever gets
to accompany me when i like hold one for the first time is your podcast big in australia
has it reached them we're gonna do shows podcast big in Australia? Has it reached them? Yeah. We're going to do shows there.
Probably in the winter when it's like there.
We're going to go for New Year's.
That's where it's going to go.
Probably on New Year's.
Well, go soon because I just read an article that in the next 20 years, you'll go before
that, Australia is going to have no winter.
It's just going to be summer.
It's just going to be a tropical climate 12 months a year because of global warming and
all that stuff.
Well, Donald Trump says that global warming isn't a thing.
Well, whatever my Lord and Savior donald trump says i believe so so i also like i just feel like they are the cutest animal they
are and like i love the way that they're so cuddly okay and then also like i don't know i just feel
like i know a lot about them especially like from instagram tell us because we know we talked about
hyenas but then i was talking about how much i love them on one of our episodes and these bitches started
to slide into my dms and were like hate to break the news to you but they have chlamydia and i was
like why would you say that to me like why would you shit on something i love right what's the
point of this but what does that mean they have chlamydia then i did look it up it's this epidemic
they're giving chlamydia to each other i mean i think they are spreading it but google like
koala bears chlamydia and they uh it's it's bad a lot of them are dying like oh they're dying from
it i think so look at them at least they're banging out raw dog don't know that's a positive
can i get chlamydia i'm like no no i mean is this only in australia well that's where they are
there's not koalas anywhere else. But I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I don't even get how they get it.
Did a human have to fuck them?
Yeah.
No, I'm just kidding.
Here we go.
They're also pretty vicious, right?
Yeah.
See, this is where I get pissed off. Because every time I talk about my love for koalas, someone has to be like, they're not
even that nice.
I'm like, shut up.
Yeah.
Fuck you.
We're ruining your fantasy about koalas. Do you remember that Debbie Downer debbie downer sketch on snl yeah sketch sketch i feel like it's like that
like someone's like i can't wait to go to disney world and what it was like amy who was it that did
that um debbie downer was um rachel drash yeah committee is no joke to koalas surveys have shown
that wild populations demonstrate a 100 rate of
infection yeah 100 rate 100 rate that's like their hpv and they can have blindness severe
bladder information and infertility so oh so it's that's gonna stop their population yeah it's it's
really serious so i'm gonna start up like a charity do we have no idea with chlamydia yeah
how do and that we still can you
find out how they got it isis scientists now suspect that a virus in the same family as hiv
could be the culprit interesting well one person had sex with a koala and then they just started
passing well that's what they say aids that's what they think they said somebody had sex with
a monkey right yeah is that is that true has that been yeah but also they could have been
experimenting on a monkey in like a lab to be touched the
blood.
Yeah, could be.
I think it was created by like government.
But I like to think somebody had sex with a monkey.
I mean, there's people who religiously have sex with animals.
I mean, it's just something they do.
I feel like a monkey would be one of the harder animals to have sex with, though.
And a koala.
To hold down a monkey would be like a gorilla, maybe, but a monkey...
You're kind of quick.
How do you hold those things down?
You're also a pedophile.
You got to have sex with like a sloth or something.
You would have sex with a sloth?
They're vicious, too.
Really?
They got those nails.
They'll fucking, yeah, claw.
Mike knows.
Yeah, but you throw some.
Emoji face, Mike.
Throw some couldn't.
They have razor sharp claws.
But they are slow, and other than that, they got no defenses.
If you guys could fuck an animal, what would it be?
Oh, my God.
I'd probably want to fuck a penguin.
A penguin?
Yeah.
Why?
I don't know.
Just to say it?
I don't know.
Because it's already walking like it has a dick in it?
Yeah.
You don't want a big-ass dick.
Yeah, I'd want to fuck that.
I'd fuck a penguin.
Yeah, they're kind of like the twinks of the animal world.
I would fuck that jacked kangaroo.
Pull up the jacked kangaroo.
Oh, yeah.
He's dead now though I think Roger
hairless
but like
aren't you weirdly
attracted to him
yes
like you're attracted
to tranny porn
if that or the hard
dick and tits
yeah
all day
yeah
he died though
RIP
he died
how do you have a body
like that
it's fucking working
one of the left
looks like he's face tuned
like he's puffing
just like peacock and his whole body kangaroos from Long Island the left looks like he's face tuned. Like he's puffing. He's just like peacocking his whole body.
A kangaroo's from Long Island.
It's a Long Island kangaroo.
He's jacked out.
Yeah.
Who would you have sex with?
What animal?
Every man I have sex with is an animal.
Fucking animal, right?
Guys are animals.
Animals.
Every one of you.
It's just its own breed of disgustingness.
It's like a buffet of terribleness.
Yeah.
Just like this one smells weird.
Of all animal noises, what would you like
to hear the most during sex?
I would like to
hear... A dolphin.
What's a dolphin noise? Dolphins are sexy.
I just think of a monkey in the jungle.
Well, they're
very human, so yeah.
I could see a dolphin.
What's really soothing?
Cat?
Whale?
A sonar?
A sonar whale.
Good call.
That'd be no good for my ear infection, though.
Yeah, but it's just like white noise.
I would love it.
Yeah.
That's cute.
I fuck a dog.
You fuck a dog.
He's obsessed with dogs.
I just love dogs.
I do, too.
Yana says without dogs, we wouldn't have advanced as a human society.
That's just true.
She says it's true.
Do you have a dog?
I do have a dog. What kind? She's like a lab mix. That's just true. You said it's true. Do you have a dog? I do have a dog.
What kind?
She's like a lab mix.
She's from Puerto Rico.
She's from Puerto Rico.
That's why my daughter loves her.
You got her there?
You rescued her from there?
She got, yeah.
She got a Latin player?
The rescue rescued her and flew her up here.
Gotcha.
Yeah, so I got her when she was six months old.
Oh.
Yeah.
I like a lot of these rescues.
The one I follow is canine Korean rescue, and these dogs, they're this Asian breed that are super cute.
But they go get them, the dogs that are about to be made into meat.
Right.
That's brutal.
From Korea and Asia.
And they bring them over here.
It's highly coveted dogs.
I went to a rescue event once.
It was crazy.
Your dog's the cutest.
Super competitive.
He really is.
He's a cute little fucker.
I always say if he was a man, he wouldn't date me.
He would be such a fuckboy. Really? I think he he's an asshole he just makes you really work for it really which
is like the men that i really like he just like doesn't text you back he doesn't make eye contact
you're like do we blink if you like want to date me and he like sort of blinks one eye and you're
like he gives you side eye that's it but like I'm attracted to it. He throws shade. He's just so beautiful.
I don't know.
I rescued him too, but he's stunning.
He really is.
What kind of dog?
I don't know what kind of dog.
I think he's probably a Pyrenees mix, some collie mixed in, maybe a little Australian
shepherd.
But I think a lot of Pyrenees.
He's big.
He's 80 pounds.
He's orange and white.
He's really fluffy.
He's got a beautiful face.
We had Remy Casimir on our podcast recently, and she she was like you guys kind of look like i'm like thank
you so much that is honestly the biggest compliment you can get me that i look like this dog uh because
he's like the most attractive she already responded my instagram story about dewey she was right on it
yeah she's very into doing what's happening recently is that i created a hashtag for dewey
it's do hess yeah and then somehow Instagram has blocked me from my post
showing up in the hashtag. So here
I am promoting this hashtag. I did a whole
podcast about it, about my pet, Pets and
Punchlines. It's in my Instagram bio.
I'm like, follow his hashtag. He doesn't have an account. Follow
it. I'm blocked from it. You go to it. All you see
are pictures of my ex and the dog.
Why? Why are you blocked from it?
I don't know. I've been in touch with Instagram. I'm trying to figure it out.
You got in touch with Instagram somehow?
No.
They won't respond back to me.
A friend of a friend.
No, I have no contact there.
But I'm like, this is insane.
All I do is say, follow this thing.
People are going to it.
Just my ex, my ex and the dog.
It's so crazy.
Why are you calling Instagram?
What happened to you?
Because I can't promote, spend ad money on my Instagram.
I need to promote my shows and stuff., spend ad money on my Instagram. Like, I need to, like, promote my shows and stuff.
And for some reason, my account's disabled.
And I have to, the only way to get in is I have to put in my Instagram username and password through Facebook.
Like, I'm logged into my Instagram now.
But I guess I exhausted the attempts, the password.
So now when I put forgot password, it just says we can't even email you a new password.
A link, you have to contact Instagram. But there's no. No contact for Instagram? You can't contact them you a new password a link you have to contact instagram
but there's no contact for instagram you can't contact them are you totally locked out of your
account no no i'm not i'm locked to my account but i can't promote can you do it through facebook
uh yeah but it's like instagram is where i have my whole following yeah facebook is nobody's on
facebook but that's i thought that's where you did i think that's where you do it yeah i think
the back end really yeah the back end is facebook but this is. This happened to me on my big account.
So what happened?
We had to get our agent involved.
You could not contact Instagram?
I went for a password reset.
Contact Instagram.
So how did it finally happen?
Call Mark Zuckerberg.
They had to get into the VIP portal.
I have no access to it.
I don't know.
Do you have an agent manager? Yeah, I have an agent. See if they can. I have no access to it. I don't know. Your agent helped you. I can ask him for you. Yeah. Yeah, do you have an agent manager?
Yeah, I have an agent.
See if they can.
Yeah.
Okay, I'll ask him.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I'll fucking try.
Nobody can help me.
It was bad.
Just show up at Instagram.
If I ever lost my account, I would be at the front desk of Instagram.
I'm going to be in Sacramento this weekend.
Isn't Instagram in San Francisco?
No, they're based here.
I mean, they have offices all over, but they have an office here.
Really?
Dolphins having sex.
I think she's right.
It's Instagram, Facebook, yeah.
Go through Facebook Ad Manager.
It's Business Manager.
Business Manager.
You can get support.
Okay, there is a way to get support
via the Facebook Ad Business Manager.
So go through there.
All right, I'm going to do it.
Because I feel like, yeah,
if you're like, I want to spend money.
Yeah, I'm telling them,
I want to give you guys money, and you're not letting me give you money yeah that happened to me it was
the worst day like whenever they were like you could fix it in a day no they it took a couple
days yeah i know a couple people that have lost their accounts it takes like a couple days
so annoying guys i just realized on my overalls that's why i was looking at the button is a woman
turn out that button wow she looks like she's just like looking at it. The button is a woman. Check out that button.
Wow.
She looks like she's just like waiting for it.
I've never seen a button
like this before.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah.
This is very naughty.
It's like a girl
that's just like bent over
waiting for it.
What is she?
She's so slutty.
Do you think she has
a bleached asshole?
She does because she's bent over.
She's like,
look at my bleached asshole.
Look at it.
It's cute.
She's got nice legs
and a nice ponytail.
Those overalls.
Yeah.
What kind of overalls are those? I don't know. They fuck. Overall It's cute. She's got nice legs and a nice ponytail. Those overalls. Yeah. What kind of overalls
are those?
I don't know.
They fuck.
Overalls are cute.
I'm cute in overalls.
Do you like overalls
sometimes?
You're cute in overalls.
I've never put one on,
but I like a woman
in overalls.
Absolutely.
I feel like I'm too tall.
No, you look cute
in overalls.
I'm an oversized kid.
It says dollhouse.
Yeah, dollhouse.
Would you guys wear overalls?
I would do it.
I feel like I could picture
you like 90s in living color
like one strap.
I would put on overalls. Why not? I can't imagine a guy wear overalls? I would do it I feel like I could picture you Like 90s in living color Like one strap I would put on overalls Why not?
I can't imagine a guy
In overalls seriously
That wasn't like
Working
Well if you were like
Jack
Like what if he's like
A ripped fucking model
Well then he can wear
Anything he wants
Yeah with no shirt on
Like that guy Noah
Who owns Rumble
We had him on our show
Yeah that guy
That guy could put on overalls
I still wouldn't fuck him
Really?
He's too much of a tool
I guess
I made out with him
when I was 12 years old
good breath
I don't remember
I was 12
it was a long time ago
I was 12 also
oh he was 12
he was 12 and so was I
was he cute when he was 12
he was very good looking
was he jacked
no he just looked normal
he was like very very hot
when we were kids
I made out with him at summer camp
I snuck into his bunk
after hours
and we made out and yeah he was extremely good looking so i just decided he
must be mine those rumble boxing gyms are everywhere you're doing but you're wearing
an overthrow overthrow they don't like each other they don't like each other yeah i like overthrow
is like actual boxers well i think i think he overthrows actual boxes and i think he used to
be a member there or something like that and then open up his own gym people he went around and like
took everything from all the fitness places.
Yeah, but you know what?
He's a fucking entrepreneur.
I don't mind.
I respect it.
I'm about the capitalism.
I'm like, yeah, I get it, but I get how Overthrow wouldn't like him.
Well, he made a gym for Instagram models, basically.
Yeah.
His shit is packed.
His people aren't going to Overthrow.
It's too intimidating.
It's just very lifestyle exercise.
Good for him.
I think they do a great job and they're like, expand it, whatever.
It doesn't matter.
Do you like to box?
I do.
Do you like to box?
I would if I did.
I just don't.
You should.
There's lots of stuff I might like to do if I did it, but I don't.
Have you guys been in a lot of fights?
Not for a while.
I got shot.
I got shot.
Where'd you get shot?
In the leg right here.
That is really close to your dick.
It's really close.
Yeah. And it's femoral artery. That is really close to your dick. It's really close. Yeah.
And his femoral artery.
Was it a bad recovery?
No.
It's a fleshy part of the foot.
I was released.
Yeah.
I was lucky it didn't hit an artery and I was released from the hospital today.
But I couldn't, like if I had to take a shit or whatever, it was so swollen I'd have to
hold myself up for a couple weeks.
Yeah.
It was so tender.
Tender ass.
Yeah.
And then the bullet just stayed in there. It was so tender. Tender ass. Yeah. And then the bullet
just stayed in there
because it was so far in
that they just,
because your body
will reject a foreign object
if it's in there
so it made its way
to the surface
and they took it out
like two years later.
Two years?
Yeah,
so they had a bullet
in me for two years
setting off metal detectors.
It was fun.
Were you using that
to get girls?
Yeah, a little bit.
Girls like stuff like that.
Yeah.
Scars and bullets. Do you like it if a guy was like, I have a bullet in the fleshy part of my thigh?
I mean, I don't know.
You don't not like it?
I'd rather like scary tattoos or something.
Than a bullet.
Because I'm like, what'd you do to get this?
Were you like in a fight?
I'd use the backstory.
Yeah.
Like were you just walking to get fro-yo?
He got robbed.
Well, let me just say this real quick.
That's what I love about
obviously feminism's a good thing
I'm a feminist, everyone should be a feminist
but when people talk about toxic masculinity
it's hilarious
she just said, I want someone with scary tattoos
someone who might kill me
it's like, yeah, I think
women haven't been passive victims
of a patriarchy
but we are kind of kidding.
Yeah.
I don't really want to be scared by a guy.
No, but you like a big guy.
You do like a guy who you feel like could protect you,
is successful, right?
You're not dating a social worker, are you?
Soft on the inside.
Yeah.
I want somebody that might murder, but just my pussy.
Women want to be like...
Women want successful guys with status
who also look like they can fuck someone up
if they're in need.
But I don't need that.
No?
I don't need somebody to look like they can be violent.
I've never really had it, though.
It's like, I want this thing.
I don't even...
I have no tattoos.
I'm never going to get one.
I'm like, I want to go with a bunch of tattoos.
It's just very weird.
I don't know.
Well, yeah, you want the opposite stuff.
Yeah.
I just think women are in charge more of like...
Women are...
Every species you look at it's like we compete
for them women are choosing us
if the patriarchy is going to end it's going to be like women's tastes
are going to change which is probably going to happen
because we don't need to be like fucking masculine
anymore here's the thing though I feel like
what we talk about a lot is guys that kind of like
come off a little gay
they're not
but like it used to be years ago
you'd be like oh my god
that guy's just and now we're like i don't care yeah like i met a guy we were in austin i was
like yeah it kind of translates gay but he's straight and i'm i'm fine with it like i feel
like 10 years ago you'd be like you only wanted super masculine men and it's right more way more
acceptable for guys well like a millennial guy right like a millennial 21 year old talks like
this they're soft but he's like he's a straight guy like and he's not even pretending but this is
just how he speaks yeah like you know you do a college
gig and I'll be like oh really take a picture
like I thought you were like you were great
yeah it was like so funny this is my
girlfriend Rachel yeah I'm like
I'm on the fucking basketball team your fucking
comedy was awesome
you listen to someone like the guys like an NCAA
tournament like when they're getting interviewed like I'm just
so fucking excited to be in the NCAA tournament
go do yeah I mean it was straight white man
they're not white man there's just straight
guys in LA
I met this guy
and I was like
he seems kind of gay not just kind of gay
really gay I was like or just LA
gay or LA you don't know
they're all you know
gay or LA is fucking hilarious that they're all you know everybody's sticking avocados on their ass gay or LA
is fucking hilarious
that's a game
that I'm gonna play
that we're gonna play
gay or LA
in New York
you play like
hipster homeless
hipster homeless
you know you play
in Brooklyn a lot
yeah
I don't care
if somebody
seems a little gay
I don't care anymore
I used to be like
oh my god
I just want a more
masculine guy
and now I'm like
I dated one guy
that was a really
serious relationship
that he.
You guys kind of remind me of each other.
Same kind of build.
He would, like, talk more with his hands.
And, like, very masculine dude.
But, like, people would joke about him, like, being gay.
Right.
And I was like, I didn't like it at first.
And then I was like, no, I don't know.
I don't care at all.
And, like, he's super hot to me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, women.
Yeah.
You think women's tastes are changing?
I think.
I think.
Yes.
I think so.
Yes. I think men have been allowed to be a little more emotional than they have been before
and a little more feminine than they have been before.
I don't know that people are brought up today as much like,
be a fucking man, don't have feelings, you're hitting the face.
I just don't think that people are raised like that as much anymore.
Yeah.
But let me ask you this.
Do you think, though, as women, not all the time, but if the guy is handsome,
do you mind being objectified by him?
I like it.
You like it?
In bed.
In bed, not in public.
I know that if I know that somebody actually respects me, cares about me, whatever, you
can say, wow, shit to me.
Whatever you got going on.
Come on your fat tits.
Yeah, it's fun.
Yes, that's like that.
That's like a-
That's like Little League stuff.
Yeah, the Little League stuff.
Yeah.
She's like, yeah, you're not bringing it at all you go with the
basics it's a bunny hill yeah no you're just starting i got it i don't yeah i don't know
we'll work up to calling me a felly slut okay right now you're so different in this way like
you don't like it i don't i haven't experienced it but i just really like like oh you're so hot
you're so pretty and you're so great and you're so great that's my dirty talk
so dirty
that's nice too
you're such a naughty girl
I like that
talk dirty to me
I don't know what I would have
I'm not quite sure
I like your earrings
your hair looks great today
your hair looks great today
while she's blowing somebody
your hair looks great today
tell me how long my skin is
I want to cum on your Delaware pussy
I love your fucking subtle makeup
I want to give you chlamydia like a koala bear
You look like your GPA was
Your GPA was really high in school
You look like you did good on your SAT
You're fucking successful
I bet your rent is really high
You got a good relationship with your parents
With a new guy
You like it from anybody
I do like it
I think I need to really trust a guy to
hit for him to be like no not like first couple times like when i like somebody like when i've
like been out that guy that you hooked up with that 24 year old in london and first right out
the gate he was like yeah i didn't like that though it sounded really disingenuine i didn't
believe that he believed i was a dirty little slut so i didn't like it you have an english accent
yes he was very british yes he was just you're a little slut and you're like come on he didn't like it. Did he have an English accent? Yes, he was very British. That ruined it. Yes, he was just...
You're just a little slut.
And you're like, come on.
He didn't commit to it as much as I needed him to.
Was he high class?
He was middle class.
He was from Cardiff.
Okay.
He was such a smoke show.
I was on this trip.
I was in London.
It was a press trip.
I was doing it because I have a big social media account.
I hated the girls I was with.
I hated the weather.
I hated everything.
And I was like, I guess I just have to fuck this guy because there's nothing else to do
on this trip.
Boredom.
But yeah, I didn't believe it when he said it.
So it sounded just uncomfortable.
Right.
Do you guys say stuff like that?
What?
Do you do dirty talk?
You know what I do if a girl's into it?
We could spit in each other's mouths.
I'll do that.
Okay.
Yeah.
That went from zero to 100 real quick.
Yeah. Yeah. Spit in each other's mouth. Yeah. Yeah. I would do that. But it i'll do that okay yeah that went from zero to 100 real quick yeah yeah spitting each other's mouth yeah yeah i would do that but it's dirty talk i mean your car's got
good acceleration yeah yeah that thing fucking horsepower i think you can do anything with the
right person if they just lead you into it in the right way yeah spitting her mouth i didn't know
that but i feel like with dirty talk with me because sometimes my dyslexia pops up sexually
like i would say the wrong thing.
I'd be like, you know, I'd be like, you want, you know, you want to suck my dick?
I mean, you know, can I, I want to suck your dick.
Yeah.
I'd say something like that.
I want to suck your dick.
Yeah.
I would say that.
I do that.
Sometimes with texting, with sexting, I fuck up all the time.
I'm like, you know, like you want to suck on these titties?
I mean, I want to suck on your titties.
Yeah.
We had another, Remy, we had her on our podcast and she sent her boyfriend a sex that was you want to suck on these titties? I mean, I want to suck on your titties.
Remy, we had her on our podcast and she sent her boyfriend a sex
that was like,
I can't wait to suck the skin off your dick.
And he was like, okay.
He's going to re-circumcise your cock.
Yeah.
That feels aggressive to me.
Yeah, it's a little too much.
Yeah, it sounds like he's just going to hurt a little bit.
But I love sexing.
I'll take that over pretty much anything.
Because it's fantasy.
It's your mind, imagination.
I'll say stuff that can't even happen.
I just love it.
Yeah.
I like talking dirty.
It's fun.
You like talking dirty, yeah.
It's just fun.
Do you still do it with your wife right now?
Absolutely, yeah.
It's fucking great.
It's fun.
But you know what?
I don't need it.
I just like somebody that's really present and in the moment and is enjoying themselves
and is excited to be there, you know?
Excited to be there. I'm just saying, you had someone with a little
good enthusiasm. Was it a job interview?
Yeah, it's like their new head coach.
As long as he's consensual, he wants to be there.
I dated the silent comer
for a little while and it was really hard for me
because I need some enthusiasm when you come.
He would just come.
It was insane.
No, I let it fly when just come. He would just come. It was insane. Yeah. No, yeah, no.
I let it fly when I come.
Yeah, I need that.
If we ever hook you up with somebody,
we'll just make sure to bring the enthusiasm.
Enthusiasm.
Just be happy to be here.
Effusive, you know?
Just like, you know, smile a lot.
Maybe cheer while you're fucking her.
Be like, woo-hoo!
Yeah!
Woo, baby!
Yeah.
Yeah, just fucking enthusiastic
school spirit you're looking for school spirit
yes yeah thank you for coming
yeah bring your pom poms and fucking
bring it ladies it was amazing
having you we totes mcgoats preach
where are you gonna where are you gonna where can
we find you tell them um you can
find us on instagram at girls gotta eat podcast
and our website girls gotta eat podcast
dot com for show tickets to see where we'll be.
And then you can follow our personal Instagrams.
Ashley is ashess, A-S-H-E.
You do your S-H-E-S-S.
Hopefully you can follow Do Hess if I ever get it back.
Also, listen to our podcast if you're new.
It's the best.
The podcast is awesome.
iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to podcasts.
You guys can follow me at One Hungry Jew.
Yeah, One Hungry Jew.
Please follow me.
I love that.
I love it.
I feel like I'm going to start listening.
You guys are fun.
No, girls, I listen.
I'm going to start listening.
Does anybody want to pee in my ear after this?
I feel like your ear's been thrown out.
I feel like I'm off catch it.
I know.
I dried it out with a Benadryl.
So I got to wear it again.
And remember, you pee in people you kill's ear.
That's your hitman thing.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Remember Chrissy?
What is it? Chrissy Whittier. Yeah, Chrissy Whittier. All right, Chrissy Whittier, you kill zero. That's your hitman thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember Chrissy? What is it?
Chrissy Whittier.
Yeah, Chrissy Whittier.
All right, Chrissy Whittier, we're out.
Bye.
Bye.