History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 12 - Chris Distefano’s Ass Is WILD!!!!
Episode Date: April 29, 2018The Bay Ridge Boys Yannis and Chris talk about Chris' upcoming colonoscopy. A special call in guest, Dr. Nick gives him some advice. WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayrid...geboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼♂️🐕🙆🏻♂️🙆🏼♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips
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What's up, cuzzy wuzzies?
It's me, Giannis Pappas, Obi-Wan Cucknobie,
and I'm here with Chris DiStefano,
and you're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys History Hyenas. yeah true blue gaze true blue gays
True blue weather out there today in New York City
Yo, it's TBW, true blue weather
Time to put on your tight jean shorts
And your boat shoes
And go stroll
Go stroll, this is Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. King Gay
And this is Giannis Pappas, a.k.a. Obi-Wan
Cock-a-nobie
Hello, and we are the History Hachinas
And this is a fucking great episode today
We're going to be talking about the history of Austin
Wow, we're getting confident, you're calling it great before we even start
Yeah, well, you know
I like that
I'm out of my mind today because I just went to the doctor
And I was told I got to have a colonoscopy because I took a blood shit
But it wasn't red blood
It was a dark pigment to a turd that I took a picture of.
And he was like, yeah.
He was like, I think you should get a colonoscopy.
I was like, all right, dude.
So Giannis has done it before.
Yeah, no big deal.
And I'm going to take colon blow tomorrow.
And it's going to get fucking wild.
I'm going to put videos of my colon blow on Patreon.
Yeah, that'll really attract a lot of people.
Yep.
Yo, did you tell me you eat a lot of paid stuff?
Because it could have been like a little piece of tomato in there.
No, it's not.
I'll put the picture up on Patreon.
No, you don't have to.
It was like coated around the turd.
Oh, boy. So it wasn't just like a piece of food coming out.
It was like in different spots of the turd. Yeah, little. So it wasn't just like a piece of food coming out. It was like in different spots of the turd.
Yeah, little red specks.
Little red specks.
Yeah, not specks.
He told me it could be something as simple as dehydration.
He was like, it absolutely could be.
He's like, but, you know.
You drink a lot of water, though.
I have been drinking a lot of water, but not over the last few days.
Because I've been having pain.
Oh, the other thing is I've been having pain in the lower left side of my stomach.
Oh, yeah, you got to get that checked out.
So he said that could be that, you know, he doesn't know what that is.
Like, it could be a fucking anything.
That's why I got to take a look through your asshole.
But you know what?
It could be your body kind of rebelling that you've given up sweets and become a cute.
You became a cutie with a smoothie.
Cutie with a smoothie.
You are a fucking cutie.
You're the king cutie.
But you caught me today and we'll put this video up.
I put it up already.
Oh, you put it up already?
Yeah.
Check this out.
ISIS.
This is a funny story.
By the way, Zach Isis here.
And also, finally, he decided to show up.
Bardo, the whitewashed church, finally decided to come back from his fucking Quaker convention.
Yeah.
We don't even have to say.
We can always just say he's here because he just sits in the background there.
You know, he's got his arms folded on in the background there. Like, you know.
He's got his arms folded on his head now.
Yeah.
He, yeah.
He's like, you know, Barno's got the kind of look where like I want, I've been watching
like the show, The Tudors and he looks like British royalty, but he was like, like if
I was like the French, like when the French come and sack London, he, we chop his head
off immediately.
Just immediately drop a guillotine, and we'd take his head,
and we'd play fucking soccer with it.
Yeah.
No, but he's a cute kid, Bardo.
He's a cute kid, yeah.
He's still got the rat tail, or is it gone?
Partially.
Partially still there.
Fucking Bardo.
Yeah.
It's great, dude.
You ever get your colon checked?
No, I need to.
Why, really?
I've never heard of this.
Because you're over 40?
Yeah.
Have you ever taken a blood shit?
No.
Oh, come on.
You don't look at your turds?
Not really.
I've seen you drink.
You sure you never had a little blood in the poo?
Probably.
I don't really look.
Yeah.
Come on.
You got to look, Bardo.
Bardo gets fucking hammered.
Yeah, Bardo was hammered.
My special Bardo was hammered.
He's always fucking hammered.
One night.
Nah, I think I've seen you twice hammered.
Zach Isis, you ever take a blood
shit oh yeah for sure for real red blood or dark blood no like like one time i drank gatorade okay
and i took a shit and it was all red and i i thought i was dying because it was like all red
but it was actually just gatorade interesting that should be like mike stuff beats you could
take a beat shit yeah well that's what i said to the guy I was like because I I've taken I've been taking pictures I have actually an album my phone
called the poop album I have different I have different so I gave him like he told me he was
like this is the most complete evidence of feces I've seen from a patient in a long time I was like
yeah you're fucking with a true blue psycho right now he didn't understand that chrissy d tbp tdp tbp tbg um ppw and uh yeah he was saying that you know
giving the evidence he's like yeah he's like you know it's just consistent he's like so i fucking
yeah i gotta take a look so you've been having red specks the whole way through no it's like
once in a while that's what i said it was like i thought if it was anything serious it'd be all
the time he's like no that's the misconception he's like if you have one poop that doesn't look
like it's supposed to,
you should get that checked.
Sure, it's not your body
trying to rebel against you
to put some sweets in it?
It may be my body
trying to rebel against me
because it wants a dick in the ass.
That's what it could be.
I haven't put a dick up there
in a while.
So I snuck up on Chrissy.
I saw him walking down the street.
He had headphones on.
I was listening to Whitney.
Yeah, he was listening to Whitney Houston,
probably, or fucking, you know, Pet Shop shop boys yeah that gay people love pet shop boys love it anyway so i
followed him and i saw him hook a hard left into the sweet shop it's actually on my instagram you
can watch it now but it's a vegan sweet shop it's sweets by chloe right is that not as bad
no it's still sugar still same thing as far as you go it doesn't
matter okay yeah somebody else it's a little better or whatever but for you it's the sugar
you well first i went in there for the cough they got good cough and then i saw a cookie yeah well
when i i was behind him the whole time i was filming and yeah he went right over to the
fucking cookie thing and then he turned around and he was like chrissy never gets fucking upset
about anything he was actually a little upset that i caught him and was fucking with him because he just
wanted to eat a cookie in peace.
Well, because I just got the colonoscopy news, so I was stressed out.
No, but that's what happens when addicts get caught.
They get angry, even at their own family members, you know, when they get caught going for it.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know?
Yeah.
That was the equivalent of you trying to take a 20 from my purse.
Right.
You know what I mean?
And I was like, I caught you.
And then you were like, yeah, there you go.
Something may be wrong with your asshole because your farts yeah they sound like they're being done in a bathtub well i told him i i that's what i told him yeah i was like i told him i was like
my farts sound like they're underwater all the time and he said you know he said even more he
said he said that you could be he told me that the possibilities he thought is dehydration irritable bowel syndrome brought on by anxiety he said it's but it's possible or he said that you could be, he told me that the possibilities he thought is dehydration,
irritable bowel syndrome brought on by anxiety, he said is possible.
Or he said the blood could just be food coloring.
He said some people, when they eat a fucking tomato, it just coats their poop.
Yeah.
Everybody's poop is different.
But I did tell him about the farts and he said, he was like, you know, he wants to check.
He said there may not be a lot of room in there.
That's what he told me.
Why?
I don't know what that means.
That's what he said though. He's like, maybe there's not a lot of room in there and That's what he told me. Why? I don't know what that means. That's what he said, though.
He's like, maybe there's not a lot of room in there.
You don't got a deep butt.
Your flatulence sounds a little off-putting.
He said I'm a cute kid, though.
Yeah, when you take dicks, maybe you just got to go small dudes.
Small cocks.
Maybe you can't take big cocks.
So this colon blow, this thing tomorrow is going to get fucking wild.
Is it going to get wild?
Yeah.
Well, first off, let me say this. Let me give a shout out to my boy, Dr. Nick. He's
actually a huge history hyenas fan. Really? Yeah. Dr. Nick. He's listening. He's a gastroenterologist
out in Long Island. Can we call him after this? Can I get on the phone with him? We
want to call Dr. Nick. Let me call him right now. Wow. We're going to get Dr. Nick live
on the line. Let me fucking call him right now. Ask if I could text him my shit too.
Let's see. Let's see. I mean, you know, he's a doctor, so he may have his hand in somebody's ass right as we speak.
That'd be sick if he could pick it up on the tooth.
Yeah, let's find it.
He actually just texted me.
Here we go.
Let's call him.
How do you know this kid?
He used to come to Marion Square, where I really started comedy.
Don L. Rowling's room once in a while.
I don't know that place.
And he was in medical school at the time.
He's a Greek kid, bad.
And we became friends.
Yeah. Let's see if he picks up. He's a Greek kid, bad. And we became friends. Yeah.
Let's see if he picks up.
He's a GI, huh?
Huh?
Hello?
Nick?
Hello?
Nico?
Hey, what's up?
It's Yanni.
How you doing?
I'm good, man.
Actually, I just left work.
Oh, you just left work.
Perfect.
Did you put some scopes in some asses?
Sure did.
Well, guess what?
We're live right now on History Hyenas.
I know you're a big fan of the podcast, me and Chrissy.
Oh, yes, Hyenas.
I believe I have to donate to that Patreon page.
Oh, yes, you do, cuz.
Goddamn right you do.
You got doctor money.
Come on, cuz.
Yeah, I was getting jealous.
You guys were talking about buttholes.
I saw the Pay Rich Boys last episode.
I thought it should have been me.
Yo, you got next up.
So listen, actually, that's exactly why we're calling you.
First of all, I want to say hello.
And secondly, definitely want to do that comedy show to raise awareness.
But guess what?
Chris just came from the gastroenterologist, right?
Uh-oh.
He had a little blood in his poo.
He has a portfolio of poos.
Yeah, I got like five or six poos over the last month.
So he's getting a colonoscopy
on Wednesday. He's getting a Wednesday. So he's got some
questions. Nick, he wants to ask you some questions.
What's up, Dr. Nick?
How you doing, Chris?
Good, buddy. You can hear me, right?
Not so well. You're a little muffled.
Put it into your mic.
Can you hear me now? Put it up against the mic. Yeah it into your mic. Oh, okay. Here we go. Can you hear me now?
Put it up against the mic.
Here we go.
Yeah, no.
So what I want, because he said he's not even sure if it's blood.
He's like, I don't know.
Off the picture, I can't tell.
He's like, I just want to do a colonoscopy to make sure.
He's like, it could be dehydration.
He said, but I just want to make sure.
But I'm still nervous.
I got to get a colonoscopy.
Like when it's really bad, can you tell from a pic?
Or you can only know When you get in the butt
Well
It can be a lot of different things
So like a young guy like you
It's probably
It's some angry roids
You know
It's just a flared up hemorrhoid
That make bleeding
When you go to the bathroom
But
But
But it could be
I'm also having
Lower left abdominal pain
So you think that
Is that
Could that be an internal hemorrhoid
Internal hemorrhoids You could also have Diabiculosis, which is just some outpouchings
of the colon. It's not the same as itis. You know, some stuff, right? You have your, uh,
physical therapist degree, so you know the language.
Yes, I do.
So, you know, pain could be diverticulitis. It could be a lot of different things. So
a scope's not unreasonable. Quite frankly, I think people should be getting it earlier anyway in life.
Right.
I had a whole bunch of people that I took some rectal cancers out of that are our age.
Really?
I'm 37, going to be 38 on Thursday.
Yeah.
I had like three or four people already that I, young people like us.
Wow.
I did do a full-blown rectal resection with anastomosis, ostomy, the whole thing.
And were their symptoms subtle or their symptoms were pronounced?
They had some bleeding and then somebody examined them.
You put your finger up there and you feel something that's not supposed to be there.
Or you get a colonoscopy because the colon's long.
That was for rectal.
You could feel it when you put your finger in from below.
All right.
So I shouldn't be so worried that the doctor's asking me to do a colonoscopy at such a young age.
No,
it's reasonable.
And then once you get it
and there's nothing there,
God's willing,
you know,
then you have a nice
clean bill of health
for several years.
Yeah,
yeah.
If you've got the roids,
you know who to call.
Absolutely.
Yo,
honestly,
I've,
I'm,
yeah,
my,
I like my doc,
but if,
yo,
if I,
I sometimes,
if I want to get,
the next time I want to get
somebody in my ass,
I want to go Greek.
Yeah,
that's what I'm talking about.
We know what we're doing back there.
Absolutely.
Yeah, you guys are the champs.
You've been doing it for 2,000 years.
Now ask them.
Exactly.
In our blood.
Ask them, like, somebody, Nick, somebody.
Wait here, Giannis has a cool, hold on here.
I'll pass it back.
Thank you, Dr. Nick.
With somebody like Chris, who's got such a big ass, a 38 waist, do you guys need bigger stirrups or like a wider couch to put him on?
Yeah, we might have to reinforce the bed a little bit, you know? Right, yeah.
Yeah. Things like that.
Yeah, and also he takes a lot of dicks
in his ass. Could it just be like a little leftover little piece
of dick stuck in there?
That happens. That can happen. I'm not gonna
rule that out. Yeah, it could be that, Chris.
Yeah, I mean it's gonna be embarrassing if I shit out a
condom.
But seriously, what I learned from Nick is that people should get checked, man.
When are they going to lower the age?
Because it's important everybody gets that scope in there.
I know, it's a big thing because ideally you'd screen everybody, right?
But the whole, there's risk to it.
You got to get anesthesia.
And, you know, every couple thousand of them, somebody makes a hole in the colon.
It's not supposed to be there.
And then they have to call me.
Right.
By the way, I also do colonoscopies.
So if any of your people want to come hooked up, you come see me in the office.
I'll do it for you.
Where's your office?
Real quick.
Where's your office?
Let the people know.
It's out in Great Neck.
It's out in Great Neck.
Long Island.
Long Island.
Can I text him?
Ask him if I can text him pics of my poop
when we get him off the line.
Can he text you pics of his poop?
He wants to know, Chris.
He'll take a look at your shit.
Alright, great.
The text is coming
as soon as I get that number in the next two minutes.
What does Chris have to look forward to
drinking that fucking battery acid
the 24 hours before?
Oh, you're gonna,
you're gonna have an experience
like you've never had before.
Am I gonna get cramping and stuff?
Is it gonna hurt?
I don't think he can hear me.
Let me ask him.
You're gonna piss out,
you're gonna piss out water.
You're gonna get yourself open
with a major, uh...
Right.
So it's not gonna hurt.
It's not,
because I,
they said they could cause, like, cramping and pain, but is it really just gonna be It's not Cause I They said they could cause like cramping and pain
But is it really just gonna be a lot of diarrhea and shit?
Yeah a lot of diarrhea
So like
So like I have to watch
I have to watch my two year old
Tomorrow
Is that gonna be a problem?
Just stay home you know
Like you gotta go to the bathroom
Yes again
Again
Stay close to the toilet Stay close to the bathroom. Yes, again. Again.
Stay close to the toilet.
Stay close to the bathroom. Right, right, right, right, right.
It's never gonna stop. It's gonna be all day.
It's gonna go all night, yeah.
And then you're gonna, hopefully, it'll be cleared out.
You're gonna go clear, and then the guy's gonna get a good look at everything in there.
Chris, it's the same thing like when you get an enema
when you prepare for gay sex. Just clean it up.
Okay, alright. Same thing. You've done it before.
Yeah, but the thing is is Because I'm doing it
12 o'clock on Wednesday
It was telling me
I gotta start taking
My colon blow
You know 24 hours before
And then the last dose of it
I gotta take 8 o'clock
That morning
What if I have to
Shit myself on the cab
Right in
One day when I was
Doing scopes in my office
And then there was
Some major thing
On the LIE
All my patients
I was just like
They're all sitting
In dead stop traffic
With like a colon Full of like liquid I was just like, they're all sitting in dead stop traffic with like a colon full of like liquid.
I was just waiting for them to all show up covered in shit and they're holding down in the backyard in the back of the office.
So, so basically the more, so, so when I, if I got an appointment at 12 o'clock on Wednesday at 10 a.m. on Wednesday, it's, I'm going to be holding in a shit for two hours.
It's going to, it's going to be, it to be, the lead up's going to be brutal.
You might have all gone through by then, you know.
A lot of times, you know, the way it passes, and then by then you're all right.
But there's no guarantees.
You got to keep some plastic bags around.
I'll put it to you this way, Chris.
When I went there, I shit right before I, I pissed out shit like 10 minutes before I went into the exam room.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Oh, so I'm just going to have to shit in the exam room?
Yeah, you're just going to deal with it.
Wait, hold on, Nick.
Hold on, wait, wait.
I'm texting you my shit right now.
All right, hold on.
Should be coming in.
Hold on.
Let me, maybe if you get him right now,
you can give me diagnosis.
What?
Get a live reaction.
Yeah.
Get a live reaction.
Yeah, here.
Oh, I hope this is the right number.
Yep.
Here we go.
Yeah, you got three big boys coming in.
You got to put him up to the mic.
He can't hear you.
We can't hear him.
Hold on, hold on.
Yeah.
Did they come through?
He's driving.
I'm waiting.
Oh, yeah.
Are you driving or are you sitting?
Boom.
Yeah.
What do we got there? Oh, Jesus. What Are you driving? Yeah. What do we got there?
What do you think?
Don't get into an accident.
The last one, right, is the problem?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you think of that one?
Can you tell if he's been eating sweets, though?
That's like a must get
a call because it looks like i can't tell you know i'm actually driving so i'm not gonna go nuts with
this but yeah the other two look like nice solid turds you know like nothing too crazy but that one
yeah it's got like a mu it's got yeah it's got like a it's got like a white ball in it it's got
like a mucus ball and then it's like coated red a little bit It could be diverticulosis
And he had like
A diverticular bleed
That's what it's
That would be the guess?
Most likely hemorrhoids
Second
Second candidate
Would be a diverticular bleed
And uh
You constipated all the time
Or you know
Not constipated
Not constipated
The only real symptom
Is the lower left abdominal pain
Alright well
Get it checked out
You know
Yeah
Alright
Let me know
If you have any questions
You can call me anytime
Will the colon
Will the colonoscopy show
Diverticulosis
Or
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
You'll see the little
Outpouchings
Yeah
It might not show
That that was the source
Of bleeding
You might have hemorrhoids
And diverticular eye
And then there's nothing else
Actively bleeding
So you're not gonna catch it
But the most likely thing
At your age
Would be a hemorrhoid
But you can't tell
But you can't tell
You can't say like
That's fucking not cancer either
You just don't know
Until you get in there
They gotta get in there Chrissy
Yeah yeah
The stool itself
Doesn't tell you
If there's cancer or not
You gotta
You gotta actually look.
They got to suit up and go.
Can you ask Nick what made him want to become an ass doctor?
Nick, what made you want to become an ass doctor?
Oh, the Greek.
The Greek, this was the start, you know?
Right.
I'll tell you what.
I did a lot of trauma around the city, Jamaica,
downtown St. Vincent, all those places.
And it's exciting when you're young,
but I'll tell you,
I don't want to be running into the hospital
or sleeping in the hospital every third night
to go take care of, like, you know,
the gangbanger that just tells me to go fuck myself
when I'm just discharging him, you know?
Right, right.
Cohen, the structure, you know,
people come to the office,
they have usually been seen by a number of different doctors
and then sent to me because of the specialty.
And then I book them for surgery, and we do surgery,
and it's a controlled thing.
You know, robotic surgery, laparoscopic surgery,
and then there's also the proctology stuff that everybody likes to laugh about.
But bottom line, if you've got a problem with your asshole,
you know, you're going to show up.
Your attention is going to be great.
Absolutely.
Now check it out.
Ask him when they go under, and they're under, and they're sleeping, and he's about to put the scope in.
Do you ever check out the nuts and dick just to see?
Do you ever, when you got the patient asleep, and you put the scope in, you ever just take a look at the nuts and dick just to be thorough?
No, you can't do it, right?
Yeah, well, it's all there
I mean if it's something
Wildly abnormal
You'll catch it
Like people get
Like I heard you talking
About warrants
Or something on the last show
Yeah like those things
Can get all over you
All over down there
And if I see them in the back
I'll check the front
No but I mean
Do you ever check the front
Just to see if it's cute
Now
You ever
You ever got the scope up there And like just see a matchbox car or something?
Yeah, dude.
Back in the day when I was downtown in St. Vincent, that hospital is gone now.
Yeah.
But there was a lot of stuff that we used to find up in there.
It was not supposed to be there.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, let me ask you this.
When I get it on Wednesday, will after the procedure, will my Wednesday be ruined?
Or once it's done, I'm good to go?
You're good to go.
I could do shows Wednesday night.
You should be probably all right.
I wouldn't drive because you've got to have anesthesia.
And then it depends if they use air or carbon dioxide to blow up the inside because carbon
dioxide actually gets reabsorbed.
Okay.
And then you breathe out The gas
The air gets stuck in there
And you basically have to pass it off
So you're gonna be ripping some crazy farts out there
Yeah I do that anyway
I fucking fart it up
So you can request them to give you air then
And you can just take it to another level
Yeah and then I'll do a podcast of just my farts
You're gonna be starving
What I did right after mine was I got a fat, juicy burger.
You're going to be fucking,
you're not going to eat
for 24 hours.
When you did yours,
did you send pictures
of your poop to him or no?
No, he's the one
that told me to do it.
I told him about the symptoms
and he told me to do it.
I just didn't go to him
because I'm friends with him
so I just didn't feel weird
because I think,
I was thinking when he
put me under,
he was going to take a look
at my dick.
I just felt like it was weird.
I want my dick to be presentable
if my friends see it. No, no, no. I think the truth is I didn't want, I just felt that it was weird. I want my dick to be presentable if my friends see it.
Well, no, no, no.
I think the truth is
is you didn't want him to do it
because then he would out your secret
of that you don't have a dick,
you got a vagina.
You're really more Risa.
I've been saying that.
Nick, you know what the truth is?
Is Giannis,
I know you know Giannis
as Greek Giannis Papas,
but the whole thing
that he's been pulling over our heads
for the longest time
is that he really is more Risa.
He really is a post-op transsexual.
He got the surgery. Yep, yep yep i had my suspicion yeah so he's a post-op so but uh listen dr nick i really
i appreciate it you want this this is great yeah yeah all right no problem let me know how it goes
if you have any questions give me any time thank you so much dr nick do you want to tell the people
yeah do you want to just tell the people like hospital you're at, if they want to go?
Yeah, if you want to come in all seriousness, if you want to be checked out, screened and things like that,
or you have any concerns about your colon health, we're at the Center for Diseases of the Colon and Rectum,
which is based in Great Neck, and we operate out of Manhasset, North Shore Manhasset, and LIJ.
It'll be a very different conversation when you come to the office.
You know, I keep things in light, but, you know, no joking around.
We'll have a serious conversation and make sure that you're healthy.
And we'll do whatever we need to do to keep you that way, okay?
Absolutely.
Thanks, Nick.
Thank you, my friend.
That's in long.
I'll speak to you soon, Nick.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, take care, guys.
Have a good day.
Thank you.
Yeah, Nick is a true blue doctor.
You know, he jokes around.
He's a comedy fan.
But, you know, he's an actual real doctor.
So he doesn't, you know, it's not,
it's all serious business in there.
So if you do have any concerns
and you live out on the island,
go talk to Nick.
Hit me up, message me.
I'll give you his info, whatever you want.
Yeah, no, Dr. Nick is,
he's a good dude.
And he, yeah, he just fucking, you know, I mean, the fact that I just, I mean, see, like, that's the thing with, like, you know, I guess being a doctor, just, I mean, just life.
I mean, he was just driving along, having a good day, probably going to go see his wife, and then I sent him three pictures of fucking blood shits while he's just, you know, he just left the office.
Yeah, well, you know, you guys got a different stomach.
Even though you're a physical therapist, you know, like you said, you were eating noodles over a cadaver.
You guys have different stomachs.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
When I was in the GI doctor today, I was prepping.
I was like, I'm sorry about this.
And he was like, this is every day.
Somebody shows me pictures of this.
Yeah, he's going to go have fucking Chinese right after that.
He doesn't care.
He could probably be eating while, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, he's going to put, he scopes up, goes in, burns out a couple of polyps, and then
he goes, okay, let's see.
Who wants, let's go
to falafel. He's good. The smell of burning
out a polyp in somebody's
wet asshole has got to be not appetizing.
No, it can't be great, but he's used to it, you know?
I mean, you were, yeah. When you
did it, were you awake the whole time? You remember shit?
Let me just talk about, look, we were going to give out
like our first week of awards today,
but you know who the
fucking true blood gays are? I was going to give it to Kanye West for his today, but you know who the, who, you know who the fucking true blue gays are.
I was going to give it to Kanye West for his Twitter.
Okay.
But we're the,
the true blue gays of the week are us again,
because we're so fucking wild.
Yeah.
We came in here with agenda,
but we've spent,
we have spent the first 25 minutes of this podcast talking about the inside of
your asshole because we are fucking hyena fucking true blue.
Okay.
So, so the true blue gays of the week chrissy d and yanni p so should the ppw pseudopenia of the week be my rectum yeah
absolutely your your smash bean your two hole cuz is the ppw how wild is it that just
weeks after we unleashed two shooter yeah i gotta to get, someone's going up into my fucking piece.
Yeah, how crazy is that?
We just released episode five of Bay Ridge Boys,
where we both got prostate exams,
and now Chrissy's got to have somebody go up and give him a colonoscopy.
I mean, what are you going to do?
You know, look, hopefully it's nothing.
It probably is not.
Well, I mean, he said, I mean, his guess is right.
Probably some hemorrhoids, yeah.
His guess was right. Yeah, but whatever it is, you're going to have peace of mind no matter what it is. Look, if it I mean, he said, I mean, his guess is right. Probably some hemorrhoids, yeah. His guess was right.
Yeah, but whatever it is, you're going to have peace of mind no matter what it is.
Look, if it's something, they're catching it early,
so you're going to be fine no matter which way you slice it.
But you told me if it's something, no matter, they can't do anything and I'm done.
No, they're catching it early because you would have had some symptoms.
They're catching it early.
You're going to be fine because you're an athlete.
You know, you stop shug.
You're good because.
All right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I drink.
You get blood work every three days.
Yeah.
I mean, you're a neurotic Jew
well yeah
you're not German
if anything the Germans
would have put you down
in the 40s
because you're more Jew
than you are German
you're neurotic
yeah
yeah
I mean cuz
you know
what are you gonna do
Germans don't have feelings
they don't have
they don't go to the doctor
until they find out
they got cancer
and they're going down
that's not you cuz
no
it's good
take a look
yeah took a quick look you're gonna be fine That's not you, cuz. No. It's good to take a look. Yeah.
Took a quick look.
You're going to be fine.
And look, if you do go down, you know, we can replace you with Vinny from Jersey Shore.
Easy.
Or, you know.
Well, when you were splooging blood, did you think you were going down the night before?
Yeah, I thought I was going down.
But at that point, you know, at that point I accepted that we're all going down.
Guys, I want, you know, join our Patreon page, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys, our
cusmunity, and write on the community board, or if you don't want to join our Patreon,
just tweet us, what would you rather do?
Would you rather splooge blood or shit blood?
That's the question of the day.
And listen, I got to tell you right now, because you're such a fucking wild true blue gay.
Yeah.
Don't go and post pictures
of your asshole
on our Patreon page
or anything like that
but you know I want to
I know you do
because I want to get the feedback
from the people
I know
but you can't do it
because they're going to
shut down our Patreon page
if you bend over
and spread open
to show people to see
hey is anyone a doctor out there
yeah
you know what I mean
yeah I mean
how funny would it have been
because I copied
Dr. Nick's phone number
from your phone if I would have sent if I would have got one digit off.
And then some poor school teacher going to pick up our beautiful kids just gets pictures of three fucking turds in a row.
How fucking horrible would it have been if you were sending him those pictures while he was driving and he drove right into a goddamn divider looking at pictures of your shit.
And that doctor died on History Hyenas looking at your shit.
And the last thing that he saw was your fucking
portfolio of poo.
Yo, honestly, cuz, that'd be a sad day, but we'd be
number one on iTunes.
People would have to
listen to that app, no?
Yeah, yeah.
Silver lining. And Dr. Nick
is a fucking TBG true blue gay, so he
would know that it's for the good cause. Dude, what do you
think it's like to look at assholes all day?
All day, every day.
Every single day.
His job is exclusively to look at assholes.
That's specifically what they do.
Yeah.
They're specialists, so it's not like he can mix it up and go, like, I'm sick of this.
It's like, imagine you had to do the same one specific thing every single day.
Like, we switch it up. We do podcasts.
We do a little acting. Mostly we do
stand-up. We'll write something.
We get to at least, you know, switch it up.
This dude, every day,
is specifically looking
inside people's smash beans.
Yeah, every single day. And he's just, he texted me,
thank you for calling me.
It was great to talk to you guys. He said Bill Burr turns 50 and he'd be honored to do his colonoscopy.
Yeah, I know.
He keeps bringing that up.
Yeah, it's hilarious.
Yeah, he says he wants to do a benefit with Bill Burr.
But I just got to tell him.
And give him a colonoscopy live on the show?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know how to reach out.
I'm going to give him Verzi's number and be like, hey, reach out to Verzi.
I don't know.
And maybe Verzi can reach out to him.
He wants to do like a big comedy show to raise awareness, which I'm down to do.
To raise awareness that people should be getting their assholes checked.
Yeah, because I mean, you know, look, I just got a text notification that my fucking call and blow is ready.
There you go.
My call and blow is ready.
Yeah, so you're going to be doing it because it's not that big a deal.
Yeah.
Here's the thing.
I've done it already.
So you have a friend who's done it.
Yeah.
It's great that you're doing it. Are you coming into the room with me or what? It's great that something happened deal. Yeah. Here's the thing. I've done it already. So you have a friend who's done it. Yeah. It's great that you're doing it.
You coming into the room with me or what?
It's great that something happened that's making you do it.
Because you think everybody, so you think, is this doctor saying people at 30 years old
should be doing this?
He said, yeah.
He think, yeah, because he's telling you, he just said people our age come in.
It's like, yeah, they recommend it.
But look, the American diet is such garbage.
Right.
That, you know, it's going to be like, the new age is going to be like 15 pretty soon.
Be like everyone come in and get regular check.
He's being he's telling you, like, ideally, people should get regular checks.
And I'm just yeah, I went once and then they give you five years.
You got to keep going.
So once you go, you go for five.
I don't have to worry about calling for five.
I'm all good.
Yeah.
Nothing's going to grow in there for five. They keep checking you out. You know, of course, if you have symptoms, you go for five. I don't have to worry about calling shit for five. Five, yeah. If I'm all good. Yeah, nothing's going to grow in there for five.
They keep checking you out, you know?
Yeah.
Of course, if you have symptoms, you go in.
But yeah, it's great peace of mind.
Do you think that there's potential that the doctor's going to leave the camera in my ass
and watch it from the fucking nest at home?
There's a good chance he's going to leave that camera in there and fucking record it
because inside there, it's going to be pretty cute.
Pretty cute.
So he's going to want to keep that for posterity.
Yo, cuz.
He's going to be like, this is the cutest inside of an asshole I've ever seen. Cuz,'s gonna want to keep that for posterity. Yo, cuz. He's gonna be like,
this is the cutest inside of an asshole I've ever seen.
Cuz, he may have to back out the holes
and put a new...
He doesn't understand.
He couldn't believe when I said
I have a size 38 waist
because they asked you that.
He couldn't believe it.
He said, no.
I said, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The inside of most people's assholes
look like a fucking studio apartment.
Yeah.
Yours is gonna look like a mansion.
Mansion.
A lot of room in there.
I got a four bedding washer dryer.
Cuz, you got a big dumper.
Yeah.
You walk around with a big dumper, cuz.
Yeah, I walk around with a big, big dumper.
When you walk upstairs, you mouth breathe,
cuz you're carrying a fucking load in your ass.
Yeah, and my farts, they don't stink, but they're loud.
Yeah.
Do you think my farts stink?
I mean, whose fart doesn't stink?
Yeah, your farts got to stink, right?
Yeah, cuz.
You fart a lot, though.
You fart a lot.
Or maybe it's just because you're rude and you do it in public.
I can't tell.
Maybe you fart as much as everyone else.
You just let them go and let everybody know you do it.
I mean, you're a grown adult and you'll just fart.
You'll fart anywhere.
I'm a grown man.
Do you fart on the planes?
Like, no problem?
Just let them out?
It depends.
I only fart...
The only times I start to rip farts is when my seatmate falls asleep.
Then I start ripping ass.
But if they're awake, I won't do it.
But normally, I'm an extra leg room.
So when I'm an extra leg room, I can fart it up, fart it up.
This episode so far has been all hyena, no history.
No history.
All wild, no fucking agenda.
The first minute you guys got excited because it was going to start off the history of Austin.
I was like, wait, wait, wait.
I want to talk about my asshole.
I don't play by the rules.
As Giannis has said, we came in with the whole idea. We're just going to talk about the history of Austin and I was like, wait, wait, wait, I fucking got, I want to talk about my asshole. I don't, I don't play by the rules.
As Giannis has said, we came in with the whole idea.
We're just going to talk about the history of Austin.
And Giannis was like, all right, don't talk about the Colin on the podcast. And I immediately talked about the Colin on the podcast.
Listen, we got like three or four guys making us, we have like a meme factor.
We got our own meme factor going.
Andrew Agos, Jeff Inicia.
We get a fucking meme every other, and the other one, Metzger or Metzger.
Oh, Jeremiah Metzger.
Metzger. Oh, Jeremiah Metzger. Metzger.
Yeah, thank you.
So listen, guys.
Can you make us one of those where, from the last episode where I'm walking Chrissy up
to the hills in Poughkeepsie and I'm putting a bullet in his head?
Please make us one of those.
I don't know, from Goodfellas or something.
Because yeah, he doesn't, he's too fucking wild.
Yeah.
You are too fucking wild, cuz.
Yeah.
You're not good for the order and law. Yeah. You're not good. Yeah, I mean, I was fucking, I was going wild. Yeah. You are too fucking wild. Yeah. You're not good for the order in law. Yeah. You're not
good. Yeah. I mean, I was fucking, I was
going wild, you know, so Austin, Texas.
I was there this week. Is that where you
started getting worried about your poo in Austin? Well,
it's interesting because the doctor was like, because
I was in Austin, Texas this past weekend
for Moon Tower Comedy Festival, which is great.
Go to, you know, fans next year. It's over now.
Go next year to Moon Tower Comedy Festival. It's fantastic.
I guess because I was alone in the hotel, I started to feel like symptoms, like in the
lower left stomach.
I start to look at, you know, look at my shits.
I actually took shits out of the toilet with my bare hands a couple of times to inspect
it.
I did that a couple of times and I just threw the towels out the window.
So I did that.
Yeah.
Because the doctor even asked.
The doctor was like, you You know Cause I have the picture
Of my poop
Cause you threw the towel
Out the window
I'm holding it in my toilet
Yeah I mean I can't
What was I gonna do cuz
What was I supposed to do
That's right
You can't really hide it
Yeah I put it in a shopping bag
I was on the second floor
I put it in a shopping bag
I threw it out the window
What was I gonna do
You're not making New York
Look good
But I was grabbing turds
Out of the toilet
With my bare hands
Cuz you're not making the case
For us ethnic people
In front of Bardo.
I know.
You're making everything his family talks about us is now the stereotype.
He's going to go back to his family dinner and say, yeah, they do stuff like fucking
pull poop with their bare hands out of toilets and put them on towels and then throw them
out the window of hotels.
Do you understand what you're just saying?
And you're texting at the same time.
I want a fucking gun to kill you, cuz.
I don't want a gun to defend myself.
I want a gun to put a bullet
in that big head.
Cuz, listen, I know my methods
are unorthodox. I understand that.
I don't know if that's why.
Should I be grabbing poo out of the toilet? No.
But, I mean, I was all alone.
You know, I fucking, I was having
anxiety. Did you feel like there was
a ghost in there watching you? No, the ghosts
didn't bother me too much in Austin.
They're not in Austin, right? No, the ghosts, I don't think they
don't really go down south, the ghosts.
Ghosts are more of a northern thing.
Ghosts are liberal, huh? Yeah, ghosts
are more liberal. But Austin's
a liberal town. And I just felt like,
you know, i was like look
i was nervous i was you know i was drinking a lot of coffee i coughed up too much i was fucking
coughed out every single day yeah in austin so i started drinking green tea plus you don't you
just don't do good outside of new york city no i can't do it like my agent has now offered me
three weekends in a row for july and i've said no to all of them because i just don't want to
leave new york she's like she's well, you have to make money somehow.
I'm like, nah, just fucking, I don't know, sell hot dogs in New York.
Yeah, you just don't do well outside.
It's kind of funny.
Yeah.
It's like if you took a fish out of a pond, like the fish is just like, put me back in
that water.
Yeah.
You just, you do not do it.
And people think I'm joking.
Yeah, I can't do it.
You just don't do well outside of New York.
Well, like a gig that we got, we're going to do, July 1st. We're going to be in Stone Harbor, New Jersey.
And the guy who promoted the show, Soul Joel.
Shout out Soul Joel.
Uh-oh.
Oh, here we go.
Fucking Dr. Nick needs us to edit out the part where he cursed.
Okay, cool.
All right.
Just so you know.
So you guys will never hear that.
But just so you know.
Yeah, but he doesn't have to worry.
There's no professionals listening to this.
I get it, though.
But I get it, though.
He's a professional. He's a pro. Yeah. Can you edit that out? know. Yeah, but he doesn't have to worry. There's no professionals listening to this. I get it, though. But I get it, though. He's a professional.
He's a pro.
Yeah.
Can you edit that out?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But just leave the part in where I told you to edit that out in here.
Just don't edit this part out so that people will be like, what the fuck did I edit out?
You'll never find out.
Yeah, you get curious.
The only way you'll find out is if you're a PPW.
Somehow Rafael DeLuca will find out what we edited out and make it a fucking remix.
Rafael DeLuca. DeLuca. find out what we edit out and make it a fucking remix. Rafael DeLuca.
DeLuca.
Oh, shit.
I forgot I fucking invited Mike Cannon on the podcast.
Is that all right?
Today?
Yeah.
Is he here?
No, I think he's coming.
I forgot I invited him.
I mean, maybe you could just go on the Patreon part.
I just forgot.
So where is he?
I mean, why are you telling me now?
Because I just forgot.
We're on air right now.
Yeah, I know.
We're talking about your asshole.
You're inviting your friends down.
Look, as long as it's somebody I know, I'm fine.
Because last time you invited Rafael DeLuca here,
the kid could have walked up here with a gun and shot us all.
You know what?
And I don't think it's too much of a coincidence
that the second Rafael DeLuca comes into our life,
I start shitting blood.
Where's Kenny?
He said he'd be here by 5.15.
I can't believe I forgot to ask it.
Why would you tell him to come at 5.15 if we record at 4?
Because.
You don't know.
I'm wild.
You're fucking wild.
See, that's why I need cookies.
That is literally 4 to 5 we record the hour, and then 5 to 5.15 we record the bonus.
You said, yo, come down and be on the podcast.
Just come after the podcast.
You know what I'm buying?
Pete's then.
Yo, Isis.
Zach.
What do you think?
Does your organization even want to put him down or you don't even need to?
He's not a threat.
He sounds more wild every week.
I think you guys are confident I'll just put myself down somehow.
Yeah, you don't need to put him down.
Isis don't want to take out Chrissy T.
You're like, you know when Hannibal Lecter's talking on the phone with Jodie Foster at the end?
She's like, don't worry, Clarice.
I won't come calling on you because the world's more interesting with your Clarice to ISIS.
Wow.
When ISIS thinks about you, they call you on the phone.
They go, don't worry, Chrissy.
The world's more fun with you in it.
We're not going to cover you behind the blinders.
They want you roaming free causing chaos.
Because they're chaos.
Yeah, we're not supposed to hear that phone call.
I wasn't, right?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
That's right.
Coach, did you see that video?
The guy, one of our fans tagged us in petting the actual hyena?
Yeah.
That's fucking wild.
Yeah, fucking wild.
Those are hyenas in captivity, though.
Yeah, they're real.
The picture that we have up that Zach always puts a picture of wild hyena up,
this one is truly disgusting.
It's missing teeth somehow.
It's got its teeth knocked out.
We have no idea.
It looks like a hyena meth head.
Yeah,
yeah.
It's somehow,
I mean,
you know,
it's just got its teeth knocked out
and its eyes don't open.
So,
we don't know how this thing lives
and it's got strawberry patch
on its fucking tongue.
Yo,
the teeth of hyena are yellow.
This dude looks like,
they all look like smokers. Yeah. They probably smoke. Yeah, but I get hyena are yellow. This dude looks like, they all look like smokers.
Yeah.
They probably smoke.
Yeah, but I get you.
You know what?
Chewing the bones and organs of animals probably, you know.
And then throwing them back up.
Yeah, there's a lot of fucking stomach acid on their teeth.
Yeah.
They're horrific.
So how was Austin?
Okay, so Austin, Texas, great city, capital of Texas.
Yeah.
Okay, so Austin, Texas, great city, capital of Texas.
Yeah.
It's not often that the capital of a state is also such a cool spot.
Cool spot.
How many?
It's like Phoenix.
Phoenix is dope.
You got- Phoenix and Austin.
Phoenix and Austin.
I mean, Boston, Massachusetts is good.
Boston's the capital.
That's a Boston's another good one, yeah.
You got-
Nobody goes to Albany.
No, Albany kind of stinks.
New Jersey just has nothing fun in it.
The capital of California, Sacramento.
Nobody cares.
Vegas isn't even the capital of Nevada.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Austin is actually like a fun happening capital.
That's actually a very good point.
Was it named after Steve Austin, the five billion dollar man?
It was named after Austin Powers.
Austin Powers!
You heard it here on History Hiatus.
Yeah, cuz. So Austin,
so it's the capital of Texas. What I like about
Austin is, I was doing a comedy
festival called the Moon Tower Comedy Festival
and the reason why it's called... Lots of gays there too, that's what you like about it.
Big time, yeah, that's why I went down, that's why my ass is bleeding.
And Moon Tower, Moon Tower Comedy Festival.
And the reason why it's called Moon Tower is because Austin is the only city in the
world that still has a moon tower.
And what a moon tower is, it's like some tower that they put up in a field that goes real
high and it uses the light of the moon to light up the neighbor or light up the property.
That's fucking dope.
But Austin's the only city in the world who still has one.
Wow.
How fucking wild is that?
How do they do it?
They reflect the-
It reflects the moonlight.
That's fucking great.
Did, yeah.
Somebody's got to tell Austin that we have electricity now.
Yeah, they don't know.
We don't need that anymore.
They're very gentrified.
They're very-
I saw, I put videos of it up on my Instagram.
I saw about, I'm not lying to you, Giannis. I saw videos of it up on my Instagram.
I'm not lying to you, Giannis.
I saw about 10 protests in three days.
They protest a lot down there, right? Yeah, because University of Texas, Austin, is right there.
And they're triggered.
Yo, Austin is like a pretty liberal town surrounded by Texas.
Yeah, see.
It's kind of weird.
It's a left.
It's a blue spot and a red state.
Yeah.
It's a little crazy because if you go just an hour outside of Austin
in any direction,
the politics change drastically.
Yeah, well,
I guess that's kind of
similar to every city.
I mean, look at Long Island.
You go on fucking Long Island.
Long Island?
Staten Island?
You got a lot of Trump signs
in Long Island.
I bet you Ridgewood,
even Ridgewood Queens.
Ridgewood, you got some Trump signs
and then here in the Westfield,
you got guys
cutting their dicks off
because Hillary lost.
That's what it is.
Yeah, I mean, most cities are like that.
Yeah, that's true.
Even New York State.
You drive up anywhere into New York State.
Yeah, but New York is still predominantly, I would say, blue,
where Texas is, I mean, Texas is the red state,
and Austin cannot be any different.
It's interesting to see, though, like,
to see, like, a hipster person like order quinoa
with their fucking southern accent because normally those those people don't eat that
shit but in austin there's a lot of girls with tattoos yeah a lot of tats out in austin white
girls with tattoos a lot of white girls with tattoos yeah a lot of beautiful women austin
beautiful women doesn't austin almost look like the new brooklyn of texas absolutely it looks like
the williamsburg yeah it looks like a big southern smorgasbord. There's a couple of those cities now, right? Like
Portland, Austin. Portland
I don't like as much because Portland I felt
like... Seattle. Portland's very like
I feel like they're like
they're so hipster but like they just like
like they're homeless on purpose in
Austin, in Portland where it's
like what are you doing? Where Austin is like the dude's
homeless because he's going through some shit and like the
hipsters are just hipsters but like Portlandland they're like bohemian portland's
more bohemian yeah but it's like that always bothers me because like dude i know you probably
have more money than me so why are you asking me for five bucks yeah they're they choose to live
outside choose yeah it's like a it's like a fucking uh it's like a project for them well
here's a new nice little fact austin is the fastest growing city in the united states people are flocking to austin
like no other place why you were there what's it is it the guys is it raining men out there well
it's raining men hallelujah number one number two it's a fucking big time party all it's a huge
party town austin like really great like they close down the streets there and it's a lot of
fun but the property value is low.
You can get a fucking... Because you know me, when I go to another city, what I do is I make believe I'm interested in renting an apartment there.
I've done this with The Honest a couple of times, and sometimes they can smell it out,
but usually I'll take another male comedian with me, and I'll tell them to make believe
we're a gay couple, because they can't refuse us then.
I looked, and I looked at a couple of high-rise apartments in Austin that were like $2,200, floor-to-ceiling
windows, two beds, two baths.
They would be $4,500 in New York.
And it's two beds, two baths, floor-to-ceiling windows, wraparound views of Austin for $2,200,
$2,300 right downtown.
So the property value is low there.
I may move to Austin.
You know how I roll.
They got skylines there?
They got a nice little skyline.
Yeah, they got the river. We saw the bats. They got a lot of bats there. Bats? may move to Austin. You know how I roll. They got skylines there. They got a nice little skyline. Yeah.
They got the river.
We saw the bats.
They got a lot of bats there.
Yeah.
The bats.
They got 750,000 bats a night will come from under this one bridge when the sun goes down
and you look at these bats.
I'm not a fan of that.
I didn't like it.
Fuck.
The bats are wild.
I didn't love it.
Jesus Christ.
I'm not a bat guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's wild.
I didn't love it, cuz.
Jesus Christ. I'm not a bat guy.
Yeah.
So, yeah, since from 2010 to 2016, the census, the population has increased from 790-some-odd
thousand to a fucking mil.
To a mil?
So basically around now, it's like a mil.
It's going to be over a mil pretty soon.
And I'm sure that doesn't include the Austin area.
Right.
But yo, it's a wild state.
Texas is a wild state, cuz.
It is.
Texas was its own republic at one point.
Yeah, and they want to be their own, you know, in Alamo, they want to be their own fucking
country.
They almost still kind of act like that way.
A little bit.
Well, I mean, I wouldn't be too shocked if they still, you know, I bet you in our lifetime
they'll try to rebel again.
They do, right?
They're so fucking big.
So it's like.
It is a big state.
Used to be part of Mexico, no?
What number is Mike supposed to buzz?
Four.
Yeah.
All right.
Mike's here.
All right, cool.
Bring him up.
Yeah, bring him up.
Yeah.
Just inviting people on the podcast.
So the area was settled originally by whiteys.
Yep.
By the first gentrifiers.
Yep.
The first wave of hey guys.
Hey.
Came in the 1830s.
Right.
They began to settle the area in Austin.
They went west.
Yeah.
Around the Colorado River.
A lot of rivers.
All the good cities have waterways close by.
Well, you need a good water system.
Yeah, to trade. Yeah. It's what it is. And you got vegetation. You got to have aways close by. Well, you need a good water system. Yeah, to trade.
Yeah.
It's what it is.
And you got vegetation.
You got to have a lot of vegetation.
Yeah.
I need more fiber in my diet, too.
So I...
It used to be called Waterloo.
Really?
Austin was originally called Waterloo.
Isis is in Aden.
After the Waterloo in France?
It must have been.
Why did they name it Waterloo?
Can we get that fact real quick?
Was Waterloo in France? Where was the Battle of Waterloo? Was that Belgium? It must have been. Why did they name it Waterloo? Can we get that fact real quick? Was Waterloo in France?
Where was the Battle of Waterloo?
Was that Belgium?
It was Belgium.
Belgium, yeah.
French Revolution, right?
That's where he went down.
That's where Napoleon went down.
Mike Cannon.
Yo, what's up, Mike Cannon?
You can sit down.
True Blue Gate number three.
Yeah, yeah.
It's raining, man.
Hallelujah.
Yo, this is a sausage fest in here
Yeah let me see your dick
We got comedian Mike Cannon in here
Very very funny gentleman
A straight white man who's married
Sorry boys he's off the market
Yep but willing
We got a huge gay listenership
His wife's got a good flower business called Buds of Brooklyn
There you go
Does she do weddings and stuff?
She does yeah Cute did she do your wedding? did yeah so you guys got it you got her cheap
we got her cheap yeah how much did she cost i'm gonna immediately flow into your way of talking
like it's so well we've been talking about chris's the entire episode so we're all
slowly turning gay yeah oh man and you don't even booze. I know. You ever shit blood, Mike? Like, little peppers.
Like, nothing, like, nothing, like, full.
Like, red?
Is it red or maroon, would you say?
Mine was, like, more...
Darker color.
It was actually a little translucent.
Like, so it was very...
It was clearly after, like, a tough weekend.
Right.
It wasn't, like, sickness or anything like that.
It was just, like, you know, I needed to not drink.
Are you on an acid trip right now?
Because you are fucking sweating. It's hot out, you know, I needed to not drink. Are you on an acid trip right now? Because you are fucking sweating.
It's hot out.
It's super hot in here, dude.
I've walked all the way down from 14th on 6th, and now I'm just like, it's catching up.
Well, the doctor who we called live on the air, I just unsolicited pictures of my shit
to him.
He's one of Giannis' friends, said that if you have a little blood, you should go get
it checked out.
Yeah.
Go get a colonoscopy.
You want to get it with me on Wednesday?
I'll go.
It's funny how you're like, so now Bay Ridge Boys is just your life.
Yeah.
Well, that's crazy.
I was just saying that.
We just released the episode, and now it's fucking spoke to my asshole.
Was it pure 100% blood?
No, no, no.
No, okay.
Don't worry.
Do you want to see a pic of it?
Yeah, he'll send you a pic.
Don't worry.
All right, here.
I'll show it to you.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
Come on. Let's just take a look. All right. Send me to poo. No, here. You want to see a pic of it? Yeah, he'll send you a pic. Don't worry. All right, here. I'll show it to you. I mean, Jesus Christ. Yeah, come on.
Let's just take a look.
All right.
Send me to poo.
No, I'll...
Here.
Send me to poo.
We're talking about Austin.
You been to Austin?
No, I haven't, actually.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
Look at that.
Let me take a look at that.
That is like...
Dude, that looks like...
Get out of here.
That's almost made me throw up.
An overcooked Thai spring roll with chili sauce sprinkled all over it.
Is that sprinkled out?
Chris, I can't look at it.
Chris, I can't look at it.
Chris, seriously, I almost threw up.
That looks like a cherry glaze drizzled on top of dessert.
That is brutal, dude.
It's fucking brutal.
Yo, I literally almost fucking dried my IC bowl.
It almost came up, dude.
You got to put it away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got to get checked out by a team of doctors.
You got to think that must be Yeah. Yeah. You got to get checked out by a team of doctors. Yeah.
You got to think that must be a regular occurrence in gay guys' lives just to pull out and there's
like a smattering of blood on the helmet.
Oh, yeah.
Is this where we're going to find out you take it in the butt?
Well, when I showed the doctor it today, I thought I was like, be prepared because it
was like brutal.
And he just looked at it like he was like, yeah, this is, you know, I'm not too concerned,
but we should do a colonoscopy.
I was like, that doesn't, it looks like my asshole is fucking falling out and he was like
i've seen a lot worse it just looks like a glaze it has a glaze on yeah yeah yeah you got a little
mucus on there is that what that is yeah but who you dude you eat what maybe it's a new smoothie
shit you you do a lot of smoothies now so maybe it's a little liquid in there also i've been
sw i have i've had a sinus infection yeah okay you're gonna be fine connected but that does look a bit passion fruity yeah so perhaps
that is just it just took the quick main line right out yeah it's just on top of everything
else yeah it's true you're gonna be fine cuz well you don't know but here's the thing did that does
that turn you off of sweets because the first thing i thought like i wouldn't be able to eat
anything strawberry related in a while like that kind of looked like a baked good no I caught him gone caught him going to a
sweet shop getting a chocolate chip cookie right before this and it was the first time I could see
he was he was he was genuinely irritated with me catching no shit he was genuinely irritated that
I was saying you shouldn't have a cookie well I he wanted the cookie it wasn't that I was irritated
at that I was just I'm just irritated not irritated anxious that I have to get a colonoscopy now.
So like I was just going to, you know, face fuck a sweet and I'm like, this will make
me feel better.
And then Giannis was there telling me I can't do it.
So I was like, with the camera.
Yeah.
I don't care about the camera.
That is like pure, like, cause you are a great looking guy.
You're in, you're in shit.
You're in shit.
Say it, say it.
He's a cute kid.
You're a cute kid.
He's a cute kid.
Yeah.
For sure he's a fucking cute kid. Treat me with a smoothie. You's a cute kid he's a cute kid yeah for sure he's a fucking cute kid
treat me with a smoothie
you're a cute kid too
cuz
you have like
classic
Italian fatso
medicate my feelings
with food
syndrome
like everything that I have
I'm classic Irish
in the sense that
I'll drink
and I'll you know
I'll partake in drugs
and shit like that
but you are 100%
eat your feelings
yeah I do it all the time
and that
even when we were in Austin I haven't been eating meat at all.
I've been eating no red meat.
I've been eating mostly chicken and fish.
But Austin, you can't get around it.
So I was having some stomach pains.
And I was starting to get really nervous about it.
So a normal person, you're nervous about stomach pains.
You're just going to eat something healthy.
So you know what?
Let me get liquid diet.
But me, opposite.
I was like, let me. And i got fucking like peach cobbler then i got like i
got a cut of prime uh like you know like prime rib uh brisket sandwich and like i did all that
stuff and it's like of course that way exacerbated my symptoms but i can't food is the thing like no
matter what i'm going if I'm going through something anxiety
inducing or pressure related, I will turn to food.
Even if I have, even if it's a stomach issue, I just eat through the pain.
That's wild.
Yeah.
But I try to exercise more and I jerk off a lot.
So that's why I guess I'm not too fat.
That's what women do a lot.
They eat their feelings.
But I mean, I definitely am like, I can't just get pants.
Like I have to, it has to be like, they have to go to the basement to get my size. Your struggles are the am like a woman. I can't just get pants. It has to be like they have to go to the basement to get my size.
Your struggles are the struggles of a woman.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
See, my wife, her Italian-ness kind of manifests itself in a different way.
So she is equally in turmoil and just, you know, all that shit.
But she'll, because things are such a mess internally, she'll then redo the entire apartment.
So if everything is organized in our domicile, she somehow feels less a mess inside.
Got it.
I understand.
Yeah.
Your apartment is always very nice, very well decorated.
And Nicole is great.
Nicole, remember when Nicole is a fellow Italian, she has my anxiety symptoms too.
And I remember when we were, were you with us when we were testing our blood pressure
in my house? I would hope so. Yeah. Well, no, there you with us when we're testing Our blood pressure in my house I would hope so yeah
Well no there's
The times when I get a little one to call my partner
When she watches the baby yeah
And we would just fucking test our blood pressure like
Neurotic Italians yeah yeah
He's got a blood pressure machine in his house
Yeah I put it on Nicole I put it on Mike
That's gotta be terrible dude that's like a coke addict
Having a fucking like a heart rate
Machine yeah you should get rid of it, actually.
Because now that you've reversed the pre-diabetes.
Yeah.
Oh, you're out?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm out.
My blood sugar.
5.6.
5.6 is a.
You went right to the sweets.
Yeah.
Yeah, he went right to it.
When he gets blue, he goes right to the sweets.
But it's actually, he's been replacing sweets with smoothies.
So since he became a
cutie with a smoothie, it's kind of reversed.
Yeah. Cutie with a smoothie.
Did you have any more history about Austin?
What else? The fucking Texas Rangers?
Yeah. Well, I mean, I almost feel like
we should have done this fucking episode on the history of
fucking colonoscopies. Maybe that'll be
part two. I want to know.
I'm curious to know like how it started.
Like, when did they start
looking in asses?
How did the technology develop?
That's fucking wild.
Yeah.
But the thing is,
but the thing is,
if you're looking for like
structure and a regiment,
then this is the wrong podcast.
The name of the podcast
is the History Hyenas.
Sometimes we're a little more history.
Sometimes we're a little more hyena.
Right?
This episode is all fucking hyena.
Fuck.
We're talking about Chrissy's shit
for 60 minutes now.
All day.
And if any of you guys want me to post a picture of my shit on Patreon, you just tweet me.
I'll post it.
No, don't do it.
I'll post that glazed donut.
If you want to take a journey inside Chrissy's asshole, this is the episode for you.
Yo, cuz, honestly, guys, I'm going to ask my doctor if it's okay.
Maybe he'll say yes, maybe it's not.
My dad's going to come with me because he's's gotta sign me out cause I'm being sedative
I'll have him Instagram live
so you guys can see
up my shooter too
if you guys wanna see
up my shooter
tweet me
I'll fucking shoot
I'll let you guys
see up into the hall
that's for a $25 patron
yeah that's for
no if you're a hundred
that's for a hundo
that's a hundo
you can come take the ride
yeah if you wanna go inside
that's a hundo
yeah
you're gonna see
wild shit in there
if you wanna see
the smash bean
$25
so I'm a listener of the show oh thanks I love the show not a Patreon member a hundo yeah if you want to see wild shit in there if you want to see the smash bean 25 25
so i'm a listener of the show i love the show not a patreon member dog i'm not a patreon we
could use your buck well you know what i'm in all right today i'm absolutely don't worry i'll give
it right back i gotta say dude your voice is incredible like it's an incredible radio voice
but you also would be i wish they almost brought mtv sports back yeah because you have this almost
like dan cortez quality to you where you can get
me fired up about the most innocuous bullshit.
That's cause I'm a cult leader.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's cause I'm a,
I'm a true blue psychopath.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
You're a,
you're a hyena.
That was the nicest way of saying you're too loud sometimes.
No,
not at all.
But it's also,
it's like the,
the grainy,
like there's something that the quality of your voice.
Sexy.
It is sexy.
It's kind of a sexy voice.
It's good.
Yeah, no, you do it.
He's a sexy kid.
I'm a sexy kid, especially since the hairspray.
What do you do with your hair?
How do you keep it like that?
His hair's nice, right?
You use hairspray?
You got good hair.
No, not great, but your hair doesn't move.
Do you gel it?
Right now, there might be a bit of product, because I actually just got a cut today, because
it was down past my nose.
It was fucking super long for the last few months.
But no, I mean, typically, my hair's pretty wiry, so it just goes where it goes.
Yeah.
But it doesn't flop around, though.
You got a thick, good head of hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's got a cute head.
Right now, it's shaved a little bit into a 1990s Patrick Ewing flat top.
A little bit.
Yeah, he's got a flatty going.
I'm more going for Eddie Winslow.
Eddie Winslow, yeah.
Eddie Winslow.
And Chris shaves a part into his head like he's a black kid.
That's wild.
You're one of the only white dudes who probably does that.
Well, it's interesting because I get sometimes like a black haircut,
but then when I send you pictures of my sneakers,
they look like white referees.
You don't like those Reeboks at all?
Did you get those as a joke?
Yeah, 75 beans.
That was serious. Yeah, dead serious. I thought those were dope, high those Reeboks at all? Did you get those as a joke? Yeah, 75 beans. That was serious.
Yeah, dead serious.
I thought those were dope, high top Reeboks.
The only people who should be wearing those black Reeboks.
Let's ask Mike what he thinks.
Just show Mike.
The only people who should be wearing that is a referee.
Those are fucking...
Those are ref shoes?
Unless you were reffing a girls' middle school basketball game. That's what shoes are for are they clunky too what do you think i mean i mean he
showed me this and goes what do you think of these i'm going i mean i mean i mean i'm crazy
dude legitimately these are the exact same sneakers my mother used to wear to aerobics class
in 1989 because if i showed our black, any black friend we know about this,
they may not talk to you.
Damien Lema would never talk to me again?
You may not be talked to ever again.
This is fucking ludicrous,
cuz. This is fucking ludicrous.
I mean, you bought these
to wear these? Yeah.
Even ISIS could tell you. He can't even afford them.
Show them the fucking ISIS.
Zach, what do you think of that
post them up
patreon.com
slash bayridgeboys
I had to buy shoes
when I worked at the movie theater
like slip resistant
and this is what they look like
slip resistant
they're very practical Chris
unless you're getting
unless you're a fucking woman
getting on the
can you see them
slip resistant
they look like they're made
out of skateboard grip tape
the only reason
you should be wearing those is if you were fucking taking off your high heels to get on the staten
island ferry to go home you know what they yeah i know those are comfortable shoes if i got a
traumatic brain injury put those shoes on right that's what it is yeah yes those are nursing
shoes yeah those are fucking nurses yeah yeah yeah so what were you thinking when you bought
them i just thought you know i was like i want to go, you know, I'm going to England, Reebok's
an English company.
I'm going to fucking buy these puppies and cruise through fucking the streets of London
with the Reebok high tops on.
Have you ever suspected that he may be like a psychopath?
Do you know anything about that?
Like, cause, cause you know, psychopaths don't really care about society or norms or rules.
Also how he's sitting slunched in his chair.
Can you believe he earnestly bought those Reeboks? I mean, there are
decisions that Chris makes that
are not tethered to reality.
Sometimes I feel like I'm
crazy because we don't experience
the Earth the same way. Yeah, he's a fucking wild
human being. Wild kid.
So you picked those up and you were like,
when you saw them, your brain went
cute. Oh yeah, when I was excited
to get them. You held them and were like
cute these are cute
well that's like
when I showed you
when I bought a pair
of $200 lederhosen
to go to Germany
and I fucking
and you thought
I was joking
I ordered them up
yeah
and they don't fit
is that true
they don't fit
I can't get them
above my hips
and it's a size 38
but I guess a German 38
it's a little bit more
you always gotta go
maternity when it comes
to anything that has
any spandex material
yeah yeah yeah
I should probably
stop shop at that
store motherhood
yeah cuz
it looks like
you're constantly
wearing a
money belt
around your waist
yeah I got a big ass
with lots of bells
yeah
you look like
you fucking got a
fanny pack on
all around your waist
yeah
looks like you're
wearing a WWE
championship belt
under your jeans
I'm a fucking champ
cuz
you're a big kid
yeah I don't know
how they're gonna fucking
I mean I don't know
if this doctor understands
how he's gonna get that
scope up my 38S
I mean like he said
they're gonna have to
get you a special bed
he may have to wrap it around
he may have to wrap it around
my ass and then go in
because it may be
too long
I don't know
he's gonna have to use
clamps to open up
those cheeks
yeah
cuz do you think
do you think for sure
as soon as I get sedated i'm gonna rip a fart
guaranteed you want to hear a funny story this is a true story yeah true story um
barto this is a good one um so i you know when i got shot and i got shot with a gun obviously
that was 2001 then a couple years the bullet was still in there right so like. But the bullet works its way to the surface
because your body will kind of reject it.
You know that. You're a fucking doctor.
Yeah, of course.
It got to the surface and it got time to remove it.
So I went to see the surgeon.
And then when he took it out,
there's a funny thing that happened before that,
but I'll just tell you what's funny.
They put me up in stirrups and put me to sleep. So they put me up in stirrups, right, and put me to sleep.
So they put me up in stirrups like this, like I was giving birth.
And when I came to, they were down there still working, and I ripped a fart right in his face.
Right in his face when I woke up.
And him and the nurse just came up like this laughing, and that's what I woke up to.
It was like them just laughing that I farted.
Because he was right down there doing his work, and the bullet was I woke up to. It was like them guys just laughing that I farted while he, because he was right down there
doing his work
and the bullet was right by my asshole.
I thought you were going to say
he caught the bullet in his teeth.
Yeah, he shot it out with the fart
and he caught it.
Yeah, I farted right in his face.
Yeah.
First thing I did,
fart when I came to.
Right.
So there's no question
you're going to fart.
Yeah, it's going to happen. Yeah, you're going to fart. Yeah, it's going to happen.
We should probably do a pod while I still have...
You want me to live stream right here?
Like a Charlie bit my finger or something?
Or the kids that are all twisted up after the dentist.
I'm supposed to be on your pod Thursday.
I wonder if I'll be all right.
It'll be perfect if you're not.
I'll drink if you're fucked up.
I'll just drink hard to get to your level.
As soon as you're done, you're good.
He's just right.
You shouldn't drive or anything like that because
you're under... The anesthesia
is the part you should worry about. But you come to, just have
a big meal afterwards. Your asshole's gonna be fine.
They'll pull out a polyp or two.
The most brutal's gonna be before. A couple of roids
will come out. Tomorrow's when it's gonna get a little
brutal. Tomorrow is... It's gonna be a tough
day tomorrow. Tomorrow is rough. It's psychologically
rough. You gotta sip that shit.
You gotta drink. You're supposed to take that down in one gulp you got a battery acid you know yeah
you not in one you can't take it one go it's a big jug so it there'll be directions on how you do it
i'll fuck it up it tastes the taste of it it tastes like battery acid i'm just preparing it
tastes literally like battery acid did you get nauseous at all when you drank it it's fucking
hard dude but like i'm saying throughout the course of the day i understand i'm gonna be It tastes literally like battery acid. Did you get nauseous at all when you drank it? It's fucking hard, dude.
But like I'm saying, throughout the course of the day, I understand I'm going to be shitting,
but will I have cramping?
Will I have nausea?
Will I throw up?
No, you may, from the taste, may be bad.
I'll put it to you this way, and this is no exaggeration.
Imagine the worst tasting thing you could drink.
Okay.
That's what it's going to be.
Right.
I'm just preparing you for it.
Can you dilute it?
You can't.
No, you just got to take it straight down because it cleans you out.
It just, everything everything you shit out so it's like it'll just it just takes everything in your ass
and pushes you into a ball it's like that's a fun yeah just like just a restart it cleans but you
cannot stop shitting and it's just piss that comes out of your ass yeah i mean this is gross it's not
gonna be like it's not gonna be a shit shit it's gonna be diarrhea at first it'll be shits you'll
shit everything out and then it's gonna be yeah you're going to see clear liquid coming out of your
For how long?
Is that going to be through the night?
Oh, God.
It's fucking all.
Yeah, it's bad, dude.
So I'm not going to be able to sleep even.
You'll be able to sleep, but you'll wake up and you'll piss at your ass.
And then you might even be pissing out your ass like right before.
Like I told you, I pissed out of my ass.
I took it a little later than I was supposed to because not eating was tough for me.
So I ate a little later than I should have
and I took the battery acid later.
So I was actually pissing
right up until the colonoscopy.
The only reason
you're taking that
is then for the,
to clear everything out
so they can see everything.
Right.
So you got to clear everything out.
Right.
So.
Your power wash
and your walls.
Yeah.
I mean,
you'll be able to tell.
That's basically what it is.
Yeah.
It's a power wash
for the inside
of your smash beat
he told me
the guy
the doctor actually told me
he said
sometimes people
after the colon blow
before the colonoscopy
after the colon blow
all the pains that they had
are gone
cause like
you just clean
some pieces
clean it out
things are stuck to your colon
that you don't even realize
like he said
it could be a piece of food
stuck in your colon
that's just put in pressure
and then you fucking blow it out
you're gonna feel great
and look
cause you're gonna be Cuz, you don't know
that. Cuz, you're going to be fine. This is the first
time you've noticed something on your poop.
Yeah, well, it's for a few weeks.
A few weeks and you have a little pain.
You're going to be fine, cuz. Like he
said. A lot of guys wouldn't even go with this.
You might have a hemorrhoid
or you might have that little bacteria
like he said. They'll clean you right up.
The only thing to worry about is can'ts.
That's the only thing, like the pre-cants.
That's the only thing.
If you have any pops, they'll remove them.
So that'll be good.
And then those are gone.
Did you have polyps?
I had polyps.
I had like two or three polyps.
And they slipped them out.
Everyone should get your, especially, Zach lives in Queens.
You know how much shit fucking street food this kid probably eats?
Yeah.
I mean, he's not a rich kid, right?
No.
Every time I do a show here,
I get paranoid about my health because
it's either ass polyps or like
heart attacks or something is always going on
with someone's health when I do a show here.
Yeah, because Zach's a smart kid too. He reads.
I like you on the show because you're
good. I like you, Zach. Here's the deal.
I'm bringing this up right now.
I want to bring this up right now.
I know that we've been talking about your ass.
I know you're very concerned about your ass.
But look, I'm also concerned about Zach Ice's glasses.
Yeah.
Okay.
How long have we been doing this for?
We've been doing this podcast.
This is the eighth episode.
Eighth episode.
So it's eight weeks, two months.
These glasses are still held.
It's episode 12.
It's episode 12?
Yeah.
I mean, this kid.
I mean, do you see why-
This is the 12th episode of History of Hyenas?
This is the 12th episode of History of Hyenas.
Yeah.
Zach.
Yeah. You got to have a connection. Somebody get me an illegal gun
so I can walk him up to Poughkeepsie.
He needs to- Will you come with me to walk this kid up to a hill?
And fucking make him dig- Will you help me
dig the hole? And we'll fucking
shoot him into it. We'll shoot him into it
and then bring him back to life so he can cover his own body.
Because I'm not fucking shoveling dirt over you, cuz.
You gotta do all the work. I got a big ass.
You need to be put down, cuz
Yeah, cuz, do you think with my coffin, though, they're gonna have to get a little wide at the bottom?
Absolutely
Now it's gonna have to widen out
It bows out the middle
You gotta get a pear-shaped coffin
So, yo, this is what I wanna do
Chrissy, what do you think?
Yeah
What if we start, like, an extra fucking Kickstarter for his glasses?
Yeah, I'd love to do that
Yeah
They have one on YKWD
For your glasses?
No one donated Nobody fucking I bet you the hyenas will be different I bet you we'll fucking raise money for his glasses. Yeah, I'd love to do that. Yeah. They have one on YKWD. For your glasses?
Nobody fucking,
I bet you the hyenas will be different.
I bet you we'll fucking raise money.
How much does it cost
to get you new glasses?
Because I can't look
at the orange tape anymore.
I can't.
I'm not sure.
Warby Parker is like 100 bucks,
I think.
You can get a cool pair of frames.
We got to raise 100 bucks.
Yeah, because I want him
to feel happy
because I feel like
he's a day or two away
from starting.
He's going to start to mine for uranium any day now.
He's looking for uranium sources.
He's on the cusp of radicalizing.
Yeah, yeah.
He wants to get uranium bad and I can't let him do it.
These infidels don't think I've started already.
Zach, can you see the tape in your periphery?
On the right side, yeah, because the lens pops out.
It kind of fucks up my color view of things.
There's always a little orange in everything.
Yeah.
Bardo, you see these people can't make it on their own without government assistance, right?
Just like a dinner conversation I know your family's had a few times.
Yeah, you know these people, they need it.
We got to give them a little government.
They can't make it on their own, these fucking ethnics.
He's a wasp.
That's what the thing is. Okay. Yeah. He He's a wasp. That's what the thing is.
Okay.
Yeah.
He looks like a wasp, but he's actually Irish trash.
I am just the.
That smell you pecked up when you walked in.
You were right.
You're like, he looks like one of me, but doesn't smell like one.
That's right.
Like a sad bowling alley.
Fucking Irish burrow trash.
Burrow trash.
So where we at, Ice?
How many minutes have we talked about Chris's ass?
We are at an hour and three minutes.
Holy mackerel.
Wow.
If you didn't think it was possible.
We spent about 10 minutes on Austin.
We did.
The rest was all about acid.
I actually looked up first colonoscopy, June 1969.
Wow.
Good year.
June 1969.
First colonoscopy.
Wow.
What was the technology that they used back then? Did they just just like did a guy just put just somebody's tongue yeah did they just open it up like with
like uh like you know uh like some sort of clamp method and look in i mean that's what the picture
shows i don't know if this is the actual colonoscopy but i'm seeing clamps i wonder if
they were if they knew also that they were changing the game.
Because, you know, I'm sure a lot of
medical procedures were kind of one and done.
You're like, we'll never do that again.
But then they probably got into that guy's ass and they're like, we see everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, I mean,
back in the day, if you were sick,
the medicine,
if you had an internal hemorrhoid or a cold,
they would just bleed you.
They would just stick a hole in your arm and just take the blood out because you got too much blood.
And that would just start killing everybody.
And then they were like, this is probably a bad idea.
You know, it was probably a good idea to talk about this, though, because it's a lot more interesting than Austin, Texas.
You know what Austin in, though?
Maybe we'll talk about Austin in the Patreon.
Well, yeah, let's talk about Austin in the Patreon.
I'll talk about Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Because I know what the title of this episode is going to be already. Chris's Ass is Wild. Chris the Patreon. Well, yeah, let's talk about Austin in the Patreon. I'll talk about Moon Tower Comedy Festival
in the Patreon.
Because I know what the title
of this episode
is going to be already.
Chris's Ass is Wild.
Chris's Ass is Wild.
Chris's Ass is Wild.
Yo, thank you guys for listening.
Zach Isis, thank you.
Mike Cannon,
thank you for showing up.
One last thing.
Just on a close.
Oh, we got to read the Patreon.
We got to read the Patreon.
I forgot.
You sent them to me, Barno?
Thank you, Barno.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate you just sitting there.
Because all you got to do
is tell this kid that he...
Yeah, there's no need
for Barno to actually be here.
Yo, I've never seen Chris this fucking scrambled because he's going to be thinking about what's
inside his ass for the next fucking 48 hours.
But listen, before you read the Patreon-
Yo, we got a lot of Patreons this week.
So let me do it.
Yeah, kill.
Kill.
Thank you.
Bardo Church.
Just want to say, thank you guys for joining, man.
We're up to 150 Patreon members.
Thank you so much.
You don't know how much it means.
It allows us to do what we do.
So please go to patreon.com slash
Bay Ridge Boys. Donate to our channel.
Subscribe. The people who have already
subscribed, leave a review.
Because, you know, we're
giving you goods. If you're a member of our
page, you're getting good stuff. Good stuff.
Alright. So,
Patreon members this week, starting off, Maxwell J. Watkins.
Oh, wow.
Thank you so much, Maxwell.
Is that your uncle?
Maxwell J. Watkins.
That's Bardo's uncle.
Yeah, Bardo's uncle.
J, that's, yeah.
That's a white name.
That sounds like somebody from the past.
Yeah.
Probably a ghost.
Then we got Ciro, S-E-R-O.
Is Ciro one name?
Yeah.
Probably a DJ.
Probably, yeah, DJ. DJ or a black guy. Could be the first black guy. Zero, one name? Yeah. Probably a DJ. Probably, yeah, DJ.
DJ or a black guy.
Could be the first black guy.
Yeah, could be.
Zero.
Alex White.
Alex White.
What's up, kid?
Yeah, kid.
Bobby Hollywood.
Yo, Bobby Hollywood.
What's up, Bobo?
Yo, he left us a message on our Facebook.
Bobby Hollywood?
He's a new listener.
Thank you, Bobby.
Thank you.
He's also in our Facebook group.
I remember your name, Bobby Hollywood.
Thank you, Bobby Hollywood.
Ruby Lopez.
Yo, what's up, kid?
Pasa mi gente. Hi, Ruby. Mark Old Hollywood. Thank you, Bobby Hollywood. Ruby Lopez. Yo, what's up? Que pasa, mijete?
Hi, Ruby. Mark Oldham.
Mark Oldham. Yep.
What's up, Cuzzy Wuzzy? What's up, Cuzzy Wuzzy, Marky Oldham.
Kevin Richard, two first names.
Yo, Kevin Richard, what's going on with your life, cuzzy? Chad Smith.
Chad Smith, another one of Bardo's cousins.
You're getting your whole family in here.
Anthony G. Yo, Anthony G, how you
doing? Yeah, you remember Chrissy from Ridgewood?
Uh-oh. Here's a surprise one.
Britt DeChico. Britt DeChico?
Yeah. Oh, shit. That's my
fiancee. Just became a patron.
Soon to be Britt Pappas. Soon to be
Britt Pappas. Then we got Joseph
Whitley. Joseph Whitley. Yo, my girl
was real angry that you said we were only going to make
it 10 years in the last episode. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I know. She fucking messaged Chris.
She messaged me bad.
Yeah.
And I was like, no, just keep listening.
I recant it, but that ain't true.
Yeah, but it was really funny to hear that even my fiance turns our podcast off after
a little time.
Yeah.
Chris does fix it later.
Yeah.
She's like, she stopped listening.
Not because she was turned off by that, just because fucking, she probably hears us too
much anyway.
Right.
I get it.
Yeah, she's like, yeah, Giannis is too loud and fucking and Chris disrespecting me.
Okay.
Joseph Whitley.
Kevin Green.
Who's that?
Joseph who?
Joseph Whitley.
We didn't give him a proper shout out.
Joseph Whitley.
What's up, Cous?
Joseph Whitley.
Oh, what's up, Cous?
Joseph Whitley.
Joseph Whitley.
Joseph Whitley.
All right.
Kevin Green.
Yo, Kevin Green.
What up, Cous?
Dylan Larkin.
Yo, Dylan Larkin.
When you're working on your novel?
That sounds like a novelist name.
Steve Delisio.
Yo, Steve Delisio.
You remember Chris?
He played for Christ the King.
Kid had a fucking jump shot.
Yo, Stevie D, look at my hemorrhoids.
You selling Zeppelis?
Oh, speaking of looking at hemorrhoids, this is my daughter's godfather and fucking the head of the ER department and a hospital.
He's an ER physician.
Lucas Saigon.
Oh, that's Lukasz?
Yo, Lukasz is a good kid.
He got pictures of my shit, too.
Yeah, he gets a lot.
He gets the brunt of it, unfortunately.
Being friends with you comes at a cost.
Yeah, especially if you're a doctor.
It gets bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Agos, who's our
meme maker. Dude, we gotta give him a special shout out yeah Andrew Agos who's our meme maker
dude
we gotta give him
a special shout out
Andrew Agos
Andrew Agos
or Agos
Agos
he sounds like a Greek
Agos or Hagos
are you Greek
anyway
Andrew Agos
makes our memes
all the time
they're awesome
do not stop
go to our Facebook group
and check out all
the funny hilarious
photoshop pictures
he does of me and Chris
that guy is great
he's great
he's fantastic
thank you Andrew
then this guy joined again
Goran Sivijanovic
he's from last week too
yeah he probably
deleted it
he probably joined again
you're a sick fucking guy
Goran
we love you
have you been messaging him
on snapchat too
does he ask for your head
yeah yeah
by that domain name
does he say hey
I'm gonna find out
your touring schedule
and kill you at the airport
and you're like
what's up cuz
what's up, cuz?
What's up, cuz?
Come down to the studio.
Yo, does my shit look weird?
All right, last but not least, Jennifer Ann.
Thank you.
Sounds like a porn name.
Jennifer Ann, yeah.
Jennifer Ann.
Do you do double anal Jennifer Ann?
That does sound like a porn name.
Well, here, you know.
Just because there's one other porn name.
And I can't wait to check.
I can't wait till this one comes out and to check Sunday.
As soon as this podcast releases
at 8 p.m., 8 or 5 p.m.,
Jennifer Ann has deleted her account.
Yeah.
Deleted her podcast.
Listen, we're not going to leave you hanging.
The next episode,
we will give you a full update
on Chrissy's health.
So don't worry.
I know you guys are going to be
worrying about Chrissy.
In fact, we'll post it even before that because we're all concerned about Chrissy.
He's going to be fine.
You're going to be fine, Chris.
All right, cuz.
All right, cuz.
Appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
History Ihean is out.
Ooh. ស្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Bye.