History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 120 - Mike Cannon is WILD!

Episode Date: February 13, 2020

Mike Cannon is here with the Cuzzies to talk about the Newsies strike, but not before getting into it about his FF pops and coming up in comedy with Chrissy!   Want more Hyena content? ...Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

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Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas, Bad. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas with my life partner, Chrissy DiStefano. And I'm happy for the first time on the podcast we have one of my very good friends Mike Cannon. You have actually a friend here. This is actually
Starting point is 00:00:54 he's a friend of yours. He's a true confidant and also a former pussy sober coach of Chrissy's on the road. This is a person you don't pretend to like. You actually like this kid. Mike Cannon's my friend. My real friend and we both have warts on our dicks yeah and kids when it comes to pretending to like yeah because you're fucking you are good at it yeah do you think so i actually think he's horrible at it i can read people i can read his face right for disinterest maybe better
Starting point is 00:01:22 than anything but that's because you know him. Yeah. But the other people are so blinded by his goddamn good looks that they're just like, this kid loves me because he says yas a few times or he's just like, he spins them around. He just spins people around. He's going, yeah, babe. He throws a couple babes, babes, babes. People are going like, he's fucking
Starting point is 00:01:39 remembering me. Yeah, well, this whole industry is bullshit. So I just double down on the bullshit. You want to know the physical tell of what yours is. So your lower jaw comes out when you're excited and happy about things. You bite your your bottom lip with your over when you're like kind of like just just dealing with it. Yeah. Dealing with the scumbag. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:56 Yeah. I've seen that. I've seen a lot of people come up to you comics especially and being like, oh, Chris, how's everything going? And like his eyes kind of just unfix. And then he'll bite his bottom lip. And you're just like, oh, he hates this person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So wait, so you got your special coming out.
Starting point is 00:02:10 When your special comes out? The 24th of January. So tomorrow. Tomorrow. Well, if you're watching live. You hear that algorithm? Get ready. Algorithm, get ready.
Starting point is 00:02:17 What's it called? Life Begins. Life Begins. I'm wearing a barstool sweatshirt. So barstool marketing, retweet it. Yes. The episode with Mike Cannon's new special, which I had the privilege of hosting and bringing him to the stage, called Life Begins. And I told the crowd that be prepared to be molested by word.
Starting point is 00:02:33 You sure did. That made it to the cut, too. I'm so happy that made it. Because once I said that, I was like, that was stupid. I didn't do that over. It was a very unique intro, though, which was nice. Well, the second one, he said I had full-blown Asperger's and then brought me on stage. That didn't necessarily make it. One of the second one, he said I had full-blown Asperger's and then brought me on stage. That didn't necessarily make it.
Starting point is 00:02:45 One of the greatest things I saw. Oh, so I didn't know you were picking of the – Of the two. Yeah, the better of the bad ones. Yeah, it was one of the best things ever. It's Mike's big moment. He's got two shows sold out, ready to fucking go. And then his dad walks in and he hasn't seen his dad in months.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Yeah. Let me just paint the picture of Mr. Cannon. So who – listen, I understand why mike's got problems with it but just as a spectator i'm like this guy rules we're sitting at my cannon's baby shower we're sitting on my cannons at my cannon's baby shower last year by the pool uh his house upstate and we're sitting there and his dad comes over with a plate of like pasta cannolis and like garbage on his plate just think about about Vince Vaughn in old school when he just puts syrup all over the food.
Starting point is 00:03:27 He does that and he sits down and he goes, I just had a stroke. And he's got that plate of food and I'm like, oh man. And he goes, let me ask you a question. He goes, are you one of these liberal faggots like my son? And I was like, oh, what do you mean? And he goes, I don't know. Are you one of these liberal comedians?
Starting point is 00:03:43 And I'm like, no, you know, I was like, I don't know. I just don't really talk about politics. He goes, so you're voting for Trump? I was goes, I don't know. You one of these liberal comedians. And I'm like, no, you know, I was like, I don't know. I just don't really talk about politics. He goes, see, voting for Trump. I was like, I don't know. He goes, you better be voting for Trump. Then he shovels pasta into his face. And he said again, he goes, I just had a stroke. My dad is the classic demographic, somebody who squandered actual white privilege in the 70s and 80s. Yeah. And now is just grasping at like loose leaves, trying to like, you know, cushion his fall. Let me ask you a question, because I don't think i ever asked because you know again i was having a good time to be there and i remember being nervous or fucked up in my head a little bit for you when i saw your dad walk in did you forget about it as soon as you went on stage or you were like
Starting point is 00:04:18 fucking oh i was the jokes about i was livid i was lit because you know it's one of those things where i i hadn't spoken to him since the baby shower. What's how many how six two months before my my son was born, I guess. And, you know, the time before that, my sister and I actually had had lunch with him to try to gauge his sanity to see if he could actually kind of socialize in a normal situation. situation and midway through the through the dinner at han dynasty he uh started sweating frothing from the mouth and screaming about how christine blasey ford is a lying whore apropos of not like no political discussion no nothing yeah just screaming at me and his oldest daughter who is a woman right uh about how he knows women are like that and they are lying whores and this one it was written all over her whore face.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Yeah. I just. Is this being recorded? Yeah. Yeah. Is there a problem with the audio? No, me and Mike, we're lovers. And, you know.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Yeah. We were mouthing things to each other. We got caught. We got caught up. Yeah. Dude, I met Mike Cannon. I met the great Mike Cannon my second or third week of doing comedy. I remember we were doing an open mic at what was the Mocha Lounge in Harlem.
Starting point is 00:05:28 And I forgot what happened, but I know you abruptly walked out. Do you remember that? I remember what happened. What happened? Mike Cannon had black hair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Now after. Yeah. Now he went like he went from black to gray like that. Yeah. Well, that's what that's what's called being an entertainment. Yeah. Yeah. When you're in this business, you age like a president. Yeah like that. Yeah, well, that's what's called being in entertainment. Yeah, when you're in this business,
Starting point is 00:05:45 you age like a president. Yeah, exactly. When you're a white male in the Z, especially these last couple of years. Oh, yeah, we're getting hammered. I don't care. You're going to get stressed out. I'm a classic Mick Avocado,
Starting point is 00:05:54 just completely disrupting. So what happened? Wilting. So what happened was the reason why we became friends is because at that time in like 09, every... Because both your parents vote for Trump. Yeah, it's what it is. vote for Trump. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:05 It's what it is. And guess what? They picked right. They know how to pick a winner. That's for sure. Seriously. Say what you want. So he did.
Starting point is 00:06:13 He was victorious. The kid did win. Yeah. I mean, if he was a racehorse, I'd put my money on him. Yeah. Oh, again. Again, too. Get ready for another four more years.
Starting point is 00:06:20 Oh, it's going to be great. Can't wait. At least it's going to be good comedy. Bart Scott voice, can't wait. The only thing I loathe about that is we've got to deal with four more years. Oh, it's going to be great. At least it's going to be good comedy. Bart Scott voice. Can't wait. The only thing I loathe about that is we got to deal with four more years of wokeness to come back. Yeah, I've had enough of that. Four more years of these fucking woke comedy specials that are TED Talks. I mean, they're nighttime stories.
Starting point is 00:06:36 I would love to have him beat just so like if someone tries to do a woke special, you're going like, what do you want, guy? You got your guy in office. Can I at least say some bad words now? I hate watched a particular amazon special recently i won't name it by name uh with my son and he was getting actually a kick out of how furious i was getting yeah because it was truly just cheerleading and and and nonsense and and it wasn't even doing well in the room no that's the craziest thing is being paid a million to bomb they're bombing their own specials now yeah it's like you know and listen i have special out i'm proud of it because at least i attempt whether you think it's funny or
Starting point is 00:07:08 not we're attempting to do jokes i'm attempting to do comedy it's up to you if you want these people are not even attempting they're just like climate change and fuck trump and it's like as a comedian the most skin-crawling disgusting thing that could happen yeah for me my personally is if you clap at a statement i made that didn't have a joke. These comedians come out and that's all they do, is get claps on political statements. It's like, that's the opposite of what I think you should be doing as a comedian.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Not to mention the wild level of appropriation to come out to a hip-hop song, twerk for about 11 minutes, and then also be... Wow, now you're getting very specific. Real specific. Well, you better start talking a little more friendly about your dad because that just became your fan base. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:51 Because you just canceled out one whole side of the fan base. Well, isn't that brutal? It's like if you actually point out some hypocrisy on one side or the other, then you're all of a sudden a militant lefty or a militant righty. It's like, no, actually, I'm kind of in the gray area. Right. You know, of truth, I guess. Well, you know, but the most tolerable people in this society
Starting point is 00:08:07 are gray area people. I mean, anyway. But I also believe that how many times have you actually met in person a for real person who's militant right or militant left?
Starting point is 00:08:15 It's a minority of people. His dad, apparently. I mean, aside from my immediate family. Ari Tiemann or whatever. Yeah, it's very rare. Right. Yeah. And then you got, you know,
Starting point is 00:08:24 militant left. Who's like a militant left person that's like very known like eliza glazer alana glazer eliza eliza we'll call it that from now on yeah so it's like you know they're few and far between but that's a great grayer i think what bothers me the most is like kidding i don't know what her politics are yeah it's seeing seeing that like i don't i don't understand how how a certain sect of white women i won't i won't dare say all but a certain sect of white women have gotten away with protesting and co-opting the black power fist sure that to me seems like a real weird move that not a lot of people are pointing out yeah you got emily ratakaka fucking literally raising her dumb hot fist looking like a gorgeous ostrich and just like claiming how she's more than just lips.
Starting point is 00:09:08 It's like, lady, get the fuck out of here. You're doing the black power. Some, what are you doing? Yeah, no,
Starting point is 00:09:11 I know. Well, we were talking about this before earlier today. It's all conditioned thinking. It's all marketing. It's all like, you know, whatever you want to,
Starting point is 00:09:19 but it's all, it feels like we're a country of just followers. Now, nobody's a leader and it works. Like I'm an idiot for, for bashing it because it's a, it's,. Nobody's a leader anymore. And it works. Like I'm an idiot for bashing it because it clearly is effective. Right. And it's also,
Starting point is 00:09:29 I think it's part of this bigger picture that is very ironic that how technology has enabled like us to return to what we originally were, which is really ironic because it's like now we were talking about before, the live performance is like the unique thing. That's like being on TV used to be.
Starting point is 00:09:51 You know, podcasts are basically radio. So now radio is back in a big way. Right, right. And also now as technology has progressed to the heights it has, the unprecedented heights it has, politics has gotten more tribal again. We've become tribal. What's coming back next? Blackface.
Starting point is 00:10:08 It's crazy, though, isn't it? When you think about it, what's popular now is tribes doing radio, performing live in theaters. It's like we're back to ancient Greece. Well, I noticed even with stand-up, remember, five years ago, if you did something on, let's say,
Starting point is 00:10:24 your Comedy Central special or HBO special, you'd be like I can't do that. I can't do those jokes when they see me live. I got to come up with a whole new hour. Now somebody sees you, a kid sees you do something on Instagram, a one minute clip. They want you to do it in person because they watch it on the internet is one thing, but now they want to watch you in person. I've had people say, Hey, how come you don't do that Puerto Rican stuff about your NFL referee, which is a bit I put out on my Instagram. I talk about my kid's mom being like a NFL referee because she watches everything I do.
Starting point is 00:10:49 And I've went to certain markets. They're like, do that. We're here because you did that. We want you to do it in person. Where five years ago, if you do that, we heard that already. Because as to Giannis' point, the live experience is a new thing now. Well, people probably want you to recreate your drunk 9-11 story. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:03 We were at our live podcast at the Gramercy Theater. And like do the 9-11 story and I was like what give me a bottle of white zin let's figure it out yeah and also it's like it only worked because it was on 9-11 and I followed a Muslim comedian and called him the fuck and put his hummus down and you were coming straight from a blowy I was coming straight off a blow is that right yeah from a dude yeah that's why your shoulders were all relaxed that's. But it makes me really, really suspect that maybe this is a simulation to think how like the farther you go, the more you come back to the other side. Interesting. It's like it's a limited. It's finite, like the universe, which is kind of like supposedly stretching.
Starting point is 00:11:39 But then when they try to see mathematically the farthest point brings you right back to you. You're going like, this is that true. What do you mean by that? The, the alpha and the Omega are the same spot in the universe. So it's like the farthest you can travel in the universe is back to where you are.
Starting point is 00:11:56 And also the fact that there are potentially find an infinite amount of multiverses. There is of course, like if there's infinite, then there's another multiverse where this is exactly happening interesting like if you if you've traveled the farthest from this point right right now right you would end up the farthest point from this point is this point this point so that's wild that's and it also makes you think like hey it's constructed
Starting point is 00:12:21 it's like it's in something you know what i'm saying because like it's finite so it's like anything that's finite is is constructed right you know what i mean do you know what's also weird about entertainment is it's is it's at the point where like you're not allowed to really be fictional anymore like you can't you can't have an idea of how a certain group of people react or or behave and write about it and kind of like just just assume or or put your life experience onto another family you almost have to be autobiographical because only you know it's only acceptable to speak about your particular experience because everything else that that speaks to what we're talking about you're right because like yeah
Starting point is 00:13:00 almost everything else has been done so now it's the genuineness yeah the genuineness is the only way you could be original now is just like hey this is my specific story yeah because every type of joke's been told yeah i had like i put out some bernie sanders joke like when i was releasing my special and uh it was like a math teacher yeah whatever my joke was and then like 15 like open mic level comics and i only say that because i didn't know who they are so i'm not trying to be offensive but it's like we're comics so we kind of know if you're a working comic i don't know who these people are then i go to their youtube account like i look at their pages they got thousands of followers and it's just tons of stand-up clips and
Starting point is 00:13:37 they go and a few of them were like hey i got a bernie sanders clip too it's like yeah it's a different joke but like we're all talking about Bernie Sanders. Yeah. And now it used to be like there was like four or five guys who you may see on a TV talking about Bernie Sanders. Now you could like,
Starting point is 00:13:51 you could just Google in a search Bernie Sanders comedy and there'll be like 300,000 comedians that will come up with a Bernie Sanders joke because everyone's just putting their shitty show online.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Yeah. I'll see like comedians now just putting like the worst moments of their show in a clip that's subtitled. Yeah. You're going like, what are we doing? Yeah. What are we fucking doing? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:13 It's funny because that's why it's hard to do topical unless you're on the top of the mountain. Right. You know what I mean? Unless you're a Tonight Show or Rogan. Or yeah. Because if you get to it first and you're at that level, then it's your joke, right? But if you're in the mud, if you're working out in the thick of shit, then yeah, there's a hundred other people doing a topical bit about the same thing. They might even have a different take, but you're all swimming in the same pond.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Right. Understood. Yeah. I know. I feel like that's why I think like with podcasting, it's like to truck. Go ahead. Nice. Oh, my God. Go ahead. Nice. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:46 God, that was just a. No, his farts come from a place where like I'm a little concerned for his long term health. That sounded bad. No, the way they smell. It's like because he's got shit stuck into it in his colon. He doesn't get he doesn't ever get. He told me once he had diarrhea for two years. Do you think that's a problem?
Starting point is 00:15:01 I still for five years. I think. No, I've had diarrhea for about a decade. Like it just started solidifying because I haven't drank in over a year, but when I was boozing, I was straight geysering shit out of my ass. Also, this is not my first time on the program. This is my
Starting point is 00:15:15 second time. The last time I was on this thing, we talked about your asshole for 20 minutes. That's always a risk when you come on History Hyenas that we could end up talking about Chrissy's asshole for a good 10, 15. Well, and that was fresh off the blood. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:29 Oh, that's when I was shitting blood? That's when you were shitting blood. Oh, when I just got the colonoscopy. Shout out Dr. Nick. But it didn't even look like blood. It just looked like a glazed red shit. Yeah. And then I got a fucking colonoscopy and they said it was all good.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Yeah. Remember, we've had some wild moments on this podcast. We've had a lot of moments that entail your medical conditions yeah coming out of all of your orifices yeah i i get i'm not lying to weekly messages from people say hey i have the same thing as you and then tell me their whole medical diagnosis and then i respond to them on what i think it is which is illegal yeah yeah so even especially with you because you have a doctorate yeah but i have a doctor in physical therapy i mean me dolling out medical i'll always put put a disclaimer, but I'm just like, hey, this is what I think it is.
Starting point is 00:16:06 But also then I'll just send the Google page of what I just Googled. You're like Dr. Nick from The Simpsons. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know, man. But, you know. You're a doctor enough for me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:17 All I need is somebody who has enough training that makes me feel better when I tell them a symptom. That's right. Just lie to your friend. You know, be like, hey, I got this problem. You just be like, it sounds good. And then I'll just feel like it's good because you have some training. Well, it's weird.
Starting point is 00:16:31 It's come full circle for me now because let's say before the baby was born, if anything happened because I have this medical knowledge, I'd be like, oh, my God, it's going to be this, it's going to be that. Now it's like literally for like two weeks, every time I blow my nose, it's like brown blood, and I'm just like'll go away it's a side effect i could be literally blowing pieces of my brain fluid out and i'm like i'm not nervous i don't care anymore yeah i've been sweating a lot in my sleep and i just mentioned that casually in a conversation and somebody was like that's like heart problems yeah and i was like well we'll worry about that well i will tell you sweating in
Starting point is 00:17:03 the sleep here's here's here's the things to worry about sweating in the sleep being like no sweating in your sleep um pain it's so bizarre because it's like you fuck sweating in your sleep waking up out of a cold out of a dead sleep with with pain in a certain part of your body okay or taking advil or any type of ibuprofen and said like pain reliever medicine and it giving you immediate relief. And then four to six hours later, the pain coming back is another sign. So Advil doing what's supposed to do. Yeah, that was that last one was like, you're fucking going to make everyone paranoid. But I'm telling you, it's what these things are.
Starting point is 00:17:38 It's like, that's the truth. Can I ask you this? Yes. What does it mean if I have shooting pain through my nose? It stopped doing cocaine. I mean, that was a long time ago. Well, I have not put anything up my nose in a while. Do you have boogers and are you blowing snot out and doing stuff like that?
Starting point is 00:17:52 No, not really. So we're from the complete opposite side of the health spectrum. Since I've known you, you've been a paranoid maniac about your health. You've always asked me questions as if I have any medical background. I am the type of Irish where if anything hurts, I just shove it down. Good boy. Good boy. Yeah, good boy. Yeah. And I will. I won't do anything about it until one of my ventricles shoots out of my chest. I love the Irish boy. The Irish, they excite me. Yeah, because you guys, it's I love the Irish because you guys, there's nobody who knows how to just jam it into a little box.
Starting point is 00:18:27 Yeah. You guys got a little Irish box of secrets where all the molestation, all the pain, all the gay thoughts go. But then he's got like a wild part of his family. Like, doesn't one of your sisters just like bathe in the river? No. But actually, kind of. My younger sister, Chloe, lives upstate near New Paltz. And she's kind of my younger sister chloe lives uh lives upstate near new paltz and she's kind of like a flower child she just like wears bear skids and like just lives like it's ancient
Starting point is 00:18:50 times she's one with the wokes yeah like she has a lot of they friends oh yeah oh really yeah a lot of them named onion interesting that's a full legal cool person cool person yeah yeah it's just it's tough to navigate that but i like the fact that i have a sister that is very comfortable in those waters yeah because i can kind of take a bit to her and just be like listen i know this is wrong yeah but like am i kind of at least skiing the slalom she goes she goes wait let me feel the vibration of it yeah tell it again she puts a crystal in the middle of our forehead it's okay it's okay it's that one it's that one it's that one with the um i know and now and fucking and your dad yannis is fucking dropping batches in we're all trying to be dads here we're all fucking few dads mine was a mine was an axe
Starting point is 00:19:35 accident was a one time one time drop drop and it happened i mean i i told you it was right before i left for the middle east oh yeah to perform for the troops. Right. And I was just like I was stealing valor for that entire week. I was just pretending to be a war hero, telling my wife what a hero I was for even going over there. Right. And the night before we had sex and I literally came while saying I'm deploying as as a goof, just being like I left it in for the first time. And then the day I came back, she wasn't there. I got high and because I hadn't smoked in two weeks and I'm on Jupiter because my, you know, my tolerance is now back down to human. And then she comes in and she's like, hi, I feel weird.
Starting point is 00:20:15 I think I should take a pregnancy test. And I was like, this is an odd way to be greeted. She went in the bathroom, pissed on it, got in the shower. I'm now, you know, wrestling with my entire future as a human being yeah and uh she goes okay check it i checked it it was like carved in full like it wasn't just red it was carved with a knife yeah a plus and i and i was like what the fuck yeah yeah we're pregnant this is great she's like you're not mad i was like jesus christ you are italian the way you winced guys yeah she was just like covered she thought she was gonna get punched directly in the stomach are you not mad am i gonna get disciplined for what I did?
Starting point is 00:20:46 She lifted her knee This is three strikes in a row I mean the garlic wasn't thin enough yesterday I forgot to give you your slippers Tuesday And now I'm pregnant I'm sorry And I know you're mad because Gita didn't get 100% of the Hall of Fame I'm really sorry
Starting point is 00:21:00 Daddy I'm sorry I'm wearing a barstool sweatshirt retweet it Life begins Life begins out on YouTube Mike Cannon comedy sorry daddy i'm sorry i'm wearing a barstool sweatshirt retweet it yeah retweet special but life begins life begins out on youtube mike cannon comedy so she and then i said i was like no this is great like we're having a kid i'm of course my heart is pounding out of my chest and i'm super nervous and she's but she's like okay good because i took three pregnancy tests yesterday and they were all so positive so she knew like what the fuck yeah she's just been carrying that burden imagine too like how fucking poetic would it have been?
Starting point is 00:21:25 Like, you get her glued up. It's been your girl since you're 13 years old. And then you just die in a helicopter accident in the Middle East. If I got hit by a spud missile, I would have hoped you would have stepped in and married her. Oh, no. Your kid's just raised by Mike Feeney. He was just bragging about his fucking TikTok views. It was like, shut up.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Throwing the McGregor fight. He's like, I went viral on TikTok. I'm like, shut up. You stink. You look like a chopstick. You've been dating. But then I immediately put out videos on my TikTok. Of course. Same here. I'm fucking cooking with gas on my TikTok.
Starting point is 00:21:54 I can't wait, kid. Oh, scrolling through TikTok is a real minefield. Yeah. Yeah, that's when you're going like, wow, I got nothing in common with these kids. I got to post and get the fuck off this app immediately. I don't know how to make a music video about me sweeping the floor no yeah these kids are like here you know they're just like sweeping you go well that's the thing is like you almost you're you're like oh this this is such a terrible thing for the youth and
Starting point is 00:22:17 you're you know they're they're they're clearly like reaching out for some sort of affection or affirmation that they're not receiving at home. But then you actually watch it and you're like, this is like the most creative thing I've ever seen. I mean, nothing I used to, my creativity as a kid was covering my textbooks with a paper bag and then drawing on it. Yeah. Like,
Starting point is 00:22:35 and that S with the six lines or whatever, that was my big art piece. Basically they, they, you can be your own music. You can, you can be your own music director. You're making a music video.
Starting point is 00:22:45 Yeah. I mean, it's like. Everybody's Spike Jonze. Everyone's Spike Jonze. It's nuts. Yeah. I was saying, you've been dating your wife so long since you were 13 that. 10.
Starting point is 00:22:54 10 years old. 10 years old, which is how old Giannis' wife was when he met her. That's how old she was. That's how much older Giannis is than his wife. Well, you got a groom. Yeah. You know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:02 I know. I was like talking to this girl. Not talking to this girl. I was like, i saw this girl on instagram and she's like smoking hot and she's 19 and i was like you think that's too young and yana's like no he's like in greeks it's okay in greece i mean isn't that like kind of seeing zion at 14 and just gonna be like this kid's gonna be good yeah yeah sometimes well that's what i was saying like you're you guys have been together so long and you were together so young that you do not want to ever be in a situation where you're talking about your
Starting point is 00:23:30 wife and somebody comes mid-conversation yeah and here's you just go like man so we were 13 and i was finger blasting my wife he's like what yeah like no no we've been together she was 13 but so was i say yeah same sees where i was i try to make that bit work, and it never does. But there is, you know, I'm on the road, so masturbation is a friend of mine. And I will often, if the computer isn't working or if I want to exercise my imagination, I'll jerk off to the memory of her 15-year-old vagina. Yeah, I don't even feel comfortable hearing that. I love it.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Jesus. Yeah. But you were 15, too. It was my 15 year old dick i'm not substituting my now 34 year old right you guys you lose did you guys lose your virginity to each other yeah it's fucking great no but then she went off and banged a whole bunch of other guys she sure did yeah she she dipped in the dark waters as well and yeah there you go back yeah there he goes yeah now it's back yeah you you guys you guys relationship was like a bungee
Starting point is 00:24:22 cord like you just jumped off grabbed a bunch of dicks and vaginas on the way down, and then came back right to each other. Dude, that would be fucking so funny to come full circle. It's like you meet, you are with Nicole or whatever, and then I've been in your life. And then it comes full circle where I marry Nicole's dad. Like he comes out of the closet at the same time I do. Yeah, I could see. You find your love for each other through your love for Trump. Yeah, honestly, I bet he's excited.
Starting point is 00:24:48 You're talking about Trump, and then your eyes just slowly be, turn around, every now and then I get a... While you're just talking about how he's done great things for this country. Yeah. You're just going like this, lowest black unemployment. Okay, we finally got the wall. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:02 Salami's dead. You don't even know how to pronounce it. Yeah. Call him Salami. Honored the contract with the people of Iraq. How many times that general has been called Salami in Ridgewood, Queens? Oh, yeah. Finally, we got Salami.
Starting point is 00:25:13 He called the Saudi Arabian murder journalist Kellogg's. Kellogg's, yeah. Fuck Kellogg's. I mean, who's going to beat him? Crazy Joe, Pocahontas, no chance. No chance. Maybe we should suck each other's dicks. Yeah, I know. No chance. Maybe we should suck each other's dicks. Yeah. I know.
Starting point is 00:25:25 It's so funny. The thing is, the thing is with, I like, I love being friends with Mike. I thought you were going to say I love being white. It's always a risk. That too. Yeah. One of the things I love first of all, I just love being white. Yeah, but Mike's got one of those friend groups.
Starting point is 00:25:39 I grew up in high school. Like, everybody's dead. Like, people just driving off cliffs dying of random diseases killing each other dude cancer is big in rockland county they always they always brag about not having fluoride in the water but at this point you might want to try it because a few 23 year olds are just dropping dropping yeah i know so it's like it's like nerve-wracking to always be like oh yeah mike's just going to another one of his fucking friends funerals you know you know it's crazy new york is such a big city yeah that like to think you're from rockland county for me being from park slope brooklyn him being from
Starting point is 00:26:13 ridgewood queens let alone you rockland county yeah rockland county to me like i'm like wow we grew up in different countries no but like the people that grew up like they got how you want your parents went to the city every day. So did it. So did all the parents. I know. Yeah. But Rockland is a weird place because it's kind of insulated where it's 19 miles outside of New York City. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:32 Right. It's an easy trek. A lot of our parents worked in the city and the whole every single day. My father was a stockbroker, of course, lack of empathy. And so he the entire town really prides themselves on their proximity to the city. But they won't go there for other reasons for work. Like my buddy, Anthony, who, you know, who is like the ultimate WAP, like he is. Yeah. Like Donkey Kong Guido has tanned himself Dominican.
Starting point is 00:26:55 He's like he wears like, you know, thirty thousand dollar watch calls what you do. Skits. Yeah, of course. For sure. Of course. He used to be an iron worker until he got hit by a piece of equipment. Now he's a millionaire. Yeah. He'll walk around the West Village. I'm sure it happened by accident. Of course. Of course.
Starting point is 00:27:11 Nobody kicked it off the second floor. He'll be like, did you hear this guy? I like your skit, Mikey. You don't go. You don't go. You've improved a lot since I've stopped. Because when I first saw you, you fucking suck. It was embarrassing. Have you seen this one guy?
Starting point is 00:27:22 Rodeo comedy. This kid's skit. Oh, Rodeo comedy. No, no, no. Yeah, that kid, Mikey. The kid Anthony would be like, nah, nah, you know who's the fucking best? It's that Shane Gillis kid.
Starting point is 00:27:30 That Shane fucking Gillis. Yeah. I love that fucking kid. I live Rodeo comedy. That kid's fucking... He does his Italian grandma's, Italian sister's, Italian dog. Everyone's fucking Italian. You should do more skits like that.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Yeah. Yo, you ever work with Sebastian Maniscalco? How did that guy do it? I mean that kid's fucking skits are hilarious That's how you know Comedy is so disrespected It's people's favorite comedians They don't know their name
Starting point is 00:27:56 They'll just be like Sebastian Maniscalco You'll just be like yeah that's close enough I guess Autofill would correct it So what do you mean though? Rocklandland County, it's still insulated. Yeah. I mean, they're all make America great again for the most part. Like it's a it's a big I think it's the only county in New York that voted conservative during like Bush, like Bush against Gore or whatever. They voted for that. And probably to maybe to. Yeah. But my buddy Anthony, he'd like he walks around in the West Village like his big watch and his gaudy attire, and he looks great.
Starting point is 00:28:28 And he'll have a knife in his hand. He's like, that's in case anybody tries something. I'm like, you're on McDougal. Yeah, it's not going to happen. Somebody might try to suck your dick, but you're not going to get robbed. Yeah, it's like that illusion. Giannis, we were talking about this last night, how that New York City, you ever ever see a dead body that's like 80s 90s new york but people still live that where it's like that doesn't happen anymore no but people like people that are in charge will
Starting point is 00:28:52 still try to like fear monger like that sure of course remember what was it bratton that was the ex-fucking nypd commissioner commissioner he was saying that the the weed trade was a bloodier endeavor than the heroin and crack epidemic of the eighties. And it's like, buddy, I'm not slipping on blood smears. It's not, you're lying. And other people from Rockland are like,
Starting point is 00:29:10 dude, I hear weed is wild out there. It's like, you know, people are shooting each other in the streets. No, no, it's not fucking happening.
Starting point is 00:29:16 I mean that they were able to, they were able to malign weed for as long as they did. It's kind of amazing. What's your, remember we went to, used to do the show out of that building, the Hearst building or something like that? Cosmo Sexy vs. Skanky.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Fuck yeah, dude. Your co-host was hot and I blew it with her. She's still out there. You had a different place to be uptown that Mike was trying to convince you not to go to. That was wild. Don't do it, man. On the way to a hippopotamus's doorman building. Do you remember that?
Starting point is 00:29:44 I made you wait in the lobby. That's when I was full-blown sex addict. I mean, I was going religiously to have sex with a woman who looked like – what does she look like? A human potato. A human potato. With all the knots. She honestly looked like John Candy. That's what she looked like.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Yeah. John Candez because he was Hispanic. She looked like Ali Wong if Ali Wong was Mike. If Ali Wong drowned. If Ali Wong somehow became Mike Suarez, that's her. Holy shit, she looks like Mike. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:30:16 She looks like Mike with the wig on. Yes. When he tells that story, I just picture you like Beavis walking. No, but you... Remember when we walked from Caroline's to her apartment, which was by the Lincoln Center? Transgender me. Transgender me. When he tells that story, I just picture you like Beavis, like walking. No, but you're like, hey, hey. Remember when we walked from Caroline's to her apartment, which was like by the Lincoln Center? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:29 By Lincoln Center, somewhere in that area. And I mean, I'm talking about every block. Mike was like, dude, you don't have to do this. Like, you love yourself. Like, why are you doing this? I was like, Mike, just shut up. You got to come with me. And I was like dry heaving, even thinking about having sex with her.
Starting point is 00:30:42 But I went up there and did it. And he sat down in the lobby. And I was up and back in 20 minutes it was pretty quick you popped off quick and then i was just like depressed it was like drugs like do you remember like you trying to talk me out of it well because i think like cocaine the the going to get it is the most exciting part and it's the best part of the drug and then once you're done it's like the molly come down where you're suicidal right all of your endorphins have flooded your body and now you're you're you're you're like your avatar is bereft of joy yeah jesse my buddy jesse used to tell me what he did below it's funny he said
Starting point is 00:31:17 it's exactly what that is like when someone brought it up like you you want to get the who hot oh you're he would like he's almost like you feel like club music in your head. Like that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. Yeah. Because the whole night is an option. So now you have the thing where you're like, ladies love coke. We can do anything like I'm going to be doing coke off of some chick's asshole. It's going to be fucking great. And then you realize you're going to be playing Golden Eye at 4 a.m.
Starting point is 00:31:41 with your buddy, not blinking for six hours. Yeah, not blinking for six hours. I know. I just remember, man. The fantasy is always better than the reality. And it's so weird. playing golden eye at 4 a.m with your buddy not blinking for six hours for six hours i know i just remember man the fantasy is always better than the reality and it's so weird do you find yourself doing this i like find myself reminiscing about those times like 2010 2011 we were just doing open mics we were doing you know we fucking were going on last at caroline's or broadway or whatever it was and it's like you know we weren't making any money yeah we didn't have specials we didn't have any of this shit but it's like i find myself thinking about those times do you or not really sometimes but i mean your your younger years must have been
Starting point is 00:32:12 cute because you took off pretty quick so i've been i've been fighting in the mud for a while and things have progressed obviously steadily but yeah i never had that like that like leap like you had guy code and it was like 100 000 followers immediately immediately immediately so that i could see how like those might be the good old days for you but when i think about them i think of the smell and ambiance of broadway comedy club and a waitress telling me if you bomb doing checks you're a shit comic yeah like beat it lady you're a career loser go fucking jump into eighth avenue do you go to broadway comedy Club at all?
Starting point is 00:32:45 Every once in a while. Every once in a while. Yeah. Yeah. No, but there's. I was looking back at. Oh, sorry. I was looking back at old emails from.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Buddy, I got a when this kid. So this is how we both got banned from Broadway Comedy Club because Chris was managed by them. Whatever that means. I think they got managed by Broadway Comedy Club. Yeah. Who there? Who's that? A guy who looked at his toes Managed by Broadway Comedy Club? Yeah. Who there? Who's that? A guy who looked at his toes a lot when Chris slept over.
Starting point is 00:33:08 Yeah. Oh, so he's one of those. Yeah. Yeah. But he's a great guy. We probably should. Should we blur his name? He's the type that would sue.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yeah, you have to. I mean, but it's true. No, but you got to get rid of the name. Yeah. Mike, when I just drop the name, but over my mouth, put rainbow flags. Yeah. Okay. Promise.
Starting point is 00:33:22 All right. Dude. So. So Chris was managed by them i assume that meant you got you got like an episode of street court like i think seriously yeah that's what it was and uh you know so then you had you got guy code or whatever then you had a meeting with dennis leary's company apostle yeah and you justifiably left broadway comedy club yeah for a mainstream conan smith yeah was ray romano's agent and my agent now
Starting point is 00:33:46 and your agent now yeah so he's fallen off a bit why yeah so he uh chris left and then you were headlining caroline's for the first time i was opening chris is obviously technologically retarded so i created a facebook invite to him or for him. And I got banned because of that. Oh, sorry. He wrote another he wrote like a three page long email to me about why I was banned. And it read like a middle school breakup letter about Chris. Yeah, it was weird. All the things he did for Chris got him, you know, he got him headshots. Fucking he let him sleep on his couch, which Chris told me there was several nights where
Starting point is 00:34:24 he saw him just like lurking over we would do the prom shows and I would sleep I was still working as a physical therapist and there was times I just woke up he was just like breathing with his bathrobe on him the old Rodney Dangerfield yeah I mean if you want to manage comedians there's something wrong with you
Starting point is 00:34:40 there's something off there's something missing I think even worse in a person who who wants to manage comedians than people who want to do comedy especially since a lot of managers are former comedians who try to you're like they always are yeah we always everybody's got a hole in their chest well it's kind of like looking at a rape victim and being like i can make money off of that yeah yeah we're just kidding what's the history that you want to talk about oh yes i want because he said it fucking what do you want to
Starting point is 00:35:09 talk about the newsies the news the newsboy strike of 1899 yeah i mean you know what happened i i think you and i i or we've been calling each other true blue gays for for a long time because i mean we've been sleeping in the same hotel rooms even when they offered to. You slept both eyes closed with this kid? Oh, yeah, but not in the same bed. I don't know if we shared. We shared bed once. Did you ever wake up? Where do we share a bed?
Starting point is 00:35:32 Cincinnati? We shared a bed in a place that we did not have to, and I had a place to stay. And we watched, I think we watched Wedding Crashers on your iPhone 3. Yeah, why did we do that? I don't know why. Because you were trying to have a date with him, unbeknownst to him.
Starting point is 00:35:48 You were trying to make it a date. You didn't know at that point that that's how he gets going. He gets going with basically all the relationship parts of the guy and then he goes and he bangs the girl to just wash it away. He's trying to wash away who he really is, but I'll be just going to get some pussy and I'll change it. That's his sexual douche.
Starting point is 00:36:04 Yeah. I enjoyed that way too much here this will fix it yeah oh and one thing i know i i got to know about chris is like you you get comfortable real quick because as soon as we'd walk into a hotel room you were in an ill-fitting white beater and loose boxers yeah right away like you've seen my dick a lot a lot and if not if not in person digitally just as much you. Yeah, just sending you dick pics. You can just send it to people. I just throw it out there. I mean, before I even really knew you, for some reason, I got a video of it. Of me getting my dick sucked? Yeah, we weren't even really friends yet.
Starting point is 00:36:33 She was sucking my softie. Yeah, it was sucking your softie. And I was going like, why am I watching? Why did I get this? I don't know why I sent it. Yeah. I mean, some of the POVs are pretty cool. I've seen a couple of the old POVs with people that we both – we knew.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Did you ever fall asleep and wake up and he was standing up over you? No. That happened to me once. Did it? I don't know what that means. Oh, no. And he was doing like a thing. He was like having a panic attack or something.
Starting point is 00:36:59 Yeah. What was going on? You were having a panic attack? I forgot. But I remember he – But you just smelled my feet though, didn't you? I smelled his feet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:04 But it was funny. I remember he came with me to Magoobie's Comedy Club and we were driving down. attack? I forgot. But I remember he came. But you just smelled my feet, though, didn't you? I smelled his feet. Yeah. But it was funny. I remember he came with me to Magoobie's Comedy Club, and we were driving down. He was like, I got no spots this weekend. It's fine. And then he had like seven spots. Yeah, I just forgot about the amount of spots I had. Yeah, it's just funny. So they were going, where are you?
Starting point is 00:37:16 Sometimes they get wrapped up in friendship. Yeah, it was just like we were having fun. And I remember it was like a split moment decision. He was like, yo, you want to come with me to McGoobies? And I was like, it was just one of those things where you're going like, yeah. Yeah, I do. So we just went. Yeah, it was great.
Starting point is 00:37:34 What happened in the news you strike? So the news boy strike. The reason why I have interest in this is because I am to the core a true blue gay. I am a boy who used to sing for show tunes for company when like my parents would have, you know, social gatherings or anything like that, which were always uncomfortable because nobody was allowed to drink.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Cause my father was a hair trigger alcoholic. So I, you know, my sisters and I would be the entertainment. They mostly because they were both, they're both musical prodigies. Right. But I was obsessed with the movie newsies with a Christian Bale with just
Starting point is 00:38:02 what it represented singing. Cause it's a bunch of, you know, the boys, like real boys out there singing. Nothing better than a hot boy. I tend to agree. So what happened was, so William Randolph Hearst and Joseph Pulitzer, which were the two kingpins of the news media world at the time,
Starting point is 00:38:23 decided they needed to make more money because what they you know their mansions it felt a bit cramped at the time so instead of raising the price out on the streets and risking losing their business they instead gouged the fucking boys who were uh who were selling their papers for them right so instead of paying 50 cent basically all these kids were selling the paper for a half cent profit per paper once they were making the 50 cents or once they were paying 50 cents per hundred. So once they gouged it to 60 cents, they were making even less than a half cent per paper. And so they started they started, you know, striking and they were really fucking violent about it. This in 1899, it wasn't even the first strike either.
Starting point is 00:39:01 fucking violent about it. In 1899, it wasn't even the first strike either. I think the one closest to that was 1984, maybe 1984. And they had a couple in quick succession about different kind of rules against different type of papers. And so now, during this time, whenever they would see somebody who was selling those two particular papers, they would beat the fuck out of them. A little different than the musical.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Yeah. They didn't show that part as much. They kind of did, but they did it while they were tap dancing and soft shoeing. Yeah. It was like the West Side Story of the Newsy Strike where you're going like, did they really dance with those Puerto Ricans? Or were a few of them pummeled with stuff? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:44 Well, the funniest part is like, you know, it was such a big deal to get Brooklyn involved because Brooklyn, you know, at the time was a different country. It was, you know, nobody left Brooklyn. They all stayed there. They sell, they sold their own papers. They had their own kind of infrastructure on how they went about their business. But once Brooklyn got involved into the strike, then it became a real thing because people were like, wait, they crossed the bridge yeah to get here that's huge yeah interesting i know i i i always think about with like you know for some reason anytime christian bale is mentioned i always just think about that video that he did where he was berating and
Starting point is 00:40:20 yelling at that cameraman and it's like just now especially like in 2020 it's like, could you imagine somebody did that to you now? I would punch him right in the face. I agree with what he did, though. You like that? I mean, I don't like it. I'm not for it. I don't like demeaning people and screaming at them in a professional environment.
Starting point is 00:40:37 But if you're doing a $100 million movie and you're as intense of an actor as Christian Bale is, who's like Method even when playing shithead John John Connor, you got some shit dick in the corner, like fucking adjusting a light while you're on the 17th take of a scene and you're trying to harness emotion. It might happen. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:54 It could, it could pop off. But if that happens, I feel like the lighting guy has a right to punch him in the face and not lose his job. Oh yeah. I don't think that I can't, but I mean, he's going to lose his job because the investment's in Christian Bale, not in the lighting guy. Right. Yeah, but you know what?
Starting point is 00:41:09 Which is interesting, though, because it's like the real – actually, the more important part is the lighting guy. No. It's not – I can tell where you grew up. Yeah. Listen, all right? Those are my fucking friends.
Starting point is 00:41:19 You're talking to my fucking friends that way. But I'm just saying anybody can act. Not everyone can kind of fucking hang lights. You know what I mean? Maybe so, but not everybody can carry a movie so it takes a that's why like you know when you're like why aren't there more representation from so and so why isn't a real cripple playing fucking you know walter white's part in that stupid kevin hart movie right because like because what like an unfunctioning legless person has the reach that he had. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:45 You know what I mean? Are they going to sell as many tickets? I know. Because that's what it comes down to. When I saw that movie Exodus, it was called, like, Exodus, Gods and Kings. It was about the story of Moses, and it was so much shit about Christian Bale playing Moses.
Starting point is 00:41:56 And I read this article about the investors of the movie who were from the Middle East were like, we picked Christian Bale because he sells tickets. Yeah. So we don't want a Middle Eastern guy. No, they just did. They made him Middle Eastern with mascara. It's fine. That's all it takes.
Starting point is 00:42:10 They put a little line to the side, and he looked like a sarcophagus. That's it. They fucking, yeah. They just made him that. Yeah. I mean, Anthony Quinn played Zorba the Greek. I mean, he's a Mexican kid, but he was a big star. It's like there's no, you know, Christophorus Papadoulis wasn't going to probably sell the movie
Starting point is 00:42:27 like Anthony Quinn. So it's like it goes a bunch of different ways. And it's like nobody ever brings up those examples. Like Anthony Quinn is not a Greek kid. Zorba the Greek is a Greek kid. Anthony Quinn is not a Mexican name. It's not a Mexican name. He's a Mexican guy.
Starting point is 00:42:42 He's not a Greek kid. Yeah, that sounds Irish. Do we know what he is? He's Hispanic. He was pretending to be white. Yeah, he was Hispanic, pretending to be white. Right. The best kind of Hispanic.
Starting point is 00:42:50 So he's Louis C.K. All right, Louis C.K.'s a fucking Mexican, and that's why he fucking raves. He says he's Mexican. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, I mean, Louis C.K. says he's Mexican. Then you look at him, you go, guy. Yeah. I don't care where your parents were born.
Starting point is 00:43:03 You're white. Louis is back, baby. He is back. I mean i mean he's selling tickets get your raincoats ready yeah yeah i love louis well that was what's funny is like i was at the cellar the other day when he he came by and i i'd like just came by he just came by to say what's up to go on stage to a few comics and like i made the joke that oh man once he walked in women were like jumping out of the way, screaming, covering their ears and eyes. And I was like, no, actually, everybody asked him for a picture. Yeah, everybody loves him. I was at a show once when he was on.
Starting point is 00:43:33 He did great. And then the article, the New York Post, they were like, the audience left and were outraged. One woman left and asked for her money back. And the management said no. They were like, no, you can't get your money back. We've told you. So it's one person left and wanted their money back. But the article was everybody left. It were like, no, you can't get your money back. We've told you. So it's one person left and one of their money back. But the article was everybody left.
Starting point is 00:43:48 It was like, no, he fucking annihilated. Right. People loved him. And that's just what it is. Well, that's what's frustrating about the media is they have so much power because they can steer the ship. Right. So even in this, in the newsboys strike, you got all these papers that these guys have so much reach. And they're printing stories about these kids, like, you know, basically unwanted sexual advances
Starting point is 00:44:06 on women on the street. They're like, you know, they're a bunch of fucking hooligans, and they were, like, swindling the numbers to where it was like it was barely any of them, right? Meanwhile, they had 5,000 kids at Irving Hall during one of their, like, speeches, and they had local politicians, they had lawyers, they had all this stuff giving, you know,
Starting point is 00:44:22 giving almost like commencement speeches for these kids being like, you guys are doing the right thing yeah it's power of the people whatever but and the media uh i think it dropped 65 percent like they were selling 350 000 papers per day and it dropped to about like 140 or 120 000 that hits business hard yeah yeah so i mean and not to that gets me into like the conspiracy shit with uh with I think it's Hearst or about the weed. Right. About we. Yeah. So the reason supposedly this is this is kind of unfounded. Yeah. William Randolph Hearst, the reason why weed was demonized in like in reefer madness and all that stuff is because and they didn't want hemp to be part of our culture, even though it's like literally the, the greatest thing that we grow in this country and it could help quite a bit.
Starting point is 00:45:08 He didn't want to change over his printing presses because they were going to change from pay from tree paper to hemp paper. And he didn't want to change over his printing presses because he would have taken too much of a loss. Yeah. And that, and I heard that it was another part is like weed was primarily amongst like jazz singers who are primarily black and alcohol was favored by whites.
Starting point is 00:45:27 So they made one illegal, the black thing. And then the white thing, alcohol, which kills way more people. Yeah. Legal. So it's all conditioned bullshit. And it also, you know, whether you believe this or not, weed tends to make you think about things a little deeper and it kind of expands your mind a little bit. I don't want that. And makes you think like, wait, why?
Starting point is 00:45:44 Why does this person have any hold over me? Why is there authority figures telling me what I can put into my fucking body? So once people were kind of smoking weed and opening up their minds to that perspective, they knew they had to shut the book on it quick. Great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's it's amazing. Like I said before, to bring up the point again, how it was able to be maligned for so long and still yeah and still you got joe biden yeah a fucking california raisin with white hair up up on a podium being like there's no there's no real evidence that it helps medically it's like have you not watched vice in the last 10 years yeah there was a girl named charlotte who was
Starting point is 00:46:21 having like 300 seizures per month developed a low thC, if any, CBD oil that made her. I think she's like seizure free for years. Yeah. Like it's like crazy. Not until I fuck her. To say it has no medicinal properties is like that. You're just like so transparently lying. Right.
Starting point is 00:46:41 You say that. Yeah. I actually wouldn't mind if a politician was like listen like for lead for weed to be widespread legal we gotta wait for the pfizers and uh and you know william or philip morris to uh to kind of change their business model so they can have the primary cut of right like they're they're going to be the conglomerates that control marijuana so we as a government have to wait for them to get their business affairs in order because that's what they're doing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Like they're waiting for these big businesses to get their shit together. And it's crazy that they haven't already. Right. I know. I agree. I mean, they do. They sorry to go off on a tangent. No, get emotional.
Starting point is 00:47:17 But there's there are people, you know, there's there's nothing more passionate. There's there's not one topic. My Canada is more passionate about than weed. Which is crazy. He's ready. He'll defend that thing to the tape. Oh, buddy. And I'm rage-filled about it, which is kind of an oxymoron.
Starting point is 00:47:31 But they extract, and by they, I mean the pharmaceutical companies, they sometimes extract the healthy benefits of vegetables and stuff like that and then sell them to the pharmaceutical companies. Like, they take out the nutritional value of fucking vegetables and then push it on to somebody else why would they do that because they just want sick people right they want people that aren't healthy they want people that are relying on pills it is a i think it's a public mission statement by pfizer that they want every adult over 18 to be on two to three pills for the rest of their life. Two to three different type.
Starting point is 00:48:09 They make a lot of money, man. The pharmaceutical industry, you know, I'm not a conspiracy guy for the most part, but it's really true when it comes to the pharmaceutical industry. Yeah, it's really gross. Yeah. And that's their mission is to get everybody on pills and to sell pills and push pills. And it's our whole country. Everyone's medicated. Everyone's medicated.
Starting point is 00:48:32 But because we can't hunt and gather our own food, what can we do? I mean, you can. Look at Rogan. He's killing elk with his bear hands. Yeah, but every time he kills an elk, I'm going like, he's not eating that five days a week. I mean, that's the one he's posted on Instagram and then he's going to Outback Steakhouse for the next three days. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:46 I mean, it's just too much work to live in California and kill elk every day. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, I mean, he might get like a thousand pounds here and there and freeze it. He could do that. He could do that. So the special comes out. Where can people find you?
Starting point is 00:48:59 So YouTube, Mike Cannon Comedy, that's the big thing. And like, you know, like we said, we're doing a lot of things on our own right now. So it is kind of the mission statement where we rely on people who listen to really spread the word. Cause we don't have the big money of, of networks and stuff like that. We can't force force feed you guys shit. But this is something that I did on my own with Mike Lavin, the homeless pimp who you guys work with. He shot and edited the entire thing. He's so goddamn talented. And I, you know, I pitched this idea with, which is kind of based on how I got into the cellar, which you were involved in because I was here eating dinner with Chris and his daughter. And, uh, you were about to open for Colin Quinn,
Starting point is 00:49:32 the great Colin Quinn. And he, uh, his fucking ventricle failed. I had a heart attack and, uh, Liz, the manager turned to me and goes, do you, can you do 30 minutes? Do you want to do 30 minutes? And I was coming fresh off a panic attack from performing in Long Island all weekend. Yeah. And I almost said no. I said yes. Chris and Voss went up first, did 100% new material, either based off of you wanting to help me or you truly don't care.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Yeah. I don't know. Probably a mix of both. You don't even remember that night. And then I threw every fastball I have, every A joke that I've ever written. Had a great set. Sent that tape to Esty. And two months later, I got more auditions.
Starting point is 00:50:06 Got more auditions. Yeah, I remember that night because somebody, I think maybe it was you, somebody was watching my daughter in the next room. And I just felt like I was like, she's being a problem. So just get off stage. Dude, that night, I'll never forget this because Delilah is the cutest, funniest kid on earth. She's so great.
Starting point is 00:50:20 Thank you. And I remember saying something to her because she was like putting herself in danger. She kept sliding. Yeah, she kept to her because she was like putting herself in danger. Yeah. She kept sliding down the booth and like almost like coming a hair from like, yeah, I got a nail sticking out of the floor. That was good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:33 You know, it's horrifying with kids because they just don't realize. And I told her, I was like, Delilah, please, like, you know, sit or whatever. And she goes, she took a bite of a mod stick and then put the rest out on my cheek like it was a cigar and then dragged it down my cheek and just goes, and like Jadakiss laughed in my face. It's just what it is. Yeah. Mike Cannon, guys, you got to go watch this special. It's dropping.
Starting point is 00:50:58 It's out now if you're listening to this. So go check it out. Mike is an absolutely hysterical comedian talking about like if you want to have fun and have a good time and you want to this. So go check it out. Mike is an absolutely hysterical comedian. I appreciate it. Talking about like if you want to have fun and have a good time and you want to laugh with whoever you're hanging out with, go watch Mike Cannon, dude. I mean, he's so
Starting point is 00:51:15 fun to watch and when I watch you, it's just a good time. I feel like I'm watching somebody who's like talented and fun. Having fun. Yeah. Which is nice. Which is rare. Very, you know, you're evocative, you're physical, you know, you're energetic. Yeah. And listen to his podcast.
Starting point is 00:51:33 Irish Goodbye Podcast. Irish Goodbye. All right. That's our episode, right? Thanks for having us. Thank you, Mike. Go get that special. What's it called?
Starting point is 00:51:40 Life Begins. Life Begins with Mike Cannon. ប្រូវាប់ប់ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប�

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