History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 150 - Ms Pat is WILD!

Episode Date: May 27, 2020

This week comedian Ms Pat (Netflix, Comedy Central) joins the Cuzzies to talk about starting comedy after prison and working as a dealer, plus she gives us a brief history of Crack and her upcoming projects!This week we're brought to you by Manscaped.com, go there now and use promo code HYENAS for 20% off and Free Shipping!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

Ой! What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas via Zoom, via international satellite, via Memorial Day. We got a very special guest today. Give it up, everybody, for Miss Pat. Hey. Hello, Miss Pat. How you doing? It's nice to see you. Giannis, I love that hat, baby. It looks great. You look legally retarded. Yeah, well, you know, that's the whole point. You know what I mean? I'm celebrating America. I'm eating ribs. I'm still hungover from yesterday.

And, you know, these colors don't run. Miss Pat, can I ask you, what did you do for Memorial Day in Indiana? How is it in that state? Really white. I just finished. I'm finishing my basement. I got to tell you, that theme music sound like I'm coming out music. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we thought you were the perfect guest to do just that. We're both the fathers of daughters. And so we're kind of just convinced now that we have gay sperm and our sperm can only, it's female sperm. So we came out of the closet. Yeah. Maybe you could answer the question.

I have gay sperm too. Yeah. You got daughters? She gay as hell. Really? She eat more than you do. Yeah, I'm fat right now. No, I'm talking other shit.

Oh, eats more box? Yeah. Pussy. Listen, we're just three fat gay $3 bills doing this podcast today. I like eating pussy, especially when it has no fumes. It might be day.

As long as it's fumes. Now, Miss Pat, let me ask you a question. Today, we're going to talk about the history of crack. Since the pandemic has been going on, I know you haven't sold crack in 30 years, but have you thought about selling crack since there's no live shows? Fuck no. You want me in jail? No.

Who the fuck smoked crack in 2020? I don't even know people who smoked crack. I think maybe people want to go old school and start smoking fucking crack again, doing quaaludes. Yeah, you know, hipsters love that old shit. They may start smoking crack just like they listen to vinyl. No, I know one person smoke crack. That's my sister. I don't even know where the fuck she get the crack.

I'm thinking maybe this bitch get the crack from Amazon. I don't know where she get the crack from. We'd love to get her on the podcast, too. She can bring her bong, whatever she wants to do. She can bring her fucking meth pipe. No, not meth pipe. You don't do meth. I don't know the drug lingo.

Maybe. I don't want my sister on no podcast. You don't want to see my sister. She look like Freddy Cool. I mean, every time I see her, she got the longest fucking toenails. I think she walk on her toenails like ballerina shit. Yeah. If she is, she's got to be one of the last crackheads.

They may want to put her in a museum or something. There are no crackheads around anymore. There's some crackheads. You just don't see them no more. They come out at night? Where are they? I think they like Walking Dead. I don't know.

When I see my sister, I just know she still smoke crack. And I'm like, where the fuck is you getting this shit from? Right, right. I noticed on your Instagram, you know, you got to do it yourself, Miss Pat. And you're building this beautiful basement out. And Giannis and I are the kind of guys that we don't know how to fix anything. That's why we're comedians we just don't know we really don't have much to offer a woman we don't know how to fix literally anything and you are like a construction worker so what's been your favorite part of building out your own basement so far um just the whole basement i did it like maybe eight years ago when i first bought the house

and so i walked down there one day and it was fucking filthy and i said everybody get the Just the whole basement. I did it like maybe eight years ago when I first bought the house. And so I walked down there one day and it was fucking filthy. And I said, everybody get the fuck out. And I just started painting. And they said I was putting out floors. And then I started bringing in other contractors to do shit I didn't want to do or shit I couldn't do. So about $35,000, $40,000 later, I got a new basement. See, you're the kind of woman I like.

You're a woman. You're a beautiful woman, but you got nice, rough hands like a man. You can slap me around a little bit. I like that in a woman. But fuck you. My hands ain't rough. Well, I thought they'd be rough for building shit. No, I'm black. You cocoa. She got normal hands. We just got real, real bitchy hands. That's all. Just a normal person.

We're useless. Yeah, I don't know how to fix anything. normal hands we just got real real bitchy hands that's all just a normal person we're just we're useless yeah i don't know i don't know how to fix anything so what you you want someone with rough hands with her hands on your penis are you yeah what he's basically saying is he want he wants a guy is what he's trying to say is he wants a guy but he's just he's inching towards it from the hands and then he's going to say broader shoulders then a little hair on her chest and then he's going to say broader shoulders, then a little hair on her chest, and then he just wants a dick. That's what it is. Why don't you just get a man with titties? Yeah. Hey!

That's what Giannis wants. Yeah. That's what you call a hybrid. That's what you call a hybrid vehicle. That's a hybrid, and those are the best for the environment. Yeah, or a Beyond Burger. Yeah, it's like a Beyond Burger. Like, you know, women is like a real burger,

and then a trans woman is like a Beyond Burger. It tastes almost exactly like that, but better for the environment. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't eat. I don't like my own vagina, so I don't really know the taste. Okay? What? Are you single, Miss Pat?

What the fuck? I've been married almost 30 years. I don't fucking know the rules. Chris, you got to do your Wikipedia research. She got 56 kids. No, I know she has eight kids, right? No, I have four

kids, and then I adopted four, and then I raised four, set up four before that, and then another set of four. Wow. And you're building a basement. When do you have time to do comedy? You're like a fucking hamster. Yeah. I don't know if the hamsters do all the shit I can do.

I ain't no fucking hamster with no hammer in their hand. Yeah, I've never seen a hamster put in a fucking backsplash. I have time. I mean, I'm supposed to be going to Nashville the first week of June. So, I mean, I'm a mother. I've been a mother since I was time. I mean, I'm going on. I'm supposed to be going to Nashville on the first week of June. So, I mean, I just I'm a mother. I've been a mother since I was 14. Just got to know how to balance it out. Right. Right. You know, you're going to risk the Rona going to Nashville. Yeah, I guess I'm ready to go back to work. Aren't you guys ready to go back to work? Yeah, it feels like it. Yeah, it feels like.

Well, we've been yelling on this podcast for two months that we think the coronavirus is made up by the Democrats. But, you know, it's tough. You got the wrong guess with that bullshit. Y'all don't fucking mind bringing me on tonight. The wrong is fake with the Democrats. First of all, I'm a big ass Democrat. Second of all, if you follow my fucking Instagram, you know my son just got over that bullshit. Oh, really?

Oh, y'all just called the motherfucker up. Let's call Miss Patty and see what the fuck she's doing. Yeah. My son works at a prison. And he works at a prison. He got, he caught Corona. Wow. And I went up to pick him up.

And when I got up there, he was laid out in a wheelchair and they was like, well, you need to take him home. I was like, I don't pick up hot black people. Is you fucking crazy? He got a fever. I'm not fucking with him. He can't walk. He fell out.

Fuck him. I was like, y'all better call 911. I don't give a fuck. I put that disinfectant wipe on his head and I was like, this nigga hot. I'm hot this bitch. that disinfectant wipe on his head. And I was like, this nigga hot.

I'm hot this bitch. They was grabbing that ambulance with them hazmat suits on. I was like, shit, fuck that shit. And they was like, don't even bother coming to the hospital. I said, you ain't got to worry. I ain't even going to follow the ambulance. I don't know if that shit. And he was in the hospital for about

four days. So he's okay now? Yeah, he's back to normal. He was quarantined for about three weeks. And he's in the hospital for about four days. So he's okay now? Yeah, he's back to normal. He was quarantined for about three weeks, and he's back to normal. The good part about it, he didn't come out of my house for two months in March. I said, stay the fuck away from my house, because I've seen you piss and not wash your hands,

and you're going to fuck around and get Corona on your dick, and you're going to come over here and piss that shit on my toilet, and it's going to go up my ass, and then my heart is going to stop beating. Right, and we can't have that. Yeah, that's where a lot of times Rona gets into the ass. Yeah.

But that's pretty good. But Miss Pat, that's pretty good. Out of 16 kids, only one got to Rona. That's pretty good. Well, he don't live with me, so damn good. I have six kids at the house, so he don't live with me. Okay. Damn good. What's better? I have six kids at the house, so he don't live with me. He's married with kids. Right, right.

Go home and get a grandkid's corona. They got a better immune system than me. Right, right. He's doing better, though. It's good to hear he's doing better. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we don't vote either way. I don't vote on principle, just because I feel like I'm a comedian.

It's part of my job description to make fun of both sides. But Chris is a hardcore Republican. He look like it, too. That's exactly what they look like. You ever been to a Trump rally? It's him. No, I never been. I'm a Republican, but I do have baby mamas.

So it's like I got a Puerto Rican baby mama. But I don't say I'm a Republican. I'm not a Republican, but I do have baby mamas. So it's like I got a Puerto Rican baby mama. But I don't say I'm a Republican. I'm not a Republican. But I do, sometimes I just think the Democrats, they push it a little too far. But I... Don't push it a little too far, Chris. I'll say this, though. Ms. Pratt, here you go.

I voted twice in presidential elections, and twice it was for a Democrat. It was Obama. Obama twice. Why are people telling you they voted for Obama? I don't give a fuck. I've been voting since Bill Clinton. Yeah. I would have voted for him, too.

Yeah, I think he was a little too young. I voted for Bill Clinton because he was cute and he was white. And Bob Don't looked like an ugly dick. Right. Right. I won't vote for something unless it's in a stories and I can just press yes or no if somebody puts it in a story. They gotta make it easier, don't you think?

I'm not standing in a fucking line at a converted library to push a button. Put that shit on my Instagram and I'll press yes or no. No, we really gonna have to get your Uncle Trump out of office, okay? I know. I'm probably not going to vote for him, but Miss Pat, baby, he's probably going to win again.

You got to admit, Miss Pat, he's doing a great job. Of what, killing us? I'm just trying to wind you up. I mean, I think he's doing a good job now. Some people think he's doing a good job. I don't know. I can't get past

how rude he is. He rude as fuck to everybody. I know. He is rude. He make you think that's what white man is about.

I know some nice white guys. Everybody don't act like Trump. Yeah, I'm a nice white guy. I don't know. The last time I was with you

You showed me your penis Did I? You didn't do that on occasion What did I do? Wasn't we on one of those Jim and Sam podcasts And you pulled out your dick No I didn't was it a picture? I think it was a picture

Yeah that was no Because it's a television remote In my sweatpants that it looks like a dick, but it was the TV remote. That thing was pearly white. No, no, no. It was a television remote. The one that I got in the gray sweatpants.

It was a remote white boy. I saw your little circumcised pink dick look like a mushroom. Did Jim and Sam take the picture out? Why the hell would I do that? I don don't know you was bragging about you was packed and i was like it's average right right yeah no i've always said i've always said i'm seven i'm about seven inches regular eight with warts hey you know how you make it bigger? You tie a string around it and then tie the other string to the door and just keep slamming the door, and it gives you more dig.

Okay, there you go. That's a smart way. I used to jerk it a little bit because I played basketball in the locker room. I would just go in the stall and jerk it a little bit to get it into a creeper so it looked a little half-meaty, and I pretended like that was my limp size. But I had to get dressed real quick before it went back down. It was like Cinderella returning before midnight. Yeah.

That's a good method. Just beat it against the wall a few times. Inflame it. I got a small penis is what I'm saying. I know. Well, you could tell. No. Ever been with a white guy?

Yes. That's one of the curses God gave you guys Yeah, the little ass dick The universe is balanced Have you ever been with a white guy? I jacked a white penis one time For some wrestling match tickets See, wrestling

I gotta start saying wrestling more I always say wrestling But I wanna start saying wrestling more i always say wrestling but i want to start saying wrestling i feel like that's i always trust people that say wrestling you know i'm wrestling i'm wrestling with my emotions today i'm just wrestling with them i like that better than wrestling i don't know how to say wrestling i say wrestling i used to go to the wrestling match wait miss pat let me ask you this. Have you been, like, you know, not lonely, but do you miss people? Like, do you miss friends in L.A. and New York or, like, you know, all those people that you haven't seen in a while?

I don't have any friends in L.A. and New York. I miss my friends in Atlanta, but, hey, we got Zoom and shit. I've been busy. I literally took my bra off in March. I have not put my bra back on, and I've been in my basement ever since. Building shit. Just building shit. Yeah.

I'm trying to go on comedy with no pants on. I mean, how many podcasts are we going to do in pajamas? It's time to get back to work. Yeah, I mean, I don't care. I mean, I want to go back to work, but I was telling my husband today, I think it's time I put on a bra. My fucking titties going to have feet by the time this shit is over. I mean, titty feet to 10 out of 10.

But let me ask you a question. Is your husband also, is he handy or are you the handy one in the relationship? No, my husband used to build houses. He works for Allison Transmission and Military Division now. But, yeah, he used to be very handy. He built houses for about 10 years. Okay. Okay.

So there you go. Because you have like a very normal life. Do you think that helps in comedy to have like a normal life? I mean, not a normal life. Obviously, I know your history, but I mean like husband, kids, family life. Do you think it helps comedy to like live,

you know, as normal people do with a family as opposed to always on the road and kind of waiting after shows for strangers to hook up with, drinking at the bar? I know you don't drink because your mom was an alcoholic. Do you think that helps? I think it do help a lot. It also helps with material too because, I mean, everybody pretty much go through the same shit.

So if I'm talking about something my kids, other people can relate no matter what color they are. So it helps a lot. And it keeps you, like I'm married, so if I get lonely, I just FaceTime him. Nine times out of ten if it's after six o'clock Indianapolis time, he gonna be asleep. So

I'm just gonna hear his ass snore. But at least I got somebody I can call. I don't want to fuck somebody random like Chris do. And then you don't remember her name, but how she got in your room. That's the old me, Miss Pat. I don't do that stuff anymore. Are you married now, Chris? You got three baby mamas. Yeah, I'm not married. I'm not married, but I am committed. I'll say that. I'm Chrissy Commitments now. So it's just, it's a lot less mental energy and anxiety this way. Y'all live together? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we are. Yeah, because quarantine. Yeah.

Oh, she only had a quarantine after the quarantine. Are y'all still gonna be in a committed relationship? Or this is shit. you need somebody else split the bills with because somebody you can't work right now nobody motherfuckers with them baby mommas yes are you committed are you just looking for a bitch to help you with the bills the second one he's definitely he's definitely not looking for help with the bills i can tell you that yeah yeah i i yeah i got i wish i had help with the bills I can tell you that Yeah, yeah I wish I had help with the bills I got a lot of hands in the pot I got sneaky fucking hands You got kids, Chris? I have one daughter, yep

I got a daughter, she's five I got a five-year-old little baby girl By the woman who you're with or by the Mexican lady? Well, the Mexican lady is the woman who I'm with, so it's one and the same. Yeah, I got... She's Puerto Rican. My daughter's half Puerto Rican. She's five years old now, so

it's a beautiful little thing. You're her mother. Yeah, we're together. Say again? You only got a baby mama if you left her. No, I don't. I don't. I got one. You're in a baby mama if you left her. No, I don't. I don't. I got one. You're in a relationship, nigga.

Yes, yes. I am. I am. I'd say I'm Christy Commitments more. I'm a relationship than the word you used. Yes. You're in a relationship, nigga. Ain't no baby mama. Baby mama knock your windows out your car and flat your tie and scratch pussy ass nigga on the side of your car.

That's what mamas do. Or throw a laptop out the window. Or throw one out the window. I am a relationship African-American. Yeah. Yeah. Don't leave the kids on your job while you're on your lunch break. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what, Ms. Pat? You know what I was looking forward to and it didn't happen is when you had a sitcom pilot and then I guess, did it not go or is it still in development? It went, it'll be announcing about three to four weeks. It just went, so I don't want to

say anything yet. It was at Hulu. It did not go at Hulu. So you can just say the public, we as the general public are going to see it. You're going to see it this time. Fuck yeah. I was just telling somebody, I said, this

project has been fucked by everybody in Hollywood. Yeah, because I remember it was 2000, what, 16, 17 sometime, and I was like, oh, I guess it didn't happen, but I'm happy to hear that it's going to happen. It's going to happen. Yeah, I went through Fox a couple times and Hulu and finally found a home. Good, good.

Oh, shit. It's just, hey, it's work. I tell people all the time, they're like, oh, you got this. I say, bitch, it's work. Do you have to go to L.A. to do it? Do you have to move out there? It's between L.A. and Atlanta where we shoot. Nice. Fuck yeah. Why did you choose Indy? Why did have to move out there? It's between LA and Atlanta where we shoot. Nice.

Fuck yeah. Why did you guys choose Indy? Is he from Indy, your husband? We're from Atlanta. My husband works for General Motors, and he had been on his job quite a few years when they closed in Atlanta, so we came here for healthcare.

Very nice. Indianapolis is a great place to live. It's got a good cost of living there. You can is a great, it's a great, great place to live. It's got a good cost of living there. You can get nice space, but they are, they are a couple of times. I went to Indianapolis. They are still,

there's a little racist. There's, there's, there's racism is relatively prevalent in that city. Oh, I think racism is prevalent everywhere, Chris, but,

Oh, that's right. Yeah. I forgot. I'm a dumb white fuck. I forgot about my privilege. Sorry. I don't have any problem, but I think you got, I would say this, every state has stupid people.

Sure. They're a little, I would say Indianapolis is a little slower. Like, to me, they divide it. Like, where I live at is all white. Like, in Atlanta, they don't give a fuck who you live next though too can you pay your mortgage it's a problem right right a lot of diversity in certain areas in indiana right do you prefer that kind of southern racism where they hide it and they're polite or do you like that new york brash racism what's your if you were to pick one which ones do you like better i don't like any fucking racism. Which one's worse? I don't think people look at New Yorkers as being racist. They just look at them as being rude assholes.

That's true. Because it's very hard to be racist in New York because the group, whoever you hate, you're going to see them on the subway in five minutes. So it's easier in certain places to be racist because you may not see that group you dislike for a long time. But in New York, it's like it's easier at certain places to be racist because you may not see that group you dislike for a long time. But in New York, it's like, it's somebody's friend or somebody, you know,

from another race married into the family or you work with them. So it's like who you, there's nobody to hate. For the most part, New Yorkers just hate people that aren't from New York. Because as you said, you know, when you start acting, when people start acting extremely nice to New Yorkers, we get very, very scared because we're like, what does this fucker want from me? Why is he being so nice? Oh, yeah. You can't even speak to a New Yorker. I fucking, I hate New York.

Thank you. I was on a subway one time. I saw a rat get on the subway and I'm screaming. Everybody like, bitch, he paid his fare. Yeah. I see this big ass rat on this train. Yeah, I know. I mean, like, he going to work, too, bitch. Yeah.

Was he Chinese, or what do you mean? Was the rat Chinese? No. I'm kidding. It was a corona joke. You're going to get your ass kicked for that one. I don't know what nationality he was. I was just kidding.

Wei Shan Xian. Wei Shan Xian. The way he was walking me with his briefcase, I assume he was a white man. Yeah, there you go. He wasn't kneeling down with flip-flops smoking a cigarette? No, he was cool as fuck.

Came in and got in the seating and looked at his watch and put on his headphones. Yeah. He could have been black if he had headphones on. Shut the fuck up. Chris got on headphones right now, nigga. What you talking about? No, but I mean, you know, those are white headphones. Black headphones

come this way, and they cover your whole ears. No, you... Headphones is what you can afford. I have those, and I have the big ones. So you all confused. You gotta go buy you some Italian pussy. Yeah! on your pussy. Yeah. Will your girlfriend

hurt you, Chris? Say again? Will she beat you up? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's why I box. That's why I've been training because I got

caught a couple of times so now I know how to duck and roll to get out of the hands. Oh, yeah. Mexican, Puerto Rican and black women are all the same people.

And she's lefty so it's coming from a different angle. Oh, yeah. I Mexican Puerto Ricans and black women are all the same people. And she's lefty, so it's coming from a different angle. Oh, yeah. I imagine she's going to beat your ass, and that kid is going to grow up and beat your ass, too. Oh, yeah. They already both do. What can you do? You know? I love it.

Hey. Yeah. My wife is Sicilian. They're pretty rough, too. She's Sicilian and Greek. They're pretty emotional, too. Can she cook? No, not really. cook no not really she's

not really yeah i mean because she's gonna see this doesn't she i know but she's here somewhere and i don't yeah i mean i wanted to answer honestly because i'm an honest you know they call me honest you don't know how to use season huh she don't put any seasoning on her food she's not she's learning she's learning it's getting better it's getting your girl cook chris yeah she she can she she can she's vegan yeah she can she can she's vegan yeah my kid's mom's puerto rican uh a vegan but she knows she can cook she'll cook anything like she cooks vegan stuff but for the most part she's cooked she can cook she'll cook anything like she cooks vegan stuff but for the most part she's cooked she can cook anything she makes really good pasta really good meats you know she's actually a really good cook yeah i can't cook at all my daughter cook your daughter cooks yes my daughter yeah

i um yeah i to be honest with you yeah lately it's just been i've been eating a lot of plants they call me plant-based chrissy, PBC, but I need that meat, Miss Pat. I need to get that meat, and I don't care how I get it. I need meat in my mouth ASAP. What the fuck you tell me for? You want to eat me? Yeah. I want your daughter to cook for me. You eat me, you be

sucking dick tomorrow, Chris. I'm sucking dick today. I'm on plants. You don't want to eat me. I'm over 40. My shit look like your grandma. What are you doing today, Ms. Pat? After the podcast, are you going to go build out your basement?

Yeah, I got to do a few things downstairs. I got to finish painting, touching up some shit, and I'm getting ready to start another project because I'm done with my basement. Oh, so what's next? I think I'm going to do a bathroom next. If I have enough time. If I don't go back to work.

If I go back to work, I don't have time. Plus, my house is not that old. My house is about eight years old. It looks beautiful from your Instagram pictures. Thank you. Thank you. I work really hard. Yeah.

Yeah. I did work really hard. I know. Thank you. Thank you. I work really hard. Yeah. I did work really hard. I know. I know. The way you said it was just very nice and sweet. I work really hard. I just like the way you say it. My basement is 2,600 square feet and I painted it all except two rooms. I painted the whole fucking basement.

That's a big ass basement. You can have a wrestling match in there. Yeah, you could have a wrestling match in there. You know, it's funny. When we hear, being from New York, when we hear 2,600 square feet, like, that, you know, because we're all in, like, 900-square-foot apartments that cost $5 million. So it sounds like you're in a mansion. But you're just probably, like, a really nice house in Indy, right? I'm in a really nice house in Indy.

I'm not in a fucking mansion. Your basement, 2,600 square foot basement, that'd be about, honestly, that's like $8,000 a month in New York City just for your basement, to rent out your basement. Really? Yeah, dude. But I think because of the pandemic and all this stuff,

I think that prices are going to have to change here because nobody can afford this anymore. It's completely outrageous. I mean, you make a million dollars a year in New York, you're middle to lower middle class. Damn. Shouldn't you be moving? I should be.

Yeah. I got a house now, but I got out. Chris is still there. I got out right before the Rona. Right before the R moving? I should be. Yeah. I got a house now, but I got out. Chris is still there. I got out right before the Rona. Right before the Rona hit, I split. The timing, it almost looked like I was in on the virus and then I left. Like I knew something and left. Yeah. He got tipped off. Yeah.

Where are you now? I'm outside of New York. Me and my wife got a little spot. Who the fuck is you talking about? I thought you went to LA or some shit. No, just outside New York. You're like, I'm out this bitch. I thought you was in Alabama or some shit. No, you're right. I'm only an hour away from

the blast zone. But still, going an hour away, I mean, the property value is great. Everything's great. I'm still in the heart of it. I'm in Brooklyn. I'm still in the fucking middle of the war zone. But what can you do, you know? The thing is, yeah, I'm a New York City kid. We're two stupid New York City kids.

Okay. Let me ask you this. How do you see the South? I like the South. Did you see the Central Park video? Did you see the Karen video, the new one, the dog one? You know what? They should lock that bitch up for lying and choking that dog out.

I agree. I think white women are problematic. Huh? White women are problematic. They're always putting it on straight white men. But what about these bitches? You can't say that. You gotta say, what about them cunts? They hate that word, cunt.

What about these twats? She said, I'm gonna scream and say a black man. I'm like, bitch, do you not realize this man is videotaping you? She just apologized, too. You know what I hate? I hate when white people be racist and they turn around and apologize. Stand by your racism. Don't apologize, bitch.

Don't nobody believe you. We just saw who you really was. I agree. And her saying she tried to disguise it by saying African-American. It's like, we know, shut up, with the politically correct term. We know how you feel about black people. Say again?

Did she say black man? She said African- American. So she thinks because she's being PC that it's not racist. It's like, I could see right through it. Yeah, they should lock that shit up being PC that it's not racist. It's like I could see right through it. Yeah, that's why I kept choking that dog out too. Yeah. But do you think a lot of progressive people were at least

happy that she used the proper African American? No. Who said that was a proper? The proper is my name. Right, exactly. I'm not trying to say white people. Right. Nobody say nobody. Look how good black

people are. We don't even say white women. We give you a name. Karen. That's it. We don't even call you white people. White bitch. We don't say cunt. We say Karen. Karen. I was shocked when I figured out Karen was a word for nigga for white bitch. We don't say cunt. We say Karen. Karen. I was shocked when I figured out Karen was

a word for nigga for white women. But that's what they did. You don't get these bitches. They bagels on time and they Starbucks and they yoga pants. I'm like, can you suck some dick and get a nanny and come to fuck down? Exactly. What is she so

upset about? You think she had, she probably like, do you think, what was, she probably was having a bad day, something else happened. Like her dad, you know,

she wanted to have the pony ready to ride when she got to Connecticut later and he said the pony's not available and she displaced her anger on him. He wanted to bird watch. Can we talk about how much of a geek he is?

Who? The black man? Yeah, yeah. Bird watcher. He went to you know you know what made me laugh when they showed a picture of the black man. I was like, dude you couldn't put no white eye on one

of your tooth. Your tooth browned in a month. That's what made me sit at a Karen. She wasn't saying, she wasn't calling him African American. She was saying that one lonely brown tooth that looked like it had been soaking in some coffee.

I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? How the fuck you go to Harvard and you got one killer tooth in your mouth looking like motherfucking Jason? Yes. Did you not see that brown tooth? I saw it. brown tooth i saw it yeah i saw it it had already died i'm like i

know you got a good job if you went to harvard what the fuck is wrong with your tooth it's so funny i know now this what this woman's lost her job i mean social media it's it's just it's the fucking new prison system now. Yeah. What did the bitch work at? I don't know. Some insurance company or fucking dad owned. Some white shit. I just love social media. Oh, it just really show you the really racist in people.

Oh, my God. Calm the fuck down, people. I know. We're going to be all right. Yeah. White people mad because they can't get no haircut And go to the beaches Well shit how you think other people feel

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kayao. Exactly. We've been quarantined. Yeah. Yeah. You got a little bit more of a reason to be mad than her. The sun come out of my neighborhood and my fucking neighbors lose their mind. They run in the street like it's fucking freak neek

and 85 in Atlanta with their titties hanging out. White people is some sun chasing motherfuckers. They don't give a fuck what, they be all on the sidewalk with baby blankets tan and I'm like, oh, can you get the fuck up? Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Yeah.

We do chase the sun around clouds wherever, you know, like we'll just see where the clouds aren't and we'll just drive to wherever there's

an open space. Oh, I'm sorry. This is my manager. Hold on. What happened? No, I just had some

stuff I'm working on. I just told him hold the fuck up. Yeah. So it is amazing that you, you have, you amazing that you have the jokes that can relate to other people who have families, but then you have this other life, obviously, that everybody knows about and listens to Rogan and all these other big programs you've been on,

talking about where you sold crack. We are the history hyenas, so we did delve a little bit into the history of crack as well. When did you start selling crack, and how was it? What was it like? My daughter was born in 86. So I probably started around 88. I started selling crack at 88 when I was about 15, 16, something like that. Yeah. I remember I'm old enough to remember the crack era. Chris is younger than me. I

was born in 75. So I remember it was probably like around 85 to 90, right? That was the heart of it. Yeah. I sold crack for about probably seven, eight years until I met my husband. I went to prison and had some other fucking problems. But selling crack was like selling fucking bean pies. You know, black people went from selling bean pies on the corner with a fruit basket to selling crack. Let me ask you this. It was really crack when money was good. In women's prison, do you think it's as bad as men's prison, if you have to guess? Was women's prison pretty bad?

How the hell are you going to ask me? I'm a girl. I've never been to a man's prison. No, that's why I said, I said if you had to guess. You think it was pretty bad, women's prison? I think they're all about the same. They all give you the same bologna sandwiches. The difference is ain't nobody rubbing no dick in your ass, maybe.

But you had dildos and stuff, right? You could make a dildo out of something. There ain't no dildos in no jail. Huh? There ain't no dildos in no jail. If you getting raped, a bitch is eating you out. And nobody wanted to eat me because I didn't ever comb my hair. Your hair up here or your hair down there?

All the hairs. There it is. Full bush. Full bush. There's no bush with a black woman. We call it a Jackson 5 afro, Chris. There you go. What a great band.

I was watching an interview with Freeway Rick Ross, and he said that crack was so much better to sell because cocaine, first of all, obviously more expensive, but at that time, 80s, there was so much cocaine

that the price dropped. But anyway, cocaine would make your nose bleed eventually and you had to stop, whereas crack, you could just smoke it until you became, like you said, a skinny little way for a run out of money well cocaine uh i used to know this white guy that used to fix cars and he did he did every damn thing but cocaine was his

main drugs and it ate his whole bone here so his nose fell into his face so that's on the profits because he can only snort so much coke Whereas crack You could just If you could go steal a VCR You could get some more crack Yeah You know Crack is just like

Smoking weed You can smoke it And you know I was telling somebody I've never heard of Nobody OD'ing on crack Have you? No

That's what Rick Roth Was saying too He's like Nobody OD's on crack They just I guess you get skinny though It is a good diet plan You said right?

Back in the day But I the crackhead is now fat. My sister's still fat. I don't know what the fuck she smoked. I guess her crack come with chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, what happened? What happened to all the crackheads? Did they get gentrified by the crystal meth heads? No, most of them got off drugs and got their shit together.

Right. We got a meth problem now. It's a big meth problem. Yeah, I don't know anything about that. Black people ain't gonna do much fuck with shit. They're gonna make their teeth fall out. No. Let me ask you this. Do you think that we should have probably be

like in the United States, should we be more like Portugal where they just allow all drug use to be legal and then they just get the people that need problems, just get them help? No. You think it should be illegal? I don't think shit like cocaine and crack should be legal, no. I mean, that's hard drugs.

Right, right. You know what I mean? I don't think, like, be honest. I've never seen a person commit a crime on weed. You let weed make you feel good. You lay back. You chill. I ain't never seen a motherfucker break

Nobody wonder when they high on weed Cocaine crack all that shit make you act Like a fool Fucking bath salts I used to tell when I was little They had heroin in my neighborhood And this guy black guy used to Shoot heroin and every time he shoot it

He was getting butt ass naked And screamed get the Get the rat out of my ass And I didn't know any better He used to shoot heroin. And every time he'd shoot it, he would get butt-ass naked and scream, get the rat out of my ass. And I didn't know any better. I probably was – I was pregnant with my first daughter. I was 13. And I'm out there licking up his ass. I'm like, J-Bad, ain't no rat in your ass. And everybody's like, what the fuck are you doing?

He do that when he get high. Maybe it wasn't a rat. Maybe it was a G joe because yannis and i as children used to independently stick gi joes up our ass and then we talked about that on the podcast and we had a lot of guys writing into the show saying that they also would stick the gi joe in the ass so maybe it was the gi joe no no black can handle gi joe believe me he thought a rat was in his ass the way he had his ass asshole spread out like a pussy, about to have a baby out of it, and I'm looking up his asshole, and I'm like,

there's no rat in your ass, J-Bal. Right. You know what was crazy? He was a fucking engineer. Shit. Right. Yes. Smart guy. He was an engineer. But every time he'd shot heroin, he would be a fucking fool, butt-ass naked. Is he alive still?

I don't know. I don't know where any other crackhead is at anymore. Oh. It's amazing the journey that crack took from the original. Like, the Incans used to use the coca leaf, and they would use it, they would chew on it to get their heart rate up, because they were in the mountains, and the air was thinner,

or just to, like, use it as, like, a stimulant. And then it took, it was a German, it was actually a German chemist, Albert Nieman, who isolated the cocaine in the leaves in 1859. That was the beginning of cocaine. Sigmund Freud used to prescribe it. It became medical. It was in Coca-Cola till 1902.

And then it hit the streets of Los Angeles. When did it get out of Coca-Cola? It was in Coca-Cola cocaine. That's why it's called Coca-Cola because they had cocaine in it until about 1902, I think. Because we thought cocaine was still in it in 2000. I mean, not in 2000, 85, 83,

82. We thought cocaine was still in the Coca-Cola. It probably is. Yeah, these big conglomerate companies lie. It probably is. We don't know. I've never done any drugs. Am I a pussy-ass

bitch boy for that, Miss Pat? No, I've done any drugs either. I've smoked a little weed, but no, you're not a pussy. Do you drink alcohol? Once in a while, I'll have a margarita or something like that, but not really. Once in a while? Are you kidding me? It's been the quarantine. You've been moving vegetables every day, drinking fucking brews.

Yeah, I was trying to skip by. Yeah, I've developed a full-blown fucking alcohol problem. Since I've been in quarantine, I've been waking up with a fucking Sam Adams in my hand. So, yeah, I have been drinking a little bit. Oh, we all need to drink a little bit. But, no, you're not a pussy ass because you don't do drugs. All right. You like your body.

I've known you for quite a few years and you care about what you look like. You ain't like me to just swallow hamburgers and shit. No, but you know what though? I've said it many times in this podcast is I'm a real letdown. When I take my shirt off, I'm doughy. I got bitch tits. I really would rather at this point just go all

the way fat or just get fucking ripped because the let down i'm an in-betweener so it's tough it's just a letdown when the shirt comes off well do it with the dark on and then you can still feel like you're somebody true and i bust out my remote control dick yeah do you leave your shirt on chris when you fuck um uh no i take it off i usually i'll take my shirt off um i have been the guy who's once in a while Went in the pool with the shirt on But, you know, what can you do?

Did she scratch your back up? Huh? Did she scratch your back up? Um, no No, not really Not really One time though, I was with a woman and she scratched my back so hard She ripped a mole off Chris, you should always say they scratch your back up why what's what's what

should i what's the reason just means you're good bet chris oh yeah no i'm not though i i could just i'll just admit that i'm not because i just i'm kind of never really in the moment i'm trying it's very hard for me to be in the present so i'm'm kind of just, you know, I'm a one and done. Usually a woman would come, you don't want to want to hook up. And then you never, I never see them again. They just like,

Adam, you know, I'm over him. Damn. I know it sucks, but what can you do? Well, what the hell kept the Puerto Rican around?

Is she illegal? Um, yeah, she might be. She has her ways. I'm just asking. Cause everybody else left you and and she stayed, and you know, she's not white, so I'm just trying to make sure you know. I guess because we have a kid. Oh, okay.

That's probably what it is. Well, them ankle babies will save you too, Chris. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I want to do that more. Mm-hmm. How old are you now? 30, I'm 35. I'm going to be 36 in a couple of months. I want to do that more How old are you now?

30, I'm 35 I'm going to be 36 in a couple of months Well you should go ahead and marry her I'm quite sure she'd want to be married Maybe I will Miss Pat Maybe I fucking will And then we're going to come over to your house And your daughter will cook for us Don't bring her around a gay one

You might not get married I think she's gay too to be honest with you I'm not so sure she's straight So that's probably why she Don't bring around a gay when you might not get married. You know, I think she's gay too, to be honest with you. I think they're, I'm not so sure she's straight. So that's probably why she doesn't want to get married. Cause I don't know. She's, she's a little gay herself. My daughter's kind of gay too, but what can you do? How can you tell Chris? It just, you're just vibes. You know, I just, cause I just feel.

She gets excited when Democrats are on the TV. Is that how you know? That's how I know. That's exactly how I know. That's science. I don't know if you heard that. I assume Donald Trump turned you on, and Melania Trump or whatever that bitch's name is, really makes you happy. Be best, Paul.

Be best. I'm not convinced that Melania Trump is not an AI sex robot. She could be. She could be. She could be, no? Like that. Yeah, I mean, if she's not, that's exactly how they're going to look when they make them. Somebody will pay $10,000 for that robot. Yeah.

Would you fuck Donald Trump for $500 million? Who? You. Sir, I wouldn't fuck you for $5,000. Well, I know that. But how about $500 million? Who? You. Sir, I wouldn't fuck you for $5,000. Well, I know that. But how about $500 million? Nah. Chris, would you?

For what? Would you fuck Donald Trump for $500 million? Dude, I'd fuck him to get four more years in the White House. I gotta get the fuck out of this podcast. You white boys don't lost y'all motherfucking money. The reason I've been telling about no motherfucking keep it down and trumping no wire, you think somebody happy about that shitty ass $1,200 stimulus check? I'm kidding.

I'm just kidding. Oh, I was about to say, because I didn't get a stimulus check. Did you get one? No. Good. That means you're making money. I didn't get one. They should have gave me $1,200. I worked my ass off.

They should have. No, but you're making too much money. I ain't making shit. I need them $1,200. Hey, George Bush didn't give a fuck what I was making. I got that cell made in five. He gave me. It's true.

Yeah, we got to call fucking Washington up on the phone and see what's going on. Are you going to vote for Joe Biden? Do you like Joe Biden as the Democratic nominee? Well, they gave us two rapists. You vote for the least rapist. Right, the least rapey, right. If you could have your pick, who would you want to represent at the Democrats? Who did I like?

I like Bernie a little bit. Okay. I like that, what was that Korean guy? Oh, Andrew Yang. Well, yeah, it's very interesting now that nobody hears from Andrew Yang after the coronavirus is sweeping the globe. Now Andrew Yang's gone missing, so that's interesting. So has Bobby Lee.

His podcast has been at MIA, so that's interesting. So has Bobby Lee. His podcast has been at MIA, so very curious. What happened to Bobby Lee? No, we're kidding. We're just kidding. We're just joking. Oh, shit. Sometimes Miss Pat doesn't get that we're joking. She's like, these fucking racist Trump supporters. We're just kidding, Miss Pat.

I expect Andrew Yang to hide. He's Chinese, and they think they gave us the virus. They don't think. I mean, we and they think they gave us the virus. Oh, they don't think. I mean, we know. They didn't give us shit. Ain't nobody eating no goddamn back suit. Right. So do you think

it's from the 5G cell phone towers? What do you think it's coming from? Or Nancy Pelosi. Which one? You're going to leave Nancy Pelosi alone. I think Nancy Pelosi have died, and they're going to put a battery pack in her back. Yeah, she's an old bitch. Probably. Yeah, she's old. Her mouth dropped.

I was like, ah. I'm like, pick your mouth up, bitch. Sometimes she look like she having a stroke on TV. Her eyes are so far apart. I be like, who the fuck did your plastic surgery and made you a weight 24-7? I know. You could be right. I think she's over 80. She's over

80. Why would you want to continue to work over 80? I don't know. A check. Not for the ones behind you. That's why. I mean, what the fuck do they do? Wouldn't you like to have a job where you can go argue with people, play like you argue with people, do you over their house

at night drinking? That's what they do, right? You think that's what they do, right? It's all professional wrestling, no? I wouldn't be surprised if Donald Trump or her be trying to fuck sometimes, but shit just don't get wet and get hard in that situation, so they just spoon the shit out of each other. I agree.

Yeah. I wouldn't doubt it each other. I agree. Yeah. I wouldn't doubt it at all. They're all friends. Where's my purse, y'all? Where's her purse? I gotta pay somebody. Where's my purse? Tell her here I come.

I hear you. What happened? Oh, you got a delivery? No, I have to pay my cleaning lady. I have to pay her. Okay. You can't tell me things aren't going good if you got my cleaning lady. I have to pay her. Okay. You can't tell me things aren't going good if you got a cleaning lady. No.

I don't have a cleaning lady. You ever heard of Groupon? No. I'm going to check out Groupon. Yeah. They have anything you want. Blow-up dolls, cleaning people, any fucking thing you want. Where are my pocketbooks?

Can you open it? See? Now, you're hilarious, obviously. You're very funny, naturally very funny. Did you ever, ever, ever consider doing comedy before you found out

about it when you moved? Or were you just the funniest crack dealer in Atlanta? Hey, ask her what I over. Ask her what I over. I'm sorry, guys. Does your cleaning lady speak English or no? Yeah, she speaks English.

That's rare. Well, Chris is familiar how to speak. He can speak Spanglish. Chris can speak broken English. He can speak to her if you want. Yeah. Yeah. What did you ask me?

I asked you, were you, did you ever consider doing comedy? Like, did you ever think about it while you were doing it? Did you know about it at all? Or were you just the funniest crack dealer in Atlanta? Because you're very funny. I just talk shit. And I didn't do comedy straight out the crack. I actually did.

Thank you. Until I call it tomorrow. I actually thank you. I actually started when I moved. I got married and I moved in a middle class neighborhood and I would talk shit around these uppity middle class black people. I would say the shit that they wish they could say. Like my son used to play literally baseball. And I would yell, coach, your son suck, nigga. You know your son suck.

Put my son out there. But everybody knew the fucking coach's son suck. But, you know, of course, the coach going to play his child. So the parents just started to come to me and wanted to hear me talk because I would say all the shit that they wouldn't say. Right. Honestly. You weren't aware that you were funny really until then. Is that when you were aware you were funny? No. I was wouldn't say. Right. So you weren't aware that you were funny, really, till then. Is that when you

were aware you were funny? No, I was just being me. Yeah. I have no doubt that I'm gonna kiss my ass from the side. Yeah, you could tell you're my favorite kind of comedian, because it's like, when you listen to you do stand-up, it's just like you're just talking and being funny every

five seconds, as opposed to, this is a joke, that's a joke. It's just you just nonstop laughter. So it's always a very good live show with you. Well, thank you, Chris. You too. I appreciate that. You fucking liar. I ain't got a lot of you.

You think I'm scared of you? No. You're a Puerto Rican baby mama ass. Oh, that'd be good. See, that's something I'd pay. I'd pay whatever it is a month to watch that go down. I ain't fucking with them Puerto Ricans. See, anybody cut my throat and go to Walmart on me,

and I realize 30 minutes later my throat cut. I wish we had a Walmart. You need to get the fuck out of New York then. You ain't got shit. Well, I'm coming to Indianapolis. When? You coming to play helium I was supposed to uh last month but you know it got canceled but they put it back on the books

for 2021 so okay okay but you're gonna be in Atlanta LA making your big show yes I hope if everything works out I will be in Atlanta LA doing the show I mean it's one of those things if TV or television or whatever service you're going to put the show on, doesn't think that your show with your story and how funny you are is going to be good for the masses. They're fucking stupid. I can't see how it couldn't go. Well, you know,

the people who dropped it, I just don't think they understood it. I don't think they understood what we were trying to represent in black America and just America. A know, a lot of times when you black people won't say, this is a black family. But even with my comedy, my comedy is not just black. I mean, my

audience base is white people. Black people just learn to me when I fucking did the Breakfast Club. They're like, oh my god, where the fuck you been? I'm like, I've been here a way. No, you motherfuckers will catch on to me. Right, right. My audience for the last 12, probably 12 years, no, I've been here 15 years, 14 years,

has been white people. Sure. So I don't do black and white jokes. I do jokes about real shit, life, and just situations. Because no matter what, we all go through the same shit, like I said earlier. Yeah, that gets everybody. You got it.

You got the masses. That's why I think the show's gonna be great. Yeah. And the pilot is really funny. And the pilot is about school shooting, so who the fuck can make school shooting funny? Only Miss Pat. School shooting, that's some white shit, though, no? I mean, your comedy

may be for everybody, but school shooting, that's exclusively for white kids. Well, that's what we do to shoot. The good thing about black people, we just shoot the person we want. We don't shoot innocent motherfuckers. At least we try not to. And one of the reasons is, and you've heard this a million times, bullets

are not cheap. Right. No, they're not cheap. It's very, very, it makes a lot of sense. Who you want to get, you ain't in the school just going out in the cafeteria shooting everybody. That's just, that costs you better. Look at this. You got a show.

You got it. Your house is freaking going to be squeaky clean. You can't lose. You got a new basement. You're killing it. I'm doing okay. I'm not complaining. I'm ready to go back to work.

Yeah. Well, you're going to go to Zany's in June. I'm going to Zany's the first week of June if everything works out right and nothing gets canceled. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do because I haven't been on stage in four months. I know. We're all going to learn.

I'm going to work your routine. I've been listening to my routine, and I'm like, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I don't know if I can do it. I think that once you get back on stage, it'll just click in. That's what I think is going to happen I've heard some other comedians talk about

How they start to go on headlines and it just clicks in I hope so I'm hoping so because that'll be my first time Headlining since March Yeah alright So I'm looking forward to it And make sure if you guys are listening Check out my podcast

The Pat Down There you go Check out all her videos on if you guys are listening out there, check out my podcast, The Pat Down. There you go. The Pat Down. Check out all her videos on YouTube. Check out her appearances on all the podcasts, like Rogan and all the other ones, Breakfast Club. I've been looking at your videos. You're so funny. You're so nice. Thanks for coming on.

We didn't talk too much about the history of crack because we just had too much fun. That's right. There you go. And you know what? Maybe Yanni and I will do a little bonus on crack. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. That's our crack. That's the History of Hyena's crack. We have

a good time there. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys and historyofhyenas.com We got a lot of new merch out there. Yeah, maybe we'll do crack for the Patreon. Let's do crack on the Patreon. Yeah's do crack on the Patreon. Yeah. Knock yourself out.

I don't need that. I'm going to stick to Jenny Craig. And wait, Miss Pat, what are the exact dates that people can come see you at Zany's in Nashville? June 2nd and 3rd. There you go. Don't miss it. It's hilarious. Don't miss it. Don't miss it.

Thank you, guys. Thank you, Miss Pat. Bye-bye, baby. I mean, Miss Pat, she's wild, though. That was a lot of fun. That was a real lot of fun. I mean, you know what's fun about this era right now is we're all just doing these shows on Zoom. You know, I was eating ribs when we got on the phone with her.

I still had on my American cowboy hat on from being hungover. I mean, you got people running around. She was paying her cleaning lady. And we were going to do an episode on crack, but you what miss pat is so funny we only really touched upon crack yeah i mean this whole podcast is on crack and that's why i love it and we're going to start giving uh if you guys listen after this episode we're going to put our morning show that we've been doing uh every day at patreon.com slash bay ridge boys called wepa in the morning we're going to give you guys a little preview of that so listen to wepa in the morning. We're going to give you guys a little preview of that. So listen to WEPA in the morning after this episode.

And it's just fun. I mean, because we can't be stopped. We're the Baby Ridge Boys, the history hyenas. And I mean, we're on crack ourselves. I mean, Miss Pat, even though she said she hasn't done crack in 30, I've never done crack. I want to buy crack from Miss Pat. Right.

Hold on. Brittany, you got to close the dog up. You got to stop. I mean, that dog is just going wild. Who knows? We're on long island maybe there's somebody on the property yeah who's on the property because make no mistake britney's dad is out there no shirt on and a shotgun here's the thing i grew up in the crack era i remember you kind of missed it but it was like there was a time from like 84 85 to like 90 where it was

like walking dead man And everywhere you looked all over the streets of New York City, New York City and Los Angeles would probably hit the worst, but all the major urban areas got hit, which now it's opposite. Meths is in the suburban areas and in the rural areas. But everywhere you look, there was little crack files everywhere and people were out for your toaster. Crackheads would steal a sneaker and figure out a way to make money. They were really innovative business people. Yeah. Crack is crazy.

Vanity, do you ever see, like, when you walk through your times at Central Park, do you ever see anybody doing crack on a rock at Central Park? Or is it gone? Is it gone now? I haven't seen it in a minute. Yeah. You missed it. You're too young for crack.

I mean, crack is- She's way too young. Yeah. No, I grew up in New York. You're too young for crack. She's way too young. Yeah. No, I grew up in New York. You saw some shit. Yeah. You know what's interesting about crack is that there is a conspiracy, which I do give some credence to, that, like, during the time,

if you were caught with crack, it was such an epidemic. I get that. But during the time you were caught with crack, the sentence for you was, like, ten times as bad if you got caught with cocaine. And, obviously, crack became a problem in minority neighborhoods. Whereas cocaine, I mean, white kids love the yayo.

I mean, I think what white people love the most is boats, boat shoes, and yayo. Yeah. A little yayo, yayo. Yeah.

I love the who has. Bob's. I got to start doing Coke. I mean, I just think it's time now i'm gonna be 36 why not start doing blow now i feel like so many people i know that do blow they love it i mean blow is like a really kind of chic kind of white models do it it's good for like get your heart rate up and be skinny and uh but at the time you know there's you know the private the the

prison industry is private in a lot of ways. So there's this conspiracy that like crack, you know, they started arresting people with these long sentences to fill the prison industry, which is private. And that's how they, you know, do a lot of free labor. And it's like, it's an interesting thing because, yeah, white people weren't going to jail for coke. But if you got caught with a little tiny crack rock, you were going away for a long time.

There's people still in jail, you know, 25 years later that have sold a little bit of crack and there's guys that have killed their whole, white guys that have killed their whole families that got five years in prison,

you know? Exactly. It's not really, it's like, it's fucked up. Yeah, because they're victimless crimes in a lot of ways.

I mean, victimless in the sense that people choose to smoke crack, you know? It's like, you know, the only victim is the person who's,

you know, doing the drugs, like, it would be better to get them helped and throw them in jail. And it's really, they're, the families of the victims, I mean, they're, I mean, I know it's's, you know, doing the drugs like able to get them helped and throw them in jail. And it's really the families of the victims. I mean, they're, I mean, I know it's addictive, but ultimately they are

choosing to smoke crack. I mean, nobody's putting a gun to their head and saying, come buy crack. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. Oh, yeah. No, 100% Bubbies, but, you know, I don't know. I think there has to be some members of our Patreon, some members of the matriarchy who have done crack. So I want anybody

who's done crack, go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys right now and go right in the community board and tell us how fun it was that one time you did crack. Yeah, I mean, crack must really be good if you were going to climb through someone's window like Spider-Man and steal a toaster just to get five bucks. It was cheap

and I watched a video on cooking it. You didn't have to be Breaking Bad. You didn't have to be whatever his name was from Breaking Bad, Yanni Alzheimer's, to a chemist. You didn't have to be a chemist to make it. Anyone could make it. It was really like the people's drug, man, because all you needed was like a kitchen.

You boil some crack, throw in some baby powder or whatever, baking soda, and boom, you cooked up the crack rocks. Most of the drugs, I don't even think cocaine's white. I think they just pour baking soda in there and people just snort it. People are fucking stupid. Yeah, cuz make no mistake, if you were like a real cocaine,

you would be snorting your kid's baby powder. Yeah, you know, they do mix baby powder or sometimes they mix, they definitely mix baking soda and sometimes baby powder just to make it more. So they pad their profits. The quality goes down. that's why they say is this pure cut is this not and uh no crack who knows what they're putting in their formula who knows pizza everything went in there everything just went a little crack a little coke i mean what can you do that's why

miss pat's had a fascinating life hopefully she's got her tv show coming um and it's going to be beautiful baby listen you want to read the Patreon names? We have to read the Patreon names. And remember, guys, stay on this episode afterwards. We're going to read the Patreon names, and then we got a little preview of our new morning show, Weppa in the Morning, which is every day. So check it out, and then you can listen to it at patreon.com slash bayridgeboys.

Go join up. Chrissy. Okay, so patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. Go put your name there. We will pick out the funniest name, the PPW, the pseudo penis of the week. Okay.

So first off, we got Scott Mueller, Evan Barrett, pods, Chris McDonald, Osama bin long days, Joshua Gatley, Matt.

Then we got Chrissy went Kurt Cobain with father Bill's skin pistol. Wait. Yeah. Throw them on the list. And also Osama bin Langdez. You tried to sneak that one by. Yeah. Catapult those two over the list.

Okay, there we go. Then we got Stefan Mousseau. Then we got Nicki, not gay, but grease my crease and glue me down with your piece. Nice. Excellent. Then we got Flood as to Tialo. Okay.

Then we got Kevin Miller, the COVID killer with undercarriage fumar like Yanni Cigar, Coyote. Put him on the list. Put him on the list. Then we got just a Coyote pre-op trans-Puerto Rican moving my beaver to every time Chrissy something applicable shows his underbite. Okay. You take a big swing there.

Big swing like it. Then we got Whitney. I want third right christy to give me the spoon and sing me to sleep with 99 left balloons bishop we can't do anything with the third right can it yeah i can't we don't condone that so you know unfortunately you're not gonna make the list that way but what's funny though i'm gonna give you credit then we got got no papers but make no mistake i tell people i vote trump so they don't call ice simple and good uh you know those simple ones chicken figure throw them on the list then we got mike philip bronski anthony shabani then we got kev the yamin but make no mistake my fave podcasts are white throw throw him on the throw him on the list. Welcome from Flagrant 2. Throw him on the list.

I like it. Then we got Chrissy, Travis Dillman, Brandon Leach, Raphael. Then we got Johnny flicking Ginzo beans to make the Guinea girls scream, but please don't tell my mother because I'm really cracked. Now it means. Okay? It's good. It's a Drex.

It's good. Then we got Marco Martinez, Derek Saylor, John McGee. Then we got Cody, Rabbi, Bill Stestein, suck the manchevitz out of me on Shabbat Trump 2020. Great Drexler. Then we got Chrissy D., lick my stump, pump my rump, vote for Trump.

It's got to go on the list. It's a borderline Drexler, but it went in the hoop. Then we got Jesus, Ryan D., then we got Freddy's, feta cheese, glued? Then we got Jesus, Ryan D. Then we got Freddy's Feta Cheese Glued Chrissy Situation. Oh, there we go. Then we got Zach Ricard,

Shannon Calderola, Lauren Robertson, Fred. Then we got Anthony Not Gay, but If the Opportunity Came would totally let Chrissy do his physical therapy all over my piece while listening. Drexel, a good temp. Almost a Drex. Then we got Jacket in my jammies. Then we got Beast, Shaborn.

Jacket in my jammies. It's funny. Jacket in my jammies is a Drexler. That's the NIT tournament. Yeah. Then we got Beast, Seaborn, Matt Haas, Gary. Then we got Alex, just a squeak, who likes to peek at Benetia while she takes a leak. Trump 2020 King.

We don't condone that. We can't condone it. I didn't know that that was happening. It it's funny but we can't condone it i gotta let it go but i'm letting you go with love we gotta let you go do not condone that then we got greg chrissy got stockholm syndrome when he got skull fucked by the mckenzie brothers wilson okay then we got nick goldman tav matchia then we got chrissy check the ditch because he's back with the sitch and ate the last chipwich. Throw him on the list because that's from an episode.

I mean, it's funny. And, yeah, winner, winner, winner. Then we got Ludwig Brannlund. Wow. Wow. Then we got the real malice in the palace is when my pastor touched my phallus. Now my asshole has a callus. Roll out the catapult.

He's going on the list. Yeah. Then we got Andy Pandy Pudding Snatch. Funny Drexler. Then we got Andy I Would Have Got a Handy But Her Dad Said No Sandys. That's on the list. That's on the list. It's on the list. Yeah.

Then we got Matt, Marnie Brimhall. Then we got Rockaway's Beach Squeak, Patty Mulrooney, Bend Me Over and Screw Me. Nice. Then we got Michael Folds. Then we got Used to Be a Toot,

but got to Fume. Now let me eat Chrissy's lunch lady ass with a hot spoon. It's good. Drexler. Drexler. Michael Longley. Chris Woodruff. T. Steel.

Cole Backus. Then we got Buck the Cuck. Tuck. Fuck. Gambino. I'm laughing because of the Gambino, and it's funny it's a Drexler, though, but it made me laugh. Then we got J Baby Gorgeous, Real Sauce Monkey from Sauce Land,

Maria Disamoni, Morgan. Then we got Hey Babe, Could You Social Distance Babe? It won't get hard unless you social distance, babe. Throw them on the list for the creativity. Throw them on the list, and in remembering of an episode, throw them on the fucking list. Throw them on the list. Then we got Dylan Blackshear, Seth.

Then we got If You Didn't See Father Bill's Feet, It Didn't Really Happen, Cuddlebutts. It's a funny one. It's a Drexler, though. Because of the Sandy Handy, I mean, this is going to be tough for a winner. Yeah, then we got, make no mistake, Father Bill's confessional requires three Hail Marys and one Glory Hole. There we go. Funny.

Or a lot of Drex. Logan Warren, JCB, Dan, Cheyenne Bailey. Then we got Chrissy Crack Me Open on Broken Alone, Please Take Me to the Bone Zone, Leon. Okay. Then we got Ryan Baird, Orlando Ortiz, Jose Pagan, Zachary Norberg. Then we got Alfredo Nott, just praying the fumes away, Lopez. Tommy K, Anthony Chiminelli, Shay,

Leroy Jenkins, CJ, we'll see sauce monkey Spinelli. Then we got Henry Monty. Uh, then we got John looking forward to rubbing Yanni P's dad's feet with Suzuki sauce in gay heaven. Del Gugio.

It's inventive. I mean that kid, he got inventive and creative. That's the type of creativeness we're looking for. Throw him on the fucking list. It's onive. I mean, that kid, he got inventive and creative. That's the type of creativeness we're looking for. Throw him on the fucking list. He's on the list. Then we got straight to the back of Giannis' love sack. Then we got Ken.

Some of my best friends are Leroy Campbell. Drexler. Then we got Barney Rubble single-handedly funding the Dunkin' Donuts on Highland Boulevard with Chrissy's stimulus check. Look, that's what you call a chicken finger right there. I didn't laugh because I was appreciating it as it came out of his mouth. You, my friend, are on the list. You're on the list.

Then we got Joel Yaniza. Then we got Down With Yanni Long Day's Greek Smell. I agree, Mikey Market. Okay. Then we got Max, Mr. Good Guy, who'd go by and play Tim Dillon's flute for a little toot. Oh, for a little lute, sorry. For a little lute.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow, you got a bad read. Max. Yeah. Max, Mr. Good Guy, who'd go by and play Tim Dillon's flute for a little lute. Pretty good. You're right.

It was a Drexler anyway. And you know what? Chrissy rarely does that. I will give you credit. It's like one in a million. Your reads are really good. I mean, if we let Mike Emoji read this, everyone would lose. Everyone would lose. So we got Bobby Ford, Jacobo, Enchinias, Brad Veek, Kevin Haney, Matt Window, Ryan Hurlburt. Then we got Ani, not Greek, kind of squeak, but my piece is half Puerto Rican. What do I... Oh my God. Hold on. Then we got Ani, not Greek, kind of squeak, but my piece is half Puerto Rico. What do I – oh, my God.

Hold on. Then we got Ani. It's going to end up being a Drex. Then we got Ani, not Greek, kind of squeak, but my piece is half Puerto Rico. What it do, Robot Vanity or Roldan. Okay. Not even a Drex, but good try. Good try.

Then we got Eamon Walsh, Cara, Gabe, Sean Kasten, Shane B. Then we got Patty B., a Mick from Cherry Hill looking for a big booty Latin cutie to crack open. Then we got Carol Ann Clark, Eli, Julia, Noah Burnt. Then we got Aaron Campbell Soup, no longer a two. Then we got Homer Ballesteros,

Elizabeth Bolton. Then we got Mohamed Desanti from Oman killing the squeaks from Wuhan by spreading the word of the Quran Ahmed. You know where he goes. That's on the list. Then we got Father Bill's Lap was Chrissy's first lovesack. Wait a second. Chicken finger. Alert. Beautiful. Well done. I'm almost more impressed with the simple ones. I mean, put him in the lead, Mikey. Can you read that one more time? That's a simple one that slipped all these episodes. Father Bill's lap

was Chrissy's first lovesack. I mean, that's a goodie. Put him on a list. Then we got Beirut will terrorize your Fruit Loop poop shoot because you're way cute. Then we got Jesse, I eat footlongs in Snowstorm Smollett. Okay. That's a goodie.

Throw him in a Drexler for that. Throw him in a Drexler for that. Throw him in a Drexler. Then we got John, buy my safe, I'll take to use both sexually, Howard. Then we got Eric, why blow the light

when you can blow loads on Chrissy size 38 waist Hess? Then we got Vanessa. Then we got Evan, squeak booty drilling with cannoli feeling like Tim Dillon was blue chew pillin' gonna read penicillin white.

Almost. Almost a Drex. Then we got Louis F., the wall, hot pocket, them all, Saja. The funny is there, but we just can't condone it. The funny is there. I'm gonna Drexler you for the funny, and there was no benefit to your feet

or Third Reich, so you're getting into Drexler. Then we go Send Me Straight to the Back and Meet Me There so Chrissy can work on his Tooth Flutes. Keegan Romer. Then we got Jordan I Tuck It Back and Pack the Slack in My Crack Baldry. Then we got Fumismingle.com.

Then we got Drew Perizovic, Steffi Sofrito, Joe Reinhardt, Brian Terrell, Christian straight to the back, no eye contact, Goff. Then we got Upstate Tuna. Then we got Sean McGinley. Jake Gyllenhaal has a voice of an angel. Hopes for the Drexler, Ropes for the PPW, Haiku for True Blue.

Throw him on Drexler. Drexler. Then we got Royce. It's what it is Jesus was an American kid Hagen, Haddenback, Adam Maldonado Agneshka, Connor Andrew Kevin Wheeler

Then we got Brian in a wheelchair but make no mistake I do not care because my pee still works So I can still shoot ropes into Chrissy D's hair Carlson He went for him with a Drexler for the effort And because he's in a wheelchair We're equal opportunity employers Then we got him for the effort And because he's in a wheelchair and we're equal opportunity employers Equal opportunity

Then we got here for the content but make no mistake I'd get shunned down on one knee For Chrissy D's poi I don't know it's a weird Okay Jake make no mistake this quarantine weight Ain't fake cause he has Then we got this is not my crayon

Then we got whoops then we got jeffrey allen russian ff straight to the back because that's the only way in this country what can you do um then we got andrew swenson cody grant colin donahue russell altman uh monica j booth mixed core then we got moving my monkey to chrissy's chunky and yanni's funky it's what it is then we got dann Danny with the sexy big lunch lady fanny. Then we got Chrissy let me smash that lunch lady ass and shoot my mustard glue on that cute quarantine hairdo.

Then we got Shemit's pick Zach Adams. Then we got Pauly Wally took Cuzzy Wuzzy's fuzzy in his a-hole. Then we got Christopher DiStefano, please bring me my robes. Wait a second, wait a second. Christopher DiStefano please bring me my robes. Wait a second, wait a second. Christopher DiStefano, please bring me my robes?

Yeah. Wow, that's a Father Bill joke. It's gone on the list. That's what it is. Yeah. Then we got Melissa Raikstra, Lisa Skyward, or Adio, Sean Dame, Sydney, Aethon Wenz, Well40, Adam, U.S. Army vet, lived a year in the sandbox,

but make no mistake, guys, the boys defeated the Standys Because we all had G.I. Joe's up our asses And an American flag around our tape Okay Yeah, just for fucking Memorial Day, throw him on the list He's on the list Then we got Edom Peterkak Peter Sack, I'm sorry, Keegan Linner

Troy Sharp, former Marine With the Fiesta Mavri, Adobo Peen Samson Turner, Brian Forrester. We got Scotty Glue Guns going to throw Mikey over the wall with a bungee cord so he bounces back because he's a good kid, but also Trump 2020. Put him on the list.

Put him on the list. Then we got Angie Carajios, Mike Medina, Henry Mathis, James Smith, Anthony Bonventri, Rogelio Barrera. Then we got Dirty Birdie, Crackin' Open, Any Smoothie Sippin' Cutie Who's a Piece. Then we got Tony, the Brooklyn Cutie with the steroid and one hemorrhoid that makes me paranoid about my poop shoot and smelly fumes. Then we got Micah, Cameron Cherry, Peter Kortostos, Miss Z. Then we got me and Chrissy D,

Light a PR Situation, Ruin Our Lives, it's a character piece, Light of 14 Trump 2020, then we got David Starekwa, then we got Then Then Then, we got Chrissy Stutters, Caleb McKillen, McMillan, I'm sorry, Caleb McMillan, then we got Chrissy D, Stick

Your Weenie Inside Me Like Gwen Stefani, then we got Chrissy D stick your weenie inside me like Gwen Stefani okay then we got Sam no pinches fumes LQ then we got Daryl not a Leroy I'm a small white squeak but want to trick Vanity into being a freak brown oh yeah that earns a Drexler yeah sorry didn't

sometimes I'm reading these I don't even notice it until the end but for the inventiveness I'm sorry Vanity it's getting in the Drexler list. Then we got David Martin, Ben Cassidy. Then we got Frankie Z, Squeak of the Week with the sore ass cheek. Then we got Hindu Heats, Uncut Meat, Pyoing Your Girl's Dirty Feet. Then we got Gabe Sosa, Spencer Green, Tyler, My Situation is a Stinking Recon, Peace 2, Kraut Monkey.

Okay. Drexter. Then we got Dan Soder's big, thick cock. Yeah, I mean, there you go. Then we got Chris. Then we got, I used to be straight until I saw Tim Dillon's fat face. Then we got Chrissy Tuckback, Kraut Monkey. Then we got Jamie Ferdinback, Crout Monkey Then we got

Jamie Ferdinandzen, Josh Just TV Then we got Christina Cuesta Old Petter Larson, Santiago Interiano, Sea Farmer And then last but not least, we got Carter Tuckback A little fruity, got the G.I. Joe Stuck in my booty, Rudy

It's a Drexler It's good, it's a borderline It's a Drexler, it's good. It's a borderline. My favorite, you guys tell me. I'm sticking with the Sandy, with the Handy. Can we just read it one more time? One second. Let me go back and find it.

Did anyone else? I mean, V, you're hearing it. You got another good one you like? That was a clear winner for me. I like the one with the left sack and Father Bill's lap. That was a clear winner for me. I like the one with the left sack and Father Bill's lap. Father Bill's lap. That was another 10. Yeah.

Okay. That's another. That's a good clean. That may be the king of the chicken fingers. These are the only thing you're talking about? Muhammad the Sandy from Oman, killing the squeak from Ruhan by spreading the word of the Quran Ahmed? No.

No, it was the other one. Sandy. I almost got a handy, but I couldn't because I'm a Sandy. That one. And was it Father Bill's lap was Chrissy's first love stack? Yeah, so it's between those two. You're the deciding vote.

What do you think? What do you think, Mikey? I like the Sandy one better. Yeah. The Sandy one. So we're two and two. It splits the vote. It means you're both winners.

You guys are both PPWs amazing lists keep doing it patreon.com slash bay ridge boys we enjoy reading your names it's so much fun it's fun to create them uh thanks for listening remember to tune in um after this stay on keep listening you're going right into our new morning show on the morning listening. You're going right into our new morning show, Weapon in the Morning. What's up, everybody? Welcome to Weapon in the Morning. Sorry, we're about seven minutes late. As you can tell, I'm still drunk from Memorial Day. I mean, happy birthday, America, or whatever Memorial Day is. I'm for the red, white, and blue. I'm for the red, white, and blue. Yeah, Memorial Day is for the soldiers who have died. Veterans Day is for the living. Some of the fans of the history, Aina's made that known to me because I put up a post talking about history and the atomic bomb, and I got lit up with messages calling me a communist fuck.

So just congratulations, America. Yeah, we're a few minutes late because, make no mistake, this operation's getting bigger, and we're bringing the show to Twitch. We just need Mike to figure out how to do it. Yeah, and we also want to honor today, you know, our African American listeners, our flagrant to convert ease and all our Greek fans who are always running late. You know, there's a saying Greek time. There's also another saying called African American people time. Yeah. We want to respect all cultures. So we're coming

in a little late. I got hammered yesterday to celebrate America. I celebrated America the way Americans celebrate. I ate a bunch of baby back ribs, got naked, went in the pool, and drunk a bunch of Budweiser. Did you really get naked in the pool? Because when I get drunk, I like to get naked. I think my piece is getting smaller. My piece is getting smaller. Because I've been the recipient of a few texts from your wife of your naked body passed out in a body of water.

Yeah, it's just what happens. And here's the concern I have. Can I ask a medical question to you? Yes. I've put on 20 pounds. Now, does the fat take some of the meat from the piece? Or is it just when you get older and you have less testosterone, your piece gets smaller? Because I feel like my piece is getting smaller.

Yeah, your piece is getting smaller. Well, I think what probably it is is, yeah, as you're getting older, as you're getting older, yeah, you've put on a few pounds. Because, make no mistake, the truth is this, and it's the same with me because my piece is getting smaller. To me, there's no coincidence between guys with small pieces and guys that can only have girls. I mean, we're slowly morphing into vaginas, and it's just what it is. Well, here's the thing. Women fight over attention, and they like attention, and they jockey, and that's what mean girls do. They want the attention.

They want the spotlight. And that's what comedians do. We want the attention. So we are bitches. There's no question about it. If you do skits for a living or want to do this, you're not a real man at all. Happy birthday, Debo. My piece is small, too.

My piece should be the squeak of the week. Your piece is the squeak of the week, cuz, and let's rename your piece Debo. From now on, just call your piece Debo. And yeah, it's Debo's birthday. Go send him, go send him pics of your piece at LongfellowDeeps31. Let's just do that. I just want to say, look, I'm an American-loving kid, but I know when the gig's up.

I know when the series is over. I know when it's game six and we're down 20 and we're down 3-1. It's over, babe. China, if you want me to bow, whatever you want, babe, whatever the new rules are, China's going to win. They've enacted a new law, Chrissy, where they've got a security law where they pretty much de facto control Taiwan. And they let the protesters know, cuz, if you guys hit those streets, we're going to fucking kill you. We're going to fucking kill you.

And Delilah, you've got to turn down the TV, babe. OK, you've got to turn down potato and chip. Sorry. I'm doing the morning show here. This is how I buy you pasteles. You wanna hear something funny? Cause for me, Venetia and Mike, it was actually pretty quiet in your house today.

Yeah, it's what it is. Compared to the salsa party that's usually going on in the background, I mean, it sounds like you're at church for a Puerto Rican household. Yeah, I know. So the other day, somebody asked me, like, do you bang pots and pans every day at 7 o'clock? I said, they bang pots and pans every hour on the hour in this house. So, yeah, I think that, yeah, Taiwan,

unfortunately, because here's the good news, is I think we're going to probably, Taiwan and China is probably going to go start to, you know, have a war. But we're not going to, I don't think we're going to, I don't think it's going to be our war at all. I just don't think we're going to get involved. And a lot of Eastern Hemers are going to kill each other and that's no

good. As long as we're brought to you by Cafe Bustelo, I think everything's going to be okay. Yeah. Cause we're brought to you by Cafe Bustelo as always, cause make no mistake. One day, there will be a day in real time where actual Cafe Bustelo does sponsor this show.

Because, I mean, we are making the white people of the Midwest go out there and search their local ShopRite or every shithole supermarket they shop at and search for Cafe Bustelo Keurig's. Because they had never heard of it before we mentioned it, but now we're spreading the word of Cafe Bustelo. Never heard of it before we mentioned it, but now we're spreading the word of Café Bustelo. Yeah. What I love about this show is that without a question and Google searches, we're coming up in a lot of Latin American Google searches, and then they turn it on and they go, I can't understand it because it's in English. Yeah, because it's in English. Yeah.

Mike, can you speak Spanish? Do you even know how to speak Spanish? Are you just one of those Mexicans that you can't speak Spanish? I can't speak Spanish. You can or you can't? Cannot. Cannot? Yeah, cuz, it's so funny with you, Mikey, because your mouth's always wet. It's just

hard to make out what you say in English. You know what's funny about, Mikey? You can't speak English, but your face says different. I mean, you look like Sancho Panza, cuz. I mean, you look so... You look as Mexican as I look Greek. Look at my eyebrows. My face looks like I should be behind a counter of a diner asking if you want a cheeseburger.

And your face looks like it should just be fucking bent over picking something. Yeah. Mike, I seriously miss you, man. As soon as I see you, I swear to God, I'm going to— I heard you coming back to New York in June. I'm going to, as soon as I heard you coming back to New York in June, I'm going to squeeze you so hard until Velveeta cheese comes out of your butt.

I'm just kidding. Mikey Suarez, he's our Mexican producer. Everyone loves Mikey emoji face. Benetio, I want to throw this next story to you. And I want to get serious for a second. I would like to get serious. Okay, yeah. I feel like we have a real problematic situation

with straight white women. I don't know if you were living under a rock this past day, but there was a birdwatcher who happened to be Afro-American. He happened to be Afro American. He happened to be Afri, Afri, Asiatic. And he wanted a bird watch. And there was a white woman.

Hi, Karen. She was, had a dog off leash. He asked her to leash her and she fucking first, she always killed the dog. Secondly, she called the cops and tried to get him lynched.

What is up with straight white women? They're problematic. Very problematic. I didn't even know this happened. Central Park is very well known for people birdwatching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Straight white women, you're unnoticed. You're fucking unnoticed. Straight white women are problematic're unnoticed. You're fucking unnoticed. Straight white women are problematic. They're problematic. Yeah, I mean, when I first saw this story yesterday morning, I was watching it for a few first 30 seconds, and I thought it was Venetia. Well, here's the deal.

Here's the fucking deal. There's a news story coming out of kansas where um 14 14 kkk members have actually released a statement now saying that they watched the new york city video of quote unquote karen in central park and they have now committed to better themselves and uh they're going to instead of they're going to make african-american the new slur instead of the N-word in honor of Karen. There we go. Can you believe that? That's coming out of Kentucky, Mississippi, Charleston, Savannah, Texas, and Mike Emoji faces house.

Yeah. So that's the new word. I mean, listen, Bevis, the truth of the situation is this. The truth of the situation is this is like for me, when I saw that, when I saw that fucking story, I was just like, oh, my God. It's just it seems like everybody just wants to kill each other. I mean, what? First of all, why? I'm not a dog guy. I'm not a dog guy. So the dogs are allowed to be on the leash.

They're not allowed to be off the leash. What's the rules with dogs and leashes? Because when I found out you weren't a dog guy, that that's i should have ran the other direction then i mean it took me but i stayed in there and now i'm just i'm in the twirl of a psychopath i don't know what's going on is that the vortex of a psychopath where you just you don't know what's going on but you're in there and i'm telling you it is a fun ride though it's a yeah i don't yeah it's just you're swirling around in there my head it's like it's like a washing machine i'm just throwing you around and and i because i was just like okay so this guy's off the dog's off leash um so okay you call the police and then that woman and then that woman

was saying that she was being threatened and attacked because the guy if you read the article the guy was saying she was saying that he was trying to give her dog a treat and she was saying she doesn't know where the treats from and she was feeling threatened. I mean, people are stupid. I think we need I think Venetia, you need to answer for straight white women. You're a straight white woman. You need to answer. You're guilty.

You're all guilty. You're all problematic. Talk to us. You need to issue a statement right now on Web on the Morning for this Karen. Her name's Amy Cooper because the internet is fucking horrible. So now her name's out there and her job's been done. So issue a statement, Phineas. Well, on behalf of all white women, I apologize.

I'm sorry. I just felt threatened because, you know, he was being a little bit too aggro with his binoculars. And I apologize. I'm sorry. Are you an ally? Are you an ally? Are you an ally? I'm an ally.

You know what's interesting? You're forgiven but you're on notice. I think in the article her name's Amy Cooper and his name is Christian Cooper. Both their last names are both Cooper. Isn't that wild? How wild is it if they just planned it? They were like, hey hey man let's just

both get famous and capitalize on on sort of the fucking stupidity of people and let's make a video and let's both get famous that would be funny you know what though it's one of those things where when i watch that video even if even if he was didn't need to call the cops for the dog being off the leash who knows what happened before that? She does look so bad in that video. I mean, the fact that you even have to state that he's African-American is just, yeah, you might as well have just yelled a slur. It's the same thing.

She's one of those like Murray Hill, white kind of like. Worst. Yeah, I mean, she, the reason why she was probably in a bad mood is because her father said her pony wasn't going to be available to ride this weekend when this weekend when she goes up to his house in Greenwich. So she was a little pissed, and she took it out.

She got aggro with him. I mean, have we learned anything from this virus? Can't we just all get along? I mean, Jesus. Can we just, yeah, I don't know. People fucking birdwatching people. First of all, can I just say, what a know fucking bird watching people first of all can i just say what a fucking geek that guy is okay fucking you're going to you're going to central park

to bird watch guy i mean yeah you can black people a bad name you're supposed to be doing cool shit like fucking starting hashtag dance videos on twitter but it's fucking bird watching guy guy yeah and the rambles is a famous part of central park where all like uh all at the time in 1970s like illegal gay sex was going on in the ramble so the cops would infiltrate the rambles and they would just find a bunch of guys blowing each other they're called lot lizards and they would just be banging each other out so i mean that's what you're going to the rambles for that's what you want to call bird watching fine because i got a question for you right now yes how the fuck do you know that you're an f f cuz make no mistake because our boy on the group debo you know by the way happy birthday debo send your

generals to longfellow deeps 31 um he he uh um uh they told us one of our friends who's a cop said that that's they would patrol the rambles part of central park a lot because there was a lot of, a lot of like, you know, gay prostitution there, um, in the seventies, eighties. And even I think up until present day, but it's minor, but a lot of things go, a lot of sex acts go on in the ramble. So I think there might be more to the story than what we're seeing. I think both of them might've been caught in gay sex acts and, uh, they're just disguising as bird watching and yelling at african americans well you told me you actually did that's the scoop you got from um from the ridgewood times

is that that's what actually was it was actually that it was they were both caught right tell me that story yeah the ridgewood times the ridgewood times says that now because the rambles because you know you can't have the police have been kind of uh going into the rambles and clearing out all the gay prostitution that now the rambles is being held for for democratic rallies so that that's what they got caught at a democrat rally and that's what happened and then they're just disguising it as everything else because when you hear because when because the thing is when i hear bird watch and what i really hear is democrat that's that's how That's what it hears. Yeah, it's actually code for Democrat and gay sex, I think, right? Yeah, yeah.

Democrat. Yeah, Chris will post that article on the link, and I'll post the article about the KKK officially releasing a statement saying that African American is the new N-word. I mean, we're here to give you the scoop, the real news. The real news. Now, here we go. Austrian president apologizes

after breaking country's pandemic curfew rules because Austrians and Germans usually don't apologize. So this is interesting. Now, what happened? The kid stayed out too late. He broke the pandemic curfew rules.

I mean, we're living in the fucking twilight zone that the prime minister has to apologize for staying out too late like he's a teenage girl. Because if you don't think that the reason we created a show called

Wepa in the Morning with two guys who don't speak Spanish, who aren't Spanish, who aren't really even saying wepa at all, don't even know what anything means, has anything not to do with the rest of the world being fucking crazy, we are a symptom, not a cause, babe. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what's going on,

but this kid stayed out a couple minutes late at his favorite restaurant and then he had to issue a report to the austrian people i picked this article not because it was so interesting but i just wanted to remind you about the cute fucking time we had in salzburg oh my god the time we had in salzburg i mean because sometimes i look through my picture albums and i see those times we went to salzburg and i just go pure i mean, what a great, great, great little trip that was. Unfortunately, we probably can't ever go back again because the virus is not going to go away with a vaccine or a cure. And we're probably not going to ever get on a plane again. What can you do? Yeah. Well, so there you have it. The prime minister stayed out past the curfew and he had to fucking apologize. Like he was a little

school girl who had to give daddy an explanation for why he was drunk. He said he went out with two friends and his wife and he lost track of time and he sincerely apologizes to the country. It's like, what the, what? What? And we know from your police officer friends that being saying lost track of time means

he was out at a leather bar fucking guys. That's what it means. He's basically, his wife forced him to give an apology out. But again, there's a lot of code words out there for gay sex and birdwatching hotspots. One of them is that I lost track of time. Now, here's some other news. If you want to go get a sex change at a discounted price

or you want to go get a fake ass. I'm listening. Yeah, if you want to go get a fake ass that's going to fall apart if you jump, you know, if you cannonball into a pool, it's going to explode get a fake ass. I'm listening. Yeah, if you want to go get a fake ass that's going to fall apart if you jump, you know, if you cannonball into a pool, it's going to explode like a wet diaper. Unfortunately, Brazil is going to have to be off the list because the White House has imposed

a coronavirus travel ban on Brazil. So if you want to get AIDS, you're going to have to go somewhere else. Yeah, if you're a guy who's into fucking unbelievably shaped fat asses, you're out of luck, guy. I mean, you're just going who's into fucking unbelievably shaped fat asses, you're out of luck, guy. I mean, you're just going to have to go on Bang Brothers for a little while because you're not going to be able to see them in Manhattan for a while.

Yeah, so that's, yeah, unfortunately, they had to ban, because the Brazil coronavirus is exploding. I think they have a lot of, like, you know, really, like, run-down areas there and people don't have a lot of space and it's a big population. And also the prime minister or president, whatever the WEPA of Brazil said, um,

that they, uh, that coronavirus wasn't real when it first came out. So now it's, you know, now it's going through the country. But I mean, I also feel like it's already ripped through.

Don't you feel like it's already ripped through and we should just turn the lights back on or am I alone on that? I just think there's so many fucking shithole parts of Brazil that coronavirus is probably one of the better things that's happened to those favelas. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to do,

we should do an episode on favelas because it's a fascinating thing in Brazil where they just have these poor shanty towns that police are scared to go into. And the only thing that they do is make sure that they stay closed in they don't want them to come out yeah it's like anything can happen there you can go in there and disappear and the cops won't even go in to find out what happened when they go in there they have to go in there with the full military yeah yeah i um i don't know man it's just one of those things where i'm like okay so now we're not going up now we can't go to brazil they can't come here i don't know dude it's just one of those things where I'm like okay so now we're not going up now we can't go to Brazil they can't come here I don't know dude it's just like I just want to be like just turn the lights on it just turn them on at this point bub is I mean every did you see the party in the

Ozarks where everyone's just butt naked dancing on each other in the Ozarks which by the way is a good show I want to see Jason Bateman's little twerp ass in that pool but I didn't see him but now it's like it's like you know what you're gonna stop people in the summer I mean what are you gonna do you might as well just flip the switch. I mean, look, I just, yeah, let it rip, let it burn at this point. This is America. It's like we're not going to be told what to do, even if it's for our own good, babe.

Freedom is freedom, and, like, we're just at a point where we want to eat Cheetos and fucking swing our fat guts around to Journey music. Let it happen. Let it happen, cuz. But if you are going to fly anywhere, I want you to fly. Oh there you go look at that i actually looked really nice though i'd like to go to the ozarks i'm very interested now after seeing this uh from a distance it looks really good it's like flying over rochester probably looks nice but if you got up close that's just a bunch of

fucking white trash and water yucky i want to be as far away from that as possible now bubba's um what do we got oh how about um how about if you're gonna fly anywhere you should fly spirit airlines because cuz make no mistake if you want to if you want to mix ufc and a nice little flight then spirit airlines is the airline for you there was a fucking brawl on that plane you know 30 000 feet in the air and it's just what happens with Spirit Airlines. I think that this isn't Spirit Airlines, the airline with the roof ripped off of an airline mid-flight or was that JetBlue? One of the roofs ripped off.

I think it was probably Spirit Airlines. Let's just call it what it is. This is our Franks and Beans Florida story of the day because Spirit Airlines is the Florida in the skies. I mean, this is a full-blown fistfight during a pandemic on a Spirit Airlines flight that nobody can stop. Roll it, Mikey. I have a spirit. I mean, this is a full-blown fist fight during a pandemic on a Spirit Airlines flight that nobody can stop. Roll it, Mikey. I have a spirit.

I have a before you. Take them off. No! They said take them off. Take them off. Y'all all gonna go to jail. Everybody's gonna go to jail. I know.

It doesn't matter. We gotta go back. Take them off. Now, you need to sit down. Now, you need to sit down. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt.

Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt.

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Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don get hurt. Don get hurt. Don get hurt. Don get hurt. Don get hurt. Don get Ladies and gentlemen.

Stop, stop, stop. Stop it, stop it. Stop. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. All right, all right, all right. Hey, stop. Get out of the way. Get all the way back in.

Pause it. Pause it. Mikey, it's three minutes. Yeah. Pause it. Because Mikey did not have his Café Bustelo this morning. Yeah, it's what it is. I mean, you know, it's, yeah, so that was just a fight on Spirit Airlines.

And, yeah, they're beating the shit out of each other. What can you do, though? You know, I mean, I would love to ask, I wonder if Deebo's ever flown a Spirit Airline flight. We got to ask him. I just have some advice to the people who are watching it, yelling stop and filming it. That's not going to stop the fight.

If two people are engaged in a heated fight saying, y'all stop, isn't going to help. I mean, could one of you have just stood up and helped that obviously FF flight attendant help? Because there's no straight guys that are flight attendants. So that guy just came back and went, I don't know what to do. I'm overwhelmed. Can someone who is a man help me here?

And all you did was just stand there and go, y'all stop. That's not going to help. Yeah, no, it's not going to help. But what can you do with spirit airlines i mean it's 20 i mean the fucking i mean literally spirit airlines flights i think they're like 20 tickets so it's like that's what you get you're gonna get you know fights to brawl out um let's do this how about the work it girl did you see chloe kardashian's new face honey didn't, but let me warm up to see it. Cover girl, work it, girl. Do your thing on the runway. Listen, ladies, you better work.

Yes. There it is. Holy shit. I mean, what the hell? It's a mental illness. I mean, it's truly like a mental, mental illness. I mean, I'm not saying she doesn't look nice, but to disfigure your face, to change your face that much, I mean, everybody illness. I mean, I'm not saying she doesn't look nice, but to disfigure your, to change your face that much,

I mean, everybody makes their own decisions, so whatever you want to do. But it's like, how insecure is this person? Let me just say this. There is no chance in hell that that is not OJ Simpson's daughter. That's just what it is, right? She looks nothing like the other Kardashians, and she looks exactly like him.

And now on the right, she looks like Ron Kardashian's daughter. I mean, she went from black to white. She's transracial at this point, because she's a black girl on the left side. That's OJ Simpson's daughter. And Ronan Farrow is not fucking Woody Allen's son. That is Frankie Blue Eyes banged up Mayor Farrow. And that's why that kid's got blue eyes and he's kind of a cute gay kid.

Because make no mistake, Frankie Sinatra knew the mafia and he was Italian, but the kid sang he was gay. Yeah, he was gay. Yeah, I just, I don't know. I mean, what do you think of that, Benetia? As a girl, what do you think of Khloe Kardashian's new face? Yay or nay? Be careful what you say. You're on

fucking notice. I say nay to the editing because it's crystal clear that she edits and a lot of her photos are like that, but she's gorgeous the way she is. She doesn't need to edit it that much. Agreed. Agreed. Gorgeous as is. Let me, Chrissy, I got a question

for you, though. I'm thinking about getting a little tuck on this big Greek bell pepper nose. Do you think I should get a nose job? I think if you're going to get a nose job, yes, but I think you should do it for a certain tier on the Patreon. I don't think you should just do it for free. I think we want to – you can only let certain people see it. But, no, honestly, guys, I don't think that you need any work done.

I think you're perfect just the way you are. I just need some work on my personality. I just want you to shave your back. Should we raise money for plastic surgery and then do it as a video? Because, like, listen, guy, we only got a couple decades left. Let's go out with a bang. Let's go out with a bang. Yeah, well, I told you.

I mean, I'm willing. If we can get up to 10,000 Patreon members, I'm going to sex change live on the air. I mean, let's do it. a bang let's go out with a bang yeah well i told you i mean i'm willing if we can get up to 10 000 patreon members i'm going to sex change live on the air i mean let's do it yeah what can you do um okay oh speaking of that speaking of of all of of good news and you know by the way we're changing the name of the segment and we may just get rid of it completely because now tank's good news is going to be known as john krasinski stolen tank's good news which we've stolen from tank who got it stolen from Krasinski who's making millions of dollars on it but in that vein of stealing the good news and everything Yanni is having a baby girl yes it's been revealed work it girl work it girl it's

gonna be her name's gonna be little baby Gianna Gianna's a really Italian name I have changed my ethnicity to italian for a little while so i will be italian and i will have an italian daughter so she will be born italian yeah after that i am going to change to african america because i want to i want to race my little girl to be a dancer dancer name her sean king um i i just little advice as a girl dad myself is be very careful because when I would order clothes for the baby I would pick out such nice things because my fashion because I'm so gay that you'll very easily reveal how gay you are when you start to pick out little outfits for your daughter that

are actually better than the outfits her own mom is picking out because cuz we can't be we cannot be beaten in the feminine brain scale we We have girlier brains than our wives. So the only hope that we had, I'm saying this, we have gay feminine sperm. So when our sperm comes in there, it's just a girl and it's running around. And the only way that could ever turn into a boy is if the uterus has to churn and work extra hard

and churn and churn and churn to make a penis. And it didn't happen but listen we could try again you want to see how our sperm swims yes that's swims in work work work work that's how it starts coming in yeah that's just how it comes in yeah it just comes in yeah our sperm just comes in it's just yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no cuz are you excited works its way it works its way in what are you excited to be having a girl i'm very excited um i'm very excited and i look forward to it and the reveal was so much fun you know it's the thing women have these ideas and as you're a guy you're going this this sounds stupid and you just do it and

then you enjoy it but you would never plan it because you're a guy so it's just like you just got to let women hold up society because if it wasn't for women it was just guys i would have texted it to people and been like i think we're having a girl it's like you got to have these parties or else there's just nothing to do you got to shoot cannons in the air so like hats off to all the women and the moms who are like actually responsible and taking care of life. Yeah, preparing. Because all I want to do is put on this hat and do WEP on the morning. That's all I want to do, too.

And I think it's just, yeah, it's one of those things where I agree. I'm like, you know, all these ceremonies and remembering whose birthday it is and ordering things ahead. I'm like, guy, I don't fucking know. What do you want me to do? Like, I don't know. For me, even birthdays, I'm like, don't wish me happy birthday. I don't care. But a woman, you got to remember their birthdays and you have to give them flowers and cakes and all that so yes support to the women thank you to the vanities of the world for holding up this planet absolutely but you're still on notice straight

white women are on notice on notice all right oh how about this little history and in fact of the day today um uh the um wait no not yeah today after 14 years no but what's the year what's the year 1883 thank you v 1883 the brooklyn bridge opened by mr uh john roebling made it right yeah john a roebling the brooklyn bridge was the largest suspension bridge ever built to that uh to date at that time so So today in 1884, that's when it opened. So it's cute. Yeah, because the stock opens today too.

Are you up or are you down? How are you doing on all those pantyhose stocks you bought? Right now, I'm a little bit up on pantyhose stocks. So I think right now I'm doing okay. James Altucher says to buy now. So I'm just going to listen to what James Altucher says

and just be living out of a suitcase for the next two years. The Jewish Joker. Whatever the Jewish Joker says to do, fucking do. I mean, the kid has a crystal ball. He's made billions. It's got nothing to do with the fact that he's just smarter than you. But you know what? You can be smart like him too.

No, you can't. No, you can't. He's a genius. And then it's just one of those things where it's like yeah jamesy i love he listens to the show so shout out james l teacher yeah because how about i just instead of you giving me tips why don't i just give you money and then you just give me more of it just go get me more of it can you be my new truffle pig james l teacher yeah you can take all our road dates if we you could just give us your money you want to be a

comedian i don't want to be a comedian anymore i just want to be rich just rich um yeah so that's it and let's let's do um our little moment our pseudo penis moment or we change the name now it's not called the moment of haper it's called the pseudo penis moment or the or the the ppm or the moment of pseudo penis moment um that's our new that's our new thing here today and we're going to go out with um the new zealand's uh prime minister who's a woman yes she was giving a press conference this moment. That's our new thing here today, and we're going to go out with the New Zealand Prime Minister, who's a woman. Yes, she was giving a press conference talking about the coronavirus, and there was an earthquake live on

the air, and I have to give her credit. She did not move a muscle. Give her credit? She handled it like a fucking boss. And I don't mean bitch. I mean boss. Yeah. There she is. The last thing we need is another shed for Clark.

He has two. We're just having a bit of an earthquake here, Ryan. Quite a decent shake here. But if you see things moving behind me, the beehive moves a little more than most. She handled it well. Yep. No, it's just stopped.

No, we're fine, Ryan. I'm not under any hanging lights. I look like I'm in a structurally sound place. Put some shrimps on it, Bob. The last thing we need is another shed for Clark. He has two. We're just having a bit of an earthquake here, right? That's crazy.

All right. There you go. Check that out. Yeah, and it's interesting how young. She's just like a young white woman. She's a young white woman. And Chrissy's making a mistake. On a different day, you'd say, she'll get banged out.

It's what it is. Because the weather is present. Hit the music, Mikey. Yeah. Because the weather is present. Hit the music, Mikey. Yeah. Webber.

Webber in the morning. Webber in the morning.