History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 18 - Mark Twain was WILD!!!

Episode Date: June 10, 2018

Chris and Yannis go wild and talk about everything on their minds, which all circles around to Mark Twain and how WILD he was. We watch a Sloth meet its fate at the hands (claws rather) of a puma and of course we get to hear how Yannis would take Chris' life. WILD!!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up? This is Giannis Pappas, the original OG true blue trans, and you're listening to the, you know, what is this, the 14th episode? 18th. 18th episode. We can legally drink now in some states. 18th episode of Cuties with Smoothies. True blue homosexuals. History hyenas.

That's right another episode I don't think you can legally drink at 18 in any state I think I'm mistaken in Europe you can you can be a porn star at 18 in Europe you can do lots of things you can drink you can curse on television Europe kind of lives

where like we'll get to eventually you know what I mean they're starting to curse on cable now yeah you know what i mean they're starting to curse on cable now yeah you know what i mean yeah so we're getting there yeah yeah it's cute what's um and we have our mascot in today um trash monkey the hyena trash monkey the hyena tmth he can't um yeah we know it's a he because he hasn't there's no suit there's no suit of penis so we know it's a man but uh he's having a hard time standing trash monkey he must have got attacked by a lion or something did you see that video that people tagged us in on instagram with the lion with the hyenas biting the other one's face off and then

ripping out its intestines no and leaving it to die oh yeah another hyena oh yeah yeah yeah i wonder what i wonder what that hyena said to the other one i was eating my breakfast and i vomited yeah all over everything what do you think he did to him that made him want to open up his intestines and eat them they said that the hyena must have said something about the matriarch he must have done about the matriarch yeah or he must have said that you know he didn't like um i don't know fucking black panther or something some movie that everybody loves i enjoyed Black Panther. Your wit was working a little slow on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, we're fucking tired.

No, I'm not tired today, cuz. You look refreshed, though, cuz. Yeah, you think I'm a cute kid. Yo, you know why I feel good is because we do have, we got Bardo Church is back. The White Wasp, the Grand Wizard is back. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much for coming back. Nobody ever knew you were ever here or gone because you don't talk, but we know.

Yeah. He just sits there and surfs porn in the background. B Church is back. Yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. You know what? See, here's the world we live in.

Hold up. Woo! Here's the world we live in. That was me. I have to specify. See how normal my farts sound compared to yours? But I got a clean ass, so. You don't.

You don't. I have to say, I just have to say publicly on this now that I did like the movie Black Panther. Yeah. And in no way was that a dig at anyone who supported or didn't support Black Panther. I support Black Panther. It's just the movie that I picked that came into my head because I thought it was a good movie.

And I do like Black Panther, a.k.a. I'm not racist. So just want to share that. You have to do that now, right? You have to do absolutely. It's, you can get mad about it. However, which way you want, like people like, you know, lose their minds, you know, on the alt right.

And I'm like, why do we, it's the world we live in. It's what you have to do. Just like in the 15th, you know, hundreds, you had to say, if you were living at the time of King Henry, you had to say, I am now part of the Church of England. I'll cut your fucking head off. Yeah. That's what it is. You're not physically getting your head cut off.

But if you don't adhere to what the extreme left wants, then you will get dismembered publicly on social media. And you don't want that. They will decapitate you in effigy. But it's for real. But it's for real. But it's for real. Yeah, digitally for real. But it's for real. Yeah, digitally, they'll fucking crush you. And it doesn't matter.

It's like being branded a pedophile. If I accuse you of touching kids, even though if you've never touched a kid, the accusation is enough. Yeah. Just like stealing jokes. The accusation is enough. Yeah.

So, you know, I just want to say publicly, I enjoyed Black Panther. And that's how you stay safe. I also have a Puerto Rican daughter, and I'm more fucking culturally diverse growing up in New York than most of the fucking diverse people that live in this country, just so you know. So we should just give in to the social justice warrior matriarch? Absolutely.

Because they're hyenas. You put up a character named Jermaine the other day, which I thought was great because literally, it's me. That's you, right? You don't care. Most people in your comments were like like this speaks to me the most because it's like yeah it's just people are so where i'm sjw'd out i got no more sjw juice you got it i got no more you've had enough because yeah it's like i just want to fucking raise my kid and i just want to speak to to you yon and i just want to keep growing out my hips so you just yawned me out yeah that's the first time you ever

called me yon i just want to fucking grow my hips out yon yawned me out. That's the first time you ever called me yawn. I just want to fucking keep growing my hips out, yawn, so you can cultivate my hip fat to make the clip that you've always dreamt of. I told you that. Where did the yawn come from? Yawning.

What's up, yawn? What's up, yawn? I just want to hang out with you, yawn. You look like a yawn today. I look yawny? Yeah, no gel. I got no gel.

I'm flopping around. You can barely open your eyes right now. You look full-blown Chinese. FBC. Yeah, yo, no gel, gel no gel i'm a little self-conscious you going through some stuff no i just um i got a big pimp on my head from the hairspray i've been using yeah because i've been trying to to get the hairspray to hold the front of the hair yeah i gotta spray down sometimes the hairspray hits the top there and i gotta pimp right under here it's

a pimple that hurts so don't you get scalped? I get scalped up. I mean, it's just, you know, I'm disadvantaged in the fact that I can't gel up because my hair looks too thin when I use the product. Yeah. So I got to use hairspray. I just got to find one that's made of natural products that won't give me pimples. Yo, cuz, guess what I did this weekend? What'd you do?

I watched the three-hour movie Braveheart twice in a row. Okay, yeah. That's what I did. I'm fucking sitting at my hotel in Connecticut. Literally Braveheart back to back. Yo, did you import an opener? Because you couldn't handle it? There's some kid who you fucked. Oh, no, no, no. That's

Chris Carpenter. Shout out Chris Carpenter. He's the booker of Laugh Boston. He lives in Boston. He just wanted to come down and say hello. I think I know him, man. He's a great kid. Good kid. So he just came down to hang? Came down down hang cause that made you feel happy i mean well it was only for a few hours cause i'm gonna tell you so now listen by the way also zach ice is here on the ones and twos as always fucking detonating hits yeah um what i want to say and now this i

had an experience that happened to me and i don't believe you know i believe in ghosts you know i believe in ghosts and some know I believe in ghosts. And some of it's just like to joke, but some of it's like dead legit. This kind of like spiritual guidance and stuff, I don't agree, I don't believe in. But let me tell you this story and you like tell me like what's up. Okay, so I was driving back home because I left my shows in Connecticut immediately. Saturday night? Literally, I got paid the

guy i got i asked to get my check while the feature was on stage and the guy was like yeah but there still could be people coming in you know so i can't give you like you may be close to a bonus i was like just mail me the bonus yeah which they'll never mail me now because i wasn't there to see it so they'll be like go you're gonna you're gonna light up yeah i'm gassed up We should just try to get gas for the podcast Fucking gas digital baby So you were leaving right immediately

So I left literally I put the mic I swear to god I put that mic the guy gave me my check already So I was like I don't care if I make another dollar Here or not just give me the check Whatever I was supposed to get whatever the fucking bare minimum was Just give me my check already. So I was like, I don't care if I make another dollar here or not. Just give me the check, whatever I was supposed to get, whatever the fucking bare minimum was. Just give me the check. And I put it in my pocket, went on stage, did 45 on the dot.

I already had my shit packed. And I gave them a high five. Didn't wait for any fans. I just got in my car and fucking left. So your bags were packed in the car. Bags were packed. I actually sprinted. I actually like a light jog.

Well, it was a light jog But I ran to my car To get home You know Yeah I hated Yeah I mean cause

I mean Hartford, Connecticut's nice But it's like you know I mean cause The mother of Mark Twain house The mother of Mark Twain house Bruce Magoots yeah I'm sitting there In a courtyard Marriott

You know I mean I got my fucking I can't tell you how many times I just put my head in the toilet And was like I'm just gonna go Yeah You know I mean it's bad out there.

It gets bad out there. Not bad, bad, but like bad. Bad, bad. And by the way... Is it Toad's Brutes? It's Toad's Brutes. It's hashtag ill. So I'm going to tell you guys

some of the things I learned at Hartford. I learned some fucking wild shit about Mark Twain. So I want to say that. But first, let me just tell you, when it happened, I was like, hmm, I don't know. I don't know. It kind of makes me believe like, is there something out there? Is there not? And, and, and.

So I'm driving, right? Come from Hartford. It's about a two hours, two and a half hour drive. You could drive home every night. I would expect you maybe drive home every night. I actually was. You were thinking about it, right? It took me five hours to get there Thursday. Five and a half or five and a half actually more.

So I didn't do it. And then I would have drove home Friday night if that kid Chris wasn't coming Saturday. I was totally prepared to drive home. Yeah. So I'm driving. I'm like an hour away from home and I'm genuinely falling asleep. I'm talking about the chemicals in my brain, my eyes are closing. Like, legit falling asleep where it was so powerful that I was like, because of my allergies and stuff.

And I was like, maybe I'm getting sick. But I was like, I'm going to have to pull over on the side of the road or something because I can't. But I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I just want to get home. I need to see the lights in New York City and then I'll get pepped up. So I'm driving. And I don't know if it was an animal. I don't know if it was, you know,

something hit my driver's side window hard. It didn't shatter it. It didn't. It didn't. It didn't break a glass. But it sounded like I'm telling you, like it reverberated through my car. It hit my window hard, like it was like a like that just a bang on my window to that i looked and i went from you know literally like my eyes were closing genuinely to popped up to 100 fucking both hands on the wheel like as if i just you know snorted like 20 adderall like the adrenaline went through the roof. TTA, TTR. So it went through the roof. So that happened. And I was like, holy shit.

10 seconds later, maybe less, 10 seconds later, a car was in front of me and the hood of the car popped up, popped up on the guy's car. And the guy skid across all three lanes, because he had nothing in front of him. He couldn't see. It was raining. Skid through all three lanes on the middle of the span of the Triborough Bridge and hit the side of, hit my side.

On the Triborough Bridge? On the Triborough Bridge. So you were in the city at this point? Yeah. Yeah, it was like, yeah, it was like, I mean, I'm in the Bronx. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're in New York.

Yeah. New York. So hits the side. I was in the right lane and I was able to swerve out at like 70 miles an hour, swerve out of the way and not get killed because of that. What happened 10 seconds before with that rock. If I, if I'm telling you you if that would have happened to me. How do you know it was a rock?

Or whatever, something. You killed an animal. Right. So a little animal had to die. So Chrissy D, instead of pulling off the fucking road and getting a nice coughed up, you know? No, no, what I'm saying is. Nature had to fucking kill an animal for you to get waking up. No, but what I'm saying is if I didn't get sprung up.

I know, I get it. Yeah. You killed an animal. Probably. Yeah, it was probably a possum or something. But you don't think- Could have been a ghost trying to jump out. You don't think that's a little fucking wild?

You don't think it's a little crazy? You think it's just a coinkydink? Well, I don't think it's a coinkydink. Because 10 seconds later, a fucking car- It's a little crazy. You think it's just a coinkydink? Well, I don't think it's a coinkydink. Because 10 seconds later, a fucking car. Why are you pretending like you don't know that you're being protected by the simmies? Yeah. We've already established that me and Zach know that you got the antenna for the simulator is your tit. Yeah.

That communicates to all the simulator creations down here who are monitoring the game. So, of course, they're not going to knock you out, cuz. Well, something happened, too. They gave you a big head. That's where the fucking Wi-Fi comes through. And I'm slowly starting to figure it out. As time goes on, I'm slowly starting to figure it out. Go ahead.

I may shit my pants if I push too hard. So my grandpa... Yo, guys are fucking are fucking this guy humor right now we're doing guy humor people love it though yeah how funny is fart stuff it's like people people try to act like they don't laugh i don't you could be like the most fucking you know uh comedy you know aficionado fan like the sommelier of comedy you're still gonna laugh privately at a fart joke don't fucking act like you're not as comediansians, we're always chasing the fart. Fart's the funniest thing on the planet. That's what made George Carlin one of the best comedians of all time.

He could tell you in a joke, like, make like the AIDS crisis somehow funny. And then a second later, do a fart joke. Why are farts so funny? Like inherently funny. Because it's just like sounds coming out of your butt. It's about the butt. The butt's funny because burps aren't as funny as farts. No.

But it's the same sound and the same action. And they smell the same. It's just the butt. They don't smell the same. No, but when you get closer, have you ever get a fucking burp that smells just like a hot dog? Yeah, those are bad. Yeah, those are bad. Bad, bad, bad.

So it's the butt. I believe it's got everything to do with the butt. The human butt Is the funniest Thing About any animal In history Yeah

Besides a pseudopenis Yeah I posted A pic of your butt At your colonoscopy On the Instagram page Okay Yeah

By the way Follow us on our Instagram page Go At Bay Ridge Boys Yeah At Bay Ridge Boys We're lighting up Bay Ridge Boys

Fucking getting hot We're getting cute. I posted that picture of us at the Nets game and somebody said, Photoshopped. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. We were there. We were there, motherfucker. Nobody else was.

That place was empty. Empty, empty. My grandpa. So I'm glad you're alive. Yo, I got into a huge car accident when I was 18. Huge, huge. Like I was being an 18-year-old knuckled. Like the firefighters were like, oh, we fully expected to show up and it was going to be

a dead body inside. But I was able to- Look, guys, can I just say this before we go there? Yeah. Next time you're feeling really that tired on the road and it's raining out, I think you got to pull over Magoots. But I was so close to home. I just was like, let me just get there.

Cough up. Why don't you cough? I did. I had. You had coughed up? I had, yeah. You didn't put on Whitney Houston to pep you up? because i had that on all fucking night you did huh whitney yeah so when i was 18 when i had that car accident you know uh there were i thought i was gonna

fucking die too like the car like flipped over and everything but i my grandpa who had died like two years before that he had like a very distinct smell and i smelled him like i smelled that my car smelled like my grandpa it was like very distinct it was like oh it smells like my grams and my grandpa had huge ankles like his ankles look like tumors so i'm wondering i'm wondering if like all these mis imperfections that i have i wonder if grant my grandpa was like my simulator like like if he was like the ultimate simulator bot you know what i mean and if he's the one that's keeping me alive i wonder i wonder if it's him yeah why did it but i always wonder if there's all these mysterious forces looking out for us why do they care if we stay alive for what what the fuck i don't know i want to come maybe because we're entertaining maybe they like us

because we're entertaining you know what it is guys because i can't think of any other reasonable reason why they would look out for us like hey, hey, why am I going to be looking out for this specific dude? This 18-year-old. You were 18. You were probably doing a lot of bad things, right? How many times did you jerk off in that hotel room this weekend? I swear to God, I had... Well, I got there Thursday night, did the show, and then just

went to bed. Friday, I was out. Four Saturday, I was out. Five. You jerked off five times in one night. So nine times in 48 hours. Because. Yeah, I lit it up. That's a little bit of a one night. So nine times in 48 hours. Cuz. Yeah, lit it up. That's a little bit of a problem, no? Yeah, but it's because what was coming out? Was it like air coming out

by the fifth? Nah, cuz. I got a lot of juice. You see my balls? They sag low. You still have milk coming out? Yeah, cuz. I got a fucking...

Yo, I've been drinking oat milk. You gotta drink oat milk. Yeah. Yeah. So you still had glue. I saw glue, yeah. Wow. Cuz, I think

I was watching a little documentary What were you jerking off to? Fucking Pornhub Oh okay Yeah Pornhub That's where I go Queen Elizabeth no?

Pornhub No I was jerking off Pornhub But I can also jerk off to like ESPN Like when SportsCenter's on I'll just jerk off Yeah Like if it's background music I just jerk off to my own thoughts

Yeah I don't need to be like You're hypersexual cuz Yeah but it's going down It's going down You're a't need to be like... You're hypersexual, cuz. Yeah, but it's going down. You're a hypersexual cat. Yeah, I'm a hypersexual cat. You get excited. You get butterflies, right? You feel the excitement and the butterflies?

What, when I'm about to bang out? Yeah, when you're about to treat some girl's face like a construction boom. Yeah, when it's a construction site. Yeah, danger. Men working. What do you do? Butterflies in the stomach? Yeah, but cuz, to be honest with you When it's a construction site. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Danger, men working. Yeah, what do you do? Is it butterflies in the stomach? Butterflies. Yeah, but yo, cuz, to be honest with you, it's kind of like, like I haven't banged out. I haven't, you know, in a long, in like a month or something.

It's just because I just don't, it's like the risk is too much. And I just, the way I feel after it is just like, eh, it's just kind of like, I think I'm hitting that point of maturity where it's like, it's just not worth it. And it's like, I'm just okay jerking off. Yeah. You know, welcome to the club. It's kind of brutal. It's kind of brutal.

Are you at that bar though? Where it's like, you see a beautiful, Zach, are you there yet? No. Yeah. I got seven wives to please. He needs to keep those balls full. He's drinking oat milk. Yeah.

He's drinking. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking brutal. It's just fucking brutal where it's like these girls, like they're beautiful, but it's like, I just don't, I don't want to go on a date. I don't, I just don't care anymore. You don't have the energy.

I don't have the energy. It's like, I would much like five years ago, if you guys were like, you know, you could tell me to do anything. You could be like, yo, we're sitting in the dugout at Yankee stadium. If I had push lined up, I would be like, I can't go. I got to get push. Yeah. Like one of my boys is flying to Florida to bang a girl.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I can't think of a worse thing to do. It's like, what? You're going to get on a plane, fly. It's a fucking free flight, cuz. Have your ears clog up and fucking. Why?

Because he's got a free flight. No, because, you know. Jet blue. Yeah. And the Puss's farm, you know. Yeah. It's not. Yeah. And the puss's farm, you know. Yeah. He's not putting them on

a shish kebab like you are, one after the other. But I'm not anymore. You rack up puss. You ever see them making the gyro meat, making that thing? Putting like little thin slivers of chicken? Yeah. That's how Chrissy's D's puss comes in. Just fucking sliver after sliver, cuz. But I know that that's not going to be like that forever, but I also

feel very... Oh, you're going to blow out bad. Bad, yeah. bad oh when you're a 50 year old man wow wow but i also feel like oh god with that neck tattoo too and your your head's gonna go forward you're gonna be a little hunchback yeah you're still gonna be a funny kid though yeah i'll probably get more tats yeah but you're gonna blow out your your metabolism's going yo cuz i thought of a new tap tell me what you guys think. What? I was thinking about getting, I was thinking about, you know, my daughter was born May 19, 2015.

I was going to Google online what the constellation in the sky was that night and get that tattooed right on my chest. Yeah, do that. Yeah, the big nipper. Yo, fucking. You think that's a good idea or what? Why not? Pete Davidson just got Ariana Grande tattoos.

He's got four girlfriends, all their tattoos on his fucking body. Yeah, that kid is fucking wild. Because he's, you know. Listen. I don't blame people. People, it's like, you know, they live these lives where it's like, I don't know why people do what they do. Because he doesn't even need a fucking publicist.

No. Every girl he dates, he gets a lot of publicity. It's genius. It's genius. Fucking genius. You ask me, it's, as Mr. Pound would say a lot of publicity. It's genius. Fucking genius. If you ask me, it's as Mr. Pond would say, genius. Genius. Genius.

Yeah, we got genius. Genius. So it's true, though, that we run out of energy. I was fucking. Yeah, it's just. This weekend, I added a line to a joke. I said, hey, I just want to share because I thought it was really funny. I was like, if my girl, I'm at that age, my girl, if my fucking fiance cheats on me,

I'm going to be like, look, let's work it through. I was like, just fucking, you're in love with the guy? Have him move in with us. We'll figure, I'll raise his kids. I'm not fucking breaking up or going through that again. Because it's too exhausting. Right, Bardo? Fucking over 40, cuz he was.

Be fucking rich, cuz oh! It's like, look, it's like, look, if I get in a relationship, it's like, in a relationship, it's like, I'm not gonna, like, constantly cheat and get, like,

another wife, but like, as adults, like, if I, you know, if I'm fucking on, you know,

five years from now, if I'm on the road for two weeks and I wanna just, you know, bang somebody out, that's fine, and if she wanted to do it,

just one off, it's like, we're human beings, whatever. It's like, is it worth fucking, you know, being single

to try to go through these rolodex of guys or girls and and you know the problems with the dms i mean in 2018 it's like you know you're banging someone and then you stop banging them they're like oh yeah you know you assaulted me it's like come on yeah you know but you're only 33 no i'm gonna be 34 but i'm a little young for this right that's a little young but maybe because having a kid I'm just Yeah maybe a little bit of that And also like stupid decisions I made in life You're wising up yeah You're getting wised up

Yeah I have four houses now you know Yeah yeah I'm gonna buy another one Yeah you just Yeah You're like a kid who just got an MBA contract Yeah Yeah

But the only difference is I don't have millions of dollars Yeah Like the first The first six months of when We really started hanging out tough was just basically me telling you like, and I'm not even fucking, you know, I'm just a conservative regular guy.

Right. You know, I'm just normal with money. I'm not like a genius with money. I'm just fucking normal with it. Yeah. The first six months was me going like, yeah, no, you shouldn't do that. Not that. And you're like, yeah, no, I shouldn't.

How come? It's not normal to buy an elephant? That's crazy? Yeah, but I was going to say elephant. Remember, I bought $700 Jordans that had elephant print on them. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, but this shirt's $300, but it's got a giraffe with tattoos on it. Yeah, because I'm going to move in this building because I want to work out with Sergio in the gym.

Yo. I was like, all right. Well, now I got somebody taking over that actually today. Is it Phil Hanley? Yeah. Oh, good. Who also has a podcast on RideCast. Yo. I was like, all right. Well, now I got somebody taking over that actually today. Is it Phil Hanley? Yeah. Oh, good. Who also has a podcast on ridecast.com. Yeah.

And he's got a roof over his head now. And he's got a roof over his head now. For a couple months. Yeah, at least for a few months. Then he's going to go, bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye, bye. Do you like NSYNC? Are you a big NSYNC fan?

NSYNC, Justin Timberlake, J.C. Chavez, Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, Lance Bass. You love horrible music. I like my favorite bands. Honestly, I love In Sync. I like Backstreet Boys. I like a little bit of 98 Degrees. Whitney Houston, obviously. Ace of Bass.

I can listen to them all day. SWV, Sisters With Voices. Brandy, Moesha. And you're not being funny. I'm not being funny. This is dead serious. I mean, this is what my Missyha. And you're not being funny. I'm not being funny. This is dead serious. I mean, this is what my Missy Elliott, this is what my iTunes are. Like Governor's Ball was this week or last week when you guys did the podcast.

I didn't know one band besides Eminem. I knew nobody on that thing. And they were like, how do you not know the fucking yeah, yeah, yeahs? I'm like, I just don't know who they are. Yeah. Yeah. You got bad musical taste. I got bad musical taste.

You're definitely a true blue psychopath. Yeah, I got bad musical taste. I got bad musical taste. You're definitely a true blue psychopath. Yeah, I got bad musical taste. And I was watching The Crown on Netflix over the NBA Finals. You didn't watch the NBA Finals? I mean, I watched a little bit of it. Because it's just been the Warriors and the Cavs. I don't care anymore. Yeah.

You know what's going to happen. The Warriors are going to win. If I was Adam Silver, honestly, I would try to implement some kind of rule that you can't make super teams. It's not good for your league. You can't fault the Warriors organization for putting together such a great team. I mean, none of those picks were lottery picks. No, I know. They built that team like the Yankees, and they got one free agent.

So it's basically the same thing. But here's the thing. Yankees and they got one free agent. So it's basically the same thing. But here's the thing. Because I was thinking about it like, is it hypocritical of me to be mad at the Warriors or just find the game annoying now and boring because I'm a big Yankees fan.

But I remember in 2000 when it was the Yankees-Mets, it was Yankees-Mets, which is like the subways. It was like a New York thing. I was like, I didn't care about it because the Yankees, I'm just sick and tired of seeing the Yankees, even though I'm a huge Yankee fan. And then they got there the next year. It was like, I didn't care about it. Because the Yankees, I'm just sick and tired of seeing the Yankees. Even though I'm a huge Yankee fan. And then they got there the next year.

It's like, I don't even, I just don't like. That doesn't even make sense. Things need to change. You got sick of seeing the Yankees? I know. Yeah, you need to be fucking put down. I mean, I wanted them to win. Yeah.

Because they're there, I wanted them to win. But I just, I mean, I know you love it. Because who. Because I'm a Yankee fan. I would never say, the words would never come out of my mouth. I'm sick of seeing the Yankees, especially the World Series. You need to be fucking put down. You need to be fucking put down.

Isn't all the Warriors Cavs finals just one big blur? You can't tell one from the other. I know the same bullshit. I'll answer your question. Except Cavs came back 3-1. That was the only one that was dope. I'll answer your question with a question of my own. Yeah.

Is it justice? Is it justice? Is it justice if I say, cuz, you want to sail? And you go, hey, we're going to take the ferry. I go, no, we're not taking the ferry today. I got us a nice little sailboat. Me and you, we're going to sail around the bay of New York City. Yeah. And think about when the revolutionary troops were watching the British troops come in.

Okay. And you're like, I'm game. Boom. So we go out there. I bring a couple beers to throw you off, make you think we're sitting out there. And then fucking talented Mr. Ripley style. I take whatever freaking anchor I got there and bash you over the head. Repeatedly watch you blow out.

Well, you go, why? Because then I kick you over and fucking watch a beluga whale eat your body, cuz. Cuz sharks aren't big enough to eat your butt. So it'd need to be safe. It would have to be a whale.

Would that be justice for you saying you're sick of seeing the Yankees in the fucking World Series? That would be justice, cuz, as long as, cuz I'm a true patriot

and we're, you know, a revolutionary war tour, you play Yankee Doodle Dandy as I went down. Cuz, you can't be a Yankee fan and say you're sick of seeing a Yankee. I'm not sick of seeing a Yankee. In the fucking World Series. I wasn't.

And it wasn't 2000. It was really more 2001, where I was like, it's just, I mean, I like. 2001 was one of the greatest sporting events in human history. I know. Yankee feedback. And it was the most painful thing. I know. And you were sick of it.

That didn't excite you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Behind bars is where you need to be. Yeah, yeah. You're not supposed to be out in society. I don't know what fucking excites me anymore. Yeah, that's a psychopathic trait. You're a fucking true blue psychopath.

My mom was like horrified to hear. She was like, you need to go on medication. I was up for this pilot on Amazon and it didn't get picked up. So my mom was asking me about it. She was like, have you heard anything about that pilot? Wait, is that the one you were in?

I was in, yeah. Yeah, didn't get picked up. But you got that picture. But I got that picture. And you also figured out that you look good in red wing shoes. Yeah. And then you bought a pair. That's when you made the decision you were going to get red wing shoes. Yeah, cop.

You were all sneakers and then you got those red wings. I got those red wings. Because your character was wearing those red wings hell yeah you're fucking wild wild so so i got um so she's like she's like uh she was like oh don't worry about it honey you know when one door closes another opens and i was like mom stop it's not true i was like that's not a true saying i was like life is just hard sometimes and it doesn't go your way. I was like, the same thing with Catholicism. It's all bullshit. I'm like, just stop.

What are you doing? I know. I was like, mom, can we? I was like, we're both adults now. What are you doing? I was like, when you call me, can you just not, can you just think about what you want to say? And she was like, what are you talking about?

What are you doing, Chris? I know. I just lost my mind. How old's your mom? She's 60. So you think a 60-year-old woman's going to be like, you know what? Yeah. Yeah. I've been thinking about it all wrong, son. A 60-year-old woman's going to be like, you know what? Yeah. Yeah.

I've been thinking about it all wrong, son. A 60-year-old woman from Queens? Yeah. I'll just do it. Yeah. I know. She said, you know, because. I was wrong.

I know I'm wrong. Why are you going to ruin her day? I mean. I was wrong. I know. Completely wrong. Jesus. But I was like, maybe it's depression.

Maybe. But maybe. The point is what I'm bringing up is maybe that's why, like, with the finals, I'm just like, eh, maybe I'm fucking deeply depressed, cuz, and you don't want to help me out. Cuz, I don't think you're depressed at at all you're not a depressive personality you're an anxious personality there's two types of personalities they fall either you ever notice people either sway one way or they sway the other way okay they either sway towards anxiousness or they sway towards depression it's really what it is you're on a scale it's just like the sexuality scale either you're like this guy or you're like fucking i need to get some pause over there and then everyone

and then me and you we're fucking closer to this because we're like that but you sway closer to the anxious not the depressed because you know it was interesting when i was in connecticut because i was you know walking around it was fucking so it was like 100 degrees out in connecticut and i hate the heat i fucking hate i gotta go to vegas this week it's 105 i fucking hate i'm thinking of or thinking of ways to cancel but you're gonna have friends with you though i'm gonna have the irishman good kid good kid he's good energy he's gonna want to sit in a basement and drink beers that's what he does well you used to that yeah patty flat balls balls yeah um uh So I went and visited Mark Twain's house, because I didn't need to be indoors. Because I'm going to tell you guys a fact about Mark Twain right now.

It's going to blow your full mind. Mark Twain. Okay? Fucking. First of all, as you've said, the first comic. The first, like, he was like the first national comic. He was pretty much, he toured, gave speeches, and wrote punchlines. Well, yeah.

So he was like the first standing touring comedian. He was. They called him a humorist, but he would pack theaters out for his speeches, but they were all funny. They were all funny. And he would have dinner parties, and people were like, we just want to hear your jokes. He was born in 1835. hailey's comet hailey's comet like you know the uh the comet that comes through the earth it's trapped in like the earth's gravity but it comes around it's

trapped in the gravity of the universe comes around every 74 to 76 years so the day he was born nice the day he was born hailey's comet hailey's comet came into uh the atmosphere like it was seen it was that day so throughout his life he was like i feel i feel like i'm one with hailey's comet like i'm just hailey's it was all about hailey's comet for him he loved he's like whatever and then when he was 75 or 74 he said i have a good feeling a very strong feeling i'm gonna die the next time hailey comets hailey's comet appears appears in the atmosphere said i'm gonna die he said because i feel like i was dropped off by hailey's comet and i'll be picked up by hailey's comet we're one in the same and lo and behold that motherfucker died the very the very day that haley's comet reappeared in the atmosphere is this something he said or something attributed to him i

don't i don't buy mark twain saying that what do you mean because he's basically saying the same thing that that colton los angeles said he said it yeah cool remember that colton los angeles google mark twain haley's comment yep he. He said, I expect to die. I came into this world with Haley's Comet. He said he'd actually be disappointed. It would be the greatest disappointment of his life if he didn't go out with Haley's Comet. And then did he do? He did.

He died on the day Haley's Comet reappeared in the atmosphere. Wow. Isn't that funny? Fucking wow. Especially since Haley's C comment Is just like a fucking rock Yeah Flying through space But he felt like

A connection to it But it's fucking wild That is cute Yeah that's cute That is cute That's wild And He died one day

After it appeared When he guessed it would The year that it showed up The day after he died He died Samuel Clemens Samuel Clemens Real name

The white suit Like the synonymous white suit Tail end of his life Most of his life He didn't have that white suit. Really? Yeah, no. He didn't.

He just. What was he wearing? He was just wearing like other kinds of suits. Sandals? Never sandals. He was a shoe guy. He lived a lot. He lived a life that was kind of like everybody in his family, you know, his wife died, his

kids died. Only one kid outlived him. He watched a lot of Heartbreak. And most of the shit that he wrote, most of mark twain's life majority of his life i think 70 years like or like yeah well not counting time he was a little kid he was broke he had no he lived off his wife's money that big mansions that he had it was all his wife's money and he only started to make money at the end of his life when he's when the uh the publisher was like you got to go on tour to sell these books.

And then he started making those speeches. Wow. So he really is like a modern day comic. Yeah, yeah. No money. His whole life. He had a wealthy wife. His books were like girl code.

You didn't get paid from MTV, but you cashed in on the road. And he lived right next door to Harriet Beecher Stowe. Yeah, that's wild. That's wild. So Harriet Beecher Stowe was living there. And she was at that time the most famous American. And uncle tom's cabin she wrote exactly and then twainy boy came in and twain was gaining steam as america's most famous american did they hook up no they they barely hung out because they both they both felt like they were the most famous americans

and they they kind of didn't like each other they were jealous she was but she he also she was only alive for five years when mark she was at the end of her life and mark twain was like kind of didn't like each other. They were jealous. She was. But she also she was only alive for five years when Mark. She was at the end of her life. And Mark Twain was like kind of in the middle of his. Yeah. So but his kids used to go. His kids would go. But they said that they really it wasn't like a love.

You would think like the two most famous. It would be. They were saying it was like if like, you know, like LeBron James and Beyonce lived like right across the street. So they were really kind of jealous of each other. A little bit. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It was interesting. I mean, that's a shame. James and Beyonce lived like right across the street so they were really kind of jealous of each other a little bit yeah wow yeah it was interesting I mean that's a shame

they just been better if they could have been nice neighbors and they said like Mark Twain like why they think he was so successful and like or why he attributes his success is like every a lot of other writers at the time and everybody was about work work work work you got to sit down with your pen on the paper or your fingers

on the typewriter for 10 hours a day and just write, hammer stuff out, hammer stuff out. He would never do that. He would sit down and write for a minute or two if he felt like it. And then if he wants to play billiards all day and drink and smoke sticks, that's what he would do. Have his boys come up. He would only write when inspired.

And even if it went a year with him writing nothing, he didn't care. Yeah. And when he was inspired, he would write his work. Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer. All that shit. I actually saw the exact- He wrote some cute stuff. Exactly.

The exact place where he wrote Huckleberry Finn. You did? Yeah. That's where they say he sat down and he just wrote. He wrote it in like a couple of months. He just wrote it. Did you ever read Huckleberry Finn? I did when I was a kid, but I forgot.

I did buy a book, though, with like mark twain like little quote quotes and quips you want to know my favorite mark twain quote is yes uh this is probably going to be the one that i asked you about now if god wanted us to speak more than we were supposed to listen he would have given us two mouths instead of two ears okay yeah yeah i mean yeah he also had like a sense of humor big time sense of humor yeah we're not responding to those so don't get discouraged because those are good but we just want to keep them in the flow you know because that's fucking that's good i like when those come in yeah yeah 20 boy he was it was fucking kind of uh it was dope like he wrote he was like he would do like he kind of like they're saying

was like uh the first like prank writer like he would write things like he he got hired to be a writer um for some local newspaper and he was like he wrote like something like 500 men dead and explosion blah blah blah blah blah and then like at the end it was like that never happened you know something like they would get fired for shit like that. Mark Twain wasn't his real name because back then writing the books that he wrote with like the black character Jim, the slave and all that. And just was revolutionary. He was against slavery and things like that. And you can tell in his book. Yeah.

You know, with the. He against slavery, against religion too. Yeah. Yeah, and just having those morals in his book was so revolutionary at the time and unpopular in a lot of ways that he wrote under a pseudonym. Makes things easier. Yeah, and people— Who's this Mark Twain guy? Doesn't exist. People would come to his house parties and ask, hey, is Mark Twain here?

And they would, like, people, like his family, would laugh. They'd be like, you know, Mark Twain doesn't exist. Yeah. His name is Samuel Clemens. And people would come take the train from California, like a two-week journey to meet Mark Twain. Mark Twain memorabilia, all that. Nobody knew that his name was Samuel Clemens except the people close to him. Because he was born in Florida. Did you know that?

Yeah. That's fucking wild. I thought it was Missouri. He was born in Missouri. You're right. Yeah, because Florida, Missouri. We were both right. Florida, Missouri. I didn't even know there was. Yo, how come there's another state inside of another state? Yo, Florida, Missouri.

Bay fucking Ridge, cuzzo. Cuz. That's something that somebody from Bay Ridge might say. Bay Ridge. Yo, he's from Florida, Missouri? How the fuck did Florida get inside of Missouri? Yo, it's two states in one. That's fucking wild. Fuck outta here. Yeah. He's, uh, but he's, uh, he's dead in a cemetery It's two states in one. That's fucking wild. Fuck out of here. Yeah.

But he's dead in a cemetery in New York. Yeah. I think it was Elmira, New York, something like that. Good memory. Yeah. I really enjoyed the Mark Twain house. The kid who was given the tour had fucking John McCain arms. He couldn't lift his arms above his shoulder.

And I was like, what the hell happened? He told me that he ripped delts the night before that's what he said he was like i was blowing out shoulders and he couldn't lift up his arms yeah he was raised in hannibal missouri yeah hannibal burris yeah hannibal burris and he would um he would like play with his boy he had no aspirations to be a writer he would just play with his friends you know he was like doing like some he was a riverboat pilot for a little while yeah yeah and he just was like you know what know what? Then somebody gave him a job and he started to write. And then he took that pseudonym Mark Twain because he was working on a boat. And Mark Twain means it's like some boating term. It means like when you take on.

Oh, Mark Twain means I think when you're in 12 feet of water. And that's like a sign. They would say, oh, we're Mark Twain now. And that means like smooth sailing once you're in 12 feet. So that's why he took Mark Twain meant like smooth sailing yeah he was he failed in a lot of businesses too he spent the reason why he was broke

he put all his money in whatever was rivaling the typewriter at that time which just got crushed I forgot what it was called but he put almost all his money in that but it was the typewriter that would like take off so he just used his wife's inheritance that's all it was blow it out that sounded like a fart and a queef i think you got a push did you go post-op because is that why

you're tired you're tired from the surgery he's been putting it to the front to the front of his ass yeah it's your queen for now. Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you. You know what I had for breakfast today? What? Oreo cheesecake. Whoa.

Yeah. Why? From where? I had it left over in my, from yesterday. Where'd you order from? I went wild yesterday

with food. I went to Buffalo's Wild Wings. Up in Levity. Levity Live. Nyack. Yeah. Thank you for, there was a couple

fucking high history hyena fans came out. Wild Wings. Up in Levity. Levity Live. Nyack, come here. Thank you for... There was a couple fucking High History Hyena fans came out. Kayo! Kayo-ka-ka-ka-ka. Thank you for coming out. Yeah, I got up there early. I had Buffalo Wild Wings. By yourself. Yeah, by myself. That's a true sign of depression. With onion rings. Wow.

I had... And then at the club, I had Meat Lovers Pizza. Whoa! And then afterwards, club I had Meat lovers pizza Whoa And then afterwards We went and watched the game Me and Angelo And his son We went and watched the game

And we had A little blow We did a little blow Well he was I mean I've never seen anyone Drink as much alcohol As Angelo

Angelo is not gonna be with us For that much longer It's brutal It's brutal Yeah it's good while it lasted And then Yeah we had like 15 different appetizers

Cause it was happy hour. So I mixed a lot of different shit. Yeah. And that's the brew that's going on. But I've been on the toilet all morning, cuz. Solid shit. Yo, let's call your boy. Go to GI, dog.

Nah, yeah, you know, it's just one of those days I was happy I didn't have anything to do in the morning so I could stay close to the toilet. Yeah. Because, you know, I had to go like five, six rounds with Rhea. You feel good though now, right now? You feel good? It's a little, I feel a little, you know. Yeah.

Like, you know, when you do war with diarrhea, you know, it takes it out of you a little bit. Because you think maybe you're sad because your dog eats children? Yeah. My dog is scared of kids. Yeah. Over the weekend, last weekend, Giannis' dog attacked my child. And I'm going to sue him.

Yeah. She put her hand out. She, yeah. Dog took it. That was depressing. Yeah. I could tell you were upset about that because that's why I brought it up. I want to really get to the bottom of it.

It's brutal. Yeah. You all right? I mean, what are you going to do? Now, let me ask you a question. Just throw her off a building. Yeah. I'm saying if it's going to attack kids because you want me to fucking, you want me to dismember

and throw it off the top of the Empire State Building, I'll do that for you. Yeah, we might have to do that. I don't that for you. Yeah, we might have to do that. I don't care about animals. Yeah, we might have to do that. Nah, we'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll figure it out. Because you know what's the good news, though? If, you know, worse comes to worse and you got to give the dog away, that opens up the

couch. I could sleep over again. Yeah. You know, it's hopefully something that we can train out of her because it's like, right? You're saying, yeah, right? Exactly. Because I have two dogs and I actually have a dog that's scared of children and i have children in my house like all the time they're just unfamiliar with the sound and the size of them and everything right

like i've heard that they see them as puppies yeah so some dogs are good with puppies too but you can you can definitely train that out of them the whole child thing yeah we gotta do that it is fucking depressing though it's brutal because you're like, yeah, you know, that's the only way I would get rid of a dog. If I if that because you can't have that. You can't have a dog. Because one of my boys is texting me asking me, ask Giannis if he tried to buy snooze today. They put out a new tax. They're twenty five dollars each now.

Snooze. Snooze. My boy Otis Worm is saying they just put a new tax on him and they're twenty five each. I just bought this downstairs for eight bucks. He's saying no, fuckface. They put a tax 25 bucks per snooze? That's what he's saying. Time to quit.

Time to quit. Time to fucking quit. I gotta quit anyway. I mean, I'm swallowing this fucking tobacco jizz. Cuz. Can't be good for me, cuz. Nah, cuz. Nah, can't be good for me.

Cuz, I watched Braveheart. I watched six hours of Braveheart. I have shit memorized. Well, I learned about you this weekend. I learned that you- Can, I watched Braveheart. I watched six hours of Braveheart. I have shit memorized. Well, I learned about you this weekend. I learned that you- Can I just do Braveheart off the top of my dome? Do it. Do it.

I'm not- Wow. I'm not reading this. Yeah. This is from pure- This is how you know you watch a movie too much. I've been saying it all fucking weekend. Yeah.

Run, and you'll live. Fight, and you may die. But, when you're dying in your your beds many, many years from now, would you be? Lucky and funny, cuz. Lucky and funny. I don't know if you got the chops, cuz. Why? I mean, that's brutal.

Yeah. Yeah. Fight. Put a little acting into it. Put a little acting into it. Fight and you'll die. Run. You may live.

That's how he says it. Yeah, but put a little acting. You look like a kid who just got lollies. You look special Put a little acting into it. Fight and you'll die. Run. You may live. That's how he says it. Yeah, but put a little acting. You look like a kid who just got lollies. You look special needs a little bit. Run and you'll live. Do it like you're in the scene. Run and... Okay, but I can't do it with the Scottish accent. They're watching you on Patreon. Yeah, do it with the fucking Scottish accent. You sound like a special kid right now. Okay.

Fight and you may die. Run and you'll live. But... But... But dying in your beds many, many years from now would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that to have one chance, just one chance to look at your enemy and say

you can take my life but you'll never take my freedom! I wish I had a barf bag. What do you think? That was fucking Brutes. Toast Brutes. Brutes my goods. Yeah, that was Brutes. Legit. Fight and you will live. Die and you will say.

Fight and you'll live. Fight and you will live. That's how he says it. He goes, fight and you'll live. Run. No, fight and you'll die. Run. You're my life. That's what he says. Oh, there you go. A little Scottish there. Run. No. No. Fight and you'll die. Run. You're my left. That's what he says. Oh, there you go. A little Scottish there. He hates Jews.

Hates Jews. Zach, big fan of Mel Gibson. Love him. Yeah. Yeah. Michelle Wolf had a good bit on her show about Mel Gibson yesterday. She had an app called Juber, where Mel Gibson's just in the back of your Uber yelling Jews. How's the show?

Is it good? Michelle Wolf Show. Honestly, I watched the episode today. It was great. Yeah. Yeah, I fucking like it. I haven't checked it out yet. I'm going to check it out.

I love that. Shout out Michelle Wolf. Everyone that started comedy with me, it's blowing right past me. Yeah, that's just one of the things that happens in comedy. Yeah, I got nothing besides the honest and the hyena. Yeah, I mean, it's not a big deal.

And look, everything goes up and goes down. I was talking, you know, this was probably the least I've drawn at Levity. Still decent. We had one show that was decent. Is that why you're eating an Oreo cheesecake the next morning for breakfast? Yeah. Yeah. But then Angelo was telling me he was opening like a weekend before for, what's his name?

Trevor Noah? No. Trevor Noah. So, sold out. Sold out. Cute kid. Handsome kid, Trevor Noah, no? Cute kid. Big dick, you think, or no? I would think no. Yeah. Trevor Noah sold out. Sold out. Cute kid. Handsome kid, Trevor Noah, no? Cute kid.

Big dick, you think, or no? I would think no. Yeah. I would think no. Definitely no Cirque, because he's South African. They don't Cirque out. I would think no. No.

I don't think he has a pace. Yeah. But what's the guy I'm trying to think of? Pablo Francisco. Oh, Francisco. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, it was empty like that for him, too. Remember, that kid made like $6 million one year.

Jeez, when was that? Recently it was empty? Yeah, last time he opened for him, yeah. So it goes up, it goes down. Yeah, I know. It goes up, it goes down. But that's why a guy like a Dov Davidoff, who invests properly, that's why we make a little bucks. You invest money, you don't got to fucking worry about the financial. You always why we make a little bucks. You invest money.

You don't got to fucking worry about the financial. You always want to see the house fall. But basically, if you want to fucking, you know, we got to buy properties. Yeah, you got to invest. That's why I got a spot. We both got spots. And you got to save your money.

Got to save the money. You got to save your money, yeah. Yeah. Can't be on the road. I mean, because I don't know. I'll probably get off the road 60s. I'll be done. Yeah.

I mean, I'm not going to be on the road fucking. I'm not going to be doing that 70s, 80s, doing comedy. Because if Bay Ridge Boys and History of Hyenas, when it takes off and we're selling out wall to wall because the Hyenas are starting to come out of their packs, out of the Serengeti, and starting to kind of like civilize themselves and come and show up for shows, we're going to be good to go. We will be good to go. We'll be good to go. And I do want to give a shout out to Layla.

She came to the show. Layla from? From. We got to go eat some bagels down there. Let's go eat some bags. Yeah. Brothers Bagels, right? Brothers fucking.

No, not Brothers Bagels. No, no. That's the wrong place to promote. Bread and bagel. Shit. I wish we had that fucking queued up in my memory. What is it, Bardo? What is it?

I want to give her a shout out. Because we want to give these people a shout out. Because I've actually been there and it's fucking legit. Yeah, they have like four spots. Yeah. They have like four spots. It's Brother... Bread Brothers.

Bread Brothers. Bread Brothers. They got like... Have a carb or two. Yeah, Bread Brothers got great bagels. They're doing great. She came out to the show. Very nice Sunday night.

I got to meet her. We're going to meet her We're gonna meet again Huge huge supporter Of this podcast Thank you so much Of the Bay Ridge Boys Thank you so much And if you're in New York City

Go get yourself a bagel Bagel bagel bagel bagel bagel At Bread Brothers That was like a commercial Imagine that was the way we did sponsorship. What's the fucking name of the place again? Bread Brothers. Bread Brothers.

And by the way, Zach, thank you so much. Found a picture that we got up in our lab here of what looks like a baby hyena with a full-grown lion's head in its mouth. A detached, decapitated lion's head. I've seen this pic before. We've seen this pic before. I've jerked off to this. The one with the elephant foot rivals this.

I watched a great nature video today that I highly recommend. What's it called? You Google it. It's a puma trying to get a sloth in a tree. Is it quick? Can we pull it up right now and commentate on it? You can probably pull it up. It's fucking wild. He fails so many times, the puma,

and then the puma actually sharpens his own claws on a dead tree next to him. He scrapes his claws, and it helps him climb the tree, and he finally grabs his fucking sloth. I mean, I don't know why nature's made sloth this slow, but then I did some research, and sloths getting killed by predators is actually pretty rare so how though because they go so high they go so high they're usually in the trees but when they come down they always get fucking eaten but can't like an eagle or something get it

um they can't get into the branches like that you know so it's like they get but yeah they get plucked up yeah plucked up plucked up plucked up, plucked up. Plucked up and plucked out. I know you've done it already with Ted, but do we got to go for like a history, a trip? Do we got to go to a safari? Do we have to do that? We do have to do that. Okay. That's something we're going to have to do. Because what if I want to run out and pet a lion?

I'm done then, huh? Yeah, you'd be done. Because you know if you really want to kill me, all you got to do is fucking smear some Nutella and throw a Mickey Mantle jersey on one of those lines. I'll run right up to it. Did you see that pic I tagged you in a Mickey Mantle? Yeah, but I didn't look at what was it? He's just jacked out his forearms, right? Yeah.

But like, how dope was that? He's like throwing the baseball helmet. It's just a beautiful photo. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you don't care. You don't care. You don't have any fucking artistic inclinations whatsoever. Yeah.

Whatever. Like, you know, you're pop. You're like't care. You don't have any fucking artistic inclinations whatsoever. I mean, whatever. You're pop. You're like a pop guy. Yeah, I'm pop. You're not into art. You're not into art. You don't want to go to a museum. You want to learn history?

I want to listen to fucking Ace of Base. Because I would go to the museum, but you and I fucking... Just to hang out with me, though. Because I figured out what animal you were in a previous life. It took this weekend until it fucking hit me. You were a dog. Oh, a dog. That's right.

That's right. Because look, I mean, look, I feel like we were all, I feel like Indians had it right. We were reincarnated probably and we were all animals

in previous lives. Yeah. Your last life, you were a dog. Dog. Twain loved dogs. You knew that. Yeah, he loved dogs.

Yeah. And dogs can't be alone. Dogs are pack animals. They need to be around people. That's you. You don't like being alone. No, I don't like being alone. Dude, if you went to jail around people that's you you don't like being alone no i don't like being alone dude if you went to jail solitary confinement you wouldn't you wouldn't make it no no you can't make it but i mean i don't think you know yeah i don't want to

go you're not good alone because by the way i watched killer in the family a couple i couldn't i couldn't watch i watched the most uncomfortable thing i watched that first episode couldn't do i couldn't do anymore most uncomfortable thing it's worth you watch every episode i worked watch the first two it is worth it to sit through that just to understand how fucking crazy human beings are yeah killer in the family it's a doctor it's bizarre and the woman who does it is dope she's a forensic criminal psychologist guess what she's fucking cute yeah yeah no fumes right no that's clear no fumes i mean maybe they eat a little no i don't think no fumes yeah yeah no fumes right no that's clear no fumes i mean maybe they eat a little no i don't think no fumes yeah yeah i mean because the fact that this killer i forgot uh their last name was austin

he killed his wife and then took his kids home picked his kids up from school like nothing happened gave him fish and chips put him tucked them in they were like where's your mom they're like oh she's just late for work and then wait until they fell asleep and just killed his kids. Killed his kids too. Yeah. Yeah, just snapped. Yeah. So basically it's like a four or six part documentary about people who kill their,

wipe out killers they call them. Yeah. And they kill their own family. Yeah. And it's worth it to watch though just because of the personality traits that are in there because the woman is a profiler. Yeah. So it's like there are clear as day signs that this person could be that.

Yeah. It's pretty wild. It's brutes, my goose. So I recommend you watch it just in case you're in a relationship with somebody and they seem a little selfish, self-centered, socially awkward. Yeah. Self-centered, socially awkward, narcissistic. Narcissistic. Controlling.

Controlling. It's always meant, but it's like, you know what, when I was watching that documentary, it's like, yeah, I know guys like that. Like, the insecurity in men is fucking wild. Yeah. Like, when you see a real insecure dude, it's sad. Yeah. Like, I got fat left titties, and I, you know what I mean? But like, and I'm not gonna take my shirt off. You're carefree, yeah.

But I don't care. Dude, it's like, yeah, I get it. If a girl wants to leave me, it's like, yeah, it sucks. But like, I'll just keep, keep fucking moving. Yeah, but you got a cute face. That's what, if you didn't have a cute face, you might be insecure. Imagine you were born with not a cute face. Yeah. To match that body.

Yeah. Cause you, you know, the universe is balanced like that. That's what I love about the universe. Yeah. You got a cute face. Yeah. But your feet do look like that you owed somebody money and they put those feet in a vice for you. And I do have a butt like a Kardashian.

Yeah, you do. Why? You're going to blow out bad. You got to enjoy it now. Yeah. Yeah. You may blow out in your 40s. Because you know what I just had downstairs?

I had an oatmeal ball, it's called. Pretty good. Yeah, you're staying healthy. That's pretty good. Yo, do you got this video, Zach? He's got it queued up. But it's a little long. But see the beginning and the end.

Yeah, because when he swipes him, it's fun. Because when he actually swipes him at the end, it's almost like he takes him like, come on, get the fuck over here. He kind of just swipes him quick. By the way, guys, before we start this video, I want to just give a shout out to anyone listening who's not a Patreon member. Join our Patreon page, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. And if you don't want to join our Patreon and you know a baker who can bake me and Giannis a hyena cake with a pseudo penis, it'd be greatly appreciated. Email us at BRB dot Patreon at Gmail dot com.

Right. Is that the right website? Correct. That's the email, right? Correct. BRB dot Patreon at Gmail dot com. Yeah. Email us if you guys know a baker, if you yourself are a baker.

We would love to have a hyena cake with a pseudo penis. Absolutely. We're still waiting for it. My birthday is August 26th, and Giannis' is August 25th. Correct. So if you want to get that to us in time for our birthday, that'd be a nice little birthday surprise. That would be a really nice thing you did for us.

Who I'm really talking to is Rafael DeLuca, or Chris the Teacher, super fans. You guys find it and make it happen. Get that fucking cake with the pseudo penis. Jen Bacacca said she was going to cook it for us. Jenny B., you better come through. She's going to bake it. Remember, birthday, August 25th, August 25th, August 26th. We're probably going to try to put together a live hyena show for that day.

We're working on it. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's see the beginning of this. Watch this. I love the narrator, too. Oh, we got no volume. Look at dude. Stop fucking using the computer to look up different forms of plutonium.

We got no volume. But look at how slow they move. Yeah. That's slow cuz. I mean. Slow. Because if you're a puma and you want to eat something like that, that looks good. Yo, look at how wild. Look at how psychopathic pumas look in their face.

I mean, monsters, you don't have to worry about, like, make-believe monsters. The monsters are here on Earth. I mean, look at that thing. A stone-cold killer. Look at it. All he wants to do is get up that tree and kill that fucking thing. I read some kind of fact that it's either pumas or cheetahs or jaguars, or maybe all of them can jump

10 feet with 50 pounds of meat in their mouth. Leopard. Leopard. I mean, how nuts is that? Yeah. Leopards are the strongest. Actually, pound for pound, leopards are the strongest cat, but they're kind of little. Tigers are actually the strongest fucking cat.

Why doesn't the sloth just go all the way to the top? Because look how fast he's moving, cuz. He's trying. That's top speed. Look at that thing. Look at how scary that thing looks, a puma. Look at that face. Look at that thing.

You think a puma could take me out? I mean, as quick as day. For the third time, he's going to leap at Luana. Look, he keeps trying. He's like, fuck. And he gets this far. And then, can't duck, can't duck. This time, Khan has reached higher.

Oh, now it's stuck in the vagina of the tree. Yeah, this video was interesting because the whole time I'm rooting for the sloth. But tumble to the ground. Yeah, but it's also kind of a story of perseverance. I was going to say perseverance because it's not like it's also Kind of a story of like Perseverance I was gonna say perseverance Cause it's not like It gets to a point And it's like takes a rest

It has to go all the way To the bottom And try again Yeah And like he really does persevere This is really like a Story about like Hey man keep trying

Well I mean it's I mean if he doesn't If he doesn't get this thing He's gonna be He's gonna die Yo sloths look I'm sorry they look a little Like special

Cause in their faces. I got a friend, one of the guys I grew up with, his name is Sean. He looks just like a sloth. Me and my boys send pictures of group chat. Look, look, he's sharpening his nails. Look at how smart this cat is. He's sharpening his nails so he can hold on to the tree better. Yo, he's got a nice butt.

He does have a cute ass. What's this sloth doing? Aerobics? Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? It's not the time, cuz. Keep fucking climbing. Yo, maybe the sloth had a deathobics? Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? It's not the time, cuz. Keep fucking climbing. Yo, maybe the sloth had a death wish. I mean, this fucking...

Maybe he went home and his wife was getting pounded out by a fucking... I realize that Luana might be giving him another chance. I mean, this is so sad. I mean, the sloths are a little special. Look at that face. I mean, he's like... Google Puma versus sloth, guys, and you'll see what we're talking about. I mean, look at him.

I mean, this is... Oh, yeah, we're going to put this up on about. I mean, look at him. I mean, this is brutal. Oh, yeah, we're going to put this up on Patreon. Well, they could find it, you know. No, but we're going to put it up, though, for you guys. Yeah, we'll put it up for you. Why not? He's like, yo, look. Look at this.

Wow. He sharpens his nails again. Because his nails are like fucking stainless steel. Yeah. Look at those nails. Yeah, yeah. No, those nails will cut your face wide open. They'll cut your jugular right out, right?

Right open. I mean, he's built to kill. It's a puma. Nice sneakers, too, in the 80s. Yeah. But look, he thinks he's all right. I mean, this sloth's got to keep going. Once more, he gets his momentum and leafs.

This time, look. We're getting higher. Go around the other side. Yep, there we go. Figured it out. Figured it out. That was the fucking riddle. See, look. We're getting higher. Go around the other side. Yep. There we go. Figured it out. Figured it out. That was the fucking riddle.

See, kids? Perseverance. Knock. Knock. This guy's tumbling down again. Yo, but this Puma don't give up because guess what? He's like Chrissy D and that sloth is a bowl in the towel. Yeah, I got to get it in my mouth.

Because what about the paw burn he must have? He has paw burn. Yeah. He got paw burn. Bad. Bad. Bad. Does it again. Sharpen it again. Oh, but did burn he must have? He has paw burn, yeah. You got paw burn. Bad, bad, bad. Does it again. Oh, but did you see that? Here we go.

Here we go. Motherfucker, look. When he gets him, it's almost like, get over here, motherfucker. Like, he's mad at him that he made him work. Like, get the fuck over here. And that's it. Now, this is the brutal part. Why?

Because, watch. You'll see. The sloths hold on. The sloths holds on with all its strength. And he's just hanging on the flesh. The puma is suspended in midair, hanging onto the tree by his fangs, which have sunk into Diana's flesh. And I watched the shot of the sloth's face. One last glimpse at the sloth's face.

Look, this is the face of a sloth that's fucked. Here we go. Oh, my god. I mean, it's not funny, but it's like this guy's done. Fucking brutal. He's like, ah. And decides that his immobile battle has lasted long enough. So now what?

He just breaks his neck? Yeah, Puma's just had enough. Like, come here. I mean, what are you going to do? Are you going to hold on? I mean, you've got to give credit to life. I mean, that sloth was so done, but it was still trying to hold on. And yeah, then he just eats him on the ground.

I mean, that's what it is. Yeah, unfortunately. That's what it is. That's life, though, right? That's why it's like when one door opens, another closes. It's bullshit. Did you feel anything when you watched it? Did you feel bad for the sloths?

A little bit, actually. Did you for real, or are you pretending Did you feel bad for the sloths? A little bit, actually. Did you for real or are you pretending like you did? Well, only because it looks like my friend Sean. You fucking psychopath. Only because it looks like my friend Sean. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I felt bad for the sloth.

But, I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's just animals. Kind of are what they are. It's nature. It is what it is. I mean, look at this picture we got up there. That's a hyena with a female lioness's head in its mouth. Yeah.

Fully decapitated look this is why zach got this picture up yeah because this hyena is obviously muslim fully decapitated i mean this is decapitated this lion probably said yo guys thank you so much for listening. I want to read out the Patreon names. Can I do that? These are the newest members to the hyena clan, to the pack. These people just went wild. Joined our Patreon page, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys.

First guy up, John Lemares. Yo, how you doing, John Lemares? Yo, Johnny out. He's a Greek. He sounds Greek. Greek. Then we have Jamie Paul. Two first names.

Oh, he sounds trans. Yeah, hi, Jamie Paul. Then we got Nick Bonelli. Nick Bonelli, how you doing? You work at a pizzeria? Oh, and then this is cute. We have a couple's Patreon page. Maddie and Patrick Styles.

Sup, guys? Cute. Maddie and Patrick. M and P-S. Maddie and Patrick sound like they're probably from Suffolk, probably got married out of high school, everything they do together. Then we got Jim Rodriguez, Jimmy Rodriguez. He sounds like a ref from Little League.

Jim Rodriguez, he also sounds like a guy who's like he's a Spanish guy, but like he also rolls with the Italian mob. Yeah. Jimmy Rodriguez. Oh, here's a good one. Here's a good one. This person's name of their patron, and they've just joined, is Pseudo Penis All Day, cuz. Is it really? Yeah.

Yo, that's the guy who's gonna bake you a cake or kill you in your sleep. Or kill you, but I tell you what he is. He is the PPW of the week. Pseudo Penis of the week. Or she, whoever it is. And who's the True Blue Psychopath of the week? The True Blue Psychopath? That fucking Puma. That fucking Puma or the Austin. That guy Austin who murdered

his whole family. Yeah. Well, he's, yeah. True Blues. He gets a whole month. Yeah. Then we got Lawrence Dixon. Hold on.

Lawrence Dixon, I got something for you. Yep. Good. There you go, Lawrence. And you get that. You get that specifically because instead of spelling your name the regular way, which would be L-A-W-R-E-N-C-E, you spell it L-A-U-R-E-N-C-E. Fuck yeah. True Blues Psycho. True Blues Psycho,A-U-R-E-N-C-E. Fuck yeah. True Blue Psycho.

True Blue Psycho, but thank you for your service. Love you, Lawrence. Cute. Then we got Paul Neenan. Not Paul Newman. Paul Neenan. He sounds like he was good in math. Casey Rodriguez.

Casey Rodriguez. Now, Casey Rodriguez could be just like a fun-loving guy or a smoking hot girl. Yeah, we're getting a lot of trans names. Yeah. Stephen Linmark. Oh, Stephen Linmark sounds like a true blue owner of some big company. Then we have Just One Name Ryan. Ryan.

Welcome, Ryan. Just One Name Ryan. Yeah, sounds like a bad guy in an 80s movie. Sounds like a black comic. Yeah. Just One Name. Nicole Rosati. Yo, Nicole Rosati.

Sounds cute. Yo. And then here we got to round out the bunch This is Zach Get your hands in your pants for this guy This guy's name is John Hitler John So cuz We got a new true blue psychopath John Hitler

You may tell me you pronounce it Hitler butler, but it's Hitler, Cuz. It's H-I-T-L-E-R? Yeah. Fucking wild. Johnny Hitler. Listen, guys, join our channel. Oh, by the way, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to cut you off before because, again, it's 2018 and this is to the public.

And it's not the history. It's not just our Patreon members. I do want to say that I enjoy comedy from all different backgrounds, diversities, ethnic groups. When I made the joke about one named Black Comic, that's a stereotypical thing. A stereotypical joke that comics make of all different races and colors that say that sometimes Black, African American, I'm sorry, comedians, or just comedians who are not white will use one name in their comedy. As their name, they'll just use one name. Which is totally fine.

Which is totally fine and cool, but I just wanted to say that. Ryan, if you feel offended or anyone listening to the podcast felt offended by my joke, I'm not going to apologize, but I just want to make it clear that I do love comedy from all different races, religions, creeds, and colors.

Yes. And if you want to do comedy with one name and do somebody else's jokes and fuck the stool for 20 minutes, that's fine, too. That's totally fine. That is art that I can't judge because I don't know what it's like to be African-American from Georgia. Yes. I don't know. So if your name is Lightning Bolt or Terror Squad. Yeah.

And you're from Mississippi. And that's your journey. It is what it is. But I just want to make it clear that I support everybody. Yeah. And guys, join our channel for our Patreon only bonus episodes for our matriarch members uh for this episode we're going to be talking about wasps yes fuck yeah we're going in on the history of wasps on our bonus episode for this week so thanks for listening thank you so much for listening ប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រ�