History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 31 - Eunuchs are WILD!
Episode Date: September 9, 2018If you don't know what a eunuch is or where the Wei Zhong Xian button originated, well this is the episode for you! Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano discuss the history of eunuchs. The boys discuss f...amous eunuchs such as Sporus, Roman Emperor Nero's partner who he castrated, and then married. The boys also discuss Chris' tweets regarding his time as a host on Netflix's Ultimate Beast Master, castration subcultures, and later in the episode, the guys watch a live (boar) castration!! WILDWant more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼♂️🐕🙆🏻♂️🙆🏼♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips
Transcript
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What's up, everybody?
It's Freddy Fettichese Giannis Pappas,
and you're listening to the History Hyenas.
Yeah! It's almost like you can't hear the music.
The way your body moves is like to another song.
Yeah!
Welcome to the History Hyenas, everybody.
I am Chrissy Cackles DiStefano, a.k.a. Celine Dion.
With me as always, Giannis Pappas, a.k.a. Freddy Fettici, a.k.a. KD Lang.
A.k.a. Obi-Wan Kuck Nobi.
And we are sitting here, of course, as always, with Zack Isis, who is fucking jacked.
I mean, that kid is fucking jacked.
That kid is fucking ready to jihad right now. He is wearing a cut-off sleeveless shirt, And his arms are fucking jacked and hairy.
And make no mistake.
Zach Isis does have hair from his pinky to his fucking earlobe.
He is covered in hair.
Make no mistake.
This fucking podcast has been great for Zach Isis.
Because make no mistake.
When we started, he looked like a jihadi.
And now he looks like a kid who lives in Williamsburg.
Yeah. He's a fucking
jacked kid with a fucking
cool haircut, and he's wearing a cut-off
sleeve Punisher t-shirt and fatigued jean
shorts, and he looks like he can
fix your car, but unfortunately
he cannot fix your car, but he can fix your computer
because inside, Zach, the exterior
of Zach looks like a fucking
steroided out jihadi
fucking muzzy, but the inside
of Zach is unfortunately just a
small white kid with scoliosis that fixes computers
and gets no puss.
He's looking like a sexy fucking
kid right now, and he also picked
probably the cleanest
hyena backdrop we have had
to date. These hyenas all look
like they just came out of a bath.
Yeah, Zach, make no mistake.
If it gets just a few degrees hotter and I come in here one day drunk off white Zip-A-Dill,
I will offer to suck your dick in the back room.
Make no mistake about that.
Make no mistake.
Today, since Chrissy just said he offered to suck dicks,
this whole episode is going to be about the dick region and history.
This episode is gonna be about the dick region and history this episode is fucking wild we are
talking about today the history of the eunuch okay if you don't know what a eunuch is it is a male
who was castrated either forcibly or did it voluntarily for either religious purposes
or sexual purposes or right now you could just walk around Austin, Texas or Williamsburg or Greenpoint or any
hipsterized neighborhood that is in your state and you will see a population of emasculated
eunuchs.
Yeah.
For all intents and purposes, castrated men.
Yeah.
There were, you know, unfortunately in history there were a lot of men who were castrated and cut their balls off.
And we'll go through all the histories of it today and all the different methods and shit.
And it's going to get fucking wild.
But right now, yeah, we do live in a world where you, if you're on the telephone, you cannot tell if it's a man or a woman.
Because a lot of men right now are just very emasculated and they sound like little girls.
And that's fine.
I'm happy to be living in 2018
amongst them, but make no mistake
if this was ancient Rome and
some of the men who are openly straight
with wives and children just sat
down and talked at court
they would assume that they were eunuchs.
Make no mistake. Fortunately
me and Chrissy had the experience the other day where
we were hanging out with a bunch of people
and only one of those guys that we were hanging out with was gay and believe it or not he was
the most masculine guy who was there easily is a true statement that i just said and is still
blowing my mind till this day because i've been thinking about it for four days yeah it's a hundred
percent true he was a gay guy he's as gay as gay can get.
He was gay. He was a day one
gay, no doubt about it,
home run gay. So what we mean by that is
some people
are gay.
Everybody's born, if you are gay,
you're born that way.
There's a spectrum.
There's a spectrum and society can make you go
one way or another. Make no mistake,
any corner of the world at any time in history,
this man that Giannis is talking about would be 100% to the full effect as gay as can be
because he had no chance from day one, and he was a day one gay, or I would call it a D1G.
And he was the only one who sucked dick, but he was the most manly of the guys there because the other guys are just kind of, they all talk like this now.
Yeah.
I love my girlfriend so much.
My girlfriend's so fucking hot.
Yeah.
When my daughter, let's go hunting for some fucking pussy tonight.
Oh, Chris, you have a daughter?
Yeah, I have a daughter too and I have a son.
night oh chris you have a daughter yeah i have a daughter too and i have a son and what we like to do is sit down and circle time and they like to just take off my shirt and put goat milk on my
nipples and tell daddy that he's a little woman we are fucking going tomorrow night with the whole
family um we got a lot of snacks and we're gonna go down they're doing uh movies in the park and
we're gonna watch it and we got ourselves a whole bottle yeah
martinelli's sparkling 100 organic apple cider yeah i don't want my son playing football because
it's aggressive he is on the chess team yeah and you better believe it yeah have you ever really
thought about like why our dads were so mean to us when we're playing sports i don't want that
same victimhood for my children.
Sorry, Melanie.
We cannot make it for brunch on Tuesday
because I have to do a shift at the co-op.
Yeah, hi.
My name is Mark, and I am a father of five,
and I feed my family, but I do not have a job.
I am a temp, and at any moment during the day,
any day of the week from the hours of 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.,
you can see me in my quote's office, which is the back of a Starbucks.
Hi.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
I live off all my dad's money.
I'm a trust fund baby, and I am a closeted gay.
Sorry I cut you off.
It's okay.
I don't want to be aggressive and violent towards you, but remember, I am a man.
I do have a wife.
I do have children, and I am straight.
Hi.
My name is Damien Steven.
Hi. children and i am straight hi my name is damian steven hi i am a fucking competitive ultimate
frisbee player oh and our team is going to the finals yeah and we are doing so good we beat
another co-ed team that team was called the wokester rolleraders. And we are the Erykah Badus.
Yeah.
And the Erykah Badus, they're playing the, what did I call it?
The Wokester Rollerbladers.
Yeah.
For the finals.
Nobody's keeping score.
It's just a victory that we're all out there on the field today.
Hi, my name is Elliot Owens.
And unfortunately, I watched a show called Ultimate Beastmaster.
And there was a host on that show.
His name was Chris DiStefano. And he was very aggressive, and he had a lot of national pride.
And I was watching with my children, and I tweeted at him, and I said, how am I supposed to watch this stuff with my children with your aggressive behavior?
And he tweeted back at me, shut your mouth, you little bitch.
And I just felt really insensitive about that, and I don't know how to talk to my children, so I am in therapy.
Again, I am a grown man with a family, and I am not gay, but I am in therapy.
And I do feel really like that Chris Estefano wasn't sensitive at his tweets, and I don't know what to do.
So, yeah, I like frozen yogurt.
Well, you got a tweet.
Ultimate Beastmaster, which you did host last year.
I did host that show last year, and I was fired immediately for just being too funny.
You were just fired immediately because of your haircut, really.
Yeah, that's what it was.
I just had the wrong look.
I have the wrong white look for post-2016 America.
And so this kid, since he's, you know, I'm just going to say his name, Matt Eickhoff.
Yeah.
Because he tweeted at you.
He did tweet at me, so it's in public.
He said, thank you, Netflix.
And he is from Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Okay.
So first of all, it's ironic that he's saying this to you because his name is Matt Eickhoff.
So there is no doubt about it that his ancestors owned slaves or he is the descendant of Nazis or Nazi sympathizers.
1,000%.
Make no mistake.
Of Nazis or Nazi sympathizers. 1,000%.
Make no mistake.
So listen, Matt, no matter how sensitive you pretend to be,
it will not make up for the fact that your ancestors probably had slaves,
you piece of shit.
Yeah.
So anyway, he says,
Thank you, Netflix and the producers of Beastmaster,
for getting rid of Chris DiStefano and adding CM Punk as the new USA co-host.
The same great show we love now with 50% less ignorance.
And my name is Matt Eickhoff, and I 100% am a eunuch.
Yeah!
Yeah!
I am a eunuch.
And then Chrissy Cackles replied to him, make no mistake, he said,
Matt, unfortunately, you get excited by a show where volunteer firefighters
jump on lily pads through a dragon's mouth.
You're a grown man, and it's embarrassing,
and I guarantee you get zero puss.
And it is what it is, Matty.
Yeah!
And then I wrote, I responded to Matty.
I said, Matty, unfortunately, we would still love to have you listen
to our podcast, History Hyenas.
Yeah.
Listen, every chance we get for a little our podcast, History Hyenas. Yeah.
Listen, every chance we get for a little promotion, I'm taking it.
Yeah.
And so hopefully, Matty, you come on board and listen to the History Hyenas.
It is what it is.
But listen, Matt, we're going to talk about you and your people today.
And like Giannis mentioned, we're talking about the history of Unix.
So you may know, I feel like a lot of people have only been introduced to Unix from Lord Varys' character
on Game of Thrones.
Yeah.
That's, I feel,
the mass public
that was finally hearing
about Unix.
I've known about Unix
for a long time
because I just
Google random shit
and I was always
a curious kid
and I always thought about
what it would be like
to have no testicles
and I remember one night,
I'll never forget,
my mom was making salmon
and putting
mustard on it but like French's mustard
because make no mistake I am from Queens
and my mom was a working class woman so we didn't have
Grey Poupon or anything like that. My mom would make
me salmon and put
French's mustard on it. So it is what it is
and I remember asking her
why
I had
I was a little kid, six, seven,
what my testicles meant.
You know, what balls did
and all that.
And she was trying to explain it to me
and she did tell me
because my mom is a fucking
hardcore Catholic.
So she knew about eunuchs
because they were a big part
of Christianity
and she told me about eunuchs
and then I was fascinated
from that point on
and I did go into my room that night
and stick my dick and balls
in between my legs
and giggle at the fact and giggle at what the sight of me having a vagina would look like.
And unfortunately, if you fast forward 10 years after that, I was an altar boy.
And Father Bill did ask me to go get an extra large cloak.
And I did black out.
And I do not remember what happened after.
But I think you know what happened.
And I am in therapy, unfortunately.
There is a good chance that you were touched because let's make no mistake.
Yeah.
You were sexually lusted after by Puerto Rican women that lived in your neighborhood.
Yep.
And Father Bill.
Yeah.
And you know that because you actually went on a walking tour around my neighborhood of Ridgewood, Queens.
You know, me and Chrissy are having a good time on this planet.
We're having a good time with this podcast.
So what I did the other day, just for fun, by myself,
for no reason, I had a couple hours
to kill, I decided to go to
Ridgewood, Queens. If you're
not living in New York City, which most of you
are not, we know we got fans all over the world,
Ridgewood, Queens is a
working class neighborhood
in Queens that Chris DiStefano
is from. He is a 100%
no doubt product of Ridgewood, Queens.
And when you hear the word unfortunately, and it sounds like that,
that just shows you that Queens is so deeply embedded in his soul.
And that can only happen in a place like Ridgewood, Queens,
which is rammed in between Glamdale and fucking Bushwick.
Because you walk two blocks to the south, you got a lot of black kids,
and then you walk to the other side, you got fucking retired cops living in Glendale.
Yeah.
And in the middle, just 49% Puerto Rican, 39% Irish.
You got immigrants from Mexico, Venezuela.
Poland.
Poland, a lot of Poles.
Serbia, Bosnia.
I mean
I walked around that neighborhood
For 20 minutes
I heard English twice
Yeah
Yeah
That's where I grew up
That's where you grew up
Yeah so it was a lot of Catholics
And you know
I live right
The skyline of your neighborhood
Is St. Matthias Church
The Ridgewood skyline
Yeah
And unfortunately
There was probably a lot of kids
Who got touched
At St. Matthias
Yeah if there was
If this was 400 years in the
past, make no mistake, I would have been
forced to be a eunuch. So that
would have happened so that I would
be just a pleasure, I would be a pleasure
toy for men who weren't
all the way gay but still wanted to fuck around with
a little boy and that would be me and they would just have cut
my balls off and it is what it is.
And since I'm Greek, I've always gotten a lot
of jokes about eunuchs and that's how I'm Greek, I've always gotten a lot of jokes about Unix,
and that's how I know about Unix is because people always joke around
about how Unix is really kind of a Greek invention.
Unfortunately, what we've learned is that Unix are kind of ubiquitous.
You look back in history.
Yeah, ubiquitous, good word.
They were in every culture, China, India, the Muzzies had them, Arabs, the Byzantine era.
Then later in the Italians, the 15th, 16th century, post-Rome when it was actually Italy, they had freaking eunuchs.
So eunuchs have been all over the place.
We're not sure if Native Americans had unics, but they did have transgender.
They had people that they called, and we posted it.
Please follow us on Instagram, Bay Ridge Boys.
We posted what they were called in the Native American world.
They were considered two-spirited humans, people who had masculine and feminine properties,
and we posted that history hyena fact of the day on our Instagram.
But eunuchs are ubiquitous, and there have been eunuchs for many different reasons,
and I'll start by saying what's crazy is today, today right now,
there are more eunuchs walking around the earth than ever before.
Make no mistake, that's because obviously the population is greater now than it ever has been, but also
it's because cancer is now prevalent.
Testicular cancer is very
prevalent. Prostate cancer,
very prevalent. And make no mistake, when
you have prostate cancer,
the cancer grows on your
testosterone, and the way they get rid of
it is chemically. They erase
your testosterone, or they take your nuts
out. So there's a lot of
unix walking around yeah because you don't testosterone will um make the cancer grow and
the fact that you just said cancer grows in your testosterone is a dumb fucking greek stupid
fucking fuck face thing to say i am a dumb kid you're a dumb fucking kid and it's funny that
you said that and everything you're saying is fucking true and i gotta be honest with you cuz
when i doing my research on eunuchs was fucking fascinating
because, like you said, there are so many people.
Like, I have a friend who lost a ball
because he had testicular cancer.
He lost a fucking nut.
Are we going to call him or no?
No, he told me not to call him.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
And we can't even use his name either.
Yeah, yeah.
But make no mistake, make no mistake,
when I was experimenting as a kid,
he did put his dick
in my mouth
and I just have to
deal with that.
So it is what it is.
A lot of strange things
happen in Irish Catholic
neighborhoods.
Yeah, I mean,
sometimes you have
to lick a dick, you know?
I mean, it doesn't
make me gay,
it's just, you know,
I think most of us
have went through that.
Because you come from
one of the most
diverse neighborhoods
probably in the world.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah.
So, you know,
he had to get it removed
because he had cancer.
So he is, he is a eunuch.
That is a – a eunuch is just a person.
He still has one ball, though.
He still has one ball.
But if you have any of your two balls altered or removed in any way, then you fit the definition of a eunuch.
Yeah.
Make no – so here.
So I like to pick up the eunuchs.
I – you know, in the Roman Empire because, make no mistake, the Roman Empire was fucking wild, and they outlawed.
They didn't like eunuchs.
They outlawed castration.
But let me just start.
We're going to start in the Roman Empire because that's where a lot of interesting eunuch shit happened.
Right.
But make no mistake, eunuchs go all the way back to the Sumerians.
Which is the first civilization. Egyptians. eunuchs go all the way back to the Sumerians, the Assyrians,
Egyptians. They,
like I said, have been ubiquitous and throughout time, there
have been eunuchs and there have been methods
of castration. Obviously, the
farther back you go, the more brutal they are.
And most of the times,
a lot of the boys who were castrated
because they always castrate them young
against their will because human nature
is fucking brutal.
A lot of them died.
So that's what it was.
It was a big, and if you didn't die, you were almost looked as like godly for surviving it.
Yeah.
So it was fucking wild.
And the word eunuch comes from the Greek, and it means bedside.
And we will tell you why as we go along, because it's fucking wild.
So the Roman Empire, they had different categories of eunuchs.
The first one was the Spadones.
S-P-A-D-O-N-E-S.
The Spadones.
Fucking Spadone Gardens.
Fucking Spadone over here.
You know they really could.
That's a curse that they called people.
When someone is acting like a little...
These guys are fucking Spadone.
Fucking Spadone.
Now, it's interesting enough because all Spadone really encompassed.
The definition of it was just a generic term for a variety of subtypes of asexual men so in reality there were a lot of
fucking spadones walking around today i'm a spadone right you are a spadone because yeah you like
radiator covers and different kinds of flowers so unfortunately you're a fucking spadone yeah
there's a few people who claim to be asexual which is wild yeah
now spadones um they were just kind of like they didn't have these strong sexual characteristics
they were kind of like um i guess androgynous right in a way like mr rogers-esque yeah like
you just kind of don't know yeah they're like pat from that snl sketch like just kind of like you
don't know one way or another.
But they actually weren't abused, really.
Spadones were kind of just like, okay, you do whatever you want.
We have a category for you.
We're going to call you and make fun of you, but we're not really going to hurt you.
What he's basically saying is they actually still had their nuts.
Right.
They were more personality eunuchs.
Exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
So they weren't really trusted to the full extent, but kind of weren't they weren't at like nobody trusted a rageful man they were not surgically
made eunuchs no no they were actually called surgically in quotes because back then they just
cut your fucking shit out yeah they were called they were actually like um the the romans used
to call uh the spadolas like natural eunuchs so like a hermaphrodite or like a guy with a little piece.
Those guys were natural eunuchs.
Oh, so it wasn't just personality driven.
It was more like they were born with both.
They were born intersex or hermaphrodite.
Exactly.
So things that we have categories for now, different porn categories for now, that's what Spadones were.
Do you think hermaphrodites, if you got a big enough piece in the front you can fold it back
and fuck your own puss I mean I would love
Zach to do some research on that and find out if there's
a person or more importantly a video that we can
watch of doing that so
I would love to hear about
that but I do think it's possible and I did tell
you about the time when I did unfortunately
do physical therapy on a hermaphrodite you did tell me
about that okay so the next category
are the thilibiae t-h-i-l- that. Okay. So the next category are the thilibiae.
T-H-I-L-B-I-A-E-I.
The thilibiae.
So these little fuckers, these eunuchs were the ones who, here's where, you know, if you're
sitting down, you know, just fucking put your seatbelt on.
These eunuchs had their testicles bruised or pressed.
Yeah.
So these weren't ripped off.
This was the process.
They would tie the scrotum really to sever the vas deferens.
So it's like a vasectomy, but it's an old school vasectomy where instead of doing surgical precision and giving you anesthesia and having recovery time, they would just crush your fucking nuts.
Yeah.
And tie up your vas deferens so you couldn't reproduce.
It did not tickle.
No.
And the generals actually looked normal.
You kind of wouldn't know if you were a syllabi unless I told you because your piece kind of just looked regs.
Right.
They just kind of rendered your balls inactive.
Yeah, and they used to choose this because cutting, as Yann said in the beginning, cutting your balls off and castrating yourself, this wasn't like a medical procedure where like experienced surgeons and doctors would do this.
This was like most of the time in the ancient world,
it was religious for religious purposes or to sell them.
So most of the time your dad or your priest was taking scissors,
not even like nice sharp scissors we have now,
dull fucking prehistoric scissors and cutting off your nuts.
Yeah, or it was a-
With no anesthesia.
A conquering army that came into your village and would unfortunately take all the women and fucking castrate all the boys.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
Now, the third category, and this one was a bit, I don't know which one I would go for, but these were called the Thladiae.
T-H-L-A-D-I-A-E.
And unfortunately, the Thladiae comes from a Greek word that means to crush.
A Greek word that means to crush A greek word
A greek word
That means to crush
So
Sometimes that queen's trash
Just gets in the way
Of even talking
So a thladiai
Unfortunately
This kind of eunuch
Just had their balls crushed
Until they popped
In its sack
And you fucking
Pissed out blood
And pissed out
Your fucking balls
Unfortunately
So Again That did not tickle Yeah So And this method and pissed out your fucking balls. Unfortunately.
Again, that did not tickle.
Yeah, and this method was also more effective and immediate than the scrotum tying because unfortunately, when you tie off someone's scrotum,
still to this day, you can get a vasectomy even with modern medicine,
and there still can be sperm that get through to fertilize an egg.
But unfortunately, if I just fucking step on your nuts and crush them into little pieces and you piss them out into a toilet bowl,
you are never going to reproduce again, unfortunately.
Unfortunately, some people who get vasectomies still are in a lot of pain, and then they
end up getting their balls removed just to stop the pain, right?
Yeah, and that is Ari Shafir.
Yeah.
He had a vasectomy.
Yeah.
Okay, now this one is the most popular one.
The other category they had was the castrati.
Castrati. That came later. Well, no, this is the most popular one. The other category they had was the castrati. Castrati, that came later.
Well, no, this is all going on at the same time.
But this castrati was like 15th, 16th century.
No, but the castrati, no, but-
But they had them in the Roman Empire too?
No, these categories that I'm reading to you are the Roman Empire's categorization of eunuchs.
Because the castrati actually went all the way to the 15th, 16th century.
Yeah, so the castrati,
now this is a little bit debatable.
All the scholars don't agree
on the castrati,
but it was said that castrati,
they were a whole different category
than everybody.
I mean, they're all eunuchs,
but the castrati were different
because they actually had
their gonads removed
and their penises.
So make no mistake,
if you were castrated as castrati, not only did you have no balls,
but unfortunately, you also had no peace.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, what you had left there was a little bit of a worn out elevator button.
They left you with a little clit.
Yeah.
And these were done to mostly prepubescent boys, which is fucked up.
Yeah.
So they couldn't pass on their inheritance.
They were usually done by their pops. They couldn't pass on their inheritance they were usually done by their pops
they couldn't pass on
their inheritance
or not by their pops
they were done by
a conquering army
so they couldn't pass on
their inheritance
and they couldn't reproduce
so unfortunately
that one sucked
because it was just
a little fucking kid
so that's where the word
castrati started
for those guys
but it ended up
in the 15th century
15th and 1600s
being for the fucking
ball-less opera singers
exactly
so those are really those were the categories of eunuchs according to the Romans.
The Romans, yeah.
But really, there was a time where the Romans actually outlawed castration.
So they didn't like it at first, the Romans.
Well, yeah, they didn't.
It was one of those things that I guess they saw as brutal.
The Council of Nicaea is actually where they outlawed it, correct?
325 AD. Now, the Council of Nicaea is interesting because all the rules of Christianity, like Jesus' birthday being on December 25th or not being able to eat meat on Fridays or having to go to church or Advent, was all just created by a bunch of dudes in 325 A.D.
Bunch of Roman dudes.
Bunch of Roman dudes.
But it was really also, too, where the division of the church started to happen, too.
Well, it's also where they.
The East and the West Church.
They invented the Holy Trinity.
That's where they decided the Holy Trinity.
The Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Yeah.
Was created at the Council of Nicaea.
Guys, make no mistake.
I am a Catholic.
I do have Catholic tattoos.
I do have Catholic tattoos on my body.
But make no mistake.
I am a Catholic. I do have Catholic tattoos. I do have Catholic tattoos on my body, but make no mistake, in 325 AD at the Council of Nicaea, Christianity was just decided by a few men,
okay? It was not divine intervention. It was just a few Roman dudes that sat in Nicaea and just
decided what the rules of Christianity would be, and there's a lot of—the Bibles were chosen,
the readings were chosen, all the definitions of
what would go into the religion was all just
chosen. So make no mistake, Christianity
is an invention of
a few men in 325
AD. That's the truth. And make no mistake,
you are never, ever, ever going to say
that again to your mom.
There's no point to that. Your mom
is a Catholic girl
from Ridgewood. Her and Aunt Eileen will
be Catholic till the day they die. And unfortunately
if my mother did listen to this episode of the podcast
she would take what I just said
and understand that it is fact because her son
does have a doctorate degree and he does do his research
and it would be a lot further to take so she would
unfortunately go down to the corner store, the
bodega on the corner where she has been running a tab
since 1986 and get a six pack of
Heineken and drink until she passes out. Her and Aunt Eileen like to have a couple beers on a Saturday night she has been running a tab since 1986 and get a six-pack of Heineken and drink it until she passes out.
Her and Aunt Eileen like to have a couple beers on a Saturday night.
No?
Yeah, they drink a couple of beers, and they put different outfits on my daughter,
and there have been times when my Aunt Eileen has got so smashed
where she put my daughter's diapers on her head and took pictures of it.
Aunt Eileen also has emphysema, but she's still smoking cigarettes.
Yeah!
Yeah!
The DiStefano household is fucking wild.
She also, at one point, you know what I mean,
had a husband who had a family someplace else.
What are you going to do?
What are you going to do?
Unfortunately, we may have to edit this part of the podcast out.
While I was saying it, I was going, you know what?
That's probably not going to be on the podcast.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Zach, can you make a note?
We're editing that part out.
Zach is fucking right now
doing CrossFit
Zach looks fucking jacked
I really want to tell the story
I know that you said
here we have to do a whole episode
on the Emperor Nero
the Roman Emperor Nero
which I'm sure you guys know a lot about
I'm sure you guys you know everybody knows Nero
right
but I you love this
i love this story so much just because you know look we you know we're doing research on eunuchs
so we're going to go into all these different times in history but i found this story from century around about a very famous eunuch named sporus s-p-o-r-u-s now this this it's safe to say
this kid had a little bit of a rough life that didn't stop he had a rough life this this story
that i'm about to tell you is about sporus's rough life but also about the fucking complete insanity
of nero so make no, what I'm about to tell
you guys is fucking wild and is 100%
true, unfortunately.
Okay, so,
like I said, castration was a big no-no
under Roman law in the first century.
You just couldn't do it, it was outlawed. But then Nero
comes along, and understand one
thing about Nero, he did not give a
fuck about laws. No.
He lived life in his own fucking lane.
You think Donald Trump doesn't give a fuck about what he says about him?
Yeah.
Times that by a million.
Yeah.
Nero.
Okay.
So, Nero saw himself above the law, and he just decided to castrate Sporus.
Yeah.
Sporus, now don't, make no mistake, Sporus was just some Roman kid, like Roman teenager, walking around the streets of Rome and was just pulled off the street and castrated immediately.
He was probably a really cute kid.
Yeah, well, here's what happened.
So, people really don't know about Sporus' background except that he was a young man who, you know, Nero just liked and probably thought he was cute.
Nero just liked and probably thought he was cute.
So Nero decides to castrate Sporus and then make, listen to what I'm about to tell you.
Nero decides to castrate Sporus, who's a guy, of course,
and then make Sporus his wife.
So Nero just said, I'm all of a sudden going to castrate a man.
I'm not openly gay, but I'm going to make Sporus my fucking wife.
And I'm the emperor of Rome and you could do nothing.
And then their marriage included a ceremony where he made Sporus wear a bride's veil.
He gave her a dowry.
And afterwards, he threw them a wonderful honeymoon in Greece.
Okay?
If you think gender fluidity was a big thing now, it was huge with Nero's time.
Yeah, and they're saying that
Nero probably married Sporus
because Nero himself was feeling guilty
because about a month before that,
make no mistake,
Nero did in fact kick his pregnant wife Sabina
to death.
He kicked her to death.
And he said that Sporus
bore an uncanny resemblance to Sabina and he
had to have her and he even used to call
Sporus by his dead
wife's name Sabina unfortunately
so you know what that means that means that is
probably why
Sporus was chosen and that's
probably why he was castrated
he is the fucking unluckiest
kid that lived during Nero's
era he was probably just walking down the street, and crazy fucking Nero was in his chariot,
and he happened to look out his window, and he said, is that fucking Sabina?
And they said, no, your emperor.
No, you kicked her to death.
You kicked her to death in the stomach and killed her and your unborn child.
And he said, oh, I'm sorry.
I must have forgot about that.
I'm fucking wild and crazy.
My name's Nero.
No, that's Sabina.
Bring him to me.
And then they brought that thing into his chariot.
And they said, let me see his puss.
And they said, oh, he's got your emperor.
That is not Sabina.
It has a dick.
And he said, give me this scissors.
Not anymore.
That's Sabina.
This is the most unfortunate kid to ever walk the face of the earth.
Yeah, and feed me his balls like fucking grapes.
Yeah, you telling me he's not Sabina?
Give me scissors.
Now he is.
Yeah, and here's how fucking wild Nero was.
This podcast is not about Nero.
We will get back to Eunuch shortly.
But I just need to tell you a sidebar about how fucking wild Nero was.
So I told you that he just randomly picked spores off the street, cut his nuts off, and said, now you're my wife.
But make no mistake, Nero also did marry two other men in his life and they were not castrated
in those marriages because Nero wanted to be the wife.
So make no mistake, Nero was married three times, twice as a wife and once as a husband.
So Nero is fucking wild.
Nero takes your fucking gender fluidity and fucking pees on it.
Yeah.
Because he was the most gender fluid motherfucker of all time.
Yeah.
And also the story does go that unfortunately one day in 68 AD, somebody told Nero that
they had ran out of grapes and cheese and Nero did in fact kill himself immediately.
And he jumped out a window and killed himself as the sitting emperor of Rome because they
ran out of grapes and cheese momentarily.
Yeah, listen.
You could go to Nero and say to him,
Nero, there are 137 genders.
And he would go, are you fucking crazy?
But not because he thought there was only two genders.
He would go, there's fucking 4,066 genders.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bring me all the grapes and cheese
and fucking eunuchs you can
I'ma fuck a horse and jump out a window
yeah
getting back to Sporus the eunuch
his story doesn't stop there
so you know
Nero kills himself so Sporus is widow
before you go on let's just take note that
Sporus' asshole
has been fucking plunged many times.
That kid cannot take a shit without going through immense pain.
It is what it is.
So Sporus next married Nymphideus Sabinus, who made an unsuccessful bid for emperor that ended with his death at the hands of his opponent's followers.
So whatever.
So Sporus takes another shot.
I always found this is fascinating that he got passed on to a couple more emperors.
He must have been a really good-looking, feminine-looking kid.
Must have been a good fuck.
Yeah, he must have been a good fuck.
So then Sporus becomes involved with Emperor Otho, who was also killed by his enemies.
So that's not the, you know.
So he gets two emperors that kill him.
Then finally, Sporus is passed off again to the greedy, gluttonous, and debauched Emperor
Vitellius.
Who?
Now, this is why I like...
This is...
Vitellius...
I will say one thing about Emperor Vitellius.
The guy does just kind of want to have a good time with everything, and he does want to
up the ante's.
Now, what I'm about to tell you is unfortunately true, and me and Giannis do not condone this,
but you do have to admit, Emperor Vitellius
was fucking wild, just
like Emperor Nero. So,
just to, they were at the gladiator
games, you know, big things, you know. Oh, this is the best.
Like NBA games, you know, or football
games, like, back in the day it was gladiator
games. And Emperor Vitellius said, you know what?
The halftime shows at these
games get a little boring, so here's
what I propose.
Why don't you guys, instead of dancing around and handing out treats,
why don't you just take Sporus, put him in a dress,
and then rape him for the enjoyment of the crowds?
Why don't you guys just do that?
True story.
True story.
And then Sporus said, yeah, that's not going to happen,
and immediately killed himself to shave the embarrassment. So unfortunately, Spys' story starts out pretty funny and wild, and then it
gets pretty fucking sad. I'd say it starts
out pretty fucking tragic and ends pretty
tragic. And it actually kind of gets worse.
Yeah, I don't think it started
funny. I mean, he was literally walking
down the street, probably minding his own business,
and Nero was
passing in a chariot, saw him,
said, that looks like the ex-wife
that I just kicked to death. Go cut his
balls off and make him my wife.
Because I am already
married to two other dudes, and
I'm the wife of those two dudes.
So I need a wife. And then unfortunately
Nero killed himself when cheese and
grapes ran out, and unfortunately
now Sporos
is a eunuch who needs to find a place
in the world, so he tries to marry two other emperors
unfortunately the second emperor says
you know what
what would be better than marrying you
was be putting you in the middle of the Roman Colosseum
which is beautifully one of the
still the seven wonders of the world
back then that was as big as fucking like
Ohio State Stadium
64 to 84
how many people could sit in the Colosseum
84,000 I think yeah like 84,000, I think?
Yeah.
Like, 84,000 Romans were going to have a halftime show
in between people killing themselves
and being eaten by lions.
You know what we're going to do
to lighten the party up a little bit?
The halftime show,
where Sporus is going to be gang-raped
in his asshole for Roman citizen entertainment.
It was a fun time back then.
Yeah.
50,000.
50,000 Romans would watch sports get raped.
Now, there was a lot of just famous eunuchs throughout history.
That was a famous one.
There was this other guy.
His name was Peter Abelard, and he was alive from 1079 to 1142.
He was like an intellectual dude, smart dude, religious dude.
He was a fucking religious dude at Notre Dame in Paris.
But of course, like any religious dude, one day he sees his niece and just decides to make it his piece.
So unfortunately, he was like, yeah, I'm religious.
I love God.
But my niece has got a fat ass.
So I'm going to marry her and have sex with her against her will.
And that's what happened.
And then her name was Heloise.
Okay.
And they had a relationship.
They had a kid, you know, probably all against her will.
And then one day...
I think you're mixing up a little facts, unfortunately.
No.
I don't think it was his niece.
I think he was studying with a guy, some churchman, and it was the churchman's niece.
Yeah!
Yeah!
It was beautiful and talented living niece.
Yeah!
Yeah!
So he was studying with this guy, and he fell in love with the guy's niece.
Who was 17. So that's actually pretty old for back then.
Back then, that's like an old woman.
So he made an excuse that instead of commuting to and from this guy's house,
it would be better if he could just stay there.
But it was all a ploy because he was falling in love with this dude's niece,
and then he banged her and had a child with her.
Yeah.
Take it away, Chrissy Cackles.
Yeah, and then one day, just one random day, everything was going fine.
And then one day, because the church man misunderstood a message from Heloise that said she was saying that she was going to go out and she would be right back.
But he just interpreted as she's leaving and never coming back and told Peter Abeladard.
And he was so upset that he unfortunately got the wrong message and she was coming back in 15 minutes, but he thought she was leaving.
So he cut his own balls off and castrated himself and devoted the rest of his life to live in a monastery.
And she called him or wrote him a letter a few weeks later and was like, where are you?
And he was like, I cut my balls off and I'm in the monastery, you fucking bitch.
And she was like, I just went out to get milk and I am back.
Are you mixing up stories?
I thought the father had this guy's balls cut off. No.
What happened was is Abelard
had, the churchman
thought that Abelard had abandoned Heloise
and he became so furious that he hired
some men to castrate himself, ending the
love affair.
So he castrated himself? He castrated
himself. Wild. Yeah.
So that is a jealous Puerto Rican girl thing
to do. It's just to get so fucking mad that you're like, well, now this is going to happen.
If you leave me, I'm going to cut my dick off.
And they're actually buried.
They never saw each other again, but they're buried together.
They're buried together.
In France somewhere.
Yeah.
That's some real crazy French love affair shit.
Yeah.
I love you so much.
I miss you.
I will take my own balls.
I will take my own balls.
I will remove my own balls from fucking.
That is wild
Cause also
You have to understand
One thing about ancient people
I mean as you know
Even people in like the 1800s
They were tough kids
They were
Guys were tough
Tough tough kids
Dude
Back in the day
They did not have babies
Back in the day
No all the way up to the 19th century
I'm sorry the 1900s really
They didn't even have anesthesia.
No.
When did anesthesia get invented?
It was definitely post-Civil War.
I mean, it was way post-Civil War.
I mean, so...
I don't know.
Up until that point, dudes would get injured.
Whatever you had to do, you did it without any...
Imagine going to the dentist.
They had dentistry back then.
They didn't have any fucking anesthesia.
Yeah.
So like.
Until 1846.
1846 there was no anesthesia.
Before the Civil War.
But it wasn't used in the Civil War.
It was not used in the Civil War.
They used morphine but.
They didn't have morphine in the Civil War.
I thought they had morphine.
Didn't they have morphine in the Civil War?
No fucking morphine.
You sure?
Yeah.
I thought they had morphine.
Didn't they have opium at least?
I don't.
I think they just bit on a stick.
Zach, can you look that up real quick?
It's not really what the episode's about, but we're curious.
So anyway, there was many different reasons why someone would become a eunuch.
Yeah.
Self-inflicted for religious reasons.
Right.
Self-flagellation people.
Someone's very religious and they find themselves having temptation.
And to remove the temptation, they take their nuts out.
Right. Because that's where the
testosterone lives, people.
You're nuts. Now, you and I were having
this discussion before about
oh, by the way,
before we get to that, I just do want to talk about
Thomas Boston Corbett, who
it's not that he was so interesting. I mean, he was interesting.
He was just a guy
that castrated
himself and whatever. He castrated himself and whatever.
And he had castrated himself before.
He became kind of famous for being one of the men responsible for killing Abraham Lincoln.
He was in John Wilkes Booth, like one of those three guys.
He was one of the ones who killed John Wilkes Booth.
Oh, he's one of the guys that killed John Wilkes Booth.
Yeah.
Remember, they cornered John Wilkes Booth in that, he's one of the guys that killed John Wilkes Booth. Yeah. Oh.
Remember, they cornered John Wilkes Booth in that fucking hunting. And he killed him.
Okay.
Yeah, so a eunuch fucking killed John Wilkes Booth.
And he was a born-again Christian.
And he, what I liked about him is he castrated.
We got a quick fact from Zach.
What did we find?
So it wasn't used popularly
because it was like
invented around that time
but it was used
in parts of the Civil War
there we go
oh okay
yeah
so Thomas Boston Corbett
was interesting
because he felt like
he had a problem
with toots
which most guys did
back then
prostitutes
yeah everyone had a problem
with a toot back then
so instead of saying
he was addicted to toots
he was addicted to toots
yeah
so instead of just being like
you know what I'm just not going to bang out toots anymore,
I said, the better solution is just to castrate myself.
Yeah, because-
So that's why he did that.
He was ultra Christian, so it was a real conflict.
Yeah, and he actually walked into Mass General Hospital.
Mass General Hospital was around back then.
He walked into Mass General Hospital, and they said he wasn't really bleeding that bad,
and he actually wasn't in that much pain, but they were worried because his scrotum
swelled and turned black, but he turned out okay and came back to the hospital the next day and took one of the nurses to dinner.
So that is what happened.
Yes, because he actually cut his own nuts out, but he was such a tough fucking kid that somehow he was able to just keep living after that. Yeah, and unfortunately he did end his life in a Topeka mental institution for threatening members of the Kansas House of
Representatives with a gun, claiming that some
of them had been disrespectful in talking during opening
prayers. Make no mistake, we do
not recommend cutting your own balls off
even if you feel like
it'll help you
deal with temptation because
unfortunately it will get infected and you will die.
Most people who were castrated,
especially in the ancient world, which we're about to get to, they did die.
They did die.
And then the next eunuch, we're going to talk about the ancient world.
But make no mistake, you want to listen to this whole podcast because we are going to end the podcast with a song that's going to be really cute.
It's going to be really cute and it is by the only eunuch ever recorded.
So stick around for that at the end.
But listen, eunuchs, like we said, started all the way back as far as history can record.
But they were really popular and really utilized in two regions of the world.
In the Eastern world, in China specifically, through all those dynasties.
And are you sure it's China
or are you generalizing?
Sorry, I meant the Orient.
Whoops, that's even worse.
Yeah, I mean,
just because someone has an Asian look
does not mean they're Chinese.
So it's okay if they are from China,
but do they identify from China?
And they're comfortable with you calling them Chinese.
I am so sorry.
Those are good points you're making, Christian.
So the Chinese throughout all their dynasties,
and we're not going to go through all of them.
That's another episode.
But eunuchs were highly touted, highly coveted as advisors to the emperors.
Right.
And the reason why they were sought after so much
as eunuchs specifically
is because the emperors
felt like if their
advisors were eunuchs,
they would be more loyal
to the emperors
because they had
no family line,
no aggressive instinct
to pursue a family line, and they would be loyal, most of the emperor, because what's been taken from them is the source of the deepest drive we all have to spread our own.
Sexual predator.
Sexual.
Kid can't have any kids.
He can't have his own line.
Yeah.
So basically he's just living for the emperor.
Right.
He's not living for his future generation yeah as a matter of fact in um you know ancient china's uh like where
like you know their equivalent of like washington dc like the white house was called the forbidden
city and you were not allowed into the forbidden city as a man unless you were a eunuch that's
right that's just what it was so many eunuchs actually rose to have extreme power in a lot of those dynasties.
What a lot of Chinese families would do back in the day is because the only way to get into the Forbidden City and really get like an audience with the emperor at that time if they needed something, if they had like a beef, they would take one of their sons and castrate them and cut their own balls off with a hope that they would one day be allowed into the Forbidden City and get an audience with the emperor and then be able to tell the emperor to help the family of the castrated boy out.
And get revenge on whoever wronged them.
And get revenge on whoever wronged them.
Because now their eunuch son has power and has the emperor's ear.
Yeah.
And he tells the emperor, hey, we got to fucking take out this landlord.
Yeah.
And really it's just the father who castrated his son sent that son into the fucking to the emperor's house with the hopes that one day that kid would have enough power with his position so close to the emperor to get fucking revenge on whoever wronged that family.
Exactly.
There is actually a famous eunuch who we will get to who did that.
But it ended up he never really it didn't work out.
that, but it ended up he never really, it didn't work out.
He didn't actually ever get revenge because
as soon as he got, made it to the
get to the emperor, that
fucking emperor passed away and so on and so forth.
Yeah, well that, well you just, you didn't
have to get to it, you just told the story. I just told the story.
Yeah, I mean, you just told the story.
And you know what, the Chinese names are really
fucking hard to remember, I'll be honest with you.
I think, they should do, in history, they should do
like they do here. Well, I will tell you that
English names. My name is Steve Lee.
Well, I will tell you his name was
Wee Chong.
That's a talk I don't remember.
W-E-I-Z-H-O-N-G
X-I-A-N
You want to give that a whirl? The real
pronunciation?
Is there a...
If you type that into Google Translate, will they tell us
the actual pronunciation if I spell
it out? So let me, you give
it a shot, then I'll give it a shot
and we'll see what the actual one is. Okay.
So his name, Zach,
his first name is W-E-I
last name
Z-H-O-N-G
Z-H-O-N-G
No, Z-H. I think I just nailed it
Z H
Z H O
N G
X I A N
Yeah
There we go
Let's see how you
I'm going to say
Where's Des Bishop
I'm going to say
Let's see
He speaks Chinese right
He has speaker Chinese
Let's see
Pronunciation
Pronounce Kiwi
What
Yeah
Catalan pronunciation is fine
Neither one of us were right
Try again neither one of us were right try again
where's the may there's no m there try the try the chinese hong kong pronunciation
all right try the Chinese China pronunciation.
None of them work except for the Catalan.
Yeah, I guess Catalan.
What's the Danish pronunciation?
Wow.
Wow.
Because we may be the first people of all 8 billion people on our planet
to ever fucking try to get the Danish pronunciation of Weishengxian.
How about the Taiwanese pronunciation?
Can't get it.
You know what's wild is...
Weishengxian.
Are they aware of how complicated and hard it is to remember those names?
A Steve or a Joe is a lot easier
than Wei Zhongxian.
Yeah, well, I mean,
they change their names a lot.
Oh, look at the English pronunciation.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wei Zhongxian.
That's Canadian.
Wei Zhongxian.
Wei Zhongxian.
So you kind of nailed that one.
Wei Zhongxian.
So anyway.
Yeah, so that was an unfortunate...
We may need to keep that
and put that on just out of nowhere as one more of our plugs.
Yeah.
Waijongjie.
Waijongjie.
That should be in the opening montage of our show.
Waijongjie.
Yeah, so unfortunately for that kid, he cut his piece off.
Well, his father cut his piece off.
His father cut his piece off because his father had beef with his neighbors.
And then unfortunately, the emperor, after three weeks into his surge, after he woke up, the emperor died.
So, yeah, the new emperor didn't care.
So the cat made it all the way to the emperor's side to be his advisor.
And then the emperor fucking died.
So that kid, he never got revenge for his family.
What are you going to do?
You take a chance.
Sometimes you swing and you miss.
Because you win some, you lose some.
But that's hilarious.
That's hilarious that that's how brutal history was that a father was like,
you know what?
To get revenge on this beef I have, I am going to cut my son's balls off
in the hopes that maybe he will be picked to be an advisor
to the most powerful man in this region.
Yeah.
What a wild thing.
That's not really a good dad.
That kid's going to have a lot of issues
that therapy will not be able
to solve. He's going to walk in and be like,
I have some issues with my dad. He cut my
nuts out. Yeah, well, here's the thing.
My dad, I've told you guys on
podcasts before, was a compulsive gambler
and still is a compulsive gambler and did
unfortunately bet $800, which
was pretty close to my mom's life savings at the time
on my gender. He bet $800 and paid up to his friends that mom's life savings at the time, on my gender.
He bet $800 and paid up to his friends that I was going to have a vagina.
And I did, in fact, come out with a dick and balls.
But at least my dad did not turn around and cut my balls off immediately to win the bet.
Hold on, hold on.
Wei Zhongshan.
Wei Zhongshan.
You got to have that ready.
We're going to have that for future episodes.
Yeah.
Wei Zhongshan. Wei Zhongshan. You got to have that ready. We're going to have that for future episodes. Yeah. Wei Zhongshan. There are 600,000 men in North America just-
Right now?
Right now that are living as eunuchs for medical reasons.
And you would never know.
You would never know.
No one's ever going to just come forward with that info.
The vast majority of them are afflicted with prostate cancer.
Of course, or testicular.
Yeah.
So that's how they treat it, really.
Yeah.
And they do that either by, like we said, taking it out,
taking the actual nuts out, they're surgically removed,
or chemically, they do it with drugs.
It's called, they're anti-androgen drugs.
Okay.
Anti-androgen.
That's shutting down the gonads.
Yeah.
And they do it with an injection of the female birth control drug Depo-Provera.
Because how bad do you want to get Depo-Provera in your veins?
Because.
You know you want to get on Depo-Provera right now.
Yeah.
I may go lie and say I have prostate cancer just so I can get my Depo-Provera shot.
Yes.
Yes.
Because make no mistake, the castration process back in the day, like with Wei Zhou Zhan and
other people like him, that you would cut your balls off and then you would stick a
piece of bamboo in your wound.
Yeah.
My question is, when you get these shots nowadays, you lose muscle and you grow fat.
You grow tits.
Yeah, you grow tits.
Well, I think I would imagine that some people who are undergoing gender reassignment surgery probably take that.
Or maybe there's another product like that that elicits the same results.
It's probable.
Well, make no mistake.
There is a difference.
Eunuchs are not the same as transgendered people.
No.
Eunuchs are not transgendered.
Eunuchs don't have any sexuality anymore. They have no sex drive. Eunuchs are not transgendered. Eunuchs don't have
any sexuality anymore.
They have no sex drive.
They're just men without balls.
Their balls are taken away from them.
And as a result,
they can't bust a nut.
Not even bust a nut,
you can't get an erection.
You can't get an erection.
You don't, you don't,
you can get,
it's very weak if it happens,
but most likely it just won't happen.
Yeah.
Anymore.
It's just taken from you.
And there was a big correlation
between eunuchs and suicide.
Yeah, but you know what's interesting?
Before we keep going back in time, it seems that, well, actually this is back in time a little bit,
but a lot of guys who are pedophiles and I guess still have sort of a conscience will castrate themselves.
Will castrate themselves. And a lot of them report that it helps. It helps a conscious, will castrate themselves. Will castrate themselves.
And a lot of them report that it helps.
It helps a lot.
It helps a lot.
Or guys who love toots too much, you know?
Yeah, we've talked about those.
We gave an example of those.
But the pedophiles, that's interesting, and you had a good point.
Your kind of pitch is if you get convicted of pedophilia,
why not just have to legally be castrated by the government?
Well, the thing that made me think about that is because
It's a good point.
There's a lot of people, based on the study I read,
that some of them report that it helps.
It actually gives them some relief to know that they can't act on that desire.
So it's pointless.
Yeah, I believe pedophilia is just one of those things that maybe that's the cure.
That's the cure.
It's either you put them in, you know, the prison will not reform them
so here are your two options
because, you know,
everybody wants to keep
their kids safe
and unfortunately
these are the only two.
Either we take the more humane way
which I would be a big advocate for
and I would love to
castrate them
against their will.
You have to do it.
I'm sorry.
Unfortunately,
whatever happened in your brain
now you like children
and it sucks
and I know it's painful
and I know you cannot control it
but this is a modern society so we do have to take your balls in an effort to try to curb your appetite for our
children or we're going to take you to an island like maybe like one of the islands off the coast
of North Carolina there's a lot of islands there or maybe a nice Hawaiian island and we will shoot
you in the head and throw you in a fucking mass grave those are your two choices those are your
two choices so either you lose your balls or you lose your head because unfortunately I, you know, we can't have our children around the pedophiles.
And I know it's not your fault.
And I know you were probably molested by your parents.
And it caused this thing.
And that all sucks.
Whatever.
But unfortunately, it's either you lose your balls or we put you in a mass grave.
So you pick.
I mean, I like the idea, especially if the ones who've done it report that, A, it helps.
But the thing I'd be scared of, obviously, is that, you know, people would be getting their dicks cut off and they were like falsely accused or something like that so
that's a problem so it has to be hard concrete it had to be like really like foolproof so maybe
not every case but like the ones that are like first degree sodomy of a child yeah you gotta
get rid of it and go to prison yeah it's crazy that there is a subculture now that's called the cutters.
They call themselves the cutters.
Sounds like a good music group.
These are dudes who are willing to perform underground genital castrations, and they actually like it, and they get off on it.
They get off on getting their balls cut off or cutting others?
Cutting other people's balls off, and in some cases, cutting their own balls off. So some of them cut their balls cut off or cutting others. Cutting other people's balls off and in some cases cutting their own balls off.
So some of them cut their own balls off first.
The human brain is fucking wild.
Jesus Christ.
This is a real.
Every time we do an episode, I just can't believe how fucking wild we are.
Because humans are more interesting than the universe.
than the universe.
Make no mistake that Nero,
the Emperor Nero,
was one of the most wild men to ever live for hundreds
and hundreds and hundreds of years.
And make no mistake,
in your neighborhood,
probably right now,
there are hundreds of people
who are just like Nero,
cutting each other's balls off
in the backfields and alleys
of your neighborhood.
So make no mistake,
Nero still exists today
in the subculture of the Cutters.
Yeah.
So these people, they obviously perform these surgeries without a license, and they put
themselves at serious fucking legal risk, and it's happening all over the place in North
America, Canada, the United States.
It was. Yeah. place in North America, Canada, the United States. Because?
Yeah.
But what they found, which is really interesting, which is crazy, is that they find, new research
has found that cutters, to be a cutter, there's a link with being raised in a devoutly Christian
household.
Chrissy D.
And, but also, and growing up on a farm.
Those are the two defining characteristics.
Well, growing up on a farm because you saw animals be castrated.
Yeah.
That's what it was, right?
That's what it is.
That's exactly.
Because you're a smart fucking kid.
Yeah.
Because make no mistake, we are living at the end of civilization.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it is fucking wild. They did a study of 2,871 individuals that were interested in these cutters.
Those who had performed or assisted in the castration of another person.
The study included 278 individuals who reported that they had been physically castrated and 98 individuals who were the cutters,
some of whom were also castrated, like I said.
And the study failed to find
a singular invariant psychological profile of the cutter.
Okay.
However, the researchers didn't identify
a number of distinguishing characteristics
of people who performed castrations on others.
The general picture...
We live in a wild fucking world.
...that emerges someone,
the Reacher said,
is someone who both
sought out injury for himself
and is willing to injure others.
And like I said,
most of them grew up on a farm
and 40% of them had witnessed,
like you said,
animals being castrated.
And also child abuse
emerged as another major factor. 27% of the cutters reported being abused or. And also child abuse emerged as another major factor.
27% of the cutters
reported being abused
or assaulted as a child
and 24% said they were threatened
with castration by their parents
or by other adults.
So it's fucking very Freudian.
Fucking wild.
Is there any,
Zach,
is there a video
of an animal being castrated
that we can watch?
I wonder if there's anything that we could find because it would be nice to kind of talk through.
We may not be able to put it up, but I will look one up.
We could probably watch it right now and get your reaction.
Why can't you put – oh, because of like violence against animals and all that?
Yeah, but you know what?
Yeah, but in your faith, Zach, they're doing it for religious purposes.
That's what the Muzzies are doing.
faith, Zach, they're doing it for religious purposes. That's what the Muzzies are doing.
And also, Zach,
one thing I want to highlight for you too
in my research, I did
find out that in the Muslim
countries in
the 700s, 800s AD,
if you were a eunuch, you flourished in the society.
Especially the Ottoman Empire, you were
flourishing and you got able to talk.
You were able to talk to the high-ups
and you were able to have whatever you want because you were looked at as a god. So if you want to talk you're able to talk to the high ops and you're able to kind of have whatever you want because you kind of looked at as a god so you know if you
want to bring that back you know just kind of talk to the group tonight i don't know when you're
having your next jihad meeting well the eunuchs uh the eunuchs wasn't so prevalent in the in the
western roman empire yeah but the more east you went to byzantium yep and that's what it was and
that's unfortunately that's your side of Christianity.
Yeah.
Because the Western, us, you know, the Roman Catholics, we did not fuck with it.
But unfortunately, you and your swarthy brothers and sisters did do that, unfortunately.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, the Ottomans kind of picked it up from Byzantium, which they conquered
when Constantinople became Istanbul.
And unfortunately, in the Ottoman Empire,
eunuchs, just like with the Chinese empires,
eunuchs were huge.
And a huge part of the hierarchy in the Ottoman Empire,
fucking eunuchs were everywhere.
And they were primarily used as advisors for the reasons we said,
because they could be trusted.
For some reason, they just thought... By the way, they were wrong a lot of the times.
A lot of the eunuchs were fucking bad,
but they just thought because they had no balls
that they'd be more loyal
and they wouldn't be looking to fucking...
Because to take power.
Make no mistake, make no mistake,
because I am mostly an Italian, Irish, and German kid,
and I have two feet planted firmly
in the Western Empire of Christianity and you are
a Greek Turk kid
with both feet
I'm a Greek kid
with some
Turkish DNA
with some Turkish DNA
unfortunately
we all have a little bit of that
and you had both feet
planted in the Byzantine
or the eastern side
of Christianity
make no mistake
one or more than
one of your ancestors
was castrated
against his will
that is what happened
to your ancestors
make no mistake that probably your ancestors. Make no mistake, that
probably did happen, but make
no mistake. Make no
mistake. The Catholic Church
is responsible
for the
rape of
hundreds of thousands of innocent
children. Make no mistake.
And not one priest has
gone to jail for it make no mistake there's not
one man who wore the cloth who stuck his fucking dick in an innocent child's ass who is doing jail
time yeah it is what it is okay okay so we got i found what do we got i found a video that we can
actually show so oh great it's just a warning because it's kind of graphic. This guy actually goes, catches a boar, and then castrates him.
Oh, boy.
So I guess this is some sort of animal control wherever he is because they're kind of a nuisance.
So he's doing his part to stop that.
Oh, boy.
Most people consider wild boars a nuisance and do anything to get rid of them.
So they're going to castrate him, and we're going to watch it.
This is very graphic.
A wild boar will get castrated in this video.
The boar gets revenge.
I'm interested.
Yeah!
Unfortunately, I'm either going to throw up or masturbate.
Oh, you're flirting against what you're doing.
You want this quote on your arm?
Why is it starting with a baby?
Why is it starting with a baby in a car seat?
A lot of you have been asking what is a bar or how a hog becomes a bar.
Can you pause it for one second?
Tonight you find out.
A boar versus a bar.
If you think for one second that this guy that they just showed from the heartland of Texas
who interacts with animals and boars on a regular basis is ever going to see more than two genders,
I'm sorry, you are mistaken.
see more than two genders, I'm sorry, you are mistaken.
There are just two different types of people in this United States of America, and both sides will never see the perspective of the other side.
Yeah.
Continue.
Continue.
And also make no mistake, this man only sees two sides to the human story.
It is Christians, and then the other side is Jews and others.
He's about to castrate a fucking boar.
He is not going to listen to your perspective on gender fluidity.
He does not care about what you are protesting.
Make no mistake.
He's wearing a camouflage outfit and camouflage hat.
And he will get his gun and shoot you if you walk on his property.
The hog was just working on him there.
He is chasing a wild boar in Wrangler jeans.
While you go to brunch, this kid is going to find his food.
Yeah, and cut his balls off for really no reason.
Make no mistake.
They are chasing a wild boar on foot
Like our ancestors used to do
Joe, you're right, Rafe
There's two guys
Where are they?
Fucking cornfields?
You don't even have to look it up, Zach.
I'm assuming it's Texas.
It's North Carolina or it's Texas?
It's got to be Carolina or Texas.
I mean, whatever.
That is some noisy brush.
Oh, it's a woman.
Oh, it's a woman.
And she's freaking smoking.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Rafe Edwards straight out of Okeechobee, Florida.
He's a professional swine hunter.
Same shit.
Of course. This is Chris from North Georgia. of Okeechobee, Florida. He's a professional swine hunter. Same shit. Of course.
This is Chris from North Georgia.
Wow.
And they got an old blue spotted boar caught.
And they have got a scared wild boar, and they are pulling it by its ear,
and this is really hard to watch.
Yeah, I mean, that pig is frightened to death
because he has no idea what's about to happen.
Yeah, and these kids think they're doing the will of God and the right thing
and they are not.
Unfortunately,
here's the thing though.
His name is Sporus.
This pig's name is Sporus.
That would have been
fucking dope
if they said that.
That would have been
a hilarious joke.
Yeah.
But here's the deal.
What they are doing
is actually the right thing
because the boar populations,
the wild boar populations
are out of control.
So they're probably fucking neutering them.
So this is what real life is, Chris.
We live in a fucking city where we go to a bodega and we eat a ham and cheese sandwich.
But you know where that ham comes from?
This boar's dick.
This fucking scared pig right here.
And the people who provide us with these hams are these good people right here.
Now let's watch this fucking dirty pig get his balls cut off. Yeah. I've seen this hog on trail
camera a hundred times and he's going to become a bar. So out here on our property, we've got
3000 acres. Most ranchers in the state of Florida, they just shoot all the hogs and let them lay. Catch them, kill them, let them lay. They consider them a nuisance.
We consider these hogs a...this is part of our property, this is what we hunt. We hunt
deer, turkeys, hogs, ducks, and this boar hog would be good for nothing other than
a mount if you killed him right now. You got to use a super sharp knife.
A lot of you guys just saw me up at Harrisburg.
That's a knife I carry all the time.
It's a little three-inch Skinner,
and it's really sharp.
I can't watch this right now,
but we are...
Ah!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Easy.
Fuck it out!
Oh!
Oh, fuck!
Okay.
You don't want to
And this tail
I don't cut the whole tail off
I just cut the tip
Just like that
So if you ever catch him again
You've got to hold on to it
He cut his testicles right out
And is squeezing ball by ball out
See it's not bleeding
Not bleeding at all Guy's a professional He's squeezing ball by ball out. There. See, it's not bleeding.
Not bleeding at all.
Guy's a professional.
A lot of people will clip their ears as well on the tip.
I don't mark their ears at all because I want them to have full ears
in case we ever catch them with dogs again, the dogs can catch.
As you can see, this hog ain't hurt.
He's not squealing. But in a matter of
no time, in just the next few months,
that shield...
He's got a shield right here.
Not really.
He'll lose that shield. He'll start building up
a layer of fat, and he'll become a
great hoggy. He'll become a ball.
Now, we're going to let him go.
Oh, please fucking bite this motherfucker.
And you've got to make sure you get all your rope off your hog.
He's not even bleeding.
If you leave any rope on the hog, if you leave any rope on the hog,
it'll cut into his leg and eventually kill him of infection.
Now I'm going to shoot.
You ain't got to go anywhere, honey.
Just hold it right there.
I'm holding it.
Go ahead.
Wow.
I'm holding it in the pipe.
Shit.
Shit.
Hey, damn, y'all.
That hog just came to me.
You got another one?
I said you had to go anywhere. That hog just came to me. You got another one? I said you had to go anywhere.
That hog just came to me.
It bit me on the leg.
Did he not?
Did he really?
Look, he cut my leg right there.
Yeah, he got revenge.
Yeah.
He came back and bit him on the leg.
You take my balls, you know what?
At least I'm getting a fucking bite.
Then they stabbed it in the head.
Unfortunately, these guys are real men.
Unfortunately.
That was probably 10 out of 10 hard to watch.
10 out of 10 hard to watch.
I actually couldn't watch it because make no mistake, they did make a slice in his nut sack and pop ball by ball out of his nuts.
So I guess that's exactly how it was done to some people.
Now, that was fucking the most wild thing we've ever watched.
Zach, even Zach couldn't look at it.
Zach wants to drink the blood of infidels.
Was that tough for you to watch, Zach?
Well, I don't eat pork, so.
Yeah, there you go.
That's right.
Oh, that was rough.
But believe it or not, eunuchs in the Ottoman Empire, they had eunuchs they would get from the Caucasus.
Those were what they called their white eunuchs, the Caucasus and the Balkans.
And then they would get their black eunuchs from Sub-Sahara, from Ethiopia.
And those are the two types of eunuchs they would get.
They would fucking castrate them.
And at first, the white eunuchs would rise to higher positions of power.
Right.
Then eventually, black eunuchs.
Right.
For most of the Ottoman Empire, which was a really long time, and all the way up until 19-something, 1911 or 20 or somewhere around there, black eunuchs were the advisors to the sultans.
Right.
They also played a huge role in guarding the harems of the sultans.
And what is a harem?
A harem is, in the Ottoman Empire,
sultans would just have these apartments,
these areas of the palace that were just all their wives
and their slaves and their sex slave
and their dudes and their favorite girls.
They basically had an endless number of women
who they married and who they
fucked for pleasure and who they
enslaved or who cut their nails
or whatever. And the
eunuchs would guard them
and attend to them. And of course
the reason why that was considered appropriate
is because they were still
kind of men so they were strong enough to protect them a little bit.
But they had no balls, so they couldn't fuck them.
It is what it is.
It is what it is.
So, yeah.
So, unfortunately, eunuchs throughout history have existed, and they still exist, and they will continue to exist. But make no mistake, that video that I just watched of a wild boar
getting his balls cut out has changed me as a human being.
Make no mistake, boys and girls.
You could actually look up a photograph of a black eunuch from the Ottoman Empire.
His name was Pascal Seba.
And he was known as the chief black eunuch
yeah and the picture is from
18 from the 1870s
and you can actually google that picture
of Pascal Seba
yeah so
you know
I fucking
I don't know I honestly think
the only thing to do right now
is to end this podcast on a song from a eunuch because I can't go on.
I mean, it's tough.
I literally can't go on.
So I want to play a song for you guys in a minute here by Alessandro Moreschi, who was the last known eunuch to perform in the Sistine Chapel Choir.
eunuch to perform in the Sistine Chapel Choir, and the only eunuch that we've ever heard sing, who was a eunuch from the olden times, and who was a eunuch for religious reasons,
that we've ever even heard his voice recorded?
Well, no.
They used to cut him out for singing reasons.
Yeah.
So this is the Castrati in the 15th and 16th century.
This guy's...
But this guy was all the way,
when was he?
The 19,
1901.
1901.
1901,
so we can hear his voice.
So the opera singers,
they called these castrati.
These guys cut their balls off
so they can hit high notes
and sing really beautiful opera
and be honest with you,
this guy can fucking blow.
This guy can fucking blow
and cuzzies,
we're going to play this for you for the general public, but if you, this guy can fucking blow. This guy can fucking blow. And Cuzzies, we're going to play this for you for
the general public, but if you like
this episode and you like the History Hyenas,
you need to go on patreon.com
slash Bay Ridge Boys and be a part of the matriarchy
and tell your friends to be a part of the matriarchy
because we got a lot of videos coming up there
and we're going to be talking more about Unix and other
fucking wild shit, but it was only for our
Patreon members because there's a lot of shit that we can't
say in public that we can only tell to our
community, and that's where we say it.
It's fucking wild. And join our Patreon. We're going to be
doing a Patreon-only episode
where we delve deeper into
a few wild facts about
freaking Unix.
Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boy.
Enjoy the
beautiful, angelic voice of
the only Unix ever recorded singing, Alessandro Moreschi. Nama Madhuriya Christian's parted in the microphone.
Chris just farted in the microphone.
That could be the only time in history where a eunuch sang while a man farted.
History hyenas, bad, bad.