History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 58 - Fredrick Douglas was WILD!

Episode Date: March 3, 2019

The Hyenas go WILD covering one of Yanni Long Days favorite people Fredrick Douglas. Yannis' last episode before being a married hyena! WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridge...boys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

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Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas, Bad. what's up how you hyenas doing hi hina it is the robo cheese man, a.k.a. Zeke ahead, Pappas. And I am joined as always by Chrissy Catholics. Yeah, there it is. Thou shalt come in peace for love and serve thy Lord. Yes.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Yes. I could have read that on your back. Yeah, I got. Yeah, that's that's a great thing with you is I have Catholic options with you. Yeah, you can either tell me verbally a scripture or i can just roll up your sleeve and read it in your mercy thou in your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety and then on the my back of a cross it says faith yeah because you need a couple of religious blind friends who can really uh benefit from the amount of scripture because why do you have as many
Starting point is 00:01:24 tattoos as robert deiro and Cape Fear? Because I'm a psychopath and I just want some salmon. Sometimes I like winding you up because to let the psychopathy wheel of fortune just go. Because you just let it spin and whatever comes out comes out.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Because after this episode, you want to go get some food. 100%. Or you got to go on a diet for the wedding. Sure. Yeah. I haven't had a slice of pizza. Well,
Starting point is 00:01:54 or a bagel in over a week. Well, what are you going to do when we go to your bachelor party? Cause on Wednesday. Oh yeah. We're well, thank you for hooking that up, by the way. At the Nets game, you're going to have to eat.
Starting point is 00:02:07 We're going to go to the Nets? They're playing a shit team. Yeah, but it's going to be fun. I think it's Nets Cavs. Yeah, it's going to be fun. It's Brutes Magoots. Yeah, I think from now on, everywhere that ends in an S, I'm going to try to use that as an opportunity
Starting point is 00:02:21 to get the gay out. I'm going to move from Yas once because I do Yas about 10 minutes a as an opportunity to get the gay out. Yeah. I'm going to move from Yas once for about, cause I do Yas about 10 minutes a day to try to get gay out. Now I'm just going to try to get it out on the S's. I'm going to sneak it in. It'll be less of a binge, get it out and more like, you know,
Starting point is 00:02:35 incrementally get it out. Yeah. Well, I told you, I said on the podcast last week that I've felt like I've had a lot more energy day in day out because just about an hour i'm just full gay yeah for about an hour a day every day and it feels great and it's you know there's no more pushing down and it just comes out a little bit because and your shirt
Starting point is 00:02:55 right now looks like a cow and it's corduroy yeah it's corduroy and it's i and i believe it's a woman's shirt yeah this is the time where i really wish i had a bowling ball and you repent yeah really what is that shirt poughkeepsie puppets yeah i'm right can i have a water yeah you yeah you want a water yeah because new yorkers say water funny right yeah yo can i get a water can i get one or philadelphia i was just in philadelphia they say water water can i have a water i want to come home and get a hoogie. A hoogie. Mom, what day is today? Tuesday?
Starting point is 00:03:29 Mom, I'm going to call you on the phone. On the phone. You want to go to Wawa's and get a hoogie? Philadelphia is a nice fucking city. No, it's not. Stop lying. I just came. Well, I came there. I just came there from the Philly punchline.
Starting point is 00:03:39 And I really got to be honest with you. I had a nice time at the Philly punchline. I really did. Is my face still red, by the way? No, you're good now.'re good okay good i think you just got horned up because nikki glazer was in here yeah i wanted to fucking lick her ass because you're you're a treat for the fans because listen the truth is you are going to lose a few toots from this because you're honest chrissy d's you're chrissy chaos you're chrissy catholics yeah you're clue clocks chrissy yeah but you will gain those toots back.
Starting point is 00:04:05 What you lose in toots with the Lord, the Lord taketh, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. The Lord taketh away. And speaking of that, I just want to read, I know we're doing
Starting point is 00:04:12 this early in the show, but by the way, if you're listening to the, if you're new to the History Hyena's, welcome. Unfortunately, if you're listening for
Starting point is 00:04:19 free, you're what we call a toot. Yes, a prostitute, but we just shortened it to toot. If you've joined our Patreon, if you went to patreon.com slash bay ridge boys and become a part of the cackle a part of the matriarchy you are now a non-toot so messages that we get sometimes from our non-toots are a lot of times actually we have very funny fan base but they're tense and i just feel like
Starting point is 00:04:43 yannis i'm going to read the message that you sent to me that put you on the floor yeah and then it put me on the floor yeah and it's from big piece but drinks is this right there ppw big piece but grease and then he's got an emoji of a squirrel and a monkey um closing in size so he says the evolution of the five dollar two to the ten dollar non-tube okay so we have all different levels go to patreon.com slash by rich boys and you'll see but he said he says starts the message of this he says okay let me be crystal clear being half black half italian i've been playing battle of the fumes i mean this kid cracked me up since 12 years old that's a 10 yeah then he says but after upgrading to the 10 pledge and binging on the fume squad he called us the fume squad
Starting point is 00:05:32 that was a 10 aka the sacramento yes queens yeah cbd chrissy and yan solo yeah make no mistake i no longer have the musky aroma of a Mediterranean used car salesman in Queens. Then he also hits you with the squirrel and the monkey with his eyes closed. But rather, the sweet cocoa butter essence of a guy that Chrissy DeStefah Hitler protects his daughter from, parentheses, Wei-Shan Xian. Yeah, he gets it. And then he also says, also Wei sheehan to the asian guy emoji yeah and then he goes anyways toodles big piece yeah then he says p.s in light of the r kelly in light of the r kelly retellings i want to be crystal clear in saying that the part about
Starting point is 00:06:18 chrissy yum crumbs call me chrissy yum crumbs daughter was referring to future black boys who want to dance. Not me. Way. Sean Sheehan. Then he says PPS, which Hazel also helped the film. Kid is a 10 squirrel emoji monkey emoji closing its eyes because you're a 10 patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys. Well, you could see all that fucking beautiful content. What's going on over at patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys right now has inspired me and Chrissy to finally pull the trigger and do what we've been talking about for a long time.
Starting point is 00:06:53 And that is we are going to have a Patreon all-star team. Yeah. We are going to start drafting teams. Chrissy's going to have his team and I'm going to have my team. We're doing a fantasy Patreon all-stars draft. I'm going to pick my team. He's going to pick his team, and we're going to see which ones are funnier. Because make no mistake, our Patreon is filled right now with funny fucking kids.
Starting point is 00:07:18 And I just want to make something crystal clear. This is the last History Hyenas episode you're gonna hear with yanni p being a single man because he's getting married on saturday yeah yeah so yanni p is gonna get married and for our patreon 20 no for a hundred dollar members i'm gonna tell you guys what the wedding is yeah and the reception it's what it is that's the big plan I have for you cuz I'm not taking one person to your wedding I got about 30 people coming my highest paid dudes
Starting point is 00:07:52 are coming to the wedding and I'm gonna tell them exactly where it is but you gotta go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys cuz I wouldn't put it past you that's what you do cuz you're Chrissy Wilde you're Chrissy Chaos and also you're Chrissy Catholic I'm Chrissy Catholic. And I said that like a Spanish kid.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Like a Spanish kid. And I'm getting jacked for the fucking wedding so I can try to get a blowy from your brother. Cuz, if you're listening to this right now, you're either a non-tude on Patreon or you're a tude on Sunday. Either way, we got another guest episode with Nikki Glaser that is available on our Patreon dot com slash Bay Ridge Boys for four weeks. So go coming on to Cousins. And today is the last day. Last episode we have that falls in Black History Month. So we're going to talk about Frederick Douglass, who was a guy I'm sure a lot of you.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Everybody's heard of Frederick Douglass, the great abolitionist. But you guys don't know a lot of facts about him. And make no mistake, Yanni P's got a full fucking hard on cock because he loves Freddie Douglass. He went to school at American University in Washington, D.C. And he's a big, big, big, big Freddie Douglass fan. Yeah, Freddie Douglass gets a yacht. Gets a yacht.
Starting point is 00:08:59 He gets a yacht. Here's the key difference between yanni p and i and it's very very easily summed up in these what i'm about to say and it's just you're gay and i'm not yanni p gets horned up and gets a full woody if i suspect a girl may have a piece yanni yanni p gets a full fucking woodrow wilson a full hard cock when he thinks about freddie douglas and i get a full hard cock when he thinks about Freddie Douglas and I get a full hard cock when I think about Freddie Mercury. I didn't see it coming. I got you again. I didn't see it coming.
Starting point is 00:09:31 Yeah. You fucking love Queen now. I'm a big queen. Every week you just say, what are we doing the episode about this week? You want to do it on Queen? I fucking can't stop watching the movie. And I'm happy that that little fucking sandy d won the oscar for it what's his name rami fucking sandbox
Starting point is 00:09:58 you just making it normal to say that now yeah the kid's a great actor but can you go lead more towards sandra d than sandbox yeah rami's yeah what's his name rami malik he's he's great and he won the oscar uh the other land you know if you listen to this last week was the oscars he won and we need the oscars fuck the oscars can you just next time just start singing look at me i'm sandra d look at me i'm sandra d you know next time just start singing, look at me, I'm Sandra Dee. Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee. You know, I'm talking about that. You look at me, it's Sandra Dee. A little grease.
Starting point is 00:10:32 Listen, this is also what we're doing, and we are equally as excited about this. This is wild. Me and Chrissy, we're going to start supporting small businesses. Yeah. Listen to what we're doing. We've created another tier over at patreon.com slash bayridgeboys for $100 a month if you own a restaurant,
Starting point is 00:10:52 a fucking bar, a business, an online startup. Or if you just got dough. Or if you just got fucking dough and you want to sponsor our podcast, you join that level and guess what? We read your ad, your copy, just like fucking the radio shows do it just like podcasts do it just like big companies do it we read your ad on air every episode we make it our
Starting point is 00:11:15 own we make it funny but we you become an official sponsor of the history hyenas podcast and on top of reading your ad and talking about your business every week and letting the people know you sponsor us, you also get a video that me and Chrissy will put up on all of our social media. That's 250,000 people
Starting point is 00:11:37 combined following. That's nice. That's nice. That's a lot of people there. I need to go to and I can't pick up the baby because my knee fell off. This weekend, we're going to have the birthday party. We're going to have the birthday party at C-Town. Chris, listen. It's not a good weekend because, listen, I got a little oxtail stew cooking.
Starting point is 00:12:01 And also, my landlord, he told me that I need to put it I need to be putting to him more signage to the house so I can't be having that party I can't have the baby over there because the baby's crying and I need to go to and my foot fell off so I can't make it yeah cuz yeah cuz should I just bring more recess my day
Starting point is 00:12:20 to the wedding you should yeah so wait let me finish before we start talking yeah because it can't just be all business yeah you know but no no but it has to be here here's the thing we're not doing ads on this podcast just yet maybe we never will but the first few minutes of the potty just has to be but you know you guys get it you're fucking we're all non-toots here you know if you're listening on thursday and if you're you know if you're not if you just started listening this is a sunday and you're a fucking to, then just go become a non-toot because there's way less shit about this
Starting point is 00:12:46 on the Patreon. We're screwed in. We're fucking screwed in. Like I said, when we get to a thousand Patreon members, I said it last week or maybe I didn't. It's not going to happen. You're not going to put your open asshole onto the fucking Patreon. Well, no.
Starting point is 00:13:02 I'm going to put my open asshole. Gross! When we make $ hundred thousand dollars a year i'm gonna put my open asshole and you're gonna put zach eisner's feet no in his mouth for three seconds but let me just tell you what we're gonna do for the thousand patreon members is because we're screwed in kids and we'd like but they we're gonna throw ourselves a bar mitzvah listen if you get if we make it to how many numbers are we talking a thousand patreon members so listen we're almost at 500 we're almost at 500 now so listen to me shlomi if we get to a thousand patreon members yeah me and chris de stefano we're gonna turn ourselves into chris de stefano the barn god that's it and janice papastina yeah we're gonna have a bar mitzvah
Starting point is 00:13:44 bar mitzvah and the patrons will be invited yeah so what we're gonna do and it's gonna be a great time it's gonna be a great thing if we can't do that then I'm just gonna bathe myself in pastrami either way I'm a Jew so listen come on he loves it when
Starting point is 00:13:58 cause the Muslim thing we've noticed it on every episode every Jew joke he just lets it stand as a statement yeah he's like what is that a joke i don't know what's funny they just sound like statements to him so listening i'm kidding i love to i love everybody join that hundred dollar level if you got a small business we want to support you because you're supporting us it's awesome we're uh we also you also get that video you keep that video of me and chris talking about your business forever you do
Starting point is 00:14:23 whatever you want with it so that's the option for you. A new level has been created. And I'm going to finish by saying, yes. Cuzzy, real quick before we get into Frederick Douglass. Yeah. Because make no mistake, the non-toots. Let's just talk. We're going to be talking.
Starting point is 00:14:38 See, the toots are going to hear this post-wedding. The non-toots are going to hear this 48 hours before the wedding. How are going to hear this the 48 hours before the wedding how you feel it yeah it's kind of crazy that this is uh it's happening this is the last podcast where i'm not going to be a married person yeah you're going to be officially it's going to actually be now like when you talk about pieces it's going to actually be a crime against your marriage now so you're gonna have to think a little differently because now make no mistake we gotta bang out some toots today yeah and make yeah we gotta bang out some toots today yeah let's get some salmon let's get some toots cuz let's figure out a way to go down and buy an electric clippers so we can clean out fucking isis's asshole and bang him out bang him out we won't
Starting point is 00:15:18 be able to reach the anus because he's got a brillo pad in there yeah yeah let me just all i gotta do i real quick i have to take my baby's mamas down to the welfare office and then we'll get some toots. Listen, Chris. She's her baby. Yeah. Listen, I can't get to it. Listen, I know I was supposed to watch the baby
Starting point is 00:15:38 today, but what happened, Chrissy, was there was a raccoon that came into my backyard and ate it on my tostones. You think Giannis Cassama ashtray? Are we allowed to be doing this? Who cares? Listen, the thing is,
Starting point is 00:15:56 you're going to have a wife. There's things that need to change about you. Number one, now that you're going to be married, what does that mean for our friendship yeah yeah because now it's like over johnny yeah because now that's what i was going to say because now it's like you got a wife so like a lot of the escapades that we get into on jesus jesus a lot of things that we've done jesus doesn't he is not batting an eye at he's like oh there's these are two in the eyes of jesus christ, we're single men. Yeah. But now you're not.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Now even Jesus has to acknowledge that, like, you are committing sins now if you talk about, you know, certain things. If I talk about cracking something open and cleaning it out. Yeah, you can't talk about cracking it open and cleaning it out. So what do you want to do? I can talk about anything as long as I don't do anything, which I have no intention of doing. Yeah, but I'm done with that. I've been done with that. I don't struggle with that that much
Starting point is 00:16:46 Yeah So I'm just an older kid I'm 67 years old I'm just ready I'm so old that when we have a kid It's just going to come out a grandchild Now let me ask you a question
Starting point is 00:17:01 Let me just preface I'm just going to have to call it my grandchild Let me prepare you a question yeah let me let me just preface i'm just gonna have to call it my grandchild let me prepare you for what yeah let me prepare you for what i may do i have been actively on grinder every day and i found a really fucking smoking hot transgender yeah that i'm thinking about being my plus one yeah but i just have to make sure that you're not going to try to attack it and suck its cock on your wedding night. Can we get a couple of Wei Zhangxing's? He called her it. Yeah, you caught that, right?
Starting point is 00:17:33 Wei Zhangxing. Cuz you can't shake the Ridgewood full off. Sorry, cuz I just passed by Rudy's Bakery. Yeah, cuz when you hang around with all these fucking comedians or as your friends call them faggots? How do you how do you hide the Ridgewood? You got to you got to hold it in.
Starting point is 00:17:54 Like, you know, you remember the movie Men in Black? Yeah. You remember when the alien puts on the skin of. Yes. And then the cockroaches start crawling out. Yeah. That's for you. The cockroaches, like when they start crawling out, you're like, oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:18:06 That's a little bit of Ridgewood racism. Yeah. Yeah. It's just what it is. No, you're not a racist kid, but you are from a small minded neighborhood. A small minded neighborhood. That we fucking love. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:16 So is it okay if I bring a transgender person to the wedding? But what are you going to do if you're attracted to it? First of all, that's what we want to know. Transgenders are not. I just want to. I want to Weijian genie with with my words he doesn't even have to say way jean gen okay i'll just correct you a few times first of all yeah her proper pronouns is her her okay not it yeah definitely not it okay you want to stay away with it i think maybe even he accidentally is better than it okay okay so we'll So we'll start there. Okay. Secondly,
Starting point is 00:18:46 uh, transgenders wouldn't be on grinder because, uh, they're into straight men. And strangely enough, usually straight men are the ones that are into hers. Okay. Yeah. So guys,
Starting point is 00:18:56 gay guys like Joey Kamasta want to fuck you. Joey Kamasta. We're going to have him on the podcast. Did you, did you ever see that picture that I tagged you in of when he's wearing the swimsuit? Yes. It's a 10. And heels.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Yeah. Is it a 10? It's a 20. It hit you hard. It's a fucking Andrew Jackson. Yeah. We're going to put it on. Can we just say, is that a Hamilton?
Starting point is 00:19:16 It's a Jackson. It's a Jackson. Yeah. Because it was one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life when he posted that picture because he means it like sincerely he's just you know we've talked about before he was he's a d1g yeah no this one you saw this one have you seen that one yeah you did i did see it yeah yeah can we put that on the camera i mean it's a 10 i mean it is yeah can we can we how do we put that on the camera? I mean, it's a 10. I mean, it is. Yeah. Can we, can we, how do we put that up so people can see it?
Starting point is 00:19:47 People see that. We're just going to look or just go to, well, let's get it. We love him anyway. So go to Mr. P 79 Instagram and just enjoy. He is a big burly Italian kid in a fucking swimsuit. He was a day one day. D one G. There's no way that he came out.
Starting point is 00:20:04 Like, cause when he talks, he's like, it's came out like because when he talks he's like it's just the gaze in there it's just it's just there so there was like it was just impossible for him not to be gay i mean he was just born gay yeah yeah when he first saw us he was like oh my god chrissy he wants to fuck us both though yeah no he said yeah because he was like he was like chris what i want i want you to do. He's like, I would fucking just want you to, like, push my head down and blow you. And then I just want you to make me fucking clean for you. Yes.
Starting point is 00:20:31 And cook. Cuz. She came back in. Do you think she was standing out there listening? She might have been. But that's why I just I was very positive, positive, positive. Yeah. Cuz.
Starting point is 00:20:42 No, I would have got a text immediately Black History Month is fucking still going on and Frederick Douglass is a black history all star you're talking about a giant you're talking about
Starting point is 00:20:57 Martin Luther King, Frederick Douglass you know Rolando Blackman those are the three big giants. Yeah. The three giant blacks. Three giant blacks of history. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:10 So you said Martin Luther King, Frederick Douglass. Rolando Blackman. Rolando Blackman. No, of course. You got W.E. Du Bois. Yeah. You got Booker T. Washington. Yeah, you got Kamala.
Starting point is 00:21:21 You got Kamala Harris. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jason Kidd. There's been a bunch of. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jason Kidd. There's been a bunch of... There's been, yeah. There's been a bunch. But no, seriously, all jokes aside,
Starting point is 00:21:31 Frederick Douglass has always been one of my favorite. No, you've been talking about Frederick Douglass for years, since I met you. You love, you're fascinated with Frederick Douglass. Where did it come from? Was it school? Because he's just such a... He's America, man.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Yeah. He's America, and he's just such a he's america man he's america and he's also he's also the reason why the war became about eradicating slavery he was in lincoln's ear it's amazing the same way martin luther king a lot of people don't know martin luther king was in johnson's ear linda b johnson's ear right he was in abraham lincoln and andrew. Johnson's ear, right? He was in Abraham Lincoln and Andrew Johnson's ear about, he met, he went to the white house and famously said, I felt big.
Starting point is 00:22:12 I mean, you're talking about a guy that was born a slave that sat down alone with Abraham Lincoln, one of the giants of history, president of the United States during, during a time where the country was divided and just sat there and talked and, and, and pled his case and, made lincoln know that this has to be a war not just about containing slavery yeah but about eradicating slavery yeah this is this guy was about human
Starting point is 00:22:37 rights yeah human rights and right after that after the battle of antietam which was the big fucking pyrrhic victory which which we we toured the battlefield there but we had to cut it short because one of yannis's parents died and came back to life again exactly it's just what it is they would you know that we're talking about i think 12 000 um union soldiers died at antietam i think yeah it was and then right after antietam uh abraham lincoln um issued the emancipation proclamation yeah so and frederick douglas was a big influence in that, man. I mean, he was, like you said,
Starting point is 00:23:06 born a slave. I'm sorry, he was born free and then he got enslaved at six. No, no, no, no. He was born asleep. But he got really, but I think at six years old, something happened to him.
Starting point is 00:23:17 At six years old, he became... Like he had to leave his family at six. Well, yeah, he had to. Well, what happened was he never really knew his mother. He was taken away from his mother. He didn didn't never he never knew who his father is uh he to the best of his what he guessed it was his it was his master living on the one of the one of his masters you know right the fucking plantation who was a dick his master was a dickie yeah frederick
Starting point is 00:23:40 douglas recites a thing where he watched his master beat the shit out of his aunt like stretch her body from her tippy toes right all the way out and just lash her and bled all over just for disobeying an order. Brutal. Inhumane. American slavery is, it feels like, I don't know if it's because it's like the most spoken about, but it feels like it was really fucking like some of the most inhumane. I mean, nailing people's ears to to like they weren't doing my point is like were they doing that was that happening slaves in the 1500s in france yeah they did some fucked up shit back then but this was different because it also had this kind
Starting point is 00:24:15 of um yeah it was after the enlightenment people were yeah and it was also like technology had there was guns there was you know it was uh it was – and there was a racial component to it that they thought – that they rationalized with actually the Bible, saying that the reason they're black is because God has put the black on them because they're – How stupid are people that used to believe that? People are what? ISIS? Fucking stupid. Yeah. people that used to believe that people are what isis fucking stupid yeah yeah people are fucking stupid like if you think that the like a god made someone black to demean them it's what it's just but do you like but i cannot i there has to be a level of ignorance that was just allowed for people who lived in two, 300 years ago. Because it's like, you can't be that stupid that you think that for real.
Starting point is 00:25:12 I mean, we have the same brains as we had 100,000 years ago. They had the new brain with the prefrontal cortex, too. They were just choosing to believe this bullshit. Yeah, I mean, I could give you the politically correct answer. I could give you what i really believe just no i'm gonna say what i really are you fucking i'm not fucking take your pussy hat off right now poppets look um yeah people are fucking stupid generally but also you have to understand at the time mankind did sort of culturally evolve at a different rate depending on where they were right it was it had it was there was no reflect it was not a reflection of the people who didn't evolve as quickly
Starting point is 00:25:50 it was it was it's a reflection mostly if not all because of geography the people who like in europe had a longitude this way who walked up you can you can interact with each other more and the people who were able to trade with tribes more and other cultures more live by water and not isolated and sequestered by mountains. They culturally evolved quicker because they shared information with other tribes and other cultures. Marco Polo, they fucking people started moving around in boats. Once people got in boats, it was on. around in boats once people got in boats it was on but there was some tribes in africa and other places that you know first of all the climate changes so much when you go from north to south and then you had that big desert there that nobody really crossed so a lot of those tribes you know
Starting point is 00:26:35 they didn't evolve as quick as other germanic tribes and things like that traded with one another of course the greece thing happened culturally, things didn't happen at the same pace when you look back at history. And it's a dangerous thing to say, but it's just culture. They're ideas. They don't have a race. They don't have a gender. They don't have a sexuality. You can try to deny it all you want, but there's good ideas and there's bad ideas.
Starting point is 00:27:06 There's fucking religions and there's enlightenment. You look at history. Anytime religion was on the uptick, guess what happened? What? Fucking things got dark. Yeah. It's not a coincidence. It's not a coincidence.
Starting point is 00:27:18 We call the Renaissance the Renaissance. And what is that? A reason. You can basically look back in history and see either reason was prevalent or faith and they're kind of mutually exclusive people can say what they want it's like because faith is the opposite of reason right right the reason is like let's inquire let's try to find out let's ask questions and try to come up with the answers. Whereas faith is don't ask questions, just believe. So of course that's going to stifle development.
Starting point is 00:27:49 Right. So culturally things evolved at a different pace. And as a result of that, American slavery, I think, was extremely brutal because you have one culture that had interacted with so many cultures. Look,
Starting point is 00:28:06 we got gunpowder from China paper. The list goes fucking on, on and on and on and on about cultures trading with each other. That is, that is the equation to what led to great achievements. Right. And then you have another culture that was enslaved that technologically was, was far behind.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Right. So then there's this this stupid belief this backwards belief um was spawned from that that these were inferior people and they and and and the bible was used as a rationalization because people are fucking stupid that this is what was supposed to be this is what god and that made it even more fucking brutal also do you think i read something once where they said slavery only existed really in the south and the north was so against it because the cotton was in the south not the north but slavery wasn't only in the south slavery was all over what i'm saying by the time by the time we were getting the mass produced with the cotton gin yeah well once the factory started getting into the north yeah it was more it was
Starting point is 00:29:03 still right but frederick douglas recounts he went to bed for massachusetts fucking race it was still racist it's still racist up there now yeah i guarantee fucking some places part of massachusetts are more racist than places in fucking mississippi it's just a different type of racism right and i guarantee you people would prefer the northern rib if i guarantee if we polled black people they would probably prefer the northern racism to to the southern racism because the southerns pretend they pretend like hi you know welcome ma'am how are you how you doing you know it's like you pretend but underneath they really still believe the fucking superior whereas like it's a bunch of just ethnic groups up here fucking hating each other
Starting point is 00:29:41 and the racism everyone says it up here they call each other it And the racism, everyone says it up here. They call each other it. It's out in the open. Right. So if I was a black person, and I would bet you if we asked most black people, they would prefer it out in the open than hidden. Because that southern racism is hidden, and it's deeply rooted. Yeah. And it's still like they believe it's institutionally down there. Whereas up here, it's like fucking people wear it on their sleeve. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:02 So it's a different type of racism. But still, I mean, with Freddie Doug, I mean, you're just fucking... Well, Freddie Doug, because he was self-taught. So he was born a slave, right? His pops was probably white. Obviously, definitely white. Do you think his pops was white? Never knew his mom.
Starting point is 00:30:18 Never knew his mom. Why do you think his pops was white? Because he was kind of mixed. Really? He thought it was his... He knew his pops was white, and he knew... He doesn't look white in the pictures kind of mixed yeah really he thought it was his he thought he knew his pops was white and he knew um he doesn't look white in the pictures like mixed even he's a little he's mixed yeah interesting I know it was six to yeah uh
Starting point is 00:30:33 190 pretty jack kid yeah I mean it happened so much that like almost all black people have some white in them because it happens so much really it happens so fucking much yeah it happened a lot of it was probably rape so fucking much. Yeah. It happened much. A lot of it was probably rape and stuff like that, just like with the Turks and the Greeks.
Starting point is 00:30:49 You're a Turk. Turks just raped the Greeks. I have 25% Turk. That probably happened because of rape. It's what it is. It's probably what it happened. Yeah. Because we're talking about a Greek island that was...
Starting point is 00:30:58 It's just what it is. That's what was happening. Right. When one culture thinks they're superior to the other, they enslave the other, they occupy another place, they're going to rape a few people. It's what happens. It's what it is it was that's what was happening right when one culture thinks they're superior to the other they enslave the other they occupy another place they're gonna rape a few people it's what happens what it is so he was born a slave never knew his mom never knew his dad really was raised by his grandma right because mom was put onto another plantation and then at age six he was tasked with
Starting point is 00:31:20 being sort of the learning to be the sort of servant of one white kid, of one of the white kids at the plantation. So that's what happened at age six. That was going to be his job. But then his mistress. Whose mistress? The master's mistress. No, Frederick Douglass' mistress.
Starting point is 00:31:36 Oh, Frederick Douglass had a mistress? That means the master's wife. Okay. You know, it's a difference. I thought you meant he had a kumar. He had a kumar guys yeah so she taught him how to how to read read because she wanted to learn how to read she taught him how to read because she wanted to be able to read the bible exactly and then from there it's just all frederick douglas the kid always dreamed about being free and he fucking
Starting point is 00:32:02 ran yeah he fucking escaped to make a long story short he made himself a sailor there was a lot of free black men too black well yeah because i i know i read a story about him where he's he got a job as a caulker on a boat whatever that is i don't know what that what does a caulker do like he was some sort of type type of sailor like repairing repairing the boat or whatever so he did that and he would get paid. It was called like an urban slave, they called them, where you're basically renting a slave, but you're paying them. They're not free, but you're giving them a salary. They're working for another company. The master is saying, I'll loan this guy out, but he has to give me 50% of his wages, whatever the number is.
Starting point is 00:32:43 And Frederick Douglass saved up enough money. And the first thing he bought, I read almost every person who saved up the money, the first thing they would do is get a prostitute. Because that's just, you know, man, I get it. He bought a book. He bought a book and it was a book of famous speeches. And he memorized
Starting point is 00:32:59 every speech. It was called the Columbian Oratory. And he just memorized every single speech in there. That's wild. And became soatory. And he just memorized every single speech. That's wild. And became like so articulate. And, you know, some of the things he said were so profound. I mean, he would get that. I think it was.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Who is the great white abolitionist? Lloyd Garrison. Garrison. Yeah. He was at a Garrison speech and Garrison. He was. I forgot what year was. It's like the 1840s.
Starting point is 00:33:24 So now we're up in Massachusetts. We're up what year was it's like the 1840s so now we're up in massachusetts we're up in massachusetts it was like the 1840s and he was a runaway slave technically he was technically they had they called them slave catchers yeah you're fucking chrissy jumpaheads and i love it all right go ahead no no i like when you go there because it we we work nice together because then i yeah because then it gives it's i tell them how we got there i like it but you're chrissy jump ahead chrissy jump ads yeah and i'm i got there. I like it. But you're Chrissy Jump Heads. I'm Chrissy Jump Heads. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:46 And I got low blood sugar. I feel lightheaded. You don't want to be here. I got a low grade fever. I've been here for three hours. Yeah. I got a low grade fever. So he's at William Lloyd Garrison's big speech, a white abolitionist, very very very outspoken very articulate and uh he's a
Starting point is 00:34:08 runaway slave frederick douglas at the time so he could easily by him standing up and outing himself could anybody in that room could have gotten a slave catcher and he gets sent back and probably would have been fucking killed or whatever had the shit beat at beaten out of him back in maryland and um he stands up and he tells his story about how he was a slave and a captured slave and what slavery was like and he got us and it was a two hour he spoke for two hours frederick douglas and he got a standing ovation from the crowd and then garrison took a liking to him yeah i mean yeah so he fled north um from maryland right from maryland from marlin marlin which From Maryland. Which at that time was just the northern south.
Starting point is 00:34:49 They still had slaves there in certain parts. And Frederick Douglass lived in a part where they had slaves. Yeah. Because you think Maryland, oh, they fought for the north. And they eventually did. But at that point, they weren't. Yeah. Then he made his way up to New York.
Starting point is 00:35:01 And then he made his way up to Medford. I think it was Medford, Mass. Medford, Mass. Medford, Mass. He made it to, no, Bedford, Mass. Bedford, Mass. Bedford, Mass. Not Peter McNeely from Medford, Mass.
Starting point is 00:35:12 Saturday night, watch me kick Tyson's ass. Because you're Chrissy Peter McNeely. Yeah, I'm Peter McNeely. Yeah. So he made it up to Medford, and then, yeah, he just was. Because remember in the beginning of our podcast, I just wouldn't come? What do you mean you wouldn't come? Remember I wouldn't come, and you just have to do episodes alone? No was because remember in the beginning of our podcast i just wouldn't come what do you mean whenever i wouldn't come and you just have to do episodes alone no like in the beginning no like the first like 10 15 apps i just would cancel and you would do them alone or you would do them with fucking somebody else no because you you're you're kind
Starting point is 00:35:38 of chrissy blackouts that happened only once or twice and that was because you were on the road and then you did one without me because I couldn't make it. And I did with Saul Joel. Yeah, but other than that, you always came, but you probably just didn't want to come. So I was shut off. Yeah, you were shut off. That's a funny thing that you came up with. Now we got guys that are switched off. Yeah, you're switched off. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:58 You're switched off. Christy dead inside. You're Christy dead inside and you're kind of a switched off kid. Yeah. Yeah. The only things you switch on for are things that lead to puss. I switch on for three things. Puss, peats, sweets.
Starting point is 00:36:13 That's about it right there. You just switched off for everything else. Because Frederick Douglass was a self-made, self-taught switched on kid. Switched on ambitious, bold kid who wanted to be fucking free and was a human rights activist who ended up being a statesman, started a slave. He was born a fucking slave. He died a free man.
Starting point is 00:36:37 He influenced the president and became a giant of history. I want to fucking play with his hair. Absolutely. Frederick Douglass, one of the few people in the 1800s who went his whole life with no fumes. He had no fumes. No
Starting point is 00:36:53 fumes. Chrissy cackles. You wouldn't want to sit in his lap. I would be in Freddie Douglass' lap every night and ask him to read me bedtime stories. Yeah, because when we like somebody, we just say that that's somebody whose lap you want to crawl inside. Yeah, I would be in Freddie Douglas's lap every night and ask him to read me bedtime stories. Yeah, because when we like somebody, we just say that that's somebody whose lap you want to crawl inside. I would call him Freddie Dougs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:11 So he got married, and then his second marriage, guess what he did? Cheated on her. No, she died the first wife. Oh. Second wife was fucking white snow bunny. Now, I mean. Yeah. Wait.
Starting point is 00:37:24 I just burped. Yeah. So he got himself so he got us he got himself a snowman himself snow buddy second you know that's what happens when you know black dudes get they get famous what happens second wife's always gotta be white gotta be white sisters don't like that yeah but it happens he was one of the first to do it i guess yeah so frederick douglas second wife was but listen there was a big abolitionist movement going on at the time. John Brown. All these cats kind of interacted with each other. John Brown, who we did an episode on.
Starting point is 00:37:51 Yeah, Frederick Douglass. He wanted Frederick Douglass to be a part of that march on Harpisteri. He wanted Frederick Douglass to personally, physically be there? Yeah. Wow, who got killed. Yeah, Frederick Douglass didn't do it. Thank God he didn't go. Didn't get involved. But Frederickouglas kind of knew that um john brown was going to be a martyr and
Starting point is 00:38:10 he yeah and he knew that it was going to be blood he just knew that this was going to be about uh you know freeing slaves and there was going to be blood right and really what he's responsible for, which is amazing and which probably turned the tide for the union, was he advocated. And because of those advocation efforts, the union decided to enlist black soldiers. And that was because of Frederick Douglass. Right. Because at the beginning, there was no interest. They were,
Starting point is 00:38:48 they, they, they, they, they, they thought the union, even the union army just thought that the black soldier was inferior in some way.
Starting point is 00:38:55 Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. Not an old wars for white men kind of thing. So stupid or privilege, you know, such a stupid fucking way to live life. Well,
Starting point is 00:39:03 you know, they were second class citizens. That's how those systems were. And those are stupid systems. men. It's such a stupid fucking way to live life. Yeah, well, you know, they were second-class citizens. That's how those systems were, and those are stupid systems. Feudalism's a stupid system. Slavery's a stupid system. But, you know, again, it has been everywhere. I mean, slavery didn't even get eradicated in Saudi Arabia until the 1960s.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Really? Yes. I didn't know that. And it's still going on in Iran. I mean, you look at Dubai. Dubai was basically built by Indian slaves. So it's like slavery, second
Starting point is 00:39:34 class, first class. You look at the Indian system, their caste system, it's all tiers. You know, it's all you look at the peasants, that was basically a feudalism was basically a slavery system too right indentured servitude serfs it's the same shit right it didn't and and to to your point american slavery was uniquely brutal because it had this sort of dark rationalization behind it
Starting point is 00:39:59 that was um enforced by biblical bullshit. Right. By Christianity. And, you know, it was a culture that had advanced in a lot of technologies that was taking advantage of a culture that had not. So it was particularly brutal. But they're all brutal. or a church of the Greeks, or that Germanic tribes didn't do that to one another, or that Native Americans do that to one another, or the Incans and the Mayans didn't sacrifice people or enslave people, or that the Russians, it just, Greek city-states used to enslave other Greek city-states.
Starting point is 00:40:38 The things, it just was part of the human condition. That doesn't excuse it. It doesn't say it was okay, and it doesn't say that it was less brutal. It was more brutal. But this is man is shit. Man has always been shit and likes to kill whatever's closest. So before man could get in a boat and find another culture
Starting point is 00:40:57 to enslave, he enslaved the tribe next to him. And that's what it is. But that's the great thing about people like Frederick Dougerick douglas they're the idea of human rights starts to emerge it's like human rights beyond law these inelia these are human rights here and like these are these are human beings and they they all should have rights he wasn't going for like this fucking he wasn't like i'm a free guy and i'm good he wasn't going legally free he was going going like, we're all men.
Starting point is 00:41:26 We're all born free. This is beyond law. It's beyond the Constitution. It's freedom, baby. He was the first one to sniff it. He sniffed it big time. And that's why you love him because your mom went on to be a human rights lawyer. I am in human rights.
Starting point is 00:41:43 I'm into justice. You're into human rights. And the people who cross you're i'm into justice you're into human rights and the people who cross me yeah justice is coming your union yannis yeah i am fucking fucking the grim reaper yanni i'm coming for you so that's why you like frederick douglas a lot is because he reminded you of your mother um he was just he was just a brilliant very smart self-taught uh man who was an amazing orator right who really lived the american dream was the first one to be born a slave and rise up as he was born a fucking slave slave yeah born a slave and was sitting in the white house yeah so it's like we see obama now who became president f. Freddie D was the first dude to be black, to have the to have the ear of the president.
Starting point is 00:42:30 Some of the things Abraham Lincoln said or the ideas he had were right from Freddie Douglas's mind. One hundred percent. One hundred percent. One hundo. One hundred. One hundred percent. It was like they sat. To be a fly on the wall
Starting point is 00:42:45 to listen to those two great men. Yeah, that's what gets you... Let me ask you a question. I got a fucking creeper right now. There were multiple times where you thought about a conversation between Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln in the White House in the 1800s and you put on those stockings. It's what it is! It's what it is! Fishnet, Yannis
Starting point is 00:43:01 came out. You slowly slipped on those fishnets when you think about what Freddie Douglas was saying to Abe Lincoln. It doesn't give you chills to think about them sitting there in that situation. The country's completely divided. It does. Shots have been fired on Fort Sumter. Fucking.
Starting point is 00:43:15 Civil War has begun. Civil War has begun. And he's in there going, listen. Yeah. Human rights. Civil rights. You know what would be great, Abe? What you did.
Starting point is 00:43:23 He was from Maryland, so he probably talked like, because. Well, they said he had a deep voice. Yeah, and Maryland, they go, hey, man, from Maryland. Maryland. So he was like, hey, Abe, listen, man, you know, his brothers want to fight, man. His brothers want to fight. You know what I mean? Like, it's a great advantage.
Starting point is 00:43:41 You know what I mean? You know what I mean? If we just, we let these brothers fight. And Abe was like, yeah. And then guess who the first black regimen was? It gives me chills. The movie Glory is a great movie. Denzel Washington won an Oscar for best supporting
Starting point is 00:43:55 actor. There's a famous scene in there where a teardrop fucking falls down his face. It's a powerful role, like all his roles are. But that movie Glory was about the Massachusetts 54thth that is the direct result of lobbying from frederick douglas black soldiers by the thousands started joining the war effort fighting fighting besides their white union brothers when you go to battle and there's blacks and then you're like all right we're all men here we're dying together we got
Starting point is 00:44:24 each other's backs and we're fighting these fucking we're all men here we're dying together we got each other's backs and we're fighting these fucking we're all part of the boy we're all the boys it was the first time they were all part of the boys and then let's be honest when the blacks started to join we started to win because blacks are fucking jack kids they're fucking jack kids they're strong kids
Starting point is 00:44:39 so they fought valiantly the Massachusetts 54th led that charge on Fort Wagner I think it was. I don't know. I don't know. Whatever it is. But, you know, they did that all that all got orchestrated in Massachusetts. Massachusetts is where the big abolitionist movement was really headquartered in.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Yeah. That's where Lloyd Garrison and all these people, just giants. Yeah, that's where Lloyd Garrison and all these people, just giants. Harriet Tubman. Harriet Tubman fucking went back into slave territory to pioneer the underground railroad. And Frederick Douglass admired her. All these people knew about each other. Yeah, do they meet?
Starting point is 00:45:21 Do you think they ever met in one room? Freddie Doug and Harriet Tubman. I don't know. That would be a good one for ISIS to look up. Because I don't know if Harry Tubman and Frederick Douglass ever actually met. But he ended up settling down after the Civil War, started the North Star, which is obviously the North Star was when slaves were trying to go north. They followed the North Star.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Yeah. It was like an abolitionist newspaper, right? Yeah. Frederick Douglass started an abolitionist newspaper called the North Star. Right. And it was like an abolitionist newspaper, right? Yeah. Frederick Douglass started an abolitionist newspaper called the North Star. Right. And it was just a giant history, man. Just a severe intellectual. When you read his writings, just a severe intellectual. Kid could have sold some tickets today.
Starting point is 00:45:57 Kid did move fucking tickets. Kid moved seats. He moved seats, cuz. Yeah. He moved fucking seats, and he did it for a good cause. And just a giant history man influenced the president yeah I wonder how he felt when Abe got popped when
Starting point is 00:46:09 you talk about the emancipation proclamation happening freeing slaves you talk about black guys being part of the war effort that is all Frederick Douglass baby that's Freddie D sitting down with ABL and fucking chopping it up and figuring it out cuz Frederick Douglass 100% would have went to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys ABL and fucking chopping it up and figuring it out. Figuring it out. Cause cause Frederick Douglas,
Starting point is 00:46:26 100% would have went to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys and been at least a $10 non-tute. He, without a doubt he would have been. Yeah. But you know, is he, is he somebody in history that you wish you could have spoken to?
Starting point is 00:46:40 Yeah. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to Frederick Douglas and Abraham Lincoln. Frederick. Yeah. Fredericklass this is the reason why he was so impressive first of all he was a 6'2 he was a fucking big kid I told you he was a piece 6'2 was big that
Starting point is 00:46:55 Abe Lincoln 6'3 6'4 got a couple big dudes in there couple big dudes with big brains sitting there and he was the one when he would speak like you said he gave that, right? Like you said, he gave that two hour speech. Like you said, he would impress these honka donks so much that he was challenging their,
Starting point is 00:47:12 what they had been conditioned and inculcated the bullshit kind of racial bullshit they were inculcated with at the time. He shouted all that because he just blew everybody away by how articulate and how brilliant and how cogent he was. Right. So he was just he was he's seminal. He's a seminal figure. He's a foundational figure in the freedom that we all enjoy today.
Starting point is 00:47:40 Black and white, red, Chinese, all that shit. All that shit. Red, Chinese, everybody. Yo. Because he was a human rights activist. And the Emancipation Proclamation put an end to slavery. And, you know, he set that precedent that, you know, everyone's equal. Everyone has human rights.
Starting point is 00:48:01 And so that's why he said. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, he's a big figure in american history yeah he never met harriet tumman but there is a letter uh that he wrote to her in i believe 1868 cuz can you read do you want to rhyme it you want to make a beat for it it's a little long do you want you want me to send it to one of you and you no no it's no it's all right i just wanted to see if you wanted to rhyme it out i'm happy that we ended Black History Month here in the History of Hyenas with such a powerful dude, Freddie Duck. We still got one more weekend, no?
Starting point is 00:48:29 We've only done two. No, we did Freddie Duck, James Armistead Lafayette, and Jack Johnson. We did three. Yeah, because Black History Month is a short month. It's a short month. We're going to do more Black History Month. Let's be honest. honest i if even though it shouldn't be there's a i have a high speculation that when they came to when they named black history month when they picked the month they let ridgewood pick
Starting point is 00:48:51 and ridgewood picked the shortest month because it's rich would just kind of a little bit of a racist neighborhood no it's it's really not a little bit right no it's not it's not it's really not it's it's mostly puerto ricans there is a lot of Puerto Rican. Well, now it's changed. It's changed dramatically. There's so many different. Speaking of Black History Month and great blacks, we have got a ton of black people who have joined our Patreon dot com slash Bay Ridge boys. We thank them for their service. We fucking thank you for your service, because make no mistake, we're a couple of white kids that do podcasts.
Starting point is 00:49:23 We need a diverse fan base. It can't just be all whites yeah and we appreciate when we get a lot of diversity in that because make no mistake we love your culture and i just fucking every day of my life all i do first of all my favorite song my favorite besides whitney houston like i love monica i love um brandy i love all these singers so So I fucking have always embodied. I've always thought that I was just a 16 year old black girl who loves R&B. So that's why I'm happy when I see some of our Patreon members look like the women that I always wish I was. Yeah, that's what it is.
Starting point is 00:49:57 Yeah. You want to know what's interesting about Frederick Douglass? His first wife really helped him escape to really hash the plan together. She was like an independent laundress. She worked at a laundry in Baltimore and they met and they hatched a plan for him to
Starting point is 00:50:14 run away and he took the train and clothed himself in a sailor's uniform and with money from her savings he was able to get that job on the ship and pretend that he was free dude. uniform and with money from her savings, he was able to get that job on the ship and pretend that he was free dude.
Starting point is 00:50:30 And then, by the way, after he made it to Massachusetts and like Chris said, became friends with Henry Lloyd Garrison and started becoming an orator and all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:50:45 He was still, it was found out that he was technically still a slave. Really? So he was scared that he was going to have to return to his- A slave catcher. So he went to England. Yeah, for two years. I forgot that. Two years he went to England and then his friends paid off his owner and so it bought his freedom.
Starting point is 00:51:04 Yeah, and then when he came back, he was untouchable. He was free, but his friends looked off his owner. And so it bought his freedom. Yeah. And then when he came back, he was untouchable. He was a free man. But his friends looked out for him. Yeah. And a few of his friends were, wee! Wee! So that's what happened.
Starting point is 00:51:13 Yeah. All right. Well, at the end of every episode, every free episode for the non-toots, I mean, for the toots, what we do is we read out the Patreon members. But before we do that. Oh, no. We're not there yet. Okay.
Starting point is 00:51:29 Sorry. I just want to end with this. Yeah. Oh, yeah yeah let's fucking end on a bang no no no before you're coming a little bit a little bit because this is um this is this is every kid who doesn't know what we're talking about who's learning about for the first time should know this by frederick douglas this used to give me chills. I'm a Freddie Douglass guy. You're a big Freddie Douglass. And of course, we just gave you the pithy history hyenas synopsis, but there's a famous address that Frederick Douglass, a famous speech he gave, which is fucking, this is a part of American history right here
Starting point is 00:52:06 oh man what do we got while we're waiting yeah just give it one of those it's Frederick Douglas on July 5th 1852. He gave this speech.
Starting point is 00:52:32 It's basically called now, What to the Slave is the Fourth of July. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember this. I'm trying to find like the- Well, because he said at one point, he basically said like, you celebrate this day. This day's for you. It's not for me. This is day of mourning for me. Yeah, I mean- Said something like that. It was powerful. Yeah, you celebrate this day. This day's for you. It's not for me. This is day of mourning for me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:46 I mean. Said something like that. It was powerful. Yeah. It's so dope. And I can't find it right now. We should have had it jacked up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:56 Go ahead and read the Patreons. I'll look for it. I'm going to read the page. Well, no, you have to guess the name. And I will. Okay, fine. I'm just going to read them out. These are the newest members of the Patreon.
Starting point is 00:53:04 The newest members of the Cackle, the Matriarchy. We thank you for your service. First up, Ian Lane. Wow. That kid is a whitey. He's not. He's not a white kid. He's got a picture of himself, and he is not white.
Starting point is 00:53:17 I fucked that one up. I fucked that one up big time. So, Ian Lane, thank you for your service. Thank you for your service. Can we get a nah mean? Yeah, I mean Gabriel Torres Jose Cobo cause he's
Starting point is 00:53:35 Colombian. Yeah. What about Jose Cobo? Jose Cobo? Yeah, he's from Honduras. I don't know how these guys are hopping over the wall into our Patreon. Come on. What the fuck are you doing? I'm looking for the Frederick Douglass. Joshua Denao.
Starting point is 00:53:52 D-E-N-A-U-W. 100% Chinese kid. Denao. Denao. Next up, we got Christopher Poi. Christopher Poi, another Chinese kid. Wei Zhongxin. Next up, we got Christopher Poi. Christopher Poi, another Chinese kid. Wei Zhongxian. Wei Zhongxian.
Starting point is 00:54:06 Next up, we got Tracy Opoku, who looks like a P. Because there's no question, those are three Chinese kids in a row. Tracy Opoku, O-P-O-K-U? Yeah. She's Asian. No, she's African. She's, we got, she, well, thank you for your- She's African.
Starting point is 00:54:22 She's got a picture. Really? Yeah. Her name is Chinese. No, Opoku can be an African name. Because Opoku is a Chinese letter. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:32 Well, it's Tracy Opoku and she's a pea. It's also a rice dish. Sammy Mason. Sammy Mason, that is a 100% good old American weed kid. White girl and she's a pea. She's a fucking pea. She's a pea. Where do you and she's a piece she's a fucking where you think she's from arizona i'd say she's from arizona and maybe she's from like colorado yeah um brandon quesada that's a that's another kid he's a brandon quesada he's a brazilian kid
Starting point is 00:55:00 and um he's a meat farmer probably yeah scott m standard scott ed standard he's a meat farmer. Probably. Yeah. Scott M. Standard. Scott M. Standard is another fucking whitey because Scott is the whitest name of all time. Pat Cole because fucking the name Scott sounds like it should come with Pearl Jam tickets. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:20 Pat Cole. Pat Cole. He's going with them to the freaking Radiohead concert. head concert yeah oh here we go now we got one of these guys micah micah that's a jew how you doing listen you're gonna be invited to our bar mitzvah as soon as we reach a thousand patreons muzzle muzzle yeah ethan baxter ethan Ethan Baxter. Ethan Baxter, bad guy in an 80s movie, WAPS kid, suburban kid, has definitely done opiates outside of the parking lot of an Applebee's.
Starting point is 00:55:51 That's what it is. Dylan Stahl. Dylan Stahl, he got his bike stolen when he was a little kid. Ever since then, he's been stealing his dad's car. The kid's definitely done a lot of drugs. He's a little bit of a druggie. He's a fucking stupid kid. He's a lot of drugs. He's a little bit of a druggie. He's a fucking stupid
Starting point is 00:56:06 kid. He's a white kid. It's actually a white girl and she's a piece with red hair. I was completely wrong with that. So she has no fumes. No fumes. No fumare. Next up, Rolando. Rolando? Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:56:21 One name. Because he's the Filipino kid who just helped me buy all my groomsmen's gifts. There you go. His name was Rolando, and he was Filipino, and he was about 75 years old. He was a nice guy. Brogan Ya. Brogan Ya? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:34 PPW nominee. The kid's a funny kid. And yeah, he's a Filipino kid. He's half Filipino, half Hawaiian. Well, it's another woman, and she's a piece. I am losing my touch. Yeah. Okay. Uh. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:48 Uh-oh. Vito Calisi. Vito Calisi, let me ask you a question. Vito, let me ask you a question. All right? Look, okay? We got a pizza place here. All I need for you to do is come in on it. Both of us, we put a lot of money through there. I gotta use you so we can
Starting point is 00:57:04 give Uncle Sam a name for who owns this joint. Kid Cudi. Kid Cudi. Yo, what's up? Yeah, I mean, listen, ISIS, we got to do this collab. Oh, Kid Cudi. I'm a DJ. I got beats.
Starting point is 00:57:15 You got bars. Let's hook up and get Jamaican beat patties. Yeah, I mean. Vincent Briones. Vincent Briones Vincent Briones Sounds like a kid who's really A kid from Rhode Island Yeah and he wears tight pants
Starting point is 00:57:32 Yeah Bailey Fesler She sounds like a piece She looks like a piece So her ethnicity is No fumes Jack Rice Sounds like
Starting point is 00:57:46 a freaking kid who plays lacrosse in Australia. He's an Australian kid. Good day, mate. Hello. Hello, governor. Okay, what just happened here? Holy shit. Okay. Lily Hope Wilkinson. Lily Hope Wilkinson? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:02 I'm gonna go. I think she's a sister. Yes. She's a black girl? I don't know. She's got no picture. I'm going to go. I think she's a sister. Yes. She's a black girl. I don't know. She's got no picture. I'm going to go black girl from Atlanta. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Atlanta. Definitely into Chrissy Cackles. I definitely want you to bang her out. Bang it out. Next up. One word. Alana got a lot to say. Alana got a lot to say. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:23 That's she's a black, and she is from Michigan. And she owns a smoothie shop. And she's a cute fucking kid. Yeah. And she's got no famare. No famare. No friends Eli. No friends Eli?
Starting point is 00:58:39 Yeah. Oh, shit. He's an Eli kid. He's a Jew. Yeah. Hello. So he's a Jew. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:58:41 He's the Eli kid. He's a Jew. Yeah. Hello. So he's a Jew. And he's probably got himself a nice little jewelry store business out there in Long Island. And Eli, we're happy to have you. Matthew McGowan.
Starting point is 00:58:56 Matthew McGowan. It's been a while since we got a good Irish drinker. Yeah, there he is. There he is. And now this next up, he's just he's a valuable patron. Remember, he's just up. He's up. There's a pledge. Big piece.
Starting point is 00:59:08 But trees cause big peach. Patrice. He got the special shot out earlier in the episode by how funny his post was. Big piece. Put butt trees. Not. Yeah, I mean, he's a black kid. He's a funny kid.
Starting point is 00:59:20 He's y'all. Luke. Ask Varick. Parentheses. Cute dude with an average piece. so he's a ppw nominee his roots are definitely from finland he's a white pasty kid who after he goes over the age of 40 looks like he climbs mount everest for a living he's a weathered looking fucking red-faced kid brandon patterson brandon patterson's also an alcoholic his parents are divorced and
Starting point is 00:59:43 he's banging out his friend's girl because he's a piece of shit. Yeah. Next up, one name, Chris. We know what it is. Yeah. Hit it, Isis. Yeah, I mean. Justin Ryan. Justin Ryan. Oh, man. He's way
Starting point is 01:00:00 kid. He definitely drives a Sonata and he's annoying. Leo Love Handles. He's a $25 member. So first of all, we got to get down and Muslim pray for him. I give him $25. We should just call those our consultants and we should just fucking pray in front of them
Starting point is 01:00:16 because you guys are top-notch toots. So what's his name again? Leo Love Handles. Leo Love Handles, PPW nominee and also you're a cute fucking kid. And Chrissy D is tired and wants to get out of here. And his hair is annoying me. I want to throw something at his face.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Roberto the Flying Taino. What do you think? I'm going Filipino, kid. Yeah. Nolan Carmona, PPW nominee. Nolan Carmona? Yeah. nominee. Nolan Carmona? Yeah. Well, I'm going to go.
Starting point is 01:00:48 He's a Lithuanian kid, and he's also got a little bit of Spania in there. Spania. Oh, and by the way, Bailey Fessler was also a $25 member, and she's a piece. So thank you. Thank you, Bailey, for your service. We can't wait to speak to you on the phone. Last but not least, she looks like another piece. Christina Andrade.
Starting point is 01:01:05 She is a Portuguese girl or she's Brazilian, and I know that's accurate because Andrade Andrade, that's a Portuguese name. She's either a European or a hot Brazilian girl with a big fat ass. Yeah, and Bailey Bessler also sent, Fessler,
Starting point is 01:01:22 I'm sorry, also sent a message to the Patreon with her number and said, nothing like being a reformzler. I'm sorry. Also to mention the patron with her number. It's a nothing like being a reformed to that's right. So take it from Bailey for all you toots out there become a non to become a non to thank you guys so much for your service. Yanni P. Where can the people find
Starting point is 01:01:38 you? Yeah, you can always get in my Twitter my Instagram. Listen guys. I'm going to be in goddamn Philadelphia. The Franklin Institute's like a museum. What's going on there? There's comedy shows going. They're doing comedy shows now. So Friday and Saturday, March 8th and 9th, I will be in Philadelphia
Starting point is 01:01:53 and then I will also be in Long Island at Governor's at the end of March at the beginning of April and I will be at Levity Live in West Nyack, New York in the end of March. So just Google that. Go to Levity Live. Get your tickets or
Starting point is 01:02:10 governors or Philadelphia at the Franklin Institute. Yeah. And Chrissy D, chrissycomedy.com March 8th and 9th, I'll be at the DC Draft House in Washington, DC. March 21st to the 23rd, the Sacramento Punchline and March 29th to April 1st or March 28th or March
Starting point is 01:02:29 29th to April 1st. I will be at the San Antonio improv and it's fucking cute. It's time to go suck a dick. Yes. ស្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Bye.

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