History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 84 - Joey Camasta is WILD!
Episode Date: August 18, 2019The boys talk with Snooki's best friend Joey Camasta and Chris goes absolutely WILD!!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼�...��♂️🐕🙆🏻♂️🙆🏼♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips
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What's up, cuzzy wuzzies?
You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas.
It's your two favorite TBGs, Christy DiStefano, Chrissy in the Closet, and
Yanni Phillips Head Pappas.
And we're here with one of our best gays.
Happy Pride Month. Joey Camasta,
a.k.a. Joey Pump and Dump.
Thank you so much for finally coming.
Oh my God, thank you for having me, guys. Chrissy
pre-comes this year, and good old
Greek yogurt.
Yeah!
I posted a picture of myself
in a suit last week, and you commented pissing my ass. Yes. I posted a picture of myself in a suit last week and you commented piss in my ass.
Yes, I did.
We've loved it.
We've loved it on the podcast.
I mean, you look sharp in that suit.
I appreciate that.
Was that from the men's warehouse?
No, actually.
It's from my friend is a designer, Giovanni Brasciani at SRG Fashion.
And and he he got me a suit.
Custom.
Custom size.
You liked it.
Yeah, it was sharp thank
you 38 no i'm a 36 now oh good congratulations um thank you um you posted and you have one of
our favorite pics when he was in the leopard ones i was about to say all our friends know
yeah all our friends know who he is because we talk about joy camasa all the time yeah
we talk about you all the time that leopard onesie that's when i was in the dominican republic you
look fucking hot now i made it out alive because everyone's over there dying yeah no
yeah because because you're so gay it's contagious like me like me and yannick so like yeah so like
we will talk like this and we love the way we feel after we hang out with you like i after we did you
your podcast um um it must have been a year ago yeah um we were fucking like just like this
for like it could feel so great it's so great you guys started docking is it anyone who have it must have been a year ago. Yeah. We were fucking like, just like this.
For like,
because it feels so great.
It's so great.
You guys started docking.
Is it anyone who has foreskin here?
Do you have foreskin?
No, I'm kind of.
Circumcised.
Okay, so we can't really play that right now unless we have a Latino.
Mike, are you circumcised?
Do you have foreskin?
Huh?
I'm circumcised.
He has foreskin.
You're circumcised too?
I'm circumcised.
Zach, are you circumcised?
Yeah.
We need to go to a bad neighborhood if we're going to find some foreskin today yeah that's that's the act of you like
pulling the skin over your your dick so if you don't you can just pull you know put them together
head to head now you're in here with a black eye and you said it's a not a black eye black eye
yeah you said it's it's from a gay sex thing so what happened yeah well i got cockeyed okay um
i didn't say come no i was getting wrestling um the other day trying to keep my young looks up.
I'm 40.
Oh, you're 40?
Are you kidding me?
Fantastic.
I just got it the first time.
I got my Botox done in there.
Now I look like I got a black eye.
I know you got your Botox.
Oh, when you got to college, what's his name?
Dr. Richard?
Dr. Maggio.
Yes, I follow you.
Your Instagram is the funniest thing ever.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, follow me.
Mr. P79.
You don't even need it, though.
You look so young.
You look so good.
Well, you know, the trick is you keep an extra 60 pounds on you
and a puff settle the wrinkles.
Do you think you look strong?
I mean,
this kid's so strong.
I mean,
you do,
you look like you're gonna either,
we're either gonna fuck
or you're gonna fix my plumbing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Every time I show up
to do a makeup job,
they're like,
you know,
set up over there.
They put the camera crew in there.
So yeah.
And we,
and we use you as an example
because we call ourselves tbgs true
blue gays but we say because it's like because it's one of those things where it's like you're
100 no doubt about it have been gay from the second you came out of the mother's womb yeah
so so it was it was it was so that's what we say like like that's a true tbg it's like
joey camasta level gay those are the gays that we want around those are the gays that we love where it's like you're fucking just we love it embrace
it i never saw a snurb close up no right no you've never even experienced with a vagina you never i
mean i did i did once like i fingered a girl on my couch like a few years ago and then i couldn't
unfit she couldn't finish because i was giggling the whole time
but i did try gave the old college try
But I almost got tennis elbow
Doing that for 45 minutes
I know it sucks
It's so much easier
To suck a dick
Truly
Or try to go down on a girl
Every time I get a sore throat
And there's been a couple of times
Where you know
It was non-consensual
But I got a couple of dicks
In my mouth
And I never got a sore throat
From that
So you can't get it
Yeah I told you
I've talked about it
On the podcast
I got held down
And it's called fuck butt
You know what I would love is if Joey, he catches you on Grindr.
Because I know you're on there once in a while.
I'm not on Grindr.
You peruse once in a while.
I'm not on Grindr.
Do you know that Craigslist isn't there anymore?
You're anonymous.
Anonymous.
Pump it down.
Yeah.
No, I don't.
To be honest, these guys, as a gay, I'm an ally.
I'd suck a dick right off you. No, and I appreciate that. And I appreciate that. But you're not getting any gay vibes from gay yeah i'm i've i'm an ally i have to dick right off you no
and i appreciate that and i appreciate that but you're not getting any gay vibes from me you don't
think i'm gay i'm a heterosexual male yeah yeah you're comfortable the ones only ones are like
heterosexual the ones that are gay they're like big homophobes that's the one that's like out
there shouting like against gays and hates them that means they're like closeted they hate something
in themselves yeah so like guys are comfortable doing it you know that's 100% true 100% true straight guys
no matter what are gonna like the only people are
straight guys that say like you know oh with guys head on they get
pissed off those are the ones that are sucking dick in the
closet behind there the ones that are comfortable
they love straight guys love being looked at whether it's a girl
guy whoever someone tells them they're good looking
mix their whole fucking day so it's the whole day
now they don't care now you
you're you know from New Jersey right yeah
I'm like I would imagine the honest i
imagine like your your mom and dad are like very like old school like new jersey like your dad's
fucking a real guy like that yeah so like and it's always been accepted you being gay has always been
accepted yeah that's beautiful my dad's a big queen i always thought he was gay but he's not
he's a big queen my mother calls him myrna um because he's a nosy in everyone's business and
watches general hospital but um do you think your dad's gay um i don't because he's a nosy in everyone's business and he watches General Hospital. Do you think your dad's gay?
I don't think he's gay, but I definitely think
he's probably like... He's on the round.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's very interesting.
He's a ladyboy. Because I always think
well, Giannis loves ladyboys.
That's actually his preferable
porn selection is ladyboys.
So you want a Thailand to get a
pussy?
I don't want one. I just want to experience.
I want to push it to the limit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He likes.
So we watched the document.
He made me watch a thing on YouTube.
It was really to convince himself because I already was like, OK, because he he he jerks
off to a lot of porn with, you know, with chicks with dicks.
Yeah.
And he watched this thing.
He tried to, like, prove to me, like through neuroscience, that actually this neuroscience
was saying that it's a very straight man thing to do to want to watch porn with guys even if you
know they're getting a blowjob from a girl the guy has to have a big dick and we like big tits
and that's why we like a she-man i have both so yeah yeah so so so yeah so so we try to figure
out a lot of sexual stuff on this podcast and we talk about history a lot i think trans points a
little fucked up too because a lot of those stuff on this podcast. And we talk about history a lot. I think trans points is a little fucked up, too, because a lot of those women, they want
to actually get gender reassignment surgery.
They're not comfortable with the penises.
So it's more of a fetish.
It's what they can afford at this point.
So actually, the porn industry is using those kind of, because that's what the neuroscience
is saying.
It's like, when you see a hard dick, right?
You know, it's like.
Drop to your knees.
Yeah.
Think about it.
With the porn you watch, you don't want to see a small dick. No. You want to see a big, hard dick, right? You know, it's like... Drop to your knees. Yeah, think about it. The porn you watch, you don't want to see a small dick.
You want to see a big, hard dick.
I don't even like looking at my
own dick when it's soft.
It takes all these signs and it mixes them in your brain.
Right. Well, good thing my
gut covers my dick so I can't see it even if I do look down.
No, no, no. Do you think you put
on weight? Because the picture that you posted
when you were in that leotard, you look great.
I had that cool sculpting
done, so that actually works.
My baby mama's doing that
illegally, so I'm sure I'm going to have to deal with it.
She's giving the procedures or she's getting it done?
No, she's giving it. So there's going to be a thing where
I'm just going to be visits in prison
with my child and it's just what it is.
He's got a
situation with the mother.
So what is that? Because she's been into it. he's got a situation with the mother situation with the mother. So what, so what is that?
So can you, cause she's been into it.
She's got a lot of clients.
It's basically just like, it's like a suction.
Oh, there it is.
It's behind me.
That's not me though.
Yeah.
No, Joey's got an actual video of you, right?
Yeah.
I have videos of me doing it.
So basically if it's like a suction thing and they put it anywhere, you can fit the
little thing.
There's like little grids when you show up and there's, they're all hanging on the wall.
So they come to your body to figure out what, what you know how much fat they can suck off with this
different machine okay and they put it up to you and then it kind of sucks it like almost like
again a hickey right and then and then it sucks it in there and then um it starts freezing then
you know when you have like your hand in the cooler too much trying to get the cores light
from the bottom of the thing and your hand starts burning yes that's what it kind of feels like and
then after that it kind of um it just melts the fat off yeah it just freezes off
and then you're numb until if we could go to this
picture too with his bell-bottom jeans one and two
see that's the leotard and then these are the two
right so the bell-bottom jeans ones
that was from 10-15 years ago
yeah it's just like
Giannis and I we said this to each other and we said like he knew
like it's a no doubt about it
like there's no like I had a dick in my ass
hours before that photo was taken and it's beautiful yeah doubt about it like there's no like i had a dick in my ass hours before that photo was taken yeah and it's beautiful yeah i look i look like a lesbian there yeah um but yeah
that was in miami we were staying at the delano hotel and i was with a straight a straight uh
pronounced guy he was like you know out of not in the closet he was a marine okay and his father
was a minister of the church in my parents town and he was fucking in the ass yes on his trip so
we were a secret boyfriend and he was like in the ass. Yes, on his trip. So we were a secret boyfriend
and he was like in the Marines
and he had like a fake girlfriend and stuff.
And we took him to Miami with money
because he was in the shady shit.
So he used to steal checkbooks from people
and write fake checks
and then check them to cash,
check cashing places.
So when we got there,
we weren't able to check into the hotel room
because his credit card was marked for fraud.
So you had to do it.
I was well taken care of.
Joey, you look jacked.
You look like a jacked dude. Thank you. You're fucking in shape and you had to do it. I was well taken care of. Joey, you look jacked. You look great.
You look like a jacked,
like, thank you.
You're fucking in shape
and you got a great bod.
Can we post this
on History Hainan?
It's slim thick.
I think it's called slim thick.
So hot, girl.
But it's a great bod.
You got great definition,
great calves.
That was,
I've had that bathing suit
for years.
There's not a lot of guys
who could look good
in that bathing suit right now.
No, I would've looked good
in that.
My left hip would be popping out
even though I've gotten in shape yeah you just you don't have
the definition look at those fucking calves joey's good i want to sit joey's lap touch his back his
back is diesel i touch when i touch his back he's got a muscular back yeah yeah yeah i'm a
you're a strong animal would i be in the hyena world in a hyena well you'd be well i guess a
bear but no you know that oh he'd be a be a queen. He's a high-ranking
female member. Oh, you mean if he was a hyena?
Oh, no, you'd be a queen. You'd be a queen.
So the hyena clans,
it's a matriarchy
driven society. So the females are
the top, you know, like how, you know,
in other animals, you know, male lion would
lead the pack. Hyenas, it's females. So you'd be
the top. You'd be queen. You'd be queen of the pack.
You'd be up at the top. You'd be a high-rank, yeah. You'd be a high-ranking member, yeah.
I'm honored. Is there anything
you like about history? Is there anything
in history that excites you?
No, I don't know. I guess like scandalous history,
if there was like, you know, like celeb gossip back then,
that would be like something I'd be interested in.
Yeah, like, oh, you would probably like this
little tidbit. Queen Elizabeth, the Queen
Elizabeth I from
1500s from England, there was rumor to believe
because she
never married
black lesbian girlfriend
that
and they
yeah
and they thought
they thought that she was a man
they thought that there was
actually a man
dressing in drag to be queen
not they
transgendered
no but they thought
but she said I'm married to England
that's why I don't need a husband
but it's really because
they're like
she's a lesbo
oh
and or
like Caitlin we should get Caitlin in here I would love to are you kidding me i would love to know
she charges 25 uh two thousand five hundred dollars on cameo do you know cameo is that
yeah so she just charges the most uh that she can she only had to like three of them yeah of course
who's gonna pay for that no fucking yeah two thousand five hundred for my birthday and the
whole one snooki wouldn't buy it for me yeah I'm paying him that bitch money I was doing it for 25 bucks and then I just felt like I'm I just felt cheap
doing I do it for 50 and you yeah yeah you find get it you know I just felt cheap and I raised
mine price now too and now I just don't care anymore would you do a topless cameo fast I would
do it now um not just yet he's asking for a friend I I go bottomless. I have a DSP.
You know what would be an interesting topic for us to cover
though is like the historical figures
that were like gay
hiding it. Well, Michelangelo.
We talked about Michelangelo. He hit it.
He was a queen. Yeah.
People say Abraham Lincoln.
Genius. People say Abraham
Lincoln was gay. But he also had
sex with black women, too.
Yes. What is that? Do you think that goes
hand in hand? Everyone says that he was
hooking up with all the slaves.
Do you think gay men
and hooking up black women
is the same thing? No, I think gay men and black
women act the same, though.
That's true. That's where all the gays
get it from. It's from black women.
Yeah. They actually, the black trans women, they actually fought for the stone with you know stonewall
when they were throwing bricks and shit it was um i don't know her name but it was like a black
transgender woman that was like yeah leading the way she was the harriet chubbner of the gay world
i'm blanking on her name too but we know who it is we talked about we're gonna do an episode on her
i forgot what it is marsha pete hansen yes yes i think that's what it is that's the one yeah
we're gonna get there going to be riots outside.
We're in Greenwich Village now.
We don't know what can happen.
I know.
Well, the Stonewall.
It's high alert right now during Gay Pride Month.
Elvis Duran from the Zee Morning Zoo is going to be hosting some event at the Stonewall
Inn, I believe, this weekend.
He's a homo.
I'm going to be in London.
Oh, yeah.
Big, big time.
Yeah.
He's got himself a nice little young boyfriend.
Oh, does he?
He's like 19 years old.
Oh, beautiful.
Have you ever done a show?
I would know.
I've been there.
I never was.
They didn't let me talk on the microphone.
You'd be perfect on that show.
Yeah, I tried to go on when I had my live podcast show and he said no.
How was that show, by the way?
It was good.
It was Count Basie Theater.
Count Basie Theater.
We just we want to do more.
Nicole's having just had a kid, so we got to wait till her stitches clear up and then
we can go back on the road and start drinking.
Is this her third kid or second kid?
Third kid.
Third kid.
We'll get her.
She's just shitting them out.
Yeah, she wants another one.
Good for her. I like her. Snooki and Titting them out. She wants another one. Good for her.
Snooki and Tiki Barber
are next door neighbors.
I did a show with Tiki and he was just saying how wonderful she was.
Oh yeah, she's great. So his wife's always
coming over to hang up the kids and stuff.
Like actual neighbors. Next door neighbors.
Wow, that's fucking beautiful. And you guys had a cooking show.
You had a cooking show for a second. Yeah.
Yes, we did. And what happened to that? We didn't get
renewed. It was on MTV's digital.
I'm digital talent.
They don't let me on the big screen just yet.
Well, you know, digital talent is the real screen now.
I know.
Netflix is snatching awards and all those things.
It's all Netflix.
It's all digital.
Yeah, we had one called Cooking in the Crib with Snooki and Joey.
We just got bombed.
We literally drank four bottles of wine each section and got fucking robbed.
And that's how you guys became friends at the beginning.
Yeah, we got fucked up.
You were her style.
You were her makeup artist.
Yeah, and we got drunk the first day we met on set. And you guys are like BFF now. Hardcore. Yeah the beginning. Yeah. You were her style. You were her makeup artist. Yeah. And we got drunk the first day we met on set.
And you guys are like BFF now.
Hardcore.
Yeah.
Hardcore.
Yeah.
Do you have a boyfriend right now?
No, I don't do that.
You just.
No, since last time we spoke.
Pump the dump.
Yeah.
It was last time we spoke.
I got cheated on in 2012.
What?
I actually had a nightmare about him the other day.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
What was the nightmare?
What was the nightmare?
The nightmare was that we were just like hanging out, but he like had another boyfriend and like we were just like just casually hanging out. Yeah. What was the nightmare? What was the nightmare? The nightmare was that we were just like hanging out, but he like had another boyfriend and
like, we were just like, just casually hanging out.
Yeah.
Because, because you, you're very honest.
You told me last time, last time we were on your podcast, you said that your fantasy would
be for me, for me, you said about me, I'm, I assume it's similar.
Yeah.
Still.
No, me.
He wants a relationship with me.
He wants a relationship with you.
But you, you said you want me to like be in my house with like no shirt on and you want
me to like bitch you around and hit you and make you cook for me yeah and you sit in the recliner and
just work orders yeah just park orders that's what you were fine without having you were not
allowed to have a cell phone or ever leave the house that you were fine with that yeah yeah i'm
not definitely that's in that condition and that's a relationship with the situation yeah i wasn't
allowed to lock the door when i was with the with the when i was with the mother yeah i wasn't allowed
to lock the door because of my bathroom yeah because i went in there and the door was like
if i was taking a shower yes was not allowed the door cannot be locked because i was facetiming
fucking girls and whatever i was doing she and if you were still together he should have your
location on right now 100 at all times she probably still has it on some yeah she probably
has a bug in that kid of yours yeah i bet you i bet you um but also that's so so you're open but
the thing is in the gay community, like you got cheated on.
It's like you have to,
that your life is at risk.
Yeah.
Truly.
Yeah.
I can get,
I can get a disease and die.
Because Nazi scientists released the gay diseases,
the diseases into the gays.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's true.
And also gay,
gay men are men still.
So they bang a lot.
They bang a lot.
Because we're guys.
You're still guys.
So you bang a lot.
I haven't had sex with a woman in a month.
And it feels good.
It's a little freeing. But three guys. The three guys. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, exactly. bang a lot. I haven't had sex with a woman in a month, and it feels good. It's a little freeing. But three guys.
The three guys. Yeah, exactly.
I'm not saying I haven't had sex. I've had sex specifically with a woman.
But the women. You spun the wheel a few times.
That's what we talk about. We spin the wheel now.
The thing is, you know, just trying to be open.
I'll go on Pornhub.com, and I'll
just kind of, I'll just close my eyes,
and I'll just go like this.
With the phone, I'll just flip it up,
and then just whatever it lands on, that's what I jerk off to.
And sometimes it's men on men.
Sometimes it's women.
Sometimes it's midgets.
And you just make yourself just do it.
Yeah.
Sometimes it's anime.
So when Mike gets 20, he loves anime, this kid.
Oh, do you?
Mike, yeah.
I've watched that before.
No, I've watched the cartoon ones.
There's like, you know, different cartoon ones where Simpsons like riding a cop with
like big bouncing boobs.
Yeah.
You know, I was just going to say, you know how he's like, I got to look that one up.
It would be,
I always like fantasize
about what it would be like
to just imagine
just being able
to just be around women
and be friends with women
and not be distracted
by like women.
What do you mean?
And then like,
cause I feel like guys are
like guys are the,
like straight men
always become like killers
and shit like that
because we're so,
we're so suppressed
like sexually.
We have this male sex drive but
we can't like get it out the way gay men
gay men can just get it out. Gay men can get it out
but that's why eunuchs, that's why the eunuchs are so
important. You know, cut their balls off
you can castrate people. You gotta like take women on
you gotta like, you know, you gotta do all this stuff
you gotta be like, guys are like, you wanna hook up?
Let's do it. Thomas Dale, Thomas Dale told us
They don't even need a bed, they just do it wherever the hell they are
Thomas Dale, we were in Montreal two, three years ago.
And I'm not divulging information.
He's talked about this.
He we were in Montreal.
Is he a homo?
He's a big homo out in L.A.
From from he's similar to you.
Long Island.
But a New York guy like I've seen him like punch people in the face.
His dad's a detective.
And what does he have a boyfriend?
No, he's single.
But right now he said on his Instagram that he's he's he's going he's getting his life together. He's going through rehab and he's like he's done. Oh, he's not going to drink anymore. No, he doesn't. But right now he said on his Instagram that he's going, he's getting his life together.
He's going through rehab and he's like, he's done.
Oh, he's not going to drink anymore?
No, he doesn't want to drink or do pills.
I can't do that.
So there's a lady.
Sorry.
I was right.
Marsha, be honest.
Okay, good.
So he was, we were in Montreal sitting outside having a nice, beautiful night.
And then he goes, let me, I'll be right back.
And then he comes back 20 minutes later and a man comes out first.
And we were like, what the fuck was that?
And he says, oh, this guy in Grindr hit me up.
He told me to go up into my hotel room.
What number it was.
So he gave him the hotel room number, left the door unlocked, you know, and the guy just came in.
Thomas was there.
No pants on jerking off.
The guy came over, sucked him off.
And that was it.
That's what that's what specifically it was.
And he said he doesn't even know his name, doesn't know anything about him, just came over, blew him.
And I said, so that guy,
he said, Thomas said, 95%
chance, 95%
chance you were there. He said that was probably
a straight man with a wife and children that
just said, honey, I'm just going to go out and get
milk. But he sucked Thomas Dale's dick in the hotel.
Now, if I left you at a cafe in Montreal,
I would leave for poutine fries.
And then I was lying and saying I hooked up with a guy, but I was really eating cheese fries.
But so this is very common.
It's very easy.
Like, if you want to have sex right now, you can press a button and have sex with a man right now.
Yeah, I have the app.
I can go on there and look at it.
But yeah, you can.
But it's like, you know, who knows what people have?
And I get very uncomfortable.
I don't even want to have a small talk when I'm'm drunk, like let alone go sober to someone's house.
Right.
Exposing my body and my genitals.
Because that's what the thing is.
That's what the thing is.
Even like, you know, why I just took a break from women.
It takes so much energy, like going on dates with them and do that.
And like, I don't want I would never like try to I would never mistreat anyone.
So it's like I fucking have to do this.
And I just it was exhausting.
I don't want to do it anymore.
I don't want to do it.
And that's polite.
Let me ask you a question.
I'm curious because Thomas Dale said
that that guy is 100% straight.
Can I see Thomas Dale's picture
on the big screen?
I think he's an handsome kid,
Thomas Dale.
But is that guy straight?
I mean, if he's got a wife
and kids and he's sneaking off
and doing that,
is he straight?
Well, he's straight
because he's in love with women,
but he wants men sexually
because it's something bad.
The straight men like it
because it's something
that they shouldn't be doing.
Men like doing bad things.
They shouldn't be drinking
brown liquor and having cigarettes. They shouldn't be driving fast. They shouldn't be doing this like doing bad things they shouldn't be drinking brown liquors and having cigarettes they shouldn't be driving fast
right they shouldn't be doing this so when you have a sexual woman you can do the filthiest
shit to her and have like having a shit on your face and stuff but at some point it's because
i'm too like you know this isn't bad i'm still like i'm supposed to be with a woman supposed
to you have to do something you know you're not supposed to do it's like bad like that's why men
have become molesters and that's why men like fuck animals and shit because it's like something
bad that they're not supposed to be doing.
They don't want to marry a kid
and have fun, but it's something so filthy that they
can get off on it. So they like doing the gay thing
because they're doing something bad,
but they can still...
So you think a woman's brain isn't really
kind of set up that way?
No, there's tons of teachers that sleep with 13-year-olds.
Oh, that's true, too. That's a big thing.
Not as much as men. This is Thomas. What do you think? Yes? No? Yeah, no, he's cute. He has sleep with 13-year-olds. Oh, that's true, too. That's true. That's a big thing. Not as much as men.
This is Thomas.
What do you think?
Yes?
No?
Yeah, no, he's cute.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He has a gay voice, though, too.
He has a very gay voice.
Should we call him?
You want to call him?
Thomas?
Thomas Zillow.
Let's see what's going on.
Well, I don't know if Thomas, but he may get upset because you know how it is.
Like, he doesn't like if we're talking to other gays, he doesn't like that.
Yeah, because he's very protective.
Yeah.
And then he would feel like, I don't want to do this gay shit. You know what I mean?
And he would also go, this is infringing on my brand.
Yeah, on his brand. He has a brand?
He has a brand. He's Thomas Dale. He's the best.
I like that Frank...
Liotti? Frank Liotti, yeah. Oh, really?
Yeah, he's hot. He'd be... I think he'd be
interested to hear that. I know him. We've met each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not interested in me sexually.
He's a very good friend of mine, Frank Liotti. I know.
He's funny. I love Frank.
How do you know he's not into you?
I don't know, because we just know each other socially for so long.
And he's never tried to have sex with me.
Yeah, but he's in a relationship.
Oh, is he?
Yeah.
That's probably why.
For a long time, yeah.
That's probably it.
Yeah, he's been in one for what, like 12 years?
12, longer than that.
15 years, yeah.
Long-term male relationship.
No, but I'll tell him that it'll make him feel really good.
Yeah.
Chris has good friends with him. Very close friends with him. close friends now he looks more like he's darker than me i think
i'm more joey's type than you are chris who well well you said you want to go in a relationship
with you i would go but i couldn't go to my ship with you because i'd be afraid i did uh everyone
be hitting on you and they cheat on me so i go with like the less you know less hot of the hot
one you know we say you honest all the time he's almost handsome yeah yeah no i love i told you i
loved you when you did that video.
That's how I found out about you.
When you were doing that, pretending to have coke on the couch.
Do you got some? Do you got some?
Oh, you got some, yeah. That's right.
I saw you as Maurice there.
But then, after I saw those videos, I was like, oh my god, he's so hot.
So I started watching you wearing basketball shorts.
I was trying to see your dick.
I remember that very vividly.
I didn't know who Chrissy Precums was until
much later yes much yeah
yeah I'm more than you found out who I am
yeah
it's just like
it's just like great energy you know we were
talking about we were talking about the other day
about how like how like we love the gay
community because it's like not only
first of all you guys come into a neighborhood and the neighborhood
is just fucking beautiful.
Immediately, the neighborhood is beautiful.
The streets are clean. You can get a quinoa
bowl, throw a dart. 100%.
And then all the brick streets, it's all nice and
clean and proper. First one
in gentrification is always lesbians.
They're the Marines. Yes, those are the ones who build it out
for us and then we come in and decorate.
They knock the brick walls down, lay the
pipes and all that shit. And then we're like, okay, girl, I think
it's, you know, what kind of game are we going for
here?
It's a great way to
build a house. The lesbians build
a house and the gay, the men decorate it.
They do all the
negotiating with the contractors and
getting the property.
You know, what's funny is he was searching on me for
me and basketball shirt and stuff the way that guys search like
women's Instagram for like that vacation shot.
I'm always looking for the vacation shot. I'm looking for the vacation shot
too. Especially like on Facebook with all
like the straight hot dads. I'm like going through
I know there has to be a picture of them in the pool.
Yeah. Trying to see them nips.
Get a little sneak peek. Yeah.
Hold on. Wait. I think I got. I'm not in good
shape yet. Do you have a topless field? I've never seen you topless.
I think. Yeah. There's no photos out there. I've checked.'m not in good shape yet. Do you have a topless feeler? I've never seen you topless. I think, yeah. There's no
photos out there. I've checked. I know.
We should put it on the Patreon, you topless.
Yeah, that'll drive some business. Do I have anything?
You can just take your shirt off now.
How hot is Chris? Scale of 1 to 10.
Oh, I mean, on my thing,
I think he's a 12. He's fucking hot, right?
I appreciate that. Beefy blonde.
Women don't even, like...
You know what it is with Chris? It's like they don't even like want
to get to know him. They want, they
treat him like a male
thot. You know, they don't care if he
calls. They want to fuck you. You see
it, right? Like they just want to fuck you. Yeah. Are those
fake teeth? No, fake teeth.
Real teeth. Okay. No braces.
Get a girl. This is me right now.
So it's not great, but it's getting there. Oh my god, my
dreams are coming true. What are you talking?
You don't have a bad body.
You got that little V under there.
Yeah, it's coming.
It's not great yet, but it's coming.
Oh, I love it.
You got weak shoulders, though.
I know.
I know.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Let me see those fucking weak shoulders.
Well, because I'm not.
I'm not.
It's just boxing.
It's coming.
It's not great.
It's coming together.
At least your boobs are square.
Mine are like cone shapes.
Yeah. But look at that little bulge right there.
What is that thing you go...
Oh, that's...
Cardi B stole it from me.
So what do you think about that little piece right there?
I love it. What's the softie?
Because we both got normal sized pieces.
Our dads have tiny pieces.
Did you ever cross streams?
No. I wouldn't care. I would cross streams.
You never peed together?
No.
Like on the side of the road?
I've only seen, I've never seen your piece.
Well, I've seen your piece because you sent it to me in videos.
Have you ever seen, have you seen a video of it?
I've seen videos of it, yeah.
Yeah, I'm not keen.
He likes to, he's like, he likes to do naughty stuff.
He's going to end, he's going to end up in a guy's room.
I've also been sent that picture.
Yeah, he sends his piece around.
Yeah, hold on, hold on.
I'll show Joey.
I don't fucking mind.
Oh, get a girl. Joey's a fucking great friend. Oh, wait, this is great. You're going to show him your piece? Yeah, he sends his piece around. Yeah, hold on. I'll show Joey. I don't fucking mind. Oh, get a girl.
Joey's a fucking great friend.
Oh, wait, this is great.
You're going to show him your piece?
Yeah, he's a friend of the pod.
Look how fucking happy he is right now.
I got more than I bargained for.
Here we go.
That's not real.
That's not real.
There we go.
Oh, I thought you were going to send the real thing.
Show him the real thing.
What is it?
Let me see.
I want to see it nude.
Oh, my nude dick?
Yeah, come on.
Because this is good content.
Wait, I can't. Show cameras here? Yeah. Yeah, but we can't show that. No, I'm dick? Yeah, come on. Because this is good content.
Wait, am I a character? Is your camera here? Yeah.
No, I'm not going to show the camera.
No, don't show the camera.
I'm in trouble for that.
I love it. Thank you.
It's nice, right? Yes.
Thank you. Very nice.
Chris just showed him a real
pic. Oh my god.
Because you got a pretty nice piece. Thank you.
Very nice.
Very clean looking. It's all one tone. It's not
like no off color.
Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah.
I'd ride that like a huffy.
And I don't bottom roll
because it hurts, but I don't care with that.
Yeah. I mean, I got an average piece,
but I do have... You have a full bushel.
I have a good look at people. He's married now. He can't show his penis anymore, unfortunately. But I got it. My, but I do have... You have a full bush. I have a good looking penis. He's married now.
He can't show his penis anymore, unfortunately.
But I got it.
My wife actually told me it's like a perfect piece.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
It's perfect size.
And it's very handsome.
It's handsome.
It's handsome.
No curvature.
It's just nice and just perfect.
Gets the job done.
Frankly, it looks like his bush smells.
Right.
Well, maybe...
Well, because he's Mediterranean.
He looks fumes. smells. Right. Well, maybe because he's Mediterranean. We say that people
around the Mediterranean countries, Greece,
Italy, Turkey...
We sweat more, so we've got more fumes.
So there's more fumes.
I'm more German that I don't have fumes.
If you have blonde hair and light eyes, you probably don't have fumes.
Is that true? I don't know.
I would think that dark
hair would smell more intense.
Why is that? It just seems like it, right?
It just seems because it's dark. You really can't see what's going on in there.
It's a forest. Yeah. Where blondes, you still see
skin through it. Yeah. So it's a little bit fresher.
A little bit fresher. Now, how big a dick
can you take? Oh, not big.
Too big even for you.
I haven't had anything like that in a long time.
You're not a size queen. No.
I don't really get fucked in the butt.
I'm more of a top if I do it, but I call myself a blouse because I'm a feminine top.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
It's like somewhere of a blouse.
I'm not, you know, you know what you're getting into when you come with me.
Right.
Yeah.
I just I don't even like wiping.
It's like I want nothing to go on down there.
But I think I would say probably like not big, like probably your size to play the biggest
I could take.
Right.
Right.
Which is I'm about I think I'm seven.
Yeah.
I would guess.
Yeah.
I love it. That's a pretty good
piece, actually. Pretty good piece. Yeah. Yeah. Does it touch
your belly button? I'm six. Yes.
I'm not seven, I'm six. Yeah. No, that
picture was, it was above my belly button. It was at my
belly button. Oh. Yeah. Who'd you send that to?
A lot of people. Who knows?
There's people that have that. That's in rotation. Yeah.
People have that. How much can we
get for it if we leaked it?
For me? You can get a nice steak dinner or no? You don't even need to leak it. There's so many people that have that. That have it. Yeah for it if we leaked it? For me?
You don't even need to leak it.
There's so many people that have that.
I know, that's the thing. A girl was threatening me once a few months ago.
I'm not that rich.
You're going to get far.
I was like, do it.
This is what it is.
Chrissy's kind of like
Donald Trump in the sense that you know how
Donald Trump says so many wild things.
Yeah.
You can't pin one down.
Right.
And get him in trouble one because he says so many things.
Yeah, probably he did it.
Yeah.
Chrissy does so many wild things.
Right.
Like if someone's like, I got a picture, the whole world's going to be like, yeah, we all got one.
We all got one.
Wake up.
Yeah.
Right.
So nothing's bad.
Well, you said you described me, I think, very well yesterday because it is true.
You said my heart gets there too early and my brain gets there too late his heart gets too early his brain gets there too
late so i said yeah his his heart shows up too early to the party and his brain is just too late
the damage is already it's already been done yeah the damage has been done your brain shows up like
what can i do to fix this and you're like you can't do anything you're late i want joey i want
you to have a more active role or i want you to start a role in my daughter's life.
My daughter would love you. She seems like a real bitch.
She's a huge bitch.
She's got a chip on her shoulder. Yeah, she's tall.
She literally, I mean, the trouble
it's like things. Delilah.
Like things naturally happen to
me that like she'll tell her and I can't
I look like the biggest dick. That's how she reacts
when you're talking or asking her questions. She's really
not nasty to you. I was on a Faceetime call yesterday a work call with this woman from
mountain dew her name is diane and i was and she's a young pretty girl and we're talking business
so delilah was with me my daughter was with me so that's how it happened it happened at one o'clock
in the afternoon i'm like baby daddy's on this facetime call and then she puts her phone in and
she goes who are you i said four years old she goes who are you she goes oh my name's diane i
work with daddy and she was like okay and then like looked at her and then
delilah gave me a kiss on the cheek i swear she gives me a kiss on the cheek off camera looks at
me and goes where's my piggy and i gave her the piggy and then it happened 1 p.m i dropped her
off at uh 8 a.m this morning i dropped my daughter off i put my daughter in the house two feet on the
floor in baby mama's house. Like I'm talking
about as soon as her fucking little fucking
baby heels hit the floor.
Her mom goes, how was your
night with daddy? And she goes, it was good.
Who's daddy's friend, Diane, that he was on FaceTime
with? Like first
and then my kid's mom is like,
I don't know. Who is your friend? And then
I was like, no, it was a work call with Mountain Dew.
She's like, really? She's like, don't have bitches around my daughter.
And I was like, no, no, no, there's no bitch.
I was like, it's a FaceTime call.
She goes, how do you pay attention to my daughter?
And I was like, no, it's a call.
And then Delilah was like, I love you, daddy, and gave me a kiss on the nose.
And then I just fucking walk out and everybody hates me.
Good thing you're not fooling around on the side
because she would rat you right out.
Are you kidding me? Absolutely.
The wife probably teaches her.
Yeah, yeah. One time a friend? Absolutely. Yeah. Well, she probably, the wife probably teaches her. Yeah.
Yeah.
One time, a friend, a friend who's a girl, came over and she had to use the bathroom
and we were all in the house.
It was great.
And then she went out in Bay Ridge, but Delilah wanted a bath and she had this friend who
was a girl bathe her and it was fine.
They were all having a great time.
And she told her mother that too.
She's like, who's daddy's friend who gave me a bath last night?
And then, you know.
Why are you naked around my daughter? Yeah was like whatever you know but so yeah she's got that little puerican attitude but that's in there yes but to be honest i love it all her
teachers and all that they're like she's you know they're like she's the best like the like we have
a handful we have to corral the attitude a little bit like there's a discipline that needs to come
in but her spirit is awesome yeah she'll flip a teacher off. Yeah, but that's why I wanted her in your life.
I mean, the picture, I'll show her that picture.
She'll be like, oh, she'll want it. She'll want to put that shit on.
Oh, good. And how was your baby mom? Does she have any
gay friends that were around? She's got a couple of
gay friends, and now she actually has a boyfriend, which has been
great. It's been great because all her... Like Big Daddy's
house. Absolutely. That movie with
Mark Wahlberg. It's called Sunset Park.
It's called the Sunset Park situation.
It's called the situation with the Sunset Park family.
But it's been great for me.
The situation with the mother.
The situation with the mother is what I have.
But it's been great for me because now, baby mama, all that drama and energy that was directed
at me, she's happy with this guy.
So I fucking told her, I told her, do not ruin it with your new boyfriend.
Did you warn him that you're in for it?
No, I'm not going to warn him.
I mean, if he...
He'll find out sooner or later.
Well, me and her ex,
you know, she has a son from a previous relationship. Me and that
kid's dad, we talk all the time.
I just want to jump in. Is this cool?
What do you mean? We can talk about
this? Yeah.
I'm not mentioning anybody's name or anything.
Well, no, you know, yeah.
He's got a situation with the mother.
That's a podcast. We could talk about our life.
Yeah, okay. I just want to make sure. Because's a podcast. We could talk about our life. Yeah. Okay.
I just want to make sure.
Sometimes she tunes in and lets you know about it.
But I'm not mentioning names or anything like that.
Does she tune in?
She did once in a while.
We get sniped in.
Yeah, we get sniped in. We get sniped in and then some things happen.
We call this a podcast on the run.
This podcast is here for a good time and not a long time.
I talk a lot about my family.
I talk about a lot of personal things.
We truly live up to the name History High Enos.
We've got to come back on your podcast.
We'd love to. You do it on the Upper East Side
now? No, I do. I live on the Upper East Side.
Girl. We do it. Mina Colt's
doing it on the phone now because she never wants to come into the city
anymore to do it in the studio.
So we can do it on the phone so we record it that way.
We have our studio on
34th Street. That's where we came to yeah yeah yeah um she wasn't yeah she wasn't she was
out filming jersey shore then and now she's back is it still going on the jersey shore yeah they're
still filming it yeah how about vinnie guadagnino he looks like a hot piece i know he's stripping
yeah he did a straight he did a strip tease in vegas well he had a residency now he's back for
the for july he looks fantastic he's keto guido but now is that is he too the keto guido yeah is he too like like you know what i mean like like not manly enough no
he's a little femme he's a little yeah he asked me for fashion advice all the time but like what's
what do you like this better this better what i'm saying i'm saying like like like like i'm more i'm
because i'm 220 i'm more of a guy you I have weak shoulders, but which hurt a little bit coming, because I
want to be sexually attractive to you.
No, you are.
Okay, great.
Unbelievably, yeah.
Thank you.
I prefer this way, because I don't want people looking at you.
I like a bigger body.
I appreciate it.
You get too hot, then you get confident and cocky, and then I have to get out of here.
Yeah.
I think it's pretty clear that he wants you all to himself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because Giannis-
He would put aside the great laws in his country and take you physically.
If we did have to
like, oh, man up and you did have to piss in my ass,
do you think you can get, can you piss with an erection?
But I have to hold the hole
open with a funnel and then you would
piss in the funnel.
He wants to crack you open and clean you out.
I could piss in your
ass with an erection. I mean, I piss with a morning
wood, so absolutely. Absolutely, I could.
As a achievable dream, I'm not getting
far-fetched.
We've talked about it on this podcast. I fall in love with men,
but I have sex with women. But we'll see.
My father's still alive.
Run this by him.
Here's the thing.
I can have a really great...
We're having a great conversation right now.
I'm getting a little horny.
Okay.
And it's just one of those things
where it's like I,
we start to have like intellectual,
really.
Truly you're feeling feelings.
No, I was kidding.
Not right now,
because we're just all friends,
but like.
Looking at all the texts,
imagine like,
would you really have feelings for me?
Like intellectually stimulating conversation,
like when we're learning stuff
and when it's a man
or if I'm listening to somebody speak,
like, you know,
like a great. And do you feel like there's like no pressure because i'm not a woman
so you don't have to impress me you're just being yourself no i well i think yeah i think the guard
gets down that way i think that's what starts to happen guards start to come down and then but but
but at no point but at no point am i ever like physically attracted to the man yeah it makes
me horny and want to text a girl and then i have sex with the girl but the guy's conversation has
gotten me horny okay so we don't understand where i would um would you rather he says he
loves men and he he falls in love with men and he wants to have sex with women what he's basically
trying to say is he's he's an irish kid and he's pushed it down but he's a gay kid yeah yeah
so if we have the option would you rather um have me strap on a um a fleshlight to my asshole so
it's like a fake
pussy and i wear like i may dress it up nice with like a pair of panties and i pull them to the side
okay just see or just slamming the ass so you're asking you're asking do i want my my actual dick
to come in direct contact with your ass or the fleshlight inside your ass well the flesh is just
like in between my legs and it's like i'm bent over the couch i could i could i could see you're
the asshole the real thing or the fake? I would do the fake pussy.
I would do the fake
because I've never even had sex
with a girl in the ass.
I just,
there's something about like
Catholic Italians,
we don't deal with the ass.
But that's something
we can even do maybe
just for a skit
or just, you know,
on a Tuesday.
Yeah, sure.
Anxiety Tuesday.
Yeah.
I would,
yeah, no,
I could,
I could,
I could find myself doing that.
Absolutely.
I have to figure out the mechanics
and how the logistics of it all,
but yeah,
I'll have something set up.
Yeah.
So this is going to be Lee Harvey Spencer Jr.'s friend's least favorite episode.
Oh, yeah.
We have a black dentist in South Carolina who's a big fan of ours.
He's like, yo, man, I tried to tell my friends about your podcast.
Chrissy's talking about blowing people.
Yes.
Black guys can be a little homophobic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's brutes.
And a lot of them end up being down low brothers.
Yeah.
T.L. Brothers.
T.L. Brothers are low.
Yeah.
Thomas Dale was telling us a story, again, very open about it, about how he was standing
on this corner of Santa Monica Boulevard at like three o'clock in the morning last year
with women's panties on trying to get men to pull over so he could hook up with them.
And then people were pissing on him. loved it was like a whole thing he was
really prostituting himself yeah yeah but but he was open about it i think so yeah yeah yeah wow
but it's just as a man wearing the ladies panties yeah i think so yeah yeah on the side of a highway
right yep you have a highway yeah so but now he's better now yeah would you would you consider
well i want to just do like
cars
like I'd rather see their picture
on the line for that
I would just like do it online
because I felt like it was
a little dangerous
like what if you get like
a straight guy who like
had like a last adjustment
then he comes and it's like
he fucking kills you
or just comes and kills you
straight away without even
sex first
right right right
because he wants to
yeah that's what
so is Chrissy a gay kid
or is it just he needs to
no he said I'm not gay
or does he need to just
start seeing women as people
yeah
not objects.
It sounds like you're looking...
I'm looking for a wife for the first
point in my life. Not a wife, but I would
prefer for the first time in my life,
34, to actually be in a relationship
over having sex with
multiple women. Do you have
enough sex? Yes. Okay.
I've had enough, is what I'm saying.
I don't... It's not... You have no idea. The kid cleans up. Yeah, what I'm saying. Like I don't, it's not. Yeah.
You have no idea. The kid cleans up.
Yeah, it's been too much.
Where do you meet girls? After your comedy
shows, do they come up to you? They come to him.
Social media. They come to him. Yeah.
They throw themselves at him. Do they wait for you around
after the show? Yeah.
They hit up his DMs and like
they throw it at him. They unsolicited
like nudes. Girls love aited like like I would choose.
Yeah.
Girls love a funny guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I.
So but I'd rather have a girlfriend is what I'm saying.
I heard it here first.
Yes.
Yeah.
So I, you know, I.
What's your sign?
Virgo.
That's what I knew.
That's our best friends.
Yeah.
Virgo.
Yes.
That's very good.
August 25th, August 26th.
We're all earth signs.
We have to hang out with Tauruses, Virgos and Capricorns.
We all stay together.
I need to know what a Capricorn. Oh, OK. Wericorns we all stay together i need to know capricorn oh okay we get along perfect joey i need to know
what happened to your eye oh i told him a specific story he didn't say it's specific
so i was at the doctor's office and i said i started with botox in my forehead which was
very you know you know normal i'm like facetiming it and stuff i'm like showing everyone and then
i said i want to do something else for the puffiness around my eyes so he said let's do
and then he like poked me with the needle and I jumped a little bit.
Right.
I think he hit a vein.
Oh, OK.
But now I have this big dark eye and I look like I'm a cockeyed.
So.
But it's hot.
But I mean, imagine.
I was wearing concealer all day, but I thought it'd be funny if I didn't cover it.
No, I think it's a hot thing, you know?
And if I wasn't talking, you know, when I open my mouth, you know, dildos fly out.
So if I didn't have my mouth shut, you couldn't think I'd like, you know, go on a real fight.
Yeah. A little barber and
brawl what were you saying mikey go ahead mike we're the same birthday you're on the 25th he's
26 you know that i'm 26 yeah we're gonna celebrate all together what do you want to do for our
birthdays he's like food whatever it is pizza what do you want to do do you want it for your
birthday do you want us to film you getting a flashlight strapped to your ass and joey
fucking it yeah for your birthday or we can just do the other option.
Just straighten my hole. Straighten your hole.
Now, because some of our gay friends,
I won't mention their names on that
because it might be personal, but some of our gay friends who we've mentioned
before today said that they don't have
sex. They're sexually active,
but it's only oral sex.
Blowjobs. That's a whole part of the gay community as well.
Yeah, because it's quicker and it's less stress.
You have to take a dick. You have to prepare. You have to
take a shit and then juice your ass out
three times so the water runs clear.
Otherwise, then you have stress
the whole time. You're getting fucked. You can't even enjoy yourself
because you're afraid there's going to be shit on stage.
So if you meet a guy at a bar,
if you guys go home with each other, you're not fucking each other in the ass.
You're going down on each other and that's about it.
Hopefully, yeah. Until the morning when he goes and
shits and cleans out. And then he fucking the ass yes but you have to use a condom you always use a
condom yeah you have to there's those feminine guys who just always are prepared oh yeah yeah
there's those guys they have it all in their handbag they have the cleaner outer but now they
have that prep medication when you can't get anything right yeah what do we think of that
you can get you can get everything else except for hiv what is that what is it like it's called
prep um true fodder and i asked my doctor everyone's like, Joey, you don't have sex.
Why the hell would you take that?
I was like, true dad.
True dad.
Yeah, because there are side effects.
Like I have a friend who can get liver damage.
And he couldn't smell.
He lost his sense of smell for like six months and then he couldn't taste food.
Oh.
So he was brutal.
And what is it?
It's like a force field for diseases?
For HIV specifically.
Yes.
How?
How?
I don't know the mechanics of it, to be honest. I don't know the...
But it's like birth control. It's
gay birth control. Wow, yes.
Good time to be a gay guy right now. Great time
to be a gay guy. But then you get everything else, like super gonorrhea
and syphilis. Yeah, and a friend who had
gonorrhea in his throat. Brutes.
Maybe that's what you got from eating pussy. No, I
thought, well, you know what? To be honest with you, I tested
it out. I just said, fuck it. I'm going to do it. A couple
months ago, I ate... I was hooking up with a few girls and i and i
and i ate them all out and nothing happened my throat was fine oh so i don't know i ate like i
i wanted to just test it was like let me get short throat just to prove this to myself what happens
if it smells when you go around there just don't do it i don't really deal with fumes that much
with women now i've dealt with it once and i i told you honest i almost i almost got into a car
accident because of how bad it smelled.
That one, yeah, that was funny.
That was brutal because she's such a beautiful girl.
How does she not know? Tell the story.
How you almost hit your head.
Yeah, we were hooked up in
my car and then...
Recently? No, no, no, a year ago.
So you were hooked up in the car at
35 years old? Yeah, yeah. And then, I know,
it was the only thing. We did it. We were in a driving movie. It was in the car at 35 years old yeah yeah and then I know it was the only thing we did it
we were in a driving movie
it was in the 30s
and I fingered her
and then she blew me
or whatever
and then
it was just like
I smelled something
in my car
I was like
I don't know what the fuck
this is
maybe I'm driving
past garbage
I don't know
and then I went to go
make like a hand over hand
left turn
maybe I left a
subway tuna sandwich
in my back seat
so yeah
something like that
and then I did a hand over hand left turn and
my right hand went past my nose and i caught a whiff and i hit my head i hit my head off my
mirror my window and i almost knocked myself no i just dropped her off but then i but it was one
of those things we caught a backdraft caught a bad backdraft it was on my body for about three
to four days and and she's wanting to hang out and i just i i couldn't do it unfortunately fake your death it's like yeah and then there was one time
another girl we were hooking up and let me just say this real quick ladies who are listening if
this sounds familiar to your story latifort date latifort date it's not you beautiful girl beautiful
woman um and we were hooking up and then she was like blowing me and she had like a huge booger on
her nose oh god and i couldn't i just couldn deal with it. And then like it wound up on different places.
Like at one point.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
It was like on my elbow.
Stop.
Yeah.
And I just, and she's another one beautiful girl, but I just, I can't get over it.
Terrifying.
Yeah.
Terrifying.
It's a terrifying place.
Yeah.
But I've never had anal sex or done anything like that.
But you do?
You've never had anal?
Never.
I've never, I've never done it or received it.
So that's why you hook up with girls.
What I noticed in your pattern of hooking up with girls is that you're very gay about the way you hook up with
girls okay and like that you don't listen to them you don't remember them you don't right it's all
about the sex like you don't see them as people really you just it's a it's a fucking sex it's
like you hook up with girls like gay guys hook up yeah the girls that you that you're gonna be like
that you don't want to date those girls.
But now things have changed where
I am very open to dating a woman.
I actually prefer it. It's the first time in my life
I'd prefer that. I'm not going to go
just settle for anybody.
A lot of your friends getting married.
It's not even about marriage. I think it's just about
me. I don't know that I care
about that. I would maybe with
the right woman.
You have to stay hot all the time woman. I just, I want, I'm tired of being alone.
You have to stay hot all the time too.
It's like, you know, trying to land someone, you have to like.
Yeah, the energy.
Also like, you know, Delilah, like she always, when she sleeps over, she's like, you know,
you know, she'll say like, how come that's not on the wall?
And then my mom is like, you know, you need a woman.
Like the reason why your daughter is saying like, why does this place look like just a
fucking empty shoe is because
you don't have a woman in your life.
I'll come decorate.
I love that. Is there home goods
in Bay Ridge? Yes, they're very close.
Mateo Lane came over a few months
ago and cooked a beautiful dinner for us.
He's doing good. Fantastic.
He's so talented.
That's the mustache comedian.
He's got strong shoulders.
He's hot, right? He's hot right Is he hot
Not for me though
You like him a little burlier
Yeah
You can't say he's not a beautiful
He's a beautiful man
He's very hot
You like blue collar
Yeah I like blue collar
Yeah
So is Chrissy's like actually
Like he was actually designed
In a gay lab for you
Yeah
If you were to
No it's 100%
If you were to design
Your own personal
Fuck boy sex toy
It would be that
They have to have at least
Three B's
And there's like
A hundred different B's They can have But they they're like ranging things from like big beefy blonde
buzz cut belly beard blue eyes baby face um big cock uh he's got all he's got a lot of those bees
except the shoulders it's got weak shoulders i mean maybe you're you weren't standing up straight
in the picture that was all yeah let me. Let me ask you a quick question.
Did you see any of the pictures from my wedding?
Yes.
My wife listens to this.
Did she look beautiful?
Oh, she looks stunning.
Oh, Mrs. Pappas is gorgeous.
Because you're an honest guy.
And hearing that from you, she's going to love that.
Where did you guys do it?
On the bay?
We did it at Oheka Castle.
Okay.
In Long Island.
Oh, Long Island.
Oh, nice.
But she looked good in the dress.
The dress was beautiful, everything.
Is she Jewish?
She's, no, half Greek, half Italian. Oh, so she's Greek, nice. But she looked good in the dress. The dress was beautiful, everything. Is she Jewish? She's, no, half Greek, half Italian.
Oh, so she's Greek, too.
But she grew up in Long Island and Melville, so if she has the Jewish vibes, it's because
she grew up around Jews.
Right, right.
Yeah, I met her at Chrissy's pre-cum show.
You did?
Yeah.
She loves you.
She looks so nice.
Thank you.
No, I'm just kidding.
I don't have any time.
And he was in the wedding, right?
Yeah, he was in the wedding.
Oh, yeah.
Big time.
Unfortunately, it would have turned you on.
It would have made, because you know,
all the bees and stuff. Yeah.
The kid's not really familiar with having a suit or a tux
on, so he buttoned both buttons.
Oh, on his jacket? He didn't know.
A big no-no. Yeah, that just makes your
midsection look bigger. Yeah, it was brutal.
But you would have liked that, right? Because you would have been like, that's my
fucking guy. Yeah.
That's my guy. That's my fucking blue-collar guy.
He's not used to wearing a suit. He's wearing some fucking jeans.
Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing. My fucking blue collar guy. He's not used to wearing a suit. He's wearing some fucking jeans. Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you doing for the rest of the day, Joe?
You want to bang out? Yeah.
I don't know. I have to go to Jersey tonight because I have to have a party on Saturday at my family's house.
And I have to help clean the backyard and get ready
for it. I have to go away. I have to go to San Francisco.
Tonight? Big, big gay city tomorrow.
And then to London. For what?
Shows. Oh.
Same friend of London.
You're doing your stand-up shows?
My little stand-up, yeah.
Do you guys perform here at the Comedy Cellar?
Sure.
Chris does.
Yeah.
I want to do an open mic night here one night.
Come.
Anytime.
I'm sure.
Do they have that?
Not at the Comedy Cellar.
Yeah, if this is an elite place.
We could do open mics.
There's a website, badslava.com.
It has all the open mics.
Oh, really?
I'll go with you to an open mic.
We'll have a good time.
Oh, good. Absolutely. All right. Just write some the open mics. I'll go with you to an open mic. We'll have a good time. Oh, good. Absolutely.
All right. Sorry. It's a material for me.
I'll go. All right. All right. So you got
a day. We got a day. This is great.
I like to do it. It was coming.
I like how we just came in. We started. We didn't
really have a we didn't really have
a topic. Normally have a topic and notes. But this was like
I don't need that. This was like a podcast episode
version of a pump and dump. This is a real pump
and dump. Yeah, I just came and see what happened.
You came in, you pumped it, you dumped it. And now I'm charged for the weekend.
I got all this horny engine out because of my two boys.
I'm going to rub it out before I leave the house.
Absolutely.
And I'll send you that dick pic.
If you want that, that's something for you.
I can send that to you.
No problem.
He doesn't need it.
It's in his hand.
At this point, it's been burned down.
He could fucking draw it at this point.
Someone handed him a blank piece of paper.
A piece of loose leaf.
He'd be like, it's sharp. He'd be like,
how did you get a picture of it? I fucking drew it.
Yeah, he's got it memorized.
Yeah. All right.
Thanks so much. We appreciate it. Thank you, Joey.
Love you so much, guys.
What is it on Instagram? MrJoeyP79?
MrP79. M-I-S-T-E-R-P-7-9.
And you gotta go. You gotta follow
because Joey's so funny. And listen to my podcast
too. It's called It's Happening with Snooki and Joey.
Anywhere podcasts are found.
It's seriously so fucking funny.
We had such a good time being on it.
Listen to it.
Follow Joey.
That's what it is.
Love you.
Love you.
That was so fun, man. ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Субтитры сделал DimaTorzok