Hollywood Handbook - Alex Borstein, Our Close Friend
Episode Date: July 29, 2014Sean and Hayes start off the show with a segment called "You're doing it wrong: By Grove I've got it!" where they discuss how tickets work and what a mall is. Then, ALEX BORSTEIN is in the st...udio for "Brick by Brick Tamland", where she speaks about her iconic roles as Dillary Clinton and Ms. Dogwoman. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery asks Ms. Borstein about her fear of commercials, what made MadTV so angry, and Seth MacFarlane's in-office antics.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Sipping his pants up Oh my god I go in Blood everywhere
Oh my god
On the walls
On the ceiling
On the floor
And I
But that's Jack
Yeah
You know
Can you get mad
You can't
That's Jack
It's that old Hollywood
Yes
Yes
Hey
What up
What up
Excuse me
So sleepy
This guy's sleepy
Welcome to Hollywood Handbook
An insider's guide to kicking butt
And dropping names
In the red carpet Lined back hallways of this industry we call showbiz.
It's summertime.
And in summertime, where you are, you might like to go outside.
If you're a listener to the show, a lot of people don't live in Los Angeles or New York,
you might like to go outside and catch a bug.
You might like to put them in a jar, and now that's your family.
Now that's dinner.
Yeah, it's your family until dinner, and then you have them for dinner.
Or you might want to go down into the mines and sort of dig around in there,
see if you find any treasures.
in there, see if we find any treasures.
But here we have roads and all these things where we can sort of move around.
And one of the places that we like to drive to is a very nice mall.
What's a mall?
What's a mall what's a mall um well when a lot of shops uh sort of make a team together yeah you know like
a sports team and then all want to be in the same place yes they do a mall think of the man
selling nuts by by the side of the road where you were. If a bunch of those nut guys all got together into one place
and they decided, let's all sell our wares together,
not in tents, not in...
No, not in tents, not from just like a little wheelbarrow
or something like that,
but if they actually had a brick and mortar
with a window.
Buildings with roofs.
Building roofed location.
The nut guy and the guy who's making necklaces out of bottle tops and all those gentlemen got together and sort of.
So you would only have to park your jalopy once to go to every single one of these nut salesmen.
Instead of like now you go up here for the almonds and then you try to somehow get your jalopy started up again.
You go over there and yeah.
And at these malls you're using money to buy.
Oh, of course, yes.
Here we use money.
Consumer products and not pelts or shiny stones.
Money is kind of a symbolic tender.
It's a currency.
It's like you're not trading someone something they need.
You're trading them this neutral artifact that then can be used everywhere to get other things you need.
It's a placeholder.
And it cuts down where you would have to
fight somebody and win
for something of theirs
where we live.
You don't have to choose.
You don't have to choose because I feel like
the people that I see
sort of where you guys are
they've got a chicken but they want a pile of beans.
And so they then have to trade the chicken for the beans.
So then now they don't have the chicken.
In this world, you can have both the chicken.
Chicken and the beans.
You just give money for them both.
Yes.
And they're both at the mall.
And the mall that we love is called The Grove.
It's an outside mall. And it's very nice in the mall. And the mall that we love is called The Grove. It's an outside mall
and it's very nice in the summertime
and you can go to buy
pretty much anything you'd ever want and you can have
lunch there. And there's a way
we see so many people out here who are
just doing it wrong.
And this is a segment we love called You're Doing
It Wrong. You're Doing It Wrong.
And it's subtitled By Grove I've Got It.
And that's sort of because we've got it figured out.
We're at the grove.
Sort of being by it.
It is a shame to see people park wrong, go to stores in the wrong order,
and go to the wrong stores.
Park wrong.
Go to stores in the wrong order and go to the wrong stores.
And when you're doing the grove, you want to make sure you carve out some time for the fountains.
They do have water that splashes according to the music.
And I see a lot of them not making wishes. another interesting thing about the Grove,
aside from the fountains and all that,
is they do have a movies theater there.
Yeah.
Now, what I see, unfortunately,
is people buying the ticket to the movie,
going out to look at the fountain,
missing the whole movie.
Thinking that the ticket is for outside.
Yes.
Yes, I see that all the time.
Because the people from out of town will show up and say, okay, this is where I buy the ticket to go outside.
That's not, that is actually not how it works. You buy the ticket for the movie
to watch the movie.
And then you go outside after that.
Yes.
For free.
Yes, because otherwise you wasted that movie money.
That's supposed to be
to get to see movies and teasers.
Mm-hmm.
And by the same token,
you see people going to the pizza store, buying a piece of pizza, and then taking that into the movie theater and saying, here's my ticket.
That's not your ticket.
That's for you to eat.
The ticket was the thing you bought before to go outside.
But that wasn't for going outside.
It was for the movie.
So a quick recap.
The pizza's for eating.
The ticket's for the movie.
Outside is just outside.
It's just outside.
You don't need a pizza.
Because what I'm afraid is going to happen, because the order we did this, is people are going to buy the ticket, see the movie, then buy a piece of pizza so they can go outside.
Outside.
No.
And you don't have to.
Yes, you don't have to do that at all.
It might be nice, but you don't have to do it that way.
You're allowed to just be outside.
And people see the security guards and stuff.
It's like they're breaking the rules if they don't have some kind of ticket to be outside.
The last thing I want to mention, there are trolley tracks and there's sort of a trolley
train that goes around the Grove.
Please get off the tracks when the trolley train is coming at you.
I know you want a picture close up of the front of the train and I know you want it in motion.
But the problem is that it will run you over and crush your bones, smush your bones.
And no sketching, please.
No.
Get off your longboards. Get off your longboards.
Get off your longboards.
Don't try to grab the back of the trolley to get between stores.
It's extremely dangerous.
You could easily get sucked under the wheels.
And it's not just dangerous to you,
because if you go flying off the side of the rail
and your longboard goes up in the air
and hits a woman's dress and knocks her dress off,
then Hayes might wind up in a messy divorce and lose half his cash.
Or say your skateboard flies away, lands in the fountain, and it creates a deviant wish.
Imagine the kinds of perverse wishes that could come from somebody throwing a skateboard at the fountain.
Yes, I mean, this is monkey's paw times a billion.
So please be responsible when you go to the Grove because, quite frankly, you're doing it wrong.
Doing it wrong by Grove.
I think we've got it, and now you think so too.
And now you think you've got it too.
We have a great guest today.
Alex Borstein is here.
You know her voice from Family Man.
You know her body from Getting On.
And you know her Miss Swan character from Mad TV,
you know, her Miss Swan character from Mad TV,
and where she's going to talk about all of it coming up on Hollywood Handbook.
So I'm riding the roller coaster,
going up and down,
and then I get this hair,
the person in front of me is all in my face,
it's getting in my mouth.
I said, get that out of my face! And the guy around and it's joseph gordon levitt this is third rock era
and he says stuff it gramps and so i straddle two cars beat him up make him chew his own hair off
and now it's his idea he's going around with his new haircut and
saying yeah this was my oh i just felt like it was time and it's like you know somebody told you
what time it was yeah hey welcome to hollywood handbook an insider's guide to kicking butt and
dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz
welcome to our uh our reunion of the 2001
Mad TV cast.
We've been talking
about this for
been pumping it
for weeks.
A long time.
We've been very
excited about it
and we are
excited about it.
We are still
super excited about it.
We have had some
a couple of no shows
a couple of scheduling
issues
but we have
a show show
a big show show
huge show show Alex Bor big show show. A huge show show.
Alex Borstein is here.
Hi.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you so much for having me.
Thank you for accommodating my insane schedule.
Yeah, and the fact that you could make it.
I mean, I don't know what's going on with Aries and Sasso.
Do you have any idea what Aries...
Everyone's just very busy.
Very busy.
And you know any specifics for today?
Today?
Are they so busy?
Sasso today is actually looking for a new copy of Hard Candy,
the Kids in the Hall movie.
He misplaced that.
So that's what he's doing.
That can actually be very hard to find.
Yeah, he wants it on VHS, too. Oh, because the he's doing. That can actually be very hard to find. Yeah, he wants it on VHS too.
Oh, because the regions on the DVDs can also be very confusing.
Yeah, he is Canadian.
So all of his equipment is from Canada.
So he needs everything to be Canadian.
Oh, I see.
It's tough.
But with eBay and Craigslist, I think he's going to strike gold.
And that one was called Hard Candy.
That was called Hard Candy.
Hard Brain Candy. Yes, called Hard Candy. Hard Brain Candy.
Yes, Hard Brain Candy, yes.
Yeah.
And what's, Nicole?
Nicole Sullivan.
I guess, yeah.
She's extremely busy.
She has 16 kids.
Oh, my God.
16 kids, all natural.
And it was just two births.
It was two letters, and it's amazing.
She's very busy.
I've seen, like, piling up, giving birth to all the babies at once and piling up and making that noise.
Yeah, it was like goat pellets, like goat turds.
Just kind of leave them behind.
How amazing for her.
It's amazing.
Was it eight and eight?
No. Okay. eight and eight? No.
Okay.
Ten and six?
Yes.
Okay.
Sure.
That's okay.
Ten and six.
I knew it had to be one of the two.
Yeah.
She tried to stay real quiet about it because she knew the octomom happened.
She didn't want to be decamom.
Right.
She just kept it kind of quiet and picked her uterus up and moved on.
Yeah.
Smart.
I mean, smart.
From across the room.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's nice for me to hear that someone can keep something private from the press these days.
Oh, yes.
Because so much of our dirty laundry is out there.
Listen, when you see that stuff of people saying, oh, they won't leave us alone.
You know, those celebrities are looking for it.
Uh-huh.
You know, they're looking for it.
Yeah, that's bought and paid for.
Get out your pencil scoop
troop because that actually is
a very relevant piece of information.
Donald Sterling was dying
to have those tapes leaked.
It's so true. And he just was so sick of not being impressed.
Notice we're all talking about him.
Notice we're all talking about him.
And about a year ago, I don't think I was saying his name on this podcast.
No.
I didn't even – I'd never even heard of the Clippers.
Yeah.
And look at – like it's a whole basketball team now.
It worked.
It's a whole thing.
It really worked.
Suddenly after those 10,000, they're playing basketball.
Yeah.
One of the second highest level of basketball you can do.
Yes.
Well, so it's just interesting to think about.
Alex, you're known for your characters.
Sketch, TV, stand-up, legitimate acting, Catwoman.
So many characters
Of all stripes
And we like to talk about on this show
We like to talk about craft
And it's instructional in a way
Isn't it that we want people
At home to walk away with
Some sort of road map
To you know how do I build these characters
It's interesting it's the one
Industry that there's no clear path.
There's no clear path.
It's like you want to be an accountant, you know exactly what to do.
So it is good to discuss and it's wonderful that you guys provide a venue to impart this information.
Because it can be like, do you ever try to build that Ikea furniture?
You get the Ikea directions and it's in friggin'
Who knows which kind of
Those words are so cuckoo.
We bought a smolt that almost caused a divorce.
Really?
Unreal. I hope that's
not true.
So we want to talk about some of your
most famous characters and
really dig into the process of building that character.
Okay.
Just brick by brick and how you come up with their stories and their sounds.
This is great because I usually talk about this all the time, but there's no one listening.
Listening, exactly.
There's no microphone.
Well, that's what podcast is.
So this is wonderful.
Yeah, it's just recording what you'd be talking about anyway.
We call this segment Brick by Brick Tamlin,
which is one of our favorite Anchorman characters.
We're talking about characters,
and so we just try to have a fun name for the segment.
Let's do it.
Did you have a, or I guess we can go back to Mad TV.
Let's talk about some of the Mad TV characters.
Or I guess we can go back to Mad TV.
Let's talk about some of the Mad TV characters.
Tell us about Hillary Clinton's sister, Dillery.
This was a classic character of yours.
Yeah, well, this was... You know, Dillery was, you know, we thought about what's that classic thing?
You know, one in the family that's super successful and the other not so successful.
Yes.
And we thought it would be really interesting to do this character Dillery.
I hope my brother is not listening to this.
Well, the neat thing about Dillery is that she wasn't able to pronounce any consonant.
That was the bit.
That's how she was created.
So it was no consonants, Dillery.
But then we just went with Dillery.
And then, of course, the way you pronounce her name with no consonants is E-I-E.
So she would just, you know, refer to herself as, hey, E-I-E.
It's E-I-E.
It was incredible.
And that was a nice way to stick it to people with speech impediments.
Just weird people.
The weird people with like the weird stuff.
Who make those noises
yes
and I always like that
eee
eee
eee
which is
Hillary wears my dress
and
you know
that became
the catchphrase
of course
Hillary wears my dress
and
we had t-shirts
and
it was incredible
how it just took off
like that
and it was a cool
sort of backstory
you had where
she had made her name Clinton to be more like Hillary.
Because that's, of course, her married name.
But it was Hillary's birth sister.
No, no, no.
You know, the actual backstory was.
Oh, yes.
Tell us about this.
The actual backstory we created was she was such a lost soul that Bill and Hillary adopted her.
So she was Hillary's sister slash daughter, like a Chinatown.
She was older than Hillary. Older than Hillary, yes. But adopted was Hillary's sister slash daughter, like a Chinatown. She was older than Hillary.
Older than Hillary, yes.
But adopted by her younger sister.
I think the word, the term then would be like spinster.
Sure.
And Chinatown is an area of Los Angeles where there's a lot of incest.
Yes, and some of them sound a little like this character.
Some of their, yeah, consonants and vowels are just all over the place.
We don't know what's going on.
We actually thought, we thought for a while there was going to be a movie, but it kind of fell through.
I mean, it was a rights issue.
We couldn't use the name Clinton.
Yeah.
Even the way she pronounced it.
But I heard that actually the White House had seen it and loved it.
I heard that they loved it.
Yes, they have that little screening room down there.
Chelsea loved it, I heard.
Oh. So, she have that little screening room down there. Chelsea loved it, I heard.
She's a woman of taste. She's hilarious, though, and she has a really alt sensibility, which
is like, she's coming from this
weird, like, sort of other, like a
Tim and Eric style place
with her material. And outside
of the major industry towns,
I love when someone develops their own voice
like that, because her stuff is really
cool. Some of her vines are like – I'm like, what?
Have you ever thought about those?
About Chelsea's vines?
Oh, my God, yes.
The one that she did with the orange, you know, where she like taps the orange to make orange juice.
She thinks that's how you make orange juice.
It's hilarious because she comes from wealth, so she doesn't know how it's made.
Yeah, I find those just around-the-house tidbits fascinating. thinks that's how you make orange juice is hilarious. Because she comes from wealth, so she doesn't know how it's made.
But yeah, I find those just around the house tidbits fascinating.
Yes.
Thank you.
Gracias.
Yes.
Catwoman, you were, of course, Catwoman's teacher, Mrs. Dogwoman.
Who is that character?
And you had an interesting sort of subplot going on in that movie.
You know, what we wanted to do was show that even a nemesis you can learn from.
Mm-hmm.
And so we thought, it was a little heavy-handed.
I thought maybe it was a little too on the nose to call her Mrs. Dogwoman.
But what better way to show nemesis?
Mm-hmm. You know, the classic dog stat.
But they saved that.
That was what was so interesting because when the twist comes at the very, very end that this is actually the bad guy.
Yeah.
The bad woman.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, we don't, you know.
Bad guy, bad woman, it's all.
It doesn't mean – the words don't mean anything.
We don't see it.
It was interesting, though.
You know, Hallie and I are both method.
So to prepare for this kind of thing, we spent like a weekend in Cape Cod together, which was really interesting, just in very close quarters.
Really?
Like a studio.
Oh, wow.
One bathroom.
Just to really get a sense of each other's smell, you know, like animals do.
Sure, yes.
So I would smell her rear and she would smell my rear.
And I really think that it helped with the depth of what you see on screen.
It comes across.
Yeah, yeah.
When I was watching that, I was thinking, these women have really smelled each other.
Thank you.
Did you have any saltwater taffies in Cape Cod?
Oh, my God, did we?
Hallie could almost not fit in the costume because of the saltwater taffy.
That sticky treat, yeah.
It was incredible.
Yeah.
We liked to get it back to its soft, hot form.
So we would knead several pieces in our hands, mush them together, which is neat because it creates almost a tie-dye effect.
And then we have all of our oils and sweats on it.
Yeah, some of your – you are inside.
And then we would feed it to each other.
Another way to get closer.
Yes, yes, yes.
You're devouring the other person.
Yeah.
And she's a diabetic.
So for her to go out and do this for the role was very brave.
Can you speak on Pitoff?
Pitoff directed the film.
Yes.
Incredible with special effects.
I don't know if you ever saw Vidok.
Pitoff directed Vidok.
And really a master of creating mood.
Yes.
And he has so many ideas on how to develop.
He's the one who suggested the Cape Cod apartment.
He's the one that suggested the taffy.
So it was really interesting. And he also gave us the sweetest gifts, the sweetest, sweetest wrap gifts.
They were these little Chinese handcuffs.
Oh, those can be very tricky.
It's amazing.
Yeah, you put, so I put one finger in and Hallie put her finger on the other side.
Oh, wow.
And we were bound.
Yeah, for hours and days.
It was amazing.
It was neat.
We figured it out.
I did a little experimenting with one of those one time, me and a gentleman friend of mine.
It can be fun, but it can be dangerous.
There's a labeling issue on those things sometimes.
They don't tell you exactly.
Yes.
They do call them finger traps, but they don't say only fingers.
Yes.
You can get a lot of stuff trapped in there.
Well, but you guys were able to, you know,
still check your phone and do other things while using them.
Okay, yeah.
So positives and negatives.
She's got a good point there.
Yeah, she didn't check her phone.
But a lot of the stuff that I do on my phone I was not able to do.
Understood.
Characters.
Characters.
Impressions.
Mm-hmm.
Characters.
Characters.
Impressions.
Mm.
I got to tell you, I've been sort of seeing Carrie Ann Moss lately.
And it's getting – We're not going to get into this again, are we?
I don't want to talk about that.
But I was talking to her before the show, and she loves your impression of her.
Oh, well, it's pretty tired now because it was Matrix Carrie Ann Moss.
But, you know, she's done so much other work now.
But, yeah, it was a favorite.
It was pretty fun.
Right?
And, you know, it was born so organically because she was kind of me and my husband's freebie.
You know, we said if we could ever have sex with another person and have a threesome, oh my god, it
would be Carrie Ann Moss.
Both of you used Carrie Ann Moss for your freebie.
We thought that would be –
So then it becomes kind of like a race to get there first, I guess.
Yeah.
So that's where the impression came from because I thought, oh, if he likes that too,
maybe I should try to embody her for him as a gift. So it was actually on the night of his birthday that I came out in the full leather, you know,
Matrix regalia.
Sure, yeah.
Trinity, yeah.
And did my best Trinity.
It is a very sexual impression.
It has a lot of...
Here, I'll do it for you.
Okay.
Neo.
Do you like it?
It's unbelievable. Isn't it incredible? for me i got well i tell you how weird it is for me because like well you're back in your bedroom at home you're like wait i thought
i don't want to get too much i thought i wasn't going to see you until later tonight just the
sensation it's weird just hearing that voice is so weird. It's a gift.
You know, the impersonations and the characters all come from the same place.
You just kind of close your eyes until you feel that they're kind of in you in a sense or you can smell them again.
It's a lot about scent for you.
Olfactory, yes.
Yeah.
And scent is the strongest sense tied to memory.
I would say that's true.
Yeah.
What made you start wanting to become other people?
You know, when I was 16, I killed a man.
Yeah.
Okay.
And I think it was running from that.
Yeah.
I think it was running from that, from who I used to be.
Such a common story, you know.
You hear that all the time.
Julia Stiles was in here, and she had a very similar story.
Exactly.
And not everyone finds that escape, because I think we all do kill someone at 16 one way or another.
And it's like that you found this outlet where you could sort of shut that part off.
It's very inspiring.
Yeah, it just kind of felt like, oh, that's not me.
I want to find out who I am. I'm not a murderer. I mean, I've done it. Yeah, it just kind of felt like, oh, that's not me. I want to find out who I am.
I'm not a murderer.
I mean, I've done it.
Yeah, but that's not exclusively.
It doesn't define me.
You're also Mrs. Dog Woman.
Also Mrs. Dog Woman.
You're also.
I'm a mother.
I'm a wife.
Yes, you're a mother.
I mean, so many things, not just a taker of life.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Voice acting.
Oh.
It gets a bad rap oftentimes in this business.
You know, we read our letters and things like that when we'll do a voice acting project and they say it's somehow easier than what they call real life, face acting.
Mm-hmm.
I'd love for you, because you're the voice of Lois on The Family Man
it would just be so great for you
to dispel some of those
misconceptions about what goes
into just like a
day of
voice acting for Lois
you know everyone has their own method
and I like to say that it can be
actually more difficult than face acting
because it's like green screen.
You kind of have to make up the whole world in your head.
And everyone has their own method.
I do mine aquatically.
I do – we have a booth in our home that's – the microphone is above kind of a jacuzzi.
It's kind of like Minority Report.
Remember the precogs?
Oh, do I ever.
Yes.
It's like that.
So I'm laying so scary oh my god
and uh and that's how i do it the microphone is above and i do all of all of my lines like that
i feel like it relieves pressure for my diaphragm yeah my my range is bigger and you can see your
dead mom and i can see my dead mother um so i and you get that nice bubbly sound in the background that just kind of makes all the lines feel fun, you know, because you do have the jets on, right?
I think the viewers are smart.
Don't underestimate them.
And they know when you're tense.
And I don't ever want that in my voice.
So this helps me.
What does Seth do?
Seth is quite the opposite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Seth likes to do his in, you know, those old game shows they would have where they put you in like a booth and they turn it on and the money flies around?
Yes.
That's what he needs.
Oh, wow.
The money swirls around him while he's recording.
And what about Seth MacFarlane?
That is Seth MacFarlane.
Oh, green, green, green, green, green.
Oh, Seth Green.
Green, green, green.
I mean, who cares?
Yeah.
Really?
I mean, you really care? I think he gets it. No, no, I, green. Oh, Seth Green. Green, green, green. I mean, who cares? Yeah. Really? I mean, you really care?
I think he gets –
No, no, I don't.
No, I don't care.
I think he – I mean, if he wants to be on the show, we'd love to have him on the show.
But we don't worship him.
Were you having trouble booking him?
You know, it's just – timing-wise, it's like he's a regular Aries Spears in that way
because you say the one day he's like, I'm going to be there,
and then the next day it's like, oh, it's a parking lot out here.
Right.
He's a busy guy.
He runs his own show.
Yeah.
He runs The Simpsons, so he's very busy.
And you sort of wonder, you watch Family Guy, and you're like, oh, where'd he get that idea?
Right.
For, yeah, cartoons.
But that's this, you know.
That's this generation.
There's nothing new under the sun, I'll tell you what.
It's all just recycled.
Everything's been done.
And it's just your take on it.
Well, go down the movies.
Look at the movies that they're doing
i mean just look at what's out there now we've all seen it already what is out there right now
cody yes can you look up what movies can you tell us the movies and then we'll tell you what the
other movie was that was already that movie i know that one movie the college movie called
shenanigans that's how which i actually i was up for a part in that but very
but isn't that just school ties again shenanigans but it's an irish theme oh okay yeah well they
put their own twist on it which i like but then with honors kind of felt irish to me sure um and
uh and uh what was that other one that's out right now?
It's a love story.
I think it's called Love Story.
Okay.
Yep.
Yep.
And doesn't that just feel like 15 Minutes?
The Ed Burns movie where he's sort of a reporter?
No, we know what 15 Minutes is.
You don't have to explain what 15 Minutes is.
Okay, sorry.
You don't know what it is.
Well, like I said, it's all been done.
Million Dollar Arm is out right now.
Million Dollar Arm, okay.
Where is it showing right now?
I want to see this bit.
The Starplex Cinema La Miranda.
Can I have the sound cable, please?
La Miranda?
Looks like it's in La Miranda, California.
La Miranda?
La Mirada?
Oh, La Mirada, right.
There you go.
I actually did a dance show in La Mirada when I was about 13 years old, 12 or 13.
Yeah, it was to a Frank Stallone song.
Oh, speak on that.
I wore a blue spandex unitard with these arm sleeves that were separate.
So it was sleeveless, but then these separate spandex sleeves
with shimmery things that held down.
So when I came out to do my piece, it was something else.
And then I imagine taking those off in the show would be very provocative.
It was.
And, you know, I was just getting breasts.
Sure.
So that's a good look in spandex.
Yes.
Really good where your stomach outweighs your breasts.
Yes.
You want them vestigial.
I mean, just the slightest suggestion of what will someday be there is really ideal.
It's so beautiful.
At that point where they're, before they become feminine features, they actually look very masculine.
Yeah.
They're just this strange thing tucked on top of your donut-filled belly.
Mm-hmm, yes.
But, you know, all shapes and sizes are beautiful, all ages.
I love shapes.
I'm crazy for them.
The female figure is...
It's one of nature's masterpieces.
Now, the theme song for this feature doesn't sound very good
because Cody wouldn't give me the sound cable when I asked him to a little while ago.
I think I explicitly asked him to give me the sound cable.
Yeah, and I remember sort of groping around for where I thought it should be,
and he's moved it or he's hidden it.
And he wouldn't give it to me, but this is...
Just a little bit of power for Cody.
What it's supposed to be is the theme song for our feature,
The Popcorn Gallery,
which is a question and answer feature from our listeners.
And the song is very good.
I really wish it were coming through,
but we could actually plug it into the speaker
so it would be playing through our headphones and we could hear it.
That's going to be in my head for the rest of the day.
I know, right?
The day if you're lucky.
This is a question from Skizolo.
Alex, what was MADtv so angry about?
You know, I think it was inherent, first of all, in the name.
Mm-hmm.
Mad.
Yes.
In Spanish, it was Televisión del Angrio.
Yes.
You know, I think it was anti-establishment.
I think it was the man.
I think it was being confined.
It was being told, you have to wear underwear.
Yeah. Who says? You know, it was that. It was youth confined. It was being told, you have to wear underwear. Who says?
You know, it was that.
It was youthful angst.
And think about what was going on at the time, just remembering back to, like, with all the
Elyon stuff.
And it just seemed, it always felt like sort of a response to that.
It was.
It was a response.
When you would all stand and hold hands at the end of the show and say, give him back.
It was immigration. It was immigration.
It was swimming.
It was ocean swimming.
Yes.
And doesn't – does comedy is good when it comes from anger?
I'm sorry.
Can you repeat the question again?
Was that –
Doesn't – does comedy is good when it comes from anger?
I mean, doesn't that make it like –
Yeah.
I think comedy does is good.
Raw, yeah. It does is good when it comes – Yeah. I think comedy does is good. Raw, yeah.
It does is good when it comes from anger.
I think people who have had troubled pasts, like myself, killing a man.
Yeah.
People who come from poverty.
People who come from cold weather.
Chicago and Canada tend to be funny people.
There's something about the body struggling.
There's something about needing, wanting
that creates comedy.
It does is make it good.
Yeah, we do so much comedy in Southern
California, but there's no naturally funny people
who grew up here.
No. Much like the palm tree, it was all brought
in.
Yeah. Not native. Not a native
plant. And much like the palm tree,
a lot of them have diseases now.
Sure.
Many of them.
And the people who were here originally are like sand, like a big handful of sand.
Not pretty.
It's not something you want to look at.
Certainly don't eat it.
I've made that mistake.
You know that when you are pregnant, some women start craving dirt.
It's good roughage.
It's called pica.
It is a condition.
I think it's something in the iron.
I don't know what it is.
It's a deficiency where a woman will crave dirt.
What did you crave?
Just a lot of ice cream and sex with men who weren't my husband.
Yeah, that can happen.
It was a little problematic,
but my husband's like, a craving's a craving.
I get it.
You're the one who's carrying this. Happy wife, happy life, yeah.
So yeah, you got to sort of make that concession.
It was good, though.
It was a good time.
Now what we sometimes do,
we have to do it twice
because we forgot to reach into the popcorn bag
before the last question.
So we'll drop it in later. We do these sound drops where we reach into a popcorn bag before the last question. So we'll drop it in later.
We do these sound drops where we reach into a popcorn bag to pull out the question.
So let's do the sound drop for the first question now.
We'll reach into the popcorn bag.
Oh, my car keys.
Good.
And now for the second question.
Let's do it.
Wait a second.
These aren't my car keys.
Whose car keys are these?
This is to a really nice car.
Oh, my God.
Do I steal this man's car?
And this question is from Valerie Bryant.
The question is, Alex, I read recently that you have a fear of commercials.
Is this new or did commercials haunt you throughout your childhood as well?
That is not new.
It started when I was young.
It started with Mr. Sharma, the Sharman commercial.
There's something about an older man groping and molesting paper that would be near my privates.
Yeah.
It just was.
Near, never.
It just terrified me.
I never like to get that stuff right up against it
no contact with it
well I don't want to get it wet
no I just waft the paper in the vicinity
of my genitals
to make it dry
but that just was chilling
after that I just leave the room
which is why I'm so happy
I love HBO and Showtime because there's no commercials
now it's safe for me to watch television again.
Quick plug there.
So you don't like commercials,
but watching like an inside look of Hello Ladies is okay for you?
Yeah, I could do that.
Behind the scenes of Dawn of something like that.
Yes.
Let's reach back.
That's where we're different.
That Andy Serkis makes me want to jump out of my skin.
Yeah, he is sort of a creepy spectral character.
No one should move like that.
I mean, it's just all subjective, isn't it?
Was he a man or some sort of bug?
Can't it be both?
I don't know.
I hope not.
Let's reach back into the bag.
Yes, let's.
Fuck you, coppers.
You'll never catch me.
Ah!
This question is from Andrew.
Ms. Borstein, does Seth MacFarlane sing around the office?
Seth MacFarlane isn't around the office.
Speak on that.
Nope, he doesn't.
Seth is so busy shooting films, feature films, and preening himself like a meerkat.
So he does not sing around the office.
But when he was not directing feature films
and he was around the office, he didn't sing then either.
And you're doing, people don't know this, you're doing everybody now. He's doing his
movies and you're doing the baby and you're doing the fat guy and the little dog.
I'm Peter Griffin.
See? People think, that's Alex. Yep.
That's you now.
Lawrence.
Yeah, you know, like I said, if I could observe and study and get the scent of someone, and I smelled Seth for years.
Sure.
God, yeah.
So, I'm the baby.
I talk.
I say things.
I say things other people don't.
That's Alex Forster.
That's not a draw.
And there's no writers in here.
I mean, just to point out, like, there's no writer.
Like, she's actually inventing those baby lines.
So it's not just that the voice is uncanny.
It's also the saying.
Can I be honest with you?
Yeah, please.
Not only is Seth not around, but the writers have left too.
So I am actually doing everything.
So everything you hear on the show is just.
And just in one shot too, the live cutaways that you just like in the moment.
Yep.
It's surgical.
The way you splice them into the show.
Yeah.
And I don't need a lot.
Because the animators have left. Is that true? The animators left too. Yeah. And I don't need a lot. Because the animators have left.
Is that true?
The animators left too.
Yeah.
So I'm doing a lot of – you can see I've been doodling the whole time I'm here.
I'm working on storyboards.
And it's live.
People don't realize that you're doing it as it airs.
And I come up with stories too.
Yeah.
It's not like I have any prep time or there's no time to really break those stories outside of – like that's a lie.
I'm a drive-in.
I kind of think of things.
I get on the phone with my husband and bounce stuff off of him.
That's nice to admit that.
And it's okay to be a little prepared sometimes when you're going to do a full live half-hour TV show.
Yeah.
It's okay to think about it.
That's not cheating.
Okay.
You know?
I don't know how well you remember them when they're doing them on like Adult Swim at 1 a.m.
Because like the episode saver guys are gone too now, so no one's saving the episodes.
Yeah, every time you see a rerun, I have to redo it.
She's redoing it.
But from the comfort of my jacuzzi booth, it's not so terrible.
At 1 in the morning, you're just getting a nice, warm koozie.
Must get a little pruney in there doing all those reruns.
Sometimes, but it's really just 22 minutes.
Oh, yeah, that's right for the commercials.
You can dry off for the commercials, yeah.
Alex, here's another question for you.
Oh, my God, it was just a dream.
But what are these keys?
This question is from Game of Scones.
Alex, did you improvise on the set of Catwoman?
I did not improvise on the set of Catwoman.
It was a pre-written project.
That script was finely, finely, finely, finely tuned.
So we all just felt like leave good enough alone.
Just you don't change Shakespeare.
You know what I mean?
You don't mess with, you know, Harold Pinter.
You're not going to change it.
So we just stuck with the gold that was on the page, and we added diamonds.
Yeah.
Oh.
But when they did O, they changed Shakespeare, right?
Mm-hmm. Yeah. They did. That's maybe why we haven't seen they changed Shakespeare, right? Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
They did.
And that's maybe why we haven't seen Hartnett that much.
Mm-hmm.
Because he did that.
Well, you don't do that.
Well, you don't do it, and then he did it.
I shouldn't be so hard on my guy, Josh.
He's on Penny Dreadful.
I've never seen this show.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, some creepy stuff. I can't watch the thing. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, some creepy stuff.
I can't watch the thing.
Yeah, it's pretty chilling.
It might not be something that you would necessarily be into.
If you don't like being spooked and startled.
I'll tell you, if you like a good night's sleep,
you're not going to want to see this one because it is just that kind of, you know.
Well, it has dreadful in the titles.
Right.
Well, no, it's true.
No, I was begging for it.
It's not like they didn't warn us but watch it with the lights on
and really don't watch it
at all
and don't watch it
if you watch it
have somebody around
who you trust
it's monstrous
duly noted
Alex thank you so much
for joining us
thank you so much
for having me
it's delightful
and will you
please rate us
on iTunes
and
write
a positive review
and maybe have your do the kids have their own accounts?
Yes, they do.
That would be really great if your kids could get in on that as well.
Nice way to boost the numbers.
If they like the show.
If they like the show.
If they like the show.
Absolutely.
If they don't like it, they don't have to write anything.
No, we use it for bedtime actually.
Oh, how nice.
Oh, that's so nice to hear that.
I love when we hear that.
It's like baby Mozart really. It's so dull and there's such a monotony to it that it almost hums. It how nice. Oh, that's so nice to hear that. I love when we hear that. It's like baby Mozart, really.
It's so dull and there's such a monotony to it that it almost hums.
It's nice.
Well, that is, that is, I, yeah.
People need to go to sleep.
If you didn't go to sleep, everyone would be dead.
Yes, and that's something positive that we're doing.
So more than I can say for some other barnacles on the side of this.
And people can talk to us on the forums
and please buy the pro version of our podcast.
So many perks this week.
Yes, yes. And what were some of them as I figure out who
is going to get it this week
oh well a bottle opener
that looks like a bottle
isn't that trippy
I mean that will really freak your mind out
so that's one of the things
that we're giving away with the pro version
it's Ethan Runt
it's like an MC Escher kind of life you're living in when the bottle opener is the bottle.
And Ethan Runt, you're going to get a little message, a voicemail message for Ethan Runt from Brian Griffin.
Ethan Grunt, this bottle opener is yours.
But it's Brian and like a dog, some dog thing.
This is Brian the dog.
I am bipedal.
I have an alcohol issue.
Bye.
Bye.
That was a HeadGum Podcast.