Hollywood Handbook - Andy Daly, Our Podcast Pilot Friend

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

Live from the Dynasty Typewriter, The Boys help ANDY DALY make an entire new season of Andy Daly Podcast Pilot Project. This episode is sponsored by hims (www.forhims.com/theboys) and But...cherBox (www.butcherbox.com/theboys code: THEBOYS)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Small, small, small Here comes Hayes and Sean Hollywood Ham So, I'm sort of flipping around in space. I'm like, I'm limp. But I'm flipping and spinning around. From what's flipping you, friends? I was, so I'm being... Have a spell done on me.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Yes. By Emily. Oh. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Deschanel. Yes. Yes. And so basically we should have known all along, the obsession with bones,
Starting point is 00:01:31 the always touching them and trying to figure them out. Oh, yes. This is witch-like behavior. It absolutely is. And I hate to incriminate the entire bloodline, but is that sister of hers a bit too quirky? Yes. And Caleb, how can Caleb capture these images without having the powers of a witch? Perhaps the most fucked up one of them all, Caleb.
Starting point is 00:02:02 So she is essentially crafting me on the set. On the Bones set. Like on a break. Then everyone's there. Everyone's watching. David's watching. And I'm just being spun. Is Hart Hansen supervising?
Starting point is 00:02:21 Is he stepping in in any way? Hart Hansen, creator of Bones. Yes. You can kind of tell this is like season 14. He is a little checked out. Sure. And he's kind of like staying on the side. And he has headphones on, but it sounds like they're playing like an audio book.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Uh-huh. That's like how to do a different show. That's like how to do a different show. When I met over there, he said, the thing to remember is you don't work for the bones. The bones work for you. So that was, I think, the mistake that I made. Uh-huh. I showed up very deferential to the bones.
Starting point is 00:03:03 You don't want to do that. Yeah. Referential to the bones. You don't want to do that. Yeah. And I think the sort of flipping was almost like an initiation, like sort of a hazing ritual, but like very quiet. That's a good way to get into the show. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook,
Starting point is 00:03:29 an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Live. Live. Isn't it fucking nuts to be alive? If you know, if you've ever been to one of our live shows before, we always wear the same clothes. It's a cute little thing that we do. We're back at the Dynasty typewriter. Once again, we have sold out.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Once again, I spend the whole drive being very pleased with myself that maybe I'm going to see Sold Out on the marquee. Once again, I slow down as I'm approaching the theater. Once again, it's not on the side facing me as I'm driving in. It's a different show. Once again, I have to turn around as I'm passing the theater to see. But what's different this time is it did say sold out on the marquee. Oh! And if I could get real for a minute, that sold out sign, that's thanks to you guys.
Starting point is 00:04:47 And I appreciate that thank you for doing the tickets and stuff without you guys the sign wouldn't even not say sold out it wouldn't even say Hollywood handbook because what would that be and that's because of you guys so The sign wouldn't even not say sold out. It wouldn't even say Hollywood handbook because what would that be? And that's because of you guys.
Starting point is 00:05:12 So it's back to school time. Back to school time. Back to the teacher's class. And if I could get so real for a minute with you guys, if I could just for a minute get real. Going back to school can be pretty tricky, huh? No one knows that better than you guys. So we want to give you tips for... For teacher!
Starting point is 00:05:40 For teacher, for going back to school, ideas, projects, activities. Freaking homework. Homework. Ideas for homework. When you show up on the first day and you don't have any homework ideas, you might be a bad school go. Teacher, you forgot to give us homework. Eh, wrong.
Starting point is 00:06:05 That's not the teacher's pet. Here's the teacher's pet. Teacher, teacher, you forgot to accept my homework that I brought from home. Assign yourself a project. Do you have any tips for... I guess that was one. No, yeah. Any other tips for, I guess that was one. No, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Any other tips for school? For school? Guys, if you're doing back-to-school shopping right before you go back to school, you're doing it wrong. Wait until there is no more school. Yes. Wait until there is no more school Yes When you graduate from school and have a job It's so much easier to buy school supplies
Starting point is 00:06:50 And then they last for so much longer Oh yeah When you are not going to school every day And using them up How about you actually buy something that you can keep? Yes. I can't remember the last time I touched a pencil, but they're in my drawer.
Starting point is 00:07:14 One tip that I have from my experience would be the class where you will be making the most physical contact with the teacher is pottery. Now that's for better or for worse. Do with that information whatever you want. But that is the class where it will happen the most. If there is a point in the day that you want to carve out to splash on a little extra aftershove.
Starting point is 00:07:48 Yes, or like some kind of like a bitter apple. Something that like really something that sometimes only the teacher can smell. That sends the message, hey, do not chew on me while we walk. School. Back to school. School, school, school, school. Having tips for school. Oh, yeah. Tips.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Going there. Teacher. We did teacher. Yep. So I just want to clarify something today the climate strike and so don't do that we sat down
Starting point is 00:08:41 before every show we do every podcast in the studio, every live show. Sean and I sit down. It's sort of a drafting table. And there's graph paper, and we plot out the whole thing. We do all the choreo. We just get in the lab, and we don't come out until we have it, until the whole show.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Until the show is locked, loaded, and ready to blast. Yes. But today, out of respect for the climate strike, we have not prepared anything at all. Not a thing. Nothing. Because think about it. A climate strike. So then I'm
Starting point is 00:09:22 what? I'm doing drafting table going working with Hayes on the show? I'm sorry. No. So we are fucking around. We are messing with you. We don't even know much about school. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:09:49 And we're in a bit of a pickle. Just time-filling wise. But we're not alone. We've come prepared. We've got our little secret weapon then. This is the ripcord in case we needed it. We do have a guest. And we
Starting point is 00:10:11 are going to bring out the guest. And his name is Andy. And the rest of it is Andy Daly. Yes. Woo! Woo! Here he comes.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Hi, Andy. Oh, yeah. Dude, you get the whole damn couch. This is like a little talk show. It's weird that the microphone is over here. Andy, you said that this was your first time at the theater, but somehow you knew to scoop up the curtain from the middle instead of going through the part that is split open.
Starting point is 00:10:57 That's what we did as well. I was bewildered. Is there a right way to do it, and I did it wrong? There is not a right way that I have found to do it and I did it wrong? There's, there is not a right way that I have found to do it. Okay. I know that I somehow got back there
Starting point is 00:11:09 without doing that. But I can't remember how I came in. Why is the microphone over here? Oh. It's because last time when you were on the show,
Starting point is 00:11:20 I was calling in. Oh. And so this is like a middle ground between that and like an intimate show. Actually being close enough to share space. Did you
Starting point is 00:11:33 think that I was obese? Look at the size of this. This is too much chair for one man. Yeah. You know what? I just saw you as a guy who loves to lounge Am I wrong? Well, I'll give it a try
Starting point is 00:11:50 Andy, do you have any tips for back to school? It's not bad Yeah What did you ask me? Do you have any tips for back to school? Back to school Tips for back to school? Yeah
Starting point is 00:12:00 Don't go, man Shit, man I wonder what that answer would have been like if he hadn't been lounging, and I worry it's going to affect the whole show. That's right. We might not get the responsible version of Andy because we have provided him with such a comfy lounger.
Starting point is 00:12:19 You might not get any version, motherfucker. And as you know, if you've ever been to one of our shows before, the guest also wears the same shirt as us. It is a planned theme. Yeah, it's not humiliating because it is a choice. Yes, it would be humiliating if we had not discussed this beforehand and we all just happened to own the same light blue shirt
Starting point is 00:12:51 and wear it on the same night. Just what kind of fucking losers. And how sad to have the thought when you're backstage and Sean comes back and is wearing a blue shirt and you think to yourself, well, at least Andy will be wearing
Starting point is 00:13:04 a different shirt, and you think to yourself, well, at least Andy will be wearing a different shirt. Not realizing that I think Andy is the most likely to be wearing the blue shirt. No joke, I do have five of these. So the chances of me wearing it was 80%. Back to school. Because I have one other shirt.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Any other back to school ideas? Back to school ideas. Gosh, I mean, no. And let's blue sky this thing, Andy. I mean, anything about school or just anything. I mean, you know, just really buckle down this year. You have to.
Starting point is 00:13:50 This year you've got to buckle down. Guys, come on. Let's get serious. Come on. The teachers are not your enemy, okay? Okay. Okay? What else? Let's cut this shit.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Let's stop fucking around and get to fucking business. Our job is to give our fans the most delightful experience possible. And we listen to them when we go on message boards and are looking for praise for ourselves, and they are talking about something else. Other shows, they're saying this is, they say about our show, this is my second favorite show.
Starting point is 00:14:31 And I go, no! And what they really like, Hayes, is this show that Andy has done. Andy did, you did, the show. Admit it. I did do a show.
Starting point is 00:14:49 You did the show. A little show. And actually it is very little in terms of very few episodes. For the amount of times I have to hear about it. That's interesting. And it's called the Andy Daly Podcast Pilot Project. Yes. Hold for applause. That's correct.
Starting point is 00:15:09 ADPPP. ADPPP. People love the show. You started it and bailed on it. Try doing 200 episodes and then quitting, but still doing over 100 more. Yeah. Without actually doing it, showing up and doing it every week.
Starting point is 00:15:33 Yes. And you're not doing it. You're not even doing it anymore? No, you quit, but you are there somehow. Imagine. You're not doing this show now? Not even close. That's smart.
Starting point is 00:15:48 I'm home. Yeah. Man, I'm on a beach in San Tropez. Pina Colada in hand. And my latest John Grisham opened on my lap. What's it called? The newest John Grisham opened on my lap. What's it called? The newest John Grisham? That's what it's called?
Starting point is 00:16:10 Huh? Yeah. The chamber maker. Oh. So, everyone is saying, can I have a new Andy Daly show? Can I have a new episode? Can we do the new season?
Starting point is 00:16:28 May I have a new season? And you're saying no. No, I don't think so. No. It's too much work. Mm-hmm. That's where you're wrong. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:16:38 We will show you, because we'll do it right now. because we'll do it right now. We are going to deliver an entire season of the Andy Daly Podcast Pilot Project. And we'll just, how many episodes per season? What do you do? Six, seven?
Starting point is 00:16:58 Eight, as a matter of fact. Eight? You were way off. This might be a sixer. This might be a short order. Yeah, if I did a third season, it could very well be six episodes. It will be.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Because you're doing it right now. What do you mean? What are you talking about? How's that going to work? Well, you are going to have to tell us. We have not listened to the show. That's fine. I have never heard this one.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Yes. What podcast do you listen to? I don't care for audio entertainment It's got to be visual and not audio I'm just a silent movie guy And that's about it for me Slideshows Yes
Starting point is 00:17:38 Big Daddy B-roll You're like let me get just a conveyor belt Yeah, yeah, yeah I like the local news B-roll. Oh, yeah. That can be pretty soothing. Where do you get the local news B-roll to watch? I got a buddy at KTLA.
Starting point is 00:17:55 Who's your guy? My guy. I got a guy at KTLA. Yeah. This clown can't get the local news B-roll. Jesus Christ. You're like a reverse nightcrawler. You just go pick it up.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Daywalker? Yeah. You're a daywalker. I just go pick it up and I just sit home and I watch hours of people. They shoot people's midsections a lot of the time if they want to do a report on fitness.
Starting point is 00:18:23 Go down to the beach, people walking around. I wish they do instead of obesity crisis or whatever. Why are all these people so hot? Yes. That's a good idea. Why are all these midsections so hot? Sexiness crisis. Yes.
Starting point is 00:18:40 Yeah. What's with all the sex appeal, people? It's reached record numbers and we have to stop it. I think that's a good news story. So is that the podcast pilot project or something? Can we do something with that? Is there a news thing? Every episode is a guy.
Starting point is 00:18:59 What? A strange guy, yes? He's a bit unusual, wouldn't you admit? Oh, I'll explain the show. Yes, each episode is a pilot for a podcast that is being made by and starring a different character, each of which are played by... A different character. A different character, yes.
Starting point is 00:19:18 All male, Sean. Yeah, that's true. They are all male. Surprise, surprise. And the men are a bit unusual, would you say? Yeah, fairly unusual, I guess I would say. Sounds pretty good. So we have to do a bunch of these.
Starting point is 00:19:38 We're just going to do them. We're just going to do them all. Rip it. We can do one where... You know, I work very hard on these. They're carefully crafted characters, and it takes an enormous amount of effort for each one of these episodes.
Starting point is 00:19:58 So I don't know. Okay. Well, then we'll work hard too Okay alright We're just gonna do all six of them here tonight Fucking guy And again trying to work on the climate strike So
Starting point is 00:20:15 He's saying instead of doing that Let's do work And we're all hearing this Yeah So that's two Doing climate strike the right way and one you decide. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Oh, no, I always get work done on the climate strike. There's more work for you. Yeah. Climate strike day, I'm out there working like a dog. You've got a jackhammer in the middle of the... You bet I am. Gas-powered jackhammer. The most visible work.
Starting point is 00:20:47 Climate scab. This guy was waiting for it. Really? He's like, is somebody going to say it? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to fucking explode. Just letting you know I was there first. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Just come up and do it next time. Shit, man. Just grab the fucking mic, dude. I don't want to do this You're not doing it Oh that's true You said it brother Back to school idea That is also
Starting point is 00:21:19 Podcast pilot project idea And the two can coexist A guy who has accidentally been placed at French People College. Mmm. And is this
Starting point is 00:21:35 feeling like our show? It's a paper mistake and he has been assigned to do the official podcast of French People College. Okay. the official podcast of French People College. Okay. I have questions about French People College. Sure.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Is this a college in France? Are you your guy already? Am I the guy already? Yeah. You're sure? It seems like what he would say, right? If we're doing six of these, if we're doing six of them, we might as well just get started.
Starting point is 00:21:59 Yeah, we should be in. Yeah. All right. Welcome to the French People College podcast. Hmm. All right, welcome to the French People College podcast. All right. This is a pilot for a new podcast taking place here at French College, and I have two guests here who are students at French College. Sacre bleu.
Starting point is 00:22:22 Bonjour. Ne parlez-vous anglais? Continuez pas. It sounds like you said you don't speak English. Is that correct? Is that what you... Wow. That's amazing when someone is so good at a language that it doesn't even sound like that language. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Bonjour. Oui. Est-ce que tu parles anglais? Oh, quoi ça, dude? Oh, no. I mean, quoi ça? Oh. This is wild. I mean, Iissant. Oh, this is wild.
Starting point is 00:23:05 I mean, I don't even know what I'm doing at French college. It's a real mistake. I'm not French. Yeah, so that's episode one. Wow, all right. We're a sixth of the way done. That's great. We never even found out my character's name,
Starting point is 00:23:20 and that's good, because that's the hardest part, is coming up with their names. Yeah, I can tell from your shows. Very hard. They're crazy. The names are nuts. Out of this world. The names sometimes make me run and hide.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Maybe we work backwards from a name. Maybe we get from the audience. Get a name from the audience. Sure they do. Audience participation? Yes. It, get a name from the audience. They love this shit. Sure they do. Yes. Audience participation? Yes. Oh, it's always a bad idea.
Starting point is 00:23:49 Oh, no. That sounds great. Get a name from the audience and then we'll build the pilot podcast from there. Maybe we get a first name from one person
Starting point is 00:23:58 and a last name from another. You seem to have a lot of ideas. What's a good first name for a podcast character that Andy could do? Thank you. Don't pitch something that's out of his range. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:24:14 He wants to be a man. Okay. Okay. We might be moving on to another audience member. Yes. Here I am thinking we are in the safest suggestion territory. Yeah, there's kind of only one way to screw that up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:36 For the home listener, he suggested Andy. Thank you. I just didn't want to spare you that humiliation. He did say it comes to mind He did suggest it He just said this is what is happening He said Andy comes to mind So you're backing away from that being your suggestion?
Starting point is 00:24:54 You're just reporting the news that it came to mind? Or is he saying that's your name? That is Andy comes to mind Interesting It's like an ASMR enjoyer Andy comes to mind. Interesting. It's like an ASMR enjoyer. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:25:13 An enjoyer. Yeah, he's having little brain gasms. He comes to mind. This one is harder than the last one. Yeah, well, let's get a different name then. Let's get a different name. Clifford. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:25:37 That could be interesting. Wow. He's a dog. He's something of a little hellion in the Martin Short movie. Oh, yes. There's areas. He's a mailman who's good at Jeopardy on the show Cheers. And a last name? Hepatitis.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Who said not Hepatitis? What was that? Dog. Clifford Dog. So we're narrowing the scope. Clifford Dog. So we're narrowing the scope. Clifford Dog. Could be. Yeah, I feel bad that I made so much fun of Andy
Starting point is 00:26:11 as a suggestion. Could be. How about this? A podcast about Clifford Dog, the human inspiration for the character Clifford the Big Red Dog. A very large discolored man. character, Clifford the Big Red Dog.
Starting point is 00:26:24 A very large, discolored man. Could that be interesting? No, but let's do it anyway. Yeah. He's gotta be rich as hell. Hi, and welcome to I Am Not a Dog. I am Clifford
Starting point is 00:26:44 Dog. This is my podcast pilot. I'm making a dog. I am Clifford Dog. This is my podcast pilot. I'm making a pilot. I hope it becomes a regular podcast. And I did this pilot just to raise awareness that I am not a dog. I was the inspiration for the very famous Clifford the Big Red Dog character. And I do live with a little girl named Emily Elizabeth. And we do live on Birdwell Island but I am not a dog
Starting point is 00:27:08 and I am unusually large due to a deficiency of well the doctors can't nail it down but I'm bright red my guests for this podcast are uh uh the you immortalized me as uh clifford in this goddamn book series yeah tell them your name uh again it's a conrad bird or something like that sagre blue oh shit i forgot that guy's french and i i i, I'm just someone you kind of beckoned inside. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:47 It seemed like right before you had to record. Yeah. I just want to say you, I would never have thought you were a dog. Thank you. Necessarily. No, thank you very much. But what you are is very unclear. But it's not a dog.
Starting point is 00:28:03 It's very clear. I'm a human man. I'm just very, very large. Lar it's not a dog. It's very clear. I'm a human man. I'm just very, very large, larger than you would expect, and it kind of seems like, what happened there? Right. And I'm bright red.
Starting point is 00:28:14 And I work here at, this is my watch repair shop, and I record the podcast out of here, and you were just walking by. Gosh, what an unusual job for a very large person to take working with just the smallest gears and most precise instruments you could imagine.
Starting point is 00:28:32 And just looking around your shop here, it doesn't look like it's going great. Everything is somehow, I mean, I didn't know a watch part could be smushed. Yeah. You have smushed all this stuff. Well, that's true, but only
Starting point is 00:28:49 because of my gigantic hands. Okay, yeah. And so I have no choice but to smush the watches. I just want to say the effect, like your size and the coloration and stuff, I think it is made a little worse by the nudity.
Starting point is 00:29:06 Well, and I would love to be wearing clothes. You just tell me where I can find some that will fit this body. Okay. The store. What's your next suggestion? Because I've tried the store. Okay. I've been to like a couple of them.
Starting point is 00:29:24 I am gigantically large. Did you been to like a couple of them. Okay. Alright. I am gigantically large. Did you make any money off this? No. I never... Oh, finish your sentence. But I have not made any money off of anything. Oh, so even... Even off the books, huh? My bad. You know I didn't make
Starting point is 00:29:39 any money off of those goddamn books. I couldn't remember you know, contract stuff. It's all, you know, gibberish. No, but that sucks, dude. That sucks, man. I mean, I just saw you and I was like, I don't think people would really want to see that
Starting point is 00:29:55 as a guy, but as a dog. It is true. People don't seem to want to see me as a guy. So that's the second episode. All right. Man, we're trucking. This is great.
Starting point is 00:30:12 We're a third of the way done. Yeah, and it's feeling good. The payoff is the same. You see what I'm saying? No. From working on it and not working on it. Oh, no, I do see what you're saying. Now I feel like an idiot because I'm literally
Starting point is 00:30:24 typing up outlines. Yeah, putting all this time in, writing music and stuff. It is mostly writing music. You're in the lab all night. Yes, the comedy lab. The comedy lab. Let's do another show.
Starting point is 00:30:42 What's another guy like to do? What's like a character that you have always wanted to play? And it can be, the thing for podcasts, it can be a fictional character that already exists.
Starting point is 00:30:54 What? Yum. What does that mean, a fictional character that already exists? You mean somebody else's bit? What are you talking about? Whoa, whoa, whoa. I wasn't necessarily saying somebody else's bit,
Starting point is 00:31:03 although I have been known to pick and choose. I'm something of a heat seeker. You think the ladies doing the office podcast went and asked and were like, hey, is it okay? Can we talk about this show every episode? No, they just do it. Yeah, think about that.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Yeah. You do whatever you want. Yeah. But it could be, it's not necessarily stealing a bit, but it is stealing intellectual property. Yes. Okay. So a podcast pilot built around stealing intellectual property?
Starting point is 00:31:45 Yes, but you can't search a sound. And so if you name the show something else, you can do whatever you want in the sound part, and they cannot find it. They're searching around for like the name of their Who's they? I'm lost But it's alright
Starting point is 00:32:10 It's like all the lawyers Oh I see what you're saying The lawyers are on the computer And they're searching for the name of Snoopy Or whoever it is that they have So if I have a podcast called Let's Talk About Snoopy Or I Am Snoopy I Am Snoopy Then I Am Snoopy.
Starting point is 00:32:25 Then they'll be like, hey, no, you're not. Yeah. Even if in the podcast you were being Clifford Dogg or something else. Hey, you're kind of capitalizing, making money off of Snoopy. But if you call it, I mean, what's something you could call it? Fucking. Maybe something unappealing, like this podcast actually smells bad somehow. This podcast sucks.
Starting point is 00:32:52 It smells. This smells. So, yeah, you could call it that. But then once you're in there, you could do like... Hey, it's me, Snoopy. Yes. You could do a really beloved character. Maybe it's not a...
Starting point is 00:33:08 All right, welcome to This Smells. This is the podcast that smells horrible. No one should listen. All right. Now that... Now that all the people with sensitive noses, all those fucking lawyers have been scared away by the threat of a bad smell,
Starting point is 00:33:29 you know who I am. I'm fucking Snoopy over here. Snoopy the dog. I live on a dog house. And I'm a World War I flying ace in my fantasies. You know who I'm interviewing, too? I got old, old Charlie Brown here. Okay, take it away, Charlie.
Starting point is 00:33:56 Come on, you guys. We can do whatever the fuck we want. The lawyers aren't listening. It's me. I am Charlie Brown. Yeah. I'm a little kid. I love to wear shorts.
Starting point is 00:34:10 Sure you do, every day. You're in always shorts. It is famous that I am bald. Yeah, what's up with that? I actually am just a little kid. And so I don't know How old are you Charlie Brown? The science of my head
Starting point is 00:34:30 Is an adult subject And for a little kid I don't understand I am one year old I'm surprised that you're that young Yes Charlie Brown is one year old It's time for the Woodstock Minute I'm surprised that you're that young. Yes, Charlie Brown is one year old. It's time for the Woodstock Minute. I'm Woodstock, and I got something to say,
Starting point is 00:34:51 and it's going to take about a minute. Why? Like, what's going on? I mean, everyone is annoying me. Okay, so let's get real. People are so annoying. I was trying to do ice skating on my birdbath the other day. And then somebody comes over and is like,
Starting point is 00:35:20 don't do that. I mean, I was ready to just about just, you know, fly away. That's a three panel structure. Yeah. It's funnier than a lot of Peanuts cartoons. Yeah. Is that the end of the Woodstock Minute? How long has it been?
Starting point is 00:35:43 No one's timing it. Well, that'll do you then. Okay, Woodstock Minute. Wrap it up in three, two, one. And it's only ten more seconds left now. We counted down to the last ten seconds
Starting point is 00:36:04 and we are on our way out Man I don't think this pilot is going to get picked up Well none of them did None of your others did either That's true, none of them have been picked up Seems wrong How do you build a character
Starting point is 00:36:23 That's the end of that show How do you build a character? That's the end of that show. How do you build a character? Thank you. That's okay. Because the way we're starting... We did, for Andy Chews, the Peanuts world is populated with many female characters. We did choose three male ones.
Starting point is 00:36:39 So it would fit with the Andy Daly podcast pilot. There are women on the Podcast Pilot Project, women playing women. It is true, though, that in every case, men have played men. You have a good point there. But it was a long time ago. It was a different time.
Starting point is 00:37:01 We got to think about this stuff. Yeah, I mean We certainly have grown since then Yeah Alright What were you saying? Were you in the middle of a thought? What?
Starting point is 00:37:12 Oh you were gonna ask me How I developed the character Yeah because the way we're going I don't know I don't know You don't know? I don't know So what happens
Starting point is 00:37:19 For you at all? I don't know You don't know So you're effectively an awaking blackout. And later on, you'll listen to your own show and go, whoa, who made this? Yeah, it's like that. No, Scott Aukerman will send me an email and say, will you please come and do Comedy Bang Bang? And I will go into a panic and then try to come up with a new character.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Let's talk about some of these guys. There's Cowboy Head. Yeah. It's got the head of a cowboy and the body of also a cowboy. That's Dalton Wilcox, cowboy poet. Poet laureate of the West. Yeah. Yep.
Starting point is 00:38:04 He's a bit of an odd guy. Sure he is. Yep. Yep. He's a bit of an odd guy. Sure he is. Yeah. Yeah. You were right before when you said that they were all unusual. A tad unusual.
Starting point is 00:38:13 I'd say. I'd say. There's the lecherous perv. Yeah. Don DeMello. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:21 People are making strange sounds in the audience. He's the... We don't have them to clap for a lecherous perv. He's the director of the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. And a legendary pervert. He's a little offbeat. I'd say.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Bit of a screw loose in my opinion. Seem like it. One or two sandwiches short of a freaking picnic. in my opinion. Seem like it, yeah. One or two sandwiches short of a freaking picnic. And then there's a guy with something of a dark streak, huh?
Starting point is 00:38:57 Kind of. I think that's all of them. Yeah, okay. There's a number of other characters. Yeah. It's fine that you don't know them because I can't think of any more either. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:09 You give him a guy. You always are having guys. You're always coming up with all these monsters and characters. It's true. Who draws these monsters? I do, yeah. How many have we done? We've done three.
Starting point is 00:39:22 We've done three. We need to do three more. It's going great. It's gotten better and better. What you want is for the show to pick up steam in just this exact way. The three that we have are the official French People College podcast,
Starting point is 00:39:41 I Am Not a Dog by Clifford Dog. Oh, yeah. This smells bad podcast by Snoopy. This podcast smells bad. Don't listen to it. Yeah. A.K.A. Snoopy podcast. The more we say it, the more likely we are to get in trouble.
Starting point is 00:39:57 Which I thought was smart, by the way, when you did that one. The beginning was still that the podcast stuck. Just in case they listened to the very beginning. Yeah, that's right. Well, because they might see the title and say, I'm familiar with this old trick. This is probably an intellectual
Starting point is 00:40:14 property being stolen left and right. I'm going to tune in and then they wouldn't listen to the first five seconds and go, okay. I stand corrected. Yeah, that's good. Hollywood Handbook. be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language and the question that I always get, people stop me and they say like, hey, I trust you.
Starting point is 00:40:48 I know when you endorse a product, it's something that you really use and care about. But there's one language that I'm trying to learn. And that's body language. Can Babbel teach me body language? Yes. language yes babble now has visual in-person lessons part of their quick 10 minute lessons that they do for other languages handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks babbles designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop
Starting point is 00:41:27 someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost
Starting point is 00:42:23 and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it at the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm sure babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others.
Starting point is 00:42:58 Can't feel good to be others there. Continued to prove Babbel is better. One study found that using babble for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college babble has over 60 million subscriptions sold all 14 all of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now get 55 off your babble subscription but only for our listeners right now. Get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash the boys. Get 55% off at Babbel.com
Starting point is 00:43:29 slash the boys spelled B-A-B- E-L dot com slash the boys. B-A-B-B-E-L B-A-B-B- E-L dot B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash the boys. Rules and restrictions may apply.
Starting point is 00:43:46 With Babbel, we can't promise it'll always be easy, but you'll always be glad you did it. Kind of like this podcast, except it is easy for me. Eating better is easy with factors. Delicious, ready-to-eat meals. Every fresh, never-frozen meal is chef-crafted, dietitian-approved, ready to go in just two minutes. Speaking of ready to go in just two minutes, Chef Kevin is here with his new show, The Chef Kevin Factor, where he creates fresh, never frozen meals.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Now, this is different, Kevin. I just want to establish. It's none of this, like, here's a pile of ingredients. Like, this is the meal. The meal has to be ready. It's not a recipe. Okay? This is the meal.
Starting point is 00:44:32 You cook the full meal for us now, Kevin. You don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet. You're actually doing the cooking. And there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal.
Starting point is 00:45:06 The promises the meal makes a sleepy. You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help you stay a lot of these. I know give you a ton of energy.
Starting point is 00:45:23 They have like smoothies and things like that. This is wrong. Reservation for two, me walking in my bedroom. What's the second? It's you in your bed? The bed. I got clippy. Fuel up fast with Factor's restaurant-quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are.
Starting point is 00:45:36 Pancake, smoothies, and more. Discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day, like breakfast, midday bites, and more. This is not even up for consideration. So let's just hear what the actual meal was. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. It's one huge chicken nugget.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Sign up and save. We've done the math. Factor is less expensive than takeout. Every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious. Head to factormeals.com slash the boys 50 and use code the boys 50 to get 50% off. That's code the boys 50 at factormeals.com slash the boys 50 to get 50% off. Hey guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills. You
Starting point is 00:46:23 can see all your subscriptions in one place. And if I see something I don't want, I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service. The subscriptions are insidious. They're the scourge of our modern life. And you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged. I know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think also got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small
Starting point is 00:47:20 for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing. Yeah. One of them was a... It was a vinaigrette. It was a raspberry vinaigrette. It was a French raspberry vinaigrette dressing. They'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you
Starting point is 00:47:42 by up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. They have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions. And that was, I mean, just to be fully transparent, that $500 million, most of that was the dresses. Well, yeah, I mean, you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that
Starting point is 00:48:14 was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys hollywood handbook well i draw these crazy monsters andy when i close my eyes i'll see like oscar the grouch like some of the most fucked up shit you could imagine. Oh. The freaking Grover and the Cookie Monster. I mean, when I close my eyes, it's a horror show in there. And if we could somehow turn that into a podcast pilot project episode.
Starting point is 00:49:06 Man, that'd be something else. Wah! Okay, so, wow. I'm back. He thought of a monster. It looked, it sort of, well, it's Oscar the Grouch,
Starting point is 00:49:24 Andy. Yeah, I know what he looks like. But. Yeah, but. Oh. Yeah, he has. Now I'm engaged. Human skin.
Starting point is 00:49:39 Yeah. It's not good. Under the green fur or instead of the green fur? Instead, friend. Yeah, that's what I thought. And this is something to think about. Instead of doing all these different kinds of guys, you can just do humanoid versions of fictional creatures.
Starting point is 00:50:03 We played in this space a lot. We did it with Clifford, and now we just do it again. Yeah. That's Oscar the Grouch. Yeah, with Oscar the Grouch. And we did it really with Snoopy. We've done it.
Starting point is 00:50:12 We did, yeah, because Snoopy doesn't really talk. Snoopy didn't do any dog stuff at all. No, that's a good point. He was just a guy. He's just a guy claiming to be Snoopy. Yeah. I think he kind of got off on it, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:50:26 Now, here's something that I am actually worried about. This podcast may stink for real. In what sense of the word? Well, I have bad news for you about Oscar the Grouch. Oh, no. He lives in a fucking garbage can. He is obsessed with the garbage can and trash. He loves trash.
Starting point is 00:50:47 Banana peel. Yeah. Can. Milk carton sour milk curdled within. Welcome to this podcast. This one really does smell bad. I am Oscar the Grouch with human skin.
Starting point is 00:51:12 And this is my podcast pilot. And I'm a real grouch. And my guests are two of my prisoners here in my trash can. How did you... Now, you were just the guy taking out the trash,
Starting point is 00:51:27 and I came up and grabbed you and dragged you down here into the labyrinth of my underground trash complex. Yes, I am a trash man. I am Dave Delvin. I am from the Off Book episode that Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements did of Off Book. Please go listen to it. I was the trash man in that episode.
Starting point is 00:51:49 This is a tie-in with Off Book? It's an old Off Book tie-in, probably behind the paywall. It's archived? It's got to be archived at this point. It's the only way that the company can even pretend to be viable. So let's get it. But it's well worth your $349 a month to hear that one alone. Yes, to go back and listen to that and then get this reference for this,
Starting point is 00:52:16 which will soon be archived as well. Blink and you miss it in terms of archiving these things. Is that right? Yeah. I don't listen to any podcasts. Well, I don't blame you, pal. Now, this trash prison I'm in, how come you... You're in the prison part of the trash can.
Starting point is 00:52:38 The trash can, as viewers of Sesame Street know, is vast. It is a vast underworld. Oh, yeah. Grouchland. I'm on Grouchland. as viewers of Sesame Street know, is vast. It is a vast underworld. Oh, yeah. Grouchland. I'm on Grouchland. What? I'm on Grouchland.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Grouchland. It's Grouchland. It's the whole land of Grouchland. That's fine. Part of it is a prison. Let's talk to our other prisoner. How did you end up in here? I am a humanoid version of Fozzie Bear.
Starting point is 00:53:14 I'm a human that he was based on. I do a lot of podcasts like this. I'm sort of a podcast comedian. And I guess I'm just taking this opportunity to say I really appreciate SNL giving me a chance. When you do as many podcasts as I do, you're gonna
Starting point is 00:53:35 take some swings and some of them are gonna miss. Obviously, you've gotta take a big risk. If you are pushing to the absolute edge of human decency There's no other way to be a comedian.
Starting point is 00:53:55 Certainly on a podcast. But I was funny enough to get on SNL which apparently means something to me. That can never be taken away from you, except by SNL. Yes, except this one case, yes.
Starting point is 00:54:13 I've been told that it can, yes. Yes. And you are a woman. Yes, I am. Well, it's 2019. Yes. It's 2019. I am a woman. Fozzie Bear could be a woman now. I should come clean about something.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Yes, garbage man. I'm a bit of a ravenous little monster when it comes to collecting trash. And that's that show. Oh. Here's, I got a meme. Oh, I love memes. I'm wild about memes. It's the Joker trailer.
Starting point is 00:54:52 Oh, yeah. But it's just clips of Fozzie Bear going around, doing his comedy and stuff. But it's the voiceover from the Joker trailer. Yeah. And Fozzie is the one that's like, that's a can't miss. That's a can't
Starting point is 00:55:10 miss me. That meme is so choice, Hayes. Don't give it away. I knew Andy would like it. He loves visual stuff. I'm wild about visual stuff and memes. I spent a solid, I don't want to exaggerate, 15 minutes on the internet with the picture
Starting point is 00:55:32 of Joaquin Phoenix as the Joker on the poster image where he's kind of looking up at the sky. Yeah. Looking for, I believed that there was a similar image of Bono as McFisto. Wow. And I just wanted to have them side by side and see if, is that a tweet? But I couldn't find a suitable McFisto picture. You know, comedy is about taking risks.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Not everything is going taking risks. You gotta... Not everything is gonna work. I wanted it just... I mean, I wanted the same pose, and I couldn't find that. But the payoff. I know, the sweet payoff. Strange lack of photos of McFisto on Google Images. That's fucking me up.
Starting point is 00:56:21 You would have gone so damn viral. No shit. I would have had like... You wouldn't be hanging damn viral. No shit. I would have had like... You wouldn't be hanging out with us clowns. That would have been like 79 likes. Oh, yeah. I can taste it now. Any more names?
Starting point is 00:56:41 You all should have been coming up with names. Somebody must have come up with a name by now. Gort Carl. Gort Carl. This is very good. I do like that. That's very strong. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:57 I'm coming up with an idea of Gort. All right, please. Jort is Jean Short. Yes? Alright, no, please. Jort is jean short. Yes, we can all agree. Gort is grass short. Much like the traditional grass skirt of the Hawaiian islets. Much like the traditional grass skirt of the Hawaiian islets.
Starting point is 00:57:31 But Gort is outfitted in grass shorts. There's no other way this could possibly have gone. Yes. So he's the guy who wears grass shorts. He is a older white man who has retired to the Hawaiian Islands and has adopted a lot of their culture, in particular
Starting point is 00:57:54 on his shorts. Great. Don't forget his last name is Carl. Yes. If that informs anything. Aloha! And welcome to The Hawaiian Lifestyle
Starting point is 00:58:17 with me, Gort Carl. I am a retiree living down here on the big island and really just getting into it. Mai Tais every day. Lays, poi, other references to Hawaii. And I am loving it, and like most people, I am named after what I am likely to turn up wearing, which is shorts made of grass. My guests, my guests, the grandson of Don Ho,
Starting point is 00:59:07 Steely Ho. Is here today. Hey, brother. What's going on? Your grandfather was a legendary Hawaiian ukulelist and entertainer. You said it, not me. And are you carrying on the tradition?
Starting point is 00:59:28 You're asking if I play the ukulele? Yes. Nope. Okay. Can you sing a little of your grandfather's most famous song, Tiny Bubbles? Oh, yeah. These little bubbles. Damn, these little damn bubbles getting every nook and cranny don't they dear man I'm gonna be picking these bubbles out for a week well that's a different take on a classic hot hot new take not surprised from the young generation. What are you now, Z or Y?
Starting point is 01:00:07 Who gives a fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My other guest is a volcano. Yeah. Hey, brother. Hey, what's up? I'm a volcano. Why? Are you active at this point?
Starting point is 01:00:27 Boy, just sort of looking at my career, I would love to say yes, but the town has other ideas. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Business has been terrible. Nobody really wants me to do that. There's no market for it. I can talk a little bit about that.
Starting point is 01:00:51 I am, of course, this volcano's manager. I scored him a Pixar short a few years ago. That's huge. Yeah, he was sort of an older male volcano. There was a love story with him like a younger island or something. I don't recall it perfectly, obviously.
Starting point is 01:01:12 And I should have read the script closer at the time. I can't tell you what happens in that dim sum Pixar short. These things are illusory. Ephemeral. You forget them. But you go back. People love it. People love this thing.
Starting point is 01:01:26 They did briefly, and then they were pissed. But you go back, and you're like, let's do another one of these. You've done a million with frigging cowboy head. Who also has the body of a cowboy. Yes. Yeah. Why not more with this volcano? People are kind of mad about it,
Starting point is 01:01:45 but maybe we do it right this time. Yeah, maybe fix some of the stuff. Did you erupt in the short? I don't remember. Because I feel like if it stars a volcano... It was off camera. And by the time they set up the camera and stuff, I was already done.
Starting point is 01:02:04 It's hard to time it exactly right. I'm sure. But I would be. If something features a volcano and it doesn't erupt, as an audience member, I feel ripped off. Yeah. I mean, it's like a short movie before the rest of the movie. So I guess you have your money back.
Starting point is 01:02:23 I mean, there's a whole other movie. You have your fucking money back. I mean, there's a whole other movie. Here's your fucking refund to watch. What fraction of my ticket price was the short? A quarter. A quarter? Yeah. I would take it back.
Starting point is 01:02:34 Thank you. I don't really have it. Well, I hope this pilot gets picked up. This one feels good. That's all the time we have for whatever the name of this was. Hey, sorry, I'm a new person coming in here. Oh, a new person coming in. It's me, your son.
Starting point is 01:02:56 Oh, shit. Smith Carl. Hi, Smith. Please. I see you're wearing your Smiths. Yes. Please come back to the continental United States. Your family misses you on the mainland.
Starting point is 01:03:18 You have a huge family and a wife. Yes, I have a wife and 13 children. Your wife, Dress Carl. We have 206 grandchildren. Sorry, can I leave for this part? No, you may not. But you just... I can't even tell you, the Hawaiian lifestyle is just irresistible. I love it more than any of you.
Starting point is 01:03:51 I've heard a lot of talk about the lifestyle lately. Is this the volcano or my son? This is the son. Okay. He's part of the lifestyle. What is it about the beachy lifestyle? You feed up pina colada on hand and John Grisham in your lap. It's an escape.
Starting point is 01:04:10 So that's the end of that show. That can be it. That's fine. I like that one. It brought in some family drama. Yeah. Is that six? Well, I think it's five.
Starting point is 01:04:22 We are basically out of time. It's a bad baker's six. Yeah. Can I say it was five that felt like six? Right. Yeah, at least. Well, the six is the main one that we're doing. Oh.
Starting point is 01:04:40 Right? Oh, wow. This is one. What do you call this? This is even one. This is a podcast pilot where you guys make me do five podcast pilots. Yeah. I like it.
Starting point is 01:04:53 Yeah, thank you. Everyone else is teaming up. Yeah, right. Have you noticed this? No. Who's teaming up? Oh, they didn't tell you? Oh, Andy.
Starting point is 01:05:05 Andy, no. Andy, no. Oh, man. That kills me. Andy sees Scott and Lapkus and PFT coming out of a podcast studio, and he's like, hey, guys. Yeah, what's going on, guys? Yeah, looks like you just finished having a really good time.
Starting point is 01:05:20 What's going on up there? What was that, a comedy bang-bang? You banking one? really good time. What's going on up there? What was that? A comedy bang bang? You banking one? We could do one more. I mean, I think we have a lot more time. Oh, okay. Great. That's my understanding. I think we
Starting point is 01:05:37 have to do at least one more. Really? Oh, I was sure we were done. Time to me is so elastic. I can't get with this Western concept of time. What's Eastern time? It's three hours later. I'll see you later, everybody.
Starting point is 01:06:04 No, don't go. I'm not, I'm not. I'm just stretching it out. And if I could get real for a second. You know, there'd be no podcast pilots without you guys. Does anyone want to come up and be in one? The only thing better than them staying there and talking is them coming up here. That's the only thing better than them staying there and talking is them coming up here. That's the
Starting point is 01:06:28 only thing better? That's the only better thing. Well, we don't have a fourth microphone. Otherwise, I'd say sure. Okay. There's no room on this chair. What am I seeing over here? What's funny to me right now is that
Starting point is 01:06:43 Kevin has been backstage the whole time and sort of wondering when he's going to get to come out and do something. And I just forgot. Oh, yeah. I wonder if Kevin has an idea for a podcast pilot. Yeah. Kevin? Yay.
Starting point is 01:07:02 Hey. Hey. You brought your own microphone. That's what it's come to with Kevin. That's the level of assuming that happens with Kevin. Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. You have an idea for a podcast?
Starting point is 01:07:23 It's called Nice Boat. Okay. Most of these have been built around sort of a strange guy. It's hosted by one. Okay. Shit, man. Yeah, that is what we've been doing.
Starting point is 01:07:43 This chair was too big for one person, but it's too small for two. Yeah. You want to switch with me, Andy? No. Good call. Tell us more about Great Boat. Nice, nice boat.
Starting point is 01:08:00 Nice boat. So you're reviewing different boats with guests. He's married to nice instead of great. That can't be Great Boat. This is a podcast. No, Andy, I've been in podcasting for a little while. I think I know what I'm doing. The show is called Nice Boat.
Starting point is 01:08:22 It is better. It is better. Yeah, it is. And he's reviewing boats? Yes, he's reviewing the guest boat. Okay. So the guests bring their boat on, and then you review it. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:38 So they kind of, like, honk their horn. As maybe you're doing, like like a monologue at the top. Oh, who's that? Okay. Okay, so you have been assigned a monologue. Wouldn't have been my suggestion.
Starting point is 01:09:01 I want everyone to have a good time. Classic or contemporary? Good evening, and welcome to Great Boat. Formerly Nice Boat, but the boats have just been great. And this is a podcast
Starting point is 01:09:22 where I will be reviewing my guest's boat. Oh, thank God. Get out of the fucking way. I do do this podcast from the middle of a canal. And there's usually a bunch of boats behind us here that want to get through. But this is from Hurley Burley. What are you doing?
Starting point is 01:10:01 Hey, you doing a nice boat up there? It's a great boat now. Oh, never mind. No, but it was a nice boat. I can't hear you. Yeah. Well, someone will come along and we'll review their boat. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 01:10:27 Who's this now? Hello. Hey, you doing great, boat? Yes. What do you do if nobody shows up with a boat? Well, if no one, it hasn't happened yet, but I do have a plan for it. I would just do a second monologue. He's got to have that
Starting point is 01:10:48 motor looked at. Doesn't sound good at all. I heard that. You heard that? Oh, hello there, sailor. Hey, it's me, Mary Holland. I'm the scheduled guest of the podcast.
Starting point is 01:11:03 Oh, hi, Mary. As you can see, I'm like five boats behind. I do see that. In this back wall. That is a problem. Can you do it from here? Can you like see the boat? I can see it.
Starting point is 01:11:16 It's not ideal. Okay, I thought the show was called Great Boat, but. The boat is fine. The situation is not ideal. Yep, I can see you've got a really nice boat. Looks like there's plenty of room to walk around the deck
Starting point is 01:11:31 and below decks. Looks like it's seaworthy. And I like how you've painted it. I think, Mary Holland, you've got a great boat. Thanks for being on the podcast.
Starting point is 01:11:51 Okay, I stand corrected. That was pretty good. I was a little worried about that one. So, back to school. What is it about the changing leaves? We need one audience guest. We'll do one audience guest and then we're out. Can we get the lights up?
Starting point is 01:12:15 This is one issue that I'm predicting is all of the people that go to our shows just go to every show in the country. It's all the same people in like a clump. They just like clump together and they just move from city to city now. So they will have to sort of untangle their hair for one of them to get onto the stage.
Starting point is 01:12:38 It's just like the clumps. Does anyone want to be a guest on the final episode of New Season Andy Daly Podcast Pilot Project? Anyone. Yes, you. Please. She's insisting. There's a mic over here.
Starting point is 01:12:56 That one didn't work. I tested it. Kevin, are we... Are you leaving? Kevin's gone. I didn't know that was an option. Hi. That was so interesting. She gestured to the chair as if asking Andy to sit down.
Starting point is 01:13:11 Oh, yeah. But Andy already was sitting down. It was an, am I allowed to go right there? It was incoming. I'm sitting here. And so you had fair warning. I did. And I appreciate it.
Starting point is 01:13:24 Hi, I'm Andy. Hi, I'm Andy. Hi, I'm Francesca. Hi, Francesca. Francesca, sounds like someone who would go to French people college. Was that one
Starting point is 01:13:32 hitting a little close to home? Yeah. Yeah, it was offensive to my people. I did get an ancestry.com
Starting point is 01:13:40 thing done and I think I have like a 3%. It's an Italian name. Yes, yes. No, we know. Obviously, we know that. Yeah, you can sense that.
Starting point is 01:13:49 But if you're going, that's why you would have to go to French people college. Yes. If you're French, you don't have to go there. So thank you for using your time to spread the message about your theory that French and Italian people are a different race. Controversial.
Starting point is 01:14:08 Your name is Francesca. Andy, I mean, are you just going to play Francesca? Oh, I don't know. I mean, it sounds like she wants you to play herself. Is that your idea? With a heavy Italian accent. Okay, I'm getting it. That's the signal that I'm getting here.
Starting point is 01:14:29 I'm getting it. So Francesca's pitch is you're like a stereotypical Italian chef. Okay, Francesca, if that's what you need to hear. Okay, I do have to come clean though before we think this is okay. That same ancestry thing did tell me that I have 0% Italian heritage. Okay. It was a real shock to my worldview. Really?
Starting point is 01:14:50 Yeah, one of my last names is Tricama. So this is almost like a fantasy scenario for you. Yes, the Italian version of me. Francesca, what are you passionate about? Oh, God. No, it's all bad. Okay. Then we don't have to do it.
Starting point is 01:15:09 No, that's... No, no, no, no, no. There's no pressure whatsoever. If every single thing that you're passionate about is bad, we can do something else. Maybe something you're not passionate about.
Starting point is 01:15:25 Yes. Something good. It has to be that. Yes. Francesca, what could you say that would make you sound decent? No, I'm kidding. Go ahead.
Starting point is 01:15:33 What were you going to say? When you said, what could I say that I could sound decent? No, when you said, when you were excited to say something. Well, okay. Well, no, so I have a good thing that I, but it sucks because the first thing
Starting point is 01:15:43 that I thought of when he said passionate was like, oh, I like comedy, and that made me want to. That's bad. Oh, okay. Well, no, so I have a good thing that I, but it sucks because the first thing that I thought of when he said passionate was like, oh, I like comedy and that made me want to... That's bad. Oh, yeah. Very bad. That'd be the most embarrassing thing for me to say. Yes, can't do it here. Boo is right. Thank you. But no, I'm very passionate about popcorn.
Starting point is 01:15:58 Okay. Popcorn, yup. Now we're on to something. Yes. This is the Italian chef who makes popcorn parmesan. Fantastic. Welcome to That's a Nicer Popcorn! It's me, Popcorn Luigi. I make a gourmet popcorn.
Starting point is 01:16:23 I'm a corn Luigi. I make a gourmet popcorn. My guest today is Francesca, and she is here with some explosive news. No pun intended with a pop, you know, it's explode in the pan. From Ancestry.com Francesca, you've done Ancestry.com and we want to hear all about it.
Starting point is 01:16:55 Here on... That's nice popcorn. Well, I was really surprised because what I ended up doing was not Ancestry.com, but Ancestry.com. Beep, beep. Oh, look at that. Hey, get the fuck out of my way.
Starting point is 01:17:13 As you know, we hosted this podcast from a canal in Venice. The popcorn capital of the world. And sometimes the people come through with a boat. And they get a hot under the collar. We're hosting a podcast! Fantastic. What do you call those guys in a gondola? Gondoliers. Great. I'm glad they got bike horns. Yes, the gondoliers have a bike of horns. There's so much traffic these days, you know. It's almost like Venice in California.
Starting point is 01:17:52 I've never been to that place. Hey, Luigi, toss me a piece of the popcorn. What did you say? Toss you a piece of popcorn? Toss me a piece of the popcorn and catch it in my mouth. Hey! We usually save this for the end of the show. We're going to toss the popcorn from boat to boat in the canals of Venice, Italy.
Starting point is 01:18:17 And he's going to catch it in his mouth. Here we go! Here we go! Oh, it fell into your water. You pick that fucking piece of popcorn out of that canal. I'm going, Luigi, I'm going. You picking that piece of popcorn. This is a gourmet popcorn.
Starting point is 01:18:33 You don't let it fall in a fucking canal. You savor that soggy kernel. I'm eating it. I'm savoring the popcorn. Luigi, can you lift the wicked curse that's placed on me? Oh, this fucking guy again.
Starting point is 01:18:53 Wasn't it a curse? Wasn't it a curse again? Some sort of evil supernatural thing. I'm one of Stephen King's The Gondoliers. Remember? Stephen King. I don't think Stephen King remembers that one.
Starting point is 01:19:14 Come on. It wasn't too apart a miniseries. Two parts. That's very many. You can't even call that a miniseries. Okay, I will try to live the curse. Okay. I don't feel anything.
Starting point is 01:19:37 You have to step into my pan. I'm going to fry you in oil. Okay. That's what's going to solve the curse. I have a gigantic pan. I fill it with oil. Okay. That's what's gonna solve the curse. I have a gigantic pan. I fill it with oil. And you're gonna lie down in there.
Starting point is 01:19:51 Okay, lie down in the oil. Maybe it's gonna get rid of a curse. Hey, that's nice. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ooh. How are you feeling now? Deb. Hey, Luigi, you Papa Waluigi.
Starting point is 01:20:13 Hey, we got rid of the curse, didn't we? Hey. By killing a man in oil. That's our show. Thank you for coming. Thank you, Francesca. Thank you, Andy. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:20:33 Goodbye. Goodbye. Richard Mille Michelle Falcone Rupert Grint Small, small, small Small, small, small Here comes Hayes and Sean Hollywood Hamburg That was a HeadGum Podcast.

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