Hollywood Handbook - Aparna Nancherla, Our Heist Friend

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

The Boys welcome back Aparna Nancherla to do another huge crime. Get tickets for the June 29th livestream show with Paul F. Tompkins here.Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Themes to me that the theme is playing. So we have Aparna here. Aparna. Hi, guys. Like on the show. Did someone offer you a guaiacchi? Drink?

Did you get a guaiacchi? No, I got a bubble water. Okay. That makes me feel better. Can someone get a part of a guayaki yerba mate drink if she wants? I don't feel like I'm at a place in my career where I can turn that down.

Okay, so can somebody run that in, fly that into studio for us? Daisy, can they hear me out there they they can't hear you out there but in here yeah it's hard to tell no no that's why i'm asking let alone the lack of movement from the people who i know definitely can hear me made me assume that they had a trust in some sort of intercom system each of them each of casey and kevin are like this is a kevin thing

this is a casey thing right but there's the other one is saying what was the name of it i was unclear on the name it's a guayaqui guayaqui it's an ancient beverage and it uh you didn't even i knew without you even saying you weren't familiar with the name that you haven't taken advantage of its properties. I got this old-fashioned coffee that I've been drinking, but I'm wondering what flavors of Guayaquil we have. They only have Tropical Uprising. Okay, and what's the taste of that? Yeah.

It tastes like an apple. Okay. Just like straight-up apple juice. A tropical apple. Okay. Just like straight up apple juice. A tropical apple. Let's go! Apple style. Fucking speaking of apple, the WGA handed them their ass today.

Really? Handed them their jam-tied. Did you not see that? They handed them their ass. Bad apple day or something. What is it called? Whoa. Hang on.

Oh, yeah. Bad Apple Day. Getting to the core of a fair deal. Yeah. So they handed them their entire ass. I believe their valuation is now in the sub-trillion status. Wow. They're worth under a trillion dollars now. I don't know if they're gonna recover from that no well not it's not good man tim apple's got to be shaking in his damn boots

tim apple dang we have a we have we have a parna we have a parna and what's been happening yeah tell me what's going on just today um well you haven't been on in five years i haven't been on in five years okay so give me today first okay and then give me the four years and 364 days prior to today but not long but just like the headline sort of put Put the whole email in the subject. The headline of the last five years is there was a pandemic. Pandemic. Yeah. Pandemic. Plandemic.

Yeah. And in my career, though, things couldn't have been better. And the universe finds a way to achieve balance, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. But it was mainly my career. I define my career as how many days I can spend at home without leaving. Yeah.

So things were really taken off for me. You make comedy for shut-ins. Yes. And so the fact that everyone was locked inside, it was time to enjoy. One of my most fertile creative periods. Yes. Fertile creative period. Zoom shows, like Zoom comedy was better.

This is what I'm finding. As we're going back and being in these rooms and standing around and stuff, I'm just like, it sucks. It sucks. I did find with Zoom comedy shows the feeling of failure was less because you failed often on those and then you could just close it and say yeah and just say that's it and then you're just looking at you're just on your computer yeah there's no like driving home thinking about it there's no time to stew

no time to stew but now we're in the stew now we're in the stew now we live in the stew there's a lot of time to stew i'm trying to think what happened today i don't think i think today was just a lead-up to being offered a guayaquil well it's big huh you know sometimes you're like am i open am i open to what the universe is going to provide me? Yeah. One daddy can. I feel like most of the day was just me opening myself up to this. It does seem like you shouldn't open it or whatever. It does seem like it should just be sitting on the couch. Yeah, yeah.

That's how big it is. Just like I'm here to promote something. It's just a buddy. Put your arm around that can and just kick back just with your pal. Because, yeah, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing. I'm like, that's going inside me. It's too big. It's too big. It's too big.

Sorry about all the dents on that one too, Oparta. It is covered with dents. Yeah. Wow. Kevin was really mad, I guess, about being asked to go get it. Casey didn't do it. So then he was like, wished the can was Casey and showed what he would do. This does feel

a little bit like a Christian bail incident. Just really losing it on this can. It's a Christian whale for me. Whoa. You're not going to comment on that? Why was the church empty?

It was a Christian bail. Oh, right. It was a Christian bale. Oh, right. It was a Christian bale. Yeah. Christian whale for me. Christian whale for me. Because you were whaling on the can? Yeah.

Oh, I see. Jonah met a Christian whale. A whale in the Bible isn't a Christian whale? It is. It's like the most Christian whale is in the by the whale in the bible isn't a christian whale it is it's like the most christian whale is in the bible you have to be so christian to be in the bible yeah it's true yeah i never realized whales were so religious you gotta be christian as hell man yeah they don't let just anybody in there and they're probably the the biggest Christians out there because they're whales. Oh, yes. Yes. They're the world's hugest.

The size of these things. That's why megachurches were built. To fit whales. To fit whales. Initially, the plan was, let's get some whales in here. Yeah. They were always intended to be sunk down under the ocean. Right, right, right, right.

Of course. And then it's just so many people loaded in. They said, well, this will be a mass drowning event. So like this will hold service or whatever the fuck they do. Kevin's like, my Christian whale shit is like doing amazing. And then Jonah Hill in the whale. Jonah Hill in the whale.

Did he appear in that? Yeah was in that okay i didn't watch i only saw that one frame that they oh yeah he looks upset plug in that one frame and i think it didn't do well so then i almost that frame ended up tanking i almost watched the that the whale on the plane i didn't watch it i did watch green book instead as a culture we must we must reckon with the fact that sebastian maniscalco is arguably the fourth lead in a movie that won best picture at the academy awards this is not being talked about no one told me i wasn't warned like it just feels like something that at the Academy Awards. This is not being talked about. No one told me. I wasn't warned. Like, it just feels like something that at the time even

would have been worthy of a mention. Sure. And everyone I tell, they go, I didn't know that. And I go, okay. Yeah. But like... But what now?

But now what do we do? Right. Well, I think that's what tipped it over into best picture, right? Is that it? That's what I think. But no one wanted to say it. It was second best picture and then they added one more scene with sea bass.

Hollywood's dirty little secret. Have you shared a bill with him? I've never had the pleasure. What's the closest you feel you've come? I've seen a poster of his. Okay. Yeah. That's pretty close. Yeah. That's pretty close.

Yeah, that's pretty close. But no, I've never even met him. I'm Sebastian Stan. The statues of these little guys. He's got a bald head. I'm not that familiar with this material. He won an Oscar. For a green book.

It's heavy. He's a little gold guy. Everybody's got these little gold guys running around. Wait, yours, someone was, oh, Kevin was saying that his family saw Sebastian Maniscalco and they loved him. Get him on the show, Kev. Get him on the show. On it. We keep talking about him on here we went to the same

college so we'll have a lot to talk about beforehand yeah people go wild when they went to the same college people hoot and holler when they went to the same college the bonding experience of having you know walking the same halls, having the same teacher. What teacher do you think you and Sebastian shared? Like, who's the first one? Probably Mr. Math. Mr. Math. Mr. Math.

Dang, I feel like every school has a Mr. Math. Yep, Mr. Math. What did he teach? Science. Yep. Yeah. Classic. Who did you go to the same college as? Phil Rosenthal. Yep. Yeah. Classic. Who did you go to the same college as?

Phil Rosenthal. Yes. Okay. Yep. Seen him this morning. Saw him. Saw him with his dog. Yes.

Matt Besser. Wow. Oops. Oops. Oops. Sorry. The college is like, oops, here you go. Releasing this into the world. Oops. May I The college is like, oops, here you go. Releasing this into the world.

Oops. May I help you, dumbass? Matt Besser's prank call CD. So that's just like, that must have been required listening at school. Oh, sure. Yeah. But we also had David Foster Wallace. So I feel like people always wanted to talk about him.

Wow, no. Yeah. Yeah, how about BFW, huh? Big glasses school. BFW shoe warehouse. Phil Rosenthal, I think, has worn glasses before. Yeah. And those other guys have worn glasses.

This is water. This is water. This is water. Okay, that's what they taught you at college? This is water. This is water. Okay, that's what they taught you at college? This is water. This is water? It's like, okay. This is not water.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Who taught you that, Mr. Math? I guess I didn't need to go to college. Yeah. No, I guess I had that early. I think that's what we're learning now.

You don't need to go to college. That's the only thing you're allowed to teach now at college is this is water. Let's go. Give me a break. Woke mind virus. Aparna, do you remember what we did last time you came on the show? I believe I vaguely recall something about a heist. Yes.

So that's good. That's good. So just before we get into the meat of it okay i just want to set the stage a little bit and just let you know that we are enjoying something of a hot streak on the pod okay oh okay we have had a string of good guests good episodes okay and so if this goes well and i think it i have no reason to believe it wouldn't. Okay. But just so that you're aware, like maybe this will give you that extra boost to like really like step up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like do some funny ass shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just knowing that like later when people talk about this period of Hollywood Handbook, this like ideally five to six weeks that we're able to keep making good episodes. That's the streak. ideally five to six weeks that we're able to keep making good episodes that they'll that they will be listing you off and going and then they had a partner yeah and then they had and somebody and i forget who was next you know what i mean but like i know it was like somebody and then you know that's great to hear because honestly my reps have been telling me that I'm zeitgeist adjacent. Okay. Pretty much my whole career. So I would just love to go ahead and slip in there.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Are you, I guess, just trying to think of how you're positioned here, not ahead of it, presumably, right? Like you're not in front of the zeitgeist. No. No, it's not catching up to you.

I wouldn't say you're chasing after it either, necessarily. I think you are, it's grazing. You're off to the side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if I saw the zeitgeist at a party, I would say, we met, remember? Right. Remember? Yes.

And then their eyes would sort of flash a little, and then they'd be like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. What I'm seeing is, like, you're pushing through this crowded party. Yeah. You kind of bump shoulders and someone go, oh be like yeah what i'm seeing is like you're pushing through this crowded party yeah you kind of bump shoulders someone go oh excuse me i'm so sorry and then you get like tense between your friend goes do you know who that was oh yeah you just you just apologized to the zeitgeist and you're like oh my god i should have stopped and said hello yeah they're like yeah you should have anything turn. It's like too late to go back. It's too late.

Yeah. But it's been a hard bump at time. You've bumped into it pretty hard. Yeah. You've been bleeding afterwards. Yeah. Just bleeding from the elbow. Gone to the emergency room.

Yeah. A couple stitches from the bump into the zeitgeist. Yeah. God, I'd love to have that kind of bump at some point. They will talk about this run that we're on, I feel like, Summer 23. Yes. They'll have a name. I think what the name they'll have for it is Michael Jordan number 23.

I think that's going to be the name when it's like, remember that period, Michael Jordan number 23. When they just went Michael Jordan number 23 on us. Yeah. HHMJ us. Yeah. H-H-M-J-2-3. Yep. H-H-M-J-2-3 number 23. Yeah.

But we did talk about a heist last time. We had just watched Oceans 8. We had seen Oceans 8, which we believed was part of the Planet Earth series of things about the nature in the world yeah and things of that nature and we um had you know i had believed there were only seven oceans so i was very excited to see ocean date and find out about the new ocean right it was like i was super pumped classically it's thought of as seven right that's what i that's what i thought right that's what i

was taught so i was like there's exactly seven oceans and then it's like oceans eight they found a new one let me go is it under some of the other ones because I know there's more stuff down there there's Aquafina yeah yeah when you see Aquafina you say this is water

yes that's right if I if I could have if I could have known what the movie would be about, I'm not sure I even would have gone to see it, but I was so grateful that I did because what I learned in that theater was that every con has its pros. Oh, sure, sure.

Every con has its pros. And we decided to kind of internalize that and become master burglars. Yeah. And part of an elite squad that was going to capture. Super robbers. Yeah. Yeah. That was going. Yes. Yes. Super. And but, you know, erudite. It's not a scummy criminal element. It's like we are even classier at times, I feel like, than the people who were robbing. Certainly then. Okay. And certainly now. But we did steal all of your wolf's precious jewels.

Yes. Wow. Got ripped off by our fence. So you're thinking you're sort of going to brand yourselves as the coastal elite sub-criminals. My criminal name is Robert Pattinson. That's timeless. That is timeless, correct.

Mine's Robert Goulier. These are names that we know that are timeless and that create this air of high-achieving individuals, right? Yes. And did you have a criminal name, Aparna? I mean, I don't want to be put on the spot. Kevin has one. He'll do his.

Kevin will do his. Okay, one. He'll do his and then you can do yours. Mine's Robert Wales. Yours is Robert Wales? Robert Wales? I'm the muscle. Wow, Robert Wales. I guess Wales are pretty strong. Yeah. Robert Wales.

Robert Wales. Because he wails on the Guayaquil. So, yes, we have been developing our brands and so we recently yeah i guess my name would be salami thief because i don't want a copy from hamburglar so i'll be my own salami thief. So you picked a different type of meat. Yeah. Okay. And not burglar here. We're a thief. Okay. Are people,

I guess we can take it out there and see what happens. Are people going to be able to get straight from salami thieves to Hamburglar? No, I am going to have to explain it every time, but. That could be an exciting scene, huh? The precious seconds counting down of like

we have to get out we're always in and out in under two minutes but it's taking you like 45 seconds to explain the origin of salami thief it's like we have to go now and you're like hang on yeah it's like not only do i do crimes but i sort of want to be a role model for artistic integrity as well yeah it's educational yeah um so uh so i love that salami thief now you did you did previously portray julia roberts when we were robbing earwolf um that's right julia robbers uh robbers did you want to um continue in that role in the sequel or was there something else well of course we're going to rob had gum now do you think she will would do the sequel if there was one that's a great question do we need do we need to sort of like do we need to sort of like get young like who would be our second ass is it time to get young okay so we need to get emma but but i will say you had masterfully captured the iconic laugh

that's true so does emma have like what is our key phrase like how are we locking into this emma persona emma is having a moment right now because i think she was on the jumbotron did you see this i haven't seen it anyone see that emma you casey saw it thank you casey she was on the jumbotron she was on the jumbotron yeah and she had a moment she had aumbotron no just solo oh wow and it was yeah it was I think a basketball game not like a kiss concert and they

showed her and she did like a little wave and people were like this is iconic the wave was that's the thing because you get a professional on the jumbotron you don't know what magic is going to happen. The wave replacing the laugh. The laugh was really good for the podcast,

but just an iconic wave that most of us haven't seen. It doesn't feel as juicy to me. Can you pull up the star meter, and we can just associate a sound with people that are on the top of the star meter right now and see if any of them have a distinctive sound. Let's go through the top of the star meter and see if there's a sound. Once again, literally nothing but computers before me. Casey, you got the star meter? Unbelievable.

Yeah, let me. Yeah. Okay. Unreal. While he's pulling it up, I'll look at the star meter on my phone number one monica barbaro monica barbaro monica barbaro this that is the daughter of the horse that had to be executed. Whoa. Mm-hmm. Okay. So I guess that sounds- There's a horse there.

Yeah. Monica Barbaro, huh? What's she doing these days? She and Top Gun Maverick. Oh, okay. That's a horse? It's number one. As a horse, yeah.

Wow. Let's look at number two. It's number one. As a horse, yeah. Wow. Let's look at number two. What's number two? Number two, Halle Bailey, The Little Mermaid. The Little Mermaid. The Little Mermaid. I mean, that feels, you know, ocean themed. Ocean.

Yes. And Robert Wales. Robert Wales. Robert Wales. Awkwafina. Awkwafina. Yes, we're all, there's water. Yes. And Robert Wales. Robert Wales. Robert Wales. Awkwafina. Awkwafina. Yes, we're all, there's water. This feels like it could actually be good for us, so.

Yeah. So you can do the, how about this? You know, Ariel's like, I'm going to do it without singing, just the vocalizing, but I'm going to do it. You can add your spin to it, but it's the ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. But you do your take, but I'm just giving you the, like, the, that's the bass. That's the bass version. I can't do the actual one, right?

Because of copyright? You have to do a sound alike. It can't, yes. But it can't be the same. It has to be, you know, immediately right. Wait a minute. I thought you were the salami thief now you're worried about stealing but but that's the thing it's integrity it's artistic integrity that's the salami thief right they don't yes

they don't want the copyright material okay okay so it has to be immediately recognizable as the that famous vocal thing okay but not that okay you could i mean you could also pick a word from one of the songs if that's more comfortable for you where you could just go i don't want throw to you yeah you could just go feet feet that's true I could do that yeah we could do I don't see why we have to choose

I don't like I don't I think we can have it all what about like uh no feet oh did you say no

yeah like you think I'm going there but no yeah like uh no I like this okay this could be useful Yeah, like you think I'm going there, but no. Yeah, you say. No. I like this. Okay.

This could be useful. But I could also do feet. That's one of the most famous words that she sings. Yeah. That if you just, yeah. Because that's what she wanted. What do you call them? Feet. Feet.

because that's what she wanted what do you call them feet hi uh lauren this is um no melody little mermaid so i'm going to perform this character for you and i will need your decision immediately please do let me know if you do decide to use me i need to know right away what do you call them feet i'm gonna do it twice stop i'll do it twice lord what do you call them feet that was uh no melody, Little Mermaid. That does seem like the AI version of Little Mermaid. This is no accent, Sebastian the Crab. Kiss the girl.

We've got a hot crustacean bend. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, the boys interview candidates for their security detail on the pro version, and the flagrant ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Plus, see a Hollywood Handbook live virtual show this Thursday, June 29th, with special guest Paul F. Tompkins. Get tickets at moment.co.com and the link for that is also in the episode description. Check out all these shows and the video of today's episode with Aparna at patreon.com slash theflagrants. Hollywood Handbook.

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We did not want for it to get to this place with HeadGum. Okay. No. You haven't dealt with this. We went into it. Yeah. get to this place with head gum. No. You haven't dealt with this. We went into it. Yeah. And this is part of the issue. This is your first time here is my understanding. Yeah, I've never stepped in the building before.

Okay. So the depths of what's going on here, we had absolutely no idea from the outside. But now that we're here, it's been like five or something episodes. And with Earwolf, it was like 200 before we had to take their jewels. Yeah, before we really got a sense of how deep the corruption runs. Yeah. Because it's, the Doughboys are making money.

Yeah. The Doughboys are making money. Yeah. And this place is held together with spit and chewing gum. Yeah. Mic arms falling off, SD cards don't work. Like the whole fucking operation is like,

the money is somewhere and it's not going into our show i'll tell you i just feel like if you if you can't trust podcasting as an industry who can you trust thank you yes it's our last like really stable american institution we don't have the church anymore our elected leaders yes that's right yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's cool. You're supposed to be able to run on the fuel of podcasts. Yeah. And so obviously we feel robbed, and robbed people rob people.

Yes, yes, yes. So we're going to get ours. We are going to take it back one way or another. If they won't let us in the front door, then we will lower ourselves in through the ceiling. Yeah. I'm going to be purchasing my new criminal name is Thief Gutenberg. My role, I think, in this is going to be – it's tough for me because I don't have the trust of anyone here and nobody likes me.

Okay. And so there's going to be – it's going to be difficult for me to get to a place where I'm not suspected of wrongdoing just by entering the building because because i'm so already so disliked in such a short time you know but that's you know i think for diversion purposes like obviously we are going to need some kind of diversion yeah that's what i was going to say you could be the fall guy every time i try to do the covid test do they have you do that when you came in? Yeah, like four of them. Okay. Yeah. When I do it for some reason,

the thing, the little swab breaks off in my nose every single time. How many you got up there? And it stays in there. Yeah. Yeah.

How many swabs are in there? This is our... If you had to guess. How many swabs? Three times a week. I'm just like, I can count them right now. I can feel them in there. Oh, okay. Yeah'm just like i can count them right now i can feel them oh okay yeah i can count them right now

so this is the problem the act of counting them sends them in like different directions and so like it basically feels like they're they keep like sending a new one up and down and around the thing so like it's um it's like that freaking cat you know yes garfield so but i could easily easily create a huge medical diversion okay yeah okay by just taking one out like basically he went to a doctor to say like can i take some of these out there's so many in there and basically they told him like if you take one out all your blood will come out yeah it's like a it's like a magician with his all your blood so it's like the they're now fused with his like nasal membrane yeah um uh my new criminal name is steel armstrong

but you'd be willing to you'd be willing to take one out for the job yeah sure okay yeah i'll take one out yeah i i think you should because i'm thinking all your blood, like that's going to really cause, it's going to be slippery. Yeah. Yes. It's going to be messy. I have so much. It'll take forever. I have way too much right now.

What I'll say about this place and the place is a shithole, but they keep it pretty clean. Yes. And I think having all that blood over there. They're weird about. God forbid Adam Conover see blood on the ground before he gets the vapors or something. They would make sure to get in here and towel that up. Yeah.

So I think like we want a schedule that we're coming in like right before he's supposed to be here. Maybe Hayes says he's got the wrong day. Yeah. Then like jostles loose one of the uh covid sticks okay then like the blood's there all hands on deck and then at that point you and i are able to enter unseen through one of the 15 unoccupied offices that could serve as a second studio I feel like this happened last time. There were a bunch of offices that were entry points. Again, podcasting used to be like you just knew that like it was it was employing a lot of hardworking people.

Right. Hardworking Americans. In the office. Yeah. Like who were about their business. Yeah. And now you see some of these empty rooms and you just go, what happened to the old US of A?

This is, when we used to walk into a podcasting office, this is the song we would hear. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- And now, we walk out of the podcasting office, we hear Yeah. It's true. People are getting absolutely sauced. Jeez Louise.

All day long. They're drunk as shit. It's like Mad Men, but it's like mad men but it's like sad men yeah no turn that m into an s just the first one second one keep it for men yeah yeah yeah make it sad men no wait we don't want to change second one right sen? Sen? That's not. I wouldn't change that. Wait, are they getting sauced on Guayaquil? No, that's the one thing that's safe. You use this to sober up.

Well, yeah, that's how they're able to kind of like keep their eyes open through the show is they're drinking the tropical uprising Guayaquil. You would think, though, a company would be like, Tropical Uprising, not for my workers. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. Give them ideas.

Yeah, yeah. Well, and it has. Yeah. I mean, over a tall glass of Tropical Uprising one night, Hayes and I hatched this plan to get a partner back in here to have her, if not become Julia Roberts again, at least become the new Little Mermaid. Right, right, right, right. Hallie Whaley.

Yes. Hallie Whaley. Hallie Whaley. What? I've been thinking about've been thinking about steel armstrong yeah what's the story i guess it would help in the same way that it helped to hear more about salami yeah i could actually use a similar okay hand holding about steel armstrong well i think that um stealing is like taking stuff okay which is something that i plan to do yes yes that yes that i'm okay so now we're basically caught up uh for me i i i was thinking like oh maybe there's something with stealing stuff is

what i was working okay okay and then i remembered the name of the celebrity john gielgud and i thought john steel good that's perfect i'm john steel good yeah but then i thought nobody else is gonna know john gielgud is it's not like a robert goulet level yeah it's not like that big uh uh superstar yes and then i went on the star meter well neil armstrong first man on the moon that's a pretty timeless celebrity that's like almost goulet sure that's right you know level fame so i thought like that's better than gilgood even though i liked steel good i was mentally just scrolling all the way down the star meter and i wasn't coming up with with neil armstrong steel armstrong of course okay well i'm sure that was helpful for a couple people oh yeah look why don't i do a different name why don't i do a different name because it don't I do a different name?

Each of us have done like two or three names. Casey hasn't even done one name yet. How about Stephen Stolenberg? Whoa, I really thought you were going to say Stephen Steeleberg.

But instead you said Stephen Stolenberg. You know, like Steven Soderberg. Oh. Right. Like the famous director, Steven Stoler. I thought you were going to say Steven Soderbergler. Steven Soderbergler.

No, I think between. Steven Stolenbergh. No, I think between Steven Stolenberg. Between Steven Steeleberg and Steven Soderbergler, I agree that the best option is Steven Stolenberg. Yeah.

Now Hayes had already turned steve into thief my and yeah it could have been thief in steel it's no my vote or even i'm sticking with my original vote of steven stoledberg okay my new criminal name is Thiefers Stielderland. Thiefers Sutherland. Thiefers Stielderland. Thiefers Stielderland. Thiefers Stielderland. Thiefers Stielderland.

I like it. Thiefers Stielderland. Yeah. It's really good to have these names. It's really good to have these names. It's really helpful to have these names going into this. And so you're lowering yourselves into one of the maze of empty offices in this building. What's of value here? I mean, Casey, maybe you can help us with that.

There's got to be something. There's something is going on. I think all the most valuable stuff is in this room, actually. All the equipment. Casey! Okay, that is so... Wait. Casey!

And I'm robbing this guy? That's like such a sweet thing to say. That is really nice. Oh, my God. I'm like melting at that. Wow. The most valuable stuff in here is in this room. Oh, my God. I'm like melting at that. Wow. The most valuable stuff in here is in this room. Oh, my God.

It's the friends you make along the way, right? That's really sweet, Casey. That's so nice. Not the destination. It's the journey. That is so kind. I really like a workplace culture that straddles the line between family and hidden secrets. Yeah.

No, that is nice. But I know also. I'm just going to pretend to ignore. He's pointing at his sneakers. He has this, these are like priceless sneakers, very rare sneakers. Well, because he hand draws the designs on them. So he's like, you can't buy this.

Like it's literally priceless. It's irreplaceable. He turned the swoosh and drew it so it like, you can't buy this. It's literally priceless. It's irreplaceable. He turned the swoosh and drew it so it looks like a lacrosse stick. And then it's like patty mayonnaise is on the back. He's like playing lacrosse with patty mayonnaise.

I think the most valuable stuff is actually right here in this room. It's the most valuable thing. Good luck stealing this. It's tied on. Wait, so he was speaking, you know, kindly to you guys. No, I was just trying to, just like for people who listen to him. We wanted to make it nice for people who like the podcast and like us

and are looking for any reason to like Casey are just so desperate to find something to latch on to. I just wasn't sure if he was, you know, making you guys seem special as a way to divert you from revealing where the jewels actually are. And that would be a Casey tactic, right? To say, oh, you know, like, don't even think about stealing. Like, you're the most precious thing to us. And it's okay so then it's in marty's office right there's a man here named

marty graw who works here marty graw he is it's a it's a year-round party with him yeah um he Yeah. He drives like a big float to the office. One of his big heads is like. Kingcake for lunch every day. Oh, my God. Just a true wild man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He drinks those like big tall grenade drinks. Yeah. Right.

Around the office. And I think that probably it's all a put on of like, I'm this big, wow, like, I don't know what's going on. And it's, you know, he's sort of like sloppy like a fox a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that actually probably there is a safe or something under his floor that we're going to have to access. Did you say sloppy like a fox? Yeah. Yeah.

Did you like it? No, i don't think i've met a sloppy fox before like if there's a different animal that you would use or no i've always thought foxes are typically known as kind and organized right i didn't know they're sloppy okay yeah i was playing off of like a popular expression right um crazy like a fox or stupid like a fox you know things that and i'm an immigrant like i'm an immigrant i wasn't born in this room so i don't know your customs okay well as someone as someone who was born in this room if you've been in this room for even 20 minutes you've heard me say some variation on a fox idiom so that's true that's true i think i was trying to pretend to fit in you know when you just want to be accepted so you And they eat like little moles and stuff.

Yeah, they're not much sloppier than their diet. They eat live animals. That's true. Who are covered in dirt. Blood and blood. It's just getting all over their face. That's true. Incredibly sloppy.

And they sleep in a freaking hole. In the dirt. They sleep in a hole. They fucking dig a little hole in the dirt and go, okay, this is bed. This is my house. I mean, who hasn't slept in a hole? Yeah, totally fair.

Not saying it's good or bad. Just saying that it could be considered a little sloppy. Yeah. When I have slept in a hole, and yes, we've all done it. Yeah, if someone called me sloppy that day i don't think i would have had a great defense against that right you know anyway we can continue i just that tripped me up and i was like it's about time you stood up for yourself yeah uh i always want to celebrate people like finding themselves on this show and finding new dimensions

and push back on me all day. I can take it. Steel sharpens steel. I want it. That's actually my new thief name. Steel sharpens steel.

Steel sharpens thief. I was thinking, do you know the band? There's a band, like an indie band called Big Thief. Oh, yeah. What about this for a name for a criminal? Big Stolen Thief. That's good. Yeah.

That's good. Well, maybe I'm called big stolen thief so just an idea you haven't said you know there's nothing outside of this room

that's valuable all the more reason to have a second studio there's a whole merch desk out there there's a merch desk I have heard

there is a safe somewhere in the building but they not safe anymore exactly a safe somewhere in the building, but they haven't told me where. Not safe anymore. Exactly. The safe's in danger because the fucking crew is here.

Every con has its pros, folks. Kevin, do you have any other criminal names? Thief Jobs. Wow. Wow. Dang. Thief Robs. Thief Robs. Thief Robs.

Thief Robs. The original Bad Apple. That's right. Run to the core. Thief Robs. Imagine if he were still around, he would never let this shit happen. He was always dressed for a heist, a black turtleneck pants. I have one more name.

Take Jalen Hall. Take Jalen Hall. H-A-U-L. Take Jalen Hall. Take Jalen Hall. Wow. Jalen Hall. Take Jalen Hall. Wow. Jalen Hall. Take Jalen Hall.

Take Jalen Hall. Take Jalen Hall. Take Jalen Hall away, your stuff. Haul it away. Take Jalen Hall. The scary way Steve Jobs would wear that stuff, and he was on stage, and it would just look like his head was floating

yes yes like he was doing like motion capture yes yeah yeah but he would never let this shit what about never had to hand him their ass what what about this criminal name mcg hope i don't steal anything mcg hope i don't steal anything mcg hope i don't steal anything mcg i hope i don't uh just help myself to some of this stuff who is there like a cfo here who's like who's in charge of the money? It's you, isn't it? It feels like it's you. I honestly don't think we have a CFO. Wow.

We have a CEO, a CTO, COO. Wow. I don't think there's a CFO. Wow. That's the... Just loose bills flying around. Yeah. That must be the tax loophole. You don't have a CFO.

Oops. No one's controlling the money. Yeah, there's nobody to throw the book at. Book just keeps going. Flies out the window. Let's go through the org chart. Yeah. All right, so Marty is CEO.

Marty's CEO, okay. Amir Cohen is COO. Okay. Jake and Amir. Wait, I thought, so Amir Cohen's the project with Jake? No, we got two Amirs here. Oh, okay. One.

Yeah, one in each bathroom, right? Yeah. You have du bathroom, right? Yeah. You have dueling Amirs? Yeah. We have two Amirs. Every time they see each other? Ah, Jesus. It's like I'm looking in a mirror.

Jake and Amir are the CCOs. Uh-huh. Yeah. CCOs. Katie.huh. Yeah. CCOs. Katie. Jake was buried at CCO. Like been lauded. Katie Moose is the VP of production.

Okay. This is just off the top of my head. Jeff Pomade is. You've met Jeff? Mr. Person is... Of course, Mrs. Person. Real Guy 15. And he works really closely with Not Fake.

Casey being like, this is, and I just named three people just like completely off the top of my head. Do you want me to name everybody? That's just off the dome is the three people I just named. So,

I think we'll all agree. Okay, my new criminal name is Rob Costas Everypenny. Rob Costas Everypenny. Yeah. Rob cost us every penny. Yeah. Rob cost us every penny. I mean, that's what great thieves do is they cost you every penny you have.

They cost you every damn penny, like a truly great thief. Rob cost us every penny. Where are you going? He's going gonna go explore. Andrew Heist Clay. Andrew Heist Clay. There sure are a lot of people out there.

There are a lot of people with names. And they do have names, don't they? Okay, and that's one thing this podcast has never shied away from where is he going what the fuck did kevin just go to do is he going to give us a clue about he just went and got something orange kevin left and he's like trying to like he just stole out of here he's like asking to work for a different show when i when i came in he was talking to anya about maybe we should get her in here that's true they did step away i remember first of all she pulled him out to have a private conversation and he was helping her with like production questions for um adam conover's show look at that. Kevin, you pulled it off. I forgot that you did this last time.

The heist. You stole three different things. Whoa. You stole the Amir pillow. The freaking iPad. Is that Amir on that pillow? Yeah, I think so. Steve Jobs. Thief Robs.

He got the Apple product. But then. And then that's Jake on the other side. That's take. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And you got the Spider-Man basketball hoop.

And the spider hoop. Wow. Across the spider hoop. Incredible. The brilliant minds of Lord and Miller have come up with a hoop that you could never imagine before it's a totally new way to look at hoops was that sort of a demonstration because he stole those really fast that was crazy yeah it fucked me up now i'm wondering what he's taken from me yeah but speaking of stealing kevin i want to talk about this when i came in

anya who as far as i know you have no reason to talk to other than when she's helping us with this show was quizzing you on how you could help improve the production of adam conover's show a show you do not work for that's correct and then she came in and like pulled you outside in the hallway to have a conversation that i was not allowed to hear yeah and she went it's not a secret right which like that's just what someone with a secret would say yeah and then you stole that stuff and i saw anya helped you and so you put it all next to us and then we get blamed for we get fired you get to go work on adam conover show went and stole all that stuff and it was so fast and i and my new criminal name is adam con you yes over con you get every con over has its pro

every con over has its pro over bye Every con over has his pro over. Pro over, is he? Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a Hate Gum podcast.