Hollywood Handbook - Ayo Edebiri, Our Expert Youth Friend
Episode Date: September 9, 2019AYO EDEBIRI comes on the show to give The Boys some youth culture tips. This episode is sponsored by My Sheets Rock (www.mysheetsrock/THEBOYS code: THEBOYS), Away (www.awaytravel.com/theb...oys20 code: THEBOYS20), and Kettlebell Kitchen (www.kettlebellkitchen.com code: THEBOYS)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
So it was, obviously we're working on a super tight deadline and everyone's pretty stressed,
but we know that we're on to something special.
And I finally turned to pac-man jones and i say pac-man
jones i say pac-man what if we layer the phone call over the footage.
Because what we had was two, really two ideas.
One was a private phone call between Antonio Brown and his coach, John Gruden.
Not visually compelling.
Yes.
Problem.
You know, a lesson we should have learned with draft day.
I mean, you know, a lesson we should have learned with draft day.
We also had, of course, just a lot of black and white footage of Antonio Brown looking pensive, looking cool, working out, and being a little weird.
You sent me the cut where all of that is over silence.
Yes.
And then it's the phone call with like a sound wave.
And that is Pac-Man's version.
Yeah.
The phone call is just a sound wave. Okay, thank you for not telling me that so I could make an unbiased.
And I just said, which one of these do you like better?
I love being unbiased.
Under the footage, or do you like the silent footage you like the one where the phone calls under the footage?
Or do you like the silent footage for two minutes?
And then the phone call with just the sound wave.
And do you remember what you said?
I said, is this okay that you are doing this at all?
Is this allowed to do?
And then I said, and why?
And also, what are you, what's wrong?
What are you upset about?
Like what is happening?
That I was upset?
I didn't know who, and also who is upset.
Right, right. Well, what I said.
Please jump in with a contribution.
Any, when, if ever you want to or don't.
Yeah, thank you.
Sorry, we have a guest.
Hi.
Hi.
This is Io. Hi, I'm Io.. Hi. Hi. This is Ayo.
Hi, I'm Ayo.
Are you named after Ayo West or Ayo Chicago?
Thank you so much for that.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Because we would think one would prefer to be named after Ayo Chicago.
Longer standing institution.
A little more history there.
If you are Iowa West, because it has now become a den for thieves, drug dealers.
Criminals of the like.
Actually, you could own the brand in a very strong way.
And I know that.
And that's why it's so heartbreaking. I'm actually named
after the Iowa cruise ship
division.
Don't say cruise ships!
I'm not
going to lie. No, but yeah, you have to
honor your family. And my heritage and
where I come from. And it's there.
It's that. It's the open seas.
Welcome to Hollywood Handbook. And it's this guide. It's this insider's that. It's the open seas. Hmm. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook.
And it's this guide.
It's this insider's guide.
Huh.
And in the past, we've had Shelby Farrow come on the show and be young for us.
She was our official youth correspondent.
She's young like us and she's in the know.
Unfortunately, while we have stayed extremely relevant, she is now 24.
We think, yes, 24.
I heard 24.
And when you turn 24, you are sent to a colony on Mars to excavate rocks.
Yep.
Yeah.
And the rocks are the rocks that they actually make jewels out of.
For the young people. Yes. Yeah. They the rocks are the rocks that they actually make jewels out of. For the young people.
Yes.
Yeah.
They're jewel rocks.
And then they get put on the young people's medallions and rings and all the like.
Yeah.
You didn't say anything about mine, by the way.
My jewel ring.
Your Mars jewel.
Ah, okay.
My Mars jewel belt.
I never know.
I never know.
And my toe ring.
What the right etiquette is.
It's jutting out of my vans right now.
Yes.
And this is something young people are doing now is they will cut open one piece of the van so that you can see the toe ring.
And that is just one of the first youth culture tips we're going to give you today.
Young people are jeweling and it is causing their lungs to collapse from the weight of the jewels when they go to sleep.
Yes, it's true.
I recently, however, was so fortunate to have plastic surgery on my lungs.
And so now my lungs are lined with titanium.
Oh, congratulations.
That's so fortunate.
Lung veneers.
They're lung veneers.
That's very fortunate. It's really cool. And so they're likeeneers they're long veneers that's very
fortunate it's really cool and they're so they're like hot they're sexy they're fun but i can
basically jewel for seven hours straight uh which is most of my time that i spend awake in the day
then i go to bed for the rest uh 17 now when you say you can jewel for seven hours straight what
is that i was curious in the context of just like wearing
jewels you can wear
like what's the action
yeah so basically you know like
from you just like physically
from the elbow to the mouth from
the knee to the ear
from the foot to the mouth
we're moving those parts
from the foot to the mouth I actually know that one
pretty well. Awesome.
It's a condition.
It's a condition.
Now I've gotten in some trouble on the show.
Yeah, okay.
Are you, is it, is everything like fine now?
I don't know.
And that's her being like, should I be doing, am I making a mistake?
Yeah.
Because I don't want to get.
And it's like, do your research.
Well, I just don't want to get, you know.
Well, do your research then.
I don't want to get like, can't.
Okay, then you should actually listen to all the episodes
Before you do the show
If you want to know
I literally
I was born so recently
That I don't even have time
So it's fine but I just like
You know how young I am
There have not been enough hours in your entire life
To listen to every episode of Hollywood Handbook
And that's staying power
Yep You honor me by saying that you were unable to listen to every episode of Hollywood Handbook and that's staying power. Yep. That
you honor me by saying
that you weren't unable to listen to the show.
Plus with the hours that I actually spend
awake, if you just do the math,
it's going to take me a few more years.
Listen while I sleep.
Listen while you
sleep. I know, but then it just
seeps into my brain and then I'm doing things
in my subconscious.
And this is what I'm in trouble for.
Is that I have been programming people in their sleep
to do nefarious deeds.
Oh my God.
More than one of which is
take over the Iowa West campus.
And it all comes back.
And it all comes back to Iowa West.
Those are all my minions let's go as a
scheme callback those are my minions but i'm not so favorite minion meme go which one should i be
checking out lately don't look you're looking at me okay so shelby here's that is not looking at me? Okay, so Shelby hears that. It's not looking at us.
No, I'm looking at you.
Shelby is running with it.
Okay, I'm looking at you so that you can look me in the eye when I say.
I love the Minion meme on TikTok when Kevin has the gun and he's dabbing with the gun to Lil Nas X song.
Panini?
Panini.
It's Panini? Panini Panini
It's Panini in the left ear
and Rodeo in the right
Wow
And he shoots out little versions of Cardi B
and she goes
to the camera
and it's like six seconds long
Yes
So it's like so long
That's a lot of things packed into six seconds and that's youth culture
if you're not packing in
as many things into six seconds you literally
might as well be on the fucking Mars
you might as well be on Mars
mining rocks for my jewels
sorry
you have
and it's a podcast isn't it
and say the truth
yeah I have a podcast
and it's with Olivia and you've heard of iRobot It's a podcast, isn't it? And say the truth. Yeah, I have a podcast.
And it's with Olivia.
It's with Olivia Crankhead.
And you've heard of iRobot, and this is iconography?
Is that correct?
That is correct.
And that's what it's called.
It is.
That's what it's called.
And it's forever dog, and let's face it, forever dog's where the energy is.
This place is a friggin' fossilized dinosaur in the museum.
I love walking around this cemetery
and just reading all the tombstones
on the wall. There's so many on the
wall is the thing.
Basically for every dog we
all, it's like, do you know Google
offices? Yeah.
It's like, oh everybody's swimming.
I'll Google offices
two or three times a day.
Mm-hmm.
So pretty much, yeah. Don't hit your head on that please
oh sorry I just
all the material is very old
it's not like forever dog you just freaking bang your head
you can bang your head on whatever
no not allowed here
oh wow that
it's actually turning to dust
that's crazy
basically forever dog we all have...
I shake Sam's hand when I come in here,
and I have to, like, release really quick
so the spiderwebs don't, like, shoot too far up my hand.
And, like, my whole arm.
It's a big concern.
You have, like, there's a nest that's been laid in your upper body.
Yes, they laid a nest.
They really did.
They're working so fast now.
I'm like, hey, Zaymo.
You should take that to an urgent care center or something.
It's pretty obvious.
Forever Dog is an urgent care center also.
Oh, wow.
That's really nice.
And you can frigging get your weed card there.
Absolutely.
You know I'm smoking bonk all day at Forever Dog.
Yes, I love bonking on the kind buds.
Yes, I love bonking on the kind buds.
Now, we do have, obviously, a bunch of creepy ghouls that populate this entire company.
Scott Aukerman is the Crypt Keeper, and Paul F. Tompkins is actually Paul Bearer, the Undertaker's hype man.
And Laura Lapkus, I guess, then, is the the undertaker which I didn't want
I wasn't gonna
make her that
but she's done it to herself
by standing next to the Crypt Keeper and Ball Bearer
so
at this point
what we really want to do
is pivot the conversation to
what can we do to get into forever dog
oh you hear bosh is chewing on a bone yeah they're everywhere yeah oh my god the bones are everywhere
oh my god is that levar burton's bones so levar burton's podcast is actually still alive
it's still alive?
it's not currently bones
is that correct Sam?
yes
Sam can only nod
at this point
and I don't know if it's him
or the spiders are
munching on a particularly
aggressive fly
and it's pulling the strings
talking about all the bones here reminds me of a dog toy I saw yesterday particularly aggressive fly and it's like pulling the strings or whatever.
Yes.
Talking about all the bones here reminds me of a dog toy I saw yesterday that
was a creepy,
spooky skeleton.
And then it,
it says a bone to be wild.
Do you write that out?
Um,
I don't actually write or read that is out of fashion for people who are
young.
Did you pitch it?
That I did do. Did you pitch it? That I did do.
I pitch hard. I pitch fast.
I watch YouTube. Did you pitch
the
ghost coming out of a keg cup and it
says I'm here for the booze?
Did you pitch
the mummy next to a coffin that says
creeping it real? Yeah, that's me.
Did you pitch the ghost next to a
talk bubble?
It says, I'll do whatever I want.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
I guess my fingerprints are all over this industry. These are all dog toys?
Did you pitch the coffin and it says straight out of coffin?
Did you pitch the mummy inside the coffin and it says wrap it up?
Yeah. So you pitched all of these well this is the thing he's um when you're young you're freelancing constantly my mark is all over this industry
and i have no choice but for it to be if i'm just in one industry if i'm just podcasting i'm i'm
asleep and i already sleep 17 hours a day. So that's
dangerous at that point. So basically
I wake up, I have
six espressos and a mud
into my small
Six espressos and a mud?
And I...
A freaking jug of mud. A cup of mud from the mud truck.
Hot cup of sludge.
Mud truck's outside. One mud, please.
You know what comes out of the mud swamp thing?
Tell me what comes out of the swamp thing?
The DC swamp thing?
Yeah, you know, and you know DC's swamp thing is
friggin' Dave Holmes.
At this point, all the friggin' scary monsters live here.
They live here, they dwell.
Here be monsters monsters for sure.
Can you remind me what the Count Dragula toy at the Petco said?
Because I didn't get a picture of that one.
The Count Dragula toy?
Yeah.
Is it the one?
Probably things for the memories.
It's Count Drag Dracula and a mummy actually
and Brandon Fraser's mummy from the mummy
and it's thanks for the mummeries
fangs for the mummeries
it's a thanks for the mummeries
it's one of the ones where if you shift it in the light
it changes
so it says thanks for the mummeries
or fangs for the mummer or fangs for the mummies.
Fangs for the mummy rears.
Yeah, and that one is actually
the one that makes the most.
That makes the most cents
or money? Yeah, friggin' dollars.
I guess cents is money, yeah.
Thank you.
I think it said love at first bite.
So they did not
go with your pitch
Of the hologram one
Okay that's really awkward
That's really awkward
Because I spent a lot of time with the hologram one
Yeah and that
Obviously would have made a lot of sense
Thank you
A.K.A. Cash Capital Bitcoin
So Bitcoin is the hot thing
We've obviously tried to mine it on the show before
by generating random numbers.
What did we do wrong? Because what we
wound up with, I think, was Ripple,
which is a much less valuable
cryptocurrency.
Well, Bitcoin is honestly
dying at this point.
Bitcoin cash?
Fit right in around here.
One of the hard forks, that's the way to go?
Yeah, pretty much we're going straight to blood in these streets.
We're exchanging blood for capital at this point.
And so you got to try.
I know a certain dog toy that might be interested in that.
Yeah.
And I don't want to bring up old memories, but...
But if you must.
Is this...
Ayo?
This is a question I've been having.
Is this show
gang gig?
Is this like...
I see young people saying this.
Is this...
Can we be that too? Can I be that. Can we be that too?
Can you be?
Can I be that?
Can we be gang gang?
Can I please be gang gang, please?
Well, guys, this is a lot of pressure for me.
Can you just talk to the young people?
Can you talk to some of them and say if we're gang gang, please?
This is really tough.
Because I got to circle back.
I don't know if I can make that
vertigo on myself if I go out into these streets
and I'm saying this is
as you said in that context
gay gang yeah is that
okay gay gang
you singing it am I extra
am I so
extra I mean you're
a little much right now.
You're not so extra.
I knew it.
Oh, come on.
Don't beat yourself up.
I knew it.
Don't beat yourself up.
I could feel it, Hayes.
Did no one tell you this before?
Or were you just afraid?
Well, unfortunately, they did.
That's why I asked.
I was hoping they were wrong.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
No.
Forever Dog is in this little wood panel office downtown.
Yeah.
It's like a detective's office.
Sometimes I like imagining what the detective's ghost is thinking.
Just being like, what the fuck is happening in here? It is. There is like a man who exclusively smoked out of a pipe and like gazed out of a window at a woman in like heels who was like looking back and forth in the sort of like rain fog situation.
These people are talking about a drag race, but there's no cars.
Sex, love,
dating, and boys.
My God.
My God, what have we come to?
And the
detective's ghost is sending me.
And what,
how do we get into
this office?
Okay, well, if I just like, I feel, I was invited here, you know, to bring in an expert's perspective.
So I just might have to let it rip.
Is that okay?
Yeah.
Are you sure that you can handle that?
Yeah.
Because I saw Sean about to crack at being told that he's a little much.
And letting it rip is like bonking as well, right?
It's bonk adjacent for sure.
That's hot bonk.
So what am I serving?
Okay, well, I mean, like right now you're sort of giving me like single father.
I'm serving single dad.
Trying to get his real ID.
at the DMV like vibes. Trying to get his real ID.
Mm-hmm.
Because you've been
living off of a fake one.
Okay, well you told me that
this is the form I was missing last time and
now I have it. Sir, I, sir
once again, you cannot enter this line
if you do not have all the forms. Well how would I
have this?
Sir, sir, please
if you don't. But you didn't say that, so this is...
Sir, may I speak?
This is who I am.
Sir, no one's denying...
I am who I say I am.
Sir, I believe you, obviously.
No one is denying your identity.
However, if you do not...
You are.
That's exactly what you're doing.
Sir, if you do not fill out these forms...
Forms?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I should have finished high school.
What was I thinking?
My mother was right.
She was right this whole time.
Oh, I have it.
I have it.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, yeah, this is beautiful.
Yeah, that's my phone bill.
And this is forever, dog? That's forever, dog. We used to yeah, this is beautiful. Yeah, that's my phone bill.
And this is forever, dog?
We used to do this kind of thing.
And it's you being here that has inspired us.
Yes, we're in these little scenic moments, and we blend in and out seamlessly.
Okay, I'm just going to off rip, just off dome, right?
Just give a few, off the top, give just a few like off top give just like a few thoughts
Bosch smaller
you need to shrink Bosch
Bosch needs to be much smaller
sorry
he's not gonna like that
would be funny of him carrying around this huge bone
and okay already
we're getting new life
we're getting humor
we're getting fresh
we're getting like life. We're getting humor. We're getting fresh. We're getting irony.
A tiny piece. Just a visual joke, yes, of this giant bone and a little tiny bot.
And you're like, well, this dog is so small, but this bone is so huge.
That's ironic.
That's detached.
Bosh got a bath yesterday, if you guys want to take a big whiff of him.
I have been.
Yeah.
I have been doing this.
Have you taken a big hard sniff?
I haven't taken a hard sniff of your dog.
Oh, that's crazy.
But he got a bath yesterday.
Well, I just got told.
But in order to basically having like five senses is out.
And I only have four.
And so I got rid of my sense of smell.
Are they?
Okay.
But the sense of smell is gone.
And it's the four other traditional ones.
It's not one new one.
Smell a sense of smell.
Well, like living fast, hard, making cash, podcasting.
So these are all, that is a sense.
Living fast, hard, making cash, podcasting.
One of the senses is money.
One of the senses is hard.
Yeah.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
And so do you see the way that he's saying, yeah.
That he's just seizing on it and sort of repeating it back to you.
I'm going to connect with you with a language that you might understand.
Give me a chance.
I'm a yes man.
I'm trying Red Bull for the first time in 2011.
You're getting wings.
You got a big... What is it?
What happens in those commercials?
Like the guy has a big nose and then there's an alligator and then he has angel wings.
Who?
I'm just trying to connect with the culture.
Red Bull?
One of them is having sex.
Yeah, Green Book.
One of the Red Bull commercials.
The fucking cartoons are getting it on.
Is that young?
Cartoons are having sex.
Cartoons are hornier than they were, huh?
Exactly.
Well, they're more explicitly.
The Red Bull commercial is freaking hentai.
It's true.
It's true.
It is.
It is.
It technically, legally is.
And I have to be honest.
Thank you for your transparency.
What is happening on the show that you do? Is there a segment? Yeah, we have to be honest. Thank you for your transparency. What is happening on the show that you do?
Is there a segment?
Yeah, we have segments.
Okay, which can we do it?
Can we do a segment?
Yeah.
Okay, we play one that's called Celebrity Stock Market.
Okay.
So we buy and sell celebrities.
Commodities trading.
Exactly. People aren't people aren't
people they're cash corn beans they're meat exactly they're beans they're milk they're eggs
they're hershey's chocolate i don't they're samsung they're intel pro they're cointel pro
i don't love being producted when the media is producting me oh my god i don't always love that okay well
buckle up because that's young that's youth i love it so yes exactly i like it yes it should
happen more you look 17 to me right now i'm buying shares of zach efron who's in the celebrity stock
market it's everybody but basically you have to pick
if you're going to buy you're going to sell
you're going to hold people
because you buying Zach Efron mistake
I'm buying low on
Snack Efron
I could see him really taking off
Snack Efron is dead
his stock code is F-R-O-N.
Why is he dead? Ted Bundy movie?
Yeah, that kind of flopped.
And then he was in that Beach Bob. Can't flop on Netflix.
And that's true. Netflix is infallible.
Netflix is God. Netflix is
money. Netflix is
perfect. Netflix is
Bay. Netflix is Yas Queen. Zaddy. Perfect. Netflix is Bae.
Netflix is Yas Queen.
When Bae's a streaming service.
So, okay, great.
All right, that kind of bombed.
And then you said Beach Bum?
Beach Bum kind of flopped.
So he would be somebody who was like...
Did you like Beach Bum?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's good to know. He went to's good to know he went to a screening
with the
I went to a screening
follow up Q&A
okay
if there's anything
you didn't understand
about it
he might be able
to explain it to you
I can tell you about it
did you
did you
you liked how irreverent
it was
um
yes
and you thought
that the poems being bad
that was like funny
the what being bad the poems being bad um that was like funny. The what being bad?
The poems being bad.
Yeah, I mean, it's just really the one poem over and over again for the most part.
It just made me feel crazy.
Yeah.
I liked Martin Lawrence.
He was unbelievable.
He was really good.
I mean, he was so funny in it.
Honestly, I laughed out loud at that.
I probably laughed out loud at that movie more times than any other movie I saw this year.
Any other movie?
That I saw this year.
Did you see Ma?
No.
Okay, go see Ma.
Is Ma on the celebrity stock market?
Ma is the cash capital.
How's she doing?
Let's check the ticker.
Ma's going high.
Ma crack you up?
Ma's soaring.
Ma crack you up?
My friend wrote it.
I feel like... Shut up. You crack you up? Ma soaring. Ma crack you up? My friend wrote it. I feel like...
Shut up.
You feel like what? I just feel like I know
a lot of people who are like, that guy's
my friend. Yes. Well, that's
sort of his job is being friends.
Okay, well...
And writing Ma. Put in his ear that
the people want a Ma too.
The Ma the merrier. Okay.
I'll pitch it.
Okay.
Ma's been acting kind of weird lately.
She's like, no, it's just like she's, I don't know.
Hey, Ma.
She's not a kid.
She's a black woman.
Hey!
Hey, Ma.
That's her other phone.
I only saw the trailer.
My favorite part of Ma is when the kids are going.
And you come to my house tonight.
I'm 18.
I live a crazy life.
And we can go to Ma's run.
Hi, Ma.
Hey, Ma.
What's up?
Yeah, Ma.
Okay.
And Ma's getting drunk tonight.
I'm mine for gems. Me too. me too okay we can go to monster night
i got wet lung at monster night
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kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of
ingredients like this is the meal the meal has to be ready it's not a recipe okay this is the meal
you cook the full meal for us now kevin you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had
laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different
options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this
it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons
to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long.
How many add-ons and what are some of them?
It's one big add-on and it's you on your bed.
You're so tired after you eat my meal.
The promise is the meal makes us sleepy.
You've been pushing that so much.
You're saying that you will be added on to your bed.
Yeah, your bed plus one.
That's the opposite
of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help
you stay fueled up and feel good all day long.
I know. Give you a ton of energy. They have like
smoothies and things like that. This is wrong.
Reservation for two. Me walking in my bedroom.
What's the second? It's you
and your bed. The bed. I guess Clippy.
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This is not even up for consideration.
So let's just hear what the actual meal was.
What was the food?
I don't want to go to bed.
It's very simple.
It's one huge chicken nugget.
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I know that I was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie, 27 dresses, before I found out how much it was costing.
Yes.
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i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the
movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were
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And that was, I i mean just to be
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rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys hollywood handbook okay that's
another part of youth of ma of the? Of the show. Your show.
Oh, okay.
Use this time.
I'm trying.
My brain is so fast.
My brain.
I can't even get into how fast my brain is with you right now.
The things that I'm thinking about right now, seven at least.
Different things?
Yes.
Oh, go.
Name three of them.
Okay.
The climate.
The climate. My favorite TikTok. My favorite Minions meme. Different things. Name three of them. Okay, the climate.
My favorite TikTok.
My favorite Minions meme.
Instagram stories. Okay, now those were
the same thing.
Come on.
So that's one thing.
The Minions meme
was the TikTok.
That's not my favorite TikTok.
Okay, she's got our ass.
Yeah.
She just busted my ass.
My favorite TikTok
is four seconds long.
It's a boy skateboarding.
He starts to levitate.
He's wearing his mom's wig.
And he goes, uh, you skirt?
Dong, dong.
And it rocks.
Everyone's skirting.
Yes.
They're skirting the issue.
What is happening on the show?
Dong, dong.
Me and Olivia, we just chat.
We bring on a guest.
And then they'll talk about their favorite celebrity who they think is like an icon to them.
So like Dwayne Perkins, he's a comic.
He talked about Jordan Peele.
Yeah, he's coming on our show.
Tell me who he is.
I gotta tell the people.
Whatever Earwolf shows have you done?
I did Edgar Placier's show, The Wokest.
Did it?
You did it?
Did it as well.
You did it, right?
Yeah, we did it.
We did our ass off.
We don't do stuff apart. Like anything? He did it as well. You did it, right? Yeah, we did it on the same one. We did our ass off. We don't do stuff apart.
Like anything?
He's my best friend.
And I notice, yeah, and like you show up here and where's Olivia?
I don't actually even see Olivia today.
Is she on the phone?
Hello?
Where's Olivia?
Oh, the line's been cut?
Oh, God.
Somebody cut the line?
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah, sure. Can you not bring... Why to you for a second Why would you say that
Why would I say that
You want me to say that Olivia is here
She's just quiet
If you keep asking me these sort of questions
She's being quiet
Okay but should I leave
No just stop listening
Just stop listening
Okay so Olivia's here but she's being quiet
Maybe Sam can do like a little Olivia voice Just from like far away No, just stop listening. Just stop listening. Okay, so Olivia's here, but she's being quiet. But she's being quiet.
Maybe Sam can do a little Olivia voice, just from far away.
So Olivia's in the corner.
Okay, fine.
Yeah, okay.
I'll just do it.
Olivia?
Popcorn?
Want some popcorn?
I'm okay, thank you.
I have a sore...
I just feel sick.
So I'm just going to be quiet for now.
Thank you.
Okay, Liv.
You can just stay quiet. You go, girl. I respect your right to be quiet. now. Thank you. Okay, Liv. You can just stay quiet.
You go, girl.
I respect your right to be quiet.
And we try to give Sam one opportunity.
And that was Sam's.
We give Sam one thing to do every episode.
I said explicitly that Sam was going to get to do that.
I was happy because Hayes had really carved out a safe space to let Sam do his thing.
Okay, this is what I'm saying.
I have seven things on my mind.
So we can take it from the top.
Let's just take it again.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, Olivia.
No.
You're taking mine? You know, you're taking Hayes' line. Okay. Okay. Olivia. No. You're taking mine?
You're taking Hayes' line.
Okay, sorry. You go ahead. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Are you serious? For real?
I'm asking you that.
What a fucking line hog.
You want Sam's
line and Hayes' line?
She's like bumping
everyone else's lines. I feel like this
could be my podcast.
You may want to learn at some point.
What's up? It's nice to have a friend because often I show up for this show and I straight up don't have it.
And I need to have Hayes here to do it instead.
That feels like a you problem.
I was doing lines with a freaking bubble tea straw.
I feel I'm jacked up right now.
I don't give an F and I'm starting to
snort the boba. Oh no.
Don't you chop up monster rails
on the earwolf signature table.
It's turning to dust as we speak.
I gotta get him in now fast. Okay, let's do
the, okay, so Olivia's sick, right? Let's take it
from there. No, that's the end.
What? Olivia being sick is
the end of it. Oh.
We start from the beginning.
Right.
Olivia.
Yeah.
Olivia.
Is it popcorn?
Mm-hmm.
See?
See how nice? That's what he was bringing to the table?
That was it.
That.
He was bringing the fucking treatment.
That's right.
Thank you, Sam.
No, Olivia.
Sometimes less is more.
Thank you, Sam.
Yeah.
Hello, Bolivia.
That was Olivia. Mm-hmm. Sometimes less is more. Wham, bam. Thank you, Sam. Yeah. Hello, Bolivia. That was Olivia.
Mm-hmm.
Bolivia.
Yeah, that's the closest I got.
Hello, Bolivia.
Hello, Bolivia.
That's Olivia.
Now, wham and bam both rhyme.
And hello and Bolivia do not rhyme with each other.
There's like a slant rhyme with it.
It's like poetry.
It's Dickinson.
It's Dickinson. It's Dickinson.
Ayo, what's the other part?
What are you doing on the show?
Okay.
We also will take the celebrities' moments,
key moments from their life,
and then we'll decide if we fuck, marry, kill them.
We play games like that.
Oh, sick.
Okay, so who's a
celebrity that you like remember you're young right now are you okay no you just look like
you're about to throw up so just give me Easy. Russell Crowe. Oh my God.
Oh my God.
That's easy.
Russell Crowe.
Okay.
Hayes, how about we try with you?
Garfield.
Okay.
Can I just toss?
Maybe I'll toss it back.
Just give me a celebrity that's young.
Carmen Miranda. Carmen Miranda. uh carmen miranda um carmen miranda
are you are you crying no okay wait um sam who's a celebrity you're young
ma um okay let's um
Elaine Stretch
whoa um okay how about
Jason
Jason Voorhees
um okay let's say
let's say like let's just say
Jordan Peele let's say Ben Affleck
Ben Affleck
he's not like young but Let's say Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck.
He's not young, but he's like... Ben Affleck.
Is that your minion?
That's Kevin.
That's Kevin?
Kevin said that.
I have one for him, too.
You have one for Kevin?
For Ben Affleck.
Okay, what's up?
Affleck.
Affleck Affleck
Remember?
I remember yeah
The duck is sending me
The duck is serving me like
Sexy duck vibes
The duck is sending me like Garfield
Send Nermal to Abu Dhabi
He did that
And he did that
I'm allowed to say that He did that and he did that I'm allowed to say that
he did that
okay tea
and that is tea
tea I'm messy today I'm spilling all the tea
you're so messy
I am messy today
okay
okay and so what's the segment that you're
the moment is you are you're marrying a moment?
So yeah, you like fuck, marry, kill a moment.
So like, okay, Ben Affleck, and then we like debate our choices.
So like, for example, Ben Affleck will be like,
I fuck, marry, and kill in different points in Ben Affleck's career.
Yeah, like his career and his life.
And his personal life.
Uh-huh.
So like, like when everybody was memeing him, because he was like his career and his life. And his personal life. Uh-huh. So like, when everybody
was memeing him because he was
depressed and vaping everywhere.
Okay, I'm fucking that.
You don't even know the other moments, but you know that you're fucking that.
Yeah. Okay, for sure.
Well, it could be like Prestige, like when he
was like Argo guy.
Argo fucking that.
Okay, you're fucking that.
Okay, and you're fucking Vape
And then another could be like
His like relationships
Or like being best friends with Matt
I have to fuck that
So hold on you can't fuck everything
Oh it's not
It's like fuck very cool
You have to pick one for each
I thought Gen Z was actually sex positive
Well I'm I'm like basically One for each? Yeah. I thought Gen Z was actually sex positive.
Well, I'm like basically almost, like I'm barely Gen Z.
Like I'm basically like the next one.
That we haven't named yet. You're even younger than this?
Basically.
That we haven't even named a new one.
And unfortunately, I'm checking the dictionary and we are fresh out of letters for that.
I know.
So we don't even know what it is.
That tracks with like, we don't want to label anything.
We're starting all the way over again.
We're going into the freaking mezzanine.
Mezzanine.
I got my freaking opera glasses on.
I'm lit. I'm having a good time.
I'm chilling.
I'm peacing. It's wavy.
That's a vibe. It's wavy? Yeah, it's wavy. Oh no. It's wavy. That's a vibe.
It's wavy? Yeah, it's wavy.
Oh, no. It's wavy. That's the vibe. Sorry.
Bet. When would I say bet?
No, you would never say it.
Yeah, sorry.
That's not... Yeah, you can't.
I think.
What might I say?
Just, uh...
You've been saying a lot of things today.
But something good. You want something, like, fresh've been saying a lot of things today. But something good.
You want something, like, fresh? Yeah.
Because it's not getting gay.
No, it can't be. It can't at all.
I wasn't allowed.
I didn't even bring that up. Hayes taught me that.
So, just whatever your
friends teach you, you do and you say?
Mm-hmm. Whatever?
For the most part, if I get taught something
by my friends, you're going to hear me saying it as if it's mine
shortly thereafter
that explains a lot
explains my success and some of my failures
a lot of your failures
and subsequent cancellations
you're one of the most
cancelled men alive
well
yeah
but I am alive Well, yeah.
But I am alive.
To knowledge.
Cheers.
To knowledge.
Cheers to the mad ones What is
Who else has been on that show
Greta Teitelman's been on the show
Natalie Walker
Larry Owens
Yeah Natalie Walker used to be most famous
As one of our fans
Did you know that
I didn't know that
She was a freaking non-person.
And then we anointed
her as one of our fans
of our reality show.
And now look at her. She's
exploding. She's freaking famo.
More famous than the two of us put together.
She exposed from being one of our fans
of reality show. What happened there?
How tall is the two of you put together?
Just eyeballing it?
Yeah.
I know.
So I know this.
Let's do a little bit of work.
Show your work.
A certain
ice cream store
that only sells
mixed in
alcohol flavors.
Sure.
And so you need to be a really big adult to get in there.
Yeah.
And we are taller than that doorway when we're stacked on top of each other.
Oh, okay.
Well, then you can't even get the ice cream at that point.
You get hurt trying to get inside.
Yes. Well, we thought about trying to, yeah, we've had a couple ideas.
What did you think about trying to do. Yeah. We've had a couple ideas. What did you think about trying to do?
Well, we thought that maybe we could be riding like a scooter so that we're on each other's shoulders.
So we're tall enough, but we're sitting down.
And then we stand up.
We ride the scooter through the doorway and we stand up once we're inside.
Yeah.
What if you do horse?
A horse.
Or donkey. That's too tall.
No, donkey.
You are the legs.
Like donkey.
You're the legs.
You're the head and feet.
That doesn't make us taller.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay, Hayes, you're the head and feet.
You called me right. Okay, Hayes, you're the head indeed. She called me right.
Sorry.
Yes.
That felt so fucking sweet.
Ayo, did you know you're going, is it, you are going to, I understand New York is happening?
Is she going to go live in New York?
I am going to go live in New York for a second.
I owe New York.
You've become I owe East.
I am a new branch.
I am a new branch.
I'm I owe East.
It's toxic.
Watch out, Gotham City Improv.
Oof.
And a resounding oof.
I owe East coming in.
Yeah.
Will you be eating a bagel?
Sorry?
Will you be eating a bagel? Sorry? Will you be eating a bagel?
Yeah, I'm eating a bagel.
With everything?
No.
Ah.
Tell me which bagel.
I might get a whole wheat bagel.
Or an egg bagel.
I knew it.
Did you know it?
That was my next guess. Okay, so what do you think I'm going to get on the bagel? I have pizza bagel now. On the bagel I knew it Did you know it? That was my next guess
Okay so what do you think I'm going to get on the bagel?
They have pizza bagel now
On the bagel?
Oh they have it
And that seems like something Pizza Rat would enjoy
A little easier to carry for him
He's actually really really really really lost a lot of weight
Yeah and he's really down to earth, I heard.
So nice.
I'm buying shares
of Pizza Rat.
And I'm fucking the moment that he
stole the pizza.
Yes, yes, good.
And what are you selling?
I bought Pizza Rat.
Am I selling something about
Pizza Rat or am I selling something else?
Z-A-R-T.
Zorat.
Zart.
Zart.
I'm selling Mark Zuckerberg.
Okay.
Sure.
Oh.
Can I change it?
No. Oh, uh, or, uh, can I change it? Um, no.
Oh,
okay.
That's the thing about being young.
Everything that you do,
every choice that you make,
that you live in is forever.
And no one will forget it or forgive you for it.
Even if it is a good thing.
Lasered into a jewel.
Yeah.
Uh,
my friend got canceled last week for donating $100 to the rainforest.
No way.
Because there's not enough money?
I don't even talk to them anymore.
I forget why.
Yeah.
But we had to cancel them.
It needed to be done.
Wow.
$100.
Yeah, exactly.
Because they're giving money to the rainforest when they should be giving money to the people
who are trying to help it.
Exactly.
If you give it to the rainforest, it's just going to burn.
That's okay.
So I don't even have to explain it.
No, but I'm learning so much from you, IO East.
This is like really, okay, youth word, really triggering.
There's stuff that we can share with you too.
Stuff about our generation
as well.
Our catchphrases.
Might be cool to go retro.
Time to go home and floss and watch
Frasier like that.
That is not...
I do that.
That's like one generation younger than us.
Do you want to go see the new Gilbert and
Sullivan musical? Like that. say it. That's like one generation younger than us. Do you want to go see the new Gilbert and Sullivan
musical?
Like that. A musical. And it's not really
a musical. It's kind of a light
opera. Okay.
Musical's different.
This is my big catchphrase.
It goes, can you deal with that?
It's from the very end of a movie oh wait i think it's the last line
how about this i think i got one that i think will resonate with you smoking like that yeah
yeah and that close yeah that's close that's not even like directly your generation no it's that's
like no my nephew taught me that one.
That was like a generation that's the same age as us,
but like standing next to us, if that makes sense.
That makes exact sense.
That's how I feel about Lil Nas X.
Can you do it back?
Remember, that's from the end of the movie.
He's giving it to friggin' Robert De Niro. And he's giving it to friggin uh Robert De Niro
yeah
and he's giving it to the camera as well
yes
he's absolutely serving
he's serving yeah
to Cam
he is serving Cam
he's serving Luke's
and his brother Owen's
mhm
um
okay what about like um
Steely Dan
that's a catchphrase yes when you're like Steely Dan? That's a catchphrase, yes.
When you're like, Steely Dan.
Steely Dan's the name of a dildo.
Bye.
Bye.
Hollywood Handbook.
That was a HeadGum Podcast.